Pee Buddies by Shane Murphy

A man suffering from a bizarre phobia recruits a coworker to help him overcome his fear.

Man, is there anything worse in life than really, really, really having to pee? I mean, of course there’s much worse, like being taken hostage, being dismembered or losing your job.

But, for sheer physical and emotional agony, the inability to urinate when nature is calling, er, screaming to stream, is hard to top.

So are the comical moments in Shane Murphy’s short “Pee Buddies,” a story about, er, pee buddies – Don and Glenn. Don’s got urinary issues. He’s also got boundary issues at work because the opening scene finds him in the bathroom discussing his pissues (hopefully I’m the first to coin the phrase) with his young, happy-go-lucky co-worker Glenn.

            GLENN
Don.

            DON
I’m begging you. Two minutes
of privacy.

            GLENN
You can do this, buddy.

            DON
One minute?

            GLENN
Let’s just try again.

            DON
Why are you torturing me?

            GLENN
It’s not torture, it’s therapeutic.
A licensed therapist told you to do
this. Now get over here.

And they’re off (so to speak)! But nothing’s coming out, except genuine LOLs on every page as the momentum, suspense and pressure builds. Glenn even resorts to urinating next to him – really peeing there for Don.

            DON
     (annoyed)
Really?

            GLENN
It’s for your own good. This isn’t
so bad, is it?

            DON
This is my nightmare.

            GLENN
Come on, the hard part is over.
You’re standing next to me,
your unit is out—

            DON
Stop saying unit!

You won’t stop smiling the rest of the way through Murphy’s story of a workplace thera-pee session gone very, very bad for Don and Glenn, but quite entertaining for the rest of us…and a co-worker who walks into the bathroom, unbeknownst to Don and Glenn.

I’m thinking Jack Black and Will Ferrell would be splendid choices to play Glenn and Don, respectively. If they’re not available, the right director could certainly pull the necessary performances out of any capable actors.

“Pee Buddies” needs to be produced – if anything just so the marketing tag can be “Pee Buddies – streaming now!”

Budget: Um, a bathroom. Two main actors with two “units” – though not necessarily on camera, please!

About the writer: Shane Murphy is a writer and comedian from Toronto, Canada. For contact information and stand-up dates please visit shanemurphy.org.

About the reviewer: Zack Zupke is a writer in Los Angeles. Zack was a latch-key kid (insert “awww” here) whose best friend was a 19-inch color television (horrific, he knows). His early education (1st grade on) included watching countless hours of shows like “M*A*S*H,” “Star Trek” and “The Odd Couple” and movies like “The Godfather,” “Rocky” and “Annie Hall.” Flash forward to present day and his short “The Confession” was recently produced by Trident Technical College in Charleston, SC. He’s currently working on a futuristic hitman thriller with a partner and refining a dramedy pilot perfect for the likes of FX. You can reach Zack at zzupke “at” yahoo.

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Balancing Act (14 pages in pdf format) by Jason Allen

You think balancing rocks is easy? Think again!

A mockumentary in the vein of Best in Show, Spinal Tap and more…

Rocks. What mundane fragments of Nature! Found across the globe, in so many shapes and so many colours, their uses are positively endless. People have built walls with them, collected them for their own pleasure, and competed to see who can skip them the furthest across ponds and lakes.

They really are the most versatile objects in the world. So why not make art with them as well?

Odell Jenkins, 42, asks that very question and pursues it with such vigour that his entire life becomes devoted to the skill of stacking rocks.

Written mockumentary style, Balancing Act follows Odell as he declares his passion for his art. And explores his most memorable moments: from meeting his wife Jenny, to the appearance of mysterious symbols suspected of being a message from aliens. Code written into rocks – from the sky!

Sure, Odell may be obsessed – but he’s also a reflective and humble man who takes his art seriously. A simple soul who knows his purpose – and desires to make his mark on the world.

As a result, Balancing Act is more than a story about rocks. It’s also a moral about balancing life. The tale of a man who wants to be inspired and wants to inspire, as well.

Like any of us, Odell is seeking the answers to the universe’s biggest questions… under whatever rock they may hide.

With a tongue-and-cheek tone, this short bursts with subtle wit. Highly amusing and entertaining, Balancing Act elevates a humdrum topic – all the way to the stratosphere.

Why should you choose Balancing Act? Well, Odell’s down-to-earth personality will resonate well with audiences. And if that doesn’t convince you, here’s one more reason to place on the pile:

This is a script with heart and humour. Deftly moving between parody and drama, it’s a ‘balancing act’ in and of itself . Compelling as much as diverting, Balancing Act’s is a thought-provoking piece indeed.

Budget: While locations are plentiful, the number of characters is limited. If you’re willing to put the money in, the production will be well worth the final creation.

About the writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His screenwriting credits include the short films AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. You can contact Jason at allen.jason.k (at) gmail. See IMDB for his complete credits: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3021924

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About the Reviewer: Faith Rivens is an aspiring author and filmmaker. New to the business, storytelling is a passion born innately within her. It doesn’t matter the genre, or the medium. What matters is the story woven within. Her first two books in the Iníonaofa Chronicles, Eléonore and Heralding are available on Amazon. Want to drop Faith a line? Reach out to her at AliasFaithRivens.wordpress.com. Or, follow her on Twitter or Instagram.

Jasper and Mimi Forever(5 pages, pdf format) by Jason K. Allen

The curious tale of Jasper and Mimi, two wild n’ crazy outcasts in love

When it comes to love – true love – opposites attract. Both in real life and the movies, too. We’ve all drooled jealously over successful couples like Beauty and the Beast, Shrek and Fiona, King Kong and Fay Wray or… Howard the Duck and Beverly? Okay, so the last one was a little questionable. But you get the funky drift.

So now readers have Jasper and Mimi Forever… introduced to them at midnight as Jasper wakes from the grips of a fierce nightmare! You know, the kind of midnight sweats that steals away your urge to sleep. Jasper recalls the dream and describes it to his true love Mimi, who rests soundly at his side. With a soft assuring voice, Mimi informs him gently – dearest Jasper, that’s all true!

In the word’s of The Twilight Zone’s iconic Rod Serling, imagine if you will: a private conversation between two lovebirds – of a very peculiar kind. This story is heartwarming, funny and yes – odd. Especially when there’s a vegetable involved for a certain body part. And here’s a clue: that’s not Jasper’s nose!

But far from gratuitous, Jasper and Mimi Forever is pure unique. And bound to get the attention of many directors and producers (much like writer Jason Allen’s other quirky tales). So warning: don’t let this one pass through your fingers. Or you’ll be having nightmares that will drench you in your sleep!

Budget: Low. One location, some Halloween props and – a carrot. A big carrot. Hopefully. If you’re feeling generous and cocky, that is.

About the Writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His screenwriting credits include the short films AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. You can contact Jason at allen.jason.k (at) gmail. IMDB Credits

About the Reviewer: Debra Johnson is an award winning screenwriter. She currently has two shorts in pre-production, which were found on STS. For more information on Debra, visit her website at www.gatolocofilms.com

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Madam Lucinda (11 pages, pdf format) by Jason K. Allen

A young man visits a psychic seeking knowledge about life.
But are there hunchbacks, dungeons, transgenderism and werewolves in his future?
And is that a bad – or a real good thing?

Ah, Fortune Tellers, Psychics and Tarot Card Readers – the bane of the honest service world. Or Saints in glittery costumes – depending on which supernatural side of the fence you’re on. Either way, we’ve all seen them at fairs, boardwalks, pulp magazines – and even your neighborhood strip mall (if you live in a fun place, that is.) And no matter the particular spiel, each psychic bellows a similar claim:

They can see into your misty future. Want to know if you’ll land that perfect job? Meet your true love? Win the lottery? Then just hand over that cash, and they’ll explain…

In the clever short Madam Lucinda, our story revolves around young Tommy (20s). Entering a psychic’s “boudoir”, Tom sits down with Madam Lucinda to listen to what she has to say. Make no mistake – you’ll want to know Lucinda’s visions, as well. Quickly, Tommy realizes the truth. Madam L is colorful. Witty. Sarcastic, even. Babbling about outlandish tales. But is that due to the spirits talking through her? Or a release of psychic built-up crap?

            MADAM LUCINDA
Soon you will go to grocery store.
There you will… purchase milk!

            TOMMY
I don’t drink milk.

Confused, she studies his palm.

            MADAM LUCINDA
No, not milk! You will
purchase… various groceries!

You think you know where this story will end? Well, you’re NOT psychic – don’t even try!

But we firmly predict you’ll laughing out loud. So peer into the crystal ball laptop you bought at Best Buy – and make sure to read this goofy gem, and peer into the (amusing) spirit world!

Budget: Low budget enough – depending on your tastes. Some FX is involved, which can be rectified by a visit to a Halloween costume shop. One location, two actors and one over-the-top actress (who will have a blast) for the role of Madam Lucinda.

About the Writer: Jason K. Allen is a writer and filmmaker from Nashville, Tennessee. His screenwriting credits include the short films AMERICAN SOCK, which won Best Screenplay at the 2014 San Diego Film Awards, and AUTUMN LOVERS, winner of the Audience Award at the 2013 Artlightenment Festival in Nashville. He also wrote the feature film LUCKY FRITZ starring Julia Dietze (IRON SKY) and Corey Feldman. You can contact Jason at allen.jason.k (at) gmail. See IMDB for his complete credits.

About the Reviewer: Debra Johnson is an award winning screenwriter. She currently has two shorts in pre-production. For more information on Debra, visit her website at GatoLocoFilms.com

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Whatever It Takes (Reader’s cautioned. 9 pages in pdf format) by Paul Clarke

To escape imprisonment, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes…

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. — Thomas A. Edison

True, Edison’s point was about the importance of hard work and perseverance, but the fact remains — one percent inspiration is essential. Especially for creative endeavors, inspiration can be the critical ingredient that makes all the difference – between the extraordinary and the mundane.

In Whatever It Takes, a short screenplay by Paul Clarke, protagonist Tom understands the importance of inspiration well. He’s a successful writer, hard at work on his latest novel. The reason Tom’s successful is that he lives (and dies) by Edison’s rule. When we first meet Tom, he’s locked in a dingy hotel room – writing hard enough to save his life; pouring ninety-nine percent perspiration onto the page.

Yet, Tom just can’t find that last little bit – the inspiration required to make his novel pop. But he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. How much?

We’ll soon find out.

For instance, Tom’s novel is set in a prison. So he gets down to role playing; hard core. From the get-go, he’s locked in his hotel room… barricaded from the outside. His agent has the key, there are bars on the window and Tom’s dressed in a prison jumpsuit – he hasn’t bathed in several days. A dedicated writer, he’s gone to great lengths to make it all seem real, including a primitive shiv hidden in his bed… not to mention, a make-shift noose.

Whatever it takes. So they say.

But even after a brush with death, Tom still can’t summon his muse.

Enter Katie (age 27), Tom’s girlfriend. And what a grand entrance she makes: “She rips the coat off revealing a Halloween-style slutty prison warden costume. Complete with thigh-high boots, and fishnet stockings.”

With a naked Katie, underneath. Which is when the story virtually explodes… into a funny, bawdy, high-energy romp, reminiscent of Spencer Tracy & Katherine Hepburn. Or Clark Gable & Claudette Colbert. Cary Grant & Rosalind Russell; any classic couple you can name. If they’d been making films in the twenty-first century, that is. And summoned the spirit of Mae West…

A masterpiece of set-up and pay-off, Whatever it Takes is a lot of fun. The first half? Suspenseful. The second is a riot and a great pay-off. Are you a director who likes intelligent raunch mixed with drama, not to mention a riveting tale? Then let Whatever It Takes inspire you. Put in the perspiration to do this right, and it’ll be a film festival favorite!

Budget: Fairly low.

About the writer: Paul Clarke is an Australian based screenwriter who works as a cinema manager by day and paid coverage writer by night. His success so far has included a top 10 place in the Writer’s Store Industry Insider competition. And is currently working on a selection of short, feature, and pilot scripts. He can be reached at paul.clarke.scripts “AT” gmail

About the reviewer: Helen Magellan (a pseudonym) is a successful screenwriter with several produced short scripts under her belt.

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Careful What You Wish For (1 page in pdf format) by Tim Westland