Recently, we reviewed Chris Shamburger’s horrific new slasher, Red Light. As readers of Shootin’ the Shorts are aware, our goal at STS is to find new and promising writers, and provide them with the platform they need to get their work seen (then hopefully optioned, and produced!)

One of our not-so-secret weapons in this quest is Danny Manus of No BullScript Consulting. Having worked as a development executive in Hollywood, Danny is an in-demand script consultant, named by Creative Screenwriting Magazine at one of the “Top 15” consultants in their “Cream of the Crop” list.   Partnered with STS, Danny provides wonderfully detailed and helpful notes for the monthly STS feature script.  This coverage is provided free to the writer, and can be posted our site or kept confidential – at the writer’s discretion. But wait – there’s more!  Any script that gets a coveted “recommend” from tough but eminently fair Danny will be featured in his monthly newsletter and may also receive further exposure to his production contacts…

Below – for your Thanksgiving-reading pleasure – please find Danny’s scoresheet for Red Light. (Please note: for this posting, we’ve broken with tradition and redacted the actual coverage notes.) TRUST US: Danny’s notes – as always – were insightful and detailed; an invaluable read.  But we’re allergic to spoilers here at STS. So we’re keeping THAT under our Turkey table today!

But a Strong Consider from No Bullscript?  You better damned well grab this gem while you can! 🙂 Contact writer Chris at cshamburger “AT” live dot com for a copy of the script!

**To submit a script, please visit STS at the page listed HERE. Danny can also be contacted directly via the No BullScript Consulting website at http://www.nobullscript.net/contact/. Or on Twitter @DannyManus.

NO BULLSCRIPT ANALYSIS

 Title: Red Light

Type of Material: Screenplay

Author:  Chris Shamburger

Number of Pages: 102

Circa:  Present

Location:  Arizona

Genre:  Slasher/Horror

Coverage Date:   11/19/15

Budget Range: Low

LOGLINE: When three teens challenge a local ghost story by running a red light, they find themselves the next targets of a seemingly supernatural entity bent on revenge but the truth behind the legend may be even more deadly.

NO BULLSCRIPT 20 POINT GRADING SHEET AND RECOMMENDATION:

PROJECT: STRONG CONSIDER 

About the writer: Chris Shamburger was a finalist (Top 10) in the 2013 Shriekfest Film Festival for his recently-produced script, Hiccups. He has been a semi-finalist twice and has also been published in Twisted Dreams Magazineand Horror in Words. Chris lives in Marietta, GA with his partner and their Chow-mix rescue, Walter. Aside from writing, Chris has been teaching pre-kindergarten for the past six years. You can find him on IMDb here:  Permalink | Comments Off on No BullScript Consulting – Danny Manus Script Review (Red Light)

Cheater

Two high school students confront each other – and their respective issues – during a history exam.

Sometimes – after reading a number of scripts – one wonders just how many of us writers were “losers” in school.  No matter the generation, you’ll find cinematic or television stories about kids that just don’t fit in.  Breakfast Club, Glee and everything in between – the concept is basically timeless.  And for most of us, it hits a chord… because we know what it’s like to be in those character’s shoes, and would like to see our team come out victorious, at least in some small way.

The protagonists in Cheater are exactly those kinds of kids.  Martha – the smart nerd that gets teased as ugly by the “cool girls.”  And Tyrone – the awkward slacker failing class who’s an artistic whiz in his spare time (and when he’s supposed to be studying.) The two aren’t friends… but they take a history class together. And today’s the day for the big test.  Needless to say, Tyrone’s unprepared.  And Martha?  Well, let’s just say she is, too – for what she’s about to find out.

With scripts like this, the audience bonds immediately with the characters – so you almost can’t go wrong making it.  Add the fact that it’s limited location and six minutes long… looks like you do have a winner on your hands.

About the writer: Pete Barry is an award-winning screenwriter, playwright, actor, director and musician. His short plays have been published in numerous collections. He’s also a cofounder of the Porch Room, a film and theater production company, website available at http://www.porchroom.com/.  Please feel free to reach out to him with script requests at petebarry27 “AT” Hotmail.

Pages: 6

Budget: Very low.  You’ll need access to a school hallway and room, and two bedrooms for the kids.  No FX worries here; just make sure your actors can do the script justice.

READ THIS SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT ON IT!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Balance

A soldier’s homecoming surprise for his daughter’s birthday is ruined when the “gift” goes missing.

Let’s face it: unless you’re watching a Stallone flick, war stories aren’t really about battles, blood, big guns, or technicolor explosions. Inevitably, the best stories of this genre are about people. Such films invariably focus on how war affects human beings. Their lives. Their emotions. Their families. The Hurt Locker. Platoon. Full Metal Jacket. The list could go on.

…and does, with the short script Balance. A polished short, Balance focuses on David – a military father returning from a tour in Afghanistan. His daughter, Katy, is competing in a gymnastic meet on her 13^th birthday. Katy’s unaware that David’s home, and the school’s planned a surprise: presenting her with a huge present. Complete with her Dad inside. But once David enters the box, he discovers he’s not alone. His memories have accompanied him. Disturbing flashbacks of battle. Innocent casualties of war. An unnerved David flees to collect his thoughts – leaving a confused Katy alone. Can David learn to cope with his demons? Or will the war follow him (and his family) home?

As with some of the best dramas, Balance doesn’t wrap up its story in a convenient bow. But read this one, and you’ll care about the characters… and root for a happy ending.

About the writer: A writer since the age of 12, the first book that Steve Clark ever read was Amityville Horror.  The second was Cujo.  He’s been writing ever since, and is currently hard at work on two features.  He’s reachable at SAClark69 “AT” verizon.net (or on Long Island, if you’re in the area!!)

Pages: 20

Budget: Mid-range. Admittedly, this one isn’t for a new film student with a handy cam. There are a lot of extras to cast for the school location, and a pivotal (though small skirmish) battle scene that can’t be done dirt cheap. Don’t try this on a shoestring budget. But if you’ve the financing, this could look spectacular on screen.

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Heart of Coal

A renowned female psychologist ruminates over serial killer personalities – and the horror they’ve wreaked on her  life…

Narration. Voice-over. For some, it’s a film gimmick that grates on the nerves. But when done right, it can be spectacular. Don’t believe us? Try on a few of these films on for size.

Annie Hall: stand-up comedian Alvy Singer recounts his neurotic, titular love affair. Goodfellas: Henry Hill describes his evolution from small time crook to valued Mobster, and fall from grace to Informant. The Usual Suspects: Roger “Verbal” Kint weaves a tale of five random members from a police line-up, and the evil Keyser Soze. Speaking of Kevin Spacey and voiceovers, what about American Beauty?

All classic films told through the eyes of the narrator. And that’s the power of “V.O”. In the hands of a skilled screen writer, the voice of the narrator can lift a film to new heights. Add complex dimension to a story, and set the proper tone from page One… whether it be comedic, dramatic, or – in the case of Heart of Coal – downright chilling.

Dr. Lianne Berg’s life has had its ups and downs. A child psychologist who works with autistic children, she’s successful, young and gorgeous. A woman driven to succeed by horrors in her own childhood. Only nine when her mother was killed in front of her – stabbed to death sixty-seven times and beheaded. The serial killer never captured. Not surprisingly, the working of such dysfunctional minds became Dr. Berg’s obsession. As the script progresses, her voice drives the narrative; providing a glimpse into her separate worlds. Professional insights on the motives of such monsters, and her own nightmarish memories: how they’ve warped and shaped her life…

Stylishly written and streamlined, Heart of Coal is a deliciously demented script. And an amazing showcase for a thirtyish actress with just the right voice. With the right cast and smart editing, this script is an amazing find. Do this one right, and create a true horror masterpiece!

About the writer: Born and raised in Sweden, Pia Cook has SEVERAL produced features and shorts to her name (full IMDB credits here.) She started writing screenplays in 2006 and has written over sixty short screenplays and ten features. (Yeah… that’s not a typo. Six ZERO.)

Budget: Moderate. There are some locations inside a hospital and a Senator’s office. And a few extras to hire. Not to mention some blood and horror FX. But nothing to lose your head over. (Talk about an unfortunate choice of words!)

About the reviewer: David M Troop resumed writing in 2011 after a twenty-five year hiatus.  Since then, he has written about 50 short scripts, two of which have been produced.   Dave would like to make it three.  He is a regular, award-winning contributor to MoviePoet.com.  Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 “AT” gmail.

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR VIEW OTHER SCRIPTS AT THE STS BLOG HERE

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

I’m Not Mandy

Two teenage sisters realize that being popular… rocks!

Teen coming-of-age stories will never get old. No matter the decade into which you’re born, the experience is universal. Popularity. Unpopularity. Coming to grips with who you are… no matter what your peers may think. Some classics have come out of this fount of angst: The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink. Buffy. The Twilight Series (well, kinda.)

And there’s I’m Not Mandy. Teen Sandy – our protag – isn’t a model of awesomeness. Chubby and plain. Glasses and acne. She’s got nerd written all over her. Which is a real embarrassment to her sister, Mandy – whose perfect face makes her the coolest girl at school. When the script opens, it’s Sandy’s first day of high school. Mandy makes it clear that her sister should keep her distance, and not breathe a word about their blood bond.

Not a good way to start the day. Things quickly get worse when Sandy bumps into Adam Jones… the boy that Mandy’s been crushing on. Glasses get broken. Curses fly. Next thing you know, it’s all out war… With peace nowhere in sight.

How will it end? With blood – or redemption? Open the script… and find out.

About the writer: Born and raised in England, Sally Meyer has had 6 features filmed,  produced and released to television and dvd.  (And 8 shorts as well!)  Her feature The Elving Project is slated to begin filming January 2016, to be released next Christmas. Her IMDB Credits are available here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2946574/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1.  And feel free to contact Sally directly at sallymeyer0 “AT” gmail!

Page Count: 5

Budget: Relatively low. Settings include a house, and a school. You’ll need a decent number of extras, and one actress who’s good at action/martial arts. (Hard to explain – better that you read the script!) 🙂

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Getting to Know You

A man and a women meet by chance and quickly find out they have a lot in common. Perhaps TOO much in common…

A couple meets-cute outside a Starbucks wanna-be.  Venturing inside for a chat and a brew, they quickly discover they’ve a lot in common; sharing the same taste in music, films, books – even ordering the same concoction for their Venti cups.  Is it a match made in heaven – or something far more sinister?

That’s the premise of Getting to Know You.  Simple, but this script packs a whole lotta character into 5 slim pages.  The settings on this are minimal, which is always a plus in the indie world. (Who doesn’t have access to a coffee shop for a shoot? If you’re a director and you don’t… well, then, double dumb-ass shame on you.)  What’s most striking is the degree of depth that writer Marnie Mitchell Lister manages to give her characters and dialogue.  (One example: “I guess I could sit for a minute. I’ve never met an enigma before.”) By page one, you’ll crack a smile.  And the pluses keep on coming.  Solid writing. Two main characters. Limited location, with a satisfactory ending? What’s there not to love?

If you’re a director in search of drama with a touch of suspense, you’d better crack this one open quick.  ‘Cause it’s not likely to be on the market long…

About the writer: An award winning writer AND photographer, Marnie Mitchell-Lister’s website is available at http://brainfluffs.com/. Marnie’s had 5 shorts produced (so far) and placed Semi-final with her features in Bluecat.

Pages: 5

Budget: Very low. Two characters, and a few settings – with the café being prominent.  You’ll need one special location.  But you’ll have to read the script to find that out.

SCRIPT DELINKED – PRODUCTION IN PROGRESS!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

A Mighty Fire

A blues-man seeks a legendary recording that may be nothing more than old rumors…or it might just be real.

When it comes to serving up memorable horror with unique characters and fresh concepts that haven’t been done to genre-death, it’s hard to beat Robert Newcomer.  Showcased previously at STS, “Bert” (as he’s affectionately known when we’re feeling cheeky) is also writer of Someplace Nice and Dark, a creepy little riff involving a delivery boy, a trailer, and an old man afraid of his own shadow.

In Mighty Fire, the setting is more exotic: a beat up old record shop in New Orleans.  Not the tourist section. The Seventh Ward.  Young blues wanna Jean Juneau arrives on the shop’s porch seeking the last record of blues legend Robert Johnson (rumored to have been recorded while Johnson was dying from a bad case of poison and a woman scorned.)  Known as Mighty Fire, the record is said to be the ultimate blues experience: agony and ecstasy all rolled into one.

Jean pawns his guitar and gets the recording.  Has he made the deal of a lifetime? Or a contract with the Devil himself?  Crack this script open, and find out!

About the writer:  Robert Newcomer recently received his first IMDB credit for another short, Them That’s Dead.  An intelligent writer, he has several other shorts and a horror feature length available for consideration. (IMDB credits listed here.)

Pages: 14

Budget: Moderate.  There are a handful of characters and settings: the record shop, a bar, and a room.  There may be some FX expense incurred to make sure one gets the atmosphere right. But for scripts like this, it’s worth the price.

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

The Station

A soldier and his dog face the ultimate test in loyalty.

What can one say about The Station? This one, admittedly, has a mix of influences.  A bit of classic Twilight Zone, a touch of Dante’s Inferno… and even a touch of political relevancy torn from Iraq, and Afghanistan.

The story is simple – Captain Daniels has just returned from a tour in the Middle East. By his side is his faithful companion Virgil… a German Shepherd who has seen his share of combat as well.  They’ve arrived to catch the train home.  Or is this just the beginning of their travels?

Given the story, this is one script that you have to read – to try to explain gives too much away.  It’s a sweet tale, and one that deserves to make it’s way to the screen.  Warning:  dog lovers may get misty eyed.

About the writer: A prolific writer, Kevin Lenihan has a number of short and feature length scripts in his roster… and is always looking for the next great story and idea.

Pages: 12

Budget: Not for a newbie.  To do this right requires at least stock footage of a train,  some combat desert scenes…  and a photogenic German Shepherd. But for a director with a few quality produced shorts under their belt, this could be the perfect (train) ticket…

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Bloom

A young rapper enters a rap battle in hopes to win the ultimate prize.

“The reveal.”  That’s the point in the movie where the audience drops its jaw and realizes that for the past ninety minutes they’ve been watching a different film altogether.  If done correctly, it can turn a great movie into a classic film.

Bloom, written by Jean-Pierre Chapoteau, takes us to the inner city projects – a setting we’ve already seen in such films as Boyz In The Hood and 8 Mile.  As the intro scene unwinds, two teenagers – Jeff and Darnel – head toward a house-party with thumping rap music blasting out the windows.

Darnel intends to challenge an infamous rapper named Clips, but Jeff warns Darnel that one false move or even one bad rhyme could get them both killed.

Jeff pleads with Darnel to take things slow, “plant the seed,” and live to rap another day.  However, Darnel has his eye on the prize, and taking on Clips in a rap battle is the only way to win.

Clips accepts Darnel’s challenge and his two hundred dollars.  After Clips’ rhymes bring the crowd to frenzy, he turns the mic over to Darnel – who finds himself trapped in a lion’s den with only his words to save him.

Darnel takes the mic, exhales slowly, and instructs the DJ to kill the beat. And something unexpected and quite wonderful happens then.

The reveal.

At that crucial point, author JP Chapoteau pulls the rug out from under the audience and turns the script on its head.  After we’re able to close our mouths, a smile slowly forms. Permanently.

Bloom is the perfect screenplay for a director who knows and appreciates the world of rap music.  And it’s also a chance to tell the story of a young urban man who risks his life so that he may live it. For real.

Pages: 5

Budget:  Small to medium.  A house-party and DJ.  Two very talented young actor/rappers.

About the Guest Reviewer: David M Troop resumed writing in 2011 after a twenty-five year hiatus.  Since then, he has written about 50 short scripts, two of which have been produced.   Dave would like to make it three.  He is a regular, award-winning contributor to MoviePoet.com.  Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie. He can be reached at dtroop506 “AT” gmail!

About the Author: Jean-Pierre Chapoteau started writing feature-length scripts in 2005, then focused on shorts in 2009. Since then he’s had three scripts produced and two more optioned. He has won several awards for his shorts and has become a moderator at the site MoviePoet, who specialize in the craft of the short scripts. Jean-Pierre was a finalist in the RAW TALENT Competition for his faith-based feature-length script: ‘Far From Perfect.’ And was also a semi-finalist in the SLAMDANCE teleplay competition and a finalist in the OBSWRITER teleplay contest for his adapted teleplay, Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Guardian. You can contact Jean-Pierre Chapoteau at: jeanpierre425 (a) gmail.com

READ THIS SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT

FOR YET MORE SCRIPTS AVAILABLE FOR PRODUCTION:

PLEASE SEARCH SIMPLYSCRIPTS.COM

OR THE BLOG VERSION OF STS HERE.

All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.