Zombie Romance by Oksana Shafetova

On the eve of a zombie apocalypse a young wife has to make a life or death choice in the name of love.

You’d be forgiven for thinking the horror staple of Zombies has reached saturation point and that our appetite and continuing hunger for the lumbering, rampaging, bloodthirsty undead has waned.

Future Box Office however, tells a different story.

There are some twenty Zombie horror flicks already slated for 2018/19 with titles such as The Cured, Little Monsters, Cargo, Patient Zero, An Accidental Zombie (Named Ted), Breathers, and Inherit The Earth, to name just some of the titles already released or awaiting release. These movies have big-name stars attached: Lupita Nyong’o, Ellen Page, Martin Freeman, Stanley Tucci, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Brad Pitt is returning in the sequel to World War Z 2, and the original cast of Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone and Jesse Eisennberg make their return in Zombieland 2.

Chances are if you’re reading this blog you fancy yourself as the next George Romero, Jennifer Kent, Mike Flanagan, Julia Ducournau, or James Wan. You want to make a short film with maximum impact, which means you need good material with broad audience appeal.

Want something with a little horror, a little romance, and a good dose of humour? Not to mention blood, gore, and a decent dose of foreboding and suspense? Oksana Shafetova’s, Zombie Romance, has all these ingredients and more.

We open on Barbara, a young woman lying on a bed in a darkened room. Anyone who’s ever suffered a migraine knows the benefits of quiet and darkness. Only trouble is there’s some weird screaming and carrying on going on outside Barbara’s bedroom window. Rest and recuperation is not going according to plan.

We hear the fumbling of the key in the lock of the front door. Thank God, her loving husband Harry, is home. He can take Max, the dog, out for a walk. He might even be able to explain the weird auditory hallucinations Barbara is hearing from outside.

Maybe it’s all in her head.
Or maybe it isn’t…

One thing’s for sure. The words: ‘for better or worse’ and ‘in sickness and health’, are just about to be sorely tested.

Filmmakers: Zombie Romance is a killer script. One you’ll be dying to get your hands on. There’ll be a lot of clamouring for this one, so best set yourself apart from the hordes and get on it fast.

Contained Horror. One location, two leads, a mutt, minimal SFX, Zombie makeup… And you’re set to go.

About the Writer: Oksana Shafetova has always been fascinated with storytelling, but discovered her inner voice only a couple years ago. Graduated as an editor, she has worked in the fields of journalism and video game narrative, until she finally found her true passion in script writing. Oksana gets inspiration from cinematography, and empathizes with an audience to think up riveting plot twists in her own works. She currently lives with her husband, an illustrator, in Dusseldorf, Germany. SHe can be reached at: oshafetova (a) gmail.com

Read Zombie Romance (4 pages in pdf format)

This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

THE TOOTH FAIRY by James Barron

An enthusiastic young girl is about to learn the Tooth Fairy always exacts a price.

Childhood can be a magical time. Santa Clause and The Easter Bunny are the obvious standouts, but that special little nocturnal sprite we know as The Tooth Fairy, must also be given honourable mention.

Tinsel, fairy-dust, and chocolate eggs aside, it’s just a little bit creepy when you consider all three of these magical creatures come at night while we are sleeping.

Tradition has it when you lose your milk teeth as a child you should place the tooth under your pillow just before you nod off to sleep. In the morning, if you’re lucky, and you’ve been a good little girl or boy, you will wake to discover a delightful gift, usually one of the monetary kind – a small token symbolizing the beginning of your rite of passage from childhood into adulthood, courtesy of The Tooth Fairy.

Throughout history Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are depicted in pretty consistent good-guy fashion. The Tooth Fairy however can appear in many different guises – as male, female, with wings or wand, as pixie, dragon, ballerina, bat or rat, and commonly mouse – even, (according to Wiki,) as a ‘potbellied flying man smoking a cigar’! Huh?

Now, that’s really creepy.

Not nearly as creepy and macabre however, as the depiction of the titular character in James Barron’s one-page horror thriller – The Tooth Fairy.

One-page scripts are no easy task for writers but James Barron manages to skillfully weave a fully rounded tale with a shocking twist all in one page.

We open on Minka Avery, an excitable six year old girl (with a gap-toothed smile) waving a twenty-dollar note in front of her parent’s faces.

Look what the Tooth Fairy left! She exclaims.

The astonished looks on both parent’s faces tell us neither one of them left such a gift.

They stare at each other a moment, confused.

So what’s going on here? Where did this little windfall come from?

And why are Dad’s new pliers missing?

Filmmakers, are you looking for a micro-short in the horror genre with a denouement that will make your audience’s toes curl? Perhaps an entry for Shriekfest or Screamfest or one of the many other horror festivals going around? Well, look no further than James Barron’s, ‘The Tooth Fairy’. This is one tale you can definitely sink your teeth into.

Specs: One location, a nice house in the burbs. Four players – Mum, Dad, and a six year old exuberant little actress, and of course The Tooth Fairy – 50s, male.

About the writer: James loves to write comedy and action along with the occasional horror short. You can reach him at jbarron021 (a) gmail.

Read The Tooth Fairy (1 page in pdf format)

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

SATNAV by Anthony Cawood

 A woman’s infidelity takes her on an unexpected journey.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned is how the old adage goes, but the latest research indicates men may in fact be sorer losers when it comes to love and war. Add twenty-first century technology into the mix as the latest weapon of revenge and things can get very dicey indeed.

In Anthony Cawood’s one-page thriller, Satnav, we open on 30-something, Sarah, driving along a deserted patch of road alone and late at night. Sarah’s just punched her location and presumably her destination into a high-tech device some of us like to call a Satnav – otherwise known as a GPS, or navigation assistant.

The question is: will she reach her destination?

She’s just received a text message from her husband, David, and he’s not happy.  Certain revelations regarding Sarah’s extra-curricular behaviour have come to light and it appears she has not been the model of a loving and faithful partner. As the text messages continue to come thick and fast and the Satnav guides Sarah on her journey we wonder will she make it to where she wants to go in one piece?

It’s no easy task to build suspense and create a fully fledged story in one-page but Anthony Cawood negotiates the twists and turns with skill and expertise in this tight micro-short thriller that’ll resonate and pack a punch with audiences.

Filmmakers: We know you have the drive and you’re dying to move off the starting blocks. All you need now is the vehicle. And here it is! Cut and polish in your own inimitable style and Satnav could be your short-cut to guaranteed success.

Specs: One talented 30-something female with a driver’s licence and attitude. A car, a lonely road in the middle of nowhere. A SatNav and accompanying V.O.

About the writer: Anthony Cawood is an award winning screenwriter from the UK with 4 short films produced and another 10 or so scripts optioned and/or purchased. Links to his films and details of his scripts can be found at www.anthonycawood.co.uk.

Read SatNav (1 page in pdf format)

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

The Role of the Dice by Dave Lambertson

The fate of two couples is determined by a single roll of the dice.

Couples game night. It’s very much a tradition for some. And no – we’re not referring to some kinky type of seventies Key Party, or Twister played in the buff. We’re talking about a board game that is an institution to most, one that’s been around since the nineteen-thirties – the classic game of Monopoly.

Game nights can be great fun. There’s nothing like combining a healthy dose of friendly rivalry while cultivating memories and bonhomie with good friends. Cracking the caps off a few cold ones, opening a bottle of wine, snacking on some appetizers. Then sit back and let the games begin. Of course, there’s the little matter of winning being a whole lot more fun than losing, not to mention playing fair – in life, just as in the game.

In The Role Of The Dice, our hosts for the night are Chuck and Hannah, their guests, well to do friends Demetri and his heavily pregnant wife Stephanie. Expertly presiding over the entire affair is writer David Lambertson.

Remember I mentioned ‘fun’ and ‘playing fair’?  Straight off the bat our host Chuck doesn’t appear to be enjoying much of either.  To say he’s in a bad mood is an understatement – the words ‘grudge match’ instantly come to mind. But why, we wonder? Well, Chuck’s got his reasons. While out on patrol today (Chuck’s a cop) he discovered a little wheeling and dealing going on behind his back, and he’s about to exact revenge.  Exactly what he saw we’ll leave up to you to find out… We will say, how he enacts justice, is just as captivating as why.

Equally captivating is the skill with which writer David Lambertson spins this very clever yarn by juxtaposing the action with the moves of the Monopoly game. We watch as with every roll of the dice Chuck’s rage intensifies, and with each juicy revelation the subsequent plays on the Monopoly board mimic his state of mind – as do the escalating tensions of the other players around the table.  Mind games, double entendre, (Chuck’s first weapons of choice) – until it becomes patently obvious that Chuck has the monopoly over all of the players at the table, and that the game is about to take a deadly turn.

One of two entries tied for Reader’s Choice Simply Scripts One Week Challenge, The Role Of The Dice is a skillfully written and well plotted thriller that’s already proven to be a crowd favourite.

Filmmakers: Want to invest in something that’s a sure fire winner? Don’t leave this one to Chance, and Do Not Pass Go, it’s time to make your move. You never know, this might just be money in the bank.

Budget: Minimal. Get a board game, good actors – a little bit more – and you’re done!

About the writer, Dave Lambertson: I took up writing rather late in life having already been retired before I put pen to paper (okay – finger to computer key) for the first time.  My favorite genres to read and write are dramedies and romantic comedies. In addition to this short, I have written four features; The Last Statesman (a 2015 PAGE finalist and a Nicholl’s and BlueCat quarterfinalist), The Beginning of The End and The End (a PAGE Semi-Finalist). Taking Stock (a drama) and a new comedy – “Screw You Tube”. Contact Dave via his website DLambertson.Wixsite.com/scripts

Read The Role of the Dice (12 pages in pdf format)

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

CHRISTMASVILLE by Steven Clark

Having lost his zest for life after the death of his daughter, a newly unemployed father takes a magical journey to Christmasville, where he receives the greatest gift of all — a second chance.

Christmas-themed movies will always be perennial favourites with audiences. From oft repeated classics such as: It’s A Wonderful Life, (1946) and Miracle On 34^th Street (1947), to more contemporary classics such as: Home Alone (1990), Elf (2003), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989), and Bad Santa (2003).

If there’s one thing the history of the film industry tells us it’s that Christmas themed movies are consistent box office winners, whether they be theatrically released, Indie, or direct to video and television productions. Audiences cannot get enough of what’s now commonly known as the celluloid ‘Countdown to Christmas’ where holiday movies play on solid run from Thanksgiving to New Year. The number of people in the U.S. alone who watched a Hallmark Christmas movie in 2017 was around 65 million, with that number expected to exceed 85 million by New Year, 2018.

What’s the secret to their popularity?

Well, that’s simple. Audiences long for homespun, feel-good movies with their universal themes of love, family, hope, and redemption. Add to that the perfect backdrop of crisp white snow, a little mistletoe, the twinkling of Christmas lights and baubles, and a liberal dose of fairy dust, and you’re onto a sure-fire winner.

Steven Clark’s onto a winner with his rather aptly titled Christmasville which has all these requisite ingredients plus a whole lot more.

We open on family man, Dale. A woodworker by trade, he’s resigned his lot to the ‘shipping and receiving depot’ of a factory in a small town. Dale is getting on with things but he’s also carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, living in the shadow of the tragic death of his young daughter, and more recently the passing of his father. Clearly, Dale is not living his best life. He has an eight year old son, Michael, who worships the ground his dad walks on, and a loving and devoted wife in Tabitha. But still the traumatic events of the past plague him.

As Dale surveys his town he thinks it ain’t all that bad. Sure it’s quaint with its Mom and Pop stores and everybody knowing everybody else’s business, but it sure is pretty this time of year; church steeples rising high into the sky, the shops dressed in their holiday wreaths and colourful lights, and lamp posts strung with pretty garlands.

It’s just over a week before Christmas, the first few flurries of snow are falling and the townsfolk are preparing for the annual Tree lighting.

There’s only one blot on the landscape for Dale and that is the woodworking store (that) stands dark and vacant. A FOR LEASE sign hangs in the fogged out window. This is the store Dale’s father once ran. The store that Dale should now be running.

Oh, and the fact that eight days out from Christmas, Dale is summoned to the boss’s office and unceremoniously given the old heave-ho. Budget’s been cut. Dale was last in, so he’s first out.

A crushing blow, but Dale’s not one to let the grass grow under his feet or let pride get in the way of a providing for his family, so he’s up next day at the crack of dawn to Marone’s Luncheonette. Store-owner Pete is a decent fellow who’ll give anyone a break and before long Dale’s proving his mettle with the popularity of his burgers and BLTs. Until that is – his less than stellar tomato-dicing skills land him in the Emergency Department. What rotten luck. A bunged up hand and a nasty trail of stitches means there’ll be no more working the grill for Dale. Not for a good while anyway.

Still Dale bravely pushes on, now relegated to stoically running errands for Tabitha, at the local Mall.

On the way home with daylight fading fast and the snow now falling hard:

A sharp turn looms ahead,
Dale cuts the wheel,
the brakes lock,
the car slides…

The road twists left
Dale’s car goes straight
It fishtails,
Smashing into a guard rail

Dale tenses, can’t speak
This is it.
No time to react.
No time to—

CRASH!

Dale’s car crashes into a guard rail and down a steep embankment.

He falls into unconsciousness.

Then wakes sometime later – ‘everything out of focus, head bandaged‘ – he locks eyes with a SMALL MAN by the name of Butter Finger, sporting green thermals and a red stocking cap.

From here on in things get even more surreal. It appears Dale has entered an alternate reality of seemingly Rockwell-ian proportions – cobblestone sidewalks, a town square surrounded by an ice skating pond, a world inhabited by Elves and reindeer and pretty soon after Dale finds himself riding shotgun in a sleigh next to a hulking man with a white beard who for all intents and purposes looks like Santa. But is he? This Santa has a Pilates class scheduled at three, a particular penchant for the Elliptical machine and a personal trainer coming in at four-thirty. Huh?

For Dale things are getting weirder by the minute and all he really wants is out of this particular rabbit hole and back home to his loving wife and son.

But, try as he might it seems there’s no means of escape.

Meanwhile back home, with Sheriff Shirley Hastings at the helm, the townsfolk have rallied and a search party is underway. It seems Dale has disappeared off the face of the earth, something he promised his wife he would never do. Tabitha and Michael are beside themselves with worry of his whereabouts.

The writing in Christmasville is what elevates this story from any comparison to a ‘by the numbers cookie-cutter’ holiday tale. With its ensemble cast every role is three dimensional and beautifully drawn. It’s no easy task for a writer to create character with only one line of dialogue, but writer Steven Clarke does this with aplomb. Larger standout roles such as town Sheriff Shirley Hastings, (a lovely nod to Marg Gunderson, Fargo ) and her well meaning but slightly dim-witted Deputy Rick, are particularly memorable.

Christmasville seamlessly blends the comical with the sentimental, the dramatic with heart-rending, the nostalgic with the modern. This is an original and beautifully written tale that will entertain the whole family.

Producers: Want all your Christmases to come at once? Well, best open your present early, cause this is a one of a kind limited edition, and it’s sure to sell out fast.

Read CHRISTMASVILLE (95 pages in pdf format)

About the writer: Based in upstate, NY, Steven Clark is the writer of over 30 short scripts, several of which are under option, in pre-production, or have already been made into films. On A Clear Night, a family Christmas feature aimed at a Hallmark Channel-type audience, is currently in the works. Steven can be reached at Steamroller138 (a) gmail. Check out his website BadRepScript.weebly.com and his other screenplays.

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

Man’s Best Friend by Steven Clark

Three days after a couple’s beloved dog goes missing, a phone call arrives that will change the game. Forever.

Put aside whether you’re a dog person or cat person just for a moment and focus on the incomparable talents of Man’s Best Friend, and why mutts have earned this most eminent title.

Ready…?

Guide dogs, guard dogs, sniffer dogs, therapy dogs, herding, hunting, tracking and cadaver dogs, bomb, drug, and chemical detection dogs; dogs of war, dogs who can sniff out cancer – dogs who rescue their owners from burning buildings and rolling rapids… And that’s just to name a few of their talents. Add to that, unconditional loyalty and love, goopy grins, sloppy kisses and perennially wagging tails, and really – the ‘elegant tramp’, (as one of my friends labels felines), is really not much competition, now is it?

From Rin-Tin-Tin and Lassie to the memorably cute but a lil’ fugly Verdell in As Good As It Gets, it’s no wonder dogs have an illustrious celluloid history, in both leading roles and as sidekicks.

Okay, now picture this:

You’re wandering down the street, minding your own business, and you look up to see MISSING, LOST DOG, or REWARD, stamped across a poster and nailed to a telegraph pole. Typically a photo of said AWOL pooch looks dolefully and adorably into the camera. Aww, so sad, and guaranteed to tug at the ol’ heartstrings.

This is also the opening scene of Steven Clark’s screenplay, Man’s Best Friend.

But hang on now, cause if you’re thinking this is going to be a cute fluffy-dog piece think again. Curt and Cassie, a couple in their thirties (he’s a cop btw) have just received a rather ominous telephone call and discovered there’s a bounty to be paid on Ranger, their missing ‘family member’ – and a rather hefty ransom demand.

            MAN (V.O.)
We have your dog. …
He’s got nice teeth. But I’ve got
pliers. … $10,000 dollars for the
mutt. Cash. Or I start playing dentist.

Eww! Marathon Dog, anyone?

To say anything further would spoil the fun, the suspense, and the very, very, dark twists and turns of this piece. Suffice to say this tail (sorry, tale) is less for lovers of Marley And Me , and more for fans of teeth baring, and snarling Cujo, and Seven Psychopaths.

Dare I say, if you’ve got a nose for talent you can call off your search right now cause with Man’s Best Friend you’ll definitely be barking up the right tree.

Budget: Low. Just – make sure you do this one right… every beat!

About the writer: Based in upstate, NY, Steven Clark is the writer of over 30 short scripts, several of which are under option, in pre-production, or have already been made into films. On A Clear Night, a family Christmas feature aimed at a Hallmark Channel-type audience, is currently in the works. Steven can be reached at Steamroller138 (a) gmail.

Read Man’s Best Friend (10 pages in PDF format)

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

This from Damien

[T]he Screenplay you featured “Sons & Broken Noses” has been optioned and filming will begin in December… It also won the Best Neo Noir screenplay at the recent Humphrey Bogart Film Festival in Miami.

If you wish to contribute to funding to get this made, I’m sure every bit will help.

Below is the review of Sons & Broken Noses written by LC

SONS & BROKEN NOSES

Nobody ever tells you there will be days like this.

Ah, the Emerald Isle, land of saints, scholars, and born story tellers. Resplendent in all its greenery and rich with its history of literary giants – James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, Jonathan Swift, to name a few.

No big surprise then that Ireland also boasts its unique brand of inimitable screenwriters and filmmakers. Classics such as: In The Name Of The Father, The Wind That Shakes The Barley, My Left Foot, and crowd pleasers: The Commitments, The Guard, In Bruges, Once.

2016 was a bumper year for the Irish Film Industry and screenwriters continue to make an indelible mark, particularly writers of hard-boiled crime, with an edge and flair for black comedy. You could say they’re making a killing.

Damien Michael Aulsberry continues this tradition in fine form with his short screenplay: Sons & Broken Noses. Opening with a shot of a car boot slamming and a bloodied hand, this ominous sign sets the tone for what’s to follow.

We meet JAKE KELLY and SEAN BARRY, two bumbling wannabe bank robbers peeling down a lonely country road, one of them with a bullet wound sustained at the hand of the other. You guessed it, things have not gone according to plan. In fact they’ve gone quite a bit pear shaped.

Who thwarted their plans for the perfect bank heist? None other than: skinny runt, seventeen year old, GABRIEL, on work experience with said bank. With the cops now hot on their heels and running around the arse-end of nowhere, the heat’s just been turned up to red-hot for these two after discovering the lad they’ve just hurled into the back of the boot is none other than the son of Irish mob-boss, MICK RONAN.

Oh, dear. An apology is definitely in order, wouldn’t you say?

Followed by some heavy duty groveling, and bargaining for their lives, especially when one of them has broken the young lad’s nose, or more aptly: spread his nose all over his face.

Seems one of these guys is going to have to take the fall.

            SEAN
We messed up Mick. And we’re sorry.
       (beat)
What if I kneecap him? Paramilitary
style, no fucking around.

            MICK (V.O.)
Won’t work Sean. Sets a precedent.
Then everyone will be looking to
get kneecapped instead of whacked.
We’d have complete fucking chaos.
Lads hobbling round all over the
place.

Then there’s that little dilemma of returning mob-boss’s son to the fold and getting away unscathed.

With its great visuals, bang on dialogue, and perfectly balanced humour,  Sons & Broken Noses is a quirky, comedically irreverent crime drama.

Filmmakers: You don’t need the luck of the Irish to make a good fist of this one. At the time of writing this review, Sons & Broken Noses had already reached the Finals of the Southern California Screenplay contest, so it’s already got winner written all over it.

Our advice: Put down that pint of Guinness, get down from your bar stool, and head for the nearest camera, before some other lucky lads beat you to it.

There’s no denying, this one’s good craic.

Be a crime not to do it justice.

Production: Low to Medium Budget: Three hard-faced crim types with talent to match, a plucky ‘teen’ willing to have his nose broken (just kidding, Method acting is not required), and a couple of intimidating heavies (no dialogue) to complete the background.

Borrow a car, if you don’t have your own, mix up some faux blood, hit the road and film some blokes out in the middle of nowhere. Add a couple of other locations – barn, diner, and house, and you’re good to go.

About the Writer: “I write for therapeutic reasons. If I didn’t get all the mad shit out of me head, I’d be a lunatic… Currently in Post-Production of a short I wrote called “Family Business”. Directed by Oisin Woods and starring Bosco Hogan, Paul Ronan, Karl Shiels, Anthony Morris and Bern Deegan. This short, “Sons and Broken Noses”, was a Finalist and Honorable Mention in The South California Screenplay Competition 2017.”

About the Reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

Read Sons & Broken Noses (22 pages in pdf format)

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The Hitman’s Retirement Party by John Hunter

Retiring is never easy…

A crim’, a clown, and a cat walk into a bar…

Sounds like the opening gambit of a joke, doesn’t it? But there is no bar, and delightfully these three characters are the headlining cast of John Hunter’s screenplay, The Hitman’s Retirement Party.

A rather gruesome opening scene introduces us to titular character – Bill, 60s, balding, glasses, – an ordinary looking Joe Blow, who if you met him on the street, he’d easily pass for an accountant, a bank manager, even a local handyman. But Bill’s anything but what he appears to be. Fact is, he’s a cold calculating killer, fast, methodical, deadly. At the front door of a mark’s house he takes out a small caliber pistol, pops the guy unceremoniously twice – a bullet in the eye, one to the head, one final parting shot to the temple for good measure. As Bill says: It’s nothing personal…

It’s just all in a day’s work. After forty years on the job however, Bill’s decided it’s time to hang up his holster for the last time. A quick call to management to inform them. Now it’s time to kick back and enjoy the spoils of retirement with his loyal sidekick, Buddy.

Buddy is Bill’s best friend, he’s been there for Bill through thick and thin. He’s the one Bill comes home to every night. You might say he’s his soft place to fall – always eager and happy to see his best mate, Bill.

As with all great sidekicks Buddy is the silent type, but don’t be fooled, there’s usually a lot going on – think: Jay and Silent Bob, Penn and Teller, Han and Chewie, The Chief and McMurphy.

There’s just one thing though… Buddy’s a cat. A meow, perhaps an affectionate coil around the legs, is likely about all you’ll get. Despite this, Bill believes he and Buddy share their own special repartee, a symbiotic relationship of sorts, least this is what Bill thinks…

But someone’s about to come between Bill and Buddy, test their loyalty and their future happiness. That someone is a clown named Terry who just so happens to turn up unannounced at Bill’s front door, dressed in fuzzy orange wig, big red nose, large floppy shoes, and holding a handful of helium filled balloons.

Has he come on behalf of management? Bill’s last phone call did lead us to believe he might be in line for a proper sendoff. Perhaps the clown comes with a parting gift, maybe a nice gold watch, or a little retirement bonus? After so many devoted years of faithful service, it’d be no surprise. Or would it?

Well you’re going to have to get to the punch-line – I mean denouement – yourself. Suffice to say John Hunter weaves a Hitman story with a difference, cleverly executed through dark comedy, tongue in cheek dialogue, the element of surprise, and some rather lovely dry wit.

Our parting shot? That Hitman’s Retirement Party is a killer script, sure to draw even the best filmmakers out of retirement.

Budget: Very reasonable. A cat. Two guys and a smoking gun. Oh, and a really evil clown costume….

About the writer John Hunter: With the completion of (4) boffo features, a litter of riveting shorts, a one hour take-your-breath-away sci-fi TV pilot and first 30 minute episode for that series, I am now officially THAT guy — The one who really needs an Agent or Executive Producer. Contact me at x32792 (a) yahoo.com

Read Hitman’s Retirement (9 pages in pdf format)

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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.

Imagination, Smagination by Nolan Bryand

Little boys have crazy imaginations… Or do they?

The topic for today is Monsters. Mwa-ha-ha -haaaa!

In his inaugural address, F.D. Roosevelt famously paraphrased Francis Bacon’s line by saying: The only thing we have to fear… is fear itself.

I don’t know about you but I’ve always found cold comfort in that line… Fear itself is pretty darned scary.

Monsters, ghouls, devils, demons, the boogeyman – all strike fear into the most hardened of hearts and can turn even the most cast-iron of stomachs to jelly. From Ghoulies to Gremlins, to Chucky (Child’s Play) and The Babadoo – monsters not only have a long and illustrious history on film but they continue to fascinate, disgust, horrify, and if the writer is especially talented (like this one is) even make their audiences laugh.

Now cast your mind back to your five-year-old self lying in bed in the dark – your nightlight casting ominous shadows onto the walls, your super-hero bed-covers pulled up tightly around your chin, wide eyes darting back and forth into the foreboding darkness.

What was that?!

Did you hear that barely perceptible creak across the floorboard? Did you see that lightning-fast flash of movement just out of the corner of your eye? What about that inky black cavern that is your wardrobe with its door slightly ajar, or that cavernous space under your bed where all manner of dastardly things could be lying in wait, ready to pounce when you least expect it.

Ooh, it’s enough to give you the heebie-jeebies, make you crawl into the fetal position, yank those bed covers over your head while you mutter over and over and over again: not real, not real, not real, in a desperate attempt to prove to yourself that what you just heard, what you just saw, was all just the result of a bad dream or an overactive imagination.

But what if it wasn’t your imagination…?

As we open on Nolan Bryand’s, Imagination, Smagination, this is the very real dilemma facing five-year-old, Owen. He’s just run the five-metre dash down the hallway and into his parent’s bedroom. What he knows is: this is not his imagination in overdrive. There’s a monster in his closet, and he needs his dad to get rid of it! Actually, he’d prefer to sleep in his Mom and Dad’s room, where there is no monster, but they’re not having it. Big sigh. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

The Monster in The Closet and The Monster Under The Bed are familiar tropes in horror fiction and filmmaking, but Nolan Bryand’s rendition is about to surprise, not only with its freshness and originality, but also with its perfectly timed comic-horror twists. That’s right, not one, but two. Just when you think the story’s done and dusted, Nolan expertly hits his audience with yet another comical twist in the final seconds of a denouement that will have you jumping in surprise and laughing out loud at the same time.

Suspense, comedy, acerbic wit, mixed with clever barbs aimed squarely at jaded grown-ups with their all too familiar rationalizing that ‘monsters don’t exist’, Imagination, Smagination is a finely orchestrated monster-lite tale that is sure to be a crowd pleaser for kids and adults alike.

Filmmakers: Now’s the time to banish your fears, scare up your own special brand of cinematic ‘smagination’ and take your best shot in the dark. Best not sleep on it though, cause this one’s gonna’ get snapped up fast.

Budget: Low. One location. Two adults, a plucky talented five year old, and a couple of ‘monsters’. A talent for gruesome make-up fx will also come in handy.

About the Writer Nolan Bryand: While completing a minor in film studies back in 2005, I took a keen interest in the screenwriting aspect. Acting and directing wasn’t for me. In 2015 I came back to writing as a way to spend some free time, and remembered how much I enjoyed it. Since revisiting my passion, I’ve optioned two short scripts, which were both read and picked up after being read on the SimplyScripts discussion board. It’s the actors and directors that really make a script come to life, but it’s the screenwriter that gets them there in the first place! And that’s what I love about screenwriting.

Read Imagination, Smagination (6 pages in pdf format)

Find more scripts available for production

This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.

About the reviewer: L. Chambers has been writing all her life – especially in her head, and on scraps of paper. It’s only in the last few years she began to get serious about screen-writing. Prior to this she worked in the Features Department for ABC TV as a Program Assistant, and trained as a FAD. She currently works as a freelance web-content editor and lives with her husband (also a screenwriter) in Sydney, Australia.