I CAN’T GET NO SATISFACTION (4-page short comedy radio play script) Written by GARY HOWELL
A radio DJ tries his best to give away a cash prize over the air, but the listeners aren’t having any part of it.
People sure are stupid. Nobody knows this more than Nebraska radio DJ, Jamie Jameson, in this hilarious winner of April’s audio-only themed Quickie Challenge.
Jamie Jameson is a small-time, rock ‘n roll radio DJ for KROK-FM in Nebraska. You can’t help but think he’s had bigger aspirations in life. In between insults towards his hollow-brained callers, he sneaks in comments about how much he hates his life, blaming the stupidity he consistently encounters for much of it – and he does this using his most professional “Casey Casum” radio DJ voice, which makes it all the more hilarious.
Today, Jamie’s taking live calls as part of a contest in which he plays the opening to a classic rock and roll song and callers must guess what the song is.
He plays the opening to the Rolling Stones hit, “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and the calls immediately come pouring in… as does the stupidity.
CALLER 1 (MALE V.O.)
Who are the Beatles?
JAMIE THE DJ (V.O.)
This isn’t Jeopardy. You don’t have
to phrase your answer in the form
of a question.
CALLER 1 (MALE V.O.)
No, I’m asking who are the Beatles?
JAMIE THE DJ (V.O.)
How old ARE you? Next caller.
CALLER 2 (MALE V.O.)
The Beatles suck.
JAMIE THE DJ (MALE V.O.)
Your opinions don’t win you cash in
this game. Do you have a guess?
CALLER 2 (MALE V.O.)
Whatever. Yellow Submarine.
JAMIE THE DJ (V.O.)
Please find a large building and
jump off it. Next caller.
With each horrible guess, Jamie’s comments get even darker and more depressing, to the point where he’s practically reflecting on the regretful path his life has taken.
But, there’s a glimmer of hope when he receives a call from a young woman who seems to be very close to getting the answer right…
We can’t help but feel for Jamie as he deals with idiot caller after idiot caller. But, at the same time, we can’t help but laugh.
BUDGET: Zero. It’s an audio script.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Gary Howell is an authentic Texan, yet still doesn’t own either a cowboy hat or a horse. He practiced law for 17 years, much to his chagrin. He finally scratched a life-long itch and began writing short and feature films and over the years has had four of his short films produced, had one featured optioned and has worked with Matthew George, founder of Acacia Filmed Entertainment (“LBJ”, “Wind River”). His TV Pilot, “Bounty” is in the top 2% rating wise of all scripts on Coverfly.
Read: I CAN’T GET NO SATISFACTION (4-page short comedy radio play script)
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*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
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About the Reviewer: Michael J. Kospiah is the award-winning screenwriter of critically acclaimed indie-thriller, The Suicide Theory (79% Rotten Tomatoes – available on Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, etc) and 2020’s upcoming Aussie thriller, Rage. His horror feature, They Never Left is currently in development.
