ASHES
by Paul Knauer
In a desperate bid to escape her abusive boyfriend, a woman rents a house in the country only to find it inhabited by the dangerous, manipulative spirit of a murderer with an ominous request: Stop me from killing.
Horror/Thriller – Feature Length Script – 96 pages
Script Review by K. Cranford
“I see dead people” from 1999’s “The Sixth Sense” is one of the most iconic lines spoken in cinematic history. Ghost stories in cinema hold significance as they explore universal themes of loss, immortality and the mystery of the unknown. Incorporating all these themes, screenwriter, Paul Knauer’s latest offering, “Ashes” is poised to rise to the top of ghost story annals with its theme of a ghost, “Percy G. Jones”, whose opening character description depicts him as an eerie dichotomy of “an oddly charming, intellectual wannabe…holding a smoking shotgun”. As we soon learn, Percy is a cursed spectre that inhabits a house where he is trapped in a time loop, doomed to repeat both the murders he committed as well as his own death at the hands of the townspeople throughout the sixty years since the commission of the original crime.
Weaving the time hops from 1965 to present day, Knauer expertly takes us back to the original scene of the crime, where an unbalanced Percy, deep in the throes of a psychotic obsessive-compulsive disorder becomes fixated on the number “five”. This obsession serves to draw him to a farm house inhabited by a normal mid-western family to satisfy both his blood lust and his fixation. The action begins in earnest as Percy brutally dispatches the father, mother and young son and then turns his attention to the two young daughters innocently sleeping upstairs. To complete his twisted head count, he ominously counts down the exact number of shotgun shells required, “five, four, three…”. Ultimately, and to his dismay, Percy finds that only one child occupies the bedroom. The ensuing scene in which he confronts the lone young girl with alternating charm and murderous intent sets the chilling premise for what is to come.
As the second scene opens, in a time hop back to modern day, our female protagonist, Anne, is introduced as a victim of ongoing abuse by her boyfriend, aptly named “Brax”. Not a common name, the choice denotes the writer’s purpose of creating a mental picture of a brute, while the name itself, upon pronouncing tends to leave a metallic distaste – undoubtedly with intent. The threatening nature of their interactions will undoubtedly give rise to chills in those who know the pattern all too well and picture themselves in the shoes of the long-suffering Anne. In continuance of the story and after yet another violent confrontation with Brax, Anne plans her escape by blindly pointing to a dot on a map: Scott City, Kansas, as if it is all very random. We will soon learn it is not. As the story unfolds, every word, every action is skillfully laid leading to a climactic reveal that shows that not only were Anne’s actions not random, they were pre-ordained…sixty years ago.
“Who are you? Why are you here? ”
The eerily repeated disembodied voice of a young boy.
As Anne arrives in the “random” town of Scott City, Kansas, the string of assumed coincidences continues with the introduction of several townsfolk, including an older woman who eerily seems to recognize her and becomes intent on assisting her to achieve her eventual purpose, including leading her to the farm house under guise of free accommodation in return for caretaking. Almost immediately, Anne learns she is not alone as disembodied voices speak and apparitions abound.
“Percy will show you who you are.”
A. J, the hapless farm hand, an unwitting accomplice to the murders, now caught in the middle and unable to escape the predicament which unfolded long ago but in which he too is now a victim, warns Anne of Percy’s ominous presence. As Anne’s suspicions and fear escalate, she is befriended by a lone farmhand who interjects himself as her protector.
After interceding and scaring away teen pranksters, A. J. proceeds to warn Anne of a more dangerous and looming presence. Percy.
“I am both the watcher and the watched”.
Percy’s take on his own predicament.
There are two sides to every coin (or in this case, ghost): The intellectual quoter of poetry vs. the murderous entity. The one with certain remorse for his actions, seeking the one who can save both those he murdered and himself from… himself, seamlessly played alongside the fractured mind that calmly explains his rationale for unthinkable deeds.
As Anne and Percy’s relationship develops and for a bit of respite amid the level of suspense, the writer weaves in skillfully placed bits of familiarity and near comic banter between Percy and Anne:
Anne
You killed people in this house.
Percy
That shouldn’t define me.
In addition, after her initial meeting with Percy, Anne returns to the house with a “motel Bible and a Crucifix”.
Percy
I’m not a vampire.
Anne
I thought about garlic cloves.
Percy
…only helpful if you were serving Italian tonight”.
The back and forth between Anne and Percy harkens back to yet another classic, “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” and is a welcome distraction from the fact that we are immersed in a tale of horror.
Quid pro “quote”
Percy’s misspoken offer to Anne in return for stopping his murderous spree.
Percy, in intellectual mode, oddly serves as a mentor to Anne’s predicament and involvement in the twisted psychology of a narcissist when Anne, who when confronted with a new danger, returns to the deeply imbedded dysfunction by contacting her abuser, Brax.
Percy
Guys like him will punch you in the nose
and then blame you for bleeding.
But not one to miss an opportunity, Percy proposes to dispose of Brax and rid her of the nightmarish relationship, in trade for her assistance in preventing him from the killings by actually intervening before they occur. This “deal with the devil” scenario echoes the recurring theme of the script: Which monstrous presence is worse and of whom is Anne more afraid?
Make all this worth something. Give it purpose.
Advice from the only survivor of Percy’s killing spree, knowing that Anne is their only hope to stop the repeating cycle.
As Anne finds the courage to go forward with a plan with help from her new acquaintances, will she manage not only to free herself from the brutal Brax, but devise an unexpected resolution and bring about Percy’s long awaited freedom? The answer lies in the final climatic moments that will keep you on the edge of your seat until the closing curtain.
SUMMARY:
“Ashes” is a complex and well thought out feat of screenwriting. A haunting tale of remorse set ironically to quips of the classic poets. In the writer’s hands we are transported into a realm where ghosts, even the murderous, are more nearly human, purveying loss, regret and desire for redemption and bridging the gap between the ethereal and the physical world to obtain it.
PRODUCTION CONSIDERATIONS:
With few locations and limited cast, along with minimal SFX, production could be accomplished on a very moderate budget.
About the Writer: Paul Knauer is a produced screenwriter with two features in early development. His main focus is thrillers and slightly absurdist comedy with heart. But, Paul believes becoming a better writer requires pushing personal boundaries, so you’ll notice a thorough mix of genres in his portfolio. Much of his work has universal appeal, evidenced by successful productions in the UK, UAE, and US–and options in Australia, Russia, India, Canada, and Thailand. A recent feature of his was named a 2022 Nicholl Fellowship Quarterfinalist.
About the reviewer: K. Cranford: I am a published author with articles featured in nationally circulated magazines. I specialize in family friendly stories with an uplifting message and currently have five completed screenplays, three of which are Christmas themed, as well as several shorts that I am actively marketing. By education I am a Registered Nurse. My husband, a physician and I make our home in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Read the Ashes script here:
*This screenplay may not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
