Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
"Jason vs. The Giant Chicken of Doom"
Characters and story created by
Special thanks to:
Casey Wrenn for allowing me to use
his name and likeness as a character
INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Jason sits on the futon; he turns on the radio and sits
RADIO DJ (O.S.)
And we're back, yesterday the
higher up suits told me that I'm
not doing my job and I am on a
sort of probation and if I don't
play nice I will be off the air.
So, until I'm off the air today as
promised I am going to talk with a
girl from the south who has sex
with animals. Maybe she will make
my dog happy and suck him off,
we'll ask, stay tuned.
Jason smiles to himself and picks up the paper, he starts
On a picture of a man in a chicken suit wearing boxing
gloves, the title of the page is "BOXING CHICKEN TO FIGHT
Jason drops the paper and steps on the picture of the
Son of a b…
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Jason, Kenny and Barbara walk around the store. Jason
carries a copy of the article showing it to Kenny and
The clerk watches there every move.
You know it's only a guy in a
silly chicken suit, right?
That's not the point.
Maybe I'm going out on a limb here
but what is the point?
The point is that I hate chickens
and this guy is challenging me to
a fight and I will sign up.
Jason, you'll just get hurt.
Think about the kids.
That's what I mean, get a
girlfriend already. You waste your
life acting like this and doing
things you shouldn't and for what?
What about you? You're always
hanging around so it can't be that
Unlike you two, I have a date.
Is that really your business? No,
It is… I guess it's not but still,
we have history.
It's my personal life, key word
Please ladies, get over it.
The clerk continues to watch them, now he has grown more
interested in what they are talking about so he slowly
sneaks up on them pretending he's sweeping.
I'm sorry, okay. I just was a
little angry at your saying my
life is meaningless.
I didn't say that, it was Kenny.
Jason Looks confused.
Do you know anyone?
Me to date, do you know anybody?
As a matter of fact, I do.
The chubby one with the big...
What's wrong with her?
Oh, no, nothing. I just didn't
think a girl like her would be
interested in a guy like me.
You are a little nerdy sometimes.
They both look at him.
What..? Well, you are and how come
you never set me up with your girl
I thought since you were in prison
that you liked men, plus I don't
Ha-ha really funny.
The Clerk pops up behind them, they all jump.
Ah-ha I caught you loitering in my
place of business. Leave now
before I call the cops and ban you
from the place.
Jason picks up a handful of chocolate bars showing them
to the Clerk.
What if I buy something?
The Clerk stares them down.
Okay, this time you have talked
your way out of it but next time I
He gives them a crazy demented look and than walks away.
You think he knows that look makes
his face bunch up like he has down
If someone hears you saying that
the people at P.E.T.A. will be up
I think you have your
organizations mixed up...
Or maybe you have yours mixed up,
either way we don't want them
coming after us.
They work for the government who
spies on people for a living.
Dude, shut up about that. I have
heard this shit about how they spy
on your uncle all the time and
that's why he moved out into a
trailer park, you sure it's not
because he's an alcoholic loser?
Anyway, what are you guys up to
I'm going to sign up for this
boxing match and if you talk to
your girlfriend Stephanie about
going out with me that's about the
gist of my plans.
Yeah, that's about it. All in all
another very eventful day, huh?
I don't know, who is she?
You said "...And if you talk to
your girlfriend Stephanie..."
I don't know any Stephanie's, her
names Poppy, don't forget it and
I wouldn't forget someones name,
give me some credit.
Jason puts the chocolate bars down as the three continue
to look around.
INT. ARENA - MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY
The main entrance is bare but for a booth with a WOMAN
inside, Jason and Kenny walk in and approach the booth.
Ten bucks, I give you a ticket and
you be here at nine to fight.
Okay? Oh, and you need a trainer.
Does he have to be licensed?
Jason turns to Kenny, he smiles.
Just pay me and take your ticket,
Jason drops a ten on the counter, he takes the ticket and
they turn to leave.
Make sure you both sign the
appropriate places on the ticket
or else you'll be turned away.
Thank you and have a nice day.
You don't like this job, do you?
Honestly? I fucking hate you
little snot nosed kids but I need
A whore of the system, I get it.
Don't fucking call me a whore you
I'll gut you like a fish.
Kenny and Jason back away, she pulls out a small pocket
knife, they run away.
EXT. ARENA - DAY
Jason and Kenny walk out.
Why would you want me as your
trainer, I don't even work out.
Me either. But how hard can it be,
Jason walks ahead.
How do I get myself into these
He laughs and catches up to Jason.
INT. GYM - DAY
Large buff men and women walk around from machine to
machine, Jason and Kenny walk in wearing baggy sweats
looking out of place.
Lifting weights looks cool.
They go over to the bench press, Jason lays down on his
Okay, how much you thinking about
I feel like starting with a
Kenny put two fifty pound weights on each side and locks
them in place, he backs up and watches.
Jason grabs the bar, breathes in and out quickly. He
lifts it off, his face starts to turn red.
Kenny runs in and helps him put it back on the bars,
Jason sits up and shakes his head.
Shut up, man. Just Shut up.
Jason walks away, Kenny smiles before following.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
The coffee shop is mostly empty but for the odd person
drinking coffee, a couple of girls dressed in uniforms
sit behind the counter chatting and not working.
Barbara sits across from POPPY WALSH, a chubby good
looking red headed girl. They have muffins and coffee on
Yeah, the guy I hang out with all
I know who he is but I always
thought he hated me.
He was rather happy when I told
him that you liked him, I'll give
you his number and tell me how it
Yeah. So, tell me about Harold.
What's he like? Is he hot? How
bigs his penis?
He's nice, hot and I don't know.
Should never date men with small
penises, they are about as good as
a vibrator and one can't break
I've dated a few guys with small
penises and they were better than
Not mine, it is good in bed.
It's not the same though, is it?
There's a sex store downtown
called "Dildo and Dildoette's"
it's a very raunchy place owned
probably by men because of all the
porn is straight and lesbien but
they do have some female sex toys.
Barbara takes a sip of her coffee.
Ask for the Asian imports, they
are so realistic you could be a
lesbian and still have your dick.
If you know what I mean.
But what if...
Anyway, back to your date. So, you
think it will be anything more
than a first date?
Yeah, we met while I was doing his
He grooms? Is he gay?
No, he was getting his hair cut.
Simple and all.
They make eye contact.
Are you sure? Some guys just
prefer to have scruffy hair until
a girl comes along and makes them
cut it off.
Barbara smiles and shrugs her shoulders.
INT. GYM - DAY
Jason is now wearing a pair of boxing gloves and a
helmet, Kenny is also wearing the same stuff.
So, neither of us know how to box.
How hard can it be?
I guess we'll find out.
Jason launches a right hook at Kenny, it lands on the
side of his head. Kenny barely even notices, he
straightens his pants and gets into position.
Jason hits him with a left and a right to the body, still
nothing much. Than Kenny hits him with an upper cut
knocking Jason down to the mat.
Down goes Frazier! Down goes
Kenny jumps around celebrating, Jason tries getting up
but falls back down.
Help me up, jack-ass.
Kenny walks over and helps him to his feet, he pats Jason
on the back.
Why'd you hit me?
Kenny pats him on the back and holds him up as well.
It'll be okay, buddy.
So, wanna go follow Barbie on her
Jason and Kenny get out of the ring and disappear down
through a door.
INT. BASEMENT - AN HOUR LATER
Jason and Kenny sit on the futon watching A Better Place,
Warrior sits in between.
This is a good film, here. Better
than those "other" ones.
These guys can't act, I'd rather
watch Powder, at least that was a
well acted film.
What the fuck is Powder? Some drug
toting flick about an addict
trying to get clean?
Yeah, that's it you stupid wang.
It's a film about a super genius
who is really white and he can...
Forget it, just watch the fucking
Jason takes the remote and pauses the movie, he turns and
looks at Kenny.
What's your problem?
You, fucking putting down my god
damned film collection.
Warrior jumps down and walks away, he looks back at them.
Dude, I didn't say it was bad,
just the acting.
Still, I don't go saying the
acting was bad in Godfather.
Warrior plops down on the other side of the basement
still watching the two argue.
Because it's not.
Yes, it is. So bad that it makes
me envy Paul Anderson... So bad
that I lost my erection for a
year... So bad it gave me
You sure that wasn't Barbie?
So fucking funny, asshole.
Look, let's not argue.
Barbie's date starts soon, let's
just finish the movie and get
ready for some recon work.
Okay. I'm sorry I freaked out,
it's just I will defend films I
like till the end of time.
Warrior lifts his leg and starts licking himself all the
while watching Kenny and Jason.
EXT. CINEMA - AN HOUR LATER
Standing outside the cinema smoking a cigarette is CASEY
WRENN, a fifteen year old male with short brown hair and
What's up bitches?
Casey? Long time no see, my
Yeah, too long. I see you bitches
walking around town at all the
faggy joints, what's up with that?
Yeah, it's Jason.
Yeah, I see that, I get that vibe
Alone again, I see.
Definitely not, I got a sweet
bitch getting the seats to
Boogeyman. Juicing her up, maybe
get some sweet pussy later on.
How can you get tickets, you're
My parents own this bitch.
Oh, yeah I forgot that.
You a dumb bitch, ain't ya?
Anyway, we have to be going.
I aint stoppin' ya but just
remember the pussy is best served
scared, or something like that...
Casey drops his cigarette and walks off into the cinema.
You think he's really got a girl?
It's hard to tell, if he doesn't
well he's a sad excuse for a
They laugh and walk off.
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
The restaurant is casual, every seat is full. Barbara and
Harold both dressed in nice clothing walk in, they
approach a greeter.
EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY
Jason and Kenny sneak around a corner, staying close to
the wall as they approach the main entrance. Jason peeks
in and sees Barbara and Harold are being seated, he turns
I feel like James Bond or Solid
I feel like an ass. Solid Snake
kills bad guys on ships and in
jungles, he doesn't follow girls
around on dates.
Whatever dude, you can't ruin this
moment for me.
What moment? No, never mind, I
don't want to know.
They continue along the wall towards the doors.
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
Barbara and Harold now sit, a waitress finishes taking
there orders and leaves. Jason and Kenny walk in.
This is a nice place, you think?
Yeah, it's okay.
I don't know, it's too fancy for
me. I'd much rather grab a burger
and get going, yeah, that's what I
It's always nice to go out once in
So, do you like me? I get the
feeling you're thinking about
something or someone else.
Barbara smiles and shakes her head.
I just thought you...
The waitress comes back and places there drinks on the
table, Jason and Kenny now try to get closer but are
stopped by the greeter.
Excuse me sirs, this is a
restaurant and you need
reservations to come in.
We're FBI agents, we're watching
He points out Harold.
What's he done?
He's a suspected sleeper spy, very
dangerous. Arabs and shit, it's
high tech complicated shit,
Jason smiles to himself, the greeter seems really
What should we do?
Keep an eye on him, and let us do
the same from different locations
within this fine establishment.
And remember, if he makes any
sudden moves you should restrain
The greeter salutes them and goes back to his post, he
keeps a watchful glare on Harold. Jason and Kenny
continue to sneak around for a better view, stopping
every few feet to laugh.
What a dumbass, a sleeper spy and
he believes me.
Yeah, that's the restaurant
industry for you.
Jason and Kenny stop, they're in front of a giant
So, what are we going to do
I don't really know, you said lets
spy on Barbie, not me.
Did I? Well this sucks. Wanna go
back to the basement and watch
Harold stands up, he sneezes. The greeter jets across the
room and hits Harold with a vicious body check knocking
him over a table, Barbara and many guests stand in shock.
What is wrong with you?
The greeter stands there and looks to Jason and Kenny but
only sees the backs of their heads as they exit quickly.
The greeter looks at the people and just smiles.
EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY
Jason and Kenny stop to catch their breath, Barbara walks
out and looks at them with an anger never seen before by
Why do you ruin this for me? All I
asked was to go on a date with a
nice normal guy and somehow my
friends find a way to ruin it.
I'm sorry, it was an accident.
Barbara shakes her head.
I guess I shouldn't expect much
out of you two.
How can we determine the actions
of others? That greeting guy acted
of his own volition, we just
wanted to watch your date because
we were bored.
And that makes it all better,
right? I'm fucking sick of trying
with you two, never again... I'm
Barbie... What do you mean?
Tears have now become apparent on her face.
I don't want to be friends with
you two anymore, it's to much
She goes back into the restaurant, Jason starts to go
after her but Kenny grabs his arm.
No, man. Just let her go, she'll
cool down later.
I have to...
Dude, she'll be cool later, we
have to go.
He taps his wrist, Jason realizes and he reluctantly
follows Kenny away from the restaurant.
INT. ARENA - DRESSING ROOM - DAY
The dressing room is empty, surrounded by lockers.
Jason, dressed in a loose sweatshirt, boxing trunks and
wears green boxing gloves sits on a bench in the middle
of the room.
Kenny walks in and starts smacking Jason on the
Where'd you go?
I had to sign a waver saying if
you get hurt you won't sue, no
Jason gets up and walks around the room.
Don't worry, this will be a walk
in the park.
Kenny takes a knee.
Now look here, kid. This has been
a long time coming and you've
trained really hard, jab and move,
jab and move. These days it's all
about defense, just defend and you
Kenny slaps him and continues his speech.
INT. AREA - DAY
A boxing ring is set up, maybe a hundred people sit in
the stands to watch. An announcer stands in the middle of
the ring, he holds a card.
Ladies and gentlemen good evening
and welcome to the new city that
never sleeps and we're live. We
are proud to present an evening of
boxing for your entertainment,
with a five round grunge match.
An odd song made up of chicken clucks starts throughout
the arena, a man dressed in a chicken suit wearing boxing
gloves starts walking out to the ring surrounded by
trainers and others wearing chicken shirts.
First weighing in at a dramatic
three hundred and fifteen pounds
"Doctor Doom" Les Chicken Soup.
The chicken raises his arms and the crowd boos him, he
laughs and continues into the ring.
"Barbie Girl" by Aqua starts to blare throughout the
arena, Jason is pushed through the entrance curtains by
Kenny who follows behind with a huge smile on his face.
And his opponent weighing in at a
hundred and fifty pounds "The
Fantastic Barbie Lover" J-a-s-o-n.
Jason enters the ring looking at the chicken, Kenny waves
his hands up and down to hype up the crowd.
The referee gets into the center of the ring, Jason and
the chicken join him. Jason stares down the chicken.
We went over the rules in your
dressing rooms, this is a five
round, three minute long bout, put
on a good show and don't get hurt.
Tap gloves, go to your corners and
once the bell rings come out
Jason pushes the chicken back, he smiles and walks back
to his corner.
EXT. ARENA - DAY
Barbara and Poppy walk up to the doors.
What's wrong Barb?
Barbara turns to Poppy.
I will not forgive him this time
but I'm sick and tired of his
Let's get this over with.
The disappear inside the arena.
INT. ARENA - DAY
Jason and the chicken come out of there corners sizing
each other up, Jason showboats and snaps a sloppy jab
hitting the chicken in the head.
He smiles proud of his work, he then goes into a flurry
of body shots leaving himself unprotected and is hit with
a furious left uppercut that sends him hard down to the
Barbara and Poppy covers there eyes and than quickly look
again, Kenny laughs and cheers on Jason.
Jason gets to his feet, he approaches the chicken again
and is hit by another vicious flurry that knocks him back
to the ground.
One... Two... Three... Four...
Jason tries to get up but fails and lands onto the mat
once again, the referee just waves his hands to call it
It's over! It's over!
The chicken and his people celebrate, the fans boo loudly
at Jason. Kenny gets in the ring and helps Jason to his
feet, Jason just falls back down.
INT. ARENA - DRESSING ROOM - DAY
Jason, now dressed and sporting a shiner under his left
eye sits beside Kenny with his head in his hands.
I'm a god damned failure dude, I
suck at everything I do.
Jason keeps his head down, Kenny pats him on the back.
You know what man?
Kenny points to the entrance of the dressing room.
Fuck them, fuck them all.
(Calms his voice)
It was just a stupid little boxing
match that should have never
happened, you're better than that,
it's beneath you.
I know you're trying to help man
but it's working like a charm.
Jason brings his head up and smiles.
Your help, it means a lot you
thought enough of me to help out
with my little fantasy.
Just trying to prevent you from
getting your ass kicked, didn't
work but at least you tried.
Kenny semi hugs Jason.
INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT
Jason sits alone on his futon looking up at the roof when
the phone rings, Jason lifts it up to his ear.
Hello! Oh, hi Poppy. You want to
go out, sure. Tomorrow sound nice?
Okay than, I'll see you then.
Jason hangs up, leans back, looks at his crotch and
END OF EPISODE 3, STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.