YOUTH OF GENERATION X
BY PAUL LENNON

The opening credits play. The song playing is “Head On
Collision” by The Defects.

SCENE 1:  Basement, Kyle is on computer and Adam is in bed.
Oxymoron’s “Dirty Punk” plays in the background.

ADAM:  Dude...turn the fuckin’ computer off and go to bed!

KYLE:  Why can’t YOU just go to sleep?

ADAM:  The computer gives off light, and it’s gotta be pitch
dark in order for me to go to sleep.

KYLE:  Picky picky.

ADAM:  Just get off or I’ll pop your fuckin’ face in!

KYLE:  Jesus, what’s up your ass? Tomorrow’s Saturday.

ADAM:  I know but I have to go to work tomorrow at 10:00! So
GET OFF!!!

KYLE:  Whatever. (signs off and shuts down computer, turns
out lights, then gets up and get’s into bed) I don’t know if
I’m gonna be able to sleep though.

ADAM:  Well TOO BAD!

KYLE:  Duuuude!

ADAM:  What?

KYLE:  You’re supposed to say “Why do you think that?”!!!

ADAM:  I know why! It’s because it’s hard to rest on a pillow when
every piece of hair on you’re head is spiked!

KYLE:  No that’s not it...but I see you don’t care...I’ll
just try to go to sleep.

ADAM:  OK goodnight!

KYLE:  Duuuuuuuuuude!!!

ADAM:  WHAT NOW!?

KYLE:  You’re supposed to say “NO TELL ME!”

ADAM:  Fine, tell me.

KYLE:  It has to do with Janet.

ADAM:  Your girlfriend?

KYLE:  She’s not my girlfriend. But I would’ve liked her to
be. She wants to be just “buddies”.

ADAM:  Wow. Just “buddies”? That’s even lower than “just
friends”.

KYLE:  Right! Now I can’t sleep!

ADAM:  Um. What do you want me to do?

KYLE:  I don’t know, you’re supposed to be my friend, you’re
supposed to help me out!!!

ADAM:  Well what do you want to do?

KYLE:  I don’t know, wanna go upstairs and get a snack?

ADAM:  We don’t have any food. Are you really hungry?

KYLE:  Yeah, I could go for a bite. Any place open?

ADAM:  Wendy’s.

KYLE:  Ehh, that place is too far. We should go somewhere
close.

ADAM:  And we’re just going to do this because you’re sad
about a girl you like? Dude, get over it.

KYLE:  It could be quite fun actually.

ADAM:  Where do you want to go?

KYLE:  School cafeteria.

ADAM:  Um, why can’t we go to like Paige’s Market or
something...

KYLE:  Closed.

ADAM:  McDonalds?

KYLE:  Closed as well.

ADAM:  So exactly, why do you want to go there so bad?

KYLE:  Well, it’s free! And you’re mom’s a teacher, we can
steal her keys. Oh, and I also left my wallet at the school.

ADAM:  And you can’t get it on Monday?

KYLE:  I don’t want someone to steal it over the weekend or
anything dude!

ADAM:  (looks annoyed) Fine come on. How much money is in
there anyways?

KYLE:  All the money I earned from selling bracelets.

ADAM:  You know, you owe me.

KYLE:  I owe you what?

ADAM:  You owe me SOMETHING, I’ll figure it out when the
time comes. Anyways, let’s go?

KYLE:  Yes, let’s go.

SCENE 2:  Adam and Kyle are in school cafeteria.

KYLE:  I felt like Janet was perfect. We had lots in common,
she too loves punk rock, we have the same sense of humour. I
thought she liked me more than a friend, that was the vibe I
was getting from her at least. So tonight she breaks it to
me that she just wants a platonic relationship with me, now
I don’t know what to do.

ADAM:  I see.

KYLE:  Duuuuude!!!

ADAM:  God, WHAT!?!

KYLE:  You gotta tell me what I should do.

ADAM:  I don’t know! Never ask a straight guy for
relationship help.

KYLE:  Alright, you know what? Fuck it, I’ll just try not
thinking about her.

ADAM: (stares blankly)....What am I supposed to say?

KYLE:  Just say “OK!”

ADAM:  OK!

KYLE:  I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. Be back in a few.
(gets up and exits)

(Eric, the crusty punk enters and sits at the table with
Adam)

ERIC:  Hey, what are you doing here, Adam?

ADAM:  Well, Kyle left his wallet in the World Studies room,
and he also wanted to chill here to eat and stuff. How about
you?

ERIC:  I always come here when I can’t sleep. And I just
can’t sleep because this book I’m reading is keeping up all
night thinking. It’s called What Uncle Sam Really Wants. Did
you know that the U.S government had an ALLIANCE with the
nazis after World War 2?

ADAM:  No, I did not.

ERIC:  Well, there’s alot you should learn about the
government. But as long as there’s punks like you, me, and
Kyle, we will unite and win.

ADAM:  Win what?

ERIC:  I’m talking about anarchy. One of these days, it’s
gonna happen.

ADAM:  Psh, no it’s not!

ERIC:  Are you saying that anarchy is stupid?

ADAM:  Of coarse, without government, there is no structure.
Why wouldn’t you want a government?

ERIC:  YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE MEDIA OF THIS
COUNTRY!

ADAM:  Well you’ve been brainwashed by Crass and Aus Rotten.
First off, how the hell do you overthrow the government?

ERIC:  Asassinate them.

ADAM:  Asassinate them?

ERIC:  Yep, asassinate the government.

ADAM:  Aren’t you the same guy who believes that violence is
never the answer?

ERIC:  Well, what other ways are there to achieve anarchy?

ADAM:  There aren’t, that’s why anarchy is a stupid belief.

ERIC:  Let’s say we did overthrow the government. People
would manage to keep structure on a local level.

ADAM:  Uhhh...that’s kind of what America is like right now.
So what you’re saying is that you want to overthrow the
government...just to make another government?

ERIC:  Well, no not really, right now it’s power over
people. I believe that every citizen should have the exact
same power as the government does now.

ADAM:  That sounds more like the theory of communism to me.

ERIC:  The theory of communism and the theory of anarchy
aren’t that different from each other.

ADAM:  Theory of anarchy, what is that? Anarchy is just “no
government”.  When the taliban fell in Iraq a few years ago,
there was anarchy. Freakin’ neanderthal men picking fights
with sabertooth tigers had an anarchy! It’s stupid - it’s
primitive. So I believe that the government should just
CHANGE rather than be overthrown.

ERIC:  Whether it’s changed or not, all government does is
divide people, men against women, blue collar workers
against white collar workers, but mostly it turns black
people against white people.

ADAM: (beat) Didn’t that come from some song by Aus Rotten?

ERIC:  Um, I don’t know, whatever. But it’s true. The
government divides people. If we had no government, this
society would learn how to live in peace and tolerence, and
everyone would accept each other for who they are.

(While their talking, Kyle is seen in background. He takes
loose change out of his pocket and puts it in vending
machine. He pushes a button and a bottle of chocolate milk
comes out. He starts to walk over to table)

ADAM:  Wow, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion.
All I think though is that if we had no government the
country would be in complete chaos.

ERIC:  Why must you ridicule me for my beliefs?

ADAM:  I wasn’t ridiculing YOU FOR your beliefs, I was just
ridiculing your beliefs! (grins)

ERIC:  Why can’t we just accept each others beliefs? How
about rather than you tell me how much anarchy is a stupid,
say “Oh I don’t believe in anarchy but if you do then I’ll
respect you for you’re beliefs!”.

KYLE:  (sits down with chocolate milk, Eric notices it, the
song “Psycho Hippie Skateboard Punx” by Chaotic Dischord
slowly fades in in the background)

ERIC:  UGH! What the hell are you doing?!

KYLE:  Sitting here with you and Adam...

ERIC:  That’s MILK!

KYLE:  Yeah no shit...

ERIC:  Dairy is RAPE!

KYLE:  Oh God, you’re not gonna lay that vegan bullshit on
us, are you?

ERIC:  WHAT!?!?!??!?! DON’T YOU BELITTLE ME!!! That milk
belongs to a cow!

KYLE:  Oh, don’t worry, I ate that cow for lunch.

ERIC:  YOU MAKE ME SICK! Don’t you know how infectous
milking machines can be to cows?

KYLE:  Don’t YOU know that if the only thing that sucks on a
cows teet is it’s calf, then the cow could get many
different forms of deadly infections, retard?

ERIC:  RETARD!?!?! Do not say that! It’s offensive to the
physically and mentally handicapped and -

KYLE:  Duuuude. I can say whatever I want, you know, that’s
what the first amendment is for, right? Right. Now go along.

ERIC:  Fine, I’d rather not waste my time with a COW RAPIST!
Go burn in hell!

ADAM:  Um, Eric, didn’t you earlier say that people should
accept each others beliefs and be tolerent?

ERIC:  Yeah, unless they drink milk, or anything with dairy
or meat...(exits) (re-enters) OR if they use words like
“fag” and “retard” casually. (exits) (re-enters) OR if
they’re pro-lifers. (exits) (re-enters) OR if they’re right
wing. (exits) (re enters) OR if they don’t think politics
matter. (exits) (re enters) OR if they’re racist, sexist, or
homophobic. (exits) (re enters) OR if they believe in God.
(exits) (re enters) UNLESS they’re Jews or Muslims, they
need our support! It’s just the Christians I hate...(exits)
(re enters) AND I hate people who choose to be friends with
those types of people...But other than that, everybody
should accept each other for who they are. (exits)

(the song fades out)

ADAM:  Woah...

KYLE:  Man, the crust punk scene is just hypocritical,
and it just sucks. Punk used to be about pissing people off,
then suddenly these tree huggers came and took over. How did
that happen anyways?

ADAM:  I’ll tell you how it happened. Somebody, I don’t know
who, but SOMEBODY heard The Sex Pistols singing “Anarchy In
The UK” and took it all the wrong way. They were singing
about anarchy to piss off the UK government, and the upper
class. But somebody took it the wrong way, and soon punk
became a musical genre made for ultra-left wing radical
hippies.

KYLE:  Well, punk is supposed to have no rules. So they
should be allowed to sing about that.

ADAM:  Well, yeah they can, it’s fine if they do, but it’s
pretty much giving people the idea that punk is all about
anarchy.

KYLE:  I’ll tell you what gives people the idea that punk is
all about anarchy, that movie SLC Punk.

ADAM:  Oh, yes. The fact that Stevo ditched punk rock all
together solely on the fact that he wasn’t an anarchist
anymore just gave the movie some intense suckage.

KYLE:  And one more thing I cant forget is the way Stevo
constantley labelled people. "He's a punk" "He's not punk"
"That's punk" "I'm a punk" "Bob's a punk" "We're punks"
"PUNK RAWK!" "Punk is anarchy" "That's not punk" "Anarchy is
punk" “I can’t have a girlfriend because I’m a PUNK!”...if
he was real, I'd kick his nuts up to his stomach and make
him shit them out...then I'd force feed them to him.

ADAM:  Umm, wow, harsh, and gross.

KYLE:  Yeah, say, what time is it?

ADAM:  (looks at watch) 12:30, why?

KYLE: Damn, does Sesame Street Unpaved still come on?

ADAM:  Aren’t you a little...old...to be watching Sesame
Street?

KYLE:  Well this is Sesame Street Unpaved. Episodes from the
70’s and 80’s, when it was good. Back then there was stuff
that anybody of any age can laugh at.

ADAM:  Was Elmo in it?

KYLE:  Elmo came in 1985, he killed Sesame Street. Back
then, there were some funny ass characters that got banned
for the most retarded reasons. Like Don Music, for example,
a song writing pianist with writer’s block.

ADAM:  Song writing penis?

KYLE:  PIAN-IST!

ADAM:  Oh. Why was he banned?

KYLE:  When he couldn’t think of a lyric, he’d bang his head
on his piano. Kids would imitate that at home, they’d bang
their heads on their pianos, and parents blamed Sesame
Street. Made no sense, they could have told their kids “HEY!
DON’T BANG YOUR FUCKING HEAD ON THE FUCKING PIANO!!!” I
mean, what next? They ban Cookie Monster because a kid
chokes when they stuff a bunch of Chips Ahoys in their
mouth?

ADAM:  Wasn’t Cookie Monster like...ha...you know...

KYLE:  What?

ADAM:  Didn’t he like to...hehe...you know...he umm...you
know...

KYLE:  Uhhh...eat cookies?

ADAM:  Yeah but, hehe, you know WHY he ate so many cookies
right.

KYLE:  Because he’s Cookie Monster?

ADAM:  COOKIE MONSTER was a POTHEAD! Why else would he have
such an appetite?

KYLE:  Duuuude, it was a kids show.

ADAM:  What year did Sesame Street first air?

KYLE:  1969, why?

ADAM:  I rest my case. And Telly Monster was a crackhead.

KYLE:  He was?

ADAM:  Yep. What year did he first appear?

KYLE:  I believe in 1979.

ADAM:  A year before the 80’s started.

KYLE:  Well, crack was invented in 1985.

ADAM:  Well, until 1985, he just did coke. It was 1985 when
he discovered crack.

KYLE:  Alright, what’s your proof?

ADAM:  How many non-coke heads do you know that are that
neurotic?

KYLE:  I don’t think I know many coke heads.

ADAM:  Well I do, and they all act like Telly Monster. And
Ernie and Bert, definitley gay, I mean come on, like....ok
this one is way too easy.

KYLE:  Big Bird though, Big Bird did LSD.

ADAM:  What’s your reasoning for that?

KYLE:  Well think about, in the first few seasons,
Snuffleupagus was Big Birds...IMAGINARY...friend...right,
right?

ADAM:  Uhh I don’t know.

KYLE:  OK, well, hear me out here, hear me out - all the
human’s on the street were like “Snuffleupagus isn’t real”,
“Snuffleupagus doesn’t exist”, “Where is your SNUFFLEUPAGUS
now?”...until some PARENTS didn’t like the idea that the
people on Sesame Street were discouraging imagination...so,
Snuffy became REAL!

ADAM:  So then Big Bird wasn’t on LSD, since other people
could see him.

KYLE:  WRONG!

ADAM:  Wrong?

KYLE:  WRONG! See, what is one lesson Sesame Street always
teaches kids?

ADAM:  They teach kids lots of lessons.

KYLE:  Yeah but...ehhhh...you know...

ADAM:  Uhhh...the alphabet? I don’t know.

KYLE:  Sharing!

ADAM:  Oh, yeah, sharing.

KYLE:  So Big Bird decided he’d SHARE...(winks)...his LSD
with the rest of the people on Sesame Street.

ADAM:  Uh huh.

KYLE:  You know what, you made a good point about Cookie
Monster and Telly Monster. And to tell you the truth,
there’s a LOT of kid’s shows that encourage drug usage.
Barney the Dinosaur - look at him. He definitley couldn’t
get enough ecstacy. That song “I love you, you love me”.
Yeah. Need I say more?

ADAM:  Barney didn’t do ecstacy, it was the KIDS on Barney
who did it. When you’re high on X, inanimate objects talk to
you. And Barney, the little stuffed dinosaur doll, becomes 6
feet tall and talks like he just got hit in the head with a
hammer. And the Telletubbies, well, HAHA, I don’t really
gotta say anything about THEM, now do I?

KYLE:  No, hahaha!

ADAM:  Same with Scooby Doo. Scooby’s gang was definitley
made up of potheads. AND Thelma was a lesbian.

KYLE:  And Scooby Doo lusted over his cousin.

ADAM:  Huh?

KYLE:  Scooby Dee, his female cousin from California. I saw
the episode with my own eyes. They made it clear that she is
Scooby’s cousin, but through the whole episode, Scooby was
lusting over her. He talked to her all nervous like he
thought she was hot. And in the end of the episode, she even
kissed him. He probably got a doggy-boner too.

ADAM:  Wow.

KYLE:  Well, I’ve never been a big Scooby Doo fan. I was,
however, a fan of the Jetsons.

ADAM:  I know one thing about The Jetsons, Hanna-Barbara
were 100% wrong about what the 21st century would be like.

KYLE:  Well, it was the 50’s dude. It’s understandable that
they didn’t know what the 21st century would be like.
However, there was a movie that came out in 1999 that had a
100% wrong prediction of the 2000’s. It was a made for TV
movie on the Disney channel, Zenon: Girl Of The 21st
Century, and -

ADAM:  Woah...you watch Disney Channel made for TV movies?

KYLE:  This was when I was in the 5th grade, man!

ADAM:  How do you remember it so well?

KYLE:  What makes you think I remember it so well? I barely
remember anything that happened...I just know it was about a
teenage girl from the future, and it was false prediction
into the 21st century. And whoever made that movie is
probably retarded or something.

(Spike, a Casualties loving chaos punk who thinks punk rock
is a religious cult, enters and sits at table with Kyle and
Adam. While he enters, “Punx Unite” by The Casualties plays)

SPIKE:  HEY!

ADAM:  Who the hell are you?

SPIKE:  HEY NOW, that’s no way to talk to you’re fellow
PUNK!

ADAM:  Um, sorry? Well, what’s your name?

SPIKE:  The name’s SPIKE! How about you guys?

KYLE:  I’m Kyle.

ADAM:  And I’m Adam.

SPIKE:  What are you PUNX doing up?

KYLE:  I can’t sleep because this girl that I really liked
said she just wants to be friends with me.

ADAM:  You mean “just buddies”.

KYLE:  Right...

SPIKE:  Oh, sorry to hear that.....does she by any
chance...listen to PUNK?!

KYLE: (angrily) YES!

SPIKE:  Do you guys support the locals?

ADAM:  Sometimes.

SPIKE:  SOMETIMES?! You should go to shows ALL THE TIME!

ADAM:  What if we don’t always have the time?

SPIKE:  MAKE SOME TIME! YOU GOTTA SUPPORT THE SCENE!

KYLE:  Uhhh...ok...

SPIKE:  Are you guys in a band?

KYLE:  No.

SPIKE:  WELL FORM A BAND!!!

ADAM:  I don’t play anything.

SPIKE:  It doesn’t matter, you gotta be in a band to spread
the word of punk!!!

ADAM:  Spread the word?

SPIKE:  SPREAD THE WORD OF PUNK! CONVERT THE MASSES TO PUNK!

KYLE:  (mocking) Convert the masses to PUNKIANITY!

SPIKE:  SHUT THE FUCK UP!

KYLE:  Dude, it’s music, it’s not a religion.

SPIKE:  ...music?

KYLE:  Yeah dude, music.

SPIKE:  (angrily) PUNK ROCK BANDS ARE THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE
OF BANDS THAT JUST “PLAY MUSIC”, PUNK ROCK WAS INVENTED BY
MILITANT YOUTH WHO HAD SOMETHING TO SAY TO SOCIETY AND THAT
IS “FUCK YOU”!!! IT WAS AN ORIGINAL AND CREATIVE SUBCULTURE,
and because of bands like Good Charlotte and Blink 182, punk
is no longer a threat. Punk is dying, and if you guys HELP
ME spread the word of punk, it will come back to perfect
health!!!

KYLE:  (sarcastically) Well, when we convert the masses to
punkianity, does it matter if their Punkolic, Punkestent,
Joey Ramone’s Witness, 1977 Adventist?

ADAM:  Or or or, a member of Sid Vicious’ Church Of Latter
Day PUNX!!! HAHA

SPIKE:  Wow, I never thought of it like that. Maybe punk
rock should be divided into certain religions based on how
you treat punk...

(Adam and Kyle start laughing harder)

KYLE:  I’ve only known you for like a minute and I already
like you, you are so fuckin’ funny dude.

SPIKE:  (gets an angry face) OK! Listen, I’ve been looking
for band-mates to help me spread the word of punk. Do you
guys play anything?

ADAM:  Um, nope.

KYLE:  I play guitar, but uh, why would we jam with you? We
don’t even know who the hell you are.

ADAM:  Yeah, and you seem like a twat.

SPIKE:  (takes out switchblade and holds it to Kyle’s neck)
Now, when I say you will jam with me, I mean, you will jam
with me! NOW COME ON!

KYLE:  Where?

SPIKE:  (walks away) JUST COME ON!

(Kyle & Adam get up and follow him)

SCENE 3:  Spike’s car, Spike is driving. “The Kids Aren’t
Alright” by Clit 45 is on the radio

ADAM:  So, Spike? What exactly do you want me to do?

SPIKE:  Play drums.

ADAM:  I’ve never played drums in my life.

SPIKE:  Doesn’t matter.

ADAM:  It doesn’t?

SPIKE:  No, PUNX don’t have to know how to play!

KYLE:  Well, you need SOME musical talent.

SPIKE:  But SID VICIOUS DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BASS!!! He
did it ANYWAYS!

KYLE:  Ok, good for Sid Vicious. But you told Adam to play
the drums.

SPIKE:  (beat)

KYLE:  Cat got you’re tongue?

SPIKE:  No, I’m just trying to think of what punk drummer
didn’t know how to play drums.

KYLE:  Exactly!

ADAM:  (whispers to Kyle) Dude, just go with it.

KYLE:  Ok. Spike, you have a guitar and everything at you’re
house right?

SPIKE:  Yeah, what do you think!?

KYLE:  Um, I don’t know. Maybe I’d pick up my guitar from my
house?

SPIKE:  NO! That would take up too much time! We need to
start this band before punk dies.

KYLE:  But I’m sure like 5 minutes wouldn’t make much of a -

SPIKE:  NO!

(show driveway, Spike pulls into it)

SCENE 4:  Garage. Kyle, Adam and Spike walk in.

SPIKE:  (picks up bass and plugs it in)

ADAM:  (sits on drums)

KYLE:  (picks up guitar and plugs it in and starts playing
“Hell’s Bells” by AC/DC)

SPIKE:  (unplugs Kyle’s amp) What...the FUCK...were you
playing?

KYLE:  Um, it was AC/DC.

SPIKE:  AC/DC! HAHA! They’re not PUNK!

KYLE:  (sarcastically) Oh really? Gee, thanks for telling
me. All this time I thought AC/DC was punk. Hey Adam, AC/DC
isn’t punk! Who’da thunk it?

ADAM:  Aw, all this time I thought they were.

SPIKE:  Well they aren’t, so now you know.

KYLE:  I was being sarcastic, dumbass. So basically, if you
listen to punk, you can’t be open to any other genre of
music? Where is that written?

SPIKE:  Punk rock is a form of rebellion. A rebellion
against all other forms of rock & roll. By supporting bands
like AC/DC and The Backstreet Boys, you - 

KYLE:  Woah, hold up. Time out. AC/DC and the Backstreet
Boys? What the hell do they have in common?

SPIKE:  They’re both commercialized music.

KYLE:  Except for AC/DC has musical talent and the
Backstreet Boys sound like a pregnent cat screaming while
having the shit kicked out of it. And -

SPIKE:  WILL YOU LET ME FINISH!?...Well, by supporting bands
like AC/DC, you are supporting major labels. And supporting
major labels is a major punk rock sin.

KYLE:  Oh, well then, should I pray to Sid Vicious. Did he
not die for the sins of punk kind?

ADAM:  Hahaha!

SPIKE:  God, would you guys stop making fun of the punk
culture? All I’m saying is that ever since punk was
invented, major labels were a big no-no.

KYLE:  Not necessarily. Iggy & The Stooges were signed onto
Elektra.

ADAM:  So was the Mc5. Oh, and The New York Dolls were
signed onto Mecury.

KYLE:  Sex Pistols - they were on Warner Brothers.

ADAM:  The Clash were on Epic records.

KYLE:  Yeah, and The Ramones they - 

SPIKE:  I GET THE PICTURE! LET’S JUST JAM NOW!

KYLE:  What should we play?

SPIKE:  Um, how about you just play a riff and Adam and I
will play along?

KYLE:  (plays G, A#, C, A#. Spike plays bass to it, but is
way off. Adam tries to play drums to it but is also way off)

SPIKE:  (yelling into microphone) FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THE
GOVERNMENT!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK RELIGION!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK AUTHORITY!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NAZIS!!! FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK THE HIPPIES!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CONSUMERISM!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK THE PIGS!!!

ADAM & KYLE:  (stop playing)

KYLE:  Duuuude. I’m just wondering. What the hell are you
screaming?

SPIKE:  The lyrics to this song.

KYLE:  I had no idea this was a song. I thought we were just
jamming.

SPIKE:  I know, but I’m making lyrics. Tell me how this
sounds. Fuck fuck fuck fuck the government. Fuck fuck fuck
fuck religion. Fuck fuck fuck fuck authority. Fuck fuck fuck
fuck nazis. Fuck fuck fuck fuck the hippies. Fuck fuck fuck
fuck consumerism. Fuck fuck fuck fuck the pigs....What do
you guys think?

KYLE:  It’s missing something.

ADAM:  Yeah, like originality!

KYLE:  HAHA! And creativity!

SPIKE:  Punk isn’t supposed to be original or creative!!!

KYLE:  I thought you said it was.

ADAM:  And I always felt like it was.

SPIKE:  Whatever, just, fuck you guys.

(Gordon, the S.H.A.R.P (Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice)
enters)

GORDON:  Would you guys mind keeping it quiet? I’m trying to
broadcast a show. Oh, Kyle, Adam. Hey.

KYLE:  Gordon? You have a show?

GORDON:  Yep, it’s a public access show. You guys wanna be
on it?

KYLE:  Sure!

(Kyle & Adam start to exit)

SPIKE:  Can I be on it?

GORDON:  No. I don’t like you.

SPIKE:  But I’m a punk and you’re a skin!!! AND PUNX AND
SKINS UNITE!!!

GORDON:  (kicks Spike in the nuts)

SPIKE:  OWWWW THAT PUNKIN’ HURT!!!

GORDON:  (exits)

SPIKE:  But guys, we need to jam later!

KYLE:  Or not.

SPIKE: WE HAVE TO!!! We could be the only thing that keeps
punk alive. The whole punk subculture is dying, and do you
know WHY!?

ADAM:  Yeah, because of assholes like you!

(Kyle and Adam exit and slam the door on Spike’s face)

SCENE 5:  Gordon’s house. A camera crew is there, and a few
other people as well.

KYLE:  So, Gordon. What’s this show called?

GORDON:  It’s called I’m Not A Nazi Skinhead.

KYLE:  Interesting.

GORDON:  You guys know how the media constantley makes
skinheads like me look like a bunch of racist, neo-nazis?

ADAM:  Um, yeah.

GORDON:  Well this show would disprove the media, and it
will show all those people there who are brainwashed by the
news and movies like Romper Stomper and American History X,
it will show them that I am not a nazi, and that true
skinhead’s don’t discriminate against people for the colour
of their skin, their religious beliefs, or their sexual
preference.

CREW MEMBER:  Gordon, you’re going on.

GORDON:  Ok (sits on couch)

DIRECTOR:  5, 4, 3, 2, 1...ACTION!

GORDON:  Hey, I’m Gordon, and you’re watching I’m Not A Nazi
Skinhead. You see, I’m a skinhead, but NOT a nazi skinhead.
Everybody thinks I’m a nazi, but I’m not, and to prove this,
here’s my first guest, David Leiderstein, a JEWISH GUY!

(David Leiderstein enters and sits next to Gordon)

DAVID:  Hey, Gordon! I assure you, I am a Jewish guy. I
mean, do you know many non-Jews who have last names like
LEIDERSTEIN?

GORDON:  No, I don’t! And you also share a first name with
the Third King of Israel!

DAVID:  Wow, sounds like SOMEBODY’S been reading the Torah.

GORDON:  Of coarse! Judaism is a fascinating religion.

DAVID:  (looks into camera) Now, would a nazi say that?

GORDON:  (looks into camera) No, a nazi would NOT say that!

DAVID:  Say, Gordon, take a look at what I brought! (takes a
picture out of his pocket and shows it to the camera)

GORDON:  What is it, David?

DAVID:  A picture of you and me at my Bar Mitzvah!

GORDON:  Now, was I at you’re Bar Mitzvah to destroy it and
commit hate crimes?

DAVID:  No you weren’t, because you aren’t a nazi skinhead.

GORDON:  Nope, definitley not a nazi skinhead! Ok my next
guest is named Kyle.

(show Kyle looking caught off guard)

GORDON:  Come on, Kyle.

KYLE:  (sits down)

GORDON:  Now, Kyle. What is you’re heritage?

KYLE:  Um, I’m half Italian, half Irish.

GORDON:  (looks into camera) HALF ITALIAN, HALF IRISH ladies
and gentlemen. Now having said that, if I were a NAZI, would
I still want to be friends with you?

KYLE:  Probably.

GORDON:  You hear that ladies and - wait what?

KYLE:  Well, neo-nazis don’t have that big of a problem with
the Irish. I know a few Irish nazis! And as for Italians,
well, Italy was ALLIES with Germany in World War 2, so I
wouldn’t think that - 

GORDON:  OK! (pushes Kyle off) My next guest is named Adam.
Adam, come on.

ADAM:  (sits down)

GORDON:  Adam, what is YOUR heritage?

ADAM:  Duuuuude. I’m not going to answer that. You are WAY
to self-conscious. I have a newsflash for you - NOBODY CARES
IF YOU AREN’T A NAZI, OK?

GORDON:  But, the skinhead subculture is dying because of
all the people who think we’re nazis, we - 

ADAM:  Listen, if people thought I was a nazi, I WOULDN’T
CARE because I KNOW I’M NOT ONE! So it’s no big deal! I’m
out of here.

(both Kyle and Adam exit, and Gordon stares at them as they
exit)

GORDON:...Ok, now for a brief history of the skinhead
subculture.

SCENE 6:  Outside of the school. “Blood & Honour” by
Skrewdriver is playing in background.

ADAM:  Damn, why do SHARPs always act like they need to let
the whole world know that they aren’t white power?

KYLE:  I don’t know man. Always explaining themselves, why?
So in 2 years they can forget about ever being skins and go
to college to be cops and vote republican.

NAZI:  Hey, do you guys know where some SHARP asshole named
Gordon is broadcasting his public access show?

KYLE:  3 Kelso Drive.

NAZI:  That show is nothing but propaganda, the skinhead
subculture is all about white power. SHARP’s do nothing but
kill it.

KYLE:  Well, he says that the media and movies like Romper
Stomper are the propaganda.

NAZI:  Well, they sure as hell aren’t! The propaganda is
books like Spirit Of 69 and bands like Oi Polloi and The
Templars! WHITE POWER! 14! 88! (walks away mumbling) Damn I
hate The Templars with their nigger drummer I hate them I
hate them! (exit offstage)

(Kyle & Adam begin to walk into the school.)

SCENE 7: Inside walking towards the cafeteria. Song fades
out

KYLE:  Why do skinheads care so much about the history of
their subculture, and how do they know so much?

ADAM:  I don’t know dude.

KYLE:  Don’t get me wrong, I know some cool skins, but
seriousley...did somebody document the culture during it’s
history, like with the friggin’ Bible?

ADAM:  The Bible? Are you Christian?

KYLE:  Yeah, why?

ADAM:  I didn’t think punk and religion mixed.

KYLE:  All the Ramones were Jewish though.

ADAM:  I know but, well, punk and Christianity, because punk
is a liberal rebellious form of music.

KYLE:  Yeah and Christianity is a rebellious religion.
Judaism is the most conservative and non-rebellious
religion.

ADAM:  Do I sense a little...anti-semitism?

KYLE:  No, I’m just speaking what I know. And if punk rock
is all about “no rules”, then why can’t I be Christian?

ADAM:  Um, well, I, (notices someone in the corner) HEY!
Look who it is!

(In the corner, Azraeyana, the gothic chick, is sitting
there, slitting her wrists. “Coma Black” by Marilyn Manson
is playing on her CD player. Kyle and Adam walk up to her)

KYLE:  WELL WELL WELL! Look who it is. AZRAEYANA! What are
you doing up?

AZRAEYANA:...Only conformists sleep.

KYLE & ADAM:  Hahaha.

AZRAEYANA:  What’s so funny?

KYLE:  What you said.

AZRAEYANA:  That wasn’t supposed to be funny. Nothing is
funny. There is nothing to joke about in life, life is
painful. Why laugh? Why smile? Why be happy? Nobody loves
me, my life is full of rejection and depression. I am a
tortured soul. I wish I would just die right now. I don’t
care if I’d be sent to hell, I would love to go there. I
wouldn’t go near God with a 20 foot pole. He’s responsible
for how miserable my life is....

(pause)

ADAM:  (chuckles) Were you abused as a child?

AZRAEYANA:  (angrily) No.

ADAM:  Then what the hell are you so upset about?

AZRAEYANA: ...............my life is painful...

ADAM:  Why?

AZRAEYANA: ...............nobody loves me...

ADAM:  Continue...

AZRAEYANA................................conformists.

KYLE:  (start laughing) You ate paint chips as a kid,
didn’t you?

AZRAEYANA:  Shut up.

KYLE:  Dude, Azraeyana, EVERYBODY is a conformist. I’m a
conformist. You’re a conformist. Adam’s a conformist.
Whether you’re gothic or preppy or whatever, you can’t
escape conformity.

AZRAEYANA:  Yes you can.

ADAM:  How?

AZRAEYANA:  Just don’t follow the crowd.

ADAM:  You’re following a crowd...

AZRAEYANA:  No, I am not. I am expressing my individuality
with this clothes I wear. I choose not shop at preppy
conformist stores, I choose not to follow the MTV-watching
pop music loving crowd. I am my own self.

ADAM:  Do you shop at Hot Topic?

AZRAEYANA:  Yes, that store is for individuals.

ADAM:  Even though it’s owned by the Gap?

AZRAEYANA:  That’s a lie.

KYLE:  And what bands do you like? Marilyn Manson? Tool?
Slipknot? ALL on MTV! They’re pratically pop music.

ADAM:  Azraeyana, you’re going to have to accept the fact
that EVERYTHING is a trend. No matter what you dress like,
you are still following a certain trend.

AZRAEYANA:  (stares off into space)

ADAM:  Azraeyana?........AZRAEYANA!? Dude, she’s like
staring into space or something.....Azraeyana, if you’re a
conformist, don’t say anything!

KYLE:  Just leave her dude, she’s probably praying to Satan
or something. (they both walk into cafeteria and sit at
table)

ADAM:  So why were you bashing Hot Topic? I saw you shopping
there before.

KYLE:  Ah, yes, but I do not CLAIM to be against major
corporate brand names like the Gap and Abercrombie. If
there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who bith about
“consumerism” and “major corporations”. Just like how
everything is a trend, and everyone also is a consumer. I
really don’t see what’s so “evil” about major corporations.
And if punk is about “no rules”, then I’ll shop at Hot Topic
if I want, I’ll listen to Green Day if I want, I’ll drink
Starbucks coffee if I want, I’ll eat McDonalds if I want,
and I’ll shop at the mall if I want. Corporations
schmorporations!

SPIKE:  (appearing out of nowhere) YOU FUCKING POSEUR!

KYLE:  Oh great.

SPIKE:  You can’t be punk if you shop at Hot Topic, that
stores just for trendy ass poseurs, and Green Day are
COMMERCIALIZED POP PUNK, they’re on a major corporate label!

KYLE:  Hey, buddy, I don’t CARE! The music is CATCHY!

SPIKE:  And by eating at McDonalds, drinking Starbucks, and
shopping at malls, you are supporting major corporations!
Arragont greedy white collar men who just -

KYLE:  Hey, buddy, you just pointed out everything that I
claimed to know but don’t give a rat’s ass about. So go
away.

SPIKE:  But - 

KYLE:  NO! McDonalds’ food tastes GOOD! And Starbucks has
GOOD COFFEE, ok? And there are good stores at the mall. So
once again, corporations schmorporations!

SPIKE:  But -

KYLE: 
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVEEE!

SPIKE:  Fine...posers...(exits)

ADAM:  Hopefully, he won’t be coming back.

KYLE:  Yeah, hopefully.

ADAM:  Are you ready to go to sleep now?

KYLE:  No. (sits down at table, Adam does likewise)

(“Anger & Fear” by the Partisans plays in background)

ADAM:  Still thinking about Janet, eh?

KYLE:  (sighs) Yeah. 

ADAM:  Hey man, don’t be such an emo. There’s plenty of
chick’s out there.

KYLE:  Girls, man. I think I’m going to take a break from
the ladies.

ADAM:  That’s the spirit! Don’t get me wrong, I love the
ladies, but they can piss me off. Always breaking you’re
heart, always wanting to take things slowly. I wish they had
the same sex drive as guys.

KYLE:  I know.

ADAM:  Yeah, if only life was more like that show Growing
Pains. Man, that Mike kid would just meet a girl, then later
that night he was making out with her.

KYLE:  Woah, you remember that show?

ADAM:  Yeah.

KYLE:  That show just...sucked.

ADAM:  Amen.

KYLE:  What sucked most is the fact that in the last season,
the little baby, Chrissy, suddenly became 7 years old when
none of the other characters aged.

ADAM:  What?

KYLE:  The fact that in the last season, the little baby,
Chrissy, suddenly became 7 years old when none of the other
characters aged.

ADAM:  What are you talking about?

KYLE:  What do you mean what am I talking about?

ADAM:  What are you talking about?

KYLE:  OK, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU NOT NOTICE IT?! Chrissy aged
like 7 years while none of the characters aged ONE year.

ADAM:  Ha, sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

KYLE:  Dude just...nevermind.

ADAM:  Well, the Disney Channel in general is just home of
the bad sitcoms, whether they be cancelled from network TV,
or an original program, the Disney Channel never plays good
shows.

KYLE:  I know. Like That’s So Raven. I fucking hate that
show.

ADAM:  Seriousley, that chick needs a boob reduction or
something.

KYLE:  And, here’s a cancelled sitcom that Disney played
reruns of for a while - The Torkelsons. Remember that show?

ADAM:  That was that one show with that Southern Oklahoma
family, right?

KYLE:  Yeah and they all had 2 first names like Dorothy Jane
and Mary Sue.

ADAM:  I know what you’re talking about.

KYLE:  Ok, now, you have to remember this. When they moved
to Seattle, and the show was renamed to Almost Home, 2 of
the kids mysteriousley disappeared.

ADAM:  Really? Which ones?

KYLE:  Steven Floyd and Ruth Anne...

ADAM:  HA! I didn’t notice that.

KYLE:  Dude.

ADAM:  What?

KYLE:  You are so dumb.

ADAM:  Well, sorry but -

KYLE:  It’s clear as day. That psycho bitch Mom killed those
two kids. Because they were the “rebellious” ones. And they
could not afford to have rebellious kids, they were an
overly conservative family!

ADAM:  You serious?

KYLE:  No but that’s probably what happened.

ADAM:  Um, dude, why do you care so much about a bad
cancelled sitcom? 

KYLE:  It’s just weird, man. You can’t just kill off 2
characters. Any show that does that just sucks. The
Torkelsons wasn’t a good show that got bad, it was a bad
show that got worse.

ADAM:  OK if you don’t like it, stop talking about it. And
Steve on Married With Children was killed off and that show
was great, even after he left.

KYLE:  At least there was a rational explanation for why he
left. He became some kind of park ranger.

ADAM:  No question about it though, Married With Children
was the most revolutionary sitcom on television.

KYLE:  No it wasn’t.

ADAM:  What was then?

KYLE:  All In The Family! Come on, first sitcom to
incorporate political and social satire.

ADAM:  Well, Married With Children, although wasn’t the
first sitcom to talk about sex, it was the most sexual
sitcom on TV at the time.

KYLE:  Don’t get me wrong, it was a great show, but All In
The Family did alot more to the world of television then
Married With Children. But if any sitcoms revolutionized
television by incorporating sexual humour and innuendo, it
would be the Addams Family. I mean come on, no TV couple
before the Addams Family was as....um...HORNY as Gomez and
Morticia. But back to All IN THE Family...without All In The
Family, we would have no South Park.

ADAM:  But without Married With Children, we would have no
Simpsons.

KYLE:  Well South Park is better than the Simpsons.

ADAM:  What are you talking about? No it’s not. Do you know
how long The Simpsons has been on the air?

KYLE:  The quality of a show has nothing to do with how long
it’s been on the air.

ADAM:  How about this, you let me have my opinions, and I
let you have you’re opinions?

KYLE:  OK fine......do you ever watch Nick @ Nite?

ADAM:  Not anymore. Ever since it became unhealthily
obsessed with Bill Cosby.

KYLE:  They used to show All In The Family, The Jeffersons,
all that Norman Lear stuff. FUNNY shows. Hell of a lot
better than what they show now...Full House? The Cosby Show?

ADAM:  Nickelodean in general has gotten worse over the
years.

KYLE:  They need to bring back shows like The Adventures Of
Pete & Pete and Salute Your Shorts.

ADAM:  And Clarissa Explains It All!

KYLE:  Ok, I don’t know about that show.

ADAM:  Why not?

KYLE:  It was for chicks, man. And how about that dude who
would always climb up into her window?

ADAM:  You mean Sam?

KYLE:  Yeah, him. 20 years old, pretending to be 15, it
always happens in those kinds of shows. (in girls voice)
Sam, you’re my best friend! (in super-deep voice) I know.

ADAM:  (laughs) Well, when I think about it, there were alot
of 90’s Nick shows that sucked.

KYLE:  Doug, for an example.

ADAM:  Hey, Doug ruled!

KYLE:  No, not necessarilly. In my book, any show that
revolves an entire episode around the main character buying
a new pair of shoes...just sucks.

ADAM:  Oooooh I remember that episode!

KYLE:  Have you ever noticed how much Doug has in common
with Arthur?

ADAM:  You mean that aardvark dude?

KYLE:  Yeah. Both shows have the kid, his friend, the rich
snobby girl, the annoying sister. You know?

ADAM:  Arthur was just a weird show. I mean, have you ever
noticed that Arthur’s school janitor is a dog, and his
friend Binky Barns is a dog. And they talk like
humans...BUT...Arthur also has a pet dog that just goes WOOF
WOOF all the time.

KYLE:  Hey...I never noticed that.

ADAM:  And how about that character, The Brain, hmmm? He’s a
bear, right?

KYLE:  Yeah.

ADAM:  And Arthur’s teacher is a rat, right?

KYLE:  Yeah...

ADAM:  So why is the rat...taller than the bear?

KYLE:  Ummmm...I have no idea.

ADAM:  A rat taller than a bear, sounds like a big acid
trip.

KYLE:  How about those 80’s Nick shows?

ADAM:  I didn’t grow up in the 80’s.

KYLE:  Me neither, but I’ve seen some of them. Shows like
Today’s Special. Even though that show wasn’t technically
made FOR Nickelodean, and it was made for a Canadian
Network. It was kid’s show but it was pretty funny, except
the puppets were kind of freaky. (shudders) But, here’s one
observation I’ve made. 80’s Nick shows were for smart kids,
90’s Nick show’s were for dumb kids, and the 2000’s Nick
show’s were for retarded kids.

(song fades out)

ERIC:  (randomly appears) I beg your pardon?! Why would you
use “RETARDED” as a derogatory term? The physically and
mentally handicapped are just people like you and me, they
are not aliens. Why treat them like that? And in the end, we
all have our disabilities. You guys make me sick. You -

ADAM:  ERIC! I thought you’d be with you’re fellow PETA
members!

ERIC:  Um, why?

ADAM:  Well, they’re all down the street burning down a
McDonalds.

ERIC:  They are?

ADAM:  They are!

ERIC:  (runs off chanting) DOWN WITH MCDONALDS! DOWN WITH
MCDONALDS! DOWN WITH MCDONALDS!

(song fades out)

ADAM:  That oughta take care of him. Anyways, I was always
more of a Cartoon Network person. I loved Dexter’s
Labratory.

KYLE:  That show was funny. But nothing compared to Cow &
Chicken. I mean, it was a show targetted for kids, but it
had more sexual innuendo than a Mars Bar commercial.

ADAM:  Definitley. Did you hear about the banned episode?

KYLE:  What banned episode?

ADAM:  Buffalo Gals. That episode was banned because it had
lesbian jokes in it.

KYLE:  Really?

ADAM:  Yep. In the episode, there was an all girl biker
gang, who happened to all be buffaloes. Well they all broke
into Cow & Chicken’s house and started GNAWING ON THEIR
CARPET (wink wink).

KYLE:  Wow.

ADAM:  And one of them developed a crush on Cow, and invited
her to join the buffalo gals.

KYLE:  Wow.

ADAM:  Dexter’s Laboratory also had a banned episode,
entitled Dexter’s Rude Removal. Well, not BANNED, just
unaired. It was sort of an “inside joke” between the
creators.

KYLE:  Have you seen it?

ADAM:  No, I just read about it.

KYLE:  What’s it about?

ADAM:  Well, Dexter creates a device to make Deedee more
polite. But the device goes all haywire and it seperates
Deedee into 2 halves, a good and polite half and a bad and
rude half that curses.

KYLE:  Cussing?

ADAM:  Cussing.

KYLE:  I gotta see this.

ADAM:  I don’t think you can.

KYLE:  Dammit...

(awkward silence)

ADAM:...are you thinking about Janet?

KYLE:  Nah, I’m thinking about the Young Ones.

ADAM:  What about it?

KYLE:  In the episode entitled Bambi, Vyvyan states that
when they moved into their house, they ate sausages, plants,
and goldfish.

ADAM:  That’s...pretty gross, but go on.

KYLE:  Well, in the first episode...they did NOT eat
sausages, plants, or goldfish. They ate flour mixed with
water, which became glue. What gives?

ADAM:  I don’t know man, I don’t like British humour. I
prefer American humour.

KYLE:  Soooo...you prefer seeing 30 year old men like Adam
Sandler acting like 5 year old on pot?

ADAM:  Well, it’s better then guys in drag getting hit in
the head with bricks. Canadian humour is no different. I
just prefer American humour, like The Simpsons and South
Park and shit.

KYLE:  Dude, British humour was a huge influence on South
Park.

ADAM:  As was All In The Family?

KYLE:  Well, that show IS based on an old British show
called Till Death Us Do Part.

ADAM:  Well -

ERIC:  (re-enters, “Parasites” by The Subhumans plays in
background) Ok, guys, I went down to the McDonalds and there
was nobody there burning it down. You guys lied to me, and
only greedy right wing conservative politicians LIE!

KYLE:  (stands up) Eric...haha...Eric...listen. You really
need to try and learn to ignore the fact that we use words
like “retard” and shit! Don’t get in our faces about it,
because we find it incredibly annoying. Does it not in the
first amendment that we have the right to say whatever the
fuck we want?

ERIC:  Yes but you guys need to learn that you’re -

ADAM:  Dude, seriousley. If you don’t go away, we’re going
to vote Bush in 4 years.

ERIC:  (slowly walks away)

KYLE:  And never talk to us again!

ADAM:  Hopefully, that took care of him. And hopefully
staying up has gotten rid of you’re heartbreak. Well, I
think now would be a good -

KYLE:  Hey, do you like Eric at all?

ADAM:  Eh, sometimes.

KYLE:  When’s sometimes?

ADAM:  When he isn’t preaching about politics.

KYLE:  So in other words, you never like him.

ADAM:  Hey, he isn’t ALWAYS preaching. He doesn’t preach
when he’s drunk, and when he’s drunk is when I like him.

KYLE:  Haha, I see.

ADAM:  But I DO agree with some of his points. Like we can
both agree, Bush sucks.

KYLE:  Yup.

ADAM:  But when he’s not shoving his beliefs on anarchy and
animal rights and such down people’s throats, he’s a nice
fella.

KYLE:  I’m just wondering, what does he do to stand up for
his beliefs?

ADAM:  Um, protests, makes webrings on the internet. -

KYLE:  The internet??

ADAM:  Yeah.

KYLE:  Is it just me or is there a hilarious irony in an
anarchist who uses the internet?

ADAM:  I told him that. I told him that if he was an
anarchist he wouldn’t be using a computer, since computer
companies are funded by the government. He said that
computers are only good for spreading the word of anarchy
and dismantling propaganda.

KYLE:  And making his own propaganda?

ADAM:  Yeah, pretty much.

KYLE:  I honestly don’t understand how he thinks this
country would survive without a government. I mean sure, our
government is pretty screwed up, but that doesn’t mean
government in general is screwed up.

ADAM:  I know, and this country WOULDN’T survive without a
government, which is what I was trying to explain to him.

KYLE:  But the way the system works definitley needs to
change. 

ADAM:  What if they decided the president by, instead of
voting, have to the 2 candidates play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

KYLE:  Well, George W would have no clue how to play.

ADAM:  If they used it in the last election, ohhh, I could
just see it. “John Kerry was once rock, then paper, then
scissors. He’s a flip flopper”

KYLE:  Kerry would just rant on about how much differnt
paper he saw in Vietnam.

ADAM:  Kucinich would’ve tried to find out if there was
animal product in the paper.

KYLE:  And Sharpton would bitch about how there’s no black
paper.

ADAM:  (laughs) Man, speaking of which, have you ever notice
how so many left wing pinkos, who happen to be white,
support black supremacists who discriminate against THEIR
race?

KYLE:  Hmm.

ADAM:  Eric is definitley one of those types.

KYLE:  Does Eric know any black people?

ADAM:  I don’t think so, but he definitley claims to be on
“their side”. There was this one black person he TRIED to
become friends with.

KYLE:  Tried?

ADAM:  Yep, tried. It was down at Rite Aid, I was there, I
watched it all happen. There was a black guy there and Eric
went up to him and just started kissing his ass,
metaphorically, not literally.

KYLE:  What’d he say?

ADAM:  He said “Hey man, I support you. You probably face so
much bigotry and racism everyday, people calling you the “N”
word, the stupid KKK burning crosses in you’re front lawn
and killing you’re family, nazi skinhead bastards kicking
the shit out of you”-

KYLE:  If that stuff actually happened to him, Eric would
just be rubbing in the black guy’s face things that he’d
probably rather NOT remember.

ADAM:  I know. Well, then Eric then did the unthinkable, he
raised up a “fight the power” fist and yelled “AFRICAN
AMERICAN POWER!”

KYLE:  AFRICAN AMERICAN power?

ADAM:  Yep, African American power.

KYLE:  What happened next?

ADAM:  Nothing much. The black guy beat the shit out of
Eric. He definitley had it coming, though.

KYLE:  He really needs to think before he speaks.

ADAM:  I know.

(song fades out)

(they hear a knock on the window, they look over, it’s Ken,
a character based on Ben Stremfer)

ADAM:  Oh God, not Ken.

KYLE:  I hate that kid.

ADAM:  Barely anybody likes him. Known fact. I asked
everybody in the school, 95% hate him.

KYLE:  Who are the 5% who don’t hate him?

ADAM:  His friends.

KYLE:  I can’t believe he has friends.

ADAM:  Most of his friends are pretty nice actually, but
he’s the biggest asshole.

KEN:  (walks in) HEY PUNK ROCKERS! (does devil horn hand
symbol and headbangs)

KYLE:  Ken, what do you want?

KEN:  What are you guys doing up?

KYLE:  Nothing, now go away, nobody likes you.

KEN:  Do you guys commit suicide?

KYLE:...what?

ADAM:  If we committed suicide, we’d be dead. Now leave us
alone.

KEN:  What if I shit in your mouth?

KYLE:  That’d be gross.

ADAM:  Just ignore him.

(they talk while Ken asks dumb questions like “What if I
shit in on your nose?”, “What if I took a shit and rubbed it
on your face”, etc etc)

KYLE:  Ok. Sooo Adam, you hear they’re making a new Batman
movie?

ADAM:  Yeah, Batman Begins. I just hope it will be better
than Batman & Robin.

KYLE:  A movie being better than Batman & Robin is not THAT
much to be proud of. Watching dog shit dry would be more
entertaining than Batman & Robin.

ADAM:  Amen.

KYLE:  Same goes for Batman Forever. Joel Schaumaker ruined
everything about Batman. He turned Gotham City from dark and
gloomy to flashy, making it look like Tokyo, and the
Batmobile, oh good God, I could go on for DAYS about how
Joel Schaumaker killed the Batmobile. And the first line in
Batman Forever was...supposed to be funny. Not dark, not
mysterious, not sad...it was intended to make you laugh. It
was like the 60’s Batman with Adam West all over again.

ADAM:  What was the first line in the movie again?

KYLE:  After Bruce Wayne got on his “gear” and became
Batman, Alfred said to him “Would you like a sandwhich?”.
Batman said “I’ll get drive thru”. Now that’s NOT the Batman
I know and love.

ADAM:  Oh yeah.

KEN:  Why aren’t you guys answering my question? (shouts
louder) WHAT IF I SHIT ON YOUR NOSE!?

ADAM:  Hey Kyle, didn’t you say you left you’re wallet in a
classroom?

KYLE:  Oh, yes.

(they both get up and run out. “Takers & Losers” by The
Business plays in the background)

(show them walking up the stairs)

ADAM:  I fuckin’ hate that kid.

KYLE:  I fuckin’ hate that kid too.

ADAM:  I fuckin’ hate that kid more.

KYLE:  No I fuckin’ hate that kid more.

ADAM:  No, I fuckin’ hate that kid more.

KYLE:  Have you ever noticed that he looks like an elf with
his beard?

ADAM:  I know, his beard is the ugliest thing. I mean...come
on dude, it’s called a RAZOR.

KYLE:  Haha...listen to us, judging other people’s styles.

ADAM:  Well, it IS ugly.

KYLE:  True. I don’t usually judge how other people choose
to look like, but with Ken it’s an exception, because I hate
him with a passion.

(they get to door, when they make it to the top and the get
to the door to the hallway, they realize it’s locked)

KYLE:  Dammit...wait, you can open it, you got the keys!

ADAM:  (unlocks door, they walk in, show them walking down
the hallway to World Studies room, Adam unlocks door)

KYLE:  (notices wallet on floor) Ah, there it is. (picks it
up and puts it in back pocket)

ADAM:  Wow, I’ve never been in here this late at night.

KYLE:  Dude, have you ever wanted to like, go around the
school when nobody was in it?

ADAM:  No not necessarily.

KYLE:  It’s been a fantasy of mine ever since I was in the
2nd grade.

ADAM:  Really?

KYLE:  I attempted that in the 2nd grade actually.

ADAM:  When nobody was in it?

KYLE:  No, it was actually during an Open House night. Very
fun until my Dad punished me.

ADAM:  What did you do?

KYLE:  Oh, just went onto a library computer to play games,
searched through all the board games in the speech therapy
room, etc, etc. Now that I’m in high school, however, I can
go on the computer during my free periods. I’ll tell you,
high school sure is one hell of alot different from middle
school and elementary school, at least THIS high school is
different from the school’s I went to when I lived in
Illinois. The supervisor’s at my old school cafeteria were
like nazis dude, they would give you a detention for
STANDING UP! I’ll tell you - 

ADAM:  Dude, I don’t really care about you’re old school. I
just want to search around THIS school. You’ve gotten me
curious.

KYLE:  Alright, where do you want to go?

ADAM:  Umm...well since this school is incredibly small, I’m
not that curious about that many things.

KYLE:  How about we go to the teacher’s office?

ADAM:  OK, to the teachers office we go. (they start walking
down the hallway, then show them in hallway) What do you
want to look for there?

KYLE:  I’m just curious about the mysterious lives of
teachers, and what they’d keep in there desks.

ADAM:  I particularly want to try seeing what Mrs. Draden
has. You have any of her classes?

KYLE:  No, all I know is that she’s strange and she wore a
pink feather boa in her yearbook picture.

ADAM:  You didn’t know she gave her baby opium?

KYLE:  She...what?

ADAM:  Her baby’s teeth were hurting when they were growing
in, so she gave him opium.

KYLE:  That’s pretty screwed up...but for a moment I thought
you meant like...she was going to date rape her baby.

ADAM:  Wouldn’t be surprised if she did. She was one
disturbed woman.

(they walk into teacher’s office, over to a desk)

Here’s her desk. (opens drawer, there’s just a bunch of
paper and files in it)

KYLE:  Wooohooo...paper.

ADAM:  Dude, there’s like a book back her. (takes it out)
It’s a book of spells......And she wrote it. (takes out a
voodoo dolls) And she’s got voodoo dolls. (takes out black
candles) And black candles...damn...

KYLE:  (takes a voodoo doll from Adam, and tickles it)

ADAM:  Hahahaha...that tickles...haha...(looks at Kyle
tickling voodoo doll) What the fuck...

KYLE:  (drops voodoo doll, and they both walk out with faces
as if they just saw Satan)

(show them outside)

ADAM:  I used to just hate her, now I’m seriousley afraid of
her.

(Carl, Jim, and Brian - the heavy metal loving satanists -
enter. Jim is caring a chordless boombox that’s playing
Pantera’s “Cowboys From Hell”)

CARL:  Afraid of who?

KYLE:  What the hell?! Did a memo go out or something?! Or
is tonight just national “Hang out in your school after
midnight” day?!

ADAM:  We were talking about Ms. Draden.

JIM:  Oh, she’s that teacher who casts spells on people!

ADAM:  Yeah, and we found a bunch of satanic items in her
desk.

BRIAN:  WHAT DOES SHE HAVE?!

ADAM:  Voodoo dolls, a book of spells, black candles.

BRIAN:  Can we see?

ADAM:  I guess. (goes into teacher’s office with them, he
picks the stuff off the floor) We got kinda scared and just
dropped everything.

CARL:  (picks up spell book and looks through it) DUDES!
Jim! Brian! We should have a ritual right here! Right now!
And we’ll cast spells on people using Draden’s spell book!

JIM & BRIAN:  YEAH!

KYLE:  Haha, you know, you guys are the most non-threatening
satanists I’ve ever met.

JIM:  Whatever mannnnnn! We’ll just see who’s laughing when
we die and go to hell.

KYLE:  That’s a good thing?

JIM:  You damn right it is. Once we go to hell, we’re going
to have an unlimited ammount of pot. And we’re gonna smoke
it with our dark lord, Lucifer.

KYLE & ADAM:  (start cracking up)

CARL:  Shut up, INFIDELS!

KYLE & ADAM:  (start laughing harder, and exit)

(show them walking down the stairs, into cafeteria)

KYLE:  Man, back in the day, satanists used to be looked at
as a threat. Now they’re just hilarious.

ADAM:  Especially the ones like Carl, Jim, and Brian.

KYLE:  They probably only worship satan because all the
heavy metal bands they like are satanists.

ADAM:  Well, now you sound like a fundamentalist.

KYLE:  What do you mean?

ADAM:  Assuming that they can’t think for themselves. You
know, “blaiming the heavy metal”. Thinking it rots their
brain.

KYLE:  Well...dude, look at them. They’re morons, it seems
like they HAVE been brainwashed by Ozzy Osbourne.

ADAM:  Ozzy’s music is not satanic.

KYLE:  Are you serious?

(they make it to cafeteria)

ADAM:  Phew, Ken’s gone.

KYLE:  Dude, I said, are you serious?

ADAM:  Yep, it’s pretty much anti-Satanist. Read Black
Sabbath’s lyrics closely. “War Pigs”, for an example, is
about how they believe satan is the root of all war. And
that song “Black Sabbath” is about the Christian concepts of
God vs. Satan. So they were practically Christian, but
misunderstood. And since they invented heavy metal, I would
say that heavy metal is more Christian music then it is
Satanic music.

KYLE:  Well, I, for one, believe that Led Zeppelin started
heavy metal. And Jimmy Page was...well...pretty into black
magic and the occult, no question.

ADAM:  You know that if you play “Stairway To Heaven”
backwards, there’s Satanic lyrics about Hell? And when it
gets to the part when Robert sings “...and she’s buying a
stairway to heaven”, it sounds like he’s saying “Play
backwards here words”.

KYLE:...Everybody knows that, dude. But you know the Pokemon
Rap?

ADAM:  You mean that stupid song that goes like “GOTTA CATCH
‘EM ALL! GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL!”

KYLE:  Yeah, play that part of the song backwards and it’s
“I LOVE SATAN LOVE SATAN!”

ADAM:  Pokemon is just evil and weird. Remember Jynx? That
Pokemon gave me the creeps.

KYLE:  Jynx? Which one’s that?

ADAM:  She had long blonde hair, huge breasts, and she
looked like friggin’ Blackface.

KYLE:  Come to think of it, now I do remember her.

ADAM:  Were you a Pokemon kid?

KYLE:  Hell yeah. I revolved my life around it. Now I just
find Pokemon...strange...same with all anime. Here’s one
thing about anime I’ve never understood. Why is it, that in
anime, whenever a character gets mad and spazzes out, he
becomes 10 times bigger than the person they’re yelling at?

ADAM:  Umm.

KYLE:  And in anime cartoons, whenever a character sweats,
why do they always have one giant bead of sweat rolling down
their cheek. I mean a bead of sweat half the size of their
face. What’s up with that?

ADAM:  I don’t know.

KYLE:  And whenever an anime character cries, it always
looks like somebody installed firehoses beneath their eyes.
Ever notice that?

ADAM:  Yeah, but I don’t know what to answer to that. But I
do like anime.

KYLE:  Ehh, I kinda grew out of anime. But I still love
video games.

ADAM:  What’s your favorite?

KYLE:  I don’t know, I’ve always been a Zelda fan. 

ADAM:  Have you ever noticed that the map on the original
Nintendo game is shaped like a swastika?

KYLE:  Yeah, I believe it’s supposed to be a manji.

ADAM:  What’s a manji?

KYLE:  A swastika flipped to the side. It’s just a Japanese
good-luck logo then.

ADAM:  Ah I see.

KYLE:  Speaking of which, are there still punk kids out
there who wear swastikas just to shock people?

ADAM:  Who did that?

KYLE:  The Sex Pistols’ started that.

ADAM:  Wasn’t Sid Vicious really a nazi?

KYLE:  Uhh...no.

ADAM:  Because I heard he went around a Jewish street in
France wearing a swastika t-shirt.

KYLE:  He did, but that was to shock people.

ADAM:  Well, I never really liked the Sex Pistols.

KYLE:  Why not?

ADAM:  They were manufactured. They were like The Spice
Girls.

KYLE:  WRONG! Steve Jones and Paul Cook were in a band long
before they even MET Malcolm McLaren. They even grew up in
the same neighborhood.

ADAM:  Bullshit. Haven’t you seen The Great Rock & Roll
Swindle?

KYLE:  That movie is a work of FICTION, dude! They didn't
even meet McLaren until after they had all their equiptment.

ADAM:  Ok, maybe Jones and Cook knew each other before
meeting Malcolm...but what about Sid Vicious and Johnny
Rotten?

KYLE:  Sid and Johnny knew each other back in like 1975.
McLaren didn’t get them there first gig, JONES did. And even
if they were manufactured, hell, even if they were nazis,
I’d still be a fan of their music.

ADAM:  Nazis suck.

KYLE:  I believe that nazISM sucks. I don’t hate any group
of people.

ADAM:  But you’d listen to a nazi band?

KYLE:  Yes, and I actually do, I happen to like Skrewdriver.

ADAM:  Are you serious?

KYLE:  I like their music...I don’t necessarily agree with
their lyrics but it’s catchy music. And their first album
was apolitical, neutral, street punk.

ADAM:  Well, you’re supporting them.

KYLE:  Now you sound like Eric.

ADAM:  Just because I’m against racism and nazism, I sound
like that asshole?

KYLE:  No, because you’re reading too much into the fact
that I like a nazi band.

(they hear a knock on the window)

ADAM:  (tries not to look at window) It’s not Ken,
again...is it?

KYLE:  (looks over) Yup, it’s Ken.

ADAM:  God dammit.

KYLE:  Close the door over there. It locks from the outside
when closed.

ADAM:  (runs over and closes door)

KYLE:  Good, now he can’t come in and bug us.

ADAM:  Anyways - 

KEN:  (goes over to door and bangs on it as hard as he can,
constintly and rapidly for 5 seconds)

ADAM:  Ok, you know what, I’m going to do something to him
that I should have done a LOOOONG time ago! Come with me.

(they both go outside)

KEN:  You guys left when I was talking! That was awfully
rude!

KYLE:  Well, you don’t seem to have anything important to
say, so we decided to ignore you.

KEN:  (noticing Kyle’s Ramones t-shirt, which is hard to see
because he’s wearing a vest over it) What’s it say on you’re
shirt?

KYLE:  (opens vest so shirt can be seen) The Ramones.

KEN:  Who are they?

KYLE:  A band.

KEN:  Do they suck?

KYLE:  If they sucked, I wouldn’t be wearing their t-shirt,
now, would I?

KEN:  Well, maybe, you know, to be funny.

KYLE:  No...just...no.

KEN:  Would you like it if I took a shit on you’re shoes?

KYLE:  DUDE! If you’re trying to be funny, it’s not working,
so stop it.

KEN:  Well...

(Adam then knees Ken in the nuts, Ken falls to the floor.
Adam and Kyle then spend a whole minute beating him up until
he’s unconscious, while “It’s Kickin’ Off” by Combat 84
plays in the background)

KYLE:  That took care of him!

(3 emo guys are sitting near the wall playing “Seven” by
Sunny Day Real Estate is playing on there CD player, they
notice that they beat him up)

EMO #1:  Hey, thank’s for beating up Ken. We hated him.

KYLE:  No problem.

EMO #2:  He’d make us cry!

ADAM:  Why?

EMO #3:  He would always ask us stupid questions like “What
if I took a shit in you’re mouth?”

ADAM:  He’d ask us that too...but umm...why would that make
you cry?

EMO #3:  Because it’s mean, and cruel, and disgusting.

KYLE:  Well, I just think it’s disgusting.

ADAM:  Yeah...

EMO #2:  It’s more depressing than anything.

EMO #1:  What are you guys doing here so late? 

KYLE:  Well, I left my wallet in the World Studies room.

ADAM:  And because he’s paranoid, we had to get it now! And
also, he was too heartbroken to sleep.

EMO KID #1:  What happened?

KYLE:  This girl that I really liked said that she just
wanted to be friends.

ADAM:  He means “just buddies”.

ALL EMO KIDS:  Awwww.

EMO KID #2:  That is so sad. (takes out a tissue from
pocket) Would you like a Kleenex?

KYLE:  Heh, nah...I’m cool.

EMO KID #2:  HAVE A KLEENEX!

KYLE:  Dude, I’m not even crying.

EMO KID #2:  Well you should. Crying is healthy, and it
helps get all that pain out.

KYLE:  Dude, I’m fine. Trust me.

EMO KID #3:  How about you join us?

KYLE:  In what?

EMO KID #3:  Our ‘clique’.

KYLE:  You’re clique...Nah

EMO KID #2:  I think he’s TOO PUNK ROCK to hang out with emo
kids.

KYLE:  Don’t make assumptions about me, dude! I don’t say
I’m “too punk” to do anything. Only assholes like that Spike
kid say that.

EMO KID #2:  Well then, why not?

KYLE:  Listen, I may be heartbroken from time to time, but
I’m not a pussy. I’m not ALWAYS sad, I’m usually happy. And
I don’t listen to emo. Come on, Adam, let’s go.

(Kyle and Adam walk back into cafeteria)

KYLE:  God, now I FEEL like an emo because of how heartbroken I was
heartbroken.

ADAM:  Being upset doesn’t make you any less of a man, and
it doesn’t make you an emo. And listen man, Janet wasn’t all
that good. I mean, she may have been nice to you at times,
but I’ve seen her being a total jerk to you.

KYLE:  Well, she has, but I still like her.

ADAM:  I don’t know what there is to like about her. She’s
kind of on the same thinking level of that Spike guy. I’ve
heard her bragging about how punk she is.

KYLE:  And whenever she was at a party that I could not
attend, she’d always instant message me afterwards, and rub
it in my face how fun it was.

ADAM:  That’s just mean. So what do you say, you wanna blow
her off?

KYLE:  (sighs) Yes, I would. Right now.

ADAM:...Like, Instant Messaging?

KYLE:  Nope, I want to go over to her house. Right now.

ADAM:  No way, dude.

KYLE:  Please?

(show them in car, driving. Chron Gen’s “Living Next Door To
Alice” is on the radio)

ADAM:  Don’t you think she might be sleeping?

KYLE:  Probably not. She stays up as late as me. Well, at
least when it’s not a school night.

ADAM:  Are you just going to say “Janet, I don’t want to be
friends with you anymore” or what?

KYLE:  No, I’m going to wait for the perfect oppurtunity.
You know, so I don’t end up feeling guilty.

ADAM:  What do you mean?

KYLE:  I’m going to wait for her to brag about how punk she
is, or just for her to say something really stupid. Trust
me, she will.

KYLE:  Dude, (points) that’s her house right there.

SCENE 6:  In front of Janet’s house

(they pull into her driveway, they walk up to her front
porch, Kyle goes to ring her doorbell, but Adam grabs his
arm before he can touch it)

ADAM:  Woah woah woah now. You don’t wanna wake up the rest
of the household now, do you?

KYLE:  Then what should we do?

ADAM:  Hmmm.

KYLE:  We can be like Sam on Clarissa Explain’s It All, and
climb up to her window on a ladder.

ADAM:  Ok. What ladder?

KYLE:  Huh?

ADAM:  You said we should climb up to her window on a
ladder. Where is this ladder you speak of?

KYLE:  Oh yeah. Scratch that, then.

ADAM:  You can throw pebbles at her window. That’s what most
people do.

KYLE:  Hmm ok. All I need to do is find some pebbles.

ADAM:  (points to some pebbles) There’s some.

KYLE:  (picks them up)

ADAM:  Do you know which window is hers?

KYLE:  Nope.

ADAM:  Oh, that’s just great. Just...guess.

KYLE:  What if I wake up her Dad or something?

ADAM:  Tell him “Wrong window”.

KYLE:  He’ll think I’m some kind of freaky stalker. And
he’ll try to kill me.

ADAM:  ...is he like that?

KYLE:  I don’t know, actually. I’m just guessing he might
be.

ADAM:  Why?

KYLE:  I don’t know, just...oh wait. I remember now. Janet’s
room is in the basement.

ADAM:  Oh. Ok.

(they walk to backyard, near basement window. Janet is in
her room. Kyle knocks on her window, which startles Janet.
She looks over at window and sees them standing there. Kyle
waves. Janet goes over and opens window. “Alfie From The
Bronx” by the Toy Dolls is playing in the background on her
stereo)

JANET:  What are you guys doing over here so late?

ADAM:  Well, Kyle was all heartbroken at the fact that you
want to just be friends with him so we went to the school
and hung out in the cafeteria and -

KYLE:  (nudges Adam) Can we just come in? And you know,
chill?

JANET:  I guess. Go through the side door of the garage.

(Adam and Kyle walk away, then come in 5 seconds later)

Wait you guys went to the school and hung out in the
cafeteria? Why and how’d you get in?

ADAM:  Well, Kyle was spending the night at my house, and he
was all heartbroken because you just wanted to be friends
with him, so he wanted to get a snack to cheer him up, but
we don’t have any snacks. He then made a suggestion that we
go to the school cafeteria, which I thought was a stupid
idea. But we went over anyways, I got in because my mom’s a
teacher and I used her keys.

JANET:  You just went over to the school...at midnight...to
eat?

ADAM:  And because he left his wallet in the World Studies
room.

JANET:  And why couldn’t he have waited until Monday, or at
least tomorrow?

ADAM:  Because he’s overly paranoid. Anyways, Kyle wanted to
talk to you.

JANET:  Ok, but I’ll warn you, I’ve become more of an
asshole.

KYLE:  Why’s that?

JANET:  I think it’s because I’ve become more hardcore.

ADAM:  Oh you’re more hardcore. That’s nice. Hey, I’ll be
outside. (walks away)

(show Adam outside laughing ass off for 2 second)

(go back inside)

KYLE:  More hardcore? That just sounds funny.

JANET:  Shut up, I’m more hardcore than you’ll ever be.

KYLE:  I had no idea punk rock was a competition. I thought
it was a musical genre.

JANET:  Well, punk is also a subculture.

KYLE:  A punk is also the gay sexual partner of an older
male.

JANET:  THAT’S JUST ONE OF THE DEFINITIONS, DUMBASS! 
Anyways, with subculture comes competition.

KYLE:  (sarcastically) Really?

JANET:  Yep.

KYLE:  (scratches head and thinks for 4 seconds) I can’t
think of any subculture where people compete. I just know
that many people, such as yourself, treat punk like it’s a
competition. Anyways, what is it that makes you more
hardcore than me?

JANET:  I’ve just been listening to alot more hardcore
bands, and I’ve been dressing more hardcore lately. (Kyle
tries to hold in his laughter) And...ok, you don’t have to
hold in you’re laughter. Just laugh at me if it will make
you feel better.

KYLE: 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MORE
HARDCORE! THAT’S CLASSIC! It’s so arrogant, it’s funny.

JANET:  Shut the fuck up.

KYLE:  What? You said I could laugh at you.

JANET:  I was being sarcastic.

KYLE:  Well, it’s still hilarious how you think you’re so
“hardcore”. Well, I should be leaving now. You’re just way
too “hardcore” for me. (exits)

SCENE 7:  Outside

KYLE:  Now, she’s out of my life. Seriousley dude, she’d be
better off dating Spike. You were right, they ARE on the
same thinking level.

ADAM:  Ok, now, can we finally go back to my house and get
some sleep?

KYLE:  Sure.

(they both get into car)

SCENE 8:  In car, Adam is driving. “Away From The Numbers”
by The Jam is playing on radio.

ADAM:  Are you tired dude?

KYLE:  Not really, staying up has gotten my adreniline up.

ADAM:  You don’t want to go anywhere now, do you?

KYLE:  Just back to you’re crib. But do we have to go to
sleep?

ADAM:  Well, I got work tomorrow. But since it’s so late I
guess I can call in sick. Let’s pull an all nighter.

KYLE:  Sweet! What should we do?

ADAM:  I don’t know. I got OnDemand, we can order a movie.

KYLE:  I don’t know, there’s not many good movies on there.
I’ll tell you, the majority of movies nowaday just suck.

ADAM:  Why do you say that?

KYLE:  Because, too many movies today rely on spectacle. And
movie-goer’s today usually don’t pay much attention to the
dialogue, they just wanna see an explosion or something.

ADAM:  So you’re saying there’s no good new movies?

KYLE:  Pretty much.

ADAM:  What kind of movie would you like to see?

KYLE:  One that rely’s on dialogue for humour.

ADAM:  What would be a good plot?

KYLE:  There doesn’t have to be a plot. I just wanna see 2
guys...sitting around, ranting about what pisses them off
about pop culture, society, and the punk rock subculture.
This movie will, like, make fun of crusty punks, vegans,
nazis, goths, etc, etc. That’s the kind of movie I’d like to
see....I wonder if there’s a movie out there like that...

ADAM:  Probably not.

(fade out)

(Credits roll and “Run Wild Run Free” by Sham 69 plays.)

THE END