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UNDECLARED: SEMESTER ONE
by
A. Monroe
TroubleMakers Inc.
aleemmonroe@aol.com
INT. DEL TACO BAD & GRILL -- NIGHT
At the bar, an AFTER WORK GROUP enjoy's smoothies and beer as
they retell their latest conquests in office politics.
A commotion is heard at one of the tables! A young man
proposes to his girlfriend. He gets down on one knee, extends
the ring, tears rolling down both their eyes.
GIRLFRIEND
I do. I do.
Everyone claps, offering congratulations. Except for the
STUDENT seated at the far end of the bar, wearing all black
with a brown sombrero on. This is SCOTT, 20.
Scott is a pure bastard. He has rugged good looks to go with
his black heart. Scott sucks down his beer with a sour puss
on his face. His dark eyes glare up from under the sombrero
brim.
SCOTT
(to Bartender)
Give me a shot of vodka... and keep
it coming.
POSTSCRIPT: SCOTT
INT. LIBRARY -- MORNING
TAWNY, 19, is sound asleep, face down in a book. The loud
thump of a book dropping wakes her! She checks her watch --
TAWNY
Oh shit.
EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS -- MORNING -- CONTINUED
Tawny scurries across the quad with an arm full of books,
late for class. She bumps into a group of FRAT BOY'S, causing
her to drop her books.
TAWNY
(to Frat Boys)
A little help?
The Frat Boys move on without a word.
TAWNY
Men.
POSTSCRIPT: TAWNY
INT. NORTHERN COED DORM -- DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Nate, 20, black, stands in front of his 40 inch television
watching cartoons and eating cereal. The campus security
guard, ROY, 35, comes through the door and sits down on the
couch.
NATE
Fuck do you think your doing?
ROY
I want to buy 3 pounds of --
NATE
Do you live here? You just came in
the door like you lay your head
down here every night.
ROY
It was open.
NATE
Knock... or you ain't getting shit.
Grudgingly, Roy gets up, goes back through the door and
knocks.
NATE
Who is it?
ROY
It's me.
NATE
You may enter.
Roy re-enters.
ROY
You got something for me?
Nate moves to his private bathroom in his single room. He
comes out with 2 thin packages of weed, the size of a TV
controller. He hands it Roy. Roy hands the money over to
Nate.
ROY
Your luck you have the best shit
around here.
NATE
No. Your lucky.
POSTSCRIPT: NATE
INT. SOUTHERN COED DORMITORY -- BATHROOM -- NIGHT
NIA, 19, is dragged in by 2 friends. They take her to the
toilet stale where Nia pukes.
BATHROOM -- EARLY MORNING
Nia staggers in with a wicked hangover. She moves to the
toilet and pukes her guts out.
BATHROOM -- MORNING -- NEXT DAY
Nia staggers into the bathroom, drunk as a skunk. She looks
like she's going to blow chunks. Instead, she drops down the
toilet seat and takes a leak.
BATHROOM -- MORNING -- NEXT DAY
Nia stands at the mirror brushing her teeth, towel wrapped
around her head like a turban, surrounded by other girls
going through their morning preparations.
A freshman girl runs into the bathroom and pukes right on the
floor, unable to make it to the toilet. Nia looks at her,
shakes her head.
NIA
Freshman.
POSTSCRIPT: NIA
INT. SPRINGFIELD APARTMENTS -- BATHROOM -- MORNING
OSCAR, 21, Latin-American, jerks off in the shower.
APARTMENT -- LATER
Oscar irons his pants, then lays them out on his bed next to
his freshly ironed shirt and underwear.
APARTMENT -- LATER
Oscar straightens up his bedroom. He makes the bed, pulling
the sheets back tight like a well trained cadet would.
APARTMENT -- LATER
Oscar, fully dressed, looks at himself in the mirror.
OSCAR
Sexy bitch.
Oscar grabs his car keys. He goes into his dresser drawer to
get his wallet. Inside is a treasure trove of drug
paraphernalia. He grabs his wallet.
POSTSCRIPT: OSCAR
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- DAY
The hum of an electric mixer! Tawny looks through a
microscope as busy bee's hum around the lab, hard at work.
LEE, female, Asian -- passes by.
TAWNY
Lee, can you bring me the new
samples?
LEE
They're in the freezer... on the
first floor.
TAWNY
I know.
LEE
I have to carry up all those boxes
by myself?
TAWNY
Use the cart. If you don't want to
help me, I'm sure Professor Dooley
can find another assistant to help
me on the --
LEE
I'll get it.
Lee mumbles something to herself in Japanese as she shuffles
off. Tawny checks her watch.
TAWNY
Not again.
EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY
Tawny scampers across campus. A hand comes out and slaps
Tawny on the ass. She jerks around sharply to find Nia, her
roommate.
NIA
What's the hurry busy bee?
TAWNY
I'm late... again. What's up?
NIA
You know Mena? Well, we were in her
apartment the other day. She has a
rabbit. It's the sweetest little
thing --
TAWNY
You know we can't have any pets in
our room.
NIA
Your always jumping to conclusions.
They're not going to kick us out. I
happen to know for a fact that Mena
is very close with the guy at the
pet store. She can hook me up.
TAWNY
Remember what happened to that kid
with the snake? I heard he's still
doing community service.
NIA
I'll keep Alice in the closet --
and I promise she will be my
responsibility.
TAWNY
I'm sure.
(after a beat)
Alice?
NIA
Alice in Wonderland.
TAWNY
I was more of a Dr. Seuss girl.
NIA
One problem though -- the cage is
well over my meager budget. So, I
was wondering if you can take one
from the science lab for your dear
old roommate?
Tawny's face clinches up. Nia already knows the answer.
NIA (CONTINUED)
Please Tawny. You know I don't ask
you for much.
TAWNY
You want me to steal a cage for
you. You know I can't --
NIA
They probably have like 50 cages.
All I'm asking for is one. Nobody's
going to miss it. Thirty seconds
max.
TAWNY
I'll think about it.
NIA
Seriously, think about it.
TAWNY
Okay! Okay!
Tawny heads inside the building.
NIA
I'm getting a rabbit.
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- EVENING
Tawny enters the empty lab. She moves to a large storage
closet. She opens it with a key, revealing a stack of cages.
TAWNY
Get it over with Tawny.
INT. SOUTHERN DORMS -- DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
Tawny returns to her room with a large garbage bag in hand.
She removes the cage from it and places it under Nia's bed.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Tawny awakes. She looks over to Nia's bed, finding nothing
but her Alice in Wonderland bedsheets.
INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY
Tawny exits her room.
VOICE (O.S.)
Hello Tawny.
Tawny turns to find SHELDON, 19, awkwardly approaching.
TAWNY
Hi.
SHELDON
Off to class?
TAWNY
Breakfast.
SHELDON
Would you like any company?
TAWNY
No thanks. Bye.
INT. CAFETERIA -- MORNING
Tawny eat a grapefruit as she reads through a textbook. Nia
enters, looking like she's been up all night. She gets a cup
of coffee and joins Tawny.
TAWNY
Rough night?
NIA
Don't get me started on that
asshole Scott.
TAWNY
Well, I got some good news. I got
your cage.
NIA
You did? Oh, I meant to tell you..
I decided against getting one of
those little critters.
TAWNY
Why?
NIA
The odor. Plus, they shed like a
cancer patient. I can't stand it.
The puffy eyes.
Tawny leans in close.
TAWNY
You made me steal a cage,
butterfly's in my stomach, and now
you don't want it?
NIA
Just take it back.
Tawny slams down her fork, grabs her books and storms off.
NIA
Tawny. Babe. Don't start the day
off in a bad mood.
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- OFFICE -- DAY
PROFESSOR DOOLEY sits at his desk, glasses on his nose,
struggling to do a crossword puzzle. He is a small man with a
lot of nervous energy, talks quickly.
Tawny sticks her head in.
TAWNY
You wanted to see me, professor?
Professor Dooley waves her in. Tawny removes a pile of papers
off a chair and takes a seat.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Damn puzzles. I'm not good at this
kind of stuff.
TAWNY
Then why do it?
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Because everybody else does. Would
you like some coffee?
TAWNY
No thanks.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Should I have even offered you
coffee? Will I get in trouble if I
offer a minor a stimulant?
TAWNY
I don't think so.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
That's a relief.
TAWNY
Jennifer said you wanted to see me.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
That's right. Thanks for reminding
me. Let's get down to brass tax. It
has come to my attention that you
stole an animal cage from the
inventory closet last night?
TAWNY
Sir, I don't --
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Don't deny it Tawny. I have the
tape. Do you want to see the tape?
Do you want to see it?
Tawny nods her head.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY (CONTINUED)
Do I want to see the tape? On
second thought, maybe we shouldn't
see the tape. Kind of embarrassing.
TAWNY
First, I am very, very, very, very
sorry Professor Dooley. Second, it
will never happen again.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Your damn right it won't happen
again because I'm recommending that
you be expelled from school.
TAWNY
Please. If you just reconsider. My
parents are going to kill me if --
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
(laughing)
Just kidding. I was acting.
My daughter enrolled me in an
acting class a month ago. Suppose
to help you think clearly.
TAWNY
If I'm not expelled...
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Here's what I'll do. You are
demoted from the special project.
You will assist Lee, and you will
return the cage in the morning or I
will have to contact the proper
authorities.
TAWNY
Yes, Professor Dooley.
Tawny gets up to leave.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
Oh, and Tawny... one more thing.
Let's keep the coffee thing between
these four walls.
EXT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- DAY
Tawny exits the building. Standing out front is Lee. She
laughs as Tawny passes. Tawny doesn't acknowledge her.
INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
Tawny lay in bed crying her eyes out. Nia comes in.
NIA
I heard what happened.
TAWNY
I study. I don't do drugs. What do
I get for all my hard work? A
demotion.
NIA
Feeling somehow that this is all my
fault, I want to make it up to you.
TAWNY
Don't bother. It's my fault.
NIA
You need to get out tonight.
TAWNY
And get drunk? I just want to lay
here with a pint of ice cream and
die.
Nia pulls Tawny out of bed.
NIA
Your going. You need to get laid.
You'll feel much better.
TAWNY
Leave me alone Nia.
NIA
We can go to that FU party at the
Gamma house.
(thinking it over)
Yeah, that's it. Get up. Put
something on with a lot of
cleavage. We're gonna have some fun
tonight.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Nia rummages through her closet.
Nia takes a shower.
Nia straps her bra on.
Nia does a line of coke.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
INT. GAMMA FRAT HOUSE -- NIGHT
Tawny and Nia enter the FU party. A PLEG stands at the door
wearing a polar bear costume. He greets the guest with a
middle finger as they enter.
POLAR BEAR PLEG
Welcome. Fuck you.
The real party commences in the living room. A crowd huddles
around the couch. They cheer on 2 NAKED GIRLS having sex.
STAN, a frat brother, video tapes the whole escapade.
Standing amongst the onlookers is Oscar.
In another corner of the living room WESLEY, 23, dispenses
drugs to 2 eager FRESHMAN GIRLS.
WESLEY
What do you want?
THIN GIRL
What do you have?
Wesley reveals a bag full of orange ecstacy pills.
WESLEY
Scooby snacks?
THIN GIRL
The boys in the eastern have some
pretty dope shit.
WESLEY
They're caffeine or codeine. Tell
ya what, try mine then come see me
tomorrow and tell me who's better.
THIN GIRL
(skeptically)
Give me 2 more.
In another corner of the room is B BOY, 20. He is the type of
guy they tell girls nor to bring home to daddy. His nickname
is derived from the white and black shell toe Addias he
wears.
B Boy tries to lay the rap down on a FAT CHICK.
FAT CHICK
I bet you say that to all the
girls.
B BOY
My game is a hundred percent G
proof. Let's say we get out of here
and head back to my place?
FAT CHICK
I don't know.
B BOY
I'll do the clam dive. I'll pound
your fucking box like a battering
ram.
FAT CHICK
What about my friends? I drove them
here. How are they going to get
home?
B BOY
They can come too.
KITCHEN
Nate is selling weed to a Preppy Dude. Nate's older, more
militant brother, PIERCE, 22, lingers behind them. He's
trying to open a bottle of Jack Daniels.
PREPPY DUDE
(examining weed)
How much?
NATE
Hundred bills.
PREPPY DUDE
That's kind of steep.
NATE
What do you expect from quality?
I'm not trying to sell you a bag of
oregano.
The Preppy Dude hands Nate some cash. Pierce finally gets the
bottle open. He takes a big swig.
PIERCE
Oh shit! That hit the spot. God
damn! My throat is on fire... fuck.
NATE
I got some hashish. Two for one.
PREPPY DUDE
I got a guy, Chris, in the
Covington apartments.
NATE
I'm here. He's not. You can schlep
it all the way to the Covington --
fucking 20 minutes -- buy some,
then spend another 20 coming back
here. Or, you can take 10 seconds
and buy this.
PREPPY DUDE
Good point. You got any coke?
PIERCE
Coke? All black people gotta be
coke dealers?
PREPPY DUDE
No. I wasn't --
NATE
Pierce, calm down --
PIERCE
Fuck that. Take a hike white boy
for I stick my foot in yo ass.
The Preppy moves on.
NATE
Shit man, this is business. He
could be a loyal customer. You know
these white boys spend big money on
this shit.
PIERCE
Fuck that motherfucka. Racist
cocksucker.
NATE
Why's everyone gotta be a
cocksucker? Now I have to go and
straighten this out with him. Just
try not to say anything next time.
PIERCE
Refresh my memory why I'm here? I'm
here to help you with your
temporary business endeavor.
NATE
Don't remind me. More and more I'm
starting to think twice about our
little arrangement.
Beer is dispensed through kegs in the kitchen. Another PLEG
in a bunny costume dispenses beer into plastic cups. He hands
2 cups to Nia and Tawny.
BUNNY SUIT PLEG
F-U.
At the front door, Sheldon and DEXTER, 19, try to enter. They
are stopped by Stan.
STAN
What do you little fags think your
doing?
DEXTER
What does it look like?
STAN
Your getting smart with me you
little shit stain?
DEXTER
Gee, that wouldn't take much
effort, now would it?
STAN
Sheldon, you better tell your
girlfriend to change his attitude.
SHELDON
Stan, just let us in and stop
fooling around.
STAN
I said no fags allowed. Why don't
you go back to your room and suck
each other off.
SHELDON
Well then, I guess there will be no
more papers for you and your frat
brothers -- like the one I wrote
last week for your investment
class. What did you get on that
paper?
STAN
B plus.
SHELDON
(reaffirming)
A B plus.
STAN
(to Pleg)
Let them in.
(to Sheldon)
In an hour, I'm gonna look up, and
you 2 better be gone.
Scott pushes his way through the door. He scans the
atmosphere -- the lesbian session going on in the living
room, people dancing. His eyes stop when he spots Nia and
Tawny.
NIA AND TAWNY
NIA
Look who just walked in.
TAWNY
I'd rather not.
NIA
I bet you think about him all the
time. In the morning, in the shower
when you --
TAWNY
Shut up.
NIA
Hold my cell.
TAWNY
(taking the cell phone)
Your not going over there are you?
NIA
Watch and learn grasshopper.
TAWNY
Be careful Nia.
NIA
Don't stand here by yourself like
some lame. Take a tour or
something.
Nia approaches Scott.
NIA
I saw you looking at me.
SCOTT
I'm cross eyed.
NIA
Funny. Clever.
SCOTT
It got me to this point. Being
clever.
NIA
Wanna dance?
SCOTT
I don't dance.
NIA
Want a drink?
Tawny watches as Nia and Scott head for the kitchen. She
takes Nia's advice and tours the house.
KITCHEN
Wesley, Nate, Pierce, and B Boy huddle around the island.
PIERCE
Who's buying dinner tonight?
WESLEY
Dinners on me.
NATE
Caffeine pills again?
WESLEY
These freshman broads will believe
anything.
B BOY
Like you have a big dick?
WESLEY
Your mother believed it.
PIERCE
If you were smart you'd be doing
this all the time.
WESLEY
If I did it all the time, I'd get
burnt at some point. I have to
treat it like going down on a girl.
NATE
(to B Boy)
Where's that freshman of yours?
B BOY
Fuck should I know. Can't drag him
around every place I go.
NATE
You mean like what I did for you?
B BOY
Fuck you motherfucka. You should
have seen Nate freshman year. I had
to show him the ropes and shit --
NATE
No. I showed you the ropes. How
fast you forget. Motherfucker from
New Jersey. You should have seen
the shape he was in. Couldn't even
pee straight. Remember the trip to
Penn State?
B BOY
I'm going to slit your fucking
throat if you tell that god damn
story again.
WESLEY
I never heard it.
PIERCE
I have. Nothing special about it.
NATE
Second semester of our freshman
year --
B BOY
I told you not to tell.
WESLEY
Too embarrassing?
B BOY
No, but...
NATE
There was sex, drugs, cops... girls
with big ass titties.
WESLEY
Big ass titties? Now I have to hear
this story.
TAWNY
Tawny wonders about the living room. She bumps into Oscar.
TAWNY
Excuse me.
Tawny casts her eyes down on the lesbain session on the
couch.
TAWNY
Oh my god! What kind of party is
this?
OSCAR
It's a party. Calm down.
TAWNY
How could they degrade themselves
like this?
OSCAR
Beer. Drugs. Peer pressure.
Even though Tawny is mortified by the sight, she still
lingers about.
OSCAR
Enjoying yourself?
TAWNY
What? No. Listen you, I don't know
who you are... if your implying
somehow that --
OSCAR
You don't know who I am?
TAWNY
No.
OSCAR
Seriously?
TAWNY
Does it look like I'm joking? Am I
supposed to know who you are?
OSCAR
Well, yeah.
TAWNY
Get lost.
Tawny heads upstairs. She moves down the hallway. She stops
at the bathroom door, which is slightly open. She peeks in to
find a frat brother getting a blowjob.
Tawny moves to the end of the hallway. She hears something
pipping out from the behind the door of the last room. Sounds
like laughing.
Tawny places her hand on the door and slowly pushes it open,
just enough to peek through. Her eyes widen at the sight --
Lee doing a line of coke off the stomach of another girl.
Thinking quickly, Tawny films the act with Nia's cell phone.
ON CELL PHONE SCREEN
Lee snorts the last line of coke, then licks the gils belly
button.
TAWNY
(low)
Fuck you.
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: THE ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- BASEMENT -- MORNING
The maddening buzz of an ALARM CLOCK!
PROFESSOR ALLEN, 44, awakes. He methodically rises from the
tattered, orange couch. Professor Allen is slightly
overweight with thinning air. The only thing he cares about
is his work.
The basement is a mess. Empty Chinese food boxes are
scattered about the checkerboard tiled floor.
A DOOR SLAMS upstairs.
SUBURBAN HOUSE -- KITCHEN
Professor Allen pours himself a cup of coffee. He watches
from the window as his WIFE gets in her car and heads off to
work.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- MORNING
Professor Allen loads boxes and a suitcase into his trunk.
The top of one box is ripped. Professor Allen drapes a towel
over it, covering it's contents.
The neighbor, EUGENE, sticks his head over the white fence.
EUGENE
Hey, neighbor.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Eugene... good morning.
EUGENE
Finally hittin' the road, eh?
Professor Allen nods.
EUGENE
Join the club. Stay strong brother.
If you need anything don't
hesitate.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Thanks.
Professor Allen gets into his car. He checks his watch.
INSERT -- TIME ON WATCH READS 9:01
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
The pulsing numbers on the alarm clock read 9:00. Nia sticks
her head from out under the covers and presses the snooze
button.
INT. APARTMENT -- MORNING
Oscar enters, drenched in sweat from his morning jog. An
athletic RED HEAD sleeps in bed.
OSCAR
Get up. It's 9:15.
RED HEAD
I don't care.
OSCAR
I have class in an hour. I have to
make the bed.
RED HEAD
You still never asked me my name.
OSCAR
At this point does it really
matter?
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
The alarm BUZZES 9:15. Nia sticks her hand out from under the
sheets and pulls the alarm clock plug out the socket.
Tawny enters, grabs her bookbag.
TAWNY
Heard they're looking for tutors.
The pay is little, but at least I
can make some pocket money. What do
you think?
Nia is knocked out cold.
INT. CAMPUS BUILDING -- TEACHERS LOUNGE -- MORNING
Professor Allen takes a deep breath before entering. Some of
the PROFESSORS converge on him.
MALE PROFESSOR
How are you feeling Cliff?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'm fine.
FEMALE PROFESSOR
I can't believe she kicked you out.
She cheated on you.
MALE PROFESSOR
Always the classy guy. Where are
you staying?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Holiday Inn, I guess.
MALE PROFESSOR
If you need anything, and I mean
anything, don't hesitate to call
me.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Nate is eating a bowl of cereal. He flicks through the TV
looking for something to watch. Oscar comes in, puts a wad of
money on the table.
NATE
Does anybody knock anymore?
OSCAR
It's all there.
NATE
Plus the points I hope.
OSCAR
Yeah, it's all there.
Nate counts the money.
OSCAR
You don't have to do that.
NATE
I know.
(realizing it's all there)
Ha. My nigga.
OSCAR
Yeah, well, considering the
alternatives... I'd rather deal
with you.
NATE
Want some Honey Comb?
OSCAR
No. Class. Check ya later.
INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING
Professor Allen is already emotionally drained, but his day
is just beginning. He looks over the empty chairs,
anticipating the arrival of students.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Nia lurches forward. She checks the alarm clock.
INSERT -- ALARM CLOCK TIME READS 9:15
Nia grabs her cell phone.
INSERT -- CELL PHONE TIME READS 10:12
NIA
Mother --
INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY -- LATER
Nia comes out the room dressed. She sprints down the hallway,
knocking over a girl standing at the soda machine.
EXT. CAMPUS -- MORNING
Nia sprints across the grass field.
INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING
The sound of chalk against a black board echo's throughout
the lecture hall as American History is underway.
Nia and Oscar sit next to each other. Oscar surf's the net on
his cell phone. Bored, he leans in to Nia --
OSCAR
Got anything?
NIA
I got some nose candy back in the
room.
OSCAR
Sounds good but I don't tip the day
before a game.
NIA
When has that stopped you before?
OSCAR
Sassy. We need to stop kidding
ourselves Nia. I want you. I know
you want me.
NIA
Have you noticed anything different
about Professor Allen? He seems
sadder then he usually is.
OSCAR
He's getting a divorce. I heard
coach talking about it. Twenty
years of marriage down the drain.
NIA
Ouch. Hope this doesn't fuck with
my grade.
INT. OLD TOWN TAVERN -- NIGHT
Seated at the bar, almost out of place amongst the after work
crowd, is Scott. Scott is a master of balancing himself on
that thin line of popularity and loneliness.
He stares at the patrons in their work attire. Nice suits.
Silk ties. He sees his future and hates it.
EXT. CAR -- MOVING -- NIGHT
Professor Allen reaches for his cup of coffee as the car
pulls to a stop at a red light. Professor Allen takes a sip.
He has totally lost himself in the moment as the light turns
green.
The car behind him slams on the horn, startling the
Professor, causing him to spill his coffee all over his
pants.
INT. OLD TOWN TAVERN -- NIGHT
Professor Allen enter and heads for the bathroom. Scott sees
the Professor. He perks up. Finally, something to do. He
downs his drink.
A few seconds later, Professor Allen exits the bathroom and
moves toward the door. He spots Scott at the bar. Professor
Allen approaches.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Scott? What are you doing here?
Scott pretends like he is drunk.
SCOTT
What does it look like.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
How did you get in? Second thought,
never mind.
Scott notices the big wet stain on the Professors pants.
SCOTT
(re: pants)
What happened?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Nothing. How did you get here?
SCOTT
(laughing)
I don't remember.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Come on, I'll give you a ride back
to the dorms.
SCOTT
Buzz off. I'm fine.
Not wanting to overstep his boundaries, Professor Allen turns
to leave. Thinking fast, Scott starts to cry. Professor Allen
stops dead in his tracks.
EXT. CAR -- MOVING -- NIGHT
Scott lights a cigarette and rubs his hand over the plush
leather seat.
SCOTT
Nice.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
You missed class last week... and
no smoking please.
SCOTT
I had a fever. Hundred and three
temperature.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
You have to start paying more
attention in class. You have
extraordinary potential, but your
mind tends to drift at --
SCOTT
I heard your getting a divorce.
Professor Allen is definitely uncomfortable talking about
this with one of his students.
SCOTT (CONTINUED)
Bang some tight little freshman?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No. And for the record, she cheated
on me.
SCOTT
Bitch. You can't trust'em. Put a
ring on her finger... that don't
mean shit.
Scott sneezes.
SCOTT
You got some tissue?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No.
SCOTT
Who doesn't keep a couple of
tissues in their car?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
What dorm do you live in?
SCOTT
Most people tend to forget they
have some in their car. Maybe you
have some in the glove, been there
for 6 months. You never know.
Scott reaches for the glove box.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Don't!
Professor Allen takes his eye off the road for a split
second, causing the car to wonder into oncoming traffic.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Shit.
A truck barrels down on them. Professor Allen jerks the
wheel, avoiding the truck but slamming into a guard rail.
EXT. CAR -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS
Professor Allen and Scott are a little shaken.
SCOTT
That was fucking great!
Professor Allen grabs his cell and dials 911. Scott notices
his still it cigarette on the floor. He picks it up and takes
a puff.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
(into cell)
Hello... I've been in a car
accident... route 110...
(to Scott)
Are you alright?
SCOTT
Yeah.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
(into cell)
We're alright... just hurry. We're
on route 110... route 110!
(to Scott)
They have a squad car in the
vicinity.
Scott gets out the car and looks over the twisted mess. His
eyes move to the trunk, which has been jarred open.
Something has caught his eye. It's the ripped box with the
towel over it. Intrigued, Scott removes the towel. His eyes
widen at the sight -- a box full of kiddie porn tapes.
PROFESSOR ALLEN (O.S.)
What are you doing?
Scott grabs the box.
SCOTT
What the fuck is this? What kind of
pervert are you?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Give me the box Scott.
SCOTT
Holy shit. This is why your getting
a divorce?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
She caught me. My wife.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- BEDROOM -- FLASHBACK
Professor Allen is sitting on the bed, slumped over, watching
one of the porn movies. He is jerking off.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Yeah, yeah... that's good...
His wife burst through the door, literally catching him with
his pants down.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Honey. It's not what you think.
BACK TO SCENE
EXT. CAR -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Because I forgot to lock the
door... 20 years down the drain. I
was going to get rid of it, I
swear. My life is ruined because of
this.
A light is shinned in their faces. The squad car pulls up.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Please, Scott. Give me the box.
Scott stands there with box in hand. He knows he has
Professor Allen over a barrel.
SCOTT
This is disgusting. People like you
need to be locked up forever.
The COP exits his car.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'll give you anything you want.
Name your price.
SCOTT
I want an A for the semester. No
questions asked. Deal?
Professor Allen nods his head, then grabs the box as the cop
approaches.
COP
Are you and your son alright?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Yes... and he's not my son.
The cop looks over the damage. Scott takes a seat on the
curb, nursing his wounds. The cop takes out his ledger and
starts filling out the report.
COP
You should have stayed in the car.
You never know what delayed
injuries can occur. What happened
here?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
It's my fault. I took my eyes off
the road.
COP
Last month, this stretch of road
caught 5 accidents. Needs more
lights.
The cop looks Professor Allen over.
COP
Have you been drinking tonight?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No
SCOTT
Give him the Breathalyzer.
COP
Where are you coming from?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
The bar -- just up the road.
COP
And you were not drinking?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I just stopped to use the rest
room. Is that a crime?
COP
Calm down. Calm down. What's in the
box?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Ugh, some documents. I'm in the
process of moving.
SCOTT (O.S.)
He's getting a divorce.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
(to Cop)
Mutual divorce.
COP
I know how it is. Five years next
month. What's your name, sir?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Professor Cliff Allen.
COP
Professor Allen? You teach American
history?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Yes.
COP
Angela Davis... my daughter. She
graduated 3 years ago. She spoke
very highly of you.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Yes, Ms. Davis. She was always the
first one to get to my class. Smart
girl. How is she?
COP
She moved out west 8 months ago.
Got one of those new tech jobs.
It's good to finally put face to
name.
EXT. CAR -- LATER
The tow truck driver, MARTY, secures the car to his truck.
Professor Allen packs his things into the cab.
EXT. TOW TRUCK -- MOVING -- NIGHT
Marty, Professor Allen -- his belongings -- and Scott are
wedged into the small truck cab. Marty is chewing on a half
used cigar.
Professor Allen glares out the window at the truck headlights
shinning into the endless darkness. Marty notices.
MARTY
I know how you feel. Don't worry
about it... if you have insurance.
But half the people I pick up
don't. They, my friend, are truly
screwed.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
That's comforting to hear. But I
got bigger problems.
SCOTT
He's getting a divorce.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Jesus, Scott.
MARTY
That's alright, man. Shit, my
cousin just got a divorce. It's
hard on the kids. Of course, I'm a
product of divorce and I turned out
okay.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
We don't have any kids. My wife,
she doesn't like children.
SCOTT
You, on the other hand...
PROFESSOR ALLEN (CONT'D)
I was supposed to move into a
hotel. My damn car is totaled. I
can't do anything right.
MARTY
Sounds like you need a stiff drink.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'm not a drinker.
MARTY
I know a place. Candy Land. On
Rogers Street.
SCOTT
The strip joint?
MARTY
My brother works there. You should
see the tits on some of those
girls. Real, and I mean real.
SCOTT
Drop us there.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No. No. How many times -- that's
your problem Scott. You do what you
want and --
SCOTT
Your about to go through a messy
divorce, your car was totaled, your
going to be living in a cheap motel
for who knows how long. What else
do you have to look forward to?
MARTY
The boy is right. The boy is right.
EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT
Marty drops them off. Scott helps Professor Allen with his
belongings, placing the boxes behind some bushes in the
parking lot.
Professor Allen throws the box of kiddie porn in the
dumpster.
INT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT
Drinks, conversation and nudity. A deadly mix. Professor
Allen sheepishly takes a seat at the end of the bar. Scott
makes his way to the bar, where 3 topless STRIPPERS serve
drinks.
The blonde, VICKI, 22, smiles at Scott as he approaches.
VICKI
You look lonely, sweetheart.
SCOTT
I got my heart broken.
VICKI
Agh, poor baby.
SCOTT
My girlfriends leaving me for the
garbage man. She say's he's useful,
unlike me. Caused me to start
having chest pains. Doctor told me
I needed more sugar in my diet. So,
here I am.
VICKI
What'cha drinking then?
SCOTT
Beer for me and a beer for my
friend down there.
Vicki looks at Professor Allen, who looks like a wounded
puppy.
VICKI
Two beers coming up.
Scott joins Professor Allen. Vicki comes with the drinks.
VICKI
(to Scott)
Who's your friend?
SCOTT
This is...
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Cliff.
VICKI
I'm Vicki.
They shake hands. Scott downs half his beer in one gulp. He
gets lost in the VOLUPTUOUS GIRL dancing on stage.
VICKI
(to Professor Allen)
Rough day?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Excuse me?
VICKI
Rough day?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Yeah.
VICKI
I feel the same way sometimes --
Vicki leans in, accidentally knocking over Professor Allen's
beer.
VICKI
Oh my god! I'm so, so sorry.
Vicki grabs a towel and cleans up the beer.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No problem. Just beer.
VICKI
How clumsy of me. Let me get you
another.
Vicki moves to get another drink. She keeps her eyes on
Professor Allen, who's wallowing in self-pitty. Vicki returns
with a fresh beer.
VICKI
On the house.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Don't worry about it. Accidents
happen. They happen to me all the
time.
VICKI
I've been taking acting classes. I
saw a guy on Good Morning America,
helps to relieve stress and
anxiety.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
What's stressful about being a
stripper?
VICKI
Think it's so easy taking off your
clothes in front of these slobs
every night? You think these jerks
care if I'm getting evicted, or if
my car won't start? Think they care
if my mother's sick? All they care
about is my boobs and ass.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Your right. I apologize.
VICKI
Apology accepted... Cliff.
(re: untouched beer)
You want another?
Professor Allen gets the point. He takes a sip of his beer.
VICKI
You don't seem like our usual
customer. I'm not saying your a
fruit, but I have a good sense of
people. I can tell this is the last
place you want to be... just like
me.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Your still young to correct your
mistakes. Don't think that you
can't.
Vicki moves to the other end of the bar to tend to a
customer, though Professor Allen's words still stay fresh in
her head. She comes back, pours herself a shot and downs it.
VICKI
Want a lap dance?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I don't want to be rude. This is
your job and... I just want to
enjoy my beer and go home.
SCOTT
What are you fucking kidding me? Of
course you want a lap dance.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
No. Wait... Vicki --
Vicki comes from behind the bar, grabs Professor Allen by the
hand and leads him into --
CHAMPAGNE ROOM
Vicki pushes Professor Allen on the pink couch. She dances to
the music, shaking her ass in the Professor's face. He wipes
his brow as Vicki removes his glasses and rubs them against
her chest.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Be careful. Those are my only pair.
Vicki climbs on top of Professor Allen.
VICKI
I'll be gentle.
She takes Professor Allen's hands and places them on her
thighs.
VICKI
Just relax Cliff. Your safe here.
BAR
Scott continues to enjoy himself. The voluptuous girl, BERRY,
cozies up to him.
BERRY
Buy me a drink?
Scott pulls out a gold credit card.
INSERT NAME ON CARD -- CLIFF ALLEN
SCOTT
(to Bartender)
Give me the most expensive bottle
of vintage grapes you got back
there.
BERRY
Big spender. I should stick to you
all night.
CHAMPAGNE ROOM
Vicki is done. She sits on Professor Allen's lap.
VICKI
What do you do for a living?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I teach history at SU.
VICKI
No shit. My mother was a teacher.
Ninth grade math.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Are you in college?
VICKI
No. Not now. Just between you and
me, I've been saving my money so I
can go... go back I mean. I figure
I gotta shake my ass for another 5
months before I have enough to
quit.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
What are you going to study?
VICKI
Art. I was good in high school. The
best actually. I even won this
competition when I was 16. Then my
mother got sick, and I had to help
out with the bills.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I know someone in the admissions
office. If your serious, I can put
in a good word for you.
VICKI
You would seriously do that? Or do
I have to do something in return
for you?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I want to help if I can. If your
serious about school, why not. At
least I can do something good
today.
Professor Allen pulls out a pad and pen from his blazer
pocket. He jots down a name and number, hands it to Vicki.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Call her. Tell her your a friend of
mine and that I referred you to
this number.
BAR
Scott pours Berry another glass of wine.
BERRY
We gonna sit here all night?
SCOTT
You Batgirl or something? You got
some place else to be?
BERRY
We could go in the back room and I
can give you a private showing.
SCOTT
That sounds good. The only problem
is I don't pay for cunt. Why don't
you find another prick to squeeze.
Berry throws her wine in Scott's face.
BERRY
Faggot. I wasted 15 minutes on you.
SCOTT
Bitch.
Berry storms off. Scott heads to the bathroom to clean
himself off. Berry heads toward BRUCE, one of the bouncers.
CHAMPAGNE ROOM
Vicki gets dressed. She hands Professor Allen his glasses
back.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Thanks.
VICKI
So, how rough exactly was your day?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
My wife left me for good. I got
kicked out my house. My car is
totaled, and I have to sleep in a
second rate motel for who knows how
long.
VICKI
I get off in 30 minutes. If you
want... I can give you a ride.
Hearing a commotion, they exit the room. They see Bruce
dragging Scott out the bathroom and outside the
establishment.
EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- SIDE EXIT -- CONTINUOUS
Bruce tosses Scott to the ground. Some of the bouncers block
the exit. Berry comes out and throws a champagne bottle at
Scott.
BERRY
Your going to pay.
SCOTT
You gonna sleep with me and give me
whatever fucking disease your
carrying?
BRUCE
That's my girlfriend your talking
to.
Bruce slugs Scott in the stomach. Professor Allen and Vicki
push there way out.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Wait! He's just a college
student... just a kid.
SCOTT
Shut up.
BRUCE
I make my bones beating up college
kids like you.
(to Professor Allen)
You his gay uncle or something?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'm his history teacher.
The bouncers share a laugh.
BRUCE
Get the fuck outta here.
Bruce moves to push Professor Allen away. In one motion,
Professor Allen grabs Bruce's wrist and flips him over on his
back.
VICKI
Cliff.
SCOTT
Holy shit.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I don't want to hurt you. Just let
us be on our way.
Bruce gets to his feet.
BERRY
Maybe he's right Bruce. Let's --
BRUCE
This mothafucka's gonna pay.
Bruce advances toward Professor Allen.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I warned you once. I'm not going to
do it again. I'm just defending
myself.
BRUCE
Nobody embarrasses me in front of
my girl.
Bruce lunges at the Professor, who takes him down rather
easily.
Two COP CARS pull up. They race over to the pack of people
gathered at the side of the building.
They find Bruce on his back screaming like a bitch, Professor
Allen on top of him, holding him down in an arm lock.
The cops whip out their pepper spray and douse Professor
Allen. He crumbles to the pavement, crying in pain.
EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT
From the back of a squad car, Professor Allen watches as the
cops place Bruce in the back of the other car.
Professor Allen's eyes are blood shot red. He glances at the
doorway to see Vicki, looking on, worried. Scott approaches
one of the cops. After a beat, the cop escorts Scott over to
the car.
COP
Your nephew wants to tell you
something.
Scott sticks his head through the window and talks low.
SCOTT
Don't forget about our little
arrangement.
The cops get into the car and they pull off.
SERIES OF SHOTS
Professor Allen is taken to the police station and
fingerprinted.
They take Professor Allen's mug shot.
At Candy Land, Vicki leaves for the night.
Outside, Scott rummages through Professor Allen's belongings
behind the bushes.
Professor Allen is placed in a holding cell.
Scott breaks into a car in the parking lot. He goes
underneath the steering column and hot wires the car.
END SERIES OF SHOTS.
INT. POLICE STATION -- MORNING
A cop unlocks the holding cell. Professor Allen sleeps on the
bench.
COP
Cliff Allen?
PROFESSOR ALLEN
(waking)
Yes. That's me.
COP
You made bail.
EXT. POLICE STATION -- MORNING
Professor Allen exits the station, shielding his eyes from
the burgeoning sun.
VICKI (O.S.)
Hey, you.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Vicki? What are you...
VICKI
I still owe you that ride.
EXT. CAMPUS -- MORNING
Scott pulls into the parking lot. With his shirt sleeve, he
wipes down the steering wheel and door knob.
INT. DORM -- BATHROOM -- MORNING
Scott takes a shower.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Scott slips on a fresh pair of boxers and climbs into bed.
INT. OASIS MOTEL -- MORNING
Professor Allen and Vicki enter his motel room. The decor is
an eyesore. Brown, suede bedding. Artwork from the 70's adorn
the walls.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
Home sweet home.
VICKI
This isn't half bad. At least the
bathroom is somewhat clean.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
You want something to drink?
VICKI
Sure.
Vicki moves toward the bed. Professor Allen heads for the
kitchen inclose. He runs the cold water, splashing some on
his still red eyes.
He heads for the fridge, realizing there's nothing in it --
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'm sorry. All I have is water.
VICKI (O.S.)
That's alright.
Professor Allen searches for cups. He takes the complementary
coffee pot and fills it with water.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
I'm terribly sorry Vicki. I just
realized I have no cups either.
Hope the coffee pot isn't --
Professor Allen re-enters the room to find Vicki sitting
naked on the bed.
PROFESSOR ALLEN
So, I guess your not thirsty?
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: THE POST GAME QUICKIE
INT. H. DICKEY MEMORIAL SPORTS ARENA -- AFTERNOON
The arena is emptying out, but you can tell a big game has
just been played. Students linger on the court celebrating
the big win.
Oscar's at mid court, drenched with sweet, doing an
interview.
FEMALE REPORTER
Thirty points, twelve rebounds...
how many of these amazing games can
you continue to have?
OSCAR
My teammates needed me today, and I
stepped my game up. I'm prepared
everyday to do what I have to do to
secure a win for my team.
FEMALE REPORTER
What about the NBA? Have you made
up your mind yet?
OSCAR
I'm not thinking about that. We
have an excellent shot at making
the tournament. That's all I'm
thinking about. When the seasons
over I will sit down with my family
and make the best decision
possible.
FEMALE REPORTER
Thank you, Oscar. Well another
victory for SU as --
Oscar heads for the locker room, shaking hands with some of
the students. A piece of paper is shoved in his face.
ANNA (O.S.)
Can I have an autograph?
Oscar looks up to find the prettiest little red head he has
ever laid eyes on. ANNA smiles as she hands Oscar a pen and
paper.
OSCAR
Sure.
Oscar gives his John Hancock.
ANNA
I'm a big fan of yours.
OSCAR
Oh?
ANNA
I even followed you in high school.
I grew up 20 minutes from you --
Oscar's eyes drift from the paper to Anna's cleavage, then to
her face.
ANNA
What are you doing after the game?
INT. DORM ROOM -- AFTERNOON
Anna takes a seat on her bed and removes her top.
OSCAR
You got a roommate?
ANNA
Her grandfather died. Funeral was
yesterday.
Oscar moves to the window, peaks out.
OSCAR
When is she coming back?
ANNA
This evening.
OSCAR
Evening being what?
ANNA
I don't know, between 4 and 7.
OSCAR
Four and seven is considered
evening?
ANNA
Don't worry. She's not coming home
for hours. I'll make it quick, but
I want you to come back.
Oscar moves toward Anna. She removes her bra.
OSCAR
Why?
ANNA
So I can give you the full show.
They kiss. Oscar pulls away.
OSCAR
Let me get this straight,
theoretically, she can come through
the door any minute now?
ANNA
I suppose. You scared of my
roommate? I thought superstars
don't get scared? I thought they
work good under pressure?
OSCAR
I'm only human.
ANNA
Human, I thought you were Superman?
OSCAR
My body is a little sore from the
game. Maybe we should skip the bed
wrestling and you just give me a
blow job or something.
ANNA
Don't worry, Mr. All American. I'll
take it easy on you.
Anna grabs Oscar by his belt and pulls him in close. She
unbuckles his belt with her teeth and proceeds to give him
the mother of all blow jobs.
Oscar is in heaven. His head goes back. His eyes close.
ANNA
Does it feel good, Mr. All
American?
Oscar is having too much enjoyment to answer. He zones Anna
out, slipping into the pleasure dimension.
Is that a microwave going off? A CONVERSATIONS in the next
room? A BELL or a WHISTLE? Perhaps it's angles singing sweet
nothings.
FOOTSTEPS moving down the hallway. Oscar's face clenches up
as he releases.
ANNA
Told you not to worry.
OSCAR
Damn, I sure as shit know what you
mean now. Fuck. What you say your
name was?
The door swings open and in walks Anna's ROOMMATE. But that's
not all. Her parents and 10 year old sister are present too,
THE STEVENS FAMILY.
ROOMMATE
What the...
Mrs. Stevens grabs her younger daughter and covers her eyes.
Oscar is caught in a bad situation, member still standing at
attention. Anna is to embarrassed to move.
ANNA
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Stevens.
MRS. STEVENS
(to her husband)
Say something.
MR. STEVENS
Your Oscar Sanchez, right?
MRS. STEVENS
Bill!
ROOMMATE
Dad.
MR. STEVENS
I know this seems awkward to ask at
a time like this... can I have an
autograph?
OSCAR
Su-- sure. You got a pen?
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: THE LIFE OF A PARTY GIRL
INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY -- DAY
Study hall. Nia sits at the table pouring over a thick text
book, at least that's what it seems.
POSTSCRIPT: MONDAY
She looks up and shares flirting glances with the JOCK seated
across from her. Nia leans back in her chair and runs her
fingers through her hair.
She pulls some lipstick from her purse and applies some to
her lips. Nia packs up her things and exits the library. A
few seconds later, the Jock leaves.
HALLWAY
The Jock follows Nia down the hall --
STAIRWELL
Nia descends the steps with the Jock not too far behind.
LOWER LEVEL
This is one of those floors that nobody goes on. Nia enters
into the bathroom.
INT. LADIES ROOM -- CONTINUOUS
The Jock enters. Stands by the door looking Nia over like a
piece of meat.
JOCK
My, my. Sweet cherry pie.
Without acknowledging him, Nia moves to the bathroom stale.
The Jock follows her in.
HALLWAY
Their moans can be heard from behind the bathroom door.
Dexter comes down the steps, moves to the water fountain
between the bathrooms.
He leans in to drink when he hears Nia's moans. Excited,
Dexter listens in. This is better then porn.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
The alarm clock RINGS.
POSTSCRIPT: TUESDAY
We move FAST FORWARD as Nia and Tawny begin their morning
routine:
Nia robes, grabs her towel and leaves the room. Tawny
continues to linger in bed until Nia comes back wrapped in a
towel.
She throws a brush at Tawny, waking her up. Tawny robes,
grabs her shit, and heads out to wash up. Nia smokes a
cigarette then dresses.
Tawny re-enters wrapped in a towel. She puts on her clothes.
Nia talks on her cell phone. Tawny does her hair and some
last minute checking of her school work.
They exit the room.
END FAST FORWARD
EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS -- MORNING
Nia and Tawny walk to class.
NIA
I hate my shampoo. Feels like I
have to wash my hair every hour.
TAWNY
Maybe it's your hair.
NIA
Your getting smarter. Your
loosening up now.
TAWNY
Is that a good smarter or a bad
smarter?
NIA
Bad.
TAWNY
I suppose some of you is rubbing
off on me.
NIA
My work has paid off. Now, there's
one more thing I have to do. Did
you figure out who your going to
give away your cherry to?
TAWNY
Keep it down. I don't want the
whole world to know.
NIA
Why not? It's time to get your V
card revoked.
TAWNY
It's not that easy.
NIA
Scott likes you. I can tell. I
don't know what happened the last
time with you guys --
TAWNY
He's a whore, Nia.
NIA
Aren't we all.
INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING
Nia finds a note posted on the door of her class. It has been
canceled for the day. Scott comes down the hallway.
SCOTT
(re: note)
What's up?
NIA
Canceled.
SCOTT
Shit. I could be sleeping right
now.
NIA
Tell me about it.
SCOTT
Prick did this on purpose. He could
have told us last class. They like
to fuck with us.
NIA
Yeah.
SCOTT
Is this class boring or what?
NIA
It's to early in the morning to
digest that kind of stuff -- and
that annoying voice.
SCOTT
Stop. I could hear it in my head
already.
NIA
My next class is at 4. It's like a
wasted day now.
SCOTT
Maybe not a complete waste. I have
some weed back in my room. We could
kill an hour or so.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Sex is finished. Scott roles off Nia. Scott takes a bag of
weed and a black chalice off his night stand.
SCOTT
Your not half bad.
NIA
Half bad? I'm a star baby.
Scott fill the chalice with weed.
SCOTT
I've had better.
NIA
Fuck you.
Scott lights the weed and takes a long drag. He gives Nia a
shotgun.
NIA
Like who?
SCOTT
This black chick. Last semester.
Can't remember her name. It's easy
for girls. You could get fucked 10
times a day if you wanted.
NIA
I wish. Most of the time we have to
settle. All the good guys are
usually taken by the time they hit
21. God damn shame.
SCOTT
What if no one comes along?
NIA
That's why vibrators were invented.
SCOTT
It such a chore to find good sex.
Good, sober sex. Me and you are
comfortable with each other, right?
NIA
I guess.
SCOTT
I know your body. You know mine. If
we're ever in the mood and can't
find anybody else... what if we get
together from time to time and
fuck?
NIA
Are you asking me to go steady?
SCOTT
No. It's more like fuck buddies.
NIA
So I'm second rate now?
SCOTT
No. I didn't mean it like that. I
call you. You come over and I fuck
your brains out. Then we each go
our separate ways. No phone calls.
No dinner. None of that boyfriend,
girlfriend shit.
NIA
Just sex?
SCOTT
No strings attached.
Nia grabs the chalice and takes a long pull, thinking it
over.
INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY
POSTSCRIPT: WEDNESDAY
Nia sleeps. It's her day off.
INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY -- NIGHT
Nia knocks on door 3N.
POSTSCRIPT: THURSDAY
LINDSEY opens the door, doesn't say anything to Nia as she
moves out the room.
LINDSEY
(to Ebony)
Try to keep the room clean... and
keep your friend off the bed.
EBONY
Can you leave now?
Nia gives Lindsey the finger as she closes the door behind
her.
NIA
What's her fucking problem?
EBONY, 19, is Nia's best bud and party accomplice. Ebony
hands Nia a shot glass and fills it with Captain Morgan.
EBONY
She's a real bitch. I can't wait
till this semesters over. I'm
getting a single next year.
They down their drinks.
NIA
You heard from Wes?
EBONY
He's downstairs waiting.
Ebony pours Nia one more drink, then one for herself. They
down their drinks.
EXT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT
Wesley sits in his Jeep Cherokee, blasting classic Phil
Collins. Ebony and Nia exit the building.
WESLEY
What took you so long?
EBONY
Beauty takes time brother.
WESLEY
So does getting drunk. And we
already wasted 10 minutes.
INT. VERONICA'S BAR -- NIGHT
Party night. Drunk couples make out on the dance floor. Drunk
couples make out at the bar -- where we find Nia and Ebony
downing shots.
EBONY
My chest is going to explode.
NIA
Your Irish now. You can drink with
the best of them. Keep reminding
yourself that.
VERONICA'S BAR -- MEN'S BATHROOM
Wesley reveals his bag of ecstacy pills to 2 young students.
WESLEY
Scooby snacks?
STUDENT
Are these real?
LADIES BATHROOM
Nia enters. The toilets are all occupied. Nia eyes the
garbage can. She removes the top, drunkenly climbs on top of
the can and begins to relieve herself.
VERONICA'S BAR -- LATER
Nia dances with a CHISELED GUY. His hands are all over her.
They move to the bar. The guy grabs Nia and proceeds to stick
his tongue down her throat.
A gallon of water is squirted in their face from behind the
bar. The female BARTENDER has a frown on her face, spray
nozzle in hand.
NIA
What the fuck bitch.
The Bartender comes from behind the counter.
BARTENDER
I'll squirt whoever I want bitch.
Your kissing my boyfriend.
CHISELED GUY
Ex boyfriend.
NIA
What? Fuck this.
Nia turns to leave when the Bartender grabs her by the hair.
The drunken cat fight commences. The mutual hair pull. The
eye gouge. The bitch slap.
Nia gets the upper hand and tosses the Bartender to the
ground. Wesley rushes in and pulls Nia off. The security
guards advance toward them. Wesley and Nia disappear into the
crowd.
EXT. VERONICA'S BAR -- NIGHT
Nia sits on the curb puking her brains out. Ebony holds back
Nia's hair.
WESLEY
Hurry up. We gotta vamoose.
EBONY
Want her to chuck in you car, Wes.
A BUM jaunts up to them, hand out, beer stuffed into a paper
bag.
BUM
Can you spare some change?
They pay him no mind.
BUM
Can you spare some change please?
WESLEY
Buddy, we're kind of busy here. I
think I saw some Mormons around the
corner.
BUM
Can you spare some change please?
EBONY
What did he say, grandpa?
BUM
Can you spare some --
Wesley reaches in his pocket and throws some change at the
Bums feet.
WESLEY
Happy birthday you basket case.
The Bum disregards the change.
BUM
Can you spare some change please!
NIA
Someone shut him up.
BUM
Can you spare some change please!
Nia jumps up and tackles the Bum.
INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
The sound of coke being SNORTED.
POSTSCRIPT: FRIDAY
Nia and Ebony sit on the floor, a tray of coke in-between
them.
NIA
No way.
EBONY
You could have made the football
team with that tackle. It was
classic.
We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED.
NIA
What's the 411 for tonight?
EBONY
Floor party in the eastern.
NIA
Cool. What's the attendance like?
EBONY
Good. There's a lot of hot shorties
on that floor.
NIA
Cool.
EBONY
Remember that dude from the eastern
who streaked through graduation a
year ago?
NIA
Big kid with brown eyes. Name
starts with a Y.
EBONY
Got kicked out of school last week.
Heard he threw the RA's TV out the
window.
NIA
No shit?
EBONY
Vie's old boyfriend.
NIA
Now which one was Vie?
EBONY
Vie was the girl who did the whole
lacrosse team our first semester.
We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED.
NIA
The eastern, that boy with the
curly, brown hair lives there.
EBONY
Yeah.
NIA
Cool.
EBONY
Cool.
NIA
Guess what?
EBONY
Your father's Brad Pitt?
NIA
No, silly. Tawny's coming.
EBONY
Bout time she lost her V card.
We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED.
NIA
Fucking cool.
INT. EASTERN DORMITORY -- FLOOR PARTY -- NIGHT
A topless sorority girl streaks down the hall. Music blast
loudly throughout the floor. Tawny is trapped in the lounge
with B Boy.
B BOY
I told that mothafucka to fuck off.
I ain't playin' -- put your fucking
hands on me.
TAWNY
(uninterested)
Yeah.
B BOY
You look hot in that dress.
TAWNY
Yeah.
B BOY
You look like Amy Smart in Road
Trip. Ever see that movie?
Nia grabs Tawny by the arm and pulls her away.
NIA
(to B Boy)
I need to borrow her for a minute
TAWNY
(to Nia)
How come I always get stuck with
these guys?
NIA
Let me tell you something about
guys. They like 2 kinds of girls:
sluts and good girls.
TAWNY
Is that so?
NIA
Your the good girl. That sweet,
innocent, blossoming flower.
TAWNY
And what are you?
THE FRESHMAN, 18, approaches B Boy and hands him a fresh
beer.
B BOY
Get any slit yet?
THE FRESHMAN
Most of these girls won't even give
me the time of day.
B BOY
I was like you once. Couldn't get a
peep out of these bitches. Now I
get so much pussy the ASPCA wants
to neuter me.
NIA AND TAWNY
TAWNY
I think I made a mistake coming
here.
NIA
Don't say that.
TAWNY
I'm never going to find the right
one.
NIA
This is college, Tawny. You don't
have to marry anybody.
TAWNY
Well, that's what --
NIA
Oh shit! That's him. That's him.
TAWNY
Who?
The boy with the curly, brown hair -- CODY, 20 -- has
arrived. Nia is flustered. Tawny has never seen her roommate
like this. Cody glances in there direction.
NIA
He looked this way.
TAWNY
Who is he?
NIA
I don't know.
INT. EASTERN DORMITORY -- DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
Ebony is making out with some DUDE. His hand runs down her
chest and stomach to her kitty cat. She grabs his hand.
EBONY
I'm on the rag.
DUDE
I can do it from the back.
EBONY
I don't eat where I shit.
DUDE
So what shall we do? Lay here and
cuddle?
FLOOR PARTY
Nia and Tawny watch from afar as Cody talks to some girls.
NIA
Look at them. Sluts. Look at her
shoes.
The girls strike out.
TAWNY
They're leaving.
NIA
What should I do?
TAWNY
Talk to him, stupid.
Nia composes herself and approaches Cody -- who's pouring
himself a cup of beer.
NIA
Can I have one?
CODY
Sure.
He pours her a cup.
NIA
You live on this floor?
CODY
Unfortunately. I think I was the
only person who rejected this
little get together.
NIA
I hate floor parties. My friend
dragged me here.
CODY
My name's Cody.
NIA
Nia.
CODY
I like that name.
Nia blushes.
NIA
So, what's your major?
CODY
Engineering.
The DING from the elevator door opening takes Cody's
attention away. Nia takes this opportunity and purposely
spills the beer all over her shirt.
NIA
Oh. My shirt. I can't walk around
like this.
CODY
I have a towel in my room.
NIA
Cool.
INT. CODY'S DORM ROOM
Cody retrieves his towel and hands it to Nia.
NIA
How clumsy of me.
CODY
Things happen. No problem.
Nia dabs at her shirt with the towel. No luck.
NIA
You have a blow drier? That would
work better.
Cody fetches his blow drier from under his bed. Nia removes
her shirt.
CODY
The power is kind of low. It's an
old drier. What I do is --
Cody stands to find Nia in her bra. She moves in, face to
face. Nia throws the hair drier on the bed, places Cody's
hand on her heart.
NIA
Feel that?
Cody nods.
NIA
Your not like the other juveniles
around here. There's something
special about you. I want you
inside of me, Cody.
Nia leans in to kiss Cody.
CODY
Nia.
NIA
Yes.
CODY
I'm gay.
FLOOR PARTY
The DING of the elevator as Nia steps out. She looks
defeated.
TAWNY (O.S.)
Nia...
Nia doesn't answer.
TAWNY
What happened?
Nia pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
NIA
They story of my life.
TAWNY
I don't think you can smoke that
here.
The DING of the elevator door opening. Scott steps out,
looking his usual rugged, dirty self. He catches eyes with
Nia. She exhales.
INT. FRAT HOUSE -- NIGHT
Another random party. Another time Nia gets wasted. She
dances on top of a table with Ebony, both drunk as a sailor.
POSTSCRIPT: SATURDAY
Nia falls off the table into the arms of another random dude.
NIA
My hero.
INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING
Tawny awakes.
POSTSCRIPT: SUNDAY
She turns over, her eyes widen at the sight of a dude's bare
ass sticking out from under Nia's sheets, staring her smack
in the face.
Nia enters the room, fresh from a shower.
NIA
Morning.
Tawny jumps out of bed and pulls Nia to the far corner of the
room.
TAWNY
(whispering)
Who the hell is that?
NIA
(laughing)
I was hoping you could tell me.
TAWNY
Nia --
NIA
Does a guys ass make you
uncomfortable?
TAWNY
It's not exactly what I want to
wake up to.
NIA
(to the dude)
Hey, dude!
He awakes.
NIA
It's time to go. My roommate has a
problem with smelly, drunk boys in
her room when she wakes up.
The dude slips on his clothes. Tawny's eyes stay glued to the
floor. The dude moves to the door.
DUDE
It's been wonderful.
Nia closes the door and stands in front of the mirror,
brushing her hair.
TAWNY
I worry about you sometimes.
NIA
Don't.
TAWNY
Your my friend, Nia. You helped me
a lot --
NIA
Don't get all Hallmark on me. This
is what college is all about.
Freedom. The only time you are in
your life. So you better make the
best of it.
TAWNY
This is what you call freedom?
NIA
I'm happy going out every night and
getting completely wasted --
TAWNY
Are you... happy?
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: THE HUSTLE
INT. APARTMENT -- KITCHEN -- NOON
TIGHT ON A GUY'S FACE. No more then 20 years old. His lip is
busted. He is sweating, face clenched in anguish.
PIERCE (O.S.)
Are you scared?
The guy shakes his head yes.
PIERCE (O.S.)
How come we always have to go
through this song and dance? You
like getting roughed up? Cause I
don't mind coming here and kicking
your ass from time to time.
A towel is thrown into the guy's lap.
PIERCE (O.S.)
For your lip. Now, were's the
money?
The guy points to his left. We hear sneakers moving across
the floor... a cabinet door is opened.
PIERCE (O.S.)
I trust you enough not to count it.
We hear sneakers moving across the floor... the front door is
opened.
GUY
Tell Nate I'm sorry. It won't
happen again.
Pierce stands in the doorway, stuffing a wad of money into
his coat pocket.
PIERCE
There won't be a next time.
The guy's eye's widen when he sees Pierce pull a gun out his
coat. Pierce aims it at the guy and squeezes the trigger --
spraying him with water. Pierce walks out the door laughing.
EXT. APARTMENT -- NOON
Wesley waits in his jeep. Pierce exits the building with a
big smile on his face.
WESLEY
What's so funny?
PIERCE
Nothing.
WESLEY
What do you want for lunch?
PIERCE
Chinese. I have a craving for
General Tso's chicken.
EXT. CAMPUS LIBRARY -- DAY
Scott tracks across campus to the library.
INT. LIBRARY -- CONTINUOUS
Tawny enters, book bag in toe. She moves to the help desk,
where the female LIBRARIAN, 65, flips through a stack of
books.
TAWNY
Excuse me, ma'am. I'm suppose to
start tutoring --
The librarian looks up.
LIBRARIAN
Tawny?
TAWNY
Yes.
LIBRARIAN
Second level. Your student is
waiting. You have 2 hours.
TAWNY
Thank you.
Tawny heads up the stairs to the second level. She glances
back to the help desk where she sees Scott talking to the
librarian.
Tawny heads for the private room. She pushes the door open to
find Oscar, waiting.
OSCAR
Hello, tutor.
LIBRARY -- FIRST LEVEL
The librarian leads Scott into a back row. The librarian
grabs a book off the shelf. Scott pulls out a pad and pencil
from his back pocket.
LIBRARIAN
What's the line on the Bears game?
SCOTT
Bears. Three and a half.
LIBRARIAN
God damn, I say god damn.
(thinking)
Gimme the Bears, minus the spread.
SCOTT
No basketball this week?
LIBRARIAN
Blew my bingo money on state last
time and it ain't gonna happen
again. Especially with the news
about Oscar.
SCOTT
News? What news?
SECOND LEVEL
Tawny is surprised, still standing in the doorway.
OSCAR
Come on in Tawny. We don't have
much time.
TAWNY
What is this? Some kind of way to
hit on me?
OSCAR
Don't flatter yourself. I need to
keep my eligibility. I must pass
science in order to keep my
scholarship. I'm barely getting by
with a C-.
TAWNY
Don't you have people who do the
work for you?
OSCAR
Yeah, well... I have to do it on my
own this time.
Tawny looks at him skeptically.
OSCAR (CONTINUED)
Do you think this is some kind of
ploy to get in your pants? What
kind of person do you take me for?
TAWNY
I know your type.
OSCAR
Type? What's that suppose to mean?
Tawny sits down.
TAWNY
Nothing.
OSCAR
No, no. Explain yourself.
TAWNY
The American athlete. The jock.
Everything at his fingertips.
Spoiled, arrogant... I know the
type.
OSCAR
What's wrong with a man enjoying
himself?
TAWNY
That's what you call it? It was
degrading... what they did. But you
don't seem to mind.
OSCAR
Is that what this is about? I
didn't force them. I was just
there. I can't figure you --
TAWNY
Our time is running out. If your
serious about maintaining your
precious eligibility then I suggest
you open your book to the first
chapter so we can begin.
Oscar complies.
EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY
Business taken care of, Scott moves back across campus. A
hand comes out of nowhere and slaps him on the ass. Scott
turns to find Nia.
NIA
Hey, you. What'cha doing?
SCOTT
What do you want?
NIA
Some way to talk to a friend.
SCOTT
Your up to something.
NIA
I'm not the one in trouble.
SCOTT
I'm not in trouble.
NIA
I heard that Seth has a beef with a
football player. And if he has beef
with one, he has beef with them
all.
SCOTT
Why the fuck should I care?
NIA
Never mind then. Better if your not
involved.
SCOTT
Fuck Seth. Fuck the football team.
Now, let's talk about fuck and Nia.
Tonight.
NIA
I got some girl things to do.
SCOTT
I'll come by after.
NIA
I might not be home.
SCOTT
I'll track you down.
NIA
I know you will.
INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY
Pierce sits on the bed drinking a bottle of Welsh Grape
Juice. Across from him is TOMMY, who is high as a
motherfucker.
TOMMY
Let me slide this time.
PIERCE
Can't do that. My brother has a
soft spot in his heart. Hell, I
wouldn't even be here if it weren't
for said soft spot. If it were me,
you cocksuckers would pay up front.
But it's not up to me. Ergo, our
current dilemma.
TOMMY
Did you just say ergo? You get that
from the Matrix Einstein?
Pierce throws the soda bottle at Tommy, bursting against the
wall above him.
PIERCE
Where's the fucking money?
TOMMY
I'm fucking broke, man.
PIERCE
I'm busting you out Tommy.
TOMMY
Fine. Take my coat.
Tommy points to his leather jacket hanging on the closet
door.
PIERCE
What the fuck do I want with your
jacket? It's not even my size.
TOMMY
Get it tailored.
PIERCE
Value. I need something of value.
TOMMY
My grandmother gave that to me on
my 18th birthday.
PIERCE
Like I give a shit.
Pierce eyes the computer on the desk. It's state of the art
and it's perfect. Tommy follows his eyes to the computer, and
he knows there's no way of talking him out of it.
TOMMY
Fine. At least let me burn a copy
of my porno's before you take it.
INT. APARTMENT -- DAY
Seated on the leather couch is SETH, 23. He's watching sports
coverage from 3 different TV's. Scott enters and moves to the
refrigerator. He rummages through it's contents.
SCOTT
When was the last time you went
shopping?
SETH
When was the last time you got
laid?
SCOTT
I don't know. Ask your mother.
Scott removes a carton of orange juice and begins to drink it
straight from the carton. He sits down next to Seth.
SETH
How's it looking?
SCOTT
I heard on the street about you and
some football player. You fucking
his girl or something?
SETH
Vincent.
SCOTT
That asshole linebacker?
SETH
Which reminds me, I need you to
pick up 3 bills from him. Today.
SCOTT
What?
SETH
Motherfucker said he didn't bet
what he bet. He knows what he bet,
and I know what he bet. He doesn't
want to pay up.
SCOTT
I got plans later.
SETH
How's it going to look if a bookie
can't collect?
SCOTT
Where's Kitty? Why can't she do
this?
SETH
Her mother died. She said she needs
a vacation. I gave her 2 weeks off,
get her head straight.
SCOTT
Vacation? All she does is sit
around here smoking weed and
painting her nails.
SETH
It's in your job description.
SCOTT
Since when?
SETH
Since now, motherfucker.
SCOTT
Is there a raise involved?
SETH
Your the worker. Do the fucking
work, or I can easily find someone
else who will.
Scott downs the rest of the orange juice and throws the
carton on the floor. He heads for the door.
SCOTT
I'm tired of your bullshit.
SETH
Then get a regular job.
INT. DORMITORY -- EVENING
Pierce and Nate stand in the doorway, Pierce still holding
the computer.
NATE
What am I supposed to do with this?
PIERCE
Watch porn?
NATE
I already have a computer. I don't
need another.
PIERCE
Can I at least leave this thing
here? It's heavy as a motherfucker.
NATE
Where's the money?
PIERCE
(re: computer)
Your looking at it.
NATE
No. Sell it. I want cash.
PIERCE
Cash? I've been lugging this thing
around campus, looking like an ass
your you. How come you have to take
IOU's from these crackers? You know
they ain't good for it.
NATE
Look, bring back some greenbacks.
Nate slams the door in his brother's face.
PIERCE
Dammitt!
INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING
Local blue collar place. Flannel shirts and work boots seem
to be the required dress code. In the back of the bar is the
pool hall, where Dexter and Sheldon are seated. Sheldon flips
through a computer magazine.
They seem out of place amongst the older crowd. Sheldon eyes
2 LOCALS at one of the tables, RUSSO, 40, and his girlfriend
SHERYL.
RUSSO
(to Sheldon/Dexter)
You kids know how to play?
SHELDON
(re: Dexter)
He does.
RUSSO
Wanna play?
DEXTER
Why not.
Russo and Sheryl share a chuckle as Dexter approaches the
table. He picks out a pool stick from the rack.
RUSSO
What do you play?
DEXTER
I don't know.
SHERYL
How bout 8 ball?
RUSSO
That's a man's game, fella. This
ain't no video game --
DEXTER
Let's put some money on it then.
RUSSO
Name your price.
Dexter pulls out a 20 and puts it on the table.
RUSSO
Fine with me. Hope your mamma won't
mind me taken your lunch money.
Dexter chalks up the end of his stick.
DEXTER
Just rack'em.
EXT. CAMPUS -- EVENING
Scott makes his trek back across campus. He pulls out his
cell phone and makes a call.
NIA (V.O.)
Hello.
SCOTT
What are you doing?
NIA (V.O.)
Homework.
SCOTT
Yeah, right. Meet me outside in 10
minutes.
NIA (V.O.)
For what?
SCOTT
I need you to run over to the
Bakersfield apartments with me
while I pick up something.
Afterwards, we'll get something to
eat.
NIA (V.O.)
I thought we weren't going to get
close?
SCOTT
It's something to eat. What's wrong
with that?
NIA (V.O.)
Is there sex involved?
SCOTT
I hope.
NIA (V.O.)
Then that's a date. I thought we
went over this --
SCOTT
Who says it's a date?
NIA (V.O.)
A meal, then assumed sex. That's a
date in my book.
SCOTT
Fine. I won't pay for your meal
then.
NIA (V.O.)
Forget it then.
SCOTT
What? Let me get this clear, the
only way you'll come is if I pay?
NIA (V.O.)
Correct.
SCOTT
But you don't want to go on a date?
NIA (V.O.)
Correct.
SCOTT
So I'll pay. Then you can sit on
one end of the place and I at the
other. We won't even speak or look
at each other.
NIA (V.O.)
Sounds good to me.
SCOTT
Just be outside.
INT. LIBRARY -- SECOND LEVEL -- EVENING
Tawny and Oscar are at work. Oscar's cell rings. He answers
it, to Tawny's dismay.
OSCAR
(into cell)
Talk to me... hey, Cindy... I'm
with my tutor... well, she's not
bad looking though. I hope your not
jealous...
Tawny gets up, arms folded in frustration.
OSCAR (CONTINUED)
We're on a break... 10 o'clock
sounds good... I will.
Oscar hangs up. Sensing Tawny's frustration, Oscar turns his
cell off.
OSCAR
It's off.
TAWNY
Thank you. Should have been off in
the first place.
Tawny sits back down.
TAWNY (CONTINUED)
Think we can continue without every
bimbo on campus calling you?
OSCAR
I'm tired of your hostilities.
Everyone can't be all buttoned up
and tight like you.
TAWNY
Buttoned up?
OSCAR
Your angry because you want to live
your life like this, but can't.
Why? Beats the shit out of me.
Maybe your just scared. I'm not
here for a lecture on how I should
live. I'm here to be tutored.
Oscar slams his book shut. He give Tawny a look. She returns
the cold look.
TAWNY
If that's how you want it.
Tawny closes her book, and they sit there in silence.
INT. DORM ROOM -- EVENING
B Boy lays on his bed, music blasting room his stereo. Pierce
stands before him, computer in hand.
B BOY
Do you ever see me on a computer?
PIERCE
No. But there's a first time for
everything.
B BOY
I don't know what to tell ya bro. I
don't want it.
PIERCE
You could watch porn on this
motherfucker..
B BOY
I got a DVD player.
PIERCE
Fuck... where's that freshman of
yours live?
INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING
Dexter and Russo continue their game. Russo misses a shot.
Dexter steps up to the table. The 8 ball is the only ball
left. Confident, Dexter chalks up his pool stick.
RUSSO
This is a big shot. For all the
marbles.
Dexter takes his shot, slamming the 8 ball into the corner
pocket, followed by the white ball, costing Dexter the game.
DEXTER
Damn.
RUSSO
You gotta ease up on those corner
shots. Best not play at a table
less you know that.
Russo takes the balls out the pockets. He grabs the 20 off
the table and hands it to Sheryl.
RUSSO
Think it's past your curfew. Better
get home.
DEXTER
I'm not going back without my
money.
SHELDON
(faking)
He's right, Dexter. Maybe we should
go back.
RUSSO
How bout we play another?
SHELDON
(faking)
That's not a good idea. We should --
DEXTER
Yes. We should.
Dexter digs in his pocket and pulls out 8, 50 dollar bills.
DEXTER
My uncle sent this yesterday. For
school supplies. Four hundred
bucks.
RUSSO
I just cashed my check this
afternoon. My lucky day.
EXT. BAKERSFIELD APARTMENTS -- EVENING
Five FOOTBALL PLAYERS stand out front smoking and
bullshitting around. Among them is VINCENT, 22. Scott and Nia
approach.
VINCENT
(to Scott)
Fuck do you want?
SCOTT
You know what I'm here for,
Vincent.
Vincent fishes 3 bills out his pocket and flashes it in
Scott's face.
VINCENT
Here it is.
(putting money back in
pocket)
Tell Seth to go fuck himself.
SCOTT
Why do you have to be hard?
FOOTBALL PLAYER
Kick his ass.
VINCENT
I'm gonna fuck you up in front of
your bitch. Think you can live with
that?
SCOTT
That's not my bitch. I just fuck
her from time to time.
NIA
(to Scott)
Who you calling a bitch?
SCOTT
Take it easy.
NIA
Fuck you.
Nia eyes one of Vincent's friends, MILLER.
NIA
(to Miller)
Miller, right? We're in the same
American history class.
MILLER
Yeah. Your the girl who sits in
front with the nice ass.
NIA
Haven't seen you there much.
MILLER
I dropped the class. Picked up
bowling instead. We were just about
to go upstairs and play some
domino's. You in?
NIA
Sure.
Nia leaves Scott's side and goes with Miller upstairs.
SCOTT
You gotta be kidding me.
VINCENT
Not a good day for you.
All of Scott's anger boils up. He bitch slaps Vincent. Bad
move. Vincent socks Scott in the stomach, then all his
buddies join him in stomping the stuffing out of Scott.
Through all the commotion, somehow, Scott is able to pull the
money from Vincent's pocket. He balls it up in his hand and
takes the beating like a man.
INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING
Dexter knocks the 8 ball into the pocket. Game over. Russo is
surprised.
RUSSO
I didn't even get a shot. You
cleared the god damn table in less
then 2 minutes. What kind of shit
is this? Last game you couldn't
even make a shot.
Sheldon quickly gets up and collects Russo's money off the
table.
RUSSO
You played me.
DEXTER
I won fair and square.
Russo moves toward Sheldon and Dexter. Sheryl blocks his
path.
SHERYL
Why did ou put up 400? You said you
were going to take me to AC this
weekend. Asshole. My mother warned
me about you. Once a loser...
RUSSO
Sheryl, baby --
SHERYL
Don't try to sweet talk me --
Dexter and Sheldon take the opportunity to slip out the bar.
Another successful night.
EXT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING -- CONTINUED
Sheldon hands half of Russo's money to Dexter.
SHELDON
This is getting too easy. Two
enterprising guys like us could
make a cleaning.
Dexter slips on his shades -- even though the sun is going
down.
DEXTER
No. This is good enough. Let's go.
INT. LIBRARY -- SECOND LEVEL -- NIGHT
Tawny and Oscar are still at a stalemate. The Librarian comes
by pushing a book cart.
LIBRARIAN
You kids are still at it? Your time
is almost up.
The librarian move on. Tawny begins to pack her things.
OSCAR
Look, I'm sorry. There's a lot of
pressure on me. Coach would have
been out of a job if I hadn't come
along. My sister's pregnant. I got
5 other siblings at home. I need to
pass science so I can keep my
eligibility, so I can go to the big
league. Your very smart. That's why
I picked you --
Tawny jumps on Oscar. They start kissing. Tawny is like an
animal. Oscar pulls her away.
OSCAR
Are you sure?
TAWNY
Yes.
OSCAR
What about the door? Someone could
come by and --
TAWNY
Shut the fuck up and kiss me.
INT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT
Pierce stands before The Freshman room, computer at his feet.
He bangs on the door. No answer.
PIERCE
Fuck!
Pierce kicks the computer. He picks it up and storms off.
Pierce waits at the elevator. The doors open and out steps
Sheldon and Dexter.
DEXTER
Nice computer.
PIERCE
(getting into elevator)
Fuck this thing.
DEXTER
It's broken or something?
PIERCE
I'm trying to sell it.
The elevator doors start to close.
DEXTER
How much?
Pierce shoves his foot in the door, sending it back open. He
steps off the elevator.
PIERCE
Five hundred.
DEXTER
That's too step for me.
Dexter turns to walk away.
PIERCE
Name your price.
DEXTER
Does it work?
PIERCE
Shit ya. State of the art. Got it
from someone today. He owed me
money.
DEXTER
I'll give you 200.
PIERCE
Deal.
INT. APARTMENT -- NIGHT
Scott enters Seth's apartment. Seth is in his usual spot. He
sees Scott, all beaten and bruised, his pride crushed. Scott
throws the money on the table.
SCOTT
I quit.
Scott moves toward the door.
SETH
How bout a raise? A hundred dollars
more a week.
Scott stops to think it over, then continues on his way out
the door.
SETH
See you tomorrow.
INT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT
Pierce slams 200 dollars in Nate's hand.
PIERCE
Here's your fucking money.
NATE
Good work. I appreciate it. Your
help. How's about dinner?
PIERCE
Chinese?
NATE
It's your choice.
INT. BAKERSFIELD APARTMENTS -- NIGHT
Nia sits at a table playing domino's with Miller and some of
the other football players. A lit joint dangles from her
mouth as she slams down a domino.
NIA
Domino motherfucker!
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: THE STREAK
INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
Friday night. The Freshman is in Sheldon and Dexter's room
playing video games, MADDEN 07. Dexter is sleeping.
SHELDON
This is pathetic.
THE FRESHMAN
You play like a 7 year old. I can't
grasp what your doing.
SHELDON
The offense I run is very complex.
THE FRESHMAN
Bullshit.
SHELDON
I got an extra XBOX in the closet.
Got it from some guy on the
baseball team. Needed a paper in
economics.
THE FRESHMAN
Don't have the money.
SHELDON
What about Lewis?
THE FRESHMAN
He would buy it, but he went home
for the week. Supposed to be back
tomorrow. He never misses the
Saturday parties. I'll ask him.
The door is open. B Boy sticks his head in.
B BOY
(to The Freshman)
I've been walking all over this god
damn dorm looking for your punk
ass.
THE FRESHMAN
Sorry.
B BOY
Come on. We got things to do.
EXT. STREET -- NIGHT
B Boy and The Freshman walk down the road toward the Quickie
Mart. B Boy smokes a cigarette.
THE FRESHMAN
Explain.
B BOY
Some guys prefer the landing strip.
If it's kept clean. The razor bumps
are a major turn off. Especially
when your down there bobbing for
apples. I like them clean and
smooth. No hair. The weird fucks
like that 1972 style, pussy looks
like the back of George the Animal
Steele.
THE FRESHMAN
Who?
B BOY
George the Animal Steele. The
wrestler.
THE FRESHMAN
I don't watch wrestling.
B BOY
That was before your time.
INT. QUICKIE MART -- CONTINUED
A bored CASHIER GIRL, 20, sits behind the counter, text book
open, but attention on the TV.
B Boy checks her out. The Freshman grabs 2, 40 ounces. B Boy
gets a bag of nacho's. They approach the counter. The cashier
eyes them suspiciously.
CASHIER GIRL
You look kind of young to be buying
beer.
B BOY
You look kind of young to be
working in a gas station food mart.
Give up on life already?
CASHIER GIRL
It's a part time job dick. Let me
see some ID.
B Boy throws his ID on the counter. The cashier examines it.
INSERT DRIVERS LICENSE PICTURE
A current picture of B Boy, but his age says 25.
BACK TO SCENE
The cashier starts ringing up their food.
CASHIER GIRL
That'll be $9.37.
The Freshman hands her 2, 5 dollar bills. The cashier holds
them up to the light, checking to see if they're fake.
B BOY
It's a fucking 5 dollar bill.
CASHIER GIRL
You seem like the type.
She bags their stuff and hands it to them.
B BOY
See ya next week, sunshine.
CASHIER GIRL
Whatever.
EXT. QUICKIE MART -- CONTINUED
They exit, passing a guy -- IRVIN -- standing by the pay
phone.
IRVIN (O.S.)
Hey! Stick'em up.
The Freshman and B Boy turn to see an ass smiling in their
face.
IRVIN
B Boy isn't it? Irvin. Halloween
party. About 6 of us smoked weed in
the back of the Western.
B BOY
You were there?
IRVIN
Yeah.
B BOY
Sorry buddy. Can't say I remember
you.
B Boy and The Freshman turn to walk away. Undaunted, Irvin
tags along.
IRVIN
What are you guys up to?
B BOY
We're going to make a dirty bomb.
You in?
Irvin reveals a fat bag of weed. B Boy's eyes widen.
IRVIN
You guys wanna smoke?
THE FRESHMAN
No thanks. We --
B BOY
Hell yes. You got papers?
IRVIN
You can't have weed without
something to smoke it with.
INT. DORMITORY -- THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM -- NIGHT
The Freshman down the last gulp of his 40. Irvin finishes
rolling the joint. He passes it to B Boy, who lights it and
takes a long pull.
IRVIN
High school is all about status,
and I had a lot of it.
B Boy's mind is on the blunt, nobody's paying any attention
to what Irvin has to say.
IRVIN (CONTINUED)
I had every fucking girl. Black.
White. Latin. Even the Mexican
girls who couldn't speak a lick of
English.
The joint is passed to Irvin. He takes 2 quick pulls and
passes it to The Freshman. B Boy and Irvin sit on the
Freshman's roommate bed.
B BOY
That must have been the shit.
Irvin's demeanor changes as his grips his chest. Irvin
charges up and pukes out the open window.
B BOY
Shit man. Can't control your
liquor.
THE FRESHMAN
Please don't throw up in my room.
IRVIN
I had some chicken earlier.
Irvin hurls out the window again.
THE FRESHMAN
This is sick.
IRVIN
My head is spinning. I just need to
crash for a few minutes.
THE FRESHMAN
I hope you got it all out?
IRVIN
I just need to crash.
B BOY
You can sleep on Lewis' bed. I'm
sure he won't mind.
THE FRESHMAN
No. Sleep on the floor Irvin.
It's too late. Irvin is fast asleep on the bed.
THE FRESHMAN
Why the hell did you tell him he
could sleep on Lewis' bed?
B BOY
Dude needed to crash. Don't worry
about Lewis. He's a pussy.
THE FRESHMAN
A pussy with giant, sharp claws
that will gouge my balls clean out
there sack.
B BOY
Look'a here, I gotta take a shit.
I'll be back my nigga.
THE FRESHMAN
Dude. Don't leave me here with --
B Boy moves out the room. The Freshman stands there a bit
stunned. He takes a seat on his bed, joint still in hand. He
puts it out, losing the mood to smoke. He stares at Irvin
fast asleep.
INT. THE FRESHMAN'S DORM ROOM -- AN HOUR LATER
The Freshman sits on the floor, Irvin still asleep on the
bed. B Boy has not returned, and the Freshman is pissed about
the wasted night. He kicks off his shoes and climbs into bed.
INT. THE FRESHMAN'S DORM ROOM -- MORNING
The door SLAMS! The Freshman rises. Still groggy, he scans
the room. Irvin is gone.
The Freshman gets out of bed and looks over the remnants of
discarded 40 bottles and nacho bags.
Something takes his attention away. A smell. His nose
searches the air for it's origin. He tracks the smell to
Lewis' bed. The Freshman throws back the covers --
THE FRESHMAN
What the --
There is a stain on the bed sheet. On closer inspection, it's
not just any old stain. It's a shit stain.
The Freshman knows the consequences if Lewis comes home to
find a shit streak on his sheets.
DREAM SEQUENCE
Lewis comes through the door and sees the stain. He grabs The
Freshman by the throat and throws him out the window like a
rag doll.
BACK TO SCENE
THE FRESHMAN
Fuck me.
The Freshman rips the sheets off the bed, rolling it up so he
won't have to see or deal with the shit stain.
INT. DORMITORY -- LAUNDRY ROOM
The Freshman throws the sheet in the washer. He puts some
quarters in the slot and grabs a discarded bottle of
detergent and pours a good amount in. The machine starts to
run.
THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM
He comes back, hit smack in the face with the smell of shit.
He moves to the window and opens it. He looks at the mattress
and sees problem number 2. The shit stain has seeped through
to the mattress, leaving an even worse stain.
THE FRESHMAN
Fuck me.
The Freshman runs out the room --
DORMITORY BASEMENT
The Freshman appears at the janitors closet. Knowing the door
is poorly secured, he gives it a little shoulder action and
it opens.
He searches for something. He grabs a couple of bottles of
cleaning products, a scrub brush, and heads out the room.
THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM
The Freshman pours a mixture of the bottles on the mattress
and begins to scrub unconsciously -- to no avail. He only
succeeds in making more of a mess.
THE FRESHMAN
Fuck me.
INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY
Nate is watching the Shawshank Redemption. The slurping
sounds of a bong is heard from the corner of the room, where
B Boy and Roy take turns. A pounding is heard at the door.
NATE
Enter.
The Freshman walks in, out of breath.
THE FRESHMAN
(to B Boy)
What happened to you last night?
B BOY
(blowing smoke)
What?
THE FRESHMAN
You said you were coming back.
B BOY
What?
THE FRESHMAN
Last night! You had to take a shit.
Said you were coming back. I waited
for an hour.
B BOY
Am I your bitch? I gotta tell you
everything? I got tired and went to
bed.
THE FRESHMAN
I need you to come to my room.
There's something I have to show
you.
B BOY
Your not gonna tell me your gay or
anything?
INT. DORMITORY -- DAY
The Freshman and B Boy stand before the stained mattress.
B BOY
(holding his nose)
What the fuck is that smell?
THE FRESHMAN
It's shit! Irvin took a shit on
Lewis' bed.
B BOY
He shit his fucking pants? That's
abominable.
THE FRESHMAN
Why did you tell him he can sleep
on Lewis' bed? Now I have to clean
it up before he gets back.
B BOY
It's his bed. Let him clean it.
THE FRESHMAN
Let him clean it? He's going to
grind my bones into a fine powder
and snort me up his nose if he
finds his mattress like this.
B BOY
Did you try to clean it?
THE FRESHMAN
I've been trying to clean for the
past hour.
B BOY
You didn't do a good job then.
INT. DORMITORY -- LAUNDRY ROOM
The Freshman takes the sheets out the machine and throws it
in the dryer.
INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY
The Shawshank Redemption is going off. Nate's eyes are red
with tears. Roy is passed out on the floor. The Freshman
bursts in. Nate quickly composes himself.
NATE
What the fuck. Does anybody know
how to knock?
THE FRESHMAN
Come to my room. I need to show you
something.
NATE
(suspiciously)
Were's B Boy?
THE FRESHMAN
In my room.
NATE
What's he doing?
THE FRESHMAN
Just, please come to my room. It
will only take a minute.
NATE
Well, since you said please.
INT. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM
Nate and The Freshman stand before the stain.
NATE
How did it get there?
B BOY
Someone shit their pants.
NATE
Who?
B BOY
Irvin.
NATE
Who the fuck is Irvin?
THE FRESHMAN
What should I do Nate? I've been
trying to clean this up all
morning, and I don't have the money
to buy a new one. The stench is
unbearable. Lewis will be back any
minute now. If he finds his bed
like this...
NATE
Alright, alright.
Nate takes a seat, sinking deep into thought.
NATE
Steal a mattress from another room.
THE FRESHMAN
How am I going to do that?
NATE
Your a smart kid. Think of a way.
But it should be from another dorm,
where no one know's you. Now I'm
leaving. I can't stand that smell
anymore.
Nate exits. The Freshman contemplates his idea.
B BOY
How are you going to lug the
mattress across campus?
THE FRESHMAN
With your help.
B BOY
Oh, yeah?
THE FRESHMAN
You got me into this mess. So your
helping.
B BOY
Your doing all the leg work.
INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- EVENING
The Freshman cases the floor. He spots a girl standing by her
room door, next to the stairwell at the end of the hall, all
dressed up for the night out on the town. The girl's roommate
joins her, and they move down the stairwell.
The Freshman has found what he was looking for.
EXT. DORMITORY -- BACK EXIT -- EVENING
B Boy and The Freshman come out the door carrying the
mattress. B Boy holds it from the back, far from the stain.
The Freshman peeks around the corner. The coast is clear.
THE FRESHMAN
Come on.
They dart across to the opposite building. They move through
the back of the buildings, through dirt and mud.
INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- STAIRWELL -- EVENING
They lug the mattress up the steps. They place the mattress
up against the wall and enter into the 3rd floor.
THE FRESHMAN
This is the room. It's perfect.
Right next to the steps. Two
chicks, gone for the night.
B Boy reveals a small lock pick and begins to jimmy the door.
After a few seconds, they gain access into the room -- which
is decorated in pink and sky blue.
B Boy moves to one of the beds and picks up a pink nightie. B
Boy stuff's it in his pocket as The Freshman removes the
sheets from the other bed.
THE FRESHMAN
Jesus Christ. Give me a hand with
this mattress.
They carry the mattress out into the hallway, then into the
stairwell. They grab the tainted mattress and carry it into
the room. The Freshman puts the sheets back on.
EXT. CAMPUS -- EVENING
The Freshman and B Boy carry the mattress back across campus.
INT. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM
The enter with the mattress. The Freshman puts the sheets on.
B BOY
My work here is done. I'll be at
Nate's.
B Boy exits the room. The Freshman breathes a sigh of relief.
His first of the day. He crashes down on the bed and passes
out.
THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM -- MINUTES LATER
The door opens and in walks Lewis. He drops his bag on the
floor and moves to the closet.
The Freshman's eyes shoot open.
THE FRESHMAN
Your back. How was your trip?
LEWIS
Got high. Got laid. Did a wash. It
was cool.
Lewis attention is drawn away from something.
LEWIS
You smell that?
THE FRESHMAN
No.
LEWIS
You don't?
THE FRESHMAN
I don't smell anything Lewis.
Lewis moves around the room, trying to put a finger on where
the smell is coming from.
LEWIS
Did you fart or something?
THE FRESHMAN
Yes. I did. You got me.
LEWIS
Open a window or something.
INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- NIGHT
The 2 girls return from a night of hard partying. They flick
on the light.
GIRL #1
God, she was a real bitch.
GIRL #2
Tell me about it.
GIRL #1
What the fuck is that smell?
FADE TO BLACK.
POSTSCRIPT: TAWNY'S REVENGE
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- MORNING
Lab work commences. Tawny works with Lee.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
All warfare is based on deception,
cunning, smarts, and strength. The
general who wins a battle makes
many calculations in his temple
before the battle is fought.
LEE
Tawny, can you run down to the
inventory room and fetch me a box
of beakers.
Tawny moves toward the door.
LEE (CONTINUED)
Be careful Tawny. Things have been
disappearing around here. I don't
want anything to happen to you.
Every one laughs. Undaunted, Tawny continues out the room.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
Conceal your disposition. There are
many dangerous faults that can
affect a warriors thinking. One is
a foolhardy temper, which can be
evoked by clever insults by ones
enemy. Appear where you are not
expected.
INT. LIBRARY -- MORNING
Books are stacked on the table as Lee pours over her notes.
Tawny approaches, sits her laptop down on the table. A video
starts to play.
Lee is surprised to see the video that Tawny shot at the FU
party with Nia's cell phone. Lee knows she is in deep shit.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
Your best weapon is surprise. That
is the warriors biggest advantage
and must be revealed at the most
opportunistic point.
LEE
Why are you showing me this?
TAWNY
Listen and don't speak. You will go
to Professor Dooley and tell him
you want off the project because
you can't handle the pressure. Do
you understand so far?
Lee nods her head.
TAWNY
If you do not comply with my
demands, this little video will be
placed on Youtube and emailed to
all 30,000 students and faculty.
Got it?
Lee nods her head. Tawny closes her laptop and moves off.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
A warrior must always stay focused.
Once his plans have been revealed,
he has little time to waste.
INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- OFFICE -- DAY
Lee sits in front of Professor Dooley, explaining why she
wants off the project.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY'S OFFICE -- LATER
Professor Dooley informs Tawny of the sudden change in plans.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
So, as you see, I am putting you
back in the big spot. You are the
head honcho again. Don't disappoint
me again Tawny.
TAWNY
I won't, professor.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
Do not overtax youR men or
overspread your advantage if one
has many enemies to conquer.
EXT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- NIGHT
Professor Dooley leaves the office. He climbs into his
purple, VW Beetle. The car starts to pull off when he notices
the car lagging a little.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
What in the golly, blue, blazes --
Professor Dooley exits the car and notices he has a flat
tire.
PROFESSOR DOOLEY
God damn motherfucker!
Tawny looks on from behind the bushes. A smile of approval
etched on her face. She holds a knife in her hand. Tawny
folds the knife close and places it in her pocket.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
Making no mistake is what
establishes the certainty of
victory. But be careful, the enemy
can come in the form of friend or
foe. If friend reveals himself as
deceitful, be cautious.
INT. CAFETERIA -- MORNING
Nia and Tawny eat breakfast. Nia turns her attention away for
a brief second, allowing Tawny to slip a white pill into her
tea cup -- which instantly dissolves.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
Though, keep in mind that if you
know the enemy and know yourself,
you need not fear the result of a
battle.
INT. BUILDING -- LECTURE HALL -- DAY
Nia sits in class. Suddenly, she feels a pain in her side.
Nia moves uncomfortably in her chair. Something is about to
explode in her.
Nia grabs her books and exits the lecture hall in a cloud of
dust.
INT. DORMITORY -- BATHROOM
Nia takes a monster shit.
INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT
Tawny and Nia lay in bed watching TV. Nia feels something
about to explode in her again.
NIA
Shit.
She leaps out of bed and darts out the room.
EXT. DORMITORY -- ROOF -- NIGHT
Tawny smokes a cigarette in her pajamas, looking out at the
vast campus backdrop -- reviling in her private victory.
ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.)
The most clever warrior fights
battles that do not exist. Battles
that only one or two people might
have some knowledge of. His
victories bring him neither acclaim
nor courage, nor reputation.
For the world at large knows
nothing of them. He receives no
credit.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. EAT & PARK DINER -- NIGHT OF THE FU PARTY -- NIGHT
Nate, Wesley, B Boy, and Pierce sit at a booth, halfway
through their meals.
Everyone eats breakfast: pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon,
sausage, toast. B Boy eats the classic American cheeseburger
and fries.
The diner is sparsely occupied with nocturnal animals looking
for their last meal of the night.
B BOY
Where the hell is the waitress?
NATE
(to Wesley)
Pass the maple syrup.
B Boy spots the waitress, waves her over as Nate drowns his
pancakes in syrup.
WAITRESS
Need anything?
B BOY
(handing her his glass)
Milk. I need a refill.
The waitress takes the glass, moves off.
B BOY
Nice legs. Could'a had a better
attitude, though.
NATE
This is a shit job, making shit
money. The last thing she wants to
do is smile. She wants to take your
plate of food and shove it in your
face.
B BOY
Like I care. Just make sure my meal
is hot and drink is cold.
The waitress comes back, puts the filled glass on the table.
B BOY
Milk does a body good.
Not amused, the waitress moves on.
PIERCE
Strike 2.
WESLEY
She does have a sweet pair of legs
though.
(beat)
You know who I'd fuck? Kelly
Clarkson.
NATE
Whoa! How'd we get from nice legs
to you know who I want to fuck?
WESLEY
That's a seamless transition. Legs,
fuck.
B BOY
Kelly Clarkson doesn't do it for
me.
WESLEY
I love a girl with some meat on
her. She's very underrated.
B BOY
She seems like a phony.
PIERCE
Everyone's a phony.
B BOY
Not me. I'm an OG bitch.
WESLEY
See, you motherfuckers are in love
with the Pamela Anderson types.
Watermelons for tits, blonde hair,
wafer thin waist, wafer thin mind.
NATE
Step your game up. Pam is old news.
I'm talking about Jessica Alba --
but she looks like the type who
won't fuck wit a nigga. Know what
I'm sayin'?
PIERCE
Halle. It don't get no better.
Face, tits, figure, ass... original
tits might I add. They don't
make'em like that no more.
B BOY
Britney. I'm talkin' bout young and
cute Britney. Before K-Fag came
along and fucked her up. Shit man,
I even sat through that dumb as
movie she was in, just ta look at
her.
NATE
That cross country shit?
B BOY
Yep. Seen it twice.
PIERCE
That's pathetic.
B BOY
Like you ain't never done some shit
like that before?
PIERCE
Did you pay to see it?
B BOY
Yeah. I rented the video.
PIERCE
That's even worse.
WESLEY
Were you with a girl?
B BOY
Yeah. It was either that or
Robocop, and I know I wouldn'ta
gotten laid if I brought home
Robocop.
NATE
You know, I just realized that
Robocop is the Bionic Man. The same
fucking story.
It's like they couldn't get the
rights to Bionic Man so they said
fuck it, we'll make up some shit,
put it in the future, make him a
cop, make it gully and
motherfucker's won't even know.
WESLEY
So?
NATE
Everybody copies. Everybody
recycles shit. What we're doing,
it's been done before. We think
we're saying original, witty shit,
but it's been cleaned, washed --
WESLEY
(to Pierce)
Your brothers nuts.
B BOY
Right here. Right now. Who are we
copying off of?
NATE
Reservoir Dogs. That scene in the
beginning. Pulp Fiction. Shit, any
episode of Seinfield or Friends --
B BOY
I can't stand Friends --
NATE (CONT'D)
All I'm saying is nobody's original
anymore.
PIERCE
I don't know what they put in these
eggs but...
WESLEY
There not that powdered shit they
serve in the cafeteria.
Oscar enters, piece of arm candy with him -- we recognize her
to be one of the girls from the lesbian session at the FU
party. They move to the other side of the diner. Before he
sits, Oscar spots Nate, moves to him --
OSCAR
Gentleman. How's the night treating
you?
PIERCE
Like shit.
OSCAR
That's good to hear.
PIERCE
Try the eggs. They're fantastic.
Oscar sits down, lights up a cigarette.
OSCAR
I wonder if I can smoke here?
NATE
Looking for something, friend?
OSCAR
Yeah. You got anything?
WESLEY
I got some E --
OSCAR
I ain't no dumb ass freshman.
NATE
Shops closed for the night.
OSCAR
Come on Nate. I'm your ace
customer. You can't make any
exceptions?
NATE
Shops closed.
B BOY
I can get high.
NATE
Shops closed.
B BOY
You never let us smoke for free.
Cheap ass nigga.
NATE
I'm running a business. If I owned
a 7/11 and let you cheap dick
beaters take a Coke or a bag of
chips for free, pretty soon you'd
be doing your grocery shopping
there. I would lose money. It
doesn't work like that.
OSCAR
What doesn't work like that?
NATE
Life doesn't work like that. I have
to get mine... know what I'm
sayin'?
Oscar's bummed out. The waitress comes over.
WAITRESS
(to Oscar)
No smoking here, sir.
OSCAR
(outing cigarette)
No problem.
Oscar watches her walk off.
OSCAR
Nice legs on that one.
B BOY
See.
WESLEY
Who's your top hottest bitch?
OSCAR
I have no preferences, though Salma
Hayek is haunting my dreams... is
it me or did her jugs get bigger?
B BOY
They did get firmer, maybe she had
a kid. Tits full of milk.
PIERCE
Maybe she got a boob job.
OSCAR
I've been watching Ugly Betty like
a motherfucker over her.
B BOY
See that rack on her? Shit, she
don't need one.
OSCAR
Come to think about it. I know this
lady. Shirley, works in the
admissions office. She's pretty
hot.
B BOY
Admissions office? Those fat
broads? What is she, like 65?
OSCAR
She's forty-something. I've been
taping her on the side for about 3
months now. I love older women.
They got their own place, make you
a little food, wash your clothes.
PIERCE
Sonovabitch. This motherfucka's got
ass in storage and shit.
OSCAR
Come to think about it, her brother
grows in his basement.
(pulling out his
cellphone)
She might even let us hit it.
B BOY
Really?
OSCAR
Well, me at least.
Nate waves over the waitress.
NATE
(to waitress)
Can we have the check please?
OSCAR
(into phone)
Hello... it's me... Oscar...
Oscar... what do you expect?... I'm
here with a couple of friends
looking to get high... well, you
know I love you... alright --
NATE
Okay, what about the tip?
B BOY
She could have been better.
WESLEY
She was alright. Three dollars.
PIERCE
That's not enough.
WESLEY
That's enough for me.
PIERCE
She's bustin' her ass. Servin'
motherfucka's 8 hours a day --
NATE
See! See what I'm saying? Everybody
copies. Reservoir Dogs. Complaining
about the god damn tip. You guys
did that subconsciously.
OSCAR
That's freaky... yeah, I'm sure of
it --
NATE (CONT'D)
See. Everything's connected.
Everyone's connected.
Oscar hangs up his phone.
OSCAR
She's for it. We're all invited.
Right now.
Waitress comes back with the check. Nate looks it over. Oscar
looks back at his arm candy, who's flipping through a menu,
waiting.
OSCAR
Fuck it. Let's go.
They divvy up the check and leave.
EXT. HOUSE -- NIGHT
Oscar rings the doorbell, the gang stands by.
PIERCE
She doesn't have any cats or little
children does she?
OSCAR
No. Nothing to worry about.
SHIRLEY, fortyish, your friends hot mother type, opens the
door in her bathrobe, make-up on.
OSCAR
Shirley. You look lovely. These are
some of my people.
The gang moves into the living room, get comfortable.
SHIRLEY
Thought you forgot about me.
OSCAR
Shirley. How can I forget about
you?
Oscar cozies up to her, wraps his arms around her waist,
begins to kiss her neck.
The gang looks on, kind of out of place. B Boy picks up the
controller, turns the TV on, starts flipping through the
channels.
OSCAR (CONT'D)
I got practice every day. I had a
game 2 days ago, just got back in
yesterday... school work. I've been
very busy.
SHIRLEY
I've been busy too.
Shirley grabs Oscar in close, hands all over his ass, looks
him dead in the eye --
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
Not busy enough.
OSCAR
I know. I'm sorry.
SHIRLEY
No. I'm sorry. You know that cute
freshman on the basketball team?
The kid who plays guard?
OSCAR
Yeah. Mike.
SHIRLEY
Mike. He's precious. Met his mother
and father. Nice people. They
wanted him to go to a place where
he could be at home... around good
people. I just saw him in the
office the other day. Sweet little
thing.
OSCAR
Okay. I get your point. I'll call
more... if I can.
SHIRLEY
I got nothing but time.
(to Nate)
This ones cute. What's your name?
NATE
I'm Nate. This is my brother
Pierce. That's Wesley, and that
sloppy thing over there is B Boy.
SHIRLEY
(to Nate)
Lovely, aren't you? You have a
girlfriend?
NATE
No.
SHIRLEY
You got a boyfriend?
NATE
Shit no. Just my brain and my dick.
SHIRLEY
Then you came to the right place.
Shirley and Nate share a laugh, her hands on his shoulder,
flipping her hair back. Oscar is a little uncomfortable.
B BOY
Where's the weed, lady?
SHIRLEY
Is that all you college boys think
of?
B BOY
No.
SHIRLEY
Of course. I know. I know.
Shirley moves to the dresser in the corner of the room. She
removes an old tin can -- opening it to reveal a fat bag of
weed. She holds it up for everyone to see.
SHIRLEY
Is that good enough?
Everyone approves.
OSCAR
Where's the bong?
INT. SHIRLEY'S HOUSE -- LATER
The SLURP from a bong!
A cloud of smoke. Nate passes the bong to B Boy. Like a pro,
B Boy loads up another hit.
Oscar comes down the steps, looking like he's been through a
marathon, putting his shirt back on. He moves to the frig,
grabs a beer.
OSCAR
You guys won't believe what just
happened?
They pay Oscar little mind. B Boy, Wes, and Pierce are
laughing there ass off at an episode of The Twilight Zone.
OSCAR
Shirley says -- if your up for it --
she say's she is willing to let you
guys run train on her.
WESLEY
Fuck yeah we're up for it. I'm
first.
NATE
She's serious?
OSCAR
Yeah. I told you she was a freak.
Knows how to suck a mean dick too.
Fucking cum in my pants just
thinking about it.
NATE
I don't want to get up there, put
it down, then find out she's
screaming rape.
B BOY
Stop being a pussy.
NATE
Pussy? Why don't --
OSCAR
Okay, okay. Settle in. I thought
you guys were more mature?
PIERCE
We need a batting order.
(pointing to B Boy)
Cause I ain't goin' after that
motherfucker.
B BOY
Fuck you, Pierce. I don't want to
go after you.
WESLEY
I already called first.
NATE
I don't want sloppy seconds.
Oscar takes the bong from B Boy, flops down on the couch and
takes a hit --
WESLEY
Your already getting sloppy
seconds.
Their argument is interrupted when Shirley comes down the
steps, ass naked, sweating -- ready for action. She moves to
the refrigerator, gets a bottle of water, moves back up the
steps as if nobody was there.
NATE
Fuck it. We'll draw straws.
OSCAR
There's no straws here.
NATE
We'll put our names in a hat. Do it
like that. Everybody with?
Moans and groans. The best idea yet. Nate fetches the Home
and Garden magazine off the table, rips a piece of paper off.
He grabs a pen, begins to write down everyone's name.
B BOY
I don't got a condom.
OSCAR
She doesn't like condoms.
WESLEY
I better be going first now.
Nate rips the names off and places them in his hat. He begins
to shake it around.
NATE
Oscar. You be the one.
Oscar takes a long hit from the bong, holding the smoke in,
he reaches in the hat, pulls out a piece of paper. The gang
looks on in anticipation when --
The front door opens and in walks Shirley's stocky, blue
collar, husband FRANK. He drops his lunch pale and hard hat
to the carpet -- eyes drawn to the 5 kids in his living room.
FRANK
What the fuck --
Everyone's euphoria is instantly gone. The veins start to
rise under Frank's skin. He advances towards the boys as
Oscar chokes out the smoke, practically vomiting on the
floor.
NATE
Hello...
FRANK
Hello? Who the fuck are you?
NATE
I'm -- we're --
FRANK
Where the fuck is my wife?
NATE
She's --
FRANK
Why is that spic puking on my god
damn floor?
NATE
He is --
FRANK
Why the fuck are you watching my
TV?
NATE
Let me explain.
FRANK
There's nothing to explain. My
whore of a wife. Fucking bitch!
WESLEY
It's not what you think, sir. We
are friends of --
FRANK
Friends. I've seen her fucking
friends. God damn bitch. Medusa.
She's been cheating on me all the
time. I was too much of a punk --
god damn bitch.
PIERCE
(whispering, to Nate)
He's just one man. We can take him.
Nate blows Pierce off -- "keep your cool."
FRANK (CONT'D)
I should have killed her 3 years
ago when I caught her with the
gardener. God damn wetback. He's
laughin' at me. She's laughin' at
me. Your laughin' at me.
NATE
Sir. No we're not. I assure you we
never had --
With hate in his eyes, Frank stares down the whole gang,
figuring out who's first. He looks down the line -- Nate,
Pierce, Wesley, B Boy, Oscar...
FRANK
(to Oscar)
Your... Your name is Oscar, right?
OSCAR
Ugh...
FRANK
Fuck me. Your Oscar Sanchez?
OSCAR
Yeah.
FRANK
This might sound weird. But can I
have your autograph?
THE END
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