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TITLE CARD: THE BEGINNING

TITLE CARD: SHANE AND THAT BITCH ANDREA

INT. SHANE'S ROOM - DAY

SHANE (17) sits next to ANDREA (17) on the edge of the bed.  Andrea dresses promiscuously.

ANDREA

I just don't think we should go out anymore.

SHANE

What?

ANDREA

We shouldn't be a couple anymore, and I'm not really sure about being friends either.

SHANE

Why?

ANDREA

What d'you mean why?

SHANE

Give me a reason.

ANDREA

I don't think either of us would benefit from that.

SHANE

You can't just dump me for no reason - so why?

ANDREA

Well... you chew really loudly.

SHANE

What?  I chew loudly?  Is it really that horrible to eat with me that you'd dump me?

ANDREA

It's pretty terrible, but there's more.

SHANE

Please continue.

ANDREA

Sometimes you're kind of dick to me.

SHANE

Well I can't help that.

ANDREA

And um... I'm too popular for you.

Shane stops looking at Andrea, and looks at the ground.  Shane sighs.

SHANE

Get out of my house.

ANDREA

Shane.

SHANE

Get the fuck out of my house.

Andrea gets up and leaves.

SHANE

Fucking bitch.

Shane shakes his head.

SHANE

That fucking bitch.

TITLE CARD: ETHAN AND JOEL

INT. ETHAN'S BASEMENT - DAY

ETHAN (17) and JOEL (17) stand on opposite sides of a ping-pong table.  Ethan holds the ball.

ETHAN

Why the fuck don't we ever do anything?

JOEL

What are you bitching about?

ETHAN

We don't do anything. We should be doing incredible shit.  We should be dealing drugs, or butt-fucking prostitutes, or something.

JOEL

What are you talking about?  We're in high school.  Now serve the ball.

ETHAN

Fuck that!  We could be drug dealers.  We're a couple of smart dudes.

JOEL

You don't do drugs.  And neither do I.  So, how the hell are we supposed to sell drugs?

ETHAN

I don't know, but we should be doing something.  Look at us now, standing here with our dicks in our hands.

JOEL

I'm trying to play a game of ping-pong, and what is this "we" bullshit?  We are not a couple.  We probably won't even be friends in like five years.  There is no "we".

ETHAN

What the fuck are you talking about?  We are best friends.  That means we're closer than a couple.  Bros before hos my man.  And you're my bro.

JOEL

You're a moron.

ETHAN

Seriously, we need to start dealing drugs.  Drug dealers get all the bitches.  We could be drug dealing pimps or something.

JOEL

Ethan, you're a virgin.

ETHAN

Sh... sh... man.  Keep that shit quiet.

Ethan serves the the ball and aces it past Joel.

ETHAN

That's one for me.

JOEL

That doesn't count.  We were talking.

ETHAN

Fuck you.  That's eleven to four motherfucker - your serve.

JOEL

Fuck you, you're such an asshole.

Joel reaches down and retrieves the ball.

ETHAN

Okay, we're both smart.  We get decent grades.  We could deal drugs, it can't be that hard.

JOEL

Why are you so fixated on dealing drugs?

ETHAN

Because we never do anything!  We're just sitting here playing ping-pong.  Is that how you want to die?

JOEL

Fine.  If you figure out a way - I will help you deal the drugs.

ETHAN

Good.

They both nod there heads in agreement.  Joel quickly serves the ball.  Ethan is able to hit it back, but it goes off to the side.

ETHAN

Fuck!

JOEL

That's eleven to five motherfucker.

TITLE CARD: DAREVIN AND HIS BITCH ASS MOM

INT. DAREVIN'S ROOM - DAY

DAREVIN (17) lies on his bed, headphones in his ears.  JUDITH (Darevin's mom) bursts into his room.  Darevin pulls the headphones from his ears.

DAREVIN

What?

JUDITH

What are you doing in here?

DAREVIN

Listening to music.

JUDITH

Why don't you ever hang out with your friends anymore?

DAREVIN

Maybe because you started homeschooling me.

JUDITH

Don't blame this on me.

DAREVIN

Okay.

JUDITH

This is not my fault.

DAREVIN

What do you want?

JUDITH

Don't talk to me like that!

DAREVIN

Like what?

JUDITH

I want you to get out of this house, and go to a friend's house right now!

DAREVIN

What?  Are you demanding I hang out with my friends?

JUDITH

Yes - now get up.

DAREVIN

Why?

JUDITH

Don't question me, just get up.

Darevin stands up.

DAREVIN

Whatever.

JUDITH

I'm doing this for you.

As Darevin walks towards the door he sneezes.

JUDITH

Are you sick?

DAREVIN

It's just a sneeze!

TITLE CARD: MAX AND RODRIGO

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - DAY

MAX (17) and RODRIGO (17 and white) sit in front of a computer.  Their eyes stare intently at the screen.

RODRIGO

That chick is fucking hot.

MAX

Stop talking.

RODRIGO

Do you think college chicks really fuck in a room full of other guys?

MAX

That's why most guys go to college.  And stop talking.

RODRIGO

Do you think you're allowed to pull out your dick and jerk it?

Max clicks on the mouse.

MAX

We're done.  No more porn.  If you're gonna keep talking, then there's no more porn...  And no, you don't masturbate in a room full of guys.

RODRIGO

I guess that makes sense.  What was that chick's name?

MAX

Shanice.

RODRIGO

You know - some people don't like black names, but I really do.

MAX

What?  You like names like Shaniqua?

RODRIGO

At least black people have a little creativity.  Every white person names their kid Madison, or some shit like that.  I had three Stevens in my chemistry class.

MAX

Well you have a Hispanic name, Rodrigo.

RODRIGO

My mom really likes South American culture.  And Max, what a creative name.

MAX

Fuck off.

RODRIGO

Will do.

TITLE CARD: KATE

INT. KATE'S BEDROOM - DAY

KATE (17) lies under the covers.  She squirms around, breathing heavily.  There's a knock at the door.  Kate quickly stops moving.

KATE

What?

The door opens.  KATE'S MOM walks in.

KATE'S MOM

What's going on?

KATE

What d'you mean - I just woke up.  I was sleeping.

KATE'S MOM

I thought I heard some noises.

KATE

No, I don't think you did.

KATE'S MOM

Getting your beauty sleep?

Kate looks at her alarm clock.

KATE

Shit.

KATE'S MOM

Go take a shower - your breakfast is waiting downstairs.

KATE

Okay.

Kate's mom leaves.

KATE

Shit that was close.

Kate pulls out a robe, and begins to take off her pajamas in front of her mirror. The door edges open.  ZACHARY (12) looks in.  Kate turns and sees him.  She hurls a DVD case at the boy.

ZACHARY

Ow!

Zachary runs off as Kate storms over to the door.  She sticks her head out the door.

KATE

Bobby!  Tell your pervy little friends not to spy on me!

Kate slams the door shut causing a frame on the wall to fall down.

KATE

Dammit!

EXT. MAX'S HOUSE - DAY

Darevin knocks on the front door.  He waits for a response. TINA (18) walks up to the front door and stands next to Darevin.  Darevin looks at her.  The door opens - it's MAX'S MOM.

MAX'S MOM

Hello?

TINA

I need to talk to Max.

DAREVIN

I also need to talk to Max.

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - DAY

Max and Rodrigo sit on the couch.

MAX'S MOM (O.C.)

Max!  There's people at the door for you!

INT. MAX'S FRONT ROOM - DAY

Darevin and Tina stand next to each other, looking at the floor.  Max walks in.

MAX

What's up Darevin?  I haven't seen you in forever.

DAREVIN

Yeah.  My mom kinda made me come over here, she's just being a bitch.

MAX

I know how that goes.

DAREVIN

Yeah.  And she wants me to hang out with someone.  I don't what her problem is, just, can you hangout, or...?

MAX

It's cool.  You can just go down in the basement, my friend Rodrigo's down there.

DAREVIN

All right.  Thanks man.

Darevin walks off.

MAX

Hey Tina!  Why are you here?

TINA

I might be pregnant.

MAX

Okay.

TINA

And you're the one that might have impregnated me.

MAX

No I'm not.

INT. MAX'S STAIRS - DAY

Darevin walks down the stairs.  At the bottom he hits his hip on the wall.

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

Darevin stumbles into the basement.  Rodrigo is on the couch.  Rodrigo looks back and sees Darevin.  Darevin holds his hip and moans in pain.

RODRIGO

What the fuck are you doing?

DAREVIN

I hit my hip.

RODRIGO

Who are you?

DAREVIN

Darevin - I'm friends with Max.

RODRIGO

Darevin?  Does your dad happen to be black?

DAREVIN

No, I'm not black at all.

RODRIGO

Where'd you get that name?

DAREVIN

My mom couldn't pick between Darrell and Steven.

RODRIGO

You wanna come with me?

DAREVIN

Where?

RODRIGO

I'm gonna go spy on Max's neighbor - Casey.  She's really hot.

DAREVIN

I don't think so.

RODRIGO

Don't be a pussy.

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - DAY

Ethan and Joel stand outside of the house, in the bushes.

JOEL

I really don't think we should do this.

ETHAN

It will work.

JOEL

I can't do this man.

ETHAN

You promised you would.  You promised that if I figured out a way to deal drugs, that you would help me.

JOEL

I didn't promise shit.  I said I would help you, but I didn't promise.

ETHAN

Fuck Joel.  It's a little too late to be backing out now.

JOEL

No it's not.  There is still plenty of time to back out.  We haven't done anything yet.

ETHAN

Joel, it's very simple.  You just distract him, and I'll get his fucking weed.

JOEL

What if he wants to go into his room?

ETHAN

That's why you're there.

Ethan grabs Joel and drags him towards the front door.

ETHAN

Good luck, and don't fuck up.

Ethan runs off.  Joel walks up to the front door, and knocks.  PAUL (18) opens the door.

JOEL

Hey Paul!  What's up?

PAUL

You came to my house.

JOEL

Yeah.  You wanna hang out?

PAUL

Um... I guess.

JOEL

Okay.

INT. PAUL'S ROOM - DAY

Ethan falls through the window into Paul's room.  He looks under the bed.

INT. PAUL'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Joel and Paul sit across from each other.

JOEL

So, what have you been up to this summer?

PAUL

Not much.  Just hanging out with friends and stuff.

JOEL

Yeah.  Me too.  I love... friends.

INTERCUT BETWEEN JOEL & PAUL AND ETHAN

Ethan stands in the middle of Paul's room.

Ethan

Where the fuck are the drugs?

JOEL

So... next year we're gonna be seniors, man.  That's gonna be kick-ass.  Kings of the school.

PAUL

Yeah, that'll be pretty cool, I guess.

Ethan looks through Paul's cabinet.  He pulls out a very small bag of weed.

ETHAN

Jackpot!

Joel looks at the ceiling.  Paul looks at Joel.

Ethan lies on Paul's bed, leafing through a magazine.

ETHAN

I would lick that ass.

JOEL

Did you get that thing in the mail, that says when we're supposed to go and pick up are schedules for next year?

PAUL

Yeah, it's in my room.  I'll get it.

Paul gets up.  Joel gets up to follow him.

JOEL

No, you don't have to-

PAUL

It's not a big deal.

INT. PAUL'S ROOM - DAY

Ethan opens the window as the door opens.  Paul walks in, Joel follows Paul.

PAUL

What the fuck are you doing in my room?

ETHAN

Uh- I- I accidentally kicked my ball into your room, and I'm retrieving it.

PAUL

What?

ETHAN

Joel you fuck up!

Ethan jumps put the window.

PAUL

What the fuck is going on?

Joel runs away.

EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE

Joel meets up with Ethan in Paul's front yard - both of them running towards the street.

ETHAN

You idiot!

JOEL

Fuck you!

Paul tuns out of his house, after them.

PAUL

Give me back my fucking weed!

INT. CASEY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Rodrigo climbs into the room.  Darevin stands outside the window.

DAREVIN

You didn't say we'd be breaking in!

RODRIGO

No one's home.

DAREVIN

We shouldn't be doing this.

RODRIGO

No one's ever gonna know.

Darevin climbs in.

RODRIGO

You gotta see her pantie drawer.

Rodrigo walks over to the dresser.

DAREVIN

How often do you break into her house?

RODRIGO

Not that often.

Rodrigo rummages through the pantie drawer.

DAREVIN

If I wasn't also in here, I'd say you're kinda creepy.

RODRIGO

Whatever.

Rodrigo holds up a thong.

RODRIGO

We gotta get Max over here.

Rodrigo picks up the phone, he pulls it down from his face.

RODRIGO

Casey's talking to someone.

DAREVIN

(sarcastically)

Awesome!

Rodrigo puts the phone up to his ear, and listens.  Rodrigo mouths something to Darevin.

DAREVIN

What?

Rodrigo pulls the phone down again.

RODRIGO

There's a fucking party.

He listens in again.  He grabs a post-it and pen off the dresser, and writes something on it.

DAREVIN

What's going on?

Rodrigo gives him the one second sign.  Rodrigo hangs up the phone.

RODRIGO

We're going to a fucking party!

DAREVIN

What?

Rodrigo looks at the door.

RODRIGO

Fuck!

DAREVIN

What?

Rodrigo runs over to the window and climbs out.  The door opens.  Casey enters.

CASEY

What are you doing in my room?

Casey sees her pantie drawer open.

DAREVIN

I- I- um... funny story actually, I accidentally um...

CASEY

What?

Darevin jumps out the window.

INT. KATE'S KITCHEN - DAY

Kate sits at the kitchen table eating breakfast.  Kate's mom walks in.

KATE'S MOM

Did you throw a movie at Bobby's friend?

KATE

He was trying to see me change.  And it's not the first time.

KATE'S MOM

The boy is bleeding.

KATE

Don't yell at me.  Tell him not to spy on me.

KATE'S MOM

Are you saying you're not sorry for hurting him?

KATE

He was spying on me.

KATE'S MOM

He's bleeding - a lot.

KATE

It was plastic.  Maybe he's a hemophiliac.

KATE'S MOM

I'm gonna have to call his mother.

KATE

You should anyway - he's a little perv!

KATE'S MOM

Well you really shouldn't be throwing...

Kate motions for her to continue.

KATE

Shouldn't be throwing... please finish that sentence.

KATE'S MOM

Shouldn't be throwing period.  It's not very lady-like.

Kate shakes her head.

KATE'S MOM

What are you doing today?

KATE

I don't know yet.  I might hang out at Max's.

KATE'S MOM

Why do you always hang with those boys, but never date any of them?

KATE

Because they're my friends.  And none of them are mature enough to be in a relationship.

KATE'S MOM

Well why don't you have any girlfriends?

KATE

I'm not a lesbian.

KATE'S MOM

I meant friends that are girls, although sometimes I wonder.

Kate scowls at her mom.

KATE

Sorry I'm not the town slut, mom.

KATE'S MOM

I'm not saying you have to be the town slut, but you-

KATE

Don't finish that sentence.

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - DAY

Max sits on the couch - his face buried in his hands.  Rodrigo and Darevin come down the stairs, and sit over by Max.

RODRIGO

What's happening man?

MAX

I had sex with Tina.

RODRIGO

No you didn't.

MAX

That's what I said - but I did.

RODRIGO

No way!  When?

MAX

You know that party I went to a couple of weeks ago?

RODRIGO

Are you still bragging about that?  You only got invited because it was your cousin's party!

MAX

Calm down.  I got drunk there, and apparently I had sex with Tina.

RODRIGO

No shit!  Nice man.

MAX

She might be pregnant.

RODRIGO

You fucking idiot.

DAREVIN

That sucks man.

MAX

And now I have to get her three hundred dollars by Sunday, so she can go to the doctor's.

DAREVIN

Doesn't insurance pay for that?

RODRIGO

Yeah?

MAX

She's not telling her dad, so she has to pay without insurance.  And I have to pay half.

RODRIGO

Fuck.

Rodrigo reaches in his pocket.  He pulls out a twenty and hands it to Max.

MAX

What's this for?

RODRIGO

You had sex first - you won our bet.  See?  It's not all bad.

MAX

Thanks.

RODRIGO

I've got more good news.  We're going to a fucking party tonight!

MAX

What?

RODRIGO

I was over in Casey's room-

MAX

Why were you in Casey's room?

RODRIGO

I thought she wasn't home.

MAX

So you broke in?

RODRIGO

Just shut the fuck up for a second.  It doesn't matter how I heard about this party.  I have the address, and we're going.

MAX

I don't know if I can go, man.

RODRIGO

We have to go.  It's gonna huge.  There's gonna be booze, and chicks, and music, and sex, it's gonna practically be an orgy.

DAREVIN

I don't think I wanna go to an orgy.

RODRIGO

Shut it down Darevin.

(to Max)

We gotta go man.  Get the whole pregnancy thing out of your mind.

MAX

Fine - let's go.

RODRIGO

All right.  I'm gonna call up Shane - see if he wants to go.

INT. SHANE'S ROOM - DAY

Shane lies on his bed.  A phone near his head rings.  Shane answers it.

SHANE

(into phone)

Hello...?  I don't wanna hang out...  No, leave me alone...  Fuck you!

Shane hangs up the phone.  He sits for a moment, before the phone rings again.  Ring.  Ring.  Ring.  The phone stops ringing.  Shane lies on the bed and deeply sighs.  SHANE'S MOM bursts into Shane's room holding a phone.

SHANE'S MOM

Phone for you - it's Rodrigo.

Shane's mom hands the phone to Shane.  She walks out.

SHANE

(into phone)

Stop calling!

Shane hangs up the phone, and throws it.

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - DAY

Max and Darevin sit on the couch.  Rodrigo stands with the phone in his hand.

RODRIGO

There's something wrong with Shane.

MAX

Call Kate, and tell her to bring Shane over here.

INT. CASEY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Casey and Tina sit on Casey's bed.

CASEY

You told him you're pregnant?

TINA

Yeah.

CASEY

And he believed you?

TINA

Yeah, he's gonna give me three hundred dollars.

CASEY

I told you he's a pushover.

TINA

It's really too easy.

INT. SHANE'S ROOM - DAY

Shane lies on his bed.  Kate squeezes into the room.

KATE

Hey Shane, it's Kate.

Shane sits up.

SHANE

Hey.

KATE

Rodrigo told me I was supposed to bring you over there.

SHANE

I'm not in the mood.

KATE

What's wrong?

SHANE

Kate dumped my ass.

KATE

That really sucks.

Kate sits down next to Shane.

SHANE

You're telling me.

KATE

Why did she dump you?

SHANE

There were a lot of factors on both sides, but it mostly came down to her being a total bitch.

KATE

Didn't you know she was a bitch before you went out with her?

SHANE

Yeah, but she's hot.

KATE

Maybe she dumped you because she's too popular for you.

SHANE

How the fuck did you know that?

KATE

Because she's popular and you're...

SHANE

A fucking loser?

KATE

Well, yes.

SHANE

Thanks.

KATE

Don't worry about that bitch.  You're too good for her anyway.

SHANE

Thanks.

KATE

So come on - let's go.

SHANE

I just wanna stay here.

KATE

Come on - come for me.  I need someone else intelligent there to talk to.

SHANE

Fine.  I'll go.

KATE

All right!

EXT. SOMEONE'S HOUSE - DAY

Ethan and Joel hide behind the house.  They looks out towards the street.

JOEL

You think he's still after us?

ETHAN

I think we got away.

JOEL

You get the weed?

Ethan pulls out small bag.

ETHAN

Fuck yeah.  We're drug dealers!

Shane

Not really.  We haven't sold anything.

ETHAN

Don't piss on my parade.

Joel's cellphone rings.  He answers it.

JOEL

(into phone)

Hello...?  Yeah...  Not too far...  All right man, we'll be over there in a little bit.

Joel puts away his phone.

ETHAN

Who was that?

JOEL

Rodrigo.  He said we have to go over there now - it's like an emergency.

ETHAN

We have to sell the weed.

JOEL

We can sell the weed whenever.  Rodrigo said it's important.

ETHAN

All right.

They start to move towards the street.  Joel stops.

JOEL

What are we gonna do if Paul catches up with us?

ETHAN

Joel - he's a pothead.  He'll probably get high and forget we stole his weed.

JOEL

But he can't get high if we have his weed.

ETHAN

Don't worry about it - Paul's a pussy.

JOEL

Paul does push-ups.  Do you do push-ups?  Because he would kick your ass, and mine too.

ETHAN

Don't be such a little bitch.  We're drug dealers now.

JOEL

Whatever - let's go.  We gotta get to Max's.

ETHAN

I thought Rodrigo called.

JOEL

He's at Max's.

INT. MAX'S BASEMENT - DAY

Max, Rodrigo, and Darevin sit in front of the computer.

MAX

Hey, can you guys not tell Kate and Shane, and everyone about the pregnancy.  I just don't want everyone to know.

DAREVIN

No problem.

RODRIGO

Sure.  But show Darevin the video.

MAX

All right.

DAREVIN

What video?

RODRIGO

You'll see.

KATE (O.C.)

(from the stairs)

Me and Shane are here!

Kate and Shane come down.

RODRIGO

Come over here - you gotta see this.

Kate walks over and looks at the screen.  Shane just sits on the couch.

KATE

Hey Darevin!  I haven't seen you in ages.

DAREVIN

Hey Kate!

KATE

What are you watching?

DAREVIN

Porn.

KATE

Sickos.

They all stare at the screen.

DAREVIN

(unimpressed)

Wow - anal.

KATE

Why am I watching this?

RODRIGO

You'll see!

They continue to stare at the screen.

ALL

Oh!  Gross!

DAREVIN

What the fuck was that?

RODRIGO

That was anal prolapse.  When your rectum shoots out your anus.

DAREVIN

A rectum is different than an anus?

RODRIGO

Yeah.

KATE

You guys are so sad.  Watching porn in the basement.

Kate walks away and sits down next to Shane.  Rodrigo notices Shane sitting on the couch.

RODRIGO

Hey Shane!  What the fuck is wrong with you?  Why wouldn't you talk to me on the phone?

SHANE

Me and Andrea broke up.

RODRIGO

Did she finally realize she's too good for you?

SHANE

Fuck you!  You've never had a girlfriend in your life.

RODRIGO

All right, cool it man.

Ethan and Joel come into the basement.

ETHAN

What's up bitches?

(to Darevin)

Who the fuck are you?

DAREVIN

Oh, I'm Darevin.  I just-

ETHAN

Shut the fuck up.

DAREVIN

What the hell?

ETHAN

Who is this kid?

MAX

He's an old friend of mine.  Why are you being a douche?

ETHAN

Sorry.

(to Darevin)

Do you smoke weed?  'Cause I got weed.  You want some?

DAREVIN

No.

KATE

Since when do you have weed?

ETHAN

I'm a fucking drug dealer baby.  Me and Joel are a drug dealing duo.

Joel shakes his head and mouthes NO.

KATE

Where did you get weed?

ETHAN

We broke into Jay's house and stole his weed.

KATE

That wouldn't make you a drug dealer, that'd make you a petty thief.

ETHAN

Fuck you bitch!

Kate stands up.

KATE

Excuse me Scarface?

JOEL

Ethan, I'm pretty sure Kate does push-ups too.

ETHAN

Man-

JOEL

Kate can you please let this one go.  His head is swelled and he thinks he's a drug dealer.

KATE

Dumb ass.

Kate sits back down.

SHANE

Why the fuck are we here?

RODRIGO

Oh yeah!  I got big news.  Everyone, sit down, sit down.

Everyone pulls up a chair and sits down in a large circle.  Rodrigo stands into the middle of the circle.

RODRIGO

I found out about a kick ass party and we all have to go.  There's gonna be girls, and booze, and sex, tons of sex.

KATE

That sounds like an orgy.

RODRIGO

Exactly like an orgy.

JOEL

Are we going to party or an orgy?

RODRIGO

It's a fucking party, and it's gonna be sweet.

KATE

You don't party.  None of us do.

RODRIGO

Yeah, but that's what's great about this party.  See, we're all losers - but only at our school.  This party won't have people from our school at it - so no one will know that we're losers.

ETHAN

Okay, I for one, do not consider myself a loser.

RODRIGO

Well you should - you're probably the biggest loser in the group.  Come on!  You guys gotta come!

KATE

I'll go, if everyone's going.

RODRIGO

Hell yeah!  Thank you Kate.  Shane?

SHANE

I don't wanna party, I just wanna go home.

Rodrigo drops to his knees in front of Shane.

RODRIGO

Fuck that bitch Shane.  There will be tons of chicks there.  You can make out with any of them - they'll all be drunk.

SHANE

I don't want to make out with a bunch of girls.

RODRIGO

What?!  Dude, that girl, that bitch!  That fucking slut!  That fucking slut has her bitchy little hands still in your mind, man.  She's controlling your mind.  She's grabbed on and she's controlling you.  Because no self-respecting man doesn't want to make out with a bunch of girls.

SHANE

I don't want to go.

RODRIGO

Dude!  Cast that fucking slut out of your mind, and come to the fucking party.  Come on...  Come on...

SHANE

Fine.  But I have no intention of making out with anyone.

RODRIGO

Thank you.

Rodrigo turns towards Darevin.

RODRIGO

You're coming aren't you?

DAREVIN

My mom really wouldn't let me.

RODRIGO

Fuck your mom.

MAX

Dude.

RODRIGO

No man, fuck your fucking bitch of a mom.

DAREVIN

I-

RODRIGO

You can't let your mom control you.

DAREVIN

If she found out I went to a party, she'd kill me.

RODRIGO

Then don't tell her.  Okay, look at it this way.  The only guys that hang out with their moms, are serial killers.  Do you want to become a psycho?

DAREVIN

No.

RODRIGO

Then just come to the fucking party.  You can't let your mom control you man.  If you let her control you forever, you'll never get any pussy.

DAREVIN

I just-

RODRIGO

This party to us, is like what Mecca is for the Jews.

DAREVIN

Fuck it, I'll go.

RODRIGO

Hell yeah!

Rodrigo stands up.

RODRIGO

Ethan?  Joel?

ETHAN

We can't go, we have to deal these drugs.

Ethan pulls out the bag.

JOEL

You're not a drug dealer.

Joel grabs the bag of weed from Ethan.

JOEL

Look at that, I just stole your entire drug empire.

ETHAN

Give me back the weed!

JOEL

If you agree to go to the party.

ETHAN

Okay.

JOEL

All right.

Joel hands the bag back to Ethan.

RODRIGO

All right Tigercats let's-

SHANE

No!

DAREVIN

What's going on?

MAX

Rodrigo has been trying to get us to give our group a name for the last two years.

RODRIGO

We need a name!

ETHAN

Like a gang?

RODRIGO

Yes.  See?  Ethan gets it.

DAREVIN

Ok, but why the Tigercats?

RODRIGO

Me and Kate and Max and Shane and Joel were on a little league soccer team called the Tigercats.

SHANE

It's a stupid fucking name!  A team is either the Tigers or the Wildcats.  You can't have both!  It's repetitive, and fucking retarded!

RODRIGO

Cool it.  Now, Tigercats-

SHANE

Don't call us that.

Rodrigo stares at Shane for a few moments.

RODRIGO

How are we gonna get to the party?  It's in Ann Arbor.

DAREVIN

That's pretty far.

RODRIGO

I know.  How are we getting there?

JOEL

I don't think any of us has a car.

No one speaks up.

RODRIGO

Darevin - tell me you have a car.

DAREVIN

I have a license, but my mom won't let me drive the car without her.

RODRIGO

Your mom's a bitch.

SHANE

How the fuck are we getting there?

RODRIGO

Someone's mom?

SHANE

Yeah.  Let's get someone's mom to drive us to the orgy party.

RODRIGO

Fine I'll see if Lance will drive us.

Rodrigo picks up a phone and dials.

RODRIGO

(into phone)

Yo Lance!  Can you drive us up to Ann Arbor...?  It's Rodrigo...  Yeah, later today...  All right, see you in a bit.

Rodrigo puts down the phone.

RODRIGO

We're going to a fucking party!

KATE

(sarcastically)

Yeah!

RODRIGO

But first we're gonna go hang at Lance's.  Come on Tigercats-

SHANE

It's a stupid name.

RODRIGO

Let's bounce.

TITLE CARD: THE JOURNEY

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The Tigercats walk down the sidewalk.

SHANE, KATE, AND DAREVIN

SHANE

So where do you go to school?

DAREVIN

I'm actually home schooled.

KATE

You don't know Darevin?

SHANE

No.

KATE

He used to hang out with me and Max all the time.

DAREVIN

Yeah.

KATE

Is your mom still a crazy bitch?

SHANE

Whoa!

KATE

No - his mom is crazy.  Once his mom spanked his bare ass in front of like me and three other guys.

DAREVIN

I didn't think you'd remember that.

SHANE

That's fucked up man.

DAREVIN

Yeah.

SHANE

You do all right with the ladies?

DAREVIN

No, no, my mom won't allow me to date.

SHANE

Why?

DAREVIN

She's a bitch, and she thinks I'm not ready.

KATE

You're gonna be a senior.

DAREVIN

Yeah, I'm probably gonna graduate a virgin, I've made my peace with that.  How about you?

KATE

Oh uh...

SHANE

She doesn't date anyone 'cause she's too mature for them.

KATE

No, no.  Just most boys I meet, are boys and not men.

SHANE

Looks like you'll both being leaving high school virgins.

DAREVIN

Said the guy that got dumped this morning.

SHANE

Does your mom wipe you ass, or are you ready for that?

DAREVIN

I wipe my own ass.

SHANE

I'm sure.

EXT. LANCE'S HOUSE - DAY

The Tigercats stand by the front door.  Rodrigo knocks.   They all wait.  Rodrigo knocks again, but does not stop knocking until the door opens.  LANCE (18) stands there.

LANCE

Goddammit!  Stop knocking on my door.

RODRIGO

Hey!

LANCE

Come on in.

INT. LANCE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

WILL (16) sits on the couch, with bandages on his head.  Lance sits down next to Lance.  The Tigercats sit down in the chairs in the room.

LANCE

I can't drive you man.

RODRIGO

What?  Why?

Lance looks at Will who looks out the window.

LANCE

I have to watch him.

RODRIGO

Are you babysitting him?  'Cause he can come too.

LANCE

He's on suicide watch.  I have to watch him.

RODRIGO

Well at least you have a decent excuse.

MAX

Shouldn't a trained professional be watching him?

LANCE

Probably.  But he got caught trying to kill himself yesterday, and today my mom said to watch him.

KATE

What's up with his head?

LANCE

Concussion - he can't fall asleep today, or he'll die.

RODRIGO

Hey!  Hey kid!

Will turns towards Rodrigo.

WILL

My name is Will.

RODRIGO

Okay.  Yeah, how did you try to kill yourself?

MAX

Dude.

WILL

I drank some dishwasher soap.

RODRIGO

You got a concussion from that?

WILL

No.  That actually didn't work, it just gave my mouth a funny feeling.  So I jumped out my  window - but it's only like two stories so...

RODRIGO

He seems fine.  He can come too.

WILL

I don't want to go to your fucking party.  I bet it'll be all you and like five other guys blowing each other.

RODRIGO

Fuck you kid!

LANCE

Rod!

RODRIGO

He's being an asshole.

WILL

Why don't you leave?

RODRIGO

Fuck you!  You don't own this house.  I will kick your ass!

WILL

Really?  'Cause I'm a fucking purple belt!

RODRIGO

What the fuck is a purple belt?

WILL

It's one of the higher belts in the taekwondo colored belt series.

RODRIGO

Whatever.

WILL

Yeah.

SHANE

How are we getting to the party?

LANCE

You guys can probably get a ride from Steve.

RODRIGO

Steve?

LANCE

Steve Plainview.

JOEL

That kid is a douche bag.

LANCE

What?  Why?

JOEL

He always brags about how much he drinks.

LANCE

Well he can probably drive you.

MAX

Where's he at?

LANCE

Three houses down.

EXT. STEVE'S HOUSE - DAY

The Tigercats wait outside the front door.  Rodrigo rings the doorbell.

JOEL

Are we seriously gonna get a ride from Steve?  I hate him.  I don't just dislike him, I hate him.

Rodrigo

He likes to drink, what's the big deal?

KATE

He is a pretty big douche bag.

RODRIGO

Then you guys can wait outside, because we need a ride.

Rodrigo rings the doorbell again and again.

RODRIGO

What the fuck?

The door opens.  STEVE (18) stands there.

STEVE

Hey what's up bros?

MAX

Hey man, can we talk for a sec?

STEVE

Sure, you wanna a sandwich?

MAX

I don't want one.

Max turns towards the other Tigercats.

MAX

Anyone want a sandwich?

RODRIGO

No.

DAREVIN

I could go for a BLT.

STEVE

I only got turkey.

DAREVIN

Then no.

STEVE

Well, I'm gonna have a sandwich, but you guys can come in.

The Tigercats follow Steve in.  Joel waits outside for a few moments, but defeated, walks in.

INT. STEVE'S KITCHEN - DAY

Steve eats a sandwich next to the sink.  Rodrigo, Max, and Darevin sit at the kitchen counter.

STEVE

That sounds like an orgy?

RODRIGO

Exactly.

STEVE

I'm in.

RODRIGO

Good, but we need you to drive.

STEVE

I can do that.  But, we'd have to leave now.

MAX

Why?

STEVE

Because my brother's gonna wake up in a bit, and he's gonna take the car.

RODRIGO

Fuck.

DAREVIN

We could just see a movie before we go to the party, or something.

RODRIGO

All right, fuck it - let's go.

Steven throws his sandwich into the sink.

STEVE

Okay.  Max, can you throw me those keys?

Rodrigo picks up a set of keys from in front of him and tosses them to Steve.  They go right through Steve's hands.

RODRIGO

Not even close.

Steve leaves, Darevin follows.  Max takes a few spare dollars off the counter, and shoves them in his pocket.

RODRIGO

What are you doing?

MAX

I need money.

They both get up and leave.

INT. STEVE'S CAR - DAY

Steve drives the car.  Max sits in the passenger's seat, while the rest of the Tigercats fill up the back of the van.  Kate has to sit on the floor.

STEVE

So which road should I take?

MAX

Rod - you know the way, right?

RODRIGO

I have the address.

MAX

You have directions too.

RODRIGO

I have the address.

MAX

Great.  Great job.

KATE

Can't we just stop and ask for directions?

RODRIGO

Oh yeah, the woman wants to stop and ask for directions, how very stereotypical of you.

DAREVIN

I also think we should ask for directions, and there's no need to call me a girl.

RODRIGO

You fucking bitch.

MAX

Rodrigo, we can't just drive around looking in random places for the house.

KATE

We need directions.

RODRIGO

Fine - stop somewhere.

EXT. STORE - DAY

The tiger cats walk towards the front door.  ISAAC (17 with red hair) stands in front of the building.

ISAAC

Hey Shane!  What's up?

SHANE

Nothing.  Why?

ETHAN

Hey dude, dude.

ISAAC

What?

ETHAN

Are your pubes red?

ISAAC

Yeah.

RODRIGO

No way!

ISAAC

Yeah they are.

JOEL

I don't think he's lying to you.

ETHAN

That's fucking crazy.

ISAAC

Right.  Shane, I was meaning to tell you, I hooked up with Andrea.  Me and her were making out like five minutes ago.  We're just getting something to eat.

SHANE

Cool.

ISAAC

Yeah, how does that feel?

SHANE

Um... did you taste my asshole when you were kissing her?  'Cause she was eating it earlier, and that taste is hard to get out.

ISAAC

Fuck you!  What's your asshole been doing since then, huh?  Getting fucked by this kid.

Isaac points at Ethan.

ETHAN

Fuck you!

ISAAC

Yeah Shane.  He's fucking you in the ass.

Isaac pantomimes sex.   He humps the air.

ISAAC

Oh fuck yeah!

Isaac points down ahead of him.

ISAAC

That's your ass.  And I'm fucking it!

Isaac pantomimes pulling out and ejaculating on his back.

ISAAC

I just cummed on your ass, motherfucker.

Isaac pantomimes turning Jake around.

ISAAC

And I'll shove my dick down your throat.  Yeah!

Isaac pantomimes fucking Jake's mouth.

ISAAC

Oh!  Oh!  Take it all.  Balls deep.  Deepthroat it!

A SHOPPER walks into the store, staring at Isaac as he goes.

ISAAC

Yeah!  Yeah and I'll shove it down there and just piss.  Oh!  You're drinking my piss.

Isaac pretends to be relieved.

ISAAC

Yeah!  And I'll turn you around and shit on your face.

Isaac pantomimes shitting on his face.

ISAAC

Eat my shit asshole!  Maybe I'll puke on you.

Isaac puts his finger down his throat.

ISAAC

Maybe not.  I don't even know.

Isaac pantomimes puking.

ISAAC

Oh!  I puked on your fucking head.

SHANE

So are you fucking me, or is he?  'Cause you said he was, and then you said you were.

ISAAC

I'll fuck you up.

(to Kate)

Hey!  Why don't you join me and Andrea, and ditch these losers.  I'll fuck your ass hard.

Shane hits Isaac in the balls.

ISAAC

Fuck!

Isaac falls to the ground, holding his crotch.

ISAAC

Oh fuck, it's bad.

Isaac tries to get up.

ISAAC

Shit!  It's a sinker.  The pain is sinking in.

SHANE

Let's just get the directions from the gas station.

The Tigercats walk away.

ISAAC

You better leave you bitches!

Andrea comes out of the store, an over to Isaac.

ANDREA

What's wrong?

ISAAC

Nothing.

Andrea helps Isaac up.

ISAAC

Did you ever eat Shane's ass?

ANDREA

What?

INT. STEVE'S CAR - DAY

The Tigercats continue to ride with Steve.

RODRIGO

Are you happy now Kate?

KATE

Yes.  I'm happy we actually know where we're going.

RODRIGO

Figures.

DAREVIN

Can everyone be quiet for a second?  I'm calling my mom.

Darevin dials his cellphone.

STEVE

Dude, speaking of that, last weekend I was so drunk, and I called my mom, and I was trying to act sober, I totally think I got away with it.

MAX

That's awesome.

STEVE

Yeah, I had like three yagerbombs, and I don't even know how many fifths of vodka.

Max turns away from Steve.

MAX

(under his breath)

Asshole.

DAREVIN

(into phone)

Hey mom...  Actually I'm going to a party with Max and...  No...  Mom I...

Rodrigo leans towards Darevin.

RODRIGO

Tell her to go fuck herself.

DAREVIN

Shut up.

(into phone)

Mom please just...  I-

Rodrigo takes the phone.

RODRIGO

(into phone)

Go to hell you old bitch!

Rodrigo hangs up the phone.

RODRIGO

Problem solved.

DAREVIN

Dude, you don't even know what you just did.

KATE

Rodrigo, you colossal fuck-up.  His mom is crazy.

DAREVIN

She's gonna kill me.

RODRIGO

Everyone calm down.  She's not gonna do shit, and we're gonna fucking party!

STEVE

Yeah!  Party, and get drunk!

JOEL

(under his breath)

I fucking hate you.

EXT. MAX'S HOUSE - DAY

Judith walks down the sidewalk, towards Max's driveway.  Paul walks towards her down the sidewalk.  They both stop as they turn to enter Max's driveway.

JUDITH

Excuse me.

Judith pushes past him.  Paul follows Judith up to Max's front door.  They both go to knock on the door.  They stop.  Judith knocks.  They stand awkwardly.  The both look down.  The door opens.  Zach's mom stands there.

MAX'S MOM

Hello.

JUDITH

Did you know your son and his friends took my son to a party?

MAX'S MOM

Yes.

JUDITH

That doesn't concern you at all?

MAX'S MOM

You never went to a party in high school?

JUDITH

Birthday parties.  But it doesn't matter what I did - do you know where they went?

MAX'S MOM

Yeah.

Max's mom walks away for a moment, and comes back with a pen and pad.  She writes something down, rips it out and hands it to Judith.

MAX'S MOM

Max told me to give this address if any of his friends called, but here you go.

PAUL

Uh... excuse me, did Ethan and Joel come over here?  Ethan's mom said they did.

MAX'S MOM

Yeah they came.

PAUL

Well, they stole my weed, and I'm trying to find them. Did they go to that party too?

Judith scowls at Paul.

MAX'S MOM

Um... yeah.

Max's mom writes the address down and hands the paper to Paul.

JUDITH

Do you realize how far this is from here?

Max's mom closes the door.

PAUL

Can you give me a ride? We're both going to the same place, and it's really far away.

JUDITH

I'm not letting a drug dealer in my car!

Judith walks towards the sidewalk.

PAUL

I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a drug doer... bitch.

INT. STEVE'S CAR - DAY

The Tigercats continue to ride with Steve.

ETHAN

How much further?

MAX

We still have a ways to go.

Darevin looks out the window.

DAREVIN

Oh shit!  Guys my mom's in the fucking car next to us.

MAX

What?

DAREVIN

Turn!

STEVE

Fuck!

Steve jerks the wheel to the side.

EXT. STREET - DAY

Steve's car pulls off the main road down a side street.

INT. STEVE'S CAR - DAY

Steve looks back.

STEVE

She follow us?

DAREVIN

My bad.  It was just someone with the same car.

Steve turns back forward.

STEVE

Oh shit!

EXT. SIDE STREET - DAY

Steve's car barrels towards a car at a stop sign.  No time to stop.

INT. TOUGH GUY'S CAR - DAY

TOUGH GUY sits in his car.  His car jolts forward.

TOUGH GUY

What the shit?

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

Paul, wearing a helmet, rides his bike down the sidewalk.

PAUL

I'm gonna fucking kill those assholes.

EXT. SIDE STREET - A BIT LATER

The tough guy talk into a phone, next to his car.  Steve has his face in his hands, leaning on his car.  The Tigercats are on the sidewalk.  Joel walks up to Steve.

JOEL

Hey man.

STEVE

My mom's gonna kill me.

JOEL

Yeah, we're gonna go, because we gotta get to that party.

STEVE

You're leaving?

JOEL

Yeah, we're gonna have to walk, which kinda sucks but, you know-

STEVE

You douche bag!

JOEL

Okay.  Well we have to go party so.

STEVE

Like you know how to party.  Have you've ever even been to party, you fucking loser?

JOEL

Fuck off.

Joel walks away, flipping Steve off as he goes.

RODRIGO

Let's go to this fucking party!

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The Tigercats walk down the sidewalk.

SHANE AND KATE

SHANE

She said she was too popular, but I think she just thinks I'm ugly.

KATE

Shane-

SHANE

No, I can admit it.  I'm not a great looking guy.   I just don't get why she went out with me in the first place if I'm so goddamn unpopular.

KATE

Maybe it was just a summer fling, and she dumped you so kids at school wouldn't find out.

SHANE

Yeah?  Well, the jokes on her, because I'll tell everyone we went out.

KATE

I think the joke would still be on you, since your insulting a girl by telling people she would actually go out with you.

SHANE

Fucking bitch always wins.

KATE

Don't worry about it, you'll get another girl.

SHANE

No.  No, I won't.  I don't get ladies or whatever.  Besides Andrea, the only girl I've ever went out with was an egg-girl.

KATE

An egg-girl?

SHANE

A girl shaped like an egg.

KATE

Like Humpty-Dumpty?

SHANE

Sort of.  Her whole body was like an egg.

Shane outline an egg with his hands.

SHANE

It's an odd body shape.  Not exactly appealing.

KATE

What about all those other chicks you said you got with?  That... Meg girl, that you went out with over summer?

SHANE

I made her up.  That's what guys that can't get girls do.  We just say we dated a girl that goes to some other school, during the summer.

KATE

Really?

SHANE

Basically every guy does it.

KATE

I never knew.

SHANE

Yeah.

KATE

Well I'm sure you could get a girl with a normal body-type.

SHANE

Thanks.

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

BIKER bikes down the sidewalk towards the Tigercats.  He slows as he approaches them.

BIKER

Coming up on your right!

None of the Tigercats move out of the way.

RODRIGO

What?

The Biker swerves off the sidewalk and stops before hitting a tree.  The Tigercats stop.

RODRIGO

Are you all right man?

BIKER

Didn't you hear me say coming up on your right?

RODRIGO

I have no idea what that means.

BIKER

It means move to the left side of the sidewalk.

RODRIGO

Why should we move?

BIKER

Because I'm on bike.

RODRIGO

Why don't you ride in the street for fuck's sake?

BIKER

Excuse me?

RODRIGO

The sidewalk is for walkers.

MAX

Thus the side - walk.

BIKER

Fine, you brats.

The Biker bikes off through the street.  The Tigercats continue to walk.

RODRIGO

What was wrong with that guy?

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The Tigercats walk down the sidewalk.

ETHAN AND JOEL

ETHAN

Oh fuck yeah.  I love chicken fingers.  But not that bullshit nuggets stuff.

JOEL

Chicken should be in strips, not weird shaped clumps - it's unnatural.

ETHAN

Seriously.

JOEL

And ranch, fucking dressing on chicken.  There is nothing that compares.

ETHAN

I'm a ketchup man myself.

JOEL

Really?

ETHAN

You bet.

JOEL

I can understand that.  Whenever I don't have ranch dressing, I go for the ketchup.  Ketchup's a lot more convenient.

ETHAN

Yeah.  They don't have ranch at fast food places.  I can ranch it up every once in a while, but ketchup has that timeless flavor.

JOEL

Yeah, you got your chicken, your fries, and some ketchup, and you're all fucking set.

ETHAN

And you know what I really love?  Sweet and sour.

JOEL

Oh of course, everybody loves sweet and sour.  But it's not really a condiment, and rightly has no place in the chicken dip debate

ETHAN

Well you put it on chicken.

JOEL

Yeah, but you buy sweet and sour chicken.  You can't buy ketchup chicken.  Plus if we bring in sweet and sour, we gotta include buffalo wings.

ETHAN

But you can get barbecue sauce, and dip your chicken into it.

JOEL

Well, yeah.  Barbecue sauce is in the debate, but sweet and sour and buffalo wings have to stay out.

ETHAN

I wonder who invented the chicken strip?

JOEL

A brilliant, fucking man.

ETHAN

Most definitely.

EXT. SIDE STREET - DAY

Judith finishes up changing a tire on her car.  She throws the tire iron back into her car, gets in, and begins to drive away.

INT. JUDITH'S CAR - DAY

Judith drives her car.  She pulls down the visor and her sunglasses fall onto the floor.  As she reaches down to pick them up, her car hits something.  She looks up - a biker slides off her hood.  Judith gets out.

EXT. SIDE STREET - CONTINUOUS

Judith walks over to the biker who is the same one the Tigercats encountered.

BIKER

What the fuck lady?

JUDITH

Excuse me?

BIKER

You hit me!

JUDITH

You were in the middle of the street!

BIKER

I go on the sidewalk and no one gets out of the way, I go in the street - crazy people try to run me over!

JUDITH

You shouldn't bike in the street!

BIKER

Fine!

The biker backs up towards the sidewalk, dragging his bike.

BIKER

Is this better?!

The biker backs up into a driveway where a car is backs into him.  The biker drops his bike and bangs on the car.

BIKER

What the fuck?!  Why can't I just fucking bike?!

JUDITH

I really have to go, and you seem fine.  You're moving around, and running into cars, so I'm just gonna go.

Judith gets in her car.

BIKER

Hey!

The biker runs towards Judith's car.  Judith drives away.

BIKER

You bitch!  You fucking-

The car backing up hits the biker again.

BIKER

Fuck!

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The Tigercats walk down the sidewalk.

MAX AND RODRIGO

RODRIGO

So how the fuck did you get Tina pregnant?

MAX

I don't know man.  And I only possibly impregnated her.

RODRIGO

Didn't you wear a condom?

MAX

I was drunk.  And I thought a girl could only get pregnant during like one part of the month.

RODRIGO

Why would you think that?

MAX

It has something to do with eggs, and the-

RODRIGO

Uterus?

MAX

Not the uterus, it's like an oval something.

RODRIGO

What?

MAX

Oval, ovula?  Ovulating, maybe?

RODRIGO

Oh yeah - the ovaries.

MAX

Exactly.  You can only get pregnant if she's ovulating.

RODRIGO

Yeah, with the fallopian tubes.

MAX

What?

RODRIGO

Fallopian tubes.  They like connect the vagina to something.

MAX

I've never heard of fallopian tubes.

RODRIGO

Yeah, they're like in the uterus or something.

MAX

By the ovaries.

RODRIGO

Well which part is the birth canal?

MAX

That's the uterus.

RODRIGO

Isn't there a labia or something?

MAX

Yeah.

RODRIGO

Maybe that's by the fallopian tubes.

MAX

Is the clavicle part of the vagina area?

RODRIGO

Kinda sounds like it.

MAX

Anyway, I thought she couldn't get pregnant unless she was ovulating.

RODRIGO

She must of been ovulating then.

MAX

Fucking sucks.

RODRIGO

What the fuck are you gonna do if she's pregnant?

MAX

I don't know.  I'm just hoping she's not.  She hasn't even been to the doctor's yet.

RODRIGO

Why the fuck didn't you just wear a fucking condom?

MAX

I'm retarded.

RODRIGO

We should get dinner now.

MAX

Huh?  Yeah.

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

Max walks comes out of the bathroom.  He walks through the restaurant.  He sees a tip on a table.  He quickly picks it up, and walks back to the table where the Tigercats are eating.

RODRIGO

How long were you in there?

MAX

I had to take a shit.

Rodrigo stops the WAITER.

RODRIGO

Can you get the check?  We're in a hurry.

WAITER

No problem.

KATE

How far until we get there?

RODRIGO

I'm not sure, but I think we're close.

KATE

This party better be a lot of fun, we've been walking for forever.

RODRIGO

Don't worry about it.

Rodrigo and Kate stare at each other for a few moments.

RODRIGO

Do you feel the sexual tension?

Kate reaches over and puts her hand into Rodrigo's drink.

RODRIGO

That's okay.  Parts of your body will be in my mouth later tonight.

Kate grabs Rodrigo's drink, and pours it over his food.  Shane takes a bite of his food.

RODRIGO

Shit!

SHANE

(with food in his mouth)

I can feel the sexual tension.

RODRIGO

My food is fucking ruined.

Darevin sits next to Shane.

DAREVIN

Dude, I don't mean to be a dick, but you chew really loudly, and it's kind of annoying.

SHANE

You're a douche bag, you know that?

DAREVIN

Sorry, I just-

SHANE

Shut up.

Ethan and Joel sit next to each other.  They both have  a plate of chicken strips.

JOEL

This chicken is pretty good.

Ethan dips his chicken in some sweet and sour sauce.

ETHAN

And who fucking knew you could get sweet and sour sauce, as a dipping sauce.

JOEL

I know - it's crazy.

The waiter walks up to Rodrigo.

WAITER

Here's the bill sir.  And you can pay it up at the front desk.

The waiter walks away. Rodrigo looks at the bill and sets it down.

RODRIGO

All right.  Everyone get out like ten dollars.

MAX

What?

RODRIGO

Get out your money.  It's a eighty dollar bill.

KATE

No one told me to bring money.

RODRIGO

What the fuck are you talking about?  You don't have any money?

MAX

I don't have any money either.

JOEL

Neither do I.

RODRIGO

Everyone just get out all your money.

All the Tigercats search through their pockets.  Kate throws some money on the table as does Shane.

RODRIGO

I don't think we have enough.  We're gonna have to dine and dash.

KATE

I'm not stealing!

RODRIGO

Quiet the fuck down.

ETHAN

Let's go.  We'll be like fucking outlaws.

JOEL

No!  I wanna come back here.  They have sweet and sour dipping sauce.

RODRIGO

This is the only way.  Come on, it's perfect.  We have to pay up there anyway.  So we can just run out.

KATE

I'm not stealing my food.

RODRIGO

Fine.  I'll steal your's for you.

KATE

What if they catch us?

RODRIGO

They won't.  It's not like they'd chase after us.  Have you ever stolen anything before?  They never chase you.  Anyone got a better idea...?  Then let's go.

KATE

Wait.  We should at least leave a tip.

ETHAN

But we're not paying.

KATE

So?  The waiter still deserves a tip.

RODRIGO

Fine.

Rodrigo takes Shane's and Kate's money, and puts it on a pile on the table.

RODRIGO

There you go.

All the Tigercats stand up.

DAREVIN

If my mom finds out about this...

JOEL

Shut the fuck up.

The Tigercats walk up to the front desk, next to the door.

RODRIGO

You guys can go, I'll get the bill.

The Tigercats exit.  Rodrigo hands the bill to the CASHIER.  The cashier types into the cash register.

CASHIER

(looking down)

Okay that'll be-

The cashier looks up - Rodrigo is gone.  The cashier bursts over the desk towards he door.

CASHIER

Motherfuckers!

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The cashier chases after the Tigercats.  They run in a spread out line.  Rodrigo, last in line, stops and runs towards the cashier.  Rodrigo kicks the cashier in the nuts, then continues to run.

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

The Tigercats stand in a circle, breathing heavily.  Max sits on the ground.

RODRIGO

We lost him.

KATE

You said he wouldn't chase us!

RODRIGO

He shouldn't have.

ETHAN

That's was smart thinking - kicking him in the nuts.

RODRIGO

Nothing stops a guy like a swift kick in the nuts.

JOEL

We gotta go, it's gonna be dark soon.

MAX

I can't go any farther.

SHANE

What?

MAX

I twisted my ankle or something, I can't walk to the party.

Kate leans down and looks at Max's ankle.

KATE

Are you okay?

Shane leans down too.

SHANE

You want me to call someone or something?

RODRIGO

Max your fine.

MAX

My fucking ankle is fucked up.

RODRIGO

We are going to this party.  If I have to fucking drag you, I will.

KATE

I think his ankle might be sprained.

RODRIGO

Fuck!  No, we, we're going to this party.  We have to go to this party.  We can hangout tomorrow, and just jerk off in the basement, but today we are going to this fucking party.  This party - I'm gonna be Mr. humble here for a fucking second.  The last time I went to a party, it was a fucking birthday party my mom took me to.  I don't fucking party!  But this is my one chance.  This is our one fucking chance.  Okay we're the fucking Tigercats-

SHANE

No we're not.

RODRIGO

Fucking!  We need to go to this party.  This fucking party, is more than a party.  This party is too important to miss.  I just wanna fucking party, get drunk, and hopefully get laid, and I hope the same for all you too.  I truly do.  I know that if we don't go, we will all regret it.  This is fucking important!  And it's almost dark, and I'm asking you guys, please - we have to go to this fucking party.  Please... come on!  We have to go.  Please...

MAX

Fine.

Max slowly gets up.

MAX

Let's go.

RODRIGO

Fuck yeah!  Let's go Tigercats!

SHANE

We're not the Tigercats.

Rodrigo turns.

RODRIGO

(to himself)

Fucking Tigercats.

Shane and Kate help Max along.

EXT. SIDEWALK - DUSK

The Tigercats walk down the sidewalk.

MAX, SHANE, AND KATE

MAX

Yeah, Rodrigo got caught looking at porn like three weeks ago, so he's been watching it at my house since.

SHANE

Did his mom check his history, or was he caught in he act?

MAX

Rod's a seasoned pro, he always deletes his history.

SHANE

That sucks.

KATE

I didn't think you guys could talk about porn for so long, but I walk away corrected.

Kate speeds up away from Max and Shane.

SHANE

Man, Kate's so awesome.

MAX

Yeah.

SHANE

She's funny and hot.

MAX

You really like her?

SHANE

Yeah.

MAX

Talk to her at the party, you probably got a chance with her.  You think she likes you?

SHANE

I really think she does.

ETHAN AND DAREVIN

Kate catches up with Ethan and Darevin.

KATE

What's up guys?

ETHAN

Hey Kate!  I was wondering, do girls try to lick their own titties?  Because every guy tries to suck his own dick.  So does every girl try to like, lick their tits.  You know?

Kate speeds ahead.

RODRIGO AND JOEL

Kate catches up with Rodrigo and Joel.

KATE

Guys, why don't we have anymore girls in the group?  I surrounded by a bunch of little boys.

RODRIGO

You don't see us kicking any girls out of the Tigercats.  You find the ladies, and they can join free of charge.

KATE

What are you guys talking about?

JOEL

Before you interrupted us we were discussing the worst ways to die.

KATE

Cool.

JOEL

Yeah, drowning would be the worst way to die.  Because you have to wait there running out of air.

RODRIGO

No, no, burning to death is worst.  It's like drowning, but way more painful.

JOEL

I guess that's true.

RODRIGO

But, if you drowned in gasoline, that was lit on fire, you'd burn and drown.  That's the best of both worlds, or the worst of both worlds.

KATE

What's worst about being lit on fire is even if you survive, it totally sucks.

JOEL

Oh yeah.  If I get lit on fire, I just wanna die.

RODRIGO

It would be terrible torture if someone like, lit you on fire, then put you out, and did that over and over.

JOEL

When is torture not horrible?

RODRIGO

Touché.

KATE

I don't think I could hold up to getting my teeth ripped out.

RODRIGO

That's no walk in the park numb.

JOEL

That would be bad, but watching someone cut into your Achilles tendon would just...

RODRIGO

What if you got each of your fingers slowly cut off.

JOEL

I wouldn't hold up against torture.

KATE

I'm hoping I never get in a situation, where I could possibly get tortured.

They all nod in agreement.

RODRIGO

Getting your balls smashed with a hammer.

JOEL

Damn.  I just wanna know what it would feel like after.  Would your balls be liquefied?

RODRIGO

Smashing someone's balls for any reason, is just not cool.

KATE

Unless they're into that kinda thing... sexually.

They all nod in agreement.

JOEL

How far to the party?

RODRIGO

We're really fucking close.

INT. JUDITH'S CAR - NIGHT

Judith sits in her car - not driving.  A POLICE OFFICER stands outside her window.

POLICE OFFICER

Ma'am, we have reports that you've been suspiciously driving around the neighborhood, and bothering some of the local teenagers.

JUDITH

I'm not a pedophile.

POLICE OFFICER

It's good to hear that, but still, I'm gonna have to ask you to follow my car out of this neighborhood.

JUDITH

Teenagers are going to be throwing a party here soon.

POLICE OFFICER

And that's not a crime, so if you if you could just follow me out of the neighborhood...

JUDITH

Fine.

POLICE OFFICER

Thank you.

The police officer walks back to his car.

JUDITH

Ass.

TITLE CARD: THE PARTY

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

The driveway is filled with cars.  Rodrigo leads the Tigercats up to the front door.

RODRIGO

Let's fucking party!

The Tigercats go in.

SERIES OF SHOTS

Ethan and Joel sit at the table in the kitchen.

Shane sits on the couch in the living room, alone.

Darevin stands in the corner of the living room, watching people talk.

Kate sits on the couch in the den, next to a young girl.

Max and Rodrigo sit at the kitchen counter.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ethan and Joel sit at the kitchen table.  They look into the living room, which is filled with people, mostly talking, a few dancing.  Darevin walks over and sits down.

JOEL

How's it going with the ladies?

DAREVIN

I think it would be good, if I had the balls to go up to any of them.

JOEL

So...

DAREVIN

Hypothetically, it could be good.

ETHAN

Just go up to one of them and ask them to dance, it's not that hard.

JOEL

So why aren't you doing it?

ETHAN

I'm trying to sell weed.

JOEL

(to Darevin)

So why don't you go ask some girl to dance?

DAREVIN

I can't.  What if the girl says no?

ETHAN

Then it doesn't fucking matter, because you'll never see these people again.

DAREVIN

I just have these nerves, I can't just go out on a limb like that.

ETHAN

Want some weed?  It'll calm you down.

JOEL

You don't need weed, come on.

Joel gets up.

JOEL

I'll help you.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Joel leads Darevin and Ethan in.  Joel points at a girl.

JOEL

Her - go for it.

Darevin walks towards the girl, but quickly turns and walks into a different room.

JOEL

Fucking bitch.

ETHAN

He's helpless.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Max and Rodrigo sit at the kitchen.  Empty bottles of various forms of alcohol sit in front of Rodrigo.

MAX

You all right man?

RODRIGO

I just gotta get a little drunk, because I know Casey is gonna be drunk.

MAX

She's my girl next door.

RODRIGO

Fuck off.

Rodrigo gets up carrying a bottle of beer.  He walks over to look into the living room.

RODRIGO

That's my white whale in there, and I'm gonna go fuck it.

Rodrigo drinks the last of his beer, drops the bottle onto the table and goes into the living room.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Rodrigo walks up to Casey and some of her friends.

RODRIGO

Hey Casey!

CASEY

Do I know you?

RODRIGO

We go to the same high school.

CASEY

Then why are you all the way in Ann Arbor?

RODRIGO

I heard this party was gonna be sweet, so here I am.

CASEY

What's your name again?

RODRIGO

Rodrigo.

CASEY

Are you Mexican or something?

RODRIGO

No, my mom just likes South American culture.

CASEY

Cool.

RODRIGO

Do you like South American culture?

CASEY

I like tacos.

RODRIGO

Okay.

They both smile.

CASEY

So you came all the way to Ann Arbor just to party?

RODRIGO

Isn't that why you came?

CASEY

My cousin's throwing the party.

RODRIGO

Oh - cool.

CASEY

So you go to Stevenson too?

RODRIGO

Yeah.

CASEY

Who's your counselor?

RODRIGO

Ponk.

CASEY

Me too.

RODRIGO

She's such a bitch.

CASEY

I know.  I failed my calculus final, and she bitches at me

(using a high voice)

"What will colleges think when they see you failed calculus."  Like calculus even matters in real life.

RODRIGO

You don't have to use a high voice to impersonate a girl.

CASEY

Huh?

RODRIGO

You already have a girl's voice.

CASEY

Yeah.

They both laugh.

RODRIGO

Well I'm gonna go get a drink, hopefully I see you again.

Rodrigo walks away.

CASEY

Yeah.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Rodrigo walks back into the kitchen past Max.

MAX

It was going good, why'd you walk away?

RODRIGO

I read a book on picking up girls, trust me, I know what I'm doing.

Rodrigo and Max walk away.

Ethan and Joel sit at the kitchen table across from a STONER.

ETHAN

This is quality shit man.

STONER

Really?

ETHAN

We got it from a Colombian kid.

JOEL

Yeah, an exchange student.

STONER

Colombian?

ETHAN

Yeah man.  It's fucking Colombian hydroponic chronic.

STONER

I've never heard of that.  What does all that shit mean?

ETHAN

It means it quality fucking shit.

STONER

Okay.

ETHAN

It's twenty-five dollars.

STONER

What?  That's a dimebag - it costs ten bucks.

ETHAN

No it's a quarter-bag, it costs twenty-five bucks.

STONER

That's a bullshit price.

ETHAN

Twenty is as low as I go.

STONER

Fifteen.

JOEL

We'll take fifteen.

STONER

But you gotta let me see it.  I wanna make sure it's "quality shit."

ETHAN

You can see with your eyes asshole.

The Stoner stands out of his chair.

STONER

You're lucky I don't leap over this table and kick your stupid ass!

Ethan stands out of his chair.

ETHAN

I'd like to see your sorry ass try.

JOEL

Ethan, let's just not do this.

STONER

Listen to your little bitch friend.

JOEL

Asshole.

STONER

Fuck it!  You dip shits aren't worth it.

The Stoner walks away.

ETHAN

I would've fucked him up.

JOEL

I think you mixed up your words.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Max walks up to a LEON, who is passed out in a chair.  Max reaches into Leon's pocket and pulls out some money.  Some GIRL watches him as he also takes Leon's watch.  Max walks away and runs into Lance and Will.  Will still has bandages on his head.

LANCE

Hey man!

MAX

Hey!  I thought you couldn't make it?

LANCE

Yeah, but my mom said it'd be good for Will to go to a party.  So here we are.

WILL

Where's the drinks?

MAX

You know alcohol is a depressant.

WILL

So?

MAX

I'm just saying.

INT. DEN - NIGHT

The den is sparsely filled and much quieter.  Kate sits next to a BETH, a young girl.  Shane walks in.

SHANE

So, what are you doing in the quiet room?

KATE

Just talking to Elizabeth.

SHANE

What is she doing here?  She's like eight.

KATE

Actually she's ten.

BETH

Yeah.

SHANE

Still.

KATE

This is her house.  Her sister's throwing the party.

SHANE

Awesome.  Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to come dance with me.

KATE

I never to get dance.

SHANE

What do you mean?

KATE

You know, it's just none of you guys go to school dances, so I never go.

SHANE

Well here's a chance to dance.

BETH

That rhymed.

SHANE

Unintentionally it did.

Kate gets up.

KATE

All right - I'll dance.  But I'm probably no good.

SHANE

Doesn't matter.

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

BACKYARD

Ethan and Joel stand with NERVOUS KID.

NERVOUS KID

This weed isn't gonna be laced with PCP is it?

ETHAN

Why would we lace it with PCP?

NERVOUS KID

I don't know.  I heard in health class, that sometimes weed is laced with PCP.

PAUL (O.S.)

Hey fuck-bags!

Ethan and Joel turn to see Paul.

JOEL

Oh fuck!

PAUL

Give me my fucking weed!

NERVOUS KID

Oh my god!  Oh my god!

ETHAN

(to Nervous Kid)

What's wrong with you?  Go back to health class.

Ethan looks to Joel and nods.

JOEL

That was terrible.

PAUL

Where's my fucking weed?

The Nervous Kid runs off.  Joel hands the weed to Paul.

JOEL

It's right there man.  I'm sorry, we-

Paul punches Joel in the stomach.  Joel drops to the ground.

JOEL

(Wheezing)

You knocked the wind out of me.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Max, Lance, and Will stand in the kitchen.  A few kids flood out the back door.

Kids

Fight!  Fight!

Max looks out back.  He sees Ethan, Joel, and Jay.

MAX

Shit!  Some kid is kicking my friend's asses.  Will, you gotta help them.

WILL

Fine.

Will gets up and leads Max and Lance out the back door.

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

BACKYARD

A small group stands and watches the fight.  Paul kicks Ethan and Joel, who lie on the ground.

Rodrigo walks through the crowd and runs into Casey.

CASEY

Hey, Rodrigo!

RODRIGO

Hey!  What's going on?

CASEY

A fight.

RODRIGO

Cool.

Max and Lance join the crowd as Will walks up to Paul.

WILL

You need to stop or I will kick your ass.

PAUL

Fuck you man.  I will fuck your stupid ass up.

RODRIGO

I bet you the little one wins.

CASEY

That kid just beat up those two.  Plus the little one has a bandage around his head.

RODRIGO

If I'm right I win a dance with you.

CASEY

You're on.

Will punches Paul in the stomach.  Paul flies back.  Paul moves again to hit Will, but gets kicked.

CASEY

How did you know that kid could fight?

RODRIGO

I have my ways.

Will kicks Paul, who is now on the ground.

MAX

So he's a purple belt?

LANCE

Yeah.

MAX

How far is that from a black belt?

LANCE

Not sure.

Paul gets up and runs off.

CASEY

Looks like I owe you a dance.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Judith walks in.  She looks around.  She eyes each boy as she walks through.  A DRUNK KID stops her.

DRUNK KID

Hey lady!  You come to party?

JUDITH

Where's Darevin?

DRUNK KID

What?!  No.

Judith moves on.

INT. DEN - NIGHT

Darevin sits alone on the couch.  Only one other person sits in the den: A CUTE GIRL.  Judith walks in.

JUDITH

Darevin!

DAREVIN

Shit!

JUDITH

How dare you disobey me, and come to this party.

DAREVIN

Mom.

JUDITH

There are girls and boys at this party!  And where are the parents?  There could be drinking here.

DAREVIN

Mom.

JUDITH

You are in so much trouble!  And don't expect to be playing any video games in the near future!

Darevin closes his eyes.

DAREVIN

Fuck you!

JUDITH

What?!

DAREVIN

Fuck it.  Fuck you!

JUDITH

Excuse me?

DAREVIN

I said fuck you.  You know why I'm at a party with boys and girls?  Because I'm in high school!  I'm not a little kid.  I'm just trying to have fun.

JUDITH

How dare you swear at me!

DAREVIN

Shut the fuck up!  I'm not five years old!  You don't completely control me anymore!  Notice how everyone else here is my age!  Also notice how there are no other moms here!  So you need to back off!

JUDITH

I am your mother.  It's my job to protect you.

DAREVIN

Well, you've succeeded - because I'm not drinking, or doing drugs, or having sex, sad as it is.  Please just leave.

JUDITH

We're going to talk about this when you get home.

Judith walks away.

DAREVIN

Yeah.

Darevin walks up to the cute girl.

DAREVIN

Hey, you wanna maybe dance with me or...

CUTE GIRL

You're joking right...?  No.

She gets up and quickly walks away from him.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Lance and Will sit next to each other at the counter.  Lance had his phone out.

LANCE

(into phone)

Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can.

He hangs up.

LANCE

Hey man I gotta go.

Lance gets up.

WILL

Why?

LANCE

It's complicated, you know that girl I introduced you to once - the hot one?

WILL

Yeah.

LANCE

I might be able to get with her, but I gotta go now.

WILL

How am I supposed to get home?

LANCE

Get a ride with Max.

WILL

You know I'm suicidal, and I could die if I fall asleep.

LANCE

Don't go to sleep then, sorry, I gotta go.

Lance leaves.

WILL

Fucker.

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

FRONT PORCH

Shane and Kate sit on the front porch.

KATE

What is it?

SHANE

Okay, we've been friends for a long time now...

KATE

Yeah.

SHANE

And you really helped me out when I felt like shit earlier.

KATE

Yeah.

SHANE

And I think we should go out.

KATE

I don't think we should.

SHANE

What?  Why?  Don't you like me?

KATE

Yes, we're friends.

SHANE

Then why won't you go out with me?

KATE

I just don't think we should.

SHANE

I can't believe this.

Shane gets up.

SHANE

When you're done being scared of dating, call me.

KATE

You don't have to be a dick.

SHANE

Sorry.

Shane walks away.

KATE

What the hell?

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Max walks into the living room.

MAX

What the fuck?

Max sees Tina drinking a beer, over with Casey, Rodrigo, and some other people.

MAX

Tina!

Tina looks over at Max - she drops her beer.

TINA

Oh shit!

Max walks over to her.

MAX

So I guess you're not pregnant?

TINA

I can explain.

MAX

You lied to me?  What the hell is wrong with you?

CASEY

Rodrigo, do something.

RODRIGO

Max, relax.

MAX

Are you shitting me?  She lied about being pregnant.

RODRIGO

Max.

Max lunges at Tina, but Rodrigo is able to push him back.

MAX

What the fuck?

RODRIGO

Dude.

Tina lunges at Max.  She pushes him and hits him.  She pushes him through the other people in the room.

Casey downs a shot.  She leans over and kisses Rodrigo.

CASEY

Take me to one of the bedrooms.

RODRIGO

You got it.

They walk of together.

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

Max flies out the front door.  Tina tackles him onto the front lawn.  Tina gets off him and sits on the ground next to him.

TINA

I'm a wrestler, you really shouldn't have tried to push me.

MAX

How could you just lie to me?

TINA

I'm sorry.

MAX

Why would you do that?

TINA

I saw you at the party, drunk, and I figured you were a stand-up guy, and that you'd pay me.

Max stands up.

MAX

You're sick.

Max rummages through his pockets.  He pulls out some money and a watch.  He throws it all at the ground near Tina.

MAX

There.  Have it all.  I hope you're fucking happy.

Max turns and walks away.

TINA

Max.

Tina sits there for moment before she picks up the money.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Rodrigo and Casey have sex in the bed.  Casey is on top.

RODRIGO

Oh fuck yeah!

CASEY

It's in?

RODRIGO

Yeah.

The door opens.  An ASSHOLE steps in.

ASSHOLE

How long are you gonna be in here?

RODRIGO

Get the fuck outta here!

The Asshole steps back out.  Rodrigo and Casey continue.  Casey makes a weird noise.

RODRIGO

Are you okay?

Casey pukes on the pillow next to Rodrigo's head.

RODRIGO

Oh fuck!

Rodrigo pushes her off, but Casey pulls him over and he hits his head on the night table.

RODRIGO

Fuck!

Rodrigo gets up and puts on his pants.  He dry heaves as he goes for the door.

CASEY

What the fuck?

INT. Bathroom - NIGHT

Rodrigo bursts into the bathroom.  He falls to his knees by the toilet.  He jets puke over the toilet.  It covers the wall next to the toilet.  He dry heaves a few times.  He again pukes.  It misses the toilet, again, this time on the other side.

RODRIGO

Shit.

Rodrigo stands up.  He looks in the mirror.  He takes a deep breath.  He pukes again, into the sink.  He spits into the sink, washes his mouth, and exits.

PARTIER 1 (O.C.)

One sec. I gotta wash my hands.

PARTIER 1 walks in.  He looks around.  He can't control himself, and he pukes all over the floor.

PARTIER 2 (O.C.)

You all right man?

PARTIER 2 walk in.  He looks around.  He can't control himself either, he sprays puke onto the mirror.  He looks at Partier 1.

PARTIER 2

Dude - you puked everywhere.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Kate walks in.  She sits next to Max, at he counter.

MAX

How are things going?

KATE

Shane asked me out.

MAX

What d'you say?

KATE

No.

MAX

No?

KATE

Yeah.

MAX

Why?

KATE

I don't know.

MAX

Do you like him at all?

KATE

I don't date and fuck every guy I like.

MAX

You don't date anyone.

KATE

I just don't see why dating and shit in high school is such a big deal.

MAX

It's not.  You're making it a big deal.

KATE

I don't know.

MAX

If you don't like Shane then don't go out with him.  But if you like him, then what the hell.

KATE

Yeah.  How's your night going?

MAX

Not well.  But it's fine.

KATE

I'm gonna go talk to Shane.

MAX

Good luck.

Kate leaves.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Shane stands next to a HEAVYSET GIRL.  Kate walks towards him - she looks right at him.  Shane turns and kisses the heavyset girl.  Kate quickly turns and runs off.  Shane breaks the kiss.

SHANE

I'm gonna go get drunk.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Ethan and Joel walk over to the sink.  The both have ice pack on their faces.

JOEL

I knew he was gonna kick our asses.

ETHAN

Yeah.  Did he kick you in the-

JOEL

Face?  Yes.  A couple times in the face.

ETHAN

That sucks.

JOEL

I told you it was a stupid plan.

ETHAN

Calm down.  At least we lived on the edge.  We were fucking drug dealers!  And that was my first fight.

JOEL

It wasn't a fight - you never threw a punch.

ETHAN

It was still fun.

Joel spits some blood into the sink.

Joel

Fuck!  I don't even know where I'm bleeding, but there's blood in my mouth.

ETHAN

We were nearly drug dealing pimps weren't we?

JOEL

Yeah.  All the chicks want the dipshits who got their asses kicked.

ETHAN

At least Will will probably get some pussy.

JOEL

Yeah.

ETHAN

And come on: at least we lived life for a day.  Not the same old bullshit.

JOEL

Yeah...

Darevin walks over to them.

JOEL

Hey man, what's up?

DAREVIN

Girls suck.

ETHAN

Okay.

DAREVIN

No girls will even talk to me.

ETHAN

Sounds like an intelligent group.

DAREVIN

Fuck!  Is there something wrong with me?  Why can't I get any chicks?

JOEL

You may be coming off as desperate.

ETHAN

And you're not really good looking.

JOEL

And didn't your mom show up?

DAREVIN

How did you hear about that?  There was only one other girl in the room when my mom yelled at me.

ETHAN

Word gets around.

JOEL

And I heard you were yelling back.

DAREVIN

Yeah.  I give up.  I'm gonna go gay or something.

ETHAN

Like the guys want you.

JOEL

You could get a chick.  You just have to be... cooler.

ETHAN

Don't be such a needy bitch.  Girls don't like that.

DAREVIN

All right.  I'm gonna fucking dance with a girl before the night is through.

JOEL

That's the spirit.

Darevin walks off.

ETHAN

He's not gonna get any chicks.

JOEL

No... no he's not.  He's a bit of a loser.

ETHAN

Plus his mom showed up.

JOEL

Yeah.

Joel spits more blood into the sink.

JOEL

Fuck!

INT. DEN - NIGHT

Will sits on the couch.  The cute girl comes up to him.

CUTE GIRL

Hey!  I saw you kick that kids ass - that was impressive.

WILL

Thanks.

CUTE GIRL

How did you hurt your head?

WILL

I uh... I crashed my motorcycle.

CUTE GIRL

That's so cool.  Why don't you meet me in the bedroom upstairs in two minutes.

WILL

I will.

CUTE GIRL

See you there.

She walks off.

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

Leon walks into the kitchen, and up to Max.

LEON

You stole my watch?

MAX

Huh?

LEON

Some girl told me you stole my watch.

MAX

Um... no, that wasn't me.

LEON

Don't fuck around with me.

Rodrigo walks in.  Max points at Rodrigo.

MAX

It was that kid.

LEON

You sure?

MAX

Yeah.

Leon walks in front of Rodrigo - stops him in his tracks.

LEON

You stole my watch?

RODRIGO

What the fuck are you talking about?

LEON

My girlfriend gave me a watch, and I heard you stole from me.

RODRIGO

What the hell are you bothering me about?

Casey, drunkenly stumbles past the kitchen into the living room.  Leon points at her.

LEON

Right there, that's my girlfriend, and she gave me the fucking watch.

Rodrigo looks and points at her.

RODRIGO

Her?

LEON

Yeah.

RODRIGO

I just fucked her.

LEON

What?

RODRIGO

Yeah, I fucked her.

LEON

Are you fucking with me?

RODRIGO

No.  Just a little bit ago we fucked, so how do like that?

Leon grabs Rodrigo and throws him against the counter - he knocks over some glasses.

RODRIGO

Whoa!  Whoa!  Whoa!  Cool it man.

LEON

I'm gonna kick the shit out of you.

Rodrigo backs away.

RODRIGO

Okay man, I let's just stay-

Rodrigo grabs an apple out of a bowl of fruit and throws it at Leon.  He misses, by a lot.

LEON

That wasn't even close.

Rodrigo tries to make a run for it but Leon grabs him by his shirt, and drags him to the ground.

RODRIGO

Shit!

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Kate walks down the hallway.  Shane catches up with her.

SHANE

Kate!

KATE

What?

SHANE

Okay, I'm sorry about the whole kissing that other girl.

KATE

Was that your attempt at proving to me your mature enough to go out with?

SHANE

It was just a dumb thing I did to make you jealous.

KATE

You know I was actually going over to you because Max convinced me that you might be worth dating?

SHANE

Really?

KATE

Yeah.

SHANE

Kate, I truly am sorry.  I fucked up, but if you like me then I don't think-

Some BIG GUY walks in between Shane and Kate.

BIG GUY

Excuse me.

SHANE

Asshole.  Okay, if you like me-

KATE

Yes, I like you.

SHANE

Then we should be boyfriend and girlfriend.  So, will you got out with me?

KATE

No.

SHANE

I don't even know what to say to that.

KATE

But, I would be willing to go out for dinner and maybe a movie this Friday.

SHANE

Okay.  Yeah, definitely - this Friday.  Although I don't have car, so I don't know how we'll get there... it doesn't matter.  This Friday, we'll go to dinner.

KATE

You wanna go dance?

SHANE

Yeah, sure.

They both walk towards the living room.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Darevin walks around.  He checks out the ladies int the room.  He stops and looks at a few girls in a group.

GIRL 1

There's the kid whose mom showed up here.

GIRL 2

His mom?

Darevin walks over to them.

DAREVIN

Hey ladies, couldn't help but overhear you all talking about me.

GIRL 1

I think he might be gay, that's why he's so close with his mom.

DAREVIN

Motherfucker.

He walks away and sits down on the couch.  HANNAH walks up to him.

HANNAH

Hey, are you the boy whose mom showed up?

DAREVIN

Yeah, hilarious isn't it?

HANNAH

Yeah, my mom insisted on driving me to and supervising homecoming, which was a ton of fun.

DAREVIN

My mom home schools me.

Hannah laughs.

HANNAH

You have me beat.

DAREVIN

Yeah.

HANNAH

You wanna dance?

DAREVIN

Yeah, sure.

Darevin gets up.

HANNAH

My boyfriend's not here so I haven't gotten to dance all night.

DAREVIN

Oh.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Will sits on the bed, alone.  He sighs and lies down.

EXT. PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT

Max and Rodrigo stand next to each other outside, by the door.  Rodrigo bleeds from the mouth.  People come out the door throughout the conversation.

RODRIGO

Hey man, I'm sorry about acting like such a douche bag tonight.  It's just I really wanted to get with Casey, and I kinda turned into a jackass doing it.  And I was a total dick when I made you keep walking after you hurt your foot.

MAX

It's alright.

RODRIGO

I just feel like such an asshole.

MAX

It's fine.  I actually kinda got Leon kick your ass.

RODRIGO

You did that?

MAX

Yeah, sorry.

RODRIGO

I guess we're even.

MAX

So you turned yourself into an asshole for Casey, how far did you get with her?

RODRIGO

I fucked her.

MAX

Come again.

RODRIGO

I fucker her.

MAX

Damn.  You used a condom right?

Rodrigo stares straight for a few moments.

RODRIGO

I don't- I don't think she was ovulating.  I don't think there were any eggs in her fallopian tubes.

MAX

You're a fucking idiot, you know that?

RODRIGO

Yeah.

MAX

Was the sex as good as you hoped it'd be?

RODRIGO

Uh... yes and no.  There was some vomiting.

MAX

You dumb piece of-

RODRIGO

Oh, you owe me forty bucks.

MAX

For what?

RODRIGO

Well, that twenty I gave you early, you owe me that 'cause you didn't actually get laid, and you owe me another twenty because I am now the first to get laid.

MAX

I'll give you an IOU.

RODRIGO

Where's the twenty I gave you?

MAX

I gave it to Tina.

RODRIGO

You know she's not actually pregnant right?

MAX

Yeah, I was trying to prove a point or something, in retrospect it was a dumb choice.

RODRIGO

It's okay.  That sucks about Tina lying to you and all.

MAX

At least she's not pregnant.

RODRIGO

Yeah.

A little blood drips down Rodrigo's nose.

MAX

You alright man?  You're nose is bleeding.

Rodrigo feels his nose.

RODRIGO

Shit.

Rodrigo looks down next to him.  There, Ethan and Joel sit on the ground.

RODRIGO

Hey - can I use your ice?

JOEL

Yeah.

Joel hands him some ice wrapped in a towel.  Rodrigo puts it up to his nose.  People start to pour out the door.  Darevin comes out and stands by Max and Rodrigo.

MAX

What's going on?

DAREVIN

Party's over.

Joel and Ethan stand up.

JOEL

You dance with anybody?

DAREVIN

Yes.

ETHAN

You get a number?

DAREVIN

No.

ETHAN

Pussy.

DAREVIN

You talk to any girls the whole night?

JOEL

Whoa!

RODRIGO

Look who grew balls.

ETHAN

Hey I was dealing drugs.

DAREVIN

Dealing drugs, read: getting my ass kicked.

RODRIGO

Our mamma's boy is all grown up.

Shane and Kate come out and stand with the other Tigercats.

SHANE

What's up?

RODRIGO

We're leaving.

JOEL

How are we getting home?

RODRIGO

Darevin, can your mom drive us?

DAREVIN

No.

RODRIGO

Looks like we get to walk.

ETHAN

Fuck!

The Tigercats walks onto the sidewalk.

EXT. SIDEWALK - CONTINUOUS

RODRIGO AND DAREVIN

RODRIGO

So the party was awesome wasn't it?

DAREVIN

I'm never gonna go anywhere with you again.

RODRIGO

What?  You danced with girl.

DAREVIN

Yeah, and this walk home will be fun.  Doesn't curfew start at like twelve?

RODRIGO

Don't worry about that.  Just think of our house as Mecca-

RODRIGO

Yeah, will do.

Rodrigo looks back.

RODRIGO

Come on!  Let's move Tigercats!

SHANE (O.C.)

It's a stupid name!

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

CASEY'S COUSIN walks in.  She carries a garbage bag.  She turns on the light.  Will lies on the bed, not moving.  She walks up to him.

CASEY'S COUSIN

Hey! Get up!

She hits him - he doesn't move.  She grabs his hand and checks for a pulse.

CASEY

Oh... fuck.

TITLE CARD: THE END