"Gap Year"

Master-scene script

Version: First Draft

Author: Mark Sheppard

INT - MILTON KEYNES PUB UK THE DOG AND BONE - NIGHT

Milton Keynes pub - pool tables and fruit machines. Two lads; GEORGE and  MILL sit drinking at a low round table.

GEORGE
Guess who I ran into in Tesco the other day.

MILL
Who?

GEORGE
Julie.

MILL
She was a stunner that Julie.

GEORGE
(nodding)
She was stunning, she was insane, but she was stunning.

MILL
I think its a bit harsh labling the girl insane - a little impulsive maby.

GEORGE
She tried to stab me in my sleep.

MILL
When she found out you were screwing her sister.

GEORGE
Fucken bunny boiler.

MILL
With a bread knife.

         GEORGE
 (holds up his arm showing a faint scar)
It wasn't a fucken bread knife, it was a serrated knife you can use to cut 
bread or saw into someones arm rupturing major blood vessles.

          MILL
Anyway what did she say?

GEORGE
Well the whole time I was talking to her she just kept rabbiting on about this new guy she's with, he's a  backpacker and next month he's takin' her to Nepal.

MILL
Backpacker 'eh - where's he from?

GEORGE
He's English.

MILL
So what's this guy do when he's not being a backpacker?

GEORGE
Well that's what I said and I gather he does whatever crap job he can get his hands on like dishwashing, plate waiting, stamp licking for temp agencies that kinda remedial shit.

MILL
Hey people in glass houses.

GEORGE
(incredulus)
Get fucked.

MILL
Tele sales.

GEORGE
Well don't make out like your not in the house.

MILL
I'm not mate.

GEORGE
Your room may have a better view mate but your name is definetly still on the lease.

MILL
Very good - here's a metaphore for ya, your a dick.

		George
I'm gonna let that go 'cause I know how touchy you are about your little secretary position.

		MILL
Anyway what else did she say?

GEORGE
Well then she's just launched into telling me all these travel stories he's been poncing on to her about.

MILL
Like what.

GEORGE
You know, just little adventures and shit.

MILL
Like . . . 

GEORGE
Well she was crappin' on about how he was in this remote little villiage in Thailand and was travelling  to this other place in this truck, and  you know how over there they load these things up with people and really cram the fuck out of 'em.

MILL
No.

GEORGE
(looks at Mill)
Well they load 'em up with people and cram the fuck out of 'em - so there's people on the roof,  there's people standing on the tail-gate everywhere. Anyway the driver is so laggard before they leave that  he can barely walk in a straight line. So they get going and this numptys all over the road  - so anyway muggins stalls it on a hill and now this things rolling down the hill backwards - so everybody piles off  and  he just pulls on the handbreak before it hits this concrete barakade. So now everybody's refusing to get back  in the thing with this jam roll driving so 'joseph' ends up driving it for two hours through "winding mountain  roads"  to the next town. 

MILL
(shrugs like who gives a shit)
'eh

GEORGE
But this is just the begining - she just keeps going about riding elephants  and hiking through mountains and  then she says so what have you been up to?

MILL
(laughing)
So what did you say?

GEORGE
This and that.

MILL
Beautifully done - this and that.

Pause.

MILL (CONT'D)
You know I've always wanted to do that.

GEORGE
Do what?

MILL
Travel - just take off to another country and see what happens.

GEORGE
Since when.

MILL
Always - I've just never had the opportunity.

GEORGE
You'd never do it - you've never even been out of the country - I'd be more likely to do it than you would.

MILL
What, first of all how is the fact that I HAVE never been out of the country any indication that I WOULD never  go  out of the country?

GEORGE
How much more indication do you need?

MILL
If NASA was recruiting for a mission to Mars do you think they'd knock someone back on the grounds that they  show lack of interest 'cause they've never been?

GEORGE
If Mars was a four hour train ride away I recon they would - see the problem that you've got Mill is that your a  talker - all you want to do is sit around and day dream whereas I am a doer - if I say I'm going to do something  then I do it.

MILL
Well why don't you do it then, and by the way The Isle of Wight doesn't count as "out of the country."

GEORGE
No but fucken France is init.

MILL
Euro fucken Disney - yeah that's some hard-core travelling that is - really soaking up the culture wern't ya.

GEORGE
The point that I'm making is that  your not the sort of person that would just drop everything and take off to  another country - whereas I'd just pack a bag and I'd be gone.

MILL
Your havin' a laugh mate - I'll send you a postcard from Tahiti.

GEORGE
You'll be addressing it to a goat herders shack in the fuckin' Peruvian mountains mate.

MILL
You'd never do it.

GEORGE
You'd never fuckin' do it.

CHEMIST (O.S.)
In my opinion neither of you will ever do it.

GEORGE
And who the fuck asked your.......... opinion.

George turns to see the CHEMIST - a middle aged man with longish straggly hair. He is a  quadraplegic being incapable of movement from the shoulders down.  He sits in a electronic  wheelchair which is operated by a tube through which he sucks or blows. Behind him is BILL who  appears to be the Chemists carer although he's not the kind of bloke you could imagine doing any  actual nursing duties, he has the persona of a surley waiter/bouncer. The Chemist wheels up to the  table, Bill stands a short distance behind him.

CHEMIST
Sorry to interupt, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation and its a subject I have a special interest in - do  you mind if I join you?

GEORGE
(caught off guard)
Why?

CHEMIST
I have a proposal I think you may be interested in, grab me a pint will you Bill.

Bill rolls his eyes but shuffles off to the bar.

CHEMIST (CONT'D)
(To Mill)
Can I ask what it is you do for a living?

MILL
I'm a recruitment consultant for an employment agency.

CHEMIST
(To George)
And for you it was tele sales wasn't it?

GEORGE
(wearily)
Yeah.

CHEMIST
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last sylable of recorded  time and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.

Bill returns and plonks the pint down in front of him. George and Mill look from the pint to the Chemist -  he looks at them both and smiles and raises his eyebrows while Bill rummages around in a pocket in  the back of the wheel chair. Bill leans forward and swings out a small metal clip located in the arm of  the chair and then produces a winding plastic straw which he places in the Chemists  pint. Through twists and turns it runs from the pint to the metal clip to just in front of  the Chemists mouth. The Chemist moves his head forward and latches onto the straw and with  intense concerntration starts sucking. George and Mills eyes are glued on the beer as it snakes its  way up the straw. It hits the Chemists lips for a split second and then he lets go and it goes racing  back down into the pint.

CHEMIST (CONT'D)
(stares straight ahead like he's in another world.)
Ahhhhh.

Pause.

MILL
You said you had a proposition for us.

CHEMIST
(snaps out of it.)
Gentlemen sitting here listening to the two of you I'm reminded of myself twenty years ago wasting the best  years of my life in an endless procession of offices and barrooms where the best thing to look forward to in life is  getting shit faced on the weekend and hopefully screwing a half decent girl - the result of a society that's  brainwashed you into swapping your youth for a nice car and a home entertainment system.

GEORGE
What?

CHEMIST
Do you know what I did before I realised I was on the wrong path?

GEORGE
(kind of raises his hand)
Smoked bongs?

CHEMIST
I was a Chemist.

GEORGE
(to Mill)
Next guess.

CHEMIST
Gentlemen I want to drag you out of the rut that you don't even know your in. Now I realise that your current  enthusiasm for this topic is largley thanks to pints of Carling and that the conversation you were engaged in will  most likely be totally forgotten by morning but I believe that you've touched on something that you should both  struggle to make your destiny whether you yourselves realise it or not. Now I could sit here sprouting  ideologies all night but I realise that sometimes to get the mouse out of the maze you need a little cheese.

GEORGE
(to Mill)
Are you gettin' any of this at all? I don't speak boffin.

MILL
What's this proposal you were talking about?

CHEMIST
Bill.

Bill reaches into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulls out a poloroid photograph. He flips it onto the  table in front of Mill who picks it up and looks at it. It is a picture of the Chemist before he  had his accident. He is standing beside a huge fallen tree smiling broadly. In the depression where  the roots used to be, protruding from the ground, is an enormous nugget of gold. Mill turns the photo  over and on the other side is a name and address; BARRY CHIMES, 15 Deady rd Sydney Australia.  Under this is the word SHAZZAM. Mill passes the photo to George.

MILL
Australia hey.

CHEMIST
I was there four years ago - I went to relieve myself behind this root, it washed away some earth and there was  the gold.

MILL
So why are you showing us this?

CHEMIST
This gold is still there its never been touched.

MILL
So why didn't you take it?

CHEMIST
I decided that was not my path but perhaps you will come to a different decision.

GEORGE
Ya think? So your going to tell us where this gold is.

CHEMIST
No that would defeat my purpose entirely, the gift that I'm offering is not the gold but the journey that  will lead you to it. If you choose to make this trip you must track down the man named on that photograph. He  will  give you the name and address of someone else and they in turn will give you a name and address. Six people  in all before you learn the whereabouts of the gold - they know nothing of each other or anything about the gold  and I suggest to protect your own interests you keep it that way. They've been given strict instructions to only  hand over this information in person so there's no shortcuts. Well gentlemen that's it, you'll never see or hear  from me again so I suggest if you have any questions you ask them now.

Bill takes this as his que, he leans forward and detaches the straw and places it in the back in the  wheelchair pocket.

GEORGE
Chicken oriental.

MILL
If this gold has been lying out in the open all this time how do we know that someone else hasn't already found  it?

CHEMIST
As you can see from the photograph the gold is in a depression - I filled in this hole so you'll have to dig for it to  find it.

MILL
What does SHAZZAM mean?

CHEMIST
I'm sure you'll work that one out for yourselves.

GEORGE
What are you really getting out of this?

CHEMIST
Let's just say that by sending you on this quest I'm vicariously reliving a misspent youth. I've been looking for  the right people to give this opportunity gentlemen - its not by chance that our paths have crossed this evening,  I wish you good luck and a good journey.

Chemist starts leaving.

GEORGE
(makes the Mork from Ork sign)
Nannoo, nannoo

MILL
Well what do you think?

GEORGE
It's either a scam, or he's takin' the piss, or he's just a fuckin' nut - I'm leaning towards the last one but there's  no way someone finds a nugget like that, doesn't take if for themselves and hands it on a plate to two complete  strangers.

MILL
I'm not so sure, you know how these hippies are all into karma and shit - maybe he is just spreading the love.

GEORGE
Give me a fuckin' break.

MILL
I'm tellin' ya man I've met these sort of people before, they're deluded, they're all into finding their  centre and becoming one with the universe - cosmic bullshit over cups of chamomile.

GEORGE
And that makes them want to turn their backs on a small fortune.

MILL
I'm not saying I believe it I'm just saying its possible. Being rich probably didn't sit right with his 'ideologies'.

GEORGE
Well I'm not swallowing any of this shit - the doods obviously a fruitloop.

MILL
Yeah but just imagine for a minute if it was true.

GEORGE
(looking at the photo)
You ever heard of the welcome stranger?

MILL
Nup.

GEORGE
It's a gold nugget that was found by two geeza's in Australia in the 1800's in the roots of a stringybark tree, at  today's prices its worth between one to one and a half million pounds and this nugget looks at least as big as  that.

MILL
Discovery channel?

GEORGE
(nodds: yes)
But this is bullshit

Flips the photo to Mill who picks it up.

MILL
Yeah your probably right.

INT - TOP STAFF EMPLOYMENT AGENCY - AFTERNOON

Mill sits at one of three desks in a medium sized office. One of his co-workers; HARRY enters  carrying a box.  He plonks it on a desk two steps away from Mills and starts clearing out his stuff as  he talks.

MILL
What's up Harry?

HARRY
Been fired.

MILL
What, why?

HARRY
'Cause some fuckin' pointless report they made me do was late.

MILL
That's bullshit.

HARRY
Tell me about it, its burnout man.

MILL
What?

HARRY
Burnout, I was talking to this lemon sqeeza who worked here last year, he told me about it. They get us young  blokes in on six  month traineeships and dangle the carrot that we are gunna earn commissions on our contracts when the  traineeships are up right? Just a sec.

He picks up a cordless phone and dials a number, he walks to a filing cabinet and starts removing  various pages from files as he speaks.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Hello Mr James its Harry from Top Staff how are you?

Pause.

HARRY (CONT'D)
I'm very well thankyou, listen about the contract we  signed with you a couple of days ago I'm afraid we're not going to be able to meet our obligations there.

Pause.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Well its  a lack of suitable candidates to tell you the truth Sir.

Pause.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Well I've noticed that you requested that our temps be either U.K residents or hold a valid work visa. 

Pause.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Yeah that's 'causing us a few problems I'm afraid, and when you say FLUENT english............

Harry holds the phone out as though someone has just slammed it down in his ear. He goes on  talking as though nothing has happened.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Yeah so you get to the end of your contract after they've blown sunshine up your arse and got you to work your  bollocks off securing them contracts and then they fire you for not wearing matching sox or something; burnout mate burnout. I thought the geeza was just making excuses for getting the arse but he was bang on mate.

As he talks he continues to stuff things into his box, starting to take things that obviously don't belong  to him like pictures on the walls and best business awards from the shelves, as he reaches the end of  his conversation he rips the phone base out of the wall and dumps that in the box as well.

HARRY (CONT'D)
Catch ya round hey Mill - don't waste your time with these pillocks mate.

MILL
Yeah, nar see ya Harry.

Mill sits looking despondent. The phone rings and he picks it up.

INT - TELE SALES OFFICE - AFTERNOON

Large room full of rows of cubby hole type desks. George sits in the middle of one of these rows with  a headset on speaking to a SMALL CHILD with a whinney voice.

SMALL CHILD
Heeellllooooo

GEORGE
Whatcha mate is your mum or dad there?

SMALL CHILD
Yeeeeessssssss

GEORGE
Could you grab one of them for me please?

SMALL CHILD
Yeeeeeessssssss

GEORGE
Thanks.

Another employee; MARTY, is heard talking to a client in a rough London accent.

MARTY
Yep O.K I'll just put ya through to one of me collegues and he'll take it from there. Yep nice one.

Pushes a button. Now in a very gay sounding voice.

MARTY (CONT'D)
Wooohoo? Caller number seven, that's another bonus people, I got so much luck I'm handing it out.

Making a gesture of taking something out of an imaginary basket and handing it out.

MARTY (CONT'D)
I'm sharing it round.

GEORGE
(shaking his head)
Fucken hell Mary.

MARTY
(Rolls his eyes.)
Marty.

GEORGE
Can you knock that shit off.

MARTY
What's wrong George?

GEORGE
Well apart from making me want to puke you jinx me every time with that shit.

MARTY
It's all in your head George.

GEORGE
No its not all in my head. I'll be cruising along and every time you start sprinkling the fucken fairy dust everything  goes P' Tong.

MARTY
Fine I'm taking yours back.

Makes a gesture of taking something from the air and putting it back into a basket.

GEORGE
Fuckin' hell.

George presses a button and speaks into his microphone.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Hello.

SMALL CHILD
Heeeellloooo

GEORGE
Fuck.

Hangs up and dials another number. A WOMAN with a sexy voice answers;

WOMAN
Hello.

GEORGE
Hello I'm calling from................speil.

WOMAN
I'm sorry could you repeat that please?

GEORGE
I'm from..........

The woman puts a whistle in her mouth and blows it loudly.

WOMAN
No thankyou.

George rips the headset off his head and rubs his eyes with his hand, puts the headset back on and  dials another number. An OLD MAN answers.

OLD MAN
Hello.

GEORGE
Hello Sir I'm ringing from .........speil.

OLD MAN
No I live alone now, my wife's recently passed away and no I don't call anyone.

George looks at his prompt sheet where it says make a personal contact comment.

GEORGE
So your wife is........... dead, ah fuck it.

He hangs up and dials Mill.

INT - TOP STAFF EMPLOYMENT AGENCY - AFTERNOON

Mill sitting at his desk picks up the phone.

MILL
Hello Top Staff, Mill speaking.

GEORGE
Hey.

MILL
Hey, what's up?

GEORGE
Going tonight?

MILL
Shit yeah, definetly going tonight.

GEORGE
Six?

MILL
Yep.

GEORGE
Cool. 

EXT - SAL'S BOXING GYMNASIUM - NIGHT

Side street in a gloomy industrial area of London. On a brick wall, above a steal door, a faded painting of a boxer in old fashioned stance with the words SALS BOXING GYMNASIUM denotes the entrace to the gym.

INT - SALS BOXING GYMNASIUM  - NIGHT

Boxing ring - Mill in one corner, George in the other, bell dings and they walk into the middle and start  shaping up to each other.

MILL
I've been thinking 'bout something.

George throws a few punches.

GEORGE
Yeah what's that?

MILL
A big, fuck off lump of gold lying around in Australia.

Mill does a combination of punches and lands a good shot into Georges stomach and then skips out  of the way. George takes a few deep breaths and then points at him with his glove.

GEORGE
Supposed gold.

MILL
Either way I'm going.

George closes in throws some more punches landing one on Mills jaw - Mills on the ropes protecting  his head and then manages to beat him back.

GEORGE
I'm comming.

More blows exchanged - Mill gets the upper hand - George is in trouble on the ropes. Bell dings.

MILL
Don't give him any chances TONY.

GEORGE
(with blood in his mouth)
Don't give HIM any chances Tony.

Tony sitting at a table near the ring with the bell, holds up a stop watch.

TONY
(expressionless)
Clock says 2.

Each go to a corner and pick up a water bottle - squirt it in their mouths - grab a stool that's within  reach and sit on it.

MILL
I'm leaving in two weeks.

GEORGE
Safe mate.

MILL
Got the cash?

GEORGE
I'll sell me motor.

MILL
What?

GEORGE
Yeah fuck it.

Bell dings.

MILL
So your starting to believe it hey?

GEORGE
(shaking his head.)
Later.

Mill gives a come on gesture with his glove, both go at it - Mill gets on top again and George is on the  ropes coping a hiding.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
(Yells)
Ahhhh.

Locks his arms around Mills and head butts him in the nose - it bleeds.

MILL
(Yells)
Son of a bitch.

He hits George with an elbow opening up an eyebrow. Blood streams down George's face. Tony  shakes his head like here we go again. George now locks his forearms around Mills head and knees  him twice in the stomach nearly lifting him off the ground. Mill breaks free and then rushes George  knocking him off his feet, they both start wrestling on the ground. The voice of SAL, the sixty year old  owner of the gym is then heard.

SAL
Oi, you two, if you want a street fight get in the fucken street - this gyms for boxin'.

MILL
Sorry Sal.

GEORGE
(holds up his glove.)
Sorry Sal.

Bell dings.

INT - LONDON PUB THE DOG AND BONE - NIGHT

George and Mill sit at the bar faces battered - George with a strip on his eyebrow. The bartender  arrives with two beers - a straw in each.

GEORGE
At this point, gold no gold I don't give a monkeys - I got to get out of this job its twistin' my fucken melon man.

MILL
That's it - nothing to loose everything to gain.

To bartender.

MILL (CONT'D)
Your a crack up Murry.

They both pull the straws out.

GEORGE
Fuck this trackin' down six people for a lark but - there's got to be a way around that.

MILL
Well I've been giving it a bit of thought and I figure we land in Sydney and pay a visit to this Barry Chimes guy. Find out what he knows about the whole thing, get the name and address, then I figure we'll be able to  do the rest of it by phone. I know he's told them only to pass on the information in person but we'll just have to  do a bit of jiggery pokery - shouldn't be too hard to convince them to give it up.

GEORGE
Sortid -we'll have to track down the last one though - doubt he'll just give us the location over the Al Capone.

MILL
Yeah the last one will have to be face to face.

GEORGE
Piece of piss.

MILL
Cushty mate cushty.

They both take a swig from their beers a bit gingerly.

EXT - BARRY CHIMES HOUSE - DAY

George and Mill walk up to the door of a typical old  Australian house in a  suburb of Sydney. George presses the doorbell and a middle aged man answers.

BARRY
Hello can I help you?

MILL
Um, we were told you'd have a name and address for us.

Barry looks like he doesn't know what they're talking about, then the penny drops. He darts his head  left and right as though looking if anyone has seen them and then ushers them inside. He leads them  into a kitchen and then pulls down the blind.

INT - BARRY CHIMES HOUSE (KITCHEN) - DAY

BARRY
Look I don't know what you people are mixed up in but I don't want any part of it.

Barry heads to a pot on the shelf and takes out a piece of paper.

BARRY (CONT'D)
(trying to usher them out)
Here's your name and address now I don't want to see ya's again.

MILL
Hang on a minute - what do you mean mixed up in? As far as we know we're not mixed up in anything - do you know something we should know?

BARRY
(suspiciously)
What are you supposed to do with that?

MILL
I can't tell you that but to our knowledge its nothing dodgy.

BARRY
This just gets more and more bizarre all the time, your not CIA or anything are ya's.

MILL
Na, but any information you could give us we'd appreciate we're pretty much in the dark ourselves.

Barry goes to a cupboard and pulls out a bottle of whiskey.

BARRY
Ya drink whiskey?

MILL/GEORGE
Yep.

Barry pulls out three glasses, pours them a glass each and invites them to sit at the table.

BARRY
This is all I know - I was driving along one really miserable day, rain and sleet was pissing down and I was just  driving over the habour bridge when me cars run out of petrol - fucken missus' fault.

They both nodd

BARRY (CONT'D)
So I pull over on the side and  then I'm out in the rain walkin'. Well I hadn't got far when this big bloke pulls over in this van and he's got a fella  in a wheelchair in the back. So they gave me a lift to get some petrol and then they bring me back to the car.

Interupts himself.

BARRY (CONT'D)
And they paid for the petrol too - didn't even have me wallet on me 'cause I was just goin' to pick up the wife.  So I said to them if they'd follow me to pick me wife up I'd get some cash off her, but the fella in the wheel chair  says no don't worry about it but he says actually there is something you could do for me, he says could he leave me with a name and address for some people to pick up - said it had something to do  with some game he was playing with people around the world and he couldn't tell me the details 'cause of some  confidentiality agreement. He said he didn't know who the people would be only that they'd be forigners and  they'd ask me for a name and address. Said they might come in a couple of months, or even a couple of  years or they might not come at all. I couldn't see any harm in it so I said yes.

Barry knocks back some of his scotch.

BARRY (CONT'D)
I kept the thing for a couple of  months and I kind of forgot about it. Then one day I started thinking about it again and curiosity got the better  of me.  Anyway I was in that neck of the woods one  day and so I drove to the place and I shit you not when I say its a fucken palace. So I started asking around  who lived there and popular opinion is that THEO KEITH  is the biggest drug lord in Sydney. So I don't know  what kind of game it is that you guys are in but it sounds to me like your playing for higher stakes than you  bargined for. But that's it for me isn't it? No more suprises?

MILL
Far as we know - thanks for your help.

They finish their drinks and leave.

EXT - STREET OUTSIDE BARRY CHIMES HOUSE - DAY

Mill and George are walking along the street.

MILL
So what do you think?

GEORGE
I think we've got an appointment with Sydneys top drug dealer.

MILL
We could be gettin' ourselves into fuckin' anything here George.

GEORGE
Well I didn't spend 23 hours on a plane and come half way around the world to not find out.

MILL
I'm just thinking you know - its like when we got out of juvi we both said the same thing, we weren't going to  spend half of our lives staring at the wall of a prison cell and you know you get back in contact with this life and  its just too easy to get sucked back in.

GEORGE
Don't put the mockers on us yet mate, he may just give us the name and address and we walk straight back  out of there. Besides where's your sense of adventure ya fuckin' anorak.

EXT - DRUG DEALERS HOUSE - DAY

George and Mill stand outside large iron gates at the front of drug dealer Theo Keith's house. George  presses the button of an intercom.  The voice of a GANGSTER is then heard through the intercom.

GANGSTER
What?

GEORGE
We've been sent to collect a name and address from Theo Keith.

For a moment nothing happens and then the gates automatically swing open.

They are met at the door of the massive house by the gangster.

GANGSTER
Follow me.

INT - DRUG DEALERS HOUSE - DAY

The gangster leads them through an impressive looking house into a room with blue lighting that's  wall to wall glass cages full of various exotic looking snakes. Some of them strike at the glass as they  walk by. They walk out the back of the house to a pool area.

EXT - DRUG DEALERS HOUSE (POOL AREA) - DAY

The entire pool area at the back of the house is sparkling white tile. Theo Keith sits in a round spa  beside a large rectangular, crystal blue pool. A large martini glass with the obligatory olive on a stick  in it sits beside him on the edge of the spa. The gangster points to Theo Keith in the spa.

THEO KEITH
Come over here.

The gangster walks to a large outdoor bar and takes a seat behind it. George and Mill walk over and  stand in front of Theo Keith. He is wearing dark sunglasses and a massive gold chain around his  neck.  The two of them stand squinting due to the brilliance of the white tiles.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Take your shoes off.

George and Mill look at each other - George shrugs and they take off their shoes.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Now get in.

GEORGE
Get fucked.

THEO KEITH
Its not a request.

Turns to the gangster at the bar.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Reinforce that for me PLUTO.

Pluto pulls a pump action shotgun from behind the bar, pumps it and levels it at them.

MILL
(like take it easy.)
Alright.

They both take out their wallets and climb into the spa fully clothed.

THEO KEITH
Good, now your on my level we can talk business. Pluto bring the boys a couple of martini's. I take it the  chemist sent you?

They nodd: yes

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Here's the thing - I don't know who this guy who's name and address I've got is, or why your trying to find him  and I'm a curious kind of guy so this intrigues me. And then I get to wondering how much you want this  information - enough to front up here and ask for it - which in all honesty seems to me a little arrogent, that you  would just wander in off the street and expect that I'm just gonna hand the information over to you, but we'll get  to that in a minute.

Pluto arrives with the martini's and they both take them and in unison take a large gulp out of them.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Little umbrellas as well Pluto you fancy bastard - give these boys the name and address.

Pluto reaches into his pocket and produces a business card it reads: MALCOM HUGHES 44 Palm  Drive Brisbane.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Now I know what you two are thinking - this is all going pretty well - we got what we came for, we're having a spa  and we got a free martini.

The two of them are looking fairly uncomfortable holding their glasses in the air above the bubbles of  the spa.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
But if that's what your thinking your jumping the gun so to speak. That name and address is not the one you  want - he's a business associate of mine. Now as luck would have it the fella your after also lives in Brisbane.  How's your geography of Australia?

MILL
Pretty good.

THEO KEITH
Good, then you know its not just down the street - how were you planning to get there?

MILL
(shruggs)
Bus.

THEO KEITH
What would you say if I said I'll give you a car to drive there?

GEORGE
What's the catch?

THEO KEITH
Good - what's the catch. Inside the panels of said vehicle is 15 kilograms of cocaine. But don't answer yet -  here's the thing, upon safe delivery of the goods to that address you will not only recieve the name and address  your after but also the tidy sum of 10,000 dollars each in cash. Now if that doesn't sound like your  cup of tea  your other option is to tell me exactly what the name and address are for and I'll have a long hard think about  letting you walk out of here knowing what you now know.

GEORGE
We'll do it.

Mill stares straight ahead and finishes his martini.

THEO KEITH
Good decision, now there's a couple of ground rules I gotta lay down for this caper for starters. Australia's a big  country and perhaps your thinking instead of heading to Brisbane we head to Perth and do a bit of business for  ourselves. Well if thats what's running through ya heads I suggest you stop thinking it - I've got eyes, ears  and arms all over the country - you couldn't sell a line of snow to a bare foot boong for a roo tail in a tin shed in  Yuendumu without me knowing about it so don't get any entrepenurial ideas, similarly if shit goes bad and  you get  caught if you so much as whisper my name in your sleep your dead and you won't die quick, you'll die slow and  painful. Reinforce that for me Pluto.

Pluto has now moved to the front of the bar and is sitting on a stool reading a long skinny book on  making coctails, the shotgun leaning against the bar beside him - he looks up from his book;

PLUTO
Talk or try to sell the shit and we'll torture and kill you.

THEO KEITH
Any questions?

Both shake their heads.

THEO KEITH (CONT'D)
Good - now get the fuck out of my spa.

INT - '98 HOLDEN COMMODORE (MOVING) - AFTERNOON

George and Mill are just getting into Brisbane when they spot a female backpacker hitchhiking on the  side of the road.

GEORGE
Pull over man, pull over.

Mill slows down and pulls over to the side of the road.

If she's a munta I'm gonna keep driving.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
That's not the attitude man - if she's moi munta we keep going.

George winds down his window as the girl (who turns out to be moderately attractive) approaches.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Where you headed?

GIRL
(points)
That way.

GEORGE
Us too hop in.

The girl gets in the back and puts her backpack on the seat beside her.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
I'm George, this is Mill.

MILL
Hi.

GIRL
Tracy.

GEORGE
Where you from Tracy?

GIRL
South Africa.

GEORGE
(joking)
Never heard of it - where's that?

TRACY
In the southern part of the continent of Africa.

GEORGE
Oh yeah, lots of big animals and shit.

TRACY
That's the one

GEORGE
Isn't hitchhiking a bit of a dangerous way to travel for a pretty little thing like yourself?

TRACY
Why thank-you, nobody has ever called me a 'thing' before.

GEORGE
You've obviously never met the right guy.

TRACY
And it looks like my luck isn't improving.

GEORGE
Man I love sassy women - pull over Mill I'm getting in the back.

Tracy laughs.

MILL
(Ignoring George)
So are you in the habit of getting picked up by strange guys Tracy?

TRACY
Well to tell you the truth this is the first time I've ever hitch-hiked but I'm almost at the end of my trip and I  thought I've got to give it a go - I mean how can you claim to be a backpacker without having hitch-hiked - you  know, you've got to experience it.

GEORGE
Well I personally guarentee to do everything in my power to make your experience............

MILL
(interupts)
George.

Mill points up ahead to a booze bus where police are doing random breath testing. There now  boxed in with cars ahead and behind them.

MILL (CONT'D)
Shit we're fucked.

GEORGE
No we are far from fucked - just chill out.

TRACY
Have you guys been drinking?

Mill spots a cop holding a German Shepherd on a lead near the booze bus.

MILL
They've got a cherry - we're fucked.

GEORGE
They're not all John Wayned to honk persian rugs just simmer.

SUBTITLE: There not all trained to smell drugs just settle.

George turns to Tracy and smiles like there's no problem.

MILL
No way this is happening.

GEORGE
Mill don't do a fucken thing.

MILL
Tracy see that bag of clothes in front of your seat I want you to stuff some of them up your dress.

TRACY
What?

MILL
(forcefully)
Take some fuckin' clothes out of the bag and stuff them up your dress - make it look like your pregnant.

Tracy - shocked does what he says.

GEORGE
I can't believe your pulling this shit you crazy fuck....

MILL
(Yells)
GEORGE!

GEORGE
(Yells back)
WHAT?

MILL
Her water just broke.

GEORGE
What?

Mill points to a bottle of drinking water at Georges feet;

MILL
Her water just broke.

Mill floors it around the car in front tyres screeching and flys down the oncoming traffic lane.

GEORGE
Shit.

He grabs the bottle of water at his feet leans in the back and pours water on the girls crouch and  down both legs and just manages to hide the bottle under his seat as Mill slams on the breaks in front  of two cops standing in the middle of the road with their guns leveled at them. The dogs now going  nuts and the cop is struggling to hold him. Mill and George have got their hands up. A COP races up  to Mill's window gun still on him.

COP
What the..........

MILL
(in an Australian accent)
Sorry mate I couldn't help it me girlfriends up the duff and her waters just broke.

The cop looks in the back at the now white faced girl  who looks from him to her water covered  crotch and back with a genuinely shocked expression.

MILL (CONT'D)
You O.K babe?

TRACY
(in shock)
Huh?

MILL
(to cop)
Well hurry up she can't hold it.

COP
(pause)
Alright follow me.

He races up to another cop and has a brief conversation and then jumps in a sedan and puts the  lights  on - the other cop jumps in another car and brings up the rear behind Mills car with lights on  also.

GEORGE
Well this is brilliant.

MILL
(sheepishly)
What?

GEORGE
Are you fucken serious, how in your wildest most surreal fucken dreams could you possibly imagine a police  escort being advantageous to our current fucken situation?

Mill goes to say something.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
No don't even answer.

TRACY
(Still in shock)
You can drop me anywhere along here that's fine.

GEORGE
And just what do you think is going to happen when we get to the hospital and our friend here gives birth to a  jumper?

MILL
Well I didn't think........

GEORGE
(interupts)
No that's right you didn't think, that's exactly fucken right.

They pull up to the hospital and the cop comes up to Mills window, he pretends to be fussing over  the girl.

COP
We've got another job to get to, the hospital staff can take it from here - good luck.

MILL
Thanks a lot mate.

The cop moves quickly back to his car where he can be seen talking to his partner, Mill jumps out  and races to the back door and opens it, he's crouched beside the girl and then hears the voice of  the cop behind him;

COP
Hey buddy.

Mill turns.

COP (CONT'D)
I'm gonna have to get you to breath into this.

Mill gives a fast blow. The cop checks it and smiles;

COP (CONT'D)
No worries mate all the best.

MILL
Thanks.

Mill sticks his hand up the girls dress and pulls out the clothes as the hospital staff, including a  NURSE rush out.

NURSE
What's wrong?

MILL
Oh, she had something in her eye but its out now isn't it babe?

Tracy nodds uncertainly - Mill turns back to the hospital staff;

MILL (CONT'D)
Thanks a lot anyway.

He jumps back in the car and they drive off. They drive in silence for a bit and then George starts  laughing.

GEORGE
Whooohooo.

MILL
(starts laughing and drums the steering wheel)
That was brilliant.

GEORGE
That was lucky man, fucken lucky, you know I got to say it - you get in a high pressure situation and you  always overreact.

MILL
Overreact, that was lateral thinking at its best my friend and you know it - I saved our arses.

GEORGE
You what? You........

TRACY
(screams)
LET ME OUT!!!!!!

Mill pulls over to the side of the road. The girl gets out and whips her backpack on - arms tightly  folded across her chest she starts walking along the footpath in the direction the car was going, and  then stops, turns and walks quickly the other way clearly distressed.

MILL
You see that George, she was happy and full of life earlier today - ten minutes in a confined space with you and  her minds been turned into Brei.

GEORGE
Your fucken hillarious - you've really got to start writing this shit down, what do you think that was - a nervous  breakdown.

MILL
Definitely having an episode of some kind, I'm tellen ya man you've really got to start realising the negative  effect your attitude has on people.

GEORGE
Do me a lemon.

Pause.

MILL
(smiling contentedly)
I am the brains of this operation.

GEORGE
If we're looking at 'this operation' from an anatomical sense your actually far closer to being the sphincter.

MILL
Can't help yaself can ya - don't you think you've done enough damage for one day?

GEORGE
Shut up and drive.

EXT - HUGHY'S USED CAR DEALERSHIP - DAY

They arrive at the car dealership and pull up into one of the parks out the front. Mill goes inside and  then comes back out and gets in the car.

GEORGE
What's the go?

MILL
Gotta take it round the back.

They drive around the back and into a shed. Immediately someone rolls down the door behind them  and then three guys go at pulling the car apart to get the cocaine. The guy who pulled the door  down leads them into an office a short way away (both have their backpacks with them).

INT - HUGHY'S USED CAR DEALERSHIP (OFFICE) - DAY

HUGHY, a large middle aged businessman type, sits behind a large cheap looking desk, he has a  couple  of chunky looking rings on each broad hand.

HUGHY
All go smooth?

GEORGE
Yeah silky.

HUGHY
(raising his eyebrows)
Car been comprimised at all - did you attract any attention?

MILL
(shruggs)
Speeding ticket.

HUGHY
(shaking his head)
Shit.

HUGHY (CONT'D)
Passports.

Each take out their passport and give them to him - he chucks them to the guy who led them in who  leaves the room with them. Another guy; TED, sticks his head around the door. 

TED
(statement to Hughy)
All good.

HUGHY
Good.

Ted ducks his head back to leave.

HUGHY (CONT'D)
Ted.

Ted sticks his head back in.

HUGHY (CONT'D)
Going to have to do a complete switch.

TED
(looks at George and Mill pissed off)
Shit

Hughy walks to a small safe in the wall and pulls out two stacks of 100 dollar notes and puts on in  front of each of them. They pick them up and put them in their bags. The guy with the passports  returns and gives them back.

HUGHY
(looks at both of them)
That's it.

GEORGE
We were told you'd have a name and address for us.

HUGHY
Oh yeah.

He reaches into his inside jacket pocket and passes them a piece of paper - the passport guy leads  them out.

EXT - STREET OUTSIDE HUGHY'S USED CARS - DAY

George and Mill walk along the street backpacks on.

GEORGE
Fuck that was easy.

MILL
Don't start this shit.

GEORGE
What shit - I'm just saying it was easy.

MILL
I know what your saying.

GEORGE
Well why wouldn't ya - its not a fucken code, I'm saying it was easy.

MILL
Alright it was easy.

GEORGE
It was a fucken doddle mate.

MILL
Yes, O.K it was the easiest thing in the fucken world, can ya drop it.

GEORGE
You've got some fucken issues man.

They walk in silence for a bit.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Ten thousand bucks.

MILL
(smiles)
Ten thousand bucks.

GEORGE
Fucken oath - so you should be smiling too - ten muther fucken grand.

MILL
I don't know about you but I don't feel too good about carrying this around in a backpack. I'm thinking bank  account.

GEORGE
Good point.

INT - STEPS OF BANK - MORNING

MILL
So who is this next guy we've got to track down anyway?

GEORGE
Oh yeah.

He pulls the note from his back pocket and reads it.

MILL
JOHN BOWBECK 11 Groate  Lane Brisbane.

EXT - 11 GROATE LANE  - NIGHT

George and Mill are walking around a dodgy looking neighborhood. They stand in front of a large  condemned looking old building. The doorway is dimly lit by a streetlight. On the old wooden door  written in white spray paint is the number 11. The door has a large padlock on the outside.

MILL
Well this is the place.

GEORGE
Nice gaff.

MILL
Must be another way in.

GEORGE
Yeah lets check it out.

They walk down the side of the building and find a piece of board attached with one screw in the  middle of the top of it covering up a window under which some crates have convieniently been  placed. George climbs up onto the crates - swings the board out of  the way and climbs in followed by Mill.

INT - 11 GROATE LANE - NIGHT

Inside the building is dimly lit by light coming through the windows from the street light outside. Three  or so people are sleeping against the wall under blankets. They walk over and George grabs a  SLEEPING MAN by the shoulder and shakes him. He wakes in a fright, grabs a nearby bottle and  goes to smash it on George's head. George easily grabs it as it comes at him.

GEORGE
John Bowbeck?

SLEEPING MAN
Upstairs.

INT - 11 GROAT LANE (UPSTAIRS) - NIGHT

More bodies with blankets over them are variously scattered around.

MILL
John Bowbeck.

JOHN BOWBECK
(huskey voice)
Over here.

The two of them walk over and a figure sits up as they approach.

JOHN BOWBECK (CONT'D)
What do you want?

GEORGE
A name and address.

JOHN BOWBECK
Ah so you finally made it 'eh, I'm guessing your the fellas the Chemist sent?

There's various murmurs to shut up.

JOHN BOWBECK (CONT'D)
(yells)
Shut the fuck up yaselves.

MILL
That's right if you can just give us the info we'll be off mate.

JOHN BOWBECK
Ya didn't think it was going to be that easy did ya's. Have a seat.

GEORGE
Name your price.

JOHN BOWBECK
I don't want your money, I want your time - conversation can get a bit on the stale side with this crowd.

The voice of another homeless guy; SMITH, comes from the darkness.

SMITH
If you want a conversation come talk to me - I used to be a concert pianist.

JOHN BOWBECK
You were a fucken taxi driver Smith.

SMITH
(outraged)
I was a concert pianist!

JOHN BOWBECK
How come you can't play the piano then ya dickhead?

Smith falls silent.

JOHN BOWBECK (CONT'D)
Mozart over here is starting to loose his grip. So now, our conversation, have a seat - you start.

MILL
O.K what were you before you wound up here?

JOHN BOWBECK
Lots of things, lots of things - deck hand mainly.

GEORGE
So why are you here now, couldn't you get yourself a job if you really tried?

JOHN BOWBECK
What's your names?

MILL
(points)
Mill, George.

GEORGE
Well couldn't ya get a job if you really had a go at it, I mean nothing spectacular obviously but clean some  gutters, scrub some toilets - that kinda shit.

JOHN BOWBECK
I 'spose.....

GEORGE
So really your just homeless 'cause your lazy arn't ya - when it comes down to it.

JOHN BOWBECK
What's with the fucken third degree?

GEORGE
Its your idea to talk man, if your not enjoying it just give us our name and address and we'll be off.

JOHN BOWBECK
You know nothing fucken about me at all, you don't even know who I am - its 'cause your blow ins, poms -  everybody around here knows wild John Bowbeck - ask anybody 'round here they'll tell ya.

MILL
And what would they tell us about you?

JOHN BOWBECK
They'll tell you some stuff alright.

GEORGE
I'm guessing it would be something along the lines of - isn't that that wino, smells like piss and vomit, lives with  twelve other men?

JOHN BOWBECK
Your about one step away from being on the wrong end of a blade mate, you know nothing about what's got  me here - watch yaself.

GEORGE
Well let me take a stab at it - life's delt ya a few blows and you haven't been able to hack it so you sit here and  wallow in self pitty - grab a bottle to hide in, that pretty much sum it up?

JOHN BOWBECK
New topic of conversation.

GEORGE
What's wrong with this topic?

JOHN BOWBECK
Like you said I'm not enjoying it so if you want me to cough up your name and address you better come up  with something else.

GEORGE
Or we could just beat it out of you.

JOHN BOWBECK
Try it.

George goes to get up but Mill pushes him back down.

MILL
Ok, ok, so John how do you know the Chemist?

JOHN BOWBECK
Don't know him at all - some big bloke came here one night with the dude in the wheelchair and said who  wants to make 50 bucks. I said I'd take it off his hands and the rest is mystery.

Laughs

JOHN BOWBECK (CONT'D)
I used to know a pommy bloke  once - big guy worked with him on a freighter one time. Had a bit of a squabble with him though - accused my  of cheating at cards - I don't look like much but I'm real strong and I'm fucken fast. So this guy comes at me  right  and he's hit me the one time and that's just put me into a rage, and ya know when I'm in a rage 'cause me eyes  just go jet black - so I've just laid into this bloke and next thing he's got blood coming out of everwhere and he's  lying on the ground - blood coming out of his ears, everything.

MILL
Yeah, impressive, how about that name and address now?

JOHN BOWBECK
Don't get me wrong if people respect me I respect them,

Turns to look at George.

JOHN BOWBECK (CONT'D)
but just don't fuck with me 'cause you'll regret it.

George looks up shaking his head.

MILL
Right can ya give us the name and address now mate - we've got to get going.

JOHN BOWBECK
Ya can't be in that much of a hurry, just chill out for a bit.

GEORGE
So is there a Mrs Wild John?

JOHN BOWBECK
Nar, separated.

GEORGE
Sorry to here that, what happened there then?

JOHN BOWBECK
Don't be sorry she's a silly bitch, lost me temper with her and ended up breaking her jaw so she split.

He laughs to himself George glances sideways at Mill.

MILL
Name and address dickhead before I lose my temper and break your fucken jaw.

JOHN BOWBECK
What?

MILL
Read my lips gimboid - name and address.

John Bowbeck and Mill jump up , John throws a punch, Mill catches his arm and pulls it up behind his  back.

MILL (CONT'D)
Name and address.

JOHN BOWBECK
Go on break my arm!

Mill twists his arm up higher until his hand is up between his shoulder blades.

MILL
Name and address.

JOHN BOWBECK
GAVIN RICHMOND, Windella Station Western Australia.

George gets up.

GEORGE
I wanna see if his eyes have turned black - have too.

Mill lets him go. He goes at George who quickly beats the crap out of him.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Nice chatting with ya Wild John.

SMITH (O.S.)
I AM a concert pianist.

GEORGE
'Cource you are mate.

EXT - 11 GROATE STREET - NIGHT

 Mill and George are walking down the steet away from the abandoned building.

MILL
What do ya recon the deal is with this shit?

GEORGE
How'd ya mean?

MILL
Well what's the raspberry ripple playing at sending us to a gobshite like that - I'm starting to think this is all just  an  elaborate practicle joke.

GEORGE
Well personally I'm interested to find out - we're ten grand up I say we just enjoy the ride and see what  happens.

MILL
(Nodds)
But I recon its definitely time to save ourselves a few miles - I'm calling this next punter.

GEORGE
Oh shit yeah.

EXT - MADDISONS CAFE BRISBANE - MORNING

George is sitting at a table inside the cafe - breakfast plates in front of him. Mill comes up and sits  down opposite him.

GEORGE
Well - did he spill his guts or what?

MILL
(shakes his head)
Spoke to Mrs Richmond, Gavin was down the back paddock, she knew all about it, doesn't know the Chemist  from a bar of soap either - lovely chap though according to Mrs Richmond. Joined them out of the blue for tea  and scones one fine day - spun them the same bollocks about a game and asked them for a little favour. She  basically let me know there's not a chance in hell of her giving me the info over the phone and apparently  Gavin will tell me the same.

GEORGE
Well did you blag it or what?

MILL
'Cource I did - spun her all sorts of bollocks - didn't budge a bit.

GEORGE
So you couldn't even swindle a farmers wife.

MILL
Its not as easy as you think man - the mystery of the whole thing makes people suspicious.

GEORGE
A farmers wife.

MILL
Fine, fuck you, next time you do it.

GEORGE
Where the hell are we going to then?

Mill takes out a map of Australia.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
(pointing out locations on the map.)
Well we're here and we need to get here and considering it took us 11 hrs driving to get from here to here, I'm  gonna go out on a limb and say we're gonna have to get a flight.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
I think that would be for the best.

MILL
(pointing out more locations)
But the closest airport to here is here which still gives us roughly a 13 hr drive.

GEORGE
(breaths out heavily)
Fucken hell.

MILL
You wouldn't have got it out of her either.

George raises his eyebrows.

MILL (CONT'D)
Ya fucken wouldn't have.

INT - AEROPLANE - DAY

George is looking out the window as they're flying over central Australia.

GEORGE
Its all exactly the same, there's nothing down there at all.

Mill looks extremely bored and is going a bit stir crazy - legs going. A STEWARDESS  comes along with a drinks trolley.

STEWARDESS
Would you like a drink sir?

MILL
Yes please what have you got in the way of spirits?

STEWARDESS
Vodka, Bundaburg Rum.

MILL
Bundaburg Rum - where's that made?

STEWARDESS
Queensland.

MILL
I'll try one of them, and a coke please.

GEORGE
I'll have a beer please.

George opens his beer and sips it - still looking out the window.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Its just like we're flying over the same piece of land over and over again.

Mill pours his small bottle of rum into his cup and knocks it back in one go.

EXT - AIRPORT ARRIVALS AREA - DAY

GEORGE
We gotta get a car.

Mill looks pretty drunk.

EXT - HOUSE IN DARWIN - DAY

Mill hands over 1000 dollars to a bloke who has a car on the side of the road in front of the house  with a for sale sign in the front windscreen. They get in and pull the sign off the front and pull off the  lawn with George driving.

EXT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL - NIGHT

George and Mill enter a small town in the middle of nowhere, they pull up outside an old two story  building with a sign hanging out the front saying  hotel. The front of the hotel is lit by a green light and it looks to be the only large building in town.  They pull up out the front and get out. There's a blue heeler dog panting away laying down right near  the door - it growls as they pass but doesn't get up and just goes on panting.

INT - NOTHERN STAR HOTEL (BARROOM) - NIGHT

The place is dead. The  floor boards are wood and their footsteps are loud when then enter. The only other sound is the  ticking of a grandfather clock. Two old blokes sit in the corner playing chess and smoking pipes, they  look up, their faces stoney, neither of them speak. Sitting at the end of the bar is TED, he is the  dirtiest looking bloke imaginable. He smiles exposing a row of perfect spakling white teeth. 

The  BARTENDER, who looks about eighty, is asleep behind the bar in a high backed rocking chair, his  mouth gaping open and his feet up with and a newspaper on his lap. On the bar top is a ding bell  with a small plaque under it saying "Ring for Service". Mill looks at Ted, who's still smiling and looks  from Mill to the bell and gives a little nod. Mill dings the bell with his index finger and the  BARTENDER  jumps out of his skin.

BARTENDER
What the fuck, son of a bitch.

The two old blokes playing chess look up disapprovingly. Ted leans back on his chair looking  looking out the window.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
(snapps)
Yes, yes?

MILL
Two scoonas of Vic Bitter please.

BARTENDER
Yeah, fucken hell alright.

TED
Where'd you guys come from?

GEORGE
England.

TED
Nar which way did you come from east or west?

GEORGE
East

TED
Didn't see two little girls walking along by themselves did ya?

The bartenders brow furrows as he pours the beers.

GEORGE
Nup.

TED
Sure, blonde girls, so high, twins, both wearing yellow dresses with white polka dots.

GEORGE
Na, sorry mate didn't see 'em - why are they lost?

Ted looks blank like he's tuning out.

TED
(snaps out of it)
Yeah, yeah - their lost.

GEORGE
How long they been gone for?

The Bartender puts the drinks in front of them and shakes his head at George. He turns to the end of  the bar and speaks to Ted;

TED
Its getting late Ted hadn't ya better be gettin' on?

Teds tuned out again.

TED (CONT'D)
Huh, yeah, yeah better I 'spose, best be off, no rest for the wicked. Not to worry.

He gives George a pat on the back as he goes by.

BARTENDER
Night Ted.

Ted doesn't respond.

GEORGE
(to barman)
What was all that about?

BARTENDER
Sad, sad story that - fella there used to be one of Melbourne's top dental surgeons, believe it or not.

GEORGE
What happened to him?

BARTENDER
It was two years ago now, if ya can believe that. He'd taken a year off from work and bought himself one of  those mobile homes with all the mod cons in it, gonna travel Australia with his wife and the two little  girls, cutest little things ya ever seen ya know, identical twins.

The bartenders story is now dipicted on screen in a series of shots, his words acting as narration.

BARTENDER (CONT'D) (V.O.)
So anyway they stop at a nice spot just out of  town for a bit of a rest. So the wife's inside doing some cleaning and whatever and he's   outside with  the girls reading in one of them fold out chairs you can kinda lie on. Anyway the  poor buggers been driving for a while or whatever and he's fallen off to sleep. And the two  little girls have wandered off see. So they recon it was only about 10 minutes or so but anyway the wife's come  out and woke him up and of 'cource she's saying where are the kids and then their frantically looking for them  but they're nowhere to be seen. So next we're all out looking for 'em but see what him and his wife didn't realise  is  just through the trees of their nice little spot there's all marshland and there are a fair few crocks down there  too. Anyway search and rescues sent out from Burra Burra, helicopters, sniffer dogs, aboriginal trackers the  works. It  was all over the news. They searched the whole area for over a month  but the bodies were never found, big mystery see, some people recon  somebody's come past in a car and snatched em up.   So the official searchers have given up after a month and they have a little memorial for 'em in town but  Ted wouldn't even go to that, refused to believe they were gone see. Anyway, time comes for Ted and his wife  to leave - go back home and that and they go right but two months later Ted's back again - and he's searching  through the swamps, wading through the  water, checking under logs, looking through reeds - all of which been done before 'cource but he just  couldn't put it to rest ya know. But the grief and the guilt, that stuff can really mess with ya head ya know and  his purposes have become a bit squewed now so he's convinced himself they're still alive and he's just  gonna come across 'em one day and they'll be right as rain. His wife came up and pleaded with him to give it  up but I recon he was too far gone even then - I think without wanting to she could never really forgive him ya  know and I think he knew it - so now he lives out of his mobile home which is as much a wreck as he is and he  spends most of his time down in the swamps - ya can hear him sometimes screaming out the girls names, he's  pretty far gone now, quizzes everyone about it all the time you know have ya seen 'em, have ya seen  'em - gets on a lot of peoples nerves now so he mainly asks the outta towners.

INT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL BARROOM - NIGHT

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Funny thing  is no matter how feral he gets he always takes immaculate care of his teeth - funny how the mind  works isn't it?

GEORGE
Yeah, how far is it to the next town?

BARTENDER
Burra Burra - four hours or so, I got rooms available though if ya want to stop here the night.

GEORGE
Nar thanks we've gotta get a bit further along before we stop.

MILL
We do?

GEORGE
Yeah, I'm not tired at all and we may as well get to a decent sized town before we stop.

MILL
Alright, as long as your driving 'cause I'm knackered.

GEORGE
Yeah, shit, I'll drive - I don't care, may as well get moving then 'eh?

MILL
Alright.

GEORGE
Cheers mate, nice one.

INT - '76 CHRYSTLER - NIGHT

MILL
Why couldn't we just stop there man - I'm wrecked.

GEORGE
You can stay in Nutterville if you want, I'm fucken not.

MILL
The old guy freaked you out didn't he?

GEORGE
No he didn't freak me out I just don't like the place.

MILL
Why?

GEORGE
'Cause its givin' me a bad vibe alright.

MILL
Since when do you get bad vibes?

GEORGE
Since mental fuckers are walking around lookin' for dead children, if I had to stay there I'd stay there, no  problem, but since I've got a choice I'm choosing not to stay in the fucken shithole end of conversation.

MILL
Pussy.

Mill is laying back in his seat while George is driving, suddenly on the side of the road George sees  two little girls, yellow dresses with white polka dots, blonde hair in plats either side walking hand in  hand, backs to him along the side of the road. He looks in disbelief to the side of the road  and then just looks back in time to see a 7 foot kangaroo bound in front of the car and stand looking  at him as he plows into it.

OUTSIDE CAR

Mill walks up to George who's standing with his hands on his hips.

MILL (CONT'D)
What are you doing man?

GEORGE
I saw them.

MILL
What, saw who?

GEORGE
The two little girls.

MILL
George those girls went missing two years ago their dead.

GEORGE
Yeah I know.

MILL
Well?

GEORGE
Well if I wasn't freaked out before I'm definietly freaked out now, how's the car?

MILL
There's a kangaroo where the engine used to be.

GEORGE
Spose we should get if off the road and walk back into town.

MILL
Yeah, spose.

EXT - ROAD INTO TOWN - NIGHT

George and Mill walk along the road into town which is lit by a full moon.

GEORGE
You know I've seen some freaky shit man but that was surreal, I saw those girls as clear as anything. So what  do you think.

MILL
What do you mean?

GEORGE
Well do you believe what I'm tellen ya?

MILL
I believe you saw something man but its a bit of a leap to believe it was two dead girls. 

GEORGE
I'm tellen ya Mill they were walking along hand in hand yellow dresses with white polka dots just like he said -  saw 'em plain as I'm seeing you, I need a fucken drink.

MILL
Good plan.

They walk into the bar again, the dogs asleep and doesn't stir but twitches as they go in and its lip  goes up a bit.

INT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL (BARROOM) - NIGHT

BARTENDER
Your back, I'm just about to lock up what are you fellas doing back?

MILL
Hit a kangaroo.

BARTENDER
Ahh, how's the car?

MILL
Right off.

BARTENDER
Yeah do a lot of damage roos. So I 'spose you'll want a room.

GEORGE
Yeah cheers mate and can we get some booze off ya?

BARTENDER
Yep ya can have these two bottles of plonk for five dollars each.

GEORGE
How about some beer instead?

BARTENDER
Beers not for sale at the moment - these bottles of red are for sale though ten dollars for the two of them.

GEORGE
Guess we'll take the red wine then.

BARTENDER
Two bottles of red, certainly sir, gonna have to give ya's a twin that alright?

George nodds.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Thirty dollars for the room - ten dollars for the wine.

They each put down a twenty dollar note and the bartender throws them the keys.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Upstairs first on the right.

INT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL (TWIN ROOM) - NIGHT

They enter the room, Mill holding the wine. They sit on the beds with their backs to the wall.

MILL
What do you want the claret or the Merlot?

GEORGE
What's the difference?

Mill shruggs.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Claret.

Mill throws the bottle over, opens his bottle and then throws over the opener. George opens his bottle  and they both sit drinking it from the neck.

MILL
Weird night.

GEORGE
Wierd place man, weird fucken place. Tomorrow first thing we're chippin'.

MILL
Suits me.

GEORGE
Seeing those girls is spinning me out man - its just too fucken bizarre

MILL
Yeah, but what if you didn't see them.

GEORGE
Yeah but I did see them.

MILL
Are you familiar with the concept of the power of suggestion?

GEORGE
How do you mean?

MILL
Well the old guy tells you a story and it freaks you out yeah, so your driving along and then something moving  on the side of the road catches your eye and your mind just makes the leap to seeing two little girls even thou  your eyes are just seeing, you know, like a cat or something.

GEORGE
Yeah but the old fella didn't actually make any suggestion like that at all.

MILL
Doesn't matter, the idea of two girls walking around alone lost is already implaned in you briain init, what were  you thinking about just before you saw them?

GEORGE
Well that nutter groping around in the swamps actually.

MILL
There you go then.

GEORGE
I like that theory, I'm gonna choose to believe that - I don't know how a cats looking like two girls holding hands  but I'd prefer to believe that than believe I'm seeing dead kids.

MILL
Happens all the time, people see things that arn't there, I once thought I saw big bird in our house when I was  a kid - turned out to be a yellow bean bag.

GEORGE
Yeah, thanks that's helpful.

All the time Mills talking he's absent mindedly rubbing a hole in the wall with his thumb, now he turns  to look through it into the next room.

MILL
(whispers)
Bloody Nora. George come here ya gotta see this shit.

GEORGE
Is it freaky shit 'cause if it is I don't think I want to know about it.

MILL
Shhh just look.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT - NEXT DOOR - NIGHT

In the next room a MIDGET with an acubra cowboy hat on is sitting on a bed naked to the waist. On  his arm is a tatoo of Popeye and he is in the process of cleaning a sawn off shotgun but he looks  more like he's stroking it than cleaning it.

GEORGE
What the fuck.

MILL
Shh, listen.

MIDGET
Not long now baby, not long now, we'll show em, we'll give 'em something to talk about.

GEORGE
So am I now seeing a half naked midget cowboy talking to a shotgun or do I just think I'm seeing a half naked  midget  cowboy talking to a shotgun?

The midget stops all of a sudden like he might have heard something but then he just keeps going. Mill balls up a piece of paper and shoves it in the hole.

MILL
That's what it is alright.

GEORGE
Well what's your take on all this captain rationalisation 'cause I'm startin' to think we've stepped into the friggin  twilight zone. The place is crawling with fucken widow lickers.

MILL
I havn't got a scooby mate but don't drink the water hey.

GEORGE
No shit.

INT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL (TWIN ROOM) - MORNING

Mill and George wake up and notice that the ball of paper Mill put in the wall has been pushed back  out again.

GEORGE
Suprised he could reach the thing.

They walk downstairs.

INT - NORTHERN STAR HOTEL - MORNING

The bartender is up and about.

BARTENDER
Morning fellas - after some breakfast?

GEORGE
No thanks mate we're off, how do we get to this Burra Burra place?

BARTENDER
You'd have problems today, Rick from the garage will be going in tomorrow you could get a lift with him but  nobody goes in on a Tuesday.

GEORGE
So I'm guessing there's no bus.

BARTENDER
Nup

GEORGE
Well what about you - you got a car?

BARTENDER
Yep.

GEORGE
Well can't you take us - I'll pay you.

BARTENDER
To drive four hours and back you'd want to pay me a lot.

GEORGE
How much?

BARTENDER
Hundred dollars plus petrol.

GEORGE
Deal, where's the nearest bank?

BARTENDER
Nearest banks Burra Burra.

GEORGE
Alright take me to the bank in Burra Burra and I'll pay you when we get there.

BARTENDER
Yeah right, I didn't come down in the last shower mate.

GEORGE
(makes an expression of exasperation)
Alright were's this rick bloke then?

BARTENDER
Garage on the left at the end of town.

GEORGE
Cool - see ya.

BARTENDER
Yep.

INT - RICKS GARAGE - MORNING

George and Mill walk into the garage - Rick's under the bonnet of a car working on an engine.

GEORGE
You Rick.

RICK
Yep.

GEORGE
I hear you go to Burra Burra tommorrow - wonder if I could pursuade you to go today?

RICK
Don't go in today, go in tommorrow.

GEORGE
Yeah but what if I paid you to go in today?

RICK
That your car wrapped around the kangaroo up the road?

GEORGE
Yeah.

RICK
Well it can't stay there, you'll have to have it towed - that'll cost ya fifty bucks.

GEORGE
Yeah.

He turns around as a large truck rolls past.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Well there's no bank in town but if you take me in to Burra Burra I'll be able to get you the cash.

RICK
No worries - take ya in tommorrow.

George turns around pissed off and starts walking out of town.

INT - ROAD OUT OF TOWN - MORNING

George starts walking out of town Mill follows (both have their backpacks on).

MILL
Where the fuck are you going George?

GEORGE
I'm hitchhiking.

MILL
There's no fucken cars.

GEORGE
Truck went past just before didn't it?

MILL
Nobody's going to pick up up mate, there's some countries you hitchhike in and this isn't one of them.

GEORGE
And why is that?

MILL
'Cause it just ain't a hichhicking country man, the average Australian doesn't pick up hichhikers 'cause in this  country if your hitching people think your probably a nut or somebody who's gonna roll them - you know who  picks up hitchhikers in this country?

GEORGE
Who?

MILL
Fucken serial killers - why do you think its always British backpackers they find in shallow graves over here -  'cause the Australians arn't fucken stupid enough to hitchhike thats why.

All this time George is walking backwards with his arm out and now just as Mill ends his lecture a red  XR8 ute pulls up. It has a massive bull bar on the front, four airials comming off it and is covered in  B&S ball stickers. A swirl of dust  reveals the licence plate; "OOMPY."

GEORGE
Yep that'll do me - you comming or are ya gonna stay here and cry?

Mill takes a look back and then starts walking towards the car as well.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
(smiling)
That's what I thought, that's the lad.

MILL
Your a div.

The door of the ute opens - George walks up and starts to say thanks mate and then he sees that  the driver is the dwarf.

OOMPY
No worries mate - get in.

GEORGE
(to himself)
Yeah fuck it.

He climbs in.

Mill walks up and looks in.

MILL
Oh fuck........nice ute man.

Eyes George.

OOMPY
Thanks get in.

MILL
Yeah cool.

The car has buttons on the steering wheel and levers to convert it for Oompy. Mill gets in and goes  to close the door and then he realises that its closing by itself. They rocket off.

MILL (CONT'D)
So you heading to Burra Burra are ya mate?

OOMPY
Heading west arn't I, yeah that's where its all happening, that's where its all going down.

MILL
Where what's all going down?

OOMPY turns to look at Mill. He still has his cowboy hat on and now wears a red flannel shirt,  moleskin trousers and red wing boots.

OOMPY
Just a saying, you know, figure of speach.

MILL
Yeah like what goes around comes around.

OOMPY stares straight ahead.

OOMPY
Exactly.

Pause.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Do ya's like country music?

GEORGE
Hell no.

OOMPY
Probably due to lack of exposure.

He presses one of the buttons on the steering wheel and the CD player clicks on - "she's my ute" by  Lee Kernigan.

OOMPY pulls a soft pack of Marlboro Reds out of his pocket and offers them both one. They  decline.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Good, good you shouldn't smoke it stunts your growth.

Neither of them laugh and Oompy's voice remains serious.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
See I got a sense of humour 'bout meself - that's how come I'm called Oompy after the Oompa loompas in  Charley and the Chocolate Factory, important to have a sense of humour about yourself. God's got a sense of  humour you know, do you believe in god?

He continues without waiting for an answer.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
I do, I recon Gods got a real slapstick sense of humour ya know - real pie in the face kinda shit. I used to think  God must have a sense of humour to create people like me - a real fucken prankster ya know, but then one  day  I saw these two women walking along and they were both looking at this third woman who was  looking through garbage cans and the woman turns to her friend and she says "there but for the grace of god  go I". Then they both kinda nodded to each other and walked into this coffee shop. For some reason that really  stuck in my head ya know "there but for the grace of God go I" like yeah that could be me but luckily God has  decided to spare me from that shit so I can make condescending fucken remarks about the homeless as I walk  into coffee shops and nod piously to my friend thinking what a great person I am to say I could be a scavenging  filthy homeless scumbag and secretly knowing that really I'm much better than her 'cause god has decided to  put her in that place and favored me. Pisses me off - if I heard some bitch say that about me I'd gnaw her  fucken  ankles off. God doesn't sit up there saying I think I'll make you homeless or you fat or you rich or you a fucken  freak or I'll kill your kid or I'll let you win the lottery - the worlds a totally random place - that's the only way to  make it fair, but if you scream out to heaven loud enough he might just give the dice a nudge for ya. That's the  decision I came to that night - I'd hated God before that, but I still keep thinking he gets a chuckle outta the  whole thing a lot of the time - if I can't blame him for making me like this at least I can imagine he's a bit twisted.  Ah this is a good bit.

Oompy starts singing along with "all members of the outback club". Mill and George sit in silence the  whole time. A lot of time passes.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
 - and ya know what else pisses me off?

No response.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Black people crapping on about racism, women bitchin' about sexism - you want to experience discrimination  take a walk in my fucken shoes.  The idea of us looking for equality is laughable to people - try being taken  seriously when you look like this - its a fucken joke. Just look at the work prospects of someone like me I could  be an actor as long as I don't mind being an ewok or a leprachorn or one of santas elves, I could be thrown  into novelty bowling pins for peoples entertainment or I can join the circus - their pretty much the only roles  people feel comfortable seeing people like me in. Ya see someone like me in an elf costume and its oh look isn't  it wonderfull, how fucken cute - put the same poor bastard in a suit and hand him a brief case and he becomes  a freak  - somebody to point at, you try and take yourself seriously when ya look like me and society will soon  put ya back in your place. I mean what famous dwarf have you ever heard of apart from Happy or Sleepy or  Doc for fuck sake - least the cripples have   that dribbling scientist bloke, who have we got fucken no-one, and you know why, 'cause we're  conditioned  from birth not to expect shit from life, accept what you are and put on the clown suit - well not fucken me mate.

GEORGE
George - so what do you do?

OOMPY
(to himself)
Good question - what do I do?

They are just getting into town.

MILL
Can you drop us off at the bank man?

OOMPY
Yeah I gotta go to the bank too.

They pull up at the bank.

MILL
Thanks a lot mate.

GEORGE
Yeah thanks, that was - enlightening.

OOMPY
No worries fellas see you in there.

Mill and George go into the bank Oompy stays in the car - opens the glove box and takes out a  balaclava, pulls it on, grabs a soft sports bag from beside his seat, - puts his hat back on over the top  of the balaclava and gets out. He unhooks his pump  action shot gun from catches underneath the tailgate of the ute.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
(to the gun)
Lets rock and roll baby.

INT - BURRA BURRA BANK - DAY

Oompy enters the bank.

OOMPY
Everybody on the ground.

Everybody turns but they don't react.

Oompy pumps the shotgun and levels it at the guy nearest him.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
If you value the use of your knees I'd get on the ground now muther fucker.

The guy gets on the ground and the rest of the poeple follow suit including Mill and George. Oompy  makes his way towards the counter.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Yeah you arn't so big now are ya's. Ladies and gentlemen I'll only be oppressing you for a very short amount of  time which to me seems more than fair since you fuckers have been oppressing me my entire fucken life. You,  pommy number one stand up.

Mill gets to his feet Oompy keeps the shotgun trained on him.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Pommy number two chill out and concerntrate on your breathing. Lady behind the counter you stand up too.  Now lady behind the counter I want you to lift up this flap here and stand right in the gap there. That's  it perfect.

Oompy turns his gun on her.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Now pommy number one I want you to very carefully pick me up and put me on the counter and I want you to  do it slowly and smoothly.

Mill walks over and slowly picks up Oompy and puts him on the counter.

MILL
You know man this could be considered aiding and abetting.

OOMPY
Well if you didn't do it I was going to blow,

Looks at her name tag.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Pam here's head off. So I recon I'd call that duress wouldn't you.

Pam hearing this faints, slumping to the floor.

MILL
That was graffic.

Oompy swings the shotgun back on Mill.

OOMPY
Shut the fuck up and get on the ground.

Oompy turns the shotgun on a portly male staff member lying on the floor behind the counter.

MILL
(to male staff member.)
You get up and start filling the bag.

The male staff member jumps up and starts filling the bag from one of the registers.

OOMPY
Time is money mother fucker speed it up, thats it now next draw, go.

Oompy paces up and down the counter.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
This money I'm taking today ladies and gentlemen is compensation, its compensation for years of physical and  emotional abuse. Its compensation for discrimination and its compensation for hardship and suffering. Society  has taken from me and now I am taking from society. How we doing there fat boy - got it all in good stuff get  back on the ground. Pommy number one - going down please.

Mill gets up and lifts him onto the ground.

OOMPY (CONT'D)
Down, down, right I'm off now nobody move for ten minutes after I leave or I will shoot every fucker in here - I'm  putting you in charge chubby so you'll be the first to go so keep 'em honest.

Oompy runs out.

George and Mill get to their feet - everybody else stays on the ground.

GEORGE
I gotta say I kinda hope the little little breezer gets away with it but he's gonna stand out a mile in a line up.

MILL
No shit.

The male staff member picks up Pam and sits her on a chair trying to console her and fanning her.

GEORGE
Don't suppose we'd be able to make a withdrawal?

George shakes his head answering his own question.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
No.

Pause.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Could you tell us where another banks at?

The male staff member looks horrified and puts a position closed sign on the desk and continues to  help the woman.

INT - BURRA BURRA POLICE STATION - DAY

SERGEANT
So I can reach you both on this number?

MILL
Yeah shouldn't be a problem.

SERGEANT
Right that's it for now your free to leave.

George and Mill leave.

INT - BURRA BURRA EMPERIAL HOTEL BARROOM - NIGHT

George and Mill sit at one of the tables in the barroom.

GEORGE
We're still a fair way off getting to this place, by the look of it its in the middle of nowhere, we can't buy another  car cause if the next contacts miles away we're gonna need to get another flight - I'm loosing my enthusiasm for  road trips.

MILL
Yeah, I've been thinking 'bout it and I figure I'll give this guy another bell - this has got to be one of the closest  major towns to them so I'll call him and see if he comes here anytime.

GEORGE
Good, I'll get some more sherberts.

Mill returns.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
How'd it go?

MILL
Well he doesn't come here, but he gave me the number of an icecream freezer who's going out there tomorrow  who we can  get a lift with.

GEORGE
So, what did he say?

MILL
Said he'd give us a lift but he's only got a pickup and his dog "travels up front with him and it doesn't like  strangers"  so we'll have to travel in the back.

GEORGE
Fucken hell. 

MILL
Five AM.

GEORGE
Fucken hell - how far is it?

MILL
Takes eight hours.

GEORGE
Fucken hell.

INT - OLD FORD UTE - DAWN

Mill and George sit on their bags in the back of the ute. Fox Terrier standing on the back shelf  snarling at them through the back window - ute pulls away in a swirl of dust.

EXT - WINDELLA STATION HOMESTEAD - DAY

The guy; PHILL, and his dog get our of the front of  the car. George and Mill both get down off the  ute and streach, obviously stiff  and sore after their trip. The dog snarls and barks at them a bit and then  runs off around the back of the house. Its a big farmhouse. Phill goes up to the front door and  walks in - Mill and George follow. 

PHIL
(Yells)
Gavin.

GAVIN
(Yells)
Out here.

INT - WINDELLA HOMESTEAD - DAY

Gavin sits eating a roast lunch at a large long table, beside him are two farmhands. They all sit  facing towards a large long open window that faces out on the back yard - which is really nothing  more than dust to the horizon. Leaning against the wall beside Gavin is a long shotgun.

PHIL
Knocked off already ya slack bastard?

GAVIN
Yeah slow day today.

Abruptly Gavin grabs the gun beside him and fires it out the open window in front of him killing a fox  which runs by outside the house, the fox terrior runs down to it with two other dogs and the all  converge on it shaking it about. Gavin leans the gun back against the wall and then leans back in  his chair.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
They're here Jan.

Gavins wife JAN comes bustling in from the kitchen with two plates which she holds in oven mits.

JAN
Hello Phil.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek.

TED
Hi Jan.

JAN
Now you can sit here Phil. And this is for one of the boys.

MILL
Oh no we're fine.

JAN
Nonsene you must be starved after your trip, you didn't make them sit in the back all that way did you Phill?

PHIL
Well you know how Sally is with people.

JAN
Well put her in the back, you and that bloody dog. Sit down, sit down.

George and Mill take a seat on the opposite side of the table.

JAN (CONT'D)
(to George)
I'll be back with yours in just a minute love.

GEORGE
O.k.

GAVIN
So you finally made it 'eh.

MILL
Yeah, did you know that it would be us who would be comming for the information?

GAVIN
No Peter didn't say who it would be who'd come, or when.

Jan arrives with George's meal.

JAN
There you are.

GEORGE
Thankyou.

MILL
Peter didn't happen to mention what his last name is did he?

GAVIN
No, why, don't you know it.

MILL
No, ah that's the nature of the game.

GAVIN
Strange game if you ask me.

MILL
That seems to be the popular opinion.

FARMHAND ONE
What's this information your after for - the bloke wouldn't say.

GEORGE
Well if he wouldn't say what makes you think were gonna tell you.

FARMHAND ONE
'Cause we got something you want.

GEORGE
YOU havn't got anything we want - the only one who's got something we want is this man here.

George indicates Gavin with his fork casually.

GAVIN
And I'm gonna give you what your after too, but first one of you is going to have to ride the hurricane.

The three farmhands start laughing, Jan who's come in with a tray with a jug and glasses on it to put  on the table looks horrified at her husband. She puts down the tray and then goes back into the  Kitchen.

GEORGE
(Fake laughing and then serious.)
What the fuck does that mean?

EXT - "BACK PADDOCK" WINDELLA STATION - DAY

Two massive nostrils showing through the wooden planks of a gate are blowing in and out with a  massive intake and exhale of oxygen. Gavin leans against the pen that holds a massive bull. On the  front of the gate painted in crude white letters are the words 'THE HURRICANE'.

GAVIN
This is The Hurricane, district champion rodeo bull for four years running. Peter gave me strict  instructions before he left about what you two had to do before I could give you the information your after. Now  I don't really understand this game you fellas are in but he seemed like a nice bloke and it seemed real  important to him that I stick to the rules he's laid down for yas so I intend to do that. 

MILL
Who the fuck are all these people?

Mill gestures towards the crowd of people gathered on the other side of the ring.

GAVIN
Oh yeah, I invited some of the neighbors over to watch.

They're all drinking and a few of them raise their beer cans to him. Now one of yas is going to ride this  thing and the other one is going to act as clown so make up your minds who's doing what.

MILL
I'll ride it.

GAVIN
(to George)
Which would make you clown.   

To farmhand number two.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
Barry.

Farmhand number two appears and throws George clown suspenders, pants and a clown wig and  shirt.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
Now ya might think that gear is gonna make ya look stupid - and you'd be right, but its also got a practical  purpose, that's gonna make you a more attractive target to the bull than your mate here so when he comes off  hopfeully its gonna go for you rather than him.

GEORGE
Hopefully its gonna go for me.

Gavin nodds.

GAVIN
(to Mill)
You've only got one go at this, Peter was very specific on this point and you've got to stay on this thing for a  minimum of eight seconds or its no deal see ya later okay?

MILL
Guess it'll have to be.

GAVIN
(to George)
That's right. Now when he hits the turf that's when you come in 'cause that's when he's most vulnerable, 'cause  this bull will go him, no question about it, it won't muck around so basically your job is to distract the bull long  enough for ya mate here to get up, all being well and then the two of ya get the hell outta there, don't fuck  around just fucken hoof it right. 

GEORGE
Not a problem.

Gavin turns to Mill.

MILL
Ready to go?

GAVIN
(to Mill)
Yeah.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
(to George)
You.

GEORGE
Yeah, yeah.

Mill goes up and sits on top of the bull and farmhand number two gives him some instructions.

GAVIN
Right, ready up there cowboy?

MILL
Yep.

Farmhand number one is standing on a platform higher than the bull ring next to a large  counter that's on zero, zero. Its in the style of those old clocks with the half nunmbers that flick round. 

GAVIN
Right Ross?

Ross's hand hovers above a large red button that starts it, big grin on his face he gives the  thumbs up with his other hand.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
You ready up there Bongo?

George is sitting on a top rung of the bull pen in full clown dress with wig on. He gives Gavin the  finger.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
(Yells )
Go.

Farm hand number two pulls the lever to open the gate. Ross's hand slams down  on the red button. The bull launches itself into the ring, Mill hangs on with one hand in the air. The   group of people are going nuts cheering. Mill hangs on for grim death as the Bull twists and  bucks. George shoots a glance at the clock as it ticks over four. Mill is jarred about as the  bull goes bananas, the clock ticks over six. Harry's hand hovers over the button as Mill comes off  and goes sailing through the air. George drops into the ring as the clock ticks over seven and  Ross's hand slams down on the button. George charges toward the bull from behind  as its massive horns stab downward towards Mill. He rolls and manages to avoid the horn  comming at him, it digs in the dirt with a puff of dust. Mills on his back holding the bulls head. George  rushes up behind the bull and gives it a huge boot in the bollocks. It swings its head towards him. Mill   takes the opporturnity and rolls up and runs for the fence. The bull takes a few steps towards  George and  he bolts in the same direction. The bull takes off after them. They both leap the high  rail of the ring, hit the ground on the other side and roll. They turn to see the bull smash into the  fence - a cloud of dust comes off it and they both scramble back a bit. They both slump back onto  the ground breathing heavily.

MILL
Thanks man.

GEORGE
Yep.

MILL
How'd we do?

GEORGE
Think ya made it to about seven seconds.

MILL
Fuck.

Shadow of Gavin is cast over them.

GAVIN
Well boys that was pretty fucken impressive.

MILL
Didn't make it to eight seconds though 'eh.

Gavin sticks out his hand and pulls him to his feet.

GAVIN
Nobody has ever ridden that thing for eight seconds.

He puts his hand out to George and pulls him up as well.

GAVIN (CONT'D)
Seven seconds is equal with the longest anyone has ever stayed on the thing - we were just fucken with  ya's.

George and Mill look pissed off but then they hear the crowd on the other side of the ring all  applauding and going bananas. George and Mill triumphantly raise their arms in the air.

EXT - CAMPFIRE, WINDELLA STATION - NIGHT

A middle aged guy playing the guitar - he starts singing Wonderwall by Oasis in a strong Australian  accent.

MIDDLE AGED GUY
(half singing, half talking)
TODAY IS GUNNA BE THE DAY THAT THEY'RE GUNNA THROW IT BACK TO YOU. BY NOW YA  SHOULDA SUM 'OW REALISED WHA' YA NOT T' DO. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT ANYBODY FEELS THE  WAY I DO 'BOUT YA NOW.

Mill sits next to an old bloke sitting on an old couch outside in front of a camp fire. George is  sitting to his right on another couch. Various other people are scattered about. Everybody is clearly  pissed and they all join in with the song. 

ALL
AND ALL THE ROADS WE HAVE TO WALK ARE WINDING. AND ALL THE LIGHTS THAT LEAD THE  WAY ARE BLINDING, THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO YOU BUT I DON'T  KNOW HOW. . . 

INT - HELICOPTER - DAY

INT - THE EMPERIAL HOTEL BURRA BURRA  - DAY

George and Mill sit out in the sunshine drinking beers.

GEORGE
So where we going - who's our next contact?

Mill takes a piece of paper from his shirt pocket, unfolds it and reads it;

MILL
Joshua Peters, Room 201 Lake Side Perth.

GEORGE
What sort of address is that?

MILL
That's what the man gave me.

George takes the note.

GEORGE
Well its time for me to solicit some information from Mr Peters - I'll now demonstrate to you how to go about  saving us from travelling a few thousand miles with a little something those of us in the trade like to call mind  control.

MILL
Knock yourself out.

Five minutes later George returns.

MILL (CONT'D)
Well?

GEORGE
Do you realize where room 201 Lake Side is?

MILL
So no info hey?

GEORGE
Its smack bang in the middle of a fucking nut house.

MILL
And?

GEORGE
Well they weren't going to let me speak to him so I told them I was his brother.

MILL
Yeah.

GEORGE
He screamed thanks for the Christmas present arsehole and slammed the phone down.

Mill laughs a lot.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
The guys a fucken nutter.

More laughing from Mill.

INT - AIROPLANE - DAY

George stares out the window.

GEORGE
We just flew over a single solitary shed, nothing else for miles in sight, just a tiny little shed by itself.

He turns around to Mill. About 12 little Bunderburg Rum bottles are strewn around Mills table and he  has one stuck in each ear. He is clearly pissed and he gives George a nudge in the ribs, a dopey  smile on his face - he puts his hand in the air and in a stupid voice calls: Stewardess. George stares  at him blankly for a second and then turns back to face the  window.

INT - LAKE SIDE MENTAL INSTITUTE NURSES STN. - DAY

George and Mill stand talking to a MATRON.

GEORGE
What exactly is wrong with him?

MATRON
He has paranoid schitzophrenia. Now he's not necessarily violent. . . .

GEORGE
So what does that mean - he's unnecessarily violent.

MATRON
It means he's unpredictable but we've had no history of violence from him to date. He's not been too good the  last couple of days, if he gets too agitated I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave him - he's not good  with people  he doesn't know.

INT - LAKE SIDE MENTAL INSTITUTE ROOM 201 - DAY

Mill and George walk into the room - it has no windows. Joshua is sitting on the bed staring straight  ahead. On a small table a record player is playing "Ev'rything I got, by Ella Fitzgerald".  Joshua  continues to stare straight ahead as they come into the room. The song comes to an end and the  arm of the record player lifts off and returns to its bracket. The guy suddenly springs to life;

JOSHUA
(in a strange voice.)
Shake my hand.

Joshua thrusts his right hand forward with all the fingers cramped up into a claw, his head tilts forward  and his eyes are going from side to side but he's not making eye contact with them. Then he seems  to compose himself smoothing down the hair on the side of his head with the palm of his hand. He  looks at the two of them. 

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
How can I help you gentlemen? Please take a seat.

Joshua motions to two chairs against a wall. They walk over and sit down.

MILL
Joshua do you remember a while ago a guy called Peter came to see you - he is paralysed from the neck down  and uses an electronic wheelchair - he may have mentioned to you that he was a chemist.

Joshua gets up and walks over to where an indian dream catcher hangs in the corner of the room,  he reaches up and turns it in his hand looking disappointed.

JOSHUA
(mumbles)
Nothing. Yes I remember Peter.

He walks to where three boxes with the primary coulors in them are stuck to a large blue notice  board. Underneath each coulor is its name - Yellow, Red, Blue. Next is a box with a question mark in  it, written in texta under the box is the word Delota. He is standing with his back to them seeming to  contemplate  the box with his hand up to his mouth.

MILL
When he came to visit he left you with some information and he said that one day some people would be  comming to pick up that information.

Joshua suddenly spins around - he has put his lip up on his gum.

JOSHUA
(in a strange voice.)
She was aaaalways sucking lemons that girl.

MILL
What the.....

JOSHUA
(snapps)
Lemons!

He flips his lip back down - his face becoming serious again.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
Who are you, why do you want this information?

Mill looks at George who shakes his head.

MILL
We can't tell you that.

JOSHUA
Who are you with ASIO?

MILL
No, no-one like that.

JOSHUA
Where are you from?

MILL
London.

JOSHUA
M.I fucken five is it, after me over there as well are ya's. I'm not gonna crack you know, your gonna have ta  fucken torture me.

MILL
Look nobody's going to torture you Joshua, we just need you to tell us what Peter told you, its nothing  exciting, its just a message - what about if we smuggled you in some beer or something, is there anything like  that you  want?

JOSHUA
Yeah that would be nice - get your fucken truth serum in me that way.

JOSHUA (CONT'D)
(raising his voice)
Why don't you just give me a jab in the  fucken arm man.

He thrusts his arm forward pulling up his sleeve.

MILL
Okay, okay settle down, fucken hell.

GEORGE
We need the info you've got cause the guy who's name and address you have knows where there is a large  amount of gold and if you tell us the name and address we'll give you some of the money we get for it so you  can give some to these guys in white coats and then you can get out of here and go and sit on a beach  somewhere  and drink coctails out of a coconut- so how does that sound?

Pause.

JOSHUA
Stop trying to mess with my head man, I've got news for you buddy - if ya think you can lead me down the  garden path, pirouetting me as we go then you've got another thing comming.

Points to his head.

GEORGE
'Cause this is my garden mate and I'm the biggest fucken doggy in it.

Joshua leans back with his arms crossed and nodds - then as an afterthought leans forward again;

JOSHUA
And I know where all the bones are buried.

Joshua then starts growling at George like a dog. George looks partly astonished, partly disgusted.  While Joshua is talking to George, Mill walks around the room idely looking at things. He stops in  front of Joshuas blue notice board. Various little notes are attached with drawing pins.

MILL
Fucken hell.

Joshua is still snarling at George and now takes a few bites at the air. George starts moving away  from him.

GEORGE
What.

MILL
He's left us a friggin note.

GEORGE
What?

They both look down at the note it reads: Reminder to Joshua not to take this note down. For all those in search of treasure,  thealchemist@hotmail.com, Kind regards, The Chemist.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
That bastard.

They both look up when they hear the sound of water running. Joshua is standing by his bed  urinating on the floor;

JOSHUA
Nobody ever poured me the wine.

INT - BACKPACKERS HOSTEL - NIGHT

George and Mill sit in front of a computer screen in the hostel.

GEORGE
So he's dragged us all over the country and now we're going to send him an e-mail asking him where the gold  is.

MILL
Seems like it - what's the subject?

GEORGE
How about where's our fucken gold?

MILL
Works for me.

Mill types in where's our fucking gold in the the subject field of the hotmail composer. In the letter field  he writes; We've jumped through your hoops now we're ready for our reward - get back to us pronto.

GEORGE
Yeah, I like that pronto.

MILL
And now we play the waiting game - I hope this guy checks his e-mails regularly.

Mill and  George spend the rest of the night going up and down stairs checking the e-mail with no  luck.

INT - DORM OF HOSTEL - NIGHT

They are both lying in bed when Mill suddenly springs to life, he leans over the top bunk and speaks  to George who is on the bottom bunk.

MILL
George, hey George.

George wakes up.

MILL (CONT'D)
Shazzam.

GEORGE
Fucken shazzam.

They both leap out of bed and head quickly out of the room. On the lower bunk opposite George is a   guy who's fallen asleep clutching a bong. He's jolted awake in the excitement and as they rush out  of the room he's rattled and rushes out after them. George realises the guy is behind them as they  rush out the door and he turns around;

GEORGE (CONT'D)
What the fuck are you doing?

The guys eyes are bloodshot as hell and he is obviously incredibly stoned.

STONER
Shazzam.

GEORGE
Go back to bed ya plumb.

They both race down stairs.

INT - HOSTEL (COMPUTER ROOM) - NIGHT

They are both back in front of the computer screen. Mill punches thealchemist@hotmail.com into  the sign in and then he keys the word shazzam into the password section.

MILL
That's it. 

The computer brings up the page for the hotmail account. Mill clicks on the inbox and there are  several strongly worded subject boxes where they have been trying to get through to the Chemist -  underneath these is one headed "because of the wonderful things he does". Mill clicks on it and it  brings up a short note from the chemist it reads; Nearly there fellas. 

Mill clicks on the attachment and it brings up a graphic image taking them through where the gold is  located in Arhnem Land. There is a button saying click to print map. Mill hits it and the map prints,  they grab it.

INT - AEROPLANE - NIGHT

Two stewardesses are collecting meal trays. They arrive at George and Mills seats. George smiles  and hands one of the stewardesses his tray. They look at Mill who is asleep face first in his tray.  George grabs the back of his shirt and pulls him back.

GEORGE
Narcolepsy.

The stewardess grabs the tray on which are three or so empty rum bottles. She looks at George and  points at Mills head where half a buttered roll is stuck to him just above his eye. George grabs the roll  and passes it to her and lowers Mill back  into his previous position.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
(passing the roll)
Thanks a lot.

George turns and stares out the window absently tapping a small bottle of  pills with his finger.

INT - STREET IN PERTH - DAY

Mill and George are walking down the street.

MILL
We've got a problem.

GEORGE
Oh yeah, what's that.

MILL
Well I've done some research and I've found out that gold is very heavy.

GEORGE
No shit.

MILL
(Nodds)
If we get up there and everying is where its supposed to be, between the two of us we  arn't going to be able to lift the thing.

GEORGE
Shit, so what are you thinking?

MILL
I'm thinking we're going to need something like this.

He points behind him to where a large truck with a crane on it sits inside a large compound of a hire  car place. A tall wire fence runs all the way around the yard with razor wire on top of it

GEORGE
So you want to hire it?

MILL
I WANT to hire it but they're not going to LET me hire it - I made some calls, you need a heavy vehicle licence.

GEORGE
So you want to half-inch it.

MILL
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now I've been scoping the place out and at night there's nobody  here and not many cars so the main problem will be the dog.

GEORGE
The dog.

MILL
(nodds)
One of those, rip your arm off as soon as look at you Rotweiler  fuckers.

George stands with his hands on his hips and nodds looking over the place.

GEORGE
Don't you think we're going to stand out a tad in this thing once its been reported stolen?

MILL
Not where we're going, we do it about 2:00 - drive all night and we should be in Arhnem land before sunrise, we  park the pickup in the bushes somewhere, go off in this thing, get the gold, tranfer it to the pickup and  we're outta there. We leave this thing in the middle of the road up there - sooner or later someone will come  across it and return it no harm done. Be just like hiring it and not paying for it.

GEORGE
So stealing it then.

MILL
Yeah.

GEORGE
So what's the catch?

MILL
What do you mean?

GEORGE
Well Mr Straight and narrow suddenly all keen to pull off a job, I can only assume that something has flipped  your Lex Luthor switch and you've come up with some ridiculous way of pulling this off and you can't wait to  see if it will work, so what's the catch?

MILL
Mate its brilliant.

GEORGE
Its the dog isn't it what are you going to do to the dog?

Mill takes a piece of newspaper out of his pocket and shows George where he has circled an advert'  in pen it reads; Pedigree Labrador bitch on heat, Requires sire of similar breeding, Must have  documents, Price to be negotiated, Call dave on 0393939940

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Don't tell me your - going to steal it.

MILL
Not steal it, just borrow it for a bit.

George shakes his head.

MILL (CONT'D)
Lets go buy some kit.

Mill starts walking off. George opens his mouth to say something and then its like he thinks why  bother and he follows.

EXT - DARWIN RESIDENCE - NIGHT

Mill comes quickly out from the the side of the residence with the Labrador on a lead - he picks the  dog up and puts it on the back of the ute and then jumps up himself. The ute pulls away. 

EXT - HIRE CAR COMPOUND - NIGHT

They park down a side street from the compound, a brick wall runs along the side of it. George gets  out and walks around the back of the ute while Mill and the dog come down off the tray. George  looks down at the dog.

GEORGE
You know there's gonna be some devistated kids in the morning not knowing where they're dog is.

MILL
No there's not - I left them a note saying she'd be here.

GEORGE
Oh good.

MILL
Ok, now Josie here does her thing, then I do my thing, then you do your thing ok.

GEORGE
You realise this is the dumbest plan you, or anyone else I know for that matter, has ever come up with?

MILL
Remains to be seen.

They round the corner to the compound, Mill kneels down beside Josie  and undoes her lead.

MILL (CONT'D)
Go get him girl.

Josie walks down the footpath out the front of the compound. At this point ZORBAS DANCE starts  playing over the vision. As soon as he spots her the massive Rottweiler barks once and then comes  tearing up to the fence and stops and starts sniffing her through the fence. They walk back and  forwards along the fence line with the music going over the top. Seeing that the Rottweiler is  interested Mill races up to the chain and lock on two large gates, quickly produces a   lock-picking kit and in no time has the lock open. Seeing that the Rottweiler now has eyes only for  Josie he cautiously eases the gate open and she enters the yard just as the tempo of Zorbas dance  increases. Mill closes the gate and puts the chain back and positions the lock to look like its locked  but its not. He joins George in the shadow of a nearby tree. The two dogs circle and sniff each other  as the music keeps playing. Then as the music changes tempo and beat the Labradore takes off  running playfully and the Rottweiler bolts after her, they race back and forwards in the large  enclosure. Georges hand goes up to his face shaking his head. They keep running and then stop  and  circle each other for a bit again.

MILL (CONT'D)
Get ready.

The rotweiler mounts the Labradore just as the music cracks into the very fast beat.

MILL (CONT'D)
Go.

George races up and undoes the chain and walks up to the truck. Mill, who's right behind him puts  the chain back on so the gates don't come apart and then steps back into the shadows. The  Rotweiler turns to look at George but decidedes to continue with what he is doing. George is up on  the foot of the truck trying to break in with his long strip of metal, finding it hard to hang onto the truck  with one hand and manouver the strip with the other. He drops the metal in the awkward situation  looking at the two dogs as he does who are still hard at it. Mills face is starting to look tense. George  finally pulls the door open as the music of Zorbas Dance changes tone again. Then he's in the cabin  trying to hotwire the truck. He gets the stearing wheel caseing off and cuts and strips the wires and  the   engine and the lights come on just at the first symbol crash of Zorbas Dance. The truck  rolls forward and the dogs look as though they're winding down. Mill opens the gates and George  drives the truck through. Mill grabs the one gate while George jumps out of the truck and grabs the  other and they bring them both together. The Rottweiler dismounts and charges, Mill quickly whips  the chain around the gates and snaps the lock shut just as the Rotweiler jumps up on the gate in  time with another symbol crash. They both race to their vehicle Mill the pickup, George the truck and  we  see them speed off. Zorbas Dance ends with the two dogs standing at the gate panting.

INT - TRUCK - DAY

MILL
That's it man up there - large fallen down tree opposite rusted car wreck.

EXT - LARGE FALLEN DOWN TREE ARHNEM - DUSK

They both get out and start digging.

MILL (CONT'D)
I've found something.

Its a small biscut tin with a red x painted on top of it. Mill opens it and inside a clear plastic bag is a an  envlope. Mill opens this and starts to read;

MILL (CONT'D)
Congradulations to those who have followed the yellow brick road, I'm afraid your about to find out that the  wizard is a fraud - there is no gold, as I said when I met you the real gift I'm giving you is the journey and in the  end isn't that more precious than any treasure? After all at the end of a life all we are left with is our  experiences, p.t.o.

Mill turns the letter over.

MILL (CONT'D)
Just kidding - keep digging.             

Pause.

MILL (CONT'D)
This guy is one sick puppy.

GEORGE
I was just contemplating spending the rest of my life hunting that bastard down.

They both go nuts digging and there in front of them is the gold.

MILL
That crazy bastard its actually here.

George jumps up and gets in the truck and backs it up. He jumps back out and comes around the  corner of the truck to see that Mills face has turned sour. He keeps coming and sees a full blood  aboriginal standing next to Mill. He smiles at George as he comes towards him and puts his hand out.  George shoots a look at Mill like why don't we roll him but Mill shakes his head.

JIMMY
Hello my name is Jimmy, I hate to have to say this but I just have to yell out and it will be like Zulu dawn here to  please just chill 'eh.

George shakes his hand.

GEORGE
So I take it this is your people's gold Jimmy?

JIMMY
No this gold belongs to the land.

GEORGE
Right.

JIMMY
Listen, lets sit down 'eh?

GEORGE
Sounds like a good idea to me Jimmy - lets do that.

George and Jimmy sit down.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
How long have you known this gold was there Jimmy?

JIMMY
We knew it was there.

George takes the poloriod out of his pocket and shows Jimmy. Jimmy takes it and says ha kind of half  laughing.

GEORGE
Do you know this guy Jimmy?

JIMMY
No never seen him before. He knows this gold is here too 'eh - that's bad.

George returns the photo to his pocket and they sit in silence for a bit.

MILL
So why does this gold have to stay there  Jimmy - if you guys haven't taken it?

JIMMY
We believe that the gold belongs to the earth, if we take it out of the ground it kind of messes with the natural  order of things, its hard for me to explain to you but there are bad spiritual implications if we take that gold out of  there.

GEORGE
But what about the money - couldn't you use the money for something?

JIMMY
Why just to buy things that distance us from our culture.

GEORGE
How do you mean?

Jimmy thinks for a bit.

JIMMY
See Ahnem Land is our land, its aboriginal land and its a refuge for some of us that are trying to properly get  back to our ways and some of us that never left them. See the only reason Ahnem land is here is because  white  people could never take it. Its too harsh, too remote and even though they had guns and we had spears we  were able to keep them from taking it over. Still missions were made and a lot of people went to them but some  of us always rejected everything to do with the white man, they made everything that came from him taboo and  hung on  totally to their traditional ways. They won't have anything to do with other aboriginals that drink beer and drive  cars - they're totally separate. Generations have been born into these tribes, some have left and gone after the  grog and that and some of us that were born in cities like me have left them to find these guys 'cause we want  to go back to the traditional ways. They take us in as long as we do everything traditional way, see they don't  hate the white man - they know there's good and bad in all people, some of us are half cast and even quarter  cast, but the tribes just want to keep to the traditional ways so everybody speaks the traditional language, if  they don't know it they have to learn it and keep to the traditional laws - that's part of my job see I teach the  new ones so I'm the only one who's allowed to speak english at camp.

MILL
So you don't use anything modern at all?

JIMMY
Except knives, knives are the only thing thats not taboo.

JIMMY (CONT'D)
Its getting late 'eh where are you guys going to sleep?

GEORGE
Round here somewhere I guess.

JIMMY
Better leave your truck here and follow me 'eh.

Jimmy gets up and starts walking and they follow him. They walk through the bush, as they get closer  to the camp they come past a full blood and half cast aboriginal carrying  spears, George and Mill notice raised tribal markings on their chests and sorry cuts on their arms -  they speak to Jimmy in aboriginal and glare at the two of them as they walk past.

EXT - ABORIGINAL CAMP  - DAY

As they get into the  camp there's quite a few people milling around, and a couple of dingos are sculking around. Women  are cooking and they look up  and say something in aboriginal to Jimmy - obviously about the two of them and then laugh to each  other while the continue with what they're doing.

JIMMY (CONT'D)
Wait here.

Jimmy wanders off leaving them standing by themselves. Two little kids appear chasing a lizard with  sticks the lizard disappears into the bush and the youngest, who is about four years old walks up to  Mill and says something in aboriginal. Mill and George just smile and shrug, the little kid wacks Mill in  the legs as hard as he can with his stick and they both run off laughing. Jimmy comes back and  approaches them.

JIMMY (CONT'D)
I've just spoken with the elders and they say that its alright for you to stay the night but tomorrow you must  leave Arhnem land.

EXT - ABORIGINAL CAMP - NIGHT

An emu's cooking on an open fire, some of the women are singing, Mill and George are sitting talking  to Jimmy.

GEORGE
What about showing the old men this picture Jimmy, maby he came before you got here?

JIMMY
No, no I don't want the elders to know you came here to get the gold. Forget about the gold now 'eh golds got  no use here.

MILL
Your from the city though Jimmy - don't you ever miss it, I mean don't you ever get bored out here?

JIMMY
No I love it out here there's always something to do; I hunt and I fish and sometimes new people come that I  have to teach but most important I'm back in touch with my culture. See aboriginal culture is linked with our  land and to really get back in touch with our culture we have to get back in touch with the land, take away all  the distractions you know, use the old ways, get rid of all the noise and get back intune with the bush. Its  hard to explain but when I hunt I know that that's the way my people have hunted for thousands of years, I'm  walking in their footsteps you know, I'm living the way they lived. Its like we have sacred places that we go and  some are a long way away. Now if you wanted to go there you jump in your truck and you roll over the earth  listening to the radio and it might take you maby one and a half days. If I want to go there I follow certain trails, I  move through the bush, I make shelters along the way and hunt for food and maby it takes me two weeks so  your experience and my experience are very different and that changes everything. It changes the way we  see the place when we get there, it changes what we see and it changes who we are and our understanding  of  things.

MILL
It must have been  a tough call though Jimmy, turning your back on everything you've known.

JIMMY
Yeah it was you know I mean I've still got family and friends there and I liked my job I had there, I used to be  a teacher at the primary school, but I always had this feeling that something was missing you know, that  things weren't quite how they were supposed to be. When I came here it was like stepping through the looking  glass mate, this is a whole other world here and I've never looked  back. Possessions have little value, people have value, custom and tradition, these things have value  and who you are as a person that has value. You look at the faces of these people and the majority of the time  what you see  is  contentment -  they know  that they have everything they will ever want or need and they're happy, in your culture people rarely get  everything they will ever want or need and when they do get it they're still not satisfied 'cause they were  looking for contentment in the wrong places. Happiness and contentment are much closer to people's  grasp here.

MILL
Sounds like Eden Jimmy.

JIMMY
(smiles)
That's it mate, far as I'm concerned.

While Jimmy is talking to Mill the little kid is busy throwing rocks at George full pelt. George picks up  the three rocks at his feet and juggles them which impresses the kid and he walks off trying to do it  himself. An aboriginal woman comes over to Jimmy with a wooden bowl and he takes it from her. It  has live witchetty grubs and honey ants in it.

JIMMY (CONT'D)
Ah here we go, here's some fair dinkum bush tucker for ya's. Now these fellas ya pickup by the head and  munch 'em up real quick.

Jimmy eats the witchetty grub and then picks up a honey ant.

JIMMY (CONT'D)
And this one here you grab here and cut this sac here with your teeth to get the honey.

Jimmy passes the bowl to George who grabs a witchetty grub.

GEORGE
(to Jimmy)
Cheers.

He munches the bug.

MILL
(whispers)
What's it like?

GEORGE
I'm suprised actually, its just exacly like eating a fat white slug.

He hands Mill the bowl. A few of the women are watching Mill and nodd and smile. The ants and  things are moving around the plate. Mill picks up a honey ant.

MILL
Hey your not going anywhere buddy, not before I eat your honey filled arse.

GEORGE
How's that?

MILL
Its actually not that bad.

GEORGE
Oh, have another one.

MILL
No.

Mill goes to hand the bowl back to George.

JIMMY
Mill the women will be very offended it you don't try a witchetty grub.

Mill looks over at the women who are no longer even paying attention but then Jimmy says a few  words to them in aboriginal and they all look at Mill and smile and nodd. Mill eats one of the witchetty  grubs. 

MILL
(to the women)
Perfect, just the way I like them.

The women speak a few words to Jimmy obviously asking what he said. Jimmy says a few words  back and then one of the women gets up and grabs another wriggling handful of grubs and starts to  make her way over to Mill.

MILL (CONT'D)
(whispers)
Oh shit.

The woman drops them into the bowl in front of Mill and they jostle about. Jimmy is finding the whole  thing extremely amusing.

MILL (CONT'D)
Thankyou.

Various people are sleeping in different positions about the place. The small kid is lying next to one  of the dingos. The places where Mill and George were given to sleep are empty.

INT - SITE OF THE GOLD - NIGHT

George and Mill work frantically in the dirt holding flash lights and digging under the gold to get the  chain around it. The outline of the tree roots are siluetted black against the background of the night  sky above them and then some of the roots seem to move. A voice is heard from the darkness;

VOICE FROM DARKNESS
Midnight in the garden of good and evil.

They both shoot there torch beams up in the direction of the voice and Jimmy is illuminated sitting  on top  of the fallen tree amongst its roots.

MILL
Jimmy, shit.

They look at each other and then just sit covered in dirt.

GEORGE
How did you know we'd try to take it?

JIMMY
English people comming here and trying to take something that doesn't belong to them - we'll call it a hunch 'eh.

GEORGE
Jimmy.....

JIMMY
There's nothing to say now, I'm not going to tell the others about this - they'll want to get tribal with you and trust  me you don't want that. But you have to get in your truck now and leave Arnhem land and you must never  come back. If you have any remorse for what you've done here tonight then never tell anyone else about this  gold. 

Jimmy jumps off the log and leaves. They undo the chain.

INT - HELICOPTER  - DAY

The Chemist and Bill sit watching a screen showing video footage of Mill and George with the  bull.

CHEMIST
Hey Jimmy come and have a look at this.

Jimmy pokes his head in and then climbs into the helicopter, he's carrying a glass of coke with ice in  it. They watch as George runs up and kicks the bull in the balls and they laugh.

JIMMY
You can see that bulls eyes pop out.

The Chemist looks up from the t.v.

CHEMIST
So they tried to steal the gold.

JIMMY
(shruggs)
Lot of temptation for them I 'spose.

BILL
'Cource they tried to steal the gold.

CHEMIST
Hey Bill show him that photograph we had done.

Bill passes Jimmy a copy of the poloriod with the Chemist standing there before his accident beside  the   gold.

JIMMY
They showed me their copy, that's good 'eh looks real.

CHEMIST
Yeah, that was originally a shot of me standing next to my brand new corvette.

Jimmy hands the photo back.

JIMMY
If you don't mind me asking how did you get like this?

CHEMIST
You know how I told you I used to be into selling drugs?

JIMMY
Yeah.

CHEMIST
I was basically making a lot of money selling my cocaine in England - too much for my  competitors who wanted to know how I was managing to get my hands on so much of the product. Of cource I  didn't want to tell them and so they  hit me in the back of my lower neck with a crow bar - reduce the  competiton. I  made some good legitimate investments with the money I had after that and here we are.

JIMMY
So the drug dealer in Sydney was a friend of yours 'eh?

CHEMIST
An old business associate, crazy bastard I just told him to scare them not turn them into couriers - that would  have been one of his major movements for the year, 'spose I should have seen it comming.

JIMMY
What about the rest of the people did you know any of them?

CHEMIST
Just like you Jimmy - just found interesting people for them to meet but your the only one that knows the whole  story now.

JIMMY
But you can't get Bill to kill you now - you still havn't found the right person to give your money to.

CHEMIST
Euthenise me Jimmy euthenise me. I've got to say I'm a bit suprised they still tried to steal it in the end.

BILL
I'm not, their theives for fuck sake, cource they're gonna steal the gold.

CHEMIST
Ah but that's the beauty of it William, incomprehensible reward for one just decision.

BILL
Pfftt I don't know what you thought you were going to achieve by giving them all that cash anyway, don't you  think you've paid a high enough price already for any wrong doing you might have done.

CHEMIST
I'm not looking for redemption here Bill, I would have genuinely got a lot of satisfaction out of giving those boys  that money.

BILL
What's with the fucken test then why not just hand them the cash?

CHEMIST
Well I want whoever gets it to live by some sort of moral code, I've wasted my life chasing money - I want to  find someone who's not willing to sell their soul, but you've got a point - Jimmy want to take it off my hands?

Bill takes a quick involentary breath.

JIMMY
Not me mate, poison for the soul that stuff.

CHEMIST
Well Bill, who am I supposed to give it to you.

BILL
Well why the fuck not, make a hell of a lot more sense than handing it over to complete strangers.

CHEMIST
Don't worry Billy - you'll be more than adequately compensated when I go - well the search continues.

BILL
God help us.

CHEMIST
Cheer up Bill - this is the most fun I've had in ages, I might not let you pull the plug on me yet, thanks a lot for  your help Jimmy, I appreciate you letting me set up this little rouse.

JIMMY
No problem I got a real kick out of it.

CHEMIST
How did our gold hold up anyway?

JIMMY
You could see some of the led showing through the paint when they put the chain around it, but it was dark,  they didn't notice.

CHEMIST
Excellent.

BILL
15 million each just for not trying to steal the gold. If they had of just gone to sleep in their beds they would have  woken up with more money than they ever could have dreamed of. You'd kick yourself to death wouldn't ya?

CHEMIST
They won't 'cause they're never gonna know, what would the elders say if they saw you drinking that coke  Jimmy?

JIMMY
(smiles broadly)
What they don't know won't hurt 'em.

EXT - CABLE BEACH BROOME - DUSK

George and Mill sitting on Cable Beach in Broome in the late afternoon each with a beer in their  hand.

GEORGE
Where are we now?

MILL
Broome.

George takes a swig out of his beer.

GEORGE
'sposed to be many sharks here?

MILL
A few, main thing to watch out for is crocodiles though apparently.

GEORGE
In the ocean?

MILL
Yeah, saltwater crocs, they caught one down here not long ago apparently.

GEORGE
Shit.

They both go quiet and sip their beers.

MILL
My concience is twinging a bit about the other night.

GEORGE
I don't feel good about it but what can ya do - all we had to go through to get there and that, nar your right  we're scum but I just couldn't stop thinking - its enough money to get out of the shit ya know, fucken crap jobs  and everything and its just lying there in the ground - they're not even gonna use it.

MILL
Still we were bang out of order, bad karma man bad karma.

GEORGE
Yeah.

George takes a swig of his beer.

MILL
Karma's basically what comes around goes around init.

MILL (CONT'D)
I think there's a bit more to it than that, like we put negative energy out into the universe so we attract negative  energy or something along those lines.

GEORGE
Yeah so its basically what comes around goes around its just that some hippy has come across the concept  and made it airy fairy and cosmic.

MILL
Pretty much.

GEORGE
"Negative energy into the universe," do you wanna hold hands while we watch this sunset man or what?

MILL
I'd rather sponge bath ya grandmother.

GEORGE
That's cold man my grandmothers dead.

MILL
I know.

George shakes his head.

GEORGE
So what are ya gonna do now?

MILL
Well there's a guy who hires surfboards down here on the beach and tomorrow I'm going surfing.

GEORGE
You don't know how to surf.

MILL
I don't know how to surf yet.

GEORGE
Then what?

MILL
Well there's a place up north called Cape Levek that sounds like its worth checking out, figure I'll head up  there and laze around for a bit, you?

GEORGE
Well I still got enough cash to go home and get myself another motor which I'm gonna need.

MILL
So its all over hey back to the mother country?

GEORGE
Nar fuck that I'm going surfing with crocodiles and bumming around Cape Levek.

MILL
Fuck yeah.

GEORGE
Ya think the Chemist knew we weren't gonna get that gold the whole time?

MILL
Probably.

GEORGE
Twisted bastard.

MILL
Yeah.

THE END