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NICK AND PEPIN
Written by
Brooks Todd
Brooks Todd
16 Bash Place FIRST DRAFT
Houston, Texas 77027
brookstodd72@hotmail.com
FADE IN:
EXT. MOTEL POOL - DAY
NICK WARD and PEPIN DEY, two guys in their mid
twenties, are laying out on lounge chairs in their swim
suits at a motel pool. Nick is chewing on beef jerky.
NICK
Wait, wait... I'll think of it.
PEPIN
Damn it! Nick! You know this.
(beat)
It's Kathryn Howard!
NICK
Howard! Of course!
PEPIN
This is your bread and butter!
NICK
His fifth wife never comes up.
It's not like she had eleven
fingers.
Ignoring Nick, Pepin gets up and walks to the edge of
the pool, eyeing the water intensely.
PEPIN
What do you think the pH level of
this water is?
NICK
It looks fine... one of these days
I'm gonna get you a pH kit.
Pepin dives into the pool and comes up for air.
PEPIN
Where's Jimbo?
NICK
Probably still talking to his mom.
I think she's giving him hell again
for spending the summer with us.
PEPIN
He'll be fine. Besides, this
summer was good for him. He got an
education on life, an exercise in
the philosophical vagaries that...
NICK
(interrupting)
Alright, that's enough Plato. We'd
better get going.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
We SEE restaurant and bar logos on the side of the van.
INT. VAN - DAY
Pepin drives while Nick is reading a paper in the
passenger seat, chewing on his jerky. JIM, a nineteen-
year-old sophomore in college, is in a folding chair in
the back of a passenger van. All the back seats have
been removed. Storage bins, books and maps on the
walls are visible. Jim is on a laptop.
PEPIN
Whatcha reading about, chief?
JIM
Pulitzer's Prize winners.
PEPIN
Great topic. Ask me something.
JIM
Okay, who is the only writer to
refuse the Pulitzer for their work
of fiction?
PEPIN
Sinclair Lewis, for...
"ARROWSMITH," 1926.
JIM
That is correct.
PEPIN
All right! Let's hear another.
JIM
I'm not gonna get very far with
this if you want me to keep
quizzing you.
PEPIN
Jimbo, don't underestimate the
reinforcing power of vocalization.
Speech, imagery, and auditory
stimuli all imprint data in your
memory in distinct and separate
ways, thereby cementing that
information all the more firmly.
Trust me... I took a course on it
once.
NICK
No you didn't.
Pepin looks over at Nick and shrugs, as if to say, "he
doesn't know that, just play along with me."
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
CAMERA PANS up to the Houston, Texas skyline.
INT. THE BEAGLE - NIGHT
A bar with several TV trivia screens is full of people.
Nick, Pepin, and Jim survey the place from the front
door. Nick and Pepin have on what they wear everyday:
t-shirts with writing on them, shorts and sandals.
Pepin totes the backpack they always carry with them.
PEPIN
Looks like the whole gang is here.
Ben and Kevin. There's Monica.
We SEE Nick and Pepin shaking hands and talking with
fellow trivia players as the trio walks to a table.
When they sit down, CHARLIE, the owner of the bar,
approaches their table with a smile.
CHARLIE
Back again to take my money.
(leans in)
You know, you guys are local
legends. I've had people asking
all month if you were gonna be here
tonight.
Pepin's face beams as he looks around the room.
PEPIN
Cash, they're coming out of the
woodworks! You've gotta love it!
CHARLIE
I'll have Lindsey bring out your
answer boxes.
Charlie leaves. Pepin slaps Jim's back.
PEPIN
Well, Jimbo, it's your last night
with the team. This time next week
you'll be chasing college girls
around study hall.
NICK
You'll come out and see us when
we're in Austin, right?
JIM
Won't you have a new swingman?
NICK
Possibly, but you're always welcome
to join us for a night of trivia.
PEPIN
Jim... you're dangerous... but you
can be our swingman anytime.
They all laugh at this "TOP GUN" reference.
JIM
Okay, I'll come out when I can.
PEPIN
There you go! Now let's kick some
ass tonight!
EXT. APARTMENT PARKING LOT - DAY
Bags at his feet, Jim faces Pepin and Nick.
PEPIN
You've got our number, so, call us
if you need anything.
NICK
We're not his parents.
PEPIN
I'm just saying, if he gets into a
jam... some sort of moral impasse,
maybe we could steer him in...
Cutting Pepin off, Nick hands Jim a small, brown sack.
NICK
Here. This is yours.
JIM
Nick, really. I don't want this.
NICK
It's not a matter of desire, Jim.
It's your money. You earned it.
The arrangement we made when you
started was that all winnings would
be divided equally.
JIM
I know, but I don't need it.
NICK
Don't be ridiculous. This money is
rightfully yours. You have to
honor your end of the deal, Jim.
If people went around breaking
contracts left and right,
regardless of the reason, there'd
be... complete chaos! Do you want
me to go get the contract?!
PEPIN
(grabs Nick)
Okay, take it easy, chief. We all
appreciate your position on
contractual agreements. How about
this? We use the cash to go nuts.
Celebrate our last night together!
Huh? Nick? Whadya say, guys?
JIM
I can't. I told my parents I'd
spend the weekend up there before
school starts... I've got to go.
Defeated, Nick and Pepin each hug Jim. He grabs his
bags and walks off. Pepin throws his arm around Nick
as they watch Jim walk off.
PEPIN
I'm gonna miss that kid... so,
what's on our slate for tonight?
NICK
Tonight, our money's at the Crown.
PEPIN
Let's go get it.
INT. THE CROWN - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin are sitting in a semi-crowded bar. Like
other trivia players in the bar, their hands are poised
on their trivia boxes, their eyes never leaving the
trivia TV screen as they discuss the questions.
NICK
What about chiffon?
PEPIN
That's more spring and summer.
Your fall bride will go with a
heavier fabric; something silky,
like a taffeta or brocade. The
answer has got to be four... and it
is! This game is over! Two
hundred big ones! Not bad for an
hours' work.
(looks around)
Who's playing as Mr. Zero? He
wasn't too bad in that game.
NICK
I don't know. They did miss that
question about Stalin.
PEPIN
So, he's not a Communist. Either
way, he sure knew his salt-water
invertebrae. Let's go talk to him.
NICK
I don't feel like interviewing
tonight.
PEPIN
We'll start tomorrow. It doesn't
feel right, anyway. We just broke
up with Jim five hours ago.
Nick rolls his eyes. Their waitress, SARAH, comes up.
SARAH
Did you two win the game?
PEPIN
We sure did. How come we haven't
seen you here before?
SARAH
I started last week. I'm actually
a pilot for Southwest, but, with
cutbacks and all, I took this job.
NICK
Are you a member of Ninety-Nines?
SARAH
(surprised)
I am, actually... how do you... do
you know someone in Ninety-Nines?
NICK
Not to my knowledge.
SARAH
Oh... well, you do now. I'll be
right back with your money.
She gives Nick a big, friendly smile and walks off.
Nick pulls out his jerky. A stunned Pepin laughs.
PEPIN
Cash, I think she digs you! What
the hell is Ninety-Nines?!
NICK
It's an international organization.
PEPIN
Well, she was impressed! Tell me
about it.
NICK
It started out in the late twenties
as a group of female pilots, but I
think it's open to any woman in
aviation now. That's all I know.
PEPIN
Aviatrices in the late twenties. I
wonder if Earhart was in it.
NICK
She was its first president.
PEPIN
Do we have a working list of
organizations like this one?
Pepin pulls the trivia notepad that they always keep
with them from their backpack and starts writing.
NICK
There's a fairly comprehensive list
of international associations in
the world almanac right after the
section on major non-Christian
world religions.
PEPIN
I'll get on it, unless you want it.
NICK
You can have that can of worms.
(beat)
You know the sky's clear tonight.
I thought we'd go out to Buescher.
EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin are lying on top of their sleeping bags.
Nick is eating by the light of a small lantern on the
ground. Pepin is studying a star chart.
NICK
I wonder if we'll find a swingman
at UT. We don't really need one.
PEPIN
Of course not, but it's fun. Hell,
they should get course credit for
spending a semester with us.
NICK
And what course would that be?
PEPIN
The meaning of life, as we see it.
All exams are open book.
NICK
No one would ever pass... including
me.
PEPIN
You're probably right... are you
done eating? I want to catch the
Scorpius Jewel Box before she
disappears.
Pepin grabs a pair of binoculars and looks at the sky
as Nick reaches over and turns off the lantern.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin are at a table in a crowded college bar.
Nick is playing trivia. Pepin searches the room,
holding their trusty pen and pad.
NICK
Whoever's playing under T-bird
isn't bad. Add T-bird to the list.
PEPIN
All right, let's make the rounds.
Nick, backpack in hand, and Pepin approach T-BIRD, a
disheveled grad student playing trivia who looks and
acts stoned. He eyes Nick and Pepin and slowly smiles.
T-BIRD
Hey, I know about you guys. You're
the trivia dudes, who play trivia.
NICK
We are they. Are you interested in
joining our team?
T-BIRD
No way, man! You guys are freaks!
Riding around in your Scooby Doo
van solving trivia.
NICK
(nonchalantly)
Okay, next person.
ANGLE ON NICK AND PEPIN
sitting down opposite LUMMOX, who is playing trivia.
PEPIN
Are you Lummox?
LUMMOX
Yeah...
NICK
(extends his hand)
Hi. I'm Nick. This is Pepin.
LUMMOX
Hi.
NICK
We have a proposition.
ANGLE ON NICK, PEPIN AND LUMMOX
minutes later at the end of Pepin and Nick's spiel.
LUMMOX
You're able to support yourselves
doing this?
NICK
We're very, very good.
LUMMOX
Okay. I could travel with you guys
for a couple of months. When's the
next game?
Nick pulls a pad and pen out of their backpack.
PEPIN
Actually, there's one more thing.
(nods at the pad)
These are just some general
knowledge questions we like to ask
all possible newcomers to the team.
Most of them have a correct answer,
but some of them ask only for an
opinion... no pressure. Just
answer what you know... good luck.
Pepin gives a comforting smile. In this SERIES OF
SHOTS we SEE Nick and Pepin alternately asking
questions from interviewees' POV. From the POV of Nick
and Pepin we SEE a different interviewee struggling to
answer each question. With each POV change we SEE the
b.g. change to show the interview process taking place
in several different bars that have trivia.
NICK
When it's eight p.m. in Moscow,
what time is it New York?
NICK
During what war was "The Star
Spangled Banner" written?
PEPIN
Name as many Dr. Seuss books as you
can.
NICK
What's your favorite state motto?
INTERVIEWEE
(enthusiastically)
Live free or die!
Pepin jerks his head up.
PEPIN
Good answer!
(to Nick)
Make a note.
Nick nods.
PEPIN
What part of the body does Bell's
palsy affect?
NICK
What's your favorite period or
style of paintings?
PEPIN
Or architecture?
SERIES OF SHOTS
In the following series of shots we only SEE Nick and
Pepin from the POV of the interviewee, with the b.g.
changing between each question.
NICK
How do you make a Manhattan?
PEPIN
Name the first four U.S. presidents
of the twentieth century.
NICK
Who invented the elevator?
PEPIN
A last name will suffice.
NICK
Logo phobia is the fear of what?
NICK
In The Simpsons, what does Homer sell so he can pay for Lisa's entry
fee into the Little Miss
Springfield beauty pageant?
SERIES OF SHOTS
We see a series of shots from the interviewees' POV of
Nick and Pepin saying "thanks" to the interviewees in
several different settings.
INT. MUSEUM OF TEXAS HISTORY - DAY
Walking around, Nick studies the list of people they
interviewed while Pepin peruses the exhibits.
NICK
I don't like any of these players.
They're game hasn't... matured.
PEPIN
I agree. None of them are ready
for the circuit.
Nick walks up behind some people studying an old map.
NICK
This map of Texas, New Mexico and
Arizona was actually the territory
that Imperial Germany offered to
return to Mexico if it would join
them in World War II.
MAN
(disbelief)
No.
NICK
Yes, sir. Of course, the British
intercepted the proposal before it
reached Mexico, and eighty-seven
days later, the U.S. of A
intercepted the German Empire.
The whole group perks up with interest. One WOMAN
searches for what she assumes Nick is reading from.
WOMAN
Really?! Where does it say that?
NICK
(nonchalantly)
Nowhere.
MED. SHOT - NICK AND PEPIN
Nick is taking a picture of an exhibit.
PEPIN
We have The Loon tonight. A
hundred bucks. You ready?
NICK
(lost in thought)
We should really get down to the
Alamo again.
INT. THE LOON - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin slide into a corner booth and quickly
scan the room. Pepin pulls the trivia notepad out of
their backpack. Nick's eyes stop on something that
causes him to straighten up.
NICK
Sam's gotta ringer.
PEPIN
Where? No he doesn't.
NICK
Who is that, then? I've never seen
him before. He looks smart.
PEPIN
(locates the guy)
That's just some dude. Relax.
After the money game we'll see how
lucky Sam's feeling tonight.
ANGLE ON NICK AND PEPIN
as they stare up at a TV screen towards the end of the
game, fingers poised on their trivia boxes.
NICK
(shaking his head)
This is making me nervous. When
did Happy get so damn good?
PEPIN
Don't worry about that right now.
Here's the next question. We know
this. It's uhh... it's Pretoria.
NICK
Right! Cape Town is the
legislative capital. Boy, Sam's
ringer sucks.
PEPIN
That's because he's not a ringer.
He's not even playing with Sam.
Anyway, it's Happy I'm concerned
about.
NICK
I know! He's on fire! Alright,
next question.
Nick and Pepin stare at the screen for a moment before
a look of horror crosses both of them simultaneously.
PEPIN
Olof Palme?! What year was he
assassinated?
MED. SHOT - HAPPY
at the bar pressing the right answer as he confidently
smiles at the bartender, then over at Nick and Pepin.
ANGLE ON NICK AND PEPIN
hanging their heads in defeat at seeing the answer.
After a moment Pepin jerks his head up with a look of
utter determination. Nick bites off some beef jerky.
NICK
Happy got that last one right.
PEPIN
Alright, Happy, let's see what
you're made of, you son of a bitch!
MED. SHOT - HAPPY AND KATE
The bartender, KATE PASCHAL, serves a drink to a
smiling HAPPY. Kate is an attractive girl in her
early-twenties with a 'girl-next-door' quality to her.
KATE
Are you gonna win tonight?
HAPPY
This could be the night the dynamic
duo goes down.
ANGLE ON NICK AND PEPIN
with their eyes glued to the trivia TV screen and their
fingers poised on their boxes.
NICK
We're only up 300 points. We have
to answer quickly and correctly.
PEPIN
No problem. Here's the question.
NICK
It's Wagon Train. Bonanza was
second in the ratings that year.
Pepin ruffles Nick hair in celebration as they relax.
PEPIN
Happy gave us a tight game, but
that's why you're cash in the
clutch! I'm gonna go talk to Sam
and Happy.
NICK
Give my condolences.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
approaching Happy at the bar.
PEPIN
You gave us quite a scare. Looked
like you were playing with purpose.
HAPPY
Got myself a secret weapon.
PEPIN
(quizzical look)
Is that so?
MED. SHOT - PEPIN
returning with two mixed drinks, handing one to Nick.
PEPIN
I have some very interesting news.
Happy is the one with a ringer.
NICK
Who?
PEPIN
A new bartender named Kate.
Apparently, she's been feeding him
answers, and he's won the last
three money games because of her.
NICK
So, she's the real deal?
PEPIN
We'll keep an eye on Happy and see
how well she helps him out tonight,
but right now we've got important
business to take care of.
NICK
(smiles knowingly)
Sam wants revenge, again. When
is he gonna realize that we just
can't let that happen?
PEPIN
Hopefully, never. He wants to put
a hundred bucks on the next game.
NICK
Okay. We'll bait him... let him
win a close second game, and then
see how much money he's willing to
part with tonight.
MED. SHOT - NIGHT - NICK AND PEPIN
leaving the Loon, Pepin throws his arm around Nick.
PEPIN
I can't believe Sam bit on that
last double or nothing! Five
hundred bucks!
NICK
He's just like we are. It's not
the money, it's the challenge. The
only difference is, he doesn't need
the money.
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
Nick and Pepin walk down an aisle pushing a cart.
PEPIN
We've never had a female accept our
offer before. We're not set up for
it.
NICK
We can't discriminate.
PEPIN
It's not a matter of gender bias,
it's a matter of logistics. Where
is she gonna sleep?
Nick grabs spaghetti sauce off the shelf. Pepin looks
to see what he's getting.
PEPIN
Not the ones with...
NICK
I know.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Nick and Pepin are having a picnic and reading.
PEPIN
All I'm saying is, we live in close
quarters, we're around each other
twenty-four hours a day, and...
there could be significant mood
swings.
NICK
She can't help that! Besides, even
if she does get moody, it couldn't
be any worse than Luke last summer.
PEPIN
Boy, we didn't see that coming!
NICK
I don't care about mood swings, but
when it is her time... what if her
trivia performance is affected?
PEPIN
You mean like her ability to
concentrate?
NICK
I don't know, exactly. I'm just
saying, what if her performance
suffers.
PEPIN
(thinks a moment)
Yeah... or... what if it improves?!
NICK
My god! She'd be UNSTOPPABLE!
INT. BAR - NIGHT
We SEE the BARTENDER recognize Nick and Pepin.
PEPIN
You see. Everything's fine.
NICK
How's it going? They still have
Tuesday night trivia here, right?
Nick gets no response from anyone at the table he
questions. The bartender heads off Nick and Pepin
before they can sit down.
BARTENDER
Sorry boys. I don't want any
trouble tonight.
NICK
We're just here to play, that's it.
BARTENDER
Look. We run a quiet, friendly bar
here and that's how we like to play
our trivia.
PEPIN
We didn't start anything last time.
BARTENDER
Now, personally, I don't know how
you got all those answers. But my
regulars think you were cheating.
NICK
How in the world were we cheating?!
PEPIN
We can't help it if your regulars
are idiots!
We HEAR chairs being pushed back.
EXT. BAR - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin get pushed out the front door and
stumble into the parking lot. Pepin, holding the side
of his face, turns back to the door.
PEPIN
Enjoy trivia mediocrity! Fucking
dilettantes.
NICK
We shouldn't be playing in there,
anyway. That building is not up to
code.
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Nick and Pepin sit across from each other at a table
covered with books. Nick is taking a picture of an
illustration in a map book. Pepin is buried in a book.
NICK
You know, there's something else we
haven't talked about.
PEPIN
What?
NICK
Well... she's attractive.
PEPIN
We've had attractive teammates
before. Remember Jacques? He was
a very handsome young man.
NICK
You know what I mean. What if
something emotional, or romantic,
were to occur between either of us?
Something like that could affect
the integrity of the team.
PEPIN
(agreeing nod)
Yoko Ono.
NICK
We're running a business here. We
can't jeopardize that.
PEPIN
We should still recruit her.
You've seen how strong she is.
What do you propose?
NICK
Nothing drastic or weird.
PEPIN
So, no chastity belt?
NICK
Those don't work. You've seen the
stats... we could add a clause to
the contract.
PEPIN
I don't know, Nick. Most people
aren't as enthusiastic about
contracts as you are. Why don't we
play it by ear? Cross that bridge
if we get there.
Pepin returns to a book in front of him.
PEPIN
Did you know that Norman Rockwell
used to illustrate print ads for
the Jell-O Company?
INT. THE LOON - DAY
Nick and Pepin enter the Loon and locate Kate. They
pull up to the bar where she is. Kate is casually
dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. Nick has his jerky.
NICK
We saw you playing trivia the other
night. You're pretty good.
KATE
You mean with Jeff? Yeah, I was
helping him a little. Poor guy
didn't win, though.
NICK
Yeah, that was a shame... we
haven't seen you here before. Are
you at UT?
KATE
(guarded)
Kinda... why? Are you at UT?
NICK
We were.
KATE
Out in the real world now?
NICK
Kinda.
KATE
I've got customers.
Nick gives her a friendly smile as she walks off.
PEPIN
What are you, flirting with her?
NICK
I'm getting to know her. What do
you want me to say?
(casual voice)
Jump in the back of our van and
we'll tell you all about it on the
way to our campsite.
PEPIN
It worked for Bundy.
NICK
See, this is why I do the talking.
KATE
(returns)
So, you guys like playing trivia?
NICK
It keeps us busy. How about you?
KATE
I've never really played. If it's
slow I'll join in with the guys at
the bar, but, yeah, it's fun... if
you know some of the answers.
NICK
Exactly. The key is knowing some
of the answers. At least, that's
our motto.
Kate is amused by these two strangers.
KATE
Your motto?
NICK
One of them. Actually, uhhhh...
KATE
Kate.
NICK
Kate. We have a proposition for
you, Kate, regarding trivia.
KATE
Oookaaay. Hold on.
Still visibly wary, Kate leaves to take a drink order.
PEPIN
We already knew her name.
NICK
I know, but she doesn't know that.
I don't want her to think we're
stalking her.
PEPIN
We ARE stalking her.
NICK
She doesn't need to know that,
either. Shh.
Nick indicates to Pepin that Kate is returning.
KATE
So, what's this proposition about?
NICK
Well, like this bar, there are lots
of places that give away cash
prizes for trivia winners. There
also happens to be a lot people out
there who love to play, and are
pretty good at it. So, if you know
where to go and who to play, you
can have a lot of fun with it.
KATE
And you make money doing this?
NICK
It's not about the money, but, like
I said, if know who to play...
KATE
Kind of like how you two played Sam
the other night?
NICK
(smiles)
We've known Sam for a long time.
He's serious about the game and
always names his own price... he
knows what he's up against.
KATE
I see... and, where do I fit in?
PEPIN
Nick and I would like to offer you
a spot on the team.
KATE
The team?
PEPIN
Nick and myself. It's our team.
KATE
(starts to laugh)
How cute... are you two serious?
You want to me go around town with
you playing trivia for money?
NICK
Actually, three cities. We work
Dallas and Houston, also.
KATE
Dallas and Houston? Where do you
live?
NICK
When I asked you about school you
said, "kinda." What did you mean
by that?
KATE
I'm a grad student. But, I'm
taking the fall semester off. A
little break.
Nick and Pepin look encouraged.
PEPIN
When do you get off tonight?
KATE
Eight.
PEPIN
What would you say to us taking you
out for dinner tonight? Our treat.
Kate hesitates with a faint, wary smile.
KATE
Okay, I'll go... but just dinner.
EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
The van headlights reveal a campsite as it pulls up.
MED. SHOT - NICK AND KATE
Nick stokes a small fire as Kate sits nearby. Lanterns
hanging in nearby trees light the campsite. Pepin and
Nick prepare dinner as Kate observes in awe.
KATE
This is definitely not what I had
in mind.
NICK
You're gonna love Pepin's fish. We
caught these today.
KATE
(amazed)
You caught those fish? Where?
PEPIN
Below the falls. Not too far from
here.
KATE
Okay, so, you drive from Austin to
Dallas to Houston, camp out at
state parks... catch fish... and
play trivia?
NICK
In a nutshell.
Pepin sets their food wrapped in tin foil on the fire.
KATE
You two seem to be doing fine... in
a strange way. What do you need me
for?
PEPIN
The truth is, we like having a
teammate.
NICK
We're offering you a temporary
break from conventional living.
PEPIN
A vacation from your life.
NICK
Everyone really enjoys it. We have
references if you wanna check us
out.
KATE
Look, I can't just pick up and... I
have a job and an apartment.
PEPIN
If you need to store anything while
you're with us, Nick's parents can
keep it in their garage.
KATE
This isn't a cult, is it?
NICK
Not really, but if that helps you.
KATE
So, I'd be a fulltime teammate.
Where would I sleep?
NICK
We've never had a female on the
team, but we're very sensitive to
your privacy needs.
PEPIN
We have two tents. Our friend in
Dallas has an extra bedroom. And
we know all the state parks that
have female facilities.
Kate is quietly amused by their business-like approach.
NICK
And, if you don't like sleeping
outside we have a very comfortable
air mattress that fits in the van.
PEPIN
We had a former teammate with a
touch of agoraphobia. Pretty much
lived in the van.
NICK
(to Pepin)
Really made it quite homey.
PEPIN
I know!
KATE
Look, guys. I appreciate you
asking me. It's certainly the most
unusual offer I've ever had, but...
(hesitates)
It sounds like an awful lot of
trivia.
PEPIN
Oh, we only work at night. During
the day we do lots of fun things.
NICK
Museums, zoos, historic landmarks.
Do you like to sail?
KATE
You go sailing?
PEPIN
How about this. We're having
dinner at Nick's parents on
Thursday. Why don't you join us?
That'll give you a couple of days
to think it over.
Kate can't believe that she's beginning to be won over
by these two guys and actually considering their offer.
KATE
Okay. I'll think about it.
NICK
That's all we ask.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
Nick and Pepin pull the van to the curb.
EXT. KATE'S APARTMENT - DAY - TWO SHOT - NICK AND PEPIN
are at a garage apartment behind a house. Nick knocks,
then steps back and waits. Kate opens the door with a
smile. She is dressed casually and doesn't carry a
purse. She has no noticeable make-up on, as usual.
KATE
Hi boys. I'm ready.
INT. VAN - DAY
Kate sits up front with Nick. Pepin is on a laptop.
KATE
So, what's with all the stuff on
the side of your van?
NICK
Advertising. We provide free
publicity for those establishments
in return for free meals.
KATE
You eat for free at all those
places?
NICK
Most of them. Some we just put on
there to drum up competition.
KATE
Does your sidekick get free meals,
too?
NICK
Just side dishes. Is that gonna be
a deal breaker?
KATE
Could be.
Nick hesitates, playing along with Kate.
NICK
I cannot believe I'm doing this,
but what if I throw an entrée into
the deal?
KATE
(laughs)
I can't believe I'm doing THIS, but
what the hell. You've got
yourselves a sidekick.
NICK
Pepin! You hear that?! She's in!
Nick pulls to the curb in front of his parent's house.
EXT. NICK'S PARENTS HOUSE - NIGHT
We SEE Kate standing next to Nick when his mother,
BARB, opens the door and gives Nick a loving hug. Barb
is a bubbly, affectionate woman who feels like both
Nick and Pepin are hers. She is a gracious host,
protective mother, and loving wife to JACK, a tenured
professor of genetics at the University of Texas.
BARB
Nicholas! My baby!
NICK
Mom, I was here three weeks ago.
BARB
I can't be happy to see my baby?
(turns to Kate)
And you must be Kate. Walter told
me all about you.
She gives Kate a big hug. Kate is a little surprised
and moved by Barb's energetic kindness.
KATE
It's so nice to meet you Mrs. Ward.
BARB
Oh, absolutely not! You call me
Barb! End of discussion! Now
where is my other baby boy?
NICK
He's downloading some stuff with
Mrs. Turner's wireless hook-up.
Barb gives Nick a look of disapproval.
BARB
Do I need to call Evelyn and let
her know?
NICK
No, mom. What he's doing does not
affect her Internet service. It's
like I explained before, remember?
BARB
Well, I guess so.
Barb's reverts back to her bubbly warmth.
BARB
Come on! Let's get inside! Your
father is waiting.
INT. JACK AND BARB'S LIVING ROOM
Barb, Nick and Kate enter a room cluttered with
eclectic things. Posters of jazz divas and prints of
artwork cover the walls. Bookshelves are filled with
books, pictures, sculptures and small plants. There's
a couch, chairs, and a coffee table with cheese and
crackers on it. Barb motions for Nick and Kate to sit.
BARB
You two sit there. We've got
snacks here and Jack is getting the
wine. If you don't like Merlot,
Kate, we have other red wines.
KATE
Merlot is fine.
BARB
Jack?! Where are you?!
Pepin enters the room with a big smile.
PEPIN
There she is!
BARB
Walter!
Barb spins and rushes over to Pepin with a big hug.
Pepin returns the hug with as much enthusiasm.
BARB
You weren't messing up Mrs.
Turner's computer, were you?
PEPIN
Barb! You know better than that!
Pepin searches the room until he finds the Feng Shui
incense burning in the corner. He sniffs the air to
figure out the particular scent, then points it.
PEPIN
I'm guessing, "love."
BARB
No! It's "prosperity!"
PEPIN
Ooooo, you need to be burning
"prosperity" in the southeast
corner of the house in order for it
to be effective.
BARB
What? But then it would be in the
bedroom where we couldn't enjoy it!
PEPIN
Well, Barb, do you want prosperity,
or not?
Barb looks at Kate, shaking her head in feigned
exasperation and throwing her arms up as if giving up.
BARB
These two can make you go crazy!
Jack enters the room with wine glasses and a bottle of
Merlot. He sets them down to pour the wine. Jack is a
friendly, somewhat eccentric man with a definite
professorial look to him.
JACK
Barb, that wine opener is a piece
of you know what.
BARB
I know. Here, let me do that while
you meet our new guest.
Jack walks over to Kate, hand extended.
JACK
Kate, I'm Jack. Don't get up.
KATE
It's very nice to meet you.
JACK
So, you're thinking about joining
the team.
KATE
Well... I've...
JACK
Oh, I apologize! It's just that
Barb and I have never been apart of
the recruiting process before.
PEPIN
Recruiting's over, Jack. We've
signed her up.
JACK
That's wonderful!
(to Kate)
A little advice. Don't
second-guess yourself, especially
when the clock is ticking. You're
first instinct is your best. Also,
don't let a wrong answer mess with
your mind. You've gotta play
through that pain.
BARB
Jack, stop it! You're scaring her.
JACK
This is important stuff. Barb, go
get that thing we got for them.
BARB
Oh, you boys are going to love
this!
Barb hurries out of the room. Jack turns to Kate.
JACK
What made you tag along with these
two transients?
KATE
Honestly, I don't know yet. But
it'll come to me.
PEPIN
It's fate, J.W. She's where she
belongs, now.
KATE
At the very least, I'm pioneering
the way for all female teammates of
the future.
JACK
That's right! You're the first.
I've been telling these guys that
all they're lacking is a woman's
intuition.
NICK
And just think what she'll do for
our street cred.
JACK
What are you studying in grad
school?
KATE
European history. I wanna teach.
JACK
That's great. At what level?
KATE
Well, I love little kids, but I
think I'd like the challenge of
teaching high school.
Barb returns with a large department store sack.
BARB
When I saw this I immediately
thought of you.
(to Kate)
They are so hard to shop for!
(pulls out a gift)
It's called a "forever flashlight,"
because it never needs batteries!
You just shake it up and it works!
PEPIN
Cool! Barb, you're the best!
NICK
Thanks, mom! It's perfect for us.
Nick jumps up and walks around to Barb to hug her.
JACK
Alright, Barb, are you finished?
BARB
Well, I think so.
Barb looks confused. Jack stands up, beaming.
JACK
Then it's my turn!
NICK
Dad!
BARB
Honey, what are you up to?!
Jack walks out. Nick gives Barb a questioning look.
BARB
I have no idea.
Jack returns with another gift.
JACK
This is the new Bibler Fitzroy
three-person tent with UV-film
windows. And it weighs less than
seven pounds.
PEPIN
J.W.!! No way! Nick, this is
great tent!
NICK
Dad! Come on! This is too much!
PEPIN
Stop whining. We talked about
replacing the old Kelty with that
extra money, anyway.
BARB
See? Now you can get something
else with that money. Maybe
something that Kate would like.
Nick's head falls to his hands in embarrassment. Kate
appears to be amused and touched by this, as she has
been for most of the evening. Barb turns to Kate.
BARB
Occasionally I seem to embarrass my
son.
(excited)
C'mon. I want to show you some
pictures of Nicholas and Walter
when they were kiddos.
Once again Nick is embarrassed as Barb leads Kate away.
INT. JACK AND BARB'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
We SEE everyone enjoying themselves at dinner, laughing
and talking. Kate is more relaxed and involved.
INT. VAN - NIGHT
Nick is driving, Kate is up front and Pepin is in back.
KATE
Your parents are so cute!
NICK
They're a handful. Sometimes I
think dad wishes he could retire
and travel with us.
KATE
I know! He knows about everyone
you play against! I love how into
it they are.
Nick pulls the van over in front of Kate's place.
NICK
So, you don't need to do anything
with your stuff before we leave?
KATE
This is my aunt's house. All she
asked me to do was send her
postcards.
NICK
Well then, we're off to Big D
tomorrow! Pick you up at ten in
the morning?
KATE
I'll be on the curb.
Kate gets out. We SEE Kate watching the van pull away
with a "what have I gotten myself into" look.
EXT. KIRBY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Kate sees their van as she exits her apartment. She
walks up to the van with her two bags, peeks in the
passenger window, then hesitantly knocks on it. The
sliding door opens up and Pepin reaches for her bags.
PEPIN
I'll take those, madam.
KATE
(peers in the van)
Where do I go?
PEPIN
You'll be back here for
orientation.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
INT. VAN - DAY
Pepin is driving. Nick is showing Kate things on a
laptop in the back.
NICK
Here are the bars with money games
and money players, our win-loss
stats at each bar, top opponents,
who's beaten us...
KATE
Isn't this a bit of overkill?
PEPIN (O.S.)
Kate, keep your friends close, but
your enemies closer!
KATE
Let me guess, "THE GODFATHER?"
NICK
Actually, I think Cat Stevens said
it first.
(hits a key)
This is a complete listing of every
area of trivia that we've
researched. Pepin catalogues all
of this for us. It's fairly
straightforward.
KATE
So you research things? Like what?
NICK
We keep a list of stuff we come
across that we either don't know
much about, or think we could
improve on. Other than that, you
can read up on anything that
interests you. Things you never
had a chance to learn about before
because you didn't have the time.
KATE
I've always wanted know more about
secret societies.
NICK
Excellent subject. At Franklin's
we'll download a bunch of good
websites and you can have it.
KATE
(points)
What's this list? What's the
powder of sympathy?
NICK
It was a quack medicinal powder
that a Frenchman came up with in
the mid-seventeenth century.
PEPIN
They thought it could heal wounds
from a distance by applying the
powder to anything that had touched
the wound.
NICK
It was even proposed as a viable
method for calculating longitude at
sea... those crazy French.
KATE
Is this like an inventory of rare
and unusual trivia?
NICK
That's the beauty of trivia. It
includes everything that can be
known, from the mundane to the
bizarre. We like to consider
ourselves a trivia think tank.
It's a lot of fun. You're gonna
love it.
PEPIN
We're passing through Killeen!
NICK
(excited)
Have you ever been to Fort Hood?
KATE
Can't say that I have.
NICK
The second Armored Division that
fought in World War II has its museum
here. It was awarded seven French
Croix de Guerres, and was the first
ever foreign division to be given
the Fourragere of Belgium!
PEPIN
Patton called the division, "hell
on wheels!"
KATE
Wow.
Nick is oblivious to the fact that her "wow" is
directed at them and not the history of Fort Hood.
Nick pulls out a small, worn, wooden box and opens it.
NICK
We got pictures of when we were at
the museum.
Nick pulls out a stack of pictures and starts leafing
through them as Kate looks curiously in the box.
KATE
What is all this stuff?
NICK
Texas history.
(points in the box)
That's a Comanche arrowhead found
near Leander, possibly used in
Webster Massacre of 1839. And
that's a used cartridge from a
forty-four caliber, six-shot Walker
Model Colt revolver, the sidearm
our Texas Rangers used.
Kate pulls a small piece of paper out of the box.
KATE
What's this?
NICK
That's our mission statement.
KATE
(reads the paper)
We, the people of this van, through
the pursuit of knowledge, seek a
better understanding of this world.
We also play a lot of trivia.
Nick holds out a photo for Kate.
NICK
Here's Pepin with an M-four tank at
Fort Hood.
KATE
(studies the photo)
What's he doing?
NICK
He's standing down the tank, just
like Li Lu at Tiananmen Square.
(gives her
other photos)
These pictures chronicle every
place that we've been in Texas.
Here we are at Bonnie Parker's
gravesite. And there we are in
front of the giant statue of Sam
Houston in Huntsville.
KATE
What's on Pepin's face?
NICK
He has a fear of oversized objects.
A sixty-six foot Sam Houston makes
him a little jumpy, so I had to
blindfold him to get him next to
the statue for the picture.
KATE
I've never heard of anybody having
a phobia of oversized objects.
NICK
Well, then you've never tried to
get Pepin into a Big Boy.
KATE
But a statue can be any size, so
this isn't really an oversized
object.
NICK
You're preaching to the choir, but
you're also trying to apply logic
to a phobia... How about you? Any
phobias we should be aware of?
KATE
The only thing that scares the hell
out of me is the fact that
cockroaches can fly.
Nick laughs. We SEE Nick handing her photos as Kate
learns more and more about these two unusual
individuals she's traveling with.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
CAMERA PANS up to the Dallas, Texas skyline.
EXT. RESENDENTIAL STREET - DAY
We SEE the van pull into the driveway of a nice house.
INT. BOBBY FRANKLIN'S HOME - DAY
The three enter with bags in hand. Nick picks up a
note on a table next to the door and reads it.
NICK
Franklin's having his usual Friday
night soiree. He wants us to hang
out here after the game because
he's leaving town in the morning.
KATE
There's a game tonight?
PEPIN
A huge one. You ready?
KATE
No, I'm not. All of sudden I'm
nervous.
PEPIN
That's good! Use it!
KATE
I'm not ready. It's my first day.
NICK
Don't worry about it. It's not
like at your bar. At Maxwell's guy
makes up his own questions every
week. We know what to expect.
KATE
You mean you already know what
kinds of questions he gonna ask?
NICK
We have detailed files.
INT. MAXWELL'S - NIGHT
Nick and Pepin shake hands with people they know as the
three of them make their way to a table.
PEPIN
The whole gang's here tonight!
George, Cindy, Rob. There's Scott.
NICK
You know, Scott's baby is due in
six weeks. We need to find out
where they're registered.
KATE
Who's Scott?
PEPIN
He's the manager here who writes
the questions.
KATE
So, his wife is expecting. What
else is in his file?
NICK
Born in Houston, the youngest of
three boys. Got a tennis
scholarship to SMU, but gave that
up his sophomore year.
PEPIN
Spent his junior year abroad in
Ireland, which really hasn't
manifested itself so far.
NICK
I know. We keep expecting some
good Irish trivia.
KATE
So, what does he ask about?
PEPIN
It's a mixed bag. He's a huge
Cowboys fan, astronomy, shipwrecks,
the middle names of famous people.
NICK
He has a penchant for Nobel Prize
winners and famous cathedrals. His
dad was an architect.
PEPIN
He loves sci-fi novels, and birds.
Does he still collect those little
ceramic birds?
NICK
I think so.
(to Kate)
You're more than welcome to read
his file.
MED. SHOT - SCOTT
We SEE SCOTT with a mike up on a stage in the corner.
SCOTT
Trivia will start in ten minutes.
ANGLE ON PEPIN, NICK AND KATE
PEPIN
I'll go get our sheet.
Pepin exits.
KATE
What's he getting?
NICK
Scott calls out the questions over
the P.A. and we write down the
answers on a form, then we turn it
in and they announce the winners.
First place gets a hundred bucks
and second get fifty.
KATE
How often do you win?
NICK
We're going for seventeen in a row
at Maxwell's.
Pepin returns with an answer sheet and a pencil.
PEPIN
George wants to play winner takes
all. What do you think?
NICK
I think it's reckless and unwise,
on his part. We can't do it if
he's been drinking.
PEPIN
I asked. He's on his first beer.
KATE
What's winner takes all?
PEPIN
In the event that our two teams
finish first and second, the winner
takes all the money.
KATE
I say we go for it!
NICK
An hour ago you didn't even want to
be here.
KATE
An hour ago I didn't know that
number seventeen was on the line!
PEPIN
I think she's gonna fit right in.
NICK
Go tell George it's on.
KATE
Does George have a file on Scott?
ANGLE ON NICK, PEPIN AND KATE
The game is almost over and the trio is huddled over
their answer sheet in a lively discussion.
PEPIN
I don't want to alarm anybody, but
I'm pretty sure that coffee is a
chief crop of the Ivory Coast.
NICK
(stares at Pepin)
That's quite possibly the most
alarming thing you could have said.
KATE
Should we go with coffee instead of
rice?
NICK
The Ivory Coast IS right next to
Ghana.
PEPIN
Let's switch it.
(writes answer)
What do we have left?
NICK
(reads from pad)
In a formal place setting, what is
the only fork that can be placed to
the right of the service plate?
KATE
Okay, we've got the salad fork, the
meat fork, and the dessert fork.
PEPIN
Doesn't the dessert fork come out
with dessert?
KATE
I know it! It's the...
Pepin quickly covers her mouth with his hand before she
yells the answer for all to hear. Pepin slowly removes
his hand. Kate has an apologetic look, then whispers.
KATE
It's the oyster fork.
NICK
The little fork for shellfish?
KATE
It goes outside all the spoons.
PEPIN
Are you positive?
KATE
(worried look)
I used to work at a country club.
I'm fairly positive.
PEPIN
I can live with that.
Pepin takes the answer sheet up. Noticing her anxiety
about the game, Nick gives Kate an encouraging hug.
MED. SHOT - SCOTT
standing on the stage with the results of the game.
SCOTT
Well, if you hadn't noticed, Nick
and Pepin are back in town. You
came close, George, but you'll have
to settle for second best tonight.
We HEAR sounds of expected disappointment and some
cheering from the bar. We SEE Kate scream with joy and
surprise. Nick and Pepin nod and smile at each other.
KATE
We won! That was so exciting! My
heart is racing!
PEPIN
We'll celebrate Kate's first win
back at Franklin's!
INT. FRANKLIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
It's a party scene with people in their late twenties.
MUSIC is playing. We SEE BOBBY FRANKLIN talking to
friends. Upon seeing Nick, Pepin and Kate return from
Maxwell's, Franklin comes over to give them a big
welcome. Tipsy, Nick swings his arm around Franklin.
FRANKLIN
You made it! How'd you do tonight?
NICK
We cleaned house, thanks to Kate.
Kate this is Franklin, a true
patron of trivia and those who toil
in trivia.
FRANKLIN
(extends his hand)
So you're the newest addition to
the brain trust. I hope you know
what you're getting into.
KATE
It's becoming clearer by the
minute. You have a great house.
FRANKLIN
Thanks. If these guys didn't tell
you, make yourself at home here.
Nothing's off limits. House rule.
MED. SHOT - KATE
in the kitchen later in the evening, pouring herself a
glass of wine. Nick enters in the kitchen.
NICK
Whatcha got there?
KATE
Franklin asked me to open up some
more wine, so I thought I'd try
this cabernet.
Nick studies the wine label for a second, then closes
his eyes and deeply inspires the wine's bouquet.
NICK
Sonoma Coast. Bottled in 2000.
2000 was a very good year.
Sequencing of the human genome was
completed. Nine more planets
outside our solar system were
discovered. Fusaichi Pegasus won
the Kentucky Derby in two minutes,
one point one two seconds.
KATE
(amazed)
I should drink more wine.
Nick snaps out of his reminiscing trance when Pepin
pokes his head in the kitchen, a towel wrapped around
his bathing suit, dripping with water.
PEPIN
Nick! I need you out here, chief.
Somebody wants to race.
Pepin disappears.
KATE
What is he doing?
NICK
He's gonna race someone to see who
can swim the farthest distance
underwater.
Nick slowly gets up to go outside. Kate follows.
KATE
What are you, the official judge?
NICK
No, it's just that you have to hold
your breath the whole time, and
sometimes Pepin keeps swimming
until he passes out. So I like to
be there in case I have to pull him
out of the pool and get him
breathing again.
Kate stops in her tracks in utter shock and disbelief.
EXT. FRANKLIN'S BACK YARD - NIGHT
Several people with cocktails are outside to watch the
race. Nick, followed by Kate, walks out to find
Pepin's challenger, a tipsy COLE, talking trash.
COLE
(to a friend)
Watch me whip trivia boy, here!
PEPIN
What the hell is that supposed to
mean?!
COLE
(mockingly)
It means that the atomic weight of
hydrogen can't help you now.
NICK
Actually, depending on your body
mass index, it could give Pepin a
slight advantage.
COLE
Look, it's trivia boy's sidekick!
Why don't you get a job!
PEPIN
(to himself)
That's it.
Fed up with Cole, Pepin lunges and punches him in face,
sending him to the ground with a bloody nose. As Cole
scrambles to retaliate Franklin grabs him. Nick grabs
Pepin and directs him inside. Pepin is unaffected by
what just happened.
PEPIN
Wait, we haven't raced yet.
NICK
I don't think Franklin wants blood
in his pool.
PEPIN
Get the medical kit. I'll fix him
right up.
INT. FRANKLIN'S BATHROOM
Nick is attending to a cut on Pepin's knuckles as Kate
watches. Franklin shows up the door.
FRANKLIN
Sorry about Cole. He can be an
asshole when he drinks.
PEPIN
Is he okay?
FRANKLIN
Yeah, he just left. How about you?
PEPIN
It's not my trivia hand.
EXT. FRANKLIN'S BACK YARD - DAY
Pepin is swimming while Kate sips iced tea in the
shade. Nick emerges from the house carrying something.
NICK
Hey buddy, I picked up something
for you this morning.
Nick holds up a new fishing tackle box as Pepin
scrambles out the pool and runs over to him.
PEPIN
No way!!
KATE
No running!
PEPIN
This is awesome! Thanks, partner.
(gives Nick a wet
hug; turns to Kate)
Isn't he awesome?! I'm gonna go
switch our tackle out right now!
Pepin takes the tackle box and leaves Nick holding his
wet shirt in disbelief as Kate laughs. Nick sits.
KATE
That was really nice of you.
NICK
I saw him drooling over it in the
store, but he never buys anything
for himself.
KATE
You're like an old married couple.
NICK
We've talked about divorce, but at
our age, what's the use.
KATE
It must be hard for you guys to
date... with your traveling, I
mean.
NICK
That, and the fact that we don't
date.
KATE
You don't date? Ever?
NICK
I consider myself unavailable, and
Pepin fancies himself undatable.
KATE
Undatable? What does that mean?
NICK
Well, after several courageous
attempts to make a relationship
work, all ending in failure, Pepin
decided that he's not a good
candidate for dating.
KATE
Maybe it's his platform. How about
you? What's your platform?
NICK
Never had a platform. I've always
been a write-in vote.
(eyes his watch)
Are you ready to go?
KATE
Go where?
NICK
Field trip.
EXT. FAIR PARK AQUARIUM - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. AQUARIUM - SERIES OF SHOTS
We SEE Pepin doing most of the talking, pointing out
fish in different tanks to Nick and Kate. The three
are thoroughly enjoying themselves. Nick takes
pictures with their digital camera of Pepin and Kate in
front of fish tanks. Nick has his beef jerky.
EXT. AQUARIUM - DAY - MED. SHOT - NICK, PEPIN, KATE
are walking back to the van. Pepin has their backpack.
KATE
That was so much fun! I wanna
research some of the fish we saw...
and the coral!
PEPIN
We've got some aquatic life data on
file, but it could use a woman's
touch.
KATE
I'm starting to feel useful. Is
there another game tonight?
NICK
We've got the night off. Pepin is
going to prepare a gourmet meal for
us, and I'm making margaritas.
KATE
What's my job?
Pepin puts his arm around Kate's shoulder.
PEPIN
You, special K, are going to teach
us all about the beauty and
diversity of life under the sea.
INT. FRANKLIN'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Pepin is tending to dinner, Nick is making margaritas,
and Kate is sitting with a laptop at the counter.
Pepin gives Kate a spoonful of something to taste.
PEPIN
What do you think?
KATE
It's great! What's it called?
PEPIN
(in his best
Italian accent)
Filetto Di Pomadoro!!
KATE
What is that?
PEPIN
(shrugs)
Tomato sauce.
NICK
First batch is ready.
Nick hands out margaritas. Kate points to the laptop.
KATE
Here's something cool. This sea
cucumber can eviscerate its
digestive and respiratory tracts to
give its predator an easy meal
while it crawls to safety and
regenerates its lost organs.
NICK
Isn't there a superhero that can do
that?
ANGLE ON KATE, NICK, AND PEPIN
enjoying their meal and drinks in the kitchen.
EXT. FRANKLIN'S POOL DECK - NIGHT
Kate has her legs in the pool. Nick and Pepin are in
lounge chairs. Nick has his jerky. They're all still
drinking, but aren't too drunk.
KATE
This is so liberating! I'm having
a blast!
NICK
We're living the dream! How many
individuals truly find their niche
in life, Kate?
PEPIN
Kate, for all the people out there
getting beaten down by life, who
think it's too late for them to
break out of the routine that has
become their existence... for them,
we can't do a damn thing. So Nick
and I just do whatever makes us
happy.
NICK
We've been blessed with a calling.
PEPIN
Hey! There's Venus!
KATE
Where?
PEPIN
Just above the live oak.
CLOSEUP - KATE
looking up at the sky and smiling. We HEAR Nick and
Pepin AD LIB about Venus as Kate's gaze turns to them.
She studies them thoughtfully with a smile.
INT. FRANKLIN'S KITCHEN - PEPIN - DAY
Pepin is cooking breakfast. Kate walks in. We HEAR
Nick yelling something in the other room.
KATE
Who's he talking to?
PEPIN
He's just yelling at a commercial.
KATE
Oh... so, how did you get the name
Pepin?
PEPIN
It's from Pepin the Short,
Charlemagne's father. He ruled the
Franks from 751 to 768. We were
playing back in college and I
missed a couple of questions on the
Merovingians after I had just taken
a French history course. After
that, I had a nickname... I hope
you like migas.
Pepin puts a plate of migas in front of Kate and
himself and a grapefruit in front of Nick's chair.
KATE
Nick doesn't like migas?
PEPIN
He loves migas. But it's a game
day, so he gets half a grapefruit
and two breakfast bars.
(sees Nick enter)
Hurry up and eat. You've gotta be
on the field in an hour.
Nick is standing at the kitchen door wearing a complete
rugby uniform, his head bound in athletic tape to cover
his ears and black paint under his eyes.
EXT. RUGBY FIELD - DAY - ESTABLISHING SHOT
MED. SHOT - PEPIN AND KATE
standing on the sidelines watching Nick play rugby.
Pepin is snapping pictures as he screams at Nick while
Kate is visibly distraught by the game's violence.
PEPIN
Come on, Nick! Get outside! Get
outside!
(to Kate)
He needs to get outside.
KATE
He needs to get off the field.
MED. SHOT - PEPIN AND NICK
standing on the sidelines. Nick is winded, holding a
water bottle. Pepin douses his head with another water
bottle, wiping his face with a towel and coaching him,
much like a boxer's manager between rounds.
PEPIN
You're looking good in there. Try
to get outside faster on scrums.
They're leaving a lane wide open
down the left side. And their
halfback is favoring his right
ankle. One good hit and you can
take that bastard out of the game.
(looks past Nick)
Okay, they're lining up. Let's go!
Go! Go! Go!
Pepin is yelling as Nick runs back on the field.
KATE
Did you just tell him to injure
someone?
PEPIN
No. That guy's already injured.
INT. FRANKLIN'S HOUSE - DAY
Pepin helps a sore, battered Nick into a chair in the
kitchen. Kate hands Nick a dishtowel with ice in it.
NICK
Thanks.
PEPIN
I'll get the peroxide. We've gotta
get you cleaned up for the
conference tomorrow.
KATE
What conference?
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Nick, Pepin and Kate enter a large conference room
filled with tables. A lunch buffet is set up at the
back of the room and a platform is at the front.
People are quietly conversing and sitting down as the
first lecturer welcomes everyone. Nick and Pepin, in
shirts and ties, and Kate, in a skirt and blouse, blend
right in. Pepin waves to TOM, who approaches.
PEPIN
Hey, Tom. How's third year
treating you?
TOM
It's rough. I'm on medicine right
now.
PEPIN
You look tired. Hang in there.
(turns to Kate)
Nice kid. We took endocrinology
together in the spring.
NICK
You went to four classes.
PEPIN
I aced the final.
MED. SHOT - NICK AND KATE
listening to a lecture. Everyone has gone through the
buffet, but a few people are still socializing.
KATE
Don't they care that we're not
supposed to be here? We didn't
pay for our food.
NICK
The drug companies pay for the
food. Besides, the reps all think
Pepin's a student.
Pepin is visibly upset when sits down with them.
PEPIN
There's a guy here who works at
Barnes and Noble.
NICK
Really? Who?
PEPIN
Nick, he's not in the medical
profession. What's he doing here?
NICK
I have no idea.
PEPIN
(watching the guy)
He's not even paying attention to
the lecture. I'm gonna talk to him
during the break.
NICK
Please don't.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
briskly walking through the crowd during a lecture
break. He approaches the IMPOSTER at the buffet.
PEPIN
What are you doing here?
IMPOSTER
Getting lunch.
PEPIN
You're not supposed to be in this
room.
IMPOSTER
Dude, it's cool. I know a student.
PEPIN
Are you here with that student?
IMPOSTER
(sly smile)
No. But I'm about to ask her out.
PEPIN
This is an oncology conference, not
a singles bar. I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
IMPOSTER
Get out of my face, man!
The imposter pushes Pepin, who is trying to lead him
out of the room by the arm. Nick comes up behind Pepin
and pulls him away before he can retaliate.
PEPIN
Step away from the buffet!
(to the room)
THIS MAN IS AN IMPOSTER!
Nick guides Pepin to the exit, seemingly unaffected by
Pepin's outburst. They enter a hallway and leave.
NICK
All right. We got a couple of good
lectures in.
KATE
I don't understand. We weren't
supposed to be there either. He
was just eating.
Pepin, calming down, straightens his tie and fixes his
hair. Nick rubs Pepin on the back to sooth him.
PEPIN
It's not about the food. It's
about better prevention and
increased awareness of rectal
cancer.
NICK
I know, buddy. You just need to
reel it in a little bit sometimes.
PEPIN
Sorry about that, gang. It just
hit a nerve.
NICK
Forget about it. Let's go over to
the Frontiers of Flight Museum and
take those photos of the radioman's
chair that was on the Hindenburg.
You've been wanting to do that.
PEPIN
(eyes light up)
Yeah!
Pepin slaps Nick on the back as the three walk off, the
incident that just happened already well in the past.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
INT. VAN - DAY
Pepin is driving. Kate is on a laptop while Nick
studies one of the many maps that hang on the inside
wall of the van, chewing his jerky.
NICK
So the migratory path you're
describing would enter the
Norwegian Sea from the south.
PEPIN
Fairfield, Texas! Nick, show Kate
your award.
NICK
She doesn't want to see that.
KATE
Wait. I wanna see your award.
PEPIN
C'mon, Nick. Show her the
certificate. Kate, have you ever
been to the annual peach festival
here in Fairfield?
KATE
No. What certificate?
Nick shyly hands Kate a certificate he has just pulled
out of a storage bin in the van.
PEPIN
Kate, you are looking at not only
the current reigning champion, but
also the all-time record holder in
the Fairfield annual peach festival
peach pit-spitting contest!
KATE
(laughs)
You're kidding!
NICK
We're just ironing out the wrinkles
in my Nike contract.
KATE
You got the record?
NICK
Yeah. It was a complete fluke.
PEPIN
It was the most staggering display
of untapped talent I have ever
witnessed!
EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY
Nick and Kate are pitching a tent. Pepin emerges from
the van with the fishing gear and the new tackle box.
PEPIN
In honor of the maiden voyage of my
new tackle box and the man who made
it all possible, I would like for
Nicholas Emery Ward to pick out the
lure I will use to catch tonight's
dinner on Lake Houston.
Pepin opens the box as Nick comes over. Kate follows.
NICK
How did you arrange them?
PEPIN
(points out each
section of lures)
Bass, catfish, crappie, salmon.
KATE
Salmon in Texas?
PEPIN
It was an impulse buy.
NICK
(points to a lure)
How about this spinnerbait?
PEPIN
Excellent choice.
KATE
Can I pick out the next one?
Pepin slams the box shut, causing Kate to quickly
withdraw her hand. Nick turns to Kate.
NICK
It's bad luck to pick out a second
lure before you need it.
KATE
I wouldn't have pegged you two as
superstitious.
PEPIN
My mother was a Buddhist and my
father was Irish catholic, so I was
raised to respect all the
superstitions of the world. C'mon,
lets go fishing. Nick will finish
setting up camp.
Pepin heads for the lake with Kate following.
KATE
That doesn't seem fair to Nick.
PEPIN
Watch this.
(turns around)
Hey, Nick! You might want to chop
up those carrots and chives for
dinner!
NICK
(excited)
Pepper-glazed fish tonight!
PEPIN
(to Kate)
It's his favorite.
EXT. LAKE HOUSTON - DAY - ESTABLISHING
MED. SHOT - PEPIN AND KATE
are lakeside. Pepin is fishing as Kate looks on.
KATE
Zurich? That's incredible. Could
you still go if you wanted to?
PEPIN
I don't know.
KATE
Zoology. What was the attraction?
PEPIN
Studying the behavior of the
two-toed sloth seemed like a good
idea at the time.
KATE
Does that mean it's no longer a
good idea?
PEPIN
Not at all. In fact, it's still
one of the best ideas I've ever
had.
KATE
But, trivia came calling.
PEPIN
She's a harsh mistress.
KATE
What were you going to study in
Zurich?
PEPIN
Red-capped mangabeys. Beautiful
creatures. They have four of them
at the zoo here in Houston.
KATE
Can we go see them?
PEPIN
We have to. I made a promise.
KATE
To Nick?
PEPIN
No, the mangabeys.
INT. VAN - DAY
Pepin is driving. The three of them are conversing.
NICK
All kinds of people. A sociology
professor travel with us for a
month. Wrote a paper about us.
PEPIN
We had an ex-Branch Davidian member
on the team.
KATE
A survivor?!
PEPIN
No. He was supposed to be in Waco
when the ATF arrived, but he missed
his bus.
NICK
Remember the Turkish fortuneteller?
She would read palms after all our
games... made a killing.
KATE
Did she read your future?
PEPIN
I die in the year 2053.
KATE
What about you?
NICK
I die on Tuesday.
PEPIN
We had a practicing Muslim once.
He was a damn good player and a
virtuous Muslim.
NICK
Never missed a Salat. If we were
traveling, we'd pull the van over
and he'd get out and pray. That's
dedication.
PEPIN
Yeah, but when the virtuous Muslim
dies he spends eternity in the
company of beautiful virgin women.
NICK
Do you think they have an endless
supply of virgins, or are some of
them getting recycled? I wouldn't
want to end up with virgins who
had already spent time in the
paradises of other guys that
couldn't get anywhere with them.
KATE
(agreeing)
You want fresh virgins who will put
out.
NICK
Kate, you make it sound so seedy.
I just would want everyone in my
eternity to enjoy themselves.
KATE
Pepin, you come from a Buddhist-
Catholic home. Nothing stuck?
PEPIN
Only my occasional episodes of
passive aggressiveness.
NICK
I used to talk to Pepin's mom about
Buddhism all the time. I agree
that there's no ultimate reality in
life, but instead of focusing on
its misery and decay, why not have
fun with life.
PEPIN
(lighthearted laugh)
I remember when Nick said the very
same words to my mother. Two weeks
later she filed for a divorce.
KATE
Are you serious?
NICK
It was exactly what she needed to
hear and you know it.
PEPIN
I know, but you could've at least
waited until the party was over.
KATE
What party?
Pepin
It was my ninth birthday.
Nick shrugs as Kate laughs and slaps him on the arm.
INT. BLUES - NIGHT
Nick, Pepin, and Kate are at a table in a crowded bar.
Kate is now in charge of writing down the answers.
Nick is visibly frustrated, chewing on his jerky.
NICK
So this is what we're reduced to?
Trick questions? You see, this is
how it starts.
PEPIN
How what starts?
NICK
The dumbing down of America.
KATE
So, what's the answer?
PEPIN
The answer is no U.S. President
has ever been an only child.
Pepin glances at the answer sheet as Kate writes the
answer, then takes a closer look.
PEPIN
You're right, Cash. She does have
outstanding penmanship.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Final question. What was the
original name for the soft drink
Pepsi-Cola?
KATE
(leans in)
Brad's Drink.
Nick and Pepin exchange surprised, but pleased looks.
NICK
I don't recall the history of
carbonated beverages being on your
list of strengths.
(beat)
What was Dr Pepper's very first
campaign slogan?
KATE
"King of Beverages." And, if I'm
not mistaken, they used a lion for
the ad campaign's visual.
Nick eyes Pepin with amazement, then turns to Kate.
NICK
What year did...
PEPIN
(interrupting)
Okay, that's enough. Obviously
she's a Pepper, too. Let's review
our answers and turn them in.
ANGLE ON NICK AND KATE
with troubled looks on their faces, anxiously listening
to the trivia announcer give the correct answers.
Pepin hurriedly returns to the table.
PEPIN
We're tied with Jose and Beth.
They got that Fleetwood Mac
question right.
KATE
It all comes down to one question.
Let's hope they failed the Pepsi
challenge.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
For the last question, the original
name for Pepsi-Cola was Brad's
Drink.
Pepin, Kate, Nick all look over to see Jose and Beth's
reaction to the last answer as we HEAR various
reactions from the rest of the bar.
NICK
They missed it!
Pepin hugs Kate, then raises his hands in the air and
does an Al Michaels' "miracle on ice" impression.
PEPIN
Do you believe in miracles?!
EXT. BLUES - NIGHT
Nick, Pepin, and Kate exit the bar still celebrating.
KATE
We haven't lost yet this week! We
own Houston!
NICK
We're gonna have to start paying
taxes.
KATE
Are we stargazing tonight?
PEPIN
If by "gazing" you mean an
intense exploration of the night
sky, then yes. But we can't stay
up too late. We've got a big day
manana.
NICK
What?
PEPIN
It's a surprise.
INT. MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS - DAY
Pepin, Nick, and Kate are in line for admission. Nick
is engrossed in a museum pamphlet.
NICK
Braque. Feininger. Gris! I can't
believe it! How did I not know
about this?!
Nick looks around, then excitedly hurries off while
Pepin keeps an eye on him. Kate is thoroughly amused.
KATE
How cute! He's so excited.
PEPIN
I've been hiding this exhibit from
him as a surprise. He's a fanatic
about cubism.
(eyes Nick)
What's he doing? You'd better go
keep an eye on him. He gets so
worked up sometimes he becomes
completely oblivious. The last
time we were here I found him in
early Renaissance giving a guided
tour. By the time I pulled him
away from the group they all
thought he was being fired. Go on.
I'll catch up to you.
INT. MUSEUM GALLERY - MED. SHOT - PEPIN
rounds a corner, scanning the large gallery. He sees
Nick and Kate and stops to observe, noticing the close
body language between the two and smiling.
PEPIN'S POV - NICK AND KATE
Nick is animatedly pointing out aspects of a painting
with one hand, his other arm held by a captivated Kate.
Pepin walks up beside them while Nick is still talking.
NICK
Initially he painted her sitting
down, but then he brushed over that
and painted her standing.
PEPIN
I thought you might need this.
Pepin produces Nick's art notebook from their backpack.
Nick takes it with a big smile.
NICK
You had this planned the whole
time, you bastard.
PEPIN
Come on. Give us the guided tour.
Kate hooks her other arm under Pepin's and the three of
them walk off with Kate in the middle.
EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY
Pepin and Nick are goofing off while preparing for
dinner by the fire. Kate walks over from the van with
a look of shock. Nick and Pepin are laughing.
KATE
Uh, guys? Why are there eulogies
and obituaries written for both of
you in that computer?
Pepin casually answers as they keep working.
PEPIN
You have no idea who might end up
in charge of those things when you
die.
NICK
Who better than your closest
friend to honor you in death?
Dumbfounded by their casual attitudes, she hesitates.
KATE
You're in your twenties. Unless
there's a batch of Kool-Aid around
here I don't know about, you've
still got a few years ahead of you.
NICK
Of course. We just update them as
we go.
PEPIN
It's much safer this way. I mean,
if Nick were to die tomorrow, I
would be in no condition to prepare
his eulogy or his obituary, and yet
I have been entrusted with
realizing his memorial. That's not
a responsibility I'm willing to
leave to last minute.
Kate laughs to herself, realizing that they've given
her a pretty good explanation.
KATE
I am so glad that I already know
you guys, because, anyone else, and
I would be very... but, with you
two, this seems, somehow completely
understandable and, almost sweet.
NICK
We'd be more than happy to get
those started for you.
KATE
Thanks, but I think hold off on
those for a while.
PEPIN
I'm gonna run down to the lake and
try to find a boat for tomorrow.
We'll start dinner when I get back.
Nick decides to have a little fun at Kate's expense.
NICK
If you're not back by morning I'll
send your obituary to the paper.
PEPIN
Not before you tack on all my
accomplishments of the past month.
NICK
Of course!
Pepin walks off. Nick stokes the fire.
KATE
You know, when I asked how long
you'd known each other, Pepin said
that you met in high school, but
your mother showed me pictures of
both of you when you were five.
NICK
Yeah, well, when you tell people
that you were sharing bottles of
Gerber applesauce at six months,
they tend to get apprehensive about
joining the team. So we just say
high school.
KATE
Don't you ever get tired of being
together all the time? You'd have
to get on each other's nerves at
some point.
NICK
Sure, we get frustrated with each
other at times. But, we know our
gripes and habits so well, I guess
we've adjusted to them.
KATE
Well, at least you've successfully
adjusted to each other. I'm not so
sure how you're doing with the rest
of the world.
NICK
Pepin likes to compare our
situation to that of zoo animals.
We've adapted to a compressed
territory in which all our needs
are met.
KATE
You do the accounting. He catches
dinner.
NICK
We take turns polishing the good
silver.
KATE
I've never been fishing before. I
wanna learn how.
NICK
C'mon. I show you how to set up a
rig, then we'll practice casting.
ANGLE ON NICK AND KATE
Nick and Kate are sitting by the tackle box at the
campsite. Nick is patiently showing her how to tie a
lure to the line. Then we SEE Nick behind Kate helping
her cast a dummy lure over the ground. They are
enjoying themselves and appear to very comfortable
being close to each other.
EXT. HOUSTON ZOO - DAY
Nick, Kate and Pepin approach the admission gate.
Pepin pays for Kate. Nick has his jerky.
PEPIN
Hey, Shaquita. We have a guest
with us today.
NICK
(to Kate)
This won't be like your other zoo
outings. Feel free to ask him
questions, but not too many. We're
driving to Austin today.
Nick and Kate follow Pepin, who excitedly leads. Pepin
approaches DANA, a zoo guide exiting the koala habitat.
PEPIN
Dana, any luck with Vanda Lu yet?
DANA
No. We're still on baby watch.
How have you guys been?
PEPIN
Great! We came by to hi to
everyone.
DANA
Go see the wolf cubs. They're
growing up so fast!
Dana walks off as Pepin leads Kate and Nick on.
PEPIN
They loaned San Diego a Bengal
tiger for a female koala. They're
hoping she'll get pregnant.
KATE
Vanda Lu is the female?
PEPIN
It means beautiful in Aborigine.
ANGLE ON PEPIN, NICK, AND KATE
approaching the Mexican wolves enclosure.
PEPIN
Canis lupus baileyi. The Native
American story of the Paiutes
credits the wolf and his helper,
the coyote, with earth's creation.
KATE
Who knew that coyotes were so
helpful?
PEPIN
It's a side of them their prey
rarely get to see.
ANGLE ON PEPIN, NICK AND KATE
in front of the mangabeys enclosure. Pepin excitedly
talks about his favorite primates.
PEPIN
... very strict social order. When
the dominant male or female passes
by the others, they'll present
their backs to them out of respect.
LONG SHOT - PEPIN, NICK, AND KATE
From the opposite side of the enclosure we SEE Pepin
pointing things out about the mangabeys.
EXT. MANGABEYS' ENCLOSURE - DAY
Pepin, Nick, Kate, and a employee friend interact with
the mangabeys in an area off limits to the general
public. Nick takes pictures of Kate with a mangabey.
INT. ZOO REPTILE HOUSE - DAY
Nick is casually walking around looking at snakes.
Pepin, standing uneasily in front of a snake enclosure,
motions for Nick to come over. Pepin speaks quietly.
PEPIN
Nick, I don't want to alarm
anybody, but there is a small gap
in the glass frame enclosing the
naja pallida.
NICK
I don't know the Latin names.
PEPIN
Vipera sputatio.
NICK
More Latin does not help me.
PEPIN
(slowly)
Right behind me.
Nick looks through the glass and recognizes the snake.
NICK
The red spitting cobra?
PEPIN
Shhhhh. We don't want to cause a
panic.
NICK
First of all, if you don't want to
cause a panic, then don't say the
word panic in the snake house.
Now, what is the problem, exactly?
PEPIN
For some, seemingly implausible
reason, there is about a half
centimeter gap in the lower right
corner between the glass and the
wall. Normally, that wouldn't
bother me, but this particular
exhibit is home to a snake capable
of spitting venom through said gap.
NICK
I can't believe that. Let me see.
PEPIN
(shocked)
Are you crazy? I'm not letting you
expose your eyes to it. I have to
stay here and keep it covered. You
go find Dana, or Russell, and tell
them about this crisis.
NICK
It's not a crisis, okay. Just act
casual. And don't talk to anyone.
Kate walks up with a worried, wary look.
KATE
What's going on with you two? I
don't like the way you're acting.
Nick starts to lead Kate away from Pepin and the
exhibit to explain the situation.
NICK
Everything's fine. Pepin is
concerned about...
ANGLE ON PEPIN
A WOMAN and her ten-year-old son approach the cobra
enclosure. The boy is trying to look around Pepin, who
is partially blocking the view.
WOMAN
(very polite)
Do you mind moving over so my son
can see the snake better?
PEPIN
That's not a good idea, ma'am.
Pepin covers the child's ears with his hands and leans
towards the woman to whisper to her.
PEPIN
You see, there's a small gap...
TWO SHOT - NICK AND KATE
NICK
I'll go find someone. You stay
here and make sure the wheels don't
come off the wagon.
Nick looks over at Pepin with dread.
NICK
What's he doing?
NICK'S POV - PEPIN AND THE WOMAN
WOMAN
(screams)
Oh my god!
CLOSE SHOT - NICK
NICK
So much for that plan.
EXT. ZOO REPTILE HOUSE - DAY
People are rushing out of the reptile house. We HEAR
screaming about loose snakes. We SEE Nick, Kate, and
Pepin emerge amidst the hysteria with their heads
bowed. A ZOO EMPLOYEE running to see what's going on
recognizes Nick and Pepin and hurries over to them.
ZOO EMPLOYEE
Pepin, what the hell's going on?
NICK
We think someone accidentally
caused a little panic.
KATE
No snakes are loose, but you might
wanna check out the spitting cobra.
EXT. ZOO PARKING LOT - DAY
Nick, Pepin and Kate are walking back to the van.
NICK
You can't cause a panic like that,
Pepin! People could have been
injured! It's like yelling fire in
a theater!
PEPIN
First of all, I had the fire
contained. Second of all, I merely
whispered fire.
Nick laughs playfully beats Pepin's back. We HEAR more
AD LIB scolding and laughing as they walk off.
INT. VAN - DAY
Nick is driving. Kate and Pepin are in back.
NICK
Our tour today will start at Rice
University campus and take us all
the way to Pilot Knob. In 1974 the
Super Bowl was held at Rice
Stadium, and if you look to your right...
(looks right)
...you still won't be able to see
it. On that very spot in 1952,
evangelist Billy Graham, speaking
to forty thousand people, called
Houston, quote, a more wicked city
than Hollywood.
PEPIN
In his defense, Salvador Dali had
been vacationing in Houston earlier
that year.
NICK
Coming up on our left is the former
home of Brewster McCloud, and just
beyond that lies a certain
amusement park that refuses to
acknowledge the seventh flag flown
over this state.
KATE
What's he talking about?
PEPIN
For a few months in 1813 there was
a seventh flag flown over Texas by
the Republican Army of the North.
We started a petition to get Six
Flags to change its name, but the
red tape was too thick.
NICK
That wasn't red tape, that was the
run-around!
EXT. MCKINNEY PARK - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
The van rolls up to the campsite.
MED. SHOT - NICK AND KATE
unloading camping equipment from the van. Pepin is
messing with the fishing gear.
PEPIN
Kate, you coming down to the creek?
KATE
Let me get the fire going for us,
and then I'll meet you down there.
PEPIN
I'll be upstream from the trail.
Walking off, Pepin smiles knowingly as he looks back at
Nick and Kate going to work on the campsite together.
EXT. JACK AND BARB'S HOUSE - DAY
Barb opens the front door to Pepin's open arms. Always
her bubbly self, she jumps forward to hug him.
BARB
Walter! You didn't call! How did
you know I would be here?
PEPIN
I keep telling you, they planted a
microchip in your filling. We
always know where you are.
BARB
Oh, stop it! Is Nicholas getting
your laundry?
PEPIN
Yeah, he's got a helper.
BARB
She's here?! Have you two been
treating her like gentlemen?
PEPIN
She's doing great. After the first
week you could barely hear her
crying herself to sleep.
BARB
Walter! Make yourself useful and
go get cokes for everyone.
Pepin goes inside. Barb turns to see Nick carrying a
laundry bag and, upon seeing Kate, looks concerned.
BARB
Kate! You look too thin! Have
they been feeding you enough? Let
me see you.
Barb feels Kate's arms and shoulders.
NICK
Mom. Please.
KATE
I've never eaten this well in my
life! They've ruined me for Ramen.
BARB
Are you just sick of fish?
KATE
Not at all. I mean, I don't order
fish when we're out. But they
prepare it so many different ways,
it doesn't seem like the same food.
BARB
I'll take your word for it. C'mon.
Walter's making refreshments.
Barb ushers them in the door as she continues to speak.
BARB
You should make them cook pasta for
you. I've given them scads of
wonderful recipes...
INT. JACK AND BARB'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Pepin enters with a tray of soft drinks. Barb takes
the laundry from Nick and turns to Kate.
BARB
Now, dear, where is your laundry?
NICK
(tongue-in-cheek)
We can't get her to change clothes.
BARB
(to Kate)
How do you put up with this every
day? You must be a saint.
KATE
Oh, they're harmless. I grew up
with two older brothers.
BARB
Well, these two are a never-ending
job. That reminds me. I've got
something for you boys.
Barb grabs a department store bag in the corner.
BARB
I put all your mail in here, too.
Nicholas, I got you a pair of
flannels, and five cottons. And
Walter, I got you a six-pack in all
different colors.
(to Kate)
Nicholas likes boxers, but Walter
prefers the boxer briefs.
PEPIN
Barb!
Kate tries to control her laughter in front of Barb.
NICK
(to Pepin)
She can't be stopped.
BARB
Now, dear, where are your dirties?
KATE
Oh, that's okay. I'm taking them
to my aunt's.
BARB
Don't make your sweet aunt do that!
KATE
I'm going to visit her anyway.
BARB
You don't want to have to worry
about laundry during your visit.
Bring it in and I'll have it ready
when you all come back for dinner.
Kate looks helplessly at Nick and Pepin.
NICK
Don't try to fight it.
KATE
Okay. I'll be right back.
Kate runs out to the van. Barb smiles after her.
BARB
I am just in love with her! How is
she doing with the money games?
You're not pushing her too hard, I
hope?
NICK
She's loves it. She's a natural.
INT. THE LOON - NIGHT
Kate and Pepin are both playing with trivia boxes while
Nick sits between them with his jerky. The bar is
crowded with trivia players. All three are focused on
the trivia screen as they converse.
KATE
Pepin, we've got a twenty-eight
point differential with only a 611
lead on third. You wanna split
this one up if it looks ugly?
PEPIN
We'll let Cash make that call.
They all read the last question on the screen.
KATE
I know this! I think it's four.
NICK
She's right. The Michelin Man's
real name is Bibendum.
Pepin and Kate laugh as they press the right answer and
relax, knowing they just won. Nick chews his jerky.
KATE
Do you ever feel sorry for the
other players?
They give Kate a confused look. She gives a coy smile.
KATE
Me neither. They should know what
they're getting into.
Nick laughs and squeezes Kate with his arm.
NICK
Special K! You have to have a
killer instinct in this game, and
you've got it in spades.
KATE
I love the close games. It's like
being in a chariot race with Ben
Hur.
All three are still laughing when Happy approaches
their table.
HAPPY
So, you stole my secret weapon.
PEPIN
She's moved on to greener pastures,
Happy.
KATE
I'm sorry, Jeff. But, as a woman,
I have certain needs that have to
be met.
Kate, Nick, and Pepin laugh at their own jokes. Kate
jumps up and grabs Happy's hand.
KATE
Jeff, we're just joshing you. How
are you? Let us buy you a drink.
PEPIN
(gets up)
It's time to pay Sam a visit.
EXT. FRANKLIN'S POOL - DAY
Pepin and Nick are poolside drinking lemonade. Pepin
looks at his best friend for a moment before speaking.
PEPIN
I got a letter from Dr. Kinsley in
that last batch of mail.
Nick looks at Pepin, realizing the significant of the
letter.
NICK
Where?
PEPIN
Zurich... the position is open
again. He's giving me first shot
at it... if I want it.
NICK
(excited)
You never thought you'd get another
chance at Zurich, and now you have
it. You absolutely have to go!
PEPIN
I'd have to leave in December.
NICK
You realize that this will be our
first Boxing Day apart.
PEPIN
Honestly. How do you feel about me
going?
NICK
Honestly. I want you to go. I
know you don't regret not going
the first time, but I don't want
you to pass it up this time.
PEPIN
What are you gonna do?
NICK
I guess I'll either keep playing
trivia, or kill myself. One or the
other. It's too early to say.
PEPIN
You'd have a damn good partner in
Kate.
NICK
For trivia, or a double suicide?
Pepin laughs at this.
PEPIN
This will be the longest period of
time we've ever been apart.
NICK
It will take some getting used
to... c'mon, I'll make sandwiches
for lunch.
They get up and Pepin throws his arm around Nick.
PEPIN
Maybe we should exchange email
addresses.
NICK
I don't know. We barely have
enough to talk to each other about
as it is.
INT. FRANKLIN'S KITCHEN - DAY
Nick is making sandwiches while Pepin reads to him from
a book. Kate enters in a robe, freshly showered.
PEPIN
... so instead of using a wet
nurse, affluent women had their
babies suckle directly from asses'
udders. At that time asses had a
better moral reputation than goats.
NICK
Can you believe what passed for
sound medical knowledge back then?
PEPIN
I know! The superior moral
integrity of the goat is covered in
the first week of medical school
nowadays.
(sees Kate)
Special K! Just in time for lunch.
NICK
Kate, you should hear this now
before you read about it in the
tabloids. Pepin's been traded to
another team.
KATE
(to Pepin)
What is he talking about?
PEPIN
I'm taking a research position at
Zoologischer Garten, the zoo in
Zurich.
Speechless, Kate looks back and forth at them both.
KATE
Since when was this a possibility?
PEPIN
Since you joined the team. Just
kidding! I got a letter last week
from my professor at UT about a
spot opening up. I've discussed it
with Nick, and I'm gonna take it.
Kate walks over and gives Pepin a hug.
KATE
That's fantastic! This is a big
deal. Are you two gonna be able to
handle this?
Nick and Pepin joke as if Kate's overreacting.
NICK
Of course. We're both adults.
We're just no longer friends.
PEPIN
Exactly. That's all.
KATE
You joke now, but this is like
separating the wonder twins. You
could be powerless without each
other.
NICK
That, or we've been holding each
other back for twenty-six years.
KATE
When do you leave?
PEPIN
Mid-December.
KATE
You know what that means. We've
only got one more lap around the
track as a team.
PEPIN
She's right. We've gotta leave our
mark. Rock the trivia world, old
school! Let's go out with a bang!
KATE
Let's have lunch first.
INT. SHARKY'S - NIGHT
Nick, Pepin and Kate huddle over their answer sheet at
a table in a crowded bar. Kate reads from her notes.
KATE
Our last question. What country's
national flag has a red stripe
through it featuring a famous
structure found in that country?
NICK
Well, we can eliminate all the
flags that don't have a red stripe.
PEPIN
Okay, that leaves us with just
under 100 flags. How about we
focus on flags that actually have a
structure on them.
NICK
Isn't there a cathedral or a palace
on the Vatican City flag?
KATE
I think that's just some papal
insignia.
PEPIN
They were initially going to put
the Basilica of Saint Peter on
their flag, but that plan was
aborted.
KATE
At least the Vatican aborted that
plan during its first tribunal.
With everyone laughing, Nick gets them back on track.
NICK
Hey! I got it! It's Cambodia's
flag. The largest religious
structure on earth is on that flag.
PEPIN
Cambodia has the killing fields on
its flag?
KATE
(slaps Pepin's arm)
Horrible joke! And were running
out of time!
(to Nick)
You think Angkor Wat is on their
flag?
NICK
I'm positive.
Kate writes it down and hurries off with their answers.
MED. SHOT - NICK, PEPIN, AND KATE
awaiting the announcement of the winning team.
NICK
I think John's table beat us.
PEPIN
We'll never hear the end of it.
KATE
They've got ten people over there!
That's not fair!
PEPIN
(admonishing)
Kate, we act the same way in defeat
as we do in victory.
NICK
That's right... like assholes.
While they're laughing the winning team is announced.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Tonight's contest was extremely
close, but that's irrelevant. The
winner is... team Plano!
We HEAR a loud cheer from across the bar.
PEPIN
So much for the big bang theory.
NICK
We have to buy John a beer for this
one. It was a well-played game.
KATE
Here he comes.
JOHN, a fifty-something, jovial man, approaches the
table with a beer in his hand and a big smile.
JOHN
Kathy said you were beatable, but I
didn't believe her.
Pepin shakes John's hand and slaps him on the back.
PEPIN
We couldn't have lost to a finer
man, John! Remember this day,
because it'll never happen again!
They all laugh, John laughing the loudest.
JOHN
I don't doubt that!
NICK
John, you know we're losing Pepin
next month. He's moving to Zurich.
JOHN
What?! What are you doing in
Zurich?
PEPIN
I'll tell you all about it, but
let's get you a victory beer first.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
INT. VAN - DAY
Pepin is driving. We HEAR Nick and Kate laugh as they
watch a DVD on a laptop in the back. Pepin adjusts the
rearview mirror to see Kate's head resting on Nick's
shoulder. Pepin puts the mirror back and smiles.
EXT. LAKE HOUSTON - DAY
Pepin and Kate are fishing in a small boat. Pepin
watches her technique as she casts.
PEPIN
Aim for the hydrilla over there.
And keep the rod at about ten
o'clock as you reel in.
(beat)
Do you know what you're gonna do
next semester?
KATE
I was getting kind of used to life
on the circuit. But with you gone,
what's Nick gonna to do?
PEPIN
(laughs)
With me gone Nick's gonna frustrate
a lot of museum employees and
disappoint a lot of players who'll
think they can beat him without me.
KATE
In that case, I'll have to keep an
eye on him when we go to museums.
Pepin is visibly pleased with her decision to stay with
Nick, then gives Kate a wary look.
PEPIN
He does have some quirks you should
be aware of.
KATE
(facetious)
Really? I hadn't noticed.
PEPIN
When you're driving, stay out of
the far right lane unless you're
turning right. Also, and I can't
stress this enough, don't ever
describe something as ironic that's
merely an unfortunate coincidence.
KATE
So, no Alanis Morissette.
PEPIN
God, don't remind me. Now, if he
has too much alcohol don't let him
start arguing with other players
about trivia. If he keeps it up
just remind him of the agreement he
signed about that.
KATE
Yeah, but what about that idiot the
other night who was going on about
utilitarian ethics? Nick was
completely in the right. I was so
close to throwing my drink on that
guy!
PEPIN
(chuckles)
Yeah... you two are gonna do just
fine together.
KATE
(gets serious)
Don't worry, Pepin. I'll take good
care of him for you.
Kate catches Pepin's eye with an understanding look.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Pepin is sitting on the ground watching Nick show Kate
how to control the kite they're flying. Nick gives her
the kite and walks over and sits down next to Pepin.
Kate is out of earshot as they both watch her.
NICK
She's a fast learner.
PEPIN
She's become quite the angler, too.
You should see her set a hook.
NICK
I think we've created a monster. I
can't believe she wants to stay on
in the spring and play with me.
PEPIN
Oh, I don't think it's that hard to
figure out. She's staying because
of you.
NICK
No she's not. She's staying for
the trivia. She's hooked on the
rush. We've seen it before.
PEPIN
You and I both know that the allure
of trivia can be hypnotic and
disorienting, but that's not the
case here. Trust me.
NICK
You don't know that?
PEPIN
What's the problem? You both like
each other.
NICK
We've become good friends. That's
all.
PEPIN
Whether you realize it yet, or not,
you're falling for her.
NICK
I think I would know if I were
falling for Kate?
PEPIN
Actually, you wouldn't. That's why
I'm telling you, and I'm right
about this. I know you better than
anyone, Nick... who can still stump
you every year during our Easter
egg hunt?
NICK
(reluctantly)
You.
PEPIN
And who was the first person to
donate blood when you insisted that
you had acute hemolytic anemia?
NICK
Your blood type would kill me.
PEPIN
But the gesture worked. You felt
much better after I gave that
blood. My point is that I know
you, and I'm right. You two are
good for each other.
INT. THE BEAGLE - NIGHT
Kate and Pepin are at a table celebrating a win. Nick
walks up with Charlie, who hands out shots to everyone.
CHARLIE
To commemorate the end of an era,
these are on the house. I'm sure
that trivia players all over the
state are celebrating your
departure, Pepin, but I will miss
you. Good luck in Zurich.
PEPIN
Thanks, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Does this mean the reign of terror
is over?
PEPIN
I'm afraid not. These two are
ready to harass your customers well
into the New Year.
They all laugh, raise their glasses to toast, then down
their shots with grimaces.
EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY
Pepin emerges from their tent, walks to the fire and
pours himself some tea. He sees Nick and Kate
returning from a morning walk, talking quietly to each
other and holding hands. They briefly kiss on the
lips, then Kate hurries to the van in good spirits.
KATE
Good morning, Pepin!
PEPIN
Good morning, Kate!
Nick sheepishly walks over to Pepin, who is all smiles.
PEPIN
I can't believe you're letting her
come between us.
NICK
I told you we should have added
the Yoko clause. But you wanted to
play it by ear, remember?
PEPIN
Well, I didn't think you were gonna
pull a van Gogh on me.
They laugh. Pepin hands his cup to Nick for a sip.
PEPIN
She does seem to have extra jump in
her step this morning. Looks a bit
more radiant.
NICK
There's no need to be crude, Pepin.
She's as pretty as a ripe tomato in
a seed catalogue.
PEPIN
(loud laugh)
Where do you get that stuff?
NICK
(shrugs)
You pick things up on the road.
Kate emerges from the van and joins them.
KATE
What's the plan for today, boys?
PEPIN
Let's go see a movie. You two can
sit in the back row and suck face,
then when the flick's over I'll
tell you all about it.
KATE
Oh, shut up. If you want, you can
sit between me and Nick.
PEPIN
Look, I don't know what he's told
you, but I am not into that kind of
thing.
In response to Pepin's jab Kate tries to grab his ear
as he ducks away, causing him to fall to the ground.
Kate pounces on him still grabbing for his ears.
PEPIN
Nick! She's out of control! Has
she had all her shots?!
Laughing, this further incites Kate. Nick gently pulls
her off Pepin, who remains on his back, panting.
PEPIN
All right. A movie it is.
INT. MOVIE THEATER - DAY
The theater is fairly empty. Nick and Kate slide into
a row and sit. Pepin remains standing next to them.
PEPIN
I'll get snacks. I'm assuming you
want the lovers' combo.
KATE
(to herself)
I should've seen this abuse coming.
NICK
(to Pepin)
I don't know. Do they offer any
combos that are a little more
noncommittal?
KATE
Yeah, is there a combo for people
who just want to sleep together
without any attachments?
PEPIN
To get that deal you have to go
dutch, but it does come with a
morning after pill.
Kate and Nick laugh, then she wraps her arms around
Nick and acts like a gushing girlfriend.
KATE
That sounds perfect for us, honey.
MED. SHOT - KATE, NICK AND PEPIN
watching the movie. Nick is in the middle with the
popcorn, hand feeding popcorn to Kate's mouth, whose
head is comfortably resting on his shoulder. Pepin
notices this happening and rests his head on Nick's
opposite shoulder. Nick looks down at Pepin and starts
feeding him popcorn in the same manner.
EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY - DAY - AERIAL SHOT - VAN
INT. VAN - DAY
Kate is driving to Austin with Nick and Pepin in back.
Nick reads from a laptop in front of him.
NICK
Category?
PEPIN
I'll take capitals for fifty.
NICK
Twenty-seven degrees north.
Eighty-five degrees east.
Pepin bows his head in deep thought.
NICK
Do you want the minutes?
PEPIN
(deep breath)
I'm going with New Delhi.
NICK
Kathmandu.
PEPIN
Damn it! Too far west!
We SEE Kate rolling her eyes and laughing to herself as
she listens to them.
EXT. JACK AND BARB'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Kate is hugging Pepin's arm as Nick unlocks the front
door. Nick turns to Pepin with a knowing smile.
NICK
I hope you're ready for this.
MED. SHOT - NICK, PEPIN AND KATE
entering the living room. Barb rushes in from the
kitchen with her apron on and heads straight to Pepin
to give him a long hug.
BARB
I can't believe it! I just can't!
PEPIN
Barb. I'm gonna miss your hugs.
BARB
Don't get me emotional. I still
have to make the salad.
Barb slowly makes her way across the living room,
stopping often to face them and emphasize a point.
BARB
Jack suggested that we have an
authentic Swiss dinner, but I don't
know what they eat over there
besides chocolate and cheese, and
that is not a meal. Anyway, I
thought it would be more
appropriate to fix Walter's
favorite meal, so we're having
homemade tamales and fish
enchiladas.
(to Kate)
Don't worry. I made chicken ones
also.
PEPIN
Barb, if you weren't already taken,
I'd ask for your hand in marriage.
BARB
(to Kate)
When Walter was a child he proposed
to me every year on my birthday.
INT. DINING ROOM
Jack, Barb, Nick, Pepin, and Kate are sitting around
the dining room table eating and conversing.
BARB
Now, Switzerland is not very big,
is it?
PEPIN
It's about the size of Estonia.
Kate realizes that this means nothing to Barb.
KATE
It's about half the size of South
Carolina.
BARB
Oh, okay. And I know it's cold
there, so I got out all of yours
and Nicholas' winter clothes in the
back bedroom. There are gloves and
wool socks and long johns and
things you need, so take all that
with you tonight when you leave.
Barb chokes up on her last few words and brings her
napkin up to dab her teary eyes. Kate quickly reaches
over and holds her other hand. Barb composes herself
and turns to Kate.
BARB
His mother, bless her heart, was so
sick after she had Walter... it was
like I had twins for almost two
years...
Barb struggles to keep her composure again.
JACK
Honey, don't work yourself up.
Walter is a young man now who can
take care of himself.
BARB
I know. I know. I'm sorry. Just
be careful, Walter, when you're
over there. That's all I ask.
PEPIN
Barb, don't you worry. I'm gonna
fit right in. I'm extremely
neutral on lots of issues.
BARB
Good, then, you just stay ULTRA
neutral.
PEPIN
Oh, no. The ultra-radical neutrals
are a bunch of wackos. Don't
worry. I won't fall in with that
group... I like what the grass
roots neutrals are saying, but
they're such elitists, and now
you've got the conformist neutrals
masquerading as traditionalists...
No, I would call myself more of a
progressive neutral, which is why
Zurich is perfect for me.
Barb is unable to hide her amusement at Pepin's joking
and sighs in defeat.
BARB
Walter, just stay out of trouble.
I don't want to have to send Jack
over there to get you.
INT. DINING ROOM
Dinner is over and we SEE everyone at the table
drinking wine and thoroughly enjoying Pepin's last
night with Jack and Barb.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Everyone is saying their goodbyes. Nick has Pepin's
bag of winter clothes. Jack hands Pepin an envelope.
JACK
Barb and I wanted to pay for your
plane ticket. This should cover
your cost.
PEPIN
Thanks, Jack.
Jack and Pepin's handshake turns into a paternal hug.
Pepin turns and puts his arm around Barb.
PEPIN
Barb, the first day I don't get an
email from you I'm on the next
flight home. Okay? And one more
thing. I wasn't gonna ask, but I
didn't know who else to turn to,
so, while I'm gone, would you mind
keeping an eye on Nick for me?
Barb both laughs and cries as she embraces Pepin.
EXT. LAKE BASTROP - DAY
Nick is fishing lakeside. Pepin is going through the
tackle box with Kate nearby. She points in the box.
KATE
You haven't told me about those
yet.
Pepin gives Kate a long look before speaking.
PEPIN
I suppose you're ready. Either
way, you need to hear this now,
because you won't get it from Nick.
Hearing this, Nick shakes his head and chuckles,
knowing what's about to be said. Pepin gets serious.
PEPIN
Those are the crank baits that
you'll use for the big one.
KATE
The big one?
PEPIN
The big one. You take your crank
bait. I like to start with the
pearl-white Fat Free Shad.
(MORE)
PEPIN (CONT'D)
Cast it beyond your sweet spot,
drag it down fast, and fish it back
real slow, with just a tiny bit of
action.
KATE
What's a sweet spot?
PEPIN
Any irregularity under water. A
break in the weed line, a drop off
in vegetation, a ditch, a drain,
anything that feels right.
NICK
That's how we fish any size bass!
PEPIN
(laughing)
The big one's not gonna bite on a
chugger or a Carolina-rigged
centipede.
(to Kate; serious)
Now, when you hook her, play her
out at a distance. Don't rush her
and don't horse her. She'll wear
herself out, that's when you bring
her on.
(beat)
And most importantly, when you make
your second hook-set, do it
quickly, but with less force than
the initial set.
Kate is completely captivated as Pepin pauses to sigh.
PEPIN
Don't make the same mistake I made.
KATE
You had her on your line?!
PEPIN
I had her, and I lost her. I hit
her too hard the second time. I
got anxious because she was so
powerful, she wouldn't budge.
NICK
(laughing)
That's because the big one was a
log. There was bark on the hook!
PEPIN
She was right behind the log.
(turns to Kate)
Nick's not a believer... I could
feel the beast.
KATE
You have to believe in the big one,
Nick. She's out there somewhere.
(to Pepin)
Would the big one beat the record?
PEPIN
Easily. Scott Garrison caught a
record nine-point-nine-eight
pounder in ninety-one. The big one
is at least fifteen pounds.
KATE
What kind of bait did he use?
PEPIN
(far off look)
No one knows.
NICK
(laughs)
Nobody reveals what they catch
their record bass on!
PEPIN
Jimmy Qualls bagged his twelve
pounder on Black Creek Lake in
ninety-nine using a jig and craw.
NICK
Do you believe him?
PEPIN
Of course not.
Nick and Kate laugh.
KATE
Pepin, while you're away I'll make
sure that the big one isn't
neglected.
NICK
I'm trading in one dreamer for
another.
Kate hugs Pepin to show that she's a fellow dreamer
too.
INT. MAXWELL'S - NIGHT
Nick, Kate and Pepin make there way to a table in a
crowded Maxwell's. Pepin is getting extra attention
with handshakes and pats on the back.
Scott gets up on the small stage in the corner with
microphone in hand.
SCOTT
Ladies and gentlemen, as some of
you may know, this is Pepin's last
night here for quite some time. In
light of this momentous occasion, I
would like to say a few words about
Pepin, but I'm gonna need him to
come up here first. Come on,
Pepin. Get up here.
Pepin reluctantly gets up with a sheepish grin.
SCOTT
Now, it's true, Pepin's a great guy
and a lot of fun to be around, and
has trivia skills matched only by
his good friend and partner, Nick.
But, I think it's safe to say that
no one is sad to see this team
finally break up!
Pepin laughs with everyone in the room.
SCOTT
So, Pepin, in honor of your last
night with us, and in an attempt to
make the evening a little less
painful for everyone here, we
decided to appoint you quizmaster
for tonight's game.
As everyone in the bar cheers, Pepin is completely
surprised as he accusingly points at Nick. Scott holds
a small stack of index cards out for Pepin.
SCOTT
Quizmaster, here are your twenty
questions, and here's your mike.
As the bar quiets down, Pepin reads the first question
to himself while everyone waits. He nods his head and
then tosses the card off the stage. Several people
laugh, then, after reading the next question, Pepin
tosses it out also. Confusion is mixed with laughter
after Pepin throws the third card, then he tosses the
rest of the stack off the stage. Inspired with an
idea, he gives an almost sinister smile and proceeds
completely off the cuff.
PEPIN
We're gonna do things a little
differently tonight... I'm afraid
that Scott was a tad premature in
assuming that by making me the
quizmaster, this evening would be
less painful for everyone involved,
myself excluded, of course.
General laughter comes from a crowd that has no idea
where Pepin is going with this.
PEPIN
If you don't mind, I'd like to say
something before we start. You
see, as Nick and I traveled around
playing trivia for the past two
years, we made some very
interesting observations about what
people in general think they know,
what they actually know, but most
notably, what they should know.
So, I think it's only fitting that
we take this opportunity to touch
on some those areas tonight.
Those who know Pepin are laughing, but they also know
that he is serious about everything he said.
PEPIN
Okay, let's start out slow, with
something we all know... how about
"The Star Spangled Banner?"
Everyone knows that. We've all
sung it a thousand times. Right?
So, it only follows that we should
know a little bit about its origin.
We SEE several players in the bar cringing in
anticipation of what Pepin may ask them.
PEPIN
During what U.S. war did Francis
Scott Key write "THE STAR SPANGLED
BANNER?" For a bonus point, what
was Key's profession? By the way,
I'll be giving out lots of bonus
questions. Nick, do you mind
keeping track of what I'm doing up
here?
We SEE Nick indicate that he's already doing that.
PEPIN
(to Nick)
Exactly. Just do what you do every
day.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
on stage laughing with Scott as we HEAR the bar MUSIC
die down and AD LIB conversation in the bar.
PEPIN
Okay, it's time to get serious.
For this question you get one point
for each correct answer... name the
six simple machines that were
essential to the advancement of
human civilization... and I'll give
you hint. They were all named
after different sexual positions.
Everyone laughs.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
laughing with players at one of the tables. We HEAR
the bar MUSIC die down. Pepin talks into the mike as
he makes his way over to Nick and Kate.
PEPIN
Nick, what question are we on...
Nick says something as Pepin approaches.
PEPIN
By the way, gang, I hate to tell
you, but in preparation for this
day, Nick and I have been grooming
a trivia protégé the likes of which
you've never seen. I almost feel
sorry for all of you, but not
really. The woman to my left is
Kate Paschal, your new nemesis.
Kate blushes as everyone laughs.
PEPIN
Alright, it's time for some Texas
history! Name three public offices
that Sam Houston was elected to in
Texas. For bonus points, and my
admiration, name two elected
offices he held in another state,
and I'll need the name of that
state.
While talking Pepin has made his way to a nearby table
and takes a look at the teams answer sheet.
PEPIN
Good lord, Rob, you're not even
trying.
Everyone laughs.
SERIES OF SHOTS
A) Pepin asks a trivia question while sitting at one
of the players' tables.
B) Pepin consults Nick about a possible question.
C) Players laugh as one of the players is speaking
into Pepin's mike.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
on stage with Scott. The bar MUSIC dies down.
PEPIN
The next question is for my good
friend, Scott, here. On October
twenty-third Scott became a
father... poor kid. What is his
daughter's first name and her sign?
For the bonus, name the animal in
the Chinese calendar under which
she was born.
MED. SHOT - PEPIN, NICK, KATE AND SCOTT
on stage tallying the teams' points. Kate hands Pepin
the winning answer sheet. Pepin turns to the crowd.
PEPIN
We have a winner! Actually, the
winner was going to be Dan's team
because he slipped me forty bucks
ten minutes ago, but, Dan, your
team did so poorly I can't on
principle let you win. I will keep
the forty dollars, though. The
winner of tonight's game is...
Suzie and her gang from Denton!
One table cheers and screams as the rest of the bar
echoes sounds of disappointment.
ANGLE ON PEPIN
trying to get back to their table as he gets bombarded
with slaps on the back and hand shakes. An attractive,
young WOMAN approaches him.
WOMAN
I've never had so much fun playing
trivia in my life! Good luck in
Zurich!
PEPIN
Thanks!
Pepin watches her walk away and laughs to himself.
EXT. DALLAS-FORT WORTH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY
Kate waits for Pepin to put the last of his bags on the
curb by the van, then throws her arms around him and
gives him a kiss on the cheek. They smile knowingly at
each other for a moment.
PEPIN
You know, you've made this easier
for me.
KATE
I know. I hope the same is true
for Nick.
PEPIN
It is. Trust me.
Nick emerges from the van with his small, worn, wooden
box. Pepin sees the box and smiles.
PEPIN
I should've known.
NICK
Well, you really can't get any more
cliché than this.
PEPIN
I could throw it back in your face.
They laugh as Nick hands Pepin the box. He looks down
at the box for a moment before speaking.
PEPIN
I need this more than you do.
NICK
I know... that's okay, I can always
start another one.
When Nick says this he looks over at Kate, who smiles
bashfully. Pepin sees this and acts like he's angry.
PEPIN
You backstabbing son of a bitch.
They all laugh, followed by a moment of silence. Nick
looks past Pepin into the terminal.
NICK
You'd better get going.
PEPIN
Alright, buddy.
Nick and Pepin embrace. We SEE their teary eyes.
Watching them hug Kate covers her mouth, as if in an
attempt to hold back her emotions.
MED. SHOT - PEPIN
watching the van pull away from the curb. He looks
down at the box he is still holding and smiles.
EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY
Nick and Kate are playing checkers by the campfire.
Cold-weather jackets on, Nick concentrates intently on
the checkerboard while Kate tends to a pot of tea on
the campfire, amused by the effort Nick puts into a
game of checkers.
KATE
Nick, it's checkers!
NICK
I know... I'm gonna pass.
KATE
(laughs loudly)
Nick! You can't pass on the first
move!
Kate gets up, grabs his head and kisses the top of it
before heading to the van.
KATE
Do want any sugar, sugar?
NICK
No thanks.
Kate grabs a couple of cups from the van and returns.
KATE
I was thinking... It's gonna be
pretty slow in Austin next week
with Sam out of town. How does a
little time off sound?
This last statement gets Nick's attention and he
studies her for a moment as she pours their tea.
NICK
I don't know. What did you have in
mind?
KATE
Well, I thought that I could go to
the Loon next Monday night and
collect our paycheck, and you could
go to Zurich.
Kate hands him an envelope with a ticket in it. Nick
is stunned as he pulls out the ticket and reads it.
Still in shock, Nick starts to work out the logistics.
NICK
It arrives at three twenty local
time. I could catch the four
o'clock to Hauptbahnhof and be in
Altstetten before Pepin gets home.
Or I could wait for him at the...
KATE
(gently interrupts)
Nick, Nick. He's expecting you.
He'll be at the airport.
Nick snaps out of his spell and lets Kate's gift sink
in. He smiles, shaking his head in disbelief. Kate is
overjoyed to see the gratitude in his face.
NICK
You're incredible!
Nick embraces her.
NICK
I do have some vacation days
leftover from last year.
Kate laughs and squeezes him tighter.
EXT. INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT IN ZURICH - DAY
We SEE crowds of people moving through a terminal at
Airport Zurich Kloten. The CAMERA FINDS Pepin in the
crowd and ZOOMS IN on him. He is searching the people
coming towards him holding up a white chauffeur sign
that has "NICK" printed on it in big black letters.
INT. PUB IN ZURICH - NIGHT
We SEE a typical bar scene with people sitting around
drinking beer. The CAMERA FINDS Nick and Pepin at a
table conversing. Through the loud speaker we HEAR
someone speak in Swiss. Nick and Pepin turn to listen.
On a small stage in the corner of the bar a man holding
a mike starts to read something from an index card in
Swiss as the whole bar listens to him.
We SEE Nick and Pepin completely focused on the man on
stage as he reads. When he finishes Nick and Pepin are
pensive for a moment. Nick thinks of something and
turns to Pepin. As he opens his mouth to speak we:
FREEZE FRAME.
FADE OUT.
THE END
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