This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
"MR. SMITH GOES TO JAIL"
Screenplay
by:
Matthew Chisholm
with
Alex Cooper
Screen Story
by:
Alex Cooper
SECOND REVISIONS
FIRST DRAFT
NOVEMBER 24 2005
FADE IN:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
The courtroom is completely silent. A lawyer in the centre of
the room, MR. SMITH, questions a witness, LOGAN.
MR. SMITH
So you're saying it was all just a
terrible accident, huh? Killing
your sister's husband?
LOGAN
No, I told you before, I just
haven't paid my parking fines.
MR. SMITH
Oh, so you owe the Government
Hundreds and hundreds of dollars in
Unpaid parking tickets? And,
according to my trusty reference
book, you also didn't do last
months taxes.
LOGAN
You're supposed defending me.
MR. SMITH
Now, now, this is just a small
problem, Mr. Logan. Let's not turn
it into a Frank Capra film.
LOGAN
Why did I hire you?
MR. SMITH
The real question is: why don't you
fire me?
(beat)
Nothing further, your Holiness.
The JUDGE grunts. MR. SMITH goes and sits down. KEENAN, the
other lawyer, stands and makes his way over to the LOGAN,
slowly straightening his tie.
KEENAN
So-
MR. SMITH suddenly jumps up and gives a look like he just
found roaches in his soup.
MR. SMITH
Objection! Your Majesty, he's
badgering the witness?
JUDGE SNOW
Do you even know what you're
saying, Mr. Smith?
MR. SMITH
It is my understanding that the
eighty- sixthamendment says that,
by law, I don't have to answer that
question.
JUDGE SNOW
There are not that many amendments,
Mr. Smith.
MR. SMITH
Cheerfully withdrawn.
(beat)
Can I have that last statement
stricken from the record, your
Majesty?
JUDGE SNOW
Just continue.
KEENAN
Thank you, your honour.
MR. SMITH
Objection, sucking up to the judge.
JUDGE SNOW
Sit down, Mr Smith. Stop making an
ass of yourself.
MR. SMITH
I don't need you to tell me that
I'm making an ass of myself, thank
you very much.
JUDGE SNOW
Just, don't speak.
MR. SMITH
Okay, but if I loose my voice it's
your fault.
KEENAN
Your honour I can't work in these
conditions.
JUDGE SNOW
I agree. We will take a fifteen
minute recess.
The courtroom slowly empties, until only MR. SMITH is left.
Once everyone is gone, he takes a quick sniff of his
armpits and then instantly pulls awau, screwing up his face
like a spoilt baby.
CUT TO:
EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - DAY
MR. SMITH sits on the stone steps of the courthouse, staring
out into the street thoughtfully. LOGAN comes up to him.
LOGAN
What were you doing in there? All
of your references said you were
one of the best.
MR. SMITH
And cheapest.
LOGAN sits down next to him.
MR. SMITH (CONT'D)
I didn't think you would recognize.
There are few who can. I was using
an Ancient Japanese technique of
self- law managing called
"Zah-hingu-wakatata".
LOGAN
That's just a Japanese restaurant
down the street.
MR. SMITH
I know, my cousin owns the place.
Good spring rolls.
LOGAN
Let me guess, he taught you.
MR. SMITH
Taught me what?
LOGAN
"Zah-hingu-wakatata".
MR. SMITH
Huh. You really are crazy.
(whispering)
We'll keep that to ourselves if you
wanna stay out of the instutition
they're trying to put you in.
LOGAN
I'm not going to an institution!
MR. SMITH
Not with that attitude you're not!
LOGAN
(groaning)
Promise me you'll try to be a
little better when we go back in.
MR. SMITH
It doesn't matter who's better or
worse. It just matters how good
you are.
LOGAN
Let's just go to court now.
MR. SMITH
I've got a better idea. Lets go
into this big building right behind
me. The one we were in before.
LOGAN
You mean the court?
MR. SMITH
No, the building behind me. Not in
front of me.
LOGAN
The building in front of you is the
bakery.
MR. SMITH
I think I know a law thingamajig
when I see one, thank you very
much.
CUT TO:
INT. COURTROOM - DAY
Everyone has returned to the court and is now seated. The
trial is again underway.
KEENAN
Judge Snow, I would like to bring
something to the court's attention.
JUDGE SNOW
Yes, what is it?
KEENAN
Umm. . . Mr smith is disrupting my
prosecution by making a variety of
irritating noises with a Coke can.
JUDGE SNOW
I have to agree with you there,
Keenan. Mr. Smith stop drinking and
pay attention!
MR. SMITH
Huh? What?
JUDGE SNOW
Stop drinking that Coke and pay
attention!
MR. SMITH
What coke?
MR. SMITH hides his coke can under the table and pulls an
innocent face.
JUDGE SNOW
Throw it away! Right now!
MR. SMITH hurls the half full Coke can into the air. It
tumbles for a second, before landing hard on a man in the
back's head. The can explodes, sending the contents spilling
all over the man.
JUDGE SNOW
That's my son!
MR. SMITH
Oh, talk about favouring! He gets
coke! What do I get? Nothing!
Noooothing!
JUDGE SNOW
Hold this man in contempt!!!
MR. SMITH
You can't put me in contempt! I
PUT MYSELF IN CONTEMPT!
JUDGE SNOW
You cant do that!
MR. SMITH
I can! It's the truth! You want the
truth? You can't handle the truth!
As far I know. . .
JUDGE SNOW
Take him away!!!
MR. SMITH turns to run. Two guards follow him. He almost
makes it to the door before the guards crash tackle him to
the ground. They pick him up off the floor and carry him
away.
MR. SMITH
You maybe safe for now! But when I
get out of jail, I'm gonna be there
to really piss you off!
JUDGE SNOW
With the powers invested in me, I
order you to spend the rest of your
life in a federal prison!!
MR. SMITH
The rest of my life? I'll outlive
the rest of my life!!!
MR. SMITH is dragged through the door. He grabs onto the
frame and doesn't let go.
MR. SMITH
You're all doomed!!! DOOMED!!!
He is dragged out of view.
MR. SMITH (O.S.)
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!
After a few seconds silence, his head appears again.
MR. SMITH
Doomed.
He is dragged out of frame.
FADE TO BLACK:
THE END.
Return to Simply Scripts