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EXT. DESERTED ROAD-DAY A dingy old station wagon roars down a road surrounded by what was until recently an undisturbed country side. The car whizzes past a sign. INT. DINGY STATION WAGON-DAY What can be argued as a pathetic excuse of a motor vehicle is being steered by a pathetic excuse of a human being. BEN ZABEL, a frail early thirties nobody sweats profusely. A cheap haircut and glasses taped together at the bridge bless his wardrobe, a stained buttoned down collared shirt not tucked into a pair of wrinkled khaki shorts. Ben constantly shifts his focus between driving and a set of instructions to a Science Fiction Convention. BEN Where do I turn.... A RINGING cell phone causes Ben to drop his directions under his car seat. He grabs a dated cell phone out of his pants pocket and answers. BEN Hello? BENS MOTHER Where are you? This is the last time you've taken my car. You left the basement a mess. You still haven't payed rent. BEN Mom, slow down I- BENS MOTHER You need to get a job and stop sitting on your ass with that stupid Science Fiction bull shi- Ben turns his phone off and puts it away. He leans to the side, his arm feeling under the car seat for the misplaced directions. Ben tilts his head back up to the road and he is approaching a sharp turn. He instinctively makes a quick left onto the turn. He neglects to look at the the large sign to the left of him as he passes. INSERT OF SIGN: Sunny Chambers, 3.5 miles. The most peaceful town in the Mid West! EXT. MAIN STREET-DAY An enthusiastic crowd of people in the hundreds wait anxiously on either sides of a main street. The young ones on their parents shoulders, the oldest ones in lawn chairs. The LOW HUM OF DRUMS silence the crowd. They turn their heads to the end of the street. The hum starts to increase in volume and an orchestra of footsteps marching in perfect step join in. The tune being played becomes more familiar. Some type of American Hymn written to incite patriotism, only makes the crowd more anxious for the source of the music to reveal itself. EXT. PARADE FLOAT-DAY A marching band leads a lavishly decorated parade float. Atop of the parade float is a tawdry beauty queen desperately attempting to appear elegant. She wears a sparkling blue dress and a banner marked MISS CHAMBERS is slung over her shoulder across her body. A tiara rests atop her teased up blonde hair. She practices her cheap smiles while a flamboyant assistant JUAN, dabbles her face with make up at the last minute. MISS CHAMBERS This is the apex of my life, Juan. At least in this piece of shit town. This will take me places nobody here could ever get to. I think I need more hairspray. JUAN Just a touch doll. Juan shakes up a can of hair spray and covers the back of her head with a field of mist. MISS CHAMBERS Juan, I need more. JUAN Anymore hun, and one spark in the crowd will ignite your little blonde head. MISS CHAMBERS Just a little. My future is going to be determined when we pass around this corner. Juan reluctantly sprays her hair, he releases his finger from the trigger, but the can does not cease. MISS CHAMBERS Juan that's way to much! I feel like my head's being dipped into the Jersey shore. Juan pulls the away from her head. Both are filled with panic. JUAN I can't stop it! MISS CHAMBERS Get rid of it quick. A cloud of it is circulating my head. It will ruin my highlights! Juan quickly tosses the can behind them, off of the float. INT. DINGY STATION WAGON-DAY Ben's car approaches the float. BEN What is this.... He takes off his glasses and wipes a patch of sweat off of his forehead. Reaching for his glasses, a hairspray can lands in his windshield of the moving car. Wedged into his windshield, the can continues to spray product, burning his eyes. Ben losses control of the car and swerves to the left. EXT. MAIN STREET-DAY The marching band has now fully revealed itself and the float begins to turn onto Main Street. The crowd eager as ever to exalt the figure standing up on it. EXT. DINGY STATION WAGON-DAY The dirty station wagon in the process of swerving left, is rear ended by a large unsuspecting truck. The truck begins to stop but it moves closer and closer to the float at an alarming speed, with Ben in between. EXT. MAIN STREET-DAY The station wagon and truck blow into the side of the float. The float begins to tip over.. INT. DINGY STATION WAGON-DAY Ben sits in his car, upside down. His eyes red and damp. His hair glazed over with hairspray is now pushed back into a ridiculous style. A dense cloud of mist makes everything beyond his window imperceivable. SCREAMS and CRIES provide him with a deafening ambiance. Surprisingly not uninjured, Ben begins to exit the car. Unbuckling the seatbelt, which slams him to the roof of the car, he then inches over to the door. EXT. MAIN STREET-DAY The dingy station wagon rests upside down on the float which is also overturned. The car door opens up, falling off. WHIMPERS come from the audience, Ben hopes out his car and the crowd WHIMPERS a few octaves higher. A teary eyed Juan smacks Ben's arm. Ben still coming to his senses, realizing what he landed on. His foot and a part of the car door cover what are Miss Chambers's feet. From her shins up is covered by a few tons of what is the Miss Chambers parade float. JUAN You bastard! I was going to get her in Vogue. She would have been on every billboard of every turnpike by next year. Ben, looks back at Miss Chamber's feet. He kicks the car door off her feet. JUAN You asshole. You ruined it all. Ben notices the crowd of hundreds. Either shocked or saddened, they stand around him, ambivalent about what to do. Some start noticing Ben's bloodshot eyes. They start whispering to each other. Ben begins to stumble towards them. His hand outstretched, in need of assistance. Some of the closer onlookers inch away. A tall and husky man who could either pass as newly retired or a new grandfather steps forward with hateful eyes. HUSKY MAN Have you been doing drugs boy? The Husky Man presses his hand close his side. Something pokes out underneath his jacket. A voice echoes a question to the crowd: VOICE Has he been smoking the crack rocks? Ben continues to stumble forth. Tripping over shards of glass. The Husky Man holds his hand out, gesturing Ben to not come any closer. Ben stops 20 yards away. He looks behind at the sobbing Juan. BEN The can hit my windsh.... Ben stops and turns back to the husky man, who is pointing a pistol right at his face. Ben jumps to the side, not expecting a weapon to be drawn and the Husky Man fires his weapon. Missing Ben. A majority of the crowd unholsters their weapons. Ben starts to run, a fusillade of bullets pepper his surroundings. A large portion of the crowd begins to chase after him. A stray bullet hits the leaking hairspray canister in his windshield. This ignites a fire, the gas tank already exposed explodes. The crowd cowers from the flames, giving Ben the chance to escape unnoticed into a Bookstore. INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY An fashion magazine lies opened on the floor. A manicured hand scribbles black marker into the eyes of gorgeous models. Sitting cross legged on the floor is SAMANTHA. A young, slightly overweight young woman, she wears a flattering dress, her hair is done, and all her make up is being washed away by her tears. Not tears of pain or loss like Juan's or the crowd, instead tears of self pity. SAMANTHA Fucking narcissists.... Samantha brushes the tears off of her face. BEN Limps through an aisle of self help books, trying his best not to make a sound. A LIGHT SQUEAKING stops him dead in his tracks. He perks his head up to home in on the noise. LIGHT SQUEAKING again, followed by a WHIMPER. Ben peaks his head around a magazine shelf, he sees whimpering Samantha. Watching her for a second, his hand slips on the shelf and he trips forward. Samantha darts her head around, immediately shielding the magazines she had open. Ben gathers his bearings and he puts his hands out in front of him defensively. BEN Please. Please do not shoot me. A can of hair spray flew into my wind shield. I didn't see the truck behind me... SAMANTHA I'm not going to shoot you... BEN Then just don't tell them I'm hear. SAMANTHA I won't. You can trust me. My name's Samantha. I saw the accident from the window. Samantha smiles sheepishly. Ben smiles back. BEN Ben. (beat) As shook up as I am right now. I have one question. (beat) Why does everyone in this have a gun? SAMANTHA The mayors an NRA nut. In a town full of dogmatic Christians. He got some bill passed requiring every person above 21 to carry a fire arm. BEN Why would he do that? SAMANTHA Since the Bill's been passed four years ago, there's been almost zero crime. Until today that is. Samantha takes a pistol out of leg holster underneath her dress. SAMANTHA See? BEN Okay then. So why are they shooting at me? SAMANTHA That young lady you killed, the reincarnation of Satin I like to call, was this years Miss Chambers. Which is like the biggest deal in the world around here. Samantha puts her gun away. SAMANTHA So, I wouldn't feel badly if I were you. I tried for Miss Chambers this year. As you can tell. I tried last year too. And the year before that I was sick. But 3 years ago I tried. Next year I'd be too old. I'm 22. BEN She's a human being. Jesus Christ, I've killed somebody. I killed a person. Her life's over. So is mine. SAMANTHA Would you feel badly if it were Steve Bartman under that float? Ben doesn't catch onto her comment. Samantha eyes him up SAMANTHA Your not a cubs fan I take it. If it were The Emperor under there then... BEN I wouldn't at all. But that's not the point. As if she had been sitting there for years, Samantha slowly lifts herself up to her feet. SAMANTHA Let me show you something. Samantha grabs a one of the many gun magazines neatly aligned on the shelf. SAMANTHA You're wanted dead in a town full of people who read these after a relaxing Sunday morning in church. She pulls down a new fashion magazine. SAMANTHA And they worship people in here. They ignore me. All I want to be is beautiful. Samantha breaks into tears. Her speech becomes broken. SAMANTHA I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her to burn. In front of everyone. I wanted her to be ugly in front of everyone. EXT. FLOAT DAY Miss Chambers is smiling and waving to the crowd on main street. SAMANTHA (VO) I weakened the nozzle on the hairspray can so it wouldn't stop. She sprays hair like it's some approaching rapist's eyes. All the factories in Jersey can't top the size of the hole in the ozone layer this bitch has made. And that fake tan. I can still smell the skin cancer burning off of her. Torches on a plaque behind Miss Chambers light up. Miss Chambers hair lights on fire. She panics. Juan comes running trying to wave it out with a travel sized mirror. SAMANTHA It's not fair. She didn't suffer. If they watched her burned they would have seen her turn ugly. They'd want to forget the hideous image of her body burning. Now they're going to remember her. INT. BOOK STORE-DAY Samantha continues to cry. Ben starts to back away slowly. He turns to exit. SAMANTHA Don't you leave me. Ben darts out of the Book Store, Samantha running after him. EXT. MAIN STREET-DAY With the exception of the burning float, Main Street is completely empty. Ben runs down the street. Samantha exiting the book store follows. SAMANTHA Wait! A car approaches in the distance. Slowing past the float wreckage, it speeds up. Samantha points to Ben screaming: SAMANTHA There he is! There's the guy! Samantha notices a burnt tiara near the rubble. She picks it up and smiles. SAMANTHA I'm beautiful now! Ben flags the speeding car down. The car comes to a halt. Ben looks in the window. A man with third eye glued to his forehead, wearing a ridiculous space suit is at the wheel. DRIVER Where are you headed? BEN From the looks of it, right where I want to be. Like bees on honey the crowd pours in from the streets. Samantha points at the car as Ben quickly enters the passenger seat of the car. The car high tails it out of there. It turns at the first corner. INT. CAR-DAY Ben takes a deep sigh of relief as they round a corner. The driver slows up. DRIVER What the hell was that all about? BEN You don't even want to know. The Driver pulls up to a curb. DRIVER Here we are. BEN What? Ben looks up to see a sign advertising the Science Convention. Nerds dressed up as aliens and space men line up outside of the building. Ben eyes them noticing many of them have pistols holstered to their waists. Ben looks to the back windshield. Samantha is leading the crowd from Main Street onward to Ben's getaway car. Amongst the crowd members is the Husky Man who holds a shot gun. Ben, panicked yet much more collected than before, turns to the driver. BEN You wouldn't happen to have a gun on you? THE END
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