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"MATERIAL: LIFELESS STILL LIFE" An original short screenplay by Larry Koepp © 2004 ROLL CREDITS: As that happens the "Psycho" overture by Bernard Hermann plays. FADE IN: It's a dark sidewalk. At night. A beautiful woman, about 25, KELLY. Walks towards us. She's holding a plastic bag that's sealed on top! Its evidence. Evidence of something all right. Evidence of a crime. Very visible, are fragments OF GLASS inside of this plastic bag. Kelly smiles and nods. KELLY Good evening. My name is Kelly. Beat. KELLY Think of an object. Your pair of sneakers. The remote control to your tv set. Your portable cd player. Beat. KELLY In my hands, I hold a primary witness to a crime that recently took place. Beat. KELLY That's right, you heard me. A witness. Kelly stifles a laugh. Laughing at the stupid shit she just said. KELLY Yeah, right. CUT TO: Somewhere. It's a table. And a TALL TRANSPARENT DRINKING GLASS, WITH A RED STRIP NEAR ITS NECK sits on this table. KELLY (V.O.) Before I go on, I must tell you. Voice overs and Title cards don't mean shit. All I'm saying is fuck you to the producers of the W.G. and A... And a "knock yourself out" to people without WGA cards yet wishing to break in. Seriously guys, do VO's and title cards matter? TITLE CARD ON BLACK: THEY DON'T REALLY FUCKING MATTER. Back to the tall drinking glass. KELLY (VO) This drinking glass. Now broken to bits and pieces has been the only witness. The permanent watcher and observer of a troubled man named Jackson Ortiz. CUT TO: A HOSPITAL. Two nurses pull a new born baby out of the... lab or whatever its called. The baby is then delivered to a MOTHER. KELLY (VO) This is Mrs. Melinda Ortiz. A MAN WALKS INTO THE ROOM. This is Mrs. Ortiz's husband. KELLY (VO) This is Jackson's dad, Seth. Melinda Ortiz is all sweaty, she's tired and virtually stricken from delivering her baby. She picks up a ---- guess what , TALL DRINKING GLASS WITH THE RED STRIP NEAR THE NECK. Cool. It was water filled up in it. Mrs. Ortiz takes a sip. KELLY (VO) Recognize the object that Mrs. Ortiz holds in her hand? TITLE CARD: DOES THIS BRING BACK ANY MEMORIES FROM AWHILE AGO? RECOGNIZE WHAT MRS. ORTIZ HOLDS IN HER HAND? CUT TO: Its inside a BEDROOM. This time, Jackson is about 10 years old. And oh my! He's watching a porno video. He's wearing boxers and a shirt. Pretty much bedtime already. Wow, you will not believe what you are about to see: Jackson digs into his boxers reaching for his... you know what, his private parts. And he begins to whack off as he watches the "fuck" video! PULL BACK, to reveal behind the bed, stands KELLY. She's there, but she's not really there. Well, at least she's composited badly and cheesily into the shot. KELLY (VO) This is why Digital Domain and Industrial Light and Magic should only be the ones left to do this kind of stuff. But its intentional anyway. It's a DREAM. Ever see George Clooney's work in CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND??? The beautiful Kelly winks. KELLY (VO) You know what I mean. Kelly turns to her left, because to the right of the bed is a table, and in it sits---- THE TALL RED DRINKING GLASS WITH THE RED STRIP! SAME GLASS!!!! TIGHTEN UP on the glass and in it is a reflection of Jackson amusing himself. PULL BACK, Kelly's gone. The digitally composited Kelly is gone. A KNOCKING SOUND IS HEARD! And almost instantly, Jackson turns off the tv and gets his hands off his... Well, he reaches for the glass - that is partly filled with water and then drops the ... yuk! Orgasmic substance on the glass and instantly replaces it back to the table. The door opens, its MR. ORTIZ checking on his 10 year old. TIME CUT: MANY, MANY YEARS LATER! THE SAME ROOM! Jackson is now 35 years old. He's with someone in a white bridal costume! Now he's got his own Mrs.! KELLY (VO) This is Tracy. Jackson took her in about 6 months ago. Let's see how Jackson Ortiz handles women. Let's see how long this relationship lasts. Jackson and Tracy; Jackson in his tux jump in excitement. Congratulations you too. And geez... not long after; they start making out. And PULL BACK, the same table the tall glass still sits. CUT TO: A garden. Well, its their front yard. For the first time the EXT of the Ortiz residence is seen. But wait --- Jackson is a 15 year old this time instead of a 35... He's wearing a karate uniform and a yellow belt! He starts making stances, poses, katas. He's with a KARATE INSTRUCTOR. And Mr. Ortiz watches his son proudly as his son demonstrates the moves he's been learning from his SENSEI. This time, composited into the shot is Kelly. She watches the karate lessons at the front yard... KELLY This, my friends who are trying to get to the WG and A is called foreshadowing. Not very subtle though. And it's a little too ON THE NOSE because of me. AT ONE POINT, The 15 year old Jackson tries to strangulate HIS PET DOG! CUT TO: A LIVING ROOM, Its night. Tracy and Jackson are in the middle of an argument! A lovers quarrel? Well, obviously Jackson is still 35. And Kelly's not pregnant. Sexual frustration? Tracy and Jackson yell at each other. And as this happens, some more Bernard Hermann music is played. Tracy leaves the living room. ON JACKSON, Who's really ticked off beyond measure now. His face tightens, he takes some hard breaths. He picks up the ---- (DUH!) tall drinking glass. And drinks water from it. A long moment goes by. START TO TIGHTEN UP SLOWLY ON HIM as he allows his frustration and hate to flow through him. CUT TO THE BEDROOM: Few hours later. Tracy is sleeping. Jackson tries to choke her with his arms! Much like he tried to with the dog back when he was 15! Tracy instantly wakes up! And her eyes widen!!!!!! She tries to scream. But she can't!!!!!! Then suddenly, her eyes shut. She falls back to sleep. Jackson, shaken and panicky lets go. Wow. Looks like he just killed his wife. CUT BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM: Jackson stands outside. He's scared shitless all right. After killing his wife. But he tries to hide it by being angry. He tries to bury his remorse by being angry. What a fucked up guy, this Jackson. AND FROM BEHIND HIM, HIS WIFE CREEPS UP! AND TRIES TO STAB HIM WITH A SCISSORS!!!!!!! BUT JACKSON MANAGES TO DISARM HIS WIFE OF THE SHARP OBJECT! HE PUSHES HER, AGAINST THE STRONG DINNER TABLE WHERE THE TALL GLASS SITS. Jackson, once again attempts to strangulate his wife. But Tracy!!!!! Instinctively feels for anything she can grab onto! She grabs onto the glass! She CRASHES IT HARD ON JACKSON'S FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!!!! THE GLASS CRUSHES HIS SCALP, POSSIBLY PENETRATING BONE AND PIERCING BRAIN. The glass shatters, Tracy breaks free. And then as blood seeps out of Jackson's head, Tracy lets go fragments of the glass. Jackson's body falls to the floor backwards. More Bernard Hermann music plays. I also recommend some Ennio Morricone music from Kill Bill Vol. 2 FADE OUT. FADE BACK IN: Kelly, in the same sidewalk we saw her first. Same night. Still holding the police evidence bag with the fragments of glass. KELLY Hello again. INSERT: Shoes, scissors, remote controls, a dvd player, a discman, a pen. As the inserts come on Kelly does a VO: KELLY (VO) Think of an object. Your pair of sneakers. The remote control to your tv set. Your portable cd player. Beat. KELLY (VO) Was there one of these things that has stayed with you almost. ALL. The time? Her narration goes on but: THE GLASS, OR SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE IT, THE TALL GLASS WITH THE RED STRIP, yet all in one piece as of now sits on a table of sorts. Adequately lit to make a beautiful focal point for a shot... KELLY (VO) Do you own these objects? These things? Or do they end up owning you? Beat. KELLY (VO) No, no, let me get something cleared: We all know that in no way did this drinking glass own Jackson Ortiz while he was still living. But just think about these objects that you treasure so much. And think about OTHER things that you should value most. Things that should mean more to you, more than anything in this world. TITLE CARD: THINK OF STUFF THAT YOU SHOULD VALUE MOST. RATHER THAN TREASURING SHIT SUCH AS A DRINKING GLASS --- OR YOUR FUCKING DVD PLAYER. KELLY (V0) Have you thought of such an object? Think about it some more... And as this goes on, the Bernard Hermann closing music from "Psycho" starts to build up. KELLY (VO) That object might just be the death of you. Thank you for joining me and watching our shitty film. The Psycho music goes on. But LAUGHTER, from an AUDIENCE, the same contrived laughter you'd hear from your favorite sitcom or Leno episode is heard in the soundtrack! What the fuck? FADE OUT ON THE GLASS ANYWAY: THE END ROLL CREDITS.
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