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THE LUNCHROOM Episode Thirteen "The Last Time" Written by Bruce Snyder Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga STORY EDITOR Melinda Waterman CONSULTING PRODUCER Edward Drogos CONSULTING PRODUCER Max Majernik CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. Chris Hughes................................ Stacy Cifaretto............................. Mr. John Parker............................. GUEST CAST LIST Ron Farmer.................................. Ellen Conner................................ Marilyn..................................... Dave Attanasio.............................. Ryan........................................ Cathy....................................... Ms. Diane Ballard........................... Kate Davidson............................... Margie Mayberry............................. Lois Warner................................. Debbie Vandele.............................. Joel's Heart................................ Joel's Brain................................ Joel's Conscience........................... Officer Keller.............................. Officer Howard.............................. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: EXT. SHAKE SHOP - EARLY MORNING RON FARMER, reporter, is standing in front of the place. He is holding a microphone. (NOTE: THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA) RON We good? Pause. RON (into camera) Hello, this is Ron Farme - CAMERAMAN (O.S.) Wait. RON What? CAMERAMAN (O.S.) Lighting is all wrong. I think you need to switch positions. Ron sighs. He walks over a few feet. He prepares him self. In the background we notice that WILL COOPER, CHRIS HUGHES, REICTHER, and BRIAN VANDELE just standing around and talking. CAMERAMAN (O.S.) Okay. We're good to go. Ron clears his throat. RON Good evening ladies and gentleman. This is Ron Farmer reporting for channel 10 news. I am standing outside a special little place here in Centerville, Indiana. Will, Brian, Chris, and Reicther turn around and notice him. RON (CONT'D) Here last night, baseball legend Pete Rose came by and from eight in the morning till five at night he was here to greet young fans and sign autographs. Will and Chris begin to dance like idiots, all the while flipping the camera off with both hands (but it's blurred out.) RON (CONT'D) This was just one of many stops this legendary player is making across the America. Brian and Reicther have their back turns. RON (CONT'D) Many believe this to be just another stunt to make officials reconsider entering him into the hall of fame. Brian turns around holding a sign that reads "Ron Farmer is an Asshole." RON (CONT'D) But it appears to be a very successful stunt. Will whispers something into Brian's ear. RON (CONT'D) Fans, young and old turned out in the hundreds just to get a glimpse of the ball player. Brian turns, pulls down his pants and begins mooning the camera (the ass is covered with a black bar.) The Cameraman begins to laugh. Ron stops his report. RON What? What's so - He turns and sees Brian's ass. RON Oh [BLEEP]! Jesus [BLEEP]! Ron covers his eyes. RON [BLEEP]! It was horrible. It looked like two glad bags full of milk. Ron runs off camera. The Camera goes back to the four. Brian is turned around, with his pants up. All four seem to be laughing very hard. WILL Hey, if you don't like ass then get the [BLEEP] out of Indiana! CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOUSE - STACY'S ROOM - DAY (SONG: Elton John's "The Ballad of Danny Bailey.") STACY CIFARETTO is standing in front of her mirror. She is wearing a graduation gown. She seems to be overlooking it. She smiles. DEBBIE VANDELE pops her head in the door. DEBBIE If you're planning on getting a Diploma I suggest you leave in, oh... Looks down at her watch. DEBBIE Seven minutes, forty five seconds ago. STACY I was just heading out the door, I swear. Stacy quickly grabs her graduation CAP and runs out the door. CUT TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SECONDS LATER Brian is sitting at the table, slowly eating cereal. He is reading from a pamphlet that that is laying in front of him. He is dressed up in a short sleeved dress shirt and wearing black pants. Stacy enters and heads over to the fridge. STACY Wow, look at you. You look like a fat Dennis Franz. Brian lefts his middle finger. BRIAN Right here, bitch. STACY I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself. She notices his reading. STACY What are you reading? BRIAN Well right now I'm looking for a brochure for "Marvin Baines' Funeral Home." STACY Why? BRIAN To see if coffins come with lifetime guarantees. She shakes her head. She searches the fridge. STACY Where did you even get that? BRIAN Well, your boyfriend Dave stopped by last night looking for you? She quickly turns around. STACY Dave? Dave was here last night? BRIAN Yeah. When I told him you weren't here he decided to try to get some business and gave me this. STACY (to herself) Shit. Horn honks. STACY Gotta go. Stacy runs out of the kitchen. EXT. VANDELE HOME - SAME Out in the middle of the street is an old CADILLAC. Behind the wheel is MARILYN. Stacy comes out of the house and jogs to the car. She enters the passenger side. STACY Hey. MARILYN You know how long I've been waiting here? STACY I don't know. Ten, twenty minutes? MARILYN (smiles) Twenty seconds. Stacy chuckles. STACY (playfully hits her in the shoulder) You liar. Marilyn kisses her. MARILYN Let's go. STACY All right. Marilyn looks forward. We watch as the car drives away. FADE TO: INT. BROCK'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME BROCK WARNER, JOEL MAYBERRY, and Reicther are sitting around the table. Each looks very tired, as if they have just gotten up. Each person as a bowl of cereal in front of them. Brock is in the middle of talking. BROCK All connections to her...are gone. JOEL Thank God. That's good to hear. REICTHER Yeah that whole thing was going overboard. BROCK I agree. REICTHER ...and pathetic. BROCK Well, I don't totally - REICTHER Anyway, I've decided to quit my job. JOEL I thought you already did. REICTHER Chickened out. Plus the money kept me coming back. But now they've done something that's completely unforgivable. BROCK Which is? REICTHER Making me work weekends. Heck, they want me to come in later today! Today! Sunday! God never intended for me to work Sundays! If God doesn't work Sundays, then I don't work Sundays! BROCK There is a lot wrong with that sentence. JOEL So your basically going to go up to your boss and tell him you quit? REICTHER Are you crazy? If I'm quitting I'm going quitting big. JOEL I swear to God...you've never heard of the word "subtle" have you? REICTHER Not only that, but I don't even know what it means. BROCK How big are you planning on this going? REICTHER We'll just have to wait and see. Reicther lets out a small, evil smile. Joel reaches into his pocket and pulls out some money. He puts in the middle of the table. JOEL There. REICTHER Wait, what's that for? JOEL That is money I' going to bet my good friend Brock that you'll end up in a squad car by night fall. Reicther takes a closer look at the money. REICTHER Only ten dollars? That's insulting to me and Brock. Brock puts some money on the table. BROCK I'm in. Reicther reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. REICTHER I'll add twenty five saying I'll be a job-less free man at night time. BROCK Does this mean your not going to Stacy's open house. REICTHER Depends...as long as Johnny Law ain't on my tail. BROCK Are you going, Joel? JOEL Yeah, but I'm not going to be there right away. REICTHER Why? JOEL Just have to take care of some personal business. REICTHER Oh. What kind are we talking about? Parents, friends, drugs - JOEL There's a reason it's called personal. REICTHER Yeah. To make others feel curious. CUT TO: INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME Will is practicing his lines in front of a mirror. WILL (with British accent) Oh Higgins how nice to see you! (pause) What? You don't remember me? Why I'm you're pupil! Your first, best, greatest pupil! Will stops and writes something down in his script. Suddenly RICHARD BELZER appears, sitting on the edge of the bed. WILL (with British accent) I'm the biggest translator in all of Europe! Even the Queen knows me by first name. BELZER What in God's name are you doing? WILL Studying my lines. BELZER If those are your lines I wouldn't be so intent on claiming them. WILL I've got to know these lines by heart. The final audition is later today. BELZER Didn't you do that yesterday? WILL Nope. I just waited. Belzer gives him a look. BELZER For two hours. Will looks embarrassed. WILL They didn't get to me. Will looks back down at his lines. BELZER You seem a little bit more intent on getting a role then yesterday. WILL You can blame that on yourself. BELZER Me? What did I do? Will looks up at Belzer and smiles. BELZER It's that redhead isn't it? WILL I can't help it, Belz. I'm full of curiosity. BELZER Didn't you ever hear what curiosity did to the cat? Will shrugs. WILL Gave it a nice warm home. BELZER Ha ha. WILL Sorry, Richard. But I'm going. BELZER So young, cocky and ignorant. CUT TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY Establishing shot. Near the main entrance that reads "Graduation Today." INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - SAME The place is filled with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of people. Old people, parents, young kids. On one side of the Gym, at the very top, sits Marilyn. Going up the stairs toward the top is DAVE ATTANASIO. Dave looks around for a seat. He notices Marilyn sitting by herself. He smiles and heads over to her. DAVE Hey, um is this seat taken? MARILYN No. Go ahead. Dave sits next to her. He begins to stare at her. After a few seconds Marilyn notices. MARILYN Something wrong? DAVE Just noticing that you're alone. MARILYN I notice that you that you're alone. DAVE Well usually people sit with members of the family. MARILYN There's nothing usual about me. I'm here because I'm dating one of the graduates. Chris looks worried. DAVE Really? Me too. (looks down at graduates) Which one are you dating? MARILYN A redhead. DAVE Jesus. That' really weird. MARILYN Why? DAVE Because I'm dating a redhead too. MARILYN That is weird. Both begin to examine the crowd. DAVE'S POV: He sees a tall, redheaded freckled young man near the back. Dave smiles. DAVE I think I see yours. Marilyn continues to look upon the crowd. MARILYN'S POV: She sees a small redheaded, ugly, overbite, stringy hair young woman. Marilyn smiles. MARILYN I think I see yours. The lights dim a bit. Sitting with all the graduates, Stacy is carefully listening to the speaker. She looks off to the side and searches the crowds. After a while, he spots someone and her eyes get wide. STACY'S POV: She sees Marilyn and Dave sitting next to each other. Dave seems to be looking at something off camera. Marilyn waves at her. Stacy, nervous, waves back. She looks forward, and sinks into her chair a bit. FADE TO: INT. BROCK'S HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - LATER Brock and Chris sit near the TV, playing a video game. Behind them, Casey sits on the couch studying a piece of paper. CASEY (reading out loud) "We welcome you to the open out of our daughter Stacy Allison Cifaretto." BROCK (annoyed) Yeah, Casey. That what it says. CASEY They made a misprint. CHRIS A misprint? Where? CASEY Here... (points) Cifaretto. She's Brian's sister, she should have the name Vandele. Brock shakes his head and mutters something under his breath. CHRIS Jesus Christ, Casey. She's only his half sister you twat! CASEY Oh... (realizes) Yeah, I'm an idiot. LOIS WARNER, Brock's real mother, enters. LOIS Dinner's ready. Come and get it. SWIPE TO: INT. WARNER HOME - DINNING ROOM - SECONDS LATER Brock, Chris, and Casey enter. They all take seats at the medium sized dinner table. There is a lot of food all over the table. CHRIS Ooooh! Fried chicken, and... (gasps) ...mashed potatoes! This is awesome! BROCK Yeah, I guess my mom went a bit overboard since I had company. She usually doesn't make fried chicken. Brock and Chris begin eating. Chris is making an utter pig out of himself, stuffing his face with chicken and mashed potatoes, while Brock is eating normally. Casey is just staring at his plate and poking the chicken. Brock looks up and notices something's wrong. BROCK Is something wrong with your chicken? CASEY No, no. It's fine. (mutters) ...I guess. BROCK† Alright... Lois walks in. LOIS Is everything okay? CASEY Yeah. It's good.† CHRIS Freakin' sweet! This is the best! (swallows)† If you ever go back to men, I want you to seriously consider me. Casey is silent, and continues to stare at his food. Lois eyes him for a moment and then leaves the room, a bit disappointed. Chris also notices Casey's mood. CHRIS What's wrong with your chicken?† CASEY It has taste and flavor, okay!† Brock and Chris stare at Casey for a moment, trying to figure out what he meant. CASEY I hate food with flavor, I want it to be hard, dry, tasteless - BROCK Shitty, in lamen's terms. CASEY Yes, if you want to put it that way. CHRIS So are you going to eat it or not? CASEY I might nibble off the edge a bit. BROCK Jeeze, thanks a lot PAL for making my mom angry. CASEY What? I didn't say anything! CHRIS You didn't have to, jackass. Man, that was real shitty of you. Chris and Brock continue eating, angry at Casey, who finally puts a very small piece in his mouth. He makes a horrible face and is about to spit it back up when he notices Brock and Chris are glaring at him. SWIPE TO: EXT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LATER Reicther is at the front door. He has a BROWN BAG around his shoulder. He begins to head down the driveway. REICTHER'S MOM (O.S.) Honey, where are you going? REICTHER Work. He smiles and continues walking. SWIPE TO: INT. SHAKE SHOP - LATER Reicther enters, now holding TWO BROWN BAGS. He is quietly humming, Foo Fighter's "Times Like These" to himself. He throws the bags on the table. He opens one and then the other. We see that the first brown bag has about a hundred bottle rockets in it with a single ZIPPO lighter on top. The other bag also has a hundred bottle rockets but has a can of lighter fluid on top. Reicther, still humming, takes some of the bottle rockets out and heads for the back. SWIPE TO: INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER Will is in the back. He his preparing himself by repeating his lines, quietly to himself. Near the front, MS. DIANE BALLLARD and MR. JOHN PARKER are sitting and watching a girl sing the song "Just You Wait." Parker reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of ASPRIN. He opens it up and takes a handful. He quickly swallows it. Ballard notices this. BALLARD (quietly) Isn't that dangerous? PARKER (quietly) Only if you plan on living. Will hides his script and tries repeating the lines again. BALLARD John. Parker doesn't respond. BALLARD Psssh! PARKER What? BALLARD What do I do? PARKER (confused) What? BALLARD What do I do? PARKER (V/O) How about sticking a grenade up your nooner you stupid - BALLARD I mean what should I do about my comments? PARKER Comments? BALLARD About this girl. PARKER (shrugs) Write them down. Pause as Ballard looks around. BALLARD John. PARKER (bit annoyed) What? BALLARD I don't have a pencil. PAKRER Here. He hands her one. Pause. BALLARD Parker. PARKER (annoyed) What? BALLARD I don't have any paper. PARKER Jesus Christ on acid then just hold them in your little mind for another few seconds! Suddenly the music stops. Parker and Ballard quickly stand and applaud. PARKER Very good, Jackie. Parker turns to Ballard. PARKER Diane, I believe you had some words for this actress. Ballard begins to say something but stops. Long pause as she thinks. BALLARD Um...Your voice...Your voice is really good. There's a pause. Parker seems to have expected more. He gives her a dirty look. PARKER Cooper! WILL Yeah. PARKER Get up there and show them your not afraid of what people think when a young male is in a musical. Will gets up and walks up to the stage. He gets up on stage. PARKER What part are you trying out for? WILL Professor Zoltan Karpathy. PARKER All right. Just give a me a sec to write something down. Parker whispers something to Ballard and the two of them write something down. Will looks up and notices Belzer standing in the back. BELZER Please Will. I can only warn a guy for so long. Will ignores him. BALLARD Ready? WILL Yeah. Will drops his script. Belzer shakes his head. He turns and leaves the auditorium. SWIPE TO: EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - LITTLE LATER There are hundreds of people in the lot. Some are talking to the graduates while others are taking pictures. Debbie and Brian are standing near the front when Stacy comes out of the school doors. DEBBIE Oh my little girl is a graduate! She hugs Stacy, who smiles. STACY Thanks mom. DEBBIE I'm just so happy for you. Aren't you happy for her, Brian? BRIAN I'm cumming in my pants, I'm so happy. She hits him lightly in the shoulder. DEBBIE C'mon. We need to get home to set up for the party. The three try to make their way through the crowd. MARILYN (O.S.) Stacy! Stacy turns and sees Marilyn coming through the crowd. STACY Mom, why don't you go home and set up without me. I'll meet you there. DEBBIE Okay. Debbie and Brian leave. Marilyn comes up to her and kisses her very passionately. The people around them seem a little shocked. STACY Wow... MARILYN Sorry. Got a little excited. STACY Just be careful. We're in a red state. DAVE (O.S.) Stacy! Both turn around and see Dave wandering around the crowd like an idiot. STACY (under breath) Jesus Tittyfucking - Dave spots her. DAVE Stace! Dave runs over and bear hugs her. Stacy seems put off by all this. STACY Hey Dave. I didn't know you were going to show up. DAVE I almost didn't. You forgot to tell me. (laughs) Isn't that weird? STACY Yeah. Say Dave, can I talk to you over there for a second? DAVE Sure. Dave and Stacy walk over to the side. STACY Listen, she doesn't know we're dating. DAVE So? STACY Well, she's one of those girls that blabs everything. You know, she'll tell one guy and they'll tell two guys. Then it'll eventually get back to my mom and she'll freak out. DAVE Oh! STACY So we shouldn't do anything -- romantic or sexual when she's around. DAVE Oh...Um, okay. STACY Wait there. I'm going to go tell her that you're my cousin or something. Stacy walks over to Marilyn. STACY That's my Uncle Dave. He' an alcoholic. So he will probably seem like...well, a jackass. MARILYN Duly noted. Stacy and Marilyn walk over to Dave. Stacy introduces them. FADE TO: INT. SCHOOL - LOBBY - LITTLE LATER There are about twenty or so kids sitting around, talking. Will is off by himself, reading something. Mr. Parker and Ms. Ballard come into the hallway. BALLARD We want to thank all those everyone for trying out and say sorry to those who didn't make it. Parker posts the list. Everyone get up and scramble to the list. Suddenly Richard Belzer appears and picks up with Will was reading. The cover reads "Imaginary Friends: Signs of Mental Problems." Will walks back, smiling. Belzer sighs. BELZER (sarcastic) Gee, I wonder if you made the cast. WILL You're looking at Professor Zoltan Karpathy. BELZER Congratulation. WILL Now I've got months of long practices, dance numbers, awkward costumes for the next few months. Ellen walks up to the cast list and looks it over. BELZER Not to mention, Ms. Redhead. WILL Yeah. She's playing some stuck-up English broad. Belzer sighs. WILL What? BELZER I've constantly warn you. Not to get involved with this. Not to get near that girl. What do you do? Do you listen? Do you go out with your friend instead of coming to auditions? No. You come, audition, get in and try to mingle with her. Every single thing I've asked of you, you've done the opposite. WILL Well for fuck's sake, Belzer! You keep telling me "Stay away! Keep away from her!" What is wrong with her, Belz? Uh? What has she done that's so horrible? Brief pause. A weak smile comes across Belzer's face. BELZER Will, it's done what she's done... It's what she's going to do. Will seems to be thrown off by this. Belzer pats him on the back. BELZER I'll see you when I see you. He walks off. Will's eyes wonder towards Ellen, who is talking to a tall girl. ELLEN Well I was going to sing "Dance All Night" but no one was singing "Show Me" so I decided - Her conversation fade out. Will continues to look. FADE TO: EXT. SHAKE SHOP - MINUTES LATER Reicther stands outside, looking at the place. Smiling. Behind him we can see his boss RYAN appear. Reicther turns around. REICTHER Ryan! Just the guy I've wanted to see! I've got something to say to you. I - RYAN Reicther, you're fired. Reicther stands there with his mouth opened. Confused and shocked. REICTHER Wh...What? RYAN The other night you left open the freezer and about half the ice cream melted. REICTHER Yo-You...You can't fire me... RYAN I'm sorry, Reicther. But I have to let you go. Reicther looks sadden. He lowers his head in shame and slowly begins to walk away. Ryan shakes his head. RYAN Poor kid. Maybe I shou - Suddenly a bottle rocket flies out of one of the Shake Shop's front windows. RYAN What the hell... Another flies out of another window. Then another and another. Soon dozens are shooting out of the place and going off inside. Reicther is still walking away with his head down, not even noticing the fireworks. REICTHER All that hard work. And for what? Nothing. He walks away, still with dozens and dozens of fireworks going off. FADE TO: EXT. STREET - LATER Joel is walking down the street, by himself. He has some flowers in his hands. JOEL (to himself) Okay. All you have to do is apologize and leave. Don't stay and try to be romantic. Just end this here and now. Pause. JOEL Who the hell am I talking to? He rounds the corner. CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - MINUTES LATER CATHY is sitting on one of the swings, going back and forth slowly. Joel approaches. She turns and notices him. She stands and comes closer to him. CATHY You bought me flowers? JOEL Yeah. It's the perfect "I'm-so- sorry-for-being-an-asshole-for- reasons-unknown-to-me" present. CATHY Kinda cheesy. Your mom help you come up with the idea? Joel laughs. Cathy gives him a look. Joel stops and looks kinda nervous. JOEL She only picked the flower...and paid for it. She sighs. JOEL Come on. Tell me why your mad. CATHY Well, I'm not really angry. Just more confused and peeved. JOEL Isn't peeved - CATHY Don't start with me. (pause) I am mad because of our little movie date. JOEL Don't worry about that. Will was only talking back at the screen because the guy playing Anakin was sucking. CATHY Not that date. The other one...with Chris and Kate. JOEL What are you talking about? CATHY You spent the entire date talking to Kate. You didn't talk with me at all. JOEL Yeah, but if I didnít she'd die. CATHY Joel, I think you are overstating your power over women. Pause. Joel is silent. CATHY You gave her so much attention... all I wanted was some attention myself. Joel's eyes widen. SWIPE TO: INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY) There is a JOEL'S BRAIN (a man wearing a shirt that says: Brain.) and JOEL'S HEART (a man wearing a shirt that says: Heart.) Both are looking off CAMERA. JOEL'S BRAIN Holy fucking ass crackers! She *is* interested. They both look at each other in amazement. Both then think. JOEL'S HEART I say we go for it. JOEL'S BRAIN What?! Are you insane? What about Brian? JOEL'S HEART Oh fuck him. He'll get over it. JOEL'S BRAIN No! We've go to stay practical on this one. JOEL'S HEART (under breath) What a fucking know it all. SMASH CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME Reality. Cathy inches closer to Joel, who seems to be becoming more and more nervous. JOEL (voice shaky) Um...Cathy...Uh-Wh-I...What are you doing? Cathy looks into Joel's eyes. She slowly runs her hands up his arms. SWIPE TO: INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY) Joel's Brain is on the floor. Joel's Heart is sitting on his chest, choking the life out of him. JOEL'S BRAIN (out of air) Th-Think...Think of the friendship. JOEL'S HEART Sorry. The heart wants what it wants, bitch. SMASH CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME Reality. Cathy still has her hands on Joel's shoulders. Joel quickly goes in and kisses her. Jackson Browne's "Somebody's Baby" starts to play. They continue to kiss for a more seconds. They pull away. JOEL I'm not sure if I can do this. CATHY Why not? SWIPE TO: INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY) Joel's Brain lays on the floor. Joel's Heart begins to whisper off camera. JOEL'S HEART Lie! Lie your ass off! JOEL'S CONSCIENCE suddenly appears. (a man wearing a shirt that says: Conscience.) JOEL'S CONSCIENCE But lying is bad. JOEL'S HEART Only if the other person finds out the truth. CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME Reality. Joel is thinking. JOEL It's...It's my mom. Cathy looks confused. JOEL She...She's one of those over protective moms. CATHY So? JOEL Well, she doesn't like the idea of me dating. CUT TO: INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY) Joel's Brain is sitting on a chair with an icepack on his face. Joel's Heart looks disappointed. JOEL'S BRAIN Ha! Common sense prevails. SMASH CUT TO: INT. PLAYGROUND - SAME Reality. Cathy smiles. CATHY I've got the perfect idea. JOEL You do? CATHY We'll hide our relationship. JOEL Hide it? CATHY We'll just keep this between me and you. Joel is about to say something but stops. He thinks. He closes his eyes. He opens them and looks lovingly at her. JOEL Okay. Let's do it. She giggles. They lean in and kiss. SMASH CUT TO: INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY) Joel's Heart is dancing around, in victory. Joel's Brain is sitting in a chair. His head is handing down and shaking back and forth. Joel's Conscience is sitting in another chair, staring at the floor. JOEL'S CONSCIENCE This is all going to end very bad. (SONG ENDS.) FADE TO BLACK FADE IN: EXT. VANDELE HOME - NIGHT Out in the front yard we can see a sign that reads "Congratulations Stacy." We can hear music coming from the house. INT. VANDELE HOME - SAME There is about thirty people or so in the house. Most have drinks, and are conversing with another guest. In the background Marvin Gaye's "Pride and Joy" plays. Near one corner we can see an OLD MAN and OLD WOMAN talking with Stacy. He says something and Stacy laughs and hugs him. In another corner we see Dave holding a plate of small hot dogs on sticks. He's shoving one after another into his mouth. CUT TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME Brian, Chris, and Casey are standing around, talking. CHRIS So everything has to be like it? CASEY Yeah. CHRIS Even say...grilled cheese? CASEY Haven't you heard, if it's black, send it back? Something beeps. Brian opens the oven and pulls out a try. We see that they are small black dots. BRIAN Here you are, Casey. One batch of tator tots. CASEY Cool. Do you have any salt and ketchup. Brian, annoyed, shakes his head. He leaves the room. CASEY What? Casey shrugs it off and begins to eat some of the tots. Stacy pops her head through the door. STACY Chris, phone for you. CHRIS Phone? Who is it? STACY It's Kate. She seems pretty upset. (confused) She said that someone's in the house. Chris sighs. CHRIS Okay. I'm coming. Chris leaves the room. EXT. VANDELE HOUSE - MINUTES LATER Joel is standing on the front porch. He seems a bit depressed. Off screen we can hear someone singing something. The CAMERA PANS to the LEFT and we see Will slowly walking across the yard. Singing and smiling. WILL (singing) "I have often walked Down this street before But the pavement always stayed Beneath my feet before All at once am I Several stories high Knowing I'm on the street Where you live..." He notices Joel standing there. WILL Let me guess. You forgot to get her something. Joel's eyes widen. JOEL Shit! WILL Don't worry you can have half of what I got her. JOEL What did you get her? WILL A five dollar bill. Will smiles while Joel sighs. WILL Sorry for being humorous. JOEL I guess I'm not in a humorous mood. Suddenly we hear POLIC SIRENS. BLUE and RED lights begin to flash very brightly. We see Reicther running down the street. There is a POLICE CAR slowly going behind him. VOICE Stop running! REICTHER NEVER! The car pulls over to the side of the road. OFFICERS KELLER and HOWARD get out of the car and start to run after him. They easily catch up with him. Keller push Reicther down. REICTHER This is bull! I didn't do anything! Howard pulls out a pair of cuffs. HOWARD Sir, you have the right to remain silent. REICTHER Screw you guys! He spits in Howard's face. Keller kicks in the stomach. Reicther starts gasping for air. KELLER See I think being silent is more of a privilege then a right. Reicther passes out. KELLER So enjoy the privilege. Howard cuff him. Back on Joel and Will. Joel smiles. JOEL Okay. That put in a humorous mood. Both laugh. WILL Come on, let's go in. They enter the house. TIME FADE TO: EXT. VANDELE HOME - HOURS LATER We can no longer hear the music playing. Will, Joel, Brock, Chris, and Casey are walking away from the house, talking and laughing. (MUSIC MONTAGE: Bonnie Somerville's "Winding Road.") INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME Brian sits on the couch. Watching TV. He seems sad. He gets up and leaves the room. INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME Debbie enters looking around. EXT. VADELE HOME - BACKYARD - SAME Stacy and Marilyn are in the backyard, making out. They stop for a second as Marilyn says something. INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME Debbie is now looking through a cabinet that is right next to the sink. She stops looking. She notices something outside. She leans in for a closer look. She gasps. EXT. VANDELE HOME - BACKYARD - SAME Stacy and Marilyn are making out again. This time we can see Debbie at the kitchen window looking out. INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME Debbie takes a few steps back, stunned. DEBBIE Oh...my god!...My daughter...is... is...a carpet licker! She grabs her mouth in shock. FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - MINUTES LATER Brian is on the edge of his bed, messing with some wire. He seems a bit angry. FADE TO: INT. KATE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME It's pitch black. We can't really see anything. There's a knock at the door. A light turns on and KATE DAVIDSON appears, holding a butcher knife in her hand. She opens the door and lets Chris in. He jumps. CHRIS Jesus Christ! KATE There is someone in my backyard. He's been out there for a least an hour. Chris rolls his eyes. CHRIS Okay, okay. Just calm down, honey. He puts his arm around her and starts to comfort her. She begins to cry. KATE I just didn't know what do... They walk out of the room. FADE TO: INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME Brian is standing on his bed, messing around with his ceiling fan. FADE TO: INT. MAYBERRY HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME Joel walks through the door. He seems tired. His mother, MARGIE MAYBERRY, pops her head in from the kitchen. MARGIE Joel, a female named... (confused) Trudy Yerschool called for you a while back. She said you would know what it's about. Joel shakes his head. JOEL (to himself) This may be more trouble then it's worth. FADE TO: INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME Brian is sitting on his bed. He is writing something on the nightstand. FADE TO: EXT. POLICE STATION - SAME Officers Keller and Howard are leading Reicther into the station. Reicther smiles to reveal BLOODY teeth. FADE TO: INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME Brian is once again standing on his bed. This time his is hooking some wires around his neck, that are attached to his ceiling fan. FADE TO: INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME Will is on his bed. He is reading the script for "My Fair Lady." He stops and seems confused. WILL Crazy brits. FADE TO: INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME Brian closes his eyes and jumps off the bed. EXT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME We focus on the door. There is an eerie silence. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE
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