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THE LUNCHROOM Episode Eight "With Friends Like These..." Teleplay by Edward Drogos & Bruce Snyder Story by Bruce Snyder & Melinda Waterman Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga STORY EDITOR Melinda Waterman CONSULTING PRODUCER Edward Drogos CONSULTING PRODUCER Max Majernik CAST LIST Will Cooper........................Jamie Bell Joel Mayberry.................Jesse Eisenberg Brian Vandele.....................Jason Davis Brock Warner.....................Martin Starr Reicther...................John Francis Daley Casey Jennings....................Kyle Sabihy Chris Hughes......................Arjay Smith Stacy Cifaretto................Lauren Ambrose Mr. John Parker...................Ryan Stiles GUEST CAST LIST Dr. Sollett..................Mariska Hargitay Kirk Hoey...........................Jon Heder Damian.............................Ben Foster Pariah.........................Emily Browning Malcolm.............................Paul Dano NOTE: The Cast list about is just for fun, it's not real at all. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - AFTERNOON Chris closes his locker door and walks over to get a drink at a fountain. Behind him the top of Stacyís red hair and her eyes poke out the door. She sees Chris and quickly goes back inside. After a second Chris finishes his drink. STACY (O.C.) Chris! Chris looks around to see who called him. STACY (O.C.) (CONTíD) Chris! Are you there? CHRIS (looking around) I am, but where the fuck are you? Stacy walks out into the hall. Her face is covered with different shades of different makeup. Her eye shadow is on her forehead, her lipstick goes around her chin and to her nose, and the majority of blush is on her nose. CHRIS (CONTíD) (laughs) What did you do to yourself? STACY It wasnít me, it was for my drama class. CHRIS And you are rehearsing "The Whores of Madison County?" STACY No! I need you to make sure no one is around the corner so I can go to the bathroom. CHRIS I mean were you rehearsing a scene where fifty clowns are driven back - STACY Chris! CHRIS Alright. He looks around the corner. Suddenly Mr. Parker walks up and faces Chris and the back of Stacy. PARKER Hey, Chris. Raggedy Annie. CHRIS Hi. STACY (not turning around) Hello. PARKER (to Chris) Whatís with her? CHRIS Uh, nothing. PARKER Well turn around then. After a pause she does revealing her face to Mr. Parker. PARKER (CONTíD) Whoa. What happened to you, raggedy Anne? You start taking make-up tips from Courtney Love? Chris stifles a laugh and Stacy looks a little insulted. STACY Kristin did my makeup for drama class. PARKER Kristin, whoís Kristin... (realizing) Oh, Kristin. The blind girl. (confused) She did your makeup? STACY Yeah. I didn't know she was blind. I thought she was just clumsy and liked to wear sunglasses. PARKER (laughs) Well hereís some advice. Next week, you do her makeup like that. Mr. Parker begins to walk off. STACY What? I can't do that. That's cruel. PARKER Hey, sheíll never know. CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. FADE TO: INT. DR. SOLLETT'S OFFICE - DAY Casey is sitting on the couch with Sollett in her chair. SOLLETT So your friends left you there for how long? CASEY Only about twenty minutes. SOLLETT Only twenty minutes. Casey, donít you think that being left at the movie theatre for any amount of time is too long? CASEY Yeah, I guess. SOLLETT Do your friends often do this to you? CASEY No this is the first time they left me there. Being there wasnít that bad. (pause) Trying to find a way home was. Sollett thinks. SOLLETT Casey, I have a thought. It seems that a lot of your stress comes directly from your friends. Maybe we could experiment with you acquainting yourself with a new group of people? CASEY You want me to get new friends? SOLLETT Well, maybe if you have different people surrounding you will have a different reaction to a situation. Maybe even new situations, that would be less of a stress on you. CASEY I could try. SOLLETT Itís worth a try. (she looks at the clock) Time's up. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING Joel is talking on the phone with his mom. Will is looking through Joel's fridge. JOEL Yeah. (Pause) The bus is suppose to head out around 9 and we've got to be up there by 8:30. WILL Where the hell is the soda! Joel signals Will to be quiet. JOEL Yeah. (Pause) Yeah. (Pause) Okay. Love you too. Bye. Joel hangs up. WILL I look and I look but still I see no soda. JOEL Sorry but we don't have any soda. WILL Why the hell not? JOEL Well unlike your family, we hate that stuff. Too unhealthy. WILL (gasps) OH! BLASPHEMY! Will looks through it again. WILL Okay what do you have? JOEL Apple juice, ice water, milk. WILL Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were Mormon. JOEL Hey, I'm sorry but soda burns the back of my throat. WILL Burns the back of your throat? JOEL Yeah. I think it has something to do with my tonsils. WILL That's fucked up. Will briefly gives the fridge another glance. WILL I guess, I'll have... (searches) A "yahoo." Will pulls out a Yahoo. Joel looks around. JOEL What time is it? Will checks his watch. WILL 8:03. Joel heads out of the room. JOEL I'll be right back. WILL What are you doing? JOEL (O.S.) The only thing I do right before nine. Will thinks about it. WILL Ah screw it. He opens the bottle and begins to drink. He makes a face. WILL Oh...God damn that sucks! He swallows. WILL ...but has a surprising refreshing after taste. He takes another drink. He makes another disgusted face. WILL (disgusted) Smooth. He leaves the room. CUT TO: INT. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY Casey and another student, MALCOLM are seen facing us, viewed from their shoulders up. Malcolm looks down towards his feet and then makes a note in his notebook. He then glances over at Casey in the direction of his feet and does a double take. Casey notices and looks quickly down towards his feet too. MALCOLM Has yours grown? CASEY Excuse me? MALCOLM (pointing) Look at it. Itís grown. Casey takes a closer look. CASEY I donít know. It looks a little more green then yesterday. The camera pulls back to see that they are both sitting at a lab table with a specimen in a petri dish before them. MALCOLM (showing Casey his dish) Look at mine. Itís different, huh? Do you think it is the same one from yesterday? CASEY I donít know, is that supposed to happen? Casey looks through his science book. MALCOLM Iím Malcolm. CASEY Casey. MALCOLM Is it okay if I call you Case? CASEY Fine, I guess. MALCOLM Good! God, I canít wait for this weekend. CASEY Why? What are you going to do? MALCOLM Probably go see a bunch of movies. CASEY Rather expensive donít you think? MALCOLM Not if you work there. CASEY Thatís cool. Isnít that new Angelina Jolie and Jude Law movie coming out this weekend? MALCOLM Yeah, I canít tell you how exited I was when I found out that I get to watch Jude Law all weekend. CASEY Yeah, Angelina is so... wait, Jude Law? But...But that's a man. You know the ones with...penises. MALCOLM Yeah, he is supposed to amazingly hot in this film. Casey pauses for a moment, realizing something. CASEY Your gay? MALCOLM Please. Even gay people see me and are like "Oh he's fag." Casey seems a bit stunned. MALCOLM Jesus, haven't you ever met anyone gay before? CASEY Yes, actually. My friend Brockís moms kissed in front of me once. It wasnít as exiting as I thought it would be. MALCOLM (thinks) See we have that in common, I donít like it when two old lesbians kiss either. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME Will is sitting on the couch watching TV. He seems bored. He checks his watch. WILL Are you almost done choking the living life out of your toilet, Joel? Because it's almost 8:30. JOEL (O.S.) Time will tell. Will sighs. Pause. Suddenly the phone rings. Will looks at the phone. It continues to ring. JOEL (O.S.) Pick it up! WILL Okay! Will slowly gets up and goes over to the phone. He picks up. WILL Hello? (Pause) Well, he's a bit busy right now trying make sure he's regular. May I ask who's calling? There's a pause. Will seems kind of startled. WILL Cathy? Um...no, actually I'm surprised you called. INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/BATHROOM - SAME Joel is sitting on the toilet. He is reading the book "Stupid White Men by Michael Moore." Pause. Joel lets out a small giggle. JOEL Oh we really are stupid white men. There's a knock at the door. WILL (O.S.) (in fake friendly voice) Oh Joel. Buddy 'ol pal. JOEL Yes? WILL (O.S.) (in fake friendly voice) Well, my best buddy in the world I just got off the phone. JOEL Oh yeah. How was it anyway? WILL (O.S.) (in fake friendly voice) Well, my dear friend. Since you asked... (serious voice) ...it was Cathy Phenis. Joel looks up. His eyes get big. JOEL (quietly) Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw. WILL (O.S.) She was just checking up on you, since because you just HAD to take defecate, we are now ten minutes late. She just wanted to make sure you were okay. Joel seems worried. JOEL And what did you say? WILL (O.S.) That I'd make sure you were taken care of. JOEL Yip. WILL (O.S.) Joel, why don't you come out and we have a nice a little conversation. JOEL You know we should keep talking like this. You know with the big wooden door with the lock between us. WILL (O.S.) Joel! Come out here! JOEL (quietly) Oh shit! CUT TO: INT. DRAWING CLASS - LATER Casey has his sketch book open and has only been able to write his name on it. He looks around and sees two morbid looking GOTH STUDENTS wearing all black with spiked hair and white faces and black makeup. He catches their eye and looks away quickly. The Goth kids move over to Casey. CASEY Hi. DAMIAN Hello. I'm Damian and this is my girlfriend Pariah. CASEY (uneasy) Nice to meet you. They sit down next to him. PARIAH You know what helps me think of something to draw? CASEY Not rea - PARIAH (overlaps) I close my eyes and think of the immortal battle between the sun and the moon and the cosmic explosions of darkness and black holes enveloping into my soul and pouring out of me through every fiber of my being, and I suddenly am inspired. Casey blinks a few times processing what he just heard. CASEY ...Huh? DAMIAN Pariah, show him your painting. Pariah pulls out a black sketch book and turns to a page with what looks like a mess of black paint streaks with one red blob in the middle on it. Casey looks at it and doesnít know what to say. CASEY Um, what does it mean? PARIAH This centers on my blood devotion to the "Eye of Ra." The deep red center is my blood seeping into the depths of society and their indignations nature towards us. Casey still can't say anything. DAMIAN Donít you find life completely... (searches for word) ...lifeless? CASEY (depressed) Now I do. PARIAH Do you have a name? CASEY Yeah, itís Casey Jennings. PARIAH Oh fuck! That is a ghastly name full Of brightness! We must change it. DAMIAN What does society want you to be? CASEY Um, well successful, smart, nice - DAMIAN (overlaps) I think I have a name for you... Indignant Mortal. CASEY What? PARIAH Itís perfect. It shows that he is new and already fully angry at the establishment. CASEY Wait, Iím what? PARIAH Donít you see it? CASEY Wouldnít it just be easier to just listen to Rage Against the Machine or something or some other gouth band? DAMIAN Actually I have a band. The bell rings and Casey is relieved and gets up to leave. DAMIAN We're called the Evil Hearts of Darkness. CASEY Hey, I've heard of you. DAMIAN You have? CASEY Yeah, Your amazingly...morbid. DAMIAN Thank you. CASEY Donít mention it. Well, it was nice talking to you. Gotta go. PARIAH Nice to meet you Indignant Mortal, remember shun the brightness. CASEY Yeah, got it. Casey walks out of the classroom. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/HALLWAY - LATER Will is sitting against the bathroom door. WILL Jesus Christ, Joel. Just come out! JOEL (O.S.) You promise not to hurt me? WILL You know my stance. I promise nothing. JOEL (O.S.) Then, I'm not coming out. We now INTERCUT between Will and Joel who is sitting on the toilet (his pants are up this time.) Pause. WILL So what IS the deal with Cathy? JOEL Well, we started to run together in gym class and ended up talking a lot. WILL Talking? JOEL Yeah. (pause) You know that love letter Brian wrote to her? WILL Yeah. JOEL Well, he didn't sign it. He just put "One of Will Cooper's friends." So I have this theory...that she thinks I wrote the letter. Pause. WILL Wow...talk about irony. JOEL Actually I don't think that's irony. WILL Then what is it? JOEL (thinking; unsure) ...A pun...Nevermind, the point is I'm in hard situation. Pause. WILL Do you think she likes you? JOEL Well, she - Yeah. I do. WILL Do you like her? Pause. Joel seems to be conflicted. JOEL ...Yeah. But it's all against my better judgment. WILL (to himself) Oh shit. Pause. WILL Joel, I'm not going to hurt you. Just come out and let's talk this threw. JOEL Okay. Joel comes out. The two begin to walk toward the kitchen. WILL You know...I think we missed the bus. Both let out a chuckle. JOEL I didn't really want to go in the first place. WILL You know what I think is weird about this. JOEL What? WILL That you actually thought I wasn't going to hurt YOU! Will quickly jumps onto Joel. Both fall to the ground, where they begin to wrestle. Both stand up. CLOSE UP ON WILL'S FOOT: His foot steps on the untied shoelace of the other foot. Will takes a step and quickly falls down. Joel turns and laughs a bit. JOEL (laughing a bit) Are you okay. Will slowly stands. SWILL I'm okay. A small tinkle of blood begins to come out of his left ear. JOEL Oh my God! Will feels his forehead. WILL Oh Jesus! A bump. JOEL You don't feel it? WILL Yes. Can't you see me rubbing my forehead. JOEL No, your ears! WILL What? JOEL EARS! WILL Say again, a bit louder. Joel reaches over and takes Will's hand and places it on his ears. Will then takes a look at his hand and seems terrified to see blood. WILL Oh my good...blood! Will begins to breathe heavily. JOEL It's okay. We'll just relax while I call someone. Will nods. Suddenly his eyes roll back and he collapses and BAM! His head hits the corner of the couch. JOEL Oh fuck! Joel seems confused on what to do. DISSOLVE TO: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - SAME Casey walks against the flow of students in the hallway and stops to look out the window onto the football field. Sitting below the window on the floor is Kirk, looking down at the floor, lost in thought. Casey walks over and sits down next to him as the feet of the passing students walk past them. KIRK Did you know that the chances of stepping on gum are 1 in 115,000? CASEY Now I do. KIRK (pointing) That piece of gum has been there for approximately thirty-seven minutes, and one-hundred-seventeen, eighteen... nineteen... twenty... CASEY I get it. KIRK ...pairs of feet have walked by. CASEY So you are testing this statistic. KIRK Yeah. (beat) OH! No, it didnít stick. CASEY Maybe you should track how many times the gum doesnít stick to some ones shoe. Kirk turns slowly to look at him. KIRK My ways easier. Casey is about to say something, but realizes what Kirk has said. He goes back to studying the gum. KIRK (CONTíD) Okay, so that was one time. Casey sighs, gets up and walks away. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - LATER Joel is sitting at the table, while Will lays on the floor. Will is holding a roll of paper against his ear. WILL We've got to do something. JOEL I know, I know. I'm just really confused on what to do. I tell him he kicks my ass. I hide longer, he finds out, he hicks my ass. WILL Oh shit! JOEL What? WILL I'm part of this now. Brian ever finds out, he'll also know I knew. Then he'll kick MY ASS for not telling him. JOEL Well, for now I think we should just keep this between us. Agreed. WILL Agreed. Will over and him and Joel shake hands. FADE OUT FADE IN: INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT DAY Casey walks in and looks at the different tables of people, deciding where to sit. To his left are the jocks. Taking up an entire corner, doing nothing but not thinking. Behind him he sees Malcolm with the rest of the drama club looking uninterested in anything besides their art. But right in front of him he sees Will, Brian, Brock, Reicther and Joel all laughing at something Chris said. They see Casey standing there and wave him to a chair theyíve saved for him. Casey, confused, slowly walks over and sits down. WILL Hey, where were you yesterday? CASEY Nowhere special. REICTHER Chris, tell him that joke about the death. CHRIS Okay. These two guys are at a bar. They've just come from a funeral and their talking about life and death. The one guy mentions how his parents died. He says that his father died horribly. You know, he had cancer, suffered all the time. But he says it was weird because his mom died the opposite. She died peacefully in her sleep. This gets the second guy thinking. Finally after a short pause, the second guy says "Yeah, sounds like your mom was better off. Sorta like my dad." The first guy is like "Oh really." And the second guy continues on "Yeah, in fact I wanna die like he did. Calm, relaxed, quiet...you know not kicking and screaming like the four other guys in the car. This makes the rest of the gang laugh, but Casey can only smile. BROCK (to Casey) What's wrong? CASEY Nothingís wrong. Why do you keep saying that? BROCK Well you seen so melancholy. BRIAN Melancholy! Whereíth the hellíth did thatíth comeíth fromíth? REICTHER ...What? Malcolm comes up to Casey and leans very close to him. MALCOLM Case, I just heard that they are selling double chocolate chunk cookies, do you want me to get you one? CASEY Sure. Casey goes for his wallet, but canít find it. CASEY (CONTíD) My wallet. Shit, I forgot it at home. MALCOLM Oh, what a shame. Well maybe theyíll have them tomorrow. Bye. Malcolm walks off. Casey is still checking his pockets. CASEY I canít believe I forgot it. JOEL Wait, I got a dollar. He gets one out of his pocket and gives it to Casey. WILL Yeah, me too. REICTHER Have two. Will and Reicther throw a few bills to Casey. CHRIS Two dollars, seventy-seven cents and a coupon for an low-sodium prune juice. They all look at him. CHRIS What? My money no good around here? Chris hands it to Casey and Brian slides over a few bucks. BRIAN Here, buy something that makes you look pretty. CASEY Thank you. The gang shrugs it off. Casey canít believe it. He realizes something, when he looks up again his whole attitude changes. CASEY So I heard Stacy let a blind girl do her makeup. CHRIS Yeah, and she had no idea she was blind until she was finished All of them laugh now and go up to the counter to get their food. FADE TO: (BEGIN MUSIC: Tenacious D's "Friendship.") INT. SOLLETTíS OFFICE - NEXT WEEK Sollett and Casey are in their usual positions. SOLLETT So, how did the experiment work out? CASEY Very well. SOLLETT Really, what happened? CASEY It made realize something really important. I like my friends. SOLLETT What? CASEY My friends are willing to do things for me that no one else in that school will do for me. Iíd rather have those six people sometimes making fun of me than be alone with the rest of the school not noticing me at all. Pause. CASEY Is that what they call a breakthrough? SOLLETT Do YOU think it is a breakthrough? Casey rolls his eyes. FADE OUT. (The song continues over the end credits.) END OF EPISODE
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