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The Lunchroom Episode 2x10 "Fast Car" Written by Edward Drogos Created by Bruce Snyder TEASER: INT. LUNCHROOM – AFTERNOON Will, Brian, Joel, Brock, Reicther, Casey, Chris, and Stacy along with the rest of the school are having lunch, but Brock concentrates on something in his hand. JOEL (looking at the menu) Hey, why isn't there food tomorrow. CHRIS You mean you are actually looking forward to one of their meals tomorrow. I mean even Brian doesn't like their food. BRIAN Thanks. For your information – Ah, screw it. CASEY (not looking up from his Gameboy) We get a three-day weekend. CHRIS Why? BRIAN Well, if the teachers get the day off, it seems silly to have the students come in, don't you think. JOEL I'm not the type to argue with a three-day weekend, but...Wait, there is no but. He gets up to go over to the soda machine. Casey's Gameboy makes a jingling sound. CASEY Yes! Level Ten! (to all of them) I forgot how cool this was. WILL (fake excitement) Yeah, that's real good Casey. Everyone laughs except Stacy, who is still looking at something in her hand. Joel comes back with his Coke. He opens it and it explodes in his face. JOEL Shit. He looks for a napkin but all of his books and papers are in the way. JOEL (CONT'D) Where the fuck is it... My life is cluttered. Cluttered with...I have to unclutter my life. Joel finds the napkin and sees the rest of them looking at him. WILL Are you alright, man? JOEL I just can't stand all this disorganization. Joel cleans up the mess. REICTHER So, what should we do this weekend? Joel sighs deeply. CASEY What was that? JOEL Why do we always have to do everything together? I mean I spend nine out of my ten waking hours with you guys. CHRIS Are you tired of us? JOEL No. Well, I need to find myself. I need to improve myself. REICTHER Where did this come from? BRIAN Well, I sorta see his point... REICTHER (offended) Fine you can stay with Joel on his weekend of self-gratification...I mean self-improvement. So, what are the rest of us going to do? CASEY Since Stacy has her license, why doesn't she show off his driving skills? BROCK Like a road trip? STACY I guess so. Where do we go? No one can think of anywhere. REICTHER What if we just drive anywhere? Silence. BRIAN What about Vegas? Silence. STACY Well, what's wrong with driving around until we feel like coming home? No one can think of anything. STACY (CONT'D) So it's decided. They all nod in agreement. CHRIS (exited) I've never been on a road trip! JOEL I'm gonna get another drink. He gets up, gets his drink, and sits back down. He does to open it then stops, pushes the can over to Will's side of the table and opens it. Nothing happens. Joel goes to drink as the fire alarm bell, makes him jump and spill the soda all over him again. CHRIS (getting up) Oh yeah, I thought there was a fire drill today. (to Joel) Well, at least you won't catch on fire. WILL (walking out) I don't know, is High Futose Corn Syrup flammable? OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: INT. GARAGE - NEXT MORNING Stacy and DEBBIE VANDELE enter. Debbie is carrying a large bag. DEBBIE Okay, now remember all the things you learned in driving school. Don't speed, and be careful with my car. STACY Don't worry, I'll be careful with your Land Cruiser. STACY Land Cruiser? Oh, no. Your not taking my new car on a road trip. Your taking the other one. The camera pans over to the other car. It's a 1995 Mercury Villager, powder blue with rust patches and three hubcaps missing hubcaps. STACY No...You can't make me drive that old thing. It makes no sense. DEBBIE (putting a bag in the back) What do you mean? It makes perfect sense, it'll fit all of you, and your stuff, it still runs great and let me repeat, you are not driving my new car. STACY (he walks over to the van) Okay, mom. Can I have the keys? LOIS (walks over) Sure. (hands them to her) And this... She gives her a cell phone. STACY What's this for? DEBBIE In case of an emergency... STACY Thanks. DEBBIE And for me to check up on you. STACY ...But no thanks. DEBBIE Keep it. There's also a GPS on there, if you get lost. Now you better get going. Stacy gets into the car with a look of slight disgust, and starts it up. Brock pulls out and waves goodbye. EXT. VANDELE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS Stacy pulls out and stops in the driveway. Brian emerges from the house with a bag. He opens the door and gets in. He throws his bags in the back. STACY Ready? BRIAN Let's hit the fucking road. Stacy pulls out of the driveway and turns on to the street. EXT. WILL'S HOUSE – MINUTES LATER The Van pulls up to the house. Stacy honks her horn. Will comes out with his sleeping bag and stops when he sees Stacy and Brian in the minivan. WILL You're kidding. Stacy gets out and opens the back. STACY Just get in. Will throws his bag in the back and gets in the front. Stacy starts the car again and they drive and turn the corner. EXT. CHRIS'S HOUSE – MORNING Chris is sitting on his porch waiting for the car. Stacy pulls up but Chris doesn't notice. Stacy honks but Chris doesn't pay attention. INT. STACY'S CAR – CONTINUOUS BRIAN What is he doing? Open the window. Stacy looks for the button but can't find one. STACY Where's the button. BRIAN (pointing) You crank it. Stacy rolls down her window. STACY Hey! What are you waiting for? Chris realizes it them and walks over to the car. CHRIS Your kidding. BRIAN Just get in! CHRIS Shotgun. BRIAN What? No, I got here first. CHRIS Order of the picking up does not effect the calling of the shotgun. Did you already call it? WILL Well, no. CHRIS Back of the bus, Brian. Brian gets in the back as Chris takes his rightful place in the front. FADE TO: INT. STACY'S CAR - ROAD – DAY Everyone is in the car now. Stacy driving, Chris shotgun, Reicther, Will, Brock and Brian in the middle, and Casey stuffed in the back. CASEY Since when were there rules about the second row too? STACY So which way do we go? BROCK Well, here is a map, just pick a road, and we'll go that way. CHRIS So I get to decide? STACY Sure. BRIAN (to Reicther) Don't you think Chris's just a little too exited about this trip? Reicther laughs. Stacy stops at a stoplight. CHRIS What? I've been in this state for six months. This is the first time I'll seen outside Centerville. REICTHER That's a little sad. They all agree. The light turns green. STACY Okay. (to herself) Mirrors...window, rear, side... hands...ten and two...gear...P, N, R, D...Brake - BRIAN (interrupting) What the hell are you doing? STACY (looking up) My checklist. BRIAN Oh, okay. I thought you were doing something stupid. STACY Hey! Who is the one with the license in this car? Stacy starts to drive. STACY (CONT'D) (hitting the breaks) Wait! Left or right. CHRIS (checking the map) Left. Definitely left. BRIAN Thank you rain man. Stacy turns and quickly finds that it is a cul-de-sac. Stacy keeps circling around the edge. STACY (she turns to Chris) Left. Definitely Left, huh. BRIAN Definitely WRONG! Bruce continues around the edge until he can get out and drives in the right direction. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME Joel's CLOCK reads "10:00 AM" and Joel is still in bed. He reaches over to his phone and hits the 'message' button. VOICE You have no new messages. Joel looks a little shocked a first but then remembers the rest of them are gone. He lays back down. CUT TO: INT. STACY'S CAR – LATER Casey is now in front while Chris is in back. CASEY Chris, I'm surprised that you didn't know shotgun rights could be revoked. Chris continues to look out the window as Casey smiles. A sign catches Chris's eye. CHRIS We have to stop. STACY Why? CHRIS There's a magic show the next exit. BRIAN What kind of magic show? CHRIS I don't know, lets find out. I've never been to a magic show. (to Brock) Come on this is the exit. Turn. STACY Why not? Stacy pulls of the road, and is taken to a trailer with a large sign saying "TRAVELING MAGIC SHOW: Amazing Illusions by the Magnificent Montano." EXT. MAGIC TRAILER – CONTINUOUS Stacy pulls to the side and they get out. The Magician's head pokes out of the window. The Gang lines up and as the Magician, dressed in purple and gold robes with a cheesy fabric hat with a gold star on, walks out. MAGICIAN Welcome, welcome. You are just in time for my next show. Five dollars each please. REICTHER You never said anything about a five bucks, Chris. CHRIS Come on. They each hand him their money. MAGICIAN Thank you, thank you. Please follow me. They follow him into the trailer. INT. MAGIC TRAILER – CONTINUOUS Two rows of benches are lined up facing a wall of curtains covering up the stage. The Magician gestures for them to sit and puts the money in a box by the door and goes behind the curtains. MUSIC starts and the curtains part. The Magician stands with his back to the gang and with the music spins around throwing his arms in the air. MAGICIAN Thank you! I am Montano the Magnificent, I will start out with my most difficult illusion. He reveals a large trunk from behind his cape. MAGICIAN (CONT'D) I need a volunteer please. Casey kicks Chris's chair which makes Chris stagger forward. MAGICIAN (CONT'D) Ah, thank you. Please come this way. Chris gives Casey the finger behind his back as he walks to the stage. The Magician opens the trunk. MAGICIAN (CONT'D) Please test this trunk make sure it has no openings. Chris kicks it and opens the top and looks inside. CHRIS Looks solid. MAGICIAN Thank you. Now, with this rope please tie my hands behind my back. Chris gets the rope and ties it a little tighter then the Magician expected. MAGICIAN (CONT'D) Okay, thank you. After I get in please secure all the latches and locks on the front and sides and hold the curtain above your head. (dramatic pause) And I will escape! He climbs into the trunk and Chris slams the lid down. He locks the four locks and holds the curtain up like he is supposed to. REICTHER (to Brian) I thought magician's assistants were supposed to be cute. Chris gives him the finger and they all sit there with nothing happening. Chris lowers the curtain and sees nothing has happened. The box rattles and shakes around, the Magician's panting can be heard from inside. Chris drops the curtain, and watches the trunk shake back and forth. REICTHER (CONT'D) This is lame. I'm out of here. WILL Me too. They all walk out taking their money from the box and they exit. The trunk is now bouncing back and forth. MAGICIAN (muffled) Oh shit. INT. STACY'S CAR – MORNING Stacy is driving along the highway again and Chris is still looking for things to photograph. The excitement is wearing off and they look bored. WILL Casey, can I have a turn on your Gameboy? CASEY No. Will rolls his eyes and sits back, Reicther taps him on his shoulder. REICTHER I declare a thumb war. Will turns around and extends his thumb. WILL It's on! They lock hands and begin. When either one of them speak they get the upper 'thumb' in the battle. They battle for a few more seconds and Will pins Reicther's thumb down. REICTHER Hey you cheated! WILL I did not. REICTHER Yes you did, you broke the grip. WILL I did not! (he turns to Brian) Judge. BRIAN Objection: Denied. One point, Will. REICTHER Oh, fine. Come on one more time! I'm gonna beat you. Will looks at him. WILL Your really a sore loser aren't you. REICTHER I'm not, come on. I declare a thumb war. They lock hands and start again. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S BEDROOM – DAY Joel sits cross-legged on the floor meditating. Something like Norah Jones plays in the background and a electric rock waterfall runs in front of him. He tries to relax but he keeps being distracted by the waterfall. He can't sit still and gets up to go to the bathroom. CUT TO: INT. STACY'S CAR – DAY The only noise in the car is from Casey's Gameboy, and it is annoying everyone. Will and Reicther are still playing thumb-war. BRIAN How could the car not have a radio. STACY I told you, I haven't been in this car in years. How was I supposed to know. WILL Does the tape player work? BROCK I don't know. Do any of you have a tape anyway. REICTHER Casey look in the glove compartment. While talking Will is able to catch Reicther's thumb and win. REICTHER (CONT'D) Rematch. 11 out of 20...or whatever. They begin again. Casey opens it and pulls out a bunch of old papers. He digs around and finds an old cassette tape. CASEY Got one! STACY Well, put it in. He does and presses play. After a second Tracy Chaplain's "Fast Car" plays. They all groan. REICTHER Oh my god, is your mom a lesbian or something? Stacy turns off the tape, and they sit again with the stupid noises from Casey's Gameboy. Will can't stand it and reaches forward and turns it back on. WILL Maybe there will be different songs. FADE TO: INT. STACY'S CAR - MINUTES LATER Now Melissa Etheridge's "Come to my Window" is finishing and everyone looks like they are in a coma. Brian reaches up from the back and turns it off. BRIAN Enough. WILL Casey can I PLEASE play your Gameboy? CASEY Um...No. BRIAN I'm hungry. WILL Shocker. BROCK Look there is a store over there, lets stop. STACY Okay. Stacy pulls in and they get out. INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY Chris, Will and Brock are raiding the junk food isle while Brian and Casey are browsing the magazine rack. Brian picks up "Seventeen." BRIAN I always wondered what was in these things. CASEY Stupid kissing tips, and outrageous first date edict, and the twenty-one different feelings you can read from your mans eyebrows. BRIAN Really, like what? Casey rolls his eyes and walks over to the counter where the rest of them are paying for their snacks. Brain walks over still looking at the magazine. Will comes up to Casey. WILL I'll buy you a hot dog for twenty minutes with your Gameboy. CASEY No. He walks away. WILL Damnit, I wish Brian had the game. He goes outside. REICTHER Getting in touch with your inner seventeen year old girl, Chris? CHRIS It says that one out of seven men is gay...So which one of you is it? They all become tense, taking a step back, and looking at one another. WILL Joel. They relax. CHRIS Good answer. CUT TO: INT. JOEL'S BATHROOM - SAME TIME It so happens that Joel has a exfoliating mask on. His nose itches, but he can't scratch it. CUT TO: EXT. ROAD – NIGHT The sun has fully set and we can see Brock's headlights like pin heads traveling along a long, dark, dusty road. INT. STACY'S CAR – NIGHT Everyone is getting tired. They have finished all their junk food and look cramped. Casey puts his Gameboy down. He looks up and you can see that for the moment, he is cross-eyed. Brock sees this. BROCK What did you do to your eyes? CHRIS (blinking furiously) What do you mean? WILL Casey, can I use your Gameboy now? CASEY Fine. He extends it to him. WILL Really? CASEY Yeah, knock yourself out. Will takes it. WILL Thanks. CASEY It's out of batteries anyway. Casey laughs and Will looks mad. Will rolls down the window and tosses it out into the darkness. CASEY Hey! What the fuck, Will. Stop! Stacy stops on the side and reverses a little. CASEY Where's the flashlight? He grabs it and gets out and starts to look for the Gameboy REICTHER I need to get out. BROCK Me too. Reicther, Brock and Will get out and walk around the roadside. EXT. ROADSIDE – CONTINUOUS Brock and Reicther walk down the road and stop in front of a path that leads to somewhere, but it is too dark to see. BROCK Where do you think that goes? REICTHER I don't know. I'll wait here while you find out. Brian has gotten out and has a flashlight, he walks up to them. BRIAN (re: path) What's down there? Casey walks over to them. CASEY I can't find it anywhere. (looks down the path) Where's that go? The four of them stand looking into the darkness. BRIAN Well are we gonna find out or not? They start down the dark path. It leads to a small hill, and after that a abandoned CABIN comes into view. CASEY That looks creepy. Who would have a cabin in the middle of no where? BRIAN Jeffery Dommer. CASEY Let's go back to the car. BROCK No, lets see what is behind it. CASEY Yeah, isn't that where they usually keep the dismembered body parts. EXT. CABIN – NIGHT The four of them round the corner and see a large LAKE shining quiet in the moonlight. REICTHER This seems a good place to stop. Should we go into the cabin? They walk over. BRIAN You first. Reicther pushes the door open with his foot. It swings open, hits the wall, and swings back and hits Reicther in his face. REICTHER Ow! BROCK Idiot. Reicther now opens the door and takes a step in. Brian, Brock and Casey follow. INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS It is dark, Brock finds a light-switch and turns it on. The cabin is decorated sparsely. A small sofa, table and two chairs sit in front of a fireplace, and a bed with a sheet over it is in one corner. CASEY Looks like no one's been here in a while. He gets rid of some cobwebs blocking his way. BRIAN This looks like a good place to crash, huh? BROCK I guess so. CASEY (suddenly) SHOTGUN! REICTHER What? Were not going anywhere! CASEY Ha! The bed, it's mine. I called it, it's mine! Casey goes over to the bed and pulls the sheet off it. Underneath it's just the wood frame with no bedsprings. REICTHER You know, I don't think Chris will argue with you. CUT TO: EXT. CABIN – MORNING Everyone is walking around outside. Chris and Brian are fishing in the lake with some poles they found in the house. BRIAN How long have we been doing this? CHRIS About two hours. BRIAN How many fish have we caught? Chris looks in the bucket. There are three tiny fish flopping in the bucket. CHRIS About two and a half. Suddenly one fish jumps out of the bucket and back into the water and swims away. CHRIS (CONT'D) About one and a half. INT. STACY'S CAR Stacy and Will are loading stuff into the minivan. Stacy is also talking to his mom on the phone. STACY Alright...Alright...I don't know, by some lake. (to Will) Will, do you know where we stopped? WILL Not really. STACY Sorry, we don't know...I have to get gas later, and I'll ask...Maybe around six, we drove a long time. Okay, bye. They finish and close the back. Brian and Chris come over with their now empty bucket. WILL How many did you catch? BRIAN We did catch 3 but they all jumped back. Just then Reicther and Brock walk around the corner and walk up to the van. REICTHER Were you leaving us? BRIA No, we were just getting a head start. They drive off. When they get to the road it sounds like they run over something. Stacy stops. STACY I think that was your Gameboy. Brian opens his door and below is Casey's Gameboy. He picks it up and hands it to Casey. WILL Found it. INT. STACY'S CAR - ROAD – DAY Reicther is now in front and Chris and Casey are together in the back. CHRIS (extending his hand) Thumb-war? CASEY Okay. And they begin. REICTHER (to Stacy) Do you want me find a way home? STACY No, I'll do it. I'll just get on the highway and take that back home. EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS Stacy continues driving onto the on ramp and merges onto the highway. DISSOLVE TO: INT. STACY'S CAR - HIGHWAY – LATER Stacy is still driving on the highway. STACY I don't recognize any of these signs. REICTHER You are going the right direction, right? Stacy checks his map. WILL Uh, guys. Look. They all look out the window to see a sign saying "WELCOME TO ILLINOIS the Land of Lincoln." They are all shocked. Stacy keeps looking at her map, but can't believe it. CHRIS Hey cool, I've never been to Illinois. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE
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