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The Lunchroom Episode 2x07 "Suicidals Deserve to Die" Written by Bruce Snyder & Alan Holman & Tyler Schwartz Story by Alan Holman & Bruce Snyder Created by Bruce Snyder TEASER: INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – MORNING Stacy and Brian are sitting at the table. Stacy is reading the paper, while Brian is eating a bowl of cereal. Pause. The phone rings. Stacy reaches over and picks up the phone. STACY Hello? Pause. Suddenly she starts yelling in Japanese really Loud before hanging up the phone. Brian stares at her. Stacy, not noticing Brian, goes back to reading the paper. BRIAN Who was that? STACY (without looking) Telemarketer. OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: INT. GYM – LOCKER ROOM – MORNING Casey has his locker open and is looking through it. He seems confused. Chris walks up to the locker next to him and begins to unlock it. Casey digs and searches but can't find what he's looking for. CASEY Say, Chris. CHRIS Yeah. CASEY You wouldn't happen to have seen my pants would you? Casey opens his locker and begins to take some clothes out. CHRIS Pants? CASEY Yeah. My pants have been stolen. Chris looks at him. CHRIS Stolen? CASEY Yeah. Chris seems like he doesn't believe him. CASEY What you don't believe me? CHRIS No, no, no – CASEY I mean people's pants are stolen everyday. CHRIS Yeah, I know. CASEY I need to find this sick son of a bitch. This is the second time this has happened. Chris smiles. CHRIS Someone has stolen your pants before? CASEY Yeah. Chris laughs. CASEY Oh yeah. You find it funny. CHRIS Sorry, sorry. CASEY You know, technically this is a crime. Chris continues to laugh. CASEY Theft is a crime. CHRIS Alright. Here – Chris reaches in, pulls out, and tosses a pair of large SHORTS to Casey. CASEY What are these? CHRIS There an extra pair of my shorts. Casey holds them up. They cover all of his face and part of his chest. CASEY Are you kidding? I'm not wearing these. CHRIS Hey, just trying to help. Chris begins to get dressed for the class. Casey begins to examine the large shorts. He seems uneasy about them. He sighs. INT. GYM – BASKETBALL COURT – MINUTES LATER MATT CALLAHAN is standing against the wall. No one else is in yet. Casey walks in. He is wearing Chris' shorts. They reach down almost to his ankles. Matt looks over and smiles. CASEY Okay, I know your Pentecostal and everything but please don't say a fucking word. Matt looks away from Casey, but keeps on smiling. CUT TO: INT. GYM - MINTUES LATER The Gym has filled up quite a bit. There are probably now around thirty people. In the corner, stands Casey and Chris. A whistle blows. The teacher, MR. ARNOLD walks in. ARNOLD Alright, time for basketball. CUT TO: INT. CAFETRIA – LATE AFTERNOON The place is packed with kids for study hall. All of them talk. MRS. COX walks in. MRS. COX All right, people! Time to get something to work on! Everyone becomes quiet. COX Phenis, stop talking and get to work! There's a brief silence. She looks about the room. COX Selby, get you feet of the chair. She around the room one more time. She slowly begins to walk away, watching everyone. She leaves. A TABLE – At the table sit Reicther and Brock. BROCK What an evil bitch. Brock chuckles, while Reicther writes something in his book. Quickly SAM BOLANDER sits down at the table. BROCK Jesus! You fucking people need to stop scaring me like that. He laughs it off. SAM Sorry, Brock. BROCK Just be careful in the future. SAM Some wonderful happened today, Brock. BROCK What happened? SAM At lunch, Nikki was sitting at a table right next to mine and when she went to put up her tray her friends turned to me and said "would you go to the bowling alley on Saturday with Nikki?" REICTHER ...They asked you? SAM What? REICTHER Her friends asked you? Not her? SAM Yeah, so? BROCK Well...kinda seems odd that she didn't ask you herself. SAM What do you mean? There's no difference. BROCK Actually, there is. SAM What's the difference? REICTHER It's not really her. SAM So, she's just shy, that's all. BROCK How do you know they're not playing a really shitty trick on you. SAM Oh, c'mon Brock. Who does that now a days? Reicther laughs. REICTHER (with a smile) What the are you talking about? Everybody does that now a days. Heck, I did twice this morning and then again at lunch. CUT TO: INT. ANOTHER STUDY HALL - SAME Will is sitting, staring at the ceiling. Joel is hard at work on a paper. WILL I had a weird dream last night. JOEL (not looking up) Dreams are boring. WILL Not mine. You died in my dream – wanna know how you died? Joel looks up. JOEL No. You can be the most eloquent person in the world, but you'll still stutter -- and search for the right word, only to end up using the wrong word -- if you're trying to describe the most interesting – to you -- element a dream, to me. No matter who you are, you can't describe a dream, you insult cool dreams with despicable description. People CAN'T describe dreams adequately, so they shouldn't even try. WILL Wow Joel, you've given this a lot of thought. JOEL That's because I kick ass. WILL I like to think about Stacy. JOEL You like her? WILL It's more than like. It's like an offer I can't refuse. It's like a power. I'm more powerful than Superman. JOEL Oh hell, we've lost him. Look don't leap high hopes in a single bound, Superman. You like her, but do you even know if she likes you back? WILL Not a clue. JOEL Well, well, well, Will, we've gotta find out. If she rejects you... WILL ...she'd extinguish the fire in my pitiful, human heart. JOEL The hell? Did you sit around and read some Shakespeare, what's up with this weird way your talking? Christ. WILL Sorry. But it's true. BROCK And your sissytard lovesick crap'll come to an end, and you'll learn a lesson in being smooth, and we can get back to talking about nothing again, like the good old days, before your brains were fried by... WILL ...her breasts. BROCK Exactly. KIRK -- a pot-head -- approaches. KIRK Did I hear the word "fried."? WILL Sorry, Kirk. Take your drugs elsewhere. KIRK Don't mind if I do. Kirk walks away. JOEL Doesn't he have class? INT. GYM - MINUTES LATER Casey is playing a basketball game with Chris, NATHAN SUMMERS, and JASON TOLBERT. Nathan and Tolbert are on a team. Right now, Nathan is dribbling the ball while Casey is standing in front of him, guarding him. NATHAN C'mon, Casey. Do something. Nathan continues to dribble the ball. This continues for the next few seconds. CASEY Are you going to shoot or something? Nathan continues to dribble. He does this for a few more seconds. Very quickly he bounces the ball of Casey's feet. It goes out of bounds. NATHAN Out of bounds on you guys. CASEY What? You've got to be kidding me. Nathan walks over to fetch the ball. Casey turns to Chris. CASEY Can he do that? CHRIS Just go with it. You can't change that bastards mind. Casey shrugs it off. Chris and him get back on defense. Nathan throws it in to Tolbert. Casey runs up and begins to block him. Tolbert puts his back toward him. He begins to move. CLOSE UP ON THEIR FEET: Tolbert tries to take a step but trips on Casey's foot. Tolbert falls onto Casey. Both fall onto the ground. Tolbert quickly grabs his leg in pain. He begins to groan in pain. Casey has the wind knock out of him. Nathan and Chris run over. CHRIS Jesus, Casey! Are you all right? Casey begins to take deep breaths. CASEY It felt like trying to breath...but like, not being able to. Chris helps Casey up. They look over Tolbert. He is on the ground rolling back in forth. NATHAN Man, are you okay? TOLBERT Ah!...I can't move my leg. CASEY Can't feel it? TOLBERT I think it might be broken. CASEY Holy shit. INT. STUDY HALL – SAME Brock, Reicther and Sam are still sitting at the table. SAM Hold on, guys. I've got to go get something. Sam gets up and leaves. REICTHER That is one screwed up little monkey. I mean what is wrong with him? BROCK Well, two years ago this guy was ...suicidal. He was a nut job. I mean nuttier then a squirrel. Always talked about death a lot and went on about his problems. It was kind of sad. Sam walks up and sits down. He has a paper with him, which he places in front of them. SAM Look what I found in my old notebook. They study the picture. REICTHER Hey...look at that...it's man killing himself...yelling "fuck the world." The bell rings. Reicther and Brock quickly leave. REICTHER Thank Christ. INT. GYM – SAME Tolbert is the middle of the Gym, sitting in a wheelchair. He looks angry. Casey walks up to him, now fully dressed. CASEY He-Hey, Tolbert. Tolbert stares at him. CASEY I see that you're in a wheelchair. I guess now you've got an excuse not to exorcise. Casey lets out a nervous laugh before quickly stopping. CASEY Look man, I am really, really, really...really sorry about what I did. TOLBERT I can't feel my legs. CASEY I know and I really, really, rea – TOLBERT They say that I won't be able to walk for days. Tolbert stares at him. CASEY Um, I have to go meet my friends for lunch. Hope you feel better, bye. Casey runs off. Tolbert remains seated. INT. BRIAN'S BEDROOM – AFTER SCHOOL Brian is sitting, playing video games. The phone rings and he picks it up. BRIAN Hello? WILL (V.O.) Is Stacy there? BRIAN Yes. WILL (V.O.) Can I talk to her? BRIAN Why? WILL (V.O.) Why not? BRIAN Why can't you talk to me first? WILL (V.O.) Because I already talked to you. BRIAN When? WILL (V.O.) Now. BRIAN Fine, fine. I'll get her. WILL (V.O.) Wait, no! BRIAN What? WILL (V.O.) (nervous) I... BRIAN You? WILL (V.O.) No. BRIAN You said that already. WILL (V.O.) Yeah. BRIAN Should I give the phone to Stacy, or not? WILL (V.O.) Yes. BRIAN She left. Brian ends the phone call. Stacy enters. STACY Who was that? BRIAN I'm not the phone guy. Brian goes back to playing video games. Stacy sighs as she leaves. INT. LUNCHROOM – NOON, NEXT DAY The Gang is sitting around the table, eating lunch. Brian is eating some kind of chocolate. Joel, Reicther, Casey, and Will are in conversation. Brock has a paper in his hand, while Chris reads over his shoulder. BRIAN Has anyone else had any of this chocolate? WILL Any good? BRIAN Well it tastes sorta funny but I kinda like it. Do you want some? WILL I'm okay I'm not really in the mood for chocolate right now. BRIAN Does anyone else want any? BROCK I'm good. CHRIS No thank you. CASEY I'll pass. JOEL Not right now. REICTHER Well I'll take some. Brian breaks off a piece of chocolate and hands it to Reicther. Reicther takes a bite and immediately spits it back out. REICTHER Arghhh that tasted like crap. How Can you eat that? It tastes like a wet dogs ass. JOEL An Reicther may I ask how you know what a wet dogs ass tastes like? REICTHER (very serious) Oh believe me I Know. Everyone in the gang just looks at him and shakes their head. WILL (trying to change the subject) You know what I never understood? Why is there an Easter bunny. I mean what the hell does a white bunny have to do with the death of Christ? BROCK Maybe they should make chocolate Jesus'. WILL Yeah but that might be a little weird for a four year old kid to be biting off the head of the son of god. CHRIS Christ and me have something in common. CASEY How so? CHRIS We're both black Jews. JOEL Jesus wasn't black! CHRIS Could be. Did you ever meet him? BRIAN Hey, historians today now believe that he was much more likely to have been black than white. Brian finishes his chocolate. BRIAN So do guys want to come over my house after school today? They nod and say yes in unison. INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – BRIAN'S ROOM – AFTER SCHOOL Brian and Brock are sitting playing video games. Reicther is standing in front of his mirror playing with a sword. Will is standing by the door looking down the hall. WILL So Brian where's your sister? BRIAN Kitchen. WILL Oh. Will leaves. INT. HALLWAY – SAME Will walks down the hallway. He passes Joel, Chris, and Casey who are heading toward Brian's room. CHRIS Who's room is that? JOEL I don't know. Let's check it out. The three enter the room. INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – SECONDS LATER Stacy is standing by the counter, making something. Will slides in and trips. He lands on the table. STACY Will? Will stands up. STACY Are you okay? Did you hurt anything? WILL (big smile) Nothing but my pride and dignity. He lets out a big fake laugh. WILL Whatcha makin'? STACY An afternoon snack. I had to do late shift night and only got two hours of sleep. I'm just trying to get through the rest of the night. WILL Oh. Pause. Stacy turns around and looks at him. STACY You okay? WILL Yeah, I'm fine. She goes to back to work. WILL Well I do have something to say. She turns to him. WILL I like you and I think maybe...we should date. Stacy chuckles. She puts her hand on Will's shoulder. STACY I think all this no sleep is driving us crazy. She walks off. STACY (O.S.) I'll get us some pops from the garage. Will is left alone. WILL (to himself) Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. STACY (O.S.) What was that? WILL Oh, Pepsi please. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY – SECONDS LATER Stacy walks down and stops in front of a room. She looks in. STACY Jesus Christ Bananas!!! What the fuck are you doing!? STACY'S POV: Casey is wearing a bra. Chris stands in front of him. Joel is behind him doing something to it. JOEL Uh... STACY The fuck are you doing in my mom's room. All three are disgusted. CHRIS Well, I'm going to start inducing vomiting. INT. GYM – CLOSET – NEXT DAY Casey and Chris stand around, while searching for something. CHRIS Have you seen Tolbert yet? CASEY No. How bad is he banged up? CHRIS Still in the wheelchair. Although now he has some of the feeling back in his legs. CASEY God, I still can't believe I put him in a wheelchair. CHRIS Where's the rack of balls? I don't see them anywhere. CASEY They're probably behind the door. Casey pushes the door open. On the other side we hear a crash sound. CASEY Oh crap. CHRIS You dropped them. CASEY All right, I'll pick 'em up. Casey pops his head through the door. INT. HALLWAY – SAME Casey head pops out from the door. He looks down. On the floor is Tolbert. Casey has pushed him out of his wheelchair with the door. He lays on the ground holding his leg. TOLBERT God! My leg! CASEY Oh damn it! Every time! FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE
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