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The Lunchroom
Episode 2x07
"Suicidals Deserve to Die"
Written by
Bruce Snyder
&
Alan Holman
&
Tyler Schwartz
Story by
Alan Holman
&
Bruce Snyder
Created by
Bruce Snyder
TEASER:
INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – MORNING
Stacy and Brian are sitting at the table. Stacy is
reading the paper, while Brian is eating a bowl of
cereal.
Pause. The phone rings. Stacy reaches over and picks up
the phone.
STACY
Hello?
Pause. Suddenly she starts yelling in Japanese really
Loud before hanging up the phone. Brian stares at her.
Stacy, not noticing Brian, goes back to reading the
paper.
BRIAN
Who was that?
STACY
(without looking)
Telemarketer.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
INT. GYM – LOCKER ROOM – MORNING
Casey has his locker open and is looking through it. He
seems confused. Chris walks up to the locker next to him
and begins to unlock it. Casey digs and searches but
can't find what he's looking for.
CASEY
Say, Chris.
CHRIS
Yeah.
CASEY
You wouldn't happen to have seen my
pants would you?
Casey opens his locker and begins to take some clothes
out.
CHRIS
Pants?
CASEY
Yeah. My pants have been stolen.
Chris looks at him.
CHRIS
Stolen?
CASEY
Yeah.
Chris seems like he doesn't believe him.
CASEY
What you don't believe me?
CHRIS
No, no, no –
CASEY
I mean people's pants are stolen
everyday.
CHRIS
Yeah, I know.
CASEY
I need to find this sick son of a
bitch. This is the second time this
has happened.
Chris smiles.
CHRIS
Someone has stolen your pants
before?
CASEY
Yeah.
Chris laughs.
CASEY
Oh yeah. You find it funny.
CHRIS
Sorry, sorry.
CASEY
You know, technically this is a
crime.
Chris continues to laugh.
CASEY
Theft is a crime.
CHRIS
Alright. Here –
Chris reaches in, pulls out, and tosses a pair of large
SHORTS to Casey.
CASEY
What are these?
CHRIS
There an extra pair of my shorts.
Casey holds them up. They cover all of his face and part
of his chest.
CASEY
Are you kidding? I'm not wearing
these.
CHRIS
Hey, just trying to help.
Chris begins to get dressed for the class. Casey begins
to examine the large shorts. He seems uneasy about them.
He sighs.
INT. GYM – BASKETBALL COURT – MINUTES LATER
MATT CALLAHAN is standing against the wall. No one else
is in yet. Casey walks in. He is wearing Chris' shorts.
They reach down almost to his ankles. Matt looks over
and smiles.
CASEY
Okay, I know your Pentecostal and
everything but please don't say a
fucking word.
Matt looks away from Casey, but keeps on smiling.
CUT TO:
INT. GYM - MINTUES LATER
The Gym has filled up quite a bit. There are probably
now around thirty people. In the corner, stands Casey and
Chris. A whistle blows. The teacher, MR. ARNOLD walks in.
ARNOLD
Alright, time for basketball.
CUT TO:
INT. CAFETRIA – LATE AFTERNOON
The place is packed with kids for study hall. All of
them talk. MRS. COX walks in.
MRS. COX
All right, people! Time to get
something to work on!
Everyone becomes quiet.
COX
Phenis, stop talking and get to
work!
There's a brief silence. She looks about the room.
COX
Selby, get you feet of the chair.
She around the room one more time. She slowly begins to
walk away, watching everyone. She leaves.
A TABLE –
At the table sit Reicther and Brock.
BROCK
What an evil bitch.
Brock chuckles, while Reicther writes something in his
book. Quickly SAM BOLANDER sits down at the table.
BROCK
Jesus! You fucking people need to
stop scaring me like that.
He laughs it off.
SAM
Sorry, Brock.
BROCK
Just be careful in the future.
SAM
Some wonderful happened today,
Brock.
BROCK
What happened?
SAM
At lunch, Nikki was sitting at a
table right next to mine and when
she went to put up her tray her
friends turned to me and said
"would you go to the bowling alley
on Saturday with Nikki?"
REICTHER
...They asked you?
SAM
What?
REICTHER
Her friends asked you? Not her?
SAM
Yeah, so?
BROCK
Well...kinda seems odd that she
didn't ask you herself.
SAM
What do you mean? There's no
difference.
BROCK
Actually, there is.
SAM
What's the difference?
REICTHER
It's not really her.
SAM
So, she's just shy, that's all.
BROCK
How do you know they're not playing
a really shitty trick on you.
SAM
Oh, c'mon Brock. Who does that now a
days?
Reicther laughs.
REICTHER
(with a smile)
What the are you talking about?
Everybody does that now a days.
Heck, I did twice this morning and
then again at lunch.
CUT TO:
INT. ANOTHER STUDY HALL - SAME
Will is sitting, staring at the ceiling. Joel is hard at
work on a paper.
WILL
I had a weird dream last night.
JOEL
(not looking up)
Dreams are boring.
WILL
Not mine. You died in my dream –
wanna know how you died?
Joel looks up.
JOEL
No. You can be the most eloquent
person in the world, but you'll
still stutter -- and search for the
right word, only to end up using the
wrong word -- if you're trying to
describe the most interesting – to
you -- element a dream, to me. No
matter who you are, you can't
describe a dream, you insult cool
dreams with despicable description.
People CAN'T describe dreams
adequately, so they shouldn't even
try.
WILL
Wow Joel, you've given this a lot
of thought.
JOEL
That's because I kick ass.
WILL
I like to think about Stacy.
JOEL
You like her?
WILL
It's more than like. It's like an
offer I can't refuse. It's like a
power. I'm more powerful than
Superman.
JOEL
Oh hell, we've lost him. Look don't
leap high hopes in a single bound,
Superman. You like her, but do you
even know if she likes you back?
WILL
Not a clue.
JOEL
Well, well, well, Will, we've gotta
find out. If she rejects you...
WILL
...she'd extinguish the fire in my
pitiful, human heart.
JOEL
The hell? Did you sit around and
read some Shakespeare, what's up
with this weird way your talking?
Christ.
WILL
Sorry. But it's true.
BROCK
And your sissytard lovesick crap'll
come to an end, and you'll learn a
lesson in being smooth, and we can
get back to talking about nothing
again, like the good old days,
before your brains were fried by...
WILL
...her breasts.
BROCK
Exactly.
KIRK -- a pot-head -- approaches.
KIRK
Did I hear the word "fried."?
WILL
Sorry, Kirk. Take your drugs
elsewhere.
KIRK
Don't mind if I do.
Kirk walks away.
JOEL
Doesn't he have class?
INT. GYM - MINUTES LATER
Casey is playing a basketball game with Chris, NATHAN
SUMMERS, and JASON TOLBERT. Nathan and Tolbert are on a
team. Right now, Nathan is dribbling the ball while Casey
is standing in front of him, guarding him.
NATHAN
C'mon, Casey. Do something.
Nathan continues to dribble the ball. This continues for
the next few seconds.
CASEY
Are you going to shoot or
something?
Nathan continues to dribble. He does this for a few more
seconds. Very quickly he bounces the ball of Casey's
feet. It goes out of bounds.
NATHAN
Out of bounds on you guys.
CASEY
What? You've got to be kidding me.
Nathan walks over to fetch the ball. Casey turns to
Chris.
CASEY
Can he do that?
CHRIS
Just go with it. You can't change
that bastards mind.
Casey shrugs it off. Chris and him get back on defense.
Nathan throws it in to Tolbert. Casey runs up and begins
to block him. Tolbert puts his back toward him. He
begins to move.
CLOSE UP ON THEIR FEET:
Tolbert tries to take a step but trips on Casey's foot.
Tolbert falls onto Casey. Both fall onto the ground.
Tolbert quickly grabs his leg in pain. He begins to
groan in pain. Casey has the wind knock out of him.
Nathan and Chris run over.
CHRIS
Jesus, Casey! Are you all right?
Casey begins to take deep breaths.
CASEY
It felt like trying to breath...but
like, not being able to.
Chris helps Casey up. They look over Tolbert. He is on
the ground rolling back in forth.
NATHAN
Man, are you okay?
TOLBERT
Ah!...I can't move my leg.
CASEY
Can't feel it?
TOLBERT
I think it might be broken.
CASEY
Holy shit.
INT. STUDY HALL – SAME
Brock, Reicther and Sam are still sitting at the table.
SAM
Hold on, guys. I've got to go get
something.
Sam gets up and leaves.
REICTHER
That is one screwed up little
monkey. I mean what is wrong with
him?
BROCK
Well, two years ago this guy was
...suicidal. He was a nut job.
I mean nuttier then a squirrel.
Always talked about death a lot and
went on about his problems. It was
kind of sad.
Sam walks up and sits down. He has a paper with him,
which he places in front of them.
SAM
Look what I found in my old
notebook.
They study the picture.
REICTHER
Hey...look at that...it's man
killing himself...yelling "fuck the
world."
The bell rings. Reicther and Brock quickly leave.
REICTHER
Thank Christ.
INT. GYM – SAME
Tolbert is the middle of the Gym, sitting in a
wheelchair. He looks angry. Casey walks up to him, now
fully dressed.
CASEY
He-Hey, Tolbert.
Tolbert stares at him.
CASEY
I see that you're in a wheelchair.
I guess now you've got an excuse
not to exorcise.
Casey lets out a nervous laugh before quickly stopping.
CASEY
Look man, I am really, really,
really...really sorry about what I
did.
TOLBERT
I can't feel my legs.
CASEY
I know and I really, really, rea –
TOLBERT
They say that I won't be able to
walk for days.
Tolbert stares at him.
CASEY
Um, I have to go meet my friends
for lunch. Hope you feel better,
bye.
Casey runs off. Tolbert remains seated.
INT. BRIAN'S BEDROOM – AFTER SCHOOL
Brian is sitting, playing video games. The phone rings
and he picks it up.
BRIAN
Hello?
WILL (V.O.)
Is Stacy there?
BRIAN
Yes.
WILL (V.O.)
Can I talk to her?
BRIAN
Why?
WILL (V.O.)
Why not?
BRIAN
Why can't you talk to me first?
WILL (V.O.)
Because I already talked to you.
BRIAN
When?
WILL (V.O.)
Now.
BRIAN
Fine, fine. I'll get her.
WILL (V.O.)
Wait, no!
BRIAN
What?
WILL (V.O.)
(nervous)
I...
BRIAN
You?
WILL (V.O.)
No.
BRIAN
You said that already.
WILL (V.O.)
Yeah.
BRIAN
Should I give the phone to Stacy, or
not?
WILL (V.O.)
Yes.
BRIAN
She left.
Brian ends the phone call. Stacy enters.
STACY
Who was that?
BRIAN
I'm not the phone guy.
Brian goes back to playing video games. Stacy sighs as
she leaves.
INT. LUNCHROOM – NOON, NEXT DAY
The Gang is sitting around the table, eating lunch.
Brian is eating some kind of chocolate. Joel, Reicther,
Casey, and Will are in conversation. Brock has a paper
in his hand, while Chris reads over his shoulder.
BRIAN
Has anyone else had any of this
chocolate?
WILL
Any good?
BRIAN
Well it tastes sorta funny but I
kinda like it. Do you want some?
WILL
I'm okay I'm not really in the mood
for chocolate right now.
BRIAN
Does anyone else want any?
BROCK
I'm good.
CHRIS
No thank you.
CASEY
I'll pass.
JOEL
Not right now.
REICTHER
Well I'll take some.
Brian breaks off a piece of chocolate and hands it to
Reicther. Reicther takes a bite and immediately spits it
back out.
REICTHER
Arghhh that tasted like crap. How
Can you eat that? It tastes like a
wet dogs ass.
JOEL
An Reicther may I ask how you know
what a wet dogs ass tastes like?
REICTHER
(very serious)
Oh believe me I Know.
Everyone in the gang just looks at him and shakes their
head.
WILL
(trying to change
the subject)
You know what I never understood?
Why is there an Easter bunny. I
mean what the hell does a white
bunny have to do with the death of
Christ?
BROCK
Maybe they should make chocolate
Jesus'.
WILL
Yeah but that might be a little
weird for a four year old kid to be
biting off the head of the son of
god.
CHRIS
Christ and me have something in
common.
CASEY
How so?
CHRIS
We're both black Jews.
JOEL
Jesus wasn't black!
CHRIS
Could be. Did you ever meet him?
BRIAN
Hey, historians today now believe
that he was much more likely to
have been black than white.
Brian finishes his chocolate.
BRIAN
So do guys want to come over my
house after school today?
They nod and say yes in unison.
INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – BRIAN'S ROOM – AFTER SCHOOL
Brian and Brock are sitting playing video games.
Reicther is standing in front of his mirror playing with
a sword. Will is standing by the door looking down the
hall.
WILL
So Brian where's your sister?
BRIAN
Kitchen.
WILL
Oh.
Will leaves.
INT. HALLWAY – SAME
Will walks down the hallway. He passes Joel, Chris, and
Casey who are heading toward Brian's room.
CHRIS
Who's room is that?
JOEL
I don't know. Let's check it out.
The three enter the room.
INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – SECONDS LATER
Stacy is standing by the counter, making something. Will
slides in and trips. He lands on the table.
STACY
Will?
Will stands up.
STACY
Are you okay? Did you hurt anything?
WILL
(big smile)
Nothing but my pride and dignity.
He lets out a big fake laugh.
WILL
Whatcha makin'?
STACY
An afternoon snack. I had to do late
shift night and only got two hours
of sleep. I'm just trying to get
through the rest of the night.
WILL
Oh.
Pause. Stacy turns around and looks at him.
STACY
You okay?
WILL
Yeah, I'm fine.
She goes to back to work.
WILL
Well I do have something to say.
She turns to him.
WILL
I like you and I think maybe...we
should date.
Stacy chuckles. She puts her hand on Will's shoulder.
STACY
I think all this no sleep is driving
us crazy.
She walks off.
STACY (O.S.)
I'll get us some pops from the
garage.
Will is left alone.
WILL
(to himself)
Yeah, it's fucking hilarious.
STACY (O.S.)
What was that?
WILL
Oh, Pepsi please.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – SECONDS LATER
Stacy walks down and stops in front of a room. She looks
in.
STACY
Jesus Christ Bananas!!! What the
fuck are you doing!?
STACY'S POV: Casey is wearing a bra. Chris stands in
front of him. Joel is behind him doing something to it.
JOEL
Uh...
STACY
The fuck are you doing in my mom's
room.
All three are disgusted.
CHRIS
Well, I'm going to start inducing
vomiting.
INT. GYM – CLOSET – NEXT DAY
Casey and Chris stand around, while searching for
something.
CHRIS
Have you seen Tolbert yet?
CASEY
No. How bad is he banged up?
CHRIS
Still in the wheelchair. Although
now he has some of the feeling back
in his legs.
CASEY
God, I still can't believe I put him
in a wheelchair.
CHRIS
Where's the rack of balls? I don't
see them anywhere.
CASEY
They're probably behind the door.
Casey pushes the door open. On the other side we hear a
crash sound.
CASEY
Oh crap.
CHRIS
You dropped them.
CASEY
All right, I'll pick 'em up.
Casey pops his head through the door.
INT. HALLWAY – SAME
Casey head pops out from the door. He looks down. On the
floor is Tolbert. Casey has pushed him out of his
wheelchair with the door. He lays on the ground holding
his leg.
TOLBERT
God! My leg!
CASEY
Oh damn it! Every time!
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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