This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. 
This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

(BLUNT SMOKE) 
by 
(ALONZO MILBOURNE IV) 
Revisions by 
(ALONZO MILBOURNE IV, 
Current Revisions by 
(ALONZO MILBOURNE IV, 1/10/2006) 
This Script may not be reproduced by anyone with out written 
permission signed by Alonzo Milbourne IV 
Alonzo Milbourne IV 
Po Box 72213 North Charleston, SC 29406 
(843) 557-9147 or (360) 479-3245

INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
Close camera shot of a lit blunt and smoke form words. 
Screen credits begins disperse from fan turbulence. 
Three guys are lighting a blunt and pass's it around. 
Al inhales the smoke in his lungs and pass's the blunt. 
Al coughs and nods his head slowly. 
AL 
Dude!....dude!...I'm getting a 
message from space! 
Al looks confused and also happy. 
ED 
Give me that shit! Your high as 
fuck! 
Ed takes the blunt from Al. 
TONY 
What's is it saying? 
AL 
It say's" AL your high as a mother 
fucker"! 
TONY 
Oh shit, me too! 
Al and Tony laughs. 
AL 
Shit man I'm going to... 
Tony looks completely scared and he is looking around. 
TONY 
What are you going to do? 
AL 
I'm feeling like I'm going to....

TONY 
What man, your scaring me! 
AL 
Do this! 
Al runs up to Ed and passes gas in his face. 
TONY 
Oh shit I'm going to die. I can't 
breathe Help! 
Tony begins to panic.
AL 
Oh shit, Tony wants to cry! 
TONY 
Wait, you busted ass in my face! 
AL 
Yes I did and it felt pretty 
freaking good! 
TONY 
How dare you, your a bastard! Al 
I'm going to get you back. 
Al and Tony stops talking and appear like there frozen. 
Tony does a one eighty on his chair then he stops. 
Al takes off his socks and throw them like scorpion. 
The socks land on the side of Tony's face. 
Words come on the screen and Al uses his mortal combat voice. 
AL 
Fatality!....Flawless Victory! 
Tony falls to the ground and hums the defeat song. 
TONY 
Nnnnn...hunnnnn....nnnnn...nnnn! 
2.

Al and Tony laugh so hard they turn red. 
AL 
This is the best chronic I have 
ever smoked! 
Suddenly the front door fly's open, it's smoky the bear. 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
That's not weed you dumb bunny! 
ED 
What the hell is a talking bear 
doing here. 
TONY 
Hey it's smoky the bear! 
AL 
Oh shit your right! 
TONY 
Shit nigga, what you doing with 
your self.
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Smoking that green that slaps you 
on your ass! 
TONY 
Forshore! 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
It's time to get high the smoky 
way! 
Firefighters in flood AL's house. 
AL 
Who the fuck are these people. 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Firefighters, where going to need 
them. 
3.

TONY 
Why? 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Cause this! 
Smokey the bear points to a oil drum on a hand truck. 
ED 
What the hell is this contraption? 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
All I got to say prepare to pass 
the fuck out. 
AL 
Ok but I don't believe you. There 
is nothing better than my home 
grown weed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Ok me first, watch me! 
Smokey the bear signal a firefighter to light the oil drum. 
Three employees of high chronic breeders INC pick up bags. 
They dump big bags full of weed in the oil drum bong. 
The firefighter takes his flame thrower and light the bong. 
AL 
Look at how much weed they put in. 
God dam! 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Light it to full power! 
The power indictor read 50% and rises to full power. 
GAUGE READER 
Full power! 
An loud speaker goes off. 
4.

LOUD SPEAKER 
Time for a evil maniacal laugh. 
Everyone in sight laugh like doctor evil with there pinky. 
LOUD SPEAKER (CONT'D) 
Now stop the evil maniacal 
laughing. 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
Ok here I go. 
FIREFIGHTER 
No not with out the surgeon 
general! 
SMOKEY THE BEAR 
All man he needs to hurry. 
FIREFIGHTER 
Ok he is here! 
SERGEON GENERAL 
Ok go ahead. 
FIREFIGHTER 
No where is the two teams of 
paramedics? 
SERGEON GENERAL 
Outside! 
FIREFIGHTER 
Ok go for it! 
AL 
Ok I'm waiting! 
There are two paramedics behind Smoky the bear. 
Smokey takes the tube and puts it in his mouth. 
He inhales from the tube, he becomes motionless. 
5.

Then his head drop to his neck. 
SERGEON GENERAL 
Are you ok! 
Smokey exhales the smoke in the air. 
AL 
Yeah right! 
Smokey's eyes turn gray with smoke. 
Al's house is dead silent and motionless. 
ED 
OK this is corny as hell! 
Smoky the bear falls flat on his back. 
His body twitch's in the medics arms. 
AL 
Ok fine I will play you dumb ass 
game. 
SERGEON GENERAL 
Ok son prepare your self. 
AL 
Ok shore! 
The medics put Smokey on a stretcher and carry him away. 
The firefighter picks up the tube and carry it to Al. 
Al smokes from the tube and falls on the ground. 
Al twitching uncontrollably. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Goddd...dem...it's shi...te! 
They pick up Al and lay him on the couch. 
The narrator talks over everyone. 
6.

NARRATOR 
Ok let's see what happens hours 
from now! 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - HOURS LATER 
Al Ed and Tony wake up and look at each other. 
AL 
Dude! 
ED 
Dude! 
TONY 
Dude! 
AL,ED AND TONY 
We did not get that high! Oh shit 
stop copying me! No your copying! 
Shut the fuck up! No you shut the 
fuck up. I fuck your mom! Well I 
fucked your dad! 
Ed throw's his arms up in anger. 
ED 
Hey shut the hell up, let's see 
what is on the TV 
Ed flips through the channel and they get to ER THC. 
Ed put's down the controller and watch's the show. 
CUT TO: 
INT. NORTH AREA HOSPITAL - OPERATION ROOM -- DAY -- 
Camera zoom only on doctors faces and arms but no patient. 
Doctor Smith is looking at an LCD screen displaying levels. 
The oxygen levels are dropping rapidly from 62% to 45%. 
7.

DOCTOR SMITH 
She is dying, do something nurse! 
The nurse looks at the doctor with a angry look. 
NURSE BETTY 
Doctor Smith, get a hold of your 
self! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Your right. I won't let my patient 
die! 
The doctor walks over to the operating table. 
NURSE BETTY 
Mary is on her last breath. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Nurse get the fuck out of my way! 
You don't know what your doing! 
The nurse moves out of the doctor's way. 
NURSE BETTY 
Well, what do you want me to do? 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Watch the oxygen levels and the 
heart rate.
NURSE BETTY 
Yes, doctor. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
OK, scrub get over here...now! 
The scrub tech walks up to the operation table. 
SCRUB TECH 
Yes, doctor Smith? 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Help me with this procedure. 
8.

The scrub tech rolls a table across the room. 
DOCTOR SMITH (CONT'D) 
Steak knife! 
The scrub tech pass's the knife to the doctor. 
SCRUB TECH 
Steak Knife. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
There is a little A1 sauce on it. 
Don't worry about it I will get it 
off. I love this shit. 
The doctor picks up a damp towel and cleans his hands. 
He than takes the edge of the knife and licks it. 
NURSE BETTY 
That's the knife we used for the 
last operation! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Anyway's, don't worry about me so 
let's get to work. 
NURSE BETTY 
OK, let's begin! 
The doctor begins to operate. 
DOCTOR SMITH 

Maybe if I cut this thing right 
here! 
The doctor cuts a vain and blood fly's across the room. 
SCRUB TECH 
I will close it doctor! 
The scrub tech close's the top. 
9.

DOCTOR SMITH 
Thanks where would I be with out 
you! 
The scrub tech speaks under his breath. 
SCRUB TECH 
In jail! 
The nurse is looking at the heart rate and it flat lines. 
NURSE BETTY 
Doctor, she has no heart beat. She 
is gone! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
No Mary not you too! Mary 
Jane...!!!
SCRUB TECH 
Wait doctor, you may suck at being 
a doctor but there is another, he 
has the skills to bring her back 
from the dead. 
The doctor looks at the scrub tech. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Who is this man you speak of? 
SCRUB TECH 
I worn you he is a minority. 
Everyone stops what there doing. 
(Scary music plays) 
DOCTOR SMITH 
No not a minority, anything but 
that! 
DOCTOR SMITH (CONT'D) 
Well is he Mexican I don't mind 
that much. I love Taco bell! 
10.

SCRUB TECH 
No he is not doctor! 
The doctor begins to sweat. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Well I'm fine if he's Japanese, 
shrimp fried rice. Mmmm....good. 
The scrub tech shakes his head. 
SCRUB TECH 
You know what he is doctor! 
The doctor sounds nervous. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
As long as he ain't black! Well we 
still have Hawaiians and Indians. 
SCRUB TECH 
He is black! 
A man walks on the set. 
MAN 
Dum...dumn...dum! 
The man walks back off the set. 
The doctor screams. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
No! 
SCRUB TECH 
Yes doctor, he is my adopted 
brother. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
No, I just bought some new 24" 
spinners for my ride. No fine ass 
bitches tonight. 
11.

SCRUB TECH 
Well he can save Mary Jane! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Well send him here. 
The scrub tech picks up the phone and calls a jail house. 
OPERATOR 
This is the pen as in penitentiary 
please hold. Hello how may we help 
you? 
SCRUB TECH 
I need to talk to Big Country in 
cell block 6. 
OPERATOR 
OK, have a good day! Hold please! 
Jazz music plays in the background. 
He then connects with Big country. 
SCRUB TECH 
Hey brother I got bad news Mary 
Jane is dead. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Shit nigga that's nothing I can fix 
that bitch up like nothing! 
The scrub tech gives doctor Smith the phone. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Can you save her! 
BIG COUNTRY 
Nigga, look I can fix that mother 
fucker up! You get me out of here 
then I will do it. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Deal, let me talk to the guard! 
12.

GUARD 
Hello! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Now listen here buster, I need Big 
Country now this is doctor Smith, 
from North area hospital. He is the 
only one who can save my patient so 
bring him now. Or unless you want 
your nuts hung on a flag pole. 
GUARD 
Yes sir, we will have him there in 
an minute! 
The doctor hangs up the phone. 
A few minutes pass and a big black gangster walks in. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Is this Big Country? 
SCRUB TECH 
Yes, what is up dog? 
BIG COUNTRY 
Chilling! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Hey, Big Country just don't take my 
rims. Anyway's can you fix her. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Foreshore!
DOCTOR SMITH 
What's that mean? 
SCRUB TECH 
Let me look in my hood slang 
dictionary! 
The doctor is becoming impatient. 
13.

DOCTOR SMITH 
Anytime now! 
The doctor flips through the last page. 
SCRUB TECH 
It means yes! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Well let's move people, give the 
man some room to operate. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Yo, I need a gallon of vodka, and a 
full body rap. Now, time is 
wasting. 
NURSE BETTY 
I understand about the full body 
rap, but why the gallon of vodka. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Because it time for me to get 
fucked up! 
Big country's drunk gauge activates. 
BIG COUNTRY WATCH 
It's is time to get fucked up! 
Big country closes his watch. 
NURSE BETTY 
Doctor, do something! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Get it or your fired Betty! 
The nurse runs out to the hallway and comes back. 
She is struggling while lifting the jug. 
NURSE BETTY 
Here sir! 
14.

She walks to the other side of the room. 
Big country opens the jug and drinks the contents. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Let's fix Mary! 
NURSE BETTY 
I'll watch the levels. 
Big country is still working on Mary 
Suddenly a single heart beat displays on the panel. 
NURSE BETTY (CONT'D) 
A heartbeat! 
BIG COUNTRY 
Her oxygen levels are rapidly 
rising. 30% now 55%! She is going 
to live. 
The doctor begins to cry. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Mary Jane is alive. Say something! 
MARY JANE 
........................! 
DOCTOR SMITH 
What did she say? 
BIG COUNTRY 
She said" smoke my ass bitch know 
you want to. 
DOCTOR SMITH 
Don't mind if I do. 
BIG COUNTRY 
Don't worry doc I'll steal your 
rims tonight for my down payment. 
15.

DOCTOR SMITH 
Oh no not my rims bitch, not my 
rims! No! 
The cast of ER THC are rolling on the ground laughing. 
The doctor throws up his arms and shakes his head in anger. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
Al and Tony cant stop laughing at ER THC final episode. 
ED turns off the Television And looks at Tony and Al. 
AL 
Oh shit, I have an idea! Let's 
smoke so much weed that we forget 
that where high. 
TONY 
I have a better idea, uh....let do 
what you said! 
Al and Tony laugh so hard the fall to the ground. 
AL 
Let's get up dude! 
TONY 
OK dude! 
They get up and roll another blunt then Tony lights it. 
Tony inhales the blunt smoke and coughs. 
TONY (CONT'D) 
Shit dude where am I? 
AL 
Stonersvill USA bitch! 
Al makes a blunt sign with his hands. 
16.

ED 
I am also high! 
AL 
Yeah...uh...Eddie your like blowing 
our high. So can you like do me a 
favor? 
ED 
Well what?
TONY 
Yeah please! 
ED 
Well what are you talking about? 
AL 
Well please....shut the fuck up! 
Everyone begins to laugh. 
AL (CONT'D) 
OK, ladies daddy got to take a 
shit, you girls stay right here! 
ED 
Al after you stop fucking the 
toilet, then let's go to Munchy 
Burger? 
Tony and Ed laugh again. 
TONY 
Yeah Munchy burger sounds real 
good! 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - BATHROOM -- DAY -- 
Al gets up to go to the bathroom and sits on the toilet. 
Al still is holding the lit blunt that he rolled. 
17.

JOHN SHITTER III 
Damn you need to shut that nasty 
ass of your's bitch! 
AL 
Wait, who the hell is you? 
JOHN SHITTER III 
I'm the shitter the john, or in the 
navy the head! My friends call me 
John Shitter III. 
AL 
OK, but your a fucking toilet, what 
friends could you possibly have, 
the sink or better yet the fucking 
mirror. I must be higher then I 
have ever been before! I got to lay 
up off that killer grass that make 
me fall on my black ass! 
Al laughs. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
No your mom's smelly ass pussy. 
Hey, fuck this small talk let's get 
to the point, pass me the blunt 
dude! 
AL 
Well hell to the NO! Never...dude 
you smell like shit! What the hell 
did you say about my mom? 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Look,I tried to be nice but NO you 
don't want to share the weed! 
AL 
Nice, this is my mother fucking 
house bitch. I pay rent electric 
and sewage. You better recognize 
bitch. 
18.

JOHN SHITTER III 
OK, pay me for protection bitch 
before I kill your punk ass! 
AL 
OK, if you say so shit head. 
Al laughs. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Don't fuck with me you punk ass 
nigger. 
AL 
What,...nobody calls me a nigga 
bitch. Wait I got something for 
you mother fucker. 
Al walks to his room and goes in his top dresser. 
He then picks up a knife from the hole in his dresser wall. 
Al walks to the bathroom door and the toilet is gone. 
Al looks from left to right for the toilet. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Hey be a good little bitch and get 
your ass kick! 
AL (CONT'D) 
Where are you little son of a 
bitch! 
AL (CONT'D) 
You want to hide shit face huh? 
Sister your hiding your sister if 
you will not join me than perhaps 
she will. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
No! Wait that is not in the script 
jack ass! 
19.

AL 
What your crazy yes it is! 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Get the director in here I want 
make-up bitches chop-chop! 
The director goes on the set with a script. 
DIRECTOR 
Look the toilet is right! That's 
from Star Wars dude! 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Now Al lick my bowl the director 
just took a big shit anyway. 
DIRECTOR 
Yeah, do it or your fired! 
AL licks the bowl and some shit gets in his mouth. 
DIRECTOR 
Now swallow it bitch! Or your 
fired! 
Al swallows the shit.
JOHN SHITTER III 
Yes now clean it all up you nasty 
bitch. 
AL 
I'm going to enjoy killing you! 
The director comes off the set and they start again. 
DIRECTOR 
And action!
JOHN SHITTER III 
Now your in hot shit now don't you 
never talk about my momma ever 
again! 
20.

The toilet stuck it self on the ceiling upside down. 
The toilet shit's all over Al's face. 
AL 
Your a ass hole! I'm going to fuck 
you up! 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Don't you never talk about my momma 
shitter again got that bitch. 
AL 
Now I'm going to kill you! 
Al runs with shit All over him to the closet. 
He picks up a bat and runs to the bathroom. 
Ed looks at him with a smile. 
ED 
Oh shit what the hell happen to 
you. 
AL 
I'm busy now I'm going to kill this 
bitch. 
TONY 
Oh he looks like he was in a fight 
with the shitter and it won. 
Al runs to the bathroom with the bat but the toilet is gone. 
The toilet is not on the ceiling or the floor. 
He looks everywhere but he Can't find it. 
The shower door is closed. 
Al figures out the toilet is hiding in there. 
He opens the door with the tip of the bat. 
21.

AL 
Got you bitch! 
The toilet shit's. All over him. 
Al hits the toilet with a bat. 
AL (CONT'D) 
That's what you get bitch who's 
broken now! Fuck you and your 
crack hoe momma! 
Al splits the toilet in two. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
You win, now All I wanted is a hit 
of that blunt! I Can't even get 
what I want. 
AL 
Well if you said please I would of 
but you were mean about it. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
It's my last breath I have to say 
sorry. 
AL 
Not to be rude but your a toilet 
dude. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
Yes, I am but I still have feelings 
like anyone else, do I not leak 
like human genitals. Do I not get 
cold in the dead of winter. Do I 
not cry tears of sorrow. I have a 
heart and it beats like yours. 
The toilet starts to cry toilet cleaner 
AL 
Dude, stop crying your making an 
ass out of your self! 
22.

Al laughs. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Oh, shit I said ass! 
Al falls on the ground laughing. 
JOHN SHITTER III 
What's so funny am I missing some 
thing because this is not a 
laughing matter. 
Al is still laughing uncontrollably. 
AL 
Nothing I'm just high off this 
weed. What a high grade chronic! In 
my expert opinion, this is the best 
there is. I will talk to the CEO of 
Blunt Smoke magazine. I know he 
would give this weed an A+ in next 
weeks green of the week! 
DISSOLVE TO: 
INT. CHANNEL 11 NEWS - MAIN NEWSROOM -- NIGHT -- 
A preview of the 11 o'clock news flash across Al's mind. 
NEWS GUY 
There is reports of a local man by 
the name of Al Miller, finding the 
best chronic known to man. Is it 
true? Find out at news at 11. 
BACK TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - BATHROOM -- DAY -- 
He stops day dreaming and he looks at the toilet. 
23.

JOHN SHITTER III 
It's time for me to die good bye 
let me flush myself one more time. 
The toilet flushes itself. 
JOHN SHITTER III (CONT'D) 
Flushing..... 
The toilet exhales one last time. 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
Al leaves the bathroom with shit all over himself. 
Al enters the living room Ed and Tony laugh at him. 
ED 
Dude clean this shit off of you 
then let's go to Munchy burger! 
AL 
OK, I'm going in the other 
bathroom. 
TONY 
And hurry the fuck up AL! 
Al goes in the bathroom and gets cleaned up. 
ED 
How the fuck do you get shit on 
you? 
TONY 
Maybe he was trying to taste his 
own shit or fuck the toilet bowl. 
ED 
Shit, Al hurry the fuck up dude. 
I'm hungry! 
Al comes out of the bathroom clean. 
24.

Al goes to the door everyone follows him to the car. 
They get in and drives away. 
AL 
Damn I'm high as hell! 
ED 
Well Al can we watch a movie on 
your DVD player. 
AL 
Well what do you want to watch? 
ED 
Oh, uh...America's biggest fuck up! 
TONY 
Yeah, that movie is funny as hell! 
AL 
Well, shit put in the movie! What 
the fuck are you waiting for? 
CUT TO: 
INT. WHITE HOUSE - PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM -- DAY -- 
It appears two people under the bed playing blanket tag. 
One person is getting oral sex while the blanket is wet. 
The blanket sex play stop then the two people submerge. 
PRESIDENT BUSH 
I love you Saddam! 
SADDAM 
Yeah uh...what you said! 
Saddam gives a uninterested look. 
25.

PRESIDENT BUSH 
Wow, I feel like it's prom night 
all over again. 
CUT TO: 
INT. PROM NIGHT - BUSH'S HIGH SCHOOL -- NIGHT -- 
A teacher walks bush to a vacant bathroom. 
They open the door and run into a bathroom stall. 
ART TEACHER 
Now who is sucking who dick at my 
school. 
BUSH 
I'm, sucking yours! You dirty male 
teacher! 
ART TEACHER 
What if someone see's us? 
BUSH 
Well this is how my father does it 
in the white house. 
DISSOLVE TO: 
INT. WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE -- YEARS BEFORE -- 
Bush senor is alone with his personal body guard. 
BUSH SENOR 
So your my body guard huh... 
The bodyguard gives him a fruity colored smile. 
GUARD 
I will guard you hot body with my 
pipe. I mean life. 
BACK TO: 
26.

The teacher is looking at bush in a sexual way. 
Bush looks like Austin powers. 
BUSH 
Yeah baby, yeah. Swingier baby 
yeah. 
Bush rips his shirt off like Austin Powers. 
ART TEACHER 
Your so hairy monkey man! 
CUT TO: 
INT. WHITE HOUSE - PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM -- NIGHT -- 
Saddam is puzzled by bushes meaningless story. 
SADDAM 
Well good I think? 
BUSH 
Hey baby you want do it again. 
SADDAM 
Well look, bush I was sitting 
having tea with Hitter and he 
wanted to know if we can have 
nuclear weapons? 
BUSH 
Well how do you ask for something 
in this relationship? 
SADDAM 
OK fine... 
Saddam tickles bush's chest hairs. 
BUSH 
Oh it tickles... 
Bush is amused by the childish act. 
27.

SADDAM 
Now, can I have nuclear missiles? 
Bush looks very serious. 
BUSH 
Wait you mean give you the 
capabilities to destroy every major 
city in the world while America is 
powerless like a frightened infant 
baby. 
SADDAM 
Yeah, I guess so? 
BUSH 
Then OK I trust you. The counselor 
said trust your life partner. So I 
will do that. 
Saddam looks at his watch. 
SADDAM 
Wow look at the time. It's not easy 
to be a power hungry dictator. 
BUSH 
Give me a kiss mister snuffles. 
Saddam talks under his breath. 
SADDAM 
I will blow your country to hell! 
Saddam gives bush a kiss and jumps out of the window. 
CUT TO: 
INT. WHITE HOUSE - OVAL OFFICE - TWO WEEKS LATER -- DAY -- 
President Bush is pacing his office back and forth. 
Bush put's his hand under the desk and puts it in his pocket 
28.

BUSH 
No don't do it. You don't need it 
anymore! 
Bush starts to sweat and shake uncontrollably. 
BUSH (CONT'D) 
No your stronger than this Bush. 
Bush pulls out a penis shaped lolly pop. 
Bush starts to licking the lolly pop. 
BUSH (CONT'D) 
Oh god Saddam your so big and I 
want it in my booty. 
Bush's phone rings and he pick it up. 
SPY 
Mister president we have spotted 
Saddam. He is home right now! 
BUSH 
Good we are go for project baby 
momma drama! 
Mission Impossible music plays. 
SPY 
We lost him! 
BUSH 
Where is my man! Where is he? 
The spy is in a tree.
SPY 
Mister president turn on your 
surveillance monitors. 
Bush turns on all of the 130 monitors. 
BUSH 
I see him now! 
29.

Saddam is walking to his room with four girls. 
SPY 
Now turn your chair television one 
hundred. 
The four girls are stripping for Saddam. 
BUSH 
No,...tell me it's not true! 
SPY 
It's true mister president. 
Bush picks up the phone. 
BUSH 
You cheated on me Saddam. 
SADDAM 
How can you spy on me? 
BUSH 
There is a camera in every square 
inch of your house. 
SADDAM 
Every inch.
BUSH 
If you don't believe me then look 
at a home video of you. The man I 
love! 
SADDAM 
What? 
Bush puts in a video tape in the VCR. 
Two seconds is Saddam walking in to his house. 
The rest is urine going in a toilet. 
30.

BUSH 
See, the rest is even better! Look 
I love you Saddam. 
SADDAM 
Stop you ass hole. I never loved 
you. 
BUSH 
What how about when you kissed me? 
SADDAM 
Bush I hate you and your so 
retarded that you can't see that. I 
even made money with a picture of 
me killing you. 
Saddam holds up the money. 
SADDAM (CONT'D) 
Are you fucking stupid? 
BUSH 
You cheated on me? I now will blow 
your country sky high. My father 
said, "don't fuck Saddam and you 
will be OK". 
SADDAM 
Hey, how is the old man? Tell him 
if he is not to old, then we can 
come over and do the nasty. I never 
love him either! It's only about 
power and missiles. 
BUSH 
Wait, no fuck you Saddam! Die you 
cheater! 
SADDAM 
Don't blow my country up! Be 
reasonable. 
31.

BUSH 
Bye bye! 
Bush open a black box under his desk and he opens it. 
It has a big red button with the words fire on it. 
Bush press's the button and a missile fly's one hundred feet. 
Bush's cabinet members flood in the presidential office. 
NAVY GENERAL 
You fired the country's biggest 
missile. It's headed for the ocean 
about forty miles out. 
BUSH 
Oh so it is not going to hit 
Saddam! 
NAVY GENERAL 
No you idiot. Your going to destroy 
half of this country. 
BUSH 
No that can't be, but I painted it 
and it say's fuck your country. 
VICE PRESIDENT 
The tracking satellite say's 
different. 
(Camera view) 
The vice president turns the TV on live satellite imagery. 
They zoom in and it say's fuck our country. 
BUSH 
Oops! 
CUT TO: 
32.

INT. SET OF PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE - NEWSROOM -- NIGHT -- 
The host is behind the desk talking about the president. 
The host points toward the main camera. 
HOST 
This is a public announcement from 
the anti bush protesters. Do you 
want an jack ass like this to be in 
control of our country. He also an 
racist fuck. I say hell no! This is 
a beautiful country, it won't be if 
he is president any longer! 
CUT TO: 
INT. MUSEUM OF GLOBES - EARTH ROOM -- DAY -- 
A man that looks like bush walks up to a life size globe. 
The man puts his tool belt on the ground and kneels. 
He then circles the white house on the big globe. 
Bush drills a hole in the globe and he put Vaseline in it. 
Then he opens up a toe nail clipper and unzips his pants. 
He start humping the globe. 
Bush sounds like Dave Chappell. 
BUSH 
Help I'm suck, help! 
CUT TO: 
INT. SET OF PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE - NEWSROOM -- NIGHT -- 
The host is zipping up his pants and he moves his chair back. 
An woman crawls out from the desk and goes off camera. 
33.

HOST 
Do you really want this jack ass to 
be in control of this land of 
freedom. I don't think so! 
CUT TO: 
INT. MUNCHY BURGER - PARKING LOT -- DAY -- 
They get out of the car and walk inside. 
They sit down at an table. 
The Waitress has a "I will work for sex" name tag on. 
The waitress walks up to them and ask for there order. 
WAITRESS 
So what would you sexy men like to 
order from Munchy burger? Oh sorry 
I forgot our slogan "if your not 
high as fuck before you get here 
you will be we guarantee it or your 
money back.! 
AL 
Yes, I will have three number two's 
with cheese. With four Dr. Munchy 
drinks! 
WAITRESS 
Yes sir! Are you high as hell or 
will you like some of our 
complimentary blunts and Cannabis? 
AL 
Yes, I will get four dime bags! 
WAITRESS 
OK, well the Greenery specialist 
will be here momentarily. 
AL 
OK, thank you! 
34.

WAITRESS 
I know I'm not suppose to do any 
soliciting on the job, but do you 
have a job for me? I will clean 
your toilet's, wash your dish's 
anything please! All I want is sex 
please! You must understand! 
AL 
OK, give me your number I may call 
you if I have a job OK! 
WAITRESS 
Thank your a god I will do your 
will master. 
The Waitress grabs Al's dick in her hand. 
ED 
Damn, that girl is serious 
business! 
TONY 
hell yeah that girl is a freak! 

Freak out song plays.
AL 
Damn, what's your name girl? 
WAITRESS 
My name is Nikki Anderson! 
AL 
Well, my name is Al Miller or you 
can call me Big Al, I will be your 
sugar daddy! 
The Greenery specialist walks up to Al's table. 
The Waitress is on her knee's holding Al's dick. 
35.

GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Uh...What are you doing Nikki get 
to work! This is my table bitch! 
AL 
Well, she is if you know what I 
mean! 
The Greenery specialist rolls a cart full of fresh weed. 
The boys look in the cart with different types of weed. 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Well I would recommend the fire or 
creeper weed. My personal favorite 
is the golden hair purple haze 
plant. Well smoke it All. I don't 
give a fuck just hire me! I want to 
be your dirty slut! 
The waitress runs to interrupt the conversion. 
WAITRESS 
Hey, bitch there mine! 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Well, the more the marrier! 
WAITRESS 
No I'm Al's personal slut. Got that 
bitch! Find your own meat pole. 
The waitress hold Al's dick in her hands. 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Your not a professional on call 
slut I have a degree in dickoligy 
101 and I have a certificate in 
blow job engineering. Can you beat 
that bitch! 
36.

WAITRESS 
Well I could suck the meat right 
off Al's dick! Well I Can drop it 
like it hot bitch. Can you? 
AL 
OK, ladies I have a solution for 
you two girls. 
ED 
Only thing that can settle this is 
and it is called a "girl fight"! 
Girl fight song plays
TONY 
We have the fine ass waitress over 
here Nikki, and the competitor the 
Greenery specialist! Shit this 
would be wrong with out to hot 
chicks, and deadly weapons so us 
men Can watch a cat fight. Pick 
your weapons lady's. 
Nikki picks up a nearby chain saw and starts the motor. 
Greenery specialist sinks to hell and take his pitch fork. 
DEVIL 
Hey bitch, you Can't do that, give 
it back! 
WAITRESS 
I will deal with you later, your 
next bitch. 
The Devil pee's his pants and roll over like a baby. 
Nikki lifts back up to Munchy burger and get's ready. 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Bitch, give up you will die! 
37.

ED 
Less talking more fighting ladies. 
AL 
OK, fight! 
Nikki slashes the greenery specialist shirt off. 
The greenery specialist slashes Nikki's shirt off. 
ED 
Go for the panties, we want to see 
some ass! 
AL 
Hell yeah, more skin lady's! 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
More skin you want more skin it is 
daddy! 
Nikki slashes her skirt off her thong is exposed. 
Greenery specialist slashes Nikki's skirt off. 
Both of the girls are in there thongs and bra's. 
GREENERY SPECIALISTS 
Nikki, just think why are we naked 
fighting over men, ask your self 
where two hot girls with wet 
pussies! We can do much better by 
ourself! 
All the guys dick's hit the bottom of the tables. 
(Ding Sound) 
Everyone stairs at a man that seem to not get hard. 
Odd man 
Oh...uh...ding! 
The man hits a spoon and a fork together. 
38.

(Ding Sound) 
Cut TO: 
AL 
Look you two girls are so freaking 
hot! I love lesbian pussy loving 
especially when I'm there! 
GREENERY SPECIALIST 
Your just a typical male and we can 
have more fun eating pussy! 
AL 
How about a dick, you Can't get 
that being a lesbian 
WAITRESS 
Yes, you can! 
The waitress pulls out a dildo from her skirt. 
AL 
Did you fucking see that Shit 
That's one pussy a dude can get 
lost in. Oh my god you can do so 
much better with a dick with your 
life! Please take me back your so 
deep. 
Al eye's start to tear up. 
WAITRESS 
Well, here is your food good bye! I 
have to get in some hot wild pussy 
licking action to attend to! Well I 
guess I could show you what your 
missing? 
The waitress licks in Al's ear. 
AL 
Wait, no you girls have a job to 
do! 
39.

The girls throw the food and run in the back to have sex. 
Al (CONT'D) 
No, I will pay you just don't 
leave! 
The kitchen door shuts. 
ED 
Shit, I could of learned about the 
birds and the bee's by those hot 
girls. 
Al and the gang leave Munchy burger and gets in the car. 
CUT TO: 
INT. AL'S CAR - INTERSTATE NINE -- DAY -- 
Al is driving rolling and smoking blunts. 
ED 
Hey, let's watch that movie where 
that white boy goes in the hood, 
and get's his ass kicked for 
calling a Drug dealer nigger, and 
he grows up to becomes a white 
rapper. 
TONY 
Oh, I know what you talking about. 
Uh...Don't fuck with them south 
central nigga's in the hood while 
drinking colt 45 and smoking there 
blunts and fucking them bitch's. 
ED 
No, that's not it man, I mean the 
one that said he was from the hood 
but he was from Malibu. 
40.

TONY 
Oh the Vanilla Ice the hood true 
story. 
ED 
Yeah, you got it put it in dude 
let's watch this Shit son! I'm 
putting it to the good part. 
Ed and Tony are watch a DVD in the car while Al drives. 
CUT TO: 
INT. IN THE HOOD - 4TH STREET SIDEWALK -- DAY - 
A white boy walks up to a Drug dealers ride. 
BILLY 
Hey, nigger I want to purchase some 
killer chronic! 
The Drug dealer looks at him with an angry look. 
(Matrix mode) 
Everyone hears the little white boy. 
The Hookers stop sucking dick. 
The basketball players fall out of the air. 
The Preacher curses in church across the street. 
The football players loose there balance. 
DRUG DEALER 
What did you say white boy? 
Everyone surrounds the little white boy. 
People are angry at the boy and try's to beat him up. 
The Preacher protects the little white boy. 
41.

PREACHER 
It's not his fault, his racist 
parents probably talk around him 
like this. 
Everyone nods there heads and back off from the boy. 
The Drug dealer slowly put the boy down. 
PREACHER (CONT'D) 
The lord said love your enemies as 
your self. That's the word of the 
lord. 
DRUG DEALER 
Yes, pastor it is, I want to give 
my life to the lord. 
The Drug dealer starts to cry. 
HOOKER 
Yeah, I want to give my life to the 
lord! I'm tired of giving head to 
stank ass nigga's. Public 
announcement to stank ass nigga's 
wash your salty nuts! 
The hooker begins to cry. 
PREACHER 
Hey, Candy my nut's are not salty. 
The lord don't like a liar you will 
burn in the lake of fire. 
BILLY 
OK, niggers this is a nice family 
reunion I got to go niggers, my 
mommy said All you niggers can die 
like slaves on the trip to America! 
Peace out bitch's! 
The Drug dealer throws the boy and lands on the street. 
The drug dealer gets out of his truck. 
42.

Then he pulls out his nine millimeter gun. 
DRUG DEALER 
You little mother fucker here is a 
nine in your ass white boy! 
The dealer empty the clips and shoves the gun in his ass. 
DRUG DEALER (CONT'D) 
Now get the fuck out here vanilla 
boy or we will ice your punk ass. 
Billy runs for his life because a mob of black people. 
A little white girl is cheering him on across the street. 
LITTLE JENNY 
Run Billy boy run! 
(Slow motion) 
Billy runs and the gun in his ass falls out and fires. 
(Matrix mode) 
The bullet hits billy in the ass. 
Everyone that was chasing him falls on him. 
CUT TO: 
INT. DOCTOR JONES OFFICE - PSYCHOLOGIST BUILDING -- DAY -- 
A an older white boy talking about his past experiences. 
The psychologist is not listening and half way asleep. 
BILLY 
Hey are you awake look nigga I'm 
gangster bitch. I'm from the hood 
mother fucker deep East coast. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
OK, look your not black your from a 
ritzy part of town. 
43. 
(MORE)

Everyone that lives there has a 
fifty thousand dollar car and above 
or else you get kicked out from the 
golf club.
BILLY 
Man, you don't understand what my 
people been through, the fucking 
oppression, white boys just like 
you put us colored people in cotton 
fields. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Maybe, you should be a rapper with 
your fucking bling-bling and hot 
ass bitches! Did you not learn 
when you got the shit stumped out 
of your ass. 
BILLY 
Hey that's an idea shit man, 
thinking on your feet nigga. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Oh, and maybe call you self vanilla 
boy that's what they call you when 
you got the shit kicked out of you! 
BILLY 
What did they say" Now get the fuck 
out here vanilla boy or we will ice 
your punk ass". Wait Ice Vanilla 
boy! No that sounds dumb. How 
about Boy vanilla ice? No how bout 
vanilla Ice? Yeah son! 
Vanilla ice jumps for joy. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Your a dumb fuck, what the hell are 
you retarded? Get the fuck out of 
my office and close the fucking 
door! 
44. 
PSYCHOLOGIST (CONT'D)

BILLY 
What, vanilla Ice don't fuck around 
like that son! 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Ok, Let me make my self clearer, 
get the fuck out of my office or I 
won't shove a gun in your ass! I 
will shoot you between your fucking 
eye's got that, Son! 
The Psychologist pulls out a shot gun behind his desk. 
The psychologist points the gun between Billy's eye's. 
BILLY 
Oh, I shall be exiting this fine 
office kind sir would you like a 
cup of tea. 
Billy urinates his pants. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
No, but you can be my bitch for to 
day. 
The psychologist points the rifle at Billy nuts. 
BILLY 
Oh, I love sucking dick, and nuts 
to suck on. Nothing makes me 
happier to be sucking on male 
genitals. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
That's better! Now be very genital 
I do have soft nuts. Suck them 
right or I will kill you...got it! 
BILLY 
Yes sir, what ever you want sir! 
CUT TO: 
45.

Door eye view of desk. 
Billy is not visible he is behind the desk. 
The doctor is nodding his head back and forth. 
The secretary opens up the door and welcomes his 3:00 in. 
Billy is still under the table but the doctor signals. 
The doctor points the gun at Billy so he blows him. 
JOE 
Doctor I'm a power ranger and I 
have the new power ranger morpher 
but my power ranger suit is in the 
cleaners. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Oh, I see, do you still have power 
with out your suit? 
JOE 
Yes, I have never thought of that! 
OK I must save people from zordon. 
Joe does gymnastics till he get to the office door. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
No, don't leave I don't want this 
blow job to ever end. 
JOE 
OK, I must go, the world needs me 
more then ever! 
JOE leaves and BILLY stops sucking the doctor's dick. 
BILLY 
What the hell? That was the most 
nastiest grossest turn on I have 
ever done in my whole life! Want 
to do it again? 
46.

PSYCHOLOGIST 
Yeah sexy boy, yes god I'm going to 
nut. Uh oh Shit I nutted in your 
mouth! 
BILLY 
I know! 
CUT TO: 
Billy is smiling like Jay-jay Evens Jr. 
BILLY (CONT'D) 
Wow and that's a rap. I have never 
been smothered in semen. Wow that 
was so gay! Cool!!! 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Well I have a brother with 
connections in music, let me give 
him a call! You deserve it! 
BILLY 
Really? Vanilla Ice is on the road 
to being a rap legend nigga! 
The doctor gets on the phone with his brother. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Hey, Josh I have a white rapper, he 
got skills dog! 
JOSH 
OK, cool let me hear him! 
BILLY 
My name is vanilla ice hell bitch I 
ain't nice cut you with a pistol or 
a knife. Bitch I'm the greatest 
rapper If you leave it to me I'm 
the blackest cracker. 
47.

JOSH 
OK, Vanilla pie! Give my brother 
the fucking phone! 
BILLY 
Vanilla Ice you know that's the 
name that's the game! 
JOSH 
Well vanilla ice give my brother 
the fucking phone! Now! 
BILLY gives the phone to the doctor. 
JOSH (CONT'D) 
What the fuck is wrong with you? 
Are you fucking high or something? 
I'm not signing that ass hole, you 
want me to be drop from all my 
fucking labels! That means all 
that I have work for is down the 
fucking drain. Are you a fucking a 
crack head you need crack or 
something, What do you want from 
me. Huh? 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Well, he will suck your dick under 
your desk in your business 
meetings! Well that changes 
everything.
JOSH 
Well he got a contract for his 
first single. I will see him at 9 
PM, I will fly him out tonight tell 
him wear a G-string. Is he sexy and 
does he have a six pack? 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
He is such a hunk! Ok I will tell 
him to get ready for Hollywood 
California. 
48.

JOSH 
Call you later bro., Ok bye brother 
talk to you later. 
PSYCHOLOGIST 
Ok bye! 
The doctor hangs up the phone. 
PSYCHOLOGIST (CONT'D) 
He said "welcome to Hollywood 
California", gotta suck dick for 
the first single then you can hire 
a dick sucker for my brother when 
you can't. Oh, wear a G-string for 
my brother he loves that sort of 
ill shit! 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - DRIVE WAY -- DAY -- 
AL turns off the DVD player and everyone goes inside. 
There at the couch and they begin to smoke blunts. 
ED 
Shit, that movie was so funny, it 
should of been called vanilla ice 
the vanilla bitch story. 
TONY 
Is it me or am I still hungry as 
hell! 
AL 
Let's order some pizza cause I'm 
hungry! 
ED 
OK, I'll call Pizza Bell! 
ED calls picks up the phone and calls Pizza Bell. 
49.

ED (CONT'D) 
I want two large pizza's with 40 
keg's of beer. 
PIZZA MAKER 
OK, would you like our 
complementary hoes or strippers 
today? 
ED 
Well no we are OK, Munchy Burger 
has complementary cannabis it's 
good. Better then that Mexican dirt 
weed. 
PIZZA MAKER 
Did you say Munchy Burger? I hate 
Munchy Burger! 
ED 
OK...how much is the bill cause 
that's all. Oh and how long will 
the pizza take. 
PIZZA MAN 
About now.....! And it is all free 
I bet that punk ass Munchy burger 
wouldn't do that huh bitch. 
The pizza maker continues talking and ED hangs up. 
ED 
OK, it will be here about....now. 
Suddenly a tire outside burns rubber across the street. 
A man parks in Al's drive way then gets out of the truck. 
A pizza man with a policeman badge comes to the door. 
The pizza struggles to unload forty keg's of beer. 
50.

Pizza man 
Here is your pizza and forty keg's 
of beer. 
TONY 
OK, thank you for the pizza and 
beer sir! 
The pizza man stand still in the door way. 
AL 
OK, dude we have the pizza thank 
you! Here is a twenty dollar tip. 
Good bye! 
Ed takes Al aside to talk to him. 
ED 
Something is weird about this pizza 
man. 
AL 
It is something weird about him! 
Ed waves at the pizza man. 
ED 
Hey where did you get a police 
badge from?
PIZZA MAN 
I killed a cop and took it from his 
lifeless body! 
TONY 
OK, right well I though you where a 
fagot ass cop! 
PIZZA MAN 
What, it smells like weed in here, 
that's illegal! Get on the floor 
this is a sting operation I am a 
mother fucking cop! 
51.

AL 
I don't want to go to jail, I just 
joined the blunt smokers club, I 
just order the new issues of 
cannabis digest and blunt chokers 
magazine, now I will have to 
cancel! 
Al looks at a old issue of the blunt chokers magazine. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Shut up, how can I join the club? 
AL 
Well, all you have to do is pay 
some money, to the membership for 
the annual smoke out. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well, I want to join the club so is 
that OK with you? 
ED 
Sure are you going to arrest us? 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well, no but do you know any pot 
smoking clubs that's good. Well if 
you don't let me join I will take 
you to jail. I will make shore you 
get ass raped. I'm a cop I will 
make it happen. 
CUT TO: 
INT. MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON - THE LOCKER ROOM -- DAY -- 
A group of guards are talking about the big payback. 
GUARD 1 
This meeting is about how criminals 
fuck this county. So the country 
let's fuck the criminals! 
52.

GUARD 2 
Because this is our independence 
day. 
The guards go wild cheering and screaming. 
(Independence day music plays) 
GUARD 1 
This is biggest organized ass 
raping ever. Prepare your self for 
the coolest five minutes in ass 
raping history. Go bring in the 
hired help.
GUARD 2 
Yes sir! 
The guards bring in 10 guys in one cell to begin. 
BIG BUBBA 
No what yawl doing back there! No 
don't clog my tube. Help! Help! 
HIRED HELP 
Don't worry I'm a plumber! I will 
be like a nuclear plunger! The 
power! 
The organized ass raping is called the annual ass raping. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE- LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
The gang is speechless from the words the officer said. 
OFFICER JAMES 
See the government is in control of 
all ass raping events. You 
understand! 
53.

Ed 
Wow that why my cousin was never 
the same after three days of jail. 
TONY 
Yeah, we just made a club up the 
The blunt chokers of America. Well 
if you don't choke right you don't 
smoke right! 
Al is giving a thumb up. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Wow, can I join your club? Is it a 
secret club with secret decoder 
rings? 
AL 
Uh...yeah all that stuff comes with 
it. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well how much is the club fee? Oh 
and what does it include? 
AL 
It includes Full access to my 
flawless priceless playboy 
collection. The cost is too much 
for your average person, it's ten 
thousand dollars plus tax. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Oh I'm afraid that I don't have 
that much how about a free pizza 
for life and nine thousand nine 
hundred and ninety nine dollars and 
ninety nine cents! 
ED 
Well give us the money and your in. 
CUT TO: 
54.

Officer James gives Al the money. 
AL 
Oh wait, group meeting in my room! 
ED stops officers James. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Wait why cant I go I wanna go man 
your not my friend. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - AL'S ROOM -- DAY -- 
They leave Officer James and have a discussion about him. 
ED 
Look let's have three tests. 
AL 
We have to get rid of this cop OK. 
He is a fucking cop this is some 
serious shit OK. 
TONY 
Ok let's get back to him before he 
start tripping OK. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
They all go back to the living room to join there guess. 
AL 
Well you must complete three tests 
of bravery.
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok like what? 
55.

ED 
Well first you must run across town 
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok I run thirty mile marathons all 
the time. 
AL 
Running naked across the whole town 
at day time. 
OFFICER JAMES 
That's in violation of code 
9,831,209,211 the unbreakable rule. 
ED 
Second you have to eat a cake at 60 
miles per hour going down a 
highway. 
OFFICER JAMES 
That sounds dangerous and like a 
suicidal situation. 
TONY 
Fuck that I would never do anything 
like that. 
CUT TO: 
Al kicks Tony in the nuts then smiles at the cop. 
Tony (CONT'D) 
Ouch! 
OFFICER JAMES 
Hey are you all trying to scam me 
or what? 
ED 
Nope just a joke I loved it puts 
hair on your nuts. 
56.

OFFICER JAMES 
Ok go on. 
AL 
Now sixty miles per hour on the 
back of a tractor trailer. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well where am I going to be at. 
AL 
On the hood of the car strap down 
by ropes. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok and third? 
ED 
Got to rub shit all over the 
president of the united states of 
America. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Dudes I don't know if I can do 
this? 
TONY 
We forgot to tell you no refunds 
dude! 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well where does it say no refunds 
CUT TO: 
Al writes no refunds on the front of a hustler magazine. 
AL 
See right here it still stand from 
2001 from the date of this issue. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well got to do it and it's getting 
dark well Can we start tomorrow. 
57.

ED 
Ok tomorrow at around lunch time. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok before I leave are we going to 
do the secret handshake. 
TONY 
No we can't your not a member yet 
but if you pass the test then you 
can. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Well see you later tomorrow, around 
lunch time.
AL 
Shore meet you then. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok bye! 
CUT TO: 
Officer James leaves the house. 
AL 
Wow a cop that smokes pot, never in 
a million years. 
CUT TO: 
INT. CHARLESTON POLICE DEPARTMENT - BREAK ROOM - LATER 
A group of charleston police are kicking back smoking weed. 
They order donuts and pizza on there department credit cards. 
Officer Tom turns on a TV called north charleston pothead. 
58.

AL 
Cop's smoke chronic too! Where do 
you think all that evidence goes. I 
have footage of what happens! 
CUT TO: 
INT. NORTH CHARLESTON - HIGHWAY RIVER AVE - DAY 
A policeman does a routine speeding violation stop. 
The vehicle stops and a black man gets out of the car. 
BLACK MAN 
You player It's not mine! 
POLICEMAN 
Wait come to the back of my car the 
camera can't see. 
The officer takes the man to a point where he think is blind. 
Both of the men are still fully visible talking. 
BLACK MAN 
So what you want how much! 
POLICEMAN 
Hey I'm a cop you know? OK I want a 
pound for fifty! 
BLACK MAN 
Fifty, man I can't do that! The 
best can do is five hundred! 
POLICEMAN 
Well How bout twenty dollars! 
BLACK MAN 
Yo bro no can do! I'm sorry! 
POLICEMAN 
Really? And you think I'm going to 
let you go. Huh? 
59.

BLACK MAN 
Man what you going to do! 
POLICEMAN 
Ok I warned you! 
The policeman picks up his radio. 
BLACK MAN 
What you doing! 
POLICEMAN 
Officer down! 
The police officer falls to the ground like he is injured. 
Four other police cars drive right next to the black man. 
BLACK MAN 
No he faking! 
POLICEMAN #2 
Put your hands up! 
Before he puts his hands up the police shoot him. 
The black man falls in the ditch. 
The officer gets back up. 
POLICEMAN 
Hey Tommy we got three pounds of 
grass! 
POLICEMAN #2 
Hell to the yeah dude! Let smoke in 
his car so we can say he was 
smoking and it got on us! 
POLICEMAN 
Yeah! 
The police crowd in his car and roll a blunt. 
They light it and smoke it. 
60.

POLICEMAN #2 
Man how many pothead have we 
killed! 
POLICEMAN 
Man I stopped after one thousand! 
POLICEMAN #2 
Hey let's rob another bank. Shit I 
bought all my bitchs BMW's. 
POLICEMAN 
Hey that a good idea! Oh like the 
other times let's blame it on a big 
black guy! 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 
Everyone is still in the same position that they where in. 
ED 
Hey light that blunt up it's 
choking time. 
TONY 
Turn on the TV AL. It's right next 
to your leg! 
AL picks up the controller and turns on the TV. 
ED 
After that cop left I feel like 
someone is watching us. 
AL 
Yeah I do too! 
CUT TO: 
The camera man hits Ed in the back of his head. 
61.

ED 
Hey fuck face! What the fuck are 
you retarded? How can you miss and 
hit me with a fucking camera? 
A hippie is operating the camera. 
CAMERA MAN 
Dude man! Sorry, I'm just as high 
as you! 
ED 
I just don't like getting hit by 
camera's OK my bad. OK enjoy your 
high. 
TONY 
Hey here is that anti drug show I 
love this shit let watch it. 
CUT TO: 
INT. THE SET OF DON'T GET HIGH - HOST DESK -- EVENING -- 
Narrator is explaining what can go wrong when you smoke. 
Host 
If you smoke weed you can end up 
doing stupid fucking things. 
HOST (CONT'D) 
Or you could forget money is 
actually worth something and freely 
give it all away to someone you 
hate. 
CUT TO: 
INT. FEET FROM ATM - BANK PARKING LOT -- NIGHT -- 
A man with stripes is scooping for a person at the ATM. 
A pothead that is high is depositing money into the ATM 
62.

The jail bird is trying to rob the pothead's money. 
The pothead acts like he is about to throw a punch. 
The pothead puts his hands in his pocket. 
JAIL BIRD 
What you going to do pussy? 
The pothead pulls out rolls of cash out of his pocket. 
He then rolls up some money and throw it at the man. 
JAIL BIRD (CONT'D) 
Is that all you got George 
Washington is all washed up. 
Worthless dollar bills. Bitchs! 
POTHEAD 
How about Ben's bitch. Die you ass 
hole. 
The pothead throws all but one hundred's on the ground. 
He keeps the 100 dollar bills to throw at him. 
POTHEAD 
Yeah man fuck you bitch I will 
teach you something you will never 
forget. 
CUT TO: 
INT. THE SET OF DON'T GET HIGH - HOST DESK -- NIGHT -- 
The host of the show is shaking his head in disbelief. 
HOST 
What a dumb ass bitch. See what 
weed does to you. It's bad for you! 
Kids don't do drugs without a legal 
guardian, or a friend or a guy with 
a big bag of weed. 
63. 
(MORE)

I almost forgot pretty much anyone 
that is over the age of ten. 
HOST (CONT'D) 
Oh our next dumb ass pothead, is 
performing anal sexual acts to a 
bucket fried chicken. Let's watch 
this class A dumb ass in action. 
CUT TO: 
INT. POTHEAD'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
A pothead is sitting down watching TV. 
POTHEAD 2 
Nobody is here!. Well there got to 
be something on TV? 
The pothead opens up his secret compartment in his chair. 
He pulls out a bag of weed and begins to roll a blunt. 
He finish rolling the blunt and he fires it up. 
POTHEAD 2 (CONT'D) 
Oh shit, I'm uh...high shit let's 
see what's on cable? 
He flips through the channels till he gets to some porn. 
POTHEAD 2 (CONT'D) 
Wow look at the breast on her there 
so big. 
He begins to rub his own nipples. 
POTHEAD 2 (CONT'D) 
Yeah, and her thighs are so meaty 
with that thick ass. 
He looks over to the bucket of fried chicken 
64. 
HOST (CONT'D)

POTHEAD 2 (CONT'D) 
Chicken got breasts...uh oh I have 
a breast and thighs too. 
The pothead picks up a pencil and some paper to write. 
He writes down some basic math then gets a trigonometry. 
POTHEAD 2 (CONT'D) 
Pussy is meat and chicken is meat. 
So the conclusion is foreplay with 
chicken is most pleasurable. 
The pothead picks up a chicken breast. 
POTHEAD 
Meat! 
He throws the pencil and picks up the bucket of chicken. 
He begins to lick the chicken also following the porn. 
POTHEAD 2 
Yeah fuck me you dirty birdie I 
want you in my ass! 
The pothead gets in the doggy style position. 
Then he takes the chicken leg and massages his ass. 
His girl opens the front door and throws a present. 
POTHEAD'S GIRLFRIEND 
Happy birthday you sick fuck! 
Cheating on me with fucking fried 
chicken. Oh and surprise your 
family is here! 
All his family rushes from his room. 
POTHEAD'S MOM 
That's what you get with a bone in 
your ass. 
The pothead's little cousin cries to her mother. 
65.

Little cousin 
Mommy what's uncle doing with fried 
chicken. 
CUT TO: 
Door eye view. 
HOST 
This could happen to you if you 
smoke weed. Oh, and we could not 
tell the rest of what happened 
because he became a successful 
business man and the first man on 
mars. Anyway's weed is just bad 
say no when your friend ask. This 
is john Gibbons sighing out. Bye 
sober America. Next time see how 
strippers look after 5 years free 
crack. The question's everyone ask 
do they still suck dick good. I 
will personally find out first hand 
next time! 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT -- 
AL chilling with his boy's and smoking blunts. 
ED 
Damn I love that show it's so 
fucking funny. 
AL 
Well are we going to actually going 
to go though this with the cop. 
TONY 
Look this can be funny as hell or 
can be a disaster. 
66.

ED 
Well whatever happens let bring a 
camera. 
TONY 
Yeah let do it. Oh Al can I crash 
here for tonight? 
AL 
Hell yeah man you are my boy I down 
with you son. How bout you Ed 
chill at Al's tonight. 
ED 
Ok I'll chill here tonight but I 
know you mother fucker's can't cook 
so I will look out for my boys. 
Al turns off the lights. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- MORNING -- 
Ed and tony wakes up in living room couches. 
Al wakes up and meet them at the living room. 
AL 
What up Ed and Tony. You know all 
of you are my personal bitches. 
They all play fight. 
TONY 
I'm a power ranger. It morphing 
time tyrannosaurus. 
AL 
I'm a super sayian two. 
AL acts likes he is powering up energy. 
67.

TONY 
Hey I'm superman. 
They all fight till they get tired. 
ED 
Ok I'm tired as hell, I'm sitting 
down. 
TONY 
Yeah, what time is it Al. 
AL 
The hell if I know dude. 
AL looks at the clock. 
AL (CONT'D) 
11 AM! It is almost time for 
officer James to come. 
ED 
Let's eat I'm hungry man. I will 
cook some grub dude prepare your 
self for sausage egg's bacon and 
ham with butter fried pancakes. 
TONY 
If you had a pussy I would marry 
you. Well It would take more then 
that. Oh if you where shorter with 
big tits. 
ED interrupts TONY 
ED 
That's enough dude your scaring me. 
ED cooks breakfast and put plates on the table and eat. 
AL 
Hell yeah that is true grub! 
68.

TONY 
Oh I love your cooking it is the 
bomb. 
Officer James knocks at the door. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Hey what's going on here, are you 
all ready to watch me complete the 
test's. 
AL 
Ok well, where not going to stand 
around like a bunch of jack ass's. 
ED 
Yes, let's go. 
CUT TO: 
INT. BIG AL'S HOUSE - DRIVE WAY -- DAY -- 
Officer James takes off his clothes and runs outside. 
They all run into the car and drive off following him. 
AL 
How is the jog dude. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Shit it is a little windy down 
below. 
ED 
Hey you have fans officer, some 
cheerleaders. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Oh really, are they hot 
cheerleaders? 
TONY 
Well you may think so. 
69.

ED 
Look over ahead of us. 
Old ass cheerleaders are yelling the officer on. 
CHEERLEADERS 1 
Naked man give me some dick. 
Cheerleader one teeth falls out. 
CHEERLEADER 2 
Our shit is dust we all are pass 90 
our tittys sag back in 1890. 
The cheerleaders jump for joy and pull off there shirts. 
All of the cheerleader breast sag on the ground. 
AL 
That is some nasty shit. 
OFFICER JAMES 
That just wrong as hell. 
Al 
Shit, my mom need to put a parental 
block on that shit! 
CUT TO: 
Momma Miller puts on a parental block on. 
TONY 
That's better! 
The cheerleader look at there self's and see's the block. 
CHEERLEADER 1 
This must be that new techno color 
blockade. 
CHEERLEADER 2 
Damn, I cant even see my assets! 
70.

CHEERLEADER 1 
Where the playboy bunny of the 
1800's 
ED 
We can see that! 
OFFICER JAMES 
City limits I'm done! 
Cop's on the city limit cuff the cheerleaders. 
CHEERLEADER 1 
Hey naked stud you will be my main 
squeeze? 
AL 
Hey James you are going to be a 
daddy! 
OFFICER JAMES 
Not if I can help it. 
ED 
Hey you ran across town butt ass 
naked. 
AL 
Yeah you did, let do number 2. 
AL throws officer James his clothes then he jumps in. 
AL drives to a truck stop he find a truck that's leaving. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Hey Ed do you have the safety 
straps and the cake? 
ED 
It's all in the back ready to go. 
AL 
Cool let's get it. 
ED and AL get out of the car and open the trunk. 
71.

ED runs to a truck and bolts a cake to the truck. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Are you done Ed? 
ED 
Yes! I am ,it's is bolted down it's 
not going anywhere. 
OFFICER JAMES 
Ok I forgot what I'm suppose to do. 
AL 
Ok James look... 
OFFICER JAMES 
No you look! I'm one of you call me 
Rick James OK. No just call me 
James then I won't have to put a 
cap in your ass. 
AL 
Ok player James your going to be 
strapped to the front of my car. 
You have to eat cake off of the 
back of a tractor trailer. 
JAMES 
Ok cool let's get started. 
James get's strapped down to the hood of AL's car. 
The truck starts to leave the truck stop. 
AL pull's out and light's a blunt. 
AL 
Blunt's. 
ED 
Check. 
AL 
Newest CD from Brittany Spears! 
72.

TONY 
Check I love her she is so hot. 
CUT TO: 
Al stops the car and kick Tony to the curb. 
AL 
Ok ready to go. 
They speed up to the truck. 
They communicate with headsets. 
AL (CONT'D) 
You OK James? 
JAMES 
Good hungry for cake? 
AL 
Cool coming in one minute! 
They come up on the truck he get's close almost enough. 
He eats half the cake but traffic jam ahead. 
AL (CONT'D) 
You OK? 
CUT TO: 
Aerial shot of traffic ahead. 
(Matrix mode) 
JAMES 
I'm almost finished. 
The truck driver abruptly stops from the traffic jam. 
AL hit's the back of the truck, James fly's in the truck. 
AL gets out of the car and walks toward the truck. 
Everyone put there head down for respect for James 
73.

The truck starts to shake James jumps out of the truck. 
AL 
Oh my god your alive and the cake 
is gone. You did it! 
JAMES 
Shit let's go and get this car 
fixed. 
James is completely fine from the car accident. 
They get to the next exit and go to a car garage. 
CUT TO: 
INT. MOMMA MILLER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
They pay for the car repairs and goes to AL's mom's crib. 
MOM'S 
Hey, what are you gentlemen doing? 
AL 
Just getting the car fixed. 
MOM'S 
Wow nice to see you. Whose your 
homies son?
AL 
Ok this over here is Ed. 
Al points to ED. 
AL (CONT'D) 
This is a ex-cop James. 
JAMES 
Nice to meet you. 
MOM'S 
Well I'm Al's mom. Oh and that's 
my arm over there. 
74.

The arm is sitting in a Hollywood director chair. 
The arm flips them off to say hi. 
ED and JAMES look at it like there crazy. 
AL 
Oh well let me tell you the story 
why my mom is so nice. 
MOM'S 
You tell them son I'm proud of you. 
DISSOLVE TO: 
INT. MOMMA MILLER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS -- 
AL comes in the house with flavored water behind his back. 
Al hides it from his mom but she gives him a happy look. 
AL 
So momma how is this find evening 
mother? Uh...anything new? 
Al mom looks throw Al body and see's a bottle. 
(X-ray vision) 
MOMMA MILLER 
Boy I know you did not bring that 
unholy drink in this house I know 
you did not. 
MOMMA MILLER (CONT'D) 
Lord where did I go wrong bringing 
up a bottle water fruit cake. 
AL 
Momma I can explain I was thirsty 
but there was no hard liquor 
insight. 
75.

MOMMA MILLER 
Don't you lie to me boy. Ok where 
is the rest of your money? 
AL 
Well thought you where going to 
stay from church today? 
MOMMA MILLER 
What did you do? Something smells 
like that stank ass virgin hoe you 
brought over last night. 
AL 
Momma she said she wants to wait 
till marriage. She is not a virgin 
she kissed a boy before. 
MOMMA MILLER 
You is a punk ass bottle water 
pussy. I raised you to be a 
careless drunk. But no your a 
fucking student teacher in high 
school. Even if you get high but, 
no you have to be the punk ass 
bitch of the family. 
AL 
Yes mama OK I'm a punk ass bitch an 
yeah I'm a geek but I'm not a 
teacher pet. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Boy grow some nuts cause sometimes 
I think you have a...what do you 
call it vagina. Shit boy did I 
teach you to use proper English. I 
wish I never had a punk ass bitch 
like you. 
AL 
Ok I gotta go to the bed now. 
AL's mom goes outside to the car. 
76.

She discovers a 24 bottles of flavor water. 
She runs back in the house to get AL. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Boy I'm going to kill you! How the 
hell did you use all your money on 
bottle water at five dollars a 
bottle? 
Al gets out of his bed and go and open a book. 
AL 
Oh I forgot momma I got to go study 
my homework. 
Momma Miller is scratching her chin. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Oh no your going to see what make 
the world go around. I have a game 
we can play if you win you can 
drink all the water you want and I 
won't bother you. 
AL 
Ok I'll do it if I can drink what I 
want to drink. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Put water in the gas tank and drive 
then you can drink all the water 
you want to. To bad the world runs 
on hard liquor. Hard liquor makes 
you grow hair on your nuts boy. See 
His mom pulls her pants down to her belly. 
AL 
No momma water is not flammable so 
it would just blow up the engine. 
77.

MOMMA MILLER 
Good you can blow up with it you 
punk ass bitch. 
AL 
No don't! 
Momma Miller throws AL in the car. 
She fills the tank with water. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Now start the engine boy. 
AL 
Yes mamma! 
AL turns the key and the car blows up it explodes 
AL goes falling to the ground next to her feet. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Now bitch hit me! 
AL 
No momma! 
Momma Miller deepens her voice to a evil sounding voice. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Hit me or I will kill your mother! 
AL 
No, don't!
MOMMA MILLER 
I will kill her if you don't hit 
me! 
AL 
Don't hurt her! 
Momma Miller changes her voice to normal. 
78.

MOMMA MILLER 
You must hit me son I know you can 
do it. 
AL 
But I can't I'm not a bully! 
AL pulls out a gun from his mom's side. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Yes shoot me! 
AL 
Ok1 
Al drops the gun and a army general gives him a sword. 
ARMY GENERAL 
Now soldier! 
Al chops her arm off.
MOMMA MILLER 
Oh my god you chopped off my arm 
son I'm so proud of you. You can 
drink water as much as you want. 
AL 
Oh shit your arm. 
MOMMA MILLER 
It OK. Hey arm are you OK. 
Her arm lifts up and flips him off. 
It walks away on it's fingers tips. 
AL 
Make me a cheeseburger! 
MOMMA MILLER 
Yes my son.
AL 
No pickles! 
79.

MOMMA MILLER 
Wow now I have my son back! 
She gives him a hug and her arm swings on the lamp. 
INT. MOMMA MILLER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY -- 
She is tearing up talking about it. 
JAMES 
Wow so that's must be your evil 
arm? 
MOM'S 
Yes it is. If I put it on I would 
turn evil. By the way son where is 
Tony. 
AL 
Oh I through him out for liking 
Brittany Spears. 
The phone rings and it's the mechanics Finnish the car. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Is it done right! 
SHOP EMPLOYEE 
Yes it's done pick this piece of 
shit up before we sell this shit on 
wheels. 
AL 
Ok well have a nice walk home! 
SHOP EMPLOYEE 
What I have a car! 
AL 
Not anymore look outside bitch. 
A man that looks Carol Johnson of GTA steals his car. 
80.

CAROL JOHNSON 
Grand theft auto bitch, Carol 
Johnson, grove street gangsters 
mother fucker. 
SHOP EMPLOYEE 
Give me that back! 
The shop employee starts to cry. 
AL 
I will be there in a minute, and 
stop acting like a bitch. 
INT. CAR SHOP - COURTESY DESK -- DAY -- 
AL and them walk to the shop. 
AL 
Ok give me the keys. 
SHOP EMPLOYEE 
Here take it! I want my car back. 
INT. FRONT OF WHITE HOUSE - NEXT GATE -- DAY 
They all pack in the car and drive to the white house. 
AL stops a the front gate they get out of the car. 
JAMES 
I'm ready to do it! 
AL 
Well we don't have to do it. 
AL (CONT'D) 
You have proved your self already. 
JAMES 
What Al you pussy let rock this 
shit son yeah! 
81.

AL 
James you got nuts of steel. 
James runs toward the gate and kick it and it opens. 
JAMES 
Cheap ass American made gates. 
James looks at a ninety nine cent sign on the gate. 
JAMES (CONT'D) 
Ok agents everywhere I will handle 
them! 
AL 
Ok I don't see anyone. 
James starts to shoot everywhere but nobody is there. 
He signals everyone to come to the front door. 
A few seconds later agents begins to fall. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Damn you are an bad ass James. 
JAMES 
Let go to the oval office. 
They run to the office and lock all the doors. 
ED 
Wow I love ink pins. 
AL 
Steal it. 
JAMES 
He is in the bedroom! 
AL 
Well get some shit in your hands. 
One guard is in the bathroom he sticks them up 
82.

GUARD 
Stick them up you...uh you bad 
people. 
JAMES 
Hey dumb ass I will kill you so put 
down the gun. 
AL pulls out a blunt and lights it up. 
GUARD 
Ok wait if you give me some of that 
black and mild. 
AL 
Uh OK here! 
He passes the blunt and the Guard begins to get high. 
GUARD 
Uh wow I feel like uh...hum yeah 
no...mister bee flower! 
He starts to laugh. 
AL 
He is fuck the fuck up. 
GUARD 
Hey the president is a fag he hired 
me to be his Guard while he cheats 
on his wife. 
AL 
What's her name! 
GUARD 
No Saddam.
JAMES 
Well lets get channel 5 news. 
GUARD 
He is fucking him now. 
83.

James calls not more then a minute they arrive. 
James burst down the door and see's bush blowing him. 
The camera operators get in the room and start camera A. 
CHANNEL 5 REPORTER 
It would seem to me bush is gay and 
a trader to the U.S.A. Bush would 
you have say in your defense? 
BUSH 
First of all this is not Saddam 
this is my fitness instructor. 
Second where not having sex. This 
is a full body massage made for 
...uh massage tech incorporated. 
This is only a biological study I 
mean a experiment for a private 
organization. Basically scientific 
research. Besides I can't stand gay 
people! No questions please! 
CUT TO: 
INT. MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON - THE LOCKER ROOM - LATER 
A group of inmates crowd around the locker room TV. 
BIG BUBBA 
I'm going to make shore I wax that 
presidential ass of his! I love 
white meat! Grrr! 
CUT TO: 
INT. OLD FART NURSING HOME - BUSH SENOR BEDROOM -- DAY -- 
BUSH SENOR 
Wow that dumb ass is in hot shit. 
If he listened to me then he could 
of got away with it. 
84.

BUSH SENOR'S BOYFRIEND 
Yeah that would of been us if we 
got caught. These in the closet 
presidents these days don't know 
what the hell there doing. 
CUT TO: 
INT. WHITE HOUSE - PRESIDENTIAL BEDROOM -- DAY -- 
The presidents wife and daughters come in the room. 
WIFE 
I knew it, when you cheated on the 
election poll's. 
CHANNEL 5 REPORTER 
The Wife of the president is 
stunted from finding her husband 
with a man.
WIFE 
I should of listened to my mother. 
She said" If he cheated on the 
election he would cheat on me". 
She was right. 
A little boy walks in with a anti gun shirt on. 
His wife takes a gun from a little boy standing around. 
BUSH 
You shot me, why your a 
true... bitch I salute you! 
James goes over his body and smears shit over him. 
They walk off and get in the car and drive away. 
CUT TO: 
85.

INT. AL'S CAR - MAIN HIGHWAY -- DAY -- 
AL cell phone ring goes off a mysterious voice on it. 
The person on the other end of the phone is making noise. 
TONY 
Her arm is on but she is under my 
control, come to your mom's house. 
AL 
Tony you son of a bitch! 
TONY 
I will be waiting. 
TONY hangs up the phone. 
AL 
We have to go, my mom is in danger! 
CUT TO: 
INT. MOMMA MILLER'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR -- DAY -- 
Al, Ed and James walk up to Momma Miller's front door. 
An a very attractive woman opens the door. 
ED 
Well Al, If I could take a guess 
that's not your mom. 

JAMES 
God damn! 
AL 
Why are you here? 
HOT CHICK 
Just follow the directions. 
86.

Al 
One more question, I have to ask 
what is your name? 
HOT CHICK 
The hot chick! 
Ed 
Wow you are hot! 
JAMES 
Yeah! 
HOT CHICK 
Look I have a GPS that I can let 
you borrow! 
Ed and Al talk over the hot chick. 
Ed 
Ok, that is a hot chick, what is 
wrong with you? 
HOT CHICK 
Look! 
Al 
She looks like my old teacher. 
James 
Really? 
AL 
No.........
JAMES 
How could you not, fuck that chick. 
AL 
Well ask our old English teacher 
with the biggest breast have ever 
seen. 
CUT TO: 
87.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - MRS. LONG CLASS -- DAY -- 
Every boy in class looks at the teachers chest. 
Ed 
Her breast are not tits there jugs! 
Al 
Wow I wish I could see what is 
under her skirt. 
The teacher hears and calls Al and Ed to her desk. 
MRS. LONG 
I will see you boys after school! 
I'm so disappointed at you, that is 
why I am going to show you what a 
woman looks like. 
ED 
Hey is she going to show us her 
vagina? 
AL 
I think so dude! 
The bell rings and students flood the hallways. 
MRS. LONG 
Now boy's close the doors. 
Ed shut's the door. 
MRS. LONG (CONT'D) 
Let me introduce you to my breast. 
The boy's are smiling. 
AL 
Hi! 
ED 
Hi! 
88.

MRS. LONG 
Touch them there your's to play 
with. 
ED 
Really! 
MRS. LONG 
Yes really! 
The boy's are feeling her breast. 
A god like light beams on the boy's and hallow's appear. 
ED 
Freaking wow there like jelly 
gigglers. 
A church choir sings " Jelly gigglers " 
AL hands are on her chest and he puts them lower. 
He slowly put them on her tummy. 
AL 
Can I fell your yahoo.....? 
MRS. LONGS 
Go ahead your bad boys, so you get 
spanked. 
CUT TO: 
INT. MOMMA MILLER'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR -- DAY -- 
AL is looking clueless at Ed. 
AL 
Ok I guess so! Anyway! 
HOT CHICK 
Ok here is all the information you 
need to find your mom! 
89.

The hot chick passes Al a GPS. 
AL 
Oh OK, let's save momma! 
AL looks at the GPS it say's near Egypt. 
ED 
We have a adventure ahead of us let 
go. 
AL 
Well how much money do you have? 
JAMES 
Well I'm broke now I gave you my 
last dollars, Wait my dad and mom 
is filthy rich. 
James picks up his cell phone and calls his mom. 
JAMES MOM 
Hey son come home to your mom! 
JAMES 
Yeah mom, can I get half a million 
and a rental helicopter? I must go 
near Egypt. 
JAMES MOM 
Shore honey anything you want son. 
Well Edward the butler will be 
there in 3...2...1 now. 
A limo drives up to James the butler give him money. 
JAMES 
Thanks mom love you! I will see you 
when I get back! 
Al 
Damn, your family is loaded! 
90.

Ed 
Well we get to ride in a limo. 
Cool! 
They get in the limo and the butler drops them off. 
They walk to the airports Fix Base operator station. 
JAMES 
Ok, see that yellow bell 
helicopter?
ED 
Yeah, where is the pilot isn't he 
late? 
JAMES 
No right on time he is walking 
toward the chopper as we speak. 
Al 
I don't see anyone but you! 
Ed 
Wait no you can't fly you don't 
even have a licenses. 
JAMES 
Well yes am a certified pilot so 
let's go! 
The aircraft refuelers finished fueling the helicopter. 
The hangar rack full of flight gear. 
Everyone put on there flight suits and gear. 
Al 
Hey shotgun I get the front seat! 
JAMES 
Hey Al I will show you how to fly! 
They get in and start the engine. 
91.

They start to rotate off the ground. 
AL 
Oh shit where flying! 
A GPS spins till they get to Egypt. 
James gives the controls to Al. 
James pin point Mrs. Miller with a GPS tracker. 
JAMES 
Three miles out land short of the 
target. 
AL 
Can I land...please...! 
JAMES 
OK wait look down at the silver 
pyramid. 
Ed 
Wow you got a helicopter for a toy. 
JAMES 
Tony is at the shine of the endless 
weed plants. 
Al 
So what, look I have endless blunt 
paper. I keep rolling and rolling 
see watch my commercial. 
Cut TO: 
INT. ENERGIZER BUNNY SET - CORPORATE DESK -- DAY -- 
Al stars in a commercial called forever blunt. 
Al picks up a fully rolled blunt from a operating table.
92.

Al 
Are you tired of having blunts rip, 
tear or malfunction from your 
stupid fingers, you can end this 
problem with a new blunt paper, It 
is engineered for your casual 
smoker to your professional pot 
head. It is made from a space age 
material called bluntite 20,20. It 
was discovered by the great minds 
of NASA. You could have this new 
kind of blunt paper. Yes you watch 
as our stress testers put the paper 
to the test. 
Two cars are inches from bumper to bumper. 
A professional blunt paper roller connects the cars. 
He raps it around the bumpers and he finish with a lick. 
Al (CONT'D) 
Watch what happens! 
The two cars drive apart from each other. 
The paper stretches endlessly till the cars stop. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Wow it really works! You can have 
this space age material for 19.99 
Only 19.99! We will give you two 
for this order if you call in the 
next 5 minutes! 
INT. HELICOPTER COCKPIT - THE SILVER PYRAMID -- DAY -- 
Al is taking the helicopter down toward the ground. 
Al 
Where landing right now! 
93.

JAMES 
Your not such a bad pilot! 
AL 
OK I'm taking her down. 
Al lands the helicopter next to the silver pyramid. 
The helicopter rotor slows and they get out. 
Al looks up in the sky and he looks at the sun bay. 
Al (CONT'D) 
A pyramid is not suppose to open 
with a sun bay right? 
James 
Well your right! 
ED 
Well let's get Al's mother... 
James shakes his hand. 
JAMES 
Shut your mouth! 
Everyone looks at the pyramid before they enter. 
A silver door is open and they walk threw it. 
Gold and silver painting are cover on the walls. 
ED 
Hey this one is written in crayola 
crayons. 
The word are very clear Al reads the writing. 
Al 
Don't even touch my bitch's or you 
will shortly die. Yeah Ok I need to 
take a shit now but don't touch my 
bitches got it homie. 
94.

JAMES 
What does that mean? 
A man that looks like Snoop Dogg appears. 
SNOOP DOGG 
It mean don't mess with my hoes. 
Snoop oh double G! 
Snoop pulls out a blunt out of his glass chain and smoke it. 
He then lights up the blunt and blow smoke in Al's face. 
Snoop Dogg disappears smoke shaped like a bone. 
Ed 
Well OK, Al give me the GPS! 
Al passes the GPS to ED. 
JAMES 
Ok let's keep moving. 
They keep moving on to the next door. 
ED 
Hey something is sticky on my arms. 
James sound like the a boot camp instructor. 
JAMES 
No body touch nothing! 
They keep moving everyone starts sweating. 
ED 
Shit it's hot in here! 
They get to the next door and they open it. 
AL 
Let keep going. 
It's dark so James turn on a flash light. 
They start to hear noise so James pass out guns. 
95.

ED 
Keep moving! 
They get to some large oval like egg's. 
AL 
Hey this is not good! We need to 
keep moving. 
JAMES 
Wait look! 
People are stuck to the walls. 
Ed 
Hey this is some weird shit. 
James pick up a woman head up to see if she is alive. 
Woman 
Kill me! 
The woman starts to panic something start to happen. 
A fist bust out of her chest and slap him in his face. 
ED 
What mother fucker! Nobody bitch 
slaps me! 
The egg's start to move. 
Al 
Let's get the fuck out of here! 
They start to run to the door. 
JAMES 
Go! 
One of the egg's pull out a arm and trips Ed. 
AL 
Come on Ed! 
96.

Al picks up Ed and get to the next door. 
They seal the door and keep going. 
JAMES 
What the hell was that? 
Ed starts to cry. 
Ed 
Game over man game over! 
JAMES 
Come on where alive so lets go keep 
your guns on you at all time. 
They hear something close by. 
Al 
What is that! 
Three naked hookers walk toward them. 
JAMES 
Damn! 
AL 
This occasion deserves a blunt! 
They all pull out there emergency 
blunt belt buckles. 
They break the safety glass. 
JAMES 
We can't mess with these girls. 
AL 
Well I hate to say this but run! 
Everyone runs pass the girls. 
JAMES 
I'm going to shoot my self in the 
nuts for this later. 
97.

They get to the next door and lock it. 
AL 
Look weed!
JAMES 
That's not weed it's a underground 
forest of cannabis. 
They sniff the air. 
AL 
What is next, if you can't get 
pussy? 
JAMES 
Weed nigga! 
They appear with woman's gowns and dance around the weed. 
AL 
Yahoo! 
JAMES 
Hey let's pack up some weed. 
Hell yeah! 
They get bags of weed in new hefty bags. 
(Hefty song plays) 
JAMES (CONT'D) 
Let roll! 
Camera on empty weed stocks 
ED 
This must be the last door! 
Al 
How do you figure that. 
98.

ED 
It say's this is the last fucking 
door! 
They open the door and it's a elevator. 
AL 
Well going up. 
Al pushes the up button. 
Ed 
Get ready. 
The door opens and a bunch of kids flood in the elevator. 
Michael Jackson follows behind the group of kids. 
MICHAEL JACKSON 
Going up! 
Ed looks at James and James looks at Al. 
Al 
OK! 
A boy in front of James cover his behind. 
JOEY 
Hey don't worry I'm not Michael 
Jackson! 
The boy smiles and puts his hands in his pocket. 
The elevator stops and the kids leave the elevator. 
The elevator stops and the boy begins to cry. 
JOEY runs followed by Michael Jackson doing the moon walk. 
The door closes and Al push the up button. 
AL 
Yeah! 
99.

James 
Ok! 
Ed 
So...Michael Jackson! 
JAMES 
Where almost here. 
The door opens and they walk up to a door. 
ED 
Let's go. 
They open the door and see's Tony leading a school band. 
Ed (CONT'D) 
Oh excuse me! 
Ed closes the door. 
AL 
You Idiot! That's him! 
Ed 
Oh? 
They open the door and run inside and push him aside. 
TONY 
So you found me! 
Al 
Give me my mother back! 
TONY 
Fine! 
Tony opens a curtain and a woman is in the shower. 
Tony (CONT'D) 
Sorry aunt Martha! 
100.

AUNT MARTA 
Tony, darling join me in the shower 
so you can practice on sexual 
intercourse on your aunty. 
Al 
Ok that's nasty man! 
Tony 
She is kidding! 
AL 
Right! 
Tony then opens up the next curtain. 
Al (CONT'D) 
Mom! 
Her arm is back on and she is evil. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Chop off her arm off. 
James 
Ok it morphing time! 
Blunt force power rangers transform. 
The green ranger flips and pass green gas. 
The red ranger flips and pass red gas. 
The brown ranger flips and craps his pants. 
Ed 
Man I shit my pants. 
JAMES 
Wipe in a circular motion for best 
results. 
AL 
Let's go rangers. 
101.

Al makes a sword out of a rolled blunt. 
Al (CONT'D) 
Mother! 
Al kicks his mom. 
AL (CONT'D) 
Ayah.... 
Ed and James are kicking Tony at the same time. 
James 
Take this!
Ed 
Ass hole! 
Tony 
Hey power rangers not suppose to 
curse! 
Ed 
Your right, fuck you and your crack 
head momma! 
Tony and Ed get thrown around the room. 
Al 
Power up super bong attack. 
A twenty foot bong falls on her evil arm. 
Al picks up his mother. 
Momma miller 
Thank you son! 
AL 
I love you mom! 
MOMMA MILLER 
Hey son give me a disposable 
morpher! 
102.

Ed throw a morpher at Momma Miller. 
MOMMA MILLER (CONT'D) 
It's morphing time. 
She transform also to the yellow ranger. 
Her arm grows back and she does a flip with yellow gas. 
MOMMA MILLER (CONT'D) 
I have my arm back. 
Al 
Let's go! 
They join the fight with Tony. 
MOMMA MILLER 
Now you can eat shit for all I 
care. 
Momma Miller flies through the air and kicks him. 
Tony falls off a rock and fall to edge of a cliff. 
Tony 
Help me! 
MOMMA MILLER 
James give me your gun! 
Momma miller shoots tony arm and he falls on a rock. 
TONY 
Help me! 
MOMMA MILLER 
Ok boys attack. 
Al, Ed and James zip there zipper down and piss on tony. 
TONY 
Ahhhhhhh! Lemony fresh! 
103.

James 
This is suppose to be nasty and 
discussing! 
Tony stands up. 
TONY 
What R. Kelly did it! 
Al 
Yeah, you are right. Well aunt 
Bertha dinner attack! 
A table falls from the sky and it is taller then Tony. 
A fat woman runs 90 miles an hour to get to the table. 
An basket of chicken falls from the sky. 
TONY 
What the hell is that? 
The woman sits on Tony and crushes all of his bones. 
AL 
You know he did not survive that 
meal. 
(Everyone laughs) 
Ed 
Let's go home! 
James 
Yeah! 
Al 
Hey let's try out our new weapons. 
JAMES 
Hell yeah.
MOMMA MILLER 
Let rock this joint. 
104.

Momma Miller sticks out her tongue and plays a guitar. 
They all pull out blunts and light them. 
(Matrix style fighting music plays) 
EXT. ELEVATOR DOORWAY - SILVER PYRAMID -- DAY -- 
The gang remain power rangers shooting everything. 
MOMMA MILLER 
I hate you....and you! 
They are shooting the aliens eggs. 
Then the bring the girls. 
Al 
What a adventure lets do it again 
in the near future. 
Everyone is in slow motion walking toward the chopper. 
The everyone is walking in there underwear. 
THE END..... 
Begins ending credits. 
105.

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