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               EXT. SOME HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

               Subtitle: 2001 - THE FUTURE



               A karate fighter comes down hard on the mat after being
               kicked. The REFEREE waves his hands, indicating a victory.

                         Yeah, SENSAI, I did it!

               SENSAI nods wisely. 

                         On deck: LANCE.

               DWAYNE returns to his place on the edge of the mat and holds
               his hand up for a high five. LANCE leaves him hanging and
               looks away - he's too cool. DWAYNE gives him the french wave.

                         Pshhaw. Watch out, dude - the guy
                         you're up against is real tough.

               LANCE's opponent makes his way to the mat. He's a total punk -
               he's got like all this spikey dyed hair and torn, studded
               denim clothing on under his karate costume. He's got like all
               these piercings and chains and looks like a real badass. He
               looks at some kid and makes him cry.    

                         Representing Kobra Kai, LANCE's
                         opponent: SKRAAD

               SKRAAD, the punk guy, starts growling. The audience hates
               him. All the other Kobra Kai punks are all like licking each
               other and cheering him on.

               LANCE and SKRAAD step up and stare each other down, the
               REFEREE tries to get between them.

                         Okay, no killing each other - this
                         is supposed to be an official

               Neither of them are listening. The REFEREE separates them.

                         Okay. Begin!

               LANCE totally knocks SKRAAD down in one shot. SKRAAD gets up
               and they keep fighting. SKRAAD is losing, but then takes off
               his belt, which is a chain, and starts swinging it.  

                         Hey, that's a weapon.

                         It's part of his uniform, so it's

               DWAYNE turns to SENSAI.

                         That's cheating.

               SENSAI nods wisely.

               LANCE dodges the chain and kicks SKRAAD's ass and strangles
               him unconscious with his own chain belt. The REFEREE holds
               LANCE's hand up.

                         The winner.

               The audience cheers. The kid who was crying is happy now like
               someone gave him ice cream or something. The Kobra Kai punks
               are all pissed. 

               LANCE returns to his corner where DWAYNE, SENSAI, and
               GIRLFRIEND are there to congratulate them. LANCE is all cool
               and stuff.

                         Alright, we're in the semi-finals.
                         You did awesome.

               SENSAI nods wisely.

                         Yeah, that was really good. I wish
                         I could do a news report on you
                         right now, but the PRESIDENT is in
                         town and I have to interview him.
                         See ya guys later.

                         Wait. I think I earned this. 

               Gives GIRLFRIEND an open mouth kiss.

                         Hey, yeah. Me too.

               Frenches GIRLFRIEND when LANCE is done.

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. LOCKER ROOM - MORNING

               LANCE and DWAYNE are fucking GIRLFRIEND. DWAYNE does her
               doggy style while she sucks off LANCE. 

               A bunch of karate fighters walk in. 

                         Hey fags. Guess who's going to lose
                         in the semi-finals:

               The karate fighters laugh at LANCE and DWAYNE, who just try
               to ignore the bullies.

                         My dad raped your dad.

               DWAYNE can't take it anymore. LANCE tries to hold him back.

                         Shut up - you're lying. My dad died
                         in Vietnam banging my mom. 

                         Yeah, and my dad raped him just
                         before he died. 

                         Hey, don't talk about our father.

                         Oh yeah, I forgot, you guys are
                         brothers. How come one of you is
                         white then? Is you mom's cunt like
                         half white and half chinese or

                         STFU, okay.

                         Or does her cunt make chinese
                         babies and her ass make white

                         Just stop being such a dick, okay?

                         Oh, I'll be a dick. And you'll be
                         an ass, and I'm going to stick me
                         into you. My dad raped your dad,
                         just like I'm going to rape you 
                         ... in the ring.

               BOLO and the karate guys leave.

                         Don't listen to him guys. He gooses
                         little boys and has a small dick.
                         I saw him. And I saw his small
                         dick. Unlike you guys, who have big
                         dicks, especially for a mongoloid
                         and a paleface pigfucker. (Checks
                         her watch.) Oh, I'm late for the
                         PRESIDENT interview. I'll see you
                         guys later.

               GIRLFRIEND leaves.

                         Hey Lance, I know we're brothers
                         and friends and stuff. But if we
                         face each other in the finals, we
                         owe it to each other to fight each
                         other for real. 

                             (still pissed from BOLO)
                         Don't worry. I'll kick your ass for
                         you. We may be brothers, but that
                         doesn't mean we're friends. 

               LANCE leaves and DWAYNE looks all sad and stuff.


               There's a big line-up for people who want to see the
               president. There's a face-scanning machine at the security
               checkpoint. Some mexican-looking guy steps up to the machine
               from his place in the line. The machine scans him and feeds
               data to a computer being attended by a security fag. The
               computer analyses a screen-cap of the guy's face and reads
               out "NOT TERRORIST" over the image. The guy is allowed to
               proceed. As soon as he is past the checkpoint, his face
               morphs into someone else.


               MONTAGE: LANCE and DWAYNE kicking everyone's ass. They fight
               all these weird guys like a sumo wrestler with a beard, and a
               black guy who fights with a basketball, and a hindoo guy who
               takes off his turban and uses his hair to strangle people,
               and some little colored guy who acts and fights like a
               monkey, and some dude in kung fu pajamas who does Blizzard
               Kung Fu and kills some guy with a backbreaker. The kung fu
               guy then gives LANCE and DWAYNE the finger after killing his
               opponent, but LANCE beats him. One-by-one, everyone makes
               threatening gestures to LANCE and DWAYNE like drawing their
               fingers across their throat or punching their fist into their
               hand and stuff. One-by-one LANCE and DWAYNE kick all their

               DWAYNE is finally up against BOLO. They fight and DWAYNE


               BOLO is pissed, and considers attacking DWAYNE again after
               the match is over, but knows he'll just lose, so he goes


               A secret service agent checks his watch and then scans the
               environment. He turns his head one way and sees nothing, but
               when he turns it the other way he sees a face of some mexican
               mooslem in the reflective tip of his spook sunglasses. The
               dude behind him grabs him and cuts out his throat with a box
               cutter. The agent wheezes horribly as his blood splashes onto
               the concrete below him. The other agents stand by, watching,
               yet remain motionless. The dying agent crawls around on the
               floor and lays down on his stomach. The guy who killed him
               morphs his face and takes the agent's shape.  


               DWAYNE and LANCE are victorious and are both standing on the
               gold medal podium, holding up trophies. They have gold
               medals. DWAYNE is happy. LANCE looks pissed. SENSAI stands by
               and nods wisely.

                         SENSAI, how did we do?

                         You guys are very good at kicking
                         ass, but you are yet to learn that
                         there is more to being an awesome
                         fighter than just kicking ass. I
                         must go now. Enjoy your victory and
                         remember that you are not only
                         training partners, but brothers. If
                         you want to improve, not only as
                         fighters, but as leaders, you must
                         also learn to respect and value
                         each other - because it is from the
                         other that you will learn the most
                         valuable lessons about yourself. 

               SENSAI nods wisely and leaves. DWAYNE and LANCE look at each
               other, LANCE is still pissed. 


               LANCE and DWAYNE are walking around outside the school. LANCE
               is trying to walk fast and DWAYNE struggles to keep up, but
               remains determined to do so. LANCE eventually slows down a
               bit. He is silent for awhile.

                         I don't get it. What does he mean
                         about all that stuff about kick-ass
                         fighters being able to do more than
                         just kick-ass?

                         I don't know - he's weird like that
                         sometimes. Hey, lets play Guitar

                         Guitars are for dorks. Name one
                         cool person who plays the guitar. 

                         John Stamos.

                         John Stamos is a dickweed. 

                         No way, man. 

               DWAYNE spots GIRLFRIEND.

                         Hey look! Our GIRLFRIEND is
                         interviewing the PRESIDENT.

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE
                         Yo, GIRLFRIEND!

                         Hey, guys!

               She waves to them and turns back to the president.

                         So mister president, what are your
                         plans about the dangerous
                         millionaire terrorist Osama BIN
                         LADEN, and his gang of terrorist
                         ninjas, Al-Quada, who have recently
                         escaped from jail? And what is his
                         role in the greenhouse effect?

                         Oh, I don't think old BIN LADEN
                         will be a problem. 

                         How can you be so sure?

                         Lets just say (some dorky line
                         meant to back up his claim)

                                   BIN LADEN
                         (Some witty pun that undercuts the
                         president's line.)
               (EDIT) STUFF GOES HERE

               OMFG! IT"S BIN LADEN! He's wearing a metal turban and a
               polymer battle-suit. Standing behind him are the fake secret
               service agents. Agents surround the PRESIDENT and GIRLFRIEND.
               The PRESIDENT punches one out but there's too many of them
               and they all grab him by the arms and legs and pick him up
               off the ground. A helicopter touches down.

                         Hey! That guy is stealing the

                         And our GIRLFRIEND!

               BIN LADEN laughs as the helicopter, with the PRESIDENT and
               GIRLFRIEND in it, begins taking off. BIN LADEN backflips into
               the helicopter as it lifts off. The GIRLFRIEND sticks her
               head out of the door and yells for help, but the fake agents
               pull her back in. 

               LANCE and DWAYNE go to a parked bus. The door opens and they
               enter the bus.

                             (to the driver)
                         Dude, we need the bus.

               LANCE knocks out the bus driver with a front kick and takes
               his place at the driver's seat. He starts driving the bus,
               trying to follow after the helicopter.

               EXT. TRANSIT - CONTINUOUS

               BIN LADEN exits the cockpit and hangs upsidedown from the
               helicopter's landing skids by his legs. He has a rocket
               launcher. LANCE weaves the bus through traffic, dodging
               rockets that BIN LADEN fires at him.  

                             (to passengers)
                         Does anyone here have a gun or

                         Yo, I've got a sort of gun.

               He takes out a Tesla Magnetic Pulse Rifle (TMPR).

                         I'm a physics grad student and part
                         of my master's thesis is to make
                         this electro-cannon. 

                         That'll do.

               DWAYNE takes the TMPR, cracks a window and leans out of it.
               He returns fire.

                         Don't hit the PRESIDENT!

                         Don't worry, I'm aiming for the

               The helicopter picks up speed and makes some distance between
               itself and the bus. All these exploding suicide cars start
               veering off the road and try to ram the bus.
               DWAYNE takes them out with the TMPR and they blow up. The
               chase continues to the World Trade Center.

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2, ROOF - AROUND 8:30 AM

               The helicopter lands on the roof of one of the towers. BIN
               LADEN gets out. Fake agents and terrorist ninjas move the
               PRESIDENT and GIRLFRIEND out of the helicopter and into an Al
               Quada hover-battle-cruiser that is waiting for them on the

               I/E. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2, GROUND - AROUND 8:30 AM

               LANCE drives the bus through a line of terrorist cars
               protecting the building. LANCE and DWAYNE disembark and start
               fighting their way into and up the tower. All these
               terrorists come out of nowhere and join in the fight, but
               LANCE and DWAYNE beat them up and keep moving. 

               EXT. SKIES ABOVE NY - AROUND 8:40 AM

               A high-jacked jet plane starts heading toward the WTC.

               INT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2 - AROUND 8:40 AM

               LANCE and DWAYNE fight their way up the tower. All these
               terrorists are like jumping out of everywhere. LANCE smashes
               one into a Coke machine and all these pop cans come out of
               it, then he hits another one with a pop can and takes a drink
               from it. The fighting continues.

               SLO-MO SHOT as one terrorist does a sidekick and LANCE blocks
               it while the jet plane can be seen smashing into WTC # 1 in
               the window behind them. 

               The fighting continues. Some of the terrorists are throwing
               computer monitors, chairs, and grenades. Others are wielding
               keyboards, nunchucks, mops, fire extinguishers, and other
               stuff, but LANCE and DWAYNE kick their asses. 

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2, ROOF - AROUND 8:50 AM

               The hover-battle-cruiser is powering up. The PRESIDENT and
               GIRLFRIEND are tied up inside it. The helicopter takes off.
               BIN LADEN remains on the rooftop. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         You go. Those karate guys are still
                         chasing us - I'm going to stay
                         behind and slow them down a bit.

                                   TERRORIST NINJA
                         But, the attack has already begun --

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I know! Don't worry. We can't have
                         those two meddling in our plans.

                         You scumbag. I knew you couldn't be
                         trusted. They'll never make you the
                         king. What ever your planning, it
                         won't work.

               BIN LADEN snaps his fingers and one of the terrorist ninjas
               pulls down his pants and starts fucking the PRESIDENT in the

                         Ug. Uh. You'll suck cock for this,
                         BIN FAGGOT!

                                   BIN LADEN
                         We'll all be sucking cock soon
                         enough. Sucking the cock -- OF

               BIN LADEN starts laughing.

               INT. WORLD TRADE CENTER #2 - AROUND 8:50 AM

               LANCE and DWAYNE keep fighting. They fight everywhere: in
               offices, in hallways, in bathrooms, in an elevator.
               At each floor the elevator stops and more terrorists get in,
               and LANCE and DWAYNE beat them up. 

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2 - 9:03 AM

               A jet plane smashes into WTC2. LOL.


               The building rumbles. Smoke is everywhere and the fire alarms
               go off and stuff. The elevator stops working, so LANCE and
               DWAYNE have to use the stairs and all these terrorists come
               and they all start fighting on the stairs. They find all
               these stashes of grenades as they work their way up the
               tower. Eventually LANCE and DWAYNE get to one of the top
               floors and everything is completely empty. All the terrorists
               are either beaten up or are evacuating. The elevator door
               opens up and BIN LADEN is standing there, waiting.  


                         Give back the PRESIDENT and our
                         GIRLFRIEND or we're going to beat
                         you up. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I don't think so. In fact, it is I
                         who is going to be the one to beat
                         you up.

                         Then bring it on, balls-face.

               They have a grenade fight. Then they run out of grenades and
               BIN LADEN pulls out an AK-47 and starts shooting at LANCE and
               DWAYNE and starts chasing them around. 


               The Al-Quada hover-battle-cruiser, with the PRESIDENT and
               GIRLFRIEND in it, takes off and begins to fly away.


               The battle-cruiser can be seen flying away in one of the
               windows. DWAYNE sees the cruiser and jumps through the window
               after it. 


               DWAYNE is surfing on the battle-cruiser. It tries to lose
               him, but he's pretty good. He almost gets to the cockpit, but
               the cruiser does a barrel roll and he flies off and goes
               through the window of the other tower.


               DWAYNE lands in one of the rooms.

               INT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2 - AROUND 9:50 AM

               LANCE sneaks up close to BIN LADEN and grabs the gun. The gun
               is deactivated and they start fighting hand-to-hand. BIN
               LADEN hurts and stuns LANCE a bit and heads over to a window,
               where he sees DWAYNE in the other building. They make eye
               contact. DWAYNE and BIN LADEN both start running towards each

               I/E. WORLD TRADE CENTER - 9:57 AM

               DWAYNE and BIN LADEN jump at each other through the windows,
               shattering the glass when they go through them. They fly to
               each other and exchange blows in mid-air. They fly past each
               other and land in the building opposite the one that they
               each took off from. 

               BIN LADEN stands by the window in WTC # 1 and laughs. LANCE
               and DWAYNE stand in WTC # 2 looking out the window.

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER, GROUND - 9:58 AM

               YEUNG, on the street below, looks up and yells.

                         Hey guys! My calculations indicate
                         that the structural integrity of
                         the building you're in isn't enough
                         to withstand the effects of the
                         fire. The tower is going to

               I/E. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 2 - 9:59 AM

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE

                         FUCK! BALLS!

               They run together and jump out of WTC2 as it collapses. They
               strike a jump-sidekick pose as they fly through the air from
               WTC2 to WTC1. They double jumpkick BIN LADEN when they reach
               the other side.

               INT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 1 - 10:00 AM

               They fight. BIN LADEN is real tough and is taking both of
               them at once and he's doing all these Tae Kwon Do kicks and
               stuff. They're all getting tired. BIN LADEN presses a button
               on his cellphone.

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER - AROUND 10:20 AM

               BIN LADEN's custom star-and-crescent-shaped Al Quada Battle
               Cruiser wakes up and starts flying toward WTC1. 

               INT. WORLD TRADE CENTER # 1 - AROUND 10:20 AM

                                   BIN LADEN
                         You're pretty good, but not good
                         enough to beat me yet.
                         But you may be the only ones kick
                         ass enough to stop my plans and I
                         can't have you following me around
                         and fucking everything up.

               His turban unfolds like a blooming flower and his Cancer Ray
               deploys from it.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         After I shoot you with my Cancer
                         Gun, you guys will be too sick and
                         dying with cancer to even think
                         about following me and saving your
                         GIRLFRIEND, who I'll be fucking, or
                         the PRESIDENT, who I'll also be

               He shoots them with the Cancer Gun, but electro-field from
               their karate medals cause interference and everything starts
               glowing and lasers are shooting out of everything and stuff.
               All this special effects stuff happens and LANCE and DWAYNE
               get turned into frogs. BIN LADEN is all like WTF. LANCE and
               DWAYNE are shocked and awed.

                         Dude! We're frogs.

               BIN LADEN turns around, jumps through the window, shattering
               through the glass, does a flip and lands in his Bin Laden
               Battle Cruiser. Then he flies away. LANCE and DWAYNE are
               still stunned by their transformation.

                         Let's get out of here - this place
                         is going to blow.

               EXT. WORLD TRADE CENTER - 9:28 AM

               WTC1 collapses. LANCE and DWAYNE surf down the falling rubble
               on slabs of concrete as the building disintegrates. They
               safely land on the street below. 


               The dust clears. LANCE and DWYANE, the Battle Frogs, orient
               themselves. They look at the destruction around them. They
               conceive and recite a poem on the spot: 
               (poem here)

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


               LANCE, DWYANE, and YEUNG are sitting in the office, waiting
               for the CHIEF OF POLICE.

                         Hey man. That electro-gun of yours
                         worked pretty good. Maybe you can
                         like build gadgets for us.

                         Yeah, okay, sure.

                         Why did his cancer gun turn us into

                         A lot of cancer research is done on
                         Xenopus Laevis, a frog. Maybe the
                         gun caused your DNA to undergo a
                         polymerase chain reaction with frog
                         DNA on the gun. 

                         Enough with all the science stuff,
                         just tell us how to get our
                         girlfriend back.

               The CHIEF OF POLICE enters.

                         I heard that you guys are karate
                         champions, and are frogs. We're
                         looking for some cool guys like you
                         to do secret agent stuff for us.



               CHIEF holds up CD.

                         Bin Laden sent this video making
                         fun of us:

               He puts the CD into a VCR. It plays:

               The video shows the PRESIDENT and GIRLFRIEND kneeling on the
               ground at gun point. All these terrorist ninjas are standing
               behind them. On the wall is a banner with all these squiggles
               on it. BIN LADEN sits in the foreground on a cushion or a
               rock or something. They're in a cave or something.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I have your president and some
                         guys' girlfriend hostage. If you
                         don't declare me the new king of
                         Saudi Arabia, I'll kill them both.

               Video ends.

                         It was uploaded to the Al-Quada
                         LiveJournal yesterday. We've been
                         monitoring it for clues as to his
                         whereabouts, but so far we've found

               He sits down behind his desk and leans in close to the Battle

                         Our strict policy is not to
                         negotiate with space-pirate
                         terrorists. I'm afraid there's
                         nothing we can do for your
                         GIRLFRIEND, or the PRESIDENT.

                         No way, man.

                         Come on, there has got to be
                         something you can do.

                         Even if we were willing to
                         compromise, we can't make him the
                         new king of Saudi Arabia. That's
                         where the world's fossil fuels come
                         from and if he's king he won't give
                         us any and then our country won't
                         be able to have the excesses
                         required to make awesome stuff like
                         music videos, space ships, or video
                         games. Or at least they would
                         really suck if we did. Everyone
                         would have to drive little gay
                         japanese cars and stuff. Life
                         without dignity isn't life at all.
                         We must all sacrifice if we are to
                         keep our freedoms secure.

                         Yeah, well we got the freedom to
                         try to get them back. You may not
                         be able to do anything about it.
                         But our SENSAI always taught us
                         that if we do what he tells us, we
                         can do anything. 

                         Yeah, anything. Even save the
                         president, which is what he would
                         tell us to do if he was here right
                         now. We can do it, especially now
                         that we're frogs - that probably
                         makes us even stronger.

                         I think we should keep our freedom,
                         and not sacrifice anything. All we
                         have to do is work hard and kick
                         everyone's ass, just like how we
                         won the karate tournament. 

                         Still, we don't know where BIN
                         LADEN is hiding. You guys will have
                         to find out where he is if you want
                         to save the president. 

                         We'll find him.

                         Well, before you go, there's
                         something I need to give you.

               From behind his desk he holds up two giant ninja stars.

                         I knew your father very well.
                         Before he died, he gave me
                         something, and now that you guys
                         are frogs, I think that you should
                         have it. 

                         Whoa, they're giant ninja stars.

                         Not only that: they're surfboards.
                         Your dad was an avid surfer and
                         these were his favorite boards.
                         You can use them to surf anything -
                         even an ocean, even a tsunami.

                         Let me take them for awhile - I can
                         use science to modify the blades
                         and make them more aerodynamic.
                         That will allow you to gain lift
                         when you spin. They'll let you fly
                         while surfing. 


                         Yeah, that would be cool.

               They high-five.

               MONTAGE: All this hot 80's music is playing. The battle frogs
               are sticking up flyers around town requesting information
               about BIN LADEN's hideout location, walking through the
               streets questioning people, chasing down and beating up guys
               that look like terrorists. LANCE is straddling some moosleum
               looking guy and grabbing him by the collar - LANCE looks over
               to DWAYNE and shakes his head: it's not BIN LADEN. Yeung is
               working hard with a plasma torch, modifying the ninja-star
               surf-boards. The tempo picks up - LANCE and DWAYNE are
               training hard in their dojo, and working out and stuff. Then
               all this smooth saxophone music is playing while LANCE and
               DWAYNE are in the shower and they start making out with each


               The Battle Frogs are walking through the streets, sticking up
               "MISSING PRESIDENT" flyers, and are affronted by a gang of
               clowns. The clowns got all this bondage gear and cowboy
               clothing and stuff. Leather chaps, cowboy hats, ball gags,
               riding boots - they're cowboy BDSM clowns.

                                   CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         We're the Haw-Haw Gang! So you're
                         the guys who are trying to save the
                         president, eh? We hate that
                         president - he killed our gang
                         leader … and my father.

                                                               FADE TO:
               FLASHBACK (to a time when we were young)

               EXT. ORCHARD - DAY

               The president and the old leader of the haw-haw gang, a thin
               wiry man with many years of experience on his painted brow,
               face each other in an orchard in spring.

                                   OLD CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         Clown son, come.

               He turns toward his son and kneels to his level as he

                                   OLD CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         I'm not going to be around forever,
                         so I want you to know that when I'm
                         gone, it'll be up to you to take
                         care of your mother and brothers.

                                   CLOWN SON
                         What about the dog?

                                   OLD CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         You may have to eat him. I hope you
                         have the strength. No go!

                                   CLOWN SON
                         Paw-paw, Haw-haw!

                                   OLD CLOWN GANG LEADER

               Clown son runs away and hides behind tree, where he watches
               from behind it. Paw-paw Haw-haw turns back to the president.
               They both draw their swords. They charge toward each other,
               take to the air and cross swords in midair, in true ninja
               style. They both land in a low crouch and remain still for a
               moment. Paw-paw Haw-haw keels over and the president re
               sheaths his weapon.

               CLOWN SON watches.

               END FLASHBACK (to when we could do no wrong)

                                                               FADE TO:


               Fade back to the clown son as an adult, as the new gang

                                   CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         Now git em!

               They have this big fight. The clown leader stands there
               watching. The clowns are all like freaks and have chains and
               stuff. SKRAAD shows up wearing clown gear.

                         Remember me?

               LANCE punches him.

               A crowd starts forming and they begin cheering on the Battle
               Frogs. The clowns have all these weird clown weapons. One is
               juggling knives and throwing them at LANCE and DWAYNE. One of
               them is on a unicycle and stuff. The clowns lasso LANCE and
               DWAYNE together with colored clown bondage rope, but they
               bust out and keep kicking ass. The fight goes through the bus
               station and up the escalator to the SkyTrain waiting area. A
               SkyTrain stops and more clowns and punks and goths and
               cowboys and bondage people come out and join the fight.
               There's even a bald chick with spiky bracers and a nose ring.
               There's also some goth grim-reaper with a cape and a scythe.
               Alot of mohawks and mohawk variants, and alot of dyed hair
               and piercings, and alot of semi-naked people. The fight moves
               into the SkyTrain.
               All these hobos and weird people join in the fight. There's
               some fat guy with a diaper, and tranny with a beard and metal
               gloves, and someone in a Mr. T gorilla costume, and someone
               dressed like a sissy pink Spiderman, and a bunch of zombies -
               it's like Halloween or something.   

               Finally, all the freaks are beaten up, and only the leader of
               the Haw-Haw Gang remains. He's fat and looks like a Juggalo.
               He takes off his cowboy hat, loosens his suspenders, and
               adjusts his codpiece.   

               They have a fight. Battle Frogs win. Triangle Man.

               The leader of the Haw-Haw Gang lays on the floor in a
               SkyTrain terminal, dying.

                         Tell me where the president is. 

                                   CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         Ug, Paw-paw Haw-haw, I'm-a-comin. 

                         Shut up and tell me where the
                         president is.

                                   CLOWN GANG LEADER
                         Ma-ma Haw-haw. Look at what they
                         did to your little boy. Look --

               He dies.

               LANCE checks CLOWN SON's body and finds an AIDS pamphlet.

                         What's that?

                         It's an AIDS pamphlet. We'd better
                         get this to the chief of police.


               LANCE, DWAYNE are sitting at the CHIEF's desk as he looks
               over the pamphlet.

                         Hmmm.... He had an AIDS pamphlet on
                         him. That means that BIN LADEN is
                         hiding in a place with lots of


                         We've got nothing to prove it,

                         It doesn't matter - we've got to
                         follow any lead we have. We never
                         know which one may be the right

                         Okay. We have an agency in Africa
                         that is looking for some cool frog
                         dudes like you. I'll get you in
                         touch. And I'll request a plane for
                         you, immediately.

                         No time. With every minute, BIN
                         LADEN gets further away and his
                         trails fades. We'll just surf there
                         on our ninja stars.

               EXT. AFRICA - DAY

               The CHIEF's words are heard while scenes from Africa are
               being shown:

                                   CHIEF (V.O.)
                         Watch out. Africa is dangerous. It
                         has snakes and stuff. And the
                         people that live there are all
                         hardcore and are cannibals. 

               All this shit's exploding. Kids are running around shooting
               grenades at each other and getting exploded by landmines. 

               All these tribesmen are running around wearing loincloths and
               war paint. They have assault rifles and are running around
               shooting stuff and having machete duels. 

                                   CHIEF (V.O.)
                         I heard that there's some witch
                         doctor who used his magic to make
                         AIDS and that's where AIDS came
                         from and if he dies, all the AIDS
                         dies with him. But you can't kill
                         him until his magic has been

               Some witchdoctor is going around with a bunch of hyenas on
               chains. He sics his hyenas on people and rips out some guy's
               heart and eats it and then yells at the sky.

               EXT. ATLANTIC OCEAN - DAY

               The Battle Frogs are surfing on their ninja stars.

                                   CHIEF (V.O.)
                         Godspeed, Battle Frogs, and may you
                         kick lots of ass.

               Ninja terrorists jump out of the water and zip by on skidoos
               and hang-glide in throwing bombs and they have swords and
               stuff. One of them even comes in riding a great white shark.
               Blood fills up the water from all the dead terrorists and
               these hammerhead sharks come and start chasing after the
               Battle Frogs and eat all the beat-up terrorists. The frogs
               spin around on their ninja stars and decapitate some of the
               ninja terrorists and then they feed the sharkrider to his own
               shark. LANCE uppercuts the great white shark into the air and
               DWAYNE does a back flip and cuts it in half with a flash
               kick. Then DWAYNE starts rocking out with his sweet electric
               guitar. Dark clouds begin to roll in.

                         Why'd you bring the guitar? That's
                         so lame.

                         No way, man. I got to keep
                         practicing if I'm going to get
                         awesome at it. 

               More terrorists come in boats and get beaten up. DWAYNE hits
               a few of them with his guitar. Almost all the terrorist
               ninjas are dead and those that aren't begin to back off. It
               is almost quiet for a moment as a storm is seen building in
               the horizon. 

               Out of the water emerges the Al-Quada secret weapon: a mega
               sized squid with all these lasers and chainsaws, and tasers,
               and missiles, and weapons built into its tentacles. Riding
               atop the cyber-mega-squid is a terrorist ninja who is
               controlling the squid with a brain-interface device wired
               into the squid's executive neural circuitry. LANCE and DWAYNE
               start fighting it. 

               The typhoon brewing in the distance touches down. Wind speeds
               pick up as the storm begins to sweep through the area. The
               cyber-mega-squid kicks on its rocket boosters and the battle
               takes to the air as everyone is sucked into the typhoon.
               While spinning, all of the squid's tentacles get all splayed
               out by centripetal force - it looks funny. 

               The Battle Frogs surf through the cyclone as the squid shoots
               rockets and lasers at them. They use their boards to deflect
               the lasers back at the squid and its rider. The rider gets
               killed, but even without the rider the squid is stuck in
               emergency mode and keeps fighting. LANCE and DWAYNE get in
               close and block all the chainsaws and stuff with their
               surfboards. DWAYNE gets caught by one of the squid's electro
               tentacles and it starts electrocuting him, but LANCE chops
               off the tentacle with his ninja-star-surfboard, freeing
               They have a totally intense battle and DWAYNE manages to wire
               his electric guitar into the squid's brain and starts playing
               a guitar solo and the squid explodes from the awesome. Then
               the storm gets real bad and everything starts spinning around
               and getting screwed up.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


               The base is like in the basement of some sort of government
               building. All these terrorist ninja goons are carrying boxes
               that say things like GENETICS TECHNOLOGY and SCIENCE MACHINE.
               The PRESIDENT is all tied up and stuff. BIN LADEN walks
               around him.

                         BIN LADEN!

                                   BIN LADEN
                         That's my name, don't wear it out.

                         Your wicked plans will never work.
                         Freedom will prevail. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         (stuff goes here. Big speech. Oooh
                         revelation. Bin Laden's view is
                         that America's debt has become too
                         large to pay, so their plan is to
                         take over their creditors. They
                         intend to invade Saudi, but are
                         first knocking down all the nations
                         that would come to Saudi's defense
                         in the case of a complete take
                         over. After seizing the nation, the
                         US would be free of its debt and
                         would have control over the world's
                         largest energy reserve. Bin laden
                         sees it as his job to stop that
                         from happening.)

               BIN LADEN gestures to his goons. They grab the president.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         The crown will be mine! Take him to
                         the rape room!



               The Battle Frogs are standing before the chief of Africa's

                                   CHIEF OF AFRICAN POLICE
                         Battle Frogs, we have a very
                         special mission for you. It's about
                         AIDS. Now we all know that AIDS is

                         Haha, AIDS.


                         But it stopped being funny for me
                         when my mom got it and died. That's
                         why I chose you two. Because you're
                         frogs and don't get AIDS. And
                         because you kick ass.


                         As you know, nothing cures AIDS.
                         Not even gold. The only way to stop
                         it is by killing all the people who
                         got it. We tried pouring millions
                         of dollars into HIV research but
                         all scientists ever do is study
                         tiny worms and make up words that
                         don't make sense.
                         How the hell can you learn anything
                         like that? I'm a person not a worm.
                         So we're showing them how to do it
                         right. That and we want to kill all
                         the black people.


                         There's also another mission: one
                         of Bin Laden's operatives is in
                         Africa, find him and get the
                         location of Bin Laden's hideout
                         from him.

                         We're on the case.


               The flaming ruins of some suburb can be seen in the
               background. There's no grass, only dirt. There are roads, but
               they're ridiculously shitty and unusable. 

               Some retarded guy in an army costume is standing by a burning
               hummer and yelling at some afican kid, pointing an M-16 at
               the niglet threateningly.

                                   ARMY REDNECK
                         Stop throwing rocks at my hummer
                         you little shit-ass-head. Back in
                         high school I was a football
                         player, so I can kick you ass,
                         okay. And I got this gun, so I can
                         shoot you too.

               The kid doesn't know how to talk so he sits there looking all
               goofy while the peckerwood yaps. Then the kid's friend whips
               out a kalashnikov and shoots the american guy in the face.
               The peckerwood starts crying and wheezing and crawling around
               on the ground and then the kid starts raping him in the ass
               and giving him AIDS while he wheezes and cries like a big
               fucking baby that got his face shot off.

               The Battle Frogs arrive on their ninja star surfboards and
               start killing everyone. They decapitate the kid with the AK
               as they touch down.

               YEUNG calls them on their cellphone watches.

                             (on video-cellphone-
                         Watch out for landmines! Africa has
                         lots of landmines.

                         Thanks, dude.

               All these black guys in 20-year-old Addidas T-shirts come at
               them with machetes. The Battle Frogs beat them up and throw
               them on to land-mines and they explode. Then a jeep drives by
               with all these people busting caps at them. The whole city
               just turns into a big fight.

               The whole place is on fire and everything is blowing up and
               all these lions come and start eating all the injured
               africans, then they attack the Battle Frogs but they uppercut
               the lions and lions are exploded by the uppercuts. 

               Then the witchdoctor shows up with some tribesmen. All the
               tribe guys starts dancing and the witch doctor starts yelling
               all this gibberish stuff.

               Then the dead black guys come back to life as zombies.

                             (on video-cellphone-
                         The AIDS, it's undergoing a
                         mutation. They're becoming zombies. 


               The sun sets. Everything's all scary and stuff and the Battle
               Frogs run around and take cover in a building, but the nigger
               zombies are breaking in so LANCE and DWAYNE start blowing
               them up with rocket launchers and stuff. Then the dead lions
               start waking up as zombies and join in. The Battle Frogs try
               to barricade the building with whatever junk is lying around.
               They desperately try to keep the zombie niggers out, blowing
               away the few that manage to break through.


               Half a dozen super zombies sneak into the building and they
               have a big fight with the Battle Frogs. The zombies are like
               doing caporeira or break-dancer fighting or something. During
               the fight a crate of rocket launchers is opened up and
               everyone grabs one and starts doing like kung-fu with the
               rocket launchers and stuff. They're using the rocket
               launchers like bo staffs and are standing on top of crates
               and jousting like on American Gladiators. One of the Battle
               Frogs does this wicked Monkey staff move, like a vaulting
               backflip or spinkick or something, and follows it up by
               firing a rocket and blowing up a zombie.

               Once they kill all the super zombies, the witch doctor
               appears before them as an apparition. They shoot stuff at him
               but he's all see-though like a ghost or something. He starts
               doing all this scary ooga-booga stuff.

                             (on video-cellphone
                         This isn't good. My calculations
                         indicate that he's like casting
                         some kind of death spell. You got
                         to stop him.

                         But how?

               DWYANE whips out his axe.

                         Dude, I'm going to play a solo that
                         will be so awesome that it will
                         summon the ghosts of Alice Cooper,
                         Ghengis Khan, and Adolf Hitler to
                         protect us.

               DWYANE starts wailing and all these ghosts of heroes,
               warriors, and rockstars rise from the grave and carry the
               witch doctor away.

                                   WITCH DOCTOR
                         I'll be back, mo-jumbo! You haven't
                         beaten me. MO-JUMBO!

               His call echoes through the empty building as the morning
               light begins to shine in between the cracks in the boarded up

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


               The PRESIDENT is all tied up and stuff. BIN LADEN is in there
               with him. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         So, I've just negotiated with the
                         Saudi royalty. They've agreed to
                         give me the country in exchange for
                         letting you live. So I'll keep my
                         end of the bargain and leave you
                         behind while I relocate to my
                         secreter base. But, before we
                         leave, I'd like to give it to you
                         one more time, for old time's sake.

               BIN LADEN removes the codpeice on his battlesuit. The camera
               can't see BIN LADEN's cock, but the look on the PRESIDENT's
               face is that of unearthly horror - the cock is unlike
               anything nature has produced. SLO-MO shot of BIN LADEN
               skullfucking the PRESIDENT.

               I/E. AFRICAN SCHOOL - DAY

               African kids sitting in a crummy school. They're only
               learning ABC's. The Battle Frogs walk by, still sore and
               tired from their battle. The kids see the Battle Frogs and
               runs over to them and crowd around them. The kids are all
               laughing and are happy because the frogs are there. 

                         Look, they're not fighting or
                         giving each other AIDS. I guess not
                         all africans are bad.

                         Yeah, it looks like they're trying
                         to learn stuff. 

               The TEACHER comes to them.

                         Thank you for scaring off the witch
                         doctor. He brings us nothing but

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE
                             (together, in shock.)
                         Wow! You can talk!

                         Yes. I learnt in american school.
                         Here, come walk with me and I'll
                         tell you more. 

               She walks off with the frogs and the kids all run off and
               play and stuff.

               EXT. AFRICA - DAY

               The TEACHER and the Battle Frogs are walking around in the
               savana, chatting.

                         Thank you for killing all those
                         people. You see, in africa we have
                         too many people, that's why we need
                         heroes like you to regulate our

                         Why can't you do that yourselves?

                         We try. But AIDS keeps stealing all
                         our money and makes us too weak to
                         kill ourselves fast enough. We
                         spend too much of our time being
                         sick and hungry instead of being
                         free and working hard. We can't buy
                         AIDS medicine because BIN LADEN
                         bought all the AIDS medicine
                         factories and uses them for his own
                         evil genetic experiments. 

                         Wait! You know where BIN LADEN is?

                         I don't. But the witch doctor does.
                         The witch doctor is the best
                         fighter in Bin Laden's underground
                         kickboxing ring. He's close
                         associates with Bin Laden and has
                         more information about his criminal
                         operations. Don't try to fight him,
                         though - his magic is too strong.
                         Kicking his physical ass isn't
                         enough to beat him. You must be
                         able to do more than just kick his

                         Hey! We can kick anything's ass. 

                         Yeah. We're the battle frogs. Check
                         out these pythons.

               DWAYNE flexes his muscle. LANCE pushes him out of the way and
               starts flexing his muscles. They both start bickering.
               Bickering turns to wrestling, wrestling turns to cuddling,
               cuddling turns to making out.

               They have a threesome.

                                                              FADE OUT.

               EXT. AFRICAN SCHOOL - DAY

               Some african kids are dancing in a circle. They're all doing
               hip hop and stuff.

               The battle frogs are doing some training drills. They're
               using trees as punching bags and are practicing all their
               kicks and stuff.

                         Hey, that electric guitar stuff you
                         do isn't so bad. I'm starting to
                         think that - like - maybe just
                         because something isn't all about
                         directly kicking someone's ass, it
                         isn't necessarily useless. 

                         Yeah. It's fun to rock out from
                         time to time. It sucks to be acting
                         all hard all the time like you do.
                         You should just relax and let your
                         inner awesome out.

                         I'm starting to regret not learning
                         how to do something cool. I spent
                         all my extra time dedicated only to
                         learning how to kick ass.
                         But now that I'm already the best
                         at kicking ass, I should learn how
                         to do other stuff so I can combine
                         all my ass kicking ability with
                         other cool skills that don't
                         necessarily involve the direct
                         kicking of ass. So I can learn to
                         unleash my inner awesome, so that I
                         can become a great champion and a
                         leader, so I can be good at
                         everything instead of just being
                         awesome at one thing.

                         Hey, it's not too late.

               DWAYNE gestures to the kids practicing hip hop funk dancing.
               LANCE nods approvingly.

               MONTAGE: All this old school rap music is playing as the kids
               are teaching LANCE how to be all gangster and stuff. They got
               him MCing and breakdancing and making graffiti and stuff.
               LANCE is fighting in underground steetfighting tournaments
               and is doing all these crazy breakdance moves. LANCE is
               working out ghetto-style and is pumping up by lifting cans
               filled with concrete and car parts. He's got a gun and is
               shooting up some black dudes, but he's holding the gun like
               some fag inbred cake-eater sub-urban cop - one of the kids
               comes and corrects him and shows him how to hold the gun
               gangster style. Soon he's doing drive-bys like pro and is
               gunning people down in the street like a sawed-off shotgun


               Battle Frogs walk into a gay bar/al-quada islamic school.
               There's all these babes in cages and stuff and fat dudes
               raping little kids and stuff. There's all these guys teaching
               people how to be terrorists. There's a ring in the center of
               the room and all these people are kickboxing in it. The witch
               doctor is kicking two people's asses at once.
               One guy almost hits the witch doctor, but the witch doctor
               spits poison powder in the guy's face and blinds him and then
               rips his heart out. The heart keeps beating and the witch
               doctor drinks the blood out of it.

               Some BIG GUY bumps into LANCE and starts screaming at him in
               ooga-booga language. The bar-tender points to the ring and
               yells. So the BIG GUY goes into the ring and calls to LANCE.
               LANCE is pushed to the ring by the crowd and everyone starts
               taking bets. Everyone is betting against LANCE and booing him
               as he gets into the ring. One person bets for LANCE: the
               witch doctor, who looks at him and laughs and is all creepy
               and stuff.

               So LANCE is in the ring and the referee, some old wrinkly guy
               with no teeth, is distracting LANCE while the BIG GUY sucker
               punches him. Then it's on. The BIG GUY is really tough, but
               LANCE starts doing all these crazy breakdancing power moves
               and is like moving in all these funky ways and totally kicks
               the BIG GUY's ass. After rocking the BIG GUY everyone is all
               booing and stuff. The witch doctor laughs and disappears.

               EXT. AFRICAN SCHOOL - NIGHT

               LANCE and DWAYNE return to the school and see a note on the
               door … written in blood.

                         Dude, it's written in blood.

                         Oh no. It says that they've
                         kidnapped the teacher and the kids
                         and that they're going to kill them
                         unless we fight in the big
                         kickboxing tournament. 

                         But they fight to the death in that

                         Well, then we're going to have to
                         train ...
                         ... To the death!

               Montage of the frogs training while some cheezy 80's music
               plays (maybe a song with a name like Battle Ninja Death or
               Fight to the Limit or something.) They're all doing all this
               hardcore afican training like wrestling with lions and tigers
               and surfing on crocodiles and stuff, or like doing chin-ups
               on a giraffe's dick or something. Then they chillax by raping
               some transvestite hobos and fat women.


               It's the day of the tournament 

               (EDIT: STUFF GOES HERE, they fight and beat everyone then
               they have a tag team match with the witch doctor and a
               werewolv or some fat guy named MOjumbo or something and they
               kill him by decapitating him with an electric guitar, but his
               spirt flies away and he says "I will live forever, as AIDS,
               ahahaha" then they find the teacher and the kids, and save
               them and stuff.) 

               INT. AFRICAN SCHOOL - DAY

               The class is in session. The TEACHER is reading the class the
               story of Beverly Hills 90210: The Young Adult Novel Series.

               In the back of the class, two kids are talking. One of the
               them is one of the kids that was teaching LANCE to be

                                   BAD KID
                         You're going to have to kill him.
                         Kill the frog.

                                   HIP HOP KID
                         No, I can't - he's just too cool. 

                                   BAD KID
                         You have to - it's your fault. He's
                         wasting everyone and you've got to
                         put a stop to it.

               The BAD KID passes HHK a rocket launcher.

                                   BAD KID
                         He killed my dad. He killed alot of
                         people's dads. We must have
                         vengeance. If you don't do it, I'll
                         give you AIDS.

               HHK looks down at the rocket launcher.


               School is dismissed. The kids leave. HHK stays behind,
               standing outside the school.

               Nearby, DWAYNE is playing on his guitar while LANCE beat
               boxes along with him.

               The kid is about shoot LANCE from behind with a rocket. LANCE
               sees him in reflective corner of his sunglasses. The kid
               fires, but LANCE catches the rocket, spins it around and
               sends it back at the kid and blows him up. Then all the kid's
               friends start shooting at LANCE and he kills everyone. One of
               the wounded kids is about to shoot LANCE from the side, but
               the TEACHER gets in the way and takes the bullet. LANCE
               wastes the kid and goes to the TEACHER.

                         Oh, LANCE. I didn't notice it
                         before. You ... You've become so

               She dies. LANCE looks up at the sky. He's pissed.


               MONTAGE: Battle Frogs killing black kids. Battle Frogs
               killing black dudes. Battle Frogs raping hot black babes.
               Battle Frogs raping ugly black babes. Battle Frogs killing
               all the raped black babes.
               Tearing through the street in a chopped humvee, with a
               machine gun mounted to the back, shooting up niggers just
               like in Black Hawk Down, the best movie ever made (about
               shooting niggers.) They take turns driving and shooting. Then
               a helicopter starts shooting at them from far away. The
               helicopter bullets are real big and make huge craters in the
               already fucked-up road. LANCE whips out a Stinger and shoots
               the helicopter and it blows up and falls to the ground. As
               they drive by the flaming wreckage, DWAYNE shoots the burning
               crash survivors with an uzi as they run around and roll on
               the ground on fire.

               EXT. AFRICA - DAY

               The Battle Frogs are sitting there in the street atop a pile
               of dead nigger parts and the god comes from out of the sky.

                         The world was too full of niggers
                         and you did me a favor by killing
                         them all. Thanks guys. 

                         Hey god?


                         If you're all-powerful and stuff,
                         why didn't you kill them yourself?

                         Because I was too busy jerking off
                         to failed abortions, car crashes,
                         and rough-gay-frog-sex.

                         Wow! You whack it to the internet!?

                         You bet. Why the fuck do you think
                         I invented your stupid planet?
                         It was so you can make fucked up
                         porn for me to jerk off to. Didn't
                         you know that? Didn't you guys get
                         all those messages I sent down to

                         You mean the scriptures? Nah, some
                         tard mistranslated them all and all
                         we got where confusing and
                         contradictory stories about why you
                         should molest your kids.

                         Man, it took you guys long enough
                         to start making interesting porn. I
                         had to wait like a billion years
                         until you were smart enough to
                         start drawing stuff on caves.

                         Hey god, will you teach us to be

                         I don't need to - you've already
                         learnt that for yourselves.
                         Everyone knows how to be awesome,
                         they just have to realize that they
                         know it.

                         Hey, does this mean that my other
                         imaginary friends are real too?

                         No, I'm just here to confirm that
                         by whole-heartedly believing in the
                         unconquerable power of your
                         cultural superiority, you'll be
                         able to kick the ass of anything in
                         the universe.

               LANCE and DWAYNE high-five.

                         You two have done very well.
                         Because the AIDS has nowhere left
                         to live, it has concentrated itself
                         into a single entity. Go find it.
                         If you kill it, you will also
                         destroy the source of the witch
                         doctor's power.

                         Then we can learn the location of
                         BIN LADEN's lair!

                         Let's go.

               They jump down off the pile of bodies and run off into the
               streets, looking for AIDS.

                         Godspeed, Battle Frogs.

               EXT. STREETS OF AFRICA - DAY

               The Battle Frogs are looking everywhere for AIDS but they
               can't find it. Everything is quiet, a little too quiet. 

               Then, all of a sudden, something comes through a brick wall.
               It's the KOOL-AIDS MAN!

                                   KOOL-AIDS MAN
                         Oh Yeah!

               He shoots AIDS at the Battle Frogs. It bounces off of them.

                         Dude, we're frogs. 

                         We can't get AIDS - only black
                         people can.

                         Yeah, and we killed them all -
                         you've nowhere to run.

               They fight. KOOL-AIDS MAN is real strong and he picks one of
               them up and throws him through a wall. He kicks the other one
               and it really hurts. 

               DWAYNE starts rocking out on his guitar. 

                         I summon the spirits of voodoo
                         guitar power.

               LANCE begins doing hip hop dancing.

                         I call on the ghosts of past

               All these ghosts come out of everywhere and mix together and
               smash into the KOOL-AIDS MAN. All this special effects stuff

                             (on video-cellphone
                         Now, quickly, while he's weakened!

               The Battle Frogs beat the shit out of the KOOL-AIDS MAN. His
               abdomen is ruptured and he begins spraying HIV infected blood

                                   KOOL-AIDS MAN
                         Oh Noooooooo!

               He explodes.

               INT. VOODOO CAVE - NIGHT

               The Battle Frogs have the witch doctor's head on a stone and
               they're reading through one of the teacher's african books.
               DWAYNE playes a relaxed solo while LANCE starts MCing magical
               spells from out of the book. The head comes to life.

                                   WITCH DOCTOR
                         Thank you for freeing me of my
                         curse. How can I repay you.

                         Tell us where Bin Laden is, faggot.

                                   WITCH DOCTOR

                                                                CUT TO:


               Subtitle: Bin Laden's Africa Base

               The Battle Frogs are smashing their way through the base.
               There's all this genetic science stuff everywhere like PCR
               machines and centrifuges and autoclaves and spectrometers and
               microscopes and fridges and glowing magic stuff like on CSI.
               Fucking CSI - they're all a bunch of homos on that show.  


               All these bean-niggers and camel-fuckers are fucking each
               other in the ass. In the next cell, some colored guy is
               anally giving birth to a brown baby (a baby, not an actual
               load of shit, although the difference is marginal.) 

               The Battle Frogs enter the room and are horrified to see such
               unnatural acts.

                         Look, they're using genetic science
                         to make a hybrid between a mexican
                         and an arab.

                         But that's illegal.

                                   BIN LADEN (O.C.)
                         I see you've found my underground

               Bin Laden stands on a catwalk. Next to him, the president is
               tied up. 

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE
                         Bin Laden!

                                   BIN LADEN
                         It is here that I perform my
                         unnatural science experiments.
                         America is strong, but it is only
                         as strong as the people living in
                         it. Mexicans make America weak
                         because of their laziness and in
                         born criminality, mooslems make
                         America weak with their terrorist
                         instincts and hatred of freedom.
                         Freedom and hard-workingness, the
                         two elements of which awesomeness
                         is comprised. Awesomeness, the one
                         thing that can destroy everything
                         I've worked so hard for.
                         By using genetic engineering I've
                         allowed arabs to cross-breed with
                         mexicans to make a race so
                         untrustworthy, and uncool that they
                         will dilute America's awesome power
                         until it is nothing. Don't think
                         that you can stop me - I've already
                         released my most virulent strains
                         into the population where they are
                         reproducing at an alarming rate.

                         We can stop you. We stop you
                         everyday by using our freedom to
                         work hard and make our nation
                         strong. Your genetic monsters will
                         eventually just wind up in jail or
                         too poor to reproduce because it is
                         the strong that survive --

                         And the awesome that thrive!

               The battle frogs give each other a high five.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Your sensai never told you the
                         truth about your father.

                         He told me you're a fag.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I raped your father.

               LANCE and DWAYNE approach him.


                         That can't be.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         You back off. I'm such a stud, I
                         banged like eight women at once
                         yesterday. So I can kick your ass.

                         Oh yeah! I fucked three marines

                                   BIN LADEN
                         So you're a fag. Big whoop.

                         A fag that can rape three marines
                         at once. You only fuck women and
                         women are weak. It takes a real man
                         to fuck other men. 

                         Yeah. Any pussy can fuck a bitch.
                         To rape a stud, you've got to be
                         like some kind of hyperstud.

                         Yeah, we're hyperstuds. Megastuds.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Oh yeah! Well I raped a fucking
                         camel. Those bastards are huge!
                         They're mean and they're strong and
                         if I can rape a full-grown camel, I
                         can certainly rape a bunch of
                         faggot frogs.

                         That's nothing! I banged like an
                         eight-hundred pound hog just the
                         other day. One of those porkers can
                         eat a man whole.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Well, watch this:

               Unveils a tiger in a cage. Bin Laden goes into the cage and
               starts raping the tiger.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I'm fucking a fucking tiger. Let's
                         see you do that.

               The frogs drag a bear into the room. One holds it down while
               the other rapes it.

                         We're doing a bear, bitch!

               Bin Laden jumps into a pool of water and begins fucking a
               killer whale.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         A killer whale. A killer whale!

               The frogs take turns on an elephant.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Holy shit! They're doing an
                         elephant. That's just hardcore. I'm
                         out of here.

               Bin Laden does a triple twist half pike off the catwalk and
               lands in his battle cruiser as it speeds away, smashing
               through the wall of the base and flies off. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I'll get you faggots next time.
                         NEXT TIME!


               Special african police are in the base arresting all the bad
               guys and dismantling the science stuff. The president is
               untied and is shaking the Battle Frogs hands and talking to

                         You boys did pretty good. Maybe one
                         day you can be the president.

                         That would be pretty sweet. Then we
                         could like bang all the babes in
                         the country.

                         We're already the best fighters in
                         the country, maybe even better than
                         you, so why can't we be the
                         president now? 

                         Because there's more to life than
                         just beating people up. You have to
                         learn other things like how to be
                         cool and stuff.
                         For instance, being a wrestling and
                         ninja sword champion wasn't enough
                         for me - I won being the president
                         by learning to harness my inner
                         poetic soul:

               River stops flowing, 

               Dead blossoms fall to the Earth -

               We remain ever still…

               …in the footprints of our past.

                         No offense mister President, but
                         that's pretty gay.

                         Don't worry kids - one day you'll

                         I don't know, I thought it was

                         Yeah, but you also like John

                         Dude, we totally saved the

                         Yeah, now all we have to do is save
                         our girlfriend.

                         Do we really have to - now that
                         we're heroes, we can have like a
                         million girlfriends. We could have
                         like a new one every day. We could
                         each have one!

                         But she was there for us when we
                         were just losers that kicked
                         everyone's asses really well,
                         before we were really cool. We owe
                         it her. 

                         Tell me more about this girlfriend
                         of yours. Is she the one who I was
                         kidnapped with?

                         Yeah, that's her. It's awesome,
                         she's Asian - so even if she was a
                         man, you'd never be able to tell
                         the difference.

                         And she lets us piss on her face.

                         BIN LADEN sent her to his secreter
                         base and is probably boning her in
                         the ass at this very moment.

                         Aw, that sucks. We have to save

               The chief of african police approaches with a chick in
               handcuffs. She's totally white, but the make up makes her
               look all "exotic" and stuff.

                         Here is BIN LADEN's number one
                         operative. She knows his even
                         secreter hideout, but we can't get
                         her to talk. You'll have to
                         interrogate her … erotically. 

                         No problem, dude. 
                             (to DWAYNE.)
                         I'll be good cop, you'll be bad

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. AFRICAN RAPE ROOM - DAY

               Montage of the frogs banging her in a variety of positions
               and beating her up. First they take turns, then they double
               team. They got her doing a lie detector test while fucking

               Then a shot of the Battle Frogs surfing through the air
               superimposed over a world map with a red arrow going from
               africa to iraq.


               Subtitle: IRAQ

               The Battle Frogs are standing before the chief of iraq's
               police, who is seated at his desk. Tied up in the corner of
               the room is some terrorist guy.

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE
                         Okay, so she learnt how to talk
                         English and told us the location of
                         another operative who should
                         actually know the location of BIN
                         LADEN's headquarters. We sent our
                         agents to retrieved him and bring
                         him here for you to interrogate. 


                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. IRAQ RAPE ROOM - DAY

               Montage of the frogs raping and torturing him. One of them
               inverts his cloaca and skullfucks one of the dude's eyes out.


               Chief sitting at his desk as before.

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE
                         Okay, so he's about to talk. You
                         just need to rape him a bit more.

                         No problem.

                                                                CUT TO:

               INT. IRAQ RAPE ROOM - DAY

               Battlefrogs rape the guy some more. They skullfuck him in the
               other eye.

               Montage of rape-interrogation cross-cut with shot of Battle
               Frogs surfing on their ninja stars while superimposed against
               a transparency of the world map with a red arrow pointing
               from iraq to iran.

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE (V.O.)
                         Okay, so he finally talked. He gave
                         us the name and location of another
                         informant. We think that this one
                         may know where BIN LADEN is hiding. 

               Subtitle: IRAN

               Montage of the frogs raping and torturing the third


               Chief of iran police sitting at his desk. The Battle Frogs
               stand before him.

                                   CHIEF OF IRAN POLICE
                         You didn't have to rape him, he was
                         going to talk.

                         We were checking to see if he knew
                         anything else.

                                   CHIEF OF IRAN POLICE
                         Oh, well, then carry on.

               Montage of the frogs raping him some more.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


               The Battle Frogs have a private council with the president in
               an office or something.

                         There is something I have to tell
                         you both.

               The president rips off a latex mask - he is their SENSAI.

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE

               SENSAI nods wisely.

                         That is right. I am actually the
                         president while training you in

                         But why?

                         As the PRESIDENT, I had many
                         enemies. And I couldn't let them
                         get to you, so I needed to keep my
                         identity hidden.

               SENSAI rips off a latex mask and is the PRESIDENT again.

                         Wow. The PRESIDENT.

                         Yes, but I am also your father.

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE

                         Yes, my sons.

                         Hey dad, why was one of us chinese
                         and the other white?

                         Well, when I was in Vietnam I used
                         to get around a lot. It turns out
                         that two of my favorite whores were
                         also secretly working as operatives
                         for a Viet Cong intelligence
                         gathering network.

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE
                         Our moms!

                         Yes. It was only after I killed
                         them did I learn that they had my
                         sons, which I took back to America
                         so I can give them a proper

                         Dad, is it true you got raped by
                         BIN LADEN while in Vietnam?

               The PRESIDENT just looks down at the floor and is silent,
               shaking his head.

                         No! No!

               Runs away sobbing.


               Runs after LANCE.


               LANCE is pacing around, breathing heavy and trying not to
               cry. DWAYNE catches up with him.

                         I hate this. I hate being frogs.
                         This really sucks, yo. 

                         Look, man, I know you're pissed.
                         Pissed about dad getting raped by
                         BIN LADEN. Pissed about our moms
                         getting wasted. Pissed about our
                         girlfriend being kidnapped. Pissed
                         about being a frog. But you can't
                         just keep taking it out on

                         It's just that we're going to be
                         frogs forever. It didn't bother me
                         earlier because I was all pumped up
                         to save the president and stuff.
                         But now I'm thinking and it's just
                         that I don't know how to face
                         everyone I know now that I'm a
                         frog. It may be cool for awhile,
                         but we're going to be like this all
                         the time and I just don't know how
                         we're going to be able to live like
                         this… like freaks.

                         It won't be forever. We'll get the
                         cancer cure and fix everything.
                         But, even though we're frogs, we're
                         still brothers, and that's all that

                             (getting less pissed,
                              joking a bit)
                         Frogs just suck so much.

                         Shut up. Frogs are awesome.

                         No, you shut up.

                         No, you shut up queerface.

                         No, you shut up, fag.

                         No, you're a fag.

                         No, you are.

               They make out. This time, they mean it. 

               Montage of sweet frog love.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


               The chief of iraq police sits behind his desk as before. He
               was a map of the middle east with a whole bunch of strategy
               stuff drawn and labelled on it. LANCE and DWAYNE and the
               PRESIDENT are in attendance. 

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE
                         Bin Laden's secret underground high
                         tech base is located beneath the
                         Saudi Arabian desert.
                         The problem is that, although we
                         have them surrounded, the entire
                         country is so heavily fortified
                         that getting in unnoticed would be
                         impossible. That and, technically,
                         they're allies with us and an
                         attack on them could damage our
                         standing with the international

                         Don't be such a pussy.

                         Yeah, we'll do it for you. We're
                         not scared of no international

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE
                         That's what I was hoping. We can't
                         go in because of politics stuff,
                         but you guys can because you're the
                         battle frogs.

                         That's right.
                             (to DWAYNE.)
                         Don't you remember how we used to
                         be just a bunch of nobody karate
                         champions? Now we're Battle Frogs
                         and this is our chance to change
                         ourselves and our world.

                         Alright, let's rock on forever.

               PRESIDENT nods wisely.

               EXT. SAUDI AIRSPACE - DAY

               Flying through the sky is the Battle Frogs' customized jet
               assault vehicle. Painted in green camouflage, it has two
               cockpits that resemble frog's eyes. LANCE and DWAYNE are
               seated in the eye-cockpits. 

                                   CHIEF OF IRAQ POLICE (V.O.)
                         If you can blow up the House of
                         Kabbah, it will trigger an
                         underground chain reaction that
                         will blow up all the oil and
                         disable their defense network,
                         which would allow our foreign
                         satellite agents to get in and shut
                         down BIN LADEN's operations.

                                   PRESIDENT (V.O.)
                         To aid you on your mission is your
                         customized assault space-jet
                         vehicle. Designed and tested by
                         YEUNG, the engineer you met back in
                         America, and funded by a special
                         program signed by me, the
                         PRESIDENT. Godspeed, Battle Frogs. 

               All these Saudi guys are like shooting rockets and stinger
               missiles at the Battle Frogs, but they're all dodging and
               dekeing out the missiles and blowing them up before they hit
               them and stuff.

                         Cool, do a barrel roll!

                         Hold on!

               They do all these plane stunts and all the missiles miss them
               and fly back and blow up the guys who shot them. 

               INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS

               YEUNG's face appears on the viewscreen next to that of the

                         Woah, guys. Be careful with that.
                         It's still in its experimental

               LANCE gives him the finger through the veiwscreen.

                         Fuck you, clown!


               Montage of more stunts and stuff. V.O. of everyone saying how
               cool LANCE and DWAYNE are. All this awesome rock music is
               playing like in a less gay version of Top Gun.

               EXT. MECCA, HOUSE OF KABBAH - DAY

               There's like this big black cube and all these guys dancing
               around it or something. The Battle Frog Assault Space Jet

                         We have visual confirmation.

                         Let's do this thing!

               The battle jet dives and plunges through the air and slams
               into the black cube and explodes and vaporizes everything in
               a huge explosion that starts all these other underground
               explosions that blow up everything. LANCE and DWAYNE surf the
               explosions on their ninja star surf boards and land safely
               outside the hidden entrance to BIN LADEN's secretest base.
               The doors were blasted open from the inside by the explosion.

                         I guess Islam only has four
                         pillars, now.

                         Dude, we did it! We're heroes, man!


               Everyone's partying and giving each other high fives. All the
               action is visible on sweet big screen TV.
               Everyone's like dunking gatorade and champagne on each other
               and stuff, and all these hot, but a bit nerdy, babes are
               totally making out with each other or something. Whatever,
               everyone's happy.

                         Send in the ninjas. Go! Go!

               Shot of the world map with all these star-spangled red,
               white, and blue arrows from Israel, Iraq, Kuwait, UAE all
               pouring into Saudi Arabia and, like, all these fireworks
               going off. 

                         Okay, you guys did your job. You
                         can come back and celebrate and
                         we'll handle the rest.


               LANCE and DWAYNE are standing at the entrance to BIN LADEN's
               ultimate secret base, they are talking to the PRESIDENT
               through their cellphone watches. 

                         No way, man. We're not turning back

                         Yeah, we're going to get that Bin
                         faggot, and save our girlfriend. 

                                   PRESIDENT (O.C.)
                         Okay, but then you'll have to
                         resign as top secret ninjas because
                         you're not following orders.  

                         Then we're turning in our badges,
                         then. This is more important.

                                   PRESIDENT (O.C.)
                         I'm proud of you!

                         Let's go!

               LANCE and DWAYNE run into the lair. Smoke is pouring out of
               the entrance. 

               INT. BIN LADEN'S LAIR - DAY

               Awesome music montage of LANCE and DWAYNE beating everyone up
               and smashing their way through the base. They get all these
               guns and start wasting everyone and blowing up stuff. Then
               they run out of ammo and start beating people up with the
               guns. BIN LADEN's secret underground base is totally pimped
               out and it has TV's and Playstations everywhere and all these
               ninja terrorists come out of secret doors and stuff and jump
               down from the ceiling and the Battle Frogs beat them up. They
               fight their way through floor-after-floor of evil base and
               there's all these vats of genetic acid everywhere and they
               throw the bad guys into the genetic acid and it makes them
               all die. 

               LANCE and DWAYNE are clearing out all the bad guys and they
               get to this doorway marked "Bin Laden's Room", but then these
               two robots walk in from the door and confront the Battle
               Frogs and start breakdancing. LANCE and DWAYNE fight the
               breakdancing robots who do all these breakdancing moves on
               them while hitting and roboting and stuff. Then the robots
               make the alarm go off and even more terrorist ninjas come and
               the whole room is full of ninja terrorist mutant mexicarabs
               and LANCE and DWAYNE are like punching out three of them with
               a single punch because there's so many of them.

                         Dude, there's too many of them.

               LANCE punches out some more of them.

                         Yeah, I know.

                         Let's stick our power together.
                         Together like brothers.

                         Not just brothers - but as friends. 

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE
                         We call this move: Shocked and

               They fuse their bodies together - LANCE sticks himself to
               DWAYNE's back. LANCE starts doing these wicked headspins
               while DWAYNE plays a face-melting solo, shooting rays of
               awesome in a circle and vaporizing and killing all the

               Only the robots are left, stunned, but still functional.
               LANCE and DWAYNE can totally dance better than them now cause
               they're all pumped. They're fighting real good and using all
               these tag team moves and stuff. The Battle Frogs beat up the
               robots and they explode.


               GIRLFRIEND is tied up an hanging from the ceiling. The room
               is huge and the roof isn't visible. BIN LADEN stands behind
               the railing of an elevated area overlooking his throne room,
               his back turned toward a set of double doors opposite him. He
               is looking at his reflection in a green vat of SCIENCE ACID.
               He is wearing his battle suit. 

               The massive double doors swing open and the Battle Frogs
               enter, backlit by fire and explosions, the disembodied head
               and spine of one of the guard robots in LANCE's hand. He
               drops the head.

               DWAYNE points up toward GIRLFRIEND.


                         BIN LADEN!

               Mechanical whirring, GIRLFRIEND is lifted higher, out of

               BIN LADEN turns and faces the Battle Frogs.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         When I was a kid I had this Syrian
                         hamster. Like the Syrian people,
                         she was a purebred warrior at heart
                         and would spend hours in the
                         desert, stoically staring at the
                         sand dunes, planning her conquest.
                         Her sisters were always very cruel
                         to her - they would bite her face,
                         steal the food from her mouth,
                         urinate on her while she slept, and
                         eat her children. She knew that she
                         was born to be a ruler and so did
                         they, which is why they did
                         everything in their power to stop
                         her, not only for their own good,
                         but that of the world. Day by day,
                         they were killing her with
                         starvation, stress and filth. Did a
                         world that allows such torment
                         really deserve to be protected? So
                         one day she left. In the desert she
                         disappeared and her sisters
                         rejoiced, finally being rid of her.
                         But the desert took her in and
                         showed her its secrets. It showed
                         her how to move over the earth like
                         the wind and how to be as silent as
                         a scorpion at night. The intensity
                         of the sun was that of her own
                         thirst for vengeance, and after one
                         hundred-and-fifty-one years in the
                         desert she returned to her family's
                         burrow, and, moving fast and
                         silently like a wind spirit, gnawed
                         out the throats of every one of her
                         siblings. In the end, she conquered
                         nothing - she lives alone in her
                         burrow while the desert continues
                         on, unchanged.

                         BO-RING! Let's just fight.

                         Yeah. You're going down Bin Butt

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Not so fast! Don't forget, I have
                         your girlfriend.

               Cage with girlfriend in it lowers from the ceiling and hangs
               above a vat of acid filled with acid sharks. The vat is
               labeled: WARNING: ACID and WARNING: ACID SHARKS. All these
               ninja terrorists cartwheel into the room and form a circle.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Come one step closer and I'll drop
                         her into this vat of AMINO ACID!

               Shark breaches the surface of the acid.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Which is also filled with acid

                         Yeah, well, we're not leaving here
                         until we've kicked your ass.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         I have a better idea. Full court.
                         First one to twenty-one wins.

               BIN LADEN does a flip off the elevated area and lands before
               LANCE and DWAYNE. The lights go out and blacklights turn on.
               All these lasers on the roof and walls light up and
               illuminate a pattern of a basketball court on the floor. A
               basketball falls from the roof and BIN LADEN catches it.

               All this funky music plays and BIN LADEN passes LANCE the
               ball and they all play basketball. Everyone does all these
               slam dunks and stuff.
               Its' pretty even - Bin Laden is awesome at basketball and the
               Battle Frogs are having trouble beating him. BIN LADEN even
               shatters the backboards with a 3-point slam dunk. BIN LADEN
               is ahead by two points and the time is down to five seconds.
               The ninja terrorists are cheering and chanting for BIN LADEN.

                         Okay, time out.

               LANCE and DWAYNE huddle.

                         What are we going to do? He's too
                         good. The fucker can ball.

                         We're going to have to try
                         something unorthodox.

                         That sounds pretty gay.

                         It's our only chance. I'm going to
                         rock on my guitar to distract him
                         with culturally offensive music
                         while you use your hip-hop moves to
                         get around him and take a shot from

                         Now that really sounds gay,
                         In a hot way.

               Dwayne starts rocking out with his guitar and Bin Laden, and
               all the ninja terrorists, blocks their ears and start
               writhing in pain.

                         It's working. Now hit that whammy
                         like a redneck hits his wife after
                         a day at the pig shit factory. 

               Dwayne goes nuts on the wah-wah. The time starts counting
               down. Lance ollies around the stunned Bin Laden and takes a
               shot off the buzzer from half-court. The sonic pressure wave
               from the electric guitar pushes the ball along and it goes
               in: SWISH. Then the backboards explode and the broken glass
               flies everywhere and stabs all the ninja terrorists in the
               faces and hearts and they die.

                         We win, man. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Alright! Take her. 

               The cage with GIRLFRIEND lowers to the ground safely.

                         Hey, Bin Laden, you're pretty cool. 

                                   LANCE AND DWAYNE

                                   BIN LADEN
                         As long as I still have my cancer
                         ray, my space station, and
                         ownership of Saudi Arabia, my
                         master plan remains unaffected. 

               The court opens up, sliding open from halfcourt, revealing a
               hidden basement with BIN LADEN's rocket in it, ready for
               takeoff. The lights go out and natural sunlight fills the
               room from above as the ceiling begins to open up and the
               rocket ignites and starts to take off. 

               BIN LADEN gives them the finger with both hands and does a
               front gainer into the rocket as it lifts off. He flies into

                         Okay, we totally have to follow him
                         and stop his master plan.

                         But how are we going to get into

               YEUNG shows up driving a rocket.

                         Hey guys I came as soon as I heard.
                         I made a space rocket, thanks to
                         special funding from the PRESIDENT.



                         Now we can go after BIN butt-head.

               EXT. BIN LADEN'S LAIR - DAY

               YEUNG's rocket takes off from BIN LADEN's base and flies into

               EXT. ATMOSPHERE - DAY/NIGHT

               In space, the rocket docks onto BIN LADEN's space station. 


               BIN LADEN is working at the controls of the space station.
               Pounding can be heard on the other side of the sealed door
               blocking off the docking port. Dents form in the door with
               each pound. Eventually the door busts off its hinges - LANCE
               has kicked through the door. BIN LADEN turns around to face

                         Tell us your master plan, bitch. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Okay, I've upgraded my cancer ray
                         so that instead of turning people
                         into frogs, it turns them into
                         cancer --

                         Oh, shit.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         And I've mounted it to a satellite
                         that will circle the earth and
                         shoot the whole earth with cancer

                         Na-uh. The earth has an ozone layer
                         that will block all your cancer
                         rays. I learnt that in school. And
                         I'm not ashamed to admit that
                         knowledge is cool. 

                                   BIN LADEN
                         The ozone layer would block the
                         rays, but now that I own Saudi
                         Arabia, I'm going to burn all the
                         fossil fuels and cause the
                         greenhouse effect and break the
                         ozone layer.

                         Oh, fuck.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Yeah, and the only people that
                         would be immune to the cancer rays
                         are black people because they have
                         stuff in their skin that makes it
                         black and blocks cancer rays. But
                         guess who got rid of them for me?

                         Damn, that was us.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         And once all the white people die
                         of cancer, I'll be able to rule the
                         whole world. Except for maybe
                         China, but they got their own thing
                         going on. 

                         Shut the fuck up.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         No, you shut up.

                         Make me.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         No, you make me.

                         What? You want to go?

                                   BIN LADEN
                         Okay. But first, I think you should
                         see my true form.

               BIN LADEN sheds his skin and turns into some kind of crazy
               cyborg alien.

               They break out into a fight. They all put these rockets on to
               their hands and feet to they can fight in zero-G without
               having to do just jujitsu moves only. BIN LADEN in his true
               form is really tough - he's got a force field that he uses to
               block punches and he goes so fast and hard that he blurs when
               he moves and does all these wrestling moves like fireman's
               powerbombs and stuff. When he punches, lasers come out of his
               fist. When he kicks, lighting comes out. When he punches and
               kicks at the same time, lighting and lasers come out. During
               the fight, they bust the space station and it falls out of


               Space station getting all busted from within. All this steam
               and shit is flying out of it and it starts to fall toward


               The fighting continues. YEUNG's face appears on the space
               station's veiwscreen.

                         According to my calculations,
                         you're falling out of orbit. You
                         have to get out of there before it

               The space station enters the atmosphere and starts burning
               up. Everyone keeps fighting and BIN LADEN uses his
               mirrorblade technique to split into two CYBER ALIEN BIN
               LADENs. YEUNG's face appears again on the flickering display
               screen. He's frantically, yet mutely, trying to warn
               everybody. Segments of his voice come through between static,
               but is mostly inaudible. One of the Battle Frogs is thrown
               into the screen, shattering it. DWAYNE chops one of the BIN
               LADENs in half with his guitar, but it was just a shadow and
               not the real CYBER ALIEN BIN LADEN. They keep fighting and
               everyone is just going nuts on each other. The Battle Frogs
               are doing all these zero-G tag team moves and CYBER ALIEN BIN
               LADEN is totally fighting them both at once. 

                         It' s going to blow!

                         Shit. Fuck!

               The space station explodes.

                                                              FADE OUT.

               EXT. HAWAII - DAY

               The battlefrogs land safely in Hawaii. They land in hammocks
               and all these hula babes serve them drinks while all these
               hula dudes play ukuleles.


               Bin Laden is alone in the desert and stares into the horizon.
               He cups his face in his hands with anguish. The sun glares
               down on the smoking ruins of the shattered landscape he now
               rules. He looks up and yells at the sky.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         This isn't what I wanted. This
                         isn't what I wanted!

               EXT. HAWAII - AFTERNOON

               Battle frogs are banging some Hawaiian street kid.

               EXT. HEAVEN - DAY

               GOD watches them fuck the kid on a TV built into a cloud. On
               another screen are videos of car crashes, and on a third is a
               POV shot of a doctor with a bloody wire-coat hanger mouthing
               the words: OH SHIT! GOD is jerking off. 

                         Oh yeah.

               HITLER comes and puts his hand on GOD's shoulder. GOD gets

                         Give me some sugar, honey.

               God and Hitler make out. Hitler is the man.


               BIN LADEN looks up at the sky, yelling.

                                   BIN LADEN
                         You'll suck cock for this, Battle
                         Frogs. COOOOOOOCK!

                                                              FADE OUT.


               Subtitle: NEXT YEAR

               A karate tournament in a high school gym. The PRESIDENT is in
               attendance. The battlefrogs hold up another karate trophy.
               GIRLFRIEND stands by with a microphone, ready to interview
               them. LANCE and DWAYNE talk into the mike and address the

                         Okay we have something to say.

                         Yeah, we've learnt that just
                         beating people up isn't enough, so
                         we're going to play some music for
                         you guys. 

                         Crank up the crankables - we're
                         getting ready to rock and rap.

               DWAYNE whips out his guitar and starts wailing hard while
               LANCE grabs the mic and starts rapping.

               The audience goes nuts for it. Everyone likes it.

               The PRESIDENT takes the mic.

                         I think it's time for me to pass my
                         presidency on to someone more
                         worthy. You two have come a long
                         way and I'm more than happy to have
                         you be the new president.


                         We'll take it.

                         And, GIRLFRIEND, we'll like you to
                         be our new first lady.


               The Battle Frogs give each other a high-five. Freeze frame of
               the high-five.

               Roll credits.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.

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