FADE IN:
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
Eighteen-wheeler roars down the highway.  POV: Driver of the semi.  We follow driver's focus as he he glances to his right.  A green sign with white lettering reads:
WINDING RIVER - 2 miles
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS
The eighteen-wheeler approaches the city limits.  On the right we see another sign:
WINDING RIVER   
Pop. - 7,622
Montage: idyllic, small-town images: mother with three kids at the butcher shop, two young men hunched over the open hood of a pickup truck in a driveway, foursome of retired women on golf course, local swimming pool filled with laughing and splashing kids, Budweiser delivery man and bar owner bull shitting about life, and three old farts laughing it up in barber shop.
EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE OF WINDING RIVER COMMUNITY BANK - DAY
NORA MCCOMBS -- late 80's, walking with cane, carrying purse in left hand -- approaches the bank entrance.  She freezes.  Inside the bank a masked gunman points a revolver at the bank employee on the other side of the counter.  Nora makes fluttering motions with both arms while looking around.  There's no one else in the immediate vicinity.  She digs a cell phone out of her purse and punches in 911.
NORA
I, I, I want to report a bank robbery.
(Beat)
My bank.  The Winding River Community Bank, for heaven's sake.
(Beat)
No, I'm not inside the bank, thank God.  I was about to go inside to make a deposit in my grandson's college savings account.  That's when I noticed someone with a gun pointed at poor Ed Nelson's face.
(Beat)
Don't worry, I won't try anything heroic You just get an officer over here right away.
EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE OF WINDING RIVER COMMUNITY BANK - DAY
From Nora's POV, we see ED NELSON setting stacks of bills in a black and teal duffel bag sitting on the counter.  The robber says something to Ed before turning and striding toward the main doors.  Nora scrambles behind an island of shrubbery just in time.  She frowns at a red and black eighteen-speed bicycle propped against the island of shrubbery. Bank robber emerges from the building, glances left and right and hustles right toward Nora and the bike.  She scrambles around to the far side of the topiary.  Peeking between the shrubs, she watches as the bank robber jogs over and hops on the bicycle.  Robber pedals away from the bank with the black and teal duffel bag slung over the left shoulder.
NORA
Dear, dear, what is this world coming to?
EXT. STREET OUTSIDE WINDING RIVER COMMUNITY BANK - DAY
Squad car, lights flashing and siren blaring, screeches to a halt.  OFFICER DARREN GLANDER -- 30's, medium build, dark hair -- hops out of the squad.  He jogs toward the bank entrance.
INT. BANK TELLER AREA - CONTINUOUS
Glander approaches the counter area.  ED NELSON -- late 40's, athletic-looking, wire-rim glasses -- opens a door to the right of the counter area and comes out to meet the police officer.
OFFICER GLANDER
Good god, Ed, what happened?
ED
It was scary, man.  I'm sitting in my office going through paperwork.  The bell dings so I get up and go out to help what I assume is one of our customers.  Instead I see this dude with a ski mask pointing a gun at my face.  He says to hand over all the money in the tills and the vault or he'll blow my head off.
OFFICER GLANDER
And you weren't inclined to argue with him?
ED
Exactly.
OFFICER GLANDER
The bank robber, after taking all the money, fled on bicycle down Rail Side Avenue, is that right?
ED
I guess.  I was talking with your dispatcher at the time so I didn't see how the guy got away.  Pretty damn bizarre.
OFFICER GLANDER
It's unusual all right.  Not your typical getaway vehicle.  What'd he look like?
ED
He had a ski mask on so about all I can say is that he was about five ten and weighed like 170 or so.  
OFFICER GLANDER
Great.  Anything else you can think of?
ED
Not right now.
OFFICER GLANDER
If we have anymore questions, we'll contact you.
ED
I'll be happy to help in any way I can.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Officer Glander is at his desk studying a police report.  He shakes his head.
OFFICER GLANDER
Screw it, I'm going to call the sheriff.
He punches a number into the phone.
INTERCUT TO:
EXT. OUT-OF-TOWN GOLF COURSE - CONTINUOUS
SHERIFF DUANE MUNDLE -- late 40's, shaved head and slight gut -- and MONICA JOHNSON -- early 20's, nose ring, multiple tattoos, black hair dyed orange, well-endowed -- sit on a golf cart.  The sheriff takes one last drag from a joint, coughs for a couple beats, and tosses the tiny stub away.
Cart comes to a halt.  Monica hops out, grabs an iron and prepares to hit.  Sheriff's cell phone rings.  Mundle, a silly smile on his face, studies the LED.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Oh shit, it's my work.
MONICA
Go ahead, answer it.  I dare yah.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm stoned but not that fucking stoned.
Both laugh uproariously.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Go ahead and hit.  I'll call my work back after the round is over.  The bastards can wait.
Monica nods and prepares to hit her next shot.
INTERCUT TO:
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Officer Glander hangs up the phone.
OFFICER GLANDER (Softly)
That's weird.  He said he'd keep his cell on the whole weekend.
(Beat)
Screw it, who needs him anyway?
INT. CLUBHOUSE - DAY
The sheriff and Monica sit in a booth in the very back of the clubhouse.  Monica lights up a cigarette while Mundle checks his voice mail messages.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Son of a bitch.
MONICA
What's wrong?
Sheriff pulls the cell phone away from his ear.  He shakes his head while avoiding eye contact with his female friend.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The bank was robbed a little before noon.  The bastard got away with over a quarter million dollars.
MONICA
Which bank?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The one and only bank in the whole one-horse town.  The Winding River Community Fucking Bank.
(Beat)
I can't believe it.  There's never any real crime in the town and the one weekend out of the entire year I'm any distance away from the place, the bank gets robbed.
Monica sips from her drink, then sets her cigarette in the ash tray.
MONICA
Murphy's law, man.  So what's next?  You gonna head back tonight?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I don't know, I need to be straight before tackling this.  Plus Glander is a bright kid.  He'll do okay.  I'll head back tomorrow morning, be back in town around noon.
MONICA (Smiling coyly)
So tonight's our time to shine?
Sheriff Mundle takes a long draught from his margarita.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Damn right it is.  Shine, smoke and do each other up right.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Mundle crawls out from underneath the covers without waking Monica.  Red-eyed and yawning, the sheriff stumbles into the kitchenette.  
An empty bottle of tequila and about a dozen empty beer cans are strewn across the counter.  Smiling and shaking his head, Mundle rifles through several drawers until finding a packet of coffee.  He empties the coffee into the filter, pours water into the top of the coffee maker and hits the ON switch.
He looks at the clock:  6:02 a.m.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Softly)
Good god, it's going to be a long damn day.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Mundle has drank most of the coffee.  Monica is still dead to the world.  The sheriff pulls his wallet out.  He extracts a small photograph of a young, smiling, fairly attractive woman who's obviously not Monica.  The sheriff smiles ruefully at the photo before slowly putting it away.  He pours the rest of the coffee from the pot into a stainless steel travel mug.  He slips over, kisses Monica on the forehead and heads for the door.
INT. SHERIFF'S CAR - DAY
Mundle uses cell phone to make a call.
SHARON (O.S.)
Winding River Police Department, how can I help you?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Hey Sharon, it's Duane.
SHARON (O.S.)
Oh my god, you missed the excitement.  Darren was going crazy yesterday.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So I heard.  I'm driving back to Winding River right now.  You want to fill me in on just what in the hell went down yesterday?
SHARON (O.S.)
Good lord, where to begin?  All right, the silent alarm at the bank was activated at 11:45 a.m....
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - MORNING
Sheriff Mundle reads the police report of the robbery at his desk while slurping down more coffee.  Officer Darren Glander appears in the doorway.
OFFICER GLANDER
Mornin'.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Morning.  I was just reading your report on the robbery.
OFFICER GLANDER
Sorry, Sheriff, but I got nowhere questioning the residents along Rail Side Avenue.  No one saw a thing.  I can't believe it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yeah, that does seem odd.
(Beat)
But the bigger question is why the robber chose a bicycle for a getaway vehicle.
OFFICER GLANDER
That is weird.  I've never heard of a criminal in the history of the world using a bike as a getaway vehicle in a bank robbery.
The sheriff motions for Glander to have a seat in front of his desk.  He accepts.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Actually I have read of a couple instances of that happening.  It's rare but it happens.
(Beat)
At any rate, given the method of escape, we have to put ourselves in the criminal's shoes.  What advantage does a bicycle offer over your run-of-the-mill getaway vehicle?
OFFICER GLANDER
No license plate.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right.  What else?
OFFICER GLANDER
More freedom.  You don't have to drive on the streets and highways.  Bikes can go pretty much anywhere.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right again.  I think the robber also chose an unconventional mode of escape because he thought it would confuse the local law-enforcement community.  That's not a personal slam, merely an observation.  
Glander shifts uneasily in his chair.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
But the bicycle can only work for the short-term.  You're not going to make your ultimate getaway on a damn bike.  It just doesn't go fast enough.
Officer Glander sits silently.  After a few seconds, he leans forward in the chair.  He points at the sheriff.
OFFICER GLANDER
There is a bike path that runs parallel to Rail Side Avenue.  You know the one just beyond the railroad tracks?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Sure.  The path runs through the city park.
(Beat)
I bet you the robber took the bike path into the park and ditched the bicycle in the deep grass or in the forest that surrounds the park.  And then they took the money into the actual getaway vehicle.
(Beat)
God knows where they are now.
Sheriff Mundle slurps from the coffee mug.  He sighs long and loud.
OFFICER GLANDER
So now what?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We search every inch of the park for a bicycle that matches the description of the one the robber rode.  If we find one, that at least confirms my theory.  It doesn't get us any closer to identifying a suspect but at least we'll be on the right track.
OFFICER GLANDER
Gotcha.  So what's next?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right now, I've got a bank VP to question.
He groans while struggling to his feet.  Sheriff grabs his stainless steel coffee mug.
OFFICER GLANDER
You want me to search the park for the bike?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yes.
OFFICER GLANDER
Before or after my rounds?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Before.  The shit hasn't really hit the fan yet but I can see the blades spinning and smell a big ass load of excrement heading right for it.  The bank robbery is priority one.
OFFICER GLANDER
I hear you.
He turns and leaves the office.  The sheriff is right behind him.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Ed Nelson sits on the edge of a recliner several feet from a home theater TV system.  ESPN's Sports Center is on but muted.  The highlights from the world of sports parades silently across the screen.  Sheriff Mundle sits comfortably in a couch five feet to Ed's left.
ED
You sure you don't want a drink?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No thanks, Ed. Besides being on duty, I'm still recovering from last night.
ED
Yeah, you do look like shit.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Laughing)
Thanks.  What can I say, a seductive female led me astray.
ED
I've heard that can happen.
Ed sips from a wine goblet.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So tell me about the robbery.
ED
What you want to know?  I already told Officer Glander what happened.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I know but I haven't had a chance to read his report yet plus I want to hear what happened in your own words.
Ed looks away from the sheriff.  He stares at the TV for a few seconds.  He turns back to the sheriff.
ED
Like I told the officer, I was sitting in my office going over some reports.  I heard the bell ding, which means someone is coming into the bank.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right.
ED
So I hopped up and went out to the teller area.  I was about to ask the person how I could help when I saw a guy with a ski mask pointing a revolver at me.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
There is Plexiglas protecting you, right?
Ed laughs and gulps down most of the remaining wine.
ED
It's only three feet high.  It'd be easy for a robber to get around that if they wanted to.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So then what happened?
ED
He told me he wanted all the money in the drawers and from the vault.  I told him I didn't know the combination to the vault but he didn't believe me.  Said if I didn't cooperate that he'd shoot me in the face and see if that jogged my memory.
Mundle hops up and begins pacing in back of the couch.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yeah, that would have spurred me into opening the vault for him.
(Beat)
Can you describe the robber's voice?
ED
You mean did he have an accent?
Sheriff is still pacing.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That or anything else about the voice.  You know, was it raspy like the guy smoked cigarettes a lot, baritone like Barry White, high-pitched like Pee Wee Herman, Italian Mafia like  "The Sopranos", etc.
Ed shakes his head while contemplating his glass of wine.
ED
I don't know, nothing that really jumps out.  He sounded normal, like your typical Minnesotan guy.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Really. So he sounded kind of like   you or me?
ED
Yeah, pretty much.
Ed looks away, again gazing at the soundless highlights on ESPN.  The sheriff stops pacing.  He leans over the couch, elbows resting on the top of the back cushions.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Okay, so you opened up the vault, right?
ED
Yep.  Brought out $250,000 but I left a little over $100,000 in the vault.  It was in the far right-hand corner so I knew the robber couldn't see it.  Plus I figured he'd be happy with a quarter of a million dollars.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
And was he satisfied with that amount?
ED
He bitched, said something like, 'you sure that's all the money'.  I assured him it was.  Told him he was free to come into the vault and look for himself.  I was scared shitless that he might take me up on the offer.  But I figured your typical bank robber doesn't want to hang around the bank any longer than he absolutely has to.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So he took the money.  What did he use to transport the bills?
ED
A black and teal duffel bag.  It was barely big enough to hold it all.  He told me to stay right where I was until he left the building.  If I moved, he'd shoot me.  So I stood there and watched him leave the bank with the money.
Sheriff nods.  He raises up, folds his arms across his chest and thinks.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What time did the gunman leave the bank?
ED
11:46.  That I'm sure of.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's odd.  Sharon said the silent alarm was activated at 11:45.  Why wasn't it activated earlier?
ED
I didn't think to activate until right before he left.  Hey, I'm sorry but when someone points a gun at your face, it's not that easy to think clearly.  I froze up, I panicked, all fucking right?!
Sheriff holds up both palms in a mock-surrender gesture.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Whoa, whoa, easy fella.  I'm not accusing you of anything.
Silence.  Ed hops up and makes for the kitchen.
ED
Getting a refill.  Be right back.
Sheriff nods, then takes a seat on the couch.  Ed returns with a full glass of wine.  He plops down into the recliner.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Nora McCombs said she saw the robber hop on a black and red bicycle and travel south until hitting Rail Side Avenue.  He turned right on Rail Side Avenue.  Is that what you saw?
ED
I didn't see any of that.  I called 911 just in case the silent alarm didn't work.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's right, you were talking with our dispatcher Sharon when the robber made his escape.
ED
You got it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
One more thing.  How tall would you say the gunman was?
ED
Little under six feet, maybe five ten.  Skinny but muscular.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, that's all I need for right now.  If I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
Sheriff walks over to Ed. The two shake hands.
ED
Good luck on finding the guy.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks for your help.  Hey, are we still on for tennis this Saturday morning?
ED
Sorry but I'll have to take a rain check.  I turned my ankle real bad yesterday.  Walking is no big deal but I don't want to take a chance playing tennis.  One wrong step and it could get ugly.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Okay, well, maybe next week, huh?
ED
Hopefully.  I'll let you know how it feels next week.
Mundle frowns, then heads toward the door.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right then.  Talk you soon.
ED
Yeah, sure.
Ed cradles the wine glass while staring at the TV screen as Mundle lets himself out.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Sheriff Mundle is in his office.  He presses the PLAY button on a remote.
P.O.V. SHERIFF MUNDLE - CONTINUOUS
Video in the VCR begins playing.  Black and white image of masked gunman entering the bank.  Sheriff nods, then takes a swig of coffee.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Frowning)
Robber isn't close to five foot ten.
Shaking his head, the sheriff makes a note on a yellow pad. 
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Mundle fights to stay awake while shuffling through stacks of paperwork.  Officer Glander appears in the doorway.  He's holding a black and red bicycle in his gloved hands.  Mundle jumps up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Holy shit, you found it.
OFFICER GLANDER
Damn right.  It was lying not more than fifteen feet off the bike trail in the northwest corner of the park.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, leave it here by my desk.  I'll call the Minnesota BCA and have them send a technician to check for prints.  Good work.
OFFICER GLANDER
Thanks.  Unless you need anything more from me, I'm outta here.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You and me both.  See you tomorrow.
OFFICER GLANDER
Sounds good.  Good night.
INT. ANDY'S OLD FASHIONED PUB - NIGHT
Sheriff Mundle sips a Coke while sitting at the bar.  The owner, ANDREW SCOTT -- tall, strapping, mid 50's, handlebar mustache -- reads the sports section of the newspaper while washing out beer mugs.  Two of the four pool tables in the back of the bar are in use.  A third of the booths are occupied.
ANDREW
So how's the bank robbery case goin'?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It's going.
ANDREW
You got any suspects yet?
Andrew folds up the sports section.  He starts cleaning an already spotless beer mug while regarding the sheriff.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We do.
ANDREW
Really?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yep.  We found an 18-speed bicycle lying in some tall grass in the northwest corner of the city park.
ANDREW
You mean where the railroad track intersects with tenth street?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right.  Officer Glander found the bike there the day after the robbery.  I'm thinking the robber used a bicycle so he wouldn't have to worry about anyone catching a license plate number.  The robber must have high-tailed it down the bike path with the loot in a black and teal duffel bag.  When no one was looking, he veered off the trail, rode over the railroad tracks, and ditched the bike in the tall grass.
A young white male covered with tattoos yells for another pitcher of beer.
ANDREW
Hold that thought.  I'll be right back.
He zips down to the other end of the bar, grabs the pitcher and refills it.  Tattoo guy gives Andrew eight bucks.
TATTOO MAN
Keep the change, man.
ANDREW
Thanks.
Owner returns to Sheriff Mundle.
ANDREW (Cont'd)
All right, so you were saying?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The robber ditches the bike and takes the loot over to the getaway vehicle that he'd parked in the city park earlier that morning.  After that, he drives away with a quarter million dollars.
ANDREW
So how are you going to come up with suspects?  Did anyone see a guy getting into a car with a black and teal duffel bag?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No but we have videotape from a security camera at the park.  Every vehicle that enters or leaves the park is captured on video.  We have identified four vehicles that entered the park Saturday morning and left between 11:50 and 12:10 that afternoon.  Now it's a matter of tracking down the owners of the vehicles and checking their alibis.
Andrew smiles and shakes his head.
ANDREW
Pretty smart thief but apparently not smart enough.  Guess he didn't know about the park security camera.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Apparently not.
Someone else yells for a refill.
ANDREW
Gotta run, Sheriff.  You want a refill on the Coke before I go?
Sheriff shakes his head.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No, thanks.  I better run.  Got a feeling the next couple of days, or longer, are going to be hectic.  Better get my beauty rest.
ANDREW
Good luck with the case, Sheriff.  Sounds real interestin'.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks, Andy.  But you have to promise me you won't tell anyone else what I told you about the case.  I'm serious.
ANDREW
I'm with you, Sheriff.  Mum's the word.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Excellent.  
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - MORNING
Mundle and Officer Glander sit at the sheriff's desk.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So you got the owners of the four vehicles in question?
OFFICER GLANDER
Sure do.  One is Katie Koplin.  She was there with her husband and their three daughters and two sons.  Met another couple for a barbecue.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Okay, that's one we can cross off the list.  Next.
OFFICER GLANDER
Jeff O'Neil.  Unemployed for going on five years, one prior, an armed robbery of a 7-11 nine years ago.  He served three years and was released on parole for good behavior.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I don't get how he survives without ever working.
OFFICER GLANDER
Shacks up with desperate, dumb women.  They house him, give him money for booze and cigarettes and in return, I don't know, he must be good in bed.  That's all I can figure.
Telephone rings.  Sheriff grabs it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Sheriff Mundle speaking.
(Two beats)
Oh hi, Mayor Kolawski.  What can I do for you?
(Two more beats)
Oh sure, I understand your concern.  You have to understand it's early in the investigation.  We're in the process of identifying suspects.  Once that's done, we'll be vigorously questioning said suspects to determine if they're truly suspects.  And then we'll see what happens from there.
(Three beats)
You bet.  I'll keep you in the loop all throughout the investigation.  Take care, Mayor.
Sheriff hangs the phone up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Jerk off.
Glander tries unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
He's all bent out of shape.  Says the Twin Cities media is making fun of the police department, and by extension, the entire town of Winding River.
OFFICER GLANDER
What are they saying?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
One newspaper read, "Bank Robber Evades Small-Town Police Force on 18-speed Bike" while the other was something like, "Robber Pedals Away with a Quarter of a Million Dollars".
OFFICER GLANDER
What can you say?  They're right.  For now.  After we catch the dirt ball, everything changes and all is forgiven.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I couldn't have said it better myself.  All right, where were we?
OFFICER GLANDER
Two down, two to go.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yeah, yeah.  Okay, next name.
OFFICER GLANDER
James Foley, local resident, no visible means of support for seven years, single, no priors.  Nothing official but the word around town is he likes the dry hooch.  Also found out Mr. Foley purchased, with cash, a high-definition home theater TV system worth a little over twenty grand on the day after the bank job.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Really?  That is very interesting.  All right, he's suspect #2.  Next.
OFFICER GLANDER
Ramone Rodriquez -- fireman for the city for nineteen years, married with three kids, in the park for a church picnic.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
He's out.  All righty then, we got two out of four.  That's not bad.   I will have a little chat with our two suspects and see just what the hell their stories are.
EXT. STREETS OF WINDING RIVER - AFTERNOON
Sheriff's squad car breezes through the bright afternoon light.
P.O.V. SHERIFF IN FRONT SEAT OF SQUAD CAR - CONTINUOUS
We see a wooden sign on the right:
PARKVIEW MOBILE HOME COURT - NEXT RIGHT
Sheriff flicks on turning signal and negotiates the turn.  He glances down at a note pad lying on the seat beside him.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Softly)
7115 Alice Avenue South.
We cruise past two intersections.  Sheriff squints at the next street sign.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Aha, here we go.  Alice fricking Avenue South.
He veers right and soon comes upon 7115 Alice Avenue South.  Mundle parks the squad and jumps out of the vehicle.  He strides toward the mobile home.  The yard is crammed full.  Three ATV's, two ancient, rusting cars on blocks, a discarded lawn mower, two snowmobiles, croquet set and metal barbecue fight for space on the yellowed lawn.
Sheriff approaches the front door of the Jeff O'Neil residence.  Nearby a big dog barks desperately.  Mundle raps on the door.  No answer.  He knocks again.
Finally the door opens.  JEFF O'NEIL -- tall, unshaven,  slight paunch and wearing a too-small white tee shirt -- stands before Mundle.
JEFF
Good god, if it ain't Sheriff Mundle!
(Beat)
What brings you out here?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm investigating a bank robbery that took place last Saturday morning.
Jeff tries unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.
JEFF
Sorry.  Stayed up late playin' cards with the boys.  So anyway, why in the hell are you askin' me about the bank robbery?  I mean you don't think I had anything to do with it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm not sure.  Maybe, maybe not.  Here's what I got:  The city park's security system videotape shows a vehicle registered in your name entered the park at 9:49 a.m. last Saturday morning.  It exited at 12:23 p.m.
Jeff O'Neil frowns, then issues another yawn.
JEFF
Sorry.  Hey Sheriff, let's discuss this inside.  I just woke up like fifteen minutes ago.  I need some coffee.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Fine.
The suspect opens the door for the sheriff.  Mundle looks down and sees a pair of size 16 or 17 shoes on a mat to the door's right.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
It must really be true.  I'll be goddamned.
JEFF
What're you talkin' about?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Never mind.
Jeff plops into a ratty, olive-colored couch.  Mundle takes a seat on a love seat positioned directly across from the ugly couch. 
JEFF
Now what were you saying? 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
A car registered in your name, a maroon 1992 New Yorker, entered the park at 9:49 and left at 12:23 p.m. 
JEFF
So? 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I have a theory about how the bank robbery was carried out.  I believe that after the man robbed the bank, he fled on a black and red bicycle.  The robber pedaled down the bike path parallel to Rail Side Avenue, veered over and ditched that bicycle.  He then made his getaway in a more conventional vehicle, in other words a car or truck.
(Beat)
So where you were between 11:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. last Saturday?
JEFF
I can tell you one thing.  I sure the hell wasn't in the New Yorker that drove into the city park.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Who was?
JEFF
Jessie and her two kids.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Who's Jessie?
JEFF
My girlfriend.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
She owns this place, right?
JEFF
You got it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What was she doing in the park with your car?
JEFF
Takin' her two kids, Joey and Lizzy, plus two other neighbor kids, to the park.  They were having this picnic deal.  The parents of the neighbor kids, Norma and Bob or Robby or somethin' like that, were going to meet them at the park in the early afternoon.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Why was that?
JEFF
To pick up their children.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What time did the picnic end?
JEFF
A few minutes after noon.  Hey, you want coffee or anything?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No thanks.
JEFF
Be right back, Sheriff.  I need a refill.
He jumps up, grabs a coffee cup and disappears into the kitchen.  Mundle looks around the unremarkable living room.  Jeff returns with a steaming cup of java.  He plops onto the same ratty olive couch.
JEFF
All righty, that's better.  So what were you saying what, Sheriff?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The picnic ended shortly after twelve o'clock noon.  If you weren't with your girlfriend and her two kids,  where were you?
JEFF
Hangin' out here.  Had a bunch of buddies over the previous night for a poker game.  Didn't get outta bed until a few minutes before noon.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Can anyone else verify this?
JEFF
Hell no.  Jessie wasn't here and all my poker buddies left after the card game was over.
Sheriff nods.  Jeff slurps his coffee.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did a neighbor maybe see you go outside to pick up the newspaper or anything like that?
JEFF
Nope.  We don't get the newspaper.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I see.
JEFF
Why in the hell am I a suspect?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Number one, a vehicle registered in your name was in the city park on the day of the robbery.  Number two, you were convicted of armed robbery in the state of Arkansas seven years ago, and number three, the Winding River Police Department has investigated four domestic disturbances involving yourself since 2002.  In short, in the eyes of the local police, you ain't no Mother Teresa, all right?
Jeff jumps up.  He glares at the sheriff.
JEFF
I never claimed to be a Mother Fucking Teresa but that don't mean I'm a criminal.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It also means that you're not necessarily innocent.  Until further notice, you're not to leave the town of Winding River.
Jeff glares at the sheriff.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Is there anything else we should discuss?
He takes a step toward Mundle.  The sheriff hops up, hands on hips, his right hand poised a few inches from his .45 Beretta.
JEFF
Not a fuckin' thing.
The two men glare at each other for several tense beats.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks for your time, Mr. O'Neil.  I'll be in touch.
Jeff glares as the sheriff strides toward the door.  Mundle looks back to ensure the suspect isn't making any threatening moves.  He finishes the journey to the door with Jeff O'Neil shooting invisible arrows of loathing at his back.
EXT. STREETS OF WINDING RIVER - CONTINUOUS
Squad car slows, then eases over to the curb.  Sheriff gets out of the car and strides up the sidewalk leading to a two-story Victorian house.  Water gurgles through a vast, intricate rock garden on his left.  Three vast collections of shrubbery and flowers take up residence on the right.
Mundle reaches the door.  He grabs a bronze lion knocker and bangs it on the midnight blue door.  Several beats later, the the door is pulled back.
JAMES FOLEY -- brown hair splattered with gray, silver wire-rim glasses, thin layer of stubble on chin and neck, dressed in black sweats and tee-shirt -- stands in the doorway.  He frowns after seeing Mundle.
JAMES
Can I help you, Sheriff?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I hope so.  I'm sure you know about the bank robbery last Saturday.
JAMES
Sure.  It's the talk of the town.
(Laughing)
I gotta give the robber credit.  Using a 18-speed or whatever speed bike it was to escape was pretty damn ballsy -- and original.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It sure was.  I think the robber used two modes of transportation to escape.
JAMES
No shit?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
He used a bike on the first part of his getaway.  Then he ditched the bike in some tall grass in the park and used a car or truck to make his ultimate getaway.
JAMES
Really?  That is one clever criminal.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning his actions.  I'm just saying it doesn't sound like your run-of-the-mill, deadbeat armed bank robber.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I agree.
(Beat)
The reason I'm here is that the park's video surveillance system shows a vehicle registered to you entered the park a few minutes after ten o'clock last Saturday, the day of the robbery, and left at 12:10.
JAMES
Oh, I get it now.  You think I may be involved because I was in the park during and right after the robbery.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Bingo.
James gets a faraway look in his eyes.  After a few seconds of staring glassy-eyed into some unknown horizon, he refocuses on the sheriff.
JAMES
Sorry, I was distracted for a moment.  How about we go inside to finish our discussion?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's fine.
James pushes the door open.  The sheriff steps inside.
JAMES
The living room is to your right.
Mundle nods and veers right.  James closes the front door and follows.  We walk into a living room dominated by a HDTV home theater system and expansive aquarium.  A mahogany coffee table divides a large leather couch from a pair of director's chairs.  
JAMES
Please, have a seat.
Sheriff takes him up on the offer.
JAMES (Cont'd)
Can I get you something to drink, Sheriff?
Mundle shakes his head.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No thanks.
James takes up residence on the couch.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
All right, tell me about your experience in the city park last Saturday.
JAMES
Not much to tell.  I played tennis with a buddy of mine.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What's your buddy's name?
JAMES
Tommy Ryan.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
He's a partner in the accounting firm of Welch, Brown and Ryan.
JAMES
He sure is.  Besides knowing accounting and taxes, he's a pretty decent tennis player.  Beats me more times than not, although lately I've been making him work harder to win.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
How did it go on Saturday?
JAMES
We played three sets.  He won 6-4 in the third.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So the match ended right around noon?
JAMES
Actually it was ten to twelve.  We usually bullshit for at least fifteen minutes after the match.  Saturday was no exception.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Bullshit about what?
JAMES
The usual -- sports, politics, religion, you know, all the noncontroversial subjects.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
And you left the park after b.s.ing until shortly after noon, is that right?
JAMES
Right again, Sheriff.
Mundle shifts position in his chair.  He shoots a steely look at James.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
And what, may I ask, were you thinking about a few minutes ago?
JAMES
What do you mean?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right before we came inside, you didn't speak for a few seconds.  You had this faraway look in your eyes and you were smiling ever so subtly.
James laughs.
JAMES
I need to preface my answer by saying that I truly had nothing to do with your current case.  I just want to emphasize that.
Sheriff smiles.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Duly noted.
JAMES
All right.  I was wondering if there are professional bank robbers out there.  You know, someone who actually gets away with bank robberies.  No, strike that.  Not even plural.  How many bank robbers actually get away with their crime?
Sheriff nods, then scrunches up his face.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You know, I don't have exact figures but I'd say we catch over 90%, maybe even 95% of armed robbery perpetrators.
JAMES
That leaves five to ten percent out there with a shit load of money and and if they invest it properly, won't  have to ever work another day the rest of their lives.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's right.
JAMES
I just find that scenario very intriguing.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Getting back to the current case, I need to know if anyone else saw you and Tommy Ryan playing tennis in the park last Saturday morning.
James frowns.
JAMES
Yeah, there were a couple teen-age boys, probably on the high school tennis team by the looks of their strokes, playing on the court next to us.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You know their names?
JAMES
Nope.  The one looked very much like Ralph Jorgensen so I'm thinking it was Ralph's son but I can't say for sure.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Anyone else?
JAMES
Sorry Sheriff but I need a cigarette.  Do you mind?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Certainly not.  It's your home.  You do what you want.
James pulls a pack of Marlboro Lights out of his shirt pocket.  After lighting up, he takes a long drag, exhales and sets the cigarette in a metal ashtray on the coffee table.
JAMES
I'm sorry, Sheriff, where were we?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You were about to tell me who else, if anyone, saw you and Tommy Ryan playing tennis in the park last Saturday.
James sneaks in another drag. He nods vigorously while putting the cigarette down.
JAMES
I would say yes but I couldn't give you a name.  There was a junior high or maybe even grade school soccer game going on just to the north of the tennis court.  But I'm sure all the players, coaches and spectators were focused on the soccer game.  Let's face it, Sheriff, except for the combatants themselves, no one else gives a shit about two late 40's guys batting a tennis ball around.
The sheriff laughs.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Trust me, I know that from personal experience.
(Beat)
But you think the one high school boy was probably Ralph Jorgensen's son, correct?
James nods.  
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I understand your tennis buddy's accounting firm has major profitability issues.  Has he said anything to you about it?  
JAMES
Claims his firm has several new clients on board that will make up for the two big ones they lost to that new CPA firm.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I see.  By the way, what do you do for a living?
James takes another drag from the cigarette, lifts his head and shoots the plume of smoke toward the ceiling.
JAMES
You could call me an independent investment broker.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Which means what exactly?
JAMES
I manage my retired parents' extensive portfolio.  In return, they pay me a very generous fee.  Plus I'm a day trader and very successful on-line sports gambler.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You seem to enjoy taking risks.
JAMES
Only calculated ones, Sheriff.
Mundle nods while scribbling on a note pad.  He looks up and regards James with a steely stare.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm seriously considering obtaining a search warrant for your property for the missing money from the Winding River Community Bank.
James laughs while casually taking a drag from his cigarette.
JAMES
What makes you say a thing like that? 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Number one, based on your facial expressions and comments, you are obviously intrigued with the idea of pulling off a bank robbery.  Number two, you were in the park where the bank robber probably dropped the bike off before escaping in a conventional getaway vehicle.  Number three, other than your tennis partner, who may well be your partner in crime, you have no eye witnesses to verify your presence on the tennis court from just after ten a.m. to twelve-fifteen p.m.
James frowns while taking one last drag.
JAMES
So what exactly are you saying?  How we go from playing tennis to robbing a bank?  I don't get it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Let's say you and Tommy Ryan are partners in the bank job.  You pull into the park at a few minutes after ten in the morning.  You play tennis until say eleven-fifteen.  You take a break.  While Tommy sneaks off, you chill out on the court, drinking water, toweling off and maybe watching the high school boys playing on the court next to you.  Tommy, with the ski mask on and revolver tucked in his pants pocket, pedals over to the Winding River Community Bank.  He pulls off the robbery, hops on the bike and pedals down the bike path.  After ditching the bike in the tall grass, he casually strolls over to the tennis courts with the duffel bag full of stolen money.  From there you two drive back out of the park.
James smiles broadly.
JAMES
That would have been very impressive, indeed.  Like I said before, if I was to rob a bank, I would have scripted it very much like this one.
(Beat)
The truth is I had nothing to do with your bank robbery.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We'll see about that.  Don't leave town for the next week or two.  I'll be in touch.
JAMES
I'm sure you will be.
CUT TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
JUDGE RED TAYLOR -- mid to late 50's, tan, around six feet tall, in good shape for his age, full head of white hair -- sits at the kitchen table smoking a pipe.  He's holding five cards, as are the other four players.  Three young women, two of them well-endowed blondes, the other a slender brunette, and a mid-twenties Asian man wearing only black boxers, occupy the other spots at the table.
One blonde is wearing only a bra and panties while the other blonde is fully clothed.  The brunette still has her pants on but no top.  Judge Taylor is fully clothed in a golf tee-shirt and chinos.  A pile of money sits in the middle of the table.
JUDGE TAYLOR
I call.
The other players lay their cards down.
GREGORY
Shit.
The three women giggle and stare expectantly in Gregory's direction.  Judge Taylor is likewise interested.  The portable phone next to his pipe rings. LED reads: Winding River District Attorney Office. 
JUDGE TAYLOR
This fucking better be good.
He snaps up the phone.
JUDGE TAYLOR (Cont'd)
Hello.
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Rick Travis here, Judge.  Sorry to bother you but I just got a request for a search warrant from Sheriff Mundle.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Search who and where?
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
The residences of James Foley and Tommy Ryan.
JUDGE TAYLOR
This have something to do with the bank robbery?
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Yes.  The sheriff thinks James Foley and Tommy Ryan were involved in the robbery of the Winding River Community Bank.  He questioned James Foley and found he and Tommy were in the city park before and allegedly during the bank robbery.  He's convinced Tommy Ryan robbed the bank, ditched the bicycle and the two of them drove off with the stolen money.
JUDGE TAYLOR
And I suppose he can't wait until tomorrow for the search warrant.
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Right.  He's afraid the suspects will move the money or take the money and run.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Fine.  I'll be in my office in fifteen minutes.
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Thanks.  See you then.
The judge points at Gregory.
JUDGE TAYLOR
You keep your pants on.  But just until I get back.  And the same goes for the rest of you.  I have some business I have to take care of but I'll be back in forty-five minutes, an hour at the most.
One of the blondes, DAISY MAE, disgustedly throws her cards on the table.
DAISY MAE
I wanna see what's he's got now.
JUDGE TAYLOR
I paid a lot for you guys so you'll do what I say or your pimp's going to hear an earful from me.
Daisy Mae frowns while the other two girls stifle their laughter.  Gregory folds his arms across his chest in an attempt to keep warm.  
EXT. SIDEWALK LEADING TO JAMES FOLEY'S FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Sheriff Foley and four officers stride toward the suspect's front door.  Sheriff raps on the door.  Seconds later, James Foley appears.
JAMES
Back so soon?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
James C. Foley, the Winding River Police Department has obtained a search warrant from Judge Red Taylor for your residence located at 1661 Maple Lane.
He shows the document to James Foley.  Foley nods.
JAMES
Yeah, fine, whatever.  Do whatever you need to.  I have a three-month-old pit bull named Elsie down in the basement. But since she's kenneled, you won't have any problems with her. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So noted.  All right, guys, let's move.  You heard what he said about the pit bull.
The officers disburse.
INT. KITCHEN - HOUR LATER
James Foley is nearly done with his cigarette.  Sheriff Mundle shuffles into the room.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We're through here.  We didn't find anything.
James nods, a smug smile on his face.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
That doesn't mean you're not still a suspect.  You could have moved the money between the time I questioned you earlier today and the time we got here tonight to search your place.
JAMES
All I gotta say is you must have a serious shortage of suspects if you're hoping to pin this crime on me and Tommy.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We don't need a lot of suspects.  We just need to identify the right suspects.  And from where I sit, right now, you're a damn strong one.
JAMES
Prove it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm working on it.  Excuse me, Mr. Foley.
Sheriff turns away, produces a cell phone and hits several buttons.
OFFICER GLANDER (O.S.)
Officer Glander here.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Your search team find anything over there?
OFFICER GLANDER (O.S.)
Not a blessed thing.  Sorry.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's all right.  We keep investigating, we keep looking, something will turn up.
OFFICER GLANDER (O.S.)
We're wrapping up here.  I should have my report done sometime tomorrow, probably not until late in my shift.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Don't worry about it.  Get it done when you can.
OFFICER GLANDER (O.S.)
Thanks, boss.  Good night.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Good night.
INT. SHERIFF MUNDLE'S SQUAD CAR - CONTINUOS
Black and white car cruises down side street of the dark, silent town.  Sheriff's cell phone rings.  He grabs it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Sheriff Mundle speaking.
MAYOR KOWALSKI (O.S.)
Sorry to bother you at such a late hour, Sheriff, but I learned from Judge Taylor that you have two bonafide suspects in the bank robbery case.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yes, we surely do.  Unfortunately we did not find the stolen money in either suspects' residences.  But that doesn't mean they're clear of suspicion.
MAYOR KOWALSKI (O.S.)
It also means you don't have much of a case against them, isn't that right?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Not at this point but that could change very quickly.
(Beat)
And why, may I ask, are you taking such an interest in this particular case?
Mundle flicks on the left-hand turning signal.  He negotiates the turn without incident.
MAYOR KOWALSKI (O.S.)
Because the sense of safety and security the residents of Winding River have come to expect has been shattered.  The citizens of our fair community can no longer walk the streets without worrying nor sleep soundly at night because of this robbery.  And I can't blame them!  We have bank robbers sticking guns in the face of bank personnel and then riding off on a damned bicycle  with a quarter million dollars.
Mundle turns right and slows to turn right again into the driveway of his home.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Listen Mayor, the case is only three days old, for god's sake.  I'm working on it, all right?  I've notified the the FBI and I will be working with them throughout the case.  Plus it's not like crime is running rampant in the town.
MAYOR KOWALSKI (O.S.)
You're the law-enforcement expert but it seems to me if you don't catch the bank robber within 24 to 48 hours, the odds are pretty small of ever catching them.
The sheriff eases the squad car to a stop.  He shuts off the lights and motor.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Normally most armed robbery cases are solved in the first 24 to 48, sometimes 72 hours.  I really thought we had our men but we found nothing in either Foley's or Ryan's residences.  That doesn't mean they didn't move the money between the time I spoke with Foley this afternoon and the time we carried out the searches.  For now, they're still considered suspects.
(Beat)
It's been a long day, Mayor.  I'm exhausted, frustrated and I don't know what else to tell you.  We're doing the best we can.
Mundle climbs out of the squad, cell phone to his ear, and trudges up the walk toward the front door of his house.
MAYOR KOWALSKI (O.S.)
All right, Sheriff, I won't keep you any longer.  And by the way, if there's anything I can do to help your department with the investigation, don't hesitate to ask.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'll certainly keep that in mind, Mayor.  Good night.
(Beat, then to himself)
You just want to make sure you're reelected next November.
He powers off the cell phone and pockets it while unlocking the front door.
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - MORNING
Mundle hits a button on the phone sitting next to his computer.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Yes?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Please hold all my calls for the next half hour or so.  I need to watch the video of the bank robbery again.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
You got it.  Anything else?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No, thank you.
He takes the videotape over to a VCR unit on wheels, inserts into the slot and pulls the unit closer to his desk.  While the tape begins to play, Mundle hustles back to the desk.  On the screen, we see but cannot hear a grainy black and white Ed Nelson speaking to the robber.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (To self)
Damn, I wish we had audio.
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
The videotape ends with the masked robber stalking out of the bank with a duffel bag full of stolen money.  Mundle hits the PAUSE button.  He frowns.  He hits the intercom button on the phone.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
How was the video?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The film production was iffy, the plot predictable but all in all, it held my attention until the very end.  I give it three out of four stars.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
That's nice.  So you're taking calls again, right?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Not yet.  Can you tear yourself away from the phone for a couple of minutes?  I need to get your take on one part of the bank video.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
I can take the headset with me but I can't really just leave the phones since my back-up is out taking care of a few errands.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Whatever.  I just need a female's perspective on something.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Hang on, Sweety.
Sheriff rewinds the the video back to where Ed Nelson is about to hand over the last of the money.  Roberta strolls into the room.
ROBERTA SMITH
All right, Columbo, whaddya got?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Check out this ass.
ROBERTA SMITH
I beg your pardon?
Mundle nods at the screen.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm serious.  You have a wait a few seconds but just watch this person's butt.
Sheriff hits the PLAY button.  Masked robber takes the last of the money from Ed and deposits in a large duffel bag.  With the gun still pointed at Ed's chest, the robber backs up for several feet.  The figure throws the gun into the duffel bag, quickly zips it up and turns toward the front doors.
Mundle hits the PAUSE button.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, I'm going to play it in slow motion.  You tell what you think, all right?
ROBERTA SMITH
What am I supposed to be looking for?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Just pretend you're watching this video for the first time.  Hold it, this is the first time you've watched this video.
Roberta laughs.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
What I'm trying to say is forget everything you know about the case.  Forget the descriptions of the suspect and the newspaper and TV reports of the crime.  Can you do that?
She shrugs, closes her eyes for a couple of seconds, and open them.  She is smiling.
ROBERTA SMITH
I can do it.  All right, play the damned tape.
Mundle hits the PLAY button.
CLOSE-UP OF RETREATING BACKSIDE OF ROBBER
Roberta and the sheriff watch as the baggy-blue-jean covered rear end slowly retreats from view.  Several seconds of silence while the administrative assistant contemplates her response.  A frown comes over Roberta's face.
ROBERTA SMITH
I thought the robber was supposed to be a man.
The sheriff jumps up from his chair.  He rushes over to Roberta.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So you see that's a female ass too?!
ROBERTA SMITH
Yeah, honey, either that or that is one serious queer with a real strong feminine side.  But how come Ed Nelson said it was a guy a little under six feet tall?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's what I aim to find out. 
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - NIGHT
Ed pushes through the front door.  Tie is loosened, both sleeves are rolled up past the elbow and he's got a sports coat over one shoulder.  He simultaneously slams the door shut and tosses the sports jacket onto the couch.
Phone in living room rings.  He bounds over.  LED reads BAILEY HOWELL.
ED
Lonely, shy, but basically great guy banker here.
BAILEY (O.S.)
Hello my ballsy banker stud-type.  Are we still on for tomorrow night?
ED
My place at eight o'clock.  I'll cook if you bring the booze.
BAILEY (O.S.)
Sounds great.  And not only will I bring the alcohol, I've got a little bonus surprise for you.
ED
Really?  What would that be?
BAILEY (O.S.)
Don't be silly, Edwardo.  If I told you now then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
ED
Can't argue with that logic.
(Beat)
Plus we need to discuss the disposition of the, ah, assets we recently acquired.
BAILEY (O.S.)
I was thinking the same thing, hon. See yah tomorrow night.
ED
Ciao.
He rings off, hops up whistling on his way to the fridge.  Ed snaps up a bottle of beer.  Phone rings again.  This time the displays shows WINDING RIVER P.D.
ED (To self)
Oh shit.
His hand hovers over the phone for two beats.  After throwing down a healthy dose of beer and sighing, Ed grabs it on the fifth ring.
ED (Cont'd)
Hello.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Hey Ed, how's it going?
ED
It's Friday night, I got a cold beer in my hand and the Twins are on the tube starting in like fifteen minutes.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Plus from the sounds of it, you got a good-looking, adventurous, younger woman on the string.
ED
What are you talking about?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Don't play coy with me.  Four different people have told me they saw you and Bailey Howell having drinks and/or dinner on at least three occasions over the past month.  You've been holding out on me, old buddy.
Ed nearly chokes on the beer.  He holds the receiver away from his mouth while the coughing fit runs its course.
ED
What are you talking about, holding out?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
You never told me you were going out with Bailey Howell.
Ed again holds the receiver away from his mouth while breathing out a giant sigh of relief.
ED
Sorry, man.  I don't know where, if anywhere, really, this is going so I haven't told a lot of people about it.  I figure in a town this small, word's going to get around soon enough.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Anyway, I have a few more questions about the robbery.  It shouldn't take more than fifteen to thirty minutes.  You free tonight?
ED
Tonight is not a good night.  How about tomorrow morning or even afternoon?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
I see what's happening.  You and Bailey have a hot date tonight.
ED
Actually we have a date tomorrow night.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
So what's going on tonight?
ED
Nothing but it's been a long, stressful week at work.  I'm beat.  I'm sorry, Duane, can you excuse me for just a few seconds?  I've got another call.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
No problem.  I'll hang tight.
Ed hits the HOLD button while burping long and loud.  He smiles brightly.
ED
All right, I'm back.  It was a telemarketer who I promptly hung up on.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Anyway, I'm sure you've had a long week but this is important.  I need to clarify some things regarding the robbery.  Trust me, it won't take .
Ed rocks back and forth on the couch, his eyes closed.  His eyes open.
ED
Okay.  Come on over.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Great.  I'll be there in ten minutes.
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS
Sheriff Mundle and Ed Nelson sit at the kitchen table.  A bottle of beer sits in front of Ed. A glass of water waits in front of the sheriff.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
With most cases I would wait until tomorrow but given the seriousness and magnitude of the crime, we need answers as soon as humanly possible.
ED
I'm sure you do but I don't see what else I can tell you.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
First off, there's the gender issue.  I've watched the bank surveillance tape several times.  My administrative assistant, who is female, watched the video as well.  We both agree the robber is a woman.
ED
No way.  Okay, like I said before, I was scared and when I said the guy was a little under six feet tall, that was wrong.  Seeing your life flash before your eyes after someone points a gun at your chest can screw up perception.  But I know it was a guy.  
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We watched the tape of the robber as they left the bank.  We had the luxury of seeing it in slow-motion.  The way the robber's hips swayed as the person fled the bank tells me that was no gentleman.  In fact, it was no man at all.
Ed brings the beer bottle to his lips and drains the rest of the container's contents.  He shakes his head while shrugging his shoulders.
ED
Sorry but I didn't have access to a fucking videotape I could watch like sixteen times.  Besides, it wasn't like I was staring at her ass, if it was really a female, as she/he left the bank.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, thanks for your time.  Sorry I had to do this, Ed, but it's my job.  I really, really, really hope I'm wrong about this.  We've been friends for, good God, over going on thirty years, so I know you've got a lot going for you.  I just hope you haven't let it all slip away because of one bad decision. 
ED
Now what?  Am I being charged with anything?  If so, I'm going to hire a lawyer.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You're not being charged...yet.  We need concrete evidence linking you to the crime, which we don't have.  I'll be in touch with you as the investigation proceeds.  In the meantime, don't leave town without informing me first.
ED
Sure.  Is that it?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
For now.  
INT. BAILEY HOWELL'S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
BAILEY HOWELL -- mid 20's, long, gorgeous auburn hair, tiny waist, prominent breasts, dazzling brown eyes, deep tan -- puts on the last of her eyeliner.  She stands back in front of the mirror.  She admires the perfectly presented face and hair.  She's wearing a tight white tee-shirt and loose-fitting blue jeans.  Tee-shirt reads MONICA SUCKED IN THE WHITE HOUSE BUT SHE WASN'T THERE FOR EIGHT YEARS.
Doorbell RINGS.  Bailey frowns.  She hustles into the living room and makes for the front door.  Doorbell chime sounds again.  She pulls the door back.  It's Sheriff Mundle.
BAILEY
Hi, ah, I believe it's Sheriff Mundle, right?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's right.  Sorry to bother you on a Friday night and all, it looks like you're ready to go out on the town, but I need to ask you a few questions about the bank robbery case.
BAILEY
Little old, innocent, God-fearing, country-loving me?  Are you sure you have the right person?
Mundle can't help cracking a smile.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
'Fraid so, mam.
BAILEY
Well come on in, Sheriff.  Have a seat wherever you want.
She holds the door open as Mundle enters the house.  He sits down on one of the two leather couches in the well-appointed living room.  Bailey takes a seat at the other couch facing the one the sheriff occupies.  An array of wildlife and literary coffee-table books cover most of the coffee table separating the two pieces of furniture.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
I'm sorry, where in the devil are my manners?  A local-enforcement official enters my home I forget how to behave like a civilized human being.  Would you like anything to drink, Sheriff Mundle?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm fine, thank you.  Hold it, I lied.  It's getting late, I'm almost off duty and the prospect of a cold beer is exhilarating.  If you have any, that is.
BAILEY
I believe I could scrounge one up.  Lager, ale, stout or something else?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Grain Belt Premium, if you have it.
BAILEY
You're in luck.  Got three left.
She leaves the room to grab the beer.  Mundle looks around the home.  There's no television in sight.  A small stereo cowers in one corner of the living room.  Paintings of whales, kangaroos, elephants and giraffes cover most of the walls.  Bailey saunters back with the sheriff's beer in one hand and a cocktail glass filled with a Bloody Mary in the other.  Two celery stalks, a gathering of olives and ice cubes fight for space inside the glass.  Bailey hands the beer to Mundle.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thank you very much.
BAILEY
You are so welcome.  So what is this all about?  I admit, I'm confused.
Sheriff sips the beer.  He nods.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm not going to beat around the mulberry bush or whatever the hell kind of bush it is.  I'm here because you very well may be a suspect in the robbery of the Winding River Community Bank last Saturday morning.
Bailey jerks her head toward the sheriff.
BAILEY
What?!  Why in God's name would you  think that?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It's a long story.  Tell you what, let's talk about where you were last Saturday between 11:30 a.m. and 1:00 p.m.
Bailey chomps on one of the celery stalks, then drops an olive into her mouth.
BAILEY
Out for a bike ride like I usually am on Saturday morning.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Do you take the same route every time?
BAILEY
Not exactly but it's close.  After starting out from my place --
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Which is, what, two miles north of the city limits just off Highway 15?
BAILEY
Right.  I ride down the frontage road down to the start of the bike path --
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Excuse me, Miss Howell, but what time did you leave the house on your bike ride?
BAILEY
It was almost a quarter to twelve.
The sheriff sneaks a swig of beer in.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Really?  Why so late?
Bailey laughs.
BAILEY
Late?  I didn't realize I was on a schedule to go for a bike ride.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I just meant it seems like you're riding through town by ten-thirty or eleven.  At least that's when I've noticed you coming down Main Street.
BAILEY
Yes, Sheriff, that is true.  Normally I'm out of the house by ten but I woke up a little later than normal.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, so you left at eleven-forty-five.  Did any of your neighbors see you leaving on your bike?
BAILEY
Not that I'm aware of.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did you see anyone out walking or driving that you recognized?
She shakes her head. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
You take the frontage road to the  the bike path.  That puts you on the bike path right around ten to twelve.  All right, then what?
BAILEY
I stayed on the bike path until hitting Oak Street.  I took a right on Oak and headed south toward downtown.
Bailey reaches for her drink but knocks it over instead.  Sheriff snaps up the books on the coffee table.  She jumps up.
BAILEY
Shit.  Excuse me, Sheriff.
She rushes into the kitchen and comes back with a roll of paper towels.  Bailey squats down to clean up the mess.  Her jeans ride down to reveal black thong underwear.
ANGLE ON BAILEY'S EXPOSED LOWER BACK:  WE SEE A TATTOO OF A GIRAFFE, THE HEAD APPEARING TO STARE AT BAILEY'S BACKSIDE.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Nice tattoo.  Where'd you get it done at?
BAILEY
Place in south Minneapolis called the Body Art Palace.  A former boyfriend recommended it.
She straightens up, empty glass in one hand, olives and celery stalks in the other.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
If you'll excuse me again, I need to make another drink.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Certainly.
Bailey struts off toward the kitchen.  We hear cupboard doors opening and closing and then ice cubes falling into a glass.  Mundle sips his beer.  A moment later, Bailey flashes back into view.  She sits back down on the couch facing the sheriff.
BAILEY
Where were we? 
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
We were discussing your tattoo but where we really need to be is back on your bike ride last Saturday.
BAILEY
Ah yes, of course.  All right, so I took a right on Oak Street, cruised down and hung a right on Main Street.  Went down Main Street for a couple miles and then cruised through the Winding River Ball Fields.  I checked out the slow pitch softball tournament but after finding out my friend's team wasn't playing, I moved on.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did anyone you know see you at the fields?
BAILEY
No, not that I know of.  I never actually stopped anywhere. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, then where'd you go?
BAILEY
Pedaled back down Main Street, took a left on Elm Street and stayed on that until I hit the bike path.  Took that back to the frontage road and that's pretty much it.
Sheriff nods while taking a hit from his beer.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Assuming your times are accurate, you would have reached the intersection of Oak and Main Street right around 12:05, maybe 12:10.
BAILEY
I wasn't wearing a watch but that sounds pretty close.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I figured it's two miles from your place to the city limits and then it's right around a mile from the city limits to the intersection of Oak and Main Street.  Since you're young and in fairly good shape, I figure you average right around a six-minute mile, maybe a little faster.  Take three times six and add that to your starting time of 11:50, that puts you there right around 12:08, give or take a couple minutes.
BAILEY
All right, so what's your point?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
If you're right about the starting time, that means you couldn't have been at the Winding River Community Bank during the time of the robbery.
BAILEY
Which I wasn't.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
So you say.  The problem is no one else can verify your story.  And given your lovely appearance, I'm sure more than a couple folks noted your presence.  But it's also possible they didn't know you personally.
BAILEY
Am I a suspect or not?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You are a suspect unless we find someone to back up your story about where and when you were on your bike ride through town.
Mundle polishes off the beer.  He stands up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
I'll be in touch, Miss Howell.
BAILEY
Fine.  I've got nothing to hide, Sheriff.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Judge Red Taylor, wearing a pair of bunny slippers and his judge's robe, lounges on the couch.  A portable phone is plastered to his left ear.  Sultry, cigarette-raspy voice of DIAMANA SUN is on the other end.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
What's your story, Ned?
JUDGE TAYLOR
That's Ted.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
Sorry about that, hon.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Don't you worry, darlin'.  So tell me about yourself.  I believe in the chat room you said something like late 30's, chesty, adventurous, in bed and out.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
That's right, sugar.  Every day is an adventure.  Skydiving, white water rafting, big game hunting, marathon lovemaking sessions, high stakes poker, I'm all about risks and rewards.
JUDGE TAYLOR
I'm bigger on rewards than risks but I can dig the marathon lovemaking sessions.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
What about you, Fred?
JUDGE TAYLOR
That's Ned, I mean Ted.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
I'm sorry, hon. Anyway, what's your story?
JUDGE TAYLOR
After flying 747's for United for twenty years, I retired at forty-five.  Shrewd investments and a generous inheritance from my dearly departed father have allowed me the luxury of kissing the workplace good bye forever.  But enough about me, what are you wearing right now?
DIAMANA (O.S.)
Besides a smile, very little, you naughty boy.
JUDGE TAYLOR
How little?  I need details.
The judge's right hand lands on his right thigh.  He leans forward so he's nearly on the very edge of the cushion.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
A black, lacy, well-filled out bra from Victoria Secret and matching thongs.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Oh my, that sounds absolutely yummy.  I'm wearing black too.  And a really big smile.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
You got anything else really big besides your smile and bank balance?
Judge Taylor starts to slip his right hand under his robe when a beeping comes over the line.  He glances at the caller ID: COUNTY PROSECUTOR'S OFFICE
JUDGE TAYLOR (Cont'd)
Oh shit.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
Excuse me? 
JUDGE TAYLOR
Not you, sweetheart.  I got another call that I really, really don't want to take but I have to.  It's a sort of a work emergency deal.
DIAMANA (O.S.)
Work?  You said you were a retired airline pilot!  How can you have a work emergency?
JUDGE TAYLOR
Did I say work emergency?  I meant personal emergency.  Sorry I have to go.
He answers the other call just Diamana is about to launch into a curse-filled tirade.
JUDGE TAYLOR (Cont'd)
Now what? 
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Got another search warrant request from Sheriff Mundle.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Who is it this time?
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
Bailey Howell and Ed Nelson.
JUDGE TAYLOR
And I suppose this can't wait until tomorrow morning.
RICK TRAVIS (Cont'd)
That's right, Judge.  Sheriff respectfully asked if the search warrant could be executed tonight.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Mundle better be right this time.  I'm getting damn sick of traipsing into the office at all hours of the damn day.
RICK TRAVIS (O.S.)
I hear you.  It's no fun for me either.  Thanks, Judge.
Judge Taylor rolls his eyes.
JUDGE TAYLOR
Whatever.  I'll be in my chambers in fifteen minutes.  Let's get this over with.
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - EVENING
Sheriff Mundle, Officer Glander and OFFICER SAM SMITH -- black hair, skinny, intense -- huddle around the kitchen table.  The sheriff's cell phone rings.  He answers.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You guys find anything over there? 
OFFICER BROWN (O.S.)
'Fraid not, Sheriff.  We looked everywhere but no sign of the stolen money.
Mundle shakes his head while staring past the officers.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I just don't get it.  I was sure we'd find the money at either Ed's place or Bailey's.  This makes no sense whatsoever.
The sheriff pushes away from the table.  He turns to find Ed Nelson standing in the doorway leading from the kitchen to the dining room.
ED
You guys done yet?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We are.  Sorry to disturb you, Ed. I really thought we'd find something but apparently I was wrong about you and Bailey.
ED
Obviously.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Hey, I never claimed to be perfect.  Close, mind you, but not perfect.
Ed rolls his eyes.
ED
Whatever.
INT. SHERIFF MUNDLE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Mundle sits in a recliner holding a mirror with a long line of cocaine waiting for him.  He takes a rolled-up dollar bill, sticks in front his right nostril and proceeds to make the line of white powder disappear.  He leans, sighs and close his eyes for a few seconds.
He hops up and zips into the kitchen.  On the fridge is a photograph of the same attractive woman from the photo Mundle pulled out of his wallet earlier.  He kneels in front of the fridge.  Mundle closes his eyes before leaning his head so it rests on the fridge door a few inches beneath the bottom of the woman's photograph.
The sheriff opens his eyes.  A tear rolls slowly down his face as he peers at the woman in the photograph.   
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - EVENING
Ed sips from a goblet filled with red wine.  Doorbell rings.  He hops up and answers the door.  Bailey Howell, wearing a black, tight-fitting skirt and similarly-tight-fitting white top, enters the condo.
BAILEY
Hi honey.
She grabs Ed and sticks her tongue into his mouth.
ED
Hello to you too.  Did you want anything to drink?
BAILEY
Silly question.
ED
Let me rephrase that: What can I get you to drink?
BAILEY
You know, wine or beer, hold it, make that a beer.  I got a killer case of cotton mouth.
A deliciously mischievous smile overtakes Ed's face.
ED
Did some coke, did we?
Bailey brushes past him and goes to help herself to a beer.  We hear the fridge door and then a bottle of beer being opened.
BAILEY (O.S.)
Yes, I did.  And you know that makes me thirsty.
ED
And horny as hell.
BAILEY (O.S.)
That too.
Ed takes a seat on the couch as Bailey appears with a beer in hand.  Ed's no longer smiling.  She struts over and sits next to Ed on the couch.
BAILEY
What's wrong, you don't like me when I'm horny?
He laughs.
ED
Oh God no, I like you best when you're horny.  I was just thinking the bank job was a huge mistake.
BAILEY
What are you talking about?  We got away with it.  Mundle and his hick-town crew of cops searched both our residences and found jack shit.  Don't you get it?  Mundle getting a search warrant for both our places was the best thing that could have happened.  Yes, he suspected we were guilty but when push came to shove, they didn't find the money.
ED
So the money's still in that cave a couple miles from your house?
Bailey nods after taking a long drink from her beer.
ED (Cont'd)
And you're sure no one else will find it?
BAILEY
Like I told you about eighteen or twenty times, the entrance to the cave is hidden by bushes and weeds.  The only reason I knew it was there was because I played in the cave when I was a kid.  Back then there were no bushes or weeds growing in front of the cave.  And even if someone stumbled onto the entrance, they wouldn't see the duffel bag because I dug a little hole and buried it in the right rear corner of the cave.
ED
And we're in agreement about waiting for two or three months before doing anything with the money, right?
BAILEY
You got it, babe.  By that time, Mundle will either have other suspects or be totally baffled.  Either way we win.
Ed doesn't look completely convinced.
ED
I hope you're right.  Okay, where's that surprise you mentioned last night?
BAILEY
She'll be arriving in about ten minutes.
ED
What in the hell are you talking about?
BAILEY
You'll see.  For now, let's toast to a successful caper.
Ed raises the wine goblet while Bailey raises her bottle.  They bring their drinks together.
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS
Doorbell rings.  Ed looks at Bailey.
BAILEY
That's your surprise.
Ed frowns, then smiles as he strides toward the door.  He opens the door.  Standing there is EMILY SWENSON -- blonde, Christina-Aguilera-thin, dazzling blue eyes and wearing a blue tee-shirt that declares MOTHER NATURE IS SICK OF BEING RAPED.
EMILY
Hi.  You must be Ed. Bailey speaks very highly of you.  I'm Emily Swenson.  Bailey and I work together at the Coalition For A Purer Earth.
ED
Really?  That must be ah, interesting work.
EMILY
Beyond interesting.  It's the most important undertaking I've ever been a part of.
ED
Really?  Wow, that is...something.
(Beat)
Please, come in.
Emily enters.  Ed shuts the door.  Despite her skimpy chest, it's obvious Emily is not wearing a bra.  Emily plops down next to Bailey.
EMILY
How are you doing, dear?
BAILEY
Fabulous, hon'. Say, how did the presentation to the local factory go today?
EMILY
Very good.  I really believe the management will rethink their dumping practices.  If they don't, we'll inform the state environmental agency.
BAILEY
Excellent.
She turns to Ed.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
Hon, you want to get Emily a glass of wine?
ED
Sure, you want white or red?
EMILY
White, please.
Ed heads for the kitchen.  Bailey puts on a hand high up on Emily's knee.
BAILEY
I'll be right back, sweetheart.  You just make yourself comfortable.
Emily nods.  Bailey joins Ed in the kitchen.  As Ed uncorks a bottle of California chardonnay, Bailey sidles up to her boyfriend.  Ed pours a glass of the wine.  Bailey leans in closer.
BAILEY (Softly)
What do you think of Emily?
ED (Softly)
She's nice.  You two seem quite, ah, close.
BAILEY (Softly)
Close and if I have my way, we'll be even closer.
(Beat)
Besides being intelligent, energetic and having a lot of common with me, she's hot.
Ed jerks his head toward Bailey.
ED (Softly)
What exactly are you saying?
Bailey's right hand lands on Ed's right thigh.  She begins stroking his leg.
BAILEY (Softly)
Don't misunderstand me, my love.  When I said we should get closer, I meant all three of us.
(Beat)
What do you think?
Ed struggles for words.  Several beats later, he finds voice.
ED (Smiling coyly)
We'll see how things go.
BAILEY
That works for me.  All right, pour me a glass of that and let's roll.
INT. ED NELSON'S CONDO - MORNING
Ed, Bailey and Emily are in bed.  Bailey and Emily cuddle underneath the blanket on one side of the bed while Ed shivers on the other.  Still asleep, Ed reaches out and gropes fruitlessly for the blanket that is several inches out of reach.
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
Ed, flashlight in hand, stalks through the underbrush.  Flashlight beam darts to and fro as he moves through the forest.
ED (To self)
Ah, come to Daddy.
He pushes aside the bushes and steps into a cave.  Ed navigates to the right rear corner of the cave.  He kneels down and with the flashlight's help, discovers the spot where the stolen money is buried.  He begins digging.
EXT. CAVE - CONTINUOUS
Ed stares at an empty hole.
ED (To self)
What the fuck?!
He grabs his cell phone and punches in a number.
BAILEY (O.S.)
Hi honey, how's it going?
ED
You moved our assets without telling me.
BAILEY (O.S.)
Oh yeah, about that.  You know, after we talked about it last night, I got to thinking the assets weren't properly located. 
ED
Where did you move them to?
BAILEY (O.S.)
I don't want to say right now.  For security purposes, we need to discuss this in person.
Ed leans back against the nearest cave wall.
ED
Yeah, I suppose that would be the wiser course of action.  How about tomorrow night over dinner?
BAILEY (O.S.)
Sure.  Vic's Dining Room at seven?
ED
I was thinking we'd pick up something to go and discuss our assets in the car.
BAILEY (O.S.)
We'll be fine at Vic's.  We can just get our normal table in the back.  It's nice, dark and secluded.  No one's going to overhear what we're talking about.  I've had this craving for their shrimp linguini for the last like week.
ED
I could go for about three plates of their hot bread with garlic butter.  All right, seven o'clock at Vic's it is.
BAILEY (O.S.)
See you tomorrow night, sweetheart.
ED
Bye.
Cell phone's light fades, leaving only the dim glow of the flashlight.  In the murky light of the cave, Ed closes his eyes.
ED (To self)
And she better not bring that lesbo friend of hers along.
INT. VIC'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Ed and Bailey, he in a classy forest-green polo shirt and black slacks, she in a low-cut, strapless black dress and high-heels, are hunched over a dimly lit table covered with plates of partially-eaten food and two wine glasses.
ED (Softly)
All right, so where did you move our mutually-acquired assets to?
Bailey, wearing a slightly-drunken smile, looks left and right, pauses dramatically, and motions for Ed to lean closer.  The bank vice-president does so.
BAILEY (Softly)
I can't tell you.
She leans back and laughs like a mad woman.  Ed scowls while shooting silent bullets of death at her.
ED
Excuse me?
BAILEY (Softly)
Actually I have been doing a lot of soul searching since last Thursday night.
ED
Is that right?
BAILEY
Yes, I have.  I've come to the conclusion that we're not, in the long-term, big-picture kind of way, compatible.
ED
What in the fuck are you talking about?
BAILEY (Softly)
Not so loud.  
(Beat)
Except for love of sex, and like 99.99% of guys love having sex, we have virtually nothing in common.
Ed leans closer to her.
BAILEY (Softly)
Okay, we both love stealing from rich, corporate pigs and making less fortunate folks like ourselves richer.  So we have two things in common.  But that's it.
(Beat)
More importantly, I've found someone else.
ED (Softly)
Hold it, you can't mean that Emily chick.
BAILEY (Softly)
Actually I do.  Em and I have so much in common, she's hot and I just like the whole woman-to-woman relationship better.
ED
Why?
BAILEY (Softly)
It doesn't have the capability of producing offspring.  As I'm sure you know, the world is grossly, dangerously overpopulated.  Pollution, starvation, poverty and crime -- the root of it all stems from too many people and not enough resources.
Ed sits back in stunned silence.  He absently sips from his glass of wine.
ED (Softly)
In-fucking-credible.  I go almost ten years without a relationship.  I  develop one and then get dumped not for another guy but a fucking woman.
BAILEY (Softly)
I've also been thinking about our asset-sharing agreement.
Ed immediately leans forward, eyes trained on his fellow diner.
ED (Frowning)
What about it?
BAILEY (Softly)
Since it was my idea and I was the one who had to do most of the work, it's not right that we split it 50-50.
Ed glares at her.  He casually sets his left hand on her right shoulder.
ED (Softly)
Listen here, you lesbo bitch, I'm not crazy about being dumped for female lover but I can accept it.  But if you think I'm going to let you fuck me out of my share of the money, you got another thing coming.
Ed's grip, still on her shoulder, moves closer to her neck.
BAILEY
Hey, that hurts.
ED (Softly)
Not so loud.
Three nearby restaurant patrons glance toward their table.  Bailey and Ed smile sweetly back.
BAILEY (Softly)
Fifty-fifty is out of the question.  Eighty-twenty is the best I can do.
Ed reaches around and grabs Bailey's left shoulder.  He pulls her up against him as if they're still lovers mumbling intimate phrases in each other's ears.
ED (Softly)
I did not risk 20 or more years in prison for a lousy 50 grand.  I cannot begin to express just how unacceptable that is.  Perhaps you'd like to reconsider.
Bailey grabs a roll, butters it and sticks half it in her mouth.  She washes it down with a drink of wine.
BAILEY (Softly)
You seem to have forgotten one crucial aspect in all this.
(Beat)
And that is you have no bargaining leverage whatsoever.  I know where the money is and you don't.  That means I decide how much I get and how is left for you.
Ed moves his left hand to the left side of his ex-lover's throat.
ED (Softly)
You fucking bitch.
BAILEY (Softly)
Ouch.
She elbows Ed's left hand away.
BAILEY (Softly)
If you touch me again or call me one more bad name, you won't be getting a penny of the money.  Do you understand?
Ed shoots more invisible arrows of pure hatred at her.  He looks ready to implode.
ED (Softly)
All right, Regis, what's your final fucking answer?  How much am I going to get?
BAILEY
I'll think about and let you know.  Don't call me, I'll call you.
She stands up, pulls five twenties from her purse, and tosses the money in the middle of the table.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
Ciao.
Ed sits silently as Bailey strides away from the table.
INT. RECEPTION AREA OF THE COALITION FOR A PURER EARTH - AFTERNOON
Ed Nelson pushes through the front door.  He approaches the receptionist.
ED
I need to see Bailey Howell.
RECEPTIONIST
Miss Howell is in a meeting for another twenty minutes.
ED
That's fine.  I'll wait.
RECEPTIONIST
Did you have an appointment?
ED
No but we're good friends.  Just tell her it's Ed Nelson.
RECEPTIONIST
Very good, Mr. Nelson.  I'll let her know you're here.
Ed grabs an outdated Sports Illustrated issue and begins reading.
INT. RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS
Ed throws the SI issue down.  He approaches the main desk.
ED
I can't wait any longer.  I have to see Miss Howell.
RECEPTIONIST
She just now got out of her meeting.  I will let her know you're here.
He stares at the receptionist while she calls Bailey.
RECEPTIONIST
Miss Howell, I have a Ed Nelson here to see you.
(Beat)
Very good, I'll send him in.
She turns to Ed.
RECEPTIONIST (Cont'd)
Go right in, Mr. Nelson.
Ed storms past her.  He throws the door open.  Bailey looks up from the mass of paperwork.
BAILEY
Chill out, all right?  We're going to work out everything.
Ed steps into the office.  He shuts the door quietly.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
Have a seat.
She motions to the chair directly in front of her desk.  He ignores the invitation.  Instead he stands, arms folded across his chest, while glaring across the desk at Bailey.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
Or not.  Okay then, I believe I can deduce why you're here.
ED
It's been two weeks.  I'm through fucking around.  I want my money.
BAILEY
You'll get it.  It's just been difficult deciding on the proper allocation of the assets.
She pushes her chair back a few feet and slowly hoists both feet onto the desk.  Bailey's tanned, bare legs up to mid-thigh are displayed for Ed's viewing pleasure.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
And you'll be pleased to know I've had a change of heart.  I'm willing to give you 40%.  In case your math skills are suspect, that translates to --
ED
A hundred-thousand dollars.  So when I get it?
A thoughtful expression overtakes Bailey's face.  She tents her fingers while staring past Ed to an unknown part of the universe.
BAILEY
Tomorrow night.
Ed falls into the chair in front of Bailey's desk.  He leans over the front edge of the desk.
ED
Where?
BAILEY
Considering the tensions that have developed since our break-up, a direct meeting would not be prudent.  Here's the deal: I will leave your share of the money in a black briefcase underneath the Dumpster in back of Tammy's Nails and Hair Care.  You know where that's at?
ED
It's in that strip mall on 7th and Maple Street.  All right, what time?
BAILEY
I will drop the money off after the salon closes, which is at six o'clock.  You can pick up the money any time after midnight but not a minute before.
ED
Fine.  But if that money's not there, you're in deep shit.
BAILEY
Don't worry, it'll be there.
EXT. BACK OF TAMMY'S NAILS AND HAIR CARE - NIGHT
Bailey, black briefcase in hand, slips through the shadows.  She reaches the Dumpster, looks left and right, and deposits the briefcase underneath the container.  She straightens up and turns to leave.  The Dumpster lid bursts open.  Ed leaps onto Bailey, quickly covering her mouth with his right hand.
ED
Nighty, night, my former love.
He produces a syringe and injects the contents into Bailey's left shoulder.  Two seconds later, Bailey's struggles begin to wane.  Three seconds later, she's unconscious.  Ed looks around, sees no one, and hauls the body away.
INT. BAILEY'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
An unconscious Bailey, gagged and tied up from head to toe, lays on one of the two couches.  Ed begins searching the house for the rest of the money.
INT. BAILEY'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ed returns.  Bailey is awake and struggling to free herself from her bonds.
ED
Relax.  I'm not going to hurt you.  Well, not unless I have to.  I just want to find out where the rest of the money is so I can get my rightful share.
(Beat)
And no, I'm not going to take it all.  I just want half the dough.  I'll leave a hundred and twenty-five thousand for you, don't worry.
(Beat)
All right, I'm going to take the gag out of your mouth.  If you scream or try to bite my fingers or anything stupid like that, I'll stick the gag back in.  But if you're smart and behave like a civilized person, the gag will stay off.  Got it?
Bailey nods vigorously.  Ed removes the gag.
BAILEY
You fucking asshole!
Ed shakes his head.
ED
I had hoped you'd be better than that but considering I've given you too much credit all along, I suppose I shouldn't too disappointed.  But that doesn't matter anymore.  All I care about is getting my fair share.  After that, you'll be free and I'll be free and we'll all be one big happy fucking family.
(Beat)
So where's the rest of the money?
Bailey smiles but says nothing.
ED (Cont'd)
Perhaps you didn't hear me.
(In exaggeratedly loud voice)
I said, where's the rest of the money?
Bailey smiles but again says nothing.  A smile slowly crawls onto Ed's face.
ED (Cont'd)
You don't want to talk.  Okay then, that is your God-given right.  Good for you!  Way to stick up for your rights.  I'm happy for you.
(Beat)
On the other hand, I hope you don't have a thing for food and water because you're not going to have either until you tell me where the money is.
(Beat)
Okay, you may get water because otherwise you'll die within two days, or is it three?  Something like that.
BAILEY
You realize that if I don't show up for work tomorrow and don't call in, my fellow protectors of the planet will be suspicious.
Ed jumps back.
ED
You can speak after all.  Praise the lord!
BAILEY
Fuck off, asshole.
ED
Oh my, we have developed the mouth of a sailor since becoming a kidnapping hostage.  Be that as it may, you have a point.
He turns his back on Bailey He begins to pace the entire width of the living room.  After four complete cycles, Ed stops dead in his tracks.  He whirls toward Bailey.
ED
That's it.  If everyone thinks you've died, say in a car accident, no one's going to wonder where you are.
BAILEY
What in the hell are you talking about?
ED
You'll see.
EXT. MOTHER MARY'S PLACE OF ETERNAL REST CEMETERY - NIGHT
Ed, dressed in all black and carrying a large plastic bag, scurries through the graveyard.  He flicks the flashlight on and points the beam at the tombstone in front of him.
CLOSE-UP OF WRITING ON TOMBSTONE:
Marilyn Sommers, 1978 - 2005
ED (Softly)
Come to daddy.
He pulls a shovel from the large plastic bag.  Ed looks around, sees no one and begins digging.
EXT. HIGHWAY ABOUT FOUR MILES NORTH OF TOWN - NIGHT
A red late-model Mini zips through the darkness.  After climbing a hill, car slows and eases onto the shoulder.  Beyond the shoulder a steep embankment looms. 
CUT TO:
INT. MINI - CONTINUOUS
Car comes to a stop.  Ed, wearing plastic gloves, sits in the driver's seat while the corpse of the recently deceased Marilyn Sommers is in the front seat on the passenger's side.  Ed grabs a plastic gas container from the floor, leans over and pries the mouth of the dead woman open.  He pours a third of the contents down the corpse's throat, hauls the body over into the driver's seat, cranks the steering wheel hard right, lights a match and shifts the car into DRIVE.  A split-second later, Ed tosses the lit match into Marilyn Sommers' throat.  He slams the door and watches the corpse erupt into flames while the Mini speeds down the steep embankment.  The car erupts into a fireball after crashing into the canyon far below.
ED (Smiling coyly)
By the time they figure out it's not Bailey Howell, I'll be in a remote Caribbean island with a new identity.  
Ed makes for the forest hugging the eastern edge of the highway.  Two beats later, the darkness swallows him.
EXT. FOREST - CONTINUOUS
Breathing hard, Ed jogs through the dark forest.  A tree root lays him out flat.
ED
God damn it.
He stays on the ground while catching his breath.  Ed rises to a sitting position, waits for a few seconds until his breathing returns to normal and hoists himself onto his feet.  He continues running through the blackness.
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - MORNING
Sheriff Mundle and Officer Glander are at Mundle's desk.  Large steel coffee containers sit in front of both men.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Let's start at the beginning.  I know you wrote what I'm sure is an extremely thorough report but I want to hear it directly from you.
OFFICER GLANDER
Okay, I was driving my normal beat down on Old West Main Street when Sharon from dispatch called.  She said  Melvin Anderson called in to report he'd found a burning red car on his property.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What time did he call?
OFFICER GLANDER
A couple minutes after four a.m.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Besides being unusual in itself, was there anything odd about the burning car?
OFFICER GLANDER
Not really.  Melvin said he found the burning Mini and was concerned the fire might spread and take out some or all of his recently-planted soybean crop.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
How did Melvin know the car was there?
OFFICER GLANDER
The explosion got the attention of his two golden retrievers, Sam and Katie.  According to Mr. Anderson, the pooches are primarily outdoor dogs.  If it gets really cold or rainy, they come inside.  Otherwise they are out prowling or sleeping.
Sheriff Mundle nods before hoisting the coffee mug to his lips.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I see.  So Melvin's dogs are roused by the sound of the explosion when the Mini hits the bottom of the valley.  Did he see anything else other than the burning Mini?
OFFICER GLANDER
I'm not sure what you're getting at.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Neither am I. I'm just trying to determine if there was anything out of place about the scene, something that might tell us things weren't as they seemed to be.
Officer Glander frowns while gulping his coffee.
OFFICER GLANDER
No, nothing like that.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Don't sweat it.  A couple investigators from the Minnesota BCA  will be out to investigate later today.  We just have to make sure the crime scene is secured until they arrive.
(Beat)
In the mean time, I'm going to nose through the area between the crash site and the northern edge of the city.
OFFICER GLANDER
What is running through that offbeat mind of yours?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm thinking that the dead woman, along with her boyfriend, are suspects in a bank robbery. To have her die in a car accident not two weeks after the robbery seems a little too coincidental.  Let's just say for argument's sake that Bailey and Ed are guilty.
Officer Glander sneaks a slurp from his coffee.
OFFICER GLANDER
Okay, Bailey and Ed are guilty.  That means they presumably had an agreement to split the stolen money.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right.  So let's say something goes wrong.  Maybe one or both of them thinks they deserve a bigger share of the loot then originally agreed upon.
OFFICER GLANDER
I've never robbed a bank but I would think that wouldn't be that unusual.  I mean if husbands and wives argue finances, surely bank-robber teams, especially boyfriend/girlfriend ones, would argue about handling the money.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
If I'm right about Bailey Howell being the masked robber, then she must have been the one who had possession of the money since the robbery.
Mundle grabs his coffee and hoists both legs onto the desk.  He sips from the mug while reclining in his chair.  He stares through Officer Glander.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
So Bailey hides the money somewhere, apparently not in her house because we didn't find it during the search.  But she knows where it's at.
OFFICER GLANDER
Do you think Ed knew where the money was hidden?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
At first I thought he did because Bailey and he had a relationship.  But now I don't think they really did.
OFFICER GLANDER
What do you mean?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I talked to a friend of mine about Bailey.  She and Bailey are both on the Coalition For A Purer Earth.  My friend told me Bailey, despite being so alluring to the male population, is a full-fledged, man-hating lesbian.  She was using Ed the whole time.  The only reason she showed any interest in him was because he was a vice president at the bank.
Glander nods.
OFFICER GLANDER
I get it.  That sneaky bitch. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That's right.  So either Ed gets antsy to get his share of the money or Bailey decides she wants a bigger share of the loot.  Either way Ed is pissed as hell but he's at her mercy because she knows where the money and he doesn't.  He's helpless. 
OFFICER GLANDER
So maybe Ed got Bailey to tell him where the money was, he grabbed all the money for himself and then killed Bailey so she wouldn't turn him in.
Mundle shakes his head.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No, I don't think so.  It doesn't sound like Bailey.  She was too smart to give away all her leverage.  
OFFICER GLANDER
But he wouldn't kill her if she didn't tell him where the money was, unless he was just so infuriated with her that he killed out of spite.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That doesn't sound like Ed. I'm trying to think of another scenario in which it'd be advantageous, or necessary, for him to kill Bailey. 
Both men are silent save for the slurping of coffee.  The sheriff snaps his fingers.  He rips both legs off the desk and hops onto his feet.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
I've got it.  What if Bailey and Ed agreed to meet somewhere so Bailey can give Ed his share of the dough?
OFFICER GLANDER
And?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
And so they meet in some dark, secluded, secret spot.  It's just the two of them.  Bailey gives Ed his share.  He opens the briefcase or whatever the hell the money is in, counts it and realizes Bailey has screwed him out of his fair share.  He's not satisfied with how much he got and demands more.  Bailey tells him to fuck off.  He grabs her, maybe even slaps her, and she retaliates by scratching his face, kicking him in the balls, slapping him back, whatever.  That really pisses Ed off.  Before he knows it, he's got both hands around Bailey's throat.
OFFICER GLANDER
And he's so filled with rage that he can't stop himself until it's too late.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Something like that.  And then he has to dispose of the body without anyone knowing he killed her so he manufactures this faked fatal accident scene.
OFFICER GLANDER
It's possible but we obviously need to put Ed Nelson at the murder scene.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Damn right we do.  The Minnesota BCA will collect any evidence in the immediate vicinity of the death scene.  They may find something but I'm not counting on it.  I want three officers combing the area between the crash site and the northern edge of town.
OFFICER GLANDER
It's only Dan and I during the day --
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'll yank Tim off reserve to come in to help us out.  I'll call in officers from other parts of the county if I need to.  This is top priority until a natural disaster or terrorist attack threatens the town.  You and Dan hit that stretch this morning.  I'll work on bringing in another officer.  The BCA should be here by tomorrow afternoon.
The sheriff sits back down as if drained by the outburst.
OFFICER GLANDER
And so what am I looking for?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Any sign of recent human activity in the area, especially by Ed Nelson.  Footprints, lost keys, scrap of clothing, empty soda or beer can, cigarette butts --
OFFICER GLANDER
But Ed doesn't smoke.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I don't care.  Maybe, hopefully for Ed's sake I am wrong about it being Ed, but if I'm wrong, then someone else was near the scene of a fatal car accident.  In which case we want to question them.  Any other questions?
OFFICER GLANDER
Not right now.
He heads for the door.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Hey, you forgot your coffee.
Glander waves him off.
OFFICER GLANDER
Don't need it.  I'm plenty wired without it.
INT. ED NELSON'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Ed emerges from the bathroom, freshly showered.  Bailey, bound and gagged, is asleep on the couch.  He goes to Bailey and pulls the gag away from her mouth.
ED
You scream for one millisecond and the gag's back on, understand?
BAILEY
Yes.
Ed nods, slowly stands back up.
ED
How does it feel to be dead?
BAILEY
What in the hell are you talking about?
He produces today's edition of the Winding River Journal.  The front headline reads:  BAILEY HOWELL DIES IN ONE-CAR ACCIDENT EARLY THIS MORNING.  Bailey frowns.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
How'd you manage that?
ED
Details aren't important.  What's important is I've got to move you.  I will give you 99 to 1 odds that our buddy Sheriff Mundle will be by to question me about your supposed death.
BAILEY
Where are you moving me to?
ED
You'll see.  On the way over you better smarten up and tell me where the money is. 
Bailey huffs indignantly while rolling her eyes.
ED (Cont'd)
Listen, I'd rather not be a prick but time is growing short.  I need to find out where the money is so I can get what's coming to me.  If you don't cooperate, I'll have to go speak with your newfound love.  And trust me, if I don't get the answers I want, your precious Emily is going to be one hurting chicky poo.  I'll do whatever I need to in order to get that money.
BAILEY
She doesn't know anything about the money!
Ed sticks the gag back over his mouth.
ED
I'll be the judge of that.
(Beat)
And if she won't cooperate, I'll use whatever form of torture necessary to tear the information out of her.
Bailey makes unintelligible sounds through her gag.  Her captor smiles, picks her up and makes for the front door.
ED
Hey, I've been fucked over my whole life.  I'm tired of taking it in the shorts.  The rape of Ed Nelson is over, baby.
EXT. PARKING LOT OF SEEDY MOTEL - MORNING
We see Ed easing his late-model black Cherokee in front of the unit farthest away from the motel office.  He turns off the motor, hops out and hustles toward the office.
CUT TO:
INT. MOTEL OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Ed pushes through the front door.  A young man with multiple ear rings and tattoos -- STEVE SMITH -- grudgingly puts his cell phone away.
STEVE
Can I help you?
ED
I need a room for me and my bride.  Is it possible to book rooms by the week?
STEVE
Sure, pal.  You pay for it, you can have a room as long as you want.
ED
Great.  I want a room for the next week.  We may not need for the whole time but I want to play it safe.
STEVE
Sure.  Just fill this out, give me a valid credit card or cash and you got it.
Steve pushes a form across the counter.  Ed grabs a pen from the counter and begins to fill it out.
ED
There is one thing you need to know about my wife.
Steve raises an eyebrow.
STEVE
And that would be what?
Ed continues filling out the registration form.
ED
I was hoping to find a subtle way to put this but I decided to hell with it.
He looks around the lobby, sees no one and looks back at Steve.
ED (Cont'd)
My baby is, how shall I put it, oh fuck it, she's a screamer, all right?
STEVE
Really?
ED
Really.  We're on our honeymoon.  We chose your place because it's close by, isolated and cheap.  We're kind of financially challenged at the moment but I'm sure in a year or two we'll go on a true honeymoon.
(Beat)
What I'm trying to say is that we don't want to be disturbed for the entire duration of our visit.  No matter what you hear from our room, just ignore it.  We'll order pizza or whatever for delivery.  We'll be your ultimate low-maintenance customers.  You won't know we're there, except maybe for the occasional scream or banging against the wall, if you know what I mean.
Ed throws a smile and wink Steve's way.
STEVE
I'm with yah, partner.  All right, just give me a few seconds and I'll have your total.
Ed produces a wad of bills while Steve types in the room sale on the computer.  He looks up from the computer screen.
STEVE (Cont'd)
That'll be $298.20.
Ed hands him $500.
ED
Keep the change but remember, we are not to be disturbed the entire time we're here.  Got it?
Steve pockets the extra money and hands Ed his room key.
STEVE
Yes sir, trust me, you and your lovely bride will not be disturbed.  And if you ever need anything at all, soda, beer, phone number of a restaurant or bar, whatever, just pick up the phone and dial zero.  If I'm not working, Derek or Stephanie will be happy to help you out.
ED
Great.  One last thing.  Because of my beloved's loudness during certain physical activities, I want the most isolated unit you have.  I presume it's the one in the southeast corner, down where I parked.  We're in the black Cherokee way at the end.
Steven follows the imaginary line emanating from Ed's finger.
STEVE
Oh sure, that's no problem.
He grabs the key and gives Ed another one.
STEVE (Cont'd)
There you go.  You're all set.
ED
Thanks, Steve.  I appreciate all your help.
EXT. PARKING LOT OF SEEDY MOTEL - CONTINUOUS
Ed approaches the black Cherokee.  He glances around, sees no one and rushes over to open the back door on the driver's side.  Bailey lies bound and gagged on the floor.  Ed unties the ropes around her legs and arms but leaves the gag in her mouth.  He scoops Bailey up and whisks her over toward the motel room.  Ed uses the key to open the door and zips inside.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bailey kicks her legs while trying to free her arms to hit Ed but cannot.  He hauls her into the bathroom, sets her on the floor next to the bathtub and turns the bathtub faucet on.  He sticks the stopper in the drain, smiles at Bailey and leaves the room.  He pushes the couch in front of the bathroom door and sprints toward the room's one and only exit.
ED
That should delay her long enough.
He pulls the door open and disappears.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
He pushes through the door to find Bailey has managed to escape the bathroom.  She starts screaming.
ED
Nice try but it won't do you any good.
He slams the door shut and heads for Bailey.
INT. HOTEL BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
The tub is full of water.  Bailey is bound and gagged.  Three bowls filled with water are scattered throughout the room.  Ed surveys the situation.  He nods.
ED
All righty then, I think we're all set.  You sure the hell aren't going to die of thirst while I'm gone.
(Beat)
So you want to tell me where you hid the money? 
Bailey shakes her head no while struggling desperately against her bonds.
ED (Cont'd)
Fine, we'll do it the hard way.  Let's see what your friend Emily can tell me.  I know she knows where the money is and in fact, it's probably hidden somewhere in her apartment.
Bailey shakes her head no.
ED (Cont'd)
And if she doesn't want to help me, I'll find ways to persuade her.
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - DAY
Mundle sorts through paperwork.  Phone rings.  He grabs it.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Sheriff Mundle, how can I help you?
BCA AGENT NIXON (O.S.)
Bob Nixon here from the Minnesota BCA.  We have some rather interesting results from the fatal one-car crash a few miles north of Winding River.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Really?
BCA AGENT NIXON (O.S.)
Yep.  The woman in the car wasn't Bailey Howell.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No shit?  Who was it?
BCA AGENT NIXON (O.S.)
Marilyn Sommers.  According to my system, she died three months ago of cancer.  She was 39 years old.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yes, that's right.  She did.  I know her parents pretty well.  
(Beat)
So what was she doing in a vehicle registered to Bailey Howell?
BCA AGENT NIXON
Good question.  Someone did a little grave robbing and planted the corpse in Bailey Howell's car. Somebody wants the rest of the world to think Bailey Howell is dead.  Do you have any idea who that might be?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I know of one person who might want Bailey truly dead but I can't imagine why he'd want to fake her death.  
BCA AGENT NIXON (O.S.)
Who's that?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Ed Nelson.  He and Bailey Howell are suspects in a bank robbery we had a few weeks back.  
BCA AGENT NIXON (O.S.)
Interesting.  All right, let us know if there's anything we can do.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I will.  Thanks. 
He hangs the phone up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Softly)
What in the fuck is going on?
INT. ED'S BLACK CHEROKEE - DAY
Ed dials a number on his cell phone.
ED
Margie, this is Ed. I have a few errands to run.  I should be back in the office in a couple hours.  If anyone calls with an emergency, have them call me on my cell, all right?
MARGIE (O.S.)
Will do.
ED
Thanks.  See you later.
MARGIE (O.S.)
You bet.  Bye bye.
EXT. SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF EMILY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Ed pulls up in his black Cherokee.  He steps out of the vehicle and heads for the entrance.  His cell phone rings.
ED
Hello.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Ed, this is Sheriff Mundle.  I stopped by the bank but your receptionist told me you were out of the office.
ED
Yeah, I have a few errands to run.  What can I do for you?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
I just found out Bailey Howell is not dead.  I need to know why the corpse of another woman was in Bailey Howell's car.
Ed is at the entrance of the apartment building.  He steps to the left of the two doors.
ED
I have no idea.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Really?  You're sure about that?
ED
Quite.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Why aren't you at work?
ED
I have to attend to some personal matters.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
And what would those be?
ED
It's personal which means it's none of your business.
Ed pulls the door open and steps inside.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Normally that would be true but since you're a suspect in a criminal investigation, it's fair game.
Ed sneers while studying the listing of names on the wall.
ED
I'm conferring with my therapist, is that okay?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Sure, as long as you can give me the name of the therapist and his or her phone number.
ED
Unless you have a court order, you have no right to track my movements.  If you're not charging me with something, I don't have to tell you jack shit.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Ed, you're not exactly giving a ringing endorsement of your innocence.  Obviously you have something to hide, which gives me all the more reason to suspect you of robbing the Winding River Community Bank.
ED
You think whatever you want.  I'm innocent and that's the way it is.  I've got nothing else to say. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Fine.  Have it your way.  I will get a court order to search both your place and Bailey's.
ED
Fine.  Are you done harassing me?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
I'm just doing my job. If you're really innocent, you have nothing to worry about.
ED
Whatever.  I gotta go.  
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
See you soon, old buddy.
Ed finds Emily Anderson on the resident listing.  A man in his early 20's bounces down the stairs.  Ed waits until the man pushes the glass door open and sneaks inside before the door closes.  He begins climbing the stairs.
INT. OUTSIDE EMILY'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Ed raps on the door.  No answer.  He knocks again, this time louder.  Finally the door opens.
EMILY
Oh, hi Ed. What brings you here?
ED
I need to discuss a private matter.  Can we step inside?
EMILY
Actually this is not the best time.  I've got a, ah, good friend over.  She's helping me deal with Bailey's death.
ED
Really?  Hey, I'm not judging anyone here.  I just need a few minutes of your time.
She frowns, then shrugs. 
EMILY
Okay, sure, come in.
She opens the door to let Ed in.  Emily is dressed in an extra large Timberwolves sweatshirt that hangs down to mid-thigh.  Ed looks around the apartment.  No one in the living room or kitchen.  He glances toward what appears to be a bedroom door that's partially closed.
ED
I take it your "friend" is in there.
EMILY
That's right.
ED
Boy, it didn't take long for you find a new gay lover.  Bailey dies and boom, you've got a new love connection in less than a week.
EMILY
It's not what it appears.
(Beat)
Barb is just helping me through a difficult time.
ED
Whatever.  Okay, here's the deal.  I need to know where Bailey hid the money before she died.
Emily looks at Ed as if he's loony.
EMILY
What are you talking about?
ED
Don't play dumb with me.  I know she told you where she stashed the money.
Emily frowns while spreading her arms wide.
EMILY
What money?
ED
The money from the bank robbery.
EMILY
I'm lost here.  Help me out.  You mean Bailey was involved in the bank robbery a couple weeks back?
ED
Don't fuck around with me.  After she ditched me, I'm sure she confided her deepest, darkest secrets to you.  Come on, where's the god damned money?
EMILY
She confided some things to me but there was no mention of robbing a bank.  Trust me, I'd remember that.
Ed takes two strides toward Emily.
ED
Fess up, bitch.  I'm sick of people jacking  me around.
EMILY
Listen loser, don't be coming into my home and calling me names.  I  don't know anything about any stolen money.
(Beat)
If you know about the money, then you and Bailey must have been in this together.  Which makes you a criminal.
Ed takes another step toward Emily.  
ED
You know where the money is.  If you don't tell me willingly, I have ways to persuade you.
EMILY
Are you threatening me?
ED
I'm merely advising you of your situation.  
EMILY
It sounds like a threat to me.
ED
I'm sorry you're so paranoid.
He takes another step toward her.  She backs up.  Ed now stands a foot away from Emily, her back against a wall.  The bedroom door is shoved back.  A sleepy, skimpily-clad brunette -- BARB BACKUS -- stands in the doorway.
BARB
What's going on out here?
Ed and Emily turn their heads toward her.
EMILY
We have a visitor.  He's a friend of Bailey.
BARB
So what's the occasion?
Barb heads for the couch in the living room.
ED
Actually this is a confidential matter.  We need to discuss this in private.
Barb stops and stares at Ed, then Emily.
EMILY
Forget what he said.  I know he's full of shit so you can stay right where you are.  He thinks I know where the stolen money is but I don't.
BARB
What stolen money?
EMILY
From the bank robbery a few weeks back.
BARB
Why would you know anything about that?
Barb drops onto the couch.
EMILY
I don't but Ed here thinks Bailey, who teamed up with Ed to do the bank job, told me where she hid the money.  But she never even told me she was involved in the bank robbery so I don't know anything about the money.
Emily joins Barb on the couch.  Ed begins pacing in front of the coffee table in front of the couch.
ED
That's bullshit.  Bailey and I were going to split it right down the middle but then she turns into a lesbo, leaves me and then claims she wants more of the money.  That tells me you two discussed her new found financial windfall and decided a hundred and twenty-five thousand wasn't enough.
Emily smiles while shaking her had. 
EMILY
You're so off base.  No, sorry, none of that ever happened.
ED
Nice try but I'm not falling for that.  I'm not leaving until I get an honest answer.
EMILY
If you don't leave right now, I'm going to call the police.
Ed stops pacing and stares down Emily.  He steps toward the coffee table, hands on hips.
ED
That would not be a wise thing to do.
EMILY
Why not?
ED
Let's just say there would be immediate, physically-unpleasant repercussions for you.
BARB
Don't you be threatening her.
ED
Fuck off, muff diver, it's none of your business.
Barb jumps to her feet.  She's pointing at Ed.
BARB
That's it, buddy.  If you think just because you're a six-foot male that you can burst in here and intimidate a couple of females, you're as much of a loser as you appear to be.
Ed watches as the lithe brunette gets into his face.  She shoves him.  He stumbles back several steps but keeps his balance.  Ed and Barb rush toward each other.  Emily is about to yell out but it's too late.  After a brief struggle, Ed shoves Barb backward.  She trips over the coffee table and crashes onto the couch.  Emily leaps onto the coffee table, pushes herself off and lands on Ed. The two fall onto the floor in a heap.  Ed grunts in pain.  In an instant Emily is clawing the right side of his face with long, turquoise fingernails.  A scream of pain and then Ed pinches both of his assailant's breasts.  A scream of pain.  Ed bucks Emily off him.
As Ed strains to get up, an enraged Emily hurls herself onto him.  The two wrestle around.  Barb appears ready to help out her lover out but the two bodies are in constant, uneven motion.  Finally Barb leaps into the fray but lands squarely on Emily, knocking her away from Ed.
He is about to renew the assault on his two female opponents when the front door is thrown open.  Bailey Howell grins at the three combatants.
BAILEY
Whoa, I didn't know this was a WWWF match.
EMILY
I thought you were dead.
BAILEY
You're not the only one.  But contrary to popular belief, I live. 
EMILY
Please straighten out your friend's misconceptions.  I have no clue where you hid the loot from the bank robbery.
Bailey trains her eyes on Ed.
BAILEY
You told her!?
Ed tries unsuccessfully to speak.  He bows his  head like a child who's been nailed with a hand in the cookie jar.  Bailey slams the door.  She stomps toward Ed.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
You told her?
(Beat)
God, you are an idiot.  How could I have ever thought we had a future together?
Ed shoots onto his feet.
ED
Hey, how in the hell did you escape from the motel room?
BAILEY
Some sleazy guy named Steve Smith, who was a front desk clerk, said a guest in a nearby room heard me kicking the wall and reported it to the front desk.  He was already intrigued by the bullshit-story you told him about me and you being into bondage and me being a loud nymphomaniac who couldn't get enough sex.
ED
I said no such thing.  I just said you were really loud during sex.
BAILEY
Yeah, right.  Anyway, after I convinced the mental Pigmy that the bondage was not conscentual, he not only let me loose but also lent me his late-model Ford Ranger so I could hunt down my demented husband and give him a piece of my mind about the deranged sexual activity during our honeymoon.
ED
In-fucking-credible.  It's amazing how boring and petty some people's lives are.
BAILEY
It's amazing how greedy some people are.
ED
Fuck you, bitch.  I'm just getting what's rightfully mine.
No one speaks.  Emily and Barb snuggle on the couch.  Bailey and Ed stand considering their plight.
EMILY
Now that I know a little more about the situation, I really wish I didn't know anything.
(Beat)
But given that I can't unknow what I know, I have one simple request.
All heads turn toward her.
EMILY (Cont'd)
I want $62,500.
(Turns to Barb)
Which I would be willing to share.
She smiles.  They kiss briefly.
ED
Real fucking touching but you're not getting a dime.
BAILEY
Come on, given they know about the bank job, thanks to your bone-headed blundering, we have to give them an incentive to keep them quiet.
ED
Shit, yeah, I guess you're right.
(Beat)
But not that much.  Fifty grand tops.
BARB
I appreciate my lovely lover's offer to share but I want my own share.  However, I'll cut you a break and accept $37,500, which leaves $150,000 for you and Bailey.
ED
Please, your generosity is killing me but I'm not giving away a hundred fucking grand to a couple of lesbos just to keep them quiet.
BAILEY
Excuse me but it's not your decision to make.  I'm the only person who knows where the money is.  I'll decide who gets how much.
She shoots an evil stare at her ex-lover and her new lover.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
And despite her quickness to form a relationship so quickly after my death, which was greatly exaggerated, I say a $100,000 total for the two of them is fair.
ED
This is so fucked up.  I should have killed you when I had the chance.
BAILEY
Shoulda, woulda, coulda, you didn't. This is reality.  Deal with it.
Bailey smiles at Ed while he glares at her.  He glances at the two women on the couch, then at Bailey, all the while shaking his head.  Ed turns to Bailey.
ED
Yeah well I guess you have all the answers.  The big question is how much am I getting?
BAILEY
Fifty thousand.
ED
What!?  No way.  I didn't risk 20 to life and my reputation for fifty fucking thousand dollars.  I want at least a hundred grand.  If it wasn't for me, there wouldn't have been a bank job.  I knew the codes to the vault.  Without that knowledge, we couldn't have done the job.
BAILEY
Hello, were you not listening?  I know where the money is, you don't.  I make the calls.  If I decide you get a dollar, you get a dollar.
Ed takes two steps toward her.
ED
That's where you're wrong.  I don't know exactly where the money is but I'm sure I could find it.  It has to be somewhere in your house or on your property.  Should you suffer an untimely demise, I feel very confident of locating the money.
BAILEY
Threatening me is not going get you anywhere.  If you try anything, you won't be able to walk for days after I'm done with you.
ED
Yeah whatever.
BAILEY
All righty then, it's time to divey up the money.  I am going make a quick trip to my house and I'll be back in about a half hour.
ED
Nice try but you're not going anywhere without me.
BAILEY
Suit yourself.
She turns and heads for the door.  Ed is right behind her.
EXT. DRIVEWAY IN FRONT OF BAILEY'S HOME - CONTINUOUS
Bailey pulls up in the borrowed Ford Ranger F150.  Ed is right behind in his black Jeep Cherokee.  Bailey steps out and makes for the front door.  Ed is right behind.  She turns around.
BAILEY
You wait right here.
ED
No, I'm going with you.  
BAILEY
I'm hurt.  After all we've been through and this is the way you treat me.
ED
Whatever.  Let's go.
BAILEY
Fine.
Bailey leads the way inside.
INT. BAILEY HOWELL'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Bailey strides toward the kitchen.  Ed follows.  She stops and turns to Ed.
BAILEY
Whoa, stay right where you are.  I'll be right back.
ED
Wrong.  I'm protecting my assets.  Let's go.
BAILEY
If you want your share of the money, you'll wait here.  Otherwise my memory might go bad and I won't remember where the money is.
ED
Fucking bitch.  All right, you've got sixty seconds.  If you're not back by then, I'll find your sorry ass.
BAILEY
I'll need at least ninety seconds, thank you.
ED
You get sixty and yes, Regis, that is my final answer,
Bailey disappears into the kitchen.  Ed looks at his watch.
ED (Softly)
You got one minute, bitch.
INT. BAILEY HOWELL'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ed paces in front of the coffee table.  He checks his watch, then starts for the kitchen.
ED
Time's up.  It's time to show me the money.
BAILEY (O.S.)
I'm coming, just hold on.
ED
I'm done waiting.  Get the hell out  here with the money!
Bailey strides into view with two grocery bags overflowing with bills.
BAILEY
See, here I am.
ED
It's about damn time.  All right, hand it over.
She hands him one grocery bag.
BAILEY
I thought we'd split it fifty-fifty after all.  Barb and Emily get nothing.  If they go to the police, we deny it.  We just say Emily and I broke up and she is trying to get back at me. 
Ed smiles.
ED
That part's right, the lesbians get nothing and like it.  As for us splitting the money, that's where you're wrong.
(Beat)
I'm taking it all.
BAILEY
How do you figure?
He pulls his polo shirt up and grabs the .45 Beretta wedged between his stomach and jeans.  Ed points the gun at Bailey's face.
ED
This is how I figure.  It's called Ed's New Math.  Now hand over the rest of the money.
She hesitates.  Ed cocks the trigger, the click loud in the otherwise silent house.  He sticks his left hand out while keeping the gun trained on Bailey with his right.
ED (Cont'd)
I'm not kidding.  Give me the money or you're dead.
BAILEY
You wouldn't kill me.  Robbing a bank is one thing.  I don't see you as a killer.
ED
Normally no but these aren't normal circumstances.  It's not everyday a guy gets dumped for another woman and then is cheated out of thousands of dollars by the same lesbo --
BAILEY
That's bisexual.
ED
What fucking ever.  Hand over the damn money or you're a dead woman.
BAILEY
Sheriff Mundle already suspects you and me of the bank job.  It's going to look pretty bad for you if I turn up killed in cold blood not more than two weeks days after the robbery.
ED
That's the beauty of it.  Your body won't be found for a very long time.  You see, I've been doing a lot of planning since we did the bank job.
Bailey takes a step backward.  Ed takes a step forward.
BAILEY
Really?
ED
Really.  One way or another, I was going to get all the money for myself, which I figured would require killing you.  Then I was going to dig up Don Welch's casket and bury your body along with his.
BAILEY
What?!
ED
That's right.  You see, Don Welch is buried in one of the most remote, isolated parts of the Winding River Memorial Cemetery.  He's in the southeast corner overlooking Birch Wood Avenue and 8th street.  More importantly, he has no surviving relatives and no close friends in the area.  In other words, no one's going to be visiting his grave in the near future, if ever.  No would notice if the grave was, shall we say, tampered with.
BAILEY
The caretaker would.
Ed laughs.
ED
Are you kidding?  Old Mr. Whitaker is always half in the bag plus he's pushing eighty himself.  The guy's probably already picked out exactly where he wants to be buried.  He's not going to notice some old fart's grave site looking slightly different than it did the previous day.  Anyway, that plan isn't going to work anymore.
BAILEY
Why not?
She takes another step back toward the kitchen.  Ed is all over her, gun trained on her chest.
ED
Sheriff Mundle called me just before I got to Emily's place.  They know the body in your car isn't you.  Now Mundle is in the process of obtaining a search warrant for both our residences...again.  That means I don't have the luxury of waiting until the dead of night to dispose of your body.
BAILEY
Bummer.  Guess you'll have to let me live.
ED
Nice try but that's not going to happen.  Plan B is shooting you dead, bagging your body, using the truck your motel friend so generously lent you, and getting the hell out of Dodge.  An uncle of mine has a cabin about twenty miles from the Canadian border.  It's old and needs serious repairs, which Uncle Dick can't afford, so he hardly ever goes there.  But he does have a mint-condition wood chopper ala "Fargo".
BAILEY
You wouldn't!
ED
The hell I wouldn't.  I'd cut your body into God knows how many pieces, bag them up and mail them to every state in the country.  Of course, they wouldn't all have the same postmark because I'd mail them from different points along the way to O'Hare International Airport.
BAILEY
Why O'Hare?
ED
I booked a flight from there to a quaint little island in the Caribbean.  With my fake passport and driver's license purchased from a Twin Cities "businessman" I found down on Hennepin Avenue a couple months ago, I shouldn't have any problems getting on the flight.
BAILEY
You're one sick individual.
ED
Just sick of being jacked around, ignored and blown off by the rest of the world.  Women have ignored me, employers have forgotten I'm on their payroll and my parents give lip service to caring about me while going ga ga over my little brother.  I'm sick of everyone else living high on the hog while I'm sucking hind tit.
BAILEY
You're mixing metaphors.
ED
They're both farm animals.  Close enough. All right, I'm done fucking around.  It's obvious you're not going to give me the money willingly, which I figured.
He sighs and lowers his aim.  The gun barrel is now trained on Bailey's not insubstantial chest.
BAILEY
You're never going to get away with this.  Eventually the police would  trace my death back to you.
ED
Not with the head start I'm going to have.  Got a passport, driver's license and birth certificate that all say I'm Oliver Keller, a forty-one year old male.  After a few cosmetic changes on the island and some well-told lies, I'll disappear with the dough.
BAILEY
And I suppose you'll have the money in a Swiss bank account.
ED
Actually in the Cayman Islands.  Next to Switzerland, they're the leading choice for legally hiding money plus it will be physically closer, which probably really doesn't even matter but it makes me fee better.
BAILEY
You've got it all figured out, huh?
Ed smiles while keeping the gun trained on her chest.
BAILEY (Cont'd)
All right, you win.  You'll have to shoot me but I do have one final request.  I mean condemned prisoners get a last meal, right?
ED
What do you want, a McDonald's happy meal before I shoot you?
BAILEY (Laughing)
That wasn't quite what I had in mind.
She carefully walks around Ed, sets the two bags of money by the side of the far couch and sprawls out on the couch.  Bailey runs both hands slowly up and down her inner thighs.
BAILEY (Smiling coyly)
I had another basic, primal need in mind.
Ed steps closer to the increasingly excited Bailey.
ED
As Kiss once sang, I could shoot you with my love gun.
BAILEY
Oh yeah, baby.  Shoot me up good.
ED
Or I could shoot you with a real gun.
He shoots Bailey in the chest.  She stares in horror and disbelief as the life and breathe escape her.  Ed fishes a set of keys out of her jeans pocket.
EXT. DRIVEWAY IN FRONT OF BAILEY'S HOME - CONTINUOUS
Ed hauls the lifeless body of Bailey Howell toward the borrowed Ford F150 truck.  He hoists the corpse into the back end and quickly covers the body with a blue plastic sheet.  Ed backs the truck out of the driveway and heads toward town.
INT. ED NELSON'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ed stuffs the money from the grocery bags into a large brown duffel bag.  He rifles through a desk drawer in the corner of the room.  He stops after finding an airplane ticket.
ED
Come to daddy.
He pockets the ticket, grabs the fake passport and driver's license and rushes out of the bedroom.  He's nearly out the door when the doorbell RINGS.
ED (Softly)
Oh fuck, what now?
Ed pushes the INTERCOM button.
ED (Cont'd)
Yeah?
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
Ed, it's Sheriff Mundle.  I have a search warrant for your home and all vehicles registered to you.
Ed takes his hand off the INTERCOM button.
ED (LOUDLY)
Son of a fucking bitch.
He blows out a long breath and pushes the INTERCOM button.
ED (Cont'd)
Fine.  Come on up.
Ed hits another button to let the sheriff inside the building.  He whirls around and bounds across the living room.  He grabs the duffel bag and rushes into the bedroom.
INT. ED NELSON'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ed whips open the closet doors, throws the duffel bag on the floor, tears a bunch of shirts off hangars and piles them on top of the stolen money.  From off screen, we hear a KNOCK on the door.  Ed grabs several pairs of sweat pants and adds them to the pile.
He quickly shuts the closet doors and strides out of the bedroom.
INT. ED NELSON'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ed wipes the sweat off his forehead and tries to regain control of his breathing.
ED
Be right there.
Another step and he's opening the door.
ED (Cont'd)
Come on in, Sheriff.
Mundle, never taking his eyes off Ed, steps inside.  Ed shuts the door as the sheriff scans the living and dining rooms.  The two men stand uneasily between the couch and door.
ED (Cont'd)
All right, show me the search warrant.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Actually I don't have one.  I just wanted to ask you a few questions.
ED
If you don't have a search warrant, you can just march your sorry ass right out the door.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Not before you answer some questions.  You're still a suspect and it's not only the bank robbery.
ED
What are you talking about?
Mundle strolls over and takes a seat on the couch.  He takes off his hat and peers at Ed.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
A missing person case.  Specifically Bailey Howell.  You know anything about her whereabouts?
ED
Got no clue.  Why should I?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Because your Jeep Cherokee is parked in her driveway.  Now why would your vehicle be parked in the driveway of someone who, as far as the general public knew, died in a car accident?
Ed falls into an easy chair to the left of the couch.  He kicks the ottoman aside and sits literally on the edge of his seat.
ED
This is going to sound silly, stupid even, but after learning she died in a car accident, I felt I was partly to blame.  Indirectly, I mean.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What do you mean?
ED
I mean if I had been a better match for her, we wouldn't have broken up.  After we split, she really went downhill.  She was an adventurous woman when we started dating but she went from a party girl to an out-of-control party girl after we broke up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
How so?
ED
Besides dating a woman, she got into all these drugs.  I don't even know the names for all of them but I know she did them at raves and your garden-variety parties.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You mean ecstasy.
ED
Yeah, that's it.  Ecstasy and mushrooms and maybe even peyote.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All hallucinogens.  Yeah, if she was doing those drugs and then drove, she could well have gotten into a serious car accident.  But she didn't, at least not as far as we can tell.  As I told you on the phone, it wasn't Bailey's body we found in her burnt car.
ED
That is bizarre.  Don't know what to tell you, Sheriff.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Come on, Ed, cut the bullshit.  Tell me what's really going on.  I found out Bailey was a lesbian, not bisexual, from a friend of mine who worked at the Coalition For A Purer Earth.  She was using you the whole time.  There was never any romantic interest in you.  All she cared about was pulling off the bank job.  I don't know when it was you realized this but I think after you did, you did something about it.  I don't understand why you would want to make it appear your old lover died in a car accident.  But anyway, since she's not dead, she's considering missing.  Somehow you're  involved.
ED
Nice try, Sheriff, but you got nothing.  I don't know shit about any of that.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
All right, all right, I give.  I got nothing.
(Beat)
It's been a long day.  You got a beer you can spare?
Ed laughs.  He slowly stands up.
ED
Sure.  Grain Belt Premium okay?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That'd be great.
Ed disappears into the kitchen and returns with two bottles of beer.  He hands one to Mundle.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Much obliged.
Mundle drinks deeply from the bottle, closes his eyes and sits back on the couch.  Ed takes his former spot in the easy chair.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
This really hits the spot.  Reminds me of the first time I drank one of these.  We were in high school and trying to figure out how to get a 12-pack of beer so us two could go back roading.
ED
Yeah and we thought we were screwed because neither of us had older brothers or sisters or friends of drinking age to buy it for us.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
But then you sweet-talked Melissa Anderson into convincing her older sister, ah, what was her name?
ED
Teresa.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Of course, Teresa Anderson.  That angel took our three dollars and change and brought us back a box of the magical, forbidden elixir.
ED
Some magical elixir.  You had to pull over to the shoulder because you were wasted after three beers.  And then you threw up halfway through the fourth.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
At least I had enough sense to pull over and park the car.
ED
Yeah but then we stumbled and fell down I don't know how many times in farmer Larsen's cornfield.  We were so lucky his pack of coon dogs didn't find us.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No shit.  Luckier than hell we were.
Mundle takes a long, heartfelt draught from his beer.  Ed follows suit.  The sheriff sets his beer down on the coffee table.  He peers directly at Ed.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Where did it all start to go wrong?
Ed hesitates.  After several moments of silence, he looks away from Mundle, a sad and mad look in his eyes.
ED
The second after I heard the Winding River Community Bank was going to be  taken over by the federal government or sold.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
What are you talking about?
ED
We got a memo from corporate about six weeks ago.  It said because of significant losses due to embezzlement by four of the senior management team, the bank, which is owned by Prudent Financial Partners, Inc., would be sold or taken over by the federal government until such time that a new owner could be found.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I haven't seen anything in the newspaper about it.
ED
Corporate didn't want to release a statement until they knew whether they could find a buyer or if the feds had to assume control, at least temporarily.  It sounds like the feds will have to take control because Prudent Financial Partners haven't been able to find a buyer.
(Beat)
Anyway, after I heard the embezzlement losses totaled at least a million and half dollars, that's when I said to myself, "God damned it, I'm going to get my fair share of the pie."  I wasn't sure exactly how at the time.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did you tell Bailey about any of this?
ED
I mentioned it one night, you know, it was late, we were laying in bed, I'd had a few glasses of wine.  It just sort of all came out.  After I was done venting my frustration, she said we should rob the bank.  I was the one who worked out all the details.  Unfortunately the plan assumed Bailey and I would be together for the foreseeable future.
(Beat)
Boy was I wrong about that.
Silence for three beats, then the unmistakable CLICK of a revolver's safety being released.  Ed stands five feet away from the sheriff, the gun aimed at Mundle's chest.
ED (Cont'd)
Move really slow.  Reach down with  only your pinky finger and slowly take the gun out of your holster.
Mundle does what Ed says.
ED (Cont'd)
Now toss the gun to me.
Mundle flips the gun toward Ed. The bank VP snatches it out of the air.  He shoves the sheriff's firearm into a pants pocket, all the while keeping his revolver trained on the sheriff.
ED
Now give me your holster, handcuffs and keys to the squad car.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
You're making a big mistake, Ed. We can work this out.
ED
Give me your damn holster, handcuffs and keys...now.
Mundle removes the holster, handcuffs and keys.  He tosses all three at Ed. Ed catches the holster while letting the handcuffs and keys fall to the floor.  While keeping the gun aimed at the sheriff, Ed reaches down and snaps up the handcuffs and keys.
ED (Cont'd)
Get up.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Why?
ED
I got a fucking gun and you don't.  That's why.  Now stand up and walk slowly into the bathroom.
Sheriff rises to his feet and makes his way past Ed and toward the bathroom.  Ed follows right behind, the gun poking into the middle of Mundle's back.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did you kill Bailey Howell?
ED
I plead the fifth.  Just get into the bath-fucking-room.
INT. ED NELSON'S BATHROOM - TEN MINUTES LATER
Mundle is handcuffed to the bathtub faucet.  
SHERIFF MUNDLE (To self)
You're not getting away that easy.
He scans the bathroom.  A sink and vanity stand six feet away.  Mundle crawls out of the bathtub and lays out on the floor.  He reaches as far as he can with his right foot.  Mundle tries unsuccessfully to open one of the vanity drawers.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Shit.
He takes off his shoe and tries again.  This time he manages to open it.  He feels around with his foot and flicks out a laundry list of cosmetic products.  Mundle frowns at the collection of deodorant, after shave bottles, disposable razors and canister of shaving cream strewn on the floor.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
So much for that drawer.
He moves up to the next one.  He yanks it open, the drawer coming off its hinges and spilling Band-Aids, bandages, three combs, hair gel, and a hair dryer.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
There we go.
Mundle kicks the hair dryer over to him.  He unfurls the cord.  He flings the hair dryer toward the portable phone sitting in its charger on the hallway wall.  It hits a foot below the target and crashes to the floor.
He reels the hair dryer back toward him and heaves it again.  This time it clanks off the bottom of the charger.  The phone jiggles but doesn't come down.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Shit.
Mundle reels it back in a third time.  He wipes the sweat from his face and forehead, closes his left eye, squints his right eye and heaves the hair dryer again.  Again the sheriff narrowly misses his mark.  
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Double shit.
He stares at the hair dryer for two beats.  He snaps his fingers.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
That's it.
He begins taking off his clothes.
INT. ED NELSON'S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Ed is down his Scooby Doo underwear.  His shirt and pants are knotted together with the hair dryer.  At the end of the line are his shoes, tied together with shoestrings.  He takes aim at the portable phone and heaves the makeshift line at it.  The shoes knock the phone from its holder.  The phone clatters to the floor.  Sheriff pumps his fist.  
He reels the makeshift line back in, takes aim and heaves the line again.  The shoes bounce a foot to the right and end up past the phone.  Mundle pulls the line back so that the shoes hit the far side of the phone.  He carefully, slowly reels in the phone.
He grabs it, hits the TALK button and jabs in a number.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Winding River Police Department, how can I help you?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It's Sheriff Mundle,.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Where in the dickens have you been?  The dispatcher has been trying to get you on your radio for over an hour!
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Sorry, it was stupid.  I should have radioed in before I stopped by Ed Nelson's place.  Anyway, we have a, ah, situation here.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
What do you mean?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
The suspect --
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
You mean Ed Nelson?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Right, I was questioning Ed about Bailey's disappearance and about the bank robbery.  I got a confession from him on both crimes --
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
That's fantastic.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Yeah well there is a down side.  I discovered the hard way that he was carrying a gun.  He used my handcuffs to cuff me to his bathtub faucet.  And I think he is trying to make his getaway in my squad car.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Oh my.
ED
Number one, issue an APB on Ed Nelson, whatever vehicle he's driving.  Number two, send Glander over to Ed's condo so he can get me out of these damn handcuffs.  Number three, do it fast.
ROBERTA SMITH (O.S.)
Will do. I'll have Sharon do the APB and then send Officer Glander over to Ed's place.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks.
He hangs up and starts to untie the knot holding his shirt and pants together.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (O.S.)
With any luck, I'll be dressed by the time Glander shows up.
INT. ED NELSON'S BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Officer Glander inserts a key into the handcuffs.  An instant later, the cuffs open.  Mundle hops to his feet.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks.  I owe you one.  Let's cruise.
INT. SHERIFF MUNDLE'S SQUAD CAR - MOMENTS LATER
The sheriff speeds through the town.  A call comes over the radio.
SHARON (O.S.)
Sheriff Mundle, you there?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I'm here, Sharon.
SHARON (O.S.)
Hi sheriff.  We just got a call from a highway patrolman on the APB.  He saw a man fitting Ed Nelson's description entering the Super America on fourth Street about fifteen minutes ago.  Unfortunately he didn't hear about the APB until after he'd seen the suspect. 
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Did he see which direction the suspect headed after leaving SA?  
SHARON (O.S.)
He was heading north on on Highway 15.  Anything else, over?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No, not for now.  I am in pursuit of the suspect, will keep you advised.   
EXT. HIGHWAY 15 - CONTINUOUS
Sheriff Mundle's squad car flies over the asphalt, siren blaring and lights flashing.  Three cars pull over to the shoulder to let the police car fly by them.  Close-up on the speedometer:  90, 95, 100, 105, 110.  Close-up on Mundle: sweat and focus trickle down his face.
Squad car flies over the top of a hill, the tires a full five feet above the road.  Ahead, just at the edge of Mundle's vision, is a black Ford Ranger F150.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (To self)
You're mine, bitch.
He pushes the squad to go even faster.  A single car, a gray late 80's Caprice, separates Mundle from his prey.  In the other lane, a white sports car approaches.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Come on, dip shit, pull the hell over.
Mundle lays on the horn in desperation.  He's almost on top of the Caprice's back bumper.  In the other lane, the white sports car slows and pulls half onto the shoulder.  The sheriff curses out the Caprice's driver while passing between the Caprice and the white sports car.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Old, senile drivers need to die.
Mundle picks up the microphone.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
I am in visual range of the suspect.  Am approximately ten miles north of town on Highway 15.  Send back-up immediately.  Please confirm, over.
SHARON (O.S.)
I copy.  Officer Glander is at the scene of a possible DWI but there is a state trooper unit in the area, over.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
That works for me.  Send him over ASAP.
He sets the microphone back into its holder.  Ed's commandeered truck is only a couple football fields away.  Mundle is basically standing on the accelerator but the suspect's truck is going nearly as fast.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Give it up, old buddy.  Your ass is mine.
The squad car narrows the gap.  We see Ed look over his shoulder at the cop car.  Sheriff Mundle smiles.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Here I am.  It's me, your old buddy, Duane Mundle.  Give the fuck up, all right?
Brake lights on Ed's truck come on.  SCREECH of tires as Ed maneuvers the truck onto the paved shoulder.  Sheriff Mundle slams on the brakes.  Another SCREECH while Mundle tries to bring the squad car under control as it speeds toward Ed's truck.  Squad car slams into the truck's rear bumper, then ricochets onto a grassy area just off the shoulder.
Ed scrambles out the driver's side door of the truck while the squad car is still spinning around like a giant metallic top.  Mundle shoves the driver's side door open and leaps out before the vehicle comes to a rest.  Ed disappears into a grove of trees.  Mundle produces a gun.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Come on, Ed, give it up!  You're not getting away.
But he is getting away.  Mundle sprints toward the trees.  His breathing is ragged, his face red by the time he reaches the beginning of the trees.  Ed's nowhere in sight.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
What the hell?
Ed jumps out from a tree ten feet to the sheriff's left.  He has the gun he took from Mundle.  He shoots at the sheriff.  Mundle simultaneously ducks and prepares to fire his .45 Beretta.  An instant after the bullet zips inches above his head, Mundle fires at Ed. The shot hits Ed in the right thigh.
ED
Son of a bitch!
Ed grabs his right thigh with one hand while pointing the gun with the other.  He shoots.  This time Mundle is hit in the right shoulder.  Mundle cries out in pain as his gun flies out of his hand.  Ed is about to shoot again but Sheriff Mundle grabs his night stick and hurls at Ed, striking his right hand.  Gun flies out of Ed's hand.
Ed starts to go for the dislodged weapon, then veers hard right toward his truck.  He limps back toward his vehicle.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Freeze!
ED
Fuck off.
Ed hobbles toward his truck.  Mundle tries to stem the flow of blood from his shoulder while rushing over to retrieve his gun.  By the time he picks up the firearm, Ed is in his truck.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It's no use, Ed. I've got back-up on the way.  They'll be here any second.
Ed starts the engine.  Mundle fires at the front tire as the truck pulls away.  He misses.  Another shot.  This one hits the mark.  Truck keeps going with three good tires.  Mundle climbs into the squad car.  He grabs the microphone.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Sharon, where in the hell is my back-up?
SHARON (O.S.)
Should be there any minute.  I spoke with captain Baker less then two minutes ago.  Where are you?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
About twelve miles north of town on Highway 15.  Ed tried to flee on foot, we exchanged gun fire.
SHARON (O.S.)
Oh my, are you all right?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Basically fine.  Took a shot to my right shoulder but it's no big deal.  I got Ed in the right thigh.  He was limping but he'll survive.
Mundle has the sirens on and lights flashing as he flies down the highway.  Ed's black truck shakes from the shot-out tire. It's a couple-hundred yards ahead of the squad but Mundle is closing fast.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
I'm proceeding north on Highway 15.  Ed's maybe two-hundred yards ahead of me.  I shot out the front driver's side tire.  Was hoping he'd surrender but that's apparently not going to happen.  That's all I got right now.
SHARON (O.S.)
Got it.  Will advise you on Baker's location as soon as possible, over.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Thanks.
He sets the microphone back into the holder.  Ed's truck is less than a hundred yards away as it begins climbing a rise in the highway.
INT. ED'S TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Ed struggles to keep control of the shaking truck.  He glances in the rear view mirror.  The sheriff is right behind him.
ED (To self)
Fuck.
He glances down at the floor.  The zipper is open on the  duffel bag filled with money.  Ed hits a bump and the jolt tips the duffel bag over.  Stacks of bills spill across the truck floor, including all around the accelerator and brake pedal.  He reaches down with his right hand to push the bills away.  The truck slips over into the other lane while Ed is trying to clear the money away from the accelerator and brake.
Ed's head jerks up just in time to see a semi barreling directly toward him.  He hits the gas and propels the truck toward the left-hand shoulder.  His truck misses the semi by less than a foot.  Camera follows Ed's vehicle as it flies over and tumbles down the same steep embankment that Bailey Howell supposedly but didn't really die at the bottom of.  At the bottom, Ed's truck transforms into a fireball.
Sheriff Mundle pulls the squad onto the right shoulder of the road.  He checks the highway.  After seeing no vehicles approaching, he jogs across the highway.  
The sheriff stares grimly at the burning truck.  A tear trickles down his face.  Another starts to form.  Driver of the semi -- BOB EARLY -- approaches.  Mundle quickly arms the tear away.
BOB EARLY
Holy shit, I'm sorry.  I didn't know what to do when I saw his truck in my lane.  I braked as hard as I could.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
It wasn't your fault.  Guy had stolen money from a bank and was trying to get away.  You just happened to be in the way.
Early shakes his head while staring at the fireball at the bottom of the embankment.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
He was a good guy once upon a time.
(Two beats)
Then things changed.  I mean he was still a good guy, at heart, but he let a hot babe and the possibility of a lot of free money screw up his life.
BOB EARLY
And now he's completely screwed.
Mundle laughs humorlessly.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
He sure the hell is. 
EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
Sheriff Mundle kneels in front of his deceased wife's grave.  Monica Johnson approaches the grave site.
MONICA
All right, what in the hell is going on?
Mundle looks up from the grave.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I wanted you to come here so I could ask you a very important question.
She frowns at him while sticking hands on hips.
MONICA
And that would be...
Mundle glances at the grave.  He returns his gaze to Monica.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Will you marry me?
MONICA
What!?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Will you marry me?
MONICA
That's what I thought you said.
(Beat)
Why did you choose this place to ask me?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I needed to be sure that remarrying was okay with Amy.
MONICA
And if she doesn't approve, what do you expect to happen?  A tree crashing onto your head, the casket to fly out of the ground and her reanimated skeleton to beat you senseless?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Nothing that dramatic.  I don't know, I figured there would be a small sign, a feeling like a chill down my spine or something.
(Beat)
So will you marry me or not?
Monica casts a wary gaze at Amy's grave site, then around at a nearby headstone.  An ancient oak's branches creak from a gust of wind.  Fluttering from an unseen night bird drifts over them.
MONICA
I will on one condition.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Anything.
MONICA
You give up the marijuana, cocaine and other assorted mind-altering drugs.  Except for alcohol, of course. Those things make you crazy and of course, if anyone in or around Winding River finds out, you're out of a job.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
I will.
MONICA
If you will, then I do. 
The two leap into each others arms.  The embrace leads to a long, heartfelt kiss.  They slowly unlock lips.  Monica stares into the sheriff's eyes.
MONICA (Cont'd)
So what do you think Amy thinks of our marriage?  Do you feel a chill down your spine?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
No but my heart feels right.
MONICA
That's a good sign.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
And I do feel a rather pleasant, primeval sensation in another part of my body.
Monica jumps back as if struck by lightning.
MONICA
You sick little sonofabitch!  I felt that.  I wouldn't blame Amy if she came back to life and bit your penis off.
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Oh come on, you love it, admit it.
(Turns toward Amy's grave)
Sorry hon, but it's just normal guy stuff.  Don't take it personally.
The two stand there in the dim light staring at Mundle's deceased wife's grave for several beats.  The sheriff elbows away a tear while Monica looks on with a sad expression.  Mundle walks slowly over to the grave, kneels down and kisses the headstone.  He leans his face against the cold marble, eyes closed, for a moment.  Then he's up and advancing toward Monica.
SHERIFF MUNDLE (Cont'd)
Okay, we're cool.  Amy's fine with us getting together.
MONICA
You sure about that?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
Positively.  She has just one request.
MONICA
What?
SHERIFF MUNDLE
We name our firstborn, if it's a girl, after her.
MONICA
Damn straight we will.
They hug.  Tears stream down Monica's face.
THE END