INT. 'LIVE' T.V. STUDIO

Before a live audience and three cameras a stage is set up to look like a front hall/den area.  There is a front door, a staircase, and the den area has a T.V. and a couch.

The three cameras all have their red 'recording' light on and the audience is silent.  On stage, a TEEN ACTOR dressed in a nice sweater and holding a flower waits at the bottom of the stairs.

				TEEN ACTOR
		Stacy!  We're  going to be late!

The TEEN ACTRESS who plays Stacy is off screen at the top of the stairs.

				TEEN ACTRESS (O.S.)
		I can't!  I, I look horrible!

				TEEN ACTOR
		C'mon baby!  It's just an allergic reaction 
		to your make up!  I'm sure it's not that bad!

				TEEN ACTRESS (O.S.)
		Well, alright. . . .

Teen actress begins walking downstairs, eventually revealing that her face is bright blue.  The audience gasps and then chuckles.  

Just then the door opens and GEORGE (playing Postman Pete) enters.  He is 48 and overweight, which is accentuated by his ridiculous looking tight mailman uniform.

				GEORGE
		Mail-

He sees and reacts over-dramatically to Teen actress's face, throwing the mail into the air.

				GEORGE
		The guy's at the post office are never 
		gonna believe this!

George pivots and quickly waddles back out the front door.  The audience ERUPTS in laughter.

EXT. BUSY L.A. STREET

The street is busy and lined with hip stores with hip shoppers and tourists dotting in and out of them.  George, in a much more flattering outfit, walks down the street.

A cute 20-something couple recognizes him and gets very excited.

				GIRL FROM COUPLE
		Oh my god!  It's Postman Pete from "The 
		Horrible Life of Stacy"!

George rolls his eyes and tries to keep walking and ignore them.

INT. DEN--NIGHT

A family sits happily around a T.V. sharing popcorn and each other's company.

ON THE T.V.: It's the set from the studio.  The Teen actress that plays Stacy is walking down the stairs and slips on a roller-skate. She flies off the stairs and grabs the chandelier that hangs from the ceiling.

				TEEN ACTRESS
		Woah!

The front door bursts open and George as Postman Pete walks in.  Instantly surprised, he tosses the mail into the air.

				GEORGE
		The guy's at the post office are never 
		gonna believe this!

George turns and runs out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  The laughter plays out from the T.V. and the booming laughter of the family joins it.
				
INT. CHRISTINE STARR'S OFFICE

CHRISTINE Starr a woman who looks like she's caught in a plastic trap between 26 and 62, sits behind a large wooden desk.  Signed posters of actors and actress's adorn the walls.  George sits on the other side of the desk.

				CHRISTINE
		Alright George, honey, have I got 
		some simply fantastic news for you!

				GEORGE
		Yeah?

				CHRISTINE
		Fox wants to make "Pete the Postman" 
		a permanent character on "The Horrible 
		Life of Stacy"!

George rolls his eyes.

INT. OFFICE--DAY

A young man dressed in a shirt and tie sits in his cubicle in front of the computer screen, sipping a soda.  He is on youtube and the clip "Best Postman Pete Scenes" is loading.  It has over fifty thousand views.  It finishes loading and begins.

ON COMPUTER: Teen actress playing Stacy sits on the couch watching T.V.  Suddenly, for no apparent reason, she burst into flames and starts screaming and running around the den area.

The front door bursts open---it's George playing Postman Pete.  Surprised, he tosses his mail into the air and-

				GEORGE
		The guy's at the post office are never 
		gonna believe this!

The laugh track sounds fuzzy through the computer speaker, but the young mans laugh is loud and clear, and soda sprays from his nose into his keyboard.

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT--DAY

The lady in line in front of George gets a sack of food and moves away, allowing George to place an order with the cashier, who looks up, instantly recognizes him, and grins.

				CASHIER
		Oh my god!  Are you Postman Pete?

George is annoyed and ready with a snappy remark.

				GEORGE
		Oh my god!  Are you going to take 
		my order?

Cashier thinks he may be kidding and chuckles in a confused manner.

				GEORGE
		Haha!  It's funny isn't it!

The Cashier is laughing more comfortably now.

				GEORGE
		Yeah! You've made bad life choices and are 
		now stuck doing a job a monkey could do!  
		Ha-ha!

The cashier stops laughing.

EXT. BUSY L.A. STREET--DAY

George tried to ignore the couple but they follow him.

				GUY FROM COUPLE
		Wait!  Pete!  Say: "The guy's at the post-"

George turns angrily towards them, then mocks them.

				GEORGE
		Oh my gawd! It's Postman Pete! 
		Oh my Gawd!

The couple is taken aback.  George stops mocking them and starts simply insulting them.

				GEORGE
		Seriously?  You like that show?  
		What, were you both dropped as children?

				GUY FROM COUPLE
		Hey, I, I uh-

				GEORGE
		Hey. I. Uh. Shut up.  God! Get a life.

George turns away.

INT. CHRISTINE STARR'S OFFICE--DAY

George is unhappy with Christine's latest news, and shows it bluntly.

				GEORGE
		Damnit Christine!  

George slams his fist on her desk, and stands up.  He begins angrily pacing and ranting.
				
				GEORGE
		I'm so sick of this bullshit!  

				CHRISTINE
		George-
			
George angrily cuts her off with a roar.
	
				GEORGE
		I'm talking!

Christine is startled and shuts up.  George continues to angrily pace and talk about how much he thinks his life sucks.
				
				GEORGE
		I have one line, and not just any 
		one line, but probably the cheesiest, 
		most stupid, idiotic line that has ever 
		been written for T.V.!  

He pauses and makes sure Christine is listening with a glare, before continuing.

				GEORGE
		And, I mean, maybe it would be okay if 
		it was a good show, you know, if I was a 
		part of an interesting artistic drama or 
		something that commented on the social 
		structure or something, but no!  

George throws his arms in the air, expressing his anger.

				GEORGE
		I'm on "The Horrible Life of Stacy" which 
		consists of random bad things happening to 
		this one girl for no apparent rhyme or reason!

George ponds his arms back down on the desk.  He hunches over the desk, red and out of breath, sweat dripping down his forehead.  Christine is not amused.

				CHRISTINE
		Well, George.  A simple "no" would have sufficed.  
		I guess they'll go ahead and fill the spot with 
		some other bald, fat, aging actor.

She shuffles around some paper work.  George looks confused, clearly not used to insults.

				GEORGE
		Yeah, well,  . . .you're fired.

Christine smiles.

				CHRISTINE
		Yeah?  Well-

EXT. BUSY L.A. STREET--DAY

Girl from couple is clutching Guy from couple's shoulder.  Guy from couple flicks George off.

				GUY FROM COUPLE
		Fuck you!

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT--DAY	

The Cashier flicks George off.

				CASHIER
		Fuck you!

INT. CHRISTINE'S OFFICE--NIGHT

Still smiling, Christine holds up her middle finger.

				CHRISTINE
		Fuck you. 	

INT. 'LIVE' T.V. STUDIO

The front hall/den set of "The Horrible Life of Stacy" is all set up.

At the bottom of the stairs stands teen actor in another sweater.

				TEEN ACTOR
		Stacy!  We're going to be late!

Teen Actress (as Stacy) is off screen at the top of the stairs.

				TEEN ACTRESS (O.S.)
		I can't!  I, I look horrible!

				TEEN ACTOR
		C'mon baby!  It's just a bad dress your grandma 
		picked out!  I'm sure it's not that bad!

				TEEN ACTRESS (O.S.)
		Well, alright. . . .

Teen actress begins walking downstairs, eventually revealing a big, embarrassingly poofy, horribly ugly neon green dress.  The audience gasps and then chuckles.  

As she continues down the stairs, she slips on a roller skate, flies through the air, and grabs the chandelier, hanging from it.

The audience laughs more heartily.

Suddenly, for no reason whatsoever, Teen Actress bursts into flames, in the ugly dress, while hanging from the chandelier.  The audiences laughter seems to be at an all time high.

Just then the door opens and BILL (playing Milkman Mike) enters.  He is 48, bald, and overweight, which is accentuated by his ridiculous looking tight milkman uniform.

				BILL
		Milk-

He sees and reacts over-dramatically to Teen actress's situation, throwing the milk bottles into the air.

				BILL
		The guy's at the dairy-

INT. BILL'S APARTMENT--NIGHT

In a small, gross, and pathetic looking apartment Bill sits alone in his boxers and a wife beater, eating ice cream from the carton and watching the T.V. He looks incredibly sad.

				GEORGE
		-are never gonna believe this.

George sighs as the live studio audience ERUPTS into uncontrollable laughter.