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THE LUNCHROOM Episode One "The Mourning After" Written by Bruce Snyder Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Edward Drogos STORY EDITOR Rebecca Parker CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. Chris Hughes................................ Ellen Conner................................ Cathy Matthews.............................. Mr. John Parker............................. Ms. Diane Ballard........................... GUEST CAST LIST Principal Bob Stevens....................... Richard..................................... Kirk........................................ Joseph Said................................. William Reicther............................ Teacher..................................... School Nurse................................ Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: EXT. COOPER HOUSE - DAY Establishing shot. CUT TO: INT. COOPER HOUSE - WILL'S ROOM - SAME CLOSE UP ON WILL'S FACE: All we can see is WILL COOPER'S face. He is looking down, with a look of pure joy on his face. WILL Oh yeah. That's the way I like it. CUT TO: INT. COOPER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME It's empty and dark. The front door starts to inch open and ELLEN CONNER sticks her head in. ELLEN Hello? Will? The front door was open so I let myself in. She looks around. ELLEN Will? CUT TO: INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME CLOSE UP ON WILL'S FACE: His face is still in a state of joy, completely unaware that Ellen has entered the house. WILL God, I love doing this. CUT TO: INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Ellen has quietly walked up the stairs, constantly looking around for somebody. ELLEN Anybody home? She starts to walk down the hall before noticing light coming out of a room near the end of the hall. She walks up to and opens it. CUT TO: INT. WILL'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS The door opens and Ellen enters. She gasps in horror. ELLEN Oh dear God! The camera PANS to the LEFT to see that Will is on his bed. Next to him is a large stack of Garfield books. He is holding one in his lap and reading it. He drops the book in embarrassment. WILL (ashamed) I have a problem. SMASH CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: FADE IN: INT. ROOM - NIGHT (DREAM SEQUENCE: BLACK & WHITE) It's a small room, with only a tiny bed in the corner and a desk near the doorway. Sitting at the desk is KATE DAVIDSON. She is in the middle of writing a letter. KATE (V/O) Dear Chris. I feel certain that I'm going mad again, and I don't think I can recover this time. I began to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems to be the best thing to do. She finishes the letter and begins to fold it up. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) You have given me the greatest possible happiness. She puts the letter into an envelope. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) You have been in every way all that anyone could be. She writes on the envelope in big letters "CHRIS." She gets up and heads to the bathroom doorway. CUT TO: INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS (DREAM SEQUENCE: BLACK & WHITE) Kate enters and goes over to a wall. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) I don't think two people could have been happier till this terrible problem came. I can't fight it any longer. She removes a loose piece of wall and sticks her arm into it, searching for something. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) I know that I am spoiling your life. I know that without me you could work. And you will, I know. She pulls her arm out. She has a bottle of pills in her hand. She walks over to the sink and looks into the mirror. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) You see I can't even write this properly. She opens the bottle and pours about ten pills into her hand. She looks into the mirror again, almost afraid to do it. KATE (V/O) (CONT'D) What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. She quickly take the pills but has a hard time swallowing. Finally she gets them all down. CUT TO: INT. ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DREAM SEQUENCE: BLACK & WHITE) Kate comes out of the bathroom and sits on the edge of her bed. KATE (V/O) You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. After a few seconds she lays down on the bed, staring at her ceiling wall. KATE (V/O) Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. Beat. Her eyes slowly close. KATE (V/O) I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. Her eyes close. SMASH CUT TO: INT. CHRIS' ROOM - MORNING CHRIS HUGHES quickly sits up in his bed, very shaken from this bad dream. He huffs and puffs trying to calm himself down. We suddenly notice his new appearance. Unlike before, he seems more physically fit as is not wearing a shirt and appears to have abs. He has also shaved his head bald, and has a goatee. After he has calmed down a bit he looks over at the clock and notices it's six in the morning. He gets up and exists. CUT TO: EXT. CHRIS' HOUSE - MINUTES LATER Chris emerges from the house, in shorts and a white T-shirt. He starts to stretch his muscles, preparing to jog. Before he takes off, he puts on headphones. He hits play on his Ipod. BEGIN SONG (The Fray's "Over My Head") Chris takes off running. FADE TO BLACK FADE IN: (THE SONG CONTINUES OVER THE NEXT SET OF SCENES) EXT. CENTERVILLE - EARLY MORNING (ARIAL VIEW) Establishing shot. We can see the whole town. The sun is just now hitting it with it's first rays of the day. CUT TO: EXT. CENTERVILLE HIGH SCHOOL - SAME Establishing shot. The sun rays are hitting it for the first time. A JANITOR walks up to the front doors and unlocks the place. He props the door open and heads inside. CUT TO: INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME Will is sleeping on his bed, his blankets are all over the place. The ALARM on his nightstand starts to buzz. Will slowly lifts his head and hits snooze. WILL (sleepy) I fucking hate Mondays! He slowly sits up, about to begin his morning routine. FADE TO: EXT. SIDEWALK - MINUTES LATER Chris is jogging along a suburban street. He listens to an Ipod and continues his new daily exercise routine. FADE TO: EXT. BUSY ROAD - SAME CASEY JENNINGS is riding his SCOOTER down a very busy town road. BROCK WARNER is sitting behind him, holding on to him. The scooter is only going about ten miles per hour, as there is a line of cars behind Casey honking and shouting insults at him. Brock looks embarrassed, but the incident doesn’t seem to affect Casey at all. In fact he whistles to himself, almost unaware of the cars behind him. BROCK (under breath) Why do I ride with you? FADE TO: EXT. VANDELE HOUSE - SAME Establishing shot. Brian's car is park in front. CUT TO: INT. BRIAN'S CAR - SAME BRIAN VANDELE, whose hair has grown down to his shoulders, sits in the driver's seat. He checks to see if the coast is clear. He reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He pulls out one and lights it with a lighter from his pocket. At this point he slides down a bit in his seat, almost like he's relaxing. BRIAN Sweet, sweet nicotine. FADE TO: INT. MAYBERRY HOME - HALLWAY - SAME JOEL MAYBERRY is walking down the hallway, putting on a shirt. JOEL Okay, Cathy. We can go now. Joel enters the kitchen. CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Just as Joel enters, he freezes in place. CATHY MATTHEWS is at the refrigerator, with a plate in her hand. She is going to town on a large piece of HAM. JOEL What the hell, Cathy!? CATHY I'm sorry. I thought I just help myself to some breakfast? Joel is still confused. JOEL Ham? Ham for breakfast? CATHY I don't know what it is but lately I've been having the weirdest cravings. Suddenly her stomach makes a weird gargling sound. CATHY Excuse me but I think the ham is coming back for seconds. She runs out of the kitchen, handing the plate of ham to Joel as she leaves. Joel seems confused by this. FADE TO: EXT. REICTHER HOUSE - SAME Establishing shot. There is a very run down, old red pick up truck that sits in the driveway. This belongs to REICTHER. He emerges from the house and heads for the truck. CUT TO: INT. TRUCK - CONTINUOUS Reicther enters the truck. REICTHER (to truck) How are we doing today, Captain Dan? He pats the dashboard, very happy. Before he starts the car he pulls down the visor. Suddenly a DEAD SNAKE falls out of it and lands on Reicther's lap. He starts jumping up and down, screaming in horror. After a second he grabs the snake and chucks into the back of the truck. He takes a minute to calm himself down. He takes long deep breathes. REICTHER (to himself) The prankster strikes again! FADE TO: EXT. STREET - MINUTES LATER Ellen is walking down the street, with a backpack on her. She has her arms crossed trying to keep warm in this early morning weather. A beat up old gray BUICK slowly crawls along with her. Will is sticking his head out of the driver's window. WILL Ellen, get in the damn car! ELLEN NO! Not until you fucking admit that "Batman Begins" is a prequel! WILL It's a reboot. ELLEN You say reboot, I say fuck you it's a prequel. Will rolls his eyes. They continue down the road arguing. FADE TO: EXT. INNER CITY SCHOOL - SAME It's a horrible, run down school. Some of the windows are broken and there is graffiti all over one of the walls. Near the front of the building stand JOHN PARKER and DIANE BALLARD. They stand there staring at their new school. BALLARD Well, look on the bright side. Things could be worse. PARKER I think Julius Caesar said that right before he was stabbed by his friends. BALLARD C'mon, we haven't even step foot in the school yet. A little BOY, about five or six and is African American, walks by. Ballard stops him. BALLARD Hey little fella. Do you go to this school? In no time at all the little boy whips out a knife. LITTLE BOY Bitch, gimmie all your money! PARKER God, this is the third time we've been robbed on our way to school. Parker sighs and reaches into his pocket. As he does that we PAN to the sky. FADE TO BLACK. (SONG FADES AWAY) FADE IN: INT. SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER Brock, Casey, and Brian are walking down a hallway. Brock and Casey stand close together with Brian walking behind them. Brian has his head buried in a BATMAN comic. Every few seconds, Brian sniffs the air as if something smells rotten. BROCK Look I appreciate everything your trying to do, Casey. But it's pointless. CASEY No, it's not! I promise you Brock by the end of our senior year I will get you a date. BROCK Why bother? No woman is going to want me. You might as well quit while you're a head. CASEY You know, a great man once said that quitters are just pussies. Brian rises his head from his reading. BRIAN Who said that? CASEY Um...that bearded guy who was crucified. BRIAN You mean Jesus? CASEY Yeah, that's the one! BRIAN All you remember about our lord and savior is that he has a beard? CASEY It sure wasn't for the voodoo he used. Brian rolls his eyes. BRIAN Sometimes you being an atheist gets really annoying. Brian sniffs the air again. BRIAN (to himself) What the fuck is that smell! Casey turns back to Brock. BROCK Casey, I've been trying to find love in this place for the last three years. And you know what I recently learn: there's no point. Most of the girls around this place are idiot bimbos who want to talk about last night's episode of "Grey's Anatomy." Besides, I'm not nearly good looking enough to compete with half the guys around here. Casey seems offended. CASEY Are you nuts?! You're Brock. If I was gay I'd totally hit that. Brock shudders in horror. BRIAN Okay, who else smells that? It's disgusting. Brock and Casey sniff the air. CASEY (embarrassed) Oh that's me. BRIAN And why pre tell do you smell like burnt bacon wrapped in gym socks? CASEY Because...I work at McDonald's. Brian and Brock quickly scoot away from him. Brian lets out a small chuckle. BRIAN Enjoy smelling like French fries, motherfucker. CASEY Hey, I had to. You know how expensive it is to see Kay nowadays? We all can't get money from our dads like you do. BRIAN It's not my fault I get my dad's social security. But that's what happens when you have your fourth heart attack. Reicther storms into the hall and stops them by presenting THREE BOOKS to the guys. He is extremely upset. BROCK What's wrong with you? REICTHER Some jerk has been pulling pranks on me ever since we got back to school. CASEY Really? REICTHER And look what they did to my books. Reicther hands Brock one of the books. Brock tries to open it, but can't. BROCK What gives? REICTHER This guy individually glued every page together in math book and my English books. Brock, Casey, and Brian start to laugh. They start to walk again, with Reicther following. REICTHER This isn't funny! BRIAN You're right, it's not funny...it's hysterical. Reicther sighs. REICTHER This guys keeps messing with my locker and my stuff. And this morning he left a dead snake in Captain Dan. BROCK Who's Captain Dan? REICTHER My truck. BROCK Okay I understand naming your truck, but why did you give it a title like captain? REICTHER I know this sounds weird but it looks like a captain. Brock rolls his eyes just as the four of them enter the Lunchroom. CUT TO: INT. LUNCHROOM - CONTINUOUS Just as Brian, Casey, Brock, and Reicther enter they stop in amazement. There is a giant sign that reads "Welcome back, Chris!" BROCK Wow. Fancy. They head toward a table where Ellen, Joel, and Will are sitting. At their table there a few balloons. BRIAN What's all this for? ELLEN Chris. It's his first day back since Kate's death. I thought we should make him feel welcome. Will sucks in the air from one of the balloons. WILL (high pitch helium voice) "Luke...I am your father. Joel breathes in a balloon. JOEL (high pitch helium voice) "You talking to me? Are you talking to me?" She takes them away. ELLEN Well thanks for ruining the balloons. WILL (high pitch helium voice) What crawled up her butt? CASEY I don't know if this'll work. He's been quiet and moody the last couple months. JOEL Good point. The one time we tried to cheer up him over the summer he went through five stage of grief. CUT TO: INT. SHAKE SHOP - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) At a table sit Will, Joel, Casey, and Chris. Chris looks a little sad. WILL Chris, my friend. We are going to cheer you up. CHRIS Guys there's no point. I'm not the least bit sad. Title Card: "Denial." A WAITER comes up to the table and places a bowl of ice cream in front of Chris. WAITER There you go sir. CHRIS I said no sprinkles, you son of a bitch! He tosses the ice cream across the room. Will, Joel, and Casey seem worried. CHRIS Fuck! I want to punch somebody in the fucking face! Title Card: "Anger." Chris lowers his head. JOEL Take it easy, man. Chris shakes his head. CHRIS I'd give anything to get an ice cream with out sprinkles. Title Card: "Bargaining." Chris sniffs a bit and looks like he's about to cry. CHRIS But no! It's impossible but the waiter is too stupid! He gets watery eyed. Title Card: "Depression." Joel, unsure of what to do, pats Chris on the back. JOEL There, there buddy. Almost like magic, Chris' eyes return to normal and he suddenly seems a lot happier. CHRIS You know what? I'm fine with it. Sure it has sprinkles but I mean they're not that bad. Chris grabs a spoon and takes a bit from Casey's bull. Will, Joel, and Casey just stare at him with their mouths wide opened, amazed at what they've seen. Title Card: "Acceptance." CUT TO: INT. LUNCHROOM - SAME (PRESENT DAY) WILL It probably didn't help that a certain *someone* knocked over Kate's casket at the funeral. Everyone looks at Reicther. REICTHER It was an accident. VOICE (O.S.) He's coming! Everyone hides under the table. After a few seconds we can hear someone do a count off. When it hits zero everyone gets up and yells: EVERYONE WELCOME BACK CHR - They trail off as it turns out that it is not Chris but RICHARD, a wheelchair bound student. Everyone seems disappointed. RICHARD What's all this? CASEY That's not Chris. BROCK Astounding discovery, Sherlock. Just at that moment Chris walks in. CHRIS What's all this? Everyone turns. They all seem confused about what to do. REICTHER Aw, Richard. You ruined Chris' surprise. RICHARD It was an accident. REICTHER Sorry doesn't bring the surprise back. RICHARD Jeeze. My bad. (scoffs) Why don't you learn to be more courteous? REICTHER Why don't you learn to walk? Richard leaves. REICTHER That guy has had it out for me since Freshmen year. BRIAN (sarcastically) I wonder why. The bell rings and everyone scatters away. They each walk by and Chris and greet him with a different variation for "welcome back." After everyone is gone, Chris lingers and looks about the empty lunchroom. CHRIS Glad to be back. CUT TO: INT. INNER CITY SCHOOL - TEACHER'S LOUNGE - LITTLE LATER It's a destitute place. There are worn down tables, broken chairs, and a non working coffee machine. A few teachers linger around, reading the paper or watching what's ever on the TV. Parker and Ballard are sitting a small table near the corner. An olGod is teasing me. Just like he teased Moses in the desert.der, fatter TEACHER stands up. TEACHER #1 Well I'm off to study hall. He walks over to the counter and puts on A BULLET PROOF VEST. TEACHER #1 Wish me luck. The teacher leaves, as Parker watches in disbelief. PARKER This is ridiculous, Diane. We're teaching in hell. It may look a little different what with the gym and the one air conditioner but it's hell underneath. BALLARD At least we're still teaching. We're lucky we still have jobs after all those bad recommendations Stevens gave. PARKER Lucky? Diane, I got my job because the last guy was shot... BALLARD So what, people get shot all the time. PARKER ...he was shot during class. Shots ring out. Parker and Ballard are the only ones scared. BALLARD What was that? TEACHER #2 The start of passing period. Parker shots Ballard a look. BALLARD Okay, you're right. This place is a cesspool. Ballard thinks. BALLARD Maybe we could apologize to Stevens and ask for our jobs back. PARKER (nervous) Um...that might be a problem. BALLARD What kind of problem? PARKER One which involves me mooning him on his own front lawn. Ballard just shakes her head. BALLARD Just...why? PARKER Leave me alone. I was drunk. BALLARD Wonder how many times your ex-wife said that. PARKER Not nearly as much s you did. Parker laughs. PARKER Total burn. Ballard shakes her head. BALLARD I guess we'll just have to get use to this place. PARKER I guess so. I'm sure it's not all that bad. Teacher #1 reenters with gunshot to the arm. He seems very calm and nonchalant about as if it happens every day. TEACHER (nonchalant) Those punks shot me again. NURSE (annoyed) I'll get the rubbing alcohol and a band aid. Parker and Ballard exchange horrified looks. BALLARD Whatever it takes, we have to get our jobs back! CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - LATER Brock and Reicther are walking down the hallway. REICTHER Brock, after many years I think I've finally found an answer. BROCK Answer to what? REICTHER To the question "How do you handcuff a one armed man?" Brock sighs and stops at his locker. REICTHER Well fine. If you're going to be like that then you don't get to know. Reicther goes to his locker and works on getting it open. It appears to be stuck. Chris walks up and starts to put his stuff up. Brock takes this as an opportunity to talk. BROCK Hey, Chris. CHRIS Hey. BROCK Didn't have a chance to ask you earlier but uh...how are you holding up? CHRIS Better then one would expect. It was pretty bad when it first happened. It was just so painful. I mean someone who I had kissed, someone I was holding in my arms just days before...was suddenly dead. Then after that I just felt nothing. Just complete emptiness. Beat. CHRIS But, I'm better now. I think I might have gotten over it. BROCK Are you sure? You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. CHRIS Nah, nah. I'm good. BROCK Positive? CHRIS There is not a thing wrong with me. Reicther finally gets his locker open and SUDDENLY gallon after gallon of RED JELLO spills onto the floor. Reicther is shocked. He looks closer and sees that everything in his locker is covered in jello. CHRIS On the other hand, HE seems to have some serious problems. Everyone nearby starts to laugh. REICTHER This isn't funny! This is a serious crime! It's a hate crime! BROCK No, no it's not. REICTHER Yes it is! Someone obviously hates me! Chris walks away. CUT TO: INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Chris walks down the hall, looking dead ahead. CHRIS (V/O) Okay so far so good. No one has really mentioned Kate yet. This isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Chris turns to another hall. CUT TO: INT. ANOTHER HALL - CONTINUOUS Chris enters the hall and begins to walk down when suddenly most people take notice. They stop their conversations and begin to whisper various things as Chris walks by. This is very noticeable to Chris. He sighs. CHRIS (V/O) I spoke too soon. He passes by several people who shout various things at him. MALE JOCK (O.S.) Sorry about your loss, nerd. CHRIS Um...thanks, sorta. GOTH GIRL (O.S.) She did what I've trying for years. CHRIS (confused) Was that even a condolence? SKATER BOY (O.S.) Sorry to hear about your grandma. CHRIS You couldn't be more wrong. Chris walks a little faster to get away from them all when suddenly KIRK jumps out and hugs him. KIRK Hey, Chris. Sorry about your loss. CHRIS Oh, thanks Kirk. KIRK Here, have a brownie. It'll make you feel better. He hands Chris a brownie laced with pills. CHRIS Uh, Kirk...this is laced with pills. KIRK Oh those are roofies. Kirk takes the brownie back. KIRK Sorry. It was meant for someone else. Chris gives a horrified look. KIRK No, not for that. I've playing pranks on someone and I thought it be funny if he falls asleep during his Math test. Kirk runs off. Chris takes only a few steps before TWO CHEERLEADERS pop up in front of him. CHEERLEADER #1 Are you the kid who's girlfriend...you know - Makes wrist slitting motion. CHRIS It was actually more of a - Makes a swallowing pills motion. CHRIS - Thing. CHEERLEADER #2 We're so, so, SO sorry that happened. CHEERLEADER #1 When I heard about what happened I must have cried for days. It was like I lost my best friend. Chris sighs. CHRIS Did you even know her name? CHEERLEADER #2 It was Jennifer something wasn't it? Cheerleader #1 begins to cry. CHEERLEADER #1 You have NO idea how hard her death is to deal with. CHRIS See that's where your wrong. Because I was kinda her boyfriend so I think I have a general idea. Cheerleader #1 slaps Chris. CHEERLEADER #1 I'm just grieving you asshole! The cheerleaders walk away as Chris feels his wounds. The bell rings. CUT TO: INT. LUNCHROOM - MINUTES LATER Cathy, Joel, Will, and Ellen are all sitting around a table eating. Will and Ellen are quietly talking to themselves while Joel watches in amazement as Cathy as scarfing down all over her food in a matter of seconds. JOEL Cathy, slow down that pizza isn’t going anywhere. She drops her food and gives him an icy stare. CATHY Are you calling me fat? JOEL No, I was just saying that - She slaps him. Will and Ellen are now paying very close attention. Cathy starts to cry. CATHY You know how hard it is to stay thin around here? What with them constantly shoving food in our faces. JOEL Honey, I'm sorry. He hugs her, to comfort her. He gives her a small kiss on the forehead. Cathy looks into his eyes and seems to be turned on by something. She pulls him in and starts making out with him. CATHY I want you so bad. JOEL (confused) What the hell? She suddenly stops as she feels stomach. CATHY Oh God. I feel so bloated. I'll be back. She gets up and leaves. Will and Ellen continue to stare. ELLEN That was...odd. JOEL I gotta tell you guys, I'm worried about her. She's just been a little ..."Off" these past few weeks. She throws up every time she comes over in the morning and she's been all over the place emotionally. (beat) But she's so sensitive, I don't know what to do. Beat. WILL Have you tried hitting her? JOEL Wait, WHAT?! No! Beat. WILL Maybe you should. Joel gives him a look, Will laughs. JOEL I'm going to go check on her. WILL C'mon, Joel. I was just kidding! Joel gets up and leaves. Ellen seems to be mulling something over. ELLEN I think Cathy's a little "late" if you catch my drift. Will gives her a look. WILL What are you talking about? ELLEN C'mon, didn't you notice Cathy? WILL Well, I did but Joel's already dating her. ELLEN Her hormones are all over the place. She eats her own weight in shitty cafeteria food. Joel said she's been sick in the mornings. Long pause. WILL I don't see where you're going with this. ELLEN Cathy's pregnant! Some people nearby turn around. WILL She's just talking about "Grey's Anatomy" or "Desperate Housewives" or what ever crappy show you girls are watching now a days. Everyone turns around. He quickly turns to Ellen, and talks quietly. WILL What the hell do you think you're doing screaming that? ELLEN It's pretty obvious now, isn't it? Will realizes she's right. WILL Oh my God, how could I be so blind? ELLEN Do you think Joel knows? WILL Not a chance. He would have told me if he knocked up his secret girlfriend. ELLEN If she's his secret girlfriend, don't you think he would keep this secret? Will begins to say something but stops. WILL Shut up. CUT TO: INT. MATH CLASS - AN HOUR LATER Chris and Reicther sit in the very back row. Chris is looking over a review sheet while Reicther is struggling to stay conscious. He occasionally nods off, only to wake a second later. CHRIS What's wrong with you? REICTHER I don't know. Ever since Kirk gave me that Brownie with the white chocolate chips I've felt like I'm going to pass out. Reicther continues to attempt to fight it. The math teacher, MRS. LIEBERSTEIN, enters the room and addresses the class. LIEBERSTEIN All right everybody. Put your books and notes away. Time for the quiz. Everyone starts putting their stuff away. Lieberstein notices Chris and walks up to him. LIEBERSTEIN Chris you can just read a book or do something else if you like. CHRIS What to you mean? Aren't I taking the test? LIEBERSTEIN Well I assume that you're still racked with grief, so you're excused from the test. CHRIS But I'm ready to take it. LIEBERSTEIN Better not risk it. I don't want you failing because you're depressed. CHRIS I'm not depressed! LIEBERSTEIN I think you're in denial. CHRIS I'm not in denial! LIEBERSTEIN See! Proved my point! Denial. Chris is getting frustrated. LIEBERSTEIN Just go out and wait in the hall and do some... (thinks) ...black guy stuff. Chris grabs his stuff and heads for the hall. Just at the moment, Reicther falls out of his seat nailing his head against another desk. STUDENT #1 Teacher! I think the boy sitting next to me has died. The class turns around and start to scream. Lieberstein attempts to calm them down. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER Chris is walking down the hall, with his head down. It's obvious that it's been a bad day. CHRIS Lousy fucking day. He passes by a locker that is covered with pictures and notes. He stops and takes a closer look. He reaches over and plucks one of the notes off the locker. CLOSE UP ON THE NOTE: It's Kate's suicide note. Chris is now furious. CUT TO: INT. SCHOOL - OFFICE ENTERANCE - MINUTES LATER Brock is at the front desk, talking with the secretary. BROCK I've been trying to get rid of that class since Sophomore year but they won't listen. Chris comes storming in. He throws Kate's suicide note in Brock's face. CHRIS What the hell is this? BROCK I don't know. Brock looks it over and realizes what it is. BROCK Oh. Why's this here? CHRIS Gee I don't know but it was taped to Kate's locker! BROCK How'd it get there? Chris gives Brock a "you should know" look. CHRIS It must have been you! BROCK Me? How the hell did you jump to that conclusion? CHRIS Because you’re the only guy I showed the note too. BROCK Do you actually think I showed other people? CHRIS Did you make copies or something? Brock seems very offended. BROCK Jesus fucking Christ! Are you out of your fucking mind? CHRIS Just admit to what you did! PRINCIPAL BOB STEVENS emerges from his office to see what's happening. STEVENS What's going on here? CHRIS I want you to do something about this! Hands him the suicide note. STEVENS About what? CHRIS About what? Some fuck nut is hanging some very personal shit on Kate's locker! Beat as Stevens reads it over. STEVENS Do you know who did it? CHRIS Well, no - STEVENS I'm sorry, Mr. Hughes. Without knowing who did it I can't do anything. CHRIS What do you mean you can't do anything?! TAKE THAT SHIT DOWN! Get all that stuff off her locker! STEVENS I don't think I should do that. The student council came up with the idea and honesty I think it's a great way to remember her. Chris is absolutely speechless. CHRIS Fuck you and fuck the student council! None of you would even give her the time of day when she was alive! STEVENS All right, this is unacceptable. You're going to spend the rest of the day in I.S.S. mister. I don't care how much your grieving I'm not putting up with that sort of language and disrespect. Stevens leads Chris to a room. FADE TO: EXT. STEVENS HOUSE - EARLY EVENING (HOURS LATER) The sun is just going down. A red convertible pulls up in front of this very large and furnished house. Principal Stevens gets out and starts to walk his way up to the house. Suddenly, out of the bushes, a HOOKER appears in a very skimpy dress. HOOKER Hey, daddy. Stevens turns, aghast at what he's seeing. STEVENS Who are you? HOOKER I'm your dream come true. She trips and falls down. Parker jumps out from the bushes and a light flashes. He's just taken a picture. PARKER HUZZAH! Parker notices that the hooker fell down. The picture comes out of the camera and Parker examines it. PARKER (disappointed) Aw. STEVENS (confused) What the hell is going on here? Parker pretends to be surprised. PARKER Oh, hi...I didn't see you there Bob. The hooker stands up. HOOKER Did you get the picture because you'll have to pay me again to retake it. STEVENS Picture? Parker tries to act like he doesn't know what's going on. PARKER God, only knows what she's talking about. It's that crazy hooker lingo. STEVENS I know you better then that, John. I know you're up to something. Now you better confess before I go inside and call the cops! Parker sighs. PARKER I was going to get a picture of you with a prostitute and try to blackmail you into getting my job back. Even Stevens is amazed at how low Parker has sunk. STEVENS My God man. This is low...even for you. Ballard comes out from the bushes and seems a little embarrassed. BALLARD Sir, I know this might be hard to believe...but this was my idea. Stevens shakes his head and starts to walk toward his house. Parker and Ballard walk beside him. PARKER Bob, we've got to put the past behind us. (Stevens ignores him) Can't we let bygones be bygones? (Stevens ignores him) OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET US COME BACK TO WORK! BALLARD We'll do whatever you want! Just don't make us go back to that hellhole! Stevens turns around to them. STEVENS Let me try and put this as plainly as possible. There is no way on God's green earth that you two will ever teach at my school ever again. Stevens continues on and enters his house. Parker and Ballard slump their shoulders in defeat. The Hooker walks up behind Parker and puts her arm around his shoulder. HOOKER I'm sorry, baby. You want to try the "twirling beetle?" Free of charge. Parker seems very interested. PARKER Free you say? Ballard drags him away. BALLARD Come on, let's get out of here. They leave. CUT TO: INT. SHAKESHOP - SAME Joel and Cathy are sitting in a table in corner. The couple are hard at work at a Sudoku puzzle. At the entrance of the building Ellen and Will stand watching. ELLEN Okay. You distract him, and I'll confront her. WILL You got it. Will and Ellen walk up to Joel and Cathy. WILL Joel, you busy? JOEL Yeah actually I am. WILL I got the new Prince CD in my car. JOEL I'm there. Will and Joel leave. ELLEN I know what your doing. CATHY (about puzzle) Good because this is confusing. How am I suppose to get them to add up to ten? ELLEN You're pregnant! Cathy looks around to make sure no one heard. CATHY Yeah...but only a little bit. ELLEN How can you bit a little pregnant? CATHY I'm only twenty weeks along. ELLEN (surprised) TWENTY WEEKS! Have you even told him yet?! CATHY I was getting around to it. ELLEN Cathy, you've got to tell him. CATHY I don't have to do anything. ELLEN What? You think you can keep this secret for much longer? In a few months Joel will wonder what’s up with the baby you're carrying around. CATHY I'm just scared to tell him. ELLEN Why? Will and Joel reenter, arguing. JOEL Never lie to me again about having a prince album. CATHY (whispering) Guess which one us lied about being on the pill. A bombshell like this ...he will never forgive me. ELLEN (whispering) You're making a mistake. CATHY (whispering) Yeah. But it's *my* mistake and I'll deal with whatever consequences come my way. Will and Joel come back to the table. Ellen stands up. ELLEN C'mon Will. Let's get out of here. Ellen leaves, dragging Will with her. Joel sits down, confused by Ellen's angry demeanor. JOEL What's wrong with her? CATHY Beats me. Cathy tries to go back to work on the puzzle but it's clear that what Ellen said has gotten to her. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Reicther enters, obviously returning home after a long day. REICTHER Time to kick back, and relax to some good old History channel. Reicther heads toward his room. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS It's pitch black. Reicther enters and turns on the lights. Reicther drops his jaw in complete shock and amazement. Taking up much space in the middle of his room is a giant GRIMACE statue from McDonald’s. It's beat up, with some of the purple pain wearing off. Reicther is scratching his head. At that moment he notices that there is a note attached to the statue. He picks it off and begins to read. REICTHER (reading) "It may have taken us three years but we finally freakin' got you. Enjoy Grimace." Reicther drops the note and begins to feel the Grimace. REICTHER Well, at least it's over. BAM! A gunshot is heard from the other room. Reicther goes running out. INT. REICTHER HOME - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Reicther and his mother, JILL enter the room. Near the refrigerator stands a headless HAMBURGLAR statue. At the other end of the room is Reicther's father, WILLIAM. In one hand is a MAGNUM and in the other hand a cheeseburger. WILLIAM Honestly, what are the freakin' chances this guy breaks in the same night I have a Mac attack? Reicther and Jill are stunned. REICTHER Holy shit! Jill hits Reicther. JILL (offended) Don't use that language. REICTHER What? It's not like I said "fuck." Jill hits him again. CUT TO: EXT. REICTHER HOUSE - SAME Across the street sits Kirk's van. CUT TO: INT. KIRK'S VAN - SAME In the driver's seat sits Kirk while his best friend and foreign exchange student JOSEPH SAID sits in the passenger's side. In the back is Richard, who is looking out the window with binoculars. RICHARD (laughing) Gentlemen...the Hamburglar just lost his head. They all laugh. JOSEPH You must really hate this guy to steal shit from McDonald's and hide it his house. RICHARD He made the fatal error of making one too many cripple jokes. KIRK What should we do to him tomorrow? RICHARD Well for starters, I replaced his shampoo with orange hair dye so that should keep him busy for a couple of hours. They laugh. CUT TO: EXT. REICTHER HOUSE - SAME William comes running out heading toward the garage. WILLIAM Hold on! Let me find another gun. I'm going to plant it on him to make it look like I did it in self defense. He enters the garage. TIME FADE: INT. SIDEWALK - LATER Parker and Ballard walk side by side, looking depressed and defeated. Ballard looks over at Parker and tries to think of something to say. BALLARD At least we tried our best. Beat. PARKER (depressed) Yeah I guess. BALLARD Hey...cheer up. Parker gives her a forced, modest smile. They come across THE BROWN JUG, a bar. BALLARD Here, I'll buy you a drink. PARKER It's a school night. Should we really be drinking? BALLARD (scoffs) I can't imagine going back to that place without alcohol in my system. PARKER Good point. They enter the bar. CUT TO: INT. BROWN JUB - CONTINUOUS Parker and Ballard walk into the bar, which is completely empty. PARKER Hello? Anyone here? Faint voices and a small light can be heard from a door near the side. BALLARD I hear voices coming from that room. They walk over and enter the room. CUT TO: INT. BACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS Parker and Ballard enter a room that is filled with twenty members of the KKK. The members stop what they are doing and take notice of them. BALLARD Christ on crutches! It's the KKK! PARKER (in awe) Holy shit! KKK #1 Can I help you? PARKER Sorry. We must have entered the wrong bar. They begin to leave. Just at that moment, Bob Stevens comes in from the side door dressed in full KKK attire. STEVENS Greetings fellow hate mongers. He lets out a shriek as soon as he sees Parker and Ballard, who have their mouths wide open in surprise. PARKER Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! STEVENS (embarrassed) Uh,...hey guys. PARKER Bob...are you a member of the Klu Klux Klan? A KKK from the crowd scoffs. KKK #2 Member? Hell, he's the grand dragon of this section. A look of pure joy and excitement comes across Parker and Ballard's face. Bob takes off his hood. STEVENS You guys, wouldn’t tell on me would you? I mean I could lose my job over this. Ballard reaches into her pocket and pulls out a cellphone. She hits record and starts taking video of him. BALLARD So you’re the Grand Dragon of the Indiana KKK? Bob sighs. PARKER So, Bob...about our jobs. They smile and give each other a look of joy. FADE TO: INT. CHRIS' HOUSE - ROOFTOP - LATER Chris is sitting at the edge of his rooftop, staring up at the moon. Brian appears and tries to walk over to Chris. We also notice he has a small box at his side. BRIAN Fuck, man. One of these nights we're going to fall off. CHRIS You got 'em? Brian sits down and presents the box to him. He opens it to reveal a box of cigars. CHRIS What do you think the others will say when they find out we've taken up smoking? BRIAN Fuck 'em. They can take their hippie liberal anti-smoking propaganda and shove it up their asses. They take a pause to light up and take in a deep breath. BRIAN So how was your first day back? CHRIS Fucking horrible. Everyone keeps treating me special because of Kate's death. BRIAN (sarcastically) Oh you poor baby. CHRIS Seriously man. Those fucking looks you get from people. Like you've got some kind of disease or something. It sucks. Beat. CHRIS The worst part is her locker. Everyday on my way to science I'm going to have to see it. It's going to be a daily remainder of something I'd much rather forget. (chuckles) It's hard to get over something when people won't let you forget. BRIAN Sounds bad...but what can you do? Beat. CHRIS Well actually my uncle was telling me about this great school in London. He said he could get me in because he use to there. Not only that but he said I could shadow him at his job so I could get a head up on my career. Brian gives him a puzzled look. BRIAN Chris, what are you trying to say? (beat) Are you moving or something? CHRIS Nah, just wishful thinking. I couldn't even afford it if I wanted to do it. Chris takes a long drag. CHRIS Besides...my place is here. BRIAN Your damn right. If you leave, who's going to be our favorite black Jew? They both laugh. They sit back, stare at the sky, and continue to smoke. BEGIN MUSIC MONTAGE (Marilyn Manson's "Lamb of God") FADE TO: INT. CATHY'S ROOM - LATER Cathy is lying in bed, reading a book. After a few seconds though, she puts the book down, looking like something is a miss. She reaches under the covers and begins to feel around. She pulls her hand out and reveals that it's covered in blood. Cathy begins to freak out, breathing hard and muttering something to herself. She jumps out of bed and runs out of the room. FADE TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - SAME Reicther is staring into the mirror, horrified. His hair is bright ORANGE. He only wears a towel around his waist, having just gotten out of the shower. REICTHER ...Why me? FADE TO: EXT. STREET - LATER Cathy's car barrels down the road. CUT TO: INT. CATHY'S CAR - SAME Cathy is near the brink of tears while trying to focus on the road. She breathing very hard and fast. FADE TO: INT. BROWN JUG - SAME Parker, Ballard, and Stevens are sitting at the bar. Parker and Ballard are having a ball looking at the various pictures of Bob in the KKK outfit. Stevens angrily stares at the wall ahead of him. PARKER Bob, this outfit really brings out your eyes. They laugh while Bob grumbles. FADE TO: INT. FREE HEALTH CLINIC - LATER Cathy is sitting among a crowded waiting. She is rocking back and forth. Her mind is obviously elsewhere. FADE TO: INT. CHRIS' HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER It's late at night. Chris is standing near the wall, on the telephone. CHRIS Hello, Uncle Al? It's me Chris. (beat) Yep. (beat) Yeah, sorry about that. (beat) Well I was calling you about what we talked about earlier. (beat) Yeah that. (beat) I want to do it. (beat) How quick can you get me back to London? CUT TO: INT. FREE CLINIC - DOCTOR'S OFFICE - LATER Dr. AMY MILLSAPS is talking to Cathy who is completely distraught. MILLSAPS Well, the tests show that you had a miscarriage. Notices that Cathy's out of it. MILLSAPS You know doctors today can even pinpoint a reason for miscarriages. Cathy starts crying. MILLSAPS This isn't your fault, Cathy. CATHY My boyfriend is going to be furious with me. MILLSAPS I'm sure if you just explain it to him he won't be mad at you. CATHY He will be. MILLSAPS Just tell him - CATHY It's no that. He didn't know I was pregnant. Pause. MILLSAPS Cathy, I'm not your mother so I can't tell you what to do, but I think it's essential that you tell him still. CATHY I can't! MILLSAPS He has a right to know. CATHY But I can't! MILLSAPS Why not? Cathy lowers her head. CATHY Because it's not his. FADE OUT. (Song continues over the credits) END OF EPISODE
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