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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Six
"The Lost Weekend"
Teleplay by
Vincent Biga, Bruce Snyder
&
Edward Drogos
Story by
Vincent Biga
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
STORY EDITOR
Melinda Waterman
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Stacy Cifaretto.............................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Phenis................................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Jerry Seinfeld..............................
Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
Debbie Vandele..............................
Walter Vandele..............................
Kevin Vandele...............................
Joseph Said.................................
Detective Gharty............................
Detective Crosetti..........................
Marilyn.....................................
Jesus.......................................
Kirk Hoey...................................
Lydia.......................................
Dr. Erwin Carter............................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
PREVIOUSLY:
-Reicther began to hide an Iraqi Exchange student.
-Brian hallucinated that he was talking to Jesus before
crashing his car.
-Parker and Ballard started reading student's sex
surveys.
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. BRIAN'S CAR - AFTERNNOON
There is a huge crack the windshield of Brian's car.
Brian is sitting in his seat, his head is lulled back
and his eyes are closed. He starts to come around and
looks around at his car and slowly realizes what has
happened.
BRIAN
Oh, Jesus, what the fuck happened?
JESUS
(from inside
the glove box)
You were in a car accident Einstein.
BRIAN
I said shut the fuck up!
Brian slams his hands on the steering wheel, the horn
goes off, Brian jumps up in surprise and bangs his head
on the ceiling.
BRIAN
Ow!
Brian slowly gets out of his car.
EXT. BRIAN'S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Brian slowly gets out of his car and stumbles out into a
deep ditch next to the road. His car sits rests front
first in the ditch while the other car teeters half on
the shoulder and halfway into the ditch.
The other cars headlights shine right on Brian, he looks
up to see a shadowed figure step slowly out of the
rivers side door, but can't see the person yet because
the headlights are blinding him.
The other driver seems to realize this and gets back
into his car and turns off his lights. Brian adjust his
eyes as we see the door of the other car open again and
JERRY SEINFELD step out of the car.
He walks over to the edge of the ditch and examines the
cars.
JERRY
(rubbing chin)
Well, this isn't good.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
CUT TO:
EXT. VANDELE HOME - FRONT PORCH - SAME TIME
Stacy and Brian's father, WALTER, are standing on their
porch talking to KEVIN VANDELE, Brian's uncle. He is on
his mid thirties, long red hair, and has a helmet in his
hand to go with his motorcycle that is parked in the
driveway.
WALTER
Well, I was great for you to stop
in like this, Kevin, we always
enjoy your visits.
KEVIN
Oh yeah, sure I love coming to this
old town. Great memories, great
memories...
(awkward pause)
Yeah, and I love seeing all the
family again.
He waves to Stacy.
STACY
Yeah, it was great seeing you too,
Uncle Kev.
Kevin still stands there.
WALTER
Well, we hate too keep you,
Kevin...
KEVIN
Yeah...
He doesn't move.
WALTER
Well...
KEVIN
You aren't by chance going to the
bank, are you?
WALTER
Nope, no reason to go there today...
or in the future, really. Why?
KEVIN
Well see I have this theory that
these guys are ripping me off...
As Kevin continues to talk, Stacy begins to look around.
Down the street, Stacy sees Marilyn's car driving down
the street, Stacy's eyes get wide and behind Walter and
Kevin's backs she gestures at the car to keep driving.
After slowing down a little bit, Marilyn sees Stacy's
gestures and Walter and Kevin standing there and quickly
drives on.
WALTER
Well, I have to get dinner going.
KEVIN
Oh, you cooking dinner? I can help!
WALTER
No...I mean...we're having dinner...
at the old folks home. We do that
every week, so they get company.
We're...going to dinner.
KEVIN
Ah, okay. I'll get going then.
(he puts his helmet on and
goes over to his bike)
See ya!
Walter and Stacy wave as Kevin starts up his bike and
rides off.
WALTER
(sighs in relief)
Finally! God, wayward family
members are supposed to stay that
way.
STACY
Come on. He's just family.
WALTER
Just because he's family, doesn't
mean I have to like him. I gotta
get going. I'll be back later.
Stacy seems a bit upset by this.
STACY
So, I guess this means...I don't
have to like you.
WALTER
Well if you want to still go to
that expensive Chicago college...
then you'll love me for all time.
He smiles and kiss her on her forehead.
WALTER
Say "hi" to mom for me will you.
Walter gets into his car and drives off. Marilyn drives
Down the road again, looking out her window and seeing
that Stacy is standing alone parks at the curb.
She gets out of the car, and walks up to Stacy and they
walk inside together.
CUT TO:
INT. CRASH SITE - SAME
Jerry finishes looking over his car and not notices
Brian. He starts to walk over to him.
JERRY
Are you alright?
Brian looks up and is about to say something. He stops
dead in his tracks and begins to stare.
BRIAN
Are you Jerry Seinfeld?
JERRY
You guessed it.
A motorcycle rides down the street, then, all of a
sudden, it makes a quick 180 in the middle of the street
and screeches to a halt right in front of the crash
site.
KEVIN
Brian! Are you okay man?
BRIAN
Yeah I'm okay uncle Kev.
KEVIN
Dude, what happened?
BRIAN
I don't know, I was too busy
blacking out.
Brian sits down.
JERRY
Well, I can explain that, you see...
INT. JERRY'S CAR - FLASHBACK (BLACK & WHITE)
Jerry is behind the wheel of his car, looking very
tired.
JERRY (V/O)
I had just done a show in
Indianapolis and I thought I would
come down to visit some friends
that live around here. Although it
turns out that I went the wrong way
for about two hours out of
Indianapolis and had to backtrack
quite a ways to find myself in
these parts. I found out too late
what eight hours lack of sleep can do
to you.
Jerry looks like he's starting to nod off behind the
wheel.
JERRY (V/O)
In the same way Superman is
defeated by kryptonite...I was
defeated by a lack of sleep.
Jerry falls asleep.
JERRY (V/O)
And in the same way that Spiderman
is aware of dangers before they
happen I woke up just before the
collision!
Jerry wakes up and looks shocked and tries to swerve out
of the way. The frame freezes.
JERRY (V/O)
Unfortunately even Spidey-sense is
negatively effected by a lack of
sleep.
The frame unfreezes and we can hear the breaking of
glass and it goes to black.
CUT TO:
INT. CRASH SITE - PRESENT
Jerry finishes telling his story to Kevin and Brian.
JERRY
And that is what happened.
Kevin gets a realization.
KEVIN
Holy hell! Are you Jerry Seinfeld!?
JERRY
Yes I am, are you a fan of the show?
Jerry and Kevin shake hands.
KEVIN
Oh yeah, I'm a huge fan!
BRIAN
Um, Kevin?
KEVIN
Hang on wait, right here I'm going
to go get a camera. OH! I've got a
Puffy shirt you can sign.
BRIAN
Could you call 911 too? You know if
its not too much trouble?
KEVIN
Huh? Yeah, whatever.
Kevin runs off. Brian and Jerry are left alone. It's a
bit awkward. Jerry notices Brian is holding his head.
JERRY
Does your head hurt?
BRIAN
No, just my pride.
Brian looks at his car.
BRIAN'S POV:
Brians car is obviously totaled. The passenger door is
barley hanging on at all and the passenger window it
totally shattered. There is also smoke coming from the
hood.
Brian turn's his head.
BRIAN'S POV:
Brian looks at Jerry's car, the most damage it has is a
fair sized dent in the front, other than that it is
fine.
Brian looks at the ground.
BRIAN
Dad isn't going to be happy about
this at all.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - SAME
There is no one in the place. Suddenly we can hear brief
talking coming from behind the stage. Just then, WILL
COOPER and ELLEN CONNER emerge from backstage. Ellen is
laughing while Will seems embarrassed.
WILL
You can quit laughing at any time.
ELLEN
I'm sorry. It's not every day you
find a straight man who watches the
"Gilmore Girls."
Will quickly quiets her.
WILL
(quietly)
I don't watch "Gilmore Girls." Just
watched that one episode because
nothing else was on.
ELLEN
Oh quit kidding yourself, Will. I
bet you watch it all the time. I
bet sometimes you wear a backwards
baseball cap and a flannel shirt
and you pretend your Luke.
Will lets out a small nervous laughter.
WILL
(embarrassed)
Only on the weekends.
Will and Ellen begin to head toward the doors. Suddenly
a girl named LYDIA, comes in the room and runs toward
Will.
LYDIA
Hey, Will! Wait!
Will stops. Lydia begins to say something into his ear.
A worried look comes across.
WILL
Where? Where did this happen?
LYDIA
I think they said Centerville road.
WILL
Jesus!
Will begins to run away.
ELLEN
Wait! Will what happened!
WILL
Tell Parker I'm not going to make
it today!
ELLEN
What happened!?
WILL
Car accident.
Will leaves the auditorium. Ellen realizes something.
ELLEN
Where is Parker?
(pause)
Or Ballard?
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BALLARD'S CLASSROOM - SAME
Parker and Ballard are sitting at her desk, deep in
reading the Sex surveys from last time.
PARKER
Listen to this kid's, apparently
his grandmother introduced him to
heterosexual intercourse and his
father introduced him to homosexual
intercourse.
Ballard opens her mouth in shock.
BALLARD
Oh my God.
PARKER
I know.
BALLARD
That child is going to grow up with
serious problems.
PARKER
That or he's going to be on Maury.
Pause. Both look over some of the questions.
BALLARD
Some of these questions are so
personal.
Parker scoffs.
BALLARD
What?
PARKER
Jeez, it's just sex. It's nothing
big.
BALLARD
For some it is.
PARKER
Yeah for women.
Ballard quickly picks up one of the surveys and tosses
toward him.
PARKER
What's this?
BALLARD
So sex isn't that personal with
you? Not a big thing? Then fill out
one of the surveys.
Pause. At first, Parker seems intimidated.
PARKER
Um...okay. But! Only if you fill
one out too.
BALLARD
Fine.
Ballard picks one up. Both begin to read and fill it out.
Long beat.
After a second, Parker begins to count on his fingers.
BALLARD
Huh, only needed to use one hand?
PARKER
I've done it with two.
(after a second)
Oh, you mean the other question.
CUT TO:
INT. WILL'S ROOM - MINUTES LATER
Will runs into the room and begins to franticly search
his desk. He finds a pair of keys and shoves them into
his pocket. He's about to leave but stops. He quickly
turns toward the phone. He gives another glance at the
door.
Beat.
He picks the phone up and dials.
MUSIC MONTAGE
(SONG: "The World at Large" by Modest Mouse)
FADE TO:
INT. MAYBERRY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
JOEL MAYBERRY and CATHY PHENIS on the couch. Joel is
laying down with his head resting on Cathy's lap. The
phone rings and Joel quickly gets up and answers it.
After a second, a look of worry comes across his face.
CUT TO:
EXT. JENNINGS HOUSE - SAME
CASEY JENNINGS and BROCK WARNER are on the porch of the
house. The two are trying to move a bench. Suddenly
CHRIS HUGHES runs up from the street. As he is out of
breath he tries to speak. After a few seconds of
talking, Casey and Brock give each other a look.
Brock asks a question, and Chris points in the direction
of which he was running. Brock lets out a sigh before he
and Casey take off running with Chris.
CUT TO:
INT. VANDELE HOUSE - STACY'S ROOM - MINUTES LATER
On the bed, lays MARILYN. Laying on top of her is
STACY CIFARETTO. Marilyn has her arms wrapped around
Stacy. Marilyn says something and Stacy begins to laugh.
The phone rings. Stacy leans over and picks it up.
(THE MUSIC FADES OUT)
She seems worried.
STACY
Oh fuck!
Stacy hoops up, dropping the phone.
MARILYN
What? What is it?
CUT TO:
INT. AMBULANCE - LATER
Jerry is on a stretcher and has a neck-brace on. Brian
is sitting up but he too has a neck brace on. A
paramedic I sitting there too and is having a fight with
the driver of the Ambulance.
DRIVER
(To Paramedic)
I didn't take your Chuckle, man!
PARAMEDIC
I had five Chuckles. I ate a green
one, and the yellow one, and the
red one is missing!
DRIVER
I don't even like Chuckles!
JERRY
(To Paramedic)
Maybe he doesn't like them. That's
possible.
PARAMEDIC
I want that Chuckle! You hear me?!
JERRY
(To Paramedic)
I'll get you a Chuckle. You want me
to get you a Chuckle?
PARAMEDIC
(Angry, to Driver)
Pull over!
DRIVER
Pull over? Did you say pull over?!
You want a piece of me?!
PARAMEDIC
Yeah!
JERRY
You're gonna fight?
BRIAN
Now?!
PARAMEDIC
Come on, man. Pull over!
DRIVER
Alright! I'm gonna mess you up,
man!
Ambulance comes to a screeching halt. Driver gets out,
and the Paramedic heads for the back door.
JERRY
(Pleading)
Really, gentlemen, please.
BRIAN
Where are you going? Are you crazy?
PARAMEDIC
I'm gonna kick his ass.
BRIAN
You can't leave! This is an
ambulance! This is an emergency!
The Paramedic leaves. Jerry and Brian watch the two
fight.
JERRY
All this for a Chuckle.
BRIAN
What's a Chuckle?
JERRY
It's a jelly candy. it comes in
five flavors.
Pause.
BRIAN
Is it just me or does this seem
familiar?
JERRY
No, not really.
CUT TO:
EXT. REICTHER HOME - SAME
REICTHER is slowly walking up his driveway. He slinks
his head down.
REICTHER
(to himself)
Stupid school...
He finally looks up and notices TWO DARK SUIT MEN, on of
which is looking through the window.
BLACK SUIT #1
I don't think anyone is home.
The other Black Suit turns and notices Reicther.
BLACK SUIT #2
Hello, Mr. Reicther.
REICTHER
(nervous)
...Hi.
BLACK SUIT #2
I'm Detective Crosetti and is my
partner Detective Gharty.
REICTHER
Holy...crap.
GHARTY
We're here on some very serious
business Mr. Reicther. About two
days ago an Iraqi exchange student,
Joseph...
(difficulty pronouncing)
S...Sh...Shid?
CROSETTI
Said.
Gharty gives Crosetti a look.
GHARTY
Do you always have to correct me?
Right in front of people?
CROSETTI
Sorry.
GHARTY
Anyway, two days ago he was suppose
to return to Iraq but the American
family he was staying with says
he's disappeared -
CROSETTI
(overlapping)
- without a trace
GHARTY
It's possible he ran away -
CROSETTI
(overlapping)
- stressed out, maybe.
GHARTY
Or there's that horrible
possibility that he was kidnapped.
CROSETTI
(overlapping)
- Maybe by some terrorist group.
GHARTY
Any way you look at it, it's bad
for the U.S.
CROSETTI
(overlapping)
- Bad for America.
GHARTY
So, Mr. Reicther...
CROSETTI
Have you seen Joseph recently?
They take a few steps closer, in an attempt to make him
nervous.
Long beat.
REICTHER
(calm)
...No.
Gharty and Crosetti both let out sighs of relief.
GHARTY
Whew. Well, that's a sigh of
relief.
They begin to walk away.
CROSETTI
Sorry for the disturbance.
Reicther watches them, and begins to become worried.
JOSEPH SAID comes out the front door.
JOSEPH
Reicther, I know what you said
about eating all the Doritos but -
Joseph takes notice that Reicther isn't paying
attention.
JOSEPH
Reicther...?
REICTHER
(snaps out)
Um...yeah?
Joseph lifts up a bag of empty Doritos.
JOSEPH
Doritos...Gone.
He hands them to Reicther and goes back into the house.
Reicther lets out a long sigh.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL - ER - LITTLE LATER
For a few seconds nothing happens we see people waiting
in chairs and such Suddenly Stacy barges in looking very
frustrated. Stacy walks up to the front desk.
STACY
Where the fuck is my little
brother!?
The clerk looks up at her and points off screen. Stacy
turns around. We see Will, Chris, Brock, and Casey all
waiting. Will waves Stacy over.
Stacy looks a little embarrassed and walks over and sits
down by Will.
STACY
Do they know what's wrong with him?
WILL
All they said was that he was
stable.
Things get quiet. Suddenly Casey's eyes get big.
CASEY
Hey, Chris.
CHRIS
What?
CASEY
Better take a good look. Because he
comes something you don't see very
often.
Chris looks up and seems shocked. Joel and Cathy are
walking toward the waiting area. Cathy is holding Joel's
hand.
CASEY (CONT'D)
- A dead man walking.
Everyone looks up. Stacy seems to be the only one un
phased by this. Joel gives them a nervous, uneasy smile.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - SAME
Brian is lying in a bed, the neck brace is still on him,
he is flipping through channels on the TV. Kevin comes
in.
KEVIN
Knock, knock. How are you feeling?
BRIAN
As good as anyone can feel after a
car crash.
KEVIN
Did you hurt your neck?
BRIAN
No, they just put this on me as a
'precautionary' measure.
Kevin nods.
KEVIN
Sorry, I can't stay long I just
wanted to see how you were.
BRIAN
Its okay, I'll see you latter.
Kevin gets up to leave, but stops.
KEVIN
Oh, I almost forgot!
Kevin pulls out the Jesus bobble head from his pocket
and puts it on a table.
KEVIN
I found this in your car, I thought
you could use a laugh.
Brian eyes Jesus warily and smiles at Kevin. Kevin
smiles back and leaves. Brian looks at Jesus, nothing
happens, he looks a second longer then turns his
attention back to the TV.
JESUS
Holy crap, you got into a car wreck
with Jerry Seinfeld! What are the
chances!?!
Brian takes a deep sigh and puts a pillow over his head.
INT. WAITING ROOM - SAME
Everyone is still there. No one has hardly moved.
CATHY
(to Joel)
I need to freshen up.
Joel nods and Cathy leaves for the bathroom. When she's
gone everyone looks at Joel.
WILL
Is there something you want to tell
us Joel?
Joel gives Will a dirty look.
JOEL
Alright, alright, the cat's out of
the bag, me and Cathy are dating,
alright?!
Everyone looks at each other. Stacy turns and notices
them.
STACY
We were quietly judging someone and
you didn't tell me?
JOEL
But you guys can not, I repeat can
not tell Brian.
CASEY
The man was in a car accident and
you want us to lie to him?
JOEL
Not lie, just don't tell him the
truth. He was just in a car
accident, the last thing he needs
is more problems.
Brock sighs at this and begins to stare at the floor in
deep thought. Kevin walks by and stops when he sees'
Stacy.
KEVIN
Stacy?
Stacy practically leaps out of her seat.
STACY
Where is Brian?
KEVIN
He's down that hall, room 37.
Family members can go see him so go
on ahead.
Stacy heads in the direction Kevin pointed, Kevin leaves
himself. Everyone is quiet a moment
CHRIS
Joel, if you didn't want him to
find out about Cathy then why did
you bring her along?
Joel looks like he's about to answer but stops. His face
goes blank.
JOEL
Stupid Joel, stupid Joel!!
INT. BRIAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM - SAME
Brian still has the pillow over his head. Stacy walks
into the room, sees the pillow and looks shocked.
STACY
Brian, no!
Stacy runs over and pulls the pillow of Brian's face,
who just looks confused.
BRIAN
No what?
Brian looks at Stacy for a second then realizes what she
meant.
BRIAN
Damnit, I'm not suicidal!
Stacy sits down.
STACY
Sorry if I assume the worst when my
only brother tried to kill himself
not too long ago.
Brian rolls his eyes and neither one of them say
anything for a moment.
STACY
So, how was school today?
Brian doesn't say anything and just glares at her.
Suddenly Brian's father, WALTER VANDELE, enters the
room.
WALTER
Holy hell, what did you do to the
car?!
BRIAN
I wrecked it.
WALTER
What did you do that for?!
BRIAN
I didn't do it on purpose!
WALTER
You expect me to believe that when
you tried to hang yourself a month
ago!? My own son has turned into a
crazed lunatic!
He walks out the door and we can hear him as he walks
away:
WALTER (O.S.)
He's crazy absolutely crazy, where
did I go wrong?
STACY
Don't listen to him, he's just mad.
Brian looks over at the Jesus bobble head, suddenly it
winks at him.
BRIAN
He's not far from the truth.
Brian sighs. DEBBIE VANDELE enters.
DEBBIE
(hysterical)
Oh, my God, my baby's a cripple!
STACY
He's not a cripple!
DEBBIE
Oh, this is all my fault, I should
have never let him start driving!
DR. ERWIN CARTER walks in.
CARTER
Well, Mr. Vandele all your tests
came back fine. You don't have any
broken bones, you don't have a
concussion, and you passed your
piss test with flying colors.
Debbie suddenly sobers up
DEBBIE
Oh.
CARTER
However we still want you to stay
overnight and see if maybe any
problems that we missed arise
tomorrow.
Brian looks like he's about to object but Debbie beats
him to it.
DEBBIE
Hell no!
CARTER
Excuse me?
DEBBIE
Your going to charge some kind of
outrageous fee for him to stay over
night. If a problem arises we'll
call you in the morning!
Debbie looks like she's about to leave when suddenly
Jerry walks into the room.
JERRY
Hey there you are.
Everyone but Brian seems shocked.
STACY
Are you Jerry Seinfeld?
JERRY
Yes I am, but that's not important.
Jerry goes over to Debbie.
JERRY
I am so sorry about what happened
Mrs...?
DEBBIE
Vandele.
JERRY
Right, Vandele...
Jerry has a strange expression on his face. Almost as if
the name sounds familiar. But the expression quickly
goes away.
JERRY
Anyway, I would just like to say,
this entire accident is all my
fault and I would be more than
willing to pay all the hospital
bills.
Debbie looks greatly relieved. Carter taps Jerry on the
shoulder.
CARTER
Could you sign my puffy shirt?
INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - SAME
A nurse walks up to everyone who is still waiting.
NURSE
You can go see your friend now.
Everyone gets up to leave. Joel pulls Cathy aside as
everyone else walks away.
JOEL
Why don't you go on home.
(hands her a
set of keys)
I'm not sure how long this will
take and its getting late, I'll
pick up the car whenever.
CATHY
Alright, tell Brian I hope he feels
better.
They hug and Cathy exits. Joel catches up to everyone
and falls in step by Will.
WILL
Smooth, how long did it take you to
think that up?
JOEL
Only the whole time we were sitting
there.
As the group walks down the hallway Jerry Seinfeld walks
by, everyone stops and watches him as he disappears
around a corner in the hallway.
BROCK
Was that Jerry Seinfeld?
WILL
I think it was.
CASEY
Crap! My puffy shirt!
(pause)
God damn garage sale...sold for
five bucks.
They all start walking again.
CHRIS
What's so important about this
"puffy shirt?"
CASEY
All this time in America and you
don't know?
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Stacy is still there but the Doctor and Debbie are gone,
Brian is playing a video game, we look up and see that
he's playing Grand Theft Auto.
STACY
One might think that you would want
nothing to do with cars right after
your car accident.
BRIAN
You would think that wouldn't you?
Everyone enters. Brian looks a little surprised.
BRIAN
Who died?
WILL
We thought you did.
BRIAN
Far from it, but this has certainly
put a damper on my whole weekend,
they want to keep me here over
night.
BROCK
That's okay, its not like anything
was going on this weekend.
BRIAN
Nothing goes on any weekends in
this two-bit town.
Brian is still playing the game but no one else says
anything and it gets a little awkward. Brian notices
this.
BRIAN
You guys can go its not like
anything is going on here.
Everyone nods and leaves except for Brock and Stacy.
BROCK
Mind if I stay a little bit?
BRIAN
I don't care, knock yourself out.
Brock sits down next to Stacy.
CUT TO:
INT. REICTHER HOME - KITCHEN - SAME
Joseph is sitting at the kitchen table. In front of him
is a bag of crackers and a can of cheese whiz. Reicther
enters from a hallway, carrying a bag. He stops and
drops it to the floor.
REICTHER
Joseph...we have to talk.
JOSEPH
You have to talk...I feel talking
is overrated.
REICTHER
I'm afraid I have to kick you out.
JOSEPH
(scared)
What? Why?
REICTHER
All you do is...nothing. You eat,
sleep, but besides that you do
nothing. I remember a time when I
did that. I can't now because I'm
busying hiding you.
JOSEPH
You still owe me. Let's not forget
this is all your fault.
REICTHER
Oh yeah. Well, I fail to see the
connection.
JOSEPH
You're the one who made me afraid
of my country. Afraid of joining
the army.
REICTHER
Did you really need me to point
those facts out? Your country IS
nothing more then a crater from all
the bombs that were dropped on it.
JOSEPH
We have houses!
REICTHER
Made out of mud and straw. And from
what I've read and heard...people
aren't lining up to join the Iraq
army.
Pause.
REICTHER
Sorry, Joseph. But you have to go.
JOSEPH
Please! Don't send me back! My
country IS a shit hole. I like it
here. You know how much freedom I
have here? Hell, in my country I've
seen people get killed over
newspapers. Honest to G-d...
newspaper!
REICTHER
Joseph, I'm not saying you have to
back to Iraq...I'm saying get the
hell out of my house!
Reicther picks up the bag and tosses it at Joseph. He
catches and seems dumbfounded. He begins to take a few
steps toward the door before turning back at Reicther.
JOSEPH
What if I actually started to do work?
REICTHER
No!
JOSEPH
I'll be your best friend forever!
REICTHER
NO!
JOSEPH
Fine!
Joseph goes to the door and opens it. Before leaving he
turns to Reicther one last time.
JOSEPH
You know what I think? Fuck America.
That's right I said fuck America!
It smells and the people are rude.
Joseph spits on the floor and leaves. Reicther seems a
bit taken back by this.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - BALLARD'S ROOM - SAME
Parker is sitting in a student desk, which has been
pulled up to the teacher desk, and is carefully reading
Ballard's sex survey. Across from him sits Ballard,
herself reading Parker's Sex Survey.
Parker laughs.
PARKER
Did lose your virginity till you
were 25 huh?
He laughs some more.
BALLARD
(smiling)
At least my mom didn't buy me my
first condoms.
Parker's smiles is instantly gone. Pause. Both read on.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSIPITAL ROOM - LITTLE LATER
Brian is still playing his game, no one says anything
for a while. Stacy gets up.
STACY
I'll be right back, I have to use
the little girl's room.
Stacy leaves and Brock and Brian are left alone. Brian
looks at Brock.
BRIAN
You got something on your mind?
BROCK
Kind of.
BRIAN
What's it about?
BROCK
(reluctant)
Cathy.
BRIAN
(little depressed)
Oh.
Beat.
BRIAN
What is it?
Brock looks confused about what to say.
BROCK
Its nothing really, I was just
thinking that it was a good thing
you got over her.
BRIAN
(still sounds
a little down)
Yeah.
Brock gets up.
BROCK
Well, I had better go. Its getting
late.
BRIAN
Okay, take it easy, I'll see you
later.
Brock leaves, he pauses at the door and looks
conflicted, then quickly leaves.
Brian is still playing the game after a moment nothing
happens. We hear an explosion from the TV
JESUS
Oh snap, that mofo just shot a
rocket at you!
Brian flips Jesus head off his body and smiles a little.
(BEGIN SONG: Pink Floyd's "Mother.")
FADE TO:
EXT. FIELD - NIGHT
KIRK HOEY, a pot head, and Joseph lay here, stoned,
looking up at the stars. Laying behind them are yards of
rope, a few old planks of wood and a yard stick.
KIRK
Combine seasons with colors.
JOSEPH
How?
KIRK
Like galactic summer orange.
Pause. Joseph giggles and gives him a look.
JOSEPH
What?
KIRK
Soft virgin summer.
Joseph chuckles.
KIRK
I'm dead without summer.
JOSEPH
No, you're not.
KIRK
Precious mountains stand arm-in-arm,
growing toward the sky of dreams.
JOSEPH
When?
KIRK
In our youth.
JOSEPH
What do you mean?
KIRK
I mean that the adolescent, thin
necks of youth, rise toward that
doorway known to me as the bottom
of the evening sky.
JOSEPH
I don't know what you're talking
about.
KIRK
That's okay. Neither do I.
They both laugh hysterically.
KIRK (CONT'D)
Hey, what does 'Fuusa' mean again?
JOSEPH
(pause)
It's difficult to translate.
We zoom out to see "FU USA" written in the middle of the
corn field with Kirk and Joseph sitting in the 'F.' They
continue to stare at the stars.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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