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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Sixteen
"A Change is Gonna Come"
Written by
Bruce Snyder & Rebecca Parker
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
STORY EDITOR
Rebecca Parker
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Matthews..............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Minister Mark Johnson.......................
Kate Davidson...............................
Debbie Vandele..............................
Colleen Davidson............................
Kay Johnson.................................
Emily.......................................
John Jennings...............................
Janice Jennings.............................
Katie Jennings..............................
Dr. Peter Dorian............................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - DAY
BRIAN VANDELE stands glumly in front of the mirror in
his room wearing a white long-sleeve shirt. Nirvana's
"All Apologies" plays in the background. Brian opens the
drawer of his dresser and finds it empty. The camera
pans around the room, which is littered with seemingly
identical black short-sleeve shirts. Brian picks one up,
sniffs it, and puts it on. A large sad face is on the
front of it, and the words "I'm sad" are written beneath
that. Brian takes a long look at himself and then seems
to decide something. He leaves the room.
CUT TO:
INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
DEBBIE VANDELE is watching Dr. Phil when Brian enters.
BRIAN
Hey, mom, I need to talk to you for
a minute.
Debbie continues staring intently at the television.
BRIAN
Mom, I'm serious. I really need
someone to talk to.
Debbie turns up the volume on Dr. Phil, she doesn’t seem
to fully realize that he’s talking to her. Brian sighs
and sits down next to her on the couch. He looks
spitefully at Dr. Phil. The show goes to commercial.
BRIAN
Why do you watch this crap?
DEBBIE
It makes me a better mother. Dr.
Phil teaches me how to deal with
the issues that you face as a
teenager and better prepare you for
the road ahead.
BRIAN
Yeah, speaking of which, I’ve been
really depressed lately and I just
wanted to —
DEBBIE
Shhh. Hush up, honey. The show’s
back on.
BRIAN
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
FADE IN:
INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - MINUTES LATER
Debbie and Brian are still watching TV.
BRIAN
It's a commercial again. Look mom,
I feel kind of weird bringing this
up, but lately I’ve been really sad
and I -
DEBBIE
Oh shit! It’s time for me to get to
work. We can finish this later,
right? I have to go in early this
morning because Barb called in sick
...so I have to open the shop. You
know how it is. Would you mind
taping the rest of Dr. Phil for me?
I hate to miss it.
BRIAN
Yeah, sure mom. No problem.
Debbie leaves the room.
BRIAN
I fucking hate you Dr. Phil.
Brian rises and starts to walk away from the TV.
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
Do you have trouble controlling
your anger?
BRIAN
Only towards you, chicken fucker.
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
Do you find it hard to celebrate
the good things in life?
Brian approaches the TV and talks directly at Dr. Phil,
seemingly "getting in his face."
BRIAN
What good things? Ever since you
and George Bush started running the
planet I have found very little to
celebrate. Texans should never be
trusted with power, money, or guns.
Didn’t Americans learn anything
from "Dallas?"
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
Are your relationships with family,
friends, and romantic partners
deteriorating?
BRIAN
What romantic partners?
Brian seems somewhat interested in what these questions
are leading up to, and sits back down.
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
Do you find that you are generally
dissatisfied with the condition of
your life?
BRIAN
Yes
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
Have you contemplated suicide?
BRIAN
I can do you one better.
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
These symptoms are all signs of —
BRIAN
Depression, I know. Wow, you sure
can work wonders, Dr. Phil. I had
no idea that I was depre —
DR. PHIL (O.S.)
(coming from TV)
-- being a complete and total loser.
BRIAN
What the fuck?
CUT TO:
EXT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - MINUTES LATER
Establishing shot.
INT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
COLLEEN DAVIDSON, Kate's mother, has just entered the
room carrying two suitcases. She takes them and places
them at the doorway. CHRIS HUGHES standing against a
post, looking very upset at what's going on.
Just then, DR. PETER DORIAN enters from the kitchen.
DORIAN
I called them and they say her room
is all ready.
(beat)
Looks like everything's ready.
COLLEEN
Should I go get her?
DORIAN
That's all right, Ms. Davidson. I
can do it. But when I bring her
down I want you and Chris to be as
comforting as possible.
COLLEEN
All right.
Dorian goes up the stairs.
COLLEEN
Are you okay, Chris?
CHRIS
I'm just having second thoughts. Do
we really have to ship her off to a
damn loony bin?
COLLEEN
C'mon now, Chris. We talked about
this.
CHRIS
I don't like this one bit.
COLLEEN
Neither do I, Chris. But Dr. Dorian
says it's for the best. And he
seems to be so comforting and nice
to her.
We can hear a door open from upstairs, followed by a
punching sound.
DORIAN (O.S.)
You bitch!
All of a sudden, Dorian comes rolling down the stairs
before making a hard landing at the bottom. Chris and
Colleen run over. Dorian holds his couch and starts
groaning in pain.
COLLEEN
Dr. Dorian what happened?!
DORIAN
That little bitch kicked me the
balls and pushed me down the
stairs!
Colleen gasps.
COLLEEN
Don't call my daughter a bitch!
DORIAN
But she kicked me in the balls!
Chris jumps over Dorian and runs up the stairs.
CHRIS
(yelling)
KATE!
CUT TO:
INT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - KATE'S ROOM - SECONDS LATER
Chris bursts through the door and quickly looks around.
The room has a TV, bed, and a few posters but besides
it's fairly empty. Chris sees nothing. He's about to
leave when he notices that the window is wide open.
He goes over and looks out.
CHRIS' POV:
Looking out the window he sees KATE DAVIDSON running
down the sidewalk away from the house.
Chris is upset.
CUT TO:
INT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MINUTES LATER
Dorian is now resting on the couch with a LARGE bag of
ice resting on his crotch. Colleen is pacing around.
Chris comes down the stairs and enters the room.
CHRIS
She must have climbed out the
window.
COLLEEN
Oh my God! My baby!
DORIAN
Don't worry, Ms. Davidson. Kate is
just a bit upset right now.
CHRIS
That's because you tried to fucking
ambush her, doc.
DORIAN
Please. Let's not get into playing
the blame game here.
CHRIS
This coming from the man with an
icepack on his balls. Tell me, doc.
How'd you get that again?
Dorian gives Chris a stern look.
DORIAN
We'll start a search for her.
Usually patients come home within
a few hours. Trust me,
Kate will be fine.
Chris shakes his head.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - SAME
Brian, WILL COOPER, JOEL MAYBERRY, CASEY JENNINGS, BROCK
WARNER, and REICTHER are all sitting around a table.
Chris is missing.
BRIAN
Can he really call mentally
unstable people losers on national
television? Sure I’m not close to
my family. Sure I don’t share any
real personal emotions or issues
with my friends. Sure I’ve never
had so much as a date with someone
of the opposite sex. Sure I spent
half of my morning talking to a
bald man on the television. That
doesn't make me a loser.
Brian looks around at the other members of the group,
who all avoid eye contact.
BRIAN
Okay, maybe it does.
Reicther looks at Brock and Will.
REICTHER
Look how sad Brian is now, you know
that you could have prevented this
if you had let him kill himself.
JOEL
One insensitive comment at a time,
Reicther.
REICTHER
What? He’s like a lame horse. The
only kind thing to do is shoot Mr.
Ed in the head and be done with it.
BRIAN
Hey! Do not call me Mr. Ed. I can
talk without having my jowls lined
with peanut butter, thank you very
much.
REICTHER
Really? I’ve yet to see it.
WILL
Shut the fuck up, Reicther. Don’t
compare Brian to Mr. Ed.
BRIAN
Thank you, Will.
REICTHER
Good point. Mr. Ed was much more
pleasant.
BRIAN
I hate you.
CASEY
Did you know that for the first
season of that show Mr. Ed was
portrayed by a female zebra?
BROCK
He couldn’t have been, you would
have seen the stripes.
WILL
Actually, that's not true. Stripes
don't really translate onto black
and white film. It has to do with
the -
BRIAN
Could we PLEASE stop talking about
Mr. Ed? I have a real problem here.
I'm a loser.
WILL
So what? We're all losers. It's not
like it's that pressing of an issue.
BRIAN
For me it is. I’m going to turn my
life around.
(cue dramatic music)
You’ll see...I’m going to make
something of myself. I'll climb
every mountain. I'll ford every
stream. I'll follow every rainbow,
until I find my —
BROCK
So tell me more about this stripes
thing.
WILL
Well, it’s all about the -
As Will continues explaining Brian looks annoyed but
determined.
CUT TO:
EXT. JOHNSON HOME - AFTER SCHOOL
Casey is standing at the door, knocking. No one seems to
be answering. He proceeds to knock again.
CASEY
Kay!
Still no answer. Casey looks around and gets an idea. He
walks over do driveway and grabs a rock. He goes into
the yard and tosses it toward Kay's room.
CUT TO:
INT. MARK'S STUDY - SAME
Minister MARK JOHNSON kneels in the middle of a very
small room. He is looking up at a cross, talking to it
directly.
MARK
Lord, I feel as though I have wronged
you in some way. I feel as though
you do not like the fact that I
forbid my daughter from seeing
that horrible, horrible boy. If
I've done you wrong, please show me
a sign.
Mark lowers his head. SMASH! The rock comes through the
window and nails Mark in the head.
MARK
Ow!
(looks up
at cross)
A little extreme there, don't you
think Jesus?
CASEY (O.S.)
Oops. My bad!
Mark hears Casey and sighs.
CUT TO:
EXT. JOHNSON HOME - SECONDS LATER
Mark comes out the front door to see Casey near a house
window, trying to look in.
MARK
Son, I thought I told you to stay
away from my family. Especially my
daughter!
CASEY
I know you’re a man a God, sir but
blow it out your ass. I came to see
Kay.
Casey looks back to the window.
CASEY
Kay!
MARK
She's not here. She's at a friend's
house.
CASEY
Well then. I guess I'll just have
to sit in this spot until she comes
home.
Casey sits down in the middle of the yard. Beat.
MARK
Son, why don't we have a little talk?
CASEY
I'm good right here, sir.
MARK
Okay. Let me put it this way. How
about you follow me, or I’ll
toss a pork chop on you and sic the
dog on you.
Casey quickly stands.
CASEY
I'm listening sir.
Mark looks around.
MARK
Why don't we talk somewhere, a
little more private.
CUT TO:
INT. CHURCH - MINUTES LATER
Casey and Mark stand at the front of a gigantic church.
The walls are covered in art of religious figures. The
windows are stain glass. There are giant pillars
supporting the roof.
MARK
I hope you don't mind us talking
here.
Casey looks over and sees a giant statue of Jesus being
crucified.
CASEY
Uh, no. It's very...
(beat)
...pleasant.
MARK
Son, I admire what you've been
trying to do. Not a lot of young
men would have persisted as much as
you have. But you've got to get it
through your head...I don't want
you dating my daughter.
CASEY
I understand, sir. But...I can't
stay away...
(beat)
I love her.
MARK
C'mon, son. Don't you think you're
a little young to know what love is?
CASEY
There are three things in this
world I love; my family, pizza hot
pockets, and video games. And to be
honest I care for Kay just as much
or even more than those things.
Pause.
CASEY
Actually tied because I don't know
if you've ever had a hot pocket
before sir, but they are -
MARK
(overlapping)
Enough! I know what will change
your heathen atheist mind.
Mark reaches in his pocket and pulls out a bible.
CASEY
Oh shit. You're going to convert me?
MARK
Ooops. Wrong pocket.
He reaches in and pulls out a check book.
MARK
I'll convert you...with the almighty
dollar.
CASEY
You're going to bribe me to stay
away from Kay?
MARK
I hate the word "bribe." I'd prefer
"pay off" or maybe even "extortion."
Mark writes a number down and hands the check to Casey.
He seems amazed.
CASEY
Oh my God. 500 dollars?
MARK
I'd consider that generous,
wouldn't you?
CASEY
I can't keep this.
MARK
You sure? Because my daughter
informed me that you recently
purchased a scooter. 500 dollars
could buy a lot of gas and
accessories. And what about your
family? I mean, I know that you
guys aren't doing well. This could
help in some small way. Pay a few of
those bi1ls off.
Mark folds the check up and places it in Casey's hand.
MARK
Here. Don't tear it up. Just think
long and hard about this. I'm sure
you can find something to do with
500 dollars.
Casey seems to be confused by all of this.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT DAY
The Gang (minus Chris) are all sitting around, eating
and chatting.
REICTHER
How come Chris gets to miss school?
BROCK
Well, I'll make you a deal. You get
a crazy girlfriend that runs away
and you can miss all the school you
want.
Brian approaches carrying a large book.
WILL
What's that?
Brian flips the book around to show everyone. There is a
large picture of Dr. Phil on the cover.
BRIAN
"The Ultimate Loser Solution: How to
Stop Being a Waste of Air in 30
Days or Less."
WILL
You're actually going to read that?
BRIAN
Hell no. I'm going to carry it
around and pretend to read it so
that girls think I'm sensitive and
wounded. Getting a girlfriend is
the first step in my plan to becoming
cooler than Mr. Ed.
REICTHER
I don't know, Mr. Ed is pretty cool.
WILL
You don’t actually think that
that's going to work, do you?
That's so cheesy.
JOEL
If you carry that book around
school, you will be made fun of,
badly, and you won’t get any action
to make the torment of that
worthwhile.
CASEY
Please don’t carry that around. If
you do, I guarantee that before the
day is out some big bully will kick
sand in your face.
BRIAN
We live in the Midwest. There's no
sand around here to kick.
CASEY
I don’t care. A bully will custom
order sand from Florida, have it
rush-delivered to our school, take
it out of its cardboard box, dump
it on the floor at your feet, and
then kick it in your face just for
carrying around that stupid book, I
swear to God.
BRIAN
Screw you guys. You’re just afraid
that it’s going to work and then
you’ll be the only ones left in the
group without dates.
CASEY
I have a girlfriend.
BROCK
I do, too.
CASEY
Really?
BROCK
Yeah. My girlfriend's name is
Candy491, she lives at yahoo.com.
She's really beautiful. It’s
getting rather serious. I think I’m
in love.
CASEY
...right.
REICTHER
I don’t need a girlfriend, I have
Petunia, here.
Reicther lovingly strokes his left hand, whispering
sweetly to it.
REICTHER
I love you Petunia. You love me
too? Oh I know you do.
CASEY
Gross, Reicther.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S CAR - AFTER SCHOOL
Joel is driving CATHY MATTHEWS home. The song "Raspberry
Beret" by Prince is playing and Joel is singing along.
Cathy is deeply involved in doing a crossword puzzle.
CATHY
I never thought I would ever date a
straight man who loves Prince.
JOEL
Prince is the fucking greatest!
Didn't you see "Purple Rain?"
Cathy thinks.
CATHY
Oh yeah! That's the Steven Spielberg
movie with Whoopie Goldberg as the
slave right?
Joel giggles and shakes his head.
CATHY
What?
JOEL
Nothing.
Beat. She goes back to working on it.
JOEL
So what are you working on?
CATHY
A crossword puzzle. Ellen Conner
gave them to me. She said she
couldn't do them anymore. Something
to do with Will ruining them for
her. Whatever that means.
They stop at a red light. Joel looks over at the puzzle.
JOEL
5-down is handle.
CATHY
No it’s not. There are only 5
spaces on that blank. The answer is
lever.
Cathy looks uncomfortable and a bit annoyed. Joel
continues to look over her shoulder.
JOEL
24-across is Howard.
CATHY
Thanks. I wasn't there yet, so I
didn’t have a chance to answer that
clue, but thanks.
CATHY
No problem.
Cathy looks increasingly uncomfortable.
CATHY
Wow, I'm sure you need to get back
to focusing on the road.
JOEL
No, actually there seems to be a
bit of a traffic jam so I'm good.
Silence continues.
CATHY
(suddenly)
Stop looking over my shoulder!
JOEL
What?
CATHY
You don't look over someone’s
shoulder and do their crossword.
That is bad crossword etiquette.
You wait until they have asked you
for help on the crossword and then
you help them only on the question
asked, and you never, NEVER solve a
clue that the original crossword
solver hasn’t gotten a chance to
read yet! Gosh!
Joel looks stunned and confused. Ellen looks embarrassed
by her outburst.
CATHY
Oh, I love this song.
She quickly turns the radio up. She avoids eye contact.
CUT TO:
MUSIC MONTAGE
(Tom Petty's "When a Kid Goes Bad.")
EXT. ROAD - SAME
Establishing shot. Chris' car is barreling down the road.
CUT TO:
INT. GROCERY STORE - MINUTES LATER
Chris is in a small grocery store. He walks up to a
YOUNG GIRL. He says something and shows a picture of
Kate. The girl points to an older male worker who is
holding an ice pack to his crotch.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT - LATER
Colleen is sitting across from the general manager of
the place. He is angrily describing something to her,
while an icepack rests in his lap.
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS' CAR - LATER
It's a bit darker. Chris is still looking out his
windows, in hope of finding Kate.
CUT TO:
INT. STORE - SAME
Dorian is in a K-Mart like store. He sees a girl from
behind, who looks exactly like Kate. He runs up to her,
grabs her, and turns her around. The women who is
obviously not Kate, hits Dorian in the mouth and stomps
away.
CUT TO:
INT. CHRIS' CAR - LATER
It's completely dark. While stopped at a light, Chris
seems to be deep in thought.
FADE TO:
INT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER
(MUSICE FADE AWAY)
Colleen is standing by the window. Chris enters.
COLLEEN
Any luck?
CHRIS
No. All she left behind was a trail
of angry men with bruised balls.
Dorian enters.
DORIAN
Well none of the nearby hospitals
have a girl fitting Kate's
description. At least she hasn’t
been hurt.
COLLEEN
That's it! I'm calling the police.
DORIAN
Please, Ms. Davison you don't have -
COLLEEN
Fuck your hippie psychologist
bullshit! I need to know my
daughter is okay.
She leaves the room. Chris sits and yawns, which Dorian
notices.
DORIAN
You know it's getting pretty late.
You should probably head home to
get some shuteye.
CHRIS
I'm fine.
DORIAN
What about your parents? They must
be getting worried.
CHRIS
I called them and told them what's
going on.
Long pause.
DORIAN
You know Chris...you don't have to
do this. Me and Kate's mom can
finish looking for her. And after
she calls the police, we'll have a
lot more man power.
(beat)
You can go home and just relax.
We'll call you when we find her.
Chris gives him a very serious look.
CHRIS
I want to stay.
CUT TO:
EXT. JENNINGS HOME - LATER
Casey is walking up the driveway, deep in thought.
CASEY
Trying to bribe me. Like I really
need the money.
Casey enters his house.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - CONTINUOUS
Casey enters the kitchen. His father JOHN JENNINGS sits
at the kitchen table, looking over some bills.
JOHN
Hey Case, good news. My buddy says
he can fix your scooter.
CASEY
That's great.
JOHN
But you're going to have to be
patient. The whole thing is going
to cost around 500 dollars so we're
going to have save up a bit.
CASEY
Oh.
Casey leaves the room.
CASEY (V/O)
That wasn't a temptation. Probably
just a coincidence.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNINGS HOME - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Casey enters. His mother, JANICE JENNINGS is packing up
some boxes.
CASEY
Whatcha doin' mom?
JANICE
I'm going to sell this stuff.
CASEY
What? Why?
JANICE
Your genius of a father forgot to
pay the heating and telephone bill.
So now we owe them 500 dollars or
we don’t get a phone or hot water.
Casey seems a little confused, and a bit tempted.
CASEY (V/O)
Don't give in. Remember, this is
all for Kay. All for Kay.
Casey starts to leave when his little sister, KATIE
JENNINGS appears.
KATIE
Hey, Casey. Mind answering this
magazine survey?
CASEY
(distracted)
Um, sure.
KATIE
Okay.
(reads)
What would you do if you suddenly
found 500 dollars?
Casey screams.
CASEY
STOP FUCKING TEMPTING ME YOU SON OF
A BITCH!
Casey storms off. Katie seems taken aback.
KATIE
Mom! Casey called me a son of a
bitch again!
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME
Joel enters the kitchen. His mother MARGIE MAYBERRY is
sitting at the kitchen table working on a paper. Joel
grabs something from the fridge.
MARGIE
Hi honey.
JOEL
Hey mom.
MARGIE
(preoccupied)
Did you learn anything interesting
at school today?
JOEL
Women are really sensitive about
their crosswords.
MARGIE
Nonsense, dear.
There is the crossword from the newspaper spread out on
the table, the same one that Cathy was working on.
JOEL
24-across is Howard.
MARGIE
What? Dammit! I actually knew that
one! You should have let me figure
it out by myself. I wasn’t even
there yet!
JOEL
Jesus! I’m sorry I —
MARGIE
Don't you know that it’s rude to
solve a clue that the solver hasn’t
gotten a chance to read yet?
JOEL
So I've been told. I'm going
upstairs, I’ve had quite enough
insanity for today.
MARGIE
Oh, insanity! That’s what 7-down is.
Margie goes back to her crossword. Joel seems completely
freaked out by all of this.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT MORNING
Brian Vandele is sitting at the breakfast table with
Will, Brock, and Reicther. The Dr. Phil book is
in front of him on the table.
BROCK
So did it work? Did Dr. Phil
magically change you from a loser
to a real boy?
BRIAN
No, I’m still a loser.
REICTHER
(mock sympathy)
Aw, what happened? Did Dr. Phil let
you down?
BRIAN
No he didn’t. You guys just freaked
me out so bad yesterday morning
that I didn't use the book to its
full advantage. Today, I’m really
going to go for it. I’m going to
show this book to every woman I
come in contact with. Women love
this guy. It has to work.
REICTHER
There is something very disturbing
about you using Dr. Phil to try to
get women.
WILL
I agree. Leave the bald man out of
it.
BRIAN
Shut up. I swear it's going to work,
you’ll see.
FADE TO:
INT. ART ROOM - LATER
Brian hold Dr. Phil book to his chest, aiming it at
every girl he passes and smiling oddly. The girls seem
more creeped out at him than anything. Brian sees that
the book is not having the desired effect, and begins to
grow frustrated. He hold the book in front of his face
and addresses it.
BRIAN
You fat bald bastard, why won’t you
work?
Wide shot. We see that Brian is throwing his tantrum in
front of a girl, sitting down at a nearby table, who
seems vaguely interested in what Brian has to say. The
girl is named Emily.
BRIAN
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
You are a disgrace to mustache
wearing men all over the world! Tom
Selleck is ashamed of you! Chuck
Norris loathes you! Even Hitler
won’t claim you! If I could grow
facial hair I swear to God I would
feel the same! I —
EMILY
I know exactly what you mean. How
do people like that get famous?
BRIAN
What? Oh...yeah. All that he does
is get unpleasant people to come on
his show, and then he tells them
they’re unpleasant. How many brain
cells does that take?
EMILY
A five year old could do his job.
BRIAN
I don’t get why he’s rich and
famous. Who let him on television?
EMILY
I blame Oprah.
BRIAN
That black bitch.
Brian looks appraisingly at Emily.
BRIAN
I'm sorry, I don’t know your name.
EMILY
It's Emily.
BRIAN
Oh, well I’m Brian.
EMILY
Hello, Brian. So tell me all about
your traumatic experiences with Dr.
Phil. I've never seen anyone so
impassioned about the bald bastard.
I’m intrigued.
BRIAN
How much time do you have?
Brian sits down next to Emily, who smiles affectionately.
CUT TO:
EXT. JOHNSON HOUSE - AFTER SCHOOL
Establishing shot. Casey stands at the front door.
CUT TO:
INT. JOHNSON HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
We can hear the doorbell ring. KAY JOHNSON enters.
KAY
Coming!
Kay opens the door to reveal Casey who holding dozens
upon dozens of roses, balloons, and other assorted
goods.
CASEY
Surprise!
KAY
Oh my God!
He hands her the roses.
KAY
How many -
CASEY
(overlapping)
How many roses? Three dozen.
He then hands her the balloons. Kay is completely
shocked by all this.
KAY
What's all this for?
CASEY
To show how much I love you.
She smiles. Just at that moment, Mark enters from
another room.
KAY
Casey how did you afford all this?
CASEY
Your father. He felt so bad about
our little dinner mishap that he
wanted to make up in some way. So
he gave me some money to so I could
treat you right.
A giant smile comes across Kay's face. She hugs Casey.
KAY
I love you so much, Casey.
Casey smiles and looks over at Mark. He has taken out a
piece of a paper and written: "Jesus Will Get You For
This." Casey's smile quickly fades.
CASEY
I love you too, Kay.
FADE TO:
EXT. DAVIDSON HOUSE - SAME
Chris is leaving through the front door.
CHRIS
Don't worry. I'll be right back.
Just going for a walk.
He slowly starts to walk down the sidewalk. He hangs his
head low, defeated. He sighs.
FADE TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK - MINUTES LATER
Chris is still walking with his head down. He looks over
and suddenly notices something.
CHRIS
(to himself)
Kate?
CHRIS' POV:
There's a playground about a block away. There's a girl
sitting on the swing who looks like Kate.
Chris begins to walk toward the playground.
FADE TO:
INT. PLAYGROUND - SECONDS LATER
Kate Davidson is in fact the girl sitting on the swing.
Chris slowly comes up. Kate turns and smiles at him. He
smiles back and takes the swing seat next to her.
Ironically, they've come back to the place were they
first met.
KATE
Hey, Chris.
CHRIS
Hey, Kate.
Beat.
CHRIS
Whatcha doin' here?
KATE
Well, I thought to myself...where's
the last place they would look for
a crazy person and then it hit me...
the park.
Chris laughs. Beat.
CHRIS
You feeling okay?
KATE
Yeah. You know I was walking around
last night and I was afraid to go
home. I was actually in great fear
to go home. You know why?
Chris shakes his head.
KATE
Because I thought someone was out
to get me.
(forcefully chuckles)
It was about then I realized that,
yes I am a bit insane in the
membrane.
Chris laughs. Beat.
KATE
I'm sorry, Chris. For everything
I've put you through.
CHRIS
Oh, Kate. It's okay.
They hug. Kate suddenly starts to chuckle.
KATE
You know this whole thing reminds
me of joke.
CHRIS
What is it?
KATE
Two inmates are trying to escape a
mental institution. They are trying
to work out how to get over to the
next building, outside the
institution, one inmate leaps
across, but the second is afraid of
falling. The first says "I'll turn
on this flashlight, and you can
walk along the light beam to get
across." The second inmate replies,
"What are you crazy? I'm not
falling for that; you'll turn the
flashlight off when I'm halfway
across."
Kate lets out a small laugh, while Chris smiles.
ZAP! Dorian has come up behind her and tasered her. She
quickly collapses. Chris jumps to his feet and looks
greatly confused at Dorian, who seems to be privately
celebrating.
CHRIS
What the hell?!
DORIAN
Everyone relax. I got her sedated.
CHRIS
What the fuck did you do that for!?
DORIAN
Trust me when I tell you Chris,
from a medical stance she has a bad
diagnosis of kicking people in the
balls.
CHRIS
You didn't have to do that. I got
her calmed down.
Dorian stops smiling and realizes his mistake.
DORIAN
Oh...you did.
Beat.
DORIAN
Oops.
CHRIS
Oops!? You taser a teenage girl and
that's all you have to say!?
DORIAN
Look we can stand here and argue
about who zapped who or you can
help me drag her to the car.
Chris sighs in frustration.
TIME FADE TO:
INT. VAN - HOUR LATER
Dr. Dorian is driving the van. In the very back sit
Chris and Kate. Kate is wrapped in a blanket, leaning up
against Chris. He has his arm tightly wrapped around
her. Chris and Kate quietly talk to each other.
KATE
Are we almost there?
CHRIS
About another block or so.
Beat.
KATE
Chris...
CHRIS
Yeah?
KATE
Do me a favor.
CHRIS
Anything.
Beat.
KATE
Be careful.
CHRIS
(confused)
Of what?
KATE
Nothing in particular. Just...keep
a steady frame of mind. Don't let
this happen to you.
CHRIS
It's not going to happen to me.
Beat.
KATE
You have no way of knowing for
sure.
The van slows down to a stop.
KATE
Remember...all it takes is one bad
day for anyone to go mad.
Chris gives her a concerned look.
DORIAN (O.S.)
Okay. We're here.
Kate looks around. She forces a chuckle.
KATE
Home, sweet home.
(turns to Chris)
We should probably get my bags out.
Chris is still thinking about what she said.
KATE
Chris?
CHRIS
Yeah. Definitely.
Chris moves and gets out of the van.
FADE TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT MORNING
Will, Reicther, Brock, Casey, Joel, Brian, and Emily all
sit around the table. Emily and Brian are sitting very
close. She is working intently on a paper. Brian is
leaning across the table to talk quietly with Will and
Casey.
WILL
Are you so desperate to prove us
wrong that you would really pay a
girl to sit with you?
BRIAN
Yes I am. But I didn't have to pay
this girl. The book worked...in a
roundabout way.
CASEY
It did not. I don’t buy that for a
second. Dr. Phil couldn’t possibly
have gotten you a real date, a
sympathy friend, perhaps, but not a
date. That girl is here out of pity.
BRIAN
Oh really? (to Emily) Hey Emily,
what movie did you want to go see
tomorrow night?
EMILY
Oh, I don’t care, hon. You pick.
That new Ron Howard movie looks
good, though.
JOEL
Please don’t mention Ron Howard.
That bastard got me in trouble
twice the other day.
CASEY
Don't call Ron Howard a bastard.
BROCK
I thought you liked Ron Howard?
JOEL
Not anymore. Ron Howard is dead to
me. 24-across...
(beat)
...you bastard.
BRIAN
Alright then...back to my gloating.
I've got the satisfaction of
knowing I was right about the book,
the joy of having proven all you
assholes wrong, and, oh yeah, a hot
date for Friday night.
Brian laughs in victory.
BRIAN
That is correct. I was right and
you were wrong. My strategy worked.
I have a date. Your strategy failed.
You are lonely and sad and pathetic.
You may as well name your left hand
Petunia and build a shack in the
woods, because you are looking at a
life of loneliness as a strange,
flannel-wearing hermit. You’re like
Reicther’s long lost twin brother,
you’re so path —
WILL
Shut up and give me the fucking
book.
BRIAN
Really?
WILL
Hand it over.
Will takes the book and runs off camera.
WILL
(off camera)
Hey Ellen!
Brian shrugs and looks over at Emily, who has heard none
of their conversation because she is so engrossed in her
work.
BRIAN
12-down is ‘sawbuck.’
She puts down the paper to reveal that it is a crossword.
Emily looks up, suddenly very serious.
EMILY
This isn't going to work out.
She stands and begins to leave. Brian gets up and chases
after her.
BRIAN
Wait, baby! I can change.
The Gang start to laugh.
FADE TO:
INT. BATHROOM - SAME
(BEGIN SONG: Nirvana's "All Apologizes")
Chris stands at the sink, with a depressed look on his
face. He stares in the mirror. He looks completely tired
and restless, like the world's on his shoulder.
CHRIS
...One bad day.
Chris looks around and slowly makes an exit.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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