This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Fourteen
"The Death of Brian Vandele"
Written by
Vincent Biga
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
STORY EDITOR
Rebecca Parker
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Matthews..............................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Stacy Cifaretto.............................
Big Mike Le Cerva...........................
Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
Kelly States................................
Mrs. Larkin.................................
David.......................................
Kelly's Friend..............................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY DAY.
Brian is walking down the hallway when another student
stops him.
DAVID
I thought you would like to know.
BRIAN
Like to know what? Who are you?
DAVID
I'm David, and you're going to die
on Monday.
BRIAN
Monday?
DAVID
Monday.
BRIAN
Why Monday?
DAVID
Hey man, I was just told to pass
along the word.
BRIAN
Well, is there anything I can do to
prevent my death on Monday?
DAVID
Yes, yes there is, but you have to
listen to me very carefully.
BRIAN
I'm listening.
DAVID
Ok first of all -
As David starts talking Stacy runs up to Brian.
STACY
Hi Brian!
David continues to talk incoherently.
BRIAN
Not right now Stacy!
STACY
Oh my gosh! I heard this story that
you just HAVE to hear!
BRIAN
Stacy shut up!
Stacy and David both continue talking so that we can't
distinguish what either of them are saying. Brian is
standing between them growing more and more frustrated.
BRIAN
(shouting)
Stacy! Shut the hell up!
Stacy stops talking.
DAVID
- and if you do all that you can
avoid winding up in a twisted metal
fireball of death.
BRIAN
Oh...
Beat.
BRIAN
Do you think you could repeat that?
DAVID
I think not. Besides you're about to
wake up.
BRIAN
What?
CUT TO:
INT. BRIAN'S ROOM NIGHT
The room is dark, Brian sits straight up in bed panting.
He sits there a moment thinking.
BRIAN
She's in Chicago and she's still
screwing me over.
Brian falls back down to his bed.
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
FADE IN:
INT. LUNCHROOM BEFORE SCHOOL
WILL COOPER, JOEL MAYBERRY, BROCK WARNER, CASEY
JENNINGS, REICTHER, and CHRIS HUGHES are sitting at a
table chatting.
CASEY
So then it turned out to be a cyst
instead of a tumor.
Everyone gives an "oh." Suddenly Brian appears.
BRIAN
Everyone, I have an announcement.
Everyone stops talking and looks at Brian.
BRIAN
I'm dying on Monday.
Beat.
JOEL
What the fuck are you talking about?
BRIAN
I had a dream. In which David told
me I was dying.
WILL
Who's David?
Brian shrugs.
BRIAN
He might be the Grim Reaper's
assistant, but I'm not sure.
WILL
Is there any way to prevent your
untimely demise?
BRIAN
Yeah.
WILL
How?
BRIAN
I don't know. Stacy started talking
to me when he got to that part.
JOEL
Stacy...your sister?.
BRIAN
Yep.
JOEL
(understandingly)
Oh.
Beat.
JOEL (CONT'D)
Wait I thought she was in Chicago.
Why did she come back just to talk
to you?
BRIAN
Because it was a dream. Anything
can happen in dreams.
CHRIS
So you died in the dream?
BRIAN
No, pay attention! I'm going to die.
WILL
Hey Brian, since you're not going to
be needing it can I have your
stereo?
BRIAN
Sure! Anything you guys want just
ask me, I won't need it.
BROCK
You're not going to die.
BRIAN
Sure I am. I saw it in a dream.
BROCK
Dreams don't mean a damn thing!
Everyone stares at Brock. For a moment no one says
anything.
BROCK
What?
JOEL
I don't know where you come from
but around here dreams mean
something.
(to Brian)
Now, what about your T.V. can I
have that?
Everyone starts talking, trying to cash in on Brian's
death. Brock just looks frustrated.
CUT TO:
INT. CLASSROOM - LATER
Will and Brian have just walked in.
BRIAN
So basically it sucked, right?
WILL
Well, I would say it blew more than
it sucked.
BRIAN
Is there really a difference?
WILL
That is the stupidest question I've
heard! There is a world of
difference between blows and sucks.
BRIAN
Care to elaborate?
WILL
Blows is like twenty times worse
than sucks.
BRIAN
It all makes sense now.
Will and Brian sit down.
WILL
Do you want to come see "Rise of
the Persians" with me and Ellen?
BRIAN
You and Ellen?
WILL
Did I stutter?
BRIAN
No, but wouldn't that be like a
date?
WILL
No, not really. Because I still
don't know what our relationship is
really.
BRIAN
Dude, you really need grow a pair
and find out exactly what's going
on between you two.
WILL
Why's everyone say that?
MICHAEL "BIG MIKE" LE CERVA takes his seat next to Will
and Brian.
BIG MIKE
Hey guys, what's new?
WILL
We were talking about seeing "Rise
of the Persians" this weekend.
BRIAN
And I'm dying on Monday!
BIG MIKE
You've got to be kidding me!
BRIAN
No, seriously I had a dream and
everything.
BIG MIKE
No I mean the movie. It looks
God-awful.
WILL
What do you mean? I heard it got
tons of good reviews.
BIG MIKE
It may be a decent movie but I
refuse to see it on a matter of
principal.
BRIAN
What principal?
BIG MIKE
On the principal that is just
another knock-off epic movie that
just clings to the coattails of
other movies like The Lord of the
Rings Trilogy and Troy. The whole
epic genre is getting a tad trite.
WILL
You raise a good point but look at
Sin City.
BIG MIKE
What about it?
WILL
It was basically a more stylized
Pulp Fiction, but no one said
anything about that and everyone
loved it.
BIG MIKE
Ah, a good point but there haven't
been an ass-load of movies copying
the structure of Pulp Fiction like
they've been doing to epics.
WILL
Touché.
BIG MIKE
You seem to know a lot about movies
Will.
WILL
If I didn't have movies I would be
nothing.
BIG MIKE
Is that a fact? Well then how would
you like to challenge me in a Super
Movie Trivia Challenge?
Everyone in the room goes quiet and everyone is looking
at them.
BRIAN
What's a Super Movie Trivia
Challenge?
MR. JOHN PARKER approaches them.
PARKER
A Super Movie Trivia Challenge is
a game that I myself have created
in order to test the knowledge of
movie goers everywhere.
BIG MIKE
Yeah, and I just challenged Will,
do you accept?
WILL
Well, I don't know...
PARKER
It would be a bad idea to back
away from a Super Movie Trivia
Challenge duel.
WILL
Why is that?
PARKER
Well the short version of the
story is that you have to live the
rest of your life in shame and you
are forever doomed to walk with
your head down, so how about it
Will, do you accept?
Will thinks for a second.
WILL (V/O)
I can beat this guy easily, hell I
could beat him blindfolded.
Although, being blindfolded
wouldn't affect my ability to
answer questions in any way, shape
or form. Unless I had to answer
questions while trying to dodge
knives being thrown at me, now THAT
would be hard. Oh crap, they're all
staring at me, I better give an
answer.
WILL
Sure I'd be happy to.
PARKER
Alright, the Super Movie Trivia
Challenge will be held after school
today. I wish I had more time, it's
always good if you sell tickets to
these things.
Parker walks off, Big Mike gets up.
BRIAN
So Will, how are you feeling about
the contest?
WILL
Brian, please. You're insulting me,
it's in the bag.
CUT TO:
INT HALLWAY LATER
Joel is walking down the hallway, heading towards his
locker. He gets to his locker and opens it. Joel starts
to go through it looking for something.
JOEL
What the fuck?
Joel searches some more.
JOEL
Where is my calculator? I could
have sworn I put it right here.
CATHY MATTHEWS walks up to Joel.
CATHY
Hi Joel.
Joel doesn't hear her and keeps looking.
CATHY
Joel.
Joel still doesn't hear her.
CATHY
Joel!
Joel keeps looking, after a second Cathy kicks him.
CATHY
Joel!
Joel turns, startled.
JOEL
Oh, hello, I didn't see you there.
CATHY
I noticed. What are you doing?
JOEL
I'm looking for my calculator. I
can't find it.
CATHY
So you misplaced it.
JOEL
No, I know where I placed it, but
now its not there.
CATHY
So you lost it.
JOEL
I didn't lose it.
CATHY
Do you see it anywhere around here?
JOEL
No...
CATHY
Then it's lost.
Beat.
JOEL
Shut up!
CATHY
Here.
(hands him
a calculator)
Take mine, but don't lose it. It's
my special calculator.
JOEL
Your special calculator? How can a
calculator be special?
CATHY
Because it's pink and purple.
JOEL
Oh, I see now, its all making sense.
The bell rings.
CATHY
I think that means it's time to get
to class.
JOEL
I think you're right my dear.
They both walk off in different directions.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - AFTER SCHOOL
Will and Brian are walking and talking.
BRIAN
So, you feeling pretty confident?
WILL
Oh fuck yeah, I'll cream Big Mike.
BRIAN
Cocky people get on my nerves.
WILL
Yeah, me too...Wait are you saying I'm
cocky?
BRIAN
That's what I was hinting at.
WILL
Hey man, I was just stating simple
fact, movies are my life, there is
no way I can lose.
BRIAN
But if you do lose you'll look like
a huge jackass since you were so
cocky about it.
WILL
Yeah but I won't lose so I don't
have anything to fear.
BRIAN
Touché.
Will and Brian enter the art room.
INT. CLASSROOM CONTINUOUS
There is a small crowd gathered around a table. At the
end of the table sits Big Mike while Mr. Parker sits
in the middle of the table, there is a seat open at the
other end. There are two large red buttons on the table,
one where Big Mike is sitting and another for the empty
seat.
BIG MIKE
Glad to see you showed up Will, I
was starting to think you chickened
out.
WILL
You wish you were that lucky...Are
those buzzers?
PARKER
Yes, I take the Ultimate Movie
Trivia Challenge very seriously.
Will takes the empty seat at the end of the table, Brian
sits with the rest of the spectators.
PARKER
Okay, for anyone who may be new to
the Ultimate Movie Trivia Challenge
system I'm going to go over how the
game works. In my years of movie-
going I have made up questions
based upon the films I have seen. I
have then written these questions
on the 3 by 5 cards which sit
before me.
He motions to a deck of cards in front of him.
PARKER
I will draw a card, it will have a
question on it, I will ask the
question, first person to get it
right gets that point, we play to a
set goal point.
(to Will and Big Mike)
What would you like to play to?
BIG MIKE
How about ten?
WILL
Sounds good to me.
PARKER
Alright, first question...
PARKER picks up a card.
PARKER
The 2005 movie "A History of
Violence" was based on a graphic
novel by whom?
We focus on Will who is about to hit his buzzer but we
hear a buzzer sound off screen. We pan quickly to Big
Mike.
BIG MIKE
John Wagner and Vince Locke.
PARKER
One point to Big Mike!
BRIAN
(whispering)
Will!
Will sighs.
WILL
What Brian?
BRIAN
I thought you said you were good at
this.
WILL
Fuck you, Brian!
EXT. SCHOOL - SAME
Reicther is standing outside, waiting for his ride.
There are two girls standing near him chatting.
GIRL 1
So who's taking you to the dance?
GIRL 2
Well, John asked me to the dance.
GIRL 1
He's cute.
GIRL 2
Yeah, but the problem is Rick asked
me later that day and I forgot I
said yes to John so now I have two
dates to the dance.
GIRL 1
Maybe you could swing one my way.
GIRL 2
You don't have a date?
GIRL 1
Nope, no one's asked me.
Beat.
GIRL 1
Do you think I'm ugly?
GIRL 2
What?! No of course not, just ask
anyone!
(to Reicther)
Hey you!
REICTHER
Me?
GIRL 2
Yes, you. Do you think she's pretty?
Reicther looks over the preppy stick thin girl.
GIRL 2
Well?
REICTHER
Well, I think she could stand to
loose a little weight.
Both of the girls' mouths drop and they just stare at
him for a second.
REICTHER
What?
INT. HALLWAY - LATER
Will and Brian are walking down the hallway. Neither of
them speak for a moment.
BRIAN
It could have been worse.
WILL
(very angry)
How the fuck could it have been
worse!?
BRIAN
Well...
Beat.
BRIAN
At least you're not dying on Monday.
WILL
Shut up! I don't want to hear it!
BRIAN
Alright, alright.
They go back to silence for a moment.
BRIAN
You know, I never knew "Charlie and
the Chocolate Factory" was based
off a book.
Will gives Brian a dirty look.
WILL
Very funny.
BRIAN
Hey you lost, what can you do?
WILL
I can beat him!
BRIAN
Dude, let it go.
WILL
I will NOT let it go! There has to
be someone who can help me!
Will thinks for a second.
WILL
I've got it!
Will runs off camera. Brian shrugs and keeps walking
down the hallway. A student passes by Brian, he doesn't
seem to notice, but a second later he gets a funny look
on his face. Brian turns around and runs up to the
student.
BRIAN
Hey you!
The student turns around to reveal that it is David from
Brian's dream.
DAVID
What?
BRIAN
It's you!
DAVID
What?
BRIAN
Do you know how I can avoid dying
on Monday?
DAVID
You're dying on Monday?
BRIAN
Well, that's what you told me.
DAVID
When did I tell you this?
BRIAN
In a dream I had last night.
DAVID
Sorry, I'm in no way responsible
for any of Dream David's actions.
David walks off, Brian is left alone looking
disappointed.
BRIAN
Are you sure?
DAVID (O.S.)
Positive.
INT. SCHOOL - NEXT MORNING
Ellen is sitting at a table doing some work, Will walks
up to her.
WILL
Hey, Ellen.
ELLEN
Oh, hi Will. How are things?
WILL
Well, my best friend is going to
die Monday.
ELLEN
That's awful!
WILL
It's not all bad, I get his stereo.
Anyway, I was hoping you could help
me with a problem of mine.
ELLEN
It isn't some kind of deep scarring
emotional problem is it?
WILL
No, nothing like that.
ELLEN
Then I'm all ears friend.
WILL
Right, well yesterday Big Mike Le
Cerva challenged me to the Ultimate
Movie Trivia Challenge, and well, I
lost.
ELLEN
Back up, did you say Big Mike Le
Cerva?
WILL
Yeah, that's what I said.
ELLEN
Little brother to Big Josh Le Cerva?
WILL
I think he has a brother named Josh?
ELLEN
(angry shouting)
That son of a bitch!
Will is taken aback by this.
WILL
What?
ELLEN
Big Josh challenged me to the
Ultimate Movie Trivia Challenge my
freshman year and humiliated me! I
never got the chance to get back at
that bastard!
WILL
Does that mean you'll help me?
ELLEN
You can bet your sweet giblets I
will!
WILL
Giblets?
ELLEN
Never mind those, you're going to
challenge Big Mike again and you're
going to win dammit!
WILL
Right now?
ELLEN
Now!
WILL
(shouting)
Hey Big Mike!
The camera pulls back and we can see Big Mike is sitting
at the next table over.
BIG MIKE
Yeah?
WILL
I re-challenge you to the Ultimate
Movie Trivia Challenge.
BIG MIKE
Alright, when?
WILL
(to Ellen)
When?
ELLEN
Monday, before school starts.
BIG MIKE
Alright, I'll be there!
The Camera pushes in so that Will and Ellen are the only
focus.
ELLEN
Alright, now that the date is set
we need to get to work.
WILL
Work?
ELLEN
Right, work, come to my house after
school and we'll get started.
You're lucky it's Friday, we have
all weekend to train.
WILL
I'm not liking the sound of this.
ELLEN
That's too bad. You're seeing this
through to the end. I WILL regain
my lost honor!
WILL
You mean my lost honor right?
ELLEN
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY - SAME
Joel is walking to his locker, opens it and starts to
look for his books.
JOEL
What the...?
Joel looks through his books furiously this time.
JOEL
What the hell? Where is my English
book?
Cathy walks up to Joel as he continues to search.
CATHY
Good morning Joel!
Joel continues to search, not noticing her. Cathy sighs
and kicks the door of Joel's locker. Joel stands up
immediately.
JOEL
Oh, I didn't hear your approach.
CATHY
You don't hear a lot of things.
What did you lose now?
JOEL
I didn't lose anything, my English
book however was stolen.
Cathy sighs.
CATHY
Who would steal a high school
English book?
JOEL
Someone who...wanted to brush up on
their English?
CATHY
Joel, no one is stealing your stuff,
you just can't keep track of your
things.
JOEL
Prove it.
CATHY
What?
JOEL
If you're so sure no one is
stealing from my locker then put
your special calculator in there
all day and lets see if its still
there at the end of the day.
Cathy looks a little nervous.
CATHY
Well, I...
Beat.
CATHY
My special calculator?
JOEL
If no one is stealing anything from
my locker then you have nothing to
worry about, right?
CATHY
Well...
JOEL
Or are you going to admit that you
were wrong and that I haven't been
losing my stuff?
Cathy scowls, takes her calculator, puts it in Joel's
locker and slams the door shut.
CATHY
I am NOT wrong.
Cathy walks off, Joel shrugs then walks off in a
different direction.
INT. STUDY HALL - LATER
Brian is sitting at a table, his head on his books
sleeping. Brock is sitting on the other side of the
table doing homework. MS. DIANE BALLARD walks up and
wakes Brian up.
BALLARD
Did you have a nice dream Mr.
Vandele?
BRIAN
Not really, my dreams haven't been
very good lately.
BALLARD
You know, I didn't really want you
to answer that question.
BRIAN
That's funny, I really didn't want
you to wake me up.
BALLARD
Shouldn't you be doing homework
instead of sleeping?
BRIAN
Well, I'm dying on Monday so I
figure what's the point?
We see that Brock looks annoyed that Brian is still
talking about his death on Monday.
Beat.
BALLARD
You're dying on Monday?
Brock looks puzzled at Ballard's reaction.
BRIAN
That's what I said.
BALLARD
Do you have some kind of horrible
disease?
BRIAN
Worse, I had a prophetic dream
telling me that I was going to die.
BALLARD
Oh, I'm sorry.
Brock looks surprised at her reaction.
BALLARD (CONT'D)
Have you made up a will? Those are
always good to have before you die.
Brock looks angry now.
BRIAN
No, I hadn't thought of that.
BALLARD
Well it's Friday, you definitely
don't want to waste your last
weekend writing it up.
BRIAN
That's a good idea, thanks Miss
Ballard.
BALLARD
Anytime.
Ballard exits. Brian gets out a piece of paper and
starts writing.
BROCK
You know you're not dying on Monday.
BRIAN
Brock, we've been over this before,
I had a DREAM. Dream's mean
something, and this one means that
I'm dying on Monday, get over it man,
you're in denial.
BROCK
Dreams don't mean anything!
BRIAN
Dude, yes they do, dreams are very
precise in their meaning.
BROCK
Ok then, did he say which Monday?
Brian looks stumped.
BRIAN
What?
BROCK
Did David tell you what Monday you
were dying? Did he specifically say
you were dying this coming Monday?
BRIAN
Well, umm...
Beat.
BRIAN (CONT'D)
It was implied.
BROCK
Bullshit! If he meant this Monday he
would have said this Monday! You
could die on a Monday seventy years
from now!
BRIAN
No, then he would have said "You're
going to die on a Monday" but he
said "You're going to die Monday"
there is no on a' in that sentence
so it has to be this Monday.
BROCK
You have horrible grammar! That
could have easily carried over into
your dreams!
BRIAN
My grammar are just fine!
BROCK
(shouting)
You're not dying Monday!
BRIAN
(also shouting)
Yes I am!
BROCK
No you're -
Ballard walks up to their table.
BALLARD
Brock!
BROCK
Yes?
BALLARD
Leave the dying boy alone!
Ballard walks off, Brian has a smug look on his face
while Brock just looks mad.
CUT TO:
INT. SCIENCE CLASSROOM SAME
The teacher is lecturing and Chris is sitting behind
Reicther.
CHRIS
(to Reicther)
Is it true?
REICTHER
Is what true?
CHRIS
Did you really tell Kelly States to
loose some weight?
REICTHER
Who?
CHRIS
Kelly States, you know, short,
blonde...thin.
REICTHER
Oh yeah, I told her that yesterday.
CHRIS
Are you serious?
REICTHER
Yeah? So what?
CHRIS
You know she has bulimia right?
REICTHER
Well, I do now.
CHRIS
Did you know that as soon as she
got home yesterday she told her mom
that she had to go to the gym
because she's so fat and grotesque,
according to you.
REICTHER
News to me.
CHRIS
Do you care at all?
REICTHER
Not particularly.
CHRIS
Did you also know that when she got
to the gym she started doing laps
up and down the pool? And in the
middle of her 700th lap, this
embolism popped in her brain and
she dropped dead, right in
mid-backstroke.
REICTHER
What?
CHRIS
Do you feel bad now?
REICTHER
Not particularly.
CHRIS
Not even a little bit?
REICTHER
Nope. It's her own fault for
harboring a dormant embolism in her
brain and not telling anyone about
it.
CHRIS
Are you fucking kidding me? You
don't feel bad at all?
REICTHER
No.
(beat)
Hey, did I really kill a girl? That
is so cool. I'm putting that on my
MySpace profile. That should up the
number of hits on my blog,
shouldn't it?
CHRIS
You unfeeling asshole.
REICTHER
Don't lie...you know you would read
it.
CHRIS
You didn't kill a girl.
REICTHER
What?
CHRIS
You didn't kill a girl, I was just
trying to see if I could glean a
hint of sympathy or remorse for
your actions from you.
REICTHER
You tried to trick me into feeling?
You son of a bitch!
CHRIS
I hope a midget kicks you in the
shins someday.
REICTHER
So do I. That would make for a very
interesting story to put on my blog.
In return, I hope that you grow a
massive benign tumor so big that it
actually makes you seem small in
comparison. When the doctors
finally are forced to remove it
they will discover that it contains
teeth, hair, and a working
respiratory system. From then on
you will be known only as "The boy
with the living tumor" and I will
laugh. Oh, how I will laugh.
CHRIS
You are a sick, sick man.
REICTHER
I believe that that's you,
tumor-boy.
MR. LARKIN, the assistant principal enters the classroom
and the teacher stops lecturing.
TEACHER
Is there something I can help you
with Mr. Larkin?
LARKIN
Yes, I need to see one of your
Students...Mr. Reicther.
REICTHER
Me?
LARKIN
Yes, you.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY LATER
Joel and Cathy are walking hand in hand down the hallway.
CATHY
So, what did you think of that
child birth video?
JOEL
It was very...Graphic...
CATHY
It makes me not want to have kids.
JOEL
It makes me not want to watch.
Joel comes to his locker and opens it up.
CATHY
Well, if your wife is anything like
me she'll make you watch as long as
you're making her have the baby.
JOEL
Umm, Cathy?
CATHY
What?
JOEL
Did you take your special
calculator out of my locker?
CATHY
No. Why?
JOEL
It's not here any more.
CATHY
What!?
JOEL
(louder)
Its not here anymore!
Cathy pushes Joel aside and starts to go through his
locker furiously.
CATHY
It HAS to be here!
JOEL
It's not there.
CATHY
I can see that!
Cathy looks around, then slams the locker door.
CATHY
Come with me.
Cathy leads Joel to a corner down the hall.
JOEL
Now what?
CATHY
Now we wait!
JOEL
Wait for what?
CATHY
We wait for the son of a bitch that
is stealing stuff from your locker!
JOEL
Now you're talking!
Cathy and Joel pop their heads around the corner to keep
an eye on Joel's locker.
CUT TO:
INT. ASSISSTANT PRINICPAL'S OFFICE SAME
Reicther sits across from Mr. Larkin.
LARKIN
Now, do you have any idea why you
are here Mr. Reicther?
REICTHER
No, nothing come to mind.
LARKIN
Are you sure you have no idea why
you could be here?
REICTHER
Sure as sure can be.
LARKIN
Perhaps you said something
inappropriate to someone? Could
that be why you're here?
Reicther thinks for a moment.
REICTHER
No, I don't think so.
Larkin gives Reicther a look.
LARKIN
You're here because you told a
bulimic student that she needed to
lose weight. Does that ring any
bells?
REICTHER
Oh, that yeah, I remember now.
LARKIN
You don't seem to grasp how serious
this is.
REICTHER
Serious?
LARKIN
That's what I said.
REICTHER
How serious is it?
LARKIN
Well, we've notified your parents.
Beat.
REICTHER
Is that it?
LARKIN
And you have to apologize to her.
REICTHER
I can do that.
LARKIN
A written apology.
REICTHER
(a little frustrated)
Ok, fine.
LARKIN
And you have to read it to her.
REICTHER
Don't you think that's a tad much?
LARKIN
Well it's either that or serve
detention every day after school
for the rest of this year.
Reicther sighs.
REICTHER
Fine, I'll apologize to the stupid
bulimic girl.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY A LITTLE LATER.
Joel and Cathy have fallen asleep and are leaning
against the wall, snoring. We hear a locker door slam
and Cathy stirs. She looks around the corner.
CATHY
Joel!
Joel is still asleep, Cathy hits him awake.
JOEL
(coming out
of a dream)
But I don't want to go down the big
boy slide...
CATHY
Joel wake up!
Joel snaps to.
JOEL
I'm awake! I'm awake!
CATHY
It's the guy who's been stealing
your stuff.
Joel turns the corner
Joel's POV:
We see a large figure walking away from Joel's locker.
JOEL
Great!
(pause)
What do I do now?
CATHY
Go tackle that bastard!
While still in Joel's POV we see Joel start to chase the
man.
JOEL
You son of a bitch!
We get out of Joel's POV as he tackles the thief. The
thief is on the ground with Joel on top of him, Cathy
runs up.
CATHY
Where is my special calculator!?
JOEL
What do you have to say for
yourself, you sick bastard?
THIEF
I surrender!
Joel recognizes his voice.
JOEL
What the -
Joel turns the thief over, revealing it to be Casey
Jennings.
CASEY
Hi Joel.
JOEL
You were the one stealing stuff
from my locker?
Joel lets Casey up.
CASEY
Well, it was more of a "borrowing."
JOEL
What?
CASEY
I meant to return everything...
eventually.
JOEL
How long have you been doing this?
CASEY
Oh, you know, since freshman year.
JOEL
Freshman year!?
CASEY
Oh yeah.
JOEL
Well...Can I have my stuff back?
CASEY
Sure!
Casey walks to a nearby locker.
CATHY
Those lockers are empty.
CASEY
They only want you to think that,
this is where I keep my stash.
Casey opens up the locker to reveal a ton of stuff. Joel
and Cathy start to look through it.
JOEL
Jesus, Casey.
CATHY
My special calculator!
JOEL
You took Brian's light saber?
CASEY
Yeah, why?
JOEL
Well, I thought he was going to
kill some one when he 'lost' it.
CASEY
Yeah, his face got so red...I
really should give that back to him
sometime, he is dying on Monday and
all.
The bell rings. Students begin flooding out of the classrooms.
CASEY
Well, sounds like it's quitting
time.
CATHY
You mean we wasted the whole day
waiting for you?
CASEY
Yeah, I guess so.
Casey walks off.
CATHY
Sometimes I really hate your
friends.
JOEL
I do too.
Joel and Cathy walk off screen hand in hand, for a
moment we just see random students walk by the camera,
Reicther walks on screen holding a piece of paper, the
camera starts to follow him. Reicther sees the girl,
KELLY STATES, he insulted and approaches her.
REICHTER
Hello.
KELLY
What do you want?
REICTHER
I had to write you an apology and
read it to you so I wouldn't get a
ton of detentions.
KELLY
Oh?
REICTHER
Yeah, here it goes.
Reicther clears his throat.
REICTHER
(reading off paper)
I'm sorry.
Beat.
Reicther puts the paper down.
KELLY
That's it?
REICTHER
Well yeah, what more did you want
me to say?
KELLY
Nothing really, but why even bother
writing it down?
REICTHER
Well, I did draw a bunch of frownie
faces on it to show you how sorry I
was.
Reicther hands her the paper.
KELLY
It looks like a first grader drew
this stuff.
REICTHER
At least this first grader doesn't
need to lose some weight.
Reicther walks off, the girl's face is in shock. We
follow him for a bit but we see Brian and Brock going
the other direction, the camera then follows them.
BRIAN
I finished my will, you get my bean
bag chair.
BROCK
First of all you're not going to
die. Second, I hate that thing, it
smells like cheese...really bad
cheese.
BRIAN
Well, you're getting it regardless,
and for the last time let it go, my
death's a commin for me on Monday
and there is nothing anyone can do
about it.
BROCK
You're full of shit.
BRIAN
No, I'm pretty sure its just gas.
We follow them a bit longer, we then see Will at his
locker in the background, we focus on him.
Will gets everything in his backpack and shuts the
locker door, as he does we see that Ellen was hiding
behind the locker.
ELLEN
Are you ready?
WILL
For rehearsals?
ELLEN
Hell no, we're skipping that, you
need to train as much as you can.
WILL
Train?
ELLEN
Did you forget about the Ultimate
Movie Trivia Challenge?
WILL
Well, no...
ELLEN
Great! Let's get going.
Ellen leads Will by the arm.
INT. ELLEN'S HOME LATER.
Will is sitting on a couch, waiting for Ellen. She
enters a second later with a huge stack of DVD's
WILL
We're going to watch ALL of those?
ELLEN
Why not? We have all weekend.
Will sighs.
WILL
Alright, put the first one in.
Ellen moves to put the first DVD in, we start a musical
montage of Ellen and Will watching the movies with The
Ramones "Blitzkrig Bop" playing over it. We cut back and
forth from Will and Ellen getting progressively more and
more tired and the DVD stack slowly getting smaller.
We come to the end of the montage. They are both
extremely tired.
ELLEN
Did you get all that?
WILL
I think so...What day is it?
ELLEN
I think its Sunday.
WILL
Oh, I wonder if my parents know
where I am.
ELLEN
Well, did you call them?
WILL
I can't remember.
ELLEN
Me neither.
Beat.
WILL
Well, I'm going home to pass out in
my bed.
Will gets up to leave.
CUT TO:
INT. LUNCHROOM MONDAY MORNING.
Joel, Reicther and Brock are sitting around talking.
Brian walks up, clearly still very much alive.
JOEL
So, Brian, you're not dead.
BROCK
I fucking told you!
BRIAN
Well, I found a magic ring this
weekend -
Brian holds up his hand and we see a black ring on his
finger.
BRIAN (CONT'D)
- So I figure that's what's keeping
me alive.
Brian sits down.
REICTHER
So, where did you find a magic ring?
BRIAN
I bought it from that Buddhist
store in the mall, the guy said it
wards off death.
Everyone gives Brian a look.
BRIAN
What?
JOEL
How much did you pay for that ring?
BRIAN
Thirty-five dollars, why?
BROCK
You wasted five dollars on some
cheap ring!?
BRIAN
It's a magic ring.
BROCK
Bullshit!
JOEL
Well, it did come from that
Buddhist store in the mall.
BROCK
You're siding with him?
JOEL
Yeah.
BROCK
You're all insane!
Brock gets up and storms off.
BRIAN
Brock can be a bit touchy.
Brian looks around.
BRIAN
Have you guys seen Will anywhere? I
need to break the bad news to him,
he's not getting my stereo after all.
CUT TO:
INT. PARKER'S ROOM SAME.
The contest between Will and Big Mike is nearly
finished. They are both staring one another down.
PARKER
Alright, it's all tied up, the
person who gets this next question
wins it all.
We do a close up on Will, then on Big Mike, then on
Ellen looking nervous.
Parker picks up a card.
PARKER
The question is about "A Weekend at
Bernie's"
Close up on Will and Big Mike staring each other down
again, their hands tense and read to slam on the buzzer.
PARKER
The actor that played Bernie broke a
few of these as a result of playing
a dead man. What did he break?
Big Mike and Will go for the buzzer at the same time,
but Will manages to get there first.
PARKER
Will for the win!
WILL
He broke some of his ribs!
PARKER
That's right!
The bell rings.
PARKER
Well, its time to get to class.
Everyone starts to leave.
WILL
What? That's it? I don't get any
kind of award?
PARKER
Well, he did win the first round
only by a whole bunch.
BIG MIKE
Good match Will.
They shake hands. Will and Ellen are left alone.
WILL
After all that I don't feel like I
really won anything.
Ellen smiles and kisses him on the cheek.
ELLEN
Is that better?
WILL
Much.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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