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THE LunchROOM Episode 1.07 "Politically Incorrect" WRITTEN BY Bruce Snyder CREATED BY Bruce Snyder CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. GUEST CAST LIST Chris Hughes................................ Rene David.................................. Carmella David.............................. KKK Leader.................................. KKK #1...................................... KKK #2...................................... Young Will Cooper........................... Young Rene David............................ KKK #3...................................... KKK #4...................................... KKK #5...................................... KKK #6...................................... KKK #7...................................... KKK #8...................................... KKK #9...................................... Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER: EXT. HOUSE – OUT IN THE COUNTRY – EARLY EVENING The sun is just sitting. An OLD BLACK MAN is sweeping his driveway. An old pickup truck slowly pulls up to him. When the car stops, the old man walks up to the driver's side. The window slowly rolls down to reveal that the driver is KKK MEMBER. Oddly enough, both of them act like nothing's wrong. KKK #1 Good evening, sir. OLD MAN Howdy. KKK #1 I'm sorry to disturb you, but I seem to be lost. OLD MAN Oh, no problems. Where you trying to get to? KKK #1 Centerville, Indiana. OLD MAN Well, you don't need to worry. All you have to do is to follow this road for a few miles more. KKK #1 Just follow the road? OLD MAN Yep. KKK #1 Well, thank you so much for the help. OLD MAN Your welcome. Without, rolling up the windows, the truck slowly begins to drive off. But before it goes too far, it quickly breaks and begins to back up. The truck returns to spot. KKK #1 I forgot something. OLD MAN What'd you forget? KKK #1 Go back to Africa! The truck quickly speeds forward. The man seems shocked at this. OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: INT. RENE'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT Rene sits on the couch, watching TV. She laughs at something on it. CARMELLA, her mother, walks in. CARMELLA Jesus Christ. RENE Hey, mom. Carmella goes and sits by her daughter. CARMELLA Hey, babe. RENE Bad day? Carmella lets out a dry laugh. CARMELLA Understatement of the fucking century, honey. She sighs. CARMELLA Rene...would you like to get your mother a beer? Rene gives her a look. CARMELLA Hey, I tried. She gets up and leaves. CARMELLA (O.S.) So, how's everything? RENE Just peachy. Carmella re-enters with a beer. She sits back down. RENE Something interesting happened the other day. CARMELLA Oh, yeah? What? RENE Remember, Will? CARMELLA Yeah. RENE Well, during math class he held my hand. Carmella opens her beer. CARMELLA Held your hand? RENE For about six seconds. CARMELLA Wow. Rene smiles in embarrassment. RENE It's nothing big. I don't even think he even noticed. CARMELLA He didn't noticed it the whole six seconds? RENE Could be. He is a little slow. CARMELLA He likes he. RENE Mom, have you been drinking? CARMELLA Of course not. This is my first beer in three hours. Rene laughs. CARMELLA Face it, Rene. This pimply little teenager has a crush on you. Rene ponders the idea. INT. SHAKE SHOP – SAME Will, Joel, Brian, and Brock sit at a booth. In the booth next to theirs, sit Reicther and Casey. They are all eating. JOEL Isn't it ironic? WILL What's ironic? JOEL Well, at school all we do is sit around the lunchroom and eat. Brief pause. BRIAN What's your point? JOEL Well, it's the weekend. And here we are, sitting in a small diner, eating and talking. Everyone continues to eat, not understanding what Joel says. REICTHER I still don't see where you're coming from. JOEL We do the same thing day in, day out. Pause. CASEY Oh! I get it. EXT. ROAD – ACROSS TOWN – NIGHT It's a clear and quiet night. We can hear the sound of an owl. For a few seconds nothing happens. They suddenly, about TWENTY KKK MEMBERS appear. They walk down the street. Some have torches, others don't. Leading the group is KKK #1, from before. It appears that he is there leader. He stops them and turns to them. KKK LEADER Fellow brothers! We have reached yet another town. Let us rid them of the evils of niggers and Jews! The crowd shouts in agreement. KKK LEADER We will meet back here in a hour! Everyone then heads off in different directions. INT. SHAKE SHOP – SAME Everyone is pretty much done eating. WILL Okay. I need to tell you guys something and I want you to hear it from me, not some dickhead from school. Slight pause. The group listens in. WILL The other day. Me and Rene...we had a moment. Everyone remains silent. WILL If you have something say, now's the time. Because I'm not discussing this again. The guys look at each other. BRIAN What kind of moment was this? WILL I grabbed her hand and ended up holding it for a good couple of seconds. CASEY What she think about it? WILL Don't know. Hell, I don't even think she noticed it. REICTHER What do you think about? WILL Me? Will thinks about it. WILL Wasn't bad. Wasn't bad at all. EXT. ROAD – AN HOUR LATER The KKK Leader stands. Slowly each of the twenty members return. KKK LEADER Ah, welcome back my brothers. Now, as a group we must rid the evils of the niggers! KKK #2 Um, sir. KKK LEADER What is it, brother? KKK #2 There are none. KKK LEADER What? KKK #2 They don't got any. KKK LEADER Not one? KKK #2 shakes his head. KKK LEADER Well, that's okay. I'm a little disappointed, but it's okay. Forget the blacks...let's go after the Jews! The crowd shouts in agreement. KKK #3 stops the celebration. KKK #3 Wait, wait. Hold the phone there, chief. KKK LEADER What? KKK #3 They got none. KKK LEADER None? KKK Leader begins to think. KKK LEADER They got no Jews or blacks? What, is this town racist or something? EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Reicther, and Casey are walking down the sidewalk. JOEL See my theory on the whole thing, is that Han never really correctly translated what Chewbacca said. Like when the princess calls him a walking carpet, I always thought he called a stuck up bitch, but Han told them differently. WILL What's it matter, what Chewbacca said? JOEL It matters to me. The viewer. I paid to see Star Wars, and damn it, I want answers. Just then, CHRISTOPHER 'CHRIS' HUGHES turns the corner. He stops and notices. Chris talks with a thick British accent. CHRIS Oh, hello. WILL Oh, hi. CHRIS I'm new around here. My name is Christopher Hughes. Chris, for short. WILL Hi, Chris. I'm Will. They shake hands. Reicther takes notice of Chris's accent. REICTHER What's wrong with your voice. WILL (annoyed) Will someone please hit him for me? At the same time, Casey hits Reicther in the arm, Brock kicks his shin, and Joel hits him the in the back of the head. REICTHER Ow, ow and OWWW!!! CHRIS Charming little bloat, ain't he? WILL That was Reicther. (points to who he says) That's Brian Vandele. That's Joel Mayberry. That's Brock Warner. And that fat bastard, we call two tons of fun. CASEY Or Casey Jennings for short. BROCK So...I guess...your from England. CHRIS Born and raised. BRIAN Then what the hell are you doing in Indiana? CHRIS I heard you guys had race cars, so I wanted check them out. REICTHER Who are they? Everyone turns, to look across the street. We see TWO KKK MEMBERS. They stand and talk. They don't notice anyone at first. Then, one of them looks up and notices the guys. He tabs his friend on the shoulder, and he looks two. They freak out and run. WILL Well, I lot of the jocks are at a costume party at teen center. Everyone, except for Chris, nods in agreement. Chris watches them run. He seems uneasy. EXT. ROAD – SAME All of the KKK are now sitting on the ground, thinking. KKK LEADER What about Mexicans? KKK #4 Already checked. KKK #5 I saw a few hillbillies around. KKK LEADER Nah, too easy. KKK #6 Do we hate Italians? I forget. Everyone carefully thinks about this. KKK #7 I don't think we do- KKK #2 Does anyone have a list of the people we hate? Suddenly, KKK #8 and 9 (the ones who were standing at the corner) appear. KKK #8 Good news. KKK LEADER What? What is it? KKK #9 We found a black. Everyone begin seems excited. KKK LEADER Where was he? KKK #9 He was near the Shake Shop. KKK Leader stands. KKK LEADER Brothers, let us rise. For we have found the evil...and now we must eliminate it. Everyone shouts in agreement. They all stand up and in a group they all begin to march down the road. INT. PLAYGROUND – DAY (RENE'S DREAM) A very young Rene is swinging on the swing set. She is laughing and smiling, having the time of her life. Out of the blue, a young Will walk in front of her. YOUNG WILL I'm coming, Brian. Just wait a gosh darn – Young Rene swings into Young Will. Will is thrown back a few feet. Young Rene sees this, and stops. She runs over to Young Will. YOUNG RENE Are you okay? YOUNG WILL I can't feel my legs. Is that good? YOUNG RENE Can you feel any pain? YOUNG WILL No. YOUNG RENE Then, yeah. It's a good sign. YOUNG WILL I remember you. YOUNG RENE Really? Cause I don't remember you. YOUNG WILL Remember when we were playing dodge ball in gym? You threw the ball at my stomach so hard that I passed out. YOUNG RENE Really? Oh, I'm sorry. YOUNG WILL It's okay. I got to home for the rest of the day. INT. RENE'S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – PRESENT Rene is sleeping on the couch. Quickly she awakes from her dream. She looks around. She sees her mom sleeping in the armchair. RENE That was weird. EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME All of the Group, plus Chris are walking down the sidewalk. CHRIS See in our country, things are very different. Our humor is different. Our fashion is different. CASEY Isn't true that fag means cigarette? CHRIS ...Yeah. Casey giggles. CASEY That's funny. REICTHER (very calmly) Hey, look. It's the KKK. Everyone looks forward. The KKK mob is marching down the street, toward the guys. WILL Holy fucking shit! JOEL It is the KKK! BRIAN Whadda think they want? They begin to think. Chris seems insulted. They all slowly turn their heads toward Chris. WILL Don't worry guys. I got a plan. Everyone listens in. Will then turns and runs like hell. They all do the same. KKK #2 There they are. GET THEM! The KKK mob now begin to run after them. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT (RENE'S DREAM) On the stage. We can see Rene, dressed up. Over on the side of the stage, Will is sitting on a small chair, playing guitar. After a few seconds we realize that he is playing Diana Krall's "Fever." Rene starts in. RENE (singing) My love, My love is mountain side. So firm, so firm it calm the tide. Rene makes her way over to Will. RENE (singing) My love for you is a mountain side. It stands for firm it can calm the tide. That's why my love, my love is mountain side. Rene leans in and begins to whisper something into Will's ear. INT. RENE'S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT Rene is sleeping, with her head down on the kitchen table. It quickly jerks up, as she awakes. CARMELLA (O.S.) Rene? Her mother, Carmella enters. CARMELLA Honey, are you okay? RENE Mom...I just had dream where I was nightclub singer. Carmella hugs her daughter. CARMELLA Don't worry, baby. It's gonna be okay. RENE Mom, it wasn't bad or anything. Carmella lets go. RENE Just weird. Carmella reaches into her pocket and pulls out a few pills. CARMELLA Here, these will help you sleep. RENE What are they? CARMELLA Oh, it doesn't matter. Just take them. Rene rolls her eyes. She stands up and leaves. When she is gone, Carmella looks both ways before taking them and swallowing them. EXT. POST OFFICE – NIGHT It's dark and empty. Suddenly Will, Chris, and Reicther appear and hide behind the building. They're all out of breath. WILL Oh shit! CHRIS What the HELL is the KKK doing here!? REICTHER Well duh, they're after you. CHRIS (sarcastically) Really? No shit. WILL We don't normally have the KKK roaming around here, Chris. REICTHER Wait! WILL What? REICTHER Where are the others? The three look around in every which direction. EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME On the grass part of the sidewalk we can see Brock, Joel, and Brian. Brock and Joel are hiding behind two big trees, while Brian is behind a shrub. BROCK Here they come! JOEL Remember. Don't move, don't make a sound, and if it's possible don't fucking breath. They all freeze up. On the street the mob of KKK walk past but stop when the get where the guys are hiding. KKK #3 Man, this is stupid. Running around town for one little black kid. KKK LEADER Well, what do you expect. He's like the only non white Christian in this town. KKK #3 Can't we find someone else to eliminate? KKK LEADER Like who? The mob begins to think. This goes for about thirty seconds. EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME Casey is all by himself. He slowly walks down a dark and empty street. CASEY Guys? A dog howls. CASEY Ah, dang. EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME The KKK are still standing the street, thinking. We notice that Brian has fallen asleep. Joel sees this, and decides to wake him up by throwing a small rock at him. BRIAN What the? Joel signals him to be quiet. KKK #4 Asians! That's who we could get. KKK #6 Hey, you know. I think they have some too. Brian becomes worried. BRIAN Stay away, you bastards! The KKK quickly turn to the shrub. Joel and Brock look at Brian in great disbelief. BRIAN Run!!! Brock and Joel run as quick as the can. Brian hops up and follows. The KKK are about to follow, but the Leader stops them. KKK LEADER Leave them. They're no threat. EXT. POST OFFICE – SAME Will, Chris, and Reicther sit against the wall. WILL Did anything like this ever happen in England? CHRIS You mean getting chased around by a bunch of guys in bad ghost costumes? Brief pause. CHRIS Never really came up. Another pause. CHRIS There's something else I've got to mention. WILL What? CHRIS I'm Jewish as well. WILL So you're a double threat? REICTHER Plus he's British, so he's actually a triple threat. Chris seems annoyed. WILL Reicther, I'll hit you later. C'mon, guys. They all stand up. CHRIS Where are we going? WILL We've got to find the guys. They run off. EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME Brian, Joel, and Brock are walking. They seem out of breath. JOEL What the hell possessed you to yell? BRIAN I'm sorry, Joel. I don't know what happened. I just felt insulted and needed to get back at them. JOEL Well you're not Asian, so don't see what honor you needed to defend. Brian and Brock seem confused. BRIAN It was about Cathy. JOEL What does Cathy have to do with yelling at the KKK? BROCK He doesn't know. JOEL Doesn't know what? Brian stops him. BRIAN You honestly don't know, Joel? JOEL What the hell are you guys talking about? I wanna know. Brock and Brian look at each other. EXT. ANOTHER STREET – SAME Casey walks all alone down a dark street. He is singing a song, quietly to himself. CASEY (to himself) I wanna know what love is! I want you show me! Casey thinks. CASEY How did the rest of the song go? EXT. STREET CORNER – LATER Will, Chris, and Reicther stand at the corner. WILL Where the hell did those guys go? REICTHER Isn't there some kind of special British trick you do to find them, Chris? CHRIS I'm not fucking Batman, for Christ's sake. WILL This isn't the time to argue. REICTHER He started it. CHRIS Oh yeah, blame the British. KKK #8 (O.S.) There is! WILL Run! They run off, with the KKK Mob not too far behind. EXT. SIDEWALK – SAME Brian, Joel, and Brock are now sitting on the ground. Joel seems stunned. JOEL Wow. BROCK Yeah. JOEL So it's...Cathy? BRIAN Yep. Joel thinks. JOEL Huh. WILL (V/O) Brian! Will, Chris, and Reicther run up to them. BROCK Hey, where have you guys been? CHRIS Well, we ran like bastards into the night – WILL - Then we ran around looking for you guys. JOEL Hey, did you know that Brian is in love with Cathy? WILL Yeah. A long time ago. JOEL You already told him? BRIAN Sorry. WILL To be fair, I have know Brian since we were four. JOEL That doesn't matter. I'm still one of his best friends, I should have been told sooner. Who else knew before me? Brock, Will, and Reicther raise their hand. Then slowly, Chris rises his hand. Joel seems so angry he doesn't know what to say. JOEL HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW?! WE MET HIM TWO HOURS AGO! WILL Well, we had time to talk. Out of the darkness, a KKK member grabs each member of the group. The KKK Leader steps in. KKK LEADER Boys, boys. You shouldn't be so loud. You don't want to make a disturbance. WILL Fuck you, you hood wearing bastard! KKK LEADER Stay out of it, kids. We just want the negro here. CHRIS (nodding his head toward Reicther) Can't you take him instead? I think he's Irish. REICTHER That's not true. Ask anyone, I hate the Irish. KKK LEADER Shut up! CHRIS Mr. KKK...I think you should know something before you lynch me. KKK LEADER What's that? CHRIS I'm not fully black. KKK LEADER What? CHRIS I have a black father and a white mother. So technically I'm only half. All the KKK groan. KKK #3 Oh, man. KKK #6 This sucks. KKK LEADER Let the kids go. The KKK let them go. WILL You're letting us go? KKK LEADER We can't lynch a half black person. Cause he's half white and we're sure as hell not going to lynch white guy...even if he is half black. It like cancels each side out. JOEL That doesn't make sense. KKK LEADER Well, honestly. When have we done anything that makes sense? The Group nods their head agreement. BROCK True. WILL He's got us there. The KKK begin to walk away. CHRIS Are you guys leaving? REICTHER Yeah, don't you guys lynch someone before you leave? KKK #4 There was no one to lynch. KKK LEADER Yeah, you guys need to learn to tolerate people. BRIAN Wait, what? KKK LEADER Your town is colorblind. All there is white people in this town, with the expectation of your friend here. And he's not totally black either. You guys need to learn to put race aside. You got look past a person's skin. You shouldn't think a person is thief or criminal just because their black. KKK #5 Or think a person's smart because Asian. The Group seems stunned at what they said. KKK LEADER Well, we're off. We hear that the next town over has some dirty Mexicans. The KKK begin to walk away. The guys stand stunned. JOEL Did we just get a lesson about how not to be racist from the KKK? Pause. WILL Damn, I'm thirsty. BRIAN Let's go get something to drink. BROCK I think the VP might be opened. Everyone begins to walk away except for Chris. CHRIS Wait just one goddamn minute. They turn to Chris. CHRIS We were just chased around by the fucking KKK! And you guys are acting like nothing happen?! REICTHER It's best not to think about. Chris seems to be annoyed by the Group's stupidity. WILL Listen, Chris. You need to relax, a bit. Your in the United States. You got to realize that here, we just don't give a damn about certain things. Chris ponders. CHRIS Why, not. Let's get something to drink. They all begin to walk again. WILL You know, Chris. You should hang out with us more often. CHRIS Are you nuts? I almost got killed tonight. WILL Almost being the key word. We're all safe and sound now. EXT. STREET – SAME Casey is walking down another dark and empty street. He seems tired. He still sings. CASEY (to himself) Whenever I get scared, I just whistle. He whistles. We watch him as he walks off. FADE OUT. ("Keep On Rocking in the Free World" by Neil Young plays over the credits.) END OF EPISODE
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