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THE LunchROOM
Episode 1.06
"Testing Burns"
WRITTEN BY
Bruce Snyder
CREATED BY
Bruce Snyder
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Lois Warner.................................
Mr. Kelly...................................
Officer Bailey..............................
Officer Holmes..............................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER:
INT. STUDY HALL DAY
Will, Brock, and Reicther are sitting around a table.
Each one is drawing. Will finishes his.
WILL
There. Done.
BROCK
Me too.
WILL
What did you draw?
Brock lifts up his picture. It a very detailed drawing
of a Samurai with a sword.
BROCK
I drew a samurai. What about you?
Will lifts his drawing. It's a picture of a World War
Two solider.
WILL
I drew a foot solider.
BROCK
Cool. What'd you drew, Reicther?
Reicther holds up his. It's a drawing of an evil looking
teddy bear destroying a city.
WILL
What...the hell is that?
REICTHER
A carebear destroying Tokyo.
Will and Brock begin to stare at the drawing in
disbelieve.
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
INT. WHITE ROOM NEXT DAY
Will is sitting at a desk, with Brock next to him. At
the front of the room, MR. KELLY is explaining
something.
KELLY
Then you fill in the bubble. Not a
third of the way, not half way but
all the way in.
Will sighs.
KELLY
Now, this test is going to take
about two hours. So take your time
...unless youre behind then you
probably need to catch up.
Kelly looks up at the clock.
KELLY
You may begin.
Everyone in the class opens up their test booklets and
begin to read.
Will carefully studies what he has in front of him.
WILL (O.S.)
Two hours? Jesus, that's a lot of
time. It must be a really hard test
if it takes two hours. Ya' know I
could watch a movie in that time.
Mostly comedies those are usually
short. And horror films. Man, it's
been a while since I've seen a good
horror film.
KELLY
There is about an hour and forty
minutes left.
WILL (O.S.)
Holy shit! I spent the first twenty
minutes talking to myself. I gotta
stop talking, and get to work. Work,
that's what I should do. I also
gotta remember to stop by and get
haircut after school.
Will looks up at the clock. Two minutes have gone.
WILL (O.S.)
Jesus, Will. Shut the fuck up and
get to work. This test determines
everything. Your life, job, what
kind of women you end up getting.
God, I'm killing myself over these
testes.
Will looks up again. Two more minutes have pasted.
WILL (O.S.)
Fuck this. Just put down the first
thing that comes to mind.
Will begins to write.
INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME
Joel and Reicther are swimming across the pool. Halfway
through they stop and hold on to the wall.
REICTHER
(out of breath)
I'm not cut out for this kind of
stuff.
JOEL
Don't worry, Reicther. If we pass 13
more tests in here we get a failing
grade.
Reicther groans. He then notices something, and looks
around.
REICTHER
Where's Casey?
They both look all ways. Joel reaches into the water and
pulls up Casey by the head. Casey begins to gasp for
air.
JOEL
Holy shit!
REICTHER
How long were you down there for?
CASEY
(out of breath)
Just a few seconds.
JOEL
Can't you swim?
CASEY
(out of breath)
No. Not really.
JOEL
What were you doing?
CASEY
(out of breath)
The sink or float test and I think
I just failed.
INT. LUNCHROOM LATER IN THE DAY
Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Reicther, and Casey sit
around the table. All of them are eating except for
Casey, who reads a magazine. Suddenly Reicther
begin to scratch his head very quickly and
violently.
WILL
What's the matter with you?
REICTHER
My brain itches. Probably from all
this tests.
JOEL
Normal people's brains don't itch.
REICTHER
Yeah, normal people's.
Reicther continues to itch.
CASEY
Hey, listen to this. You know that
in Denmark, Vader means father?
Shit. George Lucas is sneaky little
bastard. Hell, told us all along
from the beginning and we didn't
catch on till he cut off Luke's
hand.
BROCK
I had to take a three hour test
today over math.
BRIAN
I had to take an hour and a half
English test.
WILL
I swear these tests are going to be
the death of me.
CASEY
Holy crap!
JOEL
What?
CASEY
Chewbacca was an alien!
While Casey is shocked, the others stare at him.
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM - AFTER SCHOOL
Brock enters through the door. He sighs. He drops his
bag by the door.
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE KITCHEN SECONDS LATER
Brock is at the counter making himself a sandwich. When
he finishes he puts it on a plate and walks out with it.
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME
Brock walks with the sandwich over to the couch. He sits
the plate right on the little table in front of him. He
grabs the remote next to him, and turns the TV on. He
begins to flip channels before BOOM!
A brick comes flying through the window. He lands right
on Brock's sandwich, which explodes all on too Brock's
face. Brock just sits for a moment, not moving at all.
Finally He turns his head a little in the left.
BROCK
Mom, I think we might have a
problem.
INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME
The place is empty with exception of Casey and Joel.
Casey is in his bathing suit while Joel is dressed
normally.
JOEL
Okay, first off we're going to work
on your treading water.
CASEY
What's that?
JOEL
Basically all you've got to do is
keep yourself about water for about
two minutes. Think you can do that?
CASEY
Yep.
Casey jumps in. He grabs onto the wall.
JOEL
Ready?
Casey nods.
JOEL
Go!
Casey lets go of the wall and tries to keep himself a
float. He quickly retreats to the wall.
JOEL
What the hell was that?
CASEY
I treaded water.
Joel looks at Casey, with a look.
JOEL
For about five seconds.
CASEY
Oh c'mon...it was seven.
JOEL
You can't even tread water for ten
damn seconds?
CASEY
Sorry...without the wall I started
panicking.
Joel sighs.
JOEL
How are we going to work through
this?
Joel begins to think.
INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME
Brian walks up and answers the door. Will walks in.
WILL
I'm sorry, but I was going fucking
bonkers at my place.
BRIAN
Me too.
WILL
I've been studying my ass off all
afternoon.
Both of them walk over to Brian's couch and sit down.
Pause.
BRIAN
There's gotta be something to do,
to calm us down or something.
WILL
Well, most of the seniors take
speed.
BRIAN
Isn't that some kind of energy
drink?
Will gives Brian a look.
WILL
(sarcastically)
Yeah. That's what it is. You should
try it some time.
Pause. The two begin to think.
BRIAN
I know what will calm us down.
WILL
What?
A big smile comes across Brian's face.
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME
Lois and Brock are sitting on the couch. Lois is
checking Brock's head.
LOIS
Well, your head seems fine. Did you
get hurt at all?
Brock looks over at the table. He sees the brick which
has crushed his sandwich.
BROCK
Only emotionally.
There's a knock at the door.
LOIS
That must be the police.
Lois gets up and answers the door. OFFICERS BAILEY and
HOLMES are at the door.
BAILEY
Are you the one that called in the
disturbance?
LOIS
Yes. Yes I am. Please come in.
Bailey and Holmes enters. Lois sits in back down on the
couch with Brock. Bailey and Holmes sit in the two
armchairs.
EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE BACKYARD EARLY EVENING
The sun is beginning to set. In the middle of the yard
we see Brian putting papers into a box. Will comes out
the backdoor. He is carrying a stack of papers too.
WILL
Okay, I got as many of my school
papers as I could spare.
BRIAN
Okay. Put them in the box.
WILL
What for?
BRIAN
You'll see.
Will puts his papers into the box. Brian pulls out a
bottle a lighter fluid. He begins to pour some into the
box.
BRIAN
(while spraying)
You know I thought and thought and
thought of some way to lift our
emotions up. I thought of tons of
things but none of them seemed to
be the right thing. That's until I
thought of this.
Brian finishes up the bottle (he has just sprayed an
enter bottle of lighter fluid into the box.)
WILL
You're not going to do...what I
think you're going to do, are you?
BRIAN
What? No. That would be stupid. I'm
just going to light this box on
fire.
Brian pulls out a lighter. He lights it and tosses
into the box. The box explodes with flames. The fire
stays in the box.
WILL
Are you fucking nuts?
BRIAN
C'mon, Will. Doesn't this feel good
to see all the bullshit school
throws us burning up into a million
pieces?
Will seems like he is going to yell at Brian, but
takes a look a the fire. He reconsiders this idea. Will
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper.
WILL
This is a biology test that I
didn't study for. I failed it.
Will tosses it into the fire. Brian smiles.
WILL
(yelling)
See ya' in hell human evolution
test!
BRIAN
There you go. That's the spirit.
WILL
What else could we burn?
They look at each other for a brief second before slowly
turning their heads toward Brian's house. They look at
each other again before running in.
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVING ROOM SAME
Bailey and Holmes are still where they are. Brock is
twiddling his thumbs while Lois is sitting up, talking
to the cops.
BAILEY
Do have any idea why someone might
throw a brick through your window?
LOIS
Not off the top of my head.
BAILEY
(to Brock)
What about you son?
Brock shakes his head.
BAILEY
Do you have a history of anger, Ms.
Warner?
LOIS
What?
BAILEY
It's just a common question.
LOIS
...Not really.
Holmes' phone rings.
HOLMES
Sorry.
He gets up and walks out of the room.
BAILEY
What were you doing before the
incident?
Lois looks a little nervous.
LOIS
Before?
EXT. BROCK'S HOUSE DAY (FLASHBACK)
It's a few seconds before the incident. Lois is walking
on the sidewalk. When she gets on the driveway she
notices a MAN in her garden bed, which is in front of
the window.
LOIS
I know you asshole!
The man hears this, and begins to take some of the flowers.
LOIS
You're the dickhead whose been
stealing my flowers.
The man continues to take. Lois looks around her feet.
She sees a brick and picks it up. The man stands up.
Lois hurls the brick. The man runs away before it even
gets near him. The brick breaks the window.
She gasps in horror.
LOIS
(to herself)
Please, God. Don't let me have hit
one of my kids.
BROCK (O.S.)
Mom!
INT. BROCK'S HOUSE LIVIING ROOM PRESENT
Lois tries to think of something to say.
LOIS
Um...jogging. I was out jogging.
Holmes comes back into the room.
HOLMES
Bailey?
BAILEY
Yeah.
HOLMES
Norton says that there's a kid at
the station who saw the person do
it.
Lois looks worried.
HOLMES
The kid said is was some big fat
lesbian.
Lois goes from worried, to angry.
LOIS
(to herself)
I'm not fat or big, you little shit.
Bailey stands up.
BAILEY
Well, we'll be going now, Ms.
Warner. We'll tell you if anything
comes up.
Bailey and Holmes leave. Brock begin to stare at his
mother. Lois sighs in relief, but noticing Brock.
LOIS
If you shut up I'll make you a
sandwich.
BROCK
Deal.
INT. SWIMMING POOL SAME
Casey is in the pool struggling to say up. He finally
gives up and holds onto the wall.
CASEY
How long?
Joel looks up at the clock.
JOEL
(sighing)
About twenty seconds.
CASEY
Hey, I'm really getting up there.
EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE BACKYARD SAME
Brian and Will sit in lawn chairs, watching the box
fire.
BRIAN
Feel better?
WILL
As odd as this sounded, it was
pretty cool.
BRIAN
I don't know but you, but sometimes
it makes me happy to see something
that pisses me off burn to a crisp.
They both laugh. Suddenly one of the sides of the box,
burns up. The fire quickly spreads to the grass.
WILL
Oh shit!
BRIAN
Don't worry, it's a controlled fire.
The fire then spreads from his lawn to Brian's garage.
The two watch in a amazement as the side of it, catches
on fire. Will stands and runs off. Brian stays and
continues to stare in disbelief. After a few seconds of
watching, Will returns.
WILL
Forgot my drink.
He grabs his drink, which was lying on the ground and
runs off again. Brian continues to stay.
FADE OUT.
("Pretty Vacant" by The Sex Pistols plays overs the
credits.)
END OF EPISODE
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