DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING - By Matthew C. Hartman

Prologue

A dance club.  There is a bar far stage right.  MARTIN, CASE, BECKY, MOLLY, and LEIGH sit near the bar.  All look somewhat bored and no one is having much fun.  Music plays, lights flash.  Finally, Martin gets up and walks to center stage.  No one acknowledges what he is doing.  The song "It's Not Unusual," or a song like it, begins to play.  Martin then begins to dance.  The lights go down on the dance club patrons and focus on Martin.  This dance should be completely impromptu.  After about a minute the lights come up behind Martin, the music fades out and he enters the scene behind him.

Scene 1 - guy's apartment

An apartment.  There is an exit to the hallway, a kitchen, and an exit to the other rooms in the apartment.  A couch, a coffee table, a phone and a kitchen table should be on stage.  It is decorated like guys live there.  Case sits on the couch, playing a video game.  Martin sits at the table in the kitchen working on a crossword puzzle.
MARTIN
What's a four letter word . . .
CASE
(to the game) Shit!
MARTIN
OK that is a four letter word, but the clue is "knock down."
CASE
(into the game)
Are you talking to me?  Aw, fuck!
MARTIN
Forget it.
Case continues to play.  Martin continues to work on his puzzle.
MARTIN (CONT'D)
Hey, did you move your stuff out of the third room?
CASE
Yeah!  Eat it, bitch!
MARTIN
Case?
CASE
What?
MARTIN
Did you move your stuff out of the third room?  Charlie's supposed to be here today.
CASE
Not yet, but I will.
MARTIN
Why don't you go do it now?  He could be here soon.
CASE
Because I'm about to win here.
Martin gets up and walks over to look at the TV.
MARTIN
This is Super Mario Brothers.
CASE
Yeah?
MARTIN
You've beat this like a thousand times.
CASE
Two hundred and forty-nine, actually.  I'm going for two fifty here.  Now leave me alone.  I got a date with Bowser.
MARTIN
Better enjoy it.  I can't imagine you getting many other dates anytime soon.
CASE
Jealousy.
MARTIN
Right.  I'm going to go start moving your stuff, alright?
CASE
Whatever.
Martin leaves to the rooms.
CASE (CONT'D)
Come on koopa troopa, let's go!
There is the sound of keys in the door.  Charlie opens the door and enters carrying a suitcase.
CHARLIE
(to Case, turning around to close the door)
Hello!
CASE
(to videogame)
Aw, you son of a bitch!
CHARLIE
(freezing)
What?  I'm sorry!  What?
CASE
(putting the controller down)
Huh?
CHARLIE
(still frozen)
What did I do?
CASE
You?  Nothing.  Now, Bullet Bill, he just kicked my mother-loving ass.  Chuck, right?
CHARLIE
(relaxing)
Charlie, actually.  How are you Case?
CASE
Not to bad, save the humiliation of my little plumber buddy being killed off.
CHARLIE
Right.
CASE
(indicating his suitcase)
Is that all your stuff?
CHARLIE
Yeah, for now.  It was such short notice I didn't really have time to move.  I'm lucky you and Martin had an extra room.
CASE
Anything to help out a guy I barely know.
CHARLIE
Thanks.  Speaking of, where is our common denominator?
CASE
Getting your room ready, I think.
(to off stage)
Hey, Martin!
MARTIN
(entering)
What?
(seeing Charlie)
Hey, Charles!  You made it!
CHARLIE
Yeah, no thanks to your directions.
MARTIN
What?  They were perfect.
CHARLIE
I suppose if you feel that "left" and "right" are interchangeable, yeah they were right on the money.
MARTIN
We all make mistakes right?
CHARLIE
Some of us more often than others.  How are you?
MARTIN
Good, good.  Is this all your stuff?
CHARLIE
Yeah.  You said there's a bed in there right?
CASE
Yeah.  I got two when I left home for some reason, so we put it in there.
CHARLIE
Excellent.  Really, guys, thank you so much for this.  It's all kind of sudden.
MARTIN
Yeah kind of.  What happened exactly?  They hired you over the phone?
CHARLIE
Uh-huh.  I had one phone interview and they were ready to sign me up.  They must be pretty desperate.
CASE
Wow, maybe I should go into teaching.
MARTIN
I don't think they're that desperate.
CHARLIE
It was all kind of strange actually.  I'm not sure what to expect.  I have to go in tomorrow to meet the principal.
MARTIN
I'm sure it'll be fine.  The schools around here are pretty good.
CHARLIE
So how about you?  What have you been up to?
MARTIN
Just working.  The glamorous life of an administrative assistant.  You know how it goes.
CASE
He hates his job, don't let him fool you.
CHARLIE
(to Martin)
Oh yeah?
(to Case)
What about you Case?
CASE
What about me?
CHARLIE
What do you do?
CASE
As little as possible.
Silence.
CHARLIE
Oh.  Umm . . .
CASE
(getting up and changing the game cartridge as he speaks)
Don't worry I still pay rent.  I'm an actor.  I get about three of four gigs a month and they pay pretty well.  Don't worry your pretty little head.
CHARLIE
No, I wasn't . . .
CASE
No problem.
CHARLIE
What?  I didn't say . . .
MARTIN
Don't bother.  Let me show you your room.  You can try to figure out Case later.
Martin and Charlie leave.
CASE
(looking at the TV)
Alright, Mother Brain, let's have at it!

Scene 2 - guy's apartment -the next MORNING

Charlie enters in a suit from the bedroom.  Case is lying on the couch, asleep.  Charlie goes to the kitchen, gets some cereal and tries to pour milk on it but there is none.  Martin enters in khakis and a golf shirt.  They are whispering to each other.
CHARLIE
Morning.
MARTIN
Morning.
CHARLIE
Does he always sleep out here?
MARTIN
No, but as you can see from the controller in his hands he was just about to beat Metroid again.
CHARLIE
How do you know he was about to beat it?
MARTIN
He tends to fall asleep in intense situations.  It's just a guess really.
CHARLIE
Ah.  There's no milk.
MARTIN
I know.  Sorry about that.  Case and I are going shopping tonight.  You can come if you want.
CHARLIE
If we can go right after you get home from work, I need to get some sleep.  I didn't get much rest last night.  Too nervous, I guess.
MARTIN
What are you so nervous about?  It's an interview for a job you practically have.
CHARLIE
I know, but I feel . . .
CASE
(interrupting)
THAT'S A LIE!
CHARLIE
What the?
MARTIN
Night terrors.
CHARLIE
Night . . .?
MARTIN
Terrors.  Yeah, no fun.  That's why you never want to sleep in the same room as Case.
CHARLIE
Right.  OK, I'm going to get going.  I'll grab something on the way there.  Wish me luck.
MARTIN
Good luck.  Actually I'll walk out with you, I have to catch the Metro and get to work.
Charlie and Martin leave.  The lights change back to the lighting scheme for the dance club.  Case gets up and starts to dance.  The song PAC-MAN FEVER or a song like it begins to play.  Again, completely impromptu.  The set changes behind him.
Scene 3 - school - principal's office -same day

Charlie sits in a chair facing a desk.  He is clearly nervous.  JOHN MASON enters the office from behind him.
MASON
Hello, son.  John Mason.  How are you?
CHARLIE
(turning to see him and rising to shake his hand)
Charlie Harrison, sir.  And I'm fine.  I'm here about the . . . 
MASOn
Science position, yes I know.  Just one moment.
(to off stage)
Marianne, could you come in here please?
marianne (O.S.)
Yes, Mister Mason.
mason
I find it's always good to have another person around.  For unforeseen circumstances.
chARLIE
(unsure)
Umm, well . . .
Marianne enters and stands by the door.
maRIANNE
Yes, Mister Mason?
masON
Marianne, I'd like you to meet . . . I'm sorry, son, what was your name?
chARLIE
Charlie, sir.  Charlie Harrison.
MASON
Right, Harrison.  Well son, what can I do for you?
CHARLIE
Like I said I came to apply for the job
(During this Mason turns around, not facing Charlie.  Charlie begins to sit in the chair opposite Mason)
and I think I . . . 
MASON
Son, did anyone tell you to sit down?
Charlie jumps up.
CHARLIE
Oh, no sir, sorry.
MASON
Can you teach?
CHARLIE
Sir?
MASON
Can you teach?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
MASON
Do you know the material?
CHARLIE
Yes, sir.
MASON
Good, because what we need are people who can teach and know the material.  It's not pretty out there, son.  We're losing students everyday.  There's a war going on.  Did you know that?  A war against ignorance. And we are the last line of defense.  We have powerful enemies in this war.  Television, video games, movies, almost all forms of media are working to stop our students from learning, trying to keep them ignorant.  It's our job to make sure that doesn't happen.  You want to know the truth?
CHARLIE
Well, I . . . 
MASON
Do you want the truth?
CHARLIE
I mean, I think I'm entitled to . . .
MASON
You can't handle the truth!  Son, we live in a world that has schools and those schools have to be run by men with conviction.  Who's going to do it, you?  Some other snot-nosed college grad?  I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly imagine.  You teach these students and you curse me.  You have that luxury.  You have the luxury of not knowing what I know.  That yelling at those students saves minds.  That my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves minds.  You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about in the teacher's lounge, you want me in this office, you need me in this office.  I use words like discipline, detention, order.  I use these words as the backbone of a school built for educating.  You use them as a punch line.  I have neither the time, nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who comes to teach in the very school that I provide.  And then questions the manner in which I provide it.  I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way.  Otherwise I suggest you pick up a gun and stand a post.  Either way I don't give a damn, what you think you are entitled to.
CHARLIE
Pick up a gun?  Stand a post?
MASON
Pardon?
CHARLIE
You just said . . . 
MASON
Of course I did, son, of course I did.
(pauses and looks Charlie over)
You've got the job.
CHARLIE
What?  Just like that?  Don't you need to see some credentials, or my resume or something?
MASON
Son, let me explain.  We are so in need of teachers right now I'd hire a chimp on a bike to teach Phys. Ed. if I could find one.  But I can't.
CHARLIE
I see.
MASON
Good, we'll call you.  Now get out of here, kid, you bother me.
CHARLIE
Uh, yes, sir.  Thank you, sir.
Charlie exits the office and closes the door.
MASON
Well, Marianne, it's a new army.
mariANNE
Of course it is, sir.  Is he hired?
MASON
What do you think?
MARIANNE
I think he looked terrified.  So I'll take that as a yes.
Secretary exits.
MASON
Well done, Marianne, well done.
Mason stares out the window in his office.  The song ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG or a song like it begins to play.  After a moment Mason begins dancing.  Another impromptu dance.  The set changes behind him.
Scene 4 - The apartment -latER
The door opens and Charlie enters.  He puts his keys down and looks around.  He spots the phone and goes to it.  He picks up the phone and notices the answering machine has a message on it.  He hits play.
Liz
(on the machine)
Hey Martin, it's Liz.  Just wanted to call and tell you I had a great time the other night.  I'm hoping we can get together again soon.  Give me a call and let me know when you're free.  I'll talk to you soon.  Bye.
Charlie nods in approval.  He then dials the phone.  Charlie moves down stage and the stage splits so he is on one side and Robyn enters on the other.  She answers the phone.
Robyn
Hello?
Charlie
Hey Robyn, it's Charlie.
Robyn
I know.  I have caller ID remember?
CHARLIE
Oh yeah, just making sure.  How are you?
Robyn
Good.  How are you doing?
CHARLIE
Great.  How are classes going?
Robyn
Alright I guess.  How's DC?
CHARLIE
It's good.  I like it so far.  I went in for my interview today.
Robyn
Oh, I thought you already had the job?
CHARLIE
I did, I think.  I don't know, the principal was pretty strange, but it's a job, right?
Robyn
Right.
CHARLIE
Robyn, is something wrong?
Robyn
No, why?
CHARLIE
You seem upset?  Are you mad at me about something?
Robyn
Why would you think that?
CHARLIE
I don't know, you just seem upset.  And I haven't talked to you for a few days, so . . .
Robyn
You've been busy with moving.  I've been busy with summer session starting.  It's no big deal.
CHARLIE
OK.
(pause)
Robyn
Anyway . . .
CHARLIE
Yeah, OK, I'll let you go.  Have a good night.
Robyn
You too.
(pause)
Bye.
CHARLIE
Bye.
The lights go back to just Charlie as Robyn hangs up.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
I love you too.
Charlie exits.  The song TORN or a song like it begins to play.  Robyn begins to dance (impromptu) as the set changes behind her.

Scene 5 - grocery store -later
Case and Martin enter with a shopping cart.
Martin
OK, we need some fruit.  Why don't you go pick out some apples?  Do you think you can handle that?
Case
No problem.  That's what I'm best at . . . in grocery stores at least.
Martin
Yes, I'm sure.
Martin exits
Case walks over to the fruit stand with the apples on it.  He looks them over and then gets a bag and picks up one apple.  He examines it closely, sniffs it, squeezes it, and then decides it is not good enough, and puts it back.  He picks up a second apple, does about the same thing, but instead of putting it back, he tastes it.  Decides it is not good either and puts it back.  He continues on with three or four more approving of some and putting others back but keeps doing new things to the apples until he is throwing them on the floor and counting the number of pieces, and then leaving them there.  About halfway through this, Molly enters.  She watches Case until he realizes she is there.  He then stops with the fruit long enough to speak to her.
Case
Can I help you?
Molly
What are you doing?
Case
I'm picking out apples.  Why do you ask?  Do you need some?
Molly
Yes, but . . .
Case
Here, let me see if there are any more good ones.
Molly
Umm, no, that's OK, really.  I'll get my own.
Case
My name is Case, and you are?
Molly
A little scared of you.
Case
I can imagine, but I meant your name.
Molly
I'm Molly.
Case
Molly.  Nice name.  And what brings you to the grocery store, Molly?
Molly
(confused)
I'm shopping for food.
Case
Ah yes, food shopping.  You'll find a lot of people in here doing that.  That's what's so great about places like this, we all have something in common right away.
Molly
I guess so.
Case
Molly, this may sound a little forward, but I was wondering . . .
Molly
Oh you have got to be kidding me.  Are you actually hitting on me in a grocery store?
Case
(looking around)
Yes, it would seem so.  Is that a problem?  We could go somewhere else if you like.
Molly
Actually what I would like is if you left me alone.  I came here to get some apples, not get picked up.
Case
I see.
(thinks for a moment)
OK, how about this.
MOLLY
(under her breath)
My God.
(to him)
Yes?
CASE
If I can guess what you're thinking, you have dinner with me tonight.
MOLLY
That's crazy.  Why would I have dinner with you just because you can guess what I'm thinking?
CASE
Because it's impressive, and girls like impressive guys.  Come on, what do you have to lose?  I mean, what are the odds I'll get it right?
MOLLY
(giving up)
Alright fine, go ahead.
Case looks her over.  Walks around her.  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a deck of cards.  He opens them and fans them out.
CASE
OK, pick a card.
MOLLY
A magic trick?
CASE
Come on, play along.
MOLLY
Fine.
She takes a card and looks at it.
mollY (CONT'D)
Now what?
cASE
Think of your card, and put it back in the deck here.
She does so and he takes out a pen and a piece of paper.  He writes on the paper and folds it up.  He hands it to her.
cASE (CONT'D)
OK, keep that closed.  Now, let me see.
(looking through the cards)
Ah here we go.
He holds up a card to her.
CASE (CONT'D)
Don't say anything.  Just look at the piece of paper.
molLY
(reading)
"That's not my card."  Cute.
CASE
Is that what you were thinking?
MOLLY
(reluctantly)
Yes, I suppose it was.
CASE
Excellent.  Then shall we say 7:30?
MOLLY
You know, that was really impressive, but I can't have dinner with you tonight.  My roommate just got into town and we're taking her out.
CASE
That's fine, come on over to our place.  We'll make dinner for you.  How many are we talking, so I can prepare?
MOLLY
No . . . I mean, we're not . . . fine, it's three of us.
CASE
Perfect.  217 Courthouse Village.  Come on by around 7:30.  It'll be fun.  You'll see my number is on the piece of paper there in case you get lost.
MOLLY
Right.  See you then.
Molly exits and Martin enters from the opposite side.
Martin
What the hell?
Case
(holding up the bag)
I got 'em.
Martin
What did you do in the process?  Geez, I'm glad we didn't ask you to get any watermelon.
Case
Hey, I'm different, so sue me.  But guess what I did do.  I got us all dates for tonight.  They are going to come over around 7:30 and we're going to make them dinner.
Martin
Are you kidding?  That's great!
Charlie enters.
Charlie
Guys, are we all using the same milk or . . .
(notices the mess of apples)
What the hell happened here?  
Martin
Case happened here.
CHARLIE
Nice.
MARTIN
I don't really drink much milk.
CASE
Me neither.
chARLIE
OK, problem solved.  Are we almost done here?
CASE
Yeah, I just have to get some stuff for dinner.
CHARLIE
What are we having for dinner?
mARTIN
Apparently, three lovely ladies.
CHARLIE
Excuse me?
cASE
I got us dates for tonight.  They're coming over around 7:30.  The one I talked to seemed to really like me.
CHARLIE
I see.  You know I have a girlfriend, right?
CASE
Will she be there tonight?
CHARLIE
No.
CASE
Then what's the problem?
CHARLIE
Ha ha.  Seriously, I hope you didn't make them think they all had dates.
CASE
Relax, man.  They are just coming over for dinner.  If Martin and I score, good for us.  If you don't want to, whatever.
MARTIN
OK let's go.  I want to get home.
CASE
Good enough.
They exit.  Molly returns to the stage.  The song SUPERMODEL or a song like it begins to play.  She begins her impromptu dance.  The scene changes behind her.
Scene 6 - the guy's apartment -later
Case, Charlie and Martin enter carrying bags from the grocery store.
Case
All I'm saying is without it there's no closure.  You need to have that.
Martin
Please explain to me how Ewoks give us closure.
CASE
The Ewoks represent something that is totally good and totally pure.  Something untouched by the Empire.  If they aren't there, the whole trilogy is for nothing.
ChARLIE
Are you insane?  The trilogy is about Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker, and neither of them interact with the Ewoks at all.
CASE
Oh, my poor naive friend.  The trilogy is about good versus evil, and how good always wins.  And the Ewoks are pure good.
MARTIN
This is the stupidest conversation I've ever had.
CASE
So you admit I'm right, Jedi is better?
MARTIN
No, I don't admit you're right.  I admit that you are a nerd.  In fact that we are all nerds, but you, sir, are the king of the nerds.
CASE
Thank you, my loyal subject.  I accept your nomination to the throne.  I shall not forget the little people.
MartiN
Isn't one idiot leader enough in this country?
ChARLIE
Hey, speaking of people making bad decisions, when are these girls coming over?
CasE
Seven thirty.
CHARLIE
Case, that's in fifteen minutes.  I told we shouldn't have stopped at "Yo-Yo World."
Case takes out a bright green yo-yo.
CASE
But they're so fun, look!
Case does an impressive trick, and then winds up hitting himself in the head with the yo-yo.
MARTIN
Oh, now I understand why you like the Ewoks so much.
CASE
Shut up.
ChaRLIE
The point is we have no time to get ready now!
MarTIN
I'm always ready.
CasE
Me too!
They high five.
MartIN
And what do you have to do to get ready?  I thought you already had a girlfriend.
CHARLIE
I do, but . . . 
CaSE
Don't worry about it, OK?  Why don't you go take a shower and we'll work on dinner.
CHARLIE
You're going to cook?
CASE
Or something like that.  Go.
CHARLIE
Alright.
Charlie exits.  Martin and Case start looking through the grocery bags during the following lines.
MaRTIN
So, what did you get?
CASE
What do you mean?
MARTIN
For dinner.  What are we making?
CASE
I didn't buy anything for dinner.
MARTIN
Why not?
CASE
I figured we had stuff here.
MARTIN
We were at a grocery store, you asked out people we've never met before and you didn't think of what we were going to have for dinner?
CASE
That about sums it up.
MARTIN
Perfect.  OK . . . uh, how about mac and cheese?
CASE
Takes too long to make.
MARTIN
Hot dogs?
CASE
I'm a vegetarian.
MARTIN
Grilled cheese?
CASE
We have no cheese.
MARTIN
This is impossible.
CASE
I've got it!
MARTIN
What?
CASE
Peanut butter and jelly.
MARTIN
That's a terrible idea.
CASE
So terrible it's wonderful?
MARTIN
No.
CASE
Too bad.  That's what we're making.
Case gets out peanut butter and jelly.
MARTIN
This is insane.
CASE
(handing him a knife and the jelly)
Either you are part of the solution or you're part of the problem.  I'm telling you, this plan is fool-proof.
MARTIN
(taking the jelly and knife)
Fine, but I do this under protest.
CASE
Protest noted.
(under his breath)
Weirdo.
MARTIN
What?
CASE
I said let's go.  Ready?
MARTIN
Yep.
What follows is a flurry of bread, knives, peanut butter and jelly.  As the two alternate spreading.
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
BREAD!
MARTIN
SPREAD!
CASE
STOP!
(they freeze)
I think that's it.
MARTIN
We only made six sandwiches.
CASE
Yeah, well there are only six of us.
MARTIN
What if someone wants seconds?
CASE
I think you may be over-estimating the quality of these sandwiches.
Charlie enters from his room.  He is wearing new clothes.
ChaRLIE
Are we ready?
MaRTIN
We are.  Are you?
CHARLIE
Yeah, just didn't want to offend anyone.
Martin
Your shower is going to make you keep your mouth shut around people?
CHARLIE
Ha.
(indicating the pile of sandwiches)
What's that?
CaSE
Dinner!
CHARLIE
You're kidding?
There is a knock at the door.
CASE
Nope.
MarTIN
(heading toward the door)
I got it.
ChARLIE
Here we go.
Martin opens the door.  Molly and Leigh enter.  They are well dressed, and seem to be wearing very similar outfits.
MARTIN
Hello, welcome to our place.  I'm Martin.
Molly
Nice to meet you.  I'm Molly and this is Leigh.
Leigh
(shyly)
Hi.
MOLLY
Nice place.
Case
Thanks.  Umm, I thought you said there were three of you?
MOLLY
Oh yeah, Becky is down finding a parking space.
MartIN
Come on in and have a seat.
CasE
(to Leigh)
Hi, I'm Case.
MollY
(interrupting)
He's the one I met in the store.  I didn't see these guys.
(to Martin)
Martin, right?
MarTIN
Yeah.
MOLLY
(to Charlie)
And you are  . . . ?
ChARLIE
I'm Charlie.  Nice to meet you.
MOLLY
We haven't met before, have we?
CHARLIE
I don't think so.  Where did you go to school?
MOLLY
George Mason.  You?
CHARLIE
Penn State.  George Mason, how many students are there?
MOLLY
Oh I don't know.
LeIGH
Sixteen thousand undergrads.
MOLLY
You don't know that.
LEIGH
I think I read it.
MOLLY
Whatever.
Charlie, Case and Martin look at each other.
Martin
We had a friend who went to GMU.  Did you know Becky Grayson?
Molly and Leigh laugh.
ChaRLIE
What?
MollY
Of course we know her, she's down parking the car.  Didn't I just say that?
CHARLIE
She's what?
MarTIN
Becky?  The Becky who's downstairs is Becky Grayson?
CHARLIE
(to Molly)
Are you sure?
MollY
Yes, she's our roommate.
Charlie and Martin look at each other.
CaSE
(to them)
You know her?
MarTIN
You could say that.
ChaRLIE
I have to go.
Charlie starts for the door and it opens.  Becky enters, they are face to face.  Charlie freezes.  After a moment:
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
(to Becky)
Hi Becky.
Becky
Charlie?  Umm, hi.  Good to see you.
Becky walks past him.
BeckY (CONT'D)
(seeing Martin)
And Martin, hi!
(she hugs him)
Molly, I know these guys.
MoLly
So I see.
BECKY
I didn't know you guys were living around here.
MarTIN
Yeah we just moved down.
Case
(noticing Charlie)
Charlie?
ChARLIE
Huh?
CASE
Are you OK?
CHARLIE
Huh?
CASE
OK then.
(to Becky)
Hi, I'm Case.  You seemed to have incapacitated my friend here.
BeckY
Yeah, sorry.  I'm Becky.
CASE
So I hear.
MollY
(indicating Charlie)
Is he OK?
MartIN
He's fine.  Can I get you anything to drink?
MOLLY
Water would be great for me and Leigh.
MARTIN
You and Leigh?
MOLLY
Yeah.
MARTIN
OK.  Case why don't you get these ladies comfortable and I'll get the drinks.
CaSE
Sure.
(indicating the couch and chair)
Ladies?
MARTIN
(to Charlie)
Charlie, why don't you help me?
ChARLIE
Huh?
MARTIN
(walking over to Charlie and grabbing him and taking him into the kitchen area)
Help me.
(once in the kitchen)
What are you doing?
CHARLIE
What am I doing?  Becky is in there.
MARTIN
I know, but you've got to act a little more like a human being.  You're freaking everyone out.
CHARLIE
What am I supposed to do?
MARTIN
Just act natural.
CHARLIE
I haven't seen her in five years, and there's a reason for that.  She slept with my best friend!
MARTIN
I know what she did, Charlie.  I was there.  I mean, not right there, but I was around.  OK, look I know, that's the point.  But it was five years ago, you just said it yourself.
CHARLIE
I know.
MARTIN
So let it go.  Just relax.  You're both different people now.
Case enters.
Case
Hello?  Drinks?
MARTIN
Yeah sorry.  I'm getting them.
CASE
(to Charlie)
What is wrong with you?
ChARLIE
She cheated on me.
CASE
Excuse me?
MartIN
Becky out there slept with one of our friends right after high school.
CASE
So?
MARTIN
So she was dating Charlie at the time.  I believe he had just proposed.
CASE
Oh.
ChARLIE
Can we stop talking about this, please?
CASE
Right.
CHARLIE
And Case, don't say anything, OK?
CASE
Why would I?
CHARLIE
I don't know, you just do sometimes.
CASE
Fear not.
MaRTIN
Let's go.
They go back over to the girls.
Martin (CONT'D)
(handing glasses of water to Leigh and Molly)
Here you are.
BeckY
Martin, could I get a glass of water too?
MARTIN
Sure.
ChaRLIE
(under his breath)
Are you sure you don't want two in case one isn't good enough for you?
BeCKY
What?
CHARLIE
Nothing.
Charlie plops down in a chair.
Case
So, are you ladies hungry?  We prepared quite a feast.
Molly
Oh?
Martin
(enters with the water and stack of sandwiches)
Yep!  Peanut butter and jelly for all!
Molly, Leigh and Becky all look at each other.
MOLLY
Oh, how quaint.
Case
Quaint?
Becky
You know, guys, that sounds really good, but Leigh is allergic to peanut butter, so we'd feel bad eating in front of her.
Molly
I wouldn't.
BECKY
(ignoring Molly)
You understand.
Case
Sure.  No problem.
MartIN
Fool-proof, huh?
CASE
Shut up.
Molly
So now what?
Everyone sits silent for a moment.  Case and Martin look at each other.  Charlie stares off into space.  Molly tries to signal to Leigh that maybe they should leave.  Becky drinks her water.
Case
I got it!  We can play a game!
MarTIN
Yeah, a game.  You girls like games right?  Everyone likes games.
Leigh
Sure. I love . . .
Molly
(cutting her off)
What game?
Martin
Umm, how about . . . 
CASE
Charades.
MARTIN
Yeah, Charades.
Molly
I suppose that'd be OK.
Becky
(sarcastic)
Oh yes, sounds like a blast.
Case
Great.  Shall we do boys against girls?
BECKY
Hardly seems fair.
CASE
That's true, I am an actor.
Case exits to get Charades cards.
BECKY
That's not what I meant.  Sure, boys against girls.  We go first.
Martin
Alright.
Case
(returning with the cards)
Here we go.
Molly
What are those?
CASE
Charades cards.  Aren't we playing Charades?
BeckY
We are, but I thought you made them up?
CASE
Nah, no need for forced creativity when a card will tell you what to do.
BECKY
Of course.
Molly
OK, I'll go.
(she picks up a card)
This'll be easy.  Ready?  Is someone timing me?
Case
I will.  Ready?  Go!
Molly stands up.   She starts moving all over the place.  She is trying to act out the object "doorbell" but the approach she has taken is a very interesting one.  It is not working and she continues dancing around and becoming more and more frustrated.
Martin
Time.
Becky
Umm, I almost hate to ask, but what were you doing?
Molly
It was so obvious.  It was doorbell.  See I was rowing a boat because door sounds like oar, and then I was pointing down because bell sounds like hell.  I can't believe you guys didn't get it, especially you Leigh!
Leigh
Sorry.  It makes sense now that you say it.
Molly
I know.
Becky
OK, boys, your turn.
Case
Great.  Why don't you go, Charlie?
Charlie doesn't respond.
CASE (CONT'D)
Charlie?
Charlie
What?  I love peanut butter!
Martin
No, we're playing Charades now.  It's your turn.
Charlie
Oh, wonderful.
Charlie stands and picks up a card.  He looks at it and sighs.  He gets out that it's a song and they figure out the first word is "Your."  He tries some things and then starts pointing at Becky.
Case
Oh, I got it!  "Your Cheating Heart!"
All stop and stare at Case.
Case (CONT'D)
Oh, umm I guess that wasn't it, huh?
They freeze.  The song "Criminal" or a song like it begins.  Becky does her impromptu dance as the scene changes behind her.  She should exit by the end of the change.
SceNE 7 - the girl's apartment -about a week later
The setting is similar to the guy's apartment.  There is different furniture, but a couch of some kind is there as well as a table with four chairs.  Leigh is sitting at the table grading papers.  Molly is sitting on the couch reading a copy of "Cosmopolitan" magazine.
MollY
Leigh, what are you doing?
LeIGH
I'm grading these papers.  I have to get them done for Monday.
MOLLY
Want to take a break for a second?
LEIGH
Ummm . . .
MOLLY
Come on, you can take the quiz.
(she indicates the magazine)
It's called "Do You Turn Guys On?"
LEIGH
No thanks.
MOLLY
Fine.  I can probably guess what you score would be anyway.
(Looking at the magazine)
Let's see . . . "Six points or fewer.  While it's fine to be reserved, you're sending off such chilly vibes you might as well be man hunting in Antarctica."  Yeah, that sounds about right.
LEIGH
(looking up)
Molly, cut it out.  I'm not that bad.
MOLLY
Oh yes you are.  I've seen you around guys.
LEIGH
No, you've only seen me around guys when you are around.
MOLLY
What does that mean?
LEIGH
Nothing.
MOLLY
Hey I'm just trying to be your friend.  If you don't want me to, then just say so.
LEIGH
No, it's not that, you just . . . I don't know, sometimes it feels like you're the only friend I have.
MOLLY
Exactly.  So don't yell at me.  I'm not the reason you're bad with guys.
LEIGH
I'm not bad with guys.
MOLLY
Then take the quiz, prove me wrong.
LEIGH
(reluctantly)
Fine.
Leigh puts down her work and goes to the couch with Molly.
MOLLY
Yay!  OK, ready?
LEIGH
Yeah.
MOLLY
Number 1 . . . oh wait we have to keep score, get a piece of paper.
Leigh gets up to get a piece of paper, the door opens and Becky enters carrying a purse.
BeckY
Hey.
MOLLY
Hey Becky, you're just in time.  We're about to take the Cosmo quiz, want to join us?
BECKY
Not really.
MOLLY
Oh come on, if Leigh can do it, so can you.
Leigh is looking at her pleadingly.
BECKY
(putting her purse down)
Oh, alright.
MOLLY
Great.
Leigh and Molly sit on the couch, Becky is in the chair near them.
MollY (CONT'D)
OK, Leigh, you keep score.  Here we go, number one, "You are on the beach with a bunch of hunky guys, you:  a. Let them catch you sensually rubbing suntan oil on your body.  b. Coo, "My bikini has come undone.  Would one of you boys help me tie it?" Or c. Find a high SPF (Spying Protection Factor) to ogle them from afar."  Well?
LeIGH
I'd say "B."
MOLLY
Really?
LEIGH
Yes.
MOLLY
Becky?
BeckY
Umm, C.
MOLLY
No you wouldn't.  Put A for her and me both.
BECKY
That's not what I'd do.
MOLLY
Yes it is.
BECKY
OK, look if you're just going to answer them all for me anyway, then I'm going to go read.
Becky starts to leave.
MollY
Wait!  OK, I'm sorry I won't do it anymore.  Come on.
BECKY
Leigh, change mine to C.
LeiGH
Already done.
MollY
OK, next one.  "You are at a party and your ex-boyfriend is there, but you are attracted to his gorgeous best friend.  Do you:  A. Go after the best friend, after all, an ex is an ex.  B.  Play it cool and stay away from both.  C.  Try to get both of them back to the bedroom to discuss multiples of three."  Leigh?
LEIGH
(unsure)
Ummm. . .
Becky
That's not in there.
MollY
Yes it is.  Come on, Becky, what's your answer, or do we already know?
BECKY
What does that mean?
MOLLY
It means you sure had your eye on Martin when we were over at his place last week.
BECKY
OK, I'm done with this.
MOLLY
Come on Becky, tell us the truth.  Do you like him?
BECKY
Martin?  Sure, he's a nice guy.
LeiGH
Are you going to do something?
BECKY
About what?
MollY
About Martin!  Geez, Becky.
BECKY
I don't know.
MOLLY
I don't think you should.
BECKY
Why not?
MOLLY
Because he's Charlie's best friend.  And your history, it just wouldn't be right.  Right, Leigh?
LeiGH
I don't know.
MOLLY
What?
LEIGH
No, I guess it wouldn't be right.
Becky
Thanks, but I can make my own decisions here.
The phone rings.  Becky answers it.
BECKY (CONT'D)
(into the phone)
Hello?  Oh, hey Martin.  Good, how are you?  Yeah.  Tonight?  I think so, let me see.
(to the girls)
Hey, they want to know if we want to go out tonight, dinner and dancing.
Molly
Of course.
LeIGH
Is Case coming?
MOLLY
What?
Becky
(into the phone)
Is Case coming?  OK, yeah, sounds good.
MOLLY
(to Leigh)
Why do you care if Case is coming?
LeiGH
Just curious.
BeCKY
(into the phone)
Great, we'll see you there at eight.  Yes, I'm looking forward to it too.  Bye.
Molly
(to Leigh)
Do you like him?
BECKY
OK, so we're set for tonight.  Molly, you better start getting ready.
MOLLY
Huh?  Oh, right.  That's only three hours from now!  I call the shower.
Molly runs off to the rooms.  Leigh picks up the magazine and starts reading.  Becky looks at her.
BECKY
Case?
LeiGH
Hmm?
BECKY
(smiling)
Whatever.  To each their own.  I'm going to go lie down until she's done in there, you can have it next.
LEIGH
(smiling)
OK.
Becky exits.  Leigh is still looking at the quiz.  She writes a few things down.  Then calculates in her head.
LeiGH (CONT'D)
Hmm, 14 points.  "Total turn-on."  Yeah, that sounds about right.
Lights change.  Set changes.  Leigh gets up and starts to dance.  The song I WILL SURVIVE, or a song like it, begins to play and she dances, impromptu.

Scene 8 - guy's apartment -the same day
Case is sitting on the couch playing a video game.  The phone begins to ring.  Case ignores it.  Charlie enters form his room.
ChARLIE
Are you going to get that?
CasE
I'm trying.
CHARLIE
(seeing the screen)
I don't mean the heart, I mean the phone.
Charlie picks up the phone.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
Hello?  Yes, just a moment.
(to Case)
It's for you, "Link."
Case reluctantly pauses the game.
CasE
This better be good.
(into the phone)
Excuse me?  Umm, no I'm afraid I already have one.  Yes, I'm sure yours is very nice but . . . Look I'll level with ya pal, I'm just out of college, I don't have a job, and I have no money so . . . Hello?  Hello?
Charlie
Who was that?
Case
Some guy selling "piece of mind."  Who, outside of a mental patient would even need that?
Charlie
Maybe you should have heard him out.
Martin enters.
Martin
Good news, gents.
CHARLIE
Yeah?
MARTIN
The girls have agreed to go out with us again tonight.
CHARLIE
OK, what's the good news?
Case
That's great!  I was sure I sealed our fate with the Charades thing.
CHARLIE
No, not "ours" just mine.
MarTIN
Don't worry about it Charlie, it's fine.
CHARLIE
Uh-huh.  And where exactly are we lucky enough to be going with "the girls."
MARTIN
Just to grab some dinner and then maybe go to a club.
Case and Charlie look at each other.
ChARLIE
A club?
MARTIN
Yeah, like a dance club.
CasE
I don't know, Martin.
MARTIN
Oh come on, it'll be fun.  Remember the last time we went to a club?
CASE and charlie
Yes!
MARTIN
Oh right.  Well, don't think about that and we'll all be fine.  And I promise, I won't even try the Lambada this time.
CharLIE
Either way, I don't think I'm going.
MARTIN
Charlie, you have got to let this thing go.  It was years ago!
CHARLIE
Maybe, but it's still pretty fresh in my mind.  And her's, thank you, Case.
Case
I said I was sorry.
CHARLIE
Apology accepted.  But I'm not going.
MarTIN
Charlie what is the problem exactly?
CHARLIE
Becky is the problem.
MARTIN
Oh?  So this girl who cheated on you five years ago is giving you problems.
CHARLIE
What are you talking about?  I thought you agreed with me.  When it happened you said . . .
MARTIN
I know what I said when it happened, but Charlie that was a long time ago.  Maybe it's time to move on.  Let it go.  I mean, Becky is a great girl.  She's smart, attractive, has a good sense of humor.  She just knows what she wants and she goes for it.
CHARLIE
Whose side are you on?
MARTIN
There are no sides anymore.  It's in the past.  I mean, why are you even still mad at her?  You are both totally different people now.
CHARLIE
I'm still mad at her because that's the way it's supposed to be.  If someone you care about, someone you love, betrays you, you hate them.  End of story.
MARTIN
I think that's a little short-sighted.  You should forgive her.  Let this go.
CHARLIE
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
The phone rings.  Case answers.
CasE
Case, Charlie and Martin's apartment, we already have all the credit cards we need, how can I help you?  Yeah, he's right here, just a second.
(to Charlie)
It's for you.
ChaRLIE
Thanks.  Hello?  Hey Robyn.  Yeah.
During Charlie's next line Martin and Case are acting out a love scene to make fun of him.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
Yeah, I miss you too.  Yes, all the time.  I . . .
(seeing Martin and Case)
Hold on a sec.
(to them)
I'm going outside.
Martin
Fine.
CasE
Come back soon!
Charlie takes the phone downstage.  The background lights go down and Robyn enters form the other side.  They are both on phones.
Robyn
What was that?
ChaRLIE
Nothing, just Case.
They now take the phones from their faces and talk to each other.
Robyn
Case?
CHARLIE
Yeah, my other roommate.  The guy who Martin lived with in college.
Robyn
Right.  Are you OK?
CHARLIE
Yeah, Martin was just being an asshole.  I'm fine.  How are you?
Robyn
I'm OK.
CHARLIE
Are you sure?  You sound like something is wrong.
Robyn
No, it's fine.  What's going on with you?  Did you hear back about the job?
CHARLIE
Not exactly, but I'm pretty sure I got it.
Robyn
That's good.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
There is a pause.
CharliE (CONT'D)
So when do you think you're going to be able to come down?
Robyn
I'm not sure.  It's been really busy here.  I didn't think summer classes would be so hard.
CHARLIE
Oh.
Robyn
Charlie . . . is this working?
CHARLIE
What do you mean?
Robyn
I mean this.  Us.  Being so far apart and . . .
CHARLIE
And what?
Robyn
I don't know.  I've just had a long day I guess.
CHARLIE
Robyn, talk to me.  Tell me what's going on.
Robyn
Nothing, it's fine.
(pause)
I just wish you were still here.  This is really hard.
CHARLIE
I know.
(pause)
So what are you doing tonight?
Robyn
Not much.  Probably just studying.  Maybe I'll hang out with some people.
CHARLIE
Some people?
Robyn
Yeah.
CHARLIE
Who?
Robyn
What?
CHARLIE
Who are the people?
Robyn
Nobody you know.
CHARLIE
Yeah, like Mark?
Robyn
Charlie don't start this again.
CHARLIE
I'm not starting anything, I'm just asking.
Robyn
Why does it matter?
CHARLIE
He just seems to be around a lot.  I think maybe he . . .
There is a knock at Robyn's door.  Robyn walks away from Charlie and picks up her phone again.  Charlie picks up his phone after.
Robyn
Hold on a sec.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
Robyn goes off stage to the door.  Charlie stands on stage.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
(into the phone)
Hello?
Robyn enters again with the phone still up.
Robyn
Charlie, I have to go.
CHARLIE
Oh, uh, why?
Robyn
Because I'm going to dinner with some people . . .
CHARLIE
With Mark.
Robyn
Charlie!
CHARLIE
Am I wrong?
Robyn
I have to go.
CHARLIE
Robyn what is going on?
Robyn
Look Charlie, you're not here, OK?  And if I have to hang out with other people because of that . . .
CHARLIE
I don't have a problem with you hanging out with other people, I have a problem with some guy . . .
Robyn is crying.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
Look, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean . . .
Robyn
I kissed him.
CHARLIE
What?
Robyn
I kissed Mark.  Last week.  At a party.  Charlie, I'm sorry.
CHARLIE
You kissed him?  Why?  I mean . . . How could you do that?
Robyn
I don't know.  It was stupid, and I've felt really bad about it, that's why I haven't called you in a few days.  I know you're mad . . .
CHARLIE
Yeah I'm mad.  I'm really fucking mad.  How could you do this to me?  We've been together for two years.  You just want to throw that all away?  Don't I mean enough to you?
Robyn
Yes, Charlie.  You mean a lot to me.  I made a mistake.
CHARLIE
Yeah, you did.  Or maybe I did.  Goodbye.
Robyn
Charlie wait . . .
CHARLIE
No, Robyn, it's over.  Goodbye!
Charlie hangs up the phone and walks off stage.  Robyn remains and cries.  Lights out.
Act II

SCENE 1 - house of happy food -later that night
Case, Martin, Leigh, Becky, and Molly sit at an outdoor table.  They have not been served yet.
Case
So I figured, what's the point?  It's just going to die again soon, so I got rid of it.
Molly
You got rid of your car?
CASE
Yeah.  I can take the Metro pretty much anywhere, or this guy can drive me around.
MartIN
That's me, the chauffeur.
Leigh
So, Case, what do you do during the day?
CasE
I'm an actor.
LEIGH
Really?  Would I have seen you in anything?
CasE
Have you ever seen "Dawson's Creek?"
LEIGH
Of course.
MolLY
You were on "Dawson's Creek?"
CasE
Well, no, but I almost was.
LEIGH
Oh.
MolLY
Why weren't you?
CaSE
Just some "creative" differences.
LeigH
I don't understand.
MartIN
He slept with the wrong casting woman.
MolLY
What?
CaSE
Martin!
MarTIN
What?  Was that a secret?
BeckY
How did that happen?
CaSE
It was a . . . misunderstanding.  And not one I like to relive.
MartIN
Sorry, man.  Sometimes I accidentally leak information.
MollY
What do you do, Martin?
MarTIN
You mean other than embarrass him?
CasE
Ha.
MarTIN
I work in the legal department for a company that owns a bunch of shopping malls.
MollY
Can you get us a discount anywhere?
MARTIN
Not really.
MollY
Oh.
A waiter approaches the table.
Waiter
Good evening, and welcome to the House of Happy Food.  My name is Max and I'll be your waiter tonight.  Can I get you anything to drink?
Martin
(indicating they should go first)
Ladies?
MollY
Well . . .
WaitER
I'm sorry, sir.  We can't serve you "ladies."  You'll have to go further into the city for that.
MarTIN
Oh I didn't mean I wanted to order "ladies" I just meant they could order first.
WAITER
Of course, sir.  Your secret is safe with me.
MollY
I'd like a diet Coke.
LeIGH
Same, please.
BeckY
Water.
CaSE
A Coke.
MaRTIN
I'll take a Bud.
Waiter
Excellent, now my name is Max and I'll be your waiter tonight.  Can I get you anything to drink?
Everyone looks at each other, confused.
BecKY
We just gave you our drink order.
Waiter
Of course you did ma'am.
Case
So why do you want it again?
WAITER
Sir, I'm just doing my job.
Molly
Not very well.
WAITER
Thank you, ma'am.  Now, your drink order?
MartiN
Look, we'll just take water, OK?
WAITER
Yes, sir.  Right away, sir.
The waiter leaves.
CasE
That was weird.
Molly
Yeah, that guy is stranger than you.
Martin
I don't know about that.
Case
You are the funny guy tonight, aren't you?
(turning his attention to Leigh)
So, Leigh, tell us about you.
LeiGH
There's not too much to tell.  I work . . . 
Molly
She's a teacher.  Isn't that quaint?
Case
Oh good, quaint again.
MOLLY
Huh?
CASE
Nothing.
(to Leigh)
What do you teach?
MOLLY
(not even letting her answer)
She teaches English.  She's really good too.  She's an excellent public speaker.
Martin
How would anyone know?
MOLLY
What do you mean?
MaRTIN
I mean . . .
Becky
(cutting him off)
So where's Charlie?
Martin and Case look at each other.
CASE
Uh . . .
MarTIN
He's . . .
CASE
Dead!
Becky
What?
Molly
You're kidding!
Martin
(to Case)
Dead?
Case
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
MARTIN
(to others)
He's not dead.  He's just not feeling very well and decided to stay home.
Becky
Is he OK?
MARTIN
Sure.
BECKY
What's wrong with him?
Case
Heart problems.
Molly
Oh no, like clogged arteries or something?
MarTIN
Yeah, something like that.
Becky
And you left him alone?
MARTIN
He'll be fine.
Waiter re-enters, carrying a glass of water.
WaiTER
(handing it to Martin)
Here you are, sir.  One water.
MARTIN
Actually, we wanted waters all around.
WAITER
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.  I misunderstood.
The waiter picks up the glass of water and pours it on the ground all around the table.
WaiTER (CONT'D)
Now, what can I get you all to drink?
Molly
Are you kidding?
WAITER
No, ma'am.  We start with drinks and then move on to food.  I've been a waiter for some time now.
Becky
That's hard to believe.
WAITER
I know, I am blessed with a young face.  So what'll it be?
They all look at each other, not sure how to respond.
MarTIN
Look, we're fine as far as drinks go.  Can we just order our meals?
WAITER
Meals?  It may not be my place, sir, but I think just one meal would be enough for you.
Case
Can I get a double burger and fries?
WAITER
Of course.  Your food will be right out.
The waiter exits.
Molly
This is ridiculous.  Leigh, when he comes back, tell him we're leaving.
LeiGH
Me?
MOLLY
Unless you want to stay.
BeckY
It's fine, Leigh.  I'll tell him.
LeIGH
(to Molly)
I wish you wouldn't do that.
MollY
What?
LEIGH
Nothing.
MartIN
(changing the subject)
So we're headed to Club Retro after this?
Molly
Yes.
MARTIN
I've never been there, do they play good music?
MOLLY
Yeah, pretty good.  You like to dance?
MARTIN
Absolutely.
MOLLY
And you're not gay?
MARTIN
What?
Case laughs.
Martin (CONT'D)
No I'm not gay.  Straight guys can like to dance too.
MollY
Sure they can, but they don't usually.
Case
How about you, Leigh, are you a dancer?
Molly
No, she . . .
Leigh
(cutting her off)
Yes, Case.  I do like to dance.
Molly stares at her.  All are stunned.
Case
Well, great.  Umm . . . Becky?
BeckY
Huh?
CASE
Are you a dancer?
BECKY
Usually, yeah, but I'm really not feeling too well.  I might just head home, if you guys can give these two a ride.
Martin
No problem.  Are you OK?
BECKY
Yeah, I'll be fine.  Just . . . tired.
The waiter returns with money.  He talks to Martin.
WaitER
Thank you so much for coming here.  And here is your change.  Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, one-hundred, two hundred, three hundred, four hundred, and five hundred dollars.  Thank you very much, and come again!
Waiter exits.
Case
Umm, should we . . .?
MartIN
I don't think so.  Let's go.
All get up and leave quickly.
The song INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE or a song like it begins to play.  Waiter does his dance as the scene changes behind him.
Scene 2 - Guy's apartment -later that night
Charlie lies on the couch.  The TV is on, but he's not really watching it.  A box of tissues is near him and used tissues strewn about the floor.  The phone rings.  Charlie ignores it until it stops.  Then another phone starts ringing (his cell phone).  Charlie picks it up and looks at the number.  He pushes a button and it stops ringing.  He puts it back down.  There is a knock at the door.  Charlie ignores it.  There is a second knock, louder.  Charlie gets up reluctantly and goes to the door.  He opens it.
CharliE
Oh hi.
BECKY
(entering and indicating the tissues)
Looks like you've had quite a night.
CHARLIE
(embarrassed but not showing it)
I have a cold.
BECKY
Right.
CHARLIE
I didn't ask you to come over.  Why aren't you out with everyone else?
BECKY
Got bored.  Not really my scene.
CHARLIE
Huh.
BECKY
Charlie, how long are you going to keep up this whole cold shoulder routine?  Hasn't it been long enough?
CHARLIE
I think I have a right to.  After what you did.
BECKY
After what I did a long time ago!  Haven't you moved on from this?
CHARLIE
No, I guess I haven't.
BECKY
So you're never going to forgive me?  We're going to just do this forever?
CHARLIE
I guess so.
BECKY
Charlie . . .
CHARLIE
(cutting her off)
Listen, this is not a good time, OK?  I didn't ask you to come here.  I didn't ask to see you again.  I was happy just living my own life not even thinking about you anymore.  But you had to show up.  Walk back into my life and fuck everything up again.  I don't like you anymore.  In fact I hate you.  You were never any good for me, and even though everybody told me that, I didn't listen to them, but they were right.
BECKY
I didn't come here to be yelled at.
CHARLIE
Then what did you come here for?  Why are you here?  It really doesn't make any sense.  You know I don't like you.  You know I've had a shitty night, and yet here you are, to make it worse.  What are you doing here?
BECKY
I came to talk to you.  I still care about you.  I've always cared about you.
CHARLIE
(sarcastic)
You've always cared about me?  Really?  Huh.  How strange.  It must have been very awkward for you to be caring about me so much and fucking Brad at the same time.  How did that work out for you?
BECKY
I'm sorry.  I've said it a thousand times and I'm saying it again, I'm sorry.  I don't know what else to say.  I've changed, I'm not like that anymore.  I was young, I was stupid.  I mean, we were practically still in high school.
(pause)
I know, that's not an excuse.  And I'm not trying to excuse it, or make it better.  It was a terrible thing to do, and I'm sorry.  I truly am.
Charlie thinks about this for a moment.
CHARLIE
He was my best friend.
BECKY
I know.
There is silence for a moment.
CHARLIE
I've had a really tough time since then.
BECKY
What do you mean?
CHARLIE
Trusting people.  Girls, mostly.
BECKY
Oh.
CHARLIE
I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, it's just the truth.  I thought we really had something.
BECKY
We did.  But I got scared, I guess.  I don't know.  I just felt very trapped.
CHARLIE
So that's why . . .
BECKY
It doesn't matter, OK?  I don't know why, I've told you that.  It happened.  It shouldn't have, but it did.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
Pause.
BECKY
It was just too soon.
CHARLIE
What do you mean?
BECKY
I wasn't ready for something that real.  Not right out of high school.  I wanted to have fun, live life.  I wanted college to be a great experience where I could do what I wanted.
CHARLIE
And you did.
BECKY
Do you remember what it was like?
CHARLIE
What?
BECKY
Us.
CHARLIE
Sort of.  Yeah.  Sometimes I do.
BECKY
It was really amazing.  I don't think I've had a relationship as good since.
CHARLIE
Karma.
BECKY
What?
CHARLIE
Nothing.
(thinking)
First I have to hear it from Martin and now you.
BECKY
What do you mean?
CHARLIE
He was saying that I should let this go.  Telling me what a great person you are.
BECKY
Really?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
(there is silence for a moment)
This night is just so fucked up.
BECKY
What happened exactly?
CHARLIE
Robyn, my girlfriend, or I guess ex-girlfriend now, called to talk to me.  And she told me she kissed this guy Mark that we know.  So I told her it's over.  But I still miss her.
BECKY
Did she try to call you back?
CHARLIE
Yeah, but I don't want to talk to her.
BECKY
You didn't want to talk to me either, and look at us now.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
(stops and thinks for a moment)
Yeah.  We used to be great together.
BECKY
Maybe we still can be.
Becky leans over to Charlie and begins kissing him.  He kisses her back for a moment, and then pulls away.
CHARLIE
No.  I can't.  It's not right.
BECKY
Charlie, I still care about you.  Can't you at least . . .
Becky is cut off by the door opening.  Case and Martin enter.  Martin is a little tipsy.
Martin
Hey guys!
Charlie looks around at all the tissues.  He doesn't want the guys to know he's been crying so he quickly shoves them under the couch.
ChARLIE
Hey.
Case
What are you two doing here?  Charlie, you alright?
CHARLIE
Yeah fine.  But I'm going to bed.  I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.  Bye Becky.
BECKY
(she starts to protest but stops herself)
Bye.
Charlie exits to his room.
MarTIN
What were you two talking about?
BECKY
Nothing.
CasE
Uh-huh.  Martin you want some water?
Martin
Please.
Martin sits on the couch next to Becky.  Case goes to the kitchen to get the water.
MaRTIN (CONT'D)
So what happened?
BeCKY
Nothing really.  We were just talking.  I should probably go.
MARTIN
Why?
BECKY
I have to get up early tomorrow.
MARTIN
Come on, just stay for a little while.  Keep me company while I sober up enough to go to sleep.
Case enters with water for Martin.
CaSE
(to Becky)
Did I hear someone say you're on "Martin duty"?
BecKY
No, I just . . .
CASE
Great!  Good night all!
Case exits to his room.
MaRTIN
I think he's a little mad at me.
BECKY
Why?
MARTIN
Because I made him look bad in front of Leigh.  He really likes her you know?
BECKY
He does?  Hmm, I hadn't noticed.
MARTIN
You can't tell her though, OK?  He'd get even more mad at me then.
BECKY
Oh yes, mums the word.
MARTIN
So, the great Becky Grayson-Charlie Harrison story continues.
BECKY
Stop, please.
MARTIN
Why did you come over here tonight?  You made it pretty clear that you didn't like Charlie.
BECKY
I never didn't like Charlie.  I just made a stupid mistake.
MARTIN
He called me that night, you know?
BECKY
I figured.
MARTIN
He was really upset.  I tried to be a good friend, tried to tell him all the things a guy needs to hear after a relationship ends, but he kept defending you.
BECKY
He did?
MARTIN
Yeah.  It was tough to convince him that it wasn't his fault.  He thought he did something to make you do it.  But eventually I convinced him you were just a bitch.
BECKY
Thanks.
MARTIN
I didn't really mean it, of course.  But that's what you do for your friends.  You take sides.
BECKY
And whose side are you on now?
MARTIN
Nobody's.  I mean, at the time it was fine.  It was good for Charlie to hate you, but that was five years ago.  I think he should let it go.
BECKY
So he said.
MARTIN
Huh?
BECKY
He said you were defending me earlier today.
MARTIN
Oh well, maybe.
(pause)
I'll admit, I saw it coming back then.
BECKY
You did?
MARTIN
Yeah, of course.  Ever since Prom, when you barely spent any time with him.  You were off talking to all of those other people.  Even me.  As I recall we had quite a talk that night.
BECKY
Yeah.
MARTIN
But unlike Brad, I knew better than to mess with you two.  If I hadn't, well, things certainly would be different.
BECKY
I guess.
MARTIN
I always thought a lot of you, Becky.  I don't think it was entirely your fault.  Charlie was a bit much back then.
BECKY
You know, I think I like the idea of you defending me.
MARTIN
Oh yeah?
BECKY
Yeah.
MARTIN
You really messed it all up back then.  You couldn't have just dumped him, like a normal person.
BECKY
I've felt pretty bad about that for a long time.  Very guilty.
MARTIN
Well, everybody makes mistakes.
(he moves and puts his arm around her)
Nobody's perfect.
Becky puts her head on Martin's shoulder.
MaRTIN (CONT'D)
I mean, I've made a lot of mistakes too.  Passed up opportunities I could have taken.  Sometimes you have to just live in the moment, you know?  
BeckY
Yes, exactly.
MARTIN
Sometimes you just have to do what you think is best for you.  Not that other people don't matter, but what you want is important too, right?
BECKY
Right.
Becky looks up at Martin.  They look at each other for a moment.  Then he kisses her.  She kisses back.  They break.
BeCKY (CONT'D)
Is this a good idea?
MaRTIN
Yes.
They begin kissing again.  Light out.
Scene 3 - guy's apartment -next morNING
Becky and Martin are asleep on the couch.  Case enters from his room.  He does not notice them.  He walks to the kitchen and gets some juice.  He walks into the main room and sees the two on the couch, asleep.
CaSE
That doesn't seem right.
Martin wakes up.
MaRTIN
Huh.
(suddenly aware)
Oh, Case!  Hey.
BeCKY
(waking)
What?
(to Case)
Good morning, Case.
CaSE
Good morning.  Looks like you two are well rested.
MaRTIN
Right.  Ummm. . .
CASE
I think what you're trying to say is "Becky, you better leave before Charlie wakes up and sees us here."  Right?
MARTIN
Yeah.  Becky, you better . . .
BeCKY
I heard him.
Becky gets up and straightens out her clothes.
BeCKY (CONT'D)
I'll talk to you later.
Becky exits.
Case
What the hell were you thinking?
MarTIN
What?
CASE
"What?"  Charlie and Becky?  I mean you told me the story.  He is not going to be happy about this.
MARTIN
Yeah, he's probably not going to be too happy is he?
CASE
No.  He's not.
MARTIN
Probably best to just not tell him, right?
Martin walks into the kitchen area.
CASE
Not tell him?  You mean lie to him?
MARTIN
No, not lie, just don't bring it up, don't say anything at all.
CASE
That's lying.
MARTIN
No it isn't.  If I don't say anything it can't be a lie.
CASE
A lie is the absence of truth, therefore, it's a lie.
MARTIN
What are you, an English professor?  It's not a lie.
CASE
Fine, do what you want, but I can't promise I won't say anything.
MARTIN
Why not?
CASE
Because I've been known to "accidentally leak information" from time to time.
MARTIN
Look, I said I was sorry.  She didn't even hear me.
CASE
We'll see.  Until then, I'd suggest you think about what you want to do.
MARTIN
(sarcastic)
Thanks, I'll log that away.
Charlie enters from the bedroom.
ChARLIE
Morning.
MARTIN
Morning, Charlie.  How are you feeling?
CHARLIE
Alright.
Charlie walks over to the kitchen and gets out a bowl.  He gets a spoon and then walks over and sits down on the couch.  Case and Martin watch.
CaSE
You sure you're alright?
CHARLIE
Yeah, why?
CASE
Because unless you're on some new diet where all you eat is imaginary food, you forgot to put anything in that bowl.
CHARLIE
(realizing)
Oh.  Yeah.
Charlie sets the bowl down and stares into space.
Martin
(to Case)
I think he's gone.
CasE
Fortunate for you.
MARTIN
Shut up.
ChaRLIE
What?
MARTIN
Nothing.  I'm gonna go get a shower and then maybe we can go out for breakfast.
CaSE
Yeah, we can go to that place we went to last night.
MARTIN
Or we could go somewhere else.
ChARLIE
Whatever.
Martin mouths to Case "Don't say anything."  Case shrugs.  Martins exits to the bathroom.
CaSE
(to Charlie)
You want to play some Bond?
CHARLIE
What?
CASE
(getting controllers)
Bond?  James Bond?  007?  Best game ever, remember?
CHARLIE
Yeah, whatever.
Case hands Charlie a controller and starts the game.
CASE
Are you going to move your guy at all?
CHARLIE
I don't know.
Charlie's cell phone rings.  He picks it up, looks at the number and turns the ringer off.
ChARLIE (CONT'D)
No thanks.
CaSE
Who was it?
CHARLIE
Robyn.
CASE
Not too pleased with her?
CHARLIE
I don't know.
CASE
You really seemed to like her is all.
CHARLIE
Yeah.
CASE
(after a pause)
So why aren't you talking to her?
CHARLIE
She cheated on me, Case.  I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.  Someone cheats on you, you cut them out of your life.
CASE
Huh.
CHARLIE
(pause)
This sucks!
CASE
Sorry I was just curious.  Or did you mean the game?
CHARLIE
No, not the game.  The situation, everything.  First what Robyn did, and she keeps calling me, and then Becky comes over last night and wants to start things over, and I just don't know.
CASE
She wanted to start things over?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
CASE
Are you sure about that?
CHARLIE
Yeah.  She came in, made a move and I stopped her.  But maybe I shouldn't have.  Maybe I should have just let it happen.
CASE
I don't think so.
CHARLIE
Why not?
CASE
I just don't think it would have been a good idea, you know?  I mean, after all she did do some pretty terrible things to you, right?
CHARLIE
Kind of.  But she's right, she made a mistake a long time ago, and we were really good together until then.  Maybe I'm being too harsh.
CASE
You're not.
CHARLIE
I think I am.  She's probably changed.
CASE
She hasn't.
CHARLIE
She could be the one.
CASE
She's not.
CHARLIE
Are you just going to disagree with everything I say about her?
CASE
Yep.
CHARLIE
Great.  Sorry I'm not really into the game here, I'm going to go back to bed.  You guys go to breakfast without me.
CASE
Suit yourself.  Night.
CHARLIE
It's morning.
CASE
You're the one going back to sleep.
CHARLIE
Right.
Charlie exits to his bedroom.  Lights out.
Scene 4 -The guy's apaRTMENT -about two weeks later
Inside the apartment.  Case is asleep on the couch with a controller in his hands.  There is a knock at the door.
CaSE
(startled)
All your base are belong to us!
Another knock.
CASE (CONT'D)
(looking around)
Wha?  Huh.
Case gets up, puts the controller down and answers the door.  When it opens, Leigh is there.
CASE (CONT'D)
Hey.
LeIGH
Hi.  Can I come in?
CASE
Oh sure.
LEIGH
(entering)
Sorry if I'm bothering you.  Did I just hear you yell?
CASE
Umm, yeah.  Just bad dream.  Have you ever heard of "Zero Wing."
LEIGH
That video game from the 80's?  Sure.  "All your base are belong to us" right?
CASE
(surprised)
Umm yeah, actually.  Anyway, you're not bothering me.  Have  a seat.
They sit on the couch.
LEIGH
So . . .
CASE
Yeah?
LEIGH
How are you?
CASE
OK.  Is that why you came over?  To see how I was?
LEIGH
Sort of.
CASE
Hey, where's Molly?
LEIGH
What do you mean?
CASE
I thought you two went everywhere together.
LEIGH
Yeah . . .
A long pause.
CASE
Would you like something to drink?
LEIGH
No I'm fine.  OK, Case, I want to tell you that I'm glad I met you guys.
CASE
Guys?  There's only one of me.
LEIGH
No, I mean you and Charlie and Martin.  It's been a really good last couple of weeks.
CASE
Oh yeah, well we're glad we met you too.
LEIGH
I mean despite whatever it is that's going on with Becky and Charlie or Becky and Martin or whatever . . .
CASE
Yeah, it's a little soap opera-ish these days.
LEIGH
I just wanted you to know . . . how do I put this . . .
CASE
Got me.
LEIGH
OK, have you ever been to a restaurant?
CASE
Once or twice, sure.
LEIGH
You know how some restaurants have a really big selection, but yet you always order the same thing every time you go because you liked it the first time you went and so you don't try anything else, just in case you don't like it?
CASE
Yeah.
LEIGH
That's kind of how I feel about my friends right now.
CASE
Like you want to go out to eat?
LEIGH
No I mean with the selection.
CASE
Umm, OK.
LEIGH
And then sometimes you find something completely new and you really like it, you know?
CASE
Sure, like those buffalo chicken sandwiches.  That was an excellent idea.
LEIGH
Yeah, kind of like that.
CASE
So you want to go eat.
LEIGH
Case!
CASE
What?
LEIGH
I'm trying to say I really like you and your friends and you opened up my entire world!  Why are you being so dense?
CASE
Dramatic effect?
Leigh kisses Case.
CASE (CONT'D)
(stunned)
Now that's something I didn't expect.
LeIGH
Yeah, I'm full of surprises.
They kiss again.
CASE
Just real quick, which one of us is the chicken sandwich?
She kisses him.  A knock at the door.
CaSE (CONT'D)
This is getting to be a popular place.
(to the door)
Who is it?
Molly (O.S.)
It's Molly. Can I come in?
CASE
Oh sure.
LeIGH
(whispering)
She can't know I'm here.
CASE
(whispering)
Why?
LEIGH
(whispering)
She just can't OK?
Leigh runs off to the bedroom.
CASE
Curiouser and curiouser.
Case opens the door.
CASE (CONT'D)
Hey.
Molly embraces him and kisses him full on the lips.
MollY
Case, I love you!
CASE
OK.  You may have to get in line though.
MOLLY
Pardon?
CASE
Nothing.
She kisses him again.
CaSE (CONT'D)
(breaking)
OK, you're going to have to start giving me some warning or something.
MollY
I just realized it this morning, so I had to come over and tell you right away.  
CASE
I see.
MOLLY
With Martin and Becky together now I figured I'd better get going too.
CASE
Get going?
MOLLY
Yes, and find myself a good relationship.
CASE
With me?
MOLLY
Yes.
CASE
Molly, I don't think you're thinking very straight right now.
MOLLY
Are you saying you don't love me?
CASE
Frankly, yes.  I don't even know you that well.
MOLLY
(pause then dropping the facade)
Oh fine.
(sitting on the couch)
I don't really love you either.
CASE
Shocking.
MOLLY
It's just that Becky and Martin . . . 
CASE
Just what do you know about those two?
MOLLY
They're together, right?
CASE
Yeah, I think so, but Charlie doesn't know yet, OK?  So maybe keep it down a bit.
MOLLY
Whatever.  Anyway, with them together and Leigh being so mean to me lately.
CASE
(looking toward the bedrooms)
Leigh is being mean to you?
MOLLY
Yes.  I mean she doesn't do half of the stuff for me that she used to.  It's like we're not even friends anymore.
CASE
Being friends is more than just doing stuff for each other though, right?
MOLLY
How do you figure?
CASE
Umm . . . well . . .
LeiGH
(entering)
Because it means being there for each other, not just getting stuff done for you.
Molly
What are you doing here?
LEIGH
I came to talk to Case.
MOLLY
(to Case)
She was here the whole time and you didn't tell me?
CaSE
I didn't know?
MOLLY
I can't believe this.
Molly turns to go.
LeIGH
Molly, wait.
MOLLY
What?
LEIGH
This is not personal, OK?  I still want to be your friend, I just don't want you pushing me around anymore.  And if you do, well then I guess we do have to stop being friends.
MOLLY
But I thought . . . 
LEIGH
What?
MOLLY
You . . .
LEIGH
What?
CasE
I can leave.
LEIGH and molly
Shut up.
LeIGH
Go ahead, say it.
MollY
You need me!
Silence.
Case
Mamma Mia.
LeIGH
I knew it.  I knew you thought that.
MollY
It's true.  I was the only friend you had in college.  Everyone else was just friends with you because of me.
LEIGH
Maybe that's true, Molly.  Maybe that is the way it was, but it's not anymore.
Leigh looks at Case.
MOLLY
Why?  Because of him?  Because of those idiot friends of his?  He's an idiot too, don't you see that?  He just said "Mamma Mia"
CASE
Hey, I thought you said you loved me!
MOLLY
Well I don't!  I'm going home.  I hope you two are happy together.
Molly leaves, slamming the door.
CASE
Wow.  She's crazy.
LeIGH
A little.
CASE
You alright?
LEIGH
Yeah, I'm fine.  I knew this was coming.  Sorry you had to see it.
CASE
No problem.  Now I've got a new character I can put in my play.  The crazy psycho roommate of the girlfriend.
LEIGH
The girlfriend?
CASE
Yeah.  The girlfriend.
They kiss.  Lights.
Scene 5 - the GUY'S APARTMENT -a few days later
Becky is sitting on the couch reading a magazine.  Martins enters from the bedroom.
MaRTIN
You ready?
BeCKY
I was ready when I got here.  I'm waiting for you.
MARTIN
Right.
BECKY
You OK?
MARTIN
Sure.  Fine.  Why?
BECKY
You just seem kind of distracted is all.
MARTIN
I'm just a little worried about this.
BECKY
About what?
MARTIN
Us.
BECKY
(moving toward him)
Why?  You having second thoughts?
MARTIN
No, but . . . 
She kisses him to cut him off.
BECKY
You don't like that or something?
MARTIN
Actually I do like it quite a bit.
They kiss again.
MaRTIN (CONT'D)
I'm just dreading telling Charlie about this.  I don't think it's going to be very pretty.
BeCKY
He'll be fine.  Trust me, I've given him news he didn't like before.
MARTIN
Yeah, and he's been real cordial to you since.
BECKY
Shut up.
This kiss again, this time a bit more passionately.  They fall on to the couch.  Charlie enters.
ChARLIE
(seeing them)
What the hell?
MaRTIN
(looking up)
Oh boy.
Martin jumps off of Becky who sits up.
CHARLIE
What the hell is going on here?
MARTIN
Charlie, I can explain.
CHARLIE
Fuck you!
(to Becky)
Or wait, did you come here to seduce him too?
MARTIN
She didn't come here to seduce me.
CHARLIE
(to Martin)
Then I was right the first time.  Fuck you!  I can't believe you'd do this to me.
MARTIN
Do what to you?
CHARLIE
Hook up with her!  You know what she did to me.
BeCKY
Five years ago.
CHARLIE
You stay out of this.
BECKY
No!  Charlie, you're ridiculous!  You come in here and start yelling at your best friend because he's with a girl who cheated on you FIVE YEARS AGO!  Let it go already.
CHARLIE
Let it go?  I just found out about it.
(to Martin)
You don't do that.  That's just . . . that's just wrong!
MaRTIN
What are you talking about?
CHARLIE
You can't hook up with someone I dated!
MARTIN
Why not?
CHARLIE
Because you just don't do that.
BeckY
This is crazy!  Charlie, I don't know what's with you but you've got some strange idea in your head that you HAVE to do certain thing, like there are laws to how you live your life or something.  You do what you do.  You do what makes you and the people around you happy.  Martin and I are happy right now, just accept that.
CHARLIE
You have no right to lecture me.
MaRTIN
And you have no right to lecture me.  Becky's right, Charlie.  There's no black and white, OK?  I'm sorry that this makes you upset.  I'm sorry you don't like it.  But it's how it is.
(to Becky)
Come on.
They begin to leave.
CHARLIE
You're just going to go?
MARTIN
Yeah, we are.
They leave.  Charlie throws his bag across the room and then sits violently down on the couch.  He sits for a moment, stunned and upset.  His cell phone rings.  As before he looks at it.  He's about to turn off the ringer when he stops and thinks.  He answers the phone.
CHARLIE
(into the phone)
Hey.

Epilogue
The lights come up on the bar scene from the beginning.  Molly, Leigh, Case, Martin and Becky all sit at the bar once again in the same places they were in the beginning.  Charlie enters after a few moments from the side.  Martin gets up and they look at each other.  Charlie walks over and shakes his hand.  The song I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, or a song like it, begins to play.  Charlie begins to dance.  After a moment Becky gets up to dance with Charlie.  Leigh and Case get up and start dancing.  Molly follows them and the three dance together.  Martin gets up and breaks in between Charlie and Becky, and she begins dancing with him.  As they are all dancing, Robyn enters.  She watches for a moment until Charlie sees her.  He walks over to her as all watch.  They look at each other for a moment.  He extends his hand to her.  She looks at him for a moment and then takes his hand.  They embrace, and then kiss.  The song fades into "________________" or a song like it, and all dance.  Lights out.