“An Astonishingly Meaningful Tale about Relations and Other Astonishing Stuff”

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FADE IN:

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

A large house is situated in the middle of nowhere it seems. The countryside surrounds this wonderful house with only one small gravel road leading to and from it. Two cars are parked out front.

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

The sun is bright and looks hot. Its shine beams onto a large, beautiful garden where a large family dine on a large garden table.

A closer look shows they’ve just had a barbeque. All plates are mostly clean. It seems as though it’s a family gathering consisting of a mother, father, two young sons, a teenage daughter, a grandma, grandpa, an uncle, aunt and their teenage son.

The kids are shouting at one another and the parents are arguing.

				MAN (V.O)
		Family gatherings... 

This mans voice is full of wisdom. It’s low, old, very slowly paced and crackling every now and then like an old record playing. The man is English.

				MAN (V.O)
Family gatherings consist of few things when combined with a barbeque.

The grandma, early seventies, sips at her wine. Next to her on the table, a large bottle of the inexpensive kind, sits almost empty. She fills her glass with it and sips some more.

				MAN (V.O)
		Excessive alcoholic drinking...

The father, at the barbeque grill, is taking off the rest of the unwanted burgers when it suddenly catches aflame. The father struggles to put it out.

				MAN (V.O)
		The inevitable fire...

The uncle stands to his feet laughing hard at the father trying to put out the fire. He suddenly holds his stomach, turns away from the table and pukes on the garden patio behind him.

				MAN (V.O)
		Signs of incorrectly cooked food...

The teenage son is busy chewing when he notices the uncle, his father, puking right next to him. He begins to choke.

				MAN (V.O)
Followed closely by the choking of the children...

His mother executes the Heinrich manoeuvre perfectly and a large piece of meat flies out of the teenage son’s mouth. He relaxes and takes a few breaths.

				MAN (V.O)
Of course, these usually don’t happen all at once but it’s often that we see such happenings with barbeques of such.

Suddenly, something, sort of like a meteorite, shoots through the table and into the ground like a large bullet. The table breaks violently in half with a harsh crackling sound bursting into everyone’s ears.

The entire family reacts the same and jumps away from the table. The father, with the fire still alight, steps away from it staring at the hole in the ground. Smoke seeps out from it.

				MAN (V.O)
However, it’s also true that something not exactly expected to happen at a family barbeque happens just when things begin to take shape.

The uncle and father are the first to move closer with caution and examine the hole.

				TEENAGE SON
		What is it?!?

The father looks into the hole and sees some sort of object inside. It shines like metal. He jumps back with a slight, manly shriek. He looks to his family.

				FATHER
		Okay, everyone into the house.

Everyone does except the mother.

				MOTHER
		John, the grill’s melting...

John, the father, looks to the large fire that has engulfed his grill; he looks back to his wife.

				JOHN
		Just do as I say... into the house!

The uncle waits with John. They look at each other as the rest of the family looks at them through the large window in the house.

				UNCLE
		What is it? A meteor...?

John struggles to find words.

				JOHN
It looks a little too shiny to be a meteor.

				UNCLE
		What does that mean?

				JOHN
		I don’t know, have a look.

The uncle keeps his eyes on John. He suddenly steps forward to the hole and looks into it. He sees that it is metal. It looks more like chrome. The uncle is astonished.

John moves forward and looks in with him. They both look stunned.

Suddenly, the object begins to move, something pops off it and like the lid of a bin and the sound of a can with compressed air in it being opened, the object begins to open.

The uncle and John leap back in fright and sprint into the house as more smoke fills the hole.

The entire family watch through the window including John and the uncle.

				MAN (V.O)
Even though it might sound highly cheesy and very tedious... it sometimes takes something more than a family gathering and half price burgers to bring everyone in the family closer together again.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

With everyone watching the smoke outside intensify, John grabs his wife. She looks at him startled.

				JOHN
		Call the police Jane.

				JANE
		Okay dear.

Jane, the mother, runs out of the room. John thinks to himself for a moment.

				JOHN
			(raised voice)
Okay, I want everyone away from the window.

No one responds.

				JOHN
			(shouting)
		Now!

The entire family jump with shock. They turn to John and, especially the younger ones, look and sound disappointed.

The family follow each other and sit on the couple of sofas together. Jane enters the room again and looks to John.

				JANE
		The phones aren’t working...

				JOHN
		Damn this thing...

				TEENAGE DAUGHTER
		Thing...? What is it?

				JOHN
It’s just a... it’s what you’d call a...

				UNCLE
			(raised voice)
		It’s a fucking alien is what it is!

John looks to the uncle flabbergasted. The rest of the family begin screaming with fear and panic.

				JOHN
			(disappointed)
		Dave...

				UNCLE
		Sorry John...

John looks to his terrified family.

				JOHN
			(shouting)
		Shut up!

Everyone shuts up and is silent. They look to John.

				JOHN
Now... what Dave, your uncle or your father, just said wasn’t true...

Dave’s wife, the aunt, hits him on the arm.

				AUNT
Why would you say something like that?

Relaxed sighs fill the room from everyone.

				JOHN
Well... it could be true but we’re not sure yet...

Terror strikes the family once more. Screams and cries take over again.

				JOHN
			(shouting)
		Shut it now!

The family responds again and is silent.

				JOHN
Okay... everyone relax. Just breathe. Me and Dave, your uncle or your father, will go outside and deal with it, okay?

		AUNT
What are you going to do?

		JOHN
Deal with it... okay? <to Dave> Let’s go.

John and Dave walk to the back door.

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

Closing the door behind them, John and Dave walk slowly and cautiously to the hole. The smoke’s clearing slightly.

A sudden noise of compressed air escaping startles the two. John notices a shovel near his feet and picks it up. Dave keeps eyes on the hole as they approach it.

They both notice the fire has been put out on the grill but it is completely melted. They continue to the hole.

Looking into the hole, John, ready with the shovel, and Dave try to see past the smoke. It begins to clear quicker as they stare.

Suddenly, a weird looking creature, small in size, peeks out from the metal casing it was hiding in. It makes a little screeching noise.

Dave and John shriek manly. John then raises his shovel in the air about to hit it.

				JOHN
		You ruined our barbeque you bastard!

John slams it with the shovel. The sound of splatter tells it all. Dave looks disturbed as John seems determined.

INT/EXT. LIVING ROOM/GARDEN - DAY

The family, sitting on the sofas, hear the slam and run to the window. They all panic to look out as they see Dave standing in front of John who is filling the hole with soil.

Dave shows the family that everything’s okay and shows a quite convincing fake smile to everyone. They all hug each other cheering and laughing.

EXT. GARDEN - SAME

John pats the ground with his shovel as he fills the hole completely. Dave is still smiling and waving at the family who are seen cheering and hugging still.

				JOHN
		It was just a meteor, okay?

				DAVE
		Fine.

				JOHN
		We’ll just fill it with cement later.

John looks with Dave to the family. He begins to act all macho like a hero for a joke.

				MAN (V.O)
It’s almost family tradition to bury insignificant problems into the ground when you have so many problems already, you just don’t want another to pile on top of the stack.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

The entire family are playing board games and laughing together. Everyone looks and feels safe and happy.

				MAN (V.O)
The point of this story...? Maybe it was just to entertain you... maybe it was a fiendish way to hold your attention while my accomplice burglar steals everything in your house... or maybe it’s that families don’t need more problems to gain let alone a problem worth more than its importance to them. Even though what could very well become an attraction that brings forth billions in value to their family... it’s just not worth the hassle considering the problems that are closer to their hearts.

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

The hole that was buried begins shaking violently. The ground starts cracking and smoke seeps through.

				MAN (V.O)
Believe me when I tell you that this surprisingly twisted ending is just a stall so that my accomplice can escape with your furniture.

The hole is opening further and wider with the smoke intensifying greatly.

FADE OUT:

THE END