YOUTH OF GENERATION X
BY PAUL LENNON

SCENE 1
Basement. Kyle is on the computer, instant messaging
someone. Kyle is a young 16 year old punk rocker, he has his
hair spiked like Sid Vicious and a Ramones t-shirt on with a
black zipper up hoodie over it, and over the hoodie is a
studded black denim with the cover art of The Dropkick
Murphy’s album Blackout on the back. Oxymoron’s “Dirty Punk”
is playing in background. Kyle’s friend Adam enters. Adam
has liberty spikes, a Minor Threat, and a black leather
jacket.

ADAM
Kyle, what’s going on?

KYLE
Hey Adam. What are you doing here?

ADAM
We were gonna go hang out near the school, remember?

KYLE
Oh, yeah.

ADAM
Who you talking to?

KYLE
Janet.

ADAM
Your girlfriend?

KYLE
She’s not my girlfriend. I would’ve liked it if she was
though. She just broke it to me that she wants to be just
buddies.

ADAM
Just “buddies”? Damn that’s even lower than just “friends”.

KYLE
Thanks for reminding me.

ADAM
That’s what I’m here for.

KYLE
Well now I don’t know what to do.

ADAM
I see.

KYLE
Duuuude!

ADAM
What??

KYLE
You’re supposed to tell me what I should do?

ADAM
Why?

KYLE
Because you’re my best friend, and best friends are supposed
to give advice.

ADAM
Well I don’t know. But are we going to go or are you just to
depressed and wanna stay home and cry like a girl?

KYLE
(sigh) I guess going to hang out will cheer me up.

ADAM
Alright, let’s go.

Opening credits roll. The song playing is “Head On
Collision” by the Defects.

End credits

SCENE 2
Adam and Kyle are in the back of the school near the
dumpster, with their boombox playing G.B.H’s “Crush ‘Em”.

KYLE
I felt like Janet was perfect. We had lots in common, she
too loves punk rock, we have the same sense of humour. I
thought she liked me more than a friend, that was the vibe I
was getting from her at least. So tonight she breaks it to
me that she just wants a platonic relationship with me, now
I don’t know what to do.

ADAM
I see.

KYLE
Duuuuude!!!

ADAM
God, WHAT!?!

KYLE
You gotta tell me what I should do.

ADAM
I don’t know! Don’t ask a straight guy for relationship
help.

KYLE
Alright, you know what? Screw it, I’ll just try not thinking
about her.

ADAM: (stares blankly)....What am I supposed to say?

KYLE
Just say “OK!”

ADAM
OK!

KYLE
I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back. (exits)

(Eric, the crusty punk then enters. He is the preachiest and
most annoying kid in the New Hampshire punk scene. He won’t
shut up until everyone begins to believe in his “causes”.
He’s wearing a black skull cap, a bandana around his neck,
and a plaid vest and a pair of old pants, both covered in
patches of crust bands and symbols that show his politics.)

ERIC
Hey Adam.

ADAM
Oh, hey Eric, hows it going?

ERIC
Pissed.

ADAM
Pissed about what?

ERIC
The government.

ADAM
Oh go figure.

ERIC
This book I’m reading has got some of the most unbelievable
shit in it about the government. It’s called What Uncle Sam
Really Wants.

ADAM
What’s it say in it?

ERIC
Well, did you know that the U.S government had an ALLIANCE
with the nazis after World War 2?

ADAM
Uh, nope.

ERIC
Well, there’s alot you should learn about the government.
But as long as there’s punks like you, me, and Kyle, we will
unite and win.

ADAM
Win what?

ERIC
I’m talking about anarchy. One of these days, it’s gonna
happen.

ADAM
Psh, no it’s not!

ERIC
Are you saying that anarchy is stupid?

ADAM
Of coarse, without government, there is no structure. Why
wouldn’t you want a government?

ERIC
YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THE MEDIA OF THIS COUNTRY!

ADAM
Well you’ve been brainwashed by Crass and Aus Rotten. First
off, how the hell do you overthrow the government?

ERIC
Asassinate them.

ADAM
Asassinate them?

ERIC
Yep, asassinate the government.

ADAM
Aren’t you the same guy who believes that violence is never
the answer?

ERIC
Well, what other ways are there to achieve anarchy?

ADAM
There aren’t, that’s why anarchy is a stupid belief.

ERIC
Let’s say we did overthrow the government. People would
manage to keep structure on a local level.

ADAM
Uhhh...that’s kind of what America is like right now. So
what you’re saying is that you want to overthrow the
government...just to make another government?

ERIC
Well, no not really, right now it’s power over people. I
believe that every citizen should have the exact same power
as the government does now.

ADAM
That sounds more like the theory of communism to me.

ERIC
The theory of communism and the theory of anarchy aren’t
that different from each other.

ADAM
Theory of anarchy, what is that? Anarchy is just “no
government”.  When the taliban fell in Iraq a few years ago,
there was anarchy. Freakin’ neanderthal men picking fights
with sabertooth tigers had an anarchy! It’s stupid - it’s
primitive. So I believe that the government should just
CHANGE rather than be overthrown.

ERIC
Whether it’s changed or not, all government does is divide
people, men against women, blue collar workers against white
collar workers, but mostly it turns black people against
white people.

ADAM: (beat) Didn’t that come from some song by Aus Rotten?

ERIC
Um, I don’t know, whatever. But it’s true. The government
divides people. If we had no government, this society would
learn how to live in peace and tolerence, and everyone would
accept each other for who they are.

ADAM
Wow, I have no idea how you came to that conclusion. All I
think though is that if we had no government the country
would be in complete chaos.

ERIC
Why must you ridicule me for my beliefs?

ADAM
I wasn’t ridiculing YOU FOR your beliefs, I was just
ridiculing your beliefs! (grins)

ERIC
Why can’t we just accept each others beliefs? How about
rather than you tell me how much anarchy is a stupid, say
“Oh I don’t believe in anarchy but if you do then I’ll
respect you for you’re beliefs!”.

(Kyle then enters, he has a bottle of chocolate milk in his
hand. Eric notices it. The song “Psycho Hippie Skateboard
Punx” by Chaotic Dischord slowly fades in in the background)

ERIC
UGH! What the hell are you doing?!

KYLE
Um, nothing.

ERIC
That’s MILK!

KYLE
Umm...thanks for telling me...

ERIC
Dairy is RAPE!

KYLE
Oh God, you’re not gonna lay that vegan bullshit on us, are
you?

ERIC
WHAT!?!?!??!?! DON’T YOU BELITTLE ME!!! That milk belongs to
a calf!

KYLE
Oh, don’t worry, I ate that calf for lunch.

ERIC
YOU MAKE ME SICK! Don’t you know how infectous milking
machines can be to cows?

KYLE
Don’t YOU know that if the only thing that sucks on a cows
teet is it’s calf, then the cow could get many different
forms of deadly infections, retard?

ERIC
RETARD!?!?! Do not say that! It’s offensive to the
physically and mentally handicapped and -

KYLE
Duuuude. I can say whatever I want, you know, that’s what
the first amendment is for, right? Right. Now go along.

ERIC
Fine, I’d rather not waste my time with a COW RAPIST! Go
burn in hell!

ADAM
Um, Eric, didn’t you earlier say that people should accept
each others beliefs and be tolerent?

ERIC
Yeah, unless they drink milk, or anything with dairy or
meat...(exits) (re-enters) OR if they use words like “fag”
and “retard” casually. (exits) (re-enters) OR if they’re
pro-lifers. (exits) (re-enters) OR if they’re right wing.
(exits) (re enters) OR if they don’t think politics matter.
(exits) (re enters) OR if they’re racist, sexist, or
homophobic. (exits) (re enters) OR if they believe in God.
(exits) (re enters) UNLESS they’re Jews or Muslims, they
need our support! It’s just the Christians I hate...(exits)
(re enters) AND I hate people who choose to be friends with
those types of people...But other than that, everybody
should accept each other for who they are. (exits)

(the song fades out)

ADAM
Woah...

KYLE
Man, the crust punk scene is just hypocritical music, and it
just sucks. Punk used to be about pissing people off, then
suddenly these tree huggers came and took over. How did that
happen anyways?

ADAM
I’ll tell you how it happened. Somebody, I don’t know who,
but SOMEBODY heard The Sex Pistols singing “Anarchy In The
UK” and took it all the wrong way. They were singing about
anarchy to piss off the UK government, and the upper class.
But somebody took it the wrong way, and soon punk became a
musical genre made for ultra-left wing radical hippies.

KYLE
Well, punk is supposed to have no rules. So they should be
allowed to sing about that.

ADAM
Well, yeah they can, it’s fine if they do, but it’s pretty
much giving people the idea that punk is all about anarchy.

KYLE
I’ll tell you what gives people the idea that punk is all
about anarchy, that movie SLC Punk.

ADAM
Oh, yes. The fact that Stevo ditched punk rock all together
solely on the fact that he wasn’t an anarchist anymore just
gave the movie some intense suckage.

KYLE
And one more thing I cant forget is the way Stevo
constantley labelled people. "He's a punk" "He's not punk"
"That's punk" "I'm a punk" "Bob's a punk" "We're punks"
"PUNK RAWK!" "Punk is anarchy" "That's not punk" "Anarchy is
punk" “I can’t have a girlfriend because I’m a PUNK!”. If he
was real I’d kick his ass.

ADAM
I’ve heard other punk kids say that before, but I’m sure
they wouldn’t.

KYLE
What do you mean?

ADAM
Half the punk kids who hate SLC Punk and hate Stevo and
stuff, do you really think they’d hate him if he was real?
Nope! They’d think he’s the coolest.

KYLE
You gotta point there. But that’s not what annoys me, what
annoys me is all the kids who really DO think he’s the
coolest, and quote from him as if he’s Jesus or something.
But it’s funny when they quote him when he said “You don’t
live your life by lyrics!”...because uh, you don’t live your
life by movie quotes either!

ADAM
I’ve heard kids quote from that part all the time...there
sure is a beautiful irony in it.

KYLE
Yep....hey, what day is it?

ADAM
Sunday, why?

KYLE
Do you know if Sesame Street Unpaved still comes on?

ADAM
Aren’t you a little OLD for Sesame Street?

KYLE
Well this is Sesame Street Unpaved. Episodes from the 70’s
and 80’s, when it was good. Back then there was stuff that
anybody of any age can laugh at.

ADAM
Was Elmo in it?

KYLE
Elmo came in 1985, he killed Sesame Street. Back then, there
were some funny ass characters that got banned for the most
retarded reasons. Like Don Music, for example, a song
writing pianist with writer’s block.

ADAM
Why was he banned?

KYLE
When he couldn’t think of a lyric, he’d bang his head on his
piano. Kids would imitate that at home, they’d bang their
heads on their pianos, and parents blamed Sesame Street.
Made no sense, they could have told their kids “HEY! DON’T
BANG YOUR HEAD ON YOUR PIANO!!!” I mean, what next? They ban
Cookie Monster because a kid chokes when they stuff a bunch
of Chips Ahoys in their mouth?

ADAM
Wasn’t Cookie Monster like...ha...you know...

KYLE
What?

ADAM
Didn’t he like to...hehe...you know...he umm...you know...

KYLE
Uhhh...eat cookies?

ADAM
Yeah but, hehe, you know WHY he ate so many cookies right.

KYLE
Because he’s Cookie Monster?

ADAM
COOKIE MONSTER was a POTHEAD! Why else would he have such an
appetite?

KYLE
Duuuude, it was a kids show.

ADAM
What year did Sesame Street first air?

KYLE
1969, why?

ADAM
I rest my case. And Telly Monster was a crackhead.

KYLE
He was?

ADAM
Yep. What year did he first appear?

KYLE
I believe in 1979.

ADAM
A year before the 80’s started.

KYLE
Well, crack was invented in 1985.

ADAM
Well, until 1985, he just did coke. It was 1985 when he
discovered crack.

KYLE
Alright, what’s your proof?

ADAM
How many non-coke heads do you know that are that neurotic?

KYLE
I don’t think I know many coke heads.

ADAM
Well I do, and they all act like Telly Monster. And Ernie
and Bert, definitley gay, I mean come on, like....ok this
one is way too easy.

KYLE
Big Bird though, Big Bird did LSD.

ADAM
What’s your reasoning for that?

KYLE
Well think about, in the first few seasons, Snuffleupagus
was Big Birds...IMAGINARY...friend...right, right?

ADAM
Uhh I don’t know.

KYLE
OK, well, hear me out here, hear me out - all the human’s on
the street were like “Snuffleupagus isn’t real”,
“Snuffleupagus doesn’t exist”, “Where is your SNUFFLEUPAGUS
now?”...until some PARENTS didn’t like the idea that the
people on Sesame Street were discouraging imagination...so,
Snuffy became REAL!

ADAM
So then Big Bird wasn’t on LSD, since other people could see
him.

KYLE
WRONG!

ADAM
Wrong?

KYLE
WRONG! See, what is one lesson Sesame Street always teaches
kids?

ADAM
They teach kids lots of lessons.

KYLE
Yeah but...ehhhh...you know...

ADAM
Uhhh...the alphabet? I don’t know.

KYLE
Sharing!

ADAM
Oh, yeah, sharing.

KYLE
So Big Bird decided he’d SHARE...(winks)...his LSD with the
rest of the people on Sesame Street.

ADAM
Uh huh.

KYLE
You know what, you made a good point about Cookie Monster
and Telly Monster. And to tell you the truth, there’s a LOT
of kid’s shows that encourage drug usage. Barney the
Dinosaur - look at him. He definitley couldn’t get enough
ecstacy. That song “I love you, you love me”. Yeah. Need I
say more?

ADAM
Barney didn’t do ecstacy, it was the KIDS on Barney who did
it. When you’re high on X, inanimate objects talk to you.
And Barney, the little stuffed dinosaur doll, becomes 6 feet
tall and talks like he just got hit in the head with a
hammer. And the Telletubbies, well, HAHA, I don’t really
gotta say anything about THEM, now do I?

KYLE
No, hahaha!

ADAM
Same with Scooby Doo. Scooby’s gang was definitley made up
of potheads. AND Thelma was a lesbian.

KYLE
And Scooby Doo lusted over his cousin.

ADAM
Huh?

KYLE
Scooby Dee, his female cousin from California. I saw the
episode with my own eyes. They made it clear that she is
Scooby’s cousin, but through the whole episode, Scooby was
lusting over her. He talked to her all nervous like he
thought she was hot. And in the end of the episode, she even
kissed him.

ADAM
And you’re sure it wasn’t like a family-love-platonic kiss?

KYLE
100% sure.

ADAM
Wow.

KYLE
Well, I’ve never been a big Scooby Doo fan. I was, however,
a fan of the Jetsons.

ADAM
I know one thing about The Jetsons, Hanna-Barbara were 100%
wrong about what the 21st century would be like.

KYLE
Well, it was the 50’s dude. It’s understandable that they
didn’t know what the 21st century would be like. However,
there was a movie that came out in 1999 that had a 100%
wrong prediction of the 2000’s. It was a made for TV movie
on the Disney channel, Zenon: Girl Of The 21st Century, and
-

ADAM
Woah...you watch Disney Channel made for TV movies?

KYLE
This was when I was in the 5th grade, man!

ADAM
How do you remember it so well?

KYLE
What makes you think I remember it so well? I barely
remember anything that happened...I just know it was about a
teenage girl from the future, and it was false prediction
into the 21st century. And whoever made that movie is
probably retarded or something.

(Spike, a Casualties loving chaos punk who thinks punk rock
is a religious cult, enters. He has huge green liberty
spikes, a studded leather jacket, tight plaid pants, and
steel toe boots. The camera starts out at his feet and then
ascends up to his head. While that happens, the song “Punx
Unite” by The Casualties plays. When the camera reaches his
head, he takes a puff of his cigarette and then walks over
to Kyle and Adam)

SPIKE
HEY!

ADAM
Who the hell are you?

SPIKE
HEY NOW, that’s no way to talk to you’re fellow PUNK!

ADAM
Um, sorry? Well, what’s your name?

SPIKE
The name’s SPIKE!

KYLE
Do you live around here?

SPIKE
Nah, I live in Concord. I used to go to this school though
but I was expelled.

KYLE
Why, if you don’t mind me asking?

SPIKE
The principal caught me chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels
while spray painting UP THE PUNX on the gym wall.

KYLE
And what are you doing here at the school?

SPIKE
I decided I’d go around the whole scene, encouraging people
to support the punk scene. Say, what are you PUNX’s’s names?

KYLE
I’m Kyle.

ADAM
And I’m Adam.

SPIKE
Do you guys support the locals?

ADAM
Sometimes.

SPIKE
SOMETIMES?! You should go to shows ALL THE TIME!

ADAM
What if we don’t always have the time?

SPIKE
MAKE SOME TIME! YOU GOTTA SUPPORT THE SCENE!

KYLE
Uhhh...ok...

SPIKE
Are you guys in a band?

KYLE
No.

SPIKE
WELL FORM A BAND!!!

ADAM
I don’t play anything.

SPIKE
It doesn’t matter, you gotta be in a band to spread the word
of punk!!!

ADAM
Spread the word?

SPIKE
SPREAD THE WORD OF PUNK! CONVERT THE MASSES TO PUNK!

KYLE
(mocking) Convert the masses to PUNKIANITY!

SPIKE
SHUT THE PUNK UP!

KYLE
Dude, it’s music, it’s not a religion.

SPIKE
...music?

KYLE
Yeah dude, music.

SPIKE
(angrily) PUNK ROCK BANDS ARE THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF BANDS
THAT JUST “PLAY MUSIC”, PUNK ROCK WAS INVENTED BY MILITANT
YOUTH WHO HAD SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY TO SOCIETY!!! IT
WAS AN ORIGINAL AND CREATIVE SUBCULTURE, and because of
bands like Good Charlotte and Blink 182, punk is no longer a
threat. Punk is dying, and if you guys HELP ME spread the
word of punk, it will come back to perfect health!!!

KYLE
(sarcastically) Well, when we convert the masses to
punkianity, does it matter if their Punkolic, Punkestent,
Joey Ramone’s Witness, 1977 Adventist?

ADAM
Or or or, a member of Sid Vicious’ Church Of Latter Day
PUNX!!! HAHA

SPIKE
Wow, I never thought of it like that. Maybe punk rock should
be divided into certain religions based on how you treat
punk...

(Adam and Kyle start laughing harder)

KYLE
I’ve only known you for like a minute and I already like
you, you’re funny dude.

SPIKE
(gets an angry face) OK! Listen, I’ve been looking for
band-mates to help me spread the word of punk. Do you guys
play anything?

ADAM
Um, nope.

KYLE
I play guitar, but uh, why would we jam with you? We don’t
even know who the hell you are.

ADAM
Yeah, and you seem like a twat.

SPIKE
(takes out switchblade and holds it to Kyle’s neck) Now,
when I say you will jam with me, I mean, you will jam with
me! NOW COME ON!

KYLE
Where?

SPIKE
(walks away) JUST COME ON!

(Kyle & Adam get up and follow him)

SCENE 3
Spike’s car, Spike is driving. “The Kids Aren’t Alright” by
Clit 45 is on the radio

ADAM
So, Spike? What exactly do you want me to do?

SPIKE
Play drums.

ADAM
I’ve never played drums in my life.

SPIKE
Doesn’t matter.

ADAM
It doesn’t?

SPIKE
No, PUNX don’t have to know how to play!

KYLE
Well, you need SOME musical talent.

SPIKE
But SID VICIOUS DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BASS!!! He did it
ANYWAYS!

KYLE
Ok, good for Sid Vicious. But you told Adam to play the
drums.

SPIKE
(beat)

KYLE
Cat got you’re tongue?

SPIKE
No, I’m just trying to think of what punk drummer didn’t
know how to play drums.

KYLE
Exactly!

ADAM
(whispers to Kyle) Dude, just go with it.

KYLE
Ok. Spike, you have a guitar and everything at you’re house
right?

SPIKE
Yeah, what do you think!?

KYLE
Um, I don’t know. Maybe I’d pick up my guitar from my house?

SPIKE
NO! That would take up too much time! We need to start this
band before punk dies.

KYLE
But I’m sure like 5 minutes wouldn’t make much of a -

SPIKE
NO!

(show driveway, Spike pulls into it)

SCENE 4
Garage. Kyle, Adam and Spike walk in from side door.

SPIKE
You punx’s’s’s wanna beer?

KYLE
Sure.

ADAM
(while Kyle says ‘Sure’)
Alright.

(Spike goes into the fridge and gets them beers, and then
gets one for himself. They all open it and drink. Kyle takes
a gulp of his and then puts it down and picks up the guitar
and turns on the amp and starts to play “Hell’s Bells” by
AC/DC)

SPIKE
(unplugs Kyle’s amp) What...the HELL...were you playing?

KYLE
Um, it was AC/DC.

SPIKE
AC/DC! HAHA! They’re not PUNK!

KYLE
(sarcastically) Oh really? Gee, thanks for telling me. All
this time I thought AC/DC was punk. Hey Adam, AC/DC isn’t
punk! Who’da thunk it?

ADAM
Aw, all this time I thought they were.

SPIKE
Well they aren’t, so now you know.

KYLE
I was being sarcastic, dumbass. So basically, if you listen
to punk, you can’t be open to any other genre of music?
Where is that written?

SPIKE
Punk rock is a form of rebellion. A rebellion against all
other forms of rock & roll. By supporting bands like AC/DC
and The Backstreet Boys, you - 

KYLE
Woah, hold up. Time out. AC/DC and the Backstreet Boys? What
the hell do they have in common?

SPIKE
They’re both commercialized music.

KYLE
Except for AC/DC has musical talent and the
Backstreet Boys sound like a pregnent cat screaming while
having the shit kicked out of it. And -

SPIKE
WILL YOU LET ME FINISH!?...Well, by supporting bands like
AC/DC, you are supporting major labels. And supporting major
labels is a major punk rock sin.

KYLE
Oh, well then, should I pray to Sid Vicious. Did he not die
for the sins of punk kind?

ADAM
Hahaha!

SPIKE
God, would you guys stop making fun of the punk culture? All
I’m saying is that ever since punk was invented, major
labels were a big no-no.

KYLE
Not necessarily. Iggy & The Stooges were signed onto
Elektra.

ADAM
So was the Mc5. Oh, and The New York Dolls were signed onto
Mecury.

KYLE
Sex Pistols - they were on Warner Brothers.

ADAM
The Clash were on Epic records.

KYLE
Yeah, and The Ramones they - 

SPIKE
I GET THE PICTURE! LET’S JUST JAM NOW! (picks up bass
guitar)

KYLE
What should we play?

SPIKE
Um, how about you just play a riff and Adam and I will play
along?

(Adam sits at drum set)

KYLE
(plays G, A#, C, A#. Spike plays bass to it, but is way off.
Adam tries to play drums to it but is also way off)

SPIKE
(yells into mic) ALL PUNX UNITE AND OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT
WE NEED AN ANARCHY WE NEED CHAOS SO PUNX UNITE AND OVERTHROW
THE GOVERNMENT AND -

(Kyle and Adam stop playing)

KYLE
Uhhh what are you screaming?

SPIKE
The lyrics to this song.

ADAM
I didn’t think this was a song......I thought we were just
jamming.

SPIKE
I know but I’m making up lyrics as I go along. Tell me what
you think - “All punx unite and overthrow the government, we
need an anarchy, we need chaos, so punx unite and overthrow
the government”

KYLE
It’s missing something.

ADAM
Yeah, like originality!

KYLE
HAHA! And creativity!

SPIKE
Punk isn’t supposed to be original or creative!!!

KYLE
I thought you said it was.

ADAM
And I always felt like it was.

SPIKE
Whatever, just, fuck you guys.

(Gordon, the S.H.A.R.P (Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice)
enters. He’s wearing a brown flight jacket, steel toe boots,
and a cap.)

GORDON
Would you guys mind keeping it quiet? I’m trying to
broadcast a show. Oh, Kyle, Adam. Hey.

KYLE
Gordon? You have a show?

GORDON
Yep, it’s a public access show. You guys wanna be on it?

KYLE
Sure!

(Kyle & Adam grab their beers and start to exit)

SPIKE
Can I be on it?

GORDON
No. I don’t like you.

SPIKE
But I’m a punk and you’re a skin!!! AND PUNX AND SKINS
UNITE!!!

(Gordon then kicks Spike in the balls)

SPIKE
OWWWW THAT PUNKIN’ HURT!!!

(Gordon exits)

SPIKE
But guys, we need to jam later!

KYLE
Or not.

SPIKE: WE HAVE TO!!! We could be the only thing that keeps
punk alive. The whole punk subculture is dying, and do you
know WHY!?

ADAM
Yeah, because of assholes like you!

(Kyle and Adam exit and slam the door on Spike’s face)

(Minor Threat’s “Good Guys Don’t Wear White” plays as they
are seen walking next door to Gordon’s house)

SCENE 5
Gordon’s house. A camera crew is there, and a few other
people as well. Gordon, Kyle, and Adam just enter. As they
walk in, Gordon takes his flight jacket and cap off and
hangs it on the banister. He’s then wearing a white t-shirt
that says OI! on it and a pair of suspenders.

KYLE
So, Gordon. What’s this show called?

GORDON
It’s called I’m Not A Nazi Skinhead.

KYLE
Interesting.

GORDON
You guys know how the media constantley makes skinheads like
me look like a bunch of racist, neo-nazis?

ADAM
Um, yeah.

GORDON
Well this show would disprove the media, and it will show
all those people there who are brainwashed by the news and
movies like Romper Stomper and American History X, it will
show them that I am not a nazi, and that true skinhead’s
don’t discriminate against people for the colour of their
skin, their religious beliefs, or their sexual preference.

CREW MEMBER
Gordon, you’re going on.

GORDON
Ok (sits on couch)

DIRECTOR
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...ACTION!

GORDON
Hey, I’m Gordon, and you’re watching I’m Not A Nazi
Skinhead. You see, I’m a skinhead, but NOT a nazi skinhead.
Everybody thinks I’m a nazi, but I’m not, I’m a SHARP, which
is an acronym for Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice. And to
prove that I’m not a nazi skinhead, here’s my first guest,
David Leiderstein, a JEWISH GUY!

(David Leiderstein enters and sits next to Gordon)

DAVID
Hey, Gordon! I assure you, I am a Jewish guy. I mean, do you
know many non-Jews who have last names like LEIDERSTEIN?

GORDON
No, I don’t! And you also share a first name with the Third
King of Israel!

DAVID
Wow, sounds like SOMEBODY’S been reading the Torah.

GORDON
Of coarse! Judaism is a fascinating religion.

DAVID
(looks into camera) Now, would a nazi say that?

GORDON
(looks into camera) No, a nazi would NOT say that!

DAVID
Say, Gordon, take a look at what I brought! (takes a picture
out of his pocket and shows it to the camera)

GORDON
What is it, David?

DAVID
A picture of you and me at my Bar Mitzvah!

GORDON
Now, was I at you’re Bar Mitzvah to destroy it and commit
hate crimes?

DAVID
No you weren’t, because you aren’t a nazi skinhead.

GORDON
Nope, definitley not a nazi skinhead! Ok my next guest is
named Kyle.

(show Kyle looking caught off guard)

GORDON
Come on, Kyle.

(Kyle sits on couch)

GORDON
Now, Kyle. What is you’re heritage?

KYLE
Um, I’m half Italian, half Irish.

GORDON
(looks into camera) HALF ITALIAN, HALF IRISH ladies and
gentlemen. Now having said that, if I were a NAZI, would I
still want to be friends with you?

KYLE
Probably.

GORDON
You hear that ladies and - wait what?

KYLE
Well, neo-nazis don’t have that big of a problem with the
Irish. I know a few Irish nazis! And as for Italians, well,
Italy was ALLIES with Germany in World War 2, so I wouldn’t
think that - 

GORDON
OK! (pushes Kyle off) My next guest is named Adam. Adam,
come on.

ADAM
(sits down)

GORDON
Adam, what is YOUR heritage?

ADAM
Duuuuude. I’m not going to answer that. You are WAY to
self-conscious. I have a newsflash for you - NOBODY CARES IF
YOU AREN’T A NAZI, OK?

GORDON
But, the skinhead subculture is dying because of all the
people who think we’re nazis, we - 

ADAM
Listen, if people thought I was a nazi, I WOULDN’T CARE
because I KNOW I’M NOT ONE! So it’s no big deal! I’m out of
here.

(both Kyle and Adam exit, and Gordon stares at them as they
exit)

GORDON:...Ok, now for a brief history of the skinhead
subculture.

(song fades out)

SCENE 6
Outside of the school. “Blood & Honour” by Skrewdriver is
playing in background.

ADAM
Damn, why do SHARPs always act like they need to let the
whole world know that they aren’t white power.

KYLE
I don’t know man. Always explaining themselves, why? So in 2
years they can forget about ever being skins and go to
college to be cops and vote republican.

(a Nazi Skinhead comes up to them)

NAZI
Hey, do you guys know where some stupid SHARP named Gordon
is broadcasting his public access show?

KYLE
3 Kelso Drive.

NAZI
That show is nothing but propaganda, the skinhead subculture
is all about white power. SHARP’s do nothing but kill it.

KYLE
Well, he says that the media and movies like Romper Stomper
are the propaganda.

NAZI
Well, they sure as hell aren’t! The propaganda is books like
Spirit Of 69 and bands like Oi Polloi and The Templars!
WHITE POWER! 14! 88! (mumbling) Damn I hate the Templars,
with the nigger drummer, I hate em!

ADAM
What, exactly, are you going to do?

NAZI
I’m gonna kick his head in!

KYLE
I’d like to see you try, he’s built like an NFL player.

NAZI
I know, that’s why I’m going to use the same ass-kicking
tactic that all the nazi skinheads use.

KYLE
And what’s that?

NAZI
Get 20 more nazi skinheads to help me out.

(Kyle and Adam start walking towards the back of the school)

KYLE
Why do skinheads care so much about the history of their
subculture, and how do they know so much?

ADAM
I don’t know dude.

KYLE
Don’t get me wrong, I know some cool skins, but
seriousley...did somebody document the culture during it’s
history, like with the Bible?

ADAM
The Bible? Are you Christian?

KYLE
Yeah, why?

ADAM
I didn’t think punk and religion mixed.

KYLE
All the Ramones were Jewish though.

ADAM
I know but, well, punk and Christianity, because punk is a
liberal rebellious form of music.

KYLE
Yeah and Christianity is a rebellious religion. Judaism is
the most conservative and non-rebellious religion.

ADAM
Do I sense a little...anti-semitism?

KYLE
No, I’m just speaking what I know. And if punk rock is all
about “no rules”, then why can’t I be Christian?

ADAM
Um, well, I, (notices someone) HEY! Look who it is!

(Azraeyana, a gothic chick, is sitting against wall, cutting
herself while Marilyn Manson’s “Coma Black” plays on her CD
player. She has black hair, a black trench coat, black
lipstick, black eyeliner, black fishnet stockings, and a
pale white face)

KYLE
WELL WELL WELL! Look who it is. AZRAEYANA! How you doing?

AZRAEYANA
Horrible.

KYLE
Why?

AZRAEYANA
Because I’m a tortured soul. A vampire trapped inside this
world. Woe is me.

KYLE & ADAM
Hahaha.

AZRAEYANA
What’s so funny?

KYLE
What you said.

AZRAEYANA
That wasn’t supposed to be funny. Nothing is funny. There is
nothing to joke about in life, life is painful. Why laugh?
Why smile? Why be happy? Nobody loves me, my life is full of
rejection and depression. I am a tortured soul. I wish I
would just die right now. I don’t care if I’d be sent to
hell. The torture and suffering that people have to go
through in Hell probably doesn’t even amount to how painful
my life is...

(pause)

ADAM
(chuckles) Were you abused as a child?

AZRAEYANA
(angrily) No.

ADAM
Then what the hell are you so upset about?

AZRAEYANA: (beat) my life is painful...

ADAM
Why?

AZRAEYANA: (beat) nobody loves me...

ADAM
Continue...

AZRAEYANA:  (beat) conformists.

ADAM & KYLE
(start laughing) You ate paint chips as a kid, didn’t you?

AZRAEYANA
Shut up.

KYLE
Dude, Azraeyana, EVERYBODY is a conformist. I’m a
conformist. You’re a conformist. Adam’s a conformist.
Whether you’re gothic or preppy or whatever, you can’t
escape conformity.

AZRAEYANA
Yes you can.

ADAM
How?

AZRAEYANA
Just don’t follow the crowd.

ADAM
You’re following a crowd...

AZRAEYANA
No, I am not. I am expressing my individuality with this
clothes I wear. I choose not shop at preppy conformist
stores, I choose not to follow the MTV-watching pop music
loving crowd. I am my own self.

ADAM
Do you shop at Hot Topic?

AZRAEYANA
Yes, that store is for individuals.

ADAM
Even though it’s owned by the Gap?

AZRAEYANA
That’s a lie.

KYLE
And what bands do you like? Marilyn Manson? Tool? Slipknot?
ALL on MTV! They’re pratically pop music.

ADAM
Azraeyana, you’re going to have to accept the fact that
EVERYTHING is a trend. No matter what you dress like, you
are still following a certain trend.

(Azraeyana just stares off into space)

ADAM
Azraeyana?........AZRAEYANA!? Dude, she’s like staring into
space or something.....Azraeyana, if you’re a conformist,
don’t say anything!

KYLE
Just leave her dude, she’s probably praying to Satan or
something. (they both start walking away towards back porch
of the school)

ADAM
So why were you bashing Hot Topic? I saw you shopping there
before.

KYLE
Ah, yes, but I do not CLAIM to be against major corporate
brand names like the Gap and Abercrombie. If there’s one
thing I hate, it’s people who won’t stop nagging about
“consumerism” and “major corporations”. Just like how
everything is a trend, and everyone also is a consumer. I
really don’t see what’s so “evil” about major corporations.
And if punk is about “no rules”, then I’ll shop at Hot Topic
if I want, I’ll listen to Green Day if I want, I’ll drink
Starbucks coffee if I want, I’ll eat McDonalds if I want,
and I’ll shop at the mall if I want. Corporations
schmorporations!

(Spike then randomly appears out of nowhere)

SPIKE
YOU’RE A POSEUR!

KYLE
Oh great.

SPIKE
You can’t be punk if you shop at Hot Topic, that stores just
for trendy ass poseurs, and Green Day are COMMERCIALIZED POP
PUNK, they’re on a major corporate label!

KYLE
Hey, buddy, I don’t CARE! The music is CATCHY!

SPIKE
And by eating at McDonalds, drinking Starbucks, and shopping
at malls, you are supporting major corporations! Arragont
greedy white collar men who just -

KYLE
Hey, buddy, you just pointed out everything that I claimed
to know but don’t give a rat’s ass about. So go away.

SPIKE
But - 

KYLE
NO! McDonalds’ food tastes GOOD! And Starbucks has GOOD
COFFEE, ok? And there are good stores at the mall. So once
again, corporations schmorporations!

SPIKE
But -

KYLE
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VVVVVVEEE!

SPIKE
Fine...posers...(exits)

ADAM
Hopefully, he won’t be coming back.

KYLE
Yeah, hopefully.

(sits down at table, Adam does likewise. “Anger & Fear” by
the Partisans plays in background)

ADAM
Are you still thinking about Janet

KYLE
(sighs) Yeah. 

ADAM
Hey man, don’t be such an emo. There’s plenty of chick’s out
there.

KYLE
Girls, man. I think I’m going to take a break from the
ladies.

ADAM
That’s the spirit! Don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies,
but they can piss me off.

KYLE
If only life was more like a TV show.

ADAM
I wish I knew what TV show you were talking about. Whenever
I watch a TV show about teenagers, their life seems crappier
then anyone’s in the real world.

KYLE
What about that show Growing Pains?

ADAM
Um, that show is like from the 80’s.

KYLE
I know but -

ADAM
AND it sucked.

KYLE
True. But dude, wasn’t it weird how Mike would just meet a
girl and later that night he was making out with her?

ADAM
Sure. But it still sucked. But I used to watch it all the
time though when I was like 10.

KYLE
Yeah, me too. The weirdest thing about the show is that in
the last season, the little baby, Chrissy, suddenly became 7
years old when none of the other characters aged.

ADAM
What?

KYLE
The fact that in the last season, the little baby, Chrissy,
suddenly became 7 years old when none of the other
characters aged.

ADAM
What are you talking about?

KYLE
What do you mean what am I talking about?

ADAM
What are you talking about?

KYLE
OK, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU NOT NOTICE IT?! Chrissy aged like 7
years while none of the characters aged ONE year.

ADAM
Ha, sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

KYLE
Dude just...nevermind.

ADAM
Well, the Disney Channel in general is just home of the bad
sitcoms, whether they be cancelled from network TV, or an
original program, the Disney Channel never plays good shows.

KYLE
The Torkelsons. Remember that show?

ADAM
That was that one show with that Southern Oklahoma family,
right?

KYLE
Yeah and they all had 2 first names like Dorothy Jane and
Mary Sue.

ADAM
I know what you’re talking about.

KYLE
Ok, now, you have to remember this. When they moved to
Seattle, and the show was renamed to Almost Home, 2 of the
kids mysteriousley disappeared.

ADAM
Really? Which ones?

KYLE
Steven Floyd and Ruth Anne...

ADAM
HA! I didn’t notice that.

KYLE
Dude.

ADAM
What?

KYLE
You are so dumb.

ADAM
Well, sorry but -

KYLE
It’s clear as day. That psycho Mom killed those two kids.
Because they were the “rebellious” ones. And they could not
afford to have rebellious kids, they were an overly
conservative family!

ADAM
You serious?

KYLE
No but that’s probably what happened.

ADAM
Um, dude, why do you care so much about a bad cancelled
sitcom? 

KYLE
It’s just weird, man. You can’t just kill off 2 characters.
Any show that does that just sucks. The Torkelsons wasn’t a
good show that got bad, it was a bad show that got worse.

ADAM
OK if you don’t like it, stop talking about it. And Steve on
Married With Children was killed off and that show was
great, even after he left.

KYLE
At least there was a rational explanation for why he left.
He became some kind of park ranger.

ADAM
No question about it though, Married With Children was the
most revolutionary sitcom on television.

KYLE
No it wasn’t.

ADAM
What was then?

KYLE
All In The Family! Come on, first sitcom to incorporate
political and social satire.

ADAM
Well, Married With Children, although wasn’t the first
sitcom to talk about sex, it was the most sexual sitcom on
TV at the time.

KYLE
Don’t get me wrong, it was a great show, but All In The
Family did alot more to the world of television then Married
With Children. But if any sitcoms revolutionized television
by incorporating sexual humour and innuendo, it would be the
Addams Family. I mean come on, no TV couple before the
Addams Family was as....um...HORNY as Gomez and Morticia.
But back to All IN THE Family...without All In The Family,
we would have no South Park.

ADAM
But without Married With Children, we would have no
Simpsons.

KYLE
Well South Park is better than the Simpsons.

ADAM
What are you talking about? No it’s not. Do you know how
long The Simpsons has been on the air?

KYLE
The quality of a show has nothing to do with how long it’s
been on the air.

ADAM
How about this, you let me have my opinions, and I let you
have you’re opinions?

KYLE
OK fine......do you ever watch Nick @ Nite?

ADAM
Not anymore. Ever since it became unhealthily obsessed with
Bill Cosby.

KYLE
They used to show All In The Family, The Jeffersons, all
that Norman Lear stuff. FUNNY shows. Hell of a lot better
than what they show now...Full House? The Cosby Show?

ADAM
Nickelodean in general has gotten worse over the years.

KYLE
They need to bring back shows like The Adventures Of Pete &
Pete and Salute Your Shorts.

ADAM
And Clarissa Explains It All!

KYLE
Ok, I don’t know about that show.

ADAM
Why not?

KYLE
It was for chicks, man. And how about that dude who would
always climb up into her window?

ADAM
You mean Sam?

KYLE
Yeah, him. 20 years old, pretending to be 15, it always
happens in those kinds of shows. (in girls voice) Sam,
you’re my best friend! (in super-deep voice) I know.

ADAM
(laughs) Well, when I think about it, there were alot of
90’s Nick shows that sucked.

KYLE
Doug, for an example.

ADAM
Hey, Doug ruled!

KYLE
No, not necessarilly. In my book, any show that revolves an
entire episode around the main character buying a new pair
of shoes...just sucks.

ADAM
Oooooh I remember that episode!

KYLE
Have you ever noticed how much Doug has in common with
Arthur?

ADAM
You mean that aardvark dude?

KYLE
Yeah. Both shows have the kid, his friend, the rich snobby
girl, the annoying sister. You know?

ADAM
Arthur was just a weird show. I mean, have you ever noticed
that Arthur’s school janitor is a dog, and his friend Binky
Barns is a dog. And they talk like humans...BUT...Arthur
also has a pet dog that just goes WOOF WOOF all the time.

KYLE
Hey...that’s true...

ADAM
And how about that character, The Brain, hmmm? He’s a bear,
right?

KYLE
Yeah.

ADAM
And Arthur’s teacher is a rat, right?

KYLE
Yeah...

ADAM
So why is the rat...taller than the bear?

KYLE
Ummmm...I have no idea.

ADAM
A rat taller than a bear, sounds like a big acid trip.

KYLE
How about those 80’s Nick shows?

ADAM
I didn’t grow up in the 80’s.

KYLE
Me neither, but I’ve seen some of them. Shows like Today’s
Special. Even though that show wasn’t technically made FOR
Nickelodean, and it was made for a Canadian Network. It was
kid’s show but it was pretty funny, except the puppets were
kind of freaky. (shudders) But, here’s one observation I’ve
made. 80’s Nick shows were for smart kids, 90’s Nick show’s
were for dumb kids, and the 2000’s Nick show’s were for
retarded kids.

(song fades out)

(Eric then randomly appears out of nowhere)

ERIC
I beg your pardon?! Why would you use “RETARDED” as a
derogatory term? The physically and mentally handicapped are
just people like you and me, they are not aliens. Why treat
them like that? And in the end, we all have our
disabilities. You guys make me sick. You -

ADAM
ERIC! I thought you’d be with you’re fellow PETA members!

ERIC
Um, why?

ADAM
Well, they’re all down the street burning down a McDonalds.

ERIC
They are?

ADAM
They are!

ERIC
(runs off chanting) DOWN WITH MCDONALDS! DOWN WITH
MCDONALDS! DOWN WITH MCDONALDS!

(song fades out)

ADAM
That oughta take care of him. Anyways, I was always more of
a Cartoon Network person. I loved Dexter’s Labratory.

KYLE
That show was funny. But nothing compared to Cow & Chicken.
I mean, it was a show targetted for kids, but it had more
sexual innuendo than a Mars Bar commercial.

ADAM
Definitley. Did you hear about the banned episode?

KYLE
What banned episode?

ADAM
Buffalo Gals. That episode was banned because it had lesbian
jokes in it.

KYLE
Really?

ADAM
Yep. In the episode, there was an all girl biker gang, who
happened to all be buffaloes. Well they all broke into Cow &
Chicken’s house and started GNAWING ON THEIR CARPET (wink
wink).

KYLE
Wow.

ADAM
And one of them developed a crush on Cow, and invited her to
join the buffalo gals.

KYLE
Wow.

ADAM
Dexter’s Laboratory also had a banned episode, entitled
Dexter’s Rude Removal. Well, not BANNED, just unaired. It
was sort of an “inside joke” between the creators.

KYLE
Have you seen it?

ADAM
No, I just read about it.

KYLE
What’s it about?

ADAM
Well, Dexter creates a device to make Deedee more polite.
But the device goes all haywire and it seperates Deedee into
2 halves, a good and polite half and a bad and rude half
that curses.

KYLE
Cussing?

ADAM
Cussing.

KYLE
I gotta see this.

ADAM
I don’t think you can.

KYLE
Dammit...

(awkward silence)

ADAM:...are you thinking about Janet?

KYLE
Nah, I’m thinking about the Young Ones.

ADAM
What about it?

KYLE
In the episode entitled Bambi, Vyvyan states that when they
moved into their house, they ate sausages, plants, and
goldfish.

ADAM
That’s...pretty gross, but go on.

KYLE
Well, in the first episode...they did NOT eat sausages,
plants, or goldfish. They ate flour mixed with water, which
became glue. What gives?

ADAM
I don’t know man, I don’t like British humour. I prefer
American humour.

KYLE
Soooo...you prefer seeing 30 year old men like Adam Sandler
acting like 5 year old on pot?

ADAM
Well, it’s better then guys in drag getting hit in the head
with bricks. Canadian humour is no different. I just prefer
American humour, like The Simpsons and South Park and shit.

KYLE
Dude, British humour was a huge influence on South Park.

ADAM
As was All In The Family?

KYLE
Well, that show IS based on an old British show called Till
Death Us Do Part.

ADAM
Well -

ERIC
(re-enters, “Parasites” by The Subhumans plays in
background) Ok, guys, I went down to the McDonalds and there
was nobody there burning it down. You guys lied to me, and
only greedy right wing conservative politicians LIE!

KYLE
(stands up) Eric...haha...Eric...listen. You really need to
try and learn to ignore the fact that we use words like
“retard”! Don’t get in our faces about it, because we find
it incredibly annoying. This doesn’t just have to do with
how you try and get us to stop using politically incorrect
words, but pretty much everything you stand for. If you want
to persuade American’s to be better people, getting in their
faces will do nothing but alienate them.

ERIC
Yes but you guys need to learn that you’re -

ADAM
Dude, seriousley. If you don’t go away, we’re going to vote
Bush in 4 years.

ERIC
(slowly walks away)

ADAM
Hopefully, that took care of him. And hopefully staying up
has gotten rid of you’re heartbreak. Well, I think now would
be a good -

KYLE
Hey, do you like Eric at all?

ADAM
Eh, sometimes.

KYLE
When’s sometimes?

ADAM
When he isn’t preaching about politics.

KYLE
So in other words, you never like him.

ADAM
Hey, he isn’t ALWAYS preaching. He doesn’t preach when he’s
drunk, and when he’s drunk is when I like him.

KYLE
Haha, I see.

ADAM
But I DO agree with some of his points. Like we can both
agree, Bush sucks.

KYLE
Yup.

ADAM
But when he’s not shoving his beliefs on anarchy and animal
rights and such down people’s throats, he’s a nice fella.

KYLE
I’m just wondering, what does he do to stand up for his
beliefs?

ADAM
Um, protests, makes webrings on the internet. -

KYLE
The internet??

ADAM
Yeah.

KYLE
Is it just me or is there a hilarious irony in an anarchist
who uses the internet?

ADAM
I told him that. I told him that if he was an anarchist he
wouldn’t be using a computer, since computer companies are
funded by the government. He said that computers are only
good for spreading the word of anarchy and dismantling
propaganda.

KYLE
And making his own propaganda?

ADAM
Yeah, pretty much.

KYLE
I honestly don’t understand how he thinks this country would
survive without a government. I mean sure, our government is
pretty screwed up, but that doesn’t mean government in
general is screwed up.

ADAM
I know, and this country WOULDN’T survive without a
government, which is what I was trying to explain to him.

KYLE
But the way the system works definitley needs to change.

ADAM
What if they decided the president by, instead of voting,
have to the 2 candidates play Rock, Paper, Scissors.

KYLE
Well, George W would have no clue how to play.

ADAM
If they used it in the last election, ohhh, I could just see
it. “John Kerry was once rock, then paper, then scissors.
He’s a flip flopper”

KYLE
Kerry would just rant on about how much differnt paper he
saw in Vietnam.

ADAM
Kucinich would’ve tried to find out if there was animal
product in the paper.

KYLE
And Sharpton would bitch about how there’s no black paper.

ADAM
(laughs) Man, speaking of which, have you ever notice how so
many left wing pinkos, who happen to be white, support black
supremacists who discriminate against THEIR race?

KYLE
Hmm.

ADAM
Eric is definitley one of those types.

KYLE
Does Eric know any black people?

ADAM
I don’t think so, but he definitley claims to be on “their
side”. There was this one black person he TRIED to become
friends with.

KYLE
Tried?

ADAM
Yep, tried. It was down at Rite Aid, I was there, I watched
it all happen. There was a black guy there and Eric went up
to him and just started kissing up to him.

KYLE
What’d he say?

ADAM
He said “Hey man, I support you. You probably face so much
bigotry and racism everyday, people calling you the “N”
word, the stupid KKK burning crosses in you’re front lawn
and killing you’re family, nazi skinhead bastards kicking
the shit out of you”-

KYLE
If that stuff actually happened to him, Eric would just be
rubbing in the black guy’s face things that he’d probably
rather NOT remember.

ADAM
I know. Well, then Eric then did the unthinkable, he raised
up a “fight the power” fist and yelled “AFRICAN AMERICAN
POWER!”

KYLE
AFRICAN AMERICAN power?

ADAM
Yep, African American power.

KYLE
What happened next?

ADAM
Nothing much. The black guy beat the crap out of him. He
definitley had it coming though.

KYLE
He really needs to think before he speaks.

ADAM
I know.

(song fades out)

(Adam looks over and sees Ken walking towards school. Ken is
the obnoxious and annoying jock that we all know from
school. He has on an Abercrombie hoodie and a New England
Patriots hat. He also has an ugly-ass beard, no mustache,
just a hair from the bottom of his ears to his chin to the
top of his neck)

ADAM
Oh God, it’s Ken.

KYLE
(looks over) Dammit. I hate that kid.

ADAM
Barely anybody likes him. Known fact. I asked everybody in
the school, 95% hate him.

KYLE
Who are the 5% who don’t hate him?

ADAM
His friends.

KYLE
I can’t believe he has friends.

ADAM
Most of his friends are pretty nice actually, but
he’s the biggest jerk.

KEN
(enters) HEY PUNK ROCKERS! (does devil horn hand
symbol and headbangs)

KYLE
Ken, what do you want?

KEN
What are you guys doing here?

KYLE
Nothing, now go away, nobody likes you.

KEN
Do you guys commit suicide?

KYLE:...what?

ADAM
If we committed suicide, we’d be dead. Now leave us
alone.

KEN
What if I took a shit in your mouth?

KYLE
That’d be gross.

ADAM
Just ignore him.

(they talk while Ken asks dumb questions like “What if I
took a shit on your nose?”, “What if I took a shit and
rubbed it on your face”, etc etc)

KYLE
Ok. Sooo Adam, you hear they’re making a new Batman
movie?

ADAM
Yeah, Batman Begins. I just hope it will be better
than Batman & Robin.

KYLE
A movie being better than Batman & Robin is not THAT
much to be proud of. Watching dog crap dry would be more
entertaining than Batman & Robin.

ADAM
Amen.

KYLE
Same goes for Batman Forever. Joel Schaumaker ruined
everything about Batman. He turned Gotham City from dark and
gloomy to flashy, making it look like Tokyo, and the
Batmobile, oh good God, I could go on for DAYS about how
Joel Schaumaker killed the Batmobile. And the first line in
Batman Forever was...supposed to be funny. Not dark, not
mysterious, not sad...it was intended to make you laugh. It
was like the 60’s Batman with Adam West all over again.

ADAM
What was the first line in the movie again?

KYLE
After Bruce Wayne got on his “gear” and became
Batman, Alfred said to him “Would you like a sandwhich?”.
Batman said “I’ll get drive thru”. Now that’s NOT the Batman
I know and love.

ADAM
Oh yeah.

KEN
Why aren’t you guys answering my question? (shouts louder)
WHAT IF I TOOK A SHIT ON YOUR NOSE!?

ADAM
Um, Kyle, I gotta show you something. Follow me.

(they both get up and run off. “Takers & Losers” by The
Business plays in the background)

SCENE 6
Kyle and Adam are walking down the street.

ADAM
I hate that kid.

KYLE
I hate that kid too.

ADAM
I hate that kid more.

KYLE
No I hate that kid more.

ADAM
No, I hate that kid more.

KYLE
Have you ever noticed that he looks like an elf with his
beard?

ADAM
I know, his beard is the ugliest thing. I mean...come on
dude, it’s called a RAZOR.

KYLE
Haha...listen to us, judging other people’s styles.

ADAM
Well, it IS ugly.

KYLE
True. I don’t usually judge how other people choose to look
like, but with Ken it’s an exception, because I hate him
with a passion.

ADAM
(notices a house) Dude, isn’t that Mrs. Draden’s house?

(they stop walking)

KYLE
I think so.

ADAM
Do you have any of her classes?

KYLE
No, but she’s still my least favorite teacher.

ADAM
Wow, never had her for a class but still hate her.

KYLE
I’ve hated her ever since I saw her yearbook picture. I mean
seriousley, she was wearing a pink feather boa. Any faculty
member who wears a pink feather boa in a yearbook picture is
definitley hateworthy.

ADAM
And she casts spells on people. She was one disturbed woman.

KYLE
Here’s what disturbs me. The fact that her name is MRS.
Draden. I mean, she’s married. Somebody married her.

ADAM
(shudders)

KYLE
Remember when Matt flipped out at her?

ADAM
Matt who?

KYLE
That skater kid.

ADAM
No, what happened?

KYLE
Last year at lunch, Matt had his skateboard.

ADAM
He was riding his skateboard?

KYLE
No, he had his skateboard strapped on his bag. You know how
the skaters do that.

ADAM
Yeah, yeah.

KYLE
Well, he wasn’t even riding it or anything, Draden goes up
to him and starts bitching at him because of it. Then he
flipped out at her, all cursing and shit.

ADAM
I wish I was there to see it.

KYLE
It was beautiful. Say, who exactly does she cast spells on?

ADAM
Students who disobey her. So, she definitley casted a bunch
of spells on me.

KYLE
Dude, there she is!

(they notice her going into car. She drives away, but leaves
the garage door opened)

ADAM
Haha, she forgot to close the garage door.

KYLE
You wanna see what she has in her garage?

ADAM
You think we should.

KYLE
Just a quick look, I’m just curious.

(they go down driveway and into garage. It looks like a
Satanic church.)

KYLE
Holy shit...

(Kyle notices a book, he picks it up)

ADAM
What’s that?

KYLE
It’s a book of spells....

ADAM
(sees a voodoo doll) Woah, a voodoo doll. (picks it up and
starts tickling it)

KYLE
Haha, that tickles. Haha (looks over and sees that Adam is
tickling the voodoo doll) WOAH!

(Adam drops voodoo doll, they start walking outside and they
look shocked as if they just saw Satan)

ADAM
I used to just hate her, now I’m seriousley afraid of her.

(Carl, Jim, and Brian - the heavy metal loving satanists -
enter. Carl has long brown hair, an Ozzy t-shirt and a green
jean army-ish jacket, the kind Hawk from Detroit Rock City
wears. Jim has long blonde hair, a black wool ski-cap, a
pair of aviator sunglasses, and a black Danzig t-shirt,
Brian has black hair down to his shoulders and is wearing a
sleeveless pentagram t-shirt. Jim is caring a chordless
boombox that’s playing Pantera’s “Cowboys From Hell”)

CARL
Afraid of who?

ADAM
Ms. Draden.

JIM
Oh, she’s that teacher who casts spells on people!

KYLE
Yeah, and that’s her house. 

ADAM
We found a bunch of satanic items in her garage.

BRIAN
WHAT DOES SHE HAVE?!

ADAM
Voodoo dolls, a book of spells. You know. Her garage looks
like the Church of Satan.

BRIAN
Can we see?!

ADAM
I guess. (They all go into garage) We got kinda scared and
just dropped everything.

CARL
(picks up spell book and looks through it) DUDES! Jim!
Brian! We should have a ritual right here! Right now! And
we’ll cast spells on people using Draden’s spell book!

JIM & BRIAN
YEAH!

KYLE
Haha, you know, you guys are the most non-threatening
satanists I’ve ever met.

JIM
Whatever mannnnnn! We’ll just see who’s laughing when we die
and go to hell.

KYLE
That’s a good thing?

JIM
Your damn right it is. Once we go to hell, we’re going to
have an unlimited ammount of pot. And we’re gonna smoke it
with our dark lord, Lucifer.

KYLE & ADAM
(start cracking up)

CARL
Shut up, INFIDELS!

KYLE & ADAM
(start laughing harder, and exit)

(show them walking down the street near school, they are
going to the back porch where they were earlier)

KYLE
Man, back in the day, satanists used to be looked at as a
threat. Now they’re just hilarious.

ADAM
Especially the ones like Carl, Jim, and Brian.

KYLE
They probably only worship satan because all the heavy metal
bands they like are satanists.

ADAM
Well, now you sound like a fundamentalist.

KYLE
What do you mean?

ADAM
Assuming that they can’t think for themselves. You know,
“blaiming the heavy metal”. Thinking it rots their brain.

KYLE
Well...dude, look at them. They’re morons, it seems like
they HAVE been brainwashed by Ozzy Osbourne.

ADAM
Ozzy’s music is not satanic.

KYLE
Are you serious?

(they make it to porch)

ADAM
Phew, Ken’s gone.

KYLE
Dude, I said, are you serious?

ADAM
Yep, it’s pretty much anti-Satanist. Read Black Sabbath’s
lyrics closely. “War Pigs”, for an example, is about how
they believe satan is the root of all war. And that song
“Black Sabbath” is about the Christian concepts of God vs.
Satan. So they were practically Christian, but
misunderstood. And since they invented heavy metal, I would
say that heavy metal is more Christian music then it is
Satanic music.

KYLE
Well, I, for one, believe that Led Zeppelin started heavy
metal. And Jimmy Page was...well...pretty into black magic
and the occult, no question.

ADAM
You know that if you play “Stairway To Heaven” backwards,
there’s Satanic lyrics about Hell? And when it gets to the
part when Robert sings “...and she’s buying a stairway to
heaven”, it sounds like he’s saying “Play backwards here
words”.

KYLE:...Everybody knows that, dude. But you know the Pokemon
Rap?

ADAM
You mean that stupid song that goes like “GOTTA CATCH ‘EM
ALL! GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL!”

KYLE
Yeah, play that part of the song backwards and it’s “I LOVE
SATAN LOVE SATAN!”

ADAM
Pokemon is just evil and weird. Remember Jynx? That Pokemon
gave me the creeps.

KYLE
Jynx? Which one’s that?

ADAM
She had long blonde hair, huge breasts, and she looked like
friggin’ Blackface.

KYLE
Come to think of it, now I do remember her.

ADAM
Were you a Pokemon kid?

KYLE
Hell yeah. I revolved my life around it. Now I just find
Pokemon...strange...same with all anime. Here’s one thing
about anime I’ve never understood. Why is it, that in anime,
whenever a character gets mad and spazzes out, he becomes 10
times bigger than the person they’re yelling at?

ADAM
Umm.

KYLE
And in anime cartoons, whenever a character sweats, why do
they always have one giant bead of sweat rolling down their
cheek. I mean a bead of sweat half the size of their face.
What’s up with that?

ADAM
I don’t know.

KYLE
And whenever an anime character cries, it always looks like
somebody installed firehoses beneath their eyes. Ever notice
that?

ADAM
Yeah, but I don’t know what to answer to that. But I do like
anime.

KYLE
Ehh, I kinda grew out of anime. But I still love video
games.

ADAM
What’s your favorite?

KYLE
I don’t know, I’ve always been a Zelda fan. 

ADAM
Have you ever noticed that the map on the original Nintendo
game is shaped like a swastika?

KYLE
Yeah, I believe it’s supposed to be a manji.

ADAM
What’s a manji?

KYLE
A swastika flipped to the side. It’s just a Japanese
good-luck logo then.

ADAM
Ah I see.

KYLE
Speaking of which, are there still punk kids out there who
wear swastikas just to shock people?

ADAM
Who did that?

KYLE
The Sex Pistols’ started that.

ADAM
Wasn’t Sid Vicious really a nazi?

KYLE
Uhh...no.

ADAM
Because I heard he went around a Jewish street in France
wearing a swastika t-shirt.

KYLE
He did, but that was to shock people.

ADAM
Well, I never really liked the Sex Pistols.

KYLE
Why not?

ADAM
They were manufactured. They were like The Spice Girls.

KYLE
WRONG! Steve Jones and Paul Cook were in a band long before
they even MET Malcolm McLaren. They even grew up in the same
neighborhood.

ADAM
Psh...Haven’t you seen The Great Rock & Roll Swindle?

KYLE
That movie is a work of FICTION, dude! They didn't even meet
McLaren until after they had all their equiptment.

ADAM
Ok, maybe Jones and Cook knew each other before meeting
Malcolm...but what about Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten?

KYLE
Sid and Johnny knew each other back in like 1975. McLaren
didn’t get them there first gig, JONES did. And even if they
were manufactured, hell, even if they were nazis, I’d still
be a fan of their music.

ADAM
Nazis suck.

KYLE
I believe that nazISM sucks. I don’t hate any group of
people.

ADAM
But you’d listen to a nazi band?

KYLE
Yes, and I actually do, I happen to like Skrewdriver.

ADAM
Are you serious?

KYLE
I like their music...I don’t necessarily agree with their
lyrics but it’s catchy music. And their first album was
apolitical, neutral, street punk.

ADAM
Well, you’re supporting them.

KYLE
Now you sound like Eric.

ADAM
Just because I’m against racism and nazism, I sound like
Eric?

KYLE
No, because you’re reading too much into the fact that I
like a nazi band.

(they hear a knock on the window from inside the school)

ADAM
(tries not to look at window) It’s not Ken, again...is it?

KYLE
(looks over) Yup, it’s Ken.

ADAM
God dammit.

KYLE
Ignore him.

ADAM
Alright, well.

KEN
(goes over to door and bangs on it as hard as he can,
constintly and rapidly for 5 seconds, then he runs out)

ADAM
I’m going to do something to him that I should have done a
looooong time ago!

KEN
(goes up to them) You guys left when I was talking! That was
awfully rude!

KYLE
Well, you don’t seem to have anything important to say, so
we decided to ignore you.

KEN
(noticing Kyle’s Ramones t-shirt, which is hard to see
because he’s wearing a vest over it) What’s it say on you’re
shirt?

KYLE
(opens vest so shirt can be seen) The Ramones.

KEN
Who are they?

KYLE
A band.

KEN
Do they suck?

KYLE
If they sucked, I wouldn’t be wearing their t-shirt, now,
would I?

KEN
Well, maybe, you know, to be funny.

KYLE
No...just...no.

KEN
Would you like it if I pooped on you’re shoes?

KYLE
DUDE! If you’re trying to be funny, it’s not working, so
stop it.

KEN
Well...

(Adam then knees Ken in the nuts, Ken falls to the floor.
Adam and Kyle then spend a whole minute beating him up until
he’s unconscious, while “It’s Kickin’ Off” by Combat 84
plays in the background)

KYLE
That took care of him!

(3 emo guys are sitting near the wall playing “Seven” by
Sunny Day Real Estate is playing on there CD player. One of
them has a short sleeve plaid shirt with a long sleeve white
shirt under it, along with thick rectangular glasses and
khaki pants. The 2nd one has on a golf shirt with khakis,
and also has on thick rectangular glasses. The third one has
on a zipper up hoodie with a blazer on over it, and, you
guessed it, thick rectangular glasses. They notice that they
beat him up)

EMO #1
Hey, thank’s for beating up Ken. We hated him.

KYLE
No problem.

EMO #2
He’d make us cry!

ADAM
Why?

EMO #3
He would always ask us stupid questions like “What if I
pooped in you’re mouth?”

ADAM
He’d ask us that too...but umm...why would that make you
cry?

EMO #3
Because it’s mean, and cruel, and disgusting.

KYLE
Well, I just think it’s disgusting.

ADAM
Yeah...

EMO #2
It’s more depressing than anything.

KYLE
Um ok.

EMO #3
So what are you guys doing here?

KYLE
Just hanging out. Trying to get cheered up.

EMO #1
Cheered up about what? Did something happen?

KYLE
This girl that I really liked said that she just wanted to
be friends.

ADAM
He means “just buddies”.

ALL EMO KIDS
Awwww.

EMO #2
That is so sad. (takes out a tissue from pocket) Would you
like a Kleenex?

KYLE
Heh, nah...I’m cool.

EMO #2
HAVE A KLEENEX!

KYLE
Dude, I’m not even crying.

EMO KID #1
Well you should. Crying is healthy, and it helps get all
that pain out.

KYLE
Dude, I’m fine. Trust me.

EMO KID #3
How about you join us?

KYLE
In what?

EMO KID #3
Our ‘clique’.

KYLE
You’re clique...Nah

EMO KID #1
I think he’s TOO PUNK ROCK to hang out with emo kids.

KYLE
Don’t make assumptions about me, dude! I don’t say I’m “too
punk” to do anything. Only idiots like that Spike kid say
that.

EMO KID #2
Well then, why not?

KYLE
Listen, I may be heartbroken from time to time, but I’m not
a wuss. I’m not ALWAYS sad, I’m usually happy....And I don’t
really listen to emo. Come on, Adam, let’s go.

(Kyle and Adam exit porch and go to the dumpster part of the
school.)

KYLE
I’ve been acting emo all day haven’t I?

ADAM
Being upset doesn’t make you any less of a man, and it
doesn’t make you an emo. And listen man, Janet wasn’t all
that good. I mean, she may have been nice to you at times,
but I’ve seen her being a total jerk to you.

KYLE
Well, she has, but I still like her.

ADAM
I don’t know what there is to like about her. She’s kind of
on the same thinking level of that Spike guy. I’ve heard her
bragging about how punk she is.

KYLE
And whenever she was at a party that I could not attend,
she’d always instant message me afterwards, and rub it in my
face how fun it was.

ADAM
That’s just mean. So what do you say, you wanna blow her
off?

KYLE
(sighs) Yes, I would. Right now.

ADAM:...Like, Instant Messaging?

KYLE
Nope, I want to go over to her house. Right now.

ADAM
No way, dude.

KYLE
Please?

(show them walking down the street. Chron Gen’s “Living Next
Door To Alice” is playing in background)

ADAM
So, are you just going to say “Janet, I don’t want to be
friends with you anymore” or what?

KYLE
No, I’m going to wait for the perfect oppurtunity. You know,
so I don’t end up feeling guilty.

ADAM
What do you mean?

KYLE
I’m going to wait for her to brag about how punk she is, or
just for her to say something really stupid. Trust me, she
will. Ah, there’s her house right there.

(they walk up to porch and ring doorbell, Janet’s Dad
answers it)

KYLE
Is Janet home?

JANET’S DAD
She’s downstairs.

KYLE
Can we see her?

JANET’S DAD
I guess.

(Kyle and Adam go inside)

SCENE 7
Janet’s room which is basement. She has her hair dyed red
and a black Misfits tank top. She is on her bed reading a
magazine while “Alphie From The Bronx” by the Toy Dolls
plays in background. Kyle and Adam go into her room.

KYLE
Hey Janet.

JANET
Hey guys, I umm, wasn’t expecting to see you.

ADAM
Kyle wanted to talk to you.

JANET
(to Kyle) Does this have to do with how I said that I just
wanted to be ‘buddies’ with you?

KYLE
Sort of.

JANET
Alright, but I’ll warn you, I’ve become more of an asshole
lately.

KYLE
Why’s that?

JANET
I think it’s because I’ve become more hardcore.

ADAM
Oh you’re more hardcore. That’s nice. Hey, I’ll be outside.
(walks away)

(show Adam outside laughing ass off for 2 second)

(go back inside)

KYLE
More hardcore? That just sounds funny.

JANET
Shut up, I’m more hardcore than you’ll ever be.

KYLE
I had no idea punk rock was a competition. I thought it was
a musical genre.

JANET
Well, punk is also a subculture.

KYLE
A punk is also the gay sexual partner of an older male.

JANET
THAT’S JUST ONE OF THE DEFINITIONS, DUMBASS!  Anyways, with
subculture comes competition.

KYLE
(sarcastically) Really?

JANET
Yep.

KYLE
(scratches head and thinks for 4 seconds) I can’t think of
any subculture where people compete. I just know that many
people, such as yourself, treat punk like it’s a
competition. Anyways, what is it that makes you more
hardcore than me?

JANET
I’ve just been listening to alot more hardcore bands, and
I’ve been dressing more hardcore lately. (Kyle tries to hold
in his laughter) And...ok, you don’t have to hold in you’re
laughter. Just laugh at me if it will make you feel better.

KYLE
(laughs hysterically) MORE HARDCORE! THAT’S CLASSIC! It’s so
arrogant, it’s funny.

JANET
Shut up.

KYLE
What? You said I could laugh at you.

JANET
I was being sarcastic.

KYLE
Well, it’s still hilarious how you think you’re so
“hardcore”. Well, I should be leaving now. You’re just way
too “hardcore” for me. (exits)

SCENE 7
Outside

KYLE
Now, she’s out of my life. Seriousley dude, she’d be better
off dating Spike. You were right, they ARE on the same
thinking level.

ADAM
You wanna go back to the school?

(They start walking. “Away From The Numbers” by The Jam
plays in background as they walk)

KYLE
Not really.

ADAM
How about we go to my house?

KYLE
Sure, what do you wanna do there?

ADAM
I don’t know. I got OnDemand, we can order a movie.

KYLE
I don’t know, there’s not many good movies on there. I’ll
tell you, the majority of movies nowaday just suck.

ADAM
Why do you say that?

KYLE
Because, too many movies today rely on spectacle. And
movie-goer’s today usually don’t pay much attention to the
dialogue, they just wanna see an explosion or something.

ADAM
So you’re saying there’s no good new movies?

KYLE
Pretty much.

ADAM
What kind of movie would you like to see?

KYLE
One that rely’s on dialogue for humour.

ADAM
What would be a good plot?

KYLE
There doesn’t have to be a plot. I just wanna see 2
guys...sitting around, ranting about what pisses them off
about pop culture, society, and the punk rock subculture.
This movie will, like, make fun of crusty punks, vegans,
nazis, goths, etc, etc. That’s the kind of movie I’d like to
see....I wonder if there’s a movie out there like that...

ADAM
Probably not.

(Credits roll and “Run Wild Run Free” by Sham 69 plays.)

THE END