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THE WILLIE AND THE GRACE EPISODE 1.1: "UNO, DOS, GRACE" Created By: Tim McAleer & Graham Paschall Written By: Tim McAleer & Graham Paschall PROLOGUE PRE-CREDITS INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY We are introduced to WILLIE. Strewn about contents litter the floor of his living room. On the couch, Willie lies in an upside down position, his head touching the floor. Around his face sits empty taco wrappers. His eyes are closed. He is obviously depressed. Directly next to the couch, a message machine flashes to life. It plays its one lone message: MACHINE (V.O.) First message: WOMAN (V.O.) Jesus Christ, Willie, this is the last time I'm changing my phone number, got it? Just except the fact that I'm gone. Oh, and you can keep the duffel bag. I bought new underwear. MACHINE (V.O.) End of message. Willie's eyes open. SCENE 1 POST-CREDITS EXT. - OFFICE BUILDING, DAY All is quiet in front of the large office building. The only activity comes from the blowing breeze which causes a near by trash can's handles to flap against the bulk of the receptacle. Beat. And then THE GRACE enters. The African-American angel runs into the frame. He wears long, flowing white robes. Molded to his back are two small angel wings. Attached to his head is a dangling halo. The running angel gasps for breath, all the while holding the halo to his sweat-covered head. He runs past the office building and trash can. Beat. And then stops. Turning around, The Grace looks down at the trash can, looks left to right, and, in one swish of the hand, causes a heavy wind to pick up, blowing the lid off of the can. He reaches up, clutching the halo. The fallen muse tears the golden ornament off of his head. He throws it in the trash can and takes off past the office building. SCENE 2 INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY Within the mysteriously clean home, Willie walks past many rooms, viewing in on the emptiness. Drawers are pulled out and left to hang and closets are eerily empty. Willie finally comes upon the bedroom. We see that despite a Queen-sized bed, the sheets are crumpled on only half of the mattress. The other half is completely intact. Willie gets on his knees before the bed, and reaches underneath the box spring. He pulls out a single wooden box. CUT TO: EXT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY Outside of Willie's house, The Grace runs by, still sweating profusely. He stops to breathe. BACK TO: INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY Still within the bedroom, Willie opens the wooden box and reveals... A single, pre-tied noose. He pulls out a desk chair and stands upon the furniture. Looking up, we see a single, thick beam in the center of the room. Willie tosses one end of the noose around the beam. He stops for a moment, staring at the noose. Willie steps down from the chair and walks over to a CD player. Pressing play, The Safety Dance begins to play throughout the house. He steps back onto the chair. He wraps the dangling hole around his neck... ...and jumps. As his body kicks and jerks around, we hear a faint voice. GOD (V.O.) Oh, poor Willie. Don't ya know that all dogs go heaven part two? CUT TO: EXT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY The Grace, still breathing heavily, looks at the nearby mailbox. In childish lettering, it reads: WILLIE He shrugs once and walks towards the front door of the house. INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY -- CONTINUOUS The angel enters the house, taking a look around. Despite the horrid, outer shell, the inside of the house is surprisingly clean. THE GRACE Wow. This place is a lot nicer on the inside. From somewhere within the house, The Grace hears the struggling yelps of a strangled Willie. We follow The Grace as he enters the bedroom. Willie hangs from the ceiling, struggling with the noose wrapped around his neck. CUT TO: INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY -- TIME'S PAST Still within the bedroom, Willie now lies on the floor. The Grace holds him in a motherly embrace. Willie's eyes open. WILLIE Mr. Rhames? THE GRACE Um- WILLIE Wait... who the hell are you? THE GRACE I just saved your life. Perhaps you have something a little nicer to say to me? WILLIE Alright. Beat as Willie thinks for a moment. WILLIE (cont'd.) Who the hell are you... sir? THE GRACE Isn't it obvious? I'm clearly a- The Grace stops as he thinks for but a moment. A *TING* sound signifies a new idea for the angel. THE GRACE (cont'd.) Obviously, I am your guardian angel. WILLIE What? THE GRACE It's true. I'll even prove it. The Grace lets go of Willie, whom rises from off of the ground. THE GRACE (cont'd.) In case the flowing robes just weren't enough, check this out! The angel turns around, pointing to the wings on his back. THE GRACE (cont'd.) See these? That's 100% wing there, baby! And that ain't just decoration. He- (points upwards, towards the ceiling) -may be a bit mad right now, but he still knows how to create one hell of a "mythical" creature. WILLIE I thought most angels have halos. THE GRACE (defensive) What do I look like? A cartoon? You believe everything you see on TV? Am I Bugs-Nigga-Bunny here? WILLIE Alright... then what now? THE GRACE Now, I need to refuel. So whatcha got? SCENE 3 EXT. - OFFICE BUILDING, DAY We are back at the trash can that holds The Grace's halo. We are also introduced to GOD, who is not seen, but only heard. He sounds mysteriously like Harry Carey. GOD (V.O.) Forgot about your tracker, did 'ya? With a gust of wind, the top of the can flies off. CUT TO: P.O.V. - GOD -- CONTINUOUS We look into the trash can to find the halo... ...and only the halo. BACK TO: EXT. - OFFICE BUILDING, DAY -- CONTINUOUS GOD (V.O.) Aw, God damn it! Ain't that the chicken's knickers!? The garbage pail completely topples over. CUT TO: INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY The kitchen table is now littered with half eaten boxes from Popeye's Chicken Restaurants. The Grace snacks on a chicken leg. Willie just watches in astonishment. WILLIE You said He was mad... THE GRACE Hmm? WILLIE You said earlier that He was mad. THE GRACE Who? WILLIE Him. THE GRACE Huh? WILLIE Exactly. THE GRACE What? WILLIE (aggravated) God. THE GRACE Oh, yeah, Him. WILLIE Who? THE GRACE God. WILLIE God's mad? THE GRACE Not at you. He's just a spiteful person in general. WILLIE Are we talking about the same God here? Jehovah, Allah, the Holy Spirit God? Are we talking about "The Big One?" Willie points upwards. The Grace places the chicken leg down onto the table and wipes his mouth with a napkin. THE GRACE "The Big One," eh? Don't get ahead of yourself, skip. You might trip on your own mentality. WILLIE What... What the fuck does that mean!? THE GRACE It means whatever the hell you want it to mean and you better believe that this is exactly how "The Big One" likes to speak... Always in riddles. I guess it just rubbed off on me. WILLIE So, what...? THE GRACE Name's The Grace. The angel extends his hand to shake, which Willie excepts. WILLIE Charmed. The Grace goes back to eating the left over chicken. WILLIE (cont'd.) So, what happens now? THE GRACE Well, Willie, after I'm done eating this delectable bird, I'm going to show you what it's all about. WILLIE Oh? THE GRACE From the looks of this place, you've seen better days. I think that it only makes sense that I stick around for a little while. You know, to shoot the shit, kill some birds. WILLIE I... what? THE GRACE You need help. I'm your guardian angel. Come on, ask me something! WILLIE Um... THE GRACE C'mon! WILLIE Alright. I'll ask the easy one: why are we here? THE GRACE Ah, excellent choice. A cliche, yes, but still an important little riddle nonetheless. Well, here's hour answer. The Grace opens his mouth to answer- CUT TO: I/E. - BLANK WALL, DAY In front of a blank, white-colored wall, two lawn chairs sit. Enter two men, COUNT LUSCIOUS and GRIM, who each take a seat. LUSCIOUS You summoned us? God's voice booms into the picture: GOD (V.O.) Luscious, Grim, we've got to find that renegade angel! The Grace is running amok, and I can't find him! Beat. GOD (V.O.) (cont'd.) Say... Did you ever wonder what exactly a muck is? I bet it's like a marathon only cooler. I can't run a marathon. No endurance, you see. I'm a speed walker myself- GRIM But why- LUSCIOUS (louder) But why us? GOD (V.O.) Those damned Unions are ruining all of my chances of finding good workers these days. I need a couple of guys who don't mind goin' about business all for the sweet, sweet sum of minimum wage. LUSCIOUS And the forgiveness? That too, correct? GOD (V.O.) Yeah, sure... Whatever. Say, did ya ever try that peanut butter in a tube? Wish I had thought of that! Peanut butter... whenever you want it! Wish I had thought of that! Brilliant! Ya know... Luscious and Grim rise from their seats and walk away from the still talking blank wall. GRIM Sir... this is our chance! LUSCIOUS Our only chance, Grim. So we better not fuck it up. And by "we," I of course mean you, you horse-fucking, shit eater. CUT TO: INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, DAY We come back into the kitchen table conversation... THE GRACE ...and that of course is where hippos come into play. WILLIE (nonchalantly, uncaring) Uh-huh. THE GRACE Questions? Comments? WILLIE Here's what I see: basically, if God is in fact not dead, then he has completely stopped caring. My girlfriend of ten years has left me, my friends have all gone to school, my rent's due, but I lack a job, and now some angel has just sort of waltzed into the picture and started eating all of my delicious Popeye's chicken. THE GRACE Perhaps- Willie ignores the angel's retort. WILLIE And, and... and since when to supposed Utopians have people flying planes into buildings and bombs strapped to their chests? At what point, The Grace... at what point does any of this come into play in the grand scheme of things? THE GRACE I'm sure you have a point, but I think I am failing to see it. WILLIE You want the point? Here's a point, jack! (he rises from his seat) Either show me a fucking miracle or get the fuck out my house! Beat. The Grace sits forward and takes a specifically non-sensible bite from a chicken leg. Willie just looks pissed. Throwing the chair to the floor, Willie exits the kitchen and exits the house. The Grace seems not to notice or just not care. He looks up from the chicken leg and into the box which held the noose. He spots a bag of Skittles candy. THE GRACE Ooh, Skittles! CUT TO: I/E. - MONTAGE, THE GRACE SEARCHING FOR WILLIE Soundless, set to Jon Brion's Knock Yourself Out. Willie walks the street of the suburban neighborhood, looking all around him. He walks past nice, homey houses and sees happy images of birds and squirrels. He is alone. He turns around and then back again, coming face to face with The Grace. He gasps and runs away hurriedly from the angel. CUT TO: I/E. - MONTAGE -- CONTINUOUS Now, we are at a warehouse setting. Willie looks all around himself, seeing nothing. He shouts, mouthing out: "Where are you!?" He backs up, walking right into The Grace's chest, whom mouths a whispered: "Here." Willie gasps and turns away from the The Grace. He runs. CUT TO: I/E. - MONTAGE -- CONTINUOUS Willie speed-walks across a street. Cars and drivers honks and yell as he passes. He still looks all around him, seeing nothing. He comes to the nearest street corner and takes a breather. He bends forward, placing his hands on his knees. Rising back up, he realizes The Grace is standing right behind him. Willie turns around, facing the angel. He points and shouts angrily, mouthing: "FUCK OFF! JUST FUCK OFF!" The Grace barely reacts. Willie runs away. CUT TO: EXT. - SUBURBAN HOME, DAY We finally come to the front of a small, peaceful suburban household. Out front of the home sits a small stand, manned by a lone Mexican child of only twelve years old. A sign made out of a discarded pizza box reads: TACOS .25 Willie enters the scene, looking all around him. He comes to the make-shift taco stand, bumping into the corner of the table. WILLIE Oh, sorry. The Mexican boy says nothing. WILLIE (cont'd.) I- Willie looks down and sees a shiny new quarter staring back at him. He bends down and picks up the change. WILLIE (cont'd.) Let me get one. The child nods and gets to work. He lays down a tortilla shell and begins to add various ingredients from miscellaneous bottles. Each one is labeled: CHAOS DESTRUCTION HAPPINESS PEACE HARMONY HATE GREED The taco is finished, wrapped in paper, and handed to Willie who gives the boy the quarter. Willie nods at the child and unwraps the taco, taking a large bite... ...only to find a small piece of paper now occupies his mouth. He spits it into his hands, dropping the remainder of the taco onto the ground. It reads: EVEN A CARTOON CHARACTER CAN BE TRUSTED SOMETIMES... Willie is immediately reminded of The Grace's words: THE GRACE (V.O.) Am I Bugs-Nigga-Bunny here? The angel's voice echoes away. Willie looks up at the boy who stares straight ahead at nothing in particular whatsoever. A hand is placed on Willie's shoulder. It belongs to The Grace. Willie drops the wrapper and turns around to face the angel. The taco stand has mysteriously disappeared. WILLIE I- THE GRACE Yeah, yeah, you found the meaning. Can we please go back inside now? Please? Willie walks away with The Grace right behind him. The angel looks all around himself suspiciously. CUT TO: EXT. - NICE HOUSE, NIGHT NAR. (V.O.) Meanwhile, at some asshole's house... INT. - NICE HOUSE, DAY We are formerly introduced to Count Luscious as he clutches a glass of brandy. Behind him, his loyal assistant, Grim, walks up a flight of stairs and stands behind his boss. Luscious looks out a large window. GRIM Count Luscious, we have word that they've finally come across the renegade. He's hiding out with a human, sire. Luscious keeps his glare steady. LUSCIOUS A name? GRIM Uh... He appears only to go by the name "Willie," sir. LUSCIOUS Bring this "The Willie" to me. GRIM Um, sir? There was no "the," just- LUSCIOUS Bring him! Luscious rises from his chair, walks casually over to Grim, and smacks him across the face, again and again. And again and again. GRIM Of... Of course, sire. Grim exits. Luscious turns back towards the window. The smallest evidence of a smile creeps across his face. He exits the room, through a book case which is actually a hidden compartment. CUT TO: SCENE 5 INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, NIGHT Willie and The Grace stand in front of each other in the middle of the living room. WILLIE You said you would explain things. We've been standing here for six hours. THE GRACE Well, here's the deal... Beat. The Grace does nothing. WILLIE Feel free to start whenever. THE GRACE And that's exactly it. WILLIE Nothing? You're speaking in riddles again. THE GRACE Look, I'm not going to just sit here and bull shit you, alright? Any ass clown can stand up and start questioning the meaning of life. And, you know what, that same ass clown might just figure it out. But what you have to realize that sometimes it's what you don't do in life that makes up who you are. WILLIE So you're saying that it's not what's happened to me this week... But what hasn't happened? THE GRACE Um... yeah, sure, why not? WILLIE (smiling) I think... I think I get it. THE GRACE Exactly. Well, that and what's inside my cloak. WILLIE Huh? In a flash, The Grace raises his cloak. The vibrant white color immediately attracts all of Willie's attention. He focuses in on the cloak until it just becomes a white void, which slowly turns into... I/E. - OUTER SPACE Within the confines of space, we are treated to a montage of images and sounds from the episode, culminating to... ...God, seen as a flash of brilliant light. GOD (V.O.) All is as it should be. FADE TO: INT. - WILLIE'S HOUSE, NIGHT The Grace stands tall within the house, his cloak stretched out right. Willie stands before the angel, a look of complete awe transplanted onto his face. WILLIE God, angel... I am so sorry... THE GRACE The name's Grace. And you don't have to be sorry for not believing in me. WILLIE No, The Grace. I'm sorry I called the cops. From outside of the home, police sirens are heard. The Grace slaps both sides of his face with his hands and screams. CUT TO: I/E. - NEXT WEEK NAR. (V.O.) Next week, on The Willie and The Grace... CUT TO: EXT. - LAKE A beaten The Grace lies before the lake's shore, looking up at Willie, whom stands before him. Willie cries. WILLIE (sobbing) You where the chosen one! You where supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them! You where to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness! You where my brother, The Grace... I loved you! THE GRACE I... Hate... You! CUT TO: END.
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