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UNDECLARED: SEMESTER ONE by A. Monroe TroubleMakers Inc. firstname.lastname@example.org INT. DEL TACO BAD & GRILL -- NIGHT At the bar, an AFTER WORK GROUP enjoy's smoothies and beer as they retell their latest conquests in office politics. A commotion is heard at one of the tables! A young man proposes to his girlfriend. He gets down on one knee, extends the ring, tears rolling down both their eyes. GIRLFRIEND I do. I do. Everyone claps, offering congratulations. Except for the STUDENT seated at the far end of the bar, wearing all black with a brown sombrero on. This is SCOTT, 20. Scott is a pure bastard. He has rugged good looks to go with his black heart. Scott sucks down his beer with a sour puss on his face. His dark eyes glare up from under the sombrero brim. SCOTT (to Bartender) Give me a shot of vodka... and keep it coming. POSTSCRIPT: SCOTT INT. LIBRARY -- MORNING TAWNY, 19, is sound asleep, face down in a book. The loud thump of a book dropping wakes her! She checks her watch -- TAWNY Oh shit. EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS -- MORNING -- CONTINUED Tawny scurries across the quad with an arm full of books, late for class. She bumps into a group of FRAT BOY'S, causing her to drop her books. TAWNY (to Frat Boys) A little help? The Frat Boys move on without a word. TAWNY Men. POSTSCRIPT: TAWNY INT. NORTHERN COED DORM -- DORM ROOM -- MORNING Nate, 20, black, stands in front of his 40 inch television watching cartoons and eating cereal. The campus security guard, ROY, 35, comes through the door and sits down on the couch. NATE Fuck do you think your doing? ROY I want to buy 3 pounds of -- NATE Do you live here? You just came in the door like you lay your head down here every night. ROY It was open. NATE Knock... or you ain't getting shit. Grudgingly, Roy gets up, goes back through the door and knocks. NATE Who is it? ROY It's me. NATE You may enter. Roy re-enters. ROY You got something for me? Nate moves to his private bathroom in his single room. He comes out with 2 thin packages of weed, the size of a TV controller. He hands it Roy. Roy hands the money over to Nate. ROY Your luck you have the best shit around here. NATE No. Your lucky. POSTSCRIPT: NATE INT. SOUTHERN COED DORMITORY -- BATHROOM -- NIGHT NIA, 19, is dragged in by 2 friends. They take her to the toilet stale where Nia pukes. BATHROOM -- EARLY MORNING Nia staggers in with a wicked hangover. She moves to the toilet and pukes her guts out. BATHROOM -- MORNING -- NEXT DAY Nia staggers into the bathroom, drunk as a skunk. She looks like she's going to blow chunks. Instead, she drops down the toilet seat and takes a leak. BATHROOM -- MORNING -- NEXT DAY Nia stands at the mirror brushing her teeth, towel wrapped around her head like a turban, surrounded by other girls going through their morning preparations. A freshman girl runs into the bathroom and pukes right on the floor, unable to make it to the toilet. Nia looks at her, shakes her head. NIA Freshman. POSTSCRIPT: NIA INT. SPRINGFIELD APARTMENTS -- BATHROOM -- MORNING OSCAR, 21, Latin-American, jerks off in the shower. APARTMENT -- LATER Oscar irons his pants, then lays them out on his bed next to his freshly ironed shirt and underwear. APARTMENT -- LATER Oscar straightens up his bedroom. He makes the bed, pulling the sheets back tight like a well trained cadet would. APARTMENT -- LATER Oscar, fully dressed, looks at himself in the mirror. OSCAR Sexy bitch. Oscar grabs his car keys. He goes into his dresser drawer to get his wallet. Inside is a treasure trove of drug paraphernalia. He grabs his wallet. POSTSCRIPT: OSCAR INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- DAY The hum of an electric mixer! Tawny looks through a microscope as busy bee's hum around the lab, hard at work. LEE, female, Asian -- passes by. TAWNY Lee, can you bring me the new samples? LEE They're in the freezer... on the first floor. TAWNY I know. LEE I have to carry up all those boxes by myself? TAWNY Use the cart. If you don't want to help me, I'm sure Professor Dooley can find another assistant to help me on the -- LEE I'll get it. Lee mumbles something to herself in Japanese as she shuffles off. Tawny checks her watch. TAWNY Not again. EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY Tawny scampers across campus. A hand comes out and slaps Tawny on the ass. She jerks around sharply to find Nia, her roommate. NIA What's the hurry busy bee? TAWNY I'm late... again. What's up? NIA You know Mena? Well, we were in her apartment the other day. She has a rabbit. It's the sweetest little thing -- TAWNY You know we can't have any pets in our room. NIA Your always jumping to conclusions. They're not going to kick us out. I happen to know for a fact that Mena is very close with the guy at the pet store. She can hook me up. TAWNY Remember what happened to that kid with the snake? I heard he's still doing community service. NIA I'll keep Alice in the closet -- and I promise she will be my responsibility. TAWNY I'm sure. (after a beat) Alice? NIA Alice in Wonderland. TAWNY I was more of a Dr. Seuss girl. NIA One problem though -- the cage is well over my meager budget. So, I was wondering if you can take one from the science lab for your dear old roommate? Tawny's face clinches up. Nia already knows the answer. NIA (CONTINUED) Please Tawny. You know I don't ask you for much. TAWNY You want me to steal a cage for you. You know I can't -- NIA They probably have like 50 cages. All I'm asking for is one. Nobody's going to miss it. Thirty seconds max. TAWNY I'll think about it. NIA Seriously, think about it. TAWNY Okay! Okay! Tawny heads inside the building. NIA I'm getting a rabbit. INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- EVENING Tawny enters the empty lab. She moves to a large storage closet. She opens it with a key, revealing a stack of cages. TAWNY Get it over with Tawny. INT. SOUTHERN DORMS -- DORM ROOM -- NIGHT Tawny returns to her room with a large garbage bag in hand. She removes the cage from it and places it under Nia's bed. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Tawny awakes. She looks over to Nia's bed, finding nothing but her Alice in Wonderland bedsheets. INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY Tawny exits her room. VOICE (O.S.) Hello Tawny. Tawny turns to find SHELDON, 19, awkwardly approaching. TAWNY Hi. SHELDON Off to class? TAWNY Breakfast. SHELDON Would you like any company? TAWNY No thanks. Bye. INT. CAFETERIA -- MORNING Tawny eat a grapefruit as she reads through a textbook. Nia enters, looking like she's been up all night. She gets a cup of coffee and joins Tawny. TAWNY Rough night? NIA Don't get me started on that asshole Scott. TAWNY Well, I got some good news. I got your cage. NIA You did? Oh, I meant to tell you.. I decided against getting one of those little critters. TAWNY Why? NIA The odor. Plus, they shed like a cancer patient. I can't stand it. The puffy eyes. Tawny leans in close. TAWNY You made me steal a cage, butterfly's in my stomach, and now you don't want it? NIA Just take it back. Tawny slams down her fork, grabs her books and storms off. NIA Tawny. Babe. Don't start the day off in a bad mood. INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- OFFICE -- DAY PROFESSOR DOOLEY sits at his desk, glasses on his nose, struggling to do a crossword puzzle. He is a small man with a lot of nervous energy, talks quickly. Tawny sticks her head in. TAWNY You wanted to see me, professor? Professor Dooley waves her in. Tawny removes a pile of papers off a chair and takes a seat. PROFESSOR DOOLEY Damn puzzles. I'm not good at this kind of stuff. TAWNY Then why do it? PROFESSOR DOOLEY Because everybody else does. Would you like some coffee? TAWNY No thanks. PROFESSOR DOOLEY Should I have even offered you coffee? Will I get in trouble if I offer a minor a stimulant? TAWNY I don't think so. PROFESSOR DOOLEY That's a relief. TAWNY Jennifer said you wanted to see me. PROFESSOR DOOLEY That's right. Thanks for reminding me. Let's get down to brass tax. It has come to my attention that you stole an animal cage from the inventory closet last night? TAWNY Sir, I don't -- PROFESSOR DOOLEY Don't deny it Tawny. I have the tape. Do you want to see the tape? Do you want to see it? Tawny nods her head. PROFESSOR DOOLEY (CONTINUED) Do I want to see the tape? On second thought, maybe we shouldn't see the tape. Kind of embarrassing. TAWNY First, I am very, very, very, very sorry Professor Dooley. Second, it will never happen again. PROFESSOR DOOLEY Your damn right it won't happen again because I'm recommending that you be expelled from school. TAWNY Please. If you just reconsider. My parents are going to kill me if -- PROFESSOR DOOLEY (laughing) Just kidding. I was acting. My daughter enrolled me in an acting class a month ago. Suppose to help you think clearly. TAWNY If I'm not expelled... PROFESSOR DOOLEY Here's what I'll do. You are demoted from the special project. You will assist Lee, and you will return the cage in the morning or I will have to contact the proper authorities. TAWNY Yes, Professor Dooley. Tawny gets up to leave. PROFESSOR DOOLEY Oh, and Tawny... one more thing. Let's keep the coffee thing between these four walls. EXT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- DAY Tawny exits the building. Standing out front is Lee. She laughs as Tawny passes. Tawny doesn't acknowledge her. INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT Tawny lay in bed crying her eyes out. Nia comes in. NIA I heard what happened. TAWNY I study. I don't do drugs. What do I get for all my hard work? A demotion. NIA Feeling somehow that this is all my fault, I want to make it up to you. TAWNY Don't bother. It's my fault. NIA You need to get out tonight. TAWNY And get drunk? I just want to lay here with a pint of ice cream and die. Nia pulls Tawny out of bed. NIA Your going. You need to get laid. You'll feel much better. TAWNY Leave me alone Nia. NIA We can go to that FU party at the Gamma house. (thinking it over) Yeah, that's it. Get up. Put something on with a lot of cleavage. We're gonna have some fun tonight. SERIES OF SHOTS Nia rummages through her closet. Nia takes a shower. Nia straps her bra on. Nia does a line of coke. END SERIES OF SHOTS INT. GAMMA FRAT HOUSE -- NIGHT Tawny and Nia enter the FU party. A PLEG stands at the door wearing a polar bear costume. He greets the guest with a middle finger as they enter. POLAR BEAR PLEG Welcome. Fuck you. The real party commences in the living room. A crowd huddles around the couch. They cheer on 2 NAKED GIRLS having sex. STAN, a frat brother, video tapes the whole escapade. Standing amongst the onlookers is Oscar. In another corner of the living room WESLEY, 23, dispenses drugs to 2 eager FRESHMAN GIRLS. WESLEY What do you want? THIN GIRL What do you have? Wesley reveals a bag full of orange ecstacy pills. WESLEY Scooby snacks? THIN GIRL The boys in the eastern have some pretty dope shit. WESLEY They're caffeine or codeine. Tell ya what, try mine then come see me tomorrow and tell me who's better. THIN GIRL (skeptically) Give me 2 more. In another corner of the room is B BOY, 20. He is the type of guy they tell girls nor to bring home to daddy. His nickname is derived from the white and black shell toe Addias he wears. B Boy tries to lay the rap down on a FAT CHICK. FAT CHICK I bet you say that to all the girls. B BOY My game is a hundred percent G proof. Let's say we get out of here and head back to my place? FAT CHICK I don't know. B BOY I'll do the clam dive. I'll pound your fucking box like a battering ram. FAT CHICK What about my friends? I drove them here. How are they going to get home? B BOY They can come too. KITCHEN Nate is selling weed to a Preppy Dude. Nate's older, more militant brother, PIERCE, 22, lingers behind them. He's trying to open a bottle of Jack Daniels. PREPPY DUDE (examining weed) How much? NATE Hundred bills. PREPPY DUDE That's kind of steep. NATE What do you expect from quality? I'm not trying to sell you a bag of oregano. The Preppy Dude hands Nate some cash. Pierce finally gets the bottle open. He takes a big swig. PIERCE Oh shit! That hit the spot. God damn! My throat is on fire... fuck. NATE I got some hashish. Two for one. PREPPY DUDE I got a guy, Chris, in the Covington apartments. NATE I'm here. He's not. You can schlep it all the way to the Covington -- fucking 20 minutes -- buy some, then spend another 20 coming back here. Or, you can take 10 seconds and buy this. PREPPY DUDE Good point. You got any coke? PIERCE Coke? All black people gotta be coke dealers? PREPPY DUDE No. I wasn't -- NATE Pierce, calm down -- PIERCE Fuck that. Take a hike white boy for I stick my foot in yo ass. The Preppy moves on. NATE Shit man, this is business. He could be a loyal customer. You know these white boys spend big money on this shit. PIERCE Fuck that motherfucka. Racist cocksucker. NATE Why's everyone gotta be a cocksucker? Now I have to go and straighten this out with him. Just try not to say anything next time. PIERCE Refresh my memory why I'm here? I'm here to help you with your temporary business endeavor. NATE Don't remind me. More and more I'm starting to think twice about our little arrangement. Beer is dispensed through kegs in the kitchen. Another PLEG in a bunny costume dispenses beer into plastic cups. He hands 2 cups to Nia and Tawny. BUNNY SUIT PLEG F-U. At the front door, Sheldon and DEXTER, 19, try to enter. They are stopped by Stan. STAN What do you little fags think your doing? DEXTER What does it look like? STAN Your getting smart with me you little shit stain? DEXTER Gee, that wouldn't take much effort, now would it? STAN Sheldon, you better tell your girlfriend to change his attitude. SHELDON Stan, just let us in and stop fooling around. STAN I said no fags allowed. Why don't you go back to your room and suck each other off. SHELDON Well then, I guess there will be no more papers for you and your frat brothers -- like the one I wrote last week for your investment class. What did you get on that paper? STAN B plus. SHELDON (reaffirming) A B plus. STAN (to Pleg) Let them in. (to Sheldon) In an hour, I'm gonna look up, and you 2 better be gone. Scott pushes his way through the door. He scans the atmosphere -- the lesbian session going on in the living room, people dancing. His eyes stop when he spots Nia and Tawny. NIA AND TAWNY NIA Look who just walked in. TAWNY I'd rather not. NIA I bet you think about him all the time. In the morning, in the shower when you -- TAWNY Shut up. NIA Hold my cell. TAWNY (taking the cell phone) Your not going over there are you? NIA Watch and learn grasshopper. TAWNY Be careful Nia. NIA Don't stand here by yourself like some lame. Take a tour or something. Nia approaches Scott. NIA I saw you looking at me. SCOTT I'm cross eyed. NIA Funny. Clever. SCOTT It got me to this point. Being clever. NIA Wanna dance? SCOTT I don't dance. NIA Want a drink? Tawny watches as Nia and Scott head for the kitchen. She takes Nia's advice and tours the house. KITCHEN Wesley, Nate, Pierce, and B Boy huddle around the island. PIERCE Who's buying dinner tonight? WESLEY Dinners on me. NATE Caffeine pills again? WESLEY These freshman broads will believe anything. B BOY Like you have a big dick? WESLEY Your mother believed it. PIERCE If you were smart you'd be doing this all the time. WESLEY If I did it all the time, I'd get burnt at some point. I have to treat it like going down on a girl. NATE (to B Boy) Where's that freshman of yours? B BOY Fuck should I know. Can't drag him around every place I go. NATE You mean like what I did for you? B BOY Fuck you motherfucka. You should have seen Nate freshman year. I had to show him the ropes and shit -- NATE No. I showed you the ropes. How fast you forget. Motherfucker from New Jersey. You should have seen the shape he was in. Couldn't even pee straight. Remember the trip to Penn State? B BOY I'm going to slit your fucking throat if you tell that god damn story again. WESLEY I never heard it. PIERCE I have. Nothing special about it. NATE Second semester of our freshman year -- B BOY I told you not to tell. WESLEY Too embarrassing? B BOY No, but... NATE There was sex, drugs, cops... girls with big ass titties. WESLEY Big ass titties? Now I have to hear this story. TAWNY Tawny wonders about the living room. She bumps into Oscar. TAWNY Excuse me. Tawny casts her eyes down on the lesbain session on the couch. TAWNY Oh my god! What kind of party is this? OSCAR It's a party. Calm down. TAWNY How could they degrade themselves like this? OSCAR Beer. Drugs. Peer pressure. Even though Tawny is mortified by the sight, she still lingers about. OSCAR Enjoying yourself? TAWNY What? No. Listen you, I don't know who you are... if your implying somehow that -- OSCAR You don't know who I am? TAWNY No. OSCAR Seriously? TAWNY Does it look like I'm joking? Am I supposed to know who you are? OSCAR Well, yeah. TAWNY Get lost. Tawny heads upstairs. She moves down the hallway. She stops at the bathroom door, which is slightly open. She peeks in to find a frat brother getting a blowjob. Tawny moves to the end of the hallway. She hears something pipping out from the behind the door of the last room. Sounds like laughing. Tawny places her hand on the door and slowly pushes it open, just enough to peek through. Her eyes widen at the sight -- Lee doing a line of coke off the stomach of another girl. Thinking quickly, Tawny films the act with Nia's cell phone. ON CELL PHONE SCREEN Lee snorts the last line of coke, then licks the gils belly button. TAWNY (low) Fuck you. FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: THE ABSENT MINDED PROFESSOR INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- BASEMENT -- MORNING The maddening buzz of an ALARM CLOCK! PROFESSOR ALLEN, 44, awakes. He methodically rises from the tattered, orange couch. Professor Allen is slightly overweight with thinning air. The only thing he cares about is his work. The basement is a mess. Empty Chinese food boxes are scattered about the checkerboard tiled floor. A DOOR SLAMS upstairs. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- KITCHEN Professor Allen pours himself a cup of coffee. He watches from the window as his WIFE gets in her car and heads off to work. EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- MORNING Professor Allen loads boxes and a suitcase into his trunk. The top of one box is ripped. Professor Allen drapes a towel over it, covering it's contents. The neighbor, EUGENE, sticks his head over the white fence. EUGENE Hey, neighbor. PROFESSOR ALLEN Eugene... good morning. EUGENE Finally hittin' the road, eh? Professor Allen nods. EUGENE Join the club. Stay strong brother. If you need anything don't hesitate. PROFESSOR ALLEN Thanks. Professor Allen gets into his car. He checks his watch. INSERT -- TIME ON WATCH READS 9:01 MATCH CUT TO: INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING The pulsing numbers on the alarm clock read 9:00. Nia sticks her head from out under the covers and presses the snooze button. INT. APARTMENT -- MORNING Oscar enters, drenched in sweat from his morning jog. An athletic RED HEAD sleeps in bed. OSCAR Get up. It's 9:15. RED HEAD I don't care. OSCAR I have class in an hour. I have to make the bed. RED HEAD You still never asked me my name. OSCAR At this point does it really matter? INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING The alarm BUZZES 9:15. Nia sticks her hand out from under the sheets and pulls the alarm clock plug out the socket. Tawny enters, grabs her bookbag. TAWNY Heard they're looking for tutors. The pay is little, but at least I can make some pocket money. What do you think? Nia is knocked out cold. INT. CAMPUS BUILDING -- TEACHERS LOUNGE -- MORNING Professor Allen takes a deep breath before entering. Some of the PROFESSORS converge on him. MALE PROFESSOR How are you feeling Cliff? PROFESSOR ALLEN I'm fine. FEMALE PROFESSOR I can't believe she kicked you out. She cheated on you. MALE PROFESSOR Always the classy guy. Where are you staying? PROFESSOR ALLEN Holiday Inn, I guess. MALE PROFESSOR If you need anything, and I mean anything, don't hesitate to call me. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Nate is eating a bowl of cereal. He flicks through the TV looking for something to watch. Oscar comes in, puts a wad of money on the table. NATE Does anybody knock anymore? OSCAR It's all there. NATE Plus the points I hope. OSCAR Yeah, it's all there. Nate counts the money. OSCAR You don't have to do that. NATE I know. (realizing it's all there) Ha. My nigga. OSCAR Yeah, well, considering the alternatives... I'd rather deal with you. NATE Want some Honey Comb? OSCAR No. Class. Check ya later. INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING Professor Allen is already emotionally drained, but his day is just beginning. He looks over the empty chairs, anticipating the arrival of students. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Nia lurches forward. She checks the alarm clock. INSERT -- ALARM CLOCK TIME READS 9:15 Nia grabs her cell phone. INSERT -- CELL PHONE TIME READS 10:12 NIA Mother -- INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY -- LATER Nia comes out the room dressed. She sprints down the hallway, knocking over a girl standing at the soda machine. EXT. CAMPUS -- MORNING Nia sprints across the grass field. INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING The sound of chalk against a black board echo's throughout the lecture hall as American History is underway. Nia and Oscar sit next to each other. Oscar surf's the net on his cell phone. Bored, he leans in to Nia -- OSCAR Got anything? NIA I got some nose candy back in the room. OSCAR Sounds good but I don't tip the day before a game. NIA When has that stopped you before? OSCAR Sassy. We need to stop kidding ourselves Nia. I want you. I know you want me. NIA Have you noticed anything different about Professor Allen? He seems sadder then he usually is. OSCAR He's getting a divorce. I heard coach talking about it. Twenty years of marriage down the drain. NIA Ouch. Hope this doesn't fuck with my grade. INT. OLD TOWN TAVERN -- NIGHT Seated at the bar, almost out of place amongst the after work crowd, is Scott. Scott is a master of balancing himself on that thin line of popularity and loneliness. He stares at the patrons in their work attire. Nice suits. Silk ties. He sees his future and hates it. EXT. CAR -- MOVING -- NIGHT Professor Allen reaches for his cup of coffee as the car pulls to a stop at a red light. Professor Allen takes a sip. He has totally lost himself in the moment as the light turns green. The car behind him slams on the horn, startling the Professor, causing him to spill his coffee all over his pants. INT. OLD TOWN TAVERN -- NIGHT Professor Allen enter and heads for the bathroom. Scott sees the Professor. He perks up. Finally, something to do. He downs his drink. A few seconds later, Professor Allen exits the bathroom and moves toward the door. He spots Scott at the bar. Professor Allen approaches. PROFESSOR ALLEN Scott? What are you doing here? Scott pretends like he is drunk. SCOTT What does it look like. PROFESSOR ALLEN How did you get in? Second thought, never mind. Scott notices the big wet stain on the Professors pants. SCOTT (re: pants) What happened? PROFESSOR ALLEN Nothing. How did you get here? SCOTT (laughing) I don't remember. PROFESSOR ALLEN Come on, I'll give you a ride back to the dorms. SCOTT Buzz off. I'm fine. Not wanting to overstep his boundaries, Professor Allen turns to leave. Thinking fast, Scott starts to cry. Professor Allen stops dead in his tracks. EXT. CAR -- MOVING -- NIGHT Scott lights a cigarette and rubs his hand over the plush leather seat. SCOTT Nice. PROFESSOR ALLEN You missed class last week... and no smoking please. SCOTT I had a fever. Hundred and three temperature. PROFESSOR ALLEN You have to start paying more attention in class. You have extraordinary potential, but your mind tends to drift at -- SCOTT I heard your getting a divorce. Professor Allen is definitely uncomfortable talking about this with one of his students. SCOTT (CONTINUED) Bang some tight little freshman? PROFESSOR ALLEN No. And for the record, she cheated on me. SCOTT Bitch. You can't trust'em. Put a ring on her finger... that don't mean shit. Scott sneezes. SCOTT You got some tissue? PROFESSOR ALLEN No. SCOTT Who doesn't keep a couple of tissues in their car? PROFESSOR ALLEN What dorm do you live in? SCOTT Most people tend to forget they have some in their car. Maybe you have some in the glove, been there for 6 months. You never know. Scott reaches for the glove box. PROFESSOR ALLEN Don't! Professor Allen takes his eye off the road for a split second, causing the car to wonder into oncoming traffic. PROFESSOR ALLEN Shit. A truck barrels down on them. Professor Allen jerks the wheel, avoiding the truck but slamming into a guard rail. EXT. CAR -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS Professor Allen and Scott are a little shaken. SCOTT That was fucking great! Professor Allen grabs his cell and dials 911. Scott notices his still it cigarette on the floor. He picks it up and takes a puff. PROFESSOR ALLEN (into cell) Hello... I've been in a car accident... route 110... (to Scott) Are you alright? SCOTT Yeah. PROFESSOR ALLEN (into cell) We're alright... just hurry. We're on route 110... route 110! (to Scott) They have a squad car in the vicinity. Scott gets out the car and looks over the twisted mess. His eyes move to the trunk, which has been jarred open. Something has caught his eye. It's the ripped box with the towel over it. Intrigued, Scott removes the towel. His eyes widen at the sight -- a box full of kiddie porn tapes. PROFESSOR ALLEN (O.S.) What are you doing? Scott grabs the box. SCOTT What the fuck is this? What kind of pervert are you? PROFESSOR ALLEN Give me the box Scott. SCOTT Holy shit. This is why your getting a divorce? PROFESSOR ALLEN She caught me. My wife. INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE -- BEDROOM -- FLASHBACK Professor Allen is sitting on the bed, slumped over, watching one of the porn movies. He is jerking off. PROFESSOR ALLEN Yeah, yeah... that's good... His wife burst through the door, literally catching him with his pants down. PROFESSOR ALLEN Honey. It's not what you think. BACK TO SCENE EXT. CAR -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS PROFESSOR ALLEN Because I forgot to lock the door... 20 years down the drain. I was going to get rid of it, I swear. My life is ruined because of this. A light is shinned in their faces. The squad car pulls up. PROFESSOR ALLEN Please, Scott. Give me the box. Scott stands there with box in hand. He knows he has Professor Allen over a barrel. SCOTT This is disgusting. People like you need to be locked up forever. The COP exits his car. PROFESSOR ALLEN I'll give you anything you want. Name your price. SCOTT I want an A for the semester. No questions asked. Deal? Professor Allen nods his head, then grabs the box as the cop approaches. COP Are you and your son alright? PROFESSOR ALLEN Yes... and he's not my son. The cop looks over the damage. Scott takes a seat on the curb, nursing his wounds. The cop takes out his ledger and starts filling out the report. COP You should have stayed in the car. You never know what delayed injuries can occur. What happened here? PROFESSOR ALLEN It's my fault. I took my eyes off the road. COP Last month, this stretch of road caught 5 accidents. Needs more lights. The cop looks Professor Allen over. COP Have you been drinking tonight? PROFESSOR ALLEN No SCOTT Give him the Breathalyzer. COP Where are you coming from? PROFESSOR ALLEN The bar -- just up the road. COP And you were not drinking? PROFESSOR ALLEN I just stopped to use the rest room. Is that a crime? COP Calm down. Calm down. What's in the box? PROFESSOR ALLEN Ugh, some documents. I'm in the process of moving. SCOTT (O.S.) He's getting a divorce. PROFESSOR ALLEN (to Cop) Mutual divorce. COP I know how it is. Five years next month. What's your name, sir? PROFESSOR ALLEN Professor Cliff Allen. COP Professor Allen? You teach American history? PROFESSOR ALLEN Yes. COP Angela Davis... my daughter. She graduated 3 years ago. She spoke very highly of you. PROFESSOR ALLEN Yes, Ms. Davis. She was always the first one to get to my class. Smart girl. How is she? COP She moved out west 8 months ago. Got one of those new tech jobs. It's good to finally put face to name. EXT. CAR -- LATER The tow truck driver, MARTY, secures the car to his truck. Professor Allen packs his things into the cab. EXT. TOW TRUCK -- MOVING -- NIGHT Marty, Professor Allen -- his belongings -- and Scott are wedged into the small truck cab. Marty is chewing on a half used cigar. Professor Allen glares out the window at the truck headlights shinning into the endless darkness. Marty notices. MARTY I know how you feel. Don't worry about it... if you have insurance. But half the people I pick up don't. They, my friend, are truly screwed. PROFESSOR ALLEN That's comforting to hear. But I got bigger problems. SCOTT He's getting a divorce. PROFESSOR ALLEN Jesus, Scott. MARTY That's alright, man. Shit, my cousin just got a divorce. It's hard on the kids. Of course, I'm a product of divorce and I turned out okay. PROFESSOR ALLEN We don't have any kids. My wife, she doesn't like children. SCOTT You, on the other hand... PROFESSOR ALLEN (CONT'D) I was supposed to move into a hotel. My damn car is totaled. I can't do anything right. MARTY Sounds like you need a stiff drink. PROFESSOR ALLEN I'm not a drinker. MARTY I know a place. Candy Land. On Rogers Street. SCOTT The strip joint? MARTY My brother works there. You should see the tits on some of those girls. Real, and I mean real. SCOTT Drop us there. PROFESSOR ALLEN No. No. How many times -- that's your problem Scott. You do what you want and -- SCOTT Your about to go through a messy divorce, your car was totaled, your going to be living in a cheap motel for who knows how long. What else do you have to look forward to? MARTY The boy is right. The boy is right. EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT Marty drops them off. Scott helps Professor Allen with his belongings, placing the boxes behind some bushes in the parking lot. Professor Allen throws the box of kiddie porn in the dumpster. INT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT Drinks, conversation and nudity. A deadly mix. Professor Allen sheepishly takes a seat at the end of the bar. Scott makes his way to the bar, where 3 topless STRIPPERS serve drinks. The blonde, VICKI, 22, smiles at Scott as he approaches. VICKI You look lonely, sweetheart. SCOTT I got my heart broken. VICKI Agh, poor baby. SCOTT My girlfriends leaving me for the garbage man. She say's he's useful, unlike me. Caused me to start having chest pains. Doctor told me I needed more sugar in my diet. So, here I am. VICKI What'cha drinking then? SCOTT Beer for me and a beer for my friend down there. Vicki looks at Professor Allen, who looks like a wounded puppy. VICKI Two beers coming up. Scott joins Professor Allen. Vicki comes with the drinks. VICKI (to Scott) Who's your friend? SCOTT This is... PROFESSOR ALLEN Cliff. VICKI I'm Vicki. They shake hands. Scott downs half his beer in one gulp. He gets lost in the VOLUPTUOUS GIRL dancing on stage. VICKI (to Professor Allen) Rough day? PROFESSOR ALLEN Excuse me? VICKI Rough day? PROFESSOR ALLEN Yeah. VICKI I feel the same way sometimes -- Vicki leans in, accidentally knocking over Professor Allen's beer. VICKI Oh my god! I'm so, so sorry. Vicki grabs a towel and cleans up the beer. PROFESSOR ALLEN No problem. Just beer. VICKI How clumsy of me. Let me get you another. Vicki moves to get another drink. She keeps her eyes on Professor Allen, who's wallowing in self-pitty. Vicki returns with a fresh beer. VICKI On the house. PROFESSOR ALLEN Don't worry about it. Accidents happen. They happen to me all the time. VICKI I've been taking acting classes. I saw a guy on Good Morning America, helps to relieve stress and anxiety. PROFESSOR ALLEN What's stressful about being a stripper? VICKI Think it's so easy taking off your clothes in front of these slobs every night? You think these jerks care if I'm getting evicted, or if my car won't start? Think they care if my mother's sick? All they care about is my boobs and ass. PROFESSOR ALLEN Your right. I apologize. VICKI Apology accepted... Cliff. (re: untouched beer) You want another? Professor Allen gets the point. He takes a sip of his beer. VICKI You don't seem like our usual customer. I'm not saying your a fruit, but I have a good sense of people. I can tell this is the last place you want to be... just like me. PROFESSOR ALLEN Your still young to correct your mistakes. Don't think that you can't. Vicki moves to the other end of the bar to tend to a customer, though Professor Allen's words still stay fresh in her head. She comes back, pours herself a shot and downs it. VICKI Want a lap dance? PROFESSOR ALLEN I don't want to be rude. This is your job and... I just want to enjoy my beer and go home. SCOTT What are you fucking kidding me? Of course you want a lap dance. PROFESSOR ALLEN No. Wait... Vicki -- Vicki comes from behind the bar, grabs Professor Allen by the hand and leads him into -- CHAMPAGNE ROOM Vicki pushes Professor Allen on the pink couch. She dances to the music, shaking her ass in the Professor's face. He wipes his brow as Vicki removes his glasses and rubs them against her chest. PROFESSOR ALLEN Be careful. Those are my only pair. Vicki climbs on top of Professor Allen. VICKI I'll be gentle. She takes Professor Allen's hands and places them on her thighs. VICKI Just relax Cliff. Your safe here. BAR Scott continues to enjoy himself. The voluptuous girl, BERRY, cozies up to him. BERRY Buy me a drink? Scott pulls out a gold credit card. INSERT NAME ON CARD -- CLIFF ALLEN SCOTT (to Bartender) Give me the most expensive bottle of vintage grapes you got back there. BERRY Big spender. I should stick to you all night. CHAMPAGNE ROOM Vicki is done. She sits on Professor Allen's lap. VICKI What do you do for a living? PROFESSOR ALLEN I teach history at SU. VICKI No shit. My mother was a teacher. Ninth grade math. PROFESSOR ALLEN Are you in college? VICKI No. Not now. Just between you and me, I've been saving my money so I can go... go back I mean. I figure I gotta shake my ass for another 5 months before I have enough to quit. PROFESSOR ALLEN What are you going to study? VICKI Art. I was good in high school. The best actually. I even won this competition when I was 16. Then my mother got sick, and I had to help out with the bills. PROFESSOR ALLEN I know someone in the admissions office. If your serious, I can put in a good word for you. VICKI You would seriously do that? Or do I have to do something in return for you? PROFESSOR ALLEN I want to help if I can. If your serious about school, why not. At least I can do something good today. Professor Allen pulls out a pad and pen from his blazer pocket. He jots down a name and number, hands it to Vicki. PROFESSOR ALLEN Call her. Tell her your a friend of mine and that I referred you to this number. BAR Scott pours Berry another glass of wine. BERRY We gonna sit here all night? SCOTT You Batgirl or something? You got some place else to be? BERRY We could go in the back room and I can give you a private showing. SCOTT That sounds good. The only problem is I don't pay for cunt. Why don't you find another prick to squeeze. Berry throws her wine in Scott's face. BERRY Faggot. I wasted 15 minutes on you. SCOTT Bitch. Berry storms off. Scott heads to the bathroom to clean himself off. Berry heads toward BRUCE, one of the bouncers. CHAMPAGNE ROOM Vicki gets dressed. She hands Professor Allen his glasses back. PROFESSOR ALLEN Thanks. VICKI So, how rough exactly was your day? PROFESSOR ALLEN My wife left me for good. I got kicked out my house. My car is totaled, and I have to sleep in a second rate motel for who knows how long. VICKI I get off in 30 minutes. If you want... I can give you a ride. Hearing a commotion, they exit the room. They see Bruce dragging Scott out the bathroom and outside the establishment. EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- SIDE EXIT -- CONTINUOUS Bruce tosses Scott to the ground. Some of the bouncers block the exit. Berry comes out and throws a champagne bottle at Scott. BERRY Your going to pay. SCOTT You gonna sleep with me and give me whatever fucking disease your carrying? BRUCE That's my girlfriend your talking to. Bruce slugs Scott in the stomach. Professor Allen and Vicki push there way out. PROFESSOR ALLEN Wait! He's just a college student... just a kid. SCOTT Shut up. BRUCE I make my bones beating up college kids like you. (to Professor Allen) You his gay uncle or something? PROFESSOR ALLEN I'm his history teacher. The bouncers share a laugh. BRUCE Get the fuck outta here. Bruce moves to push Professor Allen away. In one motion, Professor Allen grabs Bruce's wrist and flips him over on his back. VICKI Cliff. SCOTT Holy shit. PROFESSOR ALLEN I don't want to hurt you. Just let us be on our way. Bruce gets to his feet. BERRY Maybe he's right Bruce. Let's -- BRUCE This mothafucka's gonna pay. Bruce advances toward Professor Allen. PROFESSOR ALLEN I warned you once. I'm not going to do it again. I'm just defending myself. BRUCE Nobody embarrasses me in front of my girl. Bruce lunges at the Professor, who takes him down rather easily. Two COP CARS pull up. They race over to the pack of people gathered at the side of the building. They find Bruce on his back screaming like a bitch, Professor Allen on top of him, holding him down in an arm lock. The cops whip out their pepper spray and douse Professor Allen. He crumbles to the pavement, crying in pain. EXT. CANDY LAND GENTLEMAN'S CLUB -- NIGHT From the back of a squad car, Professor Allen watches as the cops place Bruce in the back of the other car. Professor Allen's eyes are blood shot red. He glances at the doorway to see Vicki, looking on, worried. Scott approaches one of the cops. After a beat, the cop escorts Scott over to the car. COP Your nephew wants to tell you something. Scott sticks his head through the window and talks low. SCOTT Don't forget about our little arrangement. The cops get into the car and they pull off. SERIES OF SHOTS Professor Allen is taken to the police station and fingerprinted. They take Professor Allen's mug shot. At Candy Land, Vicki leaves for the night. Outside, Scott rummages through Professor Allen's belongings behind the bushes. Professor Allen is placed in a holding cell. Scott breaks into a car in the parking lot. He goes underneath the steering column and hot wires the car. END SERIES OF SHOTS. INT. POLICE STATION -- MORNING A cop unlocks the holding cell. Professor Allen sleeps on the bench. COP Cliff Allen? PROFESSOR ALLEN (waking) Yes. That's me. COP You made bail. EXT. POLICE STATION -- MORNING Professor Allen exits the station, shielding his eyes from the burgeoning sun. VICKI (O.S.) Hey, you. PROFESSOR ALLEN Vicki? What are you... VICKI I still owe you that ride. EXT. CAMPUS -- MORNING Scott pulls into the parking lot. With his shirt sleeve, he wipes down the steering wheel and door knob. INT. DORM -- BATHROOM -- MORNING Scott takes a shower. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Scott slips on a fresh pair of boxers and climbs into bed. INT. OASIS MOTEL -- MORNING Professor Allen and Vicki enter his motel room. The decor is an eyesore. Brown, suede bedding. Artwork from the 70's adorn the walls. PROFESSOR ALLEN Home sweet home. VICKI This isn't half bad. At least the bathroom is somewhat clean. PROFESSOR ALLEN You want something to drink? VICKI Sure. Vicki moves toward the bed. Professor Allen heads for the kitchen inclose. He runs the cold water, splashing some on his still red eyes. He heads for the fridge, realizing there's nothing in it -- PROFESSOR ALLEN I'm sorry. All I have is water. VICKI (O.S.) That's alright. Professor Allen searches for cups. He takes the complementary coffee pot and fills it with water. PROFESSOR ALLEN I'm terribly sorry Vicki. I just realized I have no cups either. Hope the coffee pot isn't -- Professor Allen re-enters the room to find Vicki sitting naked on the bed. PROFESSOR ALLEN So, I guess your not thirsty? FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: THE POST GAME QUICKIE INT. H. DICKEY MEMORIAL SPORTS ARENA -- AFTERNOON The arena is emptying out, but you can tell a big game has just been played. Students linger on the court celebrating the big win. Oscar's at mid court, drenched with sweet, doing an interview. FEMALE REPORTER Thirty points, twelve rebounds... how many of these amazing games can you continue to have? OSCAR My teammates needed me today, and I stepped my game up. I'm prepared everyday to do what I have to do to secure a win for my team. FEMALE REPORTER What about the NBA? Have you made up your mind yet? OSCAR I'm not thinking about that. We have an excellent shot at making the tournament. That's all I'm thinking about. When the seasons over I will sit down with my family and make the best decision possible. FEMALE REPORTER Thank you, Oscar. Well another victory for SU as -- Oscar heads for the locker room, shaking hands with some of the students. A piece of paper is shoved in his face. ANNA (O.S.) Can I have an autograph? Oscar looks up to find the prettiest little red head he has ever laid eyes on. ANNA smiles as she hands Oscar a pen and paper. OSCAR Sure. Oscar gives his John Hancock. ANNA I'm a big fan of yours. OSCAR Oh? ANNA I even followed you in high school. I grew up 20 minutes from you -- Oscar's eyes drift from the paper to Anna's cleavage, then to her face. ANNA What are you doing after the game? INT. DORM ROOM -- AFTERNOON Anna takes a seat on her bed and removes her top. OSCAR You got a roommate? ANNA Her grandfather died. Funeral was yesterday. Oscar moves to the window, peaks out. OSCAR When is she coming back? ANNA This evening. OSCAR Evening being what? ANNA I don't know, between 4 and 7. OSCAR Four and seven is considered evening? ANNA Don't worry. She's not coming home for hours. I'll make it quick, but I want you to come back. Oscar moves toward Anna. She removes her bra. OSCAR Why? ANNA So I can give you the full show. They kiss. Oscar pulls away. OSCAR Let me get this straight, theoretically, she can come through the door any minute now? ANNA I suppose. You scared of my roommate? I thought superstars don't get scared? I thought they work good under pressure? OSCAR I'm only human. ANNA Human, I thought you were Superman? OSCAR My body is a little sore from the game. Maybe we should skip the bed wrestling and you just give me a blow job or something. ANNA Don't worry, Mr. All American. I'll take it easy on you. Anna grabs Oscar by his belt and pulls him in close. She unbuckles his belt with her teeth and proceeds to give him the mother of all blow jobs. Oscar is in heaven. His head goes back. His eyes close. ANNA Does it feel good, Mr. All American? Oscar is having too much enjoyment to answer. He zones Anna out, slipping into the pleasure dimension. Is that a microwave going off? A CONVERSATIONS in the next room? A BELL or a WHISTLE? Perhaps it's angles singing sweet nothings. FOOTSTEPS moving down the hallway. Oscar's face clenches up as he releases. ANNA Told you not to worry. OSCAR Damn, I sure as shit know what you mean now. Fuck. What you say your name was? The door swings open and in walks Anna's ROOMMATE. But that's not all. Her parents and 10 year old sister are present too, THE STEVENS FAMILY. ROOMMATE What the... Mrs. Stevens grabs her younger daughter and covers her eyes. Oscar is caught in a bad situation, member still standing at attention. Anna is to embarrassed to move. ANNA Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Stevens. MRS. STEVENS (to her husband) Say something. MR. STEVENS Your Oscar Sanchez, right? MRS. STEVENS Bill! ROOMMATE Dad. MR. STEVENS I know this seems awkward to ask at a time like this... can I have an autograph? OSCAR Su-- sure. You got a pen? FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: THE LIFE OF A PARTY GIRL INT. CAMPUS LIBRARY -- DAY Study hall. Nia sits at the table pouring over a thick text book, at least that's what it seems. POSTSCRIPT: MONDAY She looks up and shares flirting glances with the JOCK seated across from her. Nia leans back in her chair and runs her fingers through her hair. She pulls some lipstick from her purse and applies some to her lips. Nia packs up her things and exits the library. A few seconds later, the Jock leaves. HALLWAY The Jock follows Nia down the hall -- STAIRWELL Nia descends the steps with the Jock not too far behind. LOWER LEVEL This is one of those floors that nobody goes on. Nia enters into the bathroom. INT. LADIES ROOM -- CONTINUOUS The Jock enters. Stands by the door looking Nia over like a piece of meat. JOCK My, my. Sweet cherry pie. Without acknowledging him, Nia moves to the bathroom stale. The Jock follows her in. HALLWAY Their moans can be heard from behind the bathroom door. Dexter comes down the steps, moves to the water fountain between the bathrooms. He leans in to drink when he hears Nia's moans. Excited, Dexter listens in. This is better then porn. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING The alarm clock RINGS. POSTSCRIPT: TUESDAY We move FAST FORWARD as Nia and Tawny begin their morning routine: Nia robes, grabs her towel and leaves the room. Tawny continues to linger in bed until Nia comes back wrapped in a towel. She throws a brush at Tawny, waking her up. Tawny robes, grabs her shit, and heads out to wash up. Nia smokes a cigarette then dresses. Tawny re-enters wrapped in a towel. She puts on her clothes. Nia talks on her cell phone. Tawny does her hair and some last minute checking of her school work. They exit the room. END FAST FORWARD EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS -- MORNING Nia and Tawny walk to class. NIA I hate my shampoo. Feels like I have to wash my hair every hour. TAWNY Maybe it's your hair. NIA Your getting smarter. Your loosening up now. TAWNY Is that a good smarter or a bad smarter? NIA Bad. TAWNY I suppose some of you is rubbing off on me. NIA My work has paid off. Now, there's one more thing I have to do. Did you figure out who your going to give away your cherry to? TAWNY Keep it down. I don't want the whole world to know. NIA Why not? It's time to get your V card revoked. TAWNY It's not that easy. NIA Scott likes you. I can tell. I don't know what happened the last time with you guys -- TAWNY He's a whore, Nia. NIA Aren't we all. INT. LECTURE HALL -- MORNING Nia finds a note posted on the door of her class. It has been canceled for the day. Scott comes down the hallway. SCOTT (re: note) What's up? NIA Canceled. SCOTT Shit. I could be sleeping right now. NIA Tell me about it. SCOTT Prick did this on purpose. He could have told us last class. They like to fuck with us. NIA Yeah. SCOTT Is this class boring or what? NIA It's to early in the morning to digest that kind of stuff -- and that annoying voice. SCOTT Stop. I could hear it in my head already. NIA My next class is at 4. It's like a wasted day now. SCOTT Maybe not a complete waste. I have some weed back in my room. We could kill an hour or so. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Sex is finished. Scott roles off Nia. Scott takes a bag of weed and a black chalice off his night stand. SCOTT Your not half bad. NIA Half bad? I'm a star baby. Scott fill the chalice with weed. SCOTT I've had better. NIA Fuck you. Scott lights the weed and takes a long drag. He gives Nia a shotgun. NIA Like who? SCOTT This black chick. Last semester. Can't remember her name. It's easy for girls. You could get fucked 10 times a day if you wanted. NIA I wish. Most of the time we have to settle. All the good guys are usually taken by the time they hit 21. God damn shame. SCOTT What if no one comes along? NIA That's why vibrators were invented. SCOTT It such a chore to find good sex. Good, sober sex. Me and you are comfortable with each other, right? NIA I guess. SCOTT I know your body. You know mine. If we're ever in the mood and can't find anybody else... what if we get together from time to time and fuck? NIA Are you asking me to go steady? SCOTT No. It's more like fuck buddies. NIA So I'm second rate now? SCOTT No. I didn't mean it like that. I call you. You come over and I fuck your brains out. Then we each go our separate ways. No phone calls. No dinner. None of that boyfriend, girlfriend shit. NIA Just sex? SCOTT No strings attached. Nia grabs the chalice and takes a long pull, thinking it over. INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY POSTSCRIPT: WEDNESDAY Nia sleeps. It's her day off. INT. DORMITORY -- HALLWAY -- NIGHT Nia knocks on door 3N. POSTSCRIPT: THURSDAY LINDSEY opens the door, doesn't say anything to Nia as she moves out the room. LINDSEY (to Ebony) Try to keep the room clean... and keep your friend off the bed. EBONY Can you leave now? Nia gives Lindsey the finger as she closes the door behind her. NIA What's her fucking problem? EBONY, 19, is Nia's best bud and party accomplice. Ebony hands Nia a shot glass and fills it with Captain Morgan. EBONY She's a real bitch. I can't wait till this semesters over. I'm getting a single next year. They down their drinks. NIA You heard from Wes? EBONY He's downstairs waiting. Ebony pours Nia one more drink, then one for herself. They down their drinks. EXT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT Wesley sits in his Jeep Cherokee, blasting classic Phil Collins. Ebony and Nia exit the building. WESLEY What took you so long? EBONY Beauty takes time brother. WESLEY So does getting drunk. And we already wasted 10 minutes. INT. VERONICA'S BAR -- NIGHT Party night. Drunk couples make out on the dance floor. Drunk couples make out at the bar -- where we find Nia and Ebony downing shots. EBONY My chest is going to explode. NIA Your Irish now. You can drink with the best of them. Keep reminding yourself that. VERONICA'S BAR -- MEN'S BATHROOM Wesley reveals his bag of ecstacy pills to 2 young students. WESLEY Scooby snacks? STUDENT Are these real? LADIES BATHROOM Nia enters. The toilets are all occupied. Nia eyes the garbage can. She removes the top, drunkenly climbs on top of the can and begins to relieve herself. VERONICA'S BAR -- LATER Nia dances with a CHISELED GUY. His hands are all over her. They move to the bar. The guy grabs Nia and proceeds to stick his tongue down her throat. A gallon of water is squirted in their face from behind the bar. The female BARTENDER has a frown on her face, spray nozzle in hand. NIA What the fuck bitch. The Bartender comes from behind the counter. BARTENDER I'll squirt whoever I want bitch. Your kissing my boyfriend. CHISELED GUY Ex boyfriend. NIA What? Fuck this. Nia turns to leave when the Bartender grabs her by the hair. The drunken cat fight commences. The mutual hair pull. The eye gouge. The bitch slap. Nia gets the upper hand and tosses the Bartender to the ground. Wesley rushes in and pulls Nia off. The security guards advance toward them. Wesley and Nia disappear into the crowd. EXT. VERONICA'S BAR -- NIGHT Nia sits on the curb puking her brains out. Ebony holds back Nia's hair. WESLEY Hurry up. We gotta vamoose. EBONY Want her to chuck in you car, Wes. A BUM jaunts up to them, hand out, beer stuffed into a paper bag. BUM Can you spare some change? They pay him no mind. BUM Can you spare some change please? WESLEY Buddy, we're kind of busy here. I think I saw some Mormons around the corner. BUM Can you spare some change please? EBONY What did he say, grandpa? BUM Can you spare some -- Wesley reaches in his pocket and throws some change at the Bums feet. WESLEY Happy birthday you basket case. The Bum disregards the change. BUM Can you spare some change please! NIA Someone shut him up. BUM Can you spare some change please! Nia jumps up and tackles the Bum. INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT The sound of coke being SNORTED. POSTSCRIPT: FRIDAY Nia and Ebony sit on the floor, a tray of coke in-between them. NIA No way. EBONY You could have made the football team with that tackle. It was classic. We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED. NIA What's the 411 for tonight? EBONY Floor party in the eastern. NIA Cool. What's the attendance like? EBONY Good. There's a lot of hot shorties on that floor. NIA Cool. EBONY Remember that dude from the eastern who streaked through graduation a year ago? NIA Big kid with brown eyes. Name starts with a Y. EBONY Got kicked out of school last week. Heard he threw the RA's TV out the window. NIA No shit? EBONY Vie's old boyfriend. NIA Now which one was Vie? EBONY Vie was the girl who did the whole lacrosse team our first semester. We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED. NIA The eastern, that boy with the curly, brown hair lives there. EBONY Yeah. NIA Cool. EBONY Cool. NIA Guess what? EBONY Your father's Brad Pitt? NIA No, silly. Tawny's coming. EBONY Bout time she lost her V card. We hear the sound of coke being SNORTED. NIA Fucking cool. INT. EASTERN DORMITORY -- FLOOR PARTY -- NIGHT A topless sorority girl streaks down the hall. Music blast loudly throughout the floor. Tawny is trapped in the lounge with B Boy. B BOY I told that mothafucka to fuck off. I ain't playin' -- put your fucking hands on me. TAWNY (uninterested) Yeah. B BOY You look hot in that dress. TAWNY Yeah. B BOY You look like Amy Smart in Road Trip. Ever see that movie? Nia grabs Tawny by the arm and pulls her away. NIA (to B Boy) I need to borrow her for a minute TAWNY (to Nia) How come I always get stuck with these guys? NIA Let me tell you something about guys. They like 2 kinds of girls: sluts and good girls. TAWNY Is that so? NIA Your the good girl. That sweet, innocent, blossoming flower. TAWNY And what are you? THE FRESHMAN, 18, approaches B Boy and hands him a fresh beer. B BOY Get any slit yet? THE FRESHMAN Most of these girls won't even give me the time of day. B BOY I was like you once. Couldn't get a peep out of these bitches. Now I get so much pussy the ASPCA wants to neuter me. NIA AND TAWNY TAWNY I think I made a mistake coming here. NIA Don't say that. TAWNY I'm never going to find the right one. NIA This is college, Tawny. You don't have to marry anybody. TAWNY Well, that's what -- NIA Oh shit! That's him. That's him. TAWNY Who? The boy with the curly, brown hair -- CODY, 20 -- has arrived. Nia is flustered. Tawny has never seen her roommate like this. Cody glances in there direction. NIA He looked this way. TAWNY Who is he? NIA I don't know. INT. EASTERN DORMITORY -- DORM ROOM -- NIGHT Ebony is making out with some DUDE. His hand runs down her chest and stomach to her kitty cat. She grabs his hand. EBONY I'm on the rag. DUDE I can do it from the back. EBONY I don't eat where I shit. DUDE So what shall we do? Lay here and cuddle? FLOOR PARTY Nia and Tawny watch from afar as Cody talks to some girls. NIA Look at them. Sluts. Look at her shoes. The girls strike out. TAWNY They're leaving. NIA What should I do? TAWNY Talk to him, stupid. Nia composes herself and approaches Cody -- who's pouring himself a cup of beer. NIA Can I have one? CODY Sure. He pours her a cup. NIA You live on this floor? CODY Unfortunately. I think I was the only person who rejected this little get together. NIA I hate floor parties. My friend dragged me here. CODY My name's Cody. NIA Nia. CODY I like that name. Nia blushes. NIA So, what's your major? CODY Engineering. The DING from the elevator door opening takes Cody's attention away. Nia takes this opportunity and purposely spills the beer all over her shirt. NIA Oh. My shirt. I can't walk around like this. CODY I have a towel in my room. NIA Cool. INT. CODY'S DORM ROOM Cody retrieves his towel and hands it to Nia. NIA How clumsy of me. CODY Things happen. No problem. Nia dabs at her shirt with the towel. No luck. NIA You have a blow drier? That would work better. Cody fetches his blow drier from under his bed. Nia removes her shirt. CODY The power is kind of low. It's an old drier. What I do is -- Cody stands to find Nia in her bra. She moves in, face to face. Nia throws the hair drier on the bed, places Cody's hand on her heart. NIA Feel that? Cody nods. NIA Your not like the other juveniles around here. There's something special about you. I want you inside of me, Cody. Nia leans in to kiss Cody. CODY Nia. NIA Yes. CODY I'm gay. FLOOR PARTY The DING of the elevator as Nia steps out. She looks defeated. TAWNY (O.S.) Nia... Nia doesn't answer. TAWNY What happened? Nia pulls out a cigarette and lights it. NIA They story of my life. TAWNY I don't think you can smoke that here. The DING of the elevator door opening. Scott steps out, looking his usual rugged, dirty self. He catches eyes with Nia. She exhales. INT. FRAT HOUSE -- NIGHT Another random party. Another time Nia gets wasted. She dances on top of a table with Ebony, both drunk as a sailor. POSTSCRIPT: SATURDAY Nia falls off the table into the arms of another random dude. NIA My hero. INT. DORM ROOM -- MORNING Tawny awakes. POSTSCRIPT: SUNDAY She turns over, her eyes widen at the sight of a dude's bare ass sticking out from under Nia's sheets, staring her smack in the face. Nia enters the room, fresh from a shower. NIA Morning. Tawny jumps out of bed and pulls Nia to the far corner of the room. TAWNY (whispering) Who the hell is that? NIA (laughing) I was hoping you could tell me. TAWNY Nia -- NIA Does a guys ass make you uncomfortable? TAWNY It's not exactly what I want to wake up to. NIA (to the dude) Hey, dude! He awakes. NIA It's time to go. My roommate has a problem with smelly, drunk boys in her room when she wakes up. The dude slips on his clothes. Tawny's eyes stay glued to the floor. The dude moves to the door. DUDE It's been wonderful. Nia closes the door and stands in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. TAWNY I worry about you sometimes. NIA Don't. TAWNY Your my friend, Nia. You helped me a lot -- NIA Don't get all Hallmark on me. This is what college is all about. Freedom. The only time you are in your life. So you better make the best of it. TAWNY This is what you call freedom? NIA I'm happy going out every night and getting completely wasted -- TAWNY Are you... happy? FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: THE HUSTLE INT. APARTMENT -- KITCHEN -- NOON TIGHT ON A GUY'S FACE. No more then 20 years old. His lip is busted. He is sweating, face clenched in anguish. PIERCE (O.S.) Are you scared? The guy shakes his head yes. PIERCE (O.S.) How come we always have to go through this song and dance? You like getting roughed up? Cause I don't mind coming here and kicking your ass from time to time. A towel is thrown into the guy's lap. PIERCE (O.S.) For your lip. Now, were's the money? The guy points to his left. We hear sneakers moving across the floor... a cabinet door is opened. PIERCE (O.S.) I trust you enough not to count it. We hear sneakers moving across the floor... the front door is opened. GUY Tell Nate I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Pierce stands in the doorway, stuffing a wad of money into his coat pocket. PIERCE There won't be a next time. The guy's eye's widen when he sees Pierce pull a gun out his coat. Pierce aims it at the guy and squeezes the trigger -- spraying him with water. Pierce walks out the door laughing. EXT. APARTMENT -- NOON Wesley waits in his jeep. Pierce exits the building with a big smile on his face. WESLEY What's so funny? PIERCE Nothing. WESLEY What do you want for lunch? PIERCE Chinese. I have a craving for General Tso's chicken. EXT. CAMPUS LIBRARY -- DAY Scott tracks across campus to the library. INT. LIBRARY -- CONTINUOUS Tawny enters, book bag in toe. She moves to the help desk, where the female LIBRARIAN, 65, flips through a stack of books. TAWNY Excuse me, ma'am. I'm suppose to start tutoring -- The librarian looks up. LIBRARIAN Tawny? TAWNY Yes. LIBRARIAN Second level. Your student is waiting. You have 2 hours. TAWNY Thank you. Tawny heads up the stairs to the second level. She glances back to the help desk where she sees Scott talking to the librarian. Tawny heads for the private room. She pushes the door open to find Oscar, waiting. OSCAR Hello, tutor. LIBRARY -- FIRST LEVEL The librarian leads Scott into a back row. The librarian grabs a book off the shelf. Scott pulls out a pad and pencil from his back pocket. LIBRARIAN What's the line on the Bears game? SCOTT Bears. Three and a half. LIBRARIAN God damn, I say god damn. (thinking) Gimme the Bears, minus the spread. SCOTT No basketball this week? LIBRARIAN Blew my bingo money on state last time and it ain't gonna happen again. Especially with the news about Oscar. SCOTT News? What news? SECOND LEVEL Tawny is surprised, still standing in the doorway. OSCAR Come on in Tawny. We don't have much time. TAWNY What is this? Some kind of way to hit on me? OSCAR Don't flatter yourself. I need to keep my eligibility. I must pass science in order to keep my scholarship. I'm barely getting by with a C-. TAWNY Don't you have people who do the work for you? OSCAR Yeah, well... I have to do it on my own this time. Tawny looks at him skeptically. OSCAR (CONTINUED) Do you think this is some kind of ploy to get in your pants? What kind of person do you take me for? TAWNY I know your type. OSCAR Type? What's that suppose to mean? Tawny sits down. TAWNY Nothing. OSCAR No, no. Explain yourself. TAWNY The American athlete. The jock. Everything at his fingertips. Spoiled, arrogant... I know the type. OSCAR What's wrong with a man enjoying himself? TAWNY That's what you call it? It was degrading... what they did. But you don't seem to mind. OSCAR Is that what this is about? I didn't force them. I was just there. I can't figure you -- TAWNY Our time is running out. If your serious about maintaining your precious eligibility then I suggest you open your book to the first chapter so we can begin. Oscar complies. EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY Business taken care of, Scott moves back across campus. A hand comes out of nowhere and slaps him on the ass. Scott turns to find Nia. NIA Hey, you. What'cha doing? SCOTT What do you want? NIA Some way to talk to a friend. SCOTT Your up to something. NIA I'm not the one in trouble. SCOTT I'm not in trouble. NIA I heard that Seth has a beef with a football player. And if he has beef with one, he has beef with them all. SCOTT Why the fuck should I care? NIA Never mind then. Better if your not involved. SCOTT Fuck Seth. Fuck the football team. Now, let's talk about fuck and Nia. Tonight. NIA I got some girl things to do. SCOTT I'll come by after. NIA I might not be home. SCOTT I'll track you down. NIA I know you will. INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY Pierce sits on the bed drinking a bottle of Welsh Grape Juice. Across from him is TOMMY, who is high as a motherfucker. TOMMY Let me slide this time. PIERCE Can't do that. My brother has a soft spot in his heart. Hell, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for said soft spot. If it were me, you cocksuckers would pay up front. But it's not up to me. Ergo, our current dilemma. TOMMY Did you just say ergo? You get that from the Matrix Einstein? Pierce throws the soda bottle at Tommy, bursting against the wall above him. PIERCE Where's the fucking money? TOMMY I'm fucking broke, man. PIERCE I'm busting you out Tommy. TOMMY Fine. Take my coat. Tommy points to his leather jacket hanging on the closet door. PIERCE What the fuck do I want with your jacket? It's not even my size. TOMMY Get it tailored. PIERCE Value. I need something of value. TOMMY My grandmother gave that to me on my 18th birthday. PIERCE Like I give a shit. Pierce eyes the computer on the desk. It's state of the art and it's perfect. Tommy follows his eyes to the computer, and he knows there's no way of talking him out of it. TOMMY Fine. At least let me burn a copy of my porno's before you take it. INT. APARTMENT -- DAY Seated on the leather couch is SETH, 23. He's watching sports coverage from 3 different TV's. Scott enters and moves to the refrigerator. He rummages through it's contents. SCOTT When was the last time you went shopping? SETH When was the last time you got laid? SCOTT I don't know. Ask your mother. Scott removes a carton of orange juice and begins to drink it straight from the carton. He sits down next to Seth. SETH How's it looking? SCOTT I heard on the street about you and some football player. You fucking his girl or something? SETH Vincent. SCOTT That asshole linebacker? SETH Which reminds me, I need you to pick up 3 bills from him. Today. SCOTT What? SETH Motherfucker said he didn't bet what he bet. He knows what he bet, and I know what he bet. He doesn't want to pay up. SCOTT I got plans later. SETH How's it going to look if a bookie can't collect? SCOTT Where's Kitty? Why can't she do this? SETH Her mother died. She said she needs a vacation. I gave her 2 weeks off, get her head straight. SCOTT Vacation? All she does is sit around here smoking weed and painting her nails. SETH It's in your job description. SCOTT Since when? SETH Since now, motherfucker. SCOTT Is there a raise involved? SETH Your the worker. Do the fucking work, or I can easily find someone else who will. Scott downs the rest of the orange juice and throws the carton on the floor. He heads for the door. SCOTT I'm tired of your bullshit. SETH Then get a regular job. INT. DORMITORY -- EVENING Pierce and Nate stand in the doorway, Pierce still holding the computer. NATE What am I supposed to do with this? PIERCE Watch porn? NATE I already have a computer. I don't need another. PIERCE Can I at least leave this thing here? It's heavy as a motherfucker. NATE Where's the money? PIERCE (re: computer) Your looking at it. NATE No. Sell it. I want cash. PIERCE Cash? I've been lugging this thing around campus, looking like an ass your you. How come you have to take IOU's from these crackers? You know they ain't good for it. NATE Look, bring back some greenbacks. Nate slams the door in his brother's face. PIERCE Dammitt! INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING Local blue collar place. Flannel shirts and work boots seem to be the required dress code. In the back of the bar is the pool hall, where Dexter and Sheldon are seated. Sheldon flips through a computer magazine. They seem out of place amongst the older crowd. Sheldon eyes 2 LOCALS at one of the tables, RUSSO, 40, and his girlfriend SHERYL. RUSSO (to Sheldon/Dexter) You kids know how to play? SHELDON (re: Dexter) He does. RUSSO Wanna play? DEXTER Why not. Russo and Sheryl share a chuckle as Dexter approaches the table. He picks out a pool stick from the rack. RUSSO What do you play? DEXTER I don't know. SHERYL How bout 8 ball? RUSSO That's a man's game, fella. This ain't no video game -- DEXTER Let's put some money on it then. RUSSO Name your price. Dexter pulls out a 20 and puts it on the table. RUSSO Fine with me. Hope your mamma won't mind me taken your lunch money. Dexter chalks up the end of his stick. DEXTER Just rack'em. EXT. CAMPUS -- EVENING Scott makes his trek back across campus. He pulls out his cell phone and makes a call. NIA (V.O.) Hello. SCOTT What are you doing? NIA (V.O.) Homework. SCOTT Yeah, right. Meet me outside in 10 minutes. NIA (V.O.) For what? SCOTT I need you to run over to the Bakersfield apartments with me while I pick up something. Afterwards, we'll get something to eat. NIA (V.O.) I thought we weren't going to get close? SCOTT It's something to eat. What's wrong with that? NIA (V.O.) Is there sex involved? SCOTT I hope. NIA (V.O.) Then that's a date. I thought we went over this -- SCOTT Who says it's a date? NIA (V.O.) A meal, then assumed sex. That's a date in my book. SCOTT Fine. I won't pay for your meal then. NIA (V.O.) Forget it then. SCOTT What? Let me get this clear, the only way you'll come is if I pay? NIA (V.O.) Correct. SCOTT But you don't want to go on a date? NIA (V.O.) Correct. SCOTT So I'll pay. Then you can sit on one end of the place and I at the other. We won't even speak or look at each other. NIA (V.O.) Sounds good to me. SCOTT Just be outside. INT. LIBRARY -- SECOND LEVEL -- EVENING Tawny and Oscar are at work. Oscar's cell rings. He answers it, to Tawny's dismay. OSCAR (into cell) Talk to me... hey, Cindy... I'm with my tutor... well, she's not bad looking though. I hope your not jealous... Tawny gets up, arms folded in frustration. OSCAR (CONTINUED) We're on a break... 10 o'clock sounds good... I will. Oscar hangs up. Sensing Tawny's frustration, Oscar turns his cell off. OSCAR It's off. TAWNY Thank you. Should have been off in the first place. Tawny sits back down. TAWNY (CONTINUED) Think we can continue without every bimbo on campus calling you? OSCAR I'm tired of your hostilities. Everyone can't be all buttoned up and tight like you. TAWNY Buttoned up? OSCAR Your angry because you want to live your life like this, but can't. Why? Beats the shit out of me. Maybe your just scared. I'm not here for a lecture on how I should live. I'm here to be tutored. Oscar slams his book shut. He give Tawny a look. She returns the cold look. TAWNY If that's how you want it. Tawny closes her book, and they sit there in silence. INT. DORM ROOM -- EVENING B Boy lays on his bed, music blasting room his stereo. Pierce stands before him, computer in hand. B BOY Do you ever see me on a computer? PIERCE No. But there's a first time for everything. B BOY I don't know what to tell ya bro. I don't want it. PIERCE You could watch porn on this motherfucker.. B BOY I got a DVD player. PIERCE Fuck... where's that freshman of yours live? INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING Dexter and Russo continue their game. Russo misses a shot. Dexter steps up to the table. The 8 ball is the only ball left. Confident, Dexter chalks up his pool stick. RUSSO This is a big shot. For all the marbles. Dexter takes his shot, slamming the 8 ball into the corner pocket, followed by the white ball, costing Dexter the game. DEXTER Damn. RUSSO You gotta ease up on those corner shots. Best not play at a table less you know that. Russo takes the balls out the pockets. He grabs the 20 off the table and hands it to Sheryl. RUSSO Think it's past your curfew. Better get home. DEXTER I'm not going back without my money. SHELDON (faking) He's right, Dexter. Maybe we should go back. RUSSO How bout we play another? SHELDON (faking) That's not a good idea. We should -- DEXTER Yes. We should. Dexter digs in his pocket and pulls out 8, 50 dollar bills. DEXTER My uncle sent this yesterday. For school supplies. Four hundred bucks. RUSSO I just cashed my check this afternoon. My lucky day. EXT. BAKERSFIELD APARTMENTS -- EVENING Five FOOTBALL PLAYERS stand out front smoking and bullshitting around. Among them is VINCENT, 22. Scott and Nia approach. VINCENT (to Scott) Fuck do you want? SCOTT You know what I'm here for, Vincent. Vincent fishes 3 bills out his pocket and flashes it in Scott's face. VINCENT Here it is. (putting money back in pocket) Tell Seth to go fuck himself. SCOTT Why do you have to be hard? FOOTBALL PLAYER Kick his ass. VINCENT I'm gonna fuck you up in front of your bitch. Think you can live with that? SCOTT That's not my bitch. I just fuck her from time to time. NIA (to Scott) Who you calling a bitch? SCOTT Take it easy. NIA Fuck you. Nia eyes one of Vincent's friends, MILLER. NIA (to Miller) Miller, right? We're in the same American history class. MILLER Yeah. Your the girl who sits in front with the nice ass. NIA Haven't seen you there much. MILLER I dropped the class. Picked up bowling instead. We were just about to go upstairs and play some domino's. You in? NIA Sure. Nia leaves Scott's side and goes with Miller upstairs. SCOTT You gotta be kidding me. VINCENT Not a good day for you. All of Scott's anger boils up. He bitch slaps Vincent. Bad move. Vincent socks Scott in the stomach, then all his buddies join him in stomping the stuffing out of Scott. Through all the commotion, somehow, Scott is able to pull the money from Vincent's pocket. He balls it up in his hand and takes the beating like a man. INT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING Dexter knocks the 8 ball into the pocket. Game over. Russo is surprised. RUSSO I didn't even get a shot. You cleared the god damn table in less then 2 minutes. What kind of shit is this? Last game you couldn't even make a shot. Sheldon quickly gets up and collects Russo's money off the table. RUSSO You played me. DEXTER I won fair and square. Russo moves toward Sheldon and Dexter. Sheryl blocks his path. SHERYL Why did ou put up 400? You said you were going to take me to AC this weekend. Asshole. My mother warned me about you. Once a loser... RUSSO Sheryl, baby -- SHERYL Don't try to sweet talk me -- Dexter and Sheldon take the opportunity to slip out the bar. Another successful night. EXT. RUSTY'S BAR -- EVENING -- CONTINUED Sheldon hands half of Russo's money to Dexter. SHELDON This is getting too easy. Two enterprising guys like us could make a cleaning. Dexter slips on his shades -- even though the sun is going down. DEXTER No. This is good enough. Let's go. INT. LIBRARY -- SECOND LEVEL -- NIGHT Tawny and Oscar are still at a stalemate. The Librarian comes by pushing a book cart. LIBRARIAN You kids are still at it? Your time is almost up. The librarian move on. Tawny begins to pack her things. OSCAR Look, I'm sorry. There's a lot of pressure on me. Coach would have been out of a job if I hadn't come along. My sister's pregnant. I got 5 other siblings at home. I need to pass science so I can keep my eligibility, so I can go to the big league. Your very smart. That's why I picked you -- Tawny jumps on Oscar. They start kissing. Tawny is like an animal. Oscar pulls her away. OSCAR Are you sure? TAWNY Yes. OSCAR What about the door? Someone could come by and -- TAWNY Shut the fuck up and kiss me. INT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT Pierce stands before The Freshman room, computer at his feet. He bangs on the door. No answer. PIERCE Fuck! Pierce kicks the computer. He picks it up and storms off. Pierce waits at the elevator. The doors open and out steps Sheldon and Dexter. DEXTER Nice computer. PIERCE (getting into elevator) Fuck this thing. DEXTER It's broken or something? PIERCE I'm trying to sell it. The elevator doors start to close. DEXTER How much? Pierce shoves his foot in the door, sending it back open. He steps off the elevator. PIERCE Five hundred. DEXTER That's too step for me. Dexter turns to walk away. PIERCE Name your price. DEXTER Does it work? PIERCE Shit ya. State of the art. Got it from someone today. He owed me money. DEXTER I'll give you 200. PIERCE Deal. INT. APARTMENT -- NIGHT Scott enters Seth's apartment. Seth is in his usual spot. He sees Scott, all beaten and bruised, his pride crushed. Scott throws the money on the table. SCOTT I quit. Scott moves toward the door. SETH How bout a raise? A hundred dollars more a week. Scott stops to think it over, then continues on his way out the door. SETH See you tomorrow. INT. DORMITORY -- NIGHT Pierce slams 200 dollars in Nate's hand. PIERCE Here's your fucking money. NATE Good work. I appreciate it. Your help. How's about dinner? PIERCE Chinese? NATE It's your choice. INT. BAKERSFIELD APARTMENTS -- NIGHT Nia sits at a table playing domino's with Miller and some of the other football players. A lit joint dangles from her mouth as she slams down a domino. NIA Domino motherfucker! FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: THE STREAK INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT Friday night. The Freshman is in Sheldon and Dexter's room playing video games, MADDEN 07. Dexter is sleeping. SHELDON This is pathetic. THE FRESHMAN You play like a 7 year old. I can't grasp what your doing. SHELDON The offense I run is very complex. THE FRESHMAN Bullshit. SHELDON I got an extra XBOX in the closet. Got it from some guy on the baseball team. Needed a paper in economics. THE FRESHMAN Don't have the money. SHELDON What about Lewis? THE FRESHMAN He would buy it, but he went home for the week. Supposed to be back tomorrow. He never misses the Saturday parties. I'll ask him. The door is open. B Boy sticks his head in. B BOY (to The Freshman) I've been walking all over this god damn dorm looking for your punk ass. THE FRESHMAN Sorry. B BOY Come on. We got things to do. EXT. STREET -- NIGHT B Boy and The Freshman walk down the road toward the Quickie Mart. B Boy smokes a cigarette. THE FRESHMAN Explain. B BOY Some guys prefer the landing strip. If it's kept clean. The razor bumps are a major turn off. Especially when your down there bobbing for apples. I like them clean and smooth. No hair. The weird fucks like that 1972 style, pussy looks like the back of George the Animal Steele. THE FRESHMAN Who? B BOY George the Animal Steele. The wrestler. THE FRESHMAN I don't watch wrestling. B BOY That was before your time. INT. QUICKIE MART -- CONTINUED A bored CASHIER GIRL, 20, sits behind the counter, text book open, but attention on the TV. B Boy checks her out. The Freshman grabs 2, 40 ounces. B Boy gets a bag of nacho's. They approach the counter. The cashier eyes them suspiciously. CASHIER GIRL You look kind of young to be buying beer. B BOY You look kind of young to be working in a gas station food mart. Give up on life already? CASHIER GIRL It's a part time job dick. Let me see some ID. B Boy throws his ID on the counter. The cashier examines it. INSERT DRIVERS LICENSE PICTURE A current picture of B Boy, but his age says 25. BACK TO SCENE The cashier starts ringing up their food. CASHIER GIRL That'll be $9.37. The Freshman hands her 2, 5 dollar bills. The cashier holds them up to the light, checking to see if they're fake. B BOY It's a fucking 5 dollar bill. CASHIER GIRL You seem like the type. She bags their stuff and hands it to them. B BOY See ya next week, sunshine. CASHIER GIRL Whatever. EXT. QUICKIE MART -- CONTINUED They exit, passing a guy -- IRVIN -- standing by the pay phone. IRVIN (O.S.) Hey! Stick'em up. The Freshman and B Boy turn to see an ass smiling in their face. IRVIN B Boy isn't it? Irvin. Halloween party. About 6 of us smoked weed in the back of the Western. B BOY You were there? IRVIN Yeah. B BOY Sorry buddy. Can't say I remember you. B Boy and The Freshman turn to walk away. Undaunted, Irvin tags along. IRVIN What are you guys up to? B BOY We're going to make a dirty bomb. You in? Irvin reveals a fat bag of weed. B Boy's eyes widen. IRVIN You guys wanna smoke? THE FRESHMAN No thanks. We -- B BOY Hell yes. You got papers? IRVIN You can't have weed without something to smoke it with. INT. DORMITORY -- THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM -- NIGHT The Freshman down the last gulp of his 40. Irvin finishes rolling the joint. He passes it to B Boy, who lights it and takes a long pull. IRVIN High school is all about status, and I had a lot of it. B Boy's mind is on the blunt, nobody's paying any attention to what Irvin has to say. IRVIN (CONTINUED) I had every fucking girl. Black. White. Latin. Even the Mexican girls who couldn't speak a lick of English. The joint is passed to Irvin. He takes 2 quick pulls and passes it to The Freshman. B Boy and Irvin sit on the Freshman's roommate bed. B BOY That must have been the shit. Irvin's demeanor changes as his grips his chest. Irvin charges up and pukes out the open window. B BOY Shit man. Can't control your liquor. THE FRESHMAN Please don't throw up in my room. IRVIN I had some chicken earlier. Irvin hurls out the window again. THE FRESHMAN This is sick. IRVIN My head is spinning. I just need to crash for a few minutes. THE FRESHMAN I hope you got it all out? IRVIN I just need to crash. B BOY You can sleep on Lewis' bed. I'm sure he won't mind. THE FRESHMAN No. Sleep on the floor Irvin. It's too late. Irvin is fast asleep on the bed. THE FRESHMAN Why the hell did you tell him he could sleep on Lewis' bed? B BOY Dude needed to crash. Don't worry about Lewis. He's a pussy. THE FRESHMAN A pussy with giant, sharp claws that will gouge my balls clean out there sack. B BOY Look'a here, I gotta take a shit. I'll be back my nigga. THE FRESHMAN Dude. Don't leave me here with -- B Boy moves out the room. The Freshman stands there a bit stunned. He takes a seat on his bed, joint still in hand. He puts it out, losing the mood to smoke. He stares at Irvin fast asleep. INT. THE FRESHMAN'S DORM ROOM -- AN HOUR LATER The Freshman sits on the floor, Irvin still asleep on the bed. B Boy has not returned, and the Freshman is pissed about the wasted night. He kicks off his shoes and climbs into bed. INT. THE FRESHMAN'S DORM ROOM -- MORNING The door SLAMS! The Freshman rises. Still groggy, he scans the room. Irvin is gone. The Freshman gets out of bed and looks over the remnants of discarded 40 bottles and nacho bags. Something takes his attention away. A smell. His nose searches the air for it's origin. He tracks the smell to Lewis' bed. The Freshman throws back the covers -- THE FRESHMAN What the -- There is a stain on the bed sheet. On closer inspection, it's not just any old stain. It's a shit stain. The Freshman knows the consequences if Lewis comes home to find a shit streak on his sheets. DREAM SEQUENCE Lewis comes through the door and sees the stain. He grabs The Freshman by the throat and throws him out the window like a rag doll. BACK TO SCENE THE FRESHMAN Fuck me. The Freshman rips the sheets off the bed, rolling it up so he won't have to see or deal with the shit stain. INT. DORMITORY -- LAUNDRY ROOM The Freshman throws the sheet in the washer. He puts some quarters in the slot and grabs a discarded bottle of detergent and pours a good amount in. The machine starts to run. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM He comes back, hit smack in the face with the smell of shit. He moves to the window and opens it. He looks at the mattress and sees problem number 2. The shit stain has seeped through to the mattress, leaving an even worse stain. THE FRESHMAN Fuck me. The Freshman runs out the room -- DORMITORY BASEMENT The Freshman appears at the janitors closet. Knowing the door is poorly secured, he gives it a little shoulder action and it opens. He searches for something. He grabs a couple of bottles of cleaning products, a scrub brush, and heads out the room. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM The Freshman pours a mixture of the bottles on the mattress and begins to scrub unconsciously -- to no avail. He only succeeds in making more of a mess. THE FRESHMAN Fuck me. INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY Nate is watching the Shawshank Redemption. The slurping sounds of a bong is heard from the corner of the room, where B Boy and Roy take turns. A pounding is heard at the door. NATE Enter. The Freshman walks in, out of breath. THE FRESHMAN (to B Boy) What happened to you last night? B BOY (blowing smoke) What? THE FRESHMAN You said you were coming back. B BOY What? THE FRESHMAN Last night! You had to take a shit. Said you were coming back. I waited for an hour. B BOY Am I your bitch? I gotta tell you everything? I got tired and went to bed. THE FRESHMAN I need you to come to my room. There's something I have to show you. B BOY Your not gonna tell me your gay or anything? INT. DORMITORY -- DAY The Freshman and B Boy stand before the stained mattress. B BOY (holding his nose) What the fuck is that smell? THE FRESHMAN It's shit! Irvin took a shit on Lewis' bed. B BOY He shit his fucking pants? That's abominable. THE FRESHMAN Why did you tell him he can sleep on Lewis' bed? Now I have to clean it up before he gets back. B BOY It's his bed. Let him clean it. THE FRESHMAN Let him clean it? He's going to grind my bones into a fine powder and snort me up his nose if he finds his mattress like this. B BOY Did you try to clean it? THE FRESHMAN I've been trying to clean for the past hour. B BOY You didn't do a good job then. INT. DORMITORY -- LAUNDRY ROOM The Freshman takes the sheets out the machine and throws it in the dryer. INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY The Shawshank Redemption is going off. Nate's eyes are red with tears. Roy is passed out on the floor. The Freshman bursts in. Nate quickly composes himself. NATE What the fuck. Does anybody know how to knock? THE FRESHMAN Come to my room. I need to show you something. NATE (suspiciously) Were's B Boy? THE FRESHMAN In my room. NATE What's he doing? THE FRESHMAN Just, please come to my room. It will only take a minute. NATE Well, since you said please. INT. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM Nate and The Freshman stand before the stain. NATE How did it get there? B BOY Someone shit their pants. NATE Who? B BOY Irvin. NATE Who the fuck is Irvin? THE FRESHMAN What should I do Nate? I've been trying to clean this up all morning, and I don't have the money to buy a new one. The stench is unbearable. Lewis will be back any minute now. If he finds his bed like this... NATE Alright, alright. Nate takes a seat, sinking deep into thought. NATE Steal a mattress from another room. THE FRESHMAN How am I going to do that? NATE Your a smart kid. Think of a way. But it should be from another dorm, where no one know's you. Now I'm leaving. I can't stand that smell anymore. Nate exits. The Freshman contemplates his idea. B BOY How are you going to lug the mattress across campus? THE FRESHMAN With your help. B BOY Oh, yeah? THE FRESHMAN You got me into this mess. So your helping. B BOY Your doing all the leg work. INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- EVENING The Freshman cases the floor. He spots a girl standing by her room door, next to the stairwell at the end of the hall, all dressed up for the night out on the town. The girl's roommate joins her, and they move down the stairwell. The Freshman has found what he was looking for. EXT. DORMITORY -- BACK EXIT -- EVENING B Boy and The Freshman come out the door carrying the mattress. B Boy holds it from the back, far from the stain. The Freshman peeks around the corner. The coast is clear. THE FRESHMAN Come on. They dart across to the opposite building. They move through the back of the buildings, through dirt and mud. INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- STAIRWELL -- EVENING They lug the mattress up the steps. They place the mattress up against the wall and enter into the 3rd floor. THE FRESHMAN This is the room. It's perfect. Right next to the steps. Two chicks, gone for the night. B Boy reveals a small lock pick and begins to jimmy the door. After a few seconds, they gain access into the room -- which is decorated in pink and sky blue. B Boy moves to one of the beds and picks up a pink nightie. B Boy stuff's it in his pocket as The Freshman removes the sheets from the other bed. THE FRESHMAN Jesus Christ. Give me a hand with this mattress. They carry the mattress out into the hallway, then into the stairwell. They grab the tainted mattress and carry it into the room. The Freshman puts the sheets back on. EXT. CAMPUS -- EVENING The Freshman and B Boy carry the mattress back across campus. INT. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM The enter with the mattress. The Freshman puts the sheets on. B BOY My work here is done. I'll be at Nate's. B Boy exits the room. The Freshman breathes a sigh of relief. His first of the day. He crashes down on the bed and passes out. THE FRESHMAN'S ROOM -- MINUTES LATER The door opens and in walks Lewis. He drops his bag on the floor and moves to the closet. The Freshman's eyes shoot open. THE FRESHMAN Your back. How was your trip? LEWIS Got high. Got laid. Did a wash. It was cool. Lewis attention is drawn away from something. LEWIS You smell that? THE FRESHMAN No. LEWIS You don't? THE FRESHMAN I don't smell anything Lewis. Lewis moves around the room, trying to put a finger on where the smell is coming from. LEWIS Did you fart or something? THE FRESHMAN Yes. I did. You got me. LEWIS Open a window or something. INT. WESTERN DORMITORY -- NIGHT The 2 girls return from a night of hard partying. They flick on the light. GIRL #1 God, she was a real bitch. GIRL #2 Tell me about it. GIRL #1 What the fuck is that smell? FADE TO BLACK. POSTSCRIPT: TAWNY'S REVENGE INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- MORNING Lab work commences. Tawny works with Lee. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) All warfare is based on deception, cunning, smarts, and strength. The general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. LEE Tawny, can you run down to the inventory room and fetch me a box of beakers. Tawny moves toward the door. LEE (CONTINUED) Be careful Tawny. Things have been disappearing around here. I don't want anything to happen to you. Every one laughs. Undaunted, Tawny continues out the room. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) Conceal your disposition. There are many dangerous faults that can affect a warriors thinking. One is a foolhardy temper, which can be evoked by clever insults by ones enemy. Appear where you are not expected. INT. LIBRARY -- MORNING Books are stacked on the table as Lee pours over her notes. Tawny approaches, sits her laptop down on the table. A video starts to play. Lee is surprised to see the video that Tawny shot at the FU party with Nia's cell phone. Lee knows she is in deep shit. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) Your best weapon is surprise. That is the warriors biggest advantage and must be revealed at the most opportunistic point. LEE Why are you showing me this? TAWNY Listen and don't speak. You will go to Professor Dooley and tell him you want off the project because you can't handle the pressure. Do you understand so far? Lee nods her head. TAWNY If you do not comply with my demands, this little video will be placed on Youtube and emailed to all 30,000 students and faculty. Got it? Lee nods her head. Tawny closes her laptop and moves off. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) A warrior must always stay focused. Once his plans have been revealed, he has little time to waste. INT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- OFFICE -- DAY Lee sits in front of Professor Dooley, explaining why she wants off the project. PROFESSOR DOOLEY'S OFFICE -- LATER Professor Dooley informs Tawny of the sudden change in plans. PROFESSOR DOOLEY So, as you see, I am putting you back in the big spot. You are the head honcho again. Don't disappoint me again Tawny. TAWNY I won't, professor. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) Do not overtax youR men or overspread your advantage if one has many enemies to conquer. EXT. CHEMISTRY LAB -- NIGHT Professor Dooley leaves the office. He climbs into his purple, VW Beetle. The car starts to pull off when he notices the car lagging a little. PROFESSOR DOOLEY What in the golly, blue, blazes -- Professor Dooley exits the car and notices he has a flat tire. PROFESSOR DOOLEY God damn motherfucker! Tawny looks on from behind the bushes. A smile of approval etched on her face. She holds a knife in her hand. Tawny folds the knife close and places it in her pocket. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) Making no mistake is what establishes the certainty of victory. But be careful, the enemy can come in the form of friend or foe. If friend reveals himself as deceitful, be cautious. INT. CAFETERIA -- MORNING Nia and Tawny eat breakfast. Nia turns her attention away for a brief second, allowing Tawny to slip a white pill into her tea cup -- which instantly dissolves. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) Though, keep in mind that if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a battle. INT. BUILDING -- LECTURE HALL -- DAY Nia sits in class. Suddenly, she feels a pain in her side. Nia moves uncomfortably in her chair. Something is about to explode in her. Nia grabs her books and exits the lecture hall in a cloud of dust. INT. DORMITORY -- BATHROOM Nia takes a monster shit. INT. DORM ROOM -- NIGHT Tawny and Nia lay in bed watching TV. Nia feels something about to explode in her again. NIA Shit. She leaps out of bed and darts out the room. EXT. DORMITORY -- ROOF -- NIGHT Tawny smokes a cigarette in her pajamas, looking out at the vast campus backdrop -- reviling in her private victory. ANCIENT NINJA WARRIOR (V.O.) The most clever warrior fights battles that do not exist. Battles that only one or two people might have some knowledge of. His victories bring him neither acclaim nor courage, nor reputation. For the world at large knows nothing of them. He receives no credit. FADE TO BLACK. INT. EAT & PARK DINER -- NIGHT OF THE FU PARTY -- NIGHT Nate, Wesley, B Boy, and Pierce sit at a booth, halfway through their meals. Everyone eats breakfast: pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast. B Boy eats the classic American cheeseburger and fries. The diner is sparsely occupied with nocturnal animals looking for their last meal of the night. B BOY Where the hell is the waitress? NATE (to Wesley) Pass the maple syrup. B Boy spots the waitress, waves her over as Nate drowns his pancakes in syrup. WAITRESS Need anything? B BOY (handing her his glass) Milk. I need a refill. The waitress takes the glass, moves off. B BOY Nice legs. Could'a had a better attitude, though. NATE This is a shit job, making shit money. The last thing she wants to do is smile. She wants to take your plate of food and shove it in your face. B BOY Like I care. Just make sure my meal is hot and drink is cold. The waitress comes back, puts the filled glass on the table. B BOY Milk does a body good. Not amused, the waitress moves on. PIERCE Strike 2. WESLEY She does have a sweet pair of legs though. (beat) You know who I'd fuck? Kelly Clarkson. NATE Whoa! How'd we get from nice legs to you know who I want to fuck? WESLEY That's a seamless transition. Legs, fuck. B BOY Kelly Clarkson doesn't do it for me. WESLEY I love a girl with some meat on her. She's very underrated. B BOY She seems like a phony. PIERCE Everyone's a phony. B BOY Not me. I'm an OG bitch. WESLEY See, you motherfuckers are in love with the Pamela Anderson types. Watermelons for tits, blonde hair, wafer thin waist, wafer thin mind. NATE Step your game up. Pam is old news. I'm talking about Jessica Alba -- but she looks like the type who won't fuck wit a nigga. Know what I'm sayin'? PIERCE Halle. It don't get no better. Face, tits, figure, ass... original tits might I add. They don't make'em like that no more. B BOY Britney. I'm talkin' bout young and cute Britney. Before K-Fag came along and fucked her up. Shit man, I even sat through that dumb as movie she was in, just ta look at her. NATE That cross country shit? B BOY Yep. Seen it twice. PIERCE That's pathetic. B BOY Like you ain't never done some shit like that before? PIERCE Did you pay to see it? B BOY Yeah. I rented the video. PIERCE That's even worse. WESLEY Were you with a girl? B BOY Yeah. It was either that or Robocop, and I know I wouldn'ta gotten laid if I brought home Robocop. NATE You know, I just realized that Robocop is the Bionic Man. The same fucking story. It's like they couldn't get the rights to Bionic Man so they said fuck it, we'll make up some shit, put it in the future, make him a cop, make it gully and motherfucker's won't even know. WESLEY So? NATE Everybody copies. Everybody recycles shit. What we're doing, it's been done before. We think we're saying original, witty shit, but it's been cleaned, washed -- WESLEY (to Pierce) Your brothers nuts. B BOY Right here. Right now. Who are we copying off of? NATE Reservoir Dogs. That scene in the beginning. Pulp Fiction. Shit, any episode of Seinfield or Friends -- B BOY I can't stand Friends -- NATE (CONT'D) All I'm saying is nobody's original anymore. PIERCE I don't know what they put in these eggs but... WESLEY There not that powdered shit they serve in the cafeteria. Oscar enters, piece of arm candy with him -- we recognize her to be one of the girls from the lesbian session at the FU party. They move to the other side of the diner. Before he sits, Oscar spots Nate, moves to him -- OSCAR Gentleman. How's the night treating you? PIERCE Like shit. OSCAR That's good to hear. PIERCE Try the eggs. They're fantastic. Oscar sits down, lights up a cigarette. OSCAR I wonder if I can smoke here? NATE Looking for something, friend? OSCAR Yeah. You got anything? WESLEY I got some E -- OSCAR I ain't no dumb ass freshman. NATE Shops closed for the night. OSCAR Come on Nate. I'm your ace customer. You can't make any exceptions? NATE Shops closed. B BOY I can get high. NATE Shops closed. B BOY You never let us smoke for free. Cheap ass nigga. NATE I'm running a business. If I owned a 7/11 and let you cheap dick beaters take a Coke or a bag of chips for free, pretty soon you'd be doing your grocery shopping there. I would lose money. It doesn't work like that. OSCAR What doesn't work like that? NATE Life doesn't work like that. I have to get mine... know what I'm sayin'? Oscar's bummed out. The waitress comes over. WAITRESS (to Oscar) No smoking here, sir. OSCAR (outing cigarette) No problem. Oscar watches her walk off. OSCAR Nice legs on that one. B BOY See. WESLEY Who's your top hottest bitch? OSCAR I have no preferences, though Salma Hayek is haunting my dreams... is it me or did her jugs get bigger? B BOY They did get firmer, maybe she had a kid. Tits full of milk. PIERCE Maybe she got a boob job. OSCAR I've been watching Ugly Betty like a motherfucker over her. B BOY See that rack on her? Shit, she don't need one. OSCAR Come to think about it. I know this lady. Shirley, works in the admissions office. She's pretty hot. B BOY Admissions office? Those fat broads? What is she, like 65? OSCAR She's forty-something. I've been taping her on the side for about 3 months now. I love older women. They got their own place, make you a little food, wash your clothes. PIERCE Sonovabitch. This motherfucka's got ass in storage and shit. OSCAR Come to think about it, her brother grows in his basement. (pulling out his cellphone) She might even let us hit it. B BOY Really? OSCAR Well, me at least. Nate waves over the waitress. NATE (to waitress) Can we have the check please? OSCAR (into phone) Hello... it's me... Oscar... Oscar... what do you expect?... I'm here with a couple of friends looking to get high... well, you know I love you... alright -- NATE Okay, what about the tip? B BOY She could have been better. WESLEY She was alright. Three dollars. PIERCE That's not enough. WESLEY That's enough for me. PIERCE She's bustin' her ass. Servin' motherfucka's 8 hours a day -- NATE See! See what I'm saying? Everybody copies. Reservoir Dogs. Complaining about the god damn tip. You guys did that subconsciously. OSCAR That's freaky... yeah, I'm sure of it -- NATE (CONT'D) See. Everything's connected. Everyone's connected. Oscar hangs up his phone. OSCAR She's for it. We're all invited. Right now. Waitress comes back with the check. Nate looks it over. Oscar looks back at his arm candy, who's flipping through a menu, waiting. OSCAR Fuck it. Let's go. They divvy up the check and leave. EXT. HOUSE -- NIGHT Oscar rings the doorbell, the gang stands by. PIERCE She doesn't have any cats or little children does she? OSCAR No. Nothing to worry about. SHIRLEY, fortyish, your friends hot mother type, opens the door in her bathrobe, make-up on. OSCAR Shirley. You look lovely. These are some of my people. The gang moves into the living room, get comfortable. SHIRLEY Thought you forgot about me. OSCAR Shirley. How can I forget about you? Oscar cozies up to her, wraps his arms around her waist, begins to kiss her neck. The gang looks on, kind of out of place. B Boy picks up the controller, turns the TV on, starts flipping through the channels. OSCAR (CONT'D) I got practice every day. I had a game 2 days ago, just got back in yesterday... school work. I've been very busy. SHIRLEY I've been busy too. Shirley grabs Oscar in close, hands all over his ass, looks him dead in the eye -- SHIRLEY (CONT'D) Not busy enough. OSCAR I know. I'm sorry. SHIRLEY No. I'm sorry. You know that cute freshman on the basketball team? The kid who plays guard? OSCAR Yeah. Mike. SHIRLEY Mike. He's precious. Met his mother and father. Nice people. They wanted him to go to a place where he could be at home... around good people. I just saw him in the office the other day. Sweet little thing. OSCAR Okay. I get your point. I'll call more... if I can. SHIRLEY I got nothing but time. (to Nate) This ones cute. What's your name? NATE I'm Nate. This is my brother Pierce. That's Wesley, and that sloppy thing over there is B Boy. SHIRLEY (to Nate) Lovely, aren't you? You have a girlfriend? NATE No. SHIRLEY You got a boyfriend? NATE Shit no. Just my brain and my dick. SHIRLEY Then you came to the right place. Shirley and Nate share a laugh, her hands on his shoulder, flipping her hair back. Oscar is a little uncomfortable. B BOY Where's the weed, lady? SHIRLEY Is that all you college boys think of? B BOY No. SHIRLEY Of course. I know. I know. Shirley moves to the dresser in the corner of the room. She removes an old tin can -- opening it to reveal a fat bag of weed. She holds it up for everyone to see. SHIRLEY Is that good enough? Everyone approves. OSCAR Where's the bong? INT. SHIRLEY'S HOUSE -- LATER The SLURP from a bong! A cloud of smoke. Nate passes the bong to B Boy. Like a pro, B Boy loads up another hit. Oscar comes down the steps, looking like he's been through a marathon, putting his shirt back on. He moves to the frig, grabs a beer. OSCAR You guys won't believe what just happened? They pay Oscar little mind. B Boy, Wes, and Pierce are laughing there ass off at an episode of The Twilight Zone. OSCAR Shirley says -- if your up for it -- she say's she is willing to let you guys run train on her. WESLEY Fuck yeah we're up for it. I'm first. NATE She's serious? OSCAR Yeah. I told you she was a freak. Knows how to suck a mean dick too. Fucking cum in my pants just thinking about it. NATE I don't want to get up there, put it down, then find out she's screaming rape. B BOY Stop being a pussy. NATE Pussy? Why don't -- OSCAR Okay, okay. Settle in. I thought you guys were more mature? PIERCE We need a batting order. (pointing to B Boy) Cause I ain't goin' after that motherfucker. B BOY Fuck you, Pierce. I don't want to go after you. WESLEY I already called first. NATE I don't want sloppy seconds. Oscar takes the bong from B Boy, flops down on the couch and takes a hit -- WESLEY Your already getting sloppy seconds. Their argument is interrupted when Shirley comes down the steps, ass naked, sweating -- ready for action. She moves to the refrigerator, gets a bottle of water, moves back up the steps as if nobody was there. NATE Fuck it. We'll draw straws. OSCAR There's no straws here. NATE We'll put our names in a hat. Do it like that. Everybody with? Moans and groans. The best idea yet. Nate fetches the Home and Garden magazine off the table, rips a piece of paper off. He grabs a pen, begins to write down everyone's name. B BOY I don't got a condom. OSCAR She doesn't like condoms. WESLEY I better be going first now. Nate rips the names off and places them in his hat. He begins to shake it around. NATE Oscar. You be the one. Oscar takes a long hit from the bong, holding the smoke in, he reaches in the hat, pulls out a piece of paper. The gang looks on in anticipation when -- The front door opens and in walks Shirley's stocky, blue collar, husband FRANK. He drops his lunch pale and hard hat to the carpet -- eyes drawn to the 5 kids in his living room. FRANK What the fuck -- Everyone's euphoria is instantly gone. The veins start to rise under Frank's skin. He advances towards the boys as Oscar chokes out the smoke, practically vomiting on the floor. NATE Hello... FRANK Hello? Who the fuck are you? NATE I'm -- we're -- FRANK Where the fuck is my wife? NATE She's -- FRANK Why is that spic puking on my god damn floor? NATE He is -- FRANK Why the fuck are you watching my TV? NATE Let me explain. FRANK There's nothing to explain. My whore of a wife. Fucking bitch! WESLEY It's not what you think, sir. We are friends of -- FRANK Friends. I've seen her fucking friends. God damn bitch. Medusa. She's been cheating on me all the time. I was too much of a punk -- god damn bitch. PIERCE (whispering, to Nate) He's just one man. We can take him. Nate blows Pierce off -- "keep your cool." FRANK (CONT'D) I should have killed her 3 years ago when I caught her with the gardener. God damn wetback. He's laughin' at me. She's laughin' at me. Your laughin' at me. NATE Sir. No we're not. I assure you we never had -- With hate in his eyes, Frank stares down the whole gang, figuring out who's first. He looks down the line -- Nate, Pierce, Wesley, B Boy, Oscar... FRANK (to Oscar) Your... Your name is Oscar, right? OSCAR Ugh... FRANK Fuck me. Your Oscar Sanchez? OSCAR Yeah. FRANK This might sound weird. But can I have your autograph? THE END
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