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"THE BODY" Written by: Matt Layden INT. CAR - NIGHT Two men sit in a car, both look very dirty, as if they just got into a brawl. The man behind the wheel is GEORGE, the man in the passenger seat is MARTIN. George is smoking a cigarette, while Martin is looking out the window. George looks over at Martin, then at his clothes. He glances at the road slightly to see where he is going, then his eyes go back to Martin. GEORGE Are those new clothes? Martin looks in George's direction. MARTIN Yeah, so what? George rolls his eyes and shakes his head, then takes a drag from his cigarette. He takes a drag every so often between his words. GEORGE How much money did you spend on those? Martin looks confused. MARTIN About $150 dollars I guess. Why, what's the big deal? GEORGE Consider that money down the shitter. MARTIN Why? GEORGE Cause we're burying a dead body out here that's why. We're never going to wear these clothes again. MARTIN Well why the hell not? GEORGE I want to get rid of any evidence. You're wearing these clothes when you buring that fat fuck back there, so we're burning them. MARTIN Why don't I just wash them? George looks at Martin as is he is stupid. GEORGE Don't you watch those CSI shows? Shit man, they can find the smallest speck of dirt in anything, no matter how many times you wash the mother fucker. MARTIN Well why the fuck didn't you tell me before I bought these clothes? GEORGE Because I didn't think you were shopping to look good for this occasion. MARTIN Well fuck man, what about this car? GEORGE What about the damn car? MARTIN Are you going to drive it off a cliff? GEORGE No. MARTIN Well what the hell are you going to do with it? GEORGE Wash it man. MARTIN What the fuck, why are you able to wash your car, but I'm not allowed to wash my clothes. George acts as if he's explaining this to a child. GEORGE Listen, the body is just in my trunk. It's not touch the whole car. You, you will be digging with you're clothes on, you'll be getting dirt everywhere. Hence, the difference. MARTIN I don't see no fucking difference GEORGE Oh, there's a difference. MARTIN Well what if I don't wear the clothes when I bury him? GEORGE What the fuck are you going to wear? I ain't going to help you burying a guy here if your naked. Fuck that shit. Martin sits in a snit and looks out the window for the rest of the ride. He doesn't make any eye contact with George for the rest of the way there. MARTIN Asshole. GEORGE Hey man, I'm not the one who has to buy useless shit all the time. Remember when you bought that fucking Uma Thurman cardboard stand out thing. MARTIN It was a steal. GEORGE It's fucking useless. What the hell are you going to use it for? MARTIN It makes the apartment look better. GEORGE Oh yes, nothing gets a woman hotter then going to a grown man's apartment and seeing a six foot cardboard cut out of Uma Thurman from Kill Bill standing in the middle of the living room. MARTIN I'll wear my underwear? George looks back at Martin. GEORGE What in the blue fuck are you talking about? MARTIN When we bury the body...I'll wear my underwear. GEORGE No, God no. You're wearing you're fucking clothes okay. MARTIN This is fucking bullshit. GEORGE Will you get off the fucking clothes shit! Jesus man, we're here, now shut up with the clothes, or I'll be burying two dead bodies tonight instead of one. George parks the car and turns off the ignition. Martin steps out of the passenger side and George gets out of the driver's seat. EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT They both walk to the back of the car. George hands Martin the keys. GEORGE Open it. Martin looks at George. MARTIN Why the fuck do I have to open it? GEORGE In case he's still alive an lunges at us with some kind of instrument of death. MARTIN Again, I pose the question, why do I have to open it. It's you're damn car. GEORGE You killed the fucking guy. MARTIN You shot the god damn arrow and threw the bow at me. GEORGE Will you just open the damn trunk. Martin goes to the back seat of the car and pulls out a baseball bat. He hands it over to George. MARTIN Here, if the guy is still alive, hit him over the head, okay? GEORGE No problem. MARTIN Okay, are you ready? GEORGE Yea, open it. Martin puts the keys in the slot and turns, we wear it unlock. Martin opens the trunk and then hides underneath the bumper. George screams out a warrior cry as he raises the baseball bat in the air, until he looks inside. GEORGE Martin... MARTIN (O.S.) Yes... GEORGE Where's the body? Martin gets up from behind the bumper and looks inside the trunk. MARTIN Where the fuck is the body? GEORGE Oh shit, it's night of the living dead. He's a fucking zombie man, he's going to eat your brain. MARTIN It's not night of the living dead, you dumb fuck. You forgot the fucking body. GEORGE I didn't forget the fucking body, you forgot the fucking body. MARTIN How was it me who forgot the fucking body. GEORGE Cause I was the guy who shot him with the arrow, I killed him, then you were suppose to put the body in the trunk. MARTIN Oh, so now you shot him, not five minutes ago, it was me. GEORGE Get in the car, we're getting the body. 20 minutes later: George is driving with Martin in the passenger seat again. This time, not only do they have dirt on them, but now they have blood. MARTIN Are we sure we have the body this time? GEORGE Very funny, go pop your head in the trunk and check. Martin looks around the outside of the car, he looks confused. MARTIN This isn't the same way back. GEORGE What do you mean. MARTIN I mean it took us ten minutes to get there and now we don't know where the fuck we are. GEORGE I know exactly where the fuck we are okay, I'm a professional. MARTIN A professional? Professional at what? GEORGE Don't worry about that, keep your mind on the task at hand, digging the guys plot. MARTIN Listen man, about that. Can we dig somewhere else, I don't like the cemetery. It creeps me out man. Martin notices something out the window and grabs a hold of George. GEORGE What is it. MARTIN Stop the car. George slams on the breaks. Martin is still looking out the window. GEORGE You've got to be fucking kidding me. MARTIN We can burying him here man, it's perfect. No one will ever suspect it. GEORGE Fine, get the shovels, I just want to get this over with. CUT TO: EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - NIGHT They both open the trunka and look in it. GEORGE Well, he's here this time. MARTIN Cute, grab the feet, I'll get the head. George stops Martin GEORGE Wait, I got a better idea. CUT TO: EXT. PLAYGROUND - NIGHT George walks into the frame carrying two shovels smoking a cigarette. Moments later we see Martin with the body slung over his shoulders. The body has at least a dozen arrows in his body. Martin is obviously having a hard time carrying the body to the ideal location. He stumbles all over the place. MARTIN Asshole. CUT TO: EXT. JUNGLE GYM - NIGHT. George begins to dig, while Martin finally catches up and throws the body on the ground. MARTIN Holy shit that fucker is heavy. GEORGE Yeah, well, grab a shovel he-man. We need to dig and get this body in the ground, then put the dirt over him again, before sunrise. MARTIN Jungle gym eh? What if some kind decides to dig here and discovers this guy. GEORGE Won't happen. Martin doesn't look convinced. MARTIN Well, how do you know this one. GEORGE Shut up and shovel, or I swear to god...I will shovel you in the face. MARTIN No you won't, cause then I'd be out cold and you'd have to dig this big fucking hole all by yourself. GEORGE It will be worth it when I throw your ass in there. MARTIN I'm digging, I'm digging. 45 minutes later: George is sitting on the jungle gym smoking a cigarette. Martin is laying on the ground looking up at the stars. GEORGE Who knew digging a hole would be so tough. MARTIN Break over yet? GEORGE Breaks over. 45 minutes later: George climbs out of the whole. Martin is still inside. MARTIN Do you think it's deep enough? GEORGE If we dig any deeper we'll be eating rice. George walks over to the body. MARTIN All right, help me up. George does not answer. MARTIN George...George, help me out man. Still George does not answer. MARTIN GEORGE!!! The body comes tumbling into the hole, almost crushing Martin. We see George peek his head over the edge. GEORGE Heads up. CUT TO: INT. CAR - DAWN George is driving, smoking on yet another cigarette, while Martin is sleeping in the passenger seat next to him. George looks over at Martin, as he speaks, he wakes Martin up. GEORGE Hey buddy. Martin wakes up to George's voice. MARTIN Yeah? George looks at Martin and smiles. GEORGE We should do this again sometime. THE END
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