FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK (NIGHT)

PACO and ILLIANE are in a glass walled elevator on
the outside of midtown hotel The city is spread below 
them and receding at an alarming rate. 

Illiane is a brassy Park Avenue lady, an older, 
sleeker, well-corseted version of Gillian Andersen. 

Paco is a less innocent looking version of Brad Pitt: 
thin, a little soft looking and much too pretty, only 
it doesn't seem to reflect his personality.  It's more 
like he was caught in a masquerade costume after the 
party was over.

                    	ILLIANE
		And you blame Jesse for everything?

					PACO
		I blame him for enough.  Is that what this 
          is about?  Tell him the only thing on my 
mind is finishing law school. I’m not going 
		to do anything that might jeopardize that.

					ILLIANE
		And after you graduate?

					PACO
		Someone’s going to kill him. It doesn’t 
have to be me.

ILLIANE
	How do you know?

				PACO
I’m paranoid schiz, remember?  We can see 
the future a little, sometimes.  Not through 
choice.  I cant go into a trance and see the 
lottery numbers.

It just descends on you.  It’s one of the 
things that makes us so crazy.  Because it 
cant be changed.  The future is unchangeable 
as the past.

I know that’s philosophically untenable and 
all that so, we learn not to talk about it.

			ILLIANE
And you saw him killed?

			PACO
Heard him.  Burned alive, slow roasted 
like a turkey.  Nothing I can do to him 
can compare with that so, Bon Voyage.

			ILLIANE
When?

			PACO
I don’t know.  All I see are dancing 
women with their hair on fire.

			ILLIANE
You’re not taking your medicine.

She strokes his hair.

					PACO		
Turns me into a zombie and makes me blow 
up like a balloon.  I’d rather be crazy.  
Anyway, I’m alright as long as I’m getting 
laid.

			ILLIANE
I’d like to, but I cant.  

PACO
Why, is it sewn up?	

She laughs.

					ILLIANE
And you wonder why.

The elevator stops at her floor.  The door opens 
and a multitude of hands reach in and grab Paco 
and drag him out and throw him to the floor and 
give him a shot from a huge hypodermic full of 
something purple.

										CUT TO:

Paco is being hustled down the back stairs by 
2 HEAVIES.  It’s an over-the-shoulder shot and 
the center of vision is the gentle churning of 
Illiane’s tautly girdled behind.

			HEAVY #1
		That’s an incredible behind, a little 
baggy, but comfortable, a soft flowing 
form when uncorseted. Splish, splash, 
I’d like to paddle around in that myself.

			ILLIANE
Do you have to be so vulgar?

			HEAVY #1
No, but it’s fun. 

A STONE GAROYLE is standing by and watching all 
this.  He’s smoking a stone cigarette with stone 
smoke that piles up and then collapses into pixie 
dust.

					GARGOYLE
		The thing I don’t understand is: If I’m 
a Figment Newton of your imagination, 
why am I so much smarter than you are?

										CUT TO:

EXT. STREET (NIGHT)

The 2 heavies are carrying Paco out the door and  
into the street. He's drugged, but they're acting 
like he was drunk in case anyone is watching. Each 
of them has one of his arms over their shoulders, 
gripping it by the wrist.  

He is vaguely aware of what's happening, but unable 
to do anything about it.  Film Noir lighting.  It's 
a Sherlock Holmes looking cobble stoned street in 
the meat packing district.

1ST HEAVY
Come on Paco, dont act that way,
people are watching.

MURRAY and JOEL come out from behind a car.  
If they entered an Ernest Borgine look a 
like contest, Ernest Borgine would place 
3rd.  They both have shotguns.

Murray points with his shotgun and the 2 heavies 
put Paco in the car.  More gestures and the heavies 
produce his watch, his wallet, his gun and his money.

Then their own guns, watches and money. more gestures 
and grunting conversation and they take off their shoes 
and throw them in the car.

MURRAY
Drop the knife!

The 2 heavies look at each other.  Neither has a 
knife.  Then, somewhat belatedly, They realize that 
Murray is preparing to shoot them.  They run wildly. 
Murray laughs then he and Joel get into the car and 
drive off.

										CUT TO:

INT. ELEVATOR (DIM YELLOW LIGHT)

It's an old cage elevator.  Joel has Paco over 
his shoulder, holding him around the knees.  
THE ELEVATOR OPERATOR is A VERY CRAZY, VERY OLD 
MAN.  He giggles and nods approval, giving Joel 
a Black Power salute.

JOEL
Having a good time in there?

CUT TO:

INT. JOEL’S OFFICE (NIGHT)

The office has the raw look of an industrial loading 
dock.  The walls are painted concrete, the floor is 
steel and the ceiling is 20 ft. high.  A set of heavy institutional looking stairs leads straight into a 
blank wall.

High up on each wall is a large screen TV showing 
soft core bondage porn: GIRLS in black patent leather 
straitjackets and looking smug about it.  The usual.

Half the script takes place here and it's been difficult 
to open up so, use the TVs to bring in the outside images.

He dumps Paco on the couch then sits down at the desk 
and begins to deal a game of solitaire.  But it's a 
Tarot pack and the 1st card is the 10 of Cups inverted.

The gargoyle enters the frame looking like Noel Coward.

					GARGOYLE
		That’s the Death card.  The real death 
card.  The other one is just a card for 
change.  And the cups are inverted:
meaning it happens on a physical level.
Everybody gets it.		

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL WARD (BRIGHT)

The dialysis machines look like bondage contraptions 
designed to keep your date strapped into a convenient 
position.  Descriptions are difficult so, rely on the
equipment catalogues.  They don’t need much exaggeration.

It's New Year's eve.  PATIENTS ON DIALYSIS are watching 
a TV ANNOUNCER give accident statistics and cheering 
like it was a football game.
TV ANNOUNCER
...a tractor-trailer jack-knifed 
off a highway overpass and fell 
through the top of a school bus.  
Three other vehicles were also 
crushed and the death toll may 
reach 150.

The patients are cheering, thumbs up 
and high 5-ing each other.

PATIENT 1
What's that? 680?

PATIENT 2
730 dead and it's only 7 PM.

PATIENT 1
If it's 1 in 20 is an 
organ donor...

PATIENT 3
On the average.

PATIENT 1
That's 15 1/2 kidneys.  We 
might get out of here yet.

JESSE
If that's the way you feel, why 
dont you shoot your own?

A DOCTOR is unhooking Jesse from the 
dialysis machine: Buckles and straps.

PATIENT 1
That's cheating.

DOCTOR
Jesus, we have to talk.

JESSE
(to patient 1)
  		No one in his right mind wants a 
fair fight.
(to Doctor)
Call me Jesse, it makes me happy.
Capt. Jesus sounds like a rock 
group.

DOCTOR
I can tell you're under a strain.

JESSE
(to PATIENT)
By the time you sell his corneas too
and make a tidy profit besides.

DOCTOR
Skip the hymn to the food chain,
I have to talk to you.

The doctor drags Jesse out through a maze
of Alphaville corridors.  Strange things
are seen through half opened doors or in
the edge of vision.  You're not sure of
what you've seen until it's already gone:

About 3 ft. tall, A HEADLESS CHILD IN A 
COWBOY SUIT GOES BY ON SHORT STILTS.

About 7 ft. tall, A NAKED PRE-PUBESCENT 
GIRL STANDING IN THE ANGLE OF 2 CORRIDORS
WITH A CATATONIC STARE.

A WOMAN IN BED CUDDLING A CRASH TEST DUMMY.
(Sounds trite, but it works visually.  I'm
ripping off a painting by Dorothea Tanning
called "The Guest Room")

A BALLET GIRL IN A SILVER JUMP SUIT AND
SILVERY MAKE UP IS EMBRACING A SHINY CHROME
MACHINE. The shadows make HER LOOK LIKE PART 
OF IT UNTIL A SECOND AFTER SHE'S GONE. 

A JACK RUSSELL TERRIER runs by with
a human hand in its mouth.

DOCTOR 
I got the tests back. You've been 
on dialysis for 6 years with the 
usual result: septic arthritis 
and cardiac arrhythmia. You need a 
transplant, it will buy you maybe 
5 years before you start dying of 
something else.

JESSE
So, I fly to Rio, kidneys are the 
major export after coffee: Give us 
back our internal organs, Gringo 
exploiters of the Poor.

DOCTOR
You need a 7-point tissue match 
to have any chance at all.

JESSE
No, I read...

DOCTOR
Cops shouldn't read, you'll 
only get confused.  I'm trying 
to save your life.

CUT TO:

INT. JOEL’S OFFICE (DAY)

Joel is completing a bail bond contract with an 
ELEGANTLY DRESSED BLACK COUPLE.  Joel and the 
Black man are smiling at each other like 2 old 
faggots in love. The TVs are showing MTV Super 
Model videos.

BLACK MAN
Yes, well, I like to do business
with one bondsman.

BLACK WOMAN
What?, did you say you were going
to need a bondsman again?

They exit arguing.  Joel looks around 
slyly.  He pulls a .25 automatic from 
a watch pocket.

JOEL
Now, you little bastard, I've
been after you for weeks.

He fires.  Paco opens his eyes.  Joel fires 
again.  Paco sits up, but Joel is across the 
room leaping around and blazing away in the 
opposite direction.  He bends over and comes 
up with the .25 in his teeth and holding a 
stunned rat by the neck.  

He sees that Paco is awake then Joel tucks the 
dead looking rat under his arm, the tail hanging 
down his sleeve.  

He pours a cup of coffee from a silex and holds 
it out to Paco.  Paco looks at the rat tail peeping 
out of Joel's armpit.

PACO
You're beautiful.

JOEL
You're supposed to be saying:
Where am I?  What happened?

He drops the rat into the waste basket.
It immediately wakes up and climbs out.

PACO
I know what happened.  What 
I dont know is how I keep 
tripping over you.

JOEL
Have some coffee.

Paco takes it and sips.  He spits it out.

PACO
Decaffeinated!

JOEL
Yeah, that's your problem, not
enough drugs!  Hey, old buddy,
why dont you tough it out?  Pull
out your gun, wave it around:
"Let's see who's got the stronger
magic."  I guess you found out.

PACO
I didn't expect it because
there was no reason for it.

JOEL
Whadya do? screw her and take
a liking to her?

PACO
That's half your conversation.
I cant take this early in the 
morning.

JOEL
It's afternoon.

PACO
I cant take this right after I wake up.  
She was just trying to scare me.

JOEL
I dont believe this.  I even got to 
tell him when he's being murdered. 

PACO
You think like I fuck.			

JOEL
Tell me another way.

PACO
The man gets on top.

JOEL
Let's get out of here.

PACO
Yeah.

TV shows a quick shot of A ROUTINELY BEAUTIFUL 
WOMAN going up a flight of stairs on crutches.  
She's wearing 5-inch heels and a blindfold. She's 
smiling.  The stairs lead to an open door.  Beyond 
it is nothing but sky and drifting clouds.  Rene
Magritte, eat your heart out.

INT. HOSPITAL (BRIGHT AND SCARY)

They're in an examination room but the door is half 
open and THE PATIENTS going by have the kind of faces 
you see in a cancer hospital: impossibly malformed in 
inhuman shades of orange and purple and red.  

Unlike a horror movie, these people are trying to 
maintain their dignity and act as though nothing 
were wrong and that makes it all much worse.

Most of the medical jargon is drowned out by screams, 
music and machine noises, and Jersey accents, but it 
has to be there.

JESSE
With drugs like cyclosporine 
to prevent organ rejection, 
you dont need a tissue match.

DOCTOR
It prevents organ rejection by 
suppressing the immune system.  

It gives you an artificial case of AIDS 
and the worse the tissue match the more 
of it you have to take.  

Besides which, it does catastrophic kidney 
damage.  It prevents the body from rejecting 
it, then kills it itself.

JESSE
There are other drugs.

DOCTOR
Cyclosporine is used because it's the least 
destructive of the immuno-suppressants

JESSE
The statistics I read… 

DOCTOR
You believe that shit? 

JESSE
Well, no.

DOCTOR
You fly to China for a kidney, it's going 
to kill you.  You might as well die here 
and save the air fare.

CUT TO:

INT. COFFEE BAR (CHEERY)

Joel has a large smoked fish.  He's holding it 2 handed 
and eating it like it was corn on the cob.  The fish 
blinks twice.  

This is in a New Age place with lots of hanging vines.  
A HUGE SPIDER, 2-eyed like a crab, scrambles down a vine, 
looks back and forth between Joel and his fish, then 
scuttles back up.  

TYPICAL NEW YORKERS go by: 

A LESBIAN DWARF IN A CRASH HELMET, 

A 48-D CUP WOMAN WITH A BLOND CREW CUT 
AND MAKE UP OUT OF A RICHARD LINDNER PAINTING, 

A TEENAGE GIRL IN A MINI-SKIRTED NURSE COSTUME 
AND CARRYING AN ENEMA BAG AND A WHIP 
and so on. Joel is watching the parade.

PACO
Whatever you do, dont make eye
contact.  It might be taken as
an attempt at communication and 
therefore grounds for murder.

Joel scowls.

You're still pissed?

JOEL
Of course, I'm pissed.  You got 
two women in love with you, and
another one trying to kill you,
     why shouldn't I be pissed?

PACO
I'm almost impotent.

JOEL
Almost!

PACO
How much grief do you want 
to wish on me?

JOEL
You're supposed to kill your
self cause you're afraid you're 
going gay.

PACO
That would be shrewd.

JOEL
Sure.

PACO
I think you're supposed to do 
more than hate yourself, I think
you're actually supposed to be 
attracted to men and I'm not.

JOEL
Nobody's perfect.

CUT TO:	

INT. HOSPITAL (FLOODLIT)

They're talking across a gurney, the kind used in 
executions by injection. Leather manacles hang off 
it in all directions. 

A picture of J. Edgar Hoover is on the wall hung 
with black crepe and a pair of pink ballet slippers.

JESSE
You're telling me I got to die?, I'm 
telling you I'm going to take you 
with me!

DOCTOR
I'm telling you that you need a 7 point 
HLA match.  You have a brother, right?				

JESSE
We hate each other.

DOCTOR
He's still your brother.

JESSE
What are you?, an only child?  That 
brother thing isn't like you think 
it is.

DOCTOR
Fine, you hate each other.  But, if you 
die, how is he ever going to get even?

JESSE
That part makes sense.

DOCTOR
Well, he's going to give up a
kidney or you're going to die.

JESSE
Yeah.

CUT TO:

INT. CORRIDOR IN THE HALL OF JUSTICE (MURKY)

It's easy to tell the perps from the lawyers.  The 
lawyers have sharp race track faces and a steady leer.  

The perps are usually a foot shorter and look morose.  

A PERP is carrying a huge TV set trailing a complex 
of multi-colored wires.  

Another PERP is carrying a machine gun and a grinning 
severed head.  

A 3RD is dragging a large suitcase with something 
inside that's trying to get out.  

A TROUPE OF WHORES WEARING FETISH COSTUMES goes by, 
handcuffed to a chain and carrying can openers and 
corkscrews.  They take turns reading aloud from a 
script.  It seems to be an open casting call.

The cops are huge and appear to have brain damage: 
severe brain damage like it's hard for them to 
point both eyes in the same direction.

Paco and Joel are striding along determinedly.
Paco is talking on a cell phone.

PACO
Yeah...I understand that...No, thanks...
I'm not going to do it....No...The harm 
is, if I say we'll talk about it, you think 
it means I cant change my mind all at once 
because it would undermine my authority 

but, I dont want to talk about it because 
I'm not going to change my mind because I'm 
not going to do it...alright, we'll talk 
about it.

HE hangs up.

He wants my kidneys.

JOEL
That's true love.

CUT TO:

INT. THE GENTLEMAN LOSER (BRIGHT)

The store sells guns, motorcycles, fashion magazines 
and sex toys with a collection of pinball machines 
to play while you wait. Joel is playing an antique 
and complicated pinball machine.  

The score board shows a picture of Diana Rigg in 
a leather cat-suit.  Paco is reading the British 
edition of VOGUE.  

White and red neon scribbles across the floor and 
up the walls looking like a time exposure shot of 
night time city traffic.

JOEL
I can understand looking at the 
pictures, but you're actually
reading that thing.  That's sick.

PACO
There's a thing in here on Antonia 
Frazer.  I wanted to see what Pinter's 
lady looked like.

JOEL
She looks alright.  He looks
like her pet poodle.

PACO
He is, but she says something interesting 
about fashion, that fashion should always 
have some element that's self-mocking, 

something that says: Dont take this too 
seriously, it's all an act but it's fun, 
that's what role playing is for.

JOEL
You act like that's important, 
like I'm supposed to thank you 
for it.
PACO
You dont like fashion?

JOEL
I liked it better when I 
thought God designed it 
and it just descended.

A COP goes by with a John Wayne walk 
wearing a riot shield and carrying a
shock baton. Sparks dance on the tip.

COP
How's the sporting life?

JOEL
You dont want to know that, you'd have 
to make out the forms in triplicate.

COP
Whadya do? Guys And Dolls in summer stock?

PACO
See, that's what I mean, every one's 
auditioning.  No one believes that any 
of this is really real.

JOEL
Shut up and read your picture book.

PACO
Let's get out of here.

JOEL
Yeah.
CUT TO:

INT. MEN’S ROOM OF THE CRIMINAL COURT (DIM)

Paco and Joel and THE 1ST MURDERER who has the 
genial look of a neighborhood bartender.  He 
almost sings as he talks.

The place is the size of an airplane hanger with 
high vaulted windows like a cathedral but covered 
with spiky looking bars.  There is a sign on the wall:

   LOADING OR UNLOADING GUNS 
    		    			  ON THESE PREMISES 
  		  		     IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN

There is a spray of bullet holes across 
the walls, as though the place had been
used for executions, and the graffiti: 

      PROSECUTORS WILL BE VIOLATED

Clicking whirring surveillance cameras point into 
each toilet stall.  Paco is shucking the wadcutters 
out of an S&W combat magnum and reloading with Glazer 
Blue Dot.  Joel is listening to the 1st 
murderer.  Sound fades in.

1ST
The genitals are always the first to go.  
They ask me what sex it was, I have to 
look at the knees or the Adam's apple 
because all that's down there is ...

PACO
Stop it.

1ST
Big sturdy maggots like the
Michelin Tire Man.

PACO
Stop.

JOEL
He means, why are you here?  This is the 
Hall of Justice.  I am a bondsman.  That's 
why I am here.  

This, he's a lawyer.  He's trying to get 
disbarred, that's why he is here.  Now, we 
told you why we are here, why wont you 
tell us why you are here?

A COP enters wearing a gigantic .44 magnum with 
a telescopic sight in a strap down holster

COP
(pointing to the .357)
When are you going to get 
yourself a real gun?

PACO
(pointing to the .44)
That's not to shoot with, 
it's a symbol of authority.

COP
Your mother is a symbol of authority.

PACO
You bet your sweet ass.

The cop finishes at the urinal.

COP
(pointing to the Blue Dots)
Those explosive bullets are
illegal under federal law.

PACO
Thank you for pointing that out, 
sometimes it is the obvious that 
is being overlooked.

The cop snarls and leaves.

1ST
Look, I'm going to have to start 
over from the beginning.

PACO
No.

JOEL
No, no, skip ahead, now try to remember: 
why are you here.  What happened that 
brought you here.  And it's something 
you wanted to tell us about, that's why 
you're here, to tell us. Now, tell us 
what it is.

1ST
Did I tell you about the baby?

JOEL
Baby?, no you didn't tell us about the baby.

1ST
Okay, I can start there, but I 
might have to go back.

PACO
Start there.

2 COPS walk in dragging A VERY CONVINCING 
TRANSVESTITE IN A DOLLY PARTON DRESS.

COP
You still got a schvance, 
you use the men's room.

TV
Pervert!

But they let her piss sitting down.  Then the 
surveillance cameras flash red lights. They're 
whirring and clicking double time.  The 1st 
murderer looks hopelessly confused.

PACO
The baby: start there.

1ST
Yeah, well, I am embalming this baby, 
maybe 2 months old, when the telephone 
rings.  So, I turn the compressor on 
real low, 2 1/2 pounds per sq. inch.  
That's low for an adult, but low for 
a baby would be about 1/2 pound per 
sq. inch and, ah, it's my girl friend.

PACO
The baby?

1ST
No, on the telephone.  And by 
the time she gets through telling 
me all the things her sister said 
about me, I get back to the table 
and the baby is 4 feet tall.  

So, I take it out to the parking 
lot where it's real dark. I get 
the hearse out of the garage and 
run over the baby with it.  

Yeah, keep backing up over the baby 
with the hearse.  Embalming fluid is 
flying everywhere, but after backing 
up over the baby for an hour, the 
transmission falls out.

A BLACK MAN walks in with a ghetto blaster 
turned up loud. He's wearing beaded dread
locks and a djellaba. He's also carrying a 
samurai sword.

The ghetto blaster is playing BECAUSE THE
NIGHT BELONGS TO LOVERS by Patti Smith.
  
Paco and Joel square dance to it with frantic 
enthusiasm.  The 1st murderer hesitates for a 
second then  joins in.  The black man is at a 
urinal, staring at them transfixed and appalled.  
Then he runs for it.

1ST
And this 2 month old baby still 
looks 9 years old.  Kind of a 
puffy 9 years old with a squint.  

At this point, the night manager 
walks in wanting to know why the 
transmissions on the floor and 
there's blood all over the wheels.  

But just then there's an appeal 
for a kidney donor over BAI and, 
rather than risk an argument, 
I killed him.

PACO
I think I've got the beginnings 
of an idea.

INT. CORRIDOR IN THE HALL OF JUSTICE

The 3 of them striding along determinedly.
they're at least a foot taller than the
perps who swarm around them.

JOEL
Alright, but I wait outside for you.
At night.  The funeral home. Outside.  
I'll be waiting for you.  While you 
go in and get the money.  I'll be 
in a white VolksWeasel.  Outside.  

That way, I blink the parking lights, 
you come over and give me the money.  
Which you can do because I'm right 
there.  Waiting for you.  You 
understand what I'm saying?

1ST
Yeah, I give you the money.

JOEL
Beautiful.  Richelieu, you wait 
outside the funeral home for him.

PACO
That's what friends are for.

CUT TO:

INT.  HALLWAY (DIM)

It's a subdivided mansion populated by 
ballet girls eating yogurt.  

There's a crystal chandelier hanging down the middle 
of a gigantic circular staircase, but the corridors 
are painfully narrow. 

Paco comes up the stairs onto the landing.  Jesse and 
CHULO come out in front of him.  He looks around for 
escape, but MACHITO is coming silently up the stairs 
behind him.

PACO
Now what?

JESSE
We have to talk.

PACO
You mean, I have to listen.

JESSE
You're going to give up a kidney or 
we're going to kill you and take it 
from your dead body.  

We would have done that already except 
that transplants from a live donor have 
a better chance of success.

PACO
But if you killed me you could take both.

JESSE
You trying to work yourself up to do 
something desperate?  I'll take one 
for now.

PACO
     Right here?

JESSE
In three days.

He raise a forefinger and Chulo grabs his own lapels, 
throwing his coat open wide, and comes galloping over.  

Inside his coat: 
on one side is a long barrelled pistol with a silencer, 
on the other are business cards.  Jesse extracts a 
doctor's appointment slip and hands it to Paco.

JESSE
You got an appointment tomorrow.
They got to run some tests, 
make sure you dont have AIDS.

PACO
I'm not gay.

JESSE
You would be if you had any integrity.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL (BRIGHT AND SCARY)

A DOCTOR is drawing Paco's blood and doing some 
routine tests. 

2 NURSES WITH THEIR UNIFORMS HALF UNBUTTONED are 
clutching each other in a mopcloset and staring 
fixedly off screen through a line of half open 
doors that go on for ever.  

POV pans around to show A MAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT 
HANGING UPSIDE DOWN IN THE CORNER. His arms are 
at his sides and a water tap has been stuck into 
his neck. It oozes a slow drop of blood.  

He has a calm but puzzled expression.  He blinks 
twice then POV spins by.

PACO
How about, I bring in another kidney 
and you use it instead, but you say 
it was mine?

DOC 
There hasn't been a trial for witchcraft 
in this state for 300 years, but I think 
that might qualify. No, thanks.

PACO
I've been doing some reading. You held 
a symposium on organ traffic last year.  
In Bellagio, Italy, but the proceedings 
were never published.

DOC
It would only fuel public paranoia
on the subject.  Stories of waking 
up in a bathtub full of ice with 
your kidneys hijacked, that's the 
most popular urban folktale.

PACO
And the names of the participants
were never made public.

DOC
Same reason, cant have them badgered 
by cranks with conspiracy theories.

PACO
There's another explanation:
You were afraid that one of
them might talk.  Say, from
a country without anything
equivalent to the AMA.

DOC
Believe what you like.

PACO
But it would be easy to get their 
names, just send a PI to Bellagio 
and have him check the hotels for 
the time of the conference to see 
which doctors were registered.  

And the results weren't to be 
published so, one of them must 
have made a tape recording of 
the proceedings.

DOC
Whose kidney were you thinking of using?

TWO INTERN gallop past rolling a gurney at
high speed.  THE PATIENT on the gurney is
strapped down and making muffled grunts
through a leather strap gag.

PACO
How much do you really want to know?

DOC
Just get yourself a pair of
poultry shears, the kind you
use to cut up a turkey.  And
the kidneys are easy to miss, 
they're under a flap of fat
at the back.

PACO
Gotcha.

CUT TO:

INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE (BLACK AND WHITE)

The room is Art Deco like a 30's Fred Astaire 
movie.  The scene is shot in perfume-ad-romantic: 

Moonlight streaming in through the French windows 
while the wind flutters the draperies and swirling
violins on the sound track.  Paco is on the couch.  
THE SHRINK is a mannishly good-looking woman in 
her 40's.  She's wearing a 1950's bra and girdle 
and admiring herself in a hand mirror.

SHRINK
I dont believe it.

PACO
You said that.

SHRINK
That was a horrible disgusting story.

PACO
Yes, it was so, you're right not to 
believe it.

SHRINK
No wonder you dont have any friends.  
You give up a kidney to save your 
brothers life.  I really dont see 
what's so terrible about that.

PACO
While I'm at why dont you 
get a boob job?

SHRINK
Look at what happened to 
Mariel Hemingway.

PACO
Dont you mean Margaux?

SHRINK
Mariel.  She was very flat chested, 
but that only made her seem vul-
nerable and in a way even more 
feminine. She got a boob job for 
Star 80 and suddenly she was just 
one more bimbo.

PACO
Are you trying to say, you
think you look vulnerable?

SHRINK
I think I look feminine.

She snaps a garter on her girdle.

PACO
And you think you'd look less
feminine with bigger breasts.

SHRINK
It's depersonalizing, like any
other type of uniform.

PACO
Its depersonalizing that he wants 
to use me for spare parts.

SHRINK
It's not your balls, it isn't your right 
arm. What if it were a fingernail would 
that bother you?

PACO
It feels like he's trying to steal my soul.

SHRINK
You dont have a soul.  I keep trying to 
build you one, but it keeps coming apart 
in my hands.

PACO
I was wondering if I could undo those 
garters with my teeth.

			SHRINK
Hmmm.

CUT TO:

EXT. FUNERAL HOME (NIGHT)

Paco parks.  The 1st murderer runs by with
A TEENAGE STARLET slung over his shoulder.
He's being chased by VILLAGERS carrying
torches and pitchforks. 

Paco jumps out with a legal brief in each 
hand.  He gets between the 1st murderer 
and the villagers.

PACO
Well, now that you're all here,
we're going to have a reading 
of a one act play I wrote and 
it's very nice and I know you'll
like it.

The villagers throw down their torches
and pitchforks and run for their lives.

PACO
That always works.

But when he turns around, 
the 1st murderer is gone.

CUT TO:

INT. MEDICAL SUPPLY STORE (MORNING)

Paco is buying a doctor's whites and a 
stethoscope to hang around his neck.

INT. HOSPITAL OPERATING ROOM

An operation is in progress.  Paco slithers
in wearing rubber gloves and face mask.

SURGEON.
That's it, sew him up.

Paco waves everyone out.  He's alone with
the patient.  Paco pulls out a pair of
poultry shears and starts rummaging around
in the patients torso.  He's finding the
kidneys by a process of elimination.  

He keeps chopping out pieces and throwing
them away.  He tucks the kidneys in a doggie 
bag and runs for it.

He finds AN OLD LADY IN A WHEEL CHAIR
and starts rolling her away as a cover
story.  She doesn't want to go. 

He clubs her unconscious with a fire 
extinguisher and heads for the back 
elevators.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET (DAY)

Paco is galloping along with the old lady
hanging half way out of the wheel chair.
By this time, THE HOSPITAL STAFF is in 
full pursuit.

He rolls her in front of a bus to create 
a distraction and takes off running.

									CUT TO:

EXT. THE BLACK MUSLIM TEMPLE AT 125TH (DAY)

Paco is chased inside. THE POLICE, are afraid 
to follow.  Inside, it's THE DOME OF THE ROCK 
IN JERUSALEM.  

There are 40 vacuum cleaners in a corner, looking 
like a re-make of THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE.  Paco 
runs past the desk at the entrance and THE FLOWER 
OF ISLAM BOYS close in.  Obviously, they intend to 
kill him.

1ST FLOWER
You dis-respected our desk!

Paco hands him the kidney container. 
KAREEM opens it and stares inside.  

After several moments of study, He 
hands it to MAHMOUD.  They both have 
very serious expressions.  Mahmoud 
hands it back.

MAHMOUD
I ordered 2 double cheeseburgers and 
a rootbeer malt.

KAREEM
Hush.  So that's the way it goes down.  
You and me, we blood brothers just like 
it say in Koran.

PACO
Sure, Baby, but I've got to get out of 
here fast.  They'll be here any minute 
now.

KAREEM
The Great Satan?

PACO
Yeah.  YEAH.  That's right, THE GREAT SATAN.

KAREEM
You know, I'm not surprised.
No, I'm not surprised at all.

PACO
You're not?

KAREEM
I'm surprised it took them so long.  
They're here to cut up our children, 
and sell them for spare parts. Just 
like in Guatemala.

PACO
You got that part right.

KAREEM
And this heart proves it.

PACO
It's a kidney.

KAREEM
It's a baby's heart

PACO
Right, A baby's heart. We'll get it 
straightened out later. Right now you 
understand how important it is to escape 
with the evidence and alert the media.  
But that's Satan kicking the door in 
right now.

KAREEM
This way.

He leads him up to the roof.  Background noise:
the Balinese Monkey Chant, heavy gunfire and
the finale of the 1812 Overture.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROOF OF THE TEMPLE (DAY)

On the roof there's A WHITE HORSE WITH A 
PEACOCK TAIL AND THE FACE OF A WOMAN.  
Kareem picks up Paco and places him 
in the saddle.  Paco looks shocked.

KAREEM
It's rented for the movie.  You
know, Industrial light and Magic.

And the white horse flies paco away.

										CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE PACO’S APARTMENT

Paco is exhausted.  Jesse and cohorts are
waiting for him. There's barely room to move.

JESSE
That was real cute.  You knew an
unmatched kidney would kill me.

PACO
That was the idea.

JESSE
And you thought the Doc would be 
more afraid of you than of me.
Not smart.

PACO
That part sounds true.

JESSE
So, Chulo and Machito will keep
you company until it's time to
get cut up.

PACO
Thanks.

Paco walks in to his apartment and 
feeds the kidney to his cat.

CAT 
(sounding like Glenda Jackson)
What now?

PACO

How many times do I have to tell you,
cats do not actually say Meoow.

CAT
I didn't say Meoow, I said "What now?"

PACO
Good question.

								CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE PACO’S APT.

He walks out.  Chulo and Machito close in

PACO
Feel like taking a walk.

CHULO
We come with you.

PACO
Sure, why not?

And he takes off running.

EXT. STREET (DAY)

Paco is being chased by Chulo and Machito. 
He runs into a supermarket drugstore and 
plays peek-a-boo around the aisles.  

He runs through the toy department and grabs 
a bag of marbles with Machito right behind him.  
He changes aisles and runs straight into Chulo. 
He tears the electronic label off the marbles 
and slaps it on Chulo's back then takes off out 
the door with Chulo and Machito right behind him. 
 
The electronic label sets off the alarm as they 
charge through the gate and THE SECURITY GUARDS 
leap on Chulo.  

Paco is running down the middle of the sidewalk 
with Machito closing in. He rips open the bag 
of marbles and throws them behind him.  Machito 
staggers, but doesn’t even slow down.  Paco pulls
up short.  He pulls out a flip-top can of cat 
food and rips it open.

					PACO
		1st let me feed my cat.

					MACHITO
		I don’t see a cat.

					PACO
		He’s very shy.

As any one with a cat would know, those can tops 
are sharper than a razor.  He slashes Machito’s face 
with it. Machito does a lawn sprinkler pirouette
spraying blood in all directions and Paco recedes 
into the distance.

										CUT TO:

EXT. IRT EL (NIGHT)

Paco is running along the rails.  It's at 
this point we lose Machito.  He falls off 
and down to the street.  

But Chulo is an Indian, He runs putting one 
foot in front of another and he's gaining.  
Paco has to shinny down the pillars to get 
away from him.  

Chulo goes down with one foot between the 
railroad ties and lands with a badly sprained 
ankle.  

Paco keeps going.  He staggers out to the street.  
It looks awful and it looks deserted.  Huge 
apartment blocks being used as movie screens.  
Enormous close-ups of a nose, or lips or an 
eye are projected on their sides in murky 
blue light.

The only lights on are the street lamps and 
some fuzzy green neon in the distance.  Outside 
of that, absolute blackness.  Paco keeps walking, 
the neon gets closer. It's a bar called numbers.  

Something's a little wrong, but it doesn't get 
obvious until he gets inside.  It's a gay bar. 
Paco staggers in.

INT. TRANSVESTITE BAR (NIGHT)

VOICE 1
All great writers are Irish homosexuals.

VOICE 2
What about Faulkner?  What about Hemingway?

VOICE 1
Who said they were any good?

VOICE 2
What about Dante?

VOICE 1
Well, he's not quite in the 
same class as James Joyce.

VOICE 2
Joyce was gay?  

VOICE 1
Obviously, he was a great writer.

PACO
Grappa.

BARTENDER
Granpa?  Old Grandad.

Paco looks around.  THE WOMEN are cute, but they all 
have 4 o'clock shadow.  He starts to leave then sits 
back down, exhausted.  His reflection is pointing the 
same way he is.  He’s looking at the back of HIS head.
On the wall is Belmer's "Peppermint Stick For Greedy 
Little Girls".

PACO
Forget it.  How about a frozen
daiquiri with a diet coke chaser?

BAR
Sure, Honey.

PACO
I thought they only had places 
like this on 12th Avenue.

BAR
Doesn't matter where it is,
people will travel for it.

PACO
I'm here sort of by accident.

BAR
You dont have to explain anything 
to me, but I thought you half and
halfs were too worried about AIDS.

PACO
AIDS?

BAR
Well, dont worry.  You cant catch 
it by getting your thingee slurped.  
There's something in the saliva 
that kills the virus.

PACO
Saliva.

BAR
Is that a gun?

PACO
No, bitch, I’m just happy to see you.

BAR
Except for HIV 5, the one that's 
wiping out Thailand, that thrives 
in saliva.

PACO
Yeah, saliva.  

BAR
          Like the one on the end on the 
end with the ulcers on her face 
covered up with cake batter.

PACO
Type 5? Saliva, right?

BAR
Miss Phyllis LoveBoot, the skeleton 
at the feast.  People dont come to a 
bar like this to be reminded of that.  
If she gets on your nerves...

PACO
No, she's perfect.

BAR
But she's got type 5.  You can get 
it from a kiss, you can get from 
looking at her.  Otherwise, you 
cant catch it unless you take it 
from behind without a raincoat.

PACO
Only from my brother.

BAR
That's a joke, right?

PACO
Yeah, a joke.

He moves toward Miss Phyllis.  She smiles at him.

BAR
She's got hepatitis too. 

PACO
I think I'm in love.

He sits down next to it.  They start talking.
He/she starts off flirtatious then horrified.

PHYLLIS
That's insane.								

PACO
I thought you girls liked to spread 
it around.  Trying to take as many 
people with you as you can.

PHYLLIS
Get him away, he's a basher, 
he's going to kill me.

PACO
No, Baby, I just want to catch AIDS.

PHYLLIS
That's a lousy way to commit suicide.

PACO
No, it's murder.

He whispers something to he/she. They kiss.  
The bartender crosses himself and makes the 
sign against the evil eye.

INT. BOUTIQUE FITTING ROOM (NIGHT)

It's a boot and corset boutique called SPANK.  Phyllis 
and Paco are somewhat in shock.  She’s wearing one of 
those shiny Pearl harbor egg cup girdles so stiff and 
shiny and armor-like it makes you think of Joan of Arc.

PHYLLIS
Any regrets?

PACO
Oh, no, after everything,
I will love you always.

PHYLLIS
Bitch.

PACO
You murdered me, I murdered my 
brother. For a moment, I forgot 
that I exist and that's beautiful.

PHYLLIS
All we did was kiss like teenagers on 
a 1st date.  It was so sweet.  That’s 
something I’ve never had.  I’ll always
remember you.  Always.

But in her case ‘always’ is only going to be a week
or 2.  It’s so obvious that even Paco is embarrassed.

					PHYLLIS (continuing)
		I’m going to die soon.

PACO
That could be a problem.

PHYLLIS
They're all so feminine, no matter 
how butch they are.  There's always
this whiny, bitchy subtext.  

Little girls dressing up in their 
mother's clothes. I like men.

PACO
Bon appetite, I'm out of here.

								CUT TO:

EXT. STREET (DAWN)

Paco is having trouble walking, exhaustion and
accumulated injuries  He sits down on a park 
bench and staggers upright.

He's trying to go home.  Chulo and Machito
close in on him.  Chulo is on crutches and
Machito is in a motorized wheel chair. They 
dont carry automatic weapons that might 
damage internal organs. Chulo has a machete 
and Machito has a medieval halberd. It looks 
like a can opener on a long pole.

PACO
Well, now that you're all here, 
we're going to have a reading 
of a one act play I wrote...

They club him semi-conscious.  Paco lets 
himself be led away and into a black van.  
Chulo throws down a ramp.  Machito rolls up, 
pulls it in after him and closes the door.  
The van roars away.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL (BRIGHT AND SCARY)

Series of shots showing Paco being prepped 
for surgery and then the kidney transplant.

										CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM (BRIGHT)

Paco wakes up in bed with his side sliced 
open and stapled shut.  Che is shaking him 
awake.  Che drops a leather shoulder bag 
on the bed.  It spills open.  It's full of 
$100 bills.

CHE
That's 100,000.  You like that
better?  You got anything to say?

PACO
Not really.

Che snorts in disgust and slams out the 
door.  Paco gets out of bed shakily, he 
gets dressed and sneaks out.  

He steals an orderlies uniform from a supply 
closet and makes it down the back stairs to 
the street.  He’s in considerable pain and 
punchy from the drugs, but nothing is going 
to stop him.

										CUT TO:			
INT. OUTSIDE PACO’S SHRINK’S APT.

He knocks, She opens the door. She's wearing 
the girdle and nylons with a negligee, a 
mantilla and a black lace fan.  Lightning
through the French windows, wind swirling
the drapes and violins on the sound track.

SHRINK
I dont see any point in continuing 
this.  I take your money and dont 
do anything for you.

PACO
		Then give it back.

SHRINK
I suppose it is an emergency, come in.

He does and gingerly lays down on the couch.
She sits down behind him.

					PACO
		He’s got it, it’s inside him.

SHRINK
And how do you feel about that?

PACO
Dirty.  A woman who was raped
couldn't feel worse than that.
I have to kill him.

SHRINK
Rape victims usually end thinking 
that they had it coming.  But you 
did have it coming and you're 
baffled by it, that you might 
owe something to anyone.

PACO
Then I'd have to kill myself.  It's 
the only way I could stop him from 
getting my other kidney.

He starts to cry.  The shrink gets
up and joins him on the couch.

SHRINK
Wait, I suppose it's time I did
something therapeutic for you.

PACO
It's alright, Mummy, I'm just
practicing for when I grow up
to be a gynecologist.

SHRINK
No, wait, I dont like it 
from behind.

PACO
Please, Mummy, just this once.

SHRINK
I mean, I do, but I always get
the most tremendous diarrhea
afterward.

PACO
Dont let everyone know we're 
fighting.

THE SAME

20 minutes later they're sitting up smoking 
in post coital depression.  She's refastening
her garters.

SHRINK
Oedipus, Schmedipus, so long
as he loves his mother

PACO
I suppose that's every patients
favorite fantasy.

SHRINK
Making love to your mother?

PACO
Giving your analyst AIDS.

CUT TO:

INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB (STRICTLY FILM NOIR)

Paco hobbles in.  His back is killing him.
He tilt to one side, wrapped around his missing
kidney like a donut around the hole..  He sits 
down at the bar.  THE BARTENDER is named FIDEL.

PACO
Dos Equus.

FIDEL
No beer, bad for your kidneys, or 
should I say "kidney".  You'll never 
get out of the toilet. Maybe, I 
should serve it to you there and 
avoid the rush.  

PACO
Something tells me I've lost 
respect around here.

FIDEL
That too.

PACO
I gave my brother a kidney.
Is there something wrong 
with that?

FIDEL
He took it away from you.

PACO
It's half of what I gave him.

FIDEL
What's the other half?

PACO
I want to tell you a story.

FIDEL
I heard it.

PACO
It's about a championship fight.

FIDEL
Go on.

PACO
The Madness of Georg III: Beyond the
thunder dome  He's the king, he can 
have any woman he wants, but this 
tavern maid says no.  He says: You 
have to because I'm the king.

FIDEL
So?

PACO
So, she goes out and deliberately
catches syphilis before giving
herself to her king.

FIDEL
He catch it?

PACO
He went insane and died of it.

FIDEL
Takes a woman to be that spiteful.

PACO
All his children too. Like Queen
Mary.  She had these hideous sores 
on the inside of her thighs.  

She had to walk bowlegged.  But 
she was the queen so, everyone else 
had to walk bowlegged too.

FIDEL
Another success story, that's 
what we all love, so what?

PACO
So, before donating a kidney
to Captain Jesus, I went out
and caught AIDS.

FIDEL
Holy Mary, Mother of God.  How
do you know you caught it?

PACO
I was exposed to it.

FIDEL
The only sure way is a blood 
transfusion, you do that?

PACO
No.

FIDEL
Then everyone's got some kind
of a chance.

								CUT TO:

INT. TENEMENT (NIGHT)

Gold lamps with red shades and crucifixes
everywhere. A Santaria altar.

CHULO
He's down there dead drunk and 
bragging that he gave you AIDS.

JESSE
There was a test, you think 
I'm stupid?

CHULO
The test is for antibodies. They 
dont show up for weeks or months.  
He went out and deliberately caught 
AIDS before he donated a kidney.				

JESSE
I didn't know he had that 
kind of class.

CHULO
I dont think you understand.

JESSE
I understand I'm on cyclosporine. 
It prevents organ rejection by 
turning  off the immune system.  

I'm paying good money to get an 
artificial case of AIDS, what 
more can he do to me?

CHULO
So, you stop taking the drugs.

JESSE
I do and the kidney rips it self 
out of my back and runs straight 
to the nearest graveyard. 

Hey, I'm not going to live long 
enough to die of AIDS.  I bought 
a few years, that's all.

CHULO
You dont understand.

JESSE
There's more?  You're still talking?

CHULO
You dont got years.  You got maybe an 
hour and a half, you're an embarrassment. 
You're not scary anymore so you're dead.  
Verdad?

JESSE
Yeah.

CHULO
You got to kill him, you got 
to kill everyone who knows.

JESSE
You just told me he's bragging about 
it, there's a bar full of people who 
know.

CHULO
That's right, a bar full of people.

JESSE
Do it.

CUT TO:

INT. CUBAN-CHINESE RESTAURANT. (BRIGHT)

Cafe con leche, bull fight posters and 2 LATINO COPS

LATINO 1
You heard?

LATINO 2
Yeah, he can be got to.  He's 
vulnerable.  The magic is over.  
We do it now before he can 
disgrace his shield

LATINO 1
Dont you want to wait to 
find out if it's true?

LATINO 2
Dont matter.  Saying it makes 
it true.  If he denies it, 
that only makes it more real.

LATINO 1
He'll think of something.

LATINO 2
He'll think of words.  Like any 
form of combat, police work is 
mostly intimidation.  We lose 
respect, we're fucked.  We got 
to deal with it now.

CUT TO:

EXT: AFTER HOURS CLUB (NIGHT)

Jesse, Chulo and Machito are coming up the 
alley behind it.  Chulo sets a thermite 
grenade against the jamb of the metal door. 

JESSE
Wait till you hear us.

Jesse and Machito walk around to the front.  
Another heavy metal door and frame and the 
windows are covered by metal grates. 

Jesse forces THE DOORMAN inside at gun
point then throws in a white phosphorus 
grenade and slams the door shut.  

Jesse drops a sticky thermite grenade and 
the door is welded to the jam.  A whooshing 
sound says that the same thing happened 
at the rear.  The club is sealed and then 
the phosphorus grenade goes off.  

The club explodes in flame.  People are 
screaming and clawing at the window gates.  
The band starts playing loud, the singer 
doing a frantic song and dance number on 
the stage.  

Jesse is watching them die.  He’s bored and a 
little embarrassed at the noise they make. The 
glass breaks from the heat but the flames and 
screaming faces stay on the glass as though it 
were painted on.  Behind it is roaring darkness.

JESSE
I wonder if, perhaps, I've 
lived life too fully.

INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB (DIM)

Paco sees what's happening and runs back 
through the kitchen.  He’ looking for a 
knife, but all h can come up with is a 
meat thermometer spike. He reaches the 
back door just as the 2nd bomb goes off.  
He runs back.  

Paco is in the men's room when the fire 
breaks out.  There's no exit.  There's 
one window covered with heavy bars. 

He braces his feet against the wall and 
grabs the bars with both hands trying to 
pull them out.  The bars hold, but his 
feet push through the bricks into the back 
yard and he does a skid into the trash cans.  

He tries to climb a fence, but the pain in his 
side wont let him.  He's bleeding again. 

Using his legs causes too much pain.  He
builds a pyramid of trash cans and climbs 
up using only his arms. He tumbles out into 
the street just as the whole block goes up.

He turns the corner, sees Jesse, then slowly 
hobbles away. Machito sees him and starts to 
give chase, but he's cut off as all the fire 
engines in the world roar up in front of the 
club and block his view.  He starts talking 
fast to a portable phone.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET (NIGHT)

Jesse hangs up on his mobile phone and 
climbs into a cop car.  He punches on 
the radio and talks into the mike.

JESSE
Breaker, Breaker.  Siciliano, are 
you there anywhere.  It's Jesse.

There's a grunt on the speaker.

JESSE
It's my brother.  Paco, that brother. 
He torched an after hours club.

More grunts and stammers.

Yeah, the fire department is here, 
all of that.  I'm telling you it's 
taken care of.  He's running, seal 
the island.  Dont let him out, dont 
give him a chance to start talking.
     He knows I cant say no to him.  
Shoot on sight, there's got to 
be an end to this.  Do you copy?

V.O.
(whispering)
Yeah.

EXT. STREET (NIGHT)

Paco is being chased by Pele and The King Of 
The Tango (KOTT).  He's chased down 5th Ave.

INT. MEAT LOCKER

NAKED MEN are hanging on meat hooks set into 
the wall.  They've been skinned expertly, but 
still alive and twitching, trying to talk, to 
signal, to negotiate.
  
The stomach and chest cavities have been 
opened and the internal organs hang from 
the ribs like Christmas tree ornaments.  
Paco walks through them impassively then 
turns back for a moment. 

PACO
I'm sorry, but I cant allow 
personal feelings to interfere 
with business.

He dives through a side door to the street
and finds himself on the street surrounded 
by cops pointing guns at him.  He smiles 
and flashes a gold detective shield 
(courtesy of Jesse).

PACO
The basement's clear, 
check the roof.

The cops rush past him into the museum and 
paco oozes up to a cop car and glides away.

EXT. STREET (NIGHT)

PACO drives downtown.  He tries the Midtown 
Tunnel, but there are police checks at the 
bridges and tunnels, at the bus and train 
terminals.  Paco keeps going. There are 
police road blocks on the West Side Highway.  
He takes off crosstown at 34th St. 2 COPS 
IN A SQUAD CAR make him and phone in. They 
take off in pursuit.  

Paco drives up on the sidewalk to get 
around a delivery truck. He makes it, 
The cops dont.  They didn't see the 
fire hydrant coming.

CUT TO:		

EXT. 34TH STREET HELIPORT (NIGHT) 

It looks like Riker's Island.  The same narrow
gauge bridge, the barbed wire fences in the 
water and the Blade Runner look of the prison. 
Paco parks and walks up to the terminal.

PACO
Next shuttle is?

ATTENDANT
10 minutes, to Newark.

Paco sits down to wait.  Sirens in the distance 
getting louder, police copters getting closer.

ATTENDANT
I wonder what that's about. 

PACO
The usual.

A phone rings.  The attendant answers it,
makes some guttural noises and hangs up.

ATTENDANT
The flight's canceled.  They're 
sealing Manhattan.

The other shuttle passengers complain and 
wander off.  Paco flashes a detective badge.

PACO
I know, but I think he's gone.  
I'll see if I can head him off 
in Newark.

The copter warms up.  Paco gets on.  He's 
the only passenger.  The machine takes off.  
Sirens are getting louder and there is the 
sound of gigantic machines getting closer.

CUT TO:

INT. CUBAN CHINESE RESTAURANT (NIGHT)

Signed photographs of Latino boxers, posters
of Victoria Abril in the Gaultier costumes 
from KIKA, A Puerto Rican news program on the 
TV yammering away about a case of child abuse 
(with lots of pictures) and fake flamenco on 
the sound track.

LATINO COP 2
Not another drive by.

LATINO COP 1
No, we're not trying to impress
him, we're trying to kill him.

LATINO COP 2
And no more exploding cars.  
It looks like we're imitating 
TV it loses respect.

LATINO COP 1
Yeah.

LATINO COP 2
So, what do you want to do?

LATINO COP 1
We poison him.  Maybe, we'll get a 
reputation for being intellectuals.

LATINO COP 3
He dies in the line of duty 
with an Inspector's funeral.  
He's a hero.

LATINO COP 1
Like how?

LATINO COP 3
Like right now. Maybe, he'd
like some coffee.

He drops rat poison, the kind that causes
internal hemorrhages, into a container of
cafe con leche.

Bring it to him, he'll drink
it cold.

CUT TO:

INT. COPTER (DARK AND ROMANTIC)

They're flying toward Newark.  They're 
soon overtaken by 2 police copters. The 
cops try shooting at them.  The copter 
pilot cant believe it's happening, but 
he easily evades their fire.

PILOT
This got something to do with you?

PACO
37 parking tickets.

The pilot tries bobbing and weaving The cop copters
are bumping into each other and crashing.

PACO
The Bronx Zoo.

PILOT
The Bronx Zoo.

PACO
I like animals

PILOT
Me too, but the bald killer ape that
hunts in packs is not my favorite.

There's still one police copter in pursuit.  
The pilot starts a bumping contest with it,
as they spiral upward and try to gain the 
advantage of height.  

He tries slashing at the police copter with 
his landing skids, trying to nick its gas 
tank with his rotor blades.  His skids rip 
the stabilizing propeller off the rear of 
the cop copter. 

In accordance with Newton's 3rd law 
of motion, it begins to spin lazily 
out of control in the opposite direction 
to it's rotor blades.  It spins to the 
ground like a maple seed.  The other 
cop copter closes in but, by this time 
they're over the Bronx ZOO.

PACO
Set it down.

PILOT
That's the tiger pit.

PACO
That's right.

The pilot brings the copter down in the 
tiger preserve. Paco jumps out and the
copter spins away into the night sky. 
One tiger wakes up and snarls like thunder.

PACO
Bad Pussycat!

The tiger yawns and, honor having been
satisfied, goes back to sleep.  The other
tigers ignore him.  They've been fed and 
are more pussycat that predator.  

Paco climbs the pylons of the monorail 
and walks off along it into the night.					

The cop copters flies too low over the 
African elephant preserve. An elephant
grabs the landing skids with its trunk
and pulls it down.  The elephants play 
soccer with it, butting and rolling it 
end over end with the hoist of their 
tusks.

A cop's hand shakily tries to open a
copter door and climb out.

An elephant brings his foot down 
decisively, stomping the cop copter 
with a huge crunch of metal. 

The sound track is Coltrane playing AFRICA.

CUT TO:

INT: GORILLA HABITAT (ASTROTURF)

Fake looking jungle.  The sound of SOMETHING 
GIGANTIC heaving itself ponderously along.

V.O.
  (sounding like James Earl Jones)
They call us The Man of The Forest.

PACO
So what? They call Woody Allen a Jew.

INT: MASTERPIECE THEATER KIND OF LIVING ROOM

Lots of warm yellow light, so saturated 
it's almost orange, twinkling off the 
brandy decanters and the brass work 
around the fireplace.  Red velvet 
upholstery and Kazahkstan rugs.

A GORILLA WEARING STEEL FRAME BIFOCALS AND LOOKING 
STRANGELY LIKE MICHEL FOUCOULT is lecturing PACO.

GORILLA
A gorilla has an IQ of about 
80, smarter than most of the 
people on the subway with you. 
The elephants are a lot smarter, 
IQ about 120, bright normal. 

But consider man: A chimpanzee with 
muscles that hardly bulge at all is 
7 times stronger than a man.  

Man is this pathetically weak bald 
ape, almost deaf, almost blind with 
no useful sense of smell at all, 
hopelessly unsuited to any environment. 

You had to invent civilization as a 
protective barrier simply in order 
to survive.  

And that barrier is so complex and unwieldy 
that merely keeping it going occupies the 
entire existence of the race.

But the elephants, the gorillas, the
dolphins, the whales, we're on top of our 
environment, we had no natural enemies, 
we dont need Civilization.  

We dont want the hot dog and the miniskirt, 
we dont need it.  Adaptation to a difficult 
environment is the logical goal of the 
superior being.

PACO
Except that: you didn't 
invent language. 

GORILLA
What do we have to talk about?  
The banana I had today was better 
than the banana I had yesterday, 
but not nearly as good as the banana 
I had the day before?  

What do we have to say?  
What do you have to say?	
What	does anyone have to say?  
No one has anything to say, ever!

PACO
It's so true.

CUT TO:

EXT. MONORAIL (NIGHT)

Paco walks out of the zoo along the rail.
He passes the walrus pond.  A JUBILANT 
PENGUIN goes by carrying a banner on a 
pole. On the banner is a picture of a 
penguin.   

PACO
That says it all.

CUT TO:

THE SAME

A troupe of antelope watch him go.  One of 
them isn't an antelope, it's a man with a 
dog's head.

CUT TO:

LONG SERIES OF SHOTS of Paco making his way
back downtown through the sewers and subways.

There are SKELETONS IN 1920's GANGSTER COSTUMES 
WITH THEIR FEET IN BUCKETS OF CEMENT.  

There are SKELETONS IN 16TH CENTURY SPANISH ARMOR.

There are STOREROOMS FOR CHINESE VIDEO 
STORES AND FISH MARKETS WITH LOTS OF 
SCIENCE FICTION LOOKING FISH, ELECTRONIC 
EQUIPMENT OF OBVIOUSLY EXTRATERRESTRIAL 
ORIGIN

and lots of strange things whiz by at 
the edge of vision: refugees from Max 
Ernst paintings like NAPOLEON IN THE 
WILDERNESS, ALICE 1940, THE EYE OF 
SILENCE.

and lots of roaring trains almost running 
PACO down.

CUT TO:		

INT. JOEL’S OFFICE (SAD AND SEEDIER THAN USUAL)

Paco staggers in, exhausted, and slumps
down in a chair.

JOEL
Dont leave just yet.

PACO
I wasn't leaving.

JOEL
I tried to get you in on it.

PACO
What?

JOEL
So, like they say, you piss half 
as much but twice as often?

PACO
Yeah.

JOEL
You look tired.

PACO
Yeah.

JOEL
Murray just doesn't like you.  
Besides which, you got one
kidney.

  					PACO
Is that important?

JOEL
I mean, you could hurt yourself.

PACO
Doing what?

JOEL
Besides which, there's the
loss of respect.

PACO
You respected my kidneys? 

JOEL
I mean, being had that way,
Anyway, Murray just doesn't 
like you.

PACO
So, what is it? The usual?  

JOEL
Well, yeah.  This one's armed
robbery, that's the bottom of 
the ladder, nobody's going to 
listen to anything she has to 
say. 

ZOOM IN: 

TV SET ON THE WALL ABOVE HIM. 
INT. DUNGEON (ROMANTIC)

CHAINED GIRLS IN 4 1/2 INCH HEELS AND MICRO-MINIS.  

ZOOM OUT:

PACO
How romantic.

JOEL
But dont leave just yet.

PACO
I'm wasn't leaving.

JOEL
Have a little something to eat first.

There's a spread of deli take out.

PACO
Dont you get tired of this?

JOEL
Like the Chinese say: There are 
five great cuisines, Cantonese, 
Mandarin, Peking, Shanghai and 
New York Deli.

Joel takes a bite of a corned beef sandwich, 
makes a face, opens the bread, removes a 
human ear drops it gingerly in the waste 
basket and goes back to eating.

PACO
Right.

JOEL  
Anyway, you're losing a kidney 
but gaining a friend.  Your 
brother owes you now.

PACO
That's for sure.

JOEL
He has to look out for you.  A perp 
gets busted in his precinct, a cop 
sticks your card in his pocket and 
says this is your lawyer.

PACO
Right.

JOEL
You'll be a rich man.  You can
buy back a kidney.  You'll be
able to afford a new kidney 
every 6 months.  All different
colors.

PACO
I gave him AIDS.

JOEL
Who?

PACO
Captain Jesus.

There's a knock on the door, guns appear
and THE 2ND MURDERER enters.

2ND
Councillor, I'm glad I found
you here.

PACO
How did you find me?

2ND
Your secretary told me.

PACO
I dont have a secretary.

2ND
There was this woman in your office. 

PACO
Oh, her.  Yeah, what is it?

2ND
Yeah.  Well, no. I figured I got
all the way to Mott Street that 
I come back to tell you because 
I like you.

PACO
I appreciate that.

2ND
They're waiting for you outside.

PACO
They?

2ND
Captain Jesus and associates, he                                  axe me if you were still there 
and I said sure go on up and he 
said: No, he'd wait.  Well, I 
didn't know. 

PACO
It could happen to anyone.

2ND
So, I figured I tell you.  I owe
it to you because I like you.

PACO
Thank you.

2ND
So, I think, maybe, I want 
my $250 back.

PACO
I'm out of bright dialogue.

2ND
That's fine, but I want 
my $250 back.

PACO
No.

2ND
Look, I just did you a solid at
considerable risk and I want my
$250 back.

Paco pulls out the meat thermometer.  It's 
a spike, thin as a bicycle spoke, with a 
dial thermometer stuck on one end.  It fits 
into a plastic tube like a ball point pen. 
Paco sticks it through the 2nd murderer's 
eye, deep into his brain.  The thermometer 
reads 98.6.

The 2nd murderer is in a zombie-like 
stupor.  Jerkily, He turns and walks 
to a door.  He opens it and walks out.  
The thermometer reads 95 and falling.

JOEL
That was the closet.

PACO
That's also true.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET (BLUSTERY)

Jesse and henchmen, Tirso, Lope and Jorge,
standing around and waiting.

TIRSO
It's cold out here.  How long
you want to wait?

JESSE
Long as it takes.

TIRSO
Let's go in and get him.  
What's the big deal?

JESSE
You ever do any house to house 
fighting?, it's a good way to 
get killed.  We wait.

Jorge comes up carrying 4 containers of
coffee on a cardboard tray.  He holds
out a cup, but Jesse shakes his head.

JORGE
Cafe con leche, the way you like 
it, from the Cuban Chinese.

JESSE 
My kidneys, kidney, wont handle it.

Jorge shrugs then drinks the coffee himself.  
He goes into convulsions and falls over dead.

TIRSO
I think we got a problem.

CUT TO:

INT. JOEL’S OFFICE

Someone is climbing down from the floor above.  
His feet rest on the outside window ledge.  
Paco grabs his ankles, pulls him loose and 
shoves him out into space.  He falls without 
a sound.

JOEL
In the movies they always scream.

PACO
Was ist der Realitie?

JOEL
I got a feeling you're about to find 
out.  Nothing slows you down, does it?, 
you'll sit up in your coffin to make 
one more smart ass remark.

PACO
I'm sitting up in my coffin right now.

JOEL
Like, for example.

The radio is on to something loony like BAI.
It's playing dance music from the time of
Pretorius. 

Joel and Paco get up and start dancing a 
stately minuet, talking continually.

The music changes to some forgotten show 
tune and, suddenly, they are backed up by 
a DANCING CHORUS OF FEMALE INMATES: 
A kinkier version of the dance number 
in HIGH HEELS by Almodovar.

It all lasts until Paco's line "He's here", 
then they sit down and look disgusted with
themselves and each other and the chorus 
line vanishes.

PACO
Writing History usually does come
down to telling stories because 
otherwise it's unreadable.  The only 
difference is style.  If it's boring 
enough, you think it's real.

JOEL
Is it real?

PACO
Yeah, fear is boring too.

JOEL
So, how'd you get AIDS?,
I missed that part.

PACO
The usual way.

JOEL
How was it?

PACO
I thought it would be better.  
There was this girl.  Her last 
lover had sodomized her and she 
felt humiliated by that.  The 
experience haunted her.  

The 3rd time I heard the story I 
figured something had to be done 
so, I told her: I dont know the 
answer, but I have a solution: 

I'll get you a strap on dildo 
and you can sodomize me.  So, we 
did. It wasn't that bad and it 
drove her crazy which was kind 
of cute.  

The next morning, she called me: 
"How are you?"  I'm fine.  "Any 
regrets?"  This time I did know 
the answer:  Oh, no, after...after 
everything I will love you always.

JOEL
You caught AIDS from a dildo?

PACO
That was last time.

JOEL
And you gave it to your brother?
and he's coming here?  Jesus, 
call him Jesse, it makes him 
happy.  He's coming here?

PACO
He's here.

JOEL
I think maybe you should 
take this somewhere else.  

PACO
You already know too much to
live, why dont you relax?

JOEL
You're going to kill me 
aren't you?

PACO
No, I'm going to kill Jesse and 
frame the robber girl for his 
murder.  

JOEL
How do you do that?

PACO
I cant unless they're both 
here at the same time so, 
I just have to wait. 

JOEL
I'm glad you told me.

PACO
Why, was it supposed to be 
a secret?  It was obvious as 
soon as you said, no one's 
going to listen to anything 
she has to say.

JOEL
You kill him, what about 
the rest of us?

PACO
You have to back up my story.
In return, I pay you whatever 
is appropriate.

JOEL
What if it isn't appropriate?

PACO
Then I have to kill all of you.
You understand, it's nothing
personal.

JOEL
Nothing personal?  If it's 
nothing personal, shoot 
someone else, you asshole!

PACO
You're being unreasonable.

JOEL
I dont want to shoot you.

PACO
Shoot me?, you couldn't get 
a parking ticket fixed.

The phone rings.  Joel answers it.

JOEL
We-Never-Sleep-Bailbond-Agency, 
we'll have you back on the street 
in 5 minutes.  Yeah, he's here...
Give me a five minute head start, 
I'd give a dog that much.

He hangs up.

JOEL
Well, I'm leaving.  I'm closing 
up the office.

PACO
You cant, you're waiting for Murray.

JOEL
Right.

PACO
What time does he get here?

JOEL
He's always late.

PACO
He's never late.

JOEL
It feels like he's always late.

PACO
You ought to pay more attention 
to the ways in which you're being 
humiliated.  You complain about 
things that dont exist you begin 
to think it's all in your head.

JOEL
I think that did it.

They draw their guns simultaneously. A DOMINATRIX 
walks in.  She's wearing spiky red boots, top hat 
and a red patent leather riding habit.

She carries a gigantic riding crop and drags 
a wheeled hobby horse on a rhinestone leash.  
She's come for a bail bond.  The transaction 
is completed without a word. She leaves, they 
re-holster their guns and sit down exhausted.

JOEL
Was ist der Realitie?

Lobsters crawl out from under the desk.
Joel sprays them with a can of Raid.  

At this point, the door is kicked in.  
They draw their guns simultaneously.  
Murray and Willis enter with the girl 
in handcuffs. She's wearing a T-shirt 
that says: WHEN YOU SEE TRASH, PICK IT UP.

No one is glad to see Paco.

MURRAY
When do we leave?

JOEL
As soon as Eldon shows up 
to get paid.

MURRAY
Alright, who wants to play 
some gin, you?

GIRL
I'll play.

MURRAY
You got any money?

GIRL
No.

MURRAY
Forget it, nothing on credit here.

Murray and Joel sit down to play.

WILLIS
I'll advise.

GIRL
Can we take these things off 
now, please? 

MURRAY
Sure, Honey.

He unlocks the handcuffs.

JOEL
Captain Jesus has a contract out 
on him and they know he's here.

MURRAY
Is that true?

PACO
Well, yes.

MURRAY
He's not going to walk in on 
4 armed men.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHOOTING GALLEY

NAKED WOMEN RUN BY WEARING JFK MASKS.
Murray has a street sweeper shotgun 
and blasts them one by one.  As each 
of them is hit, her head disappears 
(simple matte work) and the body falls 
over stiff as a broom.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE COMBAT RANGE (BRIGHT)

This one has pop up targets, all of them 
FASHIONABLE WOMEN.  Murray blows them away 
in sequence until the last: A SCOWLING OLD 
WOMAN WITH HER HANDS CROSSED ON HER CHEST.

MURRAY
Mother!

CUT TO:

INT. JOEL’S OFFICE

Murray pulls out a S&W combat magnum and yo-yo's 
the cylinder in the B-movie manner.

PACO
You ought to stop that George 
Raft shit, you're going to 
throw the cylinder out of 
alignment.

MURRAY
I dont like you.

PACO
So what?

MURRAY
Yeah.

JOEL
So he rolls a grenade in 
          through the door.

PACO
Is that the worst thing you 
can think of?  Maybe, he'll 
          kidnap, castrate you and sell 
          you into the Sultan's harem.

JOEL
That doesn't sound so bad.

WILLIS
It's hard to tell when you 
          two are serious.

JOEL
Serious?, Death Wish here is 
          going to get us all killed.

WILLIS
You really shouldn't fall 
          all over yourself trying 
          to sell him out.

JOEL
Hey, Honey, you want a lawyer, 
there's a good one.

GIRL
You a lawyer?

PACO
Yeah, what do they have you on?

GIRL
I'll talk to you in private.

PACO
Murray, can I talk to this girl 
          outside for a minute?

MURRAY
Cant do it, councilor, 
really, I cant.

PACO
I turned on the radio, alright?

                    MURRAY
          You understand, councilor.
        
                    PACO
          Yeah, yeah.
        
                    GIRL
          I cant escape any easier 
with the music.
        
                    MURRAY
          What?

                    GIRL
          I said, I cant...
        
                    MURRAY
          Honey, you're going to be 
laughing with teeth jangling 
in a minute.
        
                    GIRL
          What?
        
                    PACO
          That's alright, dont pay 
any attention.
        
                    MURRAY
          Yeah.
        
                    JOEL
          Pick that card up or 
put it down.

                    MURRAY
          Look, if you really want, 
we can take you straight 
          to the joint.

                    GIRL
          Nobody wants to go straight 
to the joint.

                    MURRAY
          So, we'll take the whole 
night we'll lay some bread 
on you and it will be alright, 
alright?

GIRL
     I guess.
        									
Paco and the girl huddle.  TWO WOMEN AND 
A MAN out of 3 PENNY OPERA come in for a 
bail bond.  Willis handles it.

                    WILLIS
          Murray, these people 
want a receipt.

                    MURRAY
          How many times I told you?  
He works at one of those high 
class places on St. Nicholas 
Ave. where they give receipts.  

Here we dont give receipts.  
And the we collect it again.  
And then we go to the hospital.  
And then we when we get out 
we leave town.  Where's that 
          receipt book.

He makes one out.
        
                    MAN
          Well, okay.

                    MURRAY
          Thank you, come back 
again soon.
        
            		MAN
          Yeah.  See you, man. 
Thank you.

They leave.
        
                    WILLIS
          10 People like that and you 
          can retire.
        
The girl whispers to Murray.
    
                    MURRAY
          We want to go to the bathroom.
        
Joel throws him the key.
        
                    WILLIS
          Be sure to get adjoining seats.
        
They leave.

                    JOEL
          Any chance of getting her off?
             
                    PACO
          1000 to 1.

                            JOEL
                  For or against?
        
                            PACO
                  Against.
        
                            JOEL
                  She sign anything?

                            PACO
                  Everything.  They've got signed 
statements and video tapes and 
everything they need.
        
                            JOEL
                  She can repudiate her confession.

                    WILLIS
          Except that, in her confession she 
          said a lot more than she was asked. 
          Enough to establish her presence at 
          the crime and that's evidence no 
          matter what she says after.

                            JOEL
                  Dont they have any more sense?

                            WILLIS
                  No, as a matter of fact, they
                  dont have any more sense.
        
                            PACO
                  Shut up and deal.

                            WILLIS
                  When are you leaving?
   
                            PACO
                  Soon, any way, your friend 
                  looks like a rotten lay.

                            WILLIS
                She is a rotten lay, but I spent 
 $5000 finding her, I want to take 
 something for it.
   
        With his eyes closed and mouth open, 
   Joel is wadding up a pastrami sandwich 
   with the tips of his fingers. He moans 
   softly. Paco and Willis stare at him 
   sadly, They're too embarrassed  even 
   to exchange a glance.

                            PACO
                  Having a good time in there?
        
                            JOEL
                  It feels like wet kleenex or, 
                  maybe, a used carnation.

   TWO MICE IN THE CORNER are staring 
        at him in astonishment. 

   Out the window clouds are coming closer 
   impossibly fast as he kneads the bread. 
                         
                            PACO
                  That's good bread, I mean, 
                  it was.  Poppy seeds, even.

                            JOEL
                  I'm trying to experience it.

                            PACO
                  Try eating it.
        
                            JOEL
                  I tried that.  It didn't work. 
                  This all very important.  I'm 
                  getting I dont want to miss out 
                  on it, I want to experience all 
                  of this.

                            PACO
                  Any luck?
        
                            JOEL
                  No.
        
        He pulls open his shirt, pulls the bread of 
        the sandwich and wipes his armpits with it.
        
                  Whee!, that mustard tingles.

                            PACO
                  Hey, you know, you really 
   live life to full. I think 
   I should say that.

        Joel draws his gun, whirls and fires 
   6 shots out the window.  Willis and 
        Paco sigh as if it had been a mild 
   act of bad taste.

                            PACO
                  Well, you dont have to do 
                  it all right now.

                            WILLIS
                  Maybe, you should take a pill.

                            JOEL
                  I dont want a pill.

                            PACO
                  But will you settle for it?                                                 
                            JOEL
                  No, I got to rape the robber 
                  girl hoydena in half an hour.

        Murray roars in, gun drawn, dragging the 
        girl Everyone has his gun out but doesn't 
        know where to point it.  They stare each 
        other down then re-holster their guns.

                            MURRAY
                  Alright, what happened?

                            JOEL
                  My gun went off while I was 
                  cleaning it.
                            MURRAY
                  6 times?
        
                            JOEL
                  I clean it thoroughly, 
   that's all.
  
                            MURRAY
                  That's alright, Honey, dont 
   pay any attention.

        The girl gestures that she wants to make 
        a phone call.  Willis nods.  She dials 
        3 different numbers before she gets an 
        answer.   Murray is staring at the food.
        
                            JOEL
                  There's 2 pastrami left, one  
                  without bread.

                            WILLIS
                  And potato salad.

                            MURRAY
                  Potato salad?  You could spackle  
                  a wall with that.  Why do you 
                  eat such shit?

                            JOEL
                  They're around the corner.
        
                            MURRAY
                  Then move the office.
        
                            JOEL
                  I move the office, I'm out 
   of  business.  In fact, I'm 
                  out of  business, we're all 
                  going to die.
 
                            MURRAY
                  Explain.
        
                            JOEL
                  I cant put it into words.

                            MURRAY
                  I'm afraid of things with names  
                  Knife, gun, federal tax audit, 
   The Creature from The Black 
                  Lagoon, even that's got a name, 
                  if you cant  put it into words, 
   I'm not worried about it.
        										  
        Joel throws in his hand.  Willis and Murray 
   start to play. The girl is still talking on 
   the phone.  Joel starts whispering to Paco.
                                                           
                            JOEL
                  You have no right to do to kill 
                  me, can we agree on that?

                            PACO
                  It's not my choice, it's forced 
                  on me by chance.
        
                            JOEL
                  Then leave it to who got you 
   into it.

                            PACO
                  Chance?
        
                            JOEL
                  Yeah, settle it by tossing 
   a coin.

                            PACO
                  Alright, heads.
        
        He tosses a coin.  It comes up tails.  
        He turns it over.
        
                            JOEL
                  You cheated.
        
                            PACO
                  That's true.
        
                            JOEL
                  It's strange that we can still 
                  dream. I mean, dreams are still 
                  alright.

                            PACO
                  Oh, there's always a loophole, 
   if you know how to play it.
                  Yeah, you remember that time I 
                  got my hair cut and everybody
 
                            JOEL
                  told me how much younger I looked.  
                  So, I dreamt my mother was still 
   alive.  

                  She was about 70 when she died, 
   and she had her hair done and 
   after that she looked exactly 
   like this 20‑year old WASP 
   waitress 
   
                  and I am balling her and I cant 
                  find her clitoris and she is 
             getting progressively more and 
   more pissed off.

                            PACO
                  That says it all.

                            GIRL
                  Murray, can Maurice come 
   up here?
  
                            MURRAY
                  What is this guy? 
                  a trick, Honey?
        
                            GIRL
                  He wants to bring me 
                  some money.
        
                            MURRAY
                  He can bring it tomorrow 
                  when we got you safe.
        
                            GIRL
                       (to the phone)
                  No, Maurice.
    
        She starts to cry.
        
                            JOEL
                  She's not as tough 
                  as she looks.

                            PACO
                  Neither are we.
        
                            JOEL
                  Yes, we are.
        
        Murray pulls out his wad and hands the girl 
   some money.  He starts counting it.
        
                            WILLIS
                  Oh, that is beautiful, let me 
                  take a picture of that.
        
                            MURRAY
                  For what?, the Internal Revenue?, 
                  fuck you.

                            PACO
                  Murray, you're the most evil 
   man in the world and when I 
   grow up, I want to be just 
   like you.

        Murray feels that some response 
   is called for.

                             MURRAY
                  Turn out the lights!
        
        Willis frowns slightly, that's 
   the only movement.
        
                  Turn out the lights! I want 
                  to do the job!
        
        Joel puts HIS hand on the light switch.  
        No signals from anyone.  The phone rings.  
        WILLIS answers it.
        
                            JOEL
                  Right on cue.
        										
                            PACO
                  Isn't that a rather desperate
                  attempt at detachment?

                            WILLIS
                  Eldon's coming to get paid.  
                  He's downstairs.

   EXT. STREET

   JESSE, TIRSO AND LOPE.

        A cop copter zooms down between the buildings.  
        A door gunner is looking for a target.  He 
        sees them and swivels the gun toward them. 
        They get into the entrance of an office 
        building just in time.

   LOPE
        Who the fuck was that?

   JESSE
   That was a cop copter.

   LOPE
             That doesn't mean...

        JESSE
                  Yes, it does.

   TIRSO
                  We're sitting ducks out here, 
                  we got to go in and get him.

        JESSE
   Yeah.

   CUT TO:

        INT. JOEL’S OFFICE

        It needs something to show Joel's 
   hysterical claustrophobia: roller 
   skating around the room or peddling 
   frantically away on an exercise 
        machine.

   The copter hovers outside the window, 
   but the updrafts keep it swaying and 
   The door gunner cant get a bead on 
   Paco.  The shot goes wild.  

        Then a storm of pigeons take off 
   from tenement roofs frightened by 
        the sound.  The copter tries to fly 
   above them, but the updrafts flip 
   it over behind a line of tenements 
   2 blocks away.  Sound of a crash.

   WILLIS
   That's the problem with today's 
   army, they think the answer to 
   every problem is the word 
   "helicopter".
 
   PACO
   It's so true.
        
                            MURRAY
                  Well, that's it.  You were at 
                  that bookie joint for a couple 
                  of days weren't you? 
        
                            GIRL
                  Yeah, well.

                            MURRAY
                  Yeah, well, they get a little 
                  bust this weekend  to show 
   what happens when you dont 
                  play the game.  I got to hand 
                  it to you, you were ahead of 
   us all the way.
        
                            WILLIS
                  Then the 2nd time you circled 
                  back, you were behind us.
        
                            GIRL
                  That's alright, wait until 
                  I start chewing.
       
                            JOEL
                  Dont say that even as a joke.
        
                            MURRAY
                  I'll pay you $50 to do the 
                  job right here.

                            JOEL
                  I want out.  I dont want 
        any part of this.
        
                            MURRAY
                  You have something on us 
   we dont have on you, that 
                  doesn't happen.

                            WILLIS
                  We explained that to you, 
                  pretty soon now, we give 
                  up on words.

                            MURRAY
                  You can quit tomorrow, 
   I'll buy out your share.
        
                            JOEL
                  With what?  For what?, the book 
   value of this is nothing.

                     	   MURRAY
                  Just leave the keys in the desk.  
                  Tomorrow.
        
                            JOEL
                  We been in this city too long.  
        We avoid danger too easily, 
        with out even thinking about 
   it so, you stop believing it's 
                  there. 

                  Then something like this goes 
                  down and you discover that your 
                  only defence was that you didn't 
                  have anything that anyone wanted 
   to bother taking away from you.

                            PACO
                  You're about one inch tall, Old 
                  Buddy, you're turning into a bug.
        
                            JOEL
                  There's nothing here worth dying 
   for because none of it's mine.
        
                            PACO
                  Are you through?
        
                            MURRAY
                  Oh, yeah, he's through.
        
        Noises in the hall. the usual ritual with 
   the guns.  Eldon knocks and walks in.  
        He and the girl exchange a sad smile. 

                            MURRAY
   That's it then.    
                        
        Murray handcuffs the girl's hand behind
        her back then opens the door.
                        
        Eldon shows up to get paid.  Murray
        hands him a huge wad of $100 bills.

   MURRAY
   Like you said.  And, here
                  like I said.

                            GIRL
   They're going to rape me.

   MURRAY
                       (to THE GIRL)
        Your problem is, you got
        no sense of history.

                       (to ELDON)
        I got another client for you.

   ELDON
   Forget it, I've had it.

                            MURRAY
   What's wrong?

   ELDON
   Nothing, it's just getting 
   to my head.

        As the argument starts, Paco moves behind
        the girl to undo her handcuffs.
 
   PACO 
                       (whispering)
                  Keep your hands behind 
   your back.

   MURRAY
   Let's talk outside.

        POV follows them out the door.
       
   MURRAY
                  Now tell me what's wrong.

             ELDON
                  Nothing, like I said.

   MURRAY
                  Look, if it's...
          
        ELDON
   The money is fine.

   MURRAY
   Alright.  Good.  How'd you 
   find her?

   ELDON
                  In a bar.  In her neighborhood.
   She went back to get the money 
   to get out of town.

   MURRAY
   Stupid.  Why do they all do that?

   		   ELDON
   Oh, yeah.  She was standing right 
                  next to me.  She turned to go and 
   I saw her tattoo.

   MURRAY
   Her tattoo?  She tries to cowboy
   a liquor store single handed, she 
   kills 2 men who aren't even ugly 
   and she has a tattoo.  
                  
                  You do not owe respect to a girl 
                  with a tattoo. She's stupid too.

   ELDON
   I know.

        Paco has discreetly cut the phone lines.

   MURRAY
                  So, what're you gonna do?  
                  Divorce cases?  What else 
   can you do?

   ELDON
   I know.

THROUGH THE HALF OPEN DOOR:

        Willis is taking down his pants.  Paco is
        holding the girl's arms behind her back.

                            MURRAY
   That's all a private dick can 
                  do, divorce work and popping 
                  bail jumpers.

   ELDON
   I know.

   MURRAY
   What?  Repos?  That's better?
                  Sorry to repossess your pace
   maker, lady, but you're three 
        payments behind.

                            ELDON
                  I know.

   MURRAY
                  I got another jumper for you.

             ELDON
                  No.

        A sickening scream comes through the wall,
        a high thin girlish scream that ends in a 
   low liquid mumble.
 
   Then male voices muttering in disgust. 
        Murray puts his arm around Eldon and 
        starts walking him down the hall.

   MURRAY
                  Hell, what I gotta do this for?
                  I got a beautiful wife waiting 
                  for me at home.

                  ELDON
   You implying I dont?			 

   MURRAY
                  Your wife is beautiful.  
   Your wife is more beautiful 
   than my wife.

   ELDON
                  But you say she's not home?

   MURRAY
   Aw, that's what always breaks 2 
  	   guys up, some girl who doesn't 
   mean anything.

   GIRL
                       (screaming through the wall)
                  Who says I dont mean anything?

   ELDON
   He means my wife.

        Eldon takes off down the hall.

   MURRAY
   Oh, no! You stay, you have some
   thing on me I dont have on you, 
   that doesn't happen.  You have 
   her too.

   ELDON
   I already did.

   MURRAY
   Well, alright.  Remember Sam Spade.  
   Be ironic.  Stay drunk.  Have a 
   beautiful secretary with those 1940 
   nylons with the seam up the back. 

   And dangly earrings.  And a tight 
   cheap print dress so she looks 
   available to garbage like you.

   ELDON
   I dont want to kill you.

   MURRAY
                  You dont ?!, why not?				  

        Eldon is gone.  Murray walks back into the  
        office.  Willis is pulling his pants up, 
        The girl is sobbing softly, Paco is looking 
        bored and queasy.
                                                  
                            MURRAY
                  That's alright, guys, start 
                  without me.
                                
        But nobody moves.
                                
                  Want to do the rest of it here, 
   save the cost of a motel?

                            GIRL
                  Can I have something to drink?
                                					   
                            WILLIS
                  Yeah, we spent enough money 
   finding her.
   
                            GIRL
                  Hell, I need it too.

                            WILLIS
                  Where?
                                
                            MURRAY
                  Take a chair into the closet.

                            JOEL
                  I'd rather use the bathroom.  
   They got paper towels and 
             everything.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  Yeah, go ahead, Dolly.
                                
                            JOEL
                  Forget it?
                                
                            MURRAY
                  What?!
                                
                            JOEL
                  Yuchh!
   			
        Murray is marching up and down, fists in his pockets, 
        obviously trying to squeeze up an erection and failing.  
        Joel is throwing up in the waste basket.

   PAN TO TV ON THE WALL:

        It's showing one of the bondage sites on the NET
   with the motto:
        
EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON TRUST

   PAN BACK TO:

                            MURRAY
                  Aw, what I gotta do this for, I 
                  got a beautiful wife waiting for 
                  me at home.  I must be crazy to 
                  run around like this.  You go 
                  ahead, Councilor, I dont want any.
                                
                            PACO
                  I pass.  I've got one kidney.

                            MURRAY
                  You dont fuck with your kidneys.

                            PACO
                  You missed out on a damn good 
                  thing.  Anyway, I've got AIDS.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  That was the only thing missing.

                            WILLIS
                  You're missing nothing.
                        
        He offers Paco a cigarette.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  This is no way to live, I haven't 
                  seen a movie in 6 months.  Willis, 
                  you take her out for a turn.
                                
                            WILLIS
                  No, I'm together.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  Well, that's it then.
                  
                            GIRL
                  Wait a minute, you're not 
   done already. This thing 
                  hasn't started.
                              
                            MURRAY
                  It's over, everyone get dressed.
                                
        Everyone is dressed.
                                  
                            GIRL
                  Look, I caused you a lot of 
                  trouble, I'd like to pay you 
                  back.

                            JOEL
                  I believe that.
                            
                            GIRL
                  What difference is it you take me 
   back tomorrow instead of today.  
                  The trial isn't for a month.
                      
                            MURRAY
                  Yeah, that was real stupid, 
                  Baby.  This was just for the 
                  hearing. You could have been 
                  running around free for 
                  another month yet.
                                
                            GIRL
                  Maybe, I can get out again.

                            MURRAY
                  You're untouchable now.

                            GIRL
                  But you think maybe you can 
                  get me off?
                                
                            PACO
                  No.
                                
                            GIRL
                  Look, it's not for a month yet, 
   a whole month.  Look, keep me 
             chained to the bed for a month, 
                  anything!, I dont care!
                                
                            MURRAY
                         (to WILLIS)
                  What do you think? 

                            GIRL
                  As long as the chain is long 
                  enough for me to get from room 
                  to room.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  Naw, too complicated.  

        The girl breaks away.  She dives for 
        the window and throws it open. 
 
        No one tries to stop her.  The 4 men are standing 
   with their heads bowed, solemn and patient. She 
   hesitates for a moment and then climbs out the 
   window, slowly and clumsily as though she were 
   climbing over a fence.
                         					
                            PACO
                  What floor are we on?
  
                            JOEL
                  14.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  This is embarrassing.
                                
                            WILLIS
                  You didn't want to go out to 
                  Amagansett, anyway.
                                
                            MURRAY
                  The cops will keep us up all 
                  night about this, anyway.
                            
                            JOEL
                  Naww, it's a clear case of 
                  temporary insanity.
                                 
                            MURRAY
                  Yeah, she didn't scream.
                            
        The girl climbs back in the window.  
        She stands with her fists on her hips 
        and harrumphs loudly.  The men notice 
        she's still there.  They are mortified.
                                
                            GIRL
                  No, not one step closer or I jump.

                            MURRAY
                  I got a feeling this is going 
                  to be one of those days.

                            JOEL
                         (without enthusiasm)
                   Well, oh, yeah.  Dont jump. 

        There is the sound of leather heels on a 
        marble floor.  The sound gets louder.

                            GIRL
                  Why not?
                            PACO
                  It's over.  He's here.
                              
        Joel runs to the closet and locks himself 
        in.  He immediately starts trying to break 
        his way out, with many thumps and grunts.  

   Paco draws his gun and steps behind the 
        half open office door. Jesse sweeps into 
        the room. 

        Joel is still struggling in the closet.  
        Jesse stares at it in fascination.
  
        JOEL bursts open the closet door and 
        stands there grinning wildly.

        He's followed out by the 2nd murderer 
        doing a zombie stagger.  The meat 
        thermometer sticking out of his eye 
   now reads 68.  He's followed in turn 
        by a moose stuck full of arrows and, 
        possibly, by ANN BOLYNE with her head 
        tucked underneath her arm.

        We get a glimpse inside the closet.  
   It looks like Altamira cave.  THE BOYS 
        IN HORNS AND BEAR SKINS are scrambling 
        for the door.  Joel closes it softly 
        behind him.
                                
                            JOEL
                  Jesus, call him Jesse, it 
                  makes him happy.

                            JESSE
                  Where is he?

        Paco steps from behind the door and shoots 
        Jesse through the head.  Jesse doesn't move.
        Paco pushes him slightly and Jesse falls
        over like a tree.

                        PACO
                          (to the girl)
                  Alright, you want to walk wanted 
                  for murder or you want the joint,  
                  Which is it going to be?

                  		   GIRL
                  Walk.
                                
                            PACO
                  What's her bail?

                            MURRAY
                  25,000.
             
                            PACO
                  I pay that, the 3000 you paid 
                  to find her and 5,000 a piece 
                  to sweeten it.
   
                            MURRAY
                  I cant do it, Dolly.

                            PACO
                  50,000 even.

                            MURRAY
                  That's a police captain for Christ 
                  sakes, that's an assassination 
   already.  We cant cover for you, 
                  we just cant.

        Joel sighs and turns up the radio loud. 
        Paco shoots Murray and Willis in the 
   stomach. Willis, his spine severed, 
        leaps over sideways in what would be 
        a foetal position except that his arms 
        are half extended.

        Reflexing violently, He jerks around 
        violently in a small circle. His face 
        is immobile, eyes half focused as if 
   He were doing something complicated in 
        his head and doing a good job of it.
                                       
        Murray drops to a squat and instinctively
        reaches for a cigarette, but he's shaking 
        too badly.  He holds the pack out in front 
        of him, cigarettes flying out with the 
        shaking of his hand.  

        Paco picks a one off the floor and puts 
        it in Murray's mouth, but Murray bites 
        it through.
                      
        Paco shoots Murray and Willis once each
        through the head.  They fall over dead
        without further argument.

        The girl has been standing with her hands 
        crossed protectively over her breasts.
 
        She is hopping rapidly from one foot 
        to the other.  Her face has a wildly 
        inappropriate expression of cold hauteur.

        Joel takes his fist out of his mouth and
        wipes HIS hand on HIS hair. 

                            JOEL
                  Well, I'm convinced.

                            PACO
                  Here, Puss, take the gun.  You
                  can buy bullets as soon as you 
                  get to New Jersey.
                                                         
                            JOEL
                  It's empty?
                
                            PACO
                  Yeah, I leave...
                
        Joel draws and shoot at the girl, but Paco
        knocks his arm aside in time.

   PACO                    
               ...the hammer on an empty chamber.
               Why did you do that?

                            JOEL
               Why'd I do that?  That's 25K 
down the drain.  Why'd you 
let her go?
        
                            PACO
               You'll catch her again.  She'll
               go back to her neighborhood 
to get the  money to get away, 
like she did last time.
        										   
                            JOEL
               Why should I have to catch 
               her again?
       
                            PACO
               It looks better this way.  
               If you shot her, it looks 
               like you were in control 
               of the situation and, if 
               you were in control, then 
               you let it happen, meaning: 
               You did it.
        
        Joel freezes in CPU overload.
       
               Am I going to fast for you?   
               Are you alright?
                
        Joel doesn't move or change expression.  
   He's a statue.  Paco ignores him and 
        starts robbing the wallets of the dead.

                            JOEL
                  Whadayadoin? leave some 
                  for the cops.

                            PACO
                  If we dont rob their wallets, 
                  it's like a signed confession.
        
        He's stealing their watches too.
        
                            JOEL
                  Alright, 50‑50.

                            PACO 
                  50‑50, right down the middle.

        The 1st murderer enters silently.  
        
   He's wearing an English riding habit.  
        He carries a plumbers' helper and an 
        inflatable girl doll of the kind sold 
        in porn stores.  

        HE hands out sugar skulls as party favors then, 
   with obvious delight, HE begins arranging the
        corpses in a funeral pose.
 
                            JOEL
                  Explain again why you let her go.

                            PACO
                  Later, let's go eat first.

                            JOEL
                  You just ate.
        
                            PACO
                  Yeah, but all that red meat.
                  It makes me hungry.
        
                            JOEL
                  It's a problem.  But you got 
                  one kidney.  Shouldn't you 
                  cut down on red meat?

   PACO
   I said, it made me hungry, I didn't 
                  say I was going to eat it.

   JOEL
   You want to harvest their kidneys?

   PACO
   I dont know how we'd explain that.

   JOEL
   Explain what?  By the time you harvest 
   their kidneys, hearts, retinas, hip 
   joints, lungs, livers, bone marrow, 
   tendons, ligaments, flutes, sackbutts, 
   psalteries and all kinds of music, 

   there's nothing left.  It's worth a 
   fortune.  You dont know how much 
   this evening is costing me.

   Outside the window, Magritte's Castle of
        The Pyrenees is being attacked by a fleet 
        of dirigibles.  A KNIGHT IN ARMOR goes by
        in a hot air balloon.  He lifts the visor
        and it’s the gargoyle on that horse with 
   a women’s head and a rainbow tail.

   He and Paco smile at each other.  Paco climbs
   up behind him and they fly off into the night.

                    And that’s all there is.