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"PondLife"
Written by Sean Logue.
First Draft. 25/2/00
ON A BLACK TITLE CARD.
INSERT: 7:30 AM.
FADE IN:
ON A BEDROOM.
A typical teenagers bedroom, the floor a mess of socks and pizza, a
crumpled bunch of covers on the bed concealing the figure of DAVID
, a typical 19 year old student.
On a cluttered bedside table lies a mobile phone and a radio alarm
clock, the phone beeps and lights up as it recieves a message
and then the radio alarm goes off and continues to play as the
sun tries to break through into the room.
The crumpled bunch of covers stirs and rolls over going back to
sleep.
TITLE CARD.
INSERT: 8:03 AM.
INT. BEDROOM.
The alarm is still playing, and then the covers stir and DAVID turns
over, he picks up the clock and looks at it, all sleepy-eyed and bed
haired.
DAVID'S POV--CLOCK.
Through blurry, slightly out of focus eyes, we see the digital clock
and it reads 8:03 AM.
BEDROOM--SAME.
DAVID'S eyes open wide.
DAVID
Oh shit!
He leaps out of bed, suddenly full of energy.
OPENING TITLES: INSERTED WITH...
--The shower comes on.
--DAVID'S wet feet hit the bathmat as he gets out the shower.
--DAVID'S hands grab some clothes from a wardrobe.
--DAVID laces up his boots.
--DAVID'S hand grabs his keys off a desk. And stops to look at the
phone, he takes it.
--DAVID backs the car out the driveway. In a battered old
blue Fiesta, with a bump on the side.
EXT. DAVID'S COLLEGE--ESTABLISHING SHOT.
A huge towering building, made mostly of glass.
CUT TO:
11 INT. ELEVATOR.
DAVID stands at the front, the elevator is packed full.
The elevator stops and opens, and a FAT MAN, hugely overweight
tries to get in even though it's obviously full, he squeezes
on, everyone in the elevator is clearly unhappy at this.
The elevator closes and continues, then a mobile phone rings,
everyone looks at each other, it's DAVID'S but it is impossible
for him to get to it, as he is wedged in, it continues to ring.
The elevator stops at the next floor and FAT MAN steps off, DAVID
can get to his phone, he answers it.
DAVID
(into the phone)
Hello?
A GUY AT THE BACK of the elevator shouts after the FAT MAN.
GUY AT THE BACK
One floor! You fat bitch!
DAVID
(into the phone)
No not you.
The elevator closes and continues.
CUT TO:
INT. 11TH FLOOR--LATER.
The elevator opens and DAVID walks out still on the phone, he walks
towards his class.
DAVID
(into the phone)
Almost there now...mmm? Aye, what?
I don't know, I've got a lot to do,
at 1? I'll try, okay, if not then
what about tonight?
FADE OUT:
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD: "MAIL FRAUD".
FADE IN:
INT. ROOM 1104.
Film Studies, a fairly big room, a blackboard at the front, editng
suites around the walls and doors at the back leading to sound
booths. A few students are scattered around, DAVID walks in still on
the phone. Desks in an arc in the middle.
DAVID
(into the phone)
Okay...I will..
(reluctantly)
Miss you too..bye.
He switchs the phone off and sits down next to BENNY, reading a
paper.
BENNY
Who was that?
DAVID
Ann.
BENNY
Oh.
DAVID
So whats new in your life?
BENNY
Mail fraud. Do they have milk
cartons for lost mail?
DAVID
I sincerely hope not.
BENNY
This new couple just moved into
the flat below me, right. And
this old man was outside, and he
told them, that he used to live
there, so they let him into the
building, and he just grabbed a
pile of mail and ran off with it,
like.
DAVID
I can see how that would irritate
you.
BENNY
Naa but I applyed to all these jobs
and now my letters from them were
probably there when he took the mail.
DAVID
Yeah? Maybe you should phone Co-op
and ask if you work there.
BENNY
Fuck you.
Across from them sits SIMON, a fuzzy sort of sleepy guy. He sits
and seems to stare into space, as if sleeping while awake.
DAVID
Don't you find that at all strange?
BENNY
It's endearing.
DAVID
Where is everyone, I thought I'd
have to fight for a suite.
BENNY
You're missing the point, this
Old Guy has trespassed on my
right to privacy, he took my
personal possesions.
DAVID
What he's the same guy that stole
your stuff?
BENNY
No he's not the guy that stole my
stuff, but...
DAVID
Benny you left your door unlocked
and went out, it was hardly stealing
, you gave them away to the guy, you
coulda advertised, "stuff to nick".
BENNY
I went next door.
DAVID
You left the door unlocked.
BENNY
It's not the point someone still
went in to my flat ken, and took
my stuff and then this Old Man
steals my mail, I coulda had
important documents in there.
DAVID
What important documents, it was
bills that you can't pay, not a
letter from the Queen.
BENNY
Yeah I can't pay them cos' he
probably stole my bursary check.
DAVID
You whine a lot, you know that?
BENNY
Naa I don't, I just...fuck you!
The door behind them opens and in comes JOHNNY, tall, scruffy, a
mullet.
He walks by BENNY and DAVID.
JOHNNY
Alright Monkey, Stuart.
BENNY and DAVID just nod at him.
DAVID
(To Benny)
You hungry?
BENNY
Starving.
DAVID
Wanna go for a break?
FADE OUT:
INSERT#1: JOHNNY sits in front of the camera in a one on one manner,
his face half-lit, interview style. He talks as if asking
for direction.
JOHNNY
My favourite quote?
(goes into impersonation mode)
"You talkin to me, uh? You talkin to
me, uh? mother[BLEEP]r"
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "MILK".
END INSERT.
FADE IN:
INT. 6TH FLOOR--TEAROOM--MINUTES LATER.
At the counter, BENNY and DAVID approach the counter and BENNY
looks in the glass panel at the hot food. The FOOD LADY waits
behind the counter.
FOOD LADY
Can I help you?
DAVID
Two rolls and bacon and a carton
of milk, and two brown sauce.
BENNY
Milk!
DAVID
What? I need calcium.
CUT TO:
INT. TEAROOM--MINUTES LATER.
BENNY and DAVID walk over to a table, there is already someone
sitting there, MARC, he looks deep in thought or hungover, his head
on the table.
BENNY
Hey Marc.
MARC looks up he sees their food.
MARC
That looks like two fingers in
shite.
He puts his head back down.
DAVID
How nice, a food critic with
colour. What happened to you?
MARC
Alcohol.
DAVID
Why is it that every Friday you
suffer from alcohol intake?
MARC
Because every Thursday night I
drink too much.
BENNY
That could be it.
DAVID
So where'd you go last night?
MARC
I don't remember, I'm suffering
from memory loss, I can't remember
where I went or what I did, it's
really annoying, I think I was talking
to a girl.
DAVID
That reminds me, has anyone seen
MURDO since last Friday when he
dissapeared in that club?
BENNY
Nope, he's still AWOL.
MARC
Who's in?
DAVID
Us three and Simon, so far.
MARC
Is that all? I thought it was
the last day?
DAVID
It is.
MARC
So what are you two up to?
DAVID
Discussing the importance of calcium
in your diet.
MARC
In my diet?
DAVID
No in general.
MARC
Is this about you buying milk
again?
BENNY
Goon!
DAVID
So what, I like milk after my
breakfast, just because I don't
finish my bacon with a gulp of
Sprite and some acid backwash.
BENNY
Naa, what!
MARC
Benny tryin to explain something
to you is like trying to explain
something to a monkey.
BENNY
What?
DAVID
Jesus fuckin Christ!
MARC
Why are you so uptight?
BENNY
He has girlfriend problems.
DAVID
What! What are you talking about?
BENNY
It's obvious you've been a total
bitch since you got off the phone
to her this morning.
DAVID
I have not been a total bitch!
MARC
You have.
BENNY
So what is it, she dump you?
DAVID
No! She said the words.
MARC
Words?
DAVID
Last night we were...well anyway
and just right out of nowhere, she
says those three words.
BENNY
"Is it in"?
DAVID
Shuttup! No! She said she loves
me.
A BEAT, total silence as they both stare waiting for the next part.
DAVID
That's the three words.
BENNY
And! I thought you were quite
serious with this girl?
DAVID
I never tell you anything about us
, how could you possibly think you
would know if we were serious?
BENNY
She asks you to meet her everyday
1 for lunch and 5 to go home, and
you do it, even though you have to
wait about for an hour, I'd say you
were either serious or she's incredible
in bed...or your just sad.
DAVID
Okay.
MARC
So whats the problem?
DAVID
I don't know, I just I don't know
what top say back.
BENNY
I'm guessing it's not "I love
you too".
DAVID shakes his head.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#2: MARC sits in the same situation as BENNY, looking blandly
at the camera.
MARC
(sarcastically)
I don't watch movies, honestly.
They brainwash young kids into
brutally slaying others. And they
have nothing to do with the fact
that these kids are obviously
psychotically imbalanced. My
favourite quote "Shit".
MARC gets up and walks away.
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON".
END INSERT.
FADE IN:
INT. ROOM 1104--LATER.
MARC, BENNY and DAVID walk in,the class is slightly fuller now.
Every Edit suite is taken.
DAVID
Oh shit, I fucking knew it, I knew
this would happen. Hey JACK thats my
suite your slobbering over.
DAVID walks over to JACK, an slightly overweight guy, glasses.
he smirks and continues editing.
JACK
It was empty when I got here.
DAVID
When you got here! When you got
here the elevator shut down, this
machine it was mine, you know I
was using this, I always use it.
A girl beside JACK interrupts, this is KIRSTEN, a small girl, quiet.
KIRSTEN
I'm almost finished if you want to
use this one David.
DAVID
Thanks but it's not the point.
MARC
I'll take it.
DAVID
(cont.)
The point is, you know that this
is my machine.
JACK
It's not your machine.
DAVID
But it is.
JACK
It isn't.
DAVID
But it is.
JACK
Look...
DAVID
You know what just...
DAVID attacks him and tries to pull him off the machine, the two
fight like girls, and suddenly a TEACHER calls out.
TEACHER#1
What's going on here?
DAVID backs off and everyone is watching now.
DAVID
I was, uh, just tryin to see
Jack's right side.
The TEACHER just blandly looks at him.
DAVID
I'll probably need a car to get
round there though so it's cool.
The TEACHER shakes his head and walks away.
DAVID
I'll take that machine when you're
finished Kirsten.
DAVID sits down next to BIK. He looks over at JACK as JACK is about
to say something.
DAVID
Don't! Don't think about saying
"isn't". You say "isn't" and I'm
gonna jump over there and smack
you!
He turns to BIK.
BIK
I can't remember what I did last
night, my mate dissapeared, I
think I killed him.
DAVID looks at BIK like this is nothing new.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#3: BENNY sits in front of the camera .
BENNY
"Goon!"
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "LOCATION,LOCATION,LOCATION"
FADE IN:
EXT. MAIN STREET--GLASGOW--LATER.
BENNY, MARC, SIMON and DAVID are out in the town, BENNY is
setting up a camera.
DAVID
Remind me why I'm here again?
BENNY
Because you need this last shot
before you can finish editing.
DAVID
Oh! yeah.
MARC
I think I was in Destiny.
BENNY
When?
MARC
Last night.
BENNY
You're still on that?
MARC
If you were to make a movie about
the A-Team, who would play Face Man?
DAVID
George Clooney.
BENNY
Ha! George-fuckin-Clooney!
MARC
Too old.
BENNY
James Spader?
MARC
Naa.
DAVID
I mean Ving Rhames could play
Mr T. right and Jim Carrey could
play Murdoch and...
SIMON
Jim Carrey's shite man.
MARC
Aye but he'd be good as Murdoch.
DAVID
Who's Hannibal? Clooney could play
him.
BENNY
Fuck Clooney man!
MARC
I can't remember who I had for
Hannibal.
BENNY
Clooney's shite, so's Carrey.
DAVID
It's the fuckin A-Team man, every
week they get trapped in a barn
and magically produce a blowtorch
from their ass and make a tank out
play-doh! We're not talking Tom
Hanks here.
SIMON
Do you remember Airwolf?
MARC
Airwolf was class.
SIMON
Yeah well the guy, the main star,
he was in the paper last week, he
was in hospital.
DAVID
Yeah, why?
SIMON
Had a hard on for four days.
The all start laughing.
BENNY
No shit, really?
SIMON
Yeah it was in the paper man.
DAVID
Shit.
DAVID'S mobile phone rings, he stops and answers it.
DAVID
(into the phone)
Hello?...hi, I'm in Buchannan Street.
Yeah...cold...some last minute shots,
I'm not sure...I said I'd try...I
thought you didn't have any money.
In the b.g MARC white balances for BENNY , a BIG ISSUE GUY comes over
and waves to BENNY'S CAMERA.
DAVID(cont)
(into the phone)
Which place?...Okay, I'll try, you'll
call me? Okay, bye.
(reluctantly)
Miss you too.
He hangs up.
SIMON
Who was that?
DAVID
Ann.
SIMON
Your girlfriend?
DAVID
Yep.
SIMON
What'd she want?
MARC
To propose.
DAVID
Funnily enough, she wanted to talk
to me.
SIMON
Alright, don't get bitchy!
DAVID
Sorry, she wants me to meet her
for lunch but I'm real busy you
know.
SIMON
Yeh standing out here in the cold
watching Benny film, did she mention
a pub?
DAVID
What did you tap a phone line? Yeah
she wanted to take me for a drink.
SIMON
I'll go if you won't.
DAVID
Shuttup.
SIMON
Why you being so bitchy today?
MARC rejoins them he is looking at something at something O.C.
MARC
Girlfriend troubles.
SIMON
Yeah? What did she dump you?
DAVID
Yeah sure and thats why she asked me
to go to the pub.
SIMON
Consolation? So what is the problem?
MARC
She said the three words.
SIMON
What "I'm a man"?
DAVID
No! She said she loved me.
SIMON
Aw thats sweet man.
DAVID
Really?
SIMON
Naa you're fucked.
MARC
Have you ever seen anything like
that?
DAVID
Like what?
MARC
Look.
We see what MARC was watching, The BIG ISSUE GUY is making a grand
speech about the City of Glasgow in front of BENNY'S camera.
BIG ISSUE GUY
Britain, it's beautiful, the sky,
the trees, the, the architecture,
it's beautiful, a lovely fuckin
place, the people, the animals,the
places...
BENNY
Thats cool, thats enough.
BIG ISSUE GUY
Is that cool?
MARC, SIMON and DAVID start laughing.
SIMON
Has anyone seen "The Beach" yet?
MARC
Naa, is it any good?
SIMON
It's fucking shit man.
MARC'S mobile rings, he answers it.
MARC
(into the phone)
Hello?
MARC continues to talk on the phone in the background, shouting
as though he can't be heard "Where?...College?..What?"
SIMON
It's the biggest load of pants.
BENNY
Hey did any of you notice the sale
in Virgin today?
SIMON
(sarcastically)
Virgin has a sale, no shit!
BENNY
30% off I think.
DAVID
Okay, grab the camera, we are off
to Virgin.
MARC comes off the phone and back over to the guys.
MARC
That was RUTH. She's at the College,
she says are we coming back for lunch.
DAVID
We're going to Virgin just now.
SIMON
Lunch is hours away man come on.
MARC
Alright you twisted my arm.
They walk away leaving BENNY to frantically pack up the camera.
BENNY
Hey wait! I still have more shots
to get.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#4: SIMON; sits in front of the camera.
SIMON
"Luke, I am your Father."
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "SALE PRICES"
FADE IN:
INT. VIRGIN MEGASTORES--LATER.
SALE signs everywhere, MARC, SIMON, BENNY and DAVID walk in, the
place is huge, four floors and wall to wall merchandise.
SIMON
This place is bigger than "Empire
Records".
BENNY
Empire is fictional Simon, it's in
a movie.
SIMON
Bullshit, I saw an Empire Records
in Shawlands once.
The climb the escalator.
CUT TO:
INT. VIRGIN--3RD FLOOR--VIDEO'S.
DAVID stands at the SALE shelves "5 for 30 pounds" SIMON,
is next to him, DAVID holds four videos in his hands.
DAVID
Aw shit! I don't believe this.
They always do this, they make
5 videos or 3 CD's and then only
have four videos or 2 CD's that
you wann buy, how do they manage
it.
SIMON
It's a cunning rause to get a
buck out of you man, they put
them all at Sale price but if
you don't buy 5 you gotta pay
10 bucks each and they normally
only cost you 5 or 6 anyway cos
they're so old, I mean who's
gonna buy "Bad Boys" for 10 bucks.
DAVID
I have "Bad Boys".
SIMON
Did you pay 10 pounds for it?
DAVID
No, 3 it was in the HMV sale.
SIMON
See.
DAVID
No but whats wrong with "Bad Boys"?
SIMON
In a word, it's shit, in two words
Will Smith.
A RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER(MICHAEL) behind them interrupts.
RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER
Woah! Sorry to interrupt but whats
wrong with Will Smith?
SIMON
Oh, not another fuckin Will Smith
fan, your as bad as Marc, says he
hates Will Smith but I know he's
a closet fuckin faggot fan, Big
fuckin Will, he's shit man, his
music stinks and his films suck,
Independence Day! Biggest "War
of the Worlds" rip off ever. It's
this rich shit, his own film
company, record company, what about
the little people huh? Fuckin fags!
Will Smith's just one part of a
majority of assholes who get richer
while the poor get poorer, he's a
sell out and a disgrace to the
brothers man.
RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER
Wow, I never thought about it that
way.
SIMON
See it's all about oppression.
SIMON and the RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER walk away as SIMON explains
his theories.
DAVID
But Simon he's funny man, and you're
not a brother either.
CUT TO:
INT. VIRGIN STORE--3RD FLOOR--MEANWHILE.
MARC is standing looking curiously at a video cassette, BENNY
approaches.
MARC
It says this film is an exciting,
thrill-seeking, tense, rollercoaster
of a ride.
BENNY
And?
MARC shows him the cover.
MARC
"A Bug's Life"!
MARC walks off, BENNY follows him.
BENNY
So, "Bug's Life" was well good.
MARC
You also liked "Antz".
BENNY
Cartoons can be well freaky.
MARC
Name one.
BENNY
"Fantasia", that was well weird.
MARC
Fuck off!
SIMON joins them, free of his follower, the RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER.
SIMON
What?
BENNY
We're talking about "Fantasia".
SIMON
Agh! Shit don't do say that name
I'll get nightmares man!
MARC
Aw fuck off!
MARC walks O.C, SIMON and BENNY follow.
SIMON
Hey Marc I met one of your closet
faggot fans.
CUT TO:
INT. VIRGIN--CHECKOUT DESK.
DAVID waits at the counter with some videos in his hand, he holds
one out to the absent Clerk behind the counter.
DAVID
Excuse me is this in the 5 for 30
deal?
A RED-HAIRED GIRL(LORRAINE)next to DAVID speaks out.
RED-HAIRED GIRL
Only the videos marked with a 5
for 30 sticker and shelved in the
designated area are in the 5 for
30 sale.
DAVID
I asked the girl behind the counter.
RED-HAIRED GIRL
And I answered, everyone knows that
the videos in the sale are marked
with a sticker, it's standard store
procedure.
DAVID
What are you an undercover Clerk?
RED-HAIRED GIRL
No I'm a concerned customer who's
waiting in line and would like to
purchase some videos today if that's
possible.
DAVID
Well then stop interrupting me.
RED-HAIRED GIRL
Interrupting what?
DAVID
I'm conversing with this girl
behind the counter, the girl who
actually works here.
RED-HAIRED CUSTOMER
Oh you're conversing I'm sorry, continue.
DAVID turns to the COUNTER GIRL.
DAVID
Excuse me is this video in the sale?
COUNTER GIRL
Which title?
DAVID
"The Matrix".
RED-HAIRED GIRL
Oh yeah cos thats gonna be in the
sale.
DAVID
Excuse me!
RED-HAIRED GIRL
"The Matrix" is a new release, it's
the new release section on the other
side of the store, it's marked 15.99,
of course it's not gonna be in the sale.
Only videos which have been out on
general release for over 6 months are
in the sale.
DAVID
I thought you were waiting.
The RED-HAIRED GIRL quietens, DAVID turns to the COUNTER GIRL.
DAVID
Is it in the sale?
COUNTER GIRL
I'm afraid she's correct Sir.
RED-HAIRED GIRL smirks, DAVID draws her a look and leaves.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#5: SIMON sits in front of the camera. He looks at the camera.
SIMON
"Would you say I'm insane simply
because I've seen the things that
lurk in the woods at night, the evil
that haunts this earth for the same
reason we populate it, it wants life.
I wouldn't I'd say I'm more sane than
ever."
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD;SUPER: "CLONE WARS".
END INSERT.
FADE IN:
INT. COLLEGE--CANTEEN--LATER.
DAVID and BENNY stand in the food cue, empty trays in hand, as they
aproach the food counter.
CHEF LADY
What can I get you?
DAVID
Uhm..chips and gravy.
She goes to get the chips.
BENNY
You always get that..."chips and
gravy", "chips and gravy".
DAVID
And! You always get a baked potato
and cheese.
The CHEF LADY hands DAVID his chips.
BENNY
No I don't.
CHEF LADY
What can I get you?
BENNY
Baked potato and...tuna.
INT. CANTEEN--TABLES--MINUTES LATER.
At a six seater table, sits MARC, SIMON, RUTH, a small, flame-haired
girl, and FIONA, a tall dark haired girl. DAVID and BENNY come over
with their lunch and sit down. MARC takes one look at their lunch.
MARC
Egh! What's that!
BENNY
(mimicking)
"Chips and Gravy".
MARC
Looks like shite.
DAVID
Oh cos now I want to eat it.
MARC
Oh shit!
RUTH
What?
MARC
It's the Jani'.
We see the JANITOR, a plain ordinary man, cleaning tables.
MARC
Don't you notice something about
him.
FIONA
(sarcastically)
What the sparkle in his eyes as
he clears my rubbish.
MARC
No, look he's in the canteen at
lunch right and then you go up
to sixth floor and he's there
but he never really left the
canteen.
Everyone stares blankly.
MARC
He's a clone.
JACK
Okay!
MARC
No seriously he's everywhere.
Instead of a name on that staff
picture board, he should have a
serial number.
BENNY
How can he be a clone, he's a
Jani'!
SIMON
Didn't you ever think your teacher
was a robot, who was left in a closet
at night, it's the same thing man.
FIONA
I thought my teacher was an alien once.
MARC
What if all Janitors are clones, I
mean would you do that job? Do you
know anyone who was ever a Janitor?
SIMON
Benny's Uncle is a Janitor.
BENNY
My Uncle is a Custodial Technician!
SIMON
That is a Janitor man.
BENNY
Fuck you man.
FIONA
Come on it could be worse, he
could be a cow milker.
BENNY
Shuttup about that okay, so
what I milked cows in the summer.
It's not funny like.
DAVID's mobile phone rings, he answers it and talks while the others
chat about the clone janitor.
DAVID
(into the phone)
Hello?...Hi...I doubt it, I'm
busy! I know, I want to, look
I really have to get this done.
I will...I promise, okay? Bye.
MARC
Oh God! I think I kissed my mate
last night!
RUTH
A female mate?
MARC
No! That's the worst part.
David comes off the phone.
RUTH
Who was that?
DAVID
My girlfriend.
MARC(cont.)
(shouting)
...trust me the Jani's a fuckin
clone!
At that moment the JANITOR walks by and MARC looks caught, everyone
looks at him as the JANITOR passes.
MARC
(whispering)
See no emotion.
FIONA
So whats up with you and your
girlfriend?
DAVID looks exhausted by this question. And looks at the others as
they smile.
CUT TO:
INT. STAIRS--COLLEGE--MINUTES LATER.
The others walk ahead while DAVID talks to FIONA and SIMON hangs
behind.
DAVID
...I just don't know if it's right
you know? I don't know if she gets
me, I mean she wants me to meet her
for lunch and I don't think I want to,
it's not that I'm not happy, but I feel
I'm settling, I still have feelings
this other girl, who at this moment
in time resides somewhere in Australia
and has no way to contact me, and
I just, I feel trapped.
SIMON
Dump her man.
DAVID
I don't think thats at all possible.
CUT TO:
INT. LIBRARY--MINUTES LATER.
The group walk into the library and head towards the back through
shelves of books.
FIONA(cont)
So why is there no possibility
of dumping her?
They reach tables at the back and all sit down, BENNY and MARC
come over with books to pretend they're reading.
DAVID
Why? Because 1) She is a friend and
her best friends are my friends and
vice a versa, so hence much upset
and anger all aimed at me. 2) I am
the ultimate nice guy, it's my flaw
, I can't dump a girl unless I have
good reason. 3) I'm scared, if I
lose her I may not have another chance
and I'll be alone, I don't do alone too
well. and 4) I think I like her.
MARC
I'm sorry but in reference to that
fourth part which kinda cancels out
problem and basically the whole need
to annoy us with this, if you like
her, then what is the problem?
DAVID
(A BEAT)
I don't know...But maybe I will.
David gets up and leaves.
BENNY
Hey Ruth can you get this book
out for me on your card?
RUTH
What happened to your card?
BENNY
Before or after it didn't exist?
RUTH
What?
BENNY
I had a card last year and never
someone borrowed it and never too
the book back and now I have to
pay the fine before I can get a card
and I refuse to. So can I use yours.
RUTH
In light of that story...no.
BENNY
Awww what!
FIONA
Come on we'll miss class.
They all stand up and walk out.
MARC(o.c)
Think I could copyright my name?
SIMON(o.c)
It's in the fucking Bible man.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#6: MARC sits in front of the camera.
MARC
"Suck me beautiful!"
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "THE ORACLE"
FADE IN:
INT. 6TH FLOOR TEAROOM--LATER.
CLOSE ON; COLIN. A big guy, long hair in a pony tail. He is
eating a roll.
COLIN
So, you want my advice?
Sitting across from him is DAVID.
DAVID
Yeah, I mean I don't know how
I feel, you know. She sent me
a message this morning about
a dream she had last night about
us breaking up and in the message
she said she couldn't imagine life
without me. Is that too heavy or
is that good?
COLIN
That all depends on you man.
How do you feel about it? Are you
that serious?
DAVID
No, I don't know, I'd like to but
, I still feel for this other girl
who's in like Australia or something
and she can't s=contact me and I don't
know if it's fair to Ann that I feel
so strong for this other girl. But
if I finish with Ann I wont have
anyone, I need someone, you know, I
can't be alone, and so I don't know
if I'm with Ann cos I need someone or
I need her, I don't know, all I know
is she makes me smile.
COLIN
Okay, 1) You can get someone else
you don't have to be alone, I've
never seen you alone. 2) You don't
need someone else, you should be
able to depend on yourself. 3)
This thing with the other girl is
your whole fuckin problem, it's not
that she can't contact you it's that
she doesn't want to David, you gotta
get over this, it's been 5 years and
you have to let go...even if you do
love her, love isn't love unless it's
recipacle. Now this girl is committed
and she wants you the way you are,
now are you recipacle, if not, if you
doubt it then it's no and then you
break up, but if theres a doubt that
you do, even if she makes you happy,
your young, take the chance. Did I help?
DAVID
I think so, but you did make me
realise I have to come to this myself.
Thanks.
COLIN
No problem, thanks for the burger.
DAVID
You're a good guy, I'll see ya.
As DAVID walks away he look strangely at a group of guys who come
by with instuments in their hand, two with guitars and a guy with
a bass and one with a drum kit. the first GUITAR GUY(GRAHAM) says..
GUITAR GUY
Hey.
DAVID
Hey.
They proceed past and David looks back at them and shrugs
then leaves.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#7: COLIN, sits in front of the camera.
COLIN
Understanding is met only through
isolation. "Strike me now Darth
and I shall become more powerful
than you can ever imagine."
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "ISOLATION"
FADE IN:
INT. FLOOR 1104--LATER.
DAVID walks out the lift and the floor is littered with students
lying on different parts of the floor, looking dead, JOHNNY is filming
them.
JOHNNY
Okay that was brilliant.
All the coprses now awake and stand up.
JOHNNY
Now can I have the tripods over
here please!
A group of small tripods walk by the bottom of the frame, past JOHNNY.
DAVID looks puzzled and looks up at JOHNNY.
JOHNNY
Alright Stuart.
JOHNNY walks on after the tripods and DAVID enters the class.
CUT
TO:
INT. CLASS 1104.
DAVID enters the class, the others are there.
FIONA
So did you get it sorted?
DAVID
Pretty much. So anyone finished
they're videos?
ALL
Nope.
DAVID
Suppose I should get started.
MONTAGE:
-- DAVID sits at an EDITING SUITE, quickly searching for shots and
editing them.
-- SIMON edits as well.
-- FIONA records her voice in the sound booth.
-- RUTH puts her name captions on.
-- BENNY edits.
-- MARC puts MUSIC on his VIDEO.
-- SIMON puts on his voiceover.
-- BENNY edits the same shot.
-- DAVID puts on music.
END MONTAGE.
INT. 1104--ON THE CLOCK.
It now reads , 5 to 4. PAN DOWN to a BOX marked Class A. A video
is thrown in the box and a lid put over it.
PAN OUT. The GROUP sit and lean on desks and chairs, looking
shattered. Finally finished.
DAVID
I can't believe we all finished.
MARC
You ever notice how we always
leave things to the last minute
and yet somehow it always manages
to get done by the end. Is that
Student luck or what?
BENNY
I think it's pressure.
FIONA
Whatever it is we are all finished,
thats all that matters.
Just then the door opens and in walks MURDO, a tall guy,
unshaven, he looks fucked, still wearing the shirt and trousers
he wore out the night he dissapeared.
ALL
Murdo!
MURDO
Hey, where did yous go the other
night?
They all look at each other.
FADE OUT:
INSERT#8: DAVID sits in front of the camera.
DAVID
What can I say, not everything
gets neatly wrapped up at the end.
Well not nearly the end.
INSERT BLACK TITLE CARD; SUPER: "NEARLY THE END".
FADE IN:
INT. 1104--MINUTES LATER.
CLOSE ON MURDO; looking gutted after they have explained the
deadline to him.
MURDO
Shit!
SIMON
I thought you knew man.
BENNY
Nevermind come on we'll take
you to the pub for a drink..or
two.
BENNY and MARC take MURDO away and FIONA and RUTH follow, SIMON
stops he looks at DAVID.
SIMON
You coming with?
DAVID
Na, I got a few things to sort out
first maybe later.
SIMON
So you got it sorted?
DAVID
Pretty much, I think I'm gonna
ride this one out, see where she
takes me.
SIMON
Good luck.
DAVID
Thanks.
SIMON turns and leaves, DAVID picks up his bag and walks to the door
, he looks back, turns off the light and smiles as he leaves.
And as the light turns out we...
FADE TO BLACK.
"We are sorry if we offended any Custodial Technicians, Cow Farmers,
girlfriends or fat people with the content of this film, it was not
our intention to degrade those who degrade themselves, oops."
*All quotes will be ad-libbed by the actors at time of filming to their
actual favourite Quote.
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