the not so hot first date
by
Kevin Brown
WGA #tbd

Kevin Brown
11448 Brawley Rd
Oak Hills, CA 9234
760-956-5980
kevinbrown33@verizon.net
FADE IN:
INT AAA AUTO INSURANCE BUILDING, 4PM
JACK, HANDSOME MALE LATE 20'S, TALL GOOD LOOKS BUT NOT A JOCK, walks amongst the cubicles reading a file. He looks up and sees, TERRY, LATE 20'S, BRUNETTE, WORKING AT THE COPIER. TERRY HAS ON A PROFESSIONAL TYPE PANT SUIT.  Terry has some OPEN BOXES OF TONER, AND IS FILLING OUT SOME PAPERWORK. Jack freezes and takes a long look at her.  Terry pauses briefly and turns around to take SOME MORE TONER OUT OF A BOX behind her.  As she does she looks up and sees Jack.  Jack quickly steps into MARK'S CUBICLE and looks away. Terry smiles and goes back to her paperwork.

INT MARKS CUBICLE, CONT'D.
MARK, MALE LATE 30'S LOOKS UP AT JACK.

MARK
What's up Jack?
JACK
Umm, not much how's it going?
MARK
Fine. Did you need something?
JACK
(looks over his shoulder then at Mark) Just wondering how your quarter is going. I'm up like 2 points.
At this point Mark gets up, he walks into the aisle and looks at Terry, still at the copy machine. Mark looks at Jack.
MARK
You haven't asked her out yet?
Jack
Dude, not so loud she'll hear you.
MARK
(comes back in and sits down) Jack, go over and make some copies and just talk to her, say something funny.
JACK
I know how to meet girls.
MARK
So go meet that one. (Points at Terry).

Jack takes a deep breath and walks towards Terry at the copier.  Terry looks around and sees Jack, she smiles, Jack makes a right turn, Terry walks over and cuts him off.

TERRY
Excuse me, Jack, I need someone to sign off on the copier totals for the month. James isn't in today, do you know who can do that?

JACK
How did you know my name?

TERRY
James told me if I ever needed any help to ask for you.

JACK
Oh, ok.  I can sign off on it then, most any small purchases a department head can sign off on in the absence of a manager’s long as the purchase is normal and customary, but some stuff gets reviewed, and, you heard any good jokes lately?

TERRY
I service copiers, that's 61% of copier repairs is people copying bad jokes that get jammed, or pubic hairs.

JACK
Pubic hairs?
TERRY
Yeah, from drunks at office parties making copies of their oversized hairy butts.  That and the glass breaking.
JACK
I don’t think I've ever made a copy of my butt.
TERRY
You should try it. It's fun.
JACK
Well I always thought dinner would be funner.
TERRY
Ok, where would you like to go?
JACK
I have a great Italian restaurant near my house. Give me your number I'll text you the address.  Say Friday at 7?

TERRY
No promises, but I'll text you.

Terry hands Jack her business card.  Jack smiles and walks away.  As he walks by Marks cubicle a fist reaches out, Jack and Mark touch knuckles.
INT, JACK'S APT, friday 6PM
A nice, but not too fancy city apartment. Jack walks into his apartment from work. He goes to the fridge and grabs some CARROT JUICE. He sits down on his couch.  Just then his phone rings.  A text reads, “HI, WHAT'S THE ADDRESS??”

JACK
Thinks, then smiles a devilish grin. (texting) It's booked.
TERRY
2 Bad, I'm hungry, skipped lunch.
JACK
Drop by my place, I'll cook.

TERRY
I'm picky.

JACK
Me 2, I'll surprise u. 111 main street #101

TERRY
See u at 7 chef.

JACK
Best table in the house.

Jack stands up, he does a little VICTORY DANCE.  
fade out:
Jack’s Apartment, 7pm
Jack sets two plates on the dinner table.  He has changed into some HIP AND TRENDY CLOTHES. The table has a candelabra, glasses, and a cloth.  Soft music plays in the background. The door bell rings. Jack takes one last look and pushes both chairs in close to the table. He smiles and goes to the door.
jack
Hi, did you find the place OK?
terry
Yeah I took a taxi.  I brought you a bottle of wine.
jack
Well, thank you, come on in, can I take your coat?
Terry removes A LIGHT SHAWL revealing her shoulders, Jack hangs it up, he takes the wine to the kitchen.
jack
I have most of dinner ready. Have a seat at the table.
Terry goes to the table.  Jack pulls her chair out for her.
terry
Did you cook all this yourself? It smells fantastic.
jack
Yeah I worked in my parents restaurant when I was a kid. I started out washing dishes, then cutting lettuce, pretty soon I was cooking 600 dinners a night.
Jack finishes opening the bottle he comes to the table.
terry
Like an Italian place or something?
jack
No. Steak mostly, some fish.

terry
But now you sell insurance? 
Jack
After college I got in with AAA. I mostly sell extras once someone comes in and buys a policy we contact them for home and life or whatever.
terry
At least your customers are friendly. The job I’m in now, copy machine servicing contracts, it’s always, compete, compete, compete, one cent here, a free toner there.
jack
I didn’t realize it was so competitive, I thought sales reps just made bucks, two martini lunches and stuff.
terry
I lose 2-3 clients a week, and then I steal 2-3 clients a week, like trading baseball cards, not very emotional. There’s always some jerk in purchasing who thinks he can get a raise by slashing copy costs $100 a week.
Jack sits at the table he pours Terry some wine, he opens a soda pours that in his glass.
terry
Did I bring the wrong wine?
jack
No, I don’t drink.
terry
12 step program?
jack
No. I, uh, used to play golf in high school.  I was out drinking and fell. I tore my shoulder up, and cost me a scholarship. But, hey no regrets.  Plus I have lots of friends to drive around on the weekends from bar to bar. Jack the designated driver.
terry
That’s nice of you. I take it you know Bill in purchasing then.
jack
Bill is one of my passengers.  He is dating a girl from properties management, otherwise he would have probably swiped your number for himself.
terry
(laughs) Oh, he’s not my type at all, he reminds me of my last boyfriend, Mr. Sports-Knowitall. Arod’s batting 342, the giants are favored by 4.
jack
I love sports. Not as much as him, I guess it’s a guy thing maybe.
terry
Girls play sports too, I mean if the LPGA was in town I’d love to walk the course.
jack
I wouldn’t call golf a sport, I think of it as a game. I’ll plate dinner.
Jack brings out a pan with fish and shrimp. He sets rice on each side like a gumbo style dinner.
terry
Oh, is this shrimp?
jack
Yeah it’s a Cajun recipe I found, a little spicy, it should be Ok with your wine, I mean I don’t drink so I am not sure which wine really goes with what.
terry
I’m allergic to shellfish, I’m sorry, I should have said something.
jack
Well, I got some chicken I BBQ’d yesterday, I was saving it for a hiking trip this weekend, let me warm it up.
terry
Uh, I’m sorry, let me get back to square one here, I don’t eat meat. Did you have any salad?
jack
Yeah. The French eat salad last, it cleanses the pallete, so you don’t have fish on your breath for desert. But you’re not going to have that problem.
terry
I never knew that.  So why do Americans eat salad first?
jack
I don’t know.  It’s not that important though, if I had more time I would have made soup, but it would have fish stock in it too.  But there’s plenty of salad.
Jack reaches in the fridge and makes a nice large plate of salad.  He takes out a few jars of dressing and puts them on the table.
jack
Do you want some bruschetta?
terry
What’s that?
jack
It’s grilled toast with garlic and some tomatoes and basil, like little mini dry pizzas.
terry
Whole wheat?
jack
Sourdough.
terry
I can live with that. Thanks.
Jack grills slices of bread, he tops them with some olive oil, tomatoes and parmesan. He takes them to the table.
jack
I forgot, is cheese OK?
terry
Yeah that’s fine, they look great.
He takes her fish gumbo plate back to the kitchen, we see him scrape it off into the trash can.
dinner table, later.
Terry takes her last bite of salad, Jack finishes his gumbo and pours more wine into her glass.
terry
And that’s how it works basically. I sell AAA a million copies a month for 3 cents. Anything over is retro to 2.5 cents a copy. I get bonuses on anything over a million. So I round up if the numbers even out.
jack
Why not just charge 900,000?
terry
Because 900,000 is $27,000. A million is $25,000. AAA saves money, I get a bonus.
jack
I would charge the $27,000, it’s more money.  Plus what happens after 9 months, your numbers are off by 900,000. Does AAA get a free month?
terry
I’ve never had a client longer than six months.
jack
Let me put on another CD. We can talk about golf.
terry
OK, what did you have in mind?
Jack walks over to the stereo, he peruses his cache of cd’s.
jack
Here we go Bach.
terry
Do you have Stravinski, I like the more modern composers. Wait, I’m sorry, Bach is fine, I’m really pretty laid back, I just thought Stravinski would be nice.
jack
I have some jazz too?
terry
Please don’t say Brubeck.
Jack puts back his Brubeck CD.  Jack searches his cd rack to find some middle ground, Terry moves over to the couch, she crosses her legs, Jack sees her sexy legs as she relaxes.
jack
Rippingtons, Yellow Jackets?
terry
Zeppelin?
jack
Cream, Beach Boys, Hendrix.
terry
We could watch a movie, what do you have?
jack
Gladiator, Inglorious Basterds, House of a 1000 Corpses.
terry
Anything with Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston or Julia Roberts?
Jack goes to the table he pours some wine in his glass and takes a drink.
jack
Wow, that tastes pretty good.
terry
I’m glad you didn’t invite me to a concert tonight. But I really enjoyed the salad.
Over the radio starts playing odd Celtic Music.
terry
Oh, this is Kathy McGuirck, she is fantastic on violin.
jack
You like Celtic? I have a bunch on my ipod, I went to Ireland a few years ago and recorded all these bands in local pubs, just traditional pub music.
terry
That’s cool, see we have something in common.
jack
I almost thought this was a total disaster, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone I had so little in common with.
terry
Yeah but you know what’s odd? All the guys I’ve dated I always had this list of things the guy had to do in order to date me.
jack
Yeah, I mean if a chick couldn’t name the 4 lead hitters for the Yankees I wouldn’t even think about calling her back.
terry
And the one’s I did, pre-qualify, never worked out.
jack
Me neither.
terry
Listen, thanks for dinner. How about we pick this up Saturday, maybe Frisbee golf or something.
jack
Uh, I got hockey tickets Saturday. Sunday?
terry
Church.
jack
Protestant?
terry
Catholic.
jack
We should leave religion out of this.
Terry puts on her shoes, she grabs her shawl off the rack, she steps up close to Jack, she puts her arms around him and looks at him sensuously.
terry
You would convert, right?
jack
No.
terry
So this hockey game, you have an extra ticket?
jack
(sarcastically) I do, but it’s for a Protestant girl only.
terry
This is going to be difficult, you know.
jack
Pick you up at 2.
terry
Text me first, no promises.
Terry gives Jack a peck on the cheek, she walks out the door.
Jack takes out his cell phone and dials a number.
mark
Mark here, what’s up bro, details.
jack
Oh, dude, she just left, she’s beautiful.
fade out