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-------------------------

                 

                                      MIDNIGHT MOVES

           	       "When horror moves, it moves at midnight" 

                                  The Hunter - R.E Freak 

                       The Sex Machine - Harry "The Goose" Deckard

                               Molly Dolly - Steve Cameron

                        My Siamese Twin is a Demon - Michael Birch

                                 The Cows - Chris Shalom

                

               FADE IN:

               EXT. CAVE -- UNKNOWN

               A dark, gloomy cave trapped somewhere in the gloomy oblivion 
               that is the unknown. A FIGURE suddenly moves, it reveals 
               itself to be the GRIM REAPER. He has a skeletal face, wears 
               a long grey cloak and holds a long, sharp SCYTHE. When he 
               sees the camera he bursts into a Vincent Price style EVIL 
               LAUGHTER.

                                     THE REAPER
                              (Finishing laughter)
                         Welcome, my children. Welcome to a 
                         lovely collection of peaceful, well 
                         meaning tales of DEATH, TERROR and 
                         MORE DEATH AND TERROR.
                              (Laughter)
                         Anyway I'm not here to talk, I'm 
                         here to introduce you my darlings. 
                         We have cows coming to live, men 
                         hunting men, dolls killing men, robots 
                         pleasuring men and identical men. 
                         Yep, there a lot of men in here.

               Story One: The Hunter A superimpose in the red, CREEPER font. 
               After a second The Reaper lifts his Scythe and slashes it 
               away.

                                     THE REAPER (CONT'D)
                         And now, I welcome you to listen to 
                         a tale of the monstrous evil that 
                         can sometimes live in the heart of 
                         fairly ordinary people. Anyway, with 
                         out further adue I invite you to 
                         see: "THE HUNTER".

               THE HUNTERON BLACK:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         2.


                                     VOICE #1
                              (V.O.)
                         So what's the deal with him?

                                     VOICE #2
                              (V.O.)
                         He's a hunter, a real good one too. 
                         If it's alive he's probably hunted 
                         it at some point.

               FADE IN:

               INT. VAN - NIGHT

               A couple of guys sit in the front of a white van. They're 
               contractors, dressed normally, not going to the job.

               VOICE #1 is MARVIN; he's the younger of the two, the 
               apprentice. He looks about twenty eight or so, somewhere in 
               his late twenties.  A black, slightly stocky man.

               VOICE #2 is JIM, older, late thirties to early forties. He's 
               been in this business all his life.

                                     MARVIN
                         Not everything though.
                              (beat, laughs)
                         I mean, he's never hunted humans 
                         right?

                                     JIM
                         Well. . .

                                     MARVIN
                         You're kidding right?
                              (beat)
                         Right?

                                     JIM
                         Yeah, probably.

                                     MARVIN
                         Seriously man, that's not funny.

                                     JIM
                         Oh come on, lighten up.

               EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT

               The van speeds along. PAN RIGHT to reveal the mansion, 
               absolutely huge, three stories and stretching off into the 
               trees.

               INT. VAN - NIGHT

               Marvin and Jim sit in the van. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         3.


                                     MARVIN
                         Whoa.

                                     JIM
                         It's big isn't it?

                                     MARVIN
                         You been here before?

                                     JIM
                         No, but some of the other guys have.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. MANSION - NIGHT

               The front porch as Marvin and Jim start up, the van parked 
               off to the side.

               Jim steps forward and rings the doorbell. It's a string of 
               loud bells, almost like a church, rather than the standard 
               electronic beeping.

                                     MARVIN
                         Huh.

                                     JIM
                         He's a little. . . over the top.

                                     VOICE
                              (over intercom)
                         You the carpenters?

               Jim steps forward and holds the button.

                                     JIM
                         Yes, we're here to give you an 
                         estimate.

               A pause.

                                     VOICE
                              (over intercom)
                         I'll be down in a minute.

               A few moments pass, the two of them standing in front of the 
               door.

               The door starts to open, a figure standing in the frame, 
               backlit.

                                     JIM
                         Hello, we're from Ronton, we're here 
                         to give you an estimate on the 
                         addition.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         4.


               THE HUNTER steps forward, into the light from the porch light. 
               He's a tall, really creepy guy.

                                     HUNTER
                         Welcome to my home.
                              (looks at MARVIN)
                         You're new.

                                     JIM
                         He's training.

                                     HUNTER
                              (grunt)
                         I thought you'd be bringing David.

                                     JIM
                         He's home sick right now.

                                     HUNTER
                              (eyeing MARVIN)
                              (absentmindedly)
                         Oh.
                              (beat)
                         Well, you'll have to do.

               Marvin throws a quick glance over at Jim, who is ignoring 
               Hunter's actions.

                                     HUNTER (CONT'D)
                         Come on in.

               They step in, Marvin clearly unnerved.

               INT. ENTRY ROOM - NIGHT

               They step into an elaborate hall, everything looking extremely 
               expensive.

                                     HUNTER
                         It's just through here.

               They walk out of frame.

               INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

               Hunter leads them through the living room, past dozens of 
               animal heads and skins mounted everywhere.  Marvin looks at 
               them as they walk past.

               EXT. SIDE PORCH - NIGHT

               They step out onto a small porch, the lights coming on 
               automatically.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         5.


                                     HUNTER
                         This is where I want the addition 
                         put on. Extend it out from here for 
                         about thirty feet.

               Jim pulls out a clipboard and starts jotting down notes.

                                     JIM
                              (points pencil at 
                              something off camera)
                         What's that?

               ANGLE ON:

               A Vent, a small pipe rises out of a small mound, covered 
               with silver vent.

                                     HUNTER
                         That's a vent, for the fruit cellar.

                                     JIM
                         You've got a basement section under 
                         here?

                                     HUNTER
                         Yes.

                                     JIM
                         We're going to have to take a look, 
                         is that all right?

                                     HUNTER
                         What for?

                                     JIM
                         We need to check the supports. If 
                         we're going to build an addition the 
                         ground has to be able to handle it.

               Hunter stands there for a moment, staring at them.

                                     HUNTER
                         Through the second door on your left.

                                     JIM
                         Thanks.
                              (to Marvin)
                         Come on.

               PAN LEFT as they walk inside.

               PAN RIGHT to Hunter as it watches the door. He stands there 
               for a moment, just staring.

               INT. HALL - NIGHT

               Marvin and jim walk down the hall. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         6.


                                     MARVIN
                         This it?

                                     JIM
                         This should be it.

               He opens the door.

               INT. STAIRCASE - TIMELESS

               The door opens, letting the light in.

                                     MARVIN
                         Dark.

                                     JIM
                         There's the light.

               He starts down the stairs, flipping the light switch. Nothing 
               happens.

                                     JIM (CONT'D)
                         It's dead. Bulb must be burned-

                                     MARVIN
                         AH!

                                     JIM
                         What?!

                                     HUNTER
                         I am sorry for that. Here.

               He hands Marvin a couple of torches.

                                     HUNTER (CONT'D)
                         I forgot to tell you. The power 
                         doesn't work down there.

                                     MARVIN
                         Man, you scared the shit out of me.

               Hunter smiles and walks away.

               Marvin turns the flashlight on.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CELLAR - TIMELESS

               They reach the bottom of the stairs and walk towards the far 
               wall.

                                     MARVIN
                         That guy's freaky.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         7.


                                     JIM
                         Say what you want about him, he pays 
                         good.

               He walks up to the wall and starts poking it, pulling away 
               clumps of dirt.

                                     JIM (CONT'D)
                         Ground's pretty weak around here.
                              (beat)
                         We'll probably have to install new 
                         supports.

               Marvin is wandering around in the background, aiming the 
               flashlight at anything.

                                     MARVIN
                         Hey, do you think there're spiders 
                         down here? I hate spiders man.

                                     JIM
                              (O.S.)
                         Probably.

                                     MARVIN
                         Shit, I hate spiders.

               ANGLE: HIS FEET-

               As he takes a short step, inadvertently sliding his toe under 
               a broken board.

                                     MARVIN
                              (tripping)
                         Wha-shit!

               He stumbles, feet pulling out from beneath him. He falls 
               headfirst into the wall, breaking right through. A section 
               of the wall caves in, parts of the roof falling down on him.

                                     JIM
                         Marvin! Marvin! Shit, Marvin!

                                     MARVIN
                              (O.S.)
                         I'm all right!

               INT. COLD ROOM - TIMELESS

               Jim climbs over the piles of dirt, dropping down into a small 
               room.  

               Marvin props himself up, coughing, brushing the dirt off his 
               face.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         8.


                                     JIM
                         Jesus Marvin, be careful! This whole 
                         place could cave in.

                                     MARVIN
                         Sor-

                                     (COUGHS)
                         sorry about that.

               He stands, brushing some more dirt off.

                                     JIM
                         Come on, we should get out of here 
                         in case this whole place decides to 
                         come down.

                                     MARVIN
                         Hold on.

               POV: MARVIN

               The room is small, about eight feet by eight feet. At the 
               far end there's a door, the only thing in the room.

                                     MARVIN (CONT'D)
                         What's that?

                                     JIM
                         A door. Come on.

               Marvin continues to look around the room Jim climbs up. In 
               the process he breaks away a hunk of dirt, revealing the 
               edge of the wall.

                                     JIM (CONT'D)
                         What the hell?

                                     MARVIN
                         What?

               Jim starts pulling away more dirt, piece by piece revealing 
               a door frame.

                                     JIM
                         It's a door.
                              (beat)
                         You fell through a door.

                                     MARVIN
                         Why was it buried?

                                     JIM
                         God only knows.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         9.


                                     VOICE
                              (O.S.)
                         Help!

               He turns to Marvin, and as one they look at the far door.

               POV: MARVIN

               The far door as another cry is heard.

                                     VOICE (CONT'D)
                              (O.S.)
                         Help me please!

               Jim drops down and they both run for the door.

               INT. COLD ROOM #2 - TIMELESS

               The door swings open and they step into another cold room, 
               much bigger. The floor is covered in bodies, some of them 
               fresh, others rotting away, others just piles of bones.

               In the far corner Will lies shackled to the floor, a number 
               of cuts and bruises on his face. He's only been here a while, 
               his clothes still look almost new.

                                     JIM
                         Hell!

                                     MARVIN
                         What the hell is this?!

                                     WILL
                         He's crazy! Please, he's crazy! He 
                         killed them all!

                                     JIM
                         Calm down! Calm down! What happened!

                                     WILL
                         He-

               He stops, we hear a sound.

               INT. STAIRCASE - TIMELESS

               The door creaks as it swings open, Hunter standing at the 
               top of the stairs.

               CLOSE-UP as he pulls a long knife out of its sheath.

               INT. COLD ROOM #2 - TIMELESS

                                     WILL
                         Go! He's coming! Get out of here 
                         now!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        10.


                                     JIM
                         We're not leaving you here, don't 
                         worry.

               Jim and Marvin try to loosen the shackles. 

               Will struggles, pushing them away.

                                     WILL
                         Get out! Just get out before he gets 
                         here!

                                     JIM
                         We won't just-

               He coughs, suddenly going weak.  Jim screams as he spins, 
               revealing Hunter's holding a broomstick with a sharpened 
               edge in his hands. 

               He topples, hitting the ground dead. Hunter spins the 
               broomstick in his hands like a swordsman.

                                     MARVIN
                              (shocked)
                         Oh!

                                     WILL
                         GO NOW!

               Marvin stands, looking for a way to go, but he's cornered.

                                     WILL (CONT'D)
                         GO!

               Hunter steps forward and KICKS a small pot-bellied stove on 
               top of Will, who promptly shuts up - flattened!

               Marvin uses the opportunity and runs, slamming the door.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. FRONT PORCH - NIGHT

               Marvin runs out the front door, jumping down the stairs, 
               running for the van.

               He stops dead.

                                     MARVIN
                         SHIT!

               POV: MARVIN

               The hood is up, various engine parts scattered around.

               PAN RIGHT as Hunter emerges from the front door holding a 
               rifle. He takes aim.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        11.


               BAM!

               Marvin runs as the round blows out the vans windshield.

               EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

               Marvin runs, jumping over logs, ducking under branches. He's 
               snagged constantly but he doesn't let it slow him down.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. RIVER - NIGHT

                                      

               He emerges from the trees, coming to a river. He starts out 
               into it.

               BAM!

               The water to the left of him explodes, spraying him.

                                     HUNTER
                              (O.S.)
                         No farther!

               Marvin pauses, and then takes another running step.

               BAM!

               He stops.

                                     HUNTER (CONT'D)
                              (O.S.)
                         I said no farther!
                              (beat)
                         Turn around!

               Marvin turns around to face Hunter as he emerges from the 
               trees. 

               Hunter chambers another round, spend shell casing flying 
               away.

                                     MARVIN
                         Please, please man, please just let 
                         me go!

                                     HUNTER
                         Quiet!

                                     MARVIN
                         Please pleas-

               BAM!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        12.


               His right knee explodes, blood and flesh and bits of bone 
               spraying.

                                     MARVIN (CONT'D)
                         AW! Did you realize that you just 
                         freaking shot me, man?

                                     HUNTER
                         I said quiet.

               They stand there, blood flowing into the river, turning the 
               water around Marvin red.

                                     HUNTER (CONT'D)
                         Well?

                                     MARVIN
                         Wha-what?

                                     HUNTER
                         Aren't you going to ask why?

                                     MARVIN
                         What are you-what do you mean?

                                     HUNTER
                         You're not going to ask why? Try to 
                         convince me to spare your life in 
                         exchange for salvation? Maybe try to 
                         figure out why I do what I do?

               Marvin says nothing.

                                     HUNTER (CONT'D)
                         You I like. You know when to be quiet; 
                         you know when to accept the fact 
                         that your enemy has beaten you.
                              (smiles)
                         A shame I have to finish this.

               He chambers another round.

                                     MARVIN
                         NO! No, pleas-!

               BAM!

               Marvin's chest explodes, round blowing right through. Before 
               he can start to fall another round his shoulder, spinning 
               him around.

               BAM!  BAM!

               Two quick rounds in rapid succession, hitting his left knee 
               and neck as he falls.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        13.


               He splashes down into the water, blood flowing, a crimson 
               streak leading off down the river.

               WIDE SHOT as Hunter stands there over Marvin's body, floating 
               in the slow moving river.

               He steps forward and puts his boot on Marvin's body, pushing 
               him out into the center of the river, where the water is 
               moving faster.  His body begins to drift away, leaving Hunter 
               standing there.

               He chambers another round, then turns and walks back towards 
               the trees. As he does, Marvin's BLOODY HAND SUDDENLY ARISES 
               FROM THE RIVER. As Sad, almost hypnotizing music begins to 
               play we finally:

                                                                  FADE OUT:

               EXT. CAVE -- UNKNOWN

               The Reaper begins his laughter again.

                                     THE REAPER
                         Great show. Loved the ending. Shame 
                         I didn't have any frog's bollocks 
                         popcorn. Really pops when ya cook 
                         it.
                              (beat)
                         Anyway, now we have one of sleazier 
                         stories. If only there was just a 
                         little bit more...nudity involved. 
                         But I give you, Harry Deckard's: 
                         "The Sex machine".

               THE SEX MACHINE

               FADE IN:

               INT. LIBRARY -- DAY

               A well-stocked, well-kept city library. Books all in the 
               right places and tight looking librarians patrolling the 
               aisles. As we pan past a seemingly endless row of "QUIET, 
               PLEASE" signs we reach a table where MYLES MCNITT sits looking 
               through the local newspaper.  He is about thirty-five, 
               casually dressed and athletic, with dusty blonde hair well 
               combed over his good-looking face. There's only one problem 
               with Myles - his anger.

               At the minute he appears to be studying something very hard 
               and occasionally talking to himself.

                                     MYLES
                              (To self)
                         Hmm...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        14.


               ANGLE OVER HIS SHOULDER:

               To get a look at the advertisement it reads: "ANGER PROBLEMS? 
               Come spend the weekend at House Huxley in Kimberly. 19 Nov -
               21 Nov. Call Prof. Hugh Exeter for details. Tel: 01603 
               605291".

                                     MYLES (CONT'D)
                              (To self)
                         Worth a try.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FAIRLANDS DINER -- DAY

               A greasy, trashy diner on the edge of a rough city. Mostly 
               truckers and travelers are inside; we follow AMY CARBETT, a 
               waitress as she moves across clearing dirty plates. She's 
               twenty-four, a dainty, beautiful blonde with a bad attitude.

               The Manager, knowing of her anger problems calls her.

                                     MANAGER
                         Hey, Amy!

                                     AMY
                         What?

                                     MANAGER
                         Guy placed an ad in here the other 
                         day that you might be interested in.

                                     AMY
                         Hmm..what's it about?

                                     MANAGER
                         Anger management weekend or something. 
                         Here.
                              (Hands her a small 
                              card)
                         Amy accepts it and takes a look.

                                     AMY
                         As long as you pay for it, Dalton.

               Dalton leaves.

                                     AMY (CONT'D)
                         I like being angry.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. PHONE BOOTH -- DA

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        15.


                                      

               A plain phone booth in the middle of the same city as the 
               door opens and CLIVE FORBES comes in. He's thirty, a slick, 
               good-looking, black executive in the high-stress business 
               world.  He takes the phone and dials a number. We hear his 
               side of an angry conversation with his wife.

                                     FORBES
                              (Phone)
                         Hello?  This Jemima...yeah it's me, 
                         you fuckin' whore...don't give me 
                         that, I know what you've been doin' 
                         with Al...What?  You think he'd keep 
                         it from his best friend?...Stupid 
                         cow...I heard about it and you wait 
                         till I get my hands on his neck I'll 
                         cork it like a bottle...
                              (A low beep)
                         She hung up!
                              (Slamming receiver 
                              down)
                         Bitch!

               Forbes is about to smash the receiver when he sees the same 
               card that the Manager gave to Amy.

                                     FORBES (CONT'D)
                         Hey...hey...what's this?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CHIEF COLT'S OFFICE -- DAY

               We're inside the city police station, inside CHIEF JOHN COLT's 
               spacious, yet cosy office to be precise. Colt sits behind 
               his desk shifting through a wad of papers. He's an ex-Marine 
               in his fifties, strongly built, and hard-edged, ready  to go 
               for action at any point. A well-used Magnum .44 is in a 
               shoulder holster - he's badass.

               There's a knock at the door, but before Colt can answer a 
               quick-talking Eddie Murphy-esque (great for a cameo role) 
               enters.

                                     OFFICER
                         Hey, Chief.

                                     COLT
                         Knock next time, dammit!

                                     OFFICER
                         Just got a call from a Dr. Exeter, 
                         know him?

               Colt nods soberly. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        16.


                                     OFFICER (CONT'D)
                         Well, he's holdin' a sorta weekend 
                         thing for people with anger problems 
                         this weekend at his mansion. He 
                         wondered if you'd like to come?

                                     COLT
                              (Looks at a calendar 
                              on the wall)
                         Tell him okay.

                                     OFFICER
                         You don't wanna speak to him?

               Colt shakes his head and ushers the Officer out.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CELLAR -- UNKNOWN

               As a TORTURED HOSTAGE is tied up to a chair, he is being 
               tortured by two gangsters. TONY SPELLDERRO, a hardened 
               gangster boss looks on, his hands angrily fingering his tommy 
               gun.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Show me the money!

                                     HOSTAGE
                         I HAVEN'T GOT IT DAMMIT!

               Spellderro's hand goes for the trigger and he BLASTS the 
               Hostage a couple of times, sending the man flying off of his 
               chair. Spellderro shakes his head. His right-hand man speaks 
               up.

                                     RIGHT-HAND MAN
                         Hell, bowss, you gotta sort your 
                         anger out.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Yeah I know...I just cain't help it.

                                     RIGHT-HAND MAN
                         Well, there's an old friend of my 
                         who's running a weekend workshop 
                         this weekend for people with anger 
                         problems, want me to call him and 
                         get you a place?

                                     SPELLDERRO
                              (With thought)
                         Sure.

                                                                    CUT TO:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        17.


               INT. RADIO DANCE -- DAY

               We're inside one of radio Dance's studios as MELISSA MALONE 
               is waiting for a record - "Flowers in your window" by Travis - 
               to finish.  She's about thirty, a honey blonde, with a 
               beautiful figure and face - just a shame she wasn't a nicer 
               person. She finishes her cigarette and tosses it onto the 
               floor. The office TEAGIRL sticks her head in.

                                     TEAGIRL
                         Fancy a coffee, Melissa?

                                     MELISSA
                         Yeah.

                                     TEAGIRL
                         How many sugars?

                                     MELISSA
                         Two - you know that. Now fuck off.

                                     TEAGIRL
                         Okay...

               Teagirl exits. Melissa listens as the song finishes and an 
               advert comes up.

                                     EXETER (V.O.)
                              (On advertisement)
                         Tired of your anger problems?  Fancy 
                         starting the new year with a fresh, 
                         new, clean attitude to life?
                              (Pause)
                         I hear you say yes, well how about 
                         you pop down to House Huxley, in 
                         Kimberly, South Dakota. Within a 
                         weekend we can be looking at a 
                         different you.

                                     MELISSA
                         Well...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. MOTORWAY -- DAY

               As a '99 Mustang flies down the road, going at least seventy. 
               We PAN FORWARDS, until we can see the driver through the 
               windscreen. His name is TRAVIS LOGAN; he's twenty-six, a 
               tall, lean, tired looking man with long beach blonde hair 
               and a disturbed GLINT in his eyes.

               As he continues down the seemingly empty motorway, an old, 
               battered truck emerges quite suddenly and without indication 
               from a side-road, Travis just manages to slam on the brakes 
               and he WILDLY MISSES the truck. The other driver puts his 
               breaks on and they end up blocking each others way.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        18.


                                     TRAVIS
                         Twat!

               Travis grabs a golf club from the foot well of the shotgun 
               seat and POUNCES out, looking mean.

               He runs over to the TRUCK DRIVER, who is leaning out of his 
               door.

                                     TRUCK DRIVER
                         You asshole! Drivin' on a public 
                         road like that, they should lock you 
                         up!

                                     TRAVIS
                         Come on then, old man, you wanna 
                         piece of me? I'll screw you up like 
                         a witch's crack and skin your pubes 
                         alive!

               The Driver sees what he's gonna do and ducks inside the cab - 
               slamming and locking the door as he does so. The only thing 
               is, he can't get away as all exits are blocked by Travis' 
               car, the hedge and the hard shoulder. Travis begins wildly 
               SMASHING the roof of the cab, then turns and smashes the 
               windows out; the driver is showered with glass.

               The driver searches for anything he can use as a weapon, but 
               Travis - now practically foaming at the mouth - crushes the 
               bonnet and climbs into the cab.

                                     TRAVIS (CONT'D)
                         HERE'S JOHNNY!

               INT. TRUCK -- CONTINUOUS

               Travis leaps on top of the driver and starts laying into him 
               with punches, mostly to his fat stomach. Then Exeter's voice 
               comes over the radio.

                                     EXETER (V.O.)
                              (On advertisement)
                         Tired of your anger problems?  Fancy 
                         starting the new year with a fresh, 
                         new, clean attitude to life?
                              (Pause)
                         I hear you say yes, well how about 
                         you pop down to House Huxley, in 
                         Kimberly, South Dakota. Within a 
                         weekend we can be looking at a 
                         different you.

               Truck Driver and Travis stop fighting and take a look at 
               each other.

                                     TRUCK DRIVER
                         I think you'd be better off there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        19.


                                     TRAVIS
                         So do I.

                                                                   FADE TO:

               EXT. HOUSE HUXLEY -- MORNING - TWO DAYS LATER

               A selection of vehicles are outside House Huxley, an exquisite 
               looking country house in the middle of nowhere. We recognize 
               all of the guests. Myles, Amy, Colt, Travis, Melissa, 
               Spellderro and Forbes. Finally a Silver Porsche Boxter swings 
               into the gateway and there host, the so far illusive DR. 
               HUGH EXETER is inside as is his assistant, DENNIS MULLIGAN.

                                     AMY
                         Well it's about time.

                                     MYLES
                         Certainly is, I'm freezin' my fuckin' 
                         bollix off out here.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         What shocks me is that you actually 
                         got bollocks.

                                     MYLES
                         Fuck you.

                                     AMY
                         Shut up!

               Exeter and Dennis step out of the car. Exeter is about fifty, 
               a bald, plain looking man with a constant grin on his 
               weathered face. Dennis is thirty, strongly-built and pretty 
               much of a dumbass.

                                     EXETER
                         Welcome to my humble home, everyone - 
                         I suppose you're all here for the 
                         anger management course?

               A general murmur of yes.

                                     EXETER (CONT'D)
                         Good. Well, I'm now going to call a 
                         register just to see if everyone's 
                         here.

                                     FORBES
                         Hurry the fuck up, man! I'm freezin' 
                         like a danged coon out here!

                                     EXETER
                         Yes, watch you language.
                              (Produces a small 
                              Notebook)
                         Okay. Do we have Amy Carbett?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        20.


                                     AMY
                         Yeah.

                                     EXETER
                         Clive Forbes?

                                     FORBES
                         Uh huh.

                                     EXETER
                         Melissa Malone?

                                     MELISSA
                         Whatever.

                                     EXETER
                         Travis Logan?

                                     TRAVIS
                         Yeah.

                                     EXETER
                         John Colt?

                                     COLT
                         Yep.

                                     EXETER
                         Long time no see, John.
                              (Pause)
                         Tony Spellderro?

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Mmmm.

                                     EXETER
                         Myles Verril?

                                     MYLES
                         I'm all here about from my brain.

                                     EXETER
                         Good. Well, as we have everyone - we 
                         might as well get going.

                                                                   FADE TO:

               INT. UNKNOWN ROOM -- EVENING

               We're inside an unknown room, which strictly between me and 
               you is actually in the house. It looks just like the 
               laboratory that a mad scientist (or doctor) would have. 
               Operating equipment, test tubes, tables, monitors and all 
               sorts are strewn about the place. On one of these test tables 
               is a tall, red figure.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        21.


               We PAN IN on this creature until we see that he is made up 
               of different bodyparts. The LEGEND "The Sex Machine - Part 
               Rasputin, Part Michael Myers, Part Hugh Heffner".

               Slowly some kind of red cloud appears over it and it begins 
               to spark until it suddenly SITS BOLT UPRIGHT! His eyes stare 
               into the camera, then look down. WE PAN DOWN to reveal that 
               his small, metal penis is standing to attention.

               The Sex Machine presses a green button on his wrist and the 
               penis grows about five feet, he does this a few more times 
               then leaves it back to normal.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. DINING ROOM -- EVENING

               Exeter, Dennis and the angry people sit around a table after 
               finishing dinner - they are talking about what it is that 
               makes them angry.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Me? Well I'm a road rage guy. I just 
                         hate fuckin' stupid drivers. You may 
                         call me a sexist pig, but I don't 
                         think that any woman or anyone over 
                         sixty for that matter should be let 
                         out onto the road. Driving's a young 
                         man's thing and we can't let people 
                         take it away from us.

                                     AMY
                         Sexist Pig.

                                     DENNIS
                         Just what I was gonna say.

                                     AMY
                         Whatever.

                                     TRAVIS
                         See? I get this all the time. But 
                         it's just my thoughts.

                                     EXETER
                         Every man to his own thoughts.

                                     DENNIS
                         Even if they are sexist?

                                     EXETER
                         Even if they are.

                                     MYLES
                         That just doesn't seem right to me. 
                         For me it's bullies, ever since I
                                     (MORE)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        22.


                                     MYLES (CONT'D)
                         was a little kid I was always picked 
                         on. I was the school punch bag. I 
                         didn't have any friends, just sat on 
                         my own in the corner all lunch time, 
                         getting pelted with rotten fruit. 
                         Now I just generally hate everyone.

                                     EXETER
                         How...
                              (Pause)
                         ...Sad.

                                     FORBES
                         I'm a businessman, an executive for 
                         the Takagi Corp. So I'm used to high-
                         stress, but the last few years as 
                         the paperwork piles up so does my 
                         blood pressure. I'm afraid that I 
                         might snap one of these times and 
                         just kill everyone in sight.

                                     EXETER
                         Stress is a powerful thing, Clive.

                                     COLT
                         For me it's criminals. Especially 
                         drug dealers, I hate those weak minded 
                         bastards who take drugs. Why can't 
                         they just use masturbation or alcohol 
                         as a high?  At least spunking is 
                         natural, pumping your body full of 
                         toxic shit that has been made in God 
                         knows where just isn't the right way 
                         to go.  That's why I've shot a hundred 
                         and ninety-three people since I've 
                         been in the force.
                              (Pause)
                         My motto is "You're either the problem 
                         or part of problem". Doesn't matter 
                         which of those you are, I'll still 
                         shoot you.

                                     EXETER
                         Interesting...

                                     AMY
                         I don't know what the root of my 
                         anger is. But I know who it is 
                         directed at though...

                                     EXETER
                         Who?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        23.


                                     AMY
                         Lesbians. I just hate the Doc Marten 
                         wearing, short-haired fucktards. I 
                         just love to walk into a Gay-bar, 
                         get one drunk then kick the crap out 
                         of her in a back alley.

                                     MYLES
                         You hate lesbians? You damned 
                         spoilsport.

                                     EXETER
                         Each to his own.

                                     MELISSA
                         I'm a D.J for Dance FM, if any of 
                         y'all have ever heard it.
                              (Lights a cigarette)
                         My rage is down to my father walking 
                         out on me at a young age I guess, my 
                         brother and my mother began an affair 
                         when he was twenty and they ran off 
                         as well, leaving me all alone in the 
                         world. I earned a living as a 
                         prostitute until I had enough to get 
                         a flat, then I met Colvin Dance and 
                         joined his station. Mostly I take my 
                         anger out on my cheating husband and 
                         my cat, Dragonhead.

                                     EXETER
                         Dennis, remind me to call the RSPCA 
                         tomorrow morning.

                                     DENNIS
                         Will do.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         My job is as all about anger...

                                     EXETER
                         What do you do?

                                     SPELLDERRO
                              (Points to a case)
                         Doesn't the violin case tell you? 
                         Cos I can't tell you myself, else 
                         I'd have to arrange a little accident 
                         for everyone here.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Accident? It better not be a car 
                         accident or else I'd kill you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        24.


                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Anyway, I'd like to be a fair man to 
                         all my...well...colleagues. So I've 
                         come here to learn how to be nice. 
                         And, Dr. Exeter, if you don't make 
                         me nice I'll eat your flesh.

                                     EXETER
                         I see.

                                     DENNIS
                         That's everyone isn't it?

                                     EXETER
                         Yes, you all sound like the average 
                         group of nutcases that I'm used to 
                         dealing with so I think we'll get 
                         along just fine. Anyway, now for 
                         some rest before the actual workshop 
                         begins. Dennis, show them to their 
                         rooms.  If anyone would like a shower 
                         the shower is the third room to the 
                         left upstairs and if the water stays 
                         cold then you'll have to sort out 
                         our water mains which is in the 
                         cellar.
                              (Points to the cellar 
                              hatch)
                         And with that, I bid you all a 
                         goodnight.

               Everyone begins to get up - making a lot of noise.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Sounds like the usual freak you'd 
                         expect to get in here.

                                     AMY
                         Yeah.

                                     MELISSA
                         Well I'm gonna have a shower.
                              (Eyes up Myles)
                         If any of you would like to join me 
                         you're quite welcome.

                                     MYLES
                         Erm...maybe.

                                     AMY
                         Don't flatter yourself bitch, you're 
                         as ugly as they come.

                                     MELISSA
                         Says who?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        25.


                                     AMY
                         Me.

                                     MELISSA
                         You! You have the ass the size of a 
                         bloated lemon!

                                     AMY
                              (Taken aback)
                         Do I...

                                     COLT
                         No, now hurry up and get to bed before 
                         I shoot you both.

                                     FORBES
                         Gosh...d'you get some kind of sexual 
                         pleasure out of shooting people or 
                         something?

                                     COLT
                         No...

                                     MELISSA
                         Do me a favour and shoot that fat 
                         bitch.

               Everyone begins to depart, leaving Exeter on his own. He 
               takes out a vibrator from his pocket, a clicks it on. In 
               response to the BUZZ the Sex Machine appears in front of 
               him, he smiles and clicks it off.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                              (Heavily robotic voice)
                         Good evening, Master, how may I serve 
                         you?

                                     EXETER
                         Ah, Sex Machine, the angry ones are 
                         in the house now. So I think it's 
                         time to work your magic, so to say.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         I see. I must brighten their lives 
                         up with my super-orgasmic powers?
                              (Points to robotic 
                              penis)

                                     EXETER
                         Yes.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         I detect one who is not angry, what 
                         should be done to him?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        26.


                                     EXETER
                         Ah, my assistant Dennis. Well he 
                         does tend to be grumpy at times so 
                         lighten him up. Just a little.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         I will start now master.

                                     EXETER
                         Okay. Well I'm going to bed.

               Exeter leaves. The Sex Machine turns and looks towards the 
               cellar hatch, he smiles and hobbles towards it, unbolting it 
               and entering into the darkness.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHOWER -- LATER

               Melissa, now joyfully naked, is inside the shower. Bathing 
               herself with the pure, fresh water.  She is rubbing herself 
               with soap and singing "My neck, my back" with a fairly good 
               voice - although it is croaky from the amount of cigarettes 
               she smokes.

                                     MELISSA
                              (Singing)
                         My neck, my back, lick my pussy and 
                         my crack...

               ANGLE ON

               The showerhead, as it sprays out clean water.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CELLAR -- SAME TIME

               We're back in the shower as the Machine enters. He walks 
               towards the water generator.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

               He presses a button and WHITE LIQUID bursts out of the end 
               of his penis. He opens the door to the generator and sticks 
               his sex organ inside.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHOWER -- CONTINUOUS

               As Melissa screams in ecstasy for no apparent reason, suddenly 
               ROBOT SPUNK begins flooding out of the showerhead, she looks 
               up and SCREAMS HORRIBLY as she is submerged in the horrible 
               stuff, she struggles out, now completely covered in it, she 
               looks up. Tries to press the off button, but her hand slips

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        27.


               off. She moves and struggles to open the door, but it is 
               unlocked.

                                     MELISSA
                         No...

               Melissa moves to unbolt it, but she is DROWNED in SPUNK.

                                     MELISSA (CONT'D)
                         AAAAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEE!

               Her scream carries into the next scene as we:

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MYLES'S ROOM -- NIGHT

               Myles struggles awake as Mel's scream ends. He looks around 
               for the source of the sound, thinking he's dreaming. There's 
               another quiet scream and he realizes he isn't.

                                     MYLES
                         Huh?

               Myles staggers out of bed and heads to the door.

               INT. CORRIDOR -- CONTINUOUS

               Myles hurries down it to the shower room door, where he hears 
               Melissa's final SCREAM.

                                     MYLES
                         MELISSA? MEL?

               No answer. Myles tries the door, but it is locked. Travis 
               comes out of his room, which is directly opposite, Amy comes 
               from her room as well.

                                     AMY
                         What the heck's going on out here?

               Everyone else slowly begins to come out.

                                     COLT
                         What's all the wailing about?

                                     FORBES
                         Sounded like Mel screaming, any idea 
                         where she is?

                                     MYLES
                         In there! But the door won't open!

                                     EXETER
                         Must be locked from the inside.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        28.


                                     COLT
                         I think we'd better do it my way...

               Colt SPINS his .44 from its holster and fires two rounds 
               into the centre of the door.

                                     AMY
                         What good is that gonna do?

                                     COLT
                         Just watch.

               Colt steps back and with one MIGHTY BOOT kicks a whole 
               straight through the door that's big enough to fit any big 
               man (which is what he is) inside.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Hmmm...if only you were on my side.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Fucking hell...look!

               A sudden surge of SPUNK splashes through the hole in the 
               door, submerging Colt and toppling the big man off of balance.  
               A small flow of spunk glows out, in it is MELISSA'S DEAD 
               BODY.

               ANGLE ON

               Exeter; as his eyebrows rise in HORROR. His own creation did 
               this! The same creation that was created only for a good use 
               has just killed an innocent girl.

               BACK TO SCENE

               Forbes bends over and checks Melissa's pulse.

                                     FORBES
                              (As if it is surprising)
                         She's dead!

                                     COLT
                         Well done, Captain Obvious.

                                     MYLES
                         Shit! I think we'd better call for 
                         ba...

                                     DENNIS
                              (Cutting him off)

                         This means we have a killer in our 
                         midst doesn't it? One of us musta 
                         got in here and drowned Melissa in 
                         whatever this stuff is. Right?

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Well, Myles, you were the first here!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        29.


                                     MYLES
                         Me!

                                     EXETER
                         I believe he did say Myles.

                                     AMY
                         Oh and also that little slut asked 
                         you to come up there with here, didn't 
                         she?

                                     TRAVIS
                         She has a point, Myles; I heard her 
                         eye up as she asked if anyone wanted 
                         to join her....

               Everyone turns to Myles.

                                     MYLES
                         You're joking right! I...I wouldn't 
                         ever do any FUCKING THING LIKE THIS! 
                         IT WAS PROBABLY AMY, THEY WERE ARGUING 
                         PRETTY BADLY WEREN'T THEY?

                                     AMY
                         Erm...reality check, I'm five foot 
                         three and eight stone. I couldn't 
                         drown someone in white stuff...hey 
                         whatever is this stuff?

                                     EXETER
                              (Worryingly)
                         Looks like...well...a certain natural 
                         liquid...

                                     DENNIS
                         Spunk?

                                     EXETER
                         Yes, Dennis, Spunk.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Shit, let's fucking kill the bastard.

               A pause. Myles squirms.

                                     SPELLDERRO (CONT'D)
                         C'mon then! Kill him!

                                     COLT
                         I think it would be better if we 
                         arrested him, but shooting him 
                         would...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        30.


                                     EXETER
                         You people are incredibly stupid 
                         aren't you? Listen to you!  Myles 
                         somehow got in through the locked 
                         door, didn't want sex with a gorgeous 
                         girl who obviously fancied him and 
                         then drowned her in a spunky-milky 
                         thing, before going out through the 
                         locked door, without a drop of it on 
                         him and without letting a drop out, 
                         then called us instead of letting us 
                         find her?

                                     AMY
                         He has a point.

                                     FORBES
                         Shit! I'm not staying here with a 
                         killer! I say we get our stuff and 
                         drive directly to the station. 
                         Obviously the killer will have cut 
                         the phone lines by now...

                                     COLT
                         Okay! Okay! I'm the law around here.
                              (Pause)
                         And I go with Forbes, everyone get 
                         their stuff together and get going.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MYLES'S ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Myles, cursing and muttering, is packing his things slowly 
               into his case when there's a knock at his door.

                                     MYLES
                         Come in.

               He doesn't turn around and the SEX MACHINE waltzes in. Myles 
               turns and his eyes almost spin back into their sockets when 
               he sees him.

                                     MYLES (CONT'D)
                         Who the hell are you?

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Stan Mcnitt. Thirty-five years old. 
                         Unmarried. Virgin. Postal worker. 
                         You have been targeted for 
                         spermination. Suck cocks and die.

               The Sex Machine's penis shoots out, and clamps around Myles's 
               groin. Myles raises an eyebrow.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        31.


                                     MYLES
                         Excuse me...would it be possible for 
                         you to get your dick away from me?

               The Sex Machine shakes his head, "no", then clicks a button 
               on his wrist. Myles is now hit by incredible pleasure.

                                     MYLES (CONT'D)
                         Oh...hell...helll....heeeeel...that 
                         is fucking 
                         good...oooooh....ooooooooooooh......
                         ..oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
                         oooooooooooooooh!

               Myles suddenly EXPLODES, bits flying everywhere. The Machine's 
               penis retracts.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         You have been orgasmed to death.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER

               Exeter, Dennis, Travis, Amy, Colt, Spellderro and Forbes are 
               assembled by the door waiting for Myles.

                                     AMY
                         Where the hell is he?

                                     EXETER
                         It's been too long.
                              (Pause)
                         He woulda been here by now?

                                     FORBES
                         Should we go up and have a look?

                                     COLT
                         Don't be dumb, let's wait outside 
                         for him. If there's something up 
                         there that's got him it maybe waiting 
                         for us.

                                     AMY
                         Good point.

               Colt tries the door, it's locked.

                                     EXETER
                         Here's the key.

               Colt tries the lock but the door is still locked.

                                     AMY
                         Looks like you'll have to use your 
                         special method.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        32.


                                     COLT
                         Yeah.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Quick! I can hear footsteps on the 
                         stairs!

               He's right! Sure enough there are low, deliberate footsteps 
               on the stairs.

                                     FORBES
                         Come on!

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Yeah.

               Colt BLASTS two rounds into the door and gives it a good, 
               solid kick - but it won't open.

                                     COLT
                         I don't know what's wrong with it! 
                         It's fucked up!

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Oh, get outa the way you fuckin' 
                         pansy.

               They move and Spellderro smashes his violin case to reveal a 
               CHAINGUN, he fires at least three hundred rounds into the 
               door, but nothing happens. Colt GIVES it another KICK, only 
               ends up stubbing his toe!

                                                               QUICKCUT TO:

               EXT. HOUSE HUXLEY -- CONTINUOUS

               To reveal that a huge, metal model of a thong is covering 
               the building.

                                                               QUICKCUT TO:

               INT. HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS

               Spellderro is annoyed.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Well, fuck this.

               There's a heavy footstep from behind, they spin to see the 
               Sex Machine. Spellderro's hand goes for the trigger.

                                     DENNIS
                         Shoot it!

               The Sex Machine SMASHES Spellderro across the hallway with a 
               smooth PUNCH to the ribs, and then seizes Dennis' groin with 
               one hand while pressing a button on a hip control panel. He

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        33.


               takes his hand away and the bulge in Dennis' pants begins to 
               grow and grow and grow.

                                     EXETER
                         Sweet fuck.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Master!

                                     COLT
                         Master! Master? You built this fucking 
                         thing?

                                     EXETER
                         Well...

               Colt draws his Magnum .44 and in a quick, smooth motion SHOOTS 
               Exeter in the head. Exeter falls onto his back, stone dead.

                                     AMY
                         Look out!

               Dennis' penis has now grown to at least six foot.

                                     DENNIS
                         AAAGH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!

               The Sex Machine grabs an axe which was leaning up against 
               the wall and CHOPS it off.

                                     DENNIS (CONT'D)
                         Ugh...

                                     TRAVIS
                         Oh, fuck this.

               Travis runs off to the left.

               The Machine drops the axe to the ground, and picks up Dennis' 
               amputated penis as a weapon.

                                     AMY
                              (Screams something 
                              inaudible)
                         Everyone begins rushing in different 
                         direction, Amy ducks into a doorway 
                         and Spellderro shakes himself awake.

                                     FORBES
                         Shoot him, Colt, shoot him!

               Colt steps forward and holds the gun in a double-handed grip, 
               he lets off two shots. Both slams into the Machine's upper-
               chest, then his gun clicks empty.

               He ducks back behind a wardrobe to load, but the creature 
               comes flying at him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        34.


                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Hasta La Vista, bebe.

               Spellderro now has the chaingun in his hands and lets out a 
               TERRIFYINGLY rapid volley of shots, taking the android off 
               his feet and into the air.

                                     SPELLDERRO (CONT'D)
                         Yeah. I still got it.

               He steps over Exeter's corpse, then Dennis' corpse and reaches 
               the recovering Sex Machine, who leaps up and grabs his dick 
               weapon with an angry glare.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         You shouldn't have done that!

                                     FORBES
                         Get away from him, man! He's mad!

               Forbes pulls Amy out of her hiding place.

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         G'on! Get upstairs and hide somewhere! 
                         I'll deal with him!

               Colt pops out of hiding and fires TWICE at the Robot, it 
               turns from Spellderro and CRACKS Colt across the HEAD with 
               Dennis' cock, Colt's eyes roll up and he falls over -- dead.

                                     AMY
                         COLT!!!!

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Go!

                                     AMY
                         No! I won't go without you!

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Go!

                                     AMY
                         NOOOO! You have to come with us, we 
                         won't survive alone...

                                     FORBES
                         Shut up and go!

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Oh, fine, if you won't go.

               He opens a compartment in his chest and takes out a metal 
               fetus; he throws it at Amy's feet.

                                     AMY
                         What's that supposed to do?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        35.


                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Wait a second...

               BOOMF! The fetus EXPLODES into a million pieces, thousands 
               of penis-shaped spikes fly out. Forbes and Spellderro hit 
               the ground -- but the late, Amy Carbett doesn't, she falls 
               on top of Dennis' body.

                                     FORBES
                         AMY!!!!

                                     SPELLDERRO
                         Go!

               Forbes CRASHES out of the room, screaming wildly. Spellderro 
               turns and SHOOTS at Sex Machine, Sex Machine takes a couple 
               of bullets and falls onto his back, he performs a sort of 
               backward roll and lands on his head, Spellderro grabs a hat 
               rack and SMASHES it over the Machine's body.

                                     SPELLDERRO (CONT'D)
                         So that's what they make those useless 
                         things for.

               Sex Machine gets up and attacks the Gangster, who looks around 
               for a weapon, a ROCKET LAUNCHER suddenly falls into his hands.

                                     SPELLDERRO (CONT'D)
                         Hey! Where'd that come from?

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         It's a horror movie - anything can 
                         happen.

               Spellderro pulls the trigger, a little flag saying "BANG" 
               comes out. The Sex Machine has hold of his chaingun and breaks 
               it like a twig.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                              (Pouncing on him and 
                              knocking both guns 
                              from his hands)
                         Anything can happen...

                                                                   FADE TO:

               INT. BATHROOM -- LATER

               We get the feeling that a lot of time has passed. Travis and 
               Forbes are inside, meagerly armed with an axe and a frozen 
               chicken leg.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Think Spellderro survived?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        36.


                                     FORBES
                         Well from the way he screamed I'd 
                         doubt it.

                                     TRAVIS
                         So we're all alone now?

                                     FORBES
                         Yep. Unless Myles is still alive.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Well, there is a chance. Maybe he 
                         saw more than he let onto and went 
                         into hiding...

                                     FORBES
                         Yeah. We didn't hear a scream or 
                         anything.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Shall we go out and check?

                                     FORBES
                         Yeah, maybe the robot's sorta got 
                         overheated or something.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Well, he would've been here by now. 
                         The door wouldn't be hard for him to 
                         smash down.

               Travis unlocks the door.

                                     FORBES
                         After three.

                                     FORBES/TRAVIS
                         1...2...3...GO!

               They kick the door open and step into:

               INT. CORRIDOR -- CONTINUOUS

               Nothing suspicious, apart from Melissa's body and a slowly 
               evaporating puddle of thick, white sperm.

                                     TRAVIS
                         All's quiet on the Western front.

               Colt, hurt but nowhere near dead yet, steps into view. His 
               Magnum .44 clutched in a white-knuckle grip.

                                     COLT
                         Travis!
                              (Sees Forbes)
                         Forbes!
                                     (MORE)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        37.


                                     COLT (CONT'D)
                              (Pause)
                         Hell, I thought I was the only one 
                         alive around here.

                                     TRAVIS
                         Colt, man, am I glad to see a guy 
                         with a gun.

                                     FORBES
                         Guess that dick wasn't as stiff as 
                         it looked. Hey?

                                     COLT
                         No.

               A low rumble. Everyone tensens.

                                     TRAVIS
                         IT'S HEAR!

               THE SEX MACHINE SMASHES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE WALL, DENNIS' 
               PENIS IN HAND. IT GRIMACES MENACINGLY. TRAVIS AND FORBES 
               SCREAM AND RUSH OFF TO THE RIGHT. THE SEX MACHINE CHARGES 
               AFTER THEM, COLT CHASES AFTER THE MECHANICAL MONSTER AND WE 
               ARE LEFT WITH AN EMPTY FRAME.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. STUDY -- MOMENTS LATER

               Forbes, with chicken leg in hand, hides behind a huge potted 
               plant in Exeter's study, as he crouches there he notices a 
               small, A5 piece of paper containing a drawing of the Sex 
               Machine.

                                     FORBES
                              (Low)
                         Shit...

               Suddenly there's a heavy footstep, we move in TIGHT ON Clive 
               Forbes as he quivers against the plant, chicken leg in hand -- 
               finally when he deciphers that the intruder is in the doorway, 
               he sums up the courage and LEAPS UP, RUSHING STRAIGHT FORWARDS 
               AT HIS ATTACKER AND WHACKING HIM ACROSS THE CHEEK WITH THE 
               CHICKEN LEG.

               It is only after the figure CRASHES to the ground, unconscious 
               or dead, that he realizes it is Travis.

                                     TRAVIS
                         A...at...least...yo...you we...weren't 
                         a w...oman...

                                     FORBES
                         SHIT! TRAVIS!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        38.


               He bends down and checks Travis' pulse.

                                     FORBES (CONT'D)
                         Faint...

               A DARK SHADOW falls over Forbes, he looks up to see THE SEX 
               MACHINE TOWERING ABOVE HIM. He screams.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         Twat!

               The Sex Machine swings and SMACKS HIM WITH Dennis' penis, 
               Forbes crashes to ground. As he does a whole bookcase full 
               of porn videos falls on top of him. Flattening him like a 
               pancake.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         They always said porn could kill.

               The Sex Machine is becoming more human by the minute!

                                                                   FADE TO:

               INT. TROPHY ROOM -- SAMETIME

               Colt, now the only human left alive (or is Travis still 
               faintly alive?) is now inside a trophy room, full of various 
               scientific things and trophies. He knows from the screams 
               that they have at least got one of the others. There's a 
               footfall from outside, he ducks behind a bookcase as the SEX 
               MACHINE walks past.

               He is about to go out and confront him, when he notices a 
               STUBBY HARDBALLER SHOTGUN lying on a pedestal in the corner, 
               next to it is two boxes of shells. Colt knows that he has 
               hit the jackpot.

               He seizes it, opens the catch and inserts seven shells.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (O.S.)
                         Oh, Chief! Chief! Where are you, 
                         Chief? I want to shag you!

               He slams open the catch, pumps the shotgun and slides his 
               .44 back into its holster.

               INT. LANDING -- CONTINUOUS

               Colt steps out into the first floor landing and looks up to 
               see THE SEX MACHINE at the top, it spins when it sees him.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE
                         There you are!

               It turns fully and descends the steps, one after the other - 
               always deathly slow.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        39.


               It takes the first step.

               Colt raises the shotgun.

               It takes the second step.

               Colt FIRES.

               The Android takes the bullet firmly in the stomach, and a 
               load of smoke begins to rise. It looks dumbfounded. Begins 
               to descend quicker.

               Colt, knows he's going to die now, but he won't give up just 
               yet. He pumps the shotgun again and the used shell flies 
               out, he brings it up - still with the same deadly-firm grip 
               and FIRES.

               He HITS the ROBOT in the same spot, this time it begins to 
               slow. He pumps, but the robot isn't done yet.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         Don't you ever learn, policeman?

               Colt steps into place. Fires his next round, it hits the 
               Machine where its ear would be (if it was human). It begins 
               to quicker now, KNIFING towards him. Colt's hands start to 
               get sweaty now, they fumble slightly.  He fires again, this 
               time it misses and the shot ricochets off the penultimate 
               step and smashes into the shotgun - taking it clean out of 
               Colt's hands.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         I win!

               The Sex Machine climbs onto the landing, hurries towards 
               him. The Chief's hand moves for his .44, but the Machine is 
               quicker and rips the shoulder holster off and discards it.  
               He takes Colt by the neck, lifts him six foot off the ground 
               and laughs in his face.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         Need more sex.

               His penis clamps around Colt's groin, tightens. Colt screams 
               in ecstasy.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         MWHAAA HA HA HA HA HA! YOU DIDN'T 
                         REALLY THINK YOU'D SURVIVE DID YOU?

               But Colt's hand whips into his inside pocket and he takes 
               out a video. The Sex Machine's robotic eyes widen - TERRIFIED - 
               HORRIFIED - MORTIFIED.

                                     THE SEX MACHINE (CONT'D)
                         IT...IT...IT...CAN'T BE...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        40.


                                     COLT
                         But it is.

               A fleshy-coloured ray rips into the Sex Machine, MELTING it 
               slowly. It screams but its robotic voice grows lower and 
               lower until it melts to a crisp.

               ANGLE ON

               The video, which is A GERMAN PORN VIDEO.

                                     COLT (CONT'D)
                         Must have been too hardcore for it.

                                                                  FADE OUT:

               EXT. CAVE -- UNKNOWN

               The Reaper is laughing again. Although this time his hand is 
               by his groin and he appears to be tossing off, when he sees 
               us he stops.

                                     THE REAPER
                         German Porn. Always makes me horny. 
                         Of course all German porn directors 
                         go to hell. Then again, they like it 
                         steamy I guess.
                              (Laughs)
                         Damn, I'm such a knockout. Anyway, 
                         here's another violent, sleazy and 
                         gory masterpiece: "The Molly Dolly".

               THE MOLLY DOLLY

               FADE IN:

               EXT. DESERTED ROAD - NIGHT

               A rather large green street sign says Speed Limit 50 MPH, A 
               black Mustang flies down the street at high speeds of 100mph

               INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT

               Driving the Mustang is HOOKIE, a 22 year old rich man with 
               striking good looks, short blonde locks and clothes hand 
               made just for him.

               In the backseat is DONALD, Hookie's older brother who is 
               slow and ugly, beside him is CANDICE, Donald's overweight 
               girlfriend who is also pretty slow.

                                     DONALD
                         We meet new people today, right 
                         Hookie?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        41.


                                     HOOKIE
                              (Mocking)
                         "We meet new people today, right 
                         Hookie" Shut up you fucking retarded 
                         cunt, I don't bother you while you 
                         drive... oh, that's right you can't 
                         drive because you're too stupid
                              (Beat)
                         I'm sorry babe, I can't concentrate 
                         on three things so you'll have to 
                         stop

               A head comes up from Hookie's lap, this is JENNY, Hookie's 
               girlfriend who is a beautiful brunette dressed in skanky, 
               but elegant clothing

                                     JENNY
                         Donald, you fucking jerk, you ruin 
                         everything!

               Donald puts his head down and Candice comforts him

                                     JENNY (CONT'D)
                         Are we almost there? I am so thirsty

                                     HOOKIE
                         No!

               EXT. DESERTED ROAD - NIGHT

               The Mustang slows down and parks on the side of the road

               EXT. MUSTANG - NIGHT

               Hookie quickly gets out of the car, walks to the side of the 
               road and drops his pants.

               INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT

               The three watch Hookie as he takes a piss

                                     CANDICE
                         Why do you let him push you around

                                     DONALD
                         I don't, he's just angry sometimes 
                         and I don't want to make it worse

                                     CANDICE
                         He is always that way with you though.

               Donald sees that Jenny is listening and quickly goes back to 
               looking down and fidgeting with his seatbelt.

                                     JENNY
                         I hear you back there Hookie gets 
                         back in the car

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        42.


                                     HOOKIE
                         I feel better, let's go

               Hookie puts the car in gear and pulls out but stops really 
               quickly when he sees a guy in front of the car

                                     HOOKIE (CONT'D)
                         Jesus Christ, you almost hit my car, 
                         you fuck

               EXT. ROAD - A FEW MINUTES EARLIER

               A red pickup truck putts to a stop on the side of the road

               INT. PICKUP TRUCK - NIGHT

               Sitting in the front seat is MR. CUTTER, a 46 year old man 
               dressed in a business suit with striking good looks

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Come on baby, don't fail me now.

               He pats the dashboard and kisses the steering wheel, he than 
               tries to start it again with no luck

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         You've been cheating on me, haven't 
                         you?

               Cutter smells the air.

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         You have been, slut... Whore... I 
                         thought we had something special 
                         going here.

               He pushes the door open, grabs his briefcase and exits the 
               truck

               EXT. PICKUP TRUCK - NIGHT

               Cutter gets out and slams the door shut; he kicks the car 
               and starts to walk away

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         I can't believe you cheated on me 
                         with another; it's a sad, sad day

               EXT. CAR - NIGHT

               Cutter carries his briefcase still. Hookie rushes toward him 
               and punches him in the jaw knocking the business man to the 
               ground

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        43.


                                     HOOKIE
                         You are so lucky my bitch is watching 
                         or you'd be dead you fucking dirt 
                         merchant!

               Cutter tries to get up and is helped up by Hookie

                                     HOOKIE (CONT'D)
                         You alright? I'm sorry I just...

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         It's okay, I'm Dave Cutter

                                     HOOKIE
                         Well Mr. Cutter would you like a 
                         ride?

               They shake hands and at that moment it starts to rain and 
               lightning crashes, the two rush to the car and get in

               EXT. ABANDONED ROAD - NIGHT

               The Mustang speeds off and cuts through the rain as it picks 
               up

               INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT

               The rain pounding the hood makes it very hard to see, Mr. 
               Cutter is crammed in beside Donald

                                     HOOKIE
                         We might need to stop for the night 
                         because I cannot see a thing

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         I think there is a small motel 
                         somewhere up ahead

                                     HOOKIE
                         Perfect

                                     JENNY
                         But what about my uncle's birthday 
                         dinner?

                                     HOOKIE
                         I guess it'll have to wait till 
                         mornin'. He'll understand if we 
                         couldn't make it tonight

                                     MR. CUTTER
                              (Looks at Donald)
                         Hi 

                                     DONALD
                         Who are you?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        44.


                                     MR. CUTTER
                         A hitchhiker

                                     DONALD
                         Don't you people kill?

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Not anymore, now there are laws in 
                         place

                                     DONALD
                              (Points to the 
                              briefcase)
                         What's in there? 

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         That's where I keep my tools

               Mr. Cutter smiles at Donald who looks terrified hugging his 
               girlfriend who is half asleep and drooling

                                     HOOKIE
                         Don't worry about him, he's retarded

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Oh, I thought he was joking around

                                     HOOKIE
                         Nope, he's a stupid fucking retard. 
                         My mother aborted him but he just 
                         wouldn't die, you know?

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Okay, you don't need to make fun of 
                         him

                                     HOOKIE
                         He's my brother

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Exactly, so please don't do it around 
                         me at least

                                     HOOKIE
                         It's my fucking car, if you don't 
                         like it than you can get...

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Okay, do whatever you want

                                     HOOKIE
                         Damn right I will

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         So, where you kids from?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        45.


                                     HOOKIE
                         We come from the richest part of the 
                         world

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Mexico?

                                     HOOKIE
                         What? No, California. What about 
                         you?

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Well, I myself come from a big part 
                         of America but recently I moved to a 
                         small town called Guildsmeyer where 
                         the waitresses will suck it in the 
                         back for extra cash

                                     JENNY
                         Eww! That's sick

                                     HOOKIE
                         Really? I may have to visit there 
                         someday

                                     JENNY
                         You're not funny, that actually hurt

               Jenny begins sobbing.  Hookie hugs her and looks back at 
               Cutter with a smile on his face

                                     HOOKIE
                         I was just kiddin' babe

                                     JENNY
                         I'm sorry but I just wanted to see 
                         my uncle again, that's all.

               Jenny sits back in her seat wiping away the tears

                                     HOOKIE
                         I know, and we'll be there tomorrow 
                         bright and early, I promise

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         A-ha, we're here.

               Cutter points out a hotel through the rain

               EXT. LA LOCO HOTEL - NIGHT

               The rain makes it hard to see but the shiny La Loco sign 
               shines through, the hotel is small but looks as if it's new 
               The Mustang pulls into the parking lot and into a spot

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        46.


               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL - NIGHT

               Hookie, Jenny, Donald, Candice and Mr. Cutter all come through 
               the door damp and shake off a little before walking up to 
               the counter Behind the counter everything looks the norm 
               accept a china doll in a glass case on a shelf, a piece of 
               tape draped across the bottom says "Hi, I'm Molly Dolly"

                                     JENNY
                         Look at that dirty... thing

                                     HOOKIE
                         It's almost as ugly as you, Donny.

               Donald nervously laughs as Hookie slaps him on the shoulder

                                     CANDICE
                         That thing is creepy They stare at 
                         it for a few moments

                                     HOOKIE
                         Where is the fucking desk worker?

               Hookie smacks the desk bell a few times

                                     MALE VOICE
                         Stop hitting the bell, I'm watching 
                         football

               Hookie smiles to the others and hits it a few more times

                                     MALE VOICE (CONT'D)
                         What did I say you stupid little 
                         prick? Stop it!

               Hookie does it again this time with a snicker from Jenny, 
               DENZEL FOX; the 40 year old owner of the motel dressed in 
               dirty tight clothes APPEARS he points a shotgun at Hookie

                                     HOOKIE
                              (Nervous)
                         Woah be cool

                                     FOX
                         I FUCKING TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I TO STOP 
                         HITTING MY BELL

               Fox slowly lowers the shotgun and grabs the bell holding it 
               up

                                     FOX (CONT'D)
                         Fucking ring this again and you'll 
                         end up...

               He throws the bell at the far wall and puts the shotgun down, 
               than he gathers his composure and looks at Hookie

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        47.


                                     FOX (CONT'D)
                         Good evening, how may I help you?

                                     HOOKIE
                         We need 2 rooms

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Three

                                     HOOKIE
                         Yeah three.

               Hookie looks up at the doll and it winks at him, he shakes 
               his head

                                     JENNY
                         What is it?

               A large trucker bursts through the front doors; he is 
               DARTMANN, a 36 year old fat man dressed in dirty overalls 
               and with an unshaven face

                                     DARTMANN
                         Ah, fuck me on Tuesday.

               Everyone turns there attention to him

                                     DARTMANN (CONT'D)
                         What the fucks you looking at? Do I 
                         have something on my face?

                                     FOX
                         Not you again, piss off

                                     DARTMANN
                         There is no fucking way my ass is 
                         going back out there, none. So either 
                         you'll get used to me coming by or 
                         fucking quit bitching you raunchy 
                         doll fucker

                                     JENNY
                         I beg your pardon?

                                     DARTMANN
                         Please, don't beg, it's embarrassing

                                     HOOKIE
                         It's a figure of speech used by normal 
                         people

                                     DARTMANN
                         So, youse saying I ain't normal, is 
                         you? Fuck, I have your normal right 
                         here.

                

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        48.


               He grabs his crotch, than smells his fingers

                                     DARTMANN (CONT'D)
                         But I do need a bath, I'll take a 
                         room, my usual room

               Jenny mocks throwing up and than they all turn away

               INT. HONEYMOON SWEET - NIGHT

               Hookie and Jenny walk in and throws there bags on the floor, 
               the room itself is dumpy with a large red heart shaped bed, 
               red drapes and a red carpet finish up the red scheme Hookie 
               jumps on the bed and rears his butt in the air

                                     HOOKIE
                         You want to?

                                     JENNY
                         Now? Isn't it a little early?

                                     HOOKIE
                         Who cares?

               Lock the door Jenny goes through her bag and pulls out 
               handcuffs.

               Hookie smiles at her and starts to undress

               INT. ROOM - NIGHT

               Dolls cover all the dressers and appliances, Donald and 
               Candice sit on there bed looking around at the walls

                                     CANDICE
                         You tired?

                                     DONALD
                         Not really, I want to watch the news, 
                         the nice man always tells me what 
                         happens tomorrow and I want to hear 
                         it

                                     CANDICE
                         Okay, come to bed when you're done

               Donald gets up and leaves the room, Candice walks into the 
               bathroom

               INT. ROOM 2 - NIGHT

               Mr. Cutter is already asleep, his briefcase neatly placed 
               beside the bed with his clothes and shoes

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        49.


               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

               A television plays in the back room and the counter area is 
               abandoned

               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT

               Denzel Fox sits in a rocking chair across from a dozen or so 
               different looking china dolls, he pats the one in his arms 
               on the head and smiles a grin revealing some dirty teeth

                                     FOX
                         Don't worry babies, Daddy won't let 
                         mommy get you Fox continues stroking 
                         the dolls ratted hair when a loud 
                         crash is heard from the lobby, he 
                         jumps up and runs

               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

               The glass case containing The Molly Dolly is on the ground 
               in pieces, Fox runs in and sees this

                                     FOX
                         No, you can't have them, you can't

               MOLLY DOLLY POV - LOOKING DOWN FROM A HANGING LIGHT, FOX 
               LOOKS UP DIRECTLY AT THE LIGHT

                                     FOX (CONT'D)
                         A-ha I found you, what's that in 
                         your hand?

               The Molly Dolly pulls out a knife and giggles like a little 
               girl

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Lookie what I found

                                     FOX
                         Molly, now you put that away

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         I see you with all those little 
                         whores, you fucked with me for the 
                         last time!

               Molly Dolly flies from the light and lands on Fox slicing 
               his face up and taking a ear clean off, his blood now on the 
               doll and going everywhere

                                     FOX
                         Stop! Now, fuck.

               He finally knocks the doll off and it's gone, he touches the 
               back of his head.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        50.


                                     FOX (CONT'D)
                         This sucks!

               Fox falls down to the ground face first with a thud, Molly 
               Dolly walks in front of him and waves

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Knock, knock

                                     FOX
                              (Low whispered voice)
                         Who's there?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Mr. Knife

                                     FOX
                              (Low whispered voice)
                         Mr. Knife who?

               Molly Dolly raises a knife into the air

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Mr. Knife you in the back!

               The doll begins violently stabbing Fox about the back of the 
               head and neck.

               INT. HONEYMOON SWEET - NIGHT

               Hookie is tied to the bed lying on his stomach with his ass 
               in the air; Jenny dressed as a dominatrix in leather with a 
               mask carries a whip

                                     HOOKIE
                         Oh, yes baby, give it to me, I've 
                         been really bad

                                     JENNY
                         I know, you have been really bad

                                     HOOKIE
                         Yes, I even pissed on the seat and 
                         left it there for you to sit on.

               Jenny softly hits him on the ass

                                     JENNY
                         Yes, so that was you.

               She hits him and little harder and few times, his skin turns 
               red and he screams in pleasure.

                                     HOOKIE
                         I looked at your mother, I love to 
                         ride the old bitches!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        51.


               Hookie laughs evilly, Jenny hits him really hard causing the 
               red to escalate to a blue - black color

                                     JENNY
                         How do you like it?

                                     HOOKIE
                         More please

                                     JENNY
                         What do you say?

                                     HOOKIE
                         Please my dominatrix, ravish my bum 
                         bum

               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT

               Donald is now in the chair watching a porno tape; he moans 
               and groans as he touches himself with one of the dolls Molly 
               Dolly is on top of the television staring at Donald

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         You like that don't you?

               Donald startled stops and looks around thinking he's caught

                                     DONALD
                         I'm sorry... Hookie? Are you there?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Do I sound like a man?

                                     DONALD
                         No. Then who are you?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         I'm The Molly Dolly, the owner of 
                         this motel... the sole owner.

               The Dolly giggles in a girly playful voice, Donald continues 
               to look around

                                     DONALD
                         Whe...Where are you?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         In front of you!

               Donald looks directly at the doll not realizing that whose 
               talking

                                     DONALD
                         I don't see you.

                

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        52.


               The Molly Dolly stands up and jumps into his lap, Donald is 
               frozen in fear

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         I don't scare you? Can you do 
                         something for me, Donald?

                                     DONALD
                              (In a trance)
                         Ok.

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Kill the dolls, all of them. They 
                         torment me and they stole my husband.

               Molly Dolly pulls herself up Donald's shirt and sits on his 
               shoulder, the doll whispers in his ear and Donald's frozen 
               expression turns to that of a smile

               INT. ROOM - NIGHT

               Candice sits up in a cold sweat and sees Donald ripping apart 
               the dolls that are around the room.

                                     CANDICE
                         Donald, what are you doing?

               Donald continues. 

                                     DONALD
                         Must get rid of them all

                                     CANDICE
                         What?

               Donald turns and looks her in the face

                                     DONALD
                         The dolls

               Candice grabs him around the shoulders

                                     CANDICE
                         What's wrong, Donald?

                                     DONALD
                         The dolls, they torment her... must 
                         kill them all!

               Candice grabs Donald in a hug

                                     CANDICE
                         It's alright, baby.

                

               Donald begins to cry loudly

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        53.


                                     DONALD
                         Must kill... why are you doing this 
                         to me, stop

               EXT. ROOM - NIGHT

               The Molly Dolly listens through the door, she turns in 
               disappointment

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Pussy.

               INT. HONEYMOON SWEET - NIGHT

               Hookie still tied up is now just laying there still on his 
               stomach, Jenny walks into the room dressed in a French maid's 
               uniform carrying a silver dildo and lubricant

                                     JENNY
                         How bad have you been little doggy?

               Hookie smiles and laughs uncontrollably

                                     HOOKIE
                         Real bad, I drank some toilet water 
                         and than I kissed you.

               Jenny lubricates the silver dildo but stops seeing The Molly 
               Dolly sitting on the end of the bed with a Ken doll in her 
               arms

                                     JENNY
                         What the fuck!

               Hookie tries to look but cannot because of the way he's tied

                                     HOOKIE
                         What, what is it?

                                     JENNY
                         It's that doll from the front!

               Jenny faints; The Molly Dolly is now right beside Hookie's 
               nude butt with the Ken doll still in hand

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         You are very sick, little boy

                                     HOOKIE
                         Jenny?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         She's taking a nap

                                     HOOKIE
                         Who the fuck are you than?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        54.


                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         You called me ugly before, that wasn't 
                         nice

                                     HOOKIE
                         How can you be alive?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         I am a restless spirit... boo!

                                     HOOKIE
                         I have seen Montel; I know how to 
                         get rid of you

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Really?

                                     HOOKIE
                         Yes. Go to god, you're dead

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         No, not right now, I have some things 
                         to do first

                                     HOOKIE
                         Go, bitch. Now!

               Hookie struggles to get free but can't, Molly Dolly rubs the 
               Ken doll on his naked butt sensually

                                     HOOKIE (CONT'D)
                         What the fuck is that?

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Another one of my friends, Ken

                                     HOOKIE
                         What are you going to...

               The Molly Dolly smiles and climbs on his butt, she lifts the 
               Ken doll up into the air and...

               Close Up: Hookie's face now turns to that of pain, he screams 
               and pleads

               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL LOBBY -- MOMENTS LATER

               Dartmann walks in from outside, he looks around and than 
               lights a cigar

                                     DARTMANN
                         That's the shit, Hey Michael J Fox 
                         this is one good cigar.

               He starts walking across the floor slipping in a pile of 
               blood landing right beside a bloody pant leg

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        55.


                                     DARTMANN (CONT'D)
                         What the f...

               He gets to his feet and sees the horrible scene of Fox's 
               death, Dartmann pukes and than sits in a waiting chair trying 
               to collect his thoughts

                                     DARTMANN (CONT'D)
                         Whoa! This is some fucked up shit

               MOLLY DOLLY P.O.V

               Molly Dolly sneaks around the desk corner looking at Dartmann 
               who looks straight back

                                     DARTMANN
                         Hello, little dolly

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Hi.

               The doll giggles and laughs like a little girl, Dartmann 
               puts his hand out as if calling over a cat Molly Dolly lunges 
               forward

               INT. HONEYMOON SWEET - NIGHT

               A blanket is draped over the bed, blood outlines where Hookie 
               is. A bloody Ken doll lies on the floor with its hands 
               extended above its head Jenny pulls herself up to the bed 
               side, she sees Hookie's outline

                                     JENNY
                         You awake? I had this weird dream 
                         and that doll came alive...

               She uncovers Hookie's face and it is distorted from pain, 
               he's dead and she cries out with a loud scream.

               INT. ROOM 2 - NIGHT

               Mr. Cutter jumps out of bed hearing the scream, startled he 
               grabs his briefcase and goes to the door

               INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

               Mr. Cutter merges out of his room, he starts walking down 
               the hall when Jenny bursts out of her room into his arms

                                     JENNY
                         We have to leave here

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Huh? But why?

                                     JENNY
                         Hookie is dead!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        56.


                

               Mr. Cutter grabs her hand and they start down the hall to 
               Donald and Candice's room

               INT. ROOM - NIGHT

               The door opens, Cutter peeks his head inside to see nothing 
               but an empty room with a lot of doll insides all over the 
               place

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Someone hates the dolls

                                     JENNY
                         Let's get out of here!

               EXT. LA LOCO HOTEL - NIGHT

               Mr. Cutter and Jenny burst through the front doors out into 
               parking lot, and to the car The Molly Dolly stands in the 
               doorway behind the doors looking out holding a pair of keys 
               in hand

               INT. CAR - NIGHT

               Mr. Cutter sits in the driver seat and Jenny sits shotgun, 
               Mr. Cutter puts out his hand.

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Keys!

               Jenny shrugs. 

                                     JENNY
                         I thought you had them

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         You have got to be kidding me; this 
                         is how all bad things happen. Two 
                         characters get to safety and one, 
                         usually the stupid one played by you 
                         forgets something very important and 
                         than the one the audience most likes 
                         which is obviously me has to go back 
                         in and die... well fuck that, you do 
                         it!

                                     JENNY
                         I don't think so.

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         Than we will sit here until she comes 
                         and gets us.

               Both cross there arms and stare straight forward, a few 
               moments pass and Cutter drops his arms to his sides

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        57.


                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         Fuck it, I'll go.  If I die at least 
                         I'll know your next, it's very 
                         comforting to know that.

               Cutter gets out and closes the door; Jenny locks them all 
               behind him

               EXT. CAR - NIGHT

               Cutter starts to walks away from the car toward the Hotel 
               entrance, he looks up at the sky

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         This sucks, why are the men always 
                         lead into dangerous situations?  I 
                         mean the women wanted equality so 
                         why can't they do this kinda stuff?  
                         When you answer those questions then 
                         I'll think about risking my life

               Cutter sees the keys sitting on the front counter of the 
               hotel, he smiles and looks up.

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         Thank you.

               INT. LA LOCO HOTEL - NIGHT

               Cutter walks in slowly clinging to the door, he reaches out 
               holding onto the door but cannot grab the keys. He release 
               the door and it closes startling him, at the desk he snatches 
               up the keys

                                     MR. CUTTER
                         That was so easy.

               An Oh Henry chocolate bar hits the floor down a hallway in 
               front of Cutter.

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         Nice try, I hate those things. Got 
                         any Wonderbars?

               A Wonderbar hits the floor beside the Oh Henry

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         Now that's more like it!

               Cutter licks his lips and walks toward the Wonderbar; he 
               looks around before bending down and picking it up in his 
               hands

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        58.


               MOLLY DOLLY POV - LOOKING DOWN FROM ABOVE CUTTER WHO HOLDS 
               THE CHOCOLATE BAR IN HAND

               The Molly Dolly giggles and laughs like a little girl; Cutter 
               pockets the chocolate bar and looks around

                                     MR. CUTTER (CONT'D)
                         Don't try anything, I know kung fu. 
                         WAA!

                                     MOLLY DOLLY
                         Mr. Cutter you are the weakest link, 
                         good-bye!

               The Molly Dolly dives off the light and is caught in mid air 
               by Cutter who holds her high above his head and rips her in 
               half sending ashes all in his face, he grabs at his face and 
               stops CLOSE UP on Cutter's face as he turns into the camera 
               with a smile on his face

                                                                  FADE OUT:

               INT. CAVE - UNKNOWN

               The Reaper is beside himself with laughter.  He holds a Ken 
               doll in his hands along with a VENTRILOQUIST doll of himself.

                                     REAPER VENTRILOQUIST DOLL
                         Ken - Barbies asexual ex and an all 
                         around argument stopper!  Genius 
                         markereting, I tell you.  Sure sells 
                         it to the kiddies.
                              (beat)
                         Ah well I'm sure you demented viewers 
                         don't want hear me carry on about 
                         this little thing?  I thought not.

               He pulls out his scythe and stands up.

                                     THE REAPER
                         I present to you our next tale, one 
                         that's a battle of good and evil, 
                         attached at the waste!  A tale I 
                         call "My Siamese Twin is a Demon!"

               Lighting strikes as he slashes the scythe down. 

               MY SIAMESE TWIN IS A DEMON

               FADE IN:

               INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY

               We open with a CLOSE UP of LEON RENNES, prosecuting attorney. 
               He is a small man with a bad comb over and coke bottle 
               glasses.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        59.


               He is in the midst of a heated cross-examination.

                                     LEON
                         Sir, you have been accused of crimes 
                         of a most heinous fashion. I'm I 
                         correct in saying that you plead not 
                         guilty.

               He pans the audience with his eyes.

                                     LEON (CONT'D)
                         Not guilty ladies and gentlemen, it 
                         is my intention to show this as a 
                         fallacy.  That is to say an untruth, 
                         by which I am saying that you are 
                         lie and that it was indeed you who 
                         is the murder.

               He points to his side.

               The CAMERA pans out to reveal the accused is his Siamese 
               twin: CARTER.

               Carter is identical to Leon except without the glasses and 
               with a moustache.

                                     CARTER
                         What? I didn't kill the man.

               Leon leafs through a folder.

                                     LEON
                         The evidence states otherwise.

               Carter looks annoyed.

                                     CARTER
                         Then the evidence lies.

                                     LEON
                         I was there, I saw you kill him.

               Carter ponders this.

                                     CARTER
                         And you did nothing to stop me?

                                     LEON
                         Well…no I guess I didn't CARTER snaps 
                         his fingers.

                                     CARTER
                         Then that'd make you an accessory, 
                         right?

               Leon places the folder down and looks at Carter.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        60.


                                     LEON
                         No that would make me a witness, a 
                         TESTIFYING witness.

               Carter pauses.

                                     CARTER
                         Oh, I see.

               He drums his finger on the rail and looks around.

               He then whispers into Leon's ear.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         If  I go down, I'm taking you with 
                         me.

                                     LEON
                         What?

                                     CARTER
                         Think about it, if I get life in 
                         jail, you'll be right there beside 
                         me, and if I get the needle… well we 
                         share a liver so you'd be equally 
                         screwed. You can't convict me, because 
                         you'd be convicting yourself.

                                     LEON
                         You sick fuck.

                                     CARTER
                         I may be but I'm still going to be 
                         acquitted.

               Leon takes a breath and looks onto the judge.

                                     LEON
                         Your honour, I can account for his 
                         whereabouts on the night in question. 
                         We were inside setting up for a dinner 
                         party I was to have later that night.

               The Judge sighs.

                                     JUDGE
                         Then I have no choice but to acquit 
                         him.

               He slams the gavel.

                                     JUDGE (CONT'D)
                         Case dismissed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        61.


               There is a slight commotion as the people in the courtroom 
               prepare to leave.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY

               Leon and Carter sit inside drinking coffee.

                                     LEON
                         Carter, you've got to stop killing 
                         people.

                                     CARTER
                         And you've got to stop prosecuting 
                         me.

                                     LEON
                         I'm a prosecuting lawyer, we live in 
                         a small town, I can't help it if I'm 
                         the only one for hire. If there's a 
                         job I'll take it.

                                     CARTER
                         Even if it means getting me convicted?

               Leon mutters to himself.

                                     LEON
                         My Siamese twin is a demon.

                                     CARTER
                         What'd you say?

                                     LEON
                         Nothing. Just drink your coffee and 
                         let's go.

                                     CARTER
                         Sure.

               He takes a sip.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         Darn it's decafe, I fucking hate 
                         decafe.

                                     LEON
                         Well then don't tip them.

               Carter laughs.

                                     CARTER
                         When do I?

                                                                    CUT TO:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        62.


               EXT. RENNES HOUSE - TWILIGHT

               The house is a lone gothic house in the suburbs.

               Leon and Carter walk up the long drive.

                                     LEON
                         We should really think about 
                         remodeling.

                                     CARTER
                         I think it has class.

                                     LEON
                         True, and it's probably more valuable 
                         if the original frameworks left 
                         intact.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

               The two of them sit watching jeopardy.

               Carter answers the questions with incredible accuracy.

                                     LEON
                         You really should consider being a 
                         contestant.

                                     CARTER
                         No, I'd freeze in front of an 
                         audience.

               He answers another question.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         Besides, everyone knows the answers 
                         at home, but when they actually get 
                         there they don't know jack.

                                     LEON
                         You should still consider.

               Carter turns away and answers another question.

                                     CARTER
                         What is… The doorbell rings.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         Can you get that.

                                     ALLY (O.S.)
                         I'm sorry that is incorrect. The 
                         answer was copper.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        63.


               He turns off the TV and they head towards the door.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - ENTRANCE WAY

               Leon opens the door.

               He is greeted by BARBARA, a stepford wife who wears a 
               perpetual grin and holding a plate of lobster.

                                     BARBARA
                         Good golly, I must be early.

               Leon smiles. 

                                     LEON
                         No you're right on time. Here, step 
                         inside.

               Carter turns towards him and then looks at Barabara.

                                     CARTER
                         Could you give us a sec?

               They step off to the side.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         What the hell is this?

                                     LEON
                         I'm having a get together with a few 
                         people from the firm.

                                     CARTER
                         I wasn't notified about this.

                                     LEON
                         Of course you were notified, I've 
                         told you several dozen times.

                                     CARTER
                         I mustn't been paying attention.

                                     LEON
                         How can you not pay attention, I 
                         fucking live next to you.

                                     CARTER
                         It's a gift and a curse.

               Leon sighs and Barbara interrupts.

                                     BARBARA
                         Is there anything wrong?

               Leon and Carter turn towards her.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        64.


                                     LEON
                         Ah, no, we were just discussing 
                         whether we should bake or broil the 
                         turkey.

               Barbara gasps.

                                     BARABARA
                         Well bake of course; you'd be simply 
                         mad to do otherwise.

               She chuckles to herself.

                                     CARTER
                         Yes. I reckon you would be.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - KITCHEN

               Leon and Carter stand in the kitchen surveying a turkey on 
               the counter.

                                     LEON
                         No you can't kill her.

                                     CARTER
                         Come on, she's a Stepford wife, a 
                         fucking June Cleaver.

                                     LEON
                         She's still my secretary.

               Carter picks up a knife.

                                     CARTER
                         And, it would only take a sec, you 
                         know, badda bing badda boom, she's 
                         gone and everyone's happy and nobody's 
                         the wiser.

               Leon takes away the knife.

                                     LEON
                         I won't let you kill anymore.

               Carter picks up an ice mallet.

                                     CARTER
                         Or we could bash her over the head.

                                     LEON
                         No! I simply won't have it in this 
                         house.

                                     CARTER
                         Fine.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        65.


               He places the mallet down.

               Leon goes back to putting spices on the turkey.

               Carter reaches over the stove and picks up a frying pan.

               Leon turns to him.

                                     LEON
                         Come on stop that.

                                     CARTER
                         What?

               They wrestle to grab the pan.

               As they do, BARBARA walks in behind LEON.

                                     LEON
                         I said give it… CARTER lets go.

                                     LEON (CONT'D)
                         Here!

               The pan thuds against her face and leaves a cartoon style 
               impression.

               She falls to the floor.

               Leon looks on the horror.

                                     CARTER
                         Good god man, you killed her!

                                     LEON
                         Me? I was trying to stop you.

                                     CARTER
                         Well the forensics says otherwise.

               Leon glances at the clock.

                                     LEON
                         Oh, they'll be here any minute. What 
                         am I going to do? I can't go to gaol.

               Carter picks up a butcher knife.

                                     CARTER
                         But you can make soup.

                                     LEON
                         Are you saying we cook her? Well I 
                         couldn't .

                                     CARTER
                         Ah, but I could.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        66.


               He brings the knife towards the ground.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - DINING ROOM

               Five people along with LEON and CARTER sit at the table. 
               They are: Ben Carrington, Clifton Humford, Charles Red, Linda 
               Hutch, and Tina Smith

                                     CLIFTON
                         Well I do say this soup is delicious.

                                     CHARLES
                         Just don't slurp your soup, dear.

                                     TINA
                         It's simply to die for.

                                     BEN
                         What'd you put in it?

               Carter smiles.

                                     CARTER
                         We can't say.

                                     BEN
                         I see, and old family secret, eh?

               Leon looks on nervously.

                                     LEON
                         Well it's actually a rather new one.

                                     CHARLES
                         Well it's a damned good soup, a damned 
                         good soup.

               He takes another bite.

               Leon looks over towards Linda who isn't eating.

                                     LEON
                         Don't you want to give it a try?

                                     LINDA
                         I'm not feeling all that well. I 
                         guess I'll stick with TUMS and water.

                                     CARTER
                         Sorry to hear that.

                                     LINDA
                         It's nothing but a slight bother.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        67.


                                     LEON
                         Well, it's still a bother, and I 
                         hope you fell better.

                                     LINDA
                         Thanks.

               Charles puts down his soup.

                                     CHARLES
                         Encore, encore!

               He laughs boastfully.

               Carter stands up.

                                     CARTER
                         If you'll excuse us for a moment, I 
                         have some business I must attend to.

               They leave.

                                     TINA
                         So are you going to promote him.

                                     CHARLES
                         Of course, hell and I give a round 
                         to everyone.

                                     TINA
                         Have you been drinking again?

                                     CHARLES
                         I only drink till I'm merry.

                                     TINA
                         Well you're already a laughing fool.

                                     CHARLES
                         Then bring on the wine.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - BATHROOM

               Leon and Carter look into the mirror.

                                     LEON
                         I still can't believe you did that.

                                     CARTER
                         Well what else were we to do?

                                     LEON
                         Buried the body.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        68.


                                     CARTER
                         Oh, right.

               There is a moment of silence.

                                     LEON
                         Well let's not have anymore murders 
                         in this house.

                                     CARTER
                         Right then.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - DINNING ROOM

               Charles sits up.

                                     CHARLES
                         Well I have to answer the call of 
                         the wild.

               He leaves.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - BATHROOM

               Leon and Carter still stand by the mirror.

                                     CARTER
                         To the party then?

                                     LEON
                         Yes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - BACK HALLWAY

               Charles walks towards a long winding staircase.

               Directly at the top is a door: the bathroom.

               As he does he hums a tune.

               He begins to climb the stairs.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - BATHROOM

               Carter and Leon walk over to open the door.

               They open it.

                                                                    CUT TO:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        69.


               INT. RENNES HOUSE - STAIRWAY

               The door smacks into CHARLES.

                                     LEON
                         Shit.

               Charles tumbles down the stairs.

               With each thud Leon and Carter cringe.

               He lands at the foot of the steps: dead.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - DINNING ROOM

               Linda takes a sip of water and looks towards the door on the 
               right.

                                     LINDA
                         Did you here that?

               Tina turns towards her.

                                     TINA
                         It was probably just Charles, drunk 
                         off his ass as usual.

               They laugh.

                                     CLIFTON
                         Remember his eggnog rendition of the 
                         "Friends" theme.

                                     BEN
                         Or "Oh Christmas Tree" in AA minor.

               He chuckles at his own joke.

                                     CLIFTON
                         Or what about the time that he called 
                         Tina a sexy beast?

               Tina glares at him.

                                     TINA
                         You can't deny truth.

               Linda smiles, and takes a sip of wine, she is drunk.

                                     LINDA
                         I know you're a sexy beast.

               Ben and Clifton turn towards each other and grin.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        70.


                                     BEN/CLIFTON
                         Lesbians, all right!

               They high five each other.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - BACK HALLWAY

               Leon and Carter stand at the foot of the steps.

               They look over Charles body.

                                     CARTER
                         This was an accident remember? We'll 
                         stuff him in a closet and nobody 
                         will be the wiser.

                                     LEON
                         You must have a lot of skeletons in 
                         your closet.

                                     CARTER
                         I guess I do.

               They pick up the body and drag it down the hall.

               The open a CELLAR DOOR and toss the body down.

                                     LEON
                         So shall we go back to entertaining 
                         our guests?

                                     CARTER
                         Let's.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - DINNING ROOM

               Leon and Carter arrive back at the DINNING ROOM.

               The guests are all drunk, except LINDA, who seems have sobered 
               up a bit.

                                     LEON
                         This really feels like work.

               Ben begins to laugh then choke.

               He coughs up a diamond ring.  He looks at it the tosses it 
               aside.

                                     CLIFTON
                         So where's Charles?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        71.


                                     CARTER
                         Charles?
                              (beat)
                         Oh, we ran into him on our way 
                         downstairs.

               He said he had to get going.

                                     TINA
                         Really, he seemed pretty slammed.

                                     LEON
                         Don't worry we called a cab for him.

                                     LINDA
                         That's good.

               Ben places his glass down and looks at Tina and Linda.

                                     BEN
                         So are you two going to kiss or what?

               Linda laughs and Tina looks at him flirtatiously.

                                     BEN (CONT'D)
                         Awesome.

                                     LINDA
                         Men.

                                     BEN
                         That's why you're with a chick.

               He gives a thumbs up.

                                     CLIFTON
                         Anyhow, are you going to give a tour 
                         of your house?

                                     TINA
                         Yeah, it looked beautiful on the 
                         outside.

               Leon and Carter look at each other.

               Leon hesitates.

                                     CARTER
                         Why not?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - ENTRANCE WAY

               The four remaining guests stand by the doorway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        72.


               Behind Leon and Carter is a large picture of an aristocratic 
               man sitting atop a large doorframe.

               Above that is a hallway and right below, that is a chandelier.

               Carter eats a banana.

                                     LEON
                         This portrait is by a man by the 
                         name of Campbell…

                                     CARTER
                         It is of our great grandfather 
                         Reginald Rennes.

               Ben glances at the picture of Reginald which looks like 
               Carter.

                                     BEN
                         Hey Leon, this guy looks like you, 
                         except with a moustache.

               The others agree.

                                     LEON
                         Very well then; moving on… He walks 
                         through the door.

               The others follow.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

               A large and grandeur room, at one end is a fireplace, at the 
               other a large bookshelf that encompasses half the room.

                                     CARTER
                         Built in 1893 this room was the sole 
                         embodiment of what was the Rennes 
                         legacy.

               He points to the chairs.

                                     LEON
                         These chairs are mahogany and ivory 
                         draped in the finest Italian leather.

                                     CARTER
                         That same mahogany and ivory blend 
                         is…

                                                                    CUT TO:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        73.


               INT. RENNES HOUSE - UPSTAIRS

               The group is on an upstairs hallway that overlooks the 
               entranceway.

                                     LEON
                         Used in that banister.

               The guests admire the rail.

               Carter takes another bite of the banana and throws the peal 
               on the floor.

                                     CARTER
                         If you'll follow us… and oh, watch 
                         your step.

               As he says this Ben slips over the peel and falls over the 
               rail.

                                     TINA
                         Ben!

               There is a few seconds of silence.

                                     BEN (O.S.)
                         Don't fret, I'm quite alright.

               The others look over the rail to see that Ben has landed 
               atop the chandelier.

                                     BEN (CONT'D)
                         I just bloody hate heights.

                                     TINA
                         We'll be right for you, just hold on 
                         for a sec…
                              (beat)
                         I want to see the rest of this house; 
                         it looks marvelous.

                                     BEN
                         Well hurry.

               The rest of the group continues on, leaving Ben on the 
               chandelier.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - UPSTAIRS STUDY

               The room is perfectly preserved.

               A desk lies in one corner: upon it a notebook with scribbled 
               notes and a quill pen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        74.


                                     CARTER
                         Ah, the study, of tranquility and 
                         luxury…

                                     LEON
                         It is a place where a man can 
                         articulate and finish his own personal 
                         thoughts.

               The group looks around.

               They walk through the room to a large window in the centre.

               Outside the window is a garden surrounded by a large white 
               picket fence.

                                     LINDA
                         It's beautiful.

                                     CARTER
                         It was our families past time 
                         devotion.

                                     LEON
                         Yes the garden, where art is a 
                         science.

               Tina walks over towards the book.

                                     TINA
                         What do we have here?

               Carter turns.

                                     TINA (CONT'D)
                         Some personal musings, perhaps?

               Carter rushes over.

                                     CARTER
                         Yes they are personal musings…

               He slams the book shut.

                                     CARTER (CONT'D)
                         Very personal musings.

               Tina turns away, taken aback by the gesture.

                                     TINA
                         Why I never… She starts walking away.

               Carter and Leon follow her out of the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        75.


                                     LEON
                         Come on now, he meant nothing of it.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. RENNES HOUSE - NIGHT

               Tina hurries down the hallway.

               Carter and Leon follow close behind.

                                     TINA
                         I'm tired of your ignorance.

               She walks down the stairs.

                                     TINA (CONT'D)
                         Your blatant rudeness.

               Carter calls from atop the stair.

                                     CARTER
                         Mind you that you're the one whom 
                         found it appropriate to glance into 
                         our personal affairs.

               Tina hurries down into the entranceway.

                                     TINA
                         Yes, I glance at your affairs, and I 
                         know. I know of your twisted delusions 
                         and gleeful manipulation of the law. 
                         That I know.

               She takes a few steps until she stands under the chandelier.

                                     TINA (CONT'D)
                         And I also know you'll never get 
                         away with it. The police will come. 
                         There are witnesses!  Clifton, Linda, 
                         and...

               The chandelier begins to fall.

                                     TINA (CONT'D)
                         Ben!

               The chandelier lands on her crushing her in a bloody pulp.

               Carter and Leon step towards the scene.

               Behind them, at a distance are Clifton and Linda.

                                     CARTER
                         How unfortunate.

               He turns towards the others.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        76.


                                     CLIFTON
                         You're fucking crazy Leon.

                                     LEON
                         Me? He's the bastard who did the 
                         killings. I had nothing to do with 
                         that, we're connected at the liver.

                                     LINDA
                         The liver, doesn't that grow back? 
                         You could've been separated years 
                         ago.

                                     CARTER
                         Oh really?

               He picks up a sword that is hanging on a plaque.  He chucks 
               it like a javelin spearing Clifton in the chest.

               Linda runs.

               Carter walks over to the Oswald's body and pulls the sword 
               out; a heart is stuck on the end. He swings it and then it 
               flies off and splatters on the wall.

                                     LEON
                         Linda! The back door, go out the 
                         back door!

                                     CARTER
                         So know you're helping the victim. 
                         Die!

               Leon begins to run  and Carter chases after him swinging the 
               sword.

               He ducks.  They run upstairs.

                                     LEON
                         Linda wait, I want to help you.

                                     CARTER
                         And I want to kill you!

               They walk into the study.  Linda is by the window.

               Carter advances and pulls the sword out.

                                     LINDA
                         It's too late; I've already called 
                         the police.

                                     CARTER
                         You fool!

               HE raises the sword.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        77.


                                     LEON
                         I won't let you!

               He charges at the window.

                                     CARTER
                         Nooo!

               They crash through the window.  Carter and Leon scream and 
               the screen goes black.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

               Leon opens his eyes and stares at the ground.The sound of 
               sirens are heard in the background.

               Carter has been impaled by the white picket fence.  Leon 
               hangs on the fence, suspended inches from the ground.

               A POLICE OFFICER walks beside him.

                                     POLICE
                         Sir you have the right to remain 
                         silent. Anything you do, can and 
                         will be used against you in a court 
                         of law.

               The screen fades to black.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HOSPITAL - DAY

               Dawn breaks as Leon lies on a hospital bed.

               Carter is no longer attached and a large amount of gauze is 
               wrapped around his side.

               A nurse tends to him.

                                     LEON (V.O.)
                         People always ask which ones the 
                         evil twin: in my case that answers 
                         was clear. But then again they say 
                         that you become a part of each other, 
                         so could that same evil dwell inside 
                         me?

               A bird chirps outside and a cheery song begins to play.

                                                                  FADE OUT:

               EXT. CAVE -- UNKNOWN

               The Reaper looks his side.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        78.


                                     THE REAPER
                         Oh Siamese twins, the memories that 
                         brings back...
                              (beat)
                         But anyway, now for our final story 
                         of the night. Which will make you 
                         never look at the animals in question 
                         the same way again: Chris Shalom's 
                         "The Cows"

               He laughs. 

                                                                    CUT TO:

               THE COWS

               INT. FARMHOUSE BEDROOM - NIGHT

               A digital alarm clock's red display sheds the only light on 
               the room: 3:13 A.M.

               Two figures lying in bed are faintly visible.  The one on 
               the left grunts then sits up.  This is JIMMY BOB (60), a 
               Vietnam vet turned cow farmer.  He speaks to his wife, MARY-
               SUE (58) with a deep, all-American voice.

                                     JIMMY BOB
                         Guess it's about that time again.

                                     MARY-SUE
                         Ahh Christ Jimmy, give it a rest.  
                         If you're looking for sympathy you'll 
                         get none from me, I can tell you 
                         that right goddamn now.

                                     JIMMY BOB
                         Well FUCK you, Mary-Sue, you better 
                         have my god-damn coffee hot 'n' ready 
                         when I get back in.

                                     MARY-SUE
                         If you come back at all, you old 
                         fuck.

               Jimmy Bob now speaks in a different tone of voice, more 
               worried.

                                     JIMMY BOB
                         Don't joke about that, Mary.
                              (beat)
                         Betsie's got that look to'er again.  
                         There's something about those 
                         eyes…makes you think like you're 
                         starin' at the apostate Angel hi'self.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        79.


               EXT. FARM HOUSE - NIGHT

               BETSIE the cow is standing on her hind legs and addressing 
               the cows gathered around her in a deep, gravelly voice.

                                     BETSIE
                         ..and that day has come, my brethren.

               She switches to a literally perfect rendition of JIMMY BOB'S 
               voice.

                                     BETSIE (CONT'D)
                         Jimmy Bob Hoolahan, goddamned Vietnam 
                         vet-

               Betsie switches back to her own voice.

                                     BETSIE (CONT'D)
                         Well, that ain't gonna bother us no 
                         more...

               Betsie is interrupted by noise, and instantly drops onto 
               four legs to blend in.

               Betsie the cow calmly watches a group of four drunken youths 
               approach.  They stagger up to a cow at the edge of the flock, 
               laughing and giggling.  

               The ring leaders are SPIKE (22) and P.J. (24), and they're 
               gonna tip some cows.

                                     SPIKE
                         Oh fuck, it's been years since I 
                         done this shit!

                                     P.J.
                         I never been cow tipping.

               With this, P.J. shoves a cow over.  Betsie looks on calmly.  
               Spike laughs, and then pushes a second cow.

                                     SPIKE
                         It ain't all it's cracked up to be, 
                         but it's sure as hell better'n sitting 
                         back in the van holding our dicks.

               The loser of the youth group, EUGENE (19), speaks up in a 
               gawky voice, attempting to emulate "cool".

                                     EUGENE
                         Maybe we should find some bitches to 
                         hold our dicks for us.

               Spike turns to Eugene with contempt.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        80.


                                     SPIKE
                         Shut the FUCK up, Eugene, or I'll 
                         reach up your ass and rip out your 
                         trachea!

               The four youths laugh as the cows lie on their side, and 
               then snap to worry as the farmhouse door slams open, covering 
               them with Jimmy Bob's silhouette.

               CRANK ZOOM into Jimmy Bob's face.

                                     JIMMY BOB
                         Jesus Christ almighty, looks like we 
                         got us some cow tippers.

               From behind the door, Jimmy Bob pulls a customized, fully 
               automatic MP5 with an attached scope.  He brings it up to 
               his eye, switches to burst fire, and squeezes the trigger, 
               laughing manically as he sweeps the barrel back and forth.

               Eugene dives for cover and is saved.

               The cow tippers except for Eugene, along with several unlucky 
               cows, explode in a veritable storm of bullets, blood, and 
               gore.  Spike has a second to talk..

                                     SPIKE
                         Aw what the fuck!

               ..before his head is blown to pieces.

               The gunfire ceases.  Jimmy Bob stands breathing heavily, 
               looks around with satisfaction, and then switches the clip 
               and turns to put the gun back in its place.

               Turning back, his smile turns to a grimace of terror at some 
               off-screen creature.

                                     JIMMY BOB
                         Aw no, please don't-

               The deep, gravelly voice speaks without mercy.

                                     BETSIE
                         That wasn't nice, now was it, Jimmy?

               Jimmy Bob is kicked in the testicles by a cow hoof, and as 
               he crumples onto his knees, another hoof stands on top of 
               his head, crushing his skull against the floor.

               Betsie looks up as a coffee pot crashes onto the floor.  
               Mary-Sue is in the hall, confused, scared out of her mind.

                                     BETSIE (CONT'D)
                         You may go.  I have no quarrel with 
                         you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        81.


               Mary-Sue is petrified.  Betsie slowly turns to walk away, 
               but just as Mary-Sue breathes a sigh of relief, Betsie SNAPS 
               back, grinning as evilly as a cow can grin.

                                     BETSIE (CONT'D)
                         Just kidding.

               Mary-Sue screams.

                                                         SLAM CUT TO BLACK:

               EXT. TRUCK STOP - DAY

               A businessman, MR. LAKIN (31), stands in a phone booth, 
               speaking clipped, quickly, and with a cold anger.  He glances 
               at a group of joggers running south along the road.

                                     MR. LAKIN
                         Don't give me that bullshit, okay, 
                         Jack?  What?  WHAT?  I said don't 
                         give me that bullshit.  We've been 
                         over this before, and I sure as hell 
                         don't want to go over it again.  I-

               Mr. Lakin almost loses his train of thought as he notices a 
               large herd of cows approaching from the south towards the 
               group of joggers, but then snaps back to his deal.

                                     MR. LAKIN (CONT'D)
                         I don't give a fuck, Jack, I really 
                         don't.  Can you hear me care?  Can 
                         you hear me care?  Right.  You know 
                         why that is Jack?  Because I don't 
                         fucking CARE!

               Mr. Lakin watches the cows pass from his vision behind one 
               end of a large truck, and the joggers do the same at the 
               other end.  A fat trucker casually climbs into the truck.

                                     MR. LAKIN (CONT'D)
                         You get it here tonight, no, I don't 
                         care, you get it here tonight, or 
                         they'll be dragging your ass outa my 
                         office with a hole twice the size of 
                         the one it came in with.  You got 
                         that?

               The cows slowly pass the truck, continuing on.  The joggers 
               do not re-emerge from behind the truck, and as it pulls away, 
               Mr.Lakin realizes why.  The mangled bodies of the joggers 
               lie in the road, hot blood in the sun.

                                     MR. LAKIN (CONT'D)
                         My god.

               He slams the phone down, dials again, and waits anxiously.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        82.


               INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

               SHERIFF TRESSLER (50), tough with grey hair and hard eyes, 
               slams his phone down.  He glances over at DEPUTY LODGET (39), 
               a boorish officer who is frenziedly consuming a box of donuts.

               His eyes pass on to DEPUTY MILTON (29), a thick-necked, blonde-
               haired, blue-eyed police officer who is polishing a large 
               shotgun.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Milton!

               Milton glances up slowly.  His voice comes as slowly as his 
               thoughts.

                                     MILTON
                         Yeah?

                                     TRESSLER
                         Finish polishing that sucker, we're 
                         going out.  Think you can still pull 
                         your ass out of that chair, Lodget?

               Lodget nods yes.  Crumbs fall out of his mouth.

                                     TRESSLER (CONT'D)
                         This is probably nothing, but unless 
                         anyone's got anything better to do..
                              (beat)
                         Didn't think so.  Let's do it.

               INT. POLICE CAR - DAY

               Tressler sits at the steering wheel, with Milton in the front 
               of Lodget in the middle back seat.  

               They sit in silence for a time as Tressler patiently waits 
               for a car to move ahead of them.  Finally, he gets impatient.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Goddamnit, may as well take that new 
                         road they put in.

               As he turns onto a small dirt road, with areas of construction 
               still visible, Milton appears to have a thought.

                                     MILTON
                         I don't.

                                     TRESSLER
                         What?

                                     MILTON
                         I don't have anything better to do.

               Tressler just stares at Milton for a moment.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        83.


                                     TRESSLER
                         Thank you, Milton.

               INT. POLICE VAN - DAY

               On another road, which is surrounded by forest, a high 
               security police van bumps away.  In the back is JON ARCHER 
               (30), a black-haired, average but intimidating criminal who 
               is heavily strapped in.

               Two security guards sit by him with shotguns.  They are JONES 
               (42) and TILES (28).

                                     TILES
                         No shit, he bit off a guy's ear?

               He turns to Archer.

                                     TILES (CONT'D)
                         You bit off a guy's ear?

               Acher lazily leans his head towards Tiles.

                                     ARCHER
                         You'll find that stories about me 
                         are greatly exaggerated.

               Tiles leans back, slightly disappointed, until ARCHER starts 
               up again.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         I didn't want to ruin the ear, so I 
                         used a razor.  Sharpened it to be 
                         safe, in his elbow joint…you'd be 
                         surprised how well that works, 
                         grinding it between the bones.. if 
                         you can put up with the screaming, 
                         that is.  The razor really just slid 
                         through after that.  Had a tougher 
                         time shoving it into his elbow than 
                         I did with the rest.  I kinda like 
                         the screaming myself, reminds me of 
                         home.  Where the heart is, right?

               Tiles doesn't look particularly happy to hear any of this.  
               Jones just bursts out laughing.

               INT/EXT. POLICE CAR - DAY

               The police car drives through a thick fog.  

               Tressler looks around, growing more and more worried.  Milton 
               is clearly oblivious to anything going on, and Lodget is 
               engrossed by his box of donuts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        84.


               INT. POLICE VAN - DAY

               Jones leans over to check Archer's restraints.  They look 
               fine.  He speaks to Tiles.

                                     JONES
                         So, kid, where you live?

               Tiles is now completely freaked out by Archer.

                                     TILES
                         I'd rather not talk about it with 
                         him in here, to be honest.

                                     JONES
                         Ahh come on, he isn't getting out.

                                     TILES
                         I just...don't want to.

                                     JONES
                         Alright alright, don't have a cow.

               INT/EXT. POLICE CAR - DAY

               Tressler is now quite worried.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Goddamnit, I can't see any-

               Suddenly, his headlights fall on a cow in the fog.  

               Tressler Desperately swerves, and finds this to be a bad 
               move as he slams into the police van coming out of the fog.  
               The police car goes flying through the air.

               BIRDS EYE - POLICE VAN

               The van, meanwhile, rolls onto its side, the back doors flying 
               open.  JONES, TILES, and, unfortunately, ARCHER, spill out.  
               It seems that most of ARCHER'S restraints are broken or loose.  
               All three men are clearly hurt.

               INT. "HUNGRY WOLF" - DAY

               DEBBIE ALLEN (24), the sexy homecoming queen, sits with 
               friends JAYNIE TRESSLER (22), an attractive woman though she 
               clearly doesn't try, and LILY TOWERS (24), a young waitress 
               who works at the Hungry Wolf.

               THE HUNGRY WOLF is a fast food joint trying to pretend its 
               high class and failing miserably.  The three women ignore 
               this, though, as they paw through an old yearbook, laughing 
               hard and having a hell of a time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        85.


                                     DEBBIE
                         Hey, there's Brent Fink!  Remember 
                         dopey Brent Fink?

                                     JAYNIE
                         What a dork!

                                     DEBBIE
                         Remember, the guys always used to 
                         hang him from the flagpole and stuff 
                         frogs in his shorts?

                                     LILY
                         What a loser!  Whatever happened to 
                         him, anyway?

                                     JAYNIE
                         He's still the principal.  Not the 
                         happiest guy I've ever known.

               Their laughter slowly abides.

                                     DEBBIE
                         How is the waitressing going, anyway?  
                         You never really mention it.

                                     LILY
                         You never really ask, bitch.

                                     JAYNIE
                         You suck it in the back for extra 
                         cash don't you.

                                     LILY
                         Oh come on, Jaynie.

                                     DEBBIE
                         Hmm, I could handle that.

                                     JAYNIE
                         Are girls extra Lily?

               Lily resigns herself to the joke.

                                     LILY
                         You're first time free, Jaynie, friend 
                         benefits.

               The three are laughing merrily by now.  When they have calmed 
               down a bit, Lily talks again.

                                     LILY (CONT'D)
                         Nah, I can't really complain.  Pay's 
                         better'n you would expect, work's 
                         work, you know.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        86.


                                     DEBBIE
                         Yeah…yeah.

               At this moment, a good looking young man, JAMES FINK (29), 
               approaches the table, speaking to Lily.

                                     JAMES
                         Hey Lily.  Hey girls.  Look Lily, I 
                         was wondering if we could discuss 
                         that, uh-

                                     LILY
                         oh!  Sure.  If you'll excuse me, you 
                         two…duty calls.
                              (whispers)
                         Might be a promotion!

               Lily leaves the table with James, where they walk through a 
               door into the back.  

               Jaynie pantomimes vigorous oral sex while Debbie silently 
               smirks.

                                     DEBBIE
                         Why you gotta be such a rude bitch 
                         all the time, Jaynie?

                                     JAYNIE
                         Human nature, sweetheart.

               Through the window, a man being stomped to death by cows 
               becomes visible as Jaynie leans back.

               EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

               A pristine school sits on a hill overlooking the town.  A 
               large sign reads "GUILDSMEYER SECONDARY SCHOOL".  

               In the distance, the cow stomps the man to death, unnoticed 
               by BRENT FINK (55), the bumbling school principal.

               Brent is hanging by his shorts from the flagpole, his small 
               wiry frame swaying in the wind.  His pretty wife, DONNA (45) 
               approaches.

                                     DONNA
                         Brent, I've been thinking.  This 
                         restraint order isn't enough.  I 
                         want a divorce.

                                     BRENT
                              (meek)
                         Well...are you sure that's what you 
                         want, dear?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        87.


                                     DONNA
                         Yeah, but listen, I'm gonna keep all 
                         of your stuff after the divorce.

                                     BRENT
                         Um… everything?  Except the books, 
                         right?

                                     DONNA
                         Well...I'll look through those.  I'd 
                         rather not cut firewood this winter.

                                     BRENT
                         Oh, I see.

                                     DONNA
                         Well I'm glad that we got this cleared 
                         up, Brent.  I brought this for you.  
                         It was a bit rusted, so no point in 
                         me keeping it.

               She lays down a large frying pan.  She turns to leave, and 
               then turns back.

                                     DONNA (CONT'D)
                         Oh!  One more thing.  I know we had 
                         a bit of a disagreement over that 
                         restraining order-

                                     BRENT
                         Yeah!  Um, about that-

                                     DONNA
                         Well we need this divorce to go 
                         smoothly, alright?  So let's just be 
                         clear…if you feel the need to, you 
                         know, speak up in court like you did 
                         last time…I'm gonna break it this 
                         time.

               Brent snaps his mouth shut nervously.

                                     DONNA (CONT'D)
                         Thanks for making the time, sweetie.

               Donna walks away.  A frog jumps out of Brent's pants, ribbits 
               once, and then falls to the ground.

               EXT. GRASSY HILL - DAY

               Wood halves go flying as STAN BRIGGS, (34), a good-looking, 
               manly woodcutter does his job.  In the distance, the cow is 
               visible stomping the man to death, though Stan does not 
               notice.

               Archer walks out of the woods, blood running from his 
               forehead.  Stan splits a last piece of wood and looks up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        88.


                                     STAN
                         Nice day, inn't it?

                                     ARCHER
                         Yeah.

                                     STAN
                         I'm never so happy as I am on a day 
                         like this.

               Archer looks around, and his penetrating eyes instantly spot 
               the cow in the distance.

                                     ARCHER
                         What the hell is going on over there?

               Stan follows his finger, and stands looking at the cow 
               stomping the man, mildly stunned.  Archer slowly creeps up 
               behind him, baring his teeth.  But Archer does not strike.

                                     STAN
                         We gotta help that guy!

               He quickly turns back to find Archer standing close with 
               teeth bared.  He starts.

                                     ARCHER
                         Uh…yeah.

               Before they have taken a step, a man runs out and begins to 
               beat the cow with a stick.  In the next second, he is swarmed 
               by cows, and the cow apocalypse begins.

               The city streets suddenly seem to be filled with cows, and 
               Stan and Archer have a view of the entire thing.  Men, women, 
               and children alike are caught outside, and trampled, 
               headbutted, kicked, or otherwise killed.

                                     STAN
                         My god.

                                     ARCHER
                              (muttering)
                         Bastards beat me to it.

               Stan turns.

                                     STAN
                         Beat you to what?

                                     ARCHER
                         Hm?  Nothing.
                              (beat)
                         We need weapons.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        89.


               INT. WORKSHED - DAY  - MOMENTS LATER

               Stan loads up a shotgun while Archer looks on.

                                     ARCHER
                         What about me?

               Stan rummages around, and pulls out an extremely dinky knife.  
               Archer looks at it with contempt.  Glancing around, he pulls 
               a leather cloth off a shelf to reveal a chainsaw.  

               He pulls it out and revs it.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Alright…let's go cure some mad cow 
                         disease.

               Both men stand looking at each other, faces agonizingly 
               straight, and then burst out laughing.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Nah, seriously, let's go.

               INT. "HUNGRY WOLF" - DAY - CONTINUOUS

               The restaurant is thrown into chaos as people suddenly realize 
               what is happening outside.

                                     SCARED CUSTOMER #1
                         Oh my god!

                                     SCARED CUSTOMER #2
                         What's happening?

                                     WAITRESS
                         Bar the doors!

               Panic ensues as people rush to bar the doors and others rush 
               to get away from them.  People run everywhere, screaming in 
               terror.  One terrified man screams at everyone as he throws 
               himself through the windows.

                                     TERRIFIED MAN
                         Save yourselves!

               He is promptly eaten by the cows, who then begin to climb 
               into the restaurant.  Jaynie and Debbie are crouched in the 
               back, terrified.

                                     JAYNIE
                         We gotta get Lily!

                                     DEBBIE
                         In the back!

               They turn and rush into the employees only section of the 
               restaurant.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        90.


               INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

               Oblivious to the muted noises from outside, JAMES leans back, 
               his head against the window, clearly enjoying himself 
               immensely.

                                     JAMES
                         Ohh yeah…a little slower...oh yeah.  
                         Just like that.

               As the camera travels down, James' fingers run through the 
               hair of Lily.  She's sucking it in the back for extra cash.  

               Suddenly, there is a slight sound of glass breaking, and 
               James' hands stop moving.

               However, his voice continues.

                                     JAMES (CONT'D)
                         Oh yeah, right there baby, right 
                         there..

               As the camera returns to his face, it is revealed that the 
               top of his head is missing, where Betsie is shoveling his 
               brains into her mouth with her hooves.

               She leans over for a moment to look at Lily, and then talks 
               in James' voice.

                                     BETSIE
                         Oh yeah.  Right there.

               Lily senses that something is wrong.  She looks up and starts 
               to scream.  She turns and runs out..

               INT. RESTAURANT BACK ROOM - DAY

               ..and smacks into Jaynie and Debbie, still screaming.

                                     DEBBIE
                         What's wrong?

                                     JAYNIE
                         Come on, we gotta get out of here!

                                     DEBBIE
                         Are you okay?

                                     JAYNIE
                         She can explain on the way!  Let's 
                         go!

               EXT. SCHOOLYARD - DAY

               Brent Fink watches the cows destroy his home town, and his 
               face contorts.  An evil glint flashes into his eyes.  With a 
               roar, he tears himself from the flag pole, and slides down.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        91.


               He picks up the frying pan, and stares at the oncoming group 
               of cows.  They begin to charge into the school, but are 
               stopped by his loud yell.

                                     BRENT
                         HEYYYYYY BABY!

               The cows turn and look at him.

                                     BRENT (CONT'D)
                         I'm glad you're all here.  I'd been 
                         hoping to discuss your absenteeism.

               The cows look at each other, and then charge him.

               Brent sweeps through the cows like the Avenging Angel herself, 
               his frying pan crushing bones and skulls.  Blood flies as he 
               works his way towards the school.  No cow can touch him as 
               he sweeps through.

               Brent yells as he is nearly enveloped by cows.  For a moment, 
               all he can do is swing the frying pan every which way, and 
               then he breaks free.  

               Blood flies nearly ten feet in the air as Brent lays in.

               Brent runs into the school, a few cows following.

               INT. SCHOOL - DAY

               The schoolchildren, oblivious to the fact that their parents 
               are probably all dead under the hooves of cows, are listening 
               to a boring lesson when Brent runs in, covered in blood.

                                     BRENT
                         School's out.

               A cow charges at him.  He brains it, shattering its skull 
               and sending blood everywhere.

                                     BRENT (CONT'D)
                         What're you all standing around for?  
                         We gotta get to somewhere safe.

               The schoolchildren, snapped out of their reveries, flood 
               past him in a panic.  Brent sighs, and rushes after them.

               EXT. FOREST - DAY

               Tressler shakes himself awake and looks around.  There is 
               blood running down his forehead from a shallow wound.  

               Milton sits next to him, completely conscious and awake.  
               Lodget lies unconscious inside the battered police car.

               Tressler looks at Milton.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        92.


                                     TRESSLER
                         How long do you think we've been 
                         out?

                                     MILTON
                         I dunno.  I've been up about half an 
                         hour.

                                     TRESSLER
                         You've been up half an hour?

               Milton nods.

                                     TRESSLER (CONT'D)
                         It didn't occur to you to wake me up 
                         at any point?

                                     MILTON
                         Thought you mighta had a broken neck.

                                     TRESSLER
                         A broken neck.

                                     MILTON
                         Yeah, you're not supposed to move a 
                         guy after an accident on accounting 
                         for he might have a broken neck.

               Tressler snaps to anger, and then collects himself.

                                     TRESSLER
                         You didn't need to- Alright, let's 
                         get going.  Lodget!  Get your fat 
                         ass up!

               Awakened by Tressler rapping on the window, Lodget groans.

               INT. CHURCH - DAY

               Jaynie, Lily, and Debbie hurriedly run through the door, a 
               herd of cows visible behind them.  They are accompanied by a 
               black man named TOKEN (31).  When they slam the doors shut, 
               Token bars them while the women run on.

               Token talks in a whiny, high-pitched voice, and seems 
               perpetually angry about nothing in particular.

                                     TOKEN
                         Where the fuck you goin?  Come back 
                         and help me bar the door!  Stupid 
                         fuckers!

               Jaynie and Debbie run back to the door, holding it while 
               Token slides an iron bar into place, holding it shut.

               The three slump to the ground, away from the door.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        93.


                                     TOKEN (CONT'D)
                         Shit, what the fuck are those things?

                                     JAYNIE
                         Cows.

                                     TOKEN
                         Those ain't like no cows I've ever 
                         seen, man, I'm telling you there's 
                         something different about those 
                         motherfuckers.

               There is an uncomfortable silence after this incredibly stupid 
               stating of the obvious.

                                     TOKEN (CONT'D)
                         Yo who the fuck are y'all anyway?

                                     JAYNIE
                         Jaynie.

               There is a pause; neither of the other two bother to introduce 
               themselves.

                                     JAYNIE (CONT'D)
                         Debbie and Lily.

                                     DEBBIE
                         What are we going to do?

                                     JAYNIE
                         It's probably best if we-

               She is cut off by the sound of breaking glass as Eugene, the 
               cow tipper, throws himself through the church window, cows 
               snapping angrily at his heels.  He rolls into the middle of 
               the group, and looks up, panting.

                                     EUGENE
                         Geez!
                              (beat)
                         Sorry if I scared you guys.

                                     TOKEN
                         Man what the fuck you think you done, 
                         baked us a cake?

                                     EUGENE
                         Uh..no..

                                     TOKEN
                         I nearly jumped out of my skin, man..

               Eugene is flabbergasted.

                                     EUGENE
                         I apologize..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        94.


                                     TOKEN
                         Good, man, apology accepted.  You 
                         thank your lucky fuckin stars.

                                     EUGENE
                         Thank my stars…that you accept my 
                         apology?

               Eugene talks again, at the same time as Token.

                                     TOKEN
                         Right!

                                     EUGENE
                         Right, right.

                                     TOKEN
                         I'm glad to hear that you agree.

                                     EUGENE
                         Um, yeah.

                                     JAYNIE
                         Where did you come from?

                                     EUGENE
                         I was up in the hills.  I've been 
                         running all morning.

                                     DEBBIE
                         You mean these things are everywhere?

                                     EUGENE
                         I don't know.  I don't think so.  
                         I'm pretty sure they're all from old 
                         Jimmy Bob's farm up there.

                                     LILY
                         Look!

               Following her finger out the window, everyone sees that most 
               of the cows have disappeared.  A few stragglers are still 
               walking off in various directions.

                                     DEBBIE
                         Short attention spans.

                                     LILY
                         A trap.

                                     TOKEN
                         Man, what the fuck you talking about?  
                         These are cows, man, they ain't goin 
                         set no fuckin traps!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        95.


                                     DEBBIE
                         He's right, Lily.  I don't think 
                         these things can even communicate 
                         with each other.

               Lily is trying to think of a response when there is a loud 
               rapping on the door.  Outside, Brent's muffled voice yells.

                                     BRENT
                         Open the door!  Quickly!

                                     LILY
                         It's a trap!

                                     DEBBIE
                         That's a human voice, Lily!

                                     LILY
                         It's a trap!

                                     DEBBIE
                         Open the door, Jaynie.

               Jaynie is looking at Lily's intense eyes.

                                     DEBBIE (CONT'D)
                         Jaynie!  The door!

                                     BRENT
                         Please!  Quickly!

               Debbie shoves Jaynie aside and pulls the door open.  

               Brent collapses inside, exhausted and covered in blood.

                                     BRENT (CONT'D)
                         Thank goodness!  I was only able to 
                         save one of the poor schoolchildren!

               Everyone looks outside.  A young schoolchild is carried away 
               by a cow, her scream fading into the distance.

                                     BRENT (CONT'D)
                         Fuck!
                              (beat)
                         Well, at least all of you are still 
                         alive.

               A board swings down from the roof, its nail-bearing end 
               missing Jaynie by inches.  

               Everyone stands stunned for a second until JAYNIE lets out a 
               giggle.  They all begin to laugh.

                                     DEBBIE
                         Well, the irony gods were close on 
                         that...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        96.


               A cow hurtles in and tramples her to death.

               It continues to trample until Archer leaps down from the 
               roof, chainsaw first.

                                     ARCHER
                         HAAA!

               The chainsaw comes down on the cow, splattering blood 
               everywhere.  

               Everyone is shocked out of their silences.  Brent slams the 
               door shut, while Lily begins to scream.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         What's the matter, you not seen much 
                         action yet?

                                     BRENT
                         Come now!

               He leans over to comfort LILY, who pushes him away.

               Stan, blood-splattered and sweaty, swings himself down from 
               the roof, looking guilty.

                                     STAN
                         Sorry about the board.

               Archer looks around the church.

                                     ARCHER
                         Well!  Isn't this religious.  The 
                         minions of good, trapped in a church 
                         and fending off evil.

               No-one has much to say to that.

                                     STAN
                         Alright, what's our game plan?

                                     TOKEN
                         Man, this ain't no fuckin game, so 
                         we ain't got no fuckin game plan!

                                     ARCHER
                         Excuse me?

                                     TOKEN
                         I said this ain't no fuckin game 
                         man, people are fuckin dyin out here!

               Archer looks around the room.

                                     ARCHER
                         Does anybody like this guy?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        97.


               There is about one second of silence before Archer shoots 
               Token in the face.  

               His body slumps.  Everyone just stares as Archer picks up 
               the corpse, drags it to the window, and throws it out.

               In the silence, a radio on Archer's belt goes off.  It's 
               Tressler voice.

                                     TRESSLER
                         ..repeat, does anyone copy?
                              (pause)
                         Is there anyone out there?

               Archer pulls the radio out.

                                     ARCHER
                         Yeah, I'm here.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Who is this?

                                     ARCHER
                         Deputy Weddle, sir.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Listen Weddle, we're trapped, I know 
                         this is going to sound crazy, but 
                         we're trapped by-

                                     ARCHER
                         Cows.  I know.

                                     TRESSLER
                         We're holed up in the Laundromat 
                         across from the church.  Where are 
                         you?

                                     ARCHER
                         The church.

                                     TRESSLER
                         Weddle, is there any way you can-

               He is cut off, and suddenly screams, moos, and gunfire can 
               be heard through the radio.  Archer calmly puts it back on 
               his belt.

               He nods to Stan.

                                     ARCHER
                         Who else has weapons?  We're going 
                         to help them.

               No one answers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        98.


                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Y'all aren't still worried about me 
                         shooting that guy, are you?  Aw Jesus, 
                         that was coming on two minutes ago!  
                         Get some balls in ya!

               He winks at Lily.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Especially you.  HAAAA!

               With this battle yell, Archer revs his chainsaw and kicks 
               the door open.  

               The room is flooded with cows, who immediately kill everyone 
               except Brent and Jaynie.  Eugene brains a few with his fists.

               Then screams as he is ripped apart by Cows, but at least 
               that makes a change from zombies.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Oops.

               Then the fight begins.  Archer runs the chainsaw through cow 
               after cow, splattering blood everywhere, while Jaynie grabs 
               Stan's shotgun and begins to mow down the cows.  

               Brent Fink runs for the back of the church, whimpering.

               Hearing this, the doors to the laundromat explode open, and 
               Lodget, Tressler, and Milton explode out, joining the fight 
               with guns blazing.  The action is incredible.

               SOME SPECIFIC MOMENTS -

               Archer runs his chainsaw down a cow, splitting it in half.  
               He then drops his chainsaw, pulling the two halves of the 
               cow towards him and impaling two cows behind him with the 
               corpse's horns.  He picks the chainsaw up.

               Three cows charge Jaynie in single file.  She leaps onto the 
               back of the first cow, spins, and blows its head off from 
               above.  

               She drops off the first cow's back straight down between the 
               legs of the second cow, and, lying on her back, blows its 
               head off from below.

               She rolls back and cracks the third cow upside the chin with 
               a devastating blow from the shotgun.

               Milton, finding himself out of ammo for his shotgun, picks 
               up an entire cow.  He holds it above his head, yelling as he 
               is gored repeatedly by cow after cow.  He brings the cow 
               down in a vicious circle, killing all the cows near him.  
               Then, Betsie kills him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        99.


               Lodget bellyflops the first cow he gets close to. Then he 
               dashes to the church, BRENT appears after him, ready for 
               action.

               Tressler finds himself back to back with Archer.  Finding a 
               cow charging him, Tressler drops and kicks Archer in the 
               back of the knees.  

               As Archer topples backwards, his chainsaw cuts through the 
               cow.

               Tressler helps Archer up, shooting two cows with a magnum in 
               his other hand.  

               Unfortunately, a cow gores him quickly and quietly, and he 
               slumps.  Jaynie, seeing Archie in trouble, runs to him.

                                     BETSIE
                         Enough!

               The only two left, Archer and Jaynie stand together, looking 
               at the cows, who circle around them.  

               Jaynie begins to shell up the shotgun.  Archer talks over 
               his shoulder, keeping an eye on the cows.  

               Brent appears from the side, bloody too.

               Archer, Brent and Jaynie are all covered in blood.

                                     ARCHER
                         You know, originally I intended to 
                         kill everyone in this town, but you 
                         seem nice.  You can come along for 
                         the ride if you want.

                                     JAYNIE
                         What are you talking about?  Now's 
                         no time for jokes, Weddle.

               Betsie cuts off Archer's reply.

                                     BETSIE
                         It has been a pleasure.  I shall 
                         spare you two, as well as the cowardly 
                         one in the church.

               From inside the church, we hear a death scream as Lodget is 
               ripped apart.  His head flies out a window and rolls along 
               the ground.

                                     BETSIE (CONT'D)
                              (beat)
                         Not the cowardly one.

               Betsie turns to walk away.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                       100.


                                     ARCHER
                         Wait, you mean... 

                                     BETSIE
                         Yes?

                                     ARCHER
                         You mean I get the rest of the town?

                                     BETSIE
                         To do with them as you will.

                                     ARCHER
                         Wahoo!

               Archer promptly shoots Jaynie.  She drops, dead. He aims it 
               at Brent.

                                     ARCHER (CONT'D)
                         Fuck you, too… He goes to pull the 
                         trigger but BRENT has already ran 
                         off.

               ARCHER

                                     BETSIE
                         A suggestion, though.

                                     ARCHER
                         What?

                                     BETSIE
                         I may spare you, but these cows…they 
                         know nothing of granting boons.
                              (beat)
                         After all...they're just cows.

               Betsie walks away, around a corner and out of sight.  The 
               cows begin to close in.

                                     ARCHER
                         You bastard!  You goddamn bastard!

               The cows close on Archer.  Archer's chainsaw sputters into 
               life as we...

                                                             FADE TO BLACK:

               INT. CAVE - UNKNOWN

               We're back in the cave again and The Reaper is looking 
               straight at us, a large stopwatch is in his hand - he's 
               flicking it back and forth in a rather strange, spooky way. 
               His rotting mouth peels into a grin.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                       101.


                                     THE REAPER
                         Well, kiddies, play time's over. Now 
                         it's back to school again. That is 
                         if your school hasn't been trampled 
                         to the ground by satanic cows...

               He breaks into an evil laughter.

               Suddenly THE DIRECTOR appears, holding a shotgun.  BOOM! He 
               blasts The Reaper out of frame; a small spurt of rotted, 
               black blood follows him.

                                     THE DIRECTOR
                         Dammit! Why'd we have to hire someone 
                         so damn unfunny to do this kinda 
                         thing? Hey, Charlie, see if you can 
                         get Tommy Cooper on the line, maybe 
                         he can do the sequel.

                                     CHARLIE (O.S.)
                         Tommy Cooper's dead, dude.

                                     THE DIRECTOR
                         Dammit. What about Charles Brosnan?

                                     CHARLIE (O.S.)
                         He's gone too. Anyway, he ain't funny 
                         either.

                                     THE DIRECTOR
                         Everyone's bloody dead or unfunny 
                         these days. Oh well, we might as 
                         well sell this damn thing. Even though 
                         it'll be the biggest box office flop 
                         ever.

               The Reaper Ventriloquist Doll suddenly appears from behind 
               him, lifting up his mini scythe, as we...

                                                                  FADE OUT:

               To the sound of evil laughter.

               THE END

               Hits the screen and then the credits begin to appear.

  

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