Return to Simply Scripts

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. 
This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

-------------------------

    
    
                                
 

                                
                                
                                
                                
                                
                                         
                                
                          

                          THE LUNCHROOM                                
                               
                        Episode Thirteen
                         "The Last Time"

                                
                           Written by
                          Bruce Snyder                                
                                                                                                                               
                               
                           Created by
                          Bruce Snyder                                
                                
                                                               
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Bruce Snyder
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Vincent Biga
                                
                          STORY EDITOR
                        Melinda Waterman

                       CONSULTING PRODUCER
                          Edward Drogos
                                
                       CONSULTING PRODUCER
                           Max Majernik


                                

                                 
                                 CAST LIST

		Will Cooper.................................
		Joel Mayberry...............................
		Brian Vandele...............................
		Brock Warner................................
		Reicther....................................
		Casey Jennings..............................
		Chris Hughes................................
		Stacy Cifaretto.............................
		Mr. John Parker.............................


 
                              GUEST CAST LIST

		Ron Farmer..................................
 		Ellen Conner................................ 
		Marilyn.....................................
		Dave Attanasio..............................
		Ryan........................................
		Cathy.......................................
		Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
		Kate Davidson...............................
		Margie Mayberry.............................
		Lois Warner.................................
		Debbie Vandele..............................
		Joel's Heart................................
		Joel's Brain................................
		Joel's Conscience...........................
		Officer Keller..............................
		Officer Howard..............................




     Copyright © Bruce Snyder 

     TEASER

     FADE IN:

     EXT. SHAKE SHOP - EARLY MORNING

     RON FARMER, reporter, is standing in front of the place. 
     He is holding a microphone.
     (NOTE: THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SEEN THROUGH THE CAMERA)

                                RON
                    We good?

     Pause.

                                RON
                          (into camera)
                    Hello, this is Ron Farme -

                                CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
                    Wait.

                                RON
                    What?

                                CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
                    Lighting is all wrong. I think you 
                    need to switch positions.

     Ron sighs. He walks over a few feet. He prepares him 
     self. In the background we notice that WILL COOPER, 
     CHRIS HUGHES, REICTHER, and BRIAN VANDELE just standing 
     around and talking.

                                CAMERAMAN (O.S.)
                    Okay. We're good to go.

     Ron clears his throat.

                                RON
                    Good evening ladies and gentleman. 
                    This is Ron Farmer reporting for 
                    channel 10 news. I am standing 
                    outside a special little place here 
                    in Centerville, Indiana.

     Will, Brian, Chris, and Reicther turn around and notice 
     him.

                                RON (CONT'D)
                    Here last night, baseball legend 
                    Pete Rose came by and from eight in 
                    the morning till five at night he 
                    was here to greet young fans and 
                    sign autographs.

     Will and Chris begin to dance like idiots, all the while 
     flipping the camera off with both hands (but it's 
     blurred out.)

                                RON (CONT'D)
                    This was just one of many stops 
                    this legendary player is making 
                    across the America.

     Brian and Reicther have their back turns.

                                RON (CONT'D)
                    Many believe this to be just 
                    another stunt to make officials 
                    reconsider entering him into the 
                    hall of fame. 

     Brian turns around holding a sign that reads "Ron Farmer 
     is an Asshole."

                                RON (CONT'D)
                    But it appears to be a very 
                    successful stunt.

     Will whispers something into Brian's ear.

                                RON (CONT'D)
                    Fans, young and old turned out in 
                    the hundreds just to get a glimpse 
                    of the ball player.

     Brian turns, pulls down his pants and begins mooning the 
     camera (the ass is covered with a black bar.) The 
     Cameraman begins to laugh. Ron stops his report.

                                RON
                    What? What's so -

     He turns and sees Brian's ass.

                                RON
                    Oh [BLEEP]! Jesus [BLEEP]!

     Ron covers his eyes.

                                RON
                    [BLEEP]! It was horrible. It looked 
                    like two glad bags full of milk.

     Ron runs off camera. The Camera goes back to the four. 
     Brian is turned around, with his pants up. All four seem 
     to be laughing very hard.

                                WILL
                    Hey, if you don't like ass then get 
                    the [BLEEP] out of Indiana!

								CUT TO:

     OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

     Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the 
     credits.

									FADE TO:

     INT. VANDELE HOUSE - STACY'S ROOM - DAY

     (SONG: Elton John's "The Ballad of Danny Bailey.")

     STACY CIFARETTO is standing in front of her mirror. She 
     is wearing a graduation gown. She seems to be 
     overlooking it. She smiles.

     DEBBIE VANDELE pops her head in the door.

                                DEBBIE
                    If you're planning on getting a 
                    Diploma I suggest you leave in, oh...

     Looks down at her watch.

                                DEBBIE
                    Seven minutes, forty five seconds 
                    ago.

                                STACY
                    I was just heading out the door, I 
                    swear.

     Stacy quickly grabs her graduation CAP and runs out the 
     door.

									CUT TO:

     INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SECONDS LATER

     Brian is sitting at the table, slowly eating cereal. He 
     is reading from a pamphlet that that is laying in front 
     of him. He is dressed up in a short sleeved dress shirt 
     and wearing black pants.

     Stacy enters and heads over to the fridge.

                                STACY
                    Wow, look at you. You look like a 
                    fat Dennis Franz.

     Brian lefts his middle finger.

                                BRIAN
                    Right here, bitch.

                                STACY
                    I'm sorry. I just couldn't help 
                    myself.

     She notices his reading.

                                STACY
                    What are you reading?

                                BRIAN
                    Well right now I'm looking for a 
                    brochure for "Marvin Baines' 
                    Funeral Home."

                                STACY
                    Why?

                                BRIAN
                    To see if coffins come with 
                    lifetime guarantees.

     She shakes her head. She searches the fridge.

                                STACY
                    Where did you even get that?

                                BRIAN
                    Well, your boyfriend Dave stopped 
                    by last night looking for you?

     She quickly turns around.

                                STACY
                    Dave? Dave was here last night?

                                BRIAN
                    Yeah. When I told him you weren't 
                    here he decided to try to get some 
                    business and gave me this.

                                STACY
                            (to herself)
                    Shit.

     Horn honks.

                                STACY
                    Gotta go.

     Stacy runs out of the kitchen.

     EXT. VANDELE HOME - SAME
 
     Out in the middle of the street is an old CADILLAC. 
     Behind the wheel is MARILYN. Stacy comes out of the 
     house and jogs to the car. She enters the passenger 
     side.

                                STACY
                    Hey.

                                MARILYN
                    You know how long I've been waiting 
                    here?

                                STACY
                    I don't know. Ten, twenty minutes?

                                MARILYN
                              (smiles)
                    Twenty seconds.

     Stacy chuckles.

                                STACY
                           (playfully hits 
                          her in the shoulder)
                    You liar.

     Marilyn kisses her.

                                MARILYN
                    Let's go.

                                STACY
                    All right.

     Marilyn looks forward. We watch as the car drives away.

									FADE TO:

     INT. BROCK'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME

     BROCK WARNER, JOEL MAYBERRY, and Reicther are sitting 
     around the table. Each looks very tired, as if they have 
     just gotten up. Each person as a bowl of cereal in front 
     of them. Brock is in the middle of talking.                              

                                BROCK
                    All connections to her...are gone.

                                JOEL
                    Thank God. That's good to hear.

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah that whole thing was going 
                    overboard.

                                BROCK
                    I agree.

                                REICTHER
                    ...and pathetic.

                                BROCK
                    Well, I don't totally -

                                REICTHER
                    Anyway, I've decided to quit my job.

                                JOEL
                    I thought you already did.

                                REICTHER
                    Chickened out. Plus the money kept 
                    me coming back. But now they've 
                    done something that's completely 
                    unforgivable.

                                BROCK
                    Which is?

                                REICTHER
                    Making me work weekends. Heck, they 
                    want me to come in later today! 
                    Today! Sunday! God never intended 
                    for me to work Sundays! If God 
                    doesn't work Sundays, then I don't 
                    work Sundays!

                                BROCK
                    There is a lot wrong with that 
                    sentence.

                                JOEL
                    So your basically going to go up to 
                    your boss and tell him you quit?

                                REICTHER
                    Are you crazy? If I'm quitting I'm 
                    going quitting big.

                                JOEL
                    I swear to God...you've never heard 
                    of the word "subtle" have you?

                                REICTHER
                    Not only that, but I don't even 
                    know what it means.

                                BROCK
                    How big are you planning on this 
                    going?

                                REICTHER
                    We'll just have to wait and see.

    Reicther lets out a small, evil smile. Joel reaches into 
    his pocket and pulls out some money. He puts in the 
    middle of the table.

                                JOEL
                    There.

                                REICTHER
                    Wait, what's that for?

                                JOEL
                    That is money I' going to bet my 
                    good friend Brock that you'll end 
                    up in a squad car by night fall.

     Reicther takes a closer look at the money.

                                REICTHER
                    Only ten dollars? That's insulting 
                    to me and Brock.

     Brock puts some money on the table.

                                BROCK
                    I'm in.

     Reicther reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of 
     cash.

                                REICTHER
                    I'll add twenty five saying I'll be 
                    a job-less free man at night time.

                                BROCK
                    Does this mean your not going to 
                    Stacy's open house.

                                REICTHER
                    Depends...as long as Johnny Law 
                    ain't on my tail.

                                BROCK
                    Are you going, Joel?

                                JOEL
                    Yeah, but I'm not going to be there 
                    right away.

                                REICTHER
                    Why?

                                JOEL
                    Just have to take care of some 
                    personal business.

                                REICTHER
                    Oh. What kind are we talking about? 
                    Parents, friends, drugs -

                                JOEL
                    There's a reason it's called 
                    personal.

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah. To make others feel curious.  
                       
								CUT TO:

     INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME

     Will is practicing his lines in front of a mirror.

                                WILL
                        (with British accent)
                    Oh Higgins how nice to see you!
                             (pause)
                    What? You don't remember me? Why 
                    I'm you're pupil! Your first, best, 
                    greatest pupil!

     Will stops and writes something down in his script. 
     Suddenly RICHARD BELZER appears, sitting on the edge of 
     the bed.

                                WILL
                        (with British accent)
                    I'm the biggest translator in all 
                    of Europe! Even the Queen knows me 
                    by first name.

                                BELZER
                    What in God's name are you doing?

                                WILL
                    Studying my lines.

                                BELZER
                    If those are your lines I wouldn't 
                    be so intent on claiming them.

                                WILL
                    I've got to know these lines by 
                    heart. The final audition is later 
                    today.

                                BELZER
                    Didn't you do that yesterday?

                                WILL
                    Nope. I just waited.

     Belzer gives him a look.

                                BELZER
                    For two hours.

     Will looks embarrassed.

                                WILL
                    They didn't get to me.

     Will looks back down at his lines.

                                BELZER
                    You seem a little bit more intent 
                    on getting a role then yesterday.

                                WILL
                    You can blame that on yourself.

                                BELZER
                    Me? What did I do?

     Will looks up at Belzer and smiles.

                                BELZER
                    It's that redhead isn't it?

                                WILL
                    I can't help it, Belz. I'm full of 
                    curiosity. 

                                BELZER
                    Didn't you ever hear what curiosity 
                    did to the cat?

     Will shrugs.

                                WILL
                    Gave it a nice warm home.

                                BELZER
                    Ha ha.

                                WILL
                    Sorry, Richard. But I'm going.

                                BELZER
                    So young, cocky and ignorant.

                                                        CUT TO:                                                                     

     EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

     Establishing shot. Near the main entrance that reads 
     "Graduation Today."

     INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - SAME

     The place is filled with HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of 
     people. Old people, parents, young kids. On one side of 
     the Gym, at the very top, sits Marilyn.

     Going up the stairs toward the top is DAVE ATTANASIO. 
     Dave looks around for a seat. He notices Marilyn sitting 
     by herself. He smiles and heads over to her.
                  
                                DAVE
                    Hey, um is this seat taken?

                                MARILYN
                    No. Go ahead.

     Dave sits next to her. He begins to stare at her. After 
     a few seconds Marilyn notices.

                                MARILYN
                    Something wrong?

                                DAVE
                    Just noticing that you're alone.

                                MARILYN
                    I notice that you that you're alone.

                                DAVE
                    Well usually people sit with 
                    members of the family.

                                MARILYN
                    There's nothing usual about me. I'm 
                    here because I'm dating one of the 
                    graduates.

     Chris looks worried.

                                DAVE                            
                    Really? Me too. 
                         (looks down at 
                          graduates)
                    Which one are you dating?

                                MARILYN
                    A redhead.

                                DAVE
                    Jesus. That' really weird.

                                MARILYN
                    Why?

                                DAVE
                    Because I'm dating a redhead too.

                                MARILYN
                    That is weird.

     Both begin to examine the crowd.

     DAVE'S POV:
     He sees a tall, redheaded freckled young man near the back.

     Dave smiles.

                                DAVE
                    I think I see yours.

     Marilyn continues to look upon the crowd.

     MARILYN'S POV:
     She sees a small redheaded, ugly, overbite, stringy hair 
     young woman.

     Marilyn smiles.

                                MARILYN
                    I think I see yours.

     The lights dim a bit.

     Sitting with all the graduates, Stacy is carefully 
     listening to the speaker. She looks off to the side and 
     searches the crowds.

     After a while, he spots someone and her eyes get wide.

     STACY'S POV:
     She sees Marilyn and Dave sitting next to each other. 
     Dave seems to be looking at something off camera. 
     Marilyn waves at her.

     Stacy, nervous, waves back. She looks forward, and sinks 
     into her chair a bit.

                                                             FADE TO:     


     INT. BROCK'S HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - LATER

     Brock and Chris sit near the TV, playing a video game. 
     Behind them, Casey sits on the couch studying a piece 
     of paper.

                                CASEY
                         (reading out loud)
                    "We welcome you to the open out of 
                    our daughter Stacy Allison 
                    Cifaretto."

                                BROCK
                              (annoyed)
                    Yeah, Casey. That what it says.

                                CASEY
                    They made a misprint.

                                CHRIS
                    A misprint? Where?

                                CASEY
                    Here...
                              (points)
                    Cifaretto. She's Brian's sister, she 
                    should have the name Vandele.

     Brock shakes his head and mutters something under 
     his breath.

                                CHRIS
                    Jesus Christ, Casey. She's only his 
                    half sister you twat!

                                CASEY
                    Oh...
                              (realizes)
                    Yeah, I'm an idiot.

     LOIS WARNER, Brock's real mother, enters.

                                LOIS
                    Dinner's ready. Come and get it.

								SWIPE TO:

     INT. WARNER HOME - DINNING ROOM - SECONDS LATER

     Brock, Chris, and Casey enter. They all take seats at 
     the medium sized dinner table. There is a lot of food 
     all over the table.

                                CHRIS
                    Ooooh! Fried chicken, and...
                                (gasps) 
                    ...mashed potatoes! This is awesome!

                                BROCK
                    Yeah, I guess my mom went a bit 
                    overboard since I had company. She 
                    usually doesn't make fried chicken.

     Brock and Chris begin eating. Chris is making an utter 
     pig out of himself, stuffing his face with chicken and 
     mashed potatoes, while Brock is eating normally. 
     Casey is just staring at his plate and poking the 
     chicken. Brock looks up and notices something's wrong.

                                BROCK
                    Is something wrong with your 
                    chicken?

                                CASEY
                    No, no. It's fine. 
                             (mutters) 
                    ...I guess.

                                BROCK†
                    Alright...

     Lois walks in.

                                LOIS
                    Is everything okay?

                                CASEY
                    Yeah. It's good.†

                                CHRIS
                    Freakin' sweet! This is the best!
                             (swallows)†
                    If you ever go back to men, I want 
                    you to seriously consider me.

     Casey is silent, and continues to stare at his food. 
     Lois eyes him for a moment and then leaves the room, a 
     bit disappointed. Chris also notices Casey's mood.

                                CHRIS
                    What's wrong with your chicken?†

                                CASEY
                    It has taste and flavor, okay!†

     Brock and Chris stare at Casey for a moment, trying to 
     figure out what he meant.

                                CASEY
                    I hate food with flavor, I want it 
                    to be hard, dry, tasteless -

                                BROCK
                    Shitty, in lamen's terms.

                                CASEY
                    Yes, if you want to put it that way.

                                CHRIS
                    So are you going to eat it or not?

                                CASEY
                    I might nibble off the edge a bit.

                                BROCK
                    Jeeze, thanks a lot PAL for making 
                    my mom angry.

                                CASEY
                    What? I didn't say anything!

                                CHRIS
                    You didn't have to, jackass. Man, 
                    that was real shitty of you.

     Chris and Brock continue eating, angry at Casey, who 
     finally puts a very small piece in his mouth. He makes a 
     horrible face and is about to spit it back up when he 
     notices Brock and Chris are glaring at him.

								SWIPE TO:

     EXT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LATER

     Reicther is at the front door. He has a BROWN BAG around 
     his shoulder. He begins to head down the driveway.

                                REICTHER'S MOM (O.S.)
                    Honey, where are you going?

                                REICTHER
                    Work.

     He smiles and continues walking.

								SWIPE TO:

     INT. SHAKE SHOP - LATER

     Reicther enters, now holding TWO BROWN BAGS. He is 
     quietly humming, Foo Fighter's "Times Like These" to 
     himself. He throws the bags on the table. He opens one 
     and then the other.

     We see that the first brown bag has about a hundred 
     bottle rockets in it with a single ZIPPO lighter on top. 
     The other bag also has a hundred bottle rockets but has 
     a can of lighter fluid on top.

     Reicther, still humming, takes some of the bottle 
     rockets out and heads for the back.

								SWIPE TO:
 
     INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER

     Will is in the back. He his preparing himself by 
     repeating his lines, quietly to himself. Near the front, 
     MS. DIANE BALLLARD and MR. JOHN PARKER are sitting and 
     watching a girl sing the song "Just You Wait."

     Parker reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of 
     ASPRIN. He opens it up and takes a handful. He quickly 
     swallows it. Ballard notices this.

                                BALLARD
                              (quietly)
                    Isn't that dangerous?

                                PARKER
                              (quietly)
                    Only if you plan on living.

     Will hides his script and tries repeating the lines 
     again.

                                BALLARD
                    John.

     Parker doesn't respond.

                                BALLARD
                    Psssh!

                                PARKER
                    What?

                                BALLARD
                    What do I do?

                                PARKER
                             (confused)
                    What?

                                BALLARD
                    What do I do?

                                PARKER (V/O)
                    How about sticking a grenade up 
                    your nooner you stupid - 

                                BALLARD
                    I mean what should I do about my 
                    comments?

                                PARKER
                    Comments?

                                BALLARD
                    About this girl.

                                PARKER
                              (shrugs)
                    Write them down.

     Pause as Ballard looks around.

                                BALLARD
                    John.

                                PARKER
                           (bit annoyed)
                    What?

                                BALLARD
                    I don't have a pencil.

                                PAKRER
                    Here.

     He hands her one. Pause.

                                BALLARD
                    Parker.

                                PARKER
                              (annoyed)
                    What?

                                BALLARD
                    I don't have any paper.

                                PARKER
                    Jesus Christ on acid then just hold 
                    them in your little mind for 
                    another few seconds!

     Suddenly the music stops. Parker and Ballard quickly 
     stand and applaud.

                                PARKER
                    Very good, Jackie.

     Parker turns to Ballard.

                                PARKER
                    Diane, I believe you had some words 
                    for this actress.

     Ballard begins to say something but stops. Long pause as 
     she thinks.

                                BALLARD
                    Um...Your voice...Your voice is 
                    really good.

     There's a pause. Parker seems to have expected more. He 
     gives her a dirty look.

                                PARKER
                    Cooper!

                                WILL
                    Yeah.

                                PARKER
                    Get up there and show them your not 
                    afraid of what people think when a 
                    young male is in a musical.

     Will gets up and walks up to the stage. He gets up on 
     stage.

                                PARKER
                    What part are you trying out for?

                                WILL
                    Professor Zoltan Karpathy.

                                PARKER
                    All right. Just give a me a sec to 
                    write something down.

     Parker whispers something to Ballard and the two of them 
     write something down. Will looks up and notices Belzer 
     standing in the back.

                                BELZER
                    Please Will. I can only warn a guy 
                    for so long.

     Will ignores him.

                                BALLARD
                    Ready?

                                WILL
                    Yeah.

     Will drops his script. Belzer shakes his head. He turns 
     and leaves the auditorium.

                                                         SWIPE TO:

     EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - LITTLE LATER

     There are hundreds of people in the lot. Some are 
     talking to the graduates while others are taking 
     pictures.

     Debbie and Brian are standing near the front when Stacy 
     comes out of the school doors.

                                DEBBIE
                    Oh my little girl is a graduate!

     She hugs Stacy, who smiles.

                                STACY
                    Thanks mom.

                                DEBBIE
                    I'm just so happy for you. Aren't 
                    you happy for her, Brian?

                                BRIAN
                    I'm cumming in my pants, I'm so happy.

     She hits him lightly in the shoulder.

                                DEBBIE
                    C'mon. We need to get home to set 
                    up for the party.

     The three try to make their way through the crowd.

                                MARILYN (O.S.)
                    Stacy!

     Stacy turns and sees Marilyn coming through the crowd.

                                STACY
                    Mom, why don't you go home and set 
                    up without me. I'll meet you there.

                                DEBBIE
                    Okay.

     Debbie and Brian leave. Marilyn comes up to her and 
     kisses her very passionately. The people around them 
     seem a little shocked.

                                STACY
                    Wow...

                                MARILYN
                    Sorry. Got a little excited.

                                STACY
                    Just be careful. We're in a red 
                    state.

                                DAVE (O.S.)
                    Stacy!

     Both turn around and see Dave wandering around the crowd 
     like an idiot.

                                STACY
                           (under breath)
                    Jesus Tittyfucking - 

     Dave spots her.

                                DAVE
                   Stace!                          

     Dave runs over and bear hugs her. Stacy seems put off by 
     all this.

                                STACY
                    Hey Dave. I didn't know you were 
                    going to show up.

                                DAVE
                    I almost didn't. You forgot to tell 
                    me.
                             (laughs)
                    Isn't that weird?

                                STACY
                    Yeah. Say Dave, can I talk to you 
                    over there for a second?

                                DAVE
                    Sure.

     Dave and Stacy walk over to the side.

                                STACY
                    Listen, she doesn't know we're 
                    dating.

                                DAVE
                    So?

                                STACY
                    Well, she's one of those girls that 
                    blabs everything. You know, she'll 
                    tell one guy and they'll tell two 
                    guys. Then it'll eventually get 
                    back to my mom and she'll freak 
                    out.

                                DAVE
                    Oh!

                                STACY
                    So we shouldn't do anything -- 
                    romantic or sexual when she's 
                    around.

                                DAVE
                    Oh...Um, okay.

                                STACY
                    Wait there. I'm going to go tell 
                    her that you're my cousin or 
                    something.

     Stacy walks over to Marilyn.

                                STACY
                    That's my Uncle Dave. He' an 
                    alcoholic. So he will probably seem 
                    like...well, a jackass.

                                MARILYN
                    Duly noted.

     Stacy and Marilyn walk over to Dave. Stacy introduces 
     them.

							 	FADE TO:

     INT. SCHOOL - LOBBY - LITTLE LATER

     There are about twenty or so kids sitting around, 
     talking. Will is off by himself, reading something. Mr. 
     Parker and Ms. Ballard come into the hallway.

                                BALLARD
                    We want to thank all those everyone 
                    for trying out and say sorry to 
                    those who didn't make it.

     Parker posts the list. Everyone get up and scramble to 
     the list.

     Suddenly Richard Belzer appears and picks up with Will 
     was reading. The cover reads "Imaginary Friends: Signs 
     of Mental Problems."

     Will walks back, smiling. Belzer sighs.

                                BELZER
                             (sarcastic)
                    Gee, I wonder if you made the cast.

                                WILL
                    You're looking at Professor Zoltan 
                    Karpathy.

                                BELZER
                    Congratulation.

                                WILL
                    Now I've got months of long 
                    practices, dance numbers, awkward 
                    costumes for the next few months.

     Ellen walks up to the cast list and looks it over.

                                BELZER
                    Not to mention, Ms. Redhead.

                                WILL
                    Yeah. She's playing some stuck-up 
                    English broad.

     Belzer sighs.

                                WILL
                    What?

                                BELZER
                    I've constantly warn you. Not to 
                    get involved with this. Not to get 
                    near that girl. What do you do? Do 
                    you listen? Do you go out with your 
                    friend instead of coming to 
                    auditions? No. You come, audition, 
                    get in and try to mingle with her. 
                    Every single thing I've asked of 
                    you, you've done the opposite.

                                WILL
                    Well for fuck's sake, Belzer! You 
                    keep telling me "Stay away! Keep 
                    away from her!" What is wrong with 
                    her, Belz? Uh? What has she done 
                    that's so horrible?

     Brief pause. A weak smile comes across Belzer's face.

                                BELZER
                    Will, it's done what she's done...
                    It's what she's going to do.

     Will seems to be thrown off by this. Belzer pats him on 
     the back.

                                BELZER
                    I'll see you when I see you.

     He walks off. Will's eyes wonder towards Ellen, who is 
     talking to a tall girl.

                                ELLEN
                    Well I was going to sing "Dance All 
                    Night" but no one was singing "Show 
                    Me" so I decided -

     Her conversation fade out. Will continues to look.

								FADE TO:


     EXT. SHAKE SHOP - MINUTES LATER

     Reicther stands outside, looking at the place. Smiling. 
     Behind him we can see his boss RYAN appear. Reicther 
     turns around.

                                REICTHER
                    Ryan! Just the guy I've wanted to 
                    see! I've got something to say to 
                    you. I - 

                                RYAN
                    Reicther, you're fired.

     Reicther stands there with his mouth opened. Confused 
     and shocked.

                                REICTHER
                    Wh...What?

                                RYAN
                    The other night you left open the 
                    freezer and about half the ice 
                    cream melted.

                                REICTHER
                    Yo-You...You can't fire me...

                                RYAN
                    I'm sorry, Reicther. But I have to 
                    let you go.

     Reicther looks sadden. He lowers his head in shame and 
     slowly begins to walk away. Ryan shakes his head.

                                RYAN
                    Poor kid. Maybe I shou -

     Suddenly a bottle rocket flies out of one of the Shake 
     Shop's front windows.

                                RYAN
                    What the hell...

     Another flies out of another window. Then another and 
     another. Soon dozens are shooting out of the place and 
     going off inside.

     Reicther is still walking away with his head down, not 
     even noticing the fireworks.

                               REICTHER
                    All that hard work. And for what? 
                    Nothing.

     He walks away, still with dozens and dozens of fireworks 
     going off.

								FADE TO:


     EXT. STREET - LATER

     Joel is walking down the street, by himself. He has some 
     flowers in his hands.

                                 JOEL
                            (to himself)
                    Okay. All you have to do is 
                    apologize and leave. Don't stay and 
                    try to be romantic. Just end this 
                    here and now.

     Pause.

                                 JOEL
                    Who the hell am I talking to?

     He rounds the corner.

								CUT TO:    

     EXT. PLAYGROUND - MINUTES LATER

     CATHY is sitting on one of the swings, going back and 
     forth slowly. Joel approaches. She turns and notices 
     him. She stands and comes closer to him.   

                                CATHY
                    You bought me flowers?

                                JOEL
                    Yeah. It's the perfect "I'm-so-
                    sorry-for-being-an-asshole-for-
                    reasons-unknown-to-me" present.

                                CATHY
                    Kinda cheesy. Your mom help you 
                    come up with the idea?

     Joel laughs. Cathy gives him a look. Joel stops and 
     looks kinda nervous.

                                JOEL
                    She only picked the flower...and 
                    paid for it.

     She sighs.

                                JOEL
                    Come on. Tell me why your mad.

                                CATHY
                    Well, I'm not really angry. Just 
                    more confused and peeved.

                                JOEL
                    Isn't peeved - 

                                CATHY
                    Don't start with me.
                              (pause)
                    I am mad because of our little 
                    movie date.

                                JOEL
                    Don't worry about that. Will was 
                    only talking back at the screen 
                    because the guy playing Anakin was 
                    sucking.

                                CATHY
                    Not that date. The other one...with 
                    Chris and Kate.                   

                                JOEL
                    What are you talking about?

                                CATHY
                    You spent the entire date talking 
                    to Kate. You didn't talk with me 
                    at all.

                                JOEL
                    Yeah, but if I didnít she'd die.

                                CATHY
                    Joel, I think you are overstating 
                    your power over women.

     Pause. Joel is silent.

                                CATHY
                    You gave her so much attention...
                    all I wanted was some attention 
                    myself.

     Joel's eyes widen.

								SWIPE TO:

     INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY)

     There is a JOEL'S BRAIN (a man wearing a shirt that 
     says: Brain.) and JOEL'S HEART (a man wearing a shirt 
     that says: Heart.) Both are looking off CAMERA.

                                JOEL'S BRAIN
                    Holy fucking ass crackers! She *is* 
                    interested.

     They both look at each other in amazement. Both then 
     think.

                                JOEL'S HEART
                    I say we go for it.

                                JOEL'S BRAIN
                    What?! Are you insane? What about 
                    Brian?

                                JOEL'S HEART
                    Oh fuck him. He'll get over it.

                                JOEL'S BRAIN
                    No! We've go to stay practical on 
                    this one.

                                JOEL'S HEART
                              (under breath)
                    What a fucking know it all.

								SMASH CUT TO:

     EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME

     Reality. Cathy inches closer to Joel, who seems to be 
     becoming more and more nervous.

                                JOEL
                           (voice shaky)
                    Um...Cathy...Uh-Wh-I...What are you 
                    doing?

     Cathy looks into Joel's eyes. She slowly runs her hands 
     up his arms.

								SWIPE TO:

     INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY)

     Joel's Brain is on the floor. Joel's Heart is sitting on 
     his chest, choking the life out of him.

                                JOEL'S BRAIN
                              (out of air)
                    Th-Think...Think of the friendship.

                                JOEL'S HEART
                    Sorry. The heart wants what it wants, 
                    bitch.

								SMASH CUT TO:

     EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME

     Reality. Cathy still has her hands on Joel's shoulders. 
     Joel quickly goes in and kisses her. Jackson Browne's 
     "Somebody's Baby" starts to play. They continue to kiss 
     for a more seconds.

     They pull away.

                                JOEL
                    I'm not sure if I can do this.

                                CATHY
                    Why not?

									SWIPE TO:

     INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY)

     Joel's Brain lays on the floor. Joel's Heart begins 
     to whisper off camera.

                                JOEL'S HEART
                    Lie! Lie your ass off!

     JOEL'S CONSCIENCE suddenly appears. (a man wearing a 
     shirt that says: Conscience.)

                                JOEL'S CONSCIENCE
                    But lying is bad.

                                JOEL'S HEART
                    Only if the other person finds out 
                    the truth.

									CUT TO:

     EXT. PLAYGROUND - SAME

     Reality. Joel is thinking.

                                JOEL
                    It's...It's my mom.

     Cathy looks confused.

                                JOEL
                    She...She's one of those over 
                    protective moms.

                                CATHY
                    So?

                                JOEL
                    Well, she doesn't like the idea of 
                    me dating.

									CUT TO:

     INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY)

     Joel's Brain is sitting on a chair with an icepack on 
     his face. Joel's Heart looks disappointed.

                                JOEL'S BRAIN
                    Ha! Common sense prevails. 

								SMASH CUT TO:

     INT. PLAYGROUND - SAME

     Reality. Cathy smiles.

                                CATHY
                    I've got the perfect idea.

                                JOEL
                    You do?

                                CATHY
                    We'll hide our relationship.

                                JOEL
                    Hide it?

                                CATHY
                    We'll just keep this between me and 
                    you.

     Joel is about to say something but stops. He thinks. He 
     closes his eyes. He opens them and looks lovingly at 
     her.

                                JOEL
                    Okay. Let's do it.

     She giggles. They lean in and kiss.

								SMASH CUT TO:

     INT. RED ROOM - DAY (FANTASY)

     Joel's Heart is dancing around, in victory. Joel's Brain 
     is sitting in a chair. His head is handing down and 
     shaking back and forth. Joel's Conscience is sitting in 
     another chair, staring at the floor.

                                JOEL'S CONSCIENCE
                    This is all going to end very bad.

     (SONG ENDS.)


							   FADE TO BLACK

     FADE IN:

     EXT. VANDELE HOME - NIGHT

     Out in the front yard we can see a sign that reads 
     "Congratulations Stacy." We can hear music coming from 
     the house.

     INT. VANDELE HOME - SAME

     There is about thirty people or so in the house. Most 
     have drinks, and are conversing with another guest. In 
     the background Marvin Gaye's "Pride and Joy" plays.

     Near one corner we can see an OLD MAN and OLD WOMAN 
     talking with Stacy. He says something and Stacy laughs 
     and hugs him.

     In another corner we see Dave holding a plate of small 
     hot dogs on sticks. He's shoving one after another into 
     his mouth.

								CUT TO:

     INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME

     Brian, Chris, and Casey are standing around, talking.

                                CHRIS
                    So everything has to be like it?

                                CASEY
                    Yeah.

                                CHRIS
                    Even say...grilled cheese?

                                CASEY
                    Haven't you heard, if it's black, 
                    send it back?

     Something beeps. Brian opens the oven and pulls out a 
     try. We see that they are small black dots.

                                BRIAN
                    Here you are, Casey. One batch of 
                    tator tots.

                                CASEY
                    Cool. Do you have any salt and 
                    ketchup.

     Brian, annoyed, shakes his head. He leaves the room.

                                CASEY
 
                    What?

     Casey shrugs it off and begins to eat some of the tots. 
     Stacy pops her head through the door.

                                STACY
                    Chris, phone for you.

                                CHRIS
                    Phone? Who is it?

                                STACY
                    It's Kate. She seems pretty upset.
                              (confused)
                    She said that someone's in the 
                    house.

     Chris sighs.

                                CHRIS
                    Okay. I'm coming.

     Chris leaves the room.

     EXT. VANDELE HOUSE - MINUTES LATER

     Joel is standing on the front porch. He seems a bit 
     depressed. Off screen we can hear someone singing 
     something. The CAMERA PANS to the LEFT and we see Will 
     slowly walking across the yard. Singing and smiling.

                                WILL
                             (singing)
                    "I have often walked
                    Down this street before
                    But the pavement
                    always stayed  
                    Beneath my feet before
                    All at once am I
                    Several stories high
                    Knowing I'm on the street
                    Where you live..."

     He notices Joel standing there.

                                WILL
                    Let me guess. You forgot to get her 
                    something.

     Joel's eyes widen.

                                JOEL
                    Shit!

                                WILL
                    Don't worry you can have half of 
                    what I got her.

                                JOEL
                    What did you get her?

                                WILL
                    A five dollar bill.

     Will smiles while Joel sighs.

                                WILL
                    Sorry for being humorous.

                                JOEL
                    I guess I'm not in a humorous mood.

     Suddenly we hear POLIC SIRENS. BLUE and RED lights begin 
     to flash very brightly.

     We see Reicther running down the street. There is a 
     POLICE CAR slowly going behind him.

                                VOICE
                   Stop running!

                                REICTHER
                   NEVER!

     The car pulls over to the side of the road. OFFICERS 
     KELLER and HOWARD get out of the car and start to run 
     after him. They easily catch up with him. Keller push 
     Reicther down.

                                REICTHER
                   This is bull! I didn't do anything!

     Howard pulls out a pair of cuffs.

                                HOWARD
                   Sir, you have the right to remain silent.

                                REICTHER
                   Screw you guys!

     He spits in Howard's face. Keller kicks in the stomach. 
     Reicther starts gasping for air.

                                KELLER
                   See I think being silent is more of 
                   a privilege then a right.

     Reicther passes out.

                                KELLER
                   So enjoy the privilege.

     Howard cuff him.

     Back on Joel and Will. Joel smiles.

                                JOEL
                   Okay. That put in a humorous mood.

     Both laugh.

                                WILL
                   Come on, let's go in.

     They enter the house.

								TIME FADE TO:

     EXT. VANDELE HOME - HOURS LATER

     We can no longer hear the music playing. Will, Joel, 
     Brock, Chris, and Casey are walking away from the house, 
     talking and laughing.

     (MUSIC MONTAGE: Bonnie Somerville's "Winding Road.")

     INT. VANDELE HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME

     Brian sits on the couch. Watching TV. He seems sad. He 
     gets up and leaves the room.

     INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME

     Debbie enters looking around.

     EXT. VADELE HOME - BACKYARD - SAME

     Stacy and Marilyn are in the backyard, making out. They 
     stop for a second as Marilyn says something.

     INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME

     Debbie is now looking through a cabinet that is right 
     next to the sink. She stops looking. She notices 
     something outside. She leans in for a closer look. She 
     gasps.

     EXT. VANDELE HOME - BACKYARD - SAME

     Stacy and Marilyn are making out again. This time we can 
     see Debbie at the kitchen window looking out.

     INT. VANDELE HOME - KITCHEN - SAME

     Debbie takes a few steps back, stunned.

                                DEBBIE
                    Oh...my god!...My daughter...is...
                    is...a carpet licker!

     She grabs her mouth in shock.

								FADE TO:

     INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - MINUTES LATER

     Brian is on the edge of his bed, messing with some wire. 
     He seems a bit angry.

                                                         FADE TO:

     INT. KATE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME

     It's pitch black. We can't really see anything. There's 
     a knock at the door. A light turns on and KATE DAVIDSON 
     appears, holding a butcher knife in her hand. She opens 
     the door and lets Chris in. He jumps.

                                CHRIS
                    Jesus Christ!

                                KATE
                    There is someone in my backyard. 
                    He's been out there for a least an 
                    hour.

     Chris rolls his eyes.

                               CHRIS
                    Okay, okay. Just calm down, honey.

     He puts his arm around her and starts to comfort her. 
     She begins to cry.

                               KATE
                    I just didn't know what do...

     They walk out of the room.

                                                         FADE TO:

     INT. VANDELE HOME - BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME

     Brian is standing on his bed, messing around with his 
     ceiling fan.

                                                         FADE TO:

     INT. MAYBERRY HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME

     Joel walks through the door. He seems tired. His mother, 
     MARGIE MAYBERRY, pops her head in from the kitchen.

                                MARGIE
                   Joel, a female named...
                             (confused)
                   Trudy Yerschool called for you a 
                   while back. She said you would know 
                   what it's about.

     Joel shakes his head.

                                JOEL
                           (to himself)
                   This may be more trouble then it's 
                   worth.

								FADE TO:

     INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME

     Brian is sitting on his bed. He is writing something on 
     the nightstand.

								FADE TO:

     EXT. POLICE STATION - SAME

     Officers Keller and Howard are leading Reicther into the 
     station. Reicther smiles to reveal BLOODY teeth.

								FADE TO:

     INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME

     Brian is once again standing on his bed. This time his 
     is hooking some wires around his neck, that are attached 
     to his ceiling fan.

								FADE TO:

     INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME

     Will is on  his bed. He is reading the script for "My 
     Fair Lady." He stops and seems confused.

                                WILL
                    Crazy brits.

								FADE TO:

     INT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME

     Brian closes his eyes and jumps off the bed.

     EXT. BRIAN'S ROOM - SAME

     We focus on the door. There is an eerie silence.


                                                        FADE OUT.
                           
                            END OF EPISODE




Return to Simply Scripts