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                          THE LUNCHROOM                                
                               
                          Episode Eight 
                   "With Friends Like These..."

                                
                           Teleplay by
                  Edward Drogos & Bruce Snyder
                                
                                
                            Story by
                  Bruce Snyder & Melinda Waterman
                                
                               
                           Created by
                          Bruce Snyder
                                
                                
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Bruce Snyder
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Vincent Biga
                                
                          STORY EDITOR
                        Melinda Waterman
                                 
                      CONSULTING PRODUCER
                         Edward Drogos
                                
                      CONSULTING PRODUCER
                          Max Majernik                               
 



                                 CAST LIST

		Will Cooper........................Jamie Bell
		Joel Mayberry.................Jesse Eisenberg
		Brian Vandele.....................Jason Davis
		Brock Warner.....................Martin Starr
		Reicther...................John Francis Daley 
		Casey Jennings....................Kyle Sabihy
		Chris Hughes......................Arjay Smith
		Stacy Cifaretto................Lauren Ambrose
		Mr. John Parker...................Ryan Stiles


                              GUEST CAST LIST

		Dr. Sollett..................Mariska Hargitay 
		Kirk Hoey...........................Jon Heder
		Damian.............................Ben Foster
		Pariah.........................Emily Browning
		Malcolm.............................Paul Dano


     


     NOTE: The Cast list about is just for fun, it's not real 
     at all.

     Copyright © Bruce Snyder 

     TEASER

     FADE IN:

	INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - AFTERNOON

	Chris closes his locker door and walks over to get a 
	drink at a fountain. Behind him the top of Stacyís red 
	hair and her eyes poke out the door.

	She sees Chris and quickly goes back inside.  After a 
	second Chris finishes his drink.

					STACY (O.C.)
			Chris!

	Chris looks around to see who called him.

					STACY (O.C.) (CONTíD)
			Chris!  Are you there?

					CHRIS
				(looking around)
			I am, but where the fuck are you?

	Stacy walks out into the hall.

	Her face is covered with different shades of different 
	makeup. Her eye shadow is on her forehead, her lipstick 
	goes around her chin and to her nose, and the majority 
	of blush is on her nose.

					CHRIS (CONTíD)
				(laughs)
			What did you do to yourself?

					STACY
			It wasnít me, it was for my drama
			class.

					CHRIS
			And you are rehearsing "The Whores of 
                 Madison County?"

					STACY
			No! I need you to make sure no one is
			around the corner so I can go to the
			bathroom.

					CHRIS
			I mean were you rehearsing a scene
			where fifty clowns are driven back -

					STACY
			Chris!

					CHRIS
			Alright.

	He looks around the corner. Suddenly Mr. Parker walks up 
	and faces Chris and the back of Stacy.

					PARKER
			Hey, Chris.  Raggedy Annie.

					CHRIS
			Hi.

					STACY
				(not turning around)
			Hello.

					PARKER
				(to Chris)
			Whatís with her?

					CHRIS
			Uh, nothing.

					PARKER
			Well turn around then.

	After a pause she does revealing her face to Mr. Parker.

					PARKER (CONTíD)
			Whoa.  What happened to you, raggedy
			Anne?  You start taking make-up tips
			from Courtney Love?

	Chris stifles a laugh and Stacy looks a little insulted.

					STACY
			Kristin did my makeup for drama class.

					PARKER
			Kristin, whoís Kristin...
				(realizing)
			Oh, Kristin. The blind girl.
				(confused)
                 She did your makeup?

					STACY
			Yeah. I didn't know she was blind. I 
                 thought she was just clumsy and liked 
                 to wear sunglasses.

					PARKER
				(laughs)
			Well hereís some advice.  Next week,
			you do her makeup like that.

	Mr. Parker begins to walk off.

					STACY
			What? I can't do that. That's cruel.

					PARKER
			Hey, sheíll never know. 

										CUT TO:

	OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

	Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the 
	credits.

										FADE TO:

	INT. DR. SOLLETT'S OFFICE - DAY

	Casey is sitting on the couch with Sollett in her chair.

					SOLLETT
			So your friends left you there for how
			long?

					CASEY
			Only about twenty minutes.

					SOLLETT
			Only twenty minutes.  Casey, donít you
			think that being left at the movie
			theatre for any amount of time is too
			long?

					CASEY
			Yeah, I guess.

					SOLLETT
			Do your friends often do this to you?

					CASEY
			No this is the first time they left me
			there. Being there wasnít that bad.
				    (pause) 
			Trying to find a way home was.

	Sollett thinks.

					SOLLETT
			Casey, I have a thought. It seems
			that a lot of your stress comes
			directly from your friends. Maybe we
			could experiment with you acquainting
			yourself with a new group of people?

					CASEY
			You want me to get new friends?

					SOLLETT
			Well, maybe if you have different
			people surrounding you will have a
			different reaction to a situation.
			Maybe even new situations, that would
			be less of a stress on you.

					CASEY
			I could try.

					SOLLETT
			Itís worth a try.
				(she looks at the clock)
			Time's up.

										CUT TO:

	INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - NEXT MORNING

	Joel is talking on the phone with his mom. Will is 
	looking through Joel's fridge.

					JOEL
			Yeah. (Pause) The bus is suppose to 
			head out around 9 and we've got to be 
			up there by 8:30.

					WILL
			Where the hell is the soda!

	Joel signals Will to be quiet.

					JOEL
			Yeah. (Pause) Yeah. (Pause) Okay. Love 
			you too. Bye.

	Joel hangs up.

					WILL
			I look and I look but still I see no 
			soda.

					JOEL
			Sorry but we don't have any soda.

					WILL
			Why the hell not?

					JOEL
			Well unlike your family, we hate that 
			stuff. Too unhealthy.

					WILL
				   (gasps)
			OH! BLASPHEMY!

	Will looks through it again.

					WILL
			Okay what do you have?

					JOEL
			Apple juice, ice water, milk.

					WILL
			Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you 
			were Mormon.

					JOEL
			Hey, I'm sorry but soda burns the back 
			of my throat.

					WILL
			Burns the back of your throat?

					JOEL
			Yeah. I think it has something to do 
			with my tonsils.

					WILL
			That's fucked up.

	Will briefly gives the fridge another glance.

					WILL
			I guess, I'll have...
				(searches)
			A "yahoo."

	Will pulls out a Yahoo. Joel looks around.

					JOEL
			What time is it?

	Will checks his watch.

					WILL
			8:03.

	Joel heads out of the room.

					JOEL
			I'll be right back.

					WILL
			What are you doing?

					JOEL (O.S.)
			The only thing I do right before nine.

	Will thinks about it.

					WILL
			Ah screw it.

	He opens the bottle and begins to drink. He makes a 
	face.

					WILL
			Oh...God damn that sucks!

	He swallows.

					WILL
			...but has a surprising refreshing 
			after taste.

	He takes another drink. He makes another disgusted face.

					WILL
				(disgusted)
			Smooth.

	He leaves the room.

										CUT TO:

	INT.  SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

	Casey and another student, MALCOLM are seen facing us, 
	viewed from their shoulders up. Malcolm looks down 
	towards his feet and then makes a note in his notebook. 
	He then glances over at Casey in the direction of his 
	feet and does a double take.

	Casey notices and looks quickly down towards his feet too.

					MALCOLM
			Has yours grown?

					CASEY
			Excuse me?

					MALCOLM
				(pointing)
			Look at it.  Itís grown.

	Casey takes a closer look.

					CASEY
			I donít know.  It looks a little more
			green then yesterday.

	The camera pulls back to see that they are both sitting 
	at a lab table with a specimen in a petri dish before 
	them. 

					MALCOLM
				(showing Casey his dish)
			Look at mine. Itís different, huh?
			Do you think it is the same one from
			yesterday?

					CASEY
			I donít know, is that supposed to
			happen?

	Casey looks through his science book.

					MALCOLM
			Iím Malcolm.

					CASEY
			Casey.

					MALCOLM
			Is it okay if I call you Case?

					CASEY
			Fine, I guess.

					MALCOLM
			Good!  God, I canít wait for this
			weekend.

					CASEY
			Why?  What are you going to do?

					MALCOLM
			Probably go see a bunch of movies.

					CASEY
			Rather expensive donít you think?

					MALCOLM
			Not if you work there.

					CASEY
			Thatís cool.  Isnít that new Angelina
			Jolie and Jude Law movie coming out
			this weekend?

					MALCOLM
			Yeah, I canít tell you how exited I
			was when I found out that I get to
			watch Jude Law all weekend. 

					CASEY
			Yeah, Angelina is so... wait, Jude
			Law? But...But that's a man. You know 
			the ones with...penises.

					MALCOLM
			Yeah, he is supposed to amazingly hot
			in this film.

	Casey pauses for a moment, realizing something.

					CASEY
			Your gay?

					MALCOLM
			Please. Even gay people see me and are 
			like "Oh he's fag."

	Casey seems a bit stunned.

					MALCOLM
			Jesus, haven't you ever met anyone gay 
			before?

					CASEY
			Yes, actually.  My friend Brockís moms
			kissed in front of me once. It wasnít
			as exiting as I thought it would be.

					MALCOLM
				(thinks)
			See we have that in common, I donít
			like it when two old lesbians kiss
			either.

										CUT TO:

	INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME

	Will is sitting on the couch watching TV. He seems 
	bored. He checks his watch.

					WILL
			Are you almost done choking the living 
			life out of your toilet, Joel? Because 
			it's almost 8:30.

					JOEL (O.S.)
			Time will tell.

	Will sighs. Pause. Suddenly the phone rings. Will looks 
	at the phone. It continues to ring.

					JOEL (O.S.)
			Pick it up!

					WILL
			Okay!

	Will slowly gets up and goes over to the phone. He 
	picks up.

					WILL
			Hello?
				(Pause)
			Well, he's a bit busy right now trying 
			make sure he's regular. May I ask 
			who's calling?

	There's a pause. Will seems kind of startled.

					WILL
			Cathy? Um...no, actually I'm surprised 
			you called.

	INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/BATHROOM - SAME

	Joel is sitting on the toilet. He is reading the book 
	"Stupid White Men by Michael Moore."

	Pause. Joel lets out a small giggle.

					JOEL
			Oh we really are stupid white men.

	There's a knock at the door.

					WILL (O.S.)
				(in fake 
				friendly voice)
			Oh Joel. Buddy 'ol pal.

					JOEL
			Yes?

					WILL (O.S.)
				(in fake 
				friendly voice)
			Well, my best buddy in the world I 
			just got off the phone.

					JOEL
			Oh yeah. How was it anyway?

					WILL (O.S.)
				(in fake 
				friendly voice)
			Well, my dear friend. Since you asked...
				(serious voice)
			...it was Cathy Phenis.

	Joel looks up. His eyes get big.

					JOEL
				  (quietly)
			Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

					WILL (O.S.)
			She was just checking up on you, since 
			because you just HAD to take defecate, 
			we are now ten minutes late. She just 
			wanted to make sure you were okay.

	Joel seems worried.

					JOEL
			And what did you say?

					WILL (O.S.)
			That I'd make sure you were taken care 
			of.

					JOEL
			Yip.

					WILL (O.S.)
			Joel, why don't you come out and we 
			have a nice a little conversation.

					JOEL
			You know we should keep talking like 
			this. You know with the big wooden 
			door with the lock between us.

					WILL (O.S.)
			Joel! Come out here!

					JOEL
				  (quietly)
			Oh shit!

										CUT TO:

	INT. DRAWING CLASS - LATER

	Casey has his sketch book open and has only been able to 
	write his name on it.  He looks around and sees two 
	morbid looking GOTH STUDENTS wearing all black with 
	spiked hair and white faces and black makeup.

	He catches their eye and looks away quickly. The Goth 
	kids move over to Casey.

					CASEY
			Hi.

					DAMIAN
			Hello. I'm Damian and this is my
			girlfriend Pariah.

					CASEY
				    (uneasy)
			Nice to meet you.

	They sit down next to him.

					PARIAH
			You know what helps me think of
			something to draw?

					CASEY
			Not rea -

					PARIAH
				 (overlaps)
			I close my eyes and think of the
			immortal battle between the sun and
			the moon and the cosmic explosions of
			darkness and black holes enveloping
			into my soul and pouring out of me
			through every fiber of my being, and I
			suddenly am inspired.

	Casey blinks a few times processing what he just heard.

					CASEY
			...Huh?

					DAMIAN
			Pariah, show him your painting.

	Pariah pulls out a black sketch book and turns to a page 
	with what looks like a mess of black paint streaks with 
	one red blob in the middle on it.

	Casey looks at it and doesnít know what to say.

					CASEY
			Um, what does it mean?

					PARIAH
			This centers on my blood devotion to
			the "Eye of Ra." The deep red center
			is my blood seeping into the depths of
			society and their indignations nature
			towards us.

	Casey still can't say anything.

					DAMIAN
			Donít you find life completely...
				(searches for word)
			...lifeless?

					CASEY
				(depressed)
			Now I do.

					PARIAH
			Do you have a name?

					CASEY
			Yeah, itís Casey Jennings.

					PARIAH
			Oh fuck! That is a ghastly name full 
			Of brightness! We must change it.

					DAMIAN
			What does society want you to be?

					CASEY
			Um, well successful, smart, nice -

					DAMIAN
				   (overlaps)
			I think I have a name for you...
			Indignant Mortal.

					CASEY
			What?

					PARIAH
			Itís perfect. It shows that he is new
			and already fully angry at the
			establishment.

					CASEY
			Wait, Iím what?

					PARIAH
			Donít you see it?

					CASEY
			Wouldnít it just be easier to just
			listen to Rage Against the Machine or
			something or some other gouth band?

					DAMIAN
			Actually I have a band.

	The bell rings and Casey is relieved and gets up to 
	leave.

					DAMIAN
			We're called the Evil Hearts of 
			Darkness.

					CASEY
			Hey, I've heard of you.

					DAMIAN
			You have?

					CASEY
			Yeah, Your amazingly...morbid.

					DAMIAN
			Thank you.

					CASEY
			Donít mention it. Well, it was nice
			talking to you. Gotta go.

					PARIAH
			Nice to meet you Indignant Mortal,
			remember shun the brightness.

					CASEY
			Yeah, got it.

	Casey walks out of the classroom.

										CUT TO:

	INT. JOEL'S HOUSE/HALLWAY - LATER

	Will is sitting against the bathroom door.

					WILL
			Jesus Christ, Joel. Just come out!

					JOEL (O.S.)
			You promise not to hurt me?

					WILL
			You know my stance. I promise nothing.

					JOEL (O.S.)
			Then, I'm not coming out.

	We now INTERCUT between Will and Joel who is sitting on 
	the toilet (his pants are up this time.)

	Pause.

					WILL
			So what IS the deal with Cathy?

					JOEL
			Well, we started to run together in 
			gym class and ended up talking a lot.

					WILL
			Talking?

					JOEL
			Yeah.
				   (pause)
			You know that love letter Brian wrote 
			to her?

					WILL
			Yeah.

					JOEL
			Well, he didn't sign it. He just put 
			"One of Will Cooper's friends." So I 
			have this theory...that she thinks I 
			wrote the letter.

	Pause.

					WILL
			Wow...talk about irony.

					JOEL
			Actually I don't think that's irony.

					WILL
			Then what is it?

					JOEL
			   (thinking; unsure)
			...A pun...Nevermind, the point is I'm 
			in hard situation.

	Pause.

					WILL
			Do you think she likes you?

					JOEL
			Well, she - Yeah. I do.

					WILL
			Do you like her?

	Pause. Joel seems to be conflicted.

					JOEL
			...Yeah. But it's all against my 
			better judgment.

					WILL
				(to himself)
			Oh shit.

	Pause.

					WILL
			Joel, I'm not going to hurt you. Just 
			come out and let's talk this threw.

					JOEL
			Okay.

	Joel comes out. The two begin to walk toward the kitchen.

					WILL
			You know...I think we missed the bus.

	Both let out a chuckle.

					JOEL
			I didn't really want to go in the 
			first place.

					WILL
			You know what I think is weird about 
			this.

					JOEL
			What?

					WILL
			That you actually thought I wasn't 
			going to hurt YOU!

	Will quickly jumps onto Joel. Both fall to the ground, 
	where they begin to wrestle.

	Both stand up.

     CLOSE UP ON WILL'S FOOT:

     His foot steps on the untied shoelace of the other foot.

     Will takes a step and quickly falls down. Joel turns 
     and laughs a bit.

                                JOEL
                          (laughing a bit)
                    Are you okay.

     Will slowly stands. 

                                SWILL
                    I'm okay.

     A small tinkle of blood begins to come out of his left 
     ear.

                                JOEL
                    Oh my God!

     Will feels his forehead.

                                WILL
                    Oh Jesus! A bump.

                                JOEL
                    You don't feel it?

                                WILL
                    Yes. Can't you see me rubbing my 
                    forehead.

                                JOEL
                    No, your ears!

                                WILL
                    What?

                                JOEL
                    EARS!

                                WILL
                    Say again, a bit louder.

     Joel reaches over and takes Will's hand and places 
     it on his ears. Will then takes a look at his hand and 
     seems terrified to see blood.

                                WILL
                    Oh my good...blood!

     Will begins to breathe heavily.

                                JOEL
                    It's okay. We'll just relax while I 
                    call someone.

     Will nods. Suddenly his eyes roll back and he 
     collapses and BAM! His head hits the corner of the 
     couch.

                                JOEL
                    Oh fuck!

     Joel seems confused on what to do.
					
										DISSOLVE TO:

	INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - SAME

	Casey walks against the flow of students in the hallway 
	and stops to look out the window onto the football field.

	Sitting below the window on the floor is Kirk, looking 
	down at the floor, lost in thought.

	Casey walks over and sits down next to him as the feet 
	of the passing students walk past them.
	
					KIRK
			Did you know that the chances of
			stepping on gum are 1 in 115,000?

					CASEY
			Now I do.

					KIRK
				(pointing)
			That piece of gum has been there for
			approximately thirty-seven minutes,
			and one-hundred-seventeen, eighteen...
			nineteen... twenty...

					CASEY
			I get it.

					KIRK
			...pairs of feet have walked by.

					CASEY
			So you are testing this statistic.

					KIRK
			Yeah.
				(beat)
			OH!  No, it didnít stick.

					CASEY
			Maybe you should track how many times
			the gum doesnít stick to some ones
			shoe.

	Kirk turns slowly to look at him.

					KIRK
			My ways easier.

	Casey is about to say something, but realizes what Kirk 
	has said. He goes back to studying the gum.

					KIRK (CONTíD)
			Okay, so that was one time.

	Casey sighs, gets up and walks away.

										CUT TO:

	INT. JOEL'S KITCHEN - LATER

	Joel is sitting at the table, while Will lays on the 
	floor. Will is holding a roll of paper against his ear.

					WILL
			We've got to do something.

					JOEL
			I know, I know. I'm just really 
			confused on what to do. I tell him he 
			kicks my ass. I hide longer, he finds 
			out, he hicks my ass.

					WILL
			Oh shit!

					JOEL
			What?

					WILL
			I'm part of this now. Brian ever finds 
			out, he'll also know I knew. Then 
			he'll kick MY ASS for not telling him.

					JOEL
			Well, for now I think we should just 
			keep this between us. Agreed.

					WILL
			Agreed.

	Will over and him and Joel shake hands.

										FADE OUT

	FADE IN:

	INT. LUNCHROOM - NEXT DAY

	Casey walks in and looks at the different tables of 
	people, deciding where to sit. To his left are the 
	jocks. Taking up an entire corner, doing nothing but 
	not thinking.

	Behind him he sees Malcolm with the rest of the drama 
	club looking uninterested in anything besides their art.

	But right in front of him he sees Will, Brian, Brock, 
	Reicther and Joel all laughing at something Chris said. 
	They see Casey standing there and wave him to a chair 
	theyíve saved for him. Casey, confused, slowly walks 
	over and sits down.

					WILL
			Hey, where were you yesterday?

					CASEY
			Nowhere special.

					REICTHER
			Chris, tell him that joke about the 
			death.

					CHRIS
			Okay. These two guys are at a bar. 
			They've just come from a funeral and 
			their talking about life and death. 
			The one guy mentions how his parents 
			died. He says that his father died 
			horribly. You know, he had cancer, 
			suffered all the time. But he says it 
			was weird because his mom died the 
			opposite. She died peacefully in her 
			sleep. This gets the second guy 
			thinking. Finally after a short pause, 
			the second guy says "Yeah, sounds like 
			your mom was better off. Sorta like my 
			dad." The first guy is like "Oh 
			really." And the second guy continues 
			on "Yeah, in fact I wanna die like he 
			did. Calm, relaxed, quiet...you know 
			not kicking and screaming like the 
			four other guys in the car.	

	This makes the rest of the gang laugh, but Casey can only smile.

					BROCK
				  (to Casey)
			What's wrong?

					CASEY
			Nothingís wrong.  Why do you keep
			saying that?

					BROCK
			Well you seen so melancholy.

					BRIAN
			Melancholy!  Whereíth the hellíth did
			thatíth comeíth fromíth?

					REICTHER
			...What?

	Malcolm comes up to Casey and leans very close to him.

					MALCOLM
			Case, I just heard that they are
			selling double chocolate chunk
			cookies, do you want me to get you
			one?

					CASEY
			Sure.

	Casey goes for his wallet, but canít find it.

					CASEY (CONTíD)
			My wallet.  Shit, I forgot it at home.

					MALCOLM
			Oh, what a shame.  Well maybe theyíll
			have them tomorrow.  Bye.

	Malcolm walks off. Casey is still checking his pockets.

					CASEY
			I canít believe I forgot it.

					JOEL
			Wait, I got a dollar.

	He gets one out of his pocket and gives it to Casey.

					WILL
			Yeah, me too.

					REICTHER
			Have two.

	Will and Reicther throw a few bills to Casey.

					CHRIS
			Two dollars, seventy-seven cents and a
			coupon for an low-sodium prune juice.

	They all look at him.

					CHRIS
			What? My money no good around here?

	Chris hands it to Casey and Brian slides over a few 
	bucks.

					BRIAN
			Here, buy something that makes you
			look pretty.

					CASEY
			Thank you.

	The gang shrugs it off. Casey canít believe it. He 
	realizes something, when he looks up again his whole 
	attitude changes.

					CASEY
			So I heard Stacy let a blind girl do 
			her makeup.

					CHRIS
			Yeah, and she had no idea she was blind
			until she was finished

	All of them laugh now and go up to the counter to get 
	their food.

										FADE TO:

	(BEGIN MUSIC: Tenacious D's "Friendship.")

	INT. SOLLETTíS OFFICE - NEXT WEEK

	Sollett and Casey are in their usual positions.

					SOLLETT
			So, how did the experiment work out?

					CASEY
			Very well.

					SOLLETT
			Really, what happened?

					CASEY
			It made realize something really
			important. I like my friends.

					SOLLETT
			What?

					CASEY
			My friends are willing to do things
			for me that no one else in that school
			will do for me.  Iíd rather have those
			six people sometimes making fun of me
			than be alone with the rest of the
			school not noticing me at all.

	Pause.

					CASEY
			Is that what they call a breakthrough?

					SOLLETT
			Do YOU think it is a breakthrough?

	Casey rolls his eyes.

                                                        FADE OUT.

     (The song continues over the end credits.)
                           
                            END OF EPISODE


				


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