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The Lunchroom
Episode 2x10
"Fast Car"
Written by
Edward Drogos
Created by
Bruce Snyder
TEASER:
INT. LUNCHROOM – AFTERNOON
Will, Brian, Joel, Brock, Reicther, Casey, Chris, and
Stacy along with the rest of the school are having
lunch, but Brock concentrates on something in his hand.
JOEL
(looking at the menu)
Hey, why isn't there food tomorrow.
CHRIS
You mean you are actually looking
forward to one of their meals
tomorrow. I mean even Brian doesn't
like their food.
BRIAN
Thanks. For your information – Ah,
screw it.
CASEY
(not looking up from his
Gameboy)
We get a three-day weekend.
CHRIS
Why?
BRIAN
Well, if the teachers get the day
off, it seems silly to have the
students come in, don't you think.
JOEL
I'm not the type to argue with a
three-day weekend, but...Wait,
there is no but.
He gets up to go over to the soda machine. Casey's
Gameboy makes a jingling sound.
CASEY
Yes! Level Ten!
(to all of them)
I forgot how cool this was.
WILL
(fake excitement)
Yeah, that's real good Casey.
Everyone laughs except Stacy, who is still looking at
something in her hand.
Joel comes back with his Coke. He opens it and it
explodes in his face.
JOEL
Shit.
He looks for a napkin but all of his books and papers
are in the way.
JOEL (CONT'D)
Where the fuck is it... My life is
cluttered. Cluttered with...I have
to unclutter my life.
Joel finds the napkin and sees the rest of them looking
at him.
WILL
Are you alright, man?
JOEL
I just can't stand all this
disorganization.
Joel cleans up the mess.
REICTHER
So, what should we do this weekend?
Joel sighs deeply.
CASEY
What was that?
JOEL
Why do we always have to do
everything together? I mean I
spend nine out of my ten waking
hours with you guys.
CHRIS
Are you tired of us?
JOEL
No. Well, I need to find myself. I
need to improve myself.
REICTHER
Where did this come from?
BRIAN
Well, I sorta see his point...
REICTHER
(offended)
Fine you can stay with Joel on his
weekend of self-gratification...I
mean self-improvement. So, what are
the rest of us going to do?
CASEY
Since Stacy has her license, why
doesn't she show off his driving
skills?
BROCK
Like a road trip?
STACY
I guess so. Where do we go?
No one can think of anywhere.
REICTHER
What if we just drive anywhere?
Silence.
BRIAN
What about Vegas?
Silence.
STACY
Well, what's wrong with driving
around until we feel like coming
home?
No one can think of anything.
STACY (CONT'D)
So it's decided.
They all nod in agreement.
CHRIS
(exited)
I've never been on a road trip!
JOEL
I'm gonna get another drink.
He gets up, gets his drink, and sits back down. He does
to open it then stops, pushes the can over to Will's
side of the table and opens it.
Nothing happens. Joel goes to drink as the fire alarm
bell, makes him jump and spill the soda all over him
again.
CHRIS
(getting up)
Oh yeah, I thought there was a fire
drill today.
(to Joel)
Well, at least you won't catch on
fire.
WILL
(walking out)
I don't know, is High Futose Corn
Syrup flammable?
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
INT. GARAGE - NEXT MORNING
Stacy and DEBBIE VANDELE enter. Debbie is carrying a
large bag.
DEBBIE
Okay, now remember all the things
you learned in driving school. Don't
speed, and be careful with my car.
STACY
Don't worry, I'll be careful with
your Land Cruiser.
STACY
Land Cruiser? Oh, no. Your not
taking my new car on a road trip.
Your taking the other one.
The camera pans over to the other car. It's a 1995
Mercury Villager, powder blue with rust patches and
three hubcaps missing hubcaps.
STACY
No...You can't make me drive that
old thing. It makes no sense.
DEBBIE
(putting a bag
in the back)
What do you mean? It makes perfect
sense, it'll fit all of you, and
your stuff, it still runs great and
let me repeat, you are not driving
my new car.
STACY
(he walks over
to the van)
Okay, mom. Can I have the keys?
LOIS
(walks over)
Sure.
(hands them to her)
And this...
She gives her a cell phone.
STACY
What's this for?
DEBBIE
In case of an emergency...
STACY
Thanks.
DEBBIE
And for me to check up on you.
STACY
...But no thanks.
DEBBIE
Keep it. There's also a GPS on
there, if you get lost. Now you
better get going.
Stacy gets into the car with a look of slight disgust,
and starts it up. Brock pulls out and waves goodbye.
EXT. VANDELE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Stacy pulls out and stops in the driveway. Brian emerges
from the house with a bag. He opens the door and gets
in. He throws his bags in the back.
STACY
Ready?
BRIAN
Let's hit the fucking road.
Stacy pulls out of the driveway and turns on to the
street.
EXT. WILL'S HOUSE – MINUTES LATER
The Van pulls up to the house. Stacy honks her horn.
Will comes out with his sleeping bag and stops when he
sees Stacy and Brian in the minivan.
WILL
You're kidding.
Stacy gets out and opens the back.
STACY
Just get in.
Will throws his bag in the back and gets in the front.
Stacy starts the car again and they drive and turn the
corner.
EXT. CHRIS'S HOUSE – MORNING
Chris is sitting on his porch waiting for the car. Stacy
pulls up but Chris doesn't notice. Stacy honks but Chris
doesn't pay attention.
INT. STACY'S CAR – CONTINUOUS
BRIAN
What is he doing? Open the window.
Stacy looks for the button but can't find one.
STACY
Where's the button.
BRIAN
(pointing)
You crank it.
Stacy rolls down her window.
STACY
Hey! What are you waiting for?
Chris realizes it them and walks over to the car.
CHRIS
Your kidding.
BRIAN
Just get in!
CHRIS
Shotgun.
BRIAN
What? No, I got here first.
CHRIS
Order of the picking up does not
effect the calling of the shotgun.
Did you already call it?
WILL
Well, no.
CHRIS
Back of the bus, Brian.
Brian gets in the back as Chris takes his rightful place
in the front.
FADE TO:
INT. STACY'S CAR - ROAD – DAY
Everyone is in the car now. Stacy driving, Chris
shotgun, Reicther, Will, Brock and Brian in the middle,
and Casey stuffed in the back.
CASEY
Since when were there rules about
the second row too?
STACY
So which way do we go?
BROCK
Well, here is a map, just pick a
road, and we'll go that way.
CHRIS
So I get to decide?
STACY
Sure.
BRIAN
(to Reicther)
Don't you think Chris's just a
little too exited about this trip?
Reicther laughs. Stacy stops at a stoplight.
CHRIS
What? I've been in this state for
six months. This is the first time
I'll seen outside Centerville.
REICTHER
That's a little sad.
They all agree. The light turns green.
STACY
Okay.
(to herself)
Mirrors...window, rear, side...
hands...ten and two...gear...P, N,
R, D...Brake -
BRIAN
(interrupting)
What the hell are you doing?
STACY
(looking up)
My checklist.
BRIAN
Oh, okay. I thought you were doing
something stupid.
STACY
Hey! Who is the one with the
license in this car?
Stacy starts to drive.
STACY (CONT'D)
(hitting the breaks)
Wait! Left or right.
CHRIS
(checking the map)
Left. Definitely left.
BRIAN
Thank you rain man.
Stacy turns and quickly finds that it is a cul-de-sac.
Stacy keeps circling around the edge.
STACY
(she turns to Chris)
Left. Definitely Left, huh.
BRIAN
Definitely WRONG!
Bruce continues around the edge until he can get out and
drives in the right direction.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME
Joel's CLOCK reads "10:00 AM" and Joel is still in bed.
He reaches over to his phone and hits the 'message'
button.
VOICE
You have no new messages.
Joel looks a little shocked a first but then remembers
the rest of them are gone. He lays back down.
CUT TO:
INT. STACY'S CAR – LATER
Casey is now in front while Chris is in back.
CASEY
Chris, I'm surprised that you didn't
know shotgun rights could be
revoked.
Chris continues to look out the window as Casey smiles.
A sign catches Chris's eye.
CHRIS
We have to stop.
STACY
Why?
CHRIS
There's a magic show the next exit.
BRIAN
What kind of magic show?
CHRIS
I don't know, lets find out. I've
never been to a magic show.
(to Brock)
Come on this is the exit. Turn.
STACY
Why not?
Stacy pulls of the road, and is taken to a trailer with
a large sign saying "TRAVELING MAGIC SHOW: Amazing
Illusions by the Magnificent Montano."
EXT. MAGIC TRAILER – CONTINUOUS
Stacy pulls to the side and they get out. The Magician's
head pokes out of the window. The Gang lines up and as
the Magician, dressed in purple and gold robes with a
cheesy fabric hat with a gold star on, walks out.
MAGICIAN
Welcome, welcome. You are just in
time for my next show. Five dollars
each please.
REICTHER
You never said anything about a
five bucks, Chris.
CHRIS
Come on.
They each hand him their money.
MAGICIAN
Thank you, thank you. Please follow
me.
They follow him into the trailer.
INT. MAGIC TRAILER – CONTINUOUS
Two rows of benches are lined up facing a wall of
curtains covering up the stage. The Magician gestures
for them to sit and puts the money in a box by the door
and goes behind the curtains.
MUSIC starts and the curtains part. The Magician stands
with his back to the gang and with the music spins
around throwing his arms in the air.
MAGICIAN
Thank you! I am Montano the
Magnificent, I will start out with
my most difficult illusion.
He reveals a large trunk from behind his cape.
MAGICIAN (CONT'D)
I need a volunteer please.
Casey kicks Chris's chair which makes Chris stagger
forward.
MAGICIAN (CONT'D)
Ah, thank you. Please come this way.
Chris gives Casey the finger behind his back as he walks
to the stage. The Magician opens the trunk.
MAGICIAN (CONT'D)
Please test this trunk make sure it
has no openings.
Chris kicks it and opens the top and looks inside.
CHRIS
Looks solid.
MAGICIAN
Thank you. Now, with this rope
please tie my hands behind my back.
Chris gets the rope and ties it a little tighter then
the Magician expected.
MAGICIAN (CONT'D)
Okay, thank you. After I get in
please secure all the latches and
locks on the front and sides and
hold the curtain above your head.
(dramatic pause)
And I will escape!
He climbs into the trunk and Chris slams the lid down.
He locks the four locks and holds the curtain up like he
is supposed to.
REICTHER
(to Brian)
I thought magician's assistants
were supposed to be cute.
Chris gives him the finger and they all sit there with
nothing happening. Chris lowers the curtain and sees
nothing has happened.
The box rattles and shakes around, the Magician's
panting can be heard from inside. Chris drops the
curtain, and watches the trunk shake back and forth.
REICTHER (CONT'D)
This is lame. I'm out of here.
WILL
Me too.
They all walk out taking their money from the box and
they exit. The trunk is now bouncing back and forth.
MAGICIAN
(muffled)
Oh shit.
INT. STACY'S CAR – MORNING
Stacy is driving along the highway again and Chris is
still looking for things to photograph. The excitement
is wearing off and they look bored.
WILL
Casey, can I have a turn on your
Gameboy?
CASEY
No.
Will rolls his eyes and sits back, Reicther taps him on
his shoulder.
REICTHER
I declare a thumb war.
Will turns around and extends his thumb.
WILL
It's on!
They lock hands and begin. When either one of them speak
they get the upper 'thumb' in the battle.
They battle for a few more seconds and Will pins
Reicther's thumb down.
REICTHER
Hey you cheated!
WILL
I did not.
REICTHER
Yes you did, you broke the grip.
WILL
I did not!
(he turns to Brian)
Judge.
BRIAN
Objection: Denied. One point, Will.
REICTHER
Oh, fine. Come on one more time!
I'm gonna beat you.
Will looks at him.
WILL
Your really a sore loser aren't you.
REICTHER
I'm not, come on. I declare a thumb
war.
They lock hands and start again.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S BEDROOM – DAY
Joel sits cross-legged on the floor meditating.
Something like Norah Jones plays in the background and a
electric rock waterfall runs in front of him.
He tries to relax but he keeps being distracted by the
waterfall. He can't sit still and gets up to go to the
bathroom.
CUT TO:
INT. STACY'S CAR – DAY
The only noise in the car is from Casey's Gameboy, and
it is annoying everyone. Will and Reicther are still
playing thumb-war.
BRIAN
How could the car not have a radio.
STACY
I told you, I haven't been in this
car in years. How was I supposed to
know.
WILL
Does the tape player work?
BROCK
I don't know. Do any of you have a
tape anyway.
REICTHER
Casey look in the glove compartment.
While talking Will is able to catch Reicther's thumb and
win.
REICTHER (CONT'D)
Rematch. 11 out of 20...or
whatever.
They begin again. Casey opens it and pulls out a bunch
of old papers. He digs around and finds an old cassette
tape.
CASEY
Got one!
STACY
Well, put it in.
He does and presses play. After a second Tracy
Chaplain's "Fast Car" plays. They all groan.
REICTHER
Oh my god, is your mom a lesbian or
something?
Stacy turns off the tape, and they sit again with the
stupid noises from Casey's Gameboy.
Will can't stand it and reaches forward and turns it
back on.
WILL
Maybe there will be different songs.
FADE TO:
INT. STACY'S CAR - MINUTES LATER
Now Melissa Etheridge's "Come to my Window" is finishing
and everyone looks like they are in a coma. Brian
reaches up from the back and turns it off.
BRIAN
Enough.
WILL
Casey can I PLEASE play your
Gameboy?
CASEY
Um...No.
BRIAN
I'm hungry.
WILL
Shocker.
BROCK
Look there is a store over there,
lets stop.
STACY
Okay.
Stacy pulls in and they get out.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Chris, Will and Brock are raiding the junk food isle
while Brian and Casey are browsing the magazine rack.
Brian picks up "Seventeen."
BRIAN
I always wondered what was in these
things.
CASEY
Stupid kissing tips, and outrageous
first date edict, and the
twenty-one different feelings you
can read from your mans eyebrows.
BRIAN
Really, like what?
Casey rolls his eyes and walks over to the counter where
the rest of them are paying for their snacks. Brain
walks over still looking at the magazine.
Will comes up to Casey.
WILL
I'll buy you a hot dog for twenty
minutes with your Gameboy.
CASEY
No.
He walks away.
WILL
Damnit, I wish Brian had the game.
He goes outside.
REICTHER
Getting in touch with your inner
seventeen year old girl, Chris?
CHRIS
It says that one out of seven men
is gay...So which one of you is it?
They all become tense, taking a step back, and looking
at one another.
WILL
Joel.
They relax.
CHRIS
Good answer.
CUT TO:
INT. JOEL'S BATHROOM - SAME TIME
It so happens that Joel has a exfoliating mask on. His
nose itches, but he can't scratch it.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD – NIGHT
The sun has fully set and we can see Brock's headlights
like pin heads traveling along a long, dark, dusty road.
INT. STACY'S CAR – NIGHT
Everyone is getting tired. They have finished all their
junk food and look cramped. Casey puts his Gameboy down.
He looks up and you can see that for the moment, he is
cross-eyed. Brock sees this.
BROCK
What did you do to your eyes?
CHRIS
(blinking furiously)
What do you mean?
WILL
Casey, can I use your Gameboy now?
CASEY
Fine.
He extends it to him.
WILL
Really?
CASEY
Yeah, knock yourself out.
Will takes it.
WILL
Thanks.
CASEY
It's out of batteries anyway.
Casey laughs and Will looks mad. Will rolls down the
window and tosses it out into the darkness.
CASEY
Hey! What the fuck, Will. Stop!
Stacy stops on the side and reverses a little.
CASEY
Where's the flashlight?
He grabs it and gets out and starts to look for the
Gameboy
REICTHER
I need to get out.
BROCK
Me too.
Reicther, Brock and Will get out and walk around the
roadside.
EXT. ROADSIDE – CONTINUOUS
Brock and Reicther walk down the road and stop in front
of a path that leads to somewhere, but it is too dark to
see.
BROCK
Where do you think that goes?
REICTHER
I don't know. I'll wait here while
you find out.
Brian has gotten out and has a flashlight, he walks up
to them.
BRIAN
(re: path)
What's down there?
Casey walks over to them.
CASEY
I can't find it anywhere.
(looks down the path)
Where's that go?
The four of them stand looking into the darkness.
BRIAN
Well are we gonna find out or not?
They start down the dark path. It leads to a small hill,
and after that a abandoned CABIN comes into view.
CASEY
That looks creepy. Who would have a
cabin in the middle of no where?
BRIAN
Jeffery Dommer.
CASEY
Let's go back to the car.
BROCK
No, lets see what is behind it.
CASEY
Yeah, isn't that where they usually
keep the dismembered body parts.
EXT. CABIN – NIGHT
The four of them round the corner and see a large LAKE
shining quiet in the moonlight.
REICTHER
This seems a good place to stop.
Should we go into the cabin?
They walk over.
BRIAN
You first.
Reicther pushes the door open with his foot. It swings
open, hits the wall, and swings back and hits Reicther
in his face.
REICTHER
Ow!
BROCK
Idiot.
Reicther now opens the door and takes a step in. Brian,
Brock and Casey follow.
INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
It is dark, Brock finds a light-switch and turns it on.
The cabin is decorated sparsely. A small sofa, table
and two chairs sit in front of a fireplace, and a bed
with a sheet over it is in one corner.
CASEY
Looks like no one's been here in a
while.
He gets rid of some cobwebs blocking his way.
BRIAN
This looks like a good place to
crash, huh?
BROCK
I guess so.
CASEY
(suddenly)
SHOTGUN!
REICTHER
What? Were not going anywhere!
CASEY
Ha! The bed, it's mine. I called it,
it's mine!
Casey goes over to the bed and pulls the sheet off it.
Underneath it's just the wood frame with no bedsprings.
REICTHER
You know, I don't think Chris will
argue with you.
CUT TO:
EXT. CABIN – MORNING
Everyone is walking around outside. Chris and Brian are
fishing in the lake with some poles they found in the
house.
BRIAN
How long have we been doing this?
CHRIS
About two hours.
BRIAN
How many fish have we caught?
Chris looks in the bucket. There are three tiny fish
flopping in the bucket.
CHRIS
About two and a half.
Suddenly one fish jumps out of the bucket and back into
the water and swims away.
CHRIS (CONT'D)
About one and a half.
INT. STACY'S CAR
Stacy and Will are loading stuff into the minivan.
Stacy is also talking to his mom on the phone.
STACY
Alright...Alright...I don't know,
by some lake.
(to Will)
Will, do you know where we stopped?
WILL
Not really.
STACY
Sorry, we don't know...I have to
get gas later, and I'll ask...Maybe
around six, we drove a long time.
Okay, bye.
They finish and close the back. Brian and Chris come
over with their now empty bucket.
WILL
How many did you catch?
BRIAN
We did catch 3 but they all jumped
back.
Just then Reicther and Brock walk around the corner and
walk up to the van.
REICTHER
Were you leaving us?
BRIA
No, we were just getting a head
start.
They drive off. When they get to the road it sounds like
they run over something. Stacy stops.
STACY
I think that was your Gameboy.
Brian opens his door and below is Casey's Gameboy. He
picks it up and hands it to Casey.
WILL
Found it.
INT. STACY'S CAR - ROAD – DAY
Reicther is now in front and Chris and Casey are
together in the back.
CHRIS
(extending his hand)
Thumb-war?
CASEY
Okay.
And they begin.
REICTHER
(to Stacy)
Do you want me find a way home?
STACY
No, I'll do it. I'll just get on
the highway and take that back home.
EXT. ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Stacy continues driving onto the on ramp and merges onto
the highway.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STACY'S CAR - HIGHWAY – LATER
Stacy is still driving on the highway.
STACY
I don't recognize any of these
signs.
REICTHER
You are going the right direction,
right?
Stacy checks his map.
WILL
Uh, guys. Look.
They all look out the window to see a sign saying
"WELCOME TO ILLINOIS the Land of Lincoln." They are all
shocked. Stacy keeps looking at her map, but can't
believe it.
CHRIS
Hey cool, I've never been to
Illinois.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE
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