Return to SimplyScripts.com

This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. 
This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

-------------------------








The Lunchroom

Episode 2x09
"Kirk's Party"

Teleplay by
Alan Holman
and
Melinda Waterman &
Trisha Vansickle
and
Bruce Snyder

Story by
Alan Holman

Created by
Bruce Snyder




     TEASER:

     INT. PRINCIPAL STEVENS' OFFICE  MORNING

     STEVENS confronts BRIAN.

                                STEVENS
                    I'm glad it wasn't me. It feels 
                    selfish, but I'm glad I'm still 
                    alive. I'm glad it was her, and not
                    me.

                                BRIAN
                    But she really liked you.

                                STEVENS
                    Don't say that. I don't wanna get 
                    all weepy in front of you.

                                BRIAN
                    Do you think you'll ever get used 
                    to things without her?

                                STEVENS
                    It'll take a while.

                                BRIAN
                    I know. But look on the bright side. 
                    You're still relatively young so 
                    you've still got a while to take.

                                STEVENS
                    Thanks for the kind words. But 
                    they're only words. They won't 
                    bring back my dog.

                                BRIAN
                    I'm sorry for stepping on her.

                                STEVENS
                    I know. But you're still suspended 
                    for a week.

                                BRIAN
                    Damn.

     OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

     Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the 
     credits.

     INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS  DAY

     BROCK and BRIAN sit in a pair, while putting together a 
     puzzle of the southern states.

                                BRIAN
                    It was disgusting. I couldn't look 
                    at my shoe.

                                BROCK
                    It's funny. I almost respect 
                    Principal Stevens.

                                BRIAN
                    Tell me you didn't say that.

                                BROCK
                    More like: tell ME I didn't just 
                    say that. I'll never respect that 
                    guy if...

     BROCK grabs his stomach, and groans.

                                BRIAN
                    What's wrong?
                      
                                BROCK
                    Nothing. Probably just gas, I think. 
                    It's just a constant reminder of 
                    something that I learned last night. 
                    I learned that too much pizza keeps 
                    you up all night.

                                BRIAN
                    How much pizza did you have?

                                BROCK
                    A lot. I believed I could finish it 
                    all, but it...well, not to sound 
                    corny, but -- instead of finishing 
                    it all, it all finished me.

                                BRIAN
                    That was corny.

                                BROCK
                    Yeah.

                                BRIAN
                    This puzzle's beginning to look 
                    great.

                                BROCK
                    Great?

                                BRIAN
                    It seems like only yesterday when 
                    we began this damn thing.

                                BROCK
                    So why's it so "great"?

                                BRIAN
                    Because I can't wait to move on 
                    with my life.

     MR. ZIMMER walks up and stands in front of the class 
     room.

                                ZIMMER
                    Okay. Now, for some bonus points I 
                    want someone to tell me who scored 
                    the winning touch down at last 
                    night's football game.                    

     Everyone, except Brock and Brian, raise their hands.

                                ZIMMER
                    Brock. Name the player.

                                BROCK
                    Excuse me?

                                ZIMMER
                    Brock. You can earn bonus marks if 
                    you contribute to the class 
                    discussion. Don't be shy. Who 
                    scored the game-winning touch-down 
                    in last-night's football game?

                                BROCK
                    I don't know. Um...Joe Kickass.

                                ZIMMER
                    You should be perceptive of current 
                    events.

                                BROCK
                    I am.

                                ZIMMER
                    Do you read the newspaper?

                                BROCK
                    Yeah.

                                ZIMMER
                    Well, you claim that you've read the 
                    paper; however, you couldn't answer 
                    a simple question of common 
                    knowledge. Why is that?

                                BROCK
                    Because sports are for -

                                ZIMMER
                             (interrupts)
                    It's because you're anti-social.

                                BROCK
                    No I'm not. That's unfair. This is 
                    geography class, but what does this 
                    have to do with geography?

                                ZIMMER
                    Sports indicate geographical 
                    rivalries.

                                BROCK
                    No. Sports ENCOURAGE rivalries.

                                ZIMMER
                              (laughs)
                    And what's wrong with that?

     The students laugh.

                                BROCK
                          (angry, yelling)
                    WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT 
                    ATTENDING BULLSHIT SPORTING EVENTS, 
                    YOU STUPID FUCK-FACE!

     Silence. Everyone is stunned.

                                ZIMMER
                    Stand outside the door, and we'll 
                    discuss this after class.

                                BROCK
                    Oh man, I didn't mean to -

                                ZIMMER
                    The longer you stay, the worse it 
                    gets for you.

                                BRIAN
                    Excuse me, Mr. Zimmer.

                                ZIMMER
                    What is it, Brian?

                                BRIAN
                    When Brock was answering your 
                    question, you interrupted him, and 
                    called him anti-social. He's not 
                    anti-social. He's my friend. And if 
                    you -

                                ZIMMER
                            (interrupting)
                    Your "friends" are anti-social 
                    miscreants, who never attend games. 
                    Why is that?

                                BROCK
                    That's a judgmental, unfair -- not 
                    to mention disrespectful -- over-
                    generalization. Don't you know 
                    anything about respect?

                                ZIMMER
                    Respect goes both ways.

                                BRIAN
                    Brock was only...

                                ZIMMER
                    Sticking up for him, Brian, will 
                    put you in hot water.

                                BROCK
                    Mr. Zimmer. With all due respect, 
                    it doesn't matter -- in the grand 
                    scheme of things -- who won 
                    yesterday's little ball-game, so 
                    quit getting your panties in a knot.

                                ZIMMER
                    GET OUT!!!

     INT. HALLWAY  MORNING

     Will and Reicther struggle with a locked locker. Will 
     reads the instructions, as Reicther tries to unlock the 
     lock.

                                WILL
                    It says, "Turn knob twice to right, 
                    stopping at 24."

     Reicther follows the instructions slowly.

                                REICTHER
                    Done.

                                WILL
                    Okay. Now it says, "Turn knob to 
                    left on a whole turn, past number 
                    2, stopping at 32."

     Reicther follows the instructions very slowly.

                                REICTHER
                    Done.

                                WILL
                    Okay. Now it says, "Turn knob to 
                    right, stopping at 10."

     Reicther follows the instructions, extremely slowly.

                                REICTHER
                    Done.

                                WILL
                    Now pull it open.

     Reicther follows the instructions in slow motion.

                                REICTHER
                    Still nothing. This is the seventh 
                    locker.

                                WILL
                    I don't get it. These instructions 
                    were on the floor. Whose locker is 
                    it?

                                REICTHER
                    Anyway, Will -- Can you give this 
                    note to Sarah for me?

     Reicther gives a note to Will. Will reads the note.

                                REICTHER
                    Whoah, don't read it!

                                WILL
                              (reading)
                    To Sarah, From Reicther.  Sarah, I 
                    want to glimpse your dawn, sun-lit 
                    stare, as your hair flows down to 
                    your feet." 
                           (stops reading)
                    Okay, two things. Is this a joke 
                    and where did you steal it from?

                                REICTHER
                    No and I didn't steal it.

                                WILL
                    A poet you're not.

                                REICTHER
                    Yes, I am a poet. Listen to this: 
                    "Sarah's my flower, but in her next 
                    life, she'll be a real flower: a 
                    re-in-carnation."

                                WILL
                    That's not poetic. It's just stupid.

                                REICTHER
                    Well, I...

                                WILL
                    ...am an idiot?

                                REICTHER
                    Like you can you do better?

                                WILL
                    I can do better on the spot.

                                REICTHER
                    Well, then -- make with a poem.

                                WILL
                    "Scream curses. Throw rocks. Run 
                    away -- I'll change the locks. Beat 
                    me up, piss on me. Destroy my 
                    sanity. Pump my head full of lead. 
                    Put my cash in your stash."

                                REICTHER
                    What was that?

                                WILL
                            (indignant)
                    A poem!

     KIRK -- a pot-head -- approaches.

                                KIRK
                    I write poems.

                                WILL
                    Good for you.

                                KIRK
                         (reciting an 
                         original poem)
                    "Spending New Years sick in bed, 
                    feeling dead, learning drugs are a 
                    bad, twisted fad."

                                REICTHER
                            (surprised)
                    That's not bad.

                                KIRK
                    I just wanna be a famous lyricist, 
                    but the editors of the school 
                    newspaper, year-book, and 
                    poetry-anthology, must hate me, 
                    because I submitted great stuff, 
                    but it wasn't good enough.

                                WILL
                    That's because they're all stuck-up 
                    preppie bastards.

                                REICTHER
                    Kirk, are you good at writing love 
                    poetry?                              

                                KIRK
                          (out of nowhere)
                    Friends. Treat them right, and 
                    they'll help you. If they want 
                    help, they can go to hell.

                                WILL
                    Why'd you say that?

                                KIRK
                    Because Will -- I respect you, but 
                    you always shun me. If you guys want 
                    to impress a chick with a "Kirk poem", 
                    you're going to have to get in the 
                    habit of treating me with a little 
                    more respect than you usually do.

                                WILL
                    Sounds too much like work. I'll 
                    write Reicther's poem.

                                REICTHER
                    Aww, give 'em a chance, Will.

                                KIRK
                    Yeah. Give me a chance!

                                WILL
                    Kirk, to put it bluntly: I don't 
                    want you as a friend.

                                KIRK
                    That hurts. I mean I really 
                            (brief pause)
                    You said "blunt."

     Kirk lets out a small chuckle.

                                WILL
                    Good. Now please, Kirk. Leave us 
                    alone.

                                KIRK
                    No.

                                WILL
                    Why not?

                                KIRK
                    Because you've given me a 
                    challenge. I must prove my 
                    worthiness to join your elitist 
                    lunchroom clique.

     He runs off.

                                WILL
                    I didn't ask him to join...did I?

     INT. SCHOOL  COUNSELOR'S OFFICE  LATER

     The guidance counselor, MR. WALTER DONNELLY is sitting 
     behind his desk. Sitting in front of him is Brock. 
     Donnelly seems both shocked and disappointed.

                                DONNELLY
                    They way I hear it, you called Mr. 
                    Zimmer a..."fuck-tard?"

                                BROCK
                    Oh no, no, no.

     A brief pause.

                                BROCK
                    I called him a fuck face.

     Donnelly sighs.

                                DONNELLY
                    Geez. Where did all this anger come 
                    from?

                                BROCK
                    I don't know I guess I was just 
                    pushed too far.

                                DONNELLY
                    Well...I know this can't be an easy 
                    time for you.

     Brock seems confused.

                                BROCK
                    Excuse me?

                                DONNELLY
                    I was informed about your...well, 
                    uh...your mother...I guess mothers, 
                    splitting up.

                                BROCK
                    Oh, I'm not sa 

                                DONNELLY
                    It's okay. You don't need to 
                    explain.

     Brock becomes silent.

                                DONNELLY
                    That's why I've schedule something 
                    for you.

                                BROCK
                    What is it?

                                DONNELLY
                    Well, this Saturday night there's 
                    going to be a special group meeting 
                    in the cafeteria. It's made up of 
                    students who trouble with their 
                    home lives.

                                BROCK
                    Whoah, whoah, whoah. Hold up their, 
                    scooter. Just because I got a 
                    little P.O.'d at the teacher, I've 
                    got to go to the Broken Homes Club?

                                DONNELLY
                    I know at first, you don't want to 
                    go. But you really should come.

                                BROCK
                    I don't really think I'll be 
                    comfortable there.

                                DONNELLY
                    If you don't come, the school will 
                    have to suspend you for two weeks.

                                BROCK
                         (quickly replies)
                    What time does it start?

     INT. LUNCHROOM  NOON

     Will, Brian, Joel, Brock, Casey, Reicther, and Chris are 
     sitting around the table, eating.

                                JOEL
                    Broken Homes Club?

                                BROCK
                    Yeah, it's meeting of all these 
                    kids who come from bad home lives.

                                WILL
                    And all because you called the 
                    teacher a fuck face.

                                BROCK
                    Well, who cares who scored the 
                    fucking touch-down!

     Kirk approaches.

                                KIRK
                    You're all invited to my backyard 
                    campfire party.

                                WILL
                    I'd rather watch paint dry.

                                KIRK
                    Here are your invitations.

     Kirk passes out invitations.

                                WILL
                    Don't go, guys. It'll be flooded 
                    with drugs.

                                KIRK
                    No, it won't be "flooded" with 
                    drugs, per se, because most drugs 
                    aren't even liquid.

                                WILL
                    I'm not going. You'd have to be 
                    insane to go.

                                KIRK
                    C'mon.  I mean, I want you -- Will 
                    Cooper -- to attend my party.

                                WILL
                    No. I don't want to get arrested 
                    when the cops bust it up.

                                KIRK
                    That rarely happens! Don't be such 
                    a pessimist. You know: a 
                    pessimist's blood type is BE 
                    NEGATIVE! And you're being 
                    negative! So quit being negative, 
                    Will!

                                WILL
                    Why?

                                KIRK
                    Because I wrote this.

     Kirk gives an envelope -- marked "to Sarah from Reicther"  
     to Reicther. He finds a note in the envelope, and reads it 
     in his head.

     After a while of reading Reicther smiles.                   

                                KIRK
                    Do you like it?

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah.

                                KIRK
                    I think she'll like it.

                                REICTHER
                    I hope she likes it.

                                KIRK
                    You'll give it to her?

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah.

                                KIRK
                    Good luck.

                                REICTHER
                    Thanks.

                                KIRK
                    You're welcome.

     Kirk walks away.

                                CHRIS
                    That was nice.

                                CASEY
                    A campfire party, huh?

                                WILL
                    Are you guys going to go?

                                CASEY
                    I don't know, maybe.

                                JOEL
                    You know I don't understand why 
                    your being so negative about Kirk's 
                    party.

                                WILL
                    I don't know. It's hard to tolerate 
                    someone who finds movies like "Bill 
                    and Ted" and "Dude, Where's My Car?" 
                    cinema masterpieces.

                                BROCK
                    I can't go, anyway. I've got this 
                    group therapy thing.

                                BRIAN
                    I'm not going. I've got better 
                    things to do.

                                REICTHER
                    I don't think video games are that 
                    important.

                                JOEL
                    You know, Brian. You should go to 
                    the party, just to get out of the 
                    house.

                                BRIAN
                    I don't need to go to some party to 
                    get out more.

                                WILL
                    Face it, Brian. The only time you 
                    go out is to get food and more 
                    games.

     Brian thinks about this.

                                BRIAN
                    Well, I'll prove you wrong. This 
                    weekend I'm going to get out of my 
                    house and into real world.

     INT. SHOP CLASS  LITTLE LATER

     Reicther and Will screw wood.

                                WILL
                    In ten seconds, I'll be so bored 
                    that I'll want the class to end, 
                    but I'll know that it must continue.

                                REICTHER
                    Like a Jar-Jar Binks scene.

                                WILL
                    Shut up, man -- you know you 
                    secretly like Jar-Jar -- everyone 
                    does.

                                REICTHER
                    Yes, it's true. I admit it. I like 
                    Jar-Jar.

                                WILL
                    Same here. He just didn't pick the 
                    right movie. Star Wars wasn't his 
                    vehicle to stardom.

                                REICTHER
                    He's got what it takes to make it. 
                    I'm sure if they put him in a 
                    Disney movie, he'll be a superstar.

     Brief pause.

                                WILL
                    Are you going to Kirk's party?

                                REICTHER
                    Considering it.

                                WILL
                    Ah, man. Why?

                                REICTHER
                    Well, he did write me that love 
                    letter for Sarah. I gotta pay him 
                    back somehow.

                                WILL
                    God, someone does something for you 
                    and expect something in return? 
                    Geeh, it's horrible.

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah, ain't this country great? 
                    Except for Canada.

     INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE  LIVING ROOM  SATURDAY

     Stacy is sitting on the couch. A few feet away on the 
     other end of the couch is her friend, MARILYN. There's a 
     bag of chips between them. Stacy is flipping channels.

                                STACY
                    Man, there's nothing on.

                                MARILYN
                    Oh, wait! Stop there!

                                STACY
                    What?

                                MARILYN
                    Go back to HBO.

     Stacy does so. "Sex and the City" is just beginning.

                                STACY
                    "Sex and the City?"

                                MARILYN
                    Yeah. Haven't you ever seen this 
                    before?

                                STACY
                    Can't say that I have.

                                MARILYN
                    It's about these four women who 
                    have sex.

     Marilyn eats some chips. Stacy seems confused.

                                STACY
                    That's it?

                                MARILYN
                    Just watch.

     Stacy sighs and begins to watch.

     EXT. KIRK'S HOUSE  SAME NIGHT

     Reicther, Chris, and Casey walk up to the front door.

                                CHRIS
                    I feel bad for going. I mean, Will 
                    really didn't us to go.

                                REICTHER
                    Well, Chris. You've to got to 
                    Realize something. Will may be our 
                    "unofficial" leader, but really we 
                    listen him about half the time.

     Casey knocks. Pause. Kirk opens the door.

                                KIRK
                    Hey, comrades. Come on in.

     Kirk moves out of their way. The guys give each a look 
     before going in.

     INT. WILL'S ROOM  SAME

     Will and Joel are sitting on Will's couch. Will is 
     looking through the paper. Joel is watching TV, looking 
     bored.

                                JOEL
                    What's wrong with going to Kirk's?

                                WILL
                    I just think we can do something 
                    better with our time. I mean their 
                    has to be some other kind of 
                    mindless, stupid, retentive kind of 
                    entertainment that can be better 
                    then that.

     EXT. MOVIE THEATER  LATER THAT NIGHT

     The parking is mostly empty. Their playing "CATWOMAN." 
     The CAMERA QUICKLY PANS to the right and we see Will and 
     Joel standing in the parking lot.

                                WILL
                    I don't think we're this desperate.

     They walk away.

     INT. LUNCHROOM  SAME

     The tables have been cleared. Now there is a big circle 
     of students. About twenty of them. Brock is off out of 
     the circle. He is at the snack table, eating cookies.

                                STUDENT #1
                    So since then, my mom has been able 
                    to quit drinking.

     All the others begin to clap.

                                GROUP LEADER
                    Very good, Arthur. Now I think it 
                    would be a good idea to hear from 
                    our newest member, Brock Warner.

     Brock looks up.

                                BROCK
                    You know, actually, I'm good. 
                    Someone else can go.

                                GROUP LEADER
                    C'mon, Brock. I think it would be a 
                    good idea for you to share with the 
                    rest of the group.

     Brock looks hesitant but ends up taking a seat.

                                BROCK
                    Uh...well. My mom throw out her wi  
                    significant other a few months ago.

                                FEMALE STUDENT #1
                    And I bet you feel really sad don't 
                    you?

                                BROCK
                    Are you kidding? I love it.

     Everyone shocks.

                                MALE STUDENT #2
                    You love it?

                                FEMALE STUDENT #2
                    How can you love that fact that 
                    your parents are no longer together.

                                BROCK
                    Well to start off, my mom threw a 
                    totally bitchy person out. Plus now 
                    I don't have to listen to their 
                    fighting now. Now someone tell me 
                    what's wrong with that?

     Everyone seems puzzled.

                                MALE STUDENT #3
                    I bet your mom is really sad that 
                    she's alone.

                                BROCK
                    At first, but she's fine now.

     Everyone begins to think.

                                FEMALE STUDENT #3
                    I bet your brother 

                                BROCK
                    He's happy about it too.

     Everyone is stumped.

                                MALE STUDENT #4
                    You know, he's right. Now that my 
                    parents have split it's more quiet. 
                    There's no fighting and both have 
                    found new loves.

                                FEMALE STUDENT #4
                    Yeah. The same thing with my 
                    parents.

                                FEMALE STUDENT #5
                    Yeah, things are way better now 
                    that my dad has been kicked out.

     Everyone seems to agree and talk amongst themselves.

                                GROUP LEADER
                    Wait, people! People! Your not 
                    suppose to be happy! Your suppose 
                    to be feeling bad about yourselves! 
                    THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF GROUP 
                    THERAPY!

     INT. BRIAN'S HOUSE  LIVING ROOM  SAME

     Stacy and Marilyn are indulged by "Sex and the City." 
     Stacy sips some soda.

                                VOICE (O.S.)
                    Face it Charlotte, your addicted to 
                    your vibrator.

     Stacy quickly spits out her soda.

                                STACY
                    Jesus Christ!
                             (quietly)
                    They're talking about vibrator 
                    Addiction!

                                MARILYN
                    Yeah.
                              (smiling)
                    Ain't it great?

     INT. WILL'S ROOM  SAME

     Will is digging through his closet, while Joel sits on 
     the couch.

                                JOEL
                    I still don't think see why we 
                    can't go over to Kirk's.

                                WILL
                    For one, none of the other guys are 
                    going.

     EXT. KIRK'S HOUSE  SAME

     There's a CAMPFIRE with a DOZEN STUDENTS and Kirk 
     sitting around it. Everyone is looking at Casey who is 
     finishing a joke.

                               CASEY
                    And then she said "I'm no 
                    kindergartener, I'm a goddamn 
                    midget."

     Everyone begins to laugh like it's the funniest thing.

     INT. KIRK'S HOUSE  KIRK'S ROOM  SAME

     Chris and some kid are sitting around a TV playing video 
     games. A group of boys are watching.

                                BOY #1
                             (to Chris)
                    Man your really great at this.

                                CHRIS
                    Somebody call child services 
                    because I'm beating the shit out of 
                    this kid.

     INT. KIRK'S HOUSE  BACKYARD  SAME

     Reicther is on a tire swing, going really high.

                                REICTHER
                    This is GREAT!!! HA HA!!!

     The swing goes back and forth once more before snapping 
     and landing on the ground.

     INT. WILL'S ROOM  SAME

     Will is still looking in the closet.

                                WILL
                     HA! Found it.

     Will comes out of the closet, holding a Sega Genesis.

                                JOEL
                     Holy shit. I haven't seen one of 
                     those in a long time.

                                WILL
                     I use to be the fucking master of 
                     the "Ghostbusters."

     EXT. BRIAN'S HOUSE  LITTLE LATER

     Brian is standing in the front lawn, with his hands in 
     his pockets. He seems uncomfortable.

                                BRIAN
                     This is...okay. Not as great as 
                     it's made out to be.

     A CRICKET chirps.

                                BRIAN
                     What the hell was that?

     INT. LUNCHROOM  NOON

     Will, Brian, Joel, Brock, Casey, Reicther, and Chris are 
     sitting around the table, eating and chatting.

                                WILL
                     So you actually went outdoors?

                                BRIAN
                     Yeah. And it was really boring. 
                     Plus I heard some weird noises.

                                JOEL
                     Sounds more interesting then what 
                     me and Will did. We ended playing 
                     Sega all night. And the only games 
                     he had were "Ghostbusters" and 
                     "Aladdin."

                                CASEY
                     You guys missed a really good 
                     party.

                                WILL
                     You actually went?

                                CASEY
                     Not just me. Chris and Reicther 
                     came too.

                                CHRIS
                     Yeah, no drugs at all.

                                REICTHER
                     Except for (finger quotes) "Jesus."

     INT. KIRK'S ROOM  SATURDAY NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

     Casey, Reicther, and Chris are standing around Kirk.

                                KIRK
                     You know my parents won't let me 
                     join the baseball team or try out 
                     for the school play because they 
                     don't anything to distract me from 
                     my studies. So I turned to Jesus.

     Kirk turns away and then turns back holding a Bong, that 
     has "Jesus" printed on it.

                                KIRK
                     I don't envy people who have lots 
                     of friends, parties and 
                     girlfriends because I don't need 
                     that stuff. I've got Jesus.

     INT. LUNCHROOM  PRESENT

     Joel has a smile.

                                JOEL
                     So he's got "Jesus" huh?

                                WILL
                     Yeah. Him and my brother.
                           (slight pause, looking 
                           embarrassed)
                     And my parents.
 
                                                  FADE OUT.
                           
                            END OF EPISODE


















Return to Simply Scripts