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This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

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          1. INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT.

          Two college students, DARTH, a young man dressed in simple clothes
          with a simple haircut, and CLOUD, a young woman of similar
          ilk, are solemnly dining over an inexpensive fast food meal.
          Meanwhile, several obnoxious, inebriated YOUTHS filter in
          and out of the restaurant.

                              YOUTH 1
                    Dude, I am like so, totally,
                    WASTED!

                              YOUTH 2
                    Fuckin' hardcore, yo!

          Darth and Cloud glance up at each other, rolling their eyes.

                              CLOUD
                    You know, I really hate people.

                              DARTH
                    That's a bit extreme, don't you
                    think?

                              CLOUD
                    Not at all. Take a look around you.
                    Do these specimens make you proud
                    to be of the homo sapiens variety?

          Darth surveys the surroundings.

                              DARTH
                    These ones? No. But this particular
                    demographic is hardly representative
                    of humankind as a whole, is it? I'd
                    be lying if I said I was delighted
                    with the current state of affairs,
                    but I still have faith in my fellow
                    man.

          Cloud stares at Darth menacingly.

                              DARTH
                    And woman.

                              CLOUD
                    Thank you. Sadly, I'm afraid I
                    don't share your optimism. How can
                    you have faith in a society that
                    turns an idiotic party boy who
                    destroys his parents' home into an
                    instant celebrity? The world is in
                    trouble, Darth. Look around you.
                    These people are the future! Pardon
                    my language, but humanity is well
                    and truly fucked.

          An awkward silence ensues as the pair continue to work on their
          meal.

                              DARTH
                    Not necessarily.

                              CLOUD
                    What?

                              DARTH
                    We're not "fucked." There's still
                    hope. I mean, take us for example.
                    We're alright, aren't we? There
                    must be others like us out there.As long
                    as we ensure that there's a steady
                    progression of people like us into society,
                    the world should be in safe hands.

          Cloud is considerably taken aback.

                              CLOUD
                    Wait. Waaiiiiit wait wait. WHAT?
                    Was that your subtle way of suggesting
                    that we need to find smart, yet
                    attractive people to have sex
                    with???

                              DARTH
                    Essentially, yes. Although I
                    wouldn't have put it as bluntly. I
                    was thinking more along the lines
                    of raising a family. You know, a
                    wife and two kids type thing.

                              CLOUD
                    That is the worst idea I've ever
                    heard. That's even worse than the
                    guy who designed the helicopter
                    ejector seat.
 
                              DARTH
                    What's wrong with it? There are so
                    many people out there. Sure, at
                    first glance they might not be too
                    enticing, but with a little work, I'm
                    sure we could teach them our ways
                    and make model citizens out of
                    them. Everyone has some potential.

                              CLOUD
                    Wrong. If you're a tool now, you'll
                    be a tool forever. NO-ONE has any
                    potential. Potential is just a
                    buzzword for lazy teachers to write
                    on report cards for useless kids.

          Another awkward silence takes place. They finish their meal and
          Cloud gets up, takes the tray and deposits it away. She
          returns to the table to find Darth smiling at her.

                              DARTH
                    What are your plans for tonight?

                              CLOUD
                    What plans? Do I ever have any
                    plans? I'm going to go home and
                    spend all night watching cartoons,
                    eating cereal and masturbating. Not simultaneously,
                    of course...

                              DARTH
                    I'm going to ignore that last part,
                    and kindly ask you to never mention
                    anything of the sort to me again.
                    Anyway, I have a proposition...

                              CLOUD
                           (laughing)
                    It's gonna have to be a hell of a
                    proposition to make me change my
                    plans.

                              DARTH
                    Hear me out. There's a million
                    people out there tonight. I bet
                    that by the end of the night, we
                    can find someone we like. Let's
                    just roam the streets and take it
                    all in,  and I'm sure before long
                    we'll have met someone we wouldn't
                    mind seeing again...

          Cloud's blank face stares back at Darth, clearly completely unexcited
          by his suggestion.

                              DARTH
                           (continuing)
                    ...Oh come on. We've got nothing to
                    lose. Except our virg...

                              CLOUD
                    Don't say it. Worst joke ever.
                    Anyway, I despise everything about
                    your plan, but, as you so
                    eloquently pointed out, we have
                    nothing to lose. I have but one
                    request, which is that we separate
                    for this mission. With all due
                    respect, I don't need you cramping
                    my style, so to speak.

                              DARTH
                         (sarcastically)
                    Yeah, because I was just dying to
                    have you by my side!

                              CLOUD
                    Sarcasm doesn't suit you. In fact,
                    nothing suits you. Anyway, shall we
                    be on our way?

                              DARTH
                    After you. I bid you good luck. God
                    knows you need it.

          Darth laughs at his "joke." Cloud contemplates responding, but
          doesn't consider it worth her while. They exit the
          restaurant.

          2. EXT. NIGHT CLUB. NIGHT

          Darth notices a night club across the street from which loud house
          music is blaring. There is a large line waiting to get in,
          populated partially by attractive women. Excited, Darth
          crosses the road and joins the line. The other occupants of
          the line smirk, amused by his poor dress sense and general
          appearance. He slowly makes his way to the front of the
          line, where he meets the BOUNCER.

                              BOUNCER
                    I.D.

          Darth fumbles around his pocket and finds identification, providing
          it to the bouncer. The bouncer glances up at Darth, then
          down at the I.D., then up at Darth again.

                              BOUNCER
                           (continuing)
                    Look, I'm going to be honest here.
                    Your clothing flies in the face of
                    every aspect of our dress code.Most
                    bouncers would have laughed in your face
                    and thrown you out without a
                    moment's hesitation. But I'm not
                    like the other bouncers. People
                    look at me and think "Oh, he's a
                    massive guy, he must eat babies and
                    listen to Slayer in his free time,"
                    or something. They think I'm some
                    sort of monster but I'm not, I'm as
                    compassionate as they come.And so,
                    because I'm such a nice guy, I'm
                    going to let you in. Do

                              DARTH
                    Uh yeah, thanks.

          Darth hurries into the club, unwilling to hear the rest of the
          Bouncer's speech.

          3. EXT. STREET CORNER. NIGHT

          Cloud is walking down the street when she notices a groups
          of EMO KIDS on the corner, opposite a McDonalds.An acoustic
          guitar is lent up against a wall. She walks up to them
          cautiously. As she gets close, she looks directly at them,
          expecting them to say something, but they merely stare at
          the ground below them.

                              CLOUD
                    Why hello there!

          There is absolutely no reaction among the group.

                              CLOUD
                           (continuing)
                    What are you guys doing here?

          The silence continues, before one of the group finally

                              EMO
                           (solemnly)
                    We're staging a protest.

                              CLOUD
                    Oh yeah? What against?

                              EMO
                    McDonalds.

                              CLOUD
                    What have they done to you?

                              EMO
                    They're like, total corporate
                    whores.

                              CLOUD
                    I see. And what is your protest,
                    exactly?

                              EMO
                    We refuse to go in.

                              CLOUD
                    So?

                              EMO
                    We're very hungry.BUT WE SHALL NOT
                    SUCCUMB!

                              CLOUD
                    Well, good luck with all of that.

                              EMO
                    We have a song. Would you like to
                    hear our song?

                              CLOUD
                    Well, uh, actually I really have
                    to...
 
                              EMO
                          (shouting)
                    WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR OUR SONG?

                              CLOUD
                    Yes, OK, fine, I'll hear the song.

          Emo picks up the acoustic guitar, and positions his fingers to
          form an E major chord. He then starts singing, never
          changing the chord position throughout the song.

                              EMO
                           (wailing)
                    Had enough of your lies/I don't
                    want your fries! You fill me with worry/
                    I don't want your McFlurry!

          Cloud is stunned by the sheer awfulness of the song.

                              EMO
                    It's a work in progress.

                              CLOUD
                    Good god, you mean there could
                    potentially be more?

                              EMO
                    Yes.

          Cloud frantically takes her phone out of her pocket and
          pretends to be receiving a call.

                              CLOUD
                    What's that? A fire? You say my
                    house is on fire? You say my cat is
                    on fire? Oh my God, I'll be right
                    there!

                              EMO
                    Sorry about your loss. But what is
                    death really, but merely an
                    extens...

                              CLOUD
                    Yeah sorry gotta go, BYE!

          Cloud runs away from the Emo kids.
 
          4. INT. NIGHT CLUB. NIGHT                 

          Darth enters the nightclub and is overwhelmed by the sheer
          amount of people and loudness of the music. Feeling
          claustrophobic, he desperately searches for a seat, but
          there is no room to move. Finally, he spots a spare space on
          a couch on the other side of the room. Realizing that this
          opportunity may never arise again, he abandons all habits of
          human decency and barges through the crowd to reach the
          seat, spilling countless drinks and knocking people to the
          floor in the process. He sits down next to an attractive,
          slightly DRUNK GIRL.

                              GIRL
                    OH MY GOD, HI!!

                              DARTH
                    Um, yes, hello. How's it going?

                              GIRL
                    Awesome, totally awesome!I love
                    this song!

                              DARTH
                    Really? Are you into this type of
                    music?

                              GIRL
                    Oh, I like everything!

                              DARTH
                    Everything? How can you possibly
                    like everything? Surely there must
                    be some forms of music you dislike?
                    Surely you appreciate some music to
                    such an extent that you find other
                    forms considerably inferior?

                              GIRL
                    No, I like everything!Hey do you
                    like Bono?

                              DARTH
                    What's Bono?
 
                              GIRL
                    He's from U2, I was at a concert
                    once and he did this amazing thing.
                    He started clapping yeah, and then
                    he got us all to clap as well yeah,
                    and then after a minute,he said
                    something so profound, guess what
                    he said!

          Darth is clearly disinterested and wants to leave.

                              DARTH
                    What did he say?

                              CLOUD
                    He said that every time he clapped
                    his hands, an African child died of
                    hunger!

                              DARTH
                    Well, he should have stopped
                    fucking clapping then.

          The girl's enthusiasm is shattered, and she is on the brink
          of tears.

                              CLOUD
                    That's so mean! Bono rules! He's
                    done more for the world than you
                    ever will!

                              DARTH
                    Well, I disagree with everything
                    you say, but will defend to the
                    death your right to say it!

          The girl's mood brightens up again.

                              GIRL
                    Really? To the death?

                              DARTH
                    Well, maybe not. Maybe until I'm
                    slightly threatened. Anyway, I'll
                    be right back.

          Darth gets up and hurriedly makes his way put of the club,
          with no intention of returning to the girl.
 
          5. EXT/INT. INTERNET CAFE. NIGHT.

          While Cloud is walking along the street, she notices a thin
          stairwell leading underground. Curious, she cautiously walks
          down it. At the foot of the stairwell is a tiny hallway
          leading to a room with a large glass window. Through the
          window she can see a horde of overweight men in front of
          computers, with one hand on the mouse and the other in a bag
          of chips,all wearing headphones. She hesitates for a moment,
          pondering whether it is worth her while to enter, but she
          decides to do so and opens the door, quietly. The geeks are
          so involved in their games that they do not notice her
          entrance. The distinct sound of keyboard mashing dominates
          the atmosphere.

                              GEEK 1
                         (talking to computer)
                    You just got Pwned, n00b!

                              GEEK 2
                         (talking to computer)
                    ALL YOUR BASE, ARE BELONG TO US!

                              CLOUD
                    Ahem...Hello?

          There is complete silence, as the geeks halt their
          activities and stare at Cloud in awe. Finally, the silence
          is broken.

                              GEEK 1
                    A g..g..gg..girl!

                              CLOUD
                    Yes. Don't be alarmed. I've just...

                              GEEK 2
                    Who are you and what do you want?

                              CLOUD
                    My name is Cloud. Don't ask. What
                    do I want? Well, its quite
                    complicated actually.

          The geeks twitch about nervously in anticipation.

                              CLOUD
                           (continuing)
                    To put it simply, I'm looking for a
                    partner. I'm very lonely, and I was
                    hoping...
 
                              GEEK 2
                    Evil temptress! How dare you mock
                    us so?

                              CLOUD
                    But...I..

                              GEEK 1
                    Begone!

                              CLOUD
                    Fine. Be like that. By the
                    way,while we've been talking, your
                    Night Elves just got slaughtered by
                    those Orcs.

          Geek 1 looks at his computer screen and is horrifies by what
          he sees.

                              GEEK 1
                    Sweet son of Satan! Say it isn't
                    so! I've wasted my life and my
                    looks!

          As Geek 1 drops to his knees, tears flowing from his eyes,
          Cloud smirks and walks out of the room.

          6. EXT. VARIOUS STREETS. NIGHT.

          MONTAGE

          Background Music - Love Is All Around by The Troggs

          

          
                    

                              

                              

          

                              
                    
                    
                    
                    

          

          

          

          

          
 
          

          

          

          

          




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