Return to SimplyScripts.com
This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express written permission of the author.
INT. JIM'S DORM - MORNING Our hero JIM KRAMER, 18, stands alone in his dorm. He wears a blank expression on his face. He appears lost and troubled. Some would say that he is standing at the proverbial "crossroads". Jim removes a folded envelope from one of his drawers. He stares at it, while thinking to himself. CUT TO: TITLE CARD: "JIM KRAMER: COLLEGE FRESHMAN" CUT TO: TITLE CARD: "QUIET BEFORE THE STORM" FADE IN: INT. STAPLES - DAY Jim and his girlfriend ABBEY, 18, peruse the aisles for supplies, in preparation for the start of the new school year. ABBEY (re: the staples) How 'bout these? JIM Staples? ABBEY Yeah. JIM I don't have a stapler. ABBEY Then we'll buy one. JIM I really don't need one. ABBEY Oh come on. JIM What? ABBEY Just buy them. JIM I honestly don't think I'll ever have any use for a stapler. ABBEY So you intend on only writing one page papers for the rest of your life? She eyes him down. He gives in. JIM Oh how you keep me in check. Get the staples, and the stapler. ABBEY Okay. You'll be thanking me later. JIM (looks around) I don't see any staplers. ABBEY I think they're in the next aisle. JIM They keep the staples and staplers in separate aisles? What the hell kind of operation are they running here? I mean they're not two mutually exclusive items. ABBEY Should I go get the manager? JIM I think you should. ABBEY Then we can ask him where the staple removers are. JIM Now I need something to remove the staples? Man you're lucky you're beautiful, 'cause if you weren't then I'd actually have the ability to say no to you. ABBEY Aww how sweet. INT. STAPLES - NOTEBOOK AISLE Time has passed. Abbey is now pushing a shopping cart full of supplies. ABBEY What kind of notebooks are you gonna get? Marble? They're traditional, very classy. JIM Spiral. They're more academic, more college. ABBEY I never knew you were such a supporter of academia. JIM I'm not. I just figured that maybe it would impress some of my teachers. ABBEY Professors. In college they're called professors, and they won't care. You could get notebooks that are diamond encrusted and they still won't bat an eyelash. JIM How do you know? ABBEY I've heard tales. JIM From who? ABBEY My cousin. She's a sophomore. She let me in on a few little secrets. JIM You got yourself a head start. Lucky you. ABBEY I do consider myself lucky, but for other reasons all together. She plants one on him. ABBEY (CONT'D) Now get the marble ones and lets get out of here. I need food. JIM Said the starving inhabitant of a third world country. INT. PEBBLE BROOK DINER - DAY Jim and Abbey are in the middle of lunch. They sit amongst the silence. They both go about eating their food, occasionally meeting each other's glances, but ultimately justing look around. ABBEY (hesitates) So... do you think we can do this? JIM I thought we had this talk already. ABBEY I know. It still worries me though, so we need to keep talking about it. JIM I'm worried about it too. But this is one of those things that we're gonna have to get through. Now let's not get into this again. We've had a nice day so far and I'd like to keep it that way. ABBEY I'm sorry. JIM Don't apologize, you're right to be concerned. Totally right. It's just that I wanted to enjoy this last week with you without that on my mind. ABBEY But do you think we'll make it? JIM I'm completely positive that we will. So positive in fact, I'll even put a hundred grand on it. How does that sound? Abbey smiles. ABBEY Where are you gonna get a hundred grand from? JIM The candy store. INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Jim and Abbey are laying in bed staring at the ceiling. ABBEY (re: the light blue ceiling) I'm glad you painted it. JIM Really? ABBEY Every time I looked at it I felt like I was having fillings put in. The light blue is a nice touch. JIM It kind of reminds me of the sky. Like I have a glass ceiling or something. ABBEY What are you six? That was so juvenile. JIM Thank you. I may even paint some white clouds. Make it more atmospheric. Abbey pinches his cheek. ABBEY (impersonating an old Jewish mother) You're adorable! JIM I know. Where did you ever find me? ABBEY The phrase "count my blessings" takes on a whole new meaning. JIM That's right, you better start counting sweetheart. That's a hell of a lot of blessings. ABBEY (pauses) We're gonna make it. Jim doesn't respond. He just stares nervously at the ceiling, while Abbey rests her head on his shoulder. TITLE CARD: "AND AWAY WE GO" EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim, his mother and father, EMILY and RICHARD, mid 40's, are standing outside on the sprawling lawns of Winfield University. RICHARD This place looked a lot smaller in the brochure. Didn't it? JIM Well brochures are generally small to begin with, so they probably had to crop the picture. EMILY You know what you should get? One of those scooter things. The ones with the two big wheels. What are they called? RICHARD "Segways". EMILY That's them. You should get one. JIM I'm not getting a "Segway". EMILY How come? Having one would make things easier on yourself. JIM Chances are it would just complicate my life. And I doubt that they're even allowed on campus. Two guys on "Segways" ride by, passing Jim and his parents. SEGWAY RIDER 1 (to Jim) Freshmen? JIM Yeah. SEGWAY RIDER 2 (exiting frame) Welcome to Winfield. JIM (to Emily) I'm not getting a "Segway". EMILY Oh come on. It'll be our treat. RICHARD (to Emily) What's that now? INT. WINFIELD DORMS - MAIN ENTRANCE - DAY The main lobby is bustling with incoming freshman and their parents lugging suitcases and furniture. Jim pauses a moment to take it all in. EMILY Do you think you packed enough? JIM Yes. EMILY Are you sure? JIM Yes. EMILY But all these kids have a lot more bags then you do. JIM Maybe they're just really vain and shallow. Did you ever think of that? RICHARD Let's just go find your room. The ORIENTATION LEADER, 22, sneaks up behind them. ORIENTATION LEADER (shouts) Do I smell freshman?!? This startles Jim and his parents. ORIENTATION LEADER (CONT'D) Sorry I scared you. I'm just really amped up. RICHARD About what? ORIENTATION LEADER The new year, duh. EMILY Oh, how nice. Isn't that nice Jim? JIM It's different. ORIENTATION LEADER (to Jim) I bet you're dying to see your room? JIM Oh yeah, it's just killing me. ORIENTATION LEADER Then let's do it to it. Jim cringes. INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY Jim and his parents lug the bags through the halls while being led by the Orientation Leader. ORIENTATION LEADER My name's Mickey by the way. EMILY (to Jim) Like the mouse? Jim nods yes. RICHARD It's a pleasure Mickey. MICKEY The pleasure's all on this side of the hall, believe me. (To Jim) So are you nervous? JIM No. MICKEY I bet you can't wait to get rid of these old balls and chains, if you know what I mean, right? (To Richard and Emily) Ha! I'm just jazzing you guys. I'm sure you're phenomenal parents. Emily and Richard give each other blank looks. RICHARD So what year are you in? MICKEY I'm a senior sir. I can't believe it though. Neither can my parents. Their little boy's all grown up. Emily notices a cork board on the wall. Attached is a manila envelope overflowing with neon colored condoms and a sign that reads: "Take one, take two, take three..." EMILY (re: the sign) Oh my. MICKEY Oh... that. Yeah, I told them to take that down. JIM I bet they turned a deaf ear, huh? MICKEY Yes, yes they did. JIM That's a shame. INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY The group enters the room. It consists of two beds, two dressers, and one desk. MICKEY Well here it is. Your new home away from home. Jim takes it all in. JIM It'll do. MICKEY Now keep in mind that this is a coed floor. EMILY Jim actually has a special someone already. MICKEY Oh, well good for you. But no reason why you can't make some female friends. I have tons of female friends. JIM Of course you do. EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim and his parents are by their car. Emily is wiping tears from her eyes. JIM (joking) Mom can you be anymore cliche? EMILY Oh shut up. My problem is I care to much. JIM It's your only flaw. (To Richard) Try not to let her worry to much. RICHARD It'll be a challenge. But you be safe. Call if you need anything. EMILY Anything at all. No matter what time either. We'll keep the phone by the bed. Jim gives them both a hug. JIM Drive safe. He watches them as they get into the car and drive off. JIM (CONT'D) (to himself) And away we go. TITLE CARD: "CELL MATE" INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim begins unpacking his bags on the right side of the room. His phone rings. JIM Hello? ABBEY (on the phone) I miss you. JIM Already? Damn I'm good. ABBEY Are you all settled in? JIM I just started unpacking. You? ABBEY My room's now officially ready to be lived in. JIM Good for you. How's your roommate? ABBEY She's great. Or least she just seems great, for now. JIM What's her name? ABBEY Mary Jane. JIM Shut up. ABBEY I'm serious. She put up this poster of Bob Marley that glows in the dark. It's pretty trippy. JIM That's hilarious. She's gonna have a lot of friends, especially around four-ish. ABBEY What about you? What's his name, what's he like? JIM Well actually, he's MIA. ABBEY Oh so you're all by your lonesome? JIM Yeah. No biggie. I'm sure he'll be here soon, so I'm gonna try and enjoy my last few minutes of privacy. ABBEY Are you nervous to meet him? JIM No nerves really, just a little anxiety I guess. We're gonna be spending a lot of time together, so he better be awesome. ABBEY Like you? JIM Duh. There's a knock on the door. JIM (CONT'D) I think that's him. ABBEY Well I guess I better leave you to him then. JIM I guess so. You don't get more than one first impression. ABBEY Before you go, you wanna know something? There's another knock. JIM (to the visitor) Just a second. (To Abbey) What's that? ABBEY Right now we're only four hours and seventeen minutes apart from each other. That's not that bad right? JIM It's not bad at all. I gotta go though. I'll call you back soon. ABBEY Okay, I love you. JIM I miss you too. Jim closes the phone. He goes and opens the door. Standing there is a strikingly beautiful BRUNETTE, 18. BRUNETTE Hi. Jim is somewhat taken back by her beauty, but is basically just shocked to see a girl and not his new roommate. JIM You're not my roommate are you? BRUNETTE No, I'm actually your neighbor from directly across the hall. Jim glances over her shoulder to the room directly behind her. JIM Oh, cool. BRUNETTE My name's Layla. JIM Like the song? LAYLA Yes like the song. JIM That's awesome. LAYLA Well not when you've never heard the song it's not. JIM You've never heard it? Are you kidding me? LAYLA Yes. I just like telling people that. JIM Why? LAYLA Fun, I guess. JIM Oh. Well that's sadistic. Layla lets out a chuckle. LAYLA Why thank you. JIM I'm Jim by the way. LAYLA Well that was my next question. Very nice to meet you neighbor. JIM So are you part of the welcome committee or something? LAYLA No, I just figured since we're probably gonna be seeing a lot of each other, I might as well know your name. So that way when we pass one another, instead of saying, "Hey you", I can say, "Hey..." JIM Jim. LAYLA Right. Jim. Sorry 'bout that. JIM Don't mention it Kayla. LAYLA Very funny. Jim's phone rings. JIM Excuse me one second. He answers it. JIM (CONT'D) Hello? (Pause) Yes mom, I'm fine. Layla laughs. JIM (CONT'D) Yes I'm sure. (Pause) What am I doing? Well actually I've just been unpacking and drinking heavily, all while having unprotected sex of course. And I'm just about to do a line of coke, so make with it. Layla laughs again. JIM (CONT'D) You're right it's not funny. But I kid because I love mom. Tell dad that he can stop circling the campus and drive home. Buh-bye. Jim hangs up. JIM (CONT'D) Sorry about that. LAYLA That's alright. Now I know that I have a funny neighbor. JIM Correction, hysterical neighbor. LAYLA And a very modest one at that. Well I'm gonna let you get back to unpacking and go do a little of my own. JIM Okay. It was nice meeting you... What is it again? "Cocaine"? Oh wait, Layla, that's it. LAYLA (sarcastic) Ha ha. You're a regular Jay Leno. Layla backs into her room, shoots Jim a smile and closes the door. Jim calmly closes the door. He goes back to packing for a bit. All of a sudden he comes to a realization. He takes out his cell phone and calls his best friend, the obnoxious loud mouth LAWRENCE, 18. LAWRENCE (on the phone) Hello? JIM I think I just flirted with a girl that isn't my girlfriend. Lawrence hangs up the phone. Jim calls back. JIM (CONT'D) Did you just hang up on me? LAWRENCE (on the phone) Yes Jim I did. JIM Why? LAWRENCE Well because I'm in college. And when you're in college you have the right to hang up on anyone if you feel that the conversation is going to be a waste of your time. JIM Are you fucking kidding me? LAWRENCE No I'm not fucking kidding you. And since you're in college too, consider this your first lesson. JIM It's a pretty shitty lesson, if you ask me. LAWRENCE But I'm not asking. I'm telling. So go ahead and deal with it. And besides, even the shitty ones are worth something. JIM So you're not gonna hear me out at all? Not even for old time's sake? LAWRENCE Well you can consider yourself lucky. JIM And why is that? LAWRENCE I'm actually in between parties right now, so here's what I'll do for you. I'm gonna act out how this conversation's gonna go. Okay? JIM I can tell that this won't be anything less than interesting. LAWRENCE Here it goes. (In a girly voice) Oh I'm Jim, I think I flirted with a girl. Wah wah. I love my girlfriend. Wah. I'm on my period. Double wah. (Normal voice) There, are you all caught up now? JIM I think I got it. LAWRENCE Good. So here's my response. Did you accidentally flirt with a girl? Yes, you probably did. Why? Mainly because you're just a charming motherfucker and you can't control that. So for the love of god don't fret about this. Got it chief? JIM I guess. LAWRENCE Now I'm gonna go because I sense a beer pong game being played without me. I'll give you a ring soon. JIM Alright. Go easy on them. LAWRENCE They do not know that they are about to enter a world of pain. Jim closes the phone and goes back to unpacking. There are three loud knocks at the door. Jim goes and opens the door. Standing there is an AVERAGE LOOKING BOY, 19. JIM Hey. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY What's up broseph. JIM Um... nothing. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Am I your new roommate? JIM I don't know. Are you? AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Sure why not. JIM Okay. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Great. Now we're in business. He shakes Jim's hand. JIM Come in, come out from the cold. Make yourself at home. I hope you don't mind that I claimed this side of the room. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY No worries. That side's fine with me. JIM Cool. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY I'm gay by the way. JIM (caught off guard) Oh... right on. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Are you? JIM No. No, straight as a hundred eighty degrees. Sorry. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Once again, no worries. JIM Cool. AVERAGE LOOKING BOY Silly me, I went ahead and gave you my sexual orientation before even telling you my name. You can call me Mary. JIM What? AVERAGE LOOKING BOY I'm kidding. My name's Colin. JIM Oh okay. I'm Jim. COLIN Not James? JIM No, just Jim. COLIN Okay then. Mind giving me a handjob? JIM What?!? COLIN I'm kidding. Gosh you breeders scare easily. Can you give me a hand... with my stuff? JIM Yes I can. COLIN Wonderful. I say this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. "Casablanca", I love that movie. JIM That's actually my girlfriend's favorite movie. COLIN Is she hot? JIM (sarcastic) Of course she is. What kind of shallow heterosexual do you take me for? TITLE CARD: "PARTAY" INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim is sitting in bed talking to Abbey on the phone. ABBEY (on the phone) So where is he now? JIM He's down the hall taking a shower. Want me to go get him? ABBEY So you've got a gay roommate. JIM Yes I do. Not that there's anything wrong with that. ABBEY No, of course not. It's just cool. It's so college. JIM Yeah I'll give you that. He does really seem like a nice guy. ABBEY Well that's good. Lady luck appears to be on your side. JIM It certainly appears that way, for now. So you have your first class today? ABBEY Yeah it's gonna be a tough day, one whole class. JIM My poor baby. ABBEY I still can't believe you have a gay roommate. JIM Okay, could you give it up? ABBEY Sorry. Colin enters in his bathrobe. JIM (to Colin) How was your shower? COLIN Jim, are you sure you're not gay? JIM Yes. I'm actually on the phone with someone who can attest to that. COLIN Ooo, is that the girlfriend? JIM Yes. COLIN Tell her I said hi. JIM (to Abbey) My gay roommate says hi. COLIN Your gay roommate huh? JIM That kinda sounds like the title for a bad sitcom doesn't it? ABBEY Tell Colin that I said hi back. JIM (to Colin) She says hi. COLIN What a sweetheart. So listen, on the way back from the shower I heard some rumblings in the hall about a party on the floor tonight. JIM Party? (To Abbey) Pretty college ha? COLIN So are you in? ABBEY Say yes. Jim hesitates. JIM Sure why not. COLIN She told you to say yes didn't she? JIM Well... COLIN If you're not down with it that's cool. JIM Well I'm not usually one for a party, but since it's on this floor I don't think I can really avoid it. So yeah, I'll make an appearance. ABBEY Yay! COLIN Awesome. This will be a great way for us to get our faces out there and get in the game. JIM Maybe for you single folk. I'm spoken for. (To Abbey) Isn't that right sweetie? ABBEY Damn right. Tell him I want you on lockdown. JIM (to Colin) She wants you to keep me on lockdown. Make sure I don't mingle with a member of the opposite sex. COLIN Tell her not to worry, I'm gonna keep you tied up like the gimp. JIM Alright, we all gotta cool it with the gay jokes! INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY - NIGHT The party is in full swing. Loud obnoxious dance music fills the halls. People are mingling about with drinks in hand. Jim and Colin are standing in their doorway. COLIN So when do you think we'll be leaving this lovely doorway? JIM Um... I really can't say. I'm kind of in a comfort zone right now. COLIN Well I'm gonna leave you here for a moment and go see which one of these rooms has a keg in it. JIM Okay. COLIN Can I get you anything? JIM Pepsi? COLIN Yeah fat chance. JIM It was worth a shot. COLIN I'll be back. Don't stray too far now. Colin leaves the doorway stranding Jim with his hands in his pockets. He stares across the hall at Layla's room. The door is closed. He wonders what's on the other side, or whether or not she's gonna come out. He looks down both ends of the hall and surveys the crowd. He exhales, turns, and goes into his room. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER He closes the door behind him and gets his phone from the night stand. He climbs into bed and calls Abbey. It rings but she doesn't pick up. Jim gets the answering machine. JIM Hey it's me. I just wanted to see what you were up to. No big deal, I'll talk to you later. Bye. Jim puts the phone down and tries to get some sleep despite the loud music coming from the hall. He smothers his head beneath the pillows. INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - MORNING Jim is sitting by himself at one of the many tables in the cafeteria eating his breakfast. He looks like he didn't get much sleep the night before. He notices an attractive BLONDE sitting in the far corner of the room. They make eye contact. She gives him a flirtatious smile. He quickly looks back down at his lunch. Layla and her roommate MIRI, 18, enter the cafeteria. She spots Jim and they go sit at his table. LAYLA Morning neighbor. JIM Morning. LAYLA I don't think you guys have met, Jim this is my roommate Miri. MIRI Hi. JIM Nice to meet you. LAYLA So what was up last night? JIM Last night? What was last night? LAYLA You know, that loud get together on our floor. JIM Oh that. Yeah I decided to call it an early night. LAYLA What a party pooper. MIRI Hey it's always good to get some extra sleep. JIM Thank you Miri. LAYLA Okay there's no need to take sides now. All I'm saying is we could've hung out last night. I'm just trying to be neighborly. JIM I know, I'm just kidding around. It's just that I'm not one of those party monsters, so I hope you don't take any offense. LAYLA No, relax, none taken. JIM So just out of curiosity, did you guys have a good time last night? MIRI It wasn't bad. We met some cool people on the floor. LAYLA Actually, we met your roommate. JIM Oh really? Did he mention that he's gay? LAYLA Yes. MIRI Almost immediately in fact. JIM He apparently takes great pride in it. I certainly don't go around proclaiming my heterosexuality. So I kinda give him credit for it. LAYLA He's just a proud gay man. MIRI Good for him. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim is at the desk typing on his laptop, while Colin is folding clothes on his bed. COLIN So how was class today? JIM It was class, so how good could it have been? COLIN Good point. JIM I kinda hoped it would be different, you know, something a little more fulfilling. Not like the usual monotonous bullshit in high school. Turns out the only difference was the female presence. COLIN What do you mean? JIM I went to an all male high school. COLIN Shut up. JIM Yeah. And please don't tell me how you would've loved that. COLIN Is it that obvious that I would've? JIM It's as plain as day my friend. COLIN Oh well. Anyway, I met our neighbors from across the hall last night. JIM Yeah, I saw them today. They mentioned running into you. COLIN They seem like nice gals. JIM Yeah, sure. COLIN That Layla is gorgeous isn't she? JIM Um... I guess. I really don't know. COLIN Yes you do. You just can't admit it because you've already got a girl. JIM And the problem with that is? COLIN No problem what so ever, I'm just saying is all. JIM Alright. COLIN You know she was asking for you? JIM What? COLIN When she found out I was your roommate she kept asking about you, "Where's Jim? Do you know where he is? I wonder if he's gonna show up." JIM So? COLIN Once again, just saying is all. TITLE CARD: "TAG" INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim's phone is ringing on his bed. No one is in the room. The phone keeps ringing. Jim comes in the room on the last ring. JIM Shit! Jim throws his bag on the bed. He waits a minute and then plays the message. ABBEY (on the message) Hey it's me. I guess I must have just missed you, or you're in class. Oh well. Hope you're all right. I'm actually on my way to class for the day so don't call back. My professor's put a ban on cell phones. I think it's just because he doesn't know how to use one himself, so now they're outlawed. What is it with old people and technology? Something's not right there. Anyway, I'll talk to you soon. Love ya. JIM Dammit. Colin enters. COLIN What's wrong? JIM Nothing. COLIN Oh it's something. I can tell. I'm practically a woman, I have that sense. JIM Nothing, it's just that I haven't talked to Abbey in a few days. COLIN And? JIM We haven't gone this long without any sort of communication since... COLIN Since when? JIM (hesitates) Since I found out that she kinda cheated on me and we kinda split up. COLIN Kinda cheated on you? JIM Well she was drunk at the time. COLIN What a little bitch. JIM Hey watch it, you're talking about my girlfriend. COLIN You're right, I'm sorry. But she cheated on you. JIM But I still love her. COLIN And that's the reason why you took her back? Jim face becomes painted with regret. COLIN (CONT'D) What? JIM Never mind. Let's just change the subject, okay? COLIN If you want to change the subject, then we'll change the subject. No problem. We'll pick up with this some other time. JIM Alright. COLIN But right now I have to get to class. I just stopped in to do my hair. JIM Do your hair? What are you going to class, or a single's bar? COLIN Hush up. JIM Oh please let me guess the name of the bar. Is it..."The Tool Box?" COLIN Not funny breeder. JIM Relax, I'm just jerkin' your- (Notices what he just said) Don't you dare say a word. COLIN Who little old me? INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim is alone in the dorm, doing homework at the desk. There's a knock at the door. JIM Who is it? LAYLA (O.S.) It's me. Jim hesitates for a minute. He runs around tidying up his side of the room. JIM Come on in. Layla enters. LAYLA Hey neighbor. JIM How's it going? LAYLA It's just going. You? JIM Catching up on some homework. Being all studious and shit. LAYLA That's what we're here for isn't it? JIM Apparently. LAYLA So listen, I have a favor to ask. JIM Shoot. LAYLA Well it's kinda the reason why I'm here. See, I left my key-card in my room, and Miri has a night class, so I'm kinda sorta locked out. JIM So... LAYLA I sorta need a place to crash until she gets back. JIM Um... LAYLA If I can't then don't worry about it. It's alright. JIM No, of course you can hang here. It's just that I don't think I can be much of a host 'cause I gotta get this stuff done by tomorrow. That whole time management thing isn't one of my strong points. LAYLA Don't worry about it. Consider me invisible. JIM Okay. Just grab a seat and, well, hang. Make yourself at home. Jim goes back to his work. Layla takes a seat on the floor. Jim continues working, then finally realizes that she's sitting on the floor. JIM (CONT'D) What are you doing? LAYLA Sitting, being invisible. JIM You're not seriously gonna sit there until she gets back? LAYLA Yeah. I'm fine. JIM Well it's just that human beings usually sit on chairs, sometimes beds. LAYLA I don't want to be picky. JIM Please sit on the bed. LAYLA Which one? JIM Pick. Although I'll warn you that if you choose Colin's you may end up sitting in some sort of glitter. LAYLA I'm not one for risks, so I'll go with yours. JIM Good, now I feel better. I can't have guests sitting on the floor. It's just not good business. LAYLA I understand. Layla goes and sits on the bed. She sits there quietly, surveying the room. A short time passes. JIM Alright screw it! I'm fucking hungry. Wanna get something? LAYLA I can go for something. JIM Let's go. LAYLA No 'cause then I'll feel like I'm pulling you away from your work. And I promised not to be a distraction. JIM The only distraction right now is the sound of my stomach eating itself. Trust me. It's my own conscious decision. LAYLA Well since you're pulling my arm. INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - NIGHT The cafeteria is dead. Jim and Layla are eating at a table in the far corner of the room. JIM So has it hit you yet that you're actually in college? LAYLA I don't know really. I still kinda feel the same. Has it hit you? JIM Last week when I came back from class. Right when I put my key-card into the slot, in that moment I realized my parents aren't on the other side of the door; and I'm on my own. It was kinda surreal. Eighteen years with them waiting on the other side. And now, poof, history. LAYLA I guess then I'll know when it hits me. JIM Oh yeah. It could be mundane like that, or something big. Then you'll realize you're not in Kansas anymore. LAYLA I love the "Wizard of Oz"! JIM Yeah it's alright. LAYLA Alright? Are you shitting me? JIM Whoa, take it down a notch Dorothy. LAYLA It's a friggin' American classic. It's not just alright. JIM Well... LAYLA Don't even think about finishing that thought. I will not tolerate anyone who bad mouths the merry old land of Oz. Understand? JIM Um, I think so. LAYLA Good. JIM I think I need to go change my underwear. Layla laughs. LAYLA I'm sorry. I get very defensive when it comes to that movie. JIM So... you think Miri's back yet? LAYLA Um, maybe. You wanna go back? JIM Uh... we can hang out a little bit longer. LAYLA What about your work? JIM My work? Don't worry about it, I'll do it when I get back. This'll count as my first late night college cram session. LAYLA Are you sure? JIM Yeah. Trust me, I'm not missing anything back in that dorm. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT The room is empty. Jim's cell-phone is ringing on his night stand. Abbey's name is displayed. The voice-mail picks up. JIM (voice-mail message) It's Jim, you know what to do. And if you don't, you should not be operating a phone, or heavy machinery. ABBEY (on the phone) Tag, you're it. TITLE CARD: "PART(AY) DEUX" EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim and Colin are walking through the campus. They come across a fiery REDHEAD. She shoots Jim a flirtatious look. This flusters him. COLIN I saw that. JIM What? COLIN That look. I think she likes you. JIM (sarcastic) Yeah I'm sure she's already picking out the wedding invitations. COLIN Don't sell yourself short Jim, you're quite the chick magnet. JIM Yeah but this magnet already has a chick. COLIN So anyway, what are your plans for this weekend? JIM Not really sure. Why? COLIN Well there's... JIM Let me guess, big party? Am I right? COLIN Nail on the head Jim, nail on the head. JIM I'm not sure, I got a ton of work on my plate right now. A party's the last thing I need. COLIN Why always so fixated on the work? JIM Because then this would all just be a waste of my parent's money. COLIN Yeah but I'm sure your parents would also want you to have a little fun every now and then. Unless they're Nazis. Are your parents Nazis? JIM Well I've never actually seen them goose-step so I'm pretty sure they're not Nazis. COLIN Then I'm sure they won't mind. JIM They won't, but I'm still not going. COLIN Come on. JIM What's the big deal about me going? What's so special about this party? I'm sure there will be plenty others that you can drag me to. COLIN Yeah but this is Cocktoberfest. JIM Oh now I'm sure as shit not going. COLIN No no, it's not a gay thing, trust me. It's a big school thing. JIM What does a cock have to do with our school? COLIN It's our mascot. JIM Oh sweet Jesus it is not! Our mascot is not a cock! COLIN Well technically it's not. It's a bantam. JIM A what? COLIN A bantam. It's practically a rooster. Hence the cock in Cocktoberfest. JIM (sarcastic) Boy you alcoholics sure are clever. COLIN And it's a costume party. JIM 'Cause of Halloween? COLIN Yep. How fun right? JIM (sarcastic) Oh, tons I'm sure. COLIN So how 'bout it? JIM Nope. Getting dressed up is not really that enticing. Maybe for you, not for me. COLIN Pussy. JIM How does calling me a pussy solve anything? COLIN It probably doesn't, but it's fun. And I enjoy doing it. It makes me feel more masculine. Like I'm one of the guys. JIM Fair enough. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim is laying in bed watching TV. There's a knock at the door. JIM Coming. Jim gets up and opens the door. Layla is standing there, she's dressed as Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz". She's gorgeous. Jim's taken back. He can't seem to form any words. LAYLA What? JIM Nothing... LAYLA What? JIM You really do like that movie don't you? LAYLA Well duh. I take it you're not coming. JIM How do you figure? LAYLA You're not wearing a costume. JIM How do you know I'm not going as my awesome self? She cracks a smile. LAYLA So I guess it's way to late to try and get you to come? JIM That ship has sailed sister. LAYLA Oh well. If Colin couldn't convince you, I guess I never had much of a shot. JIM Don't worry, no one did. LAYLA Alright, well I guess I'll be on my way then. JIM Down that yellow brick road? LAYLA (smiling) Shut up. FADE TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT - LATER Jim is on the phone with Abbey. ABBEY (on the phone) It's been a week. JIM I know. ABBEY That's way too long. JIM I know. ABBEY This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. JIM I know. ABBEY What are you stuck on a loop Han? JIM I know. ABBEY Jim! JIM I'm kidding. She laughs. JIM (CONT'D) I miss that. ABBEY I know. Colin enters. He's dressed as Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz". Jim busts out laughing. ABBEY (CONT'D) What's so funny? COLIN What? He calms down. JIM You know that- COLIN (peeved) -Yeah I saw her. Jim loses it again. TITLE CARD: "HOMECOMING" EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim's on the phone with his mother. EMILY (on the phone) Where are you now? JIM I just got out of class. I'm going back to the dorm. EMILY How was class? JIM Exhilarating. EMILY Really? JIM Of course not. EMILY Don't do that. You got me all excited thinking that you're enjoying school. JIM I'm a teenager, we're not supposed to enjoy school, just tolerate it. EMILY I loved school when I was your age. JIM That's because you're banana nut crazy. EMILY Whatever you say Jim. So what time should your father pick you up from school? JIM I don't know. Just not that early. I want a nice long sleep before I come back home. EMILY Oh I can't wait my baby's coming home. JIM But don't forget that Thanksgiving break is only four days long. So you can't get too attached to me. I can't imagine how difficult that'll be for you. INT. JIM'S DORM - AFTERNOON Jim's packing some clothes in a small duffel bag. Colin is doing the same on his bed. COLIN Do you have a pair of my socks? JIM Um, I don't think so. COLIN Are you sure? JIM Yeah, what color are they? COLIN Bright pink. JIM Seriously? COLIN No. They're plain white socks. Jesus Jim stay away from those stereotypes. JIM Sorry. I guess it's just a natural reaction. When you hear the words "bright pink" from a gay man, you tend to take them at their word. COLIN So are you excited to get back home? JIM Yeah, kinda, I guess. COLIN (sarcastic) Gee Jim, can you give me a more vague answer next time? I hate it when people are so blunt. JIM I'm gonna miss you for four days, believe that. COLIN What a faggot. CUT TO: INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY - LATER Jim leaves the dorm with his duffel bag. He closes the door behind him. He walks down the hall. LAYLA (O.C.) Where do you think you're going? Jim turns around. He sees Layla standing there with three large suitcases. JIM More like, where do you think you're going? Where do you live like ten days from here? LAYLA Ha ha. You know it's not very neighborly to leave without saying goodbye. JIM It's not? LAYLA Nuh uh. JIM Well my apologies. Later. LAYLA Wait. She's on the verge of saying something. JIM What? My dad's outside. I gotta run. LAYLA Never mind. Have a happy Thanksgiving. JIM You too. INT. JIM'S DAD'S CAR - MOVING - AFTERNOON JIM So why didn't mom come? RICHARD She's home preparing dinner. We're having a feast. JIM In my honor? RICHARD No. It's in honor of those Native Americans whose land we stole. CUT TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S HOUSE - LATER Jim and Richard enter the house. They're greeted by Emily in the hallway. EMILY Hello my special little guy! She goes over and gives Jim a big hug. EMILY (CONT'D) How are you? JIM I'm fine. EMILY Did you do any drugs? JIM No. At least none that I can remember. EMILY That's not funny. Well come in and put your stuff down. The food is almost ready. Why don't you go up to your room and get settled in. JIM Okay. Jim goes to the stairs. EMILY Does it feel good to be back? JIM Actually, it kinda does. I miss the old house smell. EMILY This house doesn't smell! JIM I know, I didn't say that. I said it has a smell. EMILY Oh. He starts up the stairs. JIM So what are you making? EMILY It's a surprise. JIM Damn. You know how much I hate surprises. CUT TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Jim enters his room and sees Abbey sitting on his bed. ABBEY Surprise. JIM Holy shit. She darts over to him. She hugs him with all her might and begins kissing him all over his face. ABBEY Hi handsome. JIM Hi back. ABBEY It's so good to see you. JIM Is it? ABBEY Shut up. Of course it is. Isn't it good to see me? JIM (joking) Meh. ABBEY Not nice. JIM Come on, when is it not good to see you? ABBEY True. Very very true. JIM So my mom invited you over? ABBEY Uh huh. JIM What a sneaky little woman. ABBEY But it's the best kind of sneaky because I'm here. JIM True that. FADE TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM Jim and Abbey are on the floor leaning up against the bed, watching TV. JIM So tell me more about your roommate. ABBEY Well for starters, she smokes a lot of weed. JIM And what gave it away? The fact that she has a glow-in-the-dark Bob Marley poster? Or the fact that her name is Mary Jane? ABBEY Actually it's the fact that I see her smoking a lot of weed with my eyes. JIM Oh, well that'll do it too. Has she ever offered you any of her sticky icky? ABBEY Yeah. JIM And? ABBEY I politely declined. JIM That's my girl. ABBEY I knew you'd be proud. JIM (in the vain of an after school special) Because after all, drugs are not cool. And you gotta stay in school. ABBEY That's sound advice. So what's on the agenda for tonight? JIM I'm glad you asked. First, I thought we'd start things off with "Swingers", then on to "Clerks", and finishing it off with "High Fidelity". ABBEY One suggestion though, can we switch out "Clerks" for "Dogma"? I'm in the mood for some sacrilegious subject matter. JIM I think that can be arranged. But are you sure it's not too much? ABBEY Hell no. We gotta make up for lost time. JIM Alright. You're right on the money. ABBEY Of course I am. JIM You just gotta promise not to fall asleep on me. ABBEY I won't. I solemnly swear on it. Girl scout's honor. JIM You were never a girl scout. ABBEY But I wanted to be. JIM That doesn't count. ABBEY Don't worry, I'll stay awake. JUMP CUT TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - LATER Abbey's passed out on Jim's shoulder. He glances at her and then turns off the TV. His phone rings. He picks it up, trying not to make a sound. JIM (softly) Hello? LAYLA (on the phone, hammered drunk) Hey there. JIM Who is this? LAYLA Don't tell me you forgot about me already? JIM Layla? LAYLA Bingo. JIM How did you get my number? LAYLA Colin. JIM Boy that Mary has a big mouth. LAYLA So what are you doing? JIM Um... He looks down at Abbey. LAYLA I have a question. JIM That was a question. LAYLA Yeah but I have another one. What's that thing in turkey that makes you sleepy? JIM You called to ask me that? LAYLA Jim! What are you doing? JIM What? Are you drunk? LAYLA I think so. Maybe just a little. A teensy bit. I had a lot of wine at dinner. So come on, what's that sleepy thing? JIM Tryptophan. LAYLA Shit the fan? JIM No, tryptophan. LAYLA I think I had a lot of it. JIM Well then don't drive home. LAYLA I am home silly. Abbey shifts in her sleep, startling Jim. JIM (to himself) Shit. LAYLA What? JIM Nothing. LAYLA Are you sure? JIM Yes I'm sure. Listen I gotta go, I'm in the middle of something. Go get some sleep, and good luck with that headache in the morning. I'll see you back at school. LAYLA Okay fine. I love you. JIM Huh? Layla hangs up the phone. Abbey wakes up. ABBEY Aww crap I fell asleep. Dammit! JIM Don't worry about it. ABBEY Come on start the movie up again. JIM No, it's late. Go back to sleep. ABBEY No we gotta make up for lost time. JIM We got all day tomorrow. Get some rest. ABBEY Fine. She gives him a kiss. ABBEY (CONT'D) I love you. Jim stares blankly into space. ABBEY (CONT'D) Jim? He comes to. JIM Yeah? ABBEY Good night. JIM Night. See you in the morning. TITLE CARD: "THE FINALS COUNTDOWN" INT. JIM'S DORM - AFTERNOON Jim and Colin are studying away. There is complete silence in the room. There are three loud knocks at the door. COLIN Whoever that is must die. JIM I'll get it. COLIN Get it and kill him or her. JIM Easy boy. Jim goes and opens the door. It's his best friend Lawrence. LAWRENCE What up fag?!? JIM Oh god. COLIN Oh god. JIM What the fuck are you doing here? LAWRENCE Just thought I'd come and visit my bestest friend in the whole world. JIM I guess you should come in then. Lawrence strolls in. JIM (CONT'D) This is my roommate Colin. LAWRENCE Hey man, what's going on? COLIN Hi, I'm gay. LAWRENCE (uncomfortable) Oh, right on. COLIN (to Jim) Deja vu much? Listen, I'm gonna get out of your hair here and go to the library. I'll give you time to catch up. Bye bye. (To Lawrence) Nice meeting you. LAWRENCE (unsure) Same here. Colin exits. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) Why did he tell me that he's gay? JIM Don't worry he tells everyone, it's kind of his thing. LAWRENCE That's fucking odd. JIM So what the hell are you doing here? Don't you have finals? LAWRENCE Nope. JIM How is that possible? LAWRENCE Ah young padiwan, so young, so uninformed. See the trick is to take bullshit classes with no end of the semester final. Example, ceramics. JIM The man with the plan. So how have you been? LAWRENCE Not bad, can't complain. You know the deal. JIM Good for you. LAWRENCE Et tu? JIM Same old same old. Just going nuts over these finals. LAWRENCE A college student stressing over finals? How cliche Jim. Someone knocks at the door. JIM Coming. Jim goes to answer the door, at the same time his phone rings. It's Abbey. Lawrence picks it up. Layla's at the door. LAWRENCE (answering the phone) Well hello there Yoko. JIM (to Layla, at the door) What's up? ABBEY (on the phone) Lawrence? LAWRENCE The very same. LAYLA (to Jim, at the door) Do you have any of those little post-it notes? JIM Post-its? ABBEY What are you doing there? LAWRENCE Just thought I'd spring a little surprise visit on our boy here. LAYLA Yeah Miri and I need them. So if you got, we'll take. JIM I hate to disappoint but I do not have any post-its. Lawrence turns and notices Layla in the doorway. LAWRENCE (to Jim) Holy shit, is that her? ABBEY Her? Her who? Jim turns and sees Lawrence on the phone. He makes sure to block Layla's line of sight. JIM (mouthing the words to Lawrence) Who's on the phone? ABBEY Lawrence? LAWRENCE (mouthing the words to Jim) It's Abbey. JIM (back to Layla, frantic) So sorry I couldn't help. LAYLA Who's that? JIM Uh... just a friend. LAYLA Okay. Bye. Layla retreats back to her room. Jim closes the door. He runs and grabs the phone from Lawrence's hand. JIM (nervously to Abbey on the phone) Hey sweetheart, what's going on? ABBEY Who was Lawrence talking about? JIM (nervous) Oh um... he was talking about... Colin. ABBEY Colin? JIM Yeah Colin, he just came in. ABBEY Oh okay, tell him I said hi. JIM (to Lawrence) Colin, Abbey says hi. Jim motions to Lawrence to say hello back. LAWRENCE (in a light girly voice) Hey there doll-face. ABBEY What a nice guy. JIM (extra nervous) Yeah he sure is. Listen honey-pot I'm gonna get back to catching up with ole Lawrence here. I'll give you a call later on. ABBEY Alright. Bye bye. JIM Bye. Jim hangs up the phone. JIM (CONT'D) Where's your brain?!? LAWRENCE What? JIM Where's your brain?!? LAWRENCE Huh? JIM Why would you do that? "Holy shit is that her?" Are you kidding me? LAWRENCE How am I supposed to know that your girlfriend isn't aware of your smoking hot neighbor? JIM Damn you and your verbal diarrhea. This is not good. LAWRENCE No, you know what's not good? The fact that your girlfriend bought me as a gay man. Not good at all Jim, not good at all. JIM Well that's the least of my worries right now. LAWRENCE So that's her huh? Can I meet her? JIM No you can not meet her. LAWRENCE How come? JIM Because. And let's just leave it at that. Okay? LAWRENCE Alright panties in a bunch, whatever you say. But I do have a solution to your problems. JIM And what's that? LAWRENCE You, me, cafeteria, food. Bam! INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - LATER Jim and Lawrence are in the middle of lunch. JIM So have you heard from the guys? LAWRENCE No contact what so ever. JIM They're probably busy. You know Harvard, he's most likely doing homework as we speak. That kid loves him some school. LAWRENCE Yeah and Blimp is probably eating his weight in Chicago deep-dish pizza. JIM There's a good chance. But we all gotta get together over winter break. Get the band back together. LAWRENCE That sounds like a plan. Will your little miss be joining us? JIM I don't know. Why? LAWRENCE Ah ha. I knew there was trouble in paradise. JIM What? LAWRENCE You said, "I don't know". Someone who's all lovey-dovey you would have responded with a hell yes. JIM You're insane. LAWRENCE You knew she was calling before back at your dorm, yet you elected to go and answer the door, knowing full well who was on the other side. Tell me I'm wrong. JIM You're wrong. LAWRENCE Fat chance. I'm right on the money this time. JIM No you're not. LAWRENCE Yes I am, and you know it. Just admit that there's trouble and I'll leave it alone. JIM There's no trouble... LAWRENCE But... JIM I don't know, I think I may be having second thoughts. LAWRENCE Okay. JIM I shouldn't have said that. LAWRENCE Yes you should have, because I'm here to help. JIM Oh god. LAWRENCE So taking her back is causing these thoughts? Jim doesn't respond. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) Jim... JIM We got home from graduation. We were lying in bed and she kissed me. Nothing out of the ordinary. And then all of a sudden I get this fucking strong feeling of regret. In that one instant. The whole year was finally over, all that shit we went through was done. I realized the choice I had made in that moment, and I'm still not a hundred percent sure it was the right one. LAWRENCE How ironic. JIM It's not ironic. LAWRENCE Whatever, forget about it. Tell me about this Layla girl. JIM I don't want to talk about her. LAWRENCE Too bad. We're switching gears here. JIM (giving in) Fine. If it'll humor you. What do you want to know? LAWRENCE What's her deal? JIM I don't know. LAWRENCE Better yet, what's your deal with her? JIM I don't have a deal with her. LAWRENCE Yes you do. JIM I don't think I do. She's just cool, I guess. LAWRENCE You guess? JIM Yeah. LAWRENCE You like her. Jim doesn't respond. Lawrence studies his expression. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) Oh boy do you like her. I am two for two today. JIM And what if I do? LAWRENCE Then it's just a matter of what you're gonna do about it? I mean this is that true moral test of one's self Travolta was talking about in the bathroom. You have to ask yourself, "Do you love your girlfriend enough to stay with her?" JIM (hesitates) I guess. LAWRENCE Oh shit, that pause is not a good sign. So you're gonna break up with her? JIM I don't know. I know that she loves me, but I don't think I can break her heart like that. LAWRENCE Are you fucking kidding? She broke yours. JIM I know. And that let me know that she's capable of doing something like that. I just don't think I'm capable of doing that to someone. I don't think I have it in me. LAWRENCE Listen man, I stuck by you when you made your decision, despite the fact that it killed me. Now you're telling me that you made the wrong call? JIM I think I did. LAWRENCE No thinking Jim, it's either yes or no. JIM It's not that black and white. There are those shades of gray. LAWRENCE Yeah those very shades that you overlooked when you took her ass back. JIM Listen I took her back because I love her. LAWRENCE Then there's your answer. You love her, stop bitching. Unless you're gonna do something about it just move the hell on. Layla enters the cafeteria and spots Jim. LAYLA (O.C.) Jim! LAWRENCE Well if it isn't the fucking serpent in the garden. She comes and sits at the table. LAYLA Hey guys. JIM Hey. LAWRENCE (turning on the charm) Why hello there. JIM Layla this is my good friend Lawrence. LAYLA Hi. Nice to finally meet you. Jim kinda rushed me out of the room before. JIM No I didn't. LAYLA Yes you did. LAWRENCE No matter. It's actually great to finally meet you too. Jim has told me so much. She smiles. Jim shoots him a look that reads, "You gotta be kidding me." LAYLA (to Jim) So Miri and I found those post-it notes. JIM Oh good. What exactly did you need them for? LAYLA It's actually this study technique I learned in high school. LAWRENCE Oh do tell. Jim shoots him another look. LAYLA Basically you write down your notes on the post-its, and then stick them up all around your room. So that way no matter where you are, you'll be absorbing information. JIM That's actually not a bad idea. LAWRENCE It's genius. I'm buying some post its when I get home. They both shoot Lawrence a look. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) What? Jim shakes his head in disgust. LAYLA So anyway, what are you guys up to tonight? JIM Uh... LAWRENCE Nothing. I kinda popped in unannounced, so we don't really have any set plans. What do you have in mind? LAYLA I thought maybe we can all hang out, maybe go get something to eat. LAWRENCE That sounds great. JIM It does? LAWRENCE Oh come on, you're not seriously thinking about staying in and studying on a Saturday night? Especially when I'm in town. JIM Well... LAYLA (to Jim) If you can't make it that's alright. I understand. Lawrence eyes him down. JIM (hesitates) No no, it's alright. We'll be there. LAYLA Great. I'll let Miri know. See you guys later. She leaves. JIM I hate you. LAWRENCE What did I do? JIM You know what you did. I don't want to hang out with them tonight. LAWRENCE But I do. And I'm your guest, so you have to adhere to my needs. JIM Sigh. You're really gonna make me go out tonight? Must you torment my life? LAWRENCE You bet your sweet Aunt Fanny. JIM You leave her out of this. TITLE CARD: "TROUBLE" INT. BAR / RESTAURANT - NIGHT The place is packed wall to wall with college students. Jim, Lawrence, Layla, and Miri are in a booth at the end of the bar/restaurant. They're the only sober ones in the joint. LAWRENCE So you wanna hear a funny story? This actually happened to me recently. JIM (to the girls) Just a disclaimer, when Lawrence says he has a funny story, it's usually borderline offensive. So you've been warned. LAWRENCE Jim... JIM Yes... LAWRENCE Shut up. JIM Okay. MIRI Come on tell it. LAWRENCE Alright so this happened about three weeks ago. So there was this little get together on my floor. JIM Code for "gigantic party". Continue. LAWRENCE So I was knocking a few back. Nothing to serious. A couple of shots here and there. Then I decided to take a little break. Something completely out of character for me. Turns out this only dampened my buzz. So I said, "Fuck this lame shit! Let's turn up the motherfucking heat." And I end up getting plastered. Fucking Obliterated. You could have been speaking English to me but it would've came out sounding Greek. So naturally I got a little tired and I decide to call it a night. I climbed into bed. Now you should know that I am a very odd sleeper. I tend to need something to straddle in order to get to sleep. JIM Dear lord. MIRI This just got good. LAWRENCE To accommodate for this little quirk of mine, I invested in one of those full-body pillows. They really work wonders. So that night I straddled away. I mean I rode that thing like motherfucking Seabiscuit. I rode it off to dream land. But as it turns out... JIM Here it comes. LAWRENCE It wasn't a full-body pillow. LAYLA No. LAWRENCE I wake up the next morning to find myself straddling a half naked woman. MIRI Shut up. JIM This doesn't surprise. LAWRENCE Yeah but you want to hear the kicker? LAYLA There's a kicker? LAWRENCE Yes there is. She then proceeds to wake up. Mind you, I am still straddling her at this point. She says, "Oh baby last night was incredible. You gotta trademark that thing you did with your tongue." Layla and Miri start laughing. Jim is shaking his head in disbelief. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) Now I was drunk, really drunk, but I've got this amazing sense that lets me know if I'd gotten any the night before. So there is no chance that this girl and I had any sort of relations. She has no idea who I am. She turns over, faces me and starts screaming bloody murder, "OH MY GOD!!! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!? YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Layla and Miri can't control themselves. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) I jump out of bed. She's still screaming. Then her boyfriend walks in. JIM Oh no. LAWRENCE He goes, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?!? I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN THE GROUND!" It turns out... it wasn't even my room. Now Jim joins in on the laughter. LAYLA So what did you do? LAWRENCE Well long story short, we all settled down, I explained the whole thing to them and bought them breakfast. (Beat) They're actually a very lovely couple. JIM And there you have it. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT - LATER The four of them are hanging out in the room. Jim is on his bed and Lawrence is on the floor, while Layla and Miri are on Colin's. MIRI I'm gonna send around a petition. I'm gonna try and get it banned. LAWRENCE That probably won't get anything accomplished. MIRI Why? LAWRENCE Because no matter how hard you try, you're just not gonna get darts banned from a college bar. LAYLA He's right. MIRI But that fucker almost hit me. LAYLA But that fucker was drunk. JIM And probably doesn't even know his own name right now. LAWRENCE I can go back there and beat the shit out of him if you want. MIRI No, that's alright. Thanks for the offer though. LAWRENCE Are you sure? I can always go for beating down a poser. JIM I don't think he was a poser. LAWRENCE Yes he was. No one looks that lame intentionally. JIM Whatever you say. MIRI So is anyone else still hungry, or is it just me? LAWRENCE I can go for a tasty treat right about now. MIRI (to Lawrence) Cool. Let's go get something. (To Jim and Layla) You guys want anything? LAYLA I'll have whatever you're getting. JIM Nothing for me, thanks. MIRI (to Lawrence) Let's go. LAWRENCE (to Miri) After you my lady. (To Jim and Layla) We'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail. Miri and Lawrence leave. Layla and Jim sit in silence. LAYLA So that Lawrence sure is a boat load of laughs. JIM Don't tell him that. It'll go right to his head. The two of them keep looking around the room, trying to avoid eye contact with each other. This goes on for awhile. LAYLA Oh fuck it. Layla has finally had enough. She gets up from the bed and goes over to Jim. She gently takes him by the face and plants one on him. The kiss lasts for a good five seconds. Jim pulls away. He pauses momentarily and looks in her eyes. He then leans in for another kiss. They start making out heavily. Colin then enters the room. COLIN Holy shiitake mushrooms Batman! Layla and Jim break apart. They become frantic. JIM So, um, I'll see you around then? LAYLA Yeah sounds phenomenal. JIM Great to hear about the post-its by the way. LAYLA Oh thank you so much. Bye. (To Colin) Bye. She darts out of the room. COLIN What just happened here? Jim begins pacing. COLIN (CONT'D) Jim? He doesn't respond. COLIN (CONT'D) Jim! JIM What? COLIN What just happened here? JIM Huh? COLIN What the fuck just happened here? JIM (calms down) I just cheated on my girlfriend. (Surprised) And I kinda don't feel that bad about it. TITLE CARD: "DOWN AT THE CROSSROADS" INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - MORNING Jim sits alone, playing around with his food. He seems more concerned with what's on his mind as opposed to the scrambled eggs on his plate. His phone rings, it's Abbey. He doesn't pick it up. INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Colin's lying in bed reading. Jim's sitting at the desk. His phone's ringing. It's Abbey. He just sits and stares at it, waiting for it to go to voice-mail. COLIN How come you didn't pick up? JIM Uh... probably a wrong number. COLIN Oh. The phone rings again. He lets it ring. COLIN (CONT'D) Wrong number still? JIM Yep. COLIN Are you sure? JIM Positive. COLIN Alright, just checking. EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim's walking home from class, his phone ringing yet again. He just ignores it. He looks down at his watch. Layla is coming from the opposite direction. She's preoccupied with her cellphone. The two of them collide. LAYLA Oh shit. I didn't see you. Sorry. JIM (nervous) Don't worry I didn't see you either. Are you alright, any bruises? I can't afford to be sued right now. LAYLA (checking around) Nope, your bank account's safe don't worry. JIM Thank god. LAYLA So... JIM (nervous) So... lovely weather we're having, right? LAYLA Um... JIM It's quite brisk. LAYLA Jim... JIM Yeah? LAYLA Should we really be talking about the weather? JIM I don't see why we can't. LAYLA Don't you think we should be talking about something else? JIM Um... about what? The weather is great small talk. LAYLA What I'm talking about isn't small talk. It's actually big talk. JIM Last night? LAYLA Yes. Why are you avoiding the subject? JIM I... LAYLA And don't say you're not because we sure as shit know that you don't give a damn about the weather. JIM It's just so sudden, you know? LAYLA That's why we should talk. JIM Tonight? LAYLA Seven? JIM Sounds good. LAYLA I'll see you then. JIM Alright. Have fun in class. LAYLA Tough task but I'll try. They both go their separate ways. INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim paces around the room. He searches through his drawers. He throws three different shirts on the bed. He goes to the mirror above the dresser, holding each shirt individually up to his chest. Colin enters. COLIN Hey buddy. Hot date tonight? JIM (startled) What?!? COLIN Down tiger. I just asked if you've got a hot date tonight? JIM Layla's coming over. COLIN Oh. Are you guys gonna have the talk? JIM What? COLIN You know, the "we made out so now we have to figure out where this goes" talk. JIM Yes that would be the talk. Jim's phone rings. JIM (CONT'D) Jesus Christ. COLIN You know she's not gonna stop calling until you actually answer the phone. JIM I know. COLIN Then pick up the phone. JIM I can't. COLIN Why? JIM Because I can't face her right now. COLIN But the really wonderful thing about talking to someone on the phone is that you don't actually have to face them. Mind blowing ain't it? JIM I just can't muster up the courage. My head's not in the right place right now. There's a lot going on in there. COLIN She's your girlfriend. Don't you think that you at least owe it to her to pick up the phone and say hello? JIM She cheated on me remember? I don't exactly know what I owe her. COLIN Mr. Hypocrite, party of one, your table's ready. News flash, last night at around twelve thirty-ish, you were giving mouth to mouth to a girl, who might I inform you, was not your girlfriend. Now that's some good old fashioned down home cheating. So as far as I'm concerned the two of you are even Stephon. JIM Yes I know I'm in the wrong here. But I just can't bring myself to talk to her right now, when I'm not even sure if I even love her anymore. COLIN And when did that happen? JIM Oh I don't know, about twelve thirty-one-ish last night. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim's sitting on his bed, Layla on Colin's. They're both avoiding eye contact with one another. The silence is deafening. JIM Oh fuck it. Jim bolts over to Layla. The making out commences. Jim's phone starts ringing. Abbey yet again. LAYLA (between kisses) Aren't you gonna get that? JIM Don't worry about it. They've been calling all day. Wrong number. The making out continues on. FADE TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - LATER Layla is sleeping in bed. Jim paces around the room. He grabs his phone and dials Lawrence. LAWRENCE (on the phone) Hello hello. JIM (quietly) I think I just made a major life decision. LAWRENCE Oh god. Is she still in the room? JIM How do you know what I'm talking about? LAWRENCE 'Cause I'm a fucking genius. I knew it was only a matter of time before you caved. Temptation is a hideous bitch goddess. JIM I guess it is. LAWRENCE So what did the two of you do? JIM We made out. (Beat) A lot. LAWRENCE She's not listening is she? JIM No idiot she's sleeping. LAWRENCE In your bed? JIM Yeah. LAWRENCE Sweet. What's she wearing? JIM Clothes Lawrence, she's wearing fucking clothes. LAWRENCE Okay, take it easy. I'm just surveying the severity of the situation. JIM (sarcastic) What a true friend. LAWRENCE So this is it then. The final straw in the coffin. The nail that broke the camel's back. JIM What? TITLE CARD: "HAPPY NEW SEMESTER!" INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Jim and Abbey are laying in bed. Abbey is wearing a Santa hat. Jim's not his normal self. He's got a lot on his mind. JIM (re: Santa hat) So when are you gonna take that thing off? ABBEY I don't know. JIM I mean it's late January. That hat really isn't relevant right now. ABBEY So that makes me an original. Deal with it. JIM I guess I have no choice. ABBEY You don't Mr. Grinch. Now give me a kiss. He doesn't. Abbey can sense something wrong. ABBEY (CONT'D) What is it? CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim and Layla are laying in bed. Jim looks depressed. LAYLA What are you thinking about? Jim's mind is fixated on that night with Abbey. JIM What? LAYLA You seem a little distracted. JIM I was just thinking about something. LAYLA Something good? JIM Not entirely. BACK TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT JIM (to Abbey) We need to talk. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY JIM I just had a rough break that's all. LAYLA Anything you want to talk about? BACK TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT ABBEY Talk about what? Jim searches for the words. He's frightened by what he's about to say. JIM I just... CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY LAYLA Because I'm all ears. BACK TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT JIM (softly) It's been on my mind for so long. I thought I could get past it. I hoped it would blow over. But it's just too much. (Pauses) I think we should break up. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Jim doesn't answer. LAYLA Jim? JIM Yeah I guess I'm alright. BACK TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Tears begin streaming down Abbey's face. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Layla has a smile on her face. LAYLA You're so adorable when you're thinking. You know that? JIM No I'm not aware. BACK TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Jim remains motionless in bed. He just dumped the girl of his dreams. Abbey, tears still streaming, gets up from the bed and goes to the door. She pauses and turns around. She looks like she's about to say something. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY LAYLA You want to go and get something to eat? JIM You hungry? LAYLA Famished. JIM Then I guess we're eating. LAYLA Yay. She gives him a kiss. LAYLA (CONT'D) I'll go grab my bag. Layla gets up and leaves. Jim lays there staring at the ceiling. Colin enters. COLIN Hey roomie. JIM Hey. COLIN Whatcha up too? JIM Nothing. Layla and I are going to get a bite. COLIN Where? JIM I don't know. Any place that serves food I guess. Probably the cafeteria. COLIN Can you bring me back something? Jim directs his gaze from the ceiling to Colin. JIM You want a doggy bag? COLIN Yes, very much so. INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - NIGHT Jim and Layla are enjoying an extravagant meal. LAYLA Do you realize that Valentine's Day is only two weeks away? JIM Actually, no I hadn't. Thank you for reminding me. LAYLA You're welcome. JIM Are you implying something with this new topic of discussion? LAYLA It's our first Valentine's Day, we need to do it right. JIM Okay. What do you have in mind? LAYLA Well... JIM What about dinner and a movie? That's traditional. We can swing by here, pick up some food, then go back to the dorm and watch one of my movies. Layla stares at him with a blank expression on her face. JIM (CONT'D) What? LAYLA Yeah it's traditional, for a Friday night. But this is Valentine's Day. We have to go out in public. Amongst the other couples. You know, be seen and all. JIM Oh. Okay. We can do that. If you want. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim's on the phone with Lawrence. LAWRENCE (on the phone) So where is she now? JIM Would you stop asking where she is? LAWRENCE Did you jam her yet? JIM Dear god. It's just the same song and dance with you isn't it? LAWRENCE Well you know I had to ask. It's kinda my job. JIM I guess I should know that by now. LAWRENCE I can't believe you fucking broke up with her! I mean that's something I would do, not you. JIM Don't even give me that shit. I went with my gut. As you said, I did what needed to be done. LAWRENCE Do you even like this girl? JIM (thinks it over) Yes I genuinely do like her, believe it or not. LAWRENCE I still can't believe you fucking broke up with her! Jim angrily hangs up the phone. Colin enters. JIM (peeved) Your food's on the desk. COLIN What did you get me? JIM (sarcastic) Lobster. TITLE CARD: "THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PILLOW" INT. ABBEY'S DORM - NIGHT Abbey's room is surprising clean for a dorm. She has her trademark Audrey Hepburn hanging above her bed. Across the room is MARY JANE, 19, Abbey's roommate. She's sitting on the bed, with the now infamous glow-in-the-dark Bob Marley poster hanging above her. At first glance you can tell that Mary Jane is a total stoner, you can bet the farm on it. MARY JANE So what do you want to do this weekend? ABBEY Homework. MARY JANE What? ABBEY Homework. I don't feel like going out. MARY JANE Why? ABBEY I just don't. MARY JANE You haven't been up to doing much lately. Is it because of "he who shall not be named"? ABBEY What do you think MJ? You think I'm one of those girls who obsesses over the guy who dumped them? MARY JANE Yes, yes I do. ABBEY (pauses) Well you're right. I am. MARY JANE You need to cut that shit out. 'Cause he sure ain't gonna be calling you any time soon. ABBEY How do you know that? Have you been in touch with him? Do you even know him? No, you don't. So therefore you're in no position to be making assumptions. Got it? MARY JANE Is he a guy? ABBEY What? MARY JANE Answer my question. Is he a guy? Dude? Bro? Homeboy? ABBEY Yes he's a guy. MARY JANE Then that's how I know. It's that simple. He's a guy, case closed. ABBEY No, case not closed. MARY JANE Yes case very closed. Extremely closed Abbey. He dumped you, he's a guy, he's a piece of shit, and he's most likely moved on. ABBEY Ah ha! You said "most" likely. Not "completely" likely, or even "entirely" likely. Just "most". So there's still room for hope. MARY JANE Girl please don't do this to yourself. I beg of you. I like you a lot. I'd like you even more if you had weed on you right now, but that's an entirely different story for and entirely different day. You're a cool girl Abbey. Don't do this to yourself. ABBEY (pauses) But I love him. And not like that love that a little girl has for her "Barbies". Real love. That unconditional kind. Last year I made a mistake. That one major mistake you're allowed to make in a relationship. I made it, I admitted to it. And for the time being, he forgave me. After all the shit we went through, he took me back. And now this. MARY JANE Like I said, he's a guy. They have a tendency of fucking up things royal. ABBEY So what are you a lesbian? MARY JANE No. I just hate men, that's all. They suck. ABBEY (sincerely) Not my guy. MARY JANE Man he sure did a number on you. He dumps you cold and you still want him. ABBEY That should be a testament to how special he is. MARY JANE He's not special, he's a guy. ABBEY I wonder what he's doing right now. CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim is lying asleep in bed. Colin slowly climbs in next to him. COLIN (softly in Jim's ear) Jim... He doesn't budge. COLIN (CONT'D) (slightly louder) Jim... Still nothing. Colin starts blowing gently in Jim's ear. He tosses around a bit, but still remains asleep. JIM (muttering in his sleep) Abbey? Colin's shocked. He slaps Jim on the forehead. His eyes pry open to see Colin staring back at him. JIM (CONT'D) Why the fuck are we lying in bed together? COLIN Because you finally gave in to temptation. Jim gives him a look. He's not amused. COLIN (CONT'D) I need to give you a message. JIM You couldn't give me said message from across the room? COLIN You were in a deep sleep. JIM I know. Thanks for reminding me. COLIN Layla called your phone, you were sleeping so I answered. JIM What does she want? It's the middle of the night. COLIN He don't look at me she's your girlfriend. Jim's a little taken back by this claim. JIM So what did she want? COLIN To let you know that she can't make your little lunch date tomorrow 'cause she's got to finish up some work for her "Women's Studies" class that she forgot about. JIM That was her urgent message? COLIN Word for word. JIM Oh. Okay. Um... good night. Jim closes his eyes. COLIN You know you called out her name in your sleep, right? Jim's eyes spring open. JIM What? COLIN I said you called out her name in your sleep. JIM Layla's? COLIN Nope. Jim realizes who Colin's referring to. JIM No I didn't. COLIN Yes you did. Right after I blew in your ear. JIM I did not... (Beat) Did you just say that you blew in my ear? COLIN Yeah. JIM Dude what the fuck? COLIN I was just trying to wake you up. JIM Well for future reference, next time could you do something a little more straight? That would be the tops. COLIN I'll try to keep that in mind. But I'm not making any promises. JIM Now can I get some sleep? COLIN Sweet dreams. TITLE CARD: "THAT BREAK IN SPRING!!!!!" INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY There's a ruckus in the hall. Students yelling, clamoring, anxious to leave school for the hallowed vacation. Jim scurries about packing his bag, while Layla sits on the bed. Colin enters. COLIN Mother Mary it's a madhouse out there. LAYLA Well what do you expect? This is every college kid's dream. JIM (to Layla) And aren't you glad that you're rolling with someone who's completely wide awake? LAYLA Totally. COLIN So what do you two have planned? FRAT GUY 1 (O.C.) (Shouting from the hall) SPRING BREAK!!!!!! WOOOO!!!!! COLIN Like I was saying, what are you two up to? LAYLA I'm going home. JIM Same. COLIN Oh how boring. JIM What about you? Beat. COLIN I'm going home. Beat. FRAT GUY 2 (O.C.) (Shouting from the hall) SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!! OWWWW!!!!!! JIM I doubt they're all going home. No one gets that excited about going home. COLIN That's if home consists of white sandy beaches and half naked chicks. They both give Colin a look. COLIN (CONT'D) What? I could've said, "Half naked guys in speedos", but that would've been awkward. JIM He's right. SORORITY GIRL (O.C.) (Shouting from the hall) SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA FUCK SO MANY GUYS!!! (Beat) WOOOOOOO!!!!! EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Hundreds of students are rushing about the campus. It looks like a full fledged riot scene. Jim and Layla weave their way through the crowd. They arrive at the main gate. LAYLA So don't forget to call me when you get home. JIM I won't. LAYLA You better not. JIM (joking) So you think you can survive a whole week without me? LAYLA Oh it's gonna be tough. JIM That's what I hear. LAYLA Ha ha. Come here. She brings him in for a kiss. LAYLA (CONT'D) Try not to miss me too much. She gives him a kiss on the forehead and she's on her way. Colin sneaks up behind Jim and covers his eyes. COLIN Guess who? JIM Hmm... my one true love? COLIN (removing his hands) Bingo. So where's your woman? JIM You just missed her. COLIN Oh darn. JIM So you're all ready to go home? COLIN Yep. Packed, ready, and very willing. JIM Why willing? COLIN I'm coming out to my parents this week. JIM (shocked) They don't know? COLIN Not many people do. JIM Wow. COLIN Actually, you were the first person I came out to. JIM Really? I feel so honored. Why me? COLIN Well I figured since we were gonna be roommates I might as well let you in on the secret. So that way if I started bringing guys home you wouldn't assume that they were study buddies. You'd know they're butt buddies. JIM First of all, ew. Secondly, you're right that just makes more sense. But anyway I gotta get out of here, I want all the details as soon as possible. Keep me posted. And don't forget, be strong. COLIN Tell me about it. Did I forget to mention that my father's a captain in the military? JIM Oh shit. INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Jim and Lawrence are hanging out. LAWRENCE How's that Miri doing? JIM Alright. I guess. LAWRENCE You guess? You should know a little more than that. JIM Why? LAWRENCE You're her roommate's boyfriend. JIM I'm not her boyfriend. LAWRENCE Then what the hell are you? JIM Enjoying each other's company. LAWRENCE Give me a break. JIM No. LAWRENCE Then ask the girl whose company you enjoy so much what the deal with her roommate is. JIM Going at the top of my priority list as we speak. LAWRENCE Good. You gots to hook that up. Then when you two decide to actually become a couple, we can double. How fun? JIM Has it occurred to you that you don't go to the same school as us? LAWRENCE I will not let that stand in my way, rest assured. There's a knock at the door. Jim gets up to answer the door. Abbey's standing in the doorway. ABBEY Hi. Jim's floored. LAWRENCE Holy shit. ABBEY Hey Lawrence. LAWRENCE I think I hear my mom calling me. I'd better get home. Lawrence gets up to leave, shooting Jim a look on the way out the door. LAWRENCE (CONT'D) Later broseph. (To Abbey) Yoko, always a pleasure. ABBEY (to Lawrence) Take care. (To Jim) Okay obvious question out of the way. Why am I here? JIM Yeah. ABBEY I'm here to talk. JIM About what? ABBEY Politics. What the hell do you think? JIM Fine. Shoot. ABBEY Don't be like that. JIM Like what? This is exactly how I am, how I've always been. She kisses him. He pulls away. JIM (CONT'D) Don't try and pull that. It won't work. ABBEY Are you sure? JIM (hesitates) Yeah. ABBEY You don't seem to sure. JIM Well I am. ABBEY Take me back. JIM What? ABBEY You've done it before. It's in your capacity. Take me back. JIM No. ABBEY Why? JIM Because. ABBEY Because why? JIM Because. ABBEY It can't be just because Jim. That's not an explanation. It's half assed. JIM Because I'm with someone else. Abbey looks like she's been hit by a ton of bricks. ABBEY (pause) Tell me you still think about me. Jim doesn't answer. ABBEY (CONT'D) Jim... JIM Please leave. She wears a look of disbelief, but covers it with a smile. ABBEY You're not out of my life just yet. She leaves. Jim paces around his room in frustration. His phone rings. JIM Yeah? COLIN (on the phone) They want to send me to Jesus camp. TITLE CARD: "MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION" INT. ABBEY'S DORM - NIGHT Abbey's sitting at her desk writing what appears to be a letter. Mary-Jane enters. MARY JANE Hey. Whatcha up to? ABBEY Just some creative writing. MARY JANE (sarcastic) What a blast. INT. LAYLA'S DORM - NIGHT Layla and Miri's dorm is a total pig sty. Layla is sitting at the desk, Jim's on the floor watching TV. Miri is gathering books in her bag. MIRI Shit. LAYLA What happened? MIRI Where's my philosophy textbook? JIM I have it. MIRI You do? JIM No. MIRI (to Layla) Tell your guy this is no time for jokes. I'm late as it is. LAYLA So just don't go. MIRI I have to. The fucker's giving a pop quiz. JIM He told you he was gonna give a pop quiz? MIRI Yeah. JIM Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? I mean the element of surprise is completely gone now. He should have just said that he was giving you guys a regular quiz. There's no need for the "pop". This guy's an amateur. How old is he? Twenty six? Eighty eight? LAYLA (to Jim) You're so adorable when you ramble. Layla gets up and helps Miri look for the book. JIM (to Miri) Did you study? MIRI No. You can't study for pop quizzes. Jim holds in the laughter. LAYLA Here it is. Layla hands Miri the book. She heads out the door. MIRI Thanks. JIM Good luck. Miri leaves. LAYLA Finally alone. JIM Yep. What do you wanna do? LAYLA I don't know. You wanna have sex? JIM (startled/fumbles with the remote) What?!? LAYLA Was that too forward? JIM Um... LAYLA I just figured we've been together for a few months already. I thought maybe one of us should have brought it up by now. It just seemed like the normal thing to do. JIM Well... LAYLA I freaked you out didn't I? You look like you just saw a ghost with two heads. I'm sorry. JIM No, no it's just that... LAYLA Yeah? JIM (thinks it over) Can I get back to you? CUT TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER COLIN And what did you say? JIM I told her I'd get back to her. Colin starts laughing. JIM (CONT'D) This is not funny man. COLIN You're right it's not. (Beat) It's hilarious. Who responds to that question with that answer? JIM What can I say? I went all dear in the headlights. COLIN What kind of hetero are you? If I was straight and a girl like that asked me to have sex with her you know what I'd do? JIM What? COLIN I'd have sex with her. I'm talkin' about the dirty kind. And I'd be quick about it. I mean by now I'd already be in the drug store buying a pregnancy test just as a precaution. That's how quick I'd... (Comes to a realization) Oh my goodness you're a virgin. JIM Son of a bitch. Now I guess the cat's outta the motherfucking bag. Happy? COLIN Why didn't you tell me? JIM I'm sorry if I don't feel the need to fill everyone in on my sex life. COLIN But I told you I was gay literally the second after I met you. JIM So you would've preferred it if I had introduced myself as Jim the virgin? COLIN It would have helped. Maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Think about that. JIM Alright whatever, so now you know. What am I gonna do? COLIN You and Abbey never had sex? JIM Colin! COLIN What? JIM We didn't, okay. Hence me being a virgin and kinda freaked out right now. COLIN It never came up between the two of you? JIM Jesus. COLIN I'm just trying to help. JIM No it never came up. Things were perfect without it coming up. COLIN Well things aren't perfect now. JIM (sarcastic) Really? I hadn't noticed. COLIN What are you gonna do? JIM I don't know. Should I go back in there? COLIN She's still in there? This just happened recently?!? JIM Yes. COLIN How the hell did you get out of there? JIM I told her that I needed to use the bathroom. COLIN So she's in there waiting for an answer? JIM What if she thinks that me going to the bathroom is really code for me going to get condoms? COLIN Well since you don't seem that adamant about having sex, then it could possibly be a problem for you. JIM Shit. Why didn't I take care of this before? COLIN Yeah why didn't you? Were you saving yourself for marriage? JIM I don't know what I was doing. I just thought that... COLIN What? JIM That Abbey would end up being the one. COLIN Oh. That's sweet. JIM And now all that waiting for nothing. COLIN But you do realize that there is an offer currently on the table? JIM Yeah. But I don't know if I'm gonna take it. COLIN Can I ask a question without you getting angry? JIM Yeah. COLIN Why? JIM Because I'm not a hundred percent sure if I love her. COLIN But you apparently loved Abbey, why didn't you consummate that deal? JIM Because I was in high school and I was a little chicken shit. Now I'm in college, I'm a man. When I feel I'm in love with her, when that light bulb goes off in my head, then I'll advance my troops across the border. COLIN So that's what the kids are calling it these days. INT. LAYLA'S DORM Layla's sitting eagerly on her bed. Jim enters, she props up to attention. JIM Listen, we need to have a little chat. EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim's talking to Lawrence. LAWRENCE (on the phone) You fucking told her? JIM Yes I did. It was best to come clean. LAWRENCE And who told you to do this? 'Cause I know you didn't make this decision all by your lonesome. JIM Colin helped out a bit. LAWRENCE Damn your gay roommate. Why couldn't you just go ahead and get this over with? This was your golden opportunity. JIM I'm not doing anything until I feel ready. LAWRENCE Lame plan. JIM Wow you think that's lame? What a surprise. LAWRENCE So what did she say? JIM She was actually okay with it. LAWRENCE Yeah I'm sure. JIM She was. LAWRENCE That's just something girls say. In reality she ain't fine with it. She wants you to give it to her Jim, give it to her hard. She's aching for it. But you'd rather be the gentleman in this situation and take in account everyone's feelings. Pussy, that's what you are, and that's what you're missing out on. JIM Don't you get it? Have you not been paying attention? LAWRENCE Of course I have. I just like, nay, love busting your balls. TITLE CARD: " THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" INT. JIM'S DORM - MORNING Colin is sleeping. Jim is standing over him. Colin's eyes start to open. JIM Morning. COLIN Morning. (Beat) Why are you standing over me? JIM I just wanna make sure that I'm the very first person to wish you a happy birthday. COLIN Oh right. That's today isn't it? JIM Yes it is. So, happy birthday pal. COLIN Thank you Jim. Now can you move? I'd like to get out of bed. JIM Sure. He moves. Colin groggily gets out of bed. JIM (CONT'D) What have you got planned for today? COLIN Class. JIM Come on. On your birthday? COLIN Yeah. JIM Ditch em. COLIN I can't. I'll miss too much. But don't worry about. JIM We're still having our little get together tonight? COLIN You know it. JIM Looking forward to it? Excited? COLIN Hell yeah. It's gonna be a rager. JIM Is it? How many people did you invite? COLIN Enough so that maybe the cops will make an appearance. JIM Sweet. I've always wanted to go to a party that gets busted up. COLIN Really? JIM No. INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY Jim and Layla stroll through the aisles pushing a cart. JIM Pepsi? LAYLA Pepsi? JIM Yeah. LAYLA At the party? You want to serve Pepsi? JIM Yeah so that way I know that I'm gonna be the only one drinking it. All for me. LAYLA You know it won't kill you to have some beer. No one'll be there checking to see if you're of age. JIM I know that, I know it won't kill me. But haven't you ever heard of sticking with what's good? LAYLA And if you've never actually drank beer how would you know it's not good? JIM Boy you sure are the poster child for peer pressure. LAYLA I'm just saying, not forcing. No one's sticking a funnel down your throat. JIM You've done that? LAYLA Maybe. JIM Maybe? LAYLA If I have I just don't remember it. Which means it worked. Now get your Pepsi and let's scoot. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT The party is in full swing. There are some many people that it's spilled out of the room and into the hallway. Jim and Layla are hanging out. They're wearing party hats. A GUY, 19, approaches them. GUY (to Jim) Is this your room? JIM Yes. GUY So you're his roommate? JIM Yeah. GUY Do you know where he is? JIM If he's not here he could be in the hall, maybe the bathroom, maybe outside. I'll be honest, I haven't seen him in a while. GUY Well if you do before I do can you tell him Bruce's looking for him and he needs to give him something. JIM Sure thing. Bruce leaves. LAYLA So what do you think it is? JIM My mind's not ready to venture to those regions just yet. So I'm gonna assume it's something harmless. Maybe a card. LAYLA Hopefully a card. JIM You want anything to drink? LAYLA More beer? JIM Alchy. Be right back. INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER Jim maneuvers through the crowd down to the far end of the hall where the drinks are. Colin sneaks up behind him. He's trying not to be seen. COLIN Don't turn around. JIM What? COLIN Did he come and talk to you? JIM Who? Oh, Bruce? COLIN Yes Bruce. JIM Yeah he told me to tell you that he's looking for you and that he wants to give you something. But what, I don't know. COLIN You probably don't want to. JIM Why? COLIN Because Bruce is fucking bad news. JIM So that's why no one can find you. You're dodging Bruce? COLIN Shh! Stop saying his name. He can be anywhere. JIM So what's the story here? COLIN We fooled around for a bit, but it didn't end well. JIM Why didn't you tell me this? COLIN Because you have your own relationship shit going on. JIM But it's a two way street. You tell me, I tell you. COLIN Well now I'll now for next time. JIM So why didn't it end well? COLIN He was just too needy. He wanted a lot more than I could give. JIM How sad. COLIN (sarcastic) Tragic. JIM So when he said he was gonna give you something, could this something be bad? COLIN I hope not. JIM Oh shit, he's not gonna like stab you is he? 'Cause I'm not ready to deal with you being stabbed by a scorned lover. COLIN Then let's hope for the best. JIM (chuckling a bit) Ha ha, bloody Mary. COLIN Jim! JIM Sorry. COLIN Alright I've been out in the open too long. I'm going back in the bathroom. JIM No! That was one of the places I told him to look for you. Come back to the room. Layla and I'll protect you. COLIN Are you sure? JIM I think I can stand up to a few limp wristed slaps if shit goes down. FADE TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - LATER The party has dyed down a bit. People are still mingling about. LAYLA Colin this is from us. She hands him a gift. He unwraps it. COLIN "Casablanca"! Thank you Layla, thank you Jim. LAYLA You're very welcome. JIM Don't mention it buddy. COLIN We're watching this tomorrow. LAYLA You bet. Bruce enters. BRUCE Colin. JIM Here we go. Bruce reaches for something in his pocket. Jim reacts. He slaps Bruce in the face. BRUCE WHAT THE FUCK?!? LAYLA Jim! COLIN Oh god. JIM He was reaching for something. BRUCE Yeah this card jerk-off. He pulls out a card from his pocket. JIM Oh no. COLIN Bruce I apologize. JIM Fuck that, I'm the one apologizing. Bruce I'm sorry. (Making something up) I grew up in bad neighborhood, a lot of gang violence. Whenever I see someone reaching for something I act quick. My sincerest apologies. BRUCE Okay whatever. (Handing the card to Colin) Here you go. Happy birthday. COLIN Thank you Bruce. Bruce smiles, then shoots Jim a dirty look and leaves. LAYLA Jim what the fuck? JIM I thought he was gonna stab him. LAYLA What? COLIN That's partly my fault. Colin opens the card and starts reading it. JIM Partly? Try entirely. Now I think I gotta buy that kid something. LAYLA What does it say? COLIN Just a sentimental birthday wish, that's all. (disgusted) I am so full of myself. JIM What if he comes after me now? I'm not gonna get any sleep. LAYLA Why would he come after you? JIM (to Colin) Hey Mr. Over exaggeration why don't you fill her in. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT - LATER Colin is sleeping, Jim's wide awake staring at the ceiling. CUT TO: INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM Jim and Abbey are sitting on the floor. They're wearing party hats. Abbey hands Jim a cupcake with a candle in it. ABBEY Make a wish. She gives him a kiss on the cheek. BACK TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim closes his eyes and tries to get some sleep. EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim and Colin are taking a walk. COLIN So last night was fun, right? JIM Are you kidding me? You spent all night hiding from the guy who I ended up slapping in the face. COLIN About that. Bruce wasn't mad at me, he wasn't after me. That was someone else. JIM What?!? COLIN I got the names mixed up. Brad is the one who's mad at me. JIM Jesus Christ Colin. Now I really gotta send Bruce something. TITLE CARD: "YET ANOTHER BIG REVEAL" INT. LAYLA'S DORM - NIGHT Jim and Layla are hanging out. LAYLA So my teacher wigged out on me in class today. JIM Really? What did you do? LAYLA I broke the cardinal rule of the class. JIM Which is? LAYLA I brought in food. JIM Uh oh, I'm sitting next to James Dean over here. What did you bring in? LAYLA Sushi. JIM Yuck. I prefer my food cooked, thank you. But what a trendy eater you are. LAYLA I know. I think my professor's just to blind to see that. She's probably just jealous that I get to eat while she has to stand up there and teach on deaf ears. Jim checks his watch. JIM Oh shit. LAYLA What? Don't you wanna here what she said to me? JIM I gotta go. Class. LAYLA Aww but you just got here. JIM I know, but duty calls. They both get up. Layla embraces Jim and gives him a kiss. The two of them move to the door. INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER They come out of the room arm in arm. She looks adoringly into his eyes. LAYLA Are you gonna miss me while you're off absorbing useless information about... what class is it? JIM Biology. LAYLA Snooze. She gives him a kiss. UNKNOWN FEMALE VOICE (O.C.) WHAT THE FUCK?!? The two of them turn their attention to a lone GIRL, 19, standing at the far end of the hall. LAYLA Oh shit. They break apart. JIM Who is that? The girl advances on them. GIRL (to Jim) FUCK YOU DOIN'?!? JIM What? She gets right up in Jim's face. GIRL Answer my question. LAYLA Georgia what the hell are you doing here? JIM (to Layla) You know this girl? GEORGIA (to Jim) I'm waiting cunt. JIM What did- BOOM! Georgia decks Jim right in the jaw. He goes down fast, he goes down hard. JIM (CONT'D) (on the floor) Ow. LAYLA (to Georgia) Why the fuck did you do that?!? GEORGIA What do you mean why? Layla kneels down to tend to Jim. LAYLA Get out of here. GEORGIA I came to see you. LAYLA Just get out of here for now. We can talk, but right now I need you to leave. GEORGIA Fine. Georgia stubbornly leaves the hall. JIM (groggy) No wait come back. I'm getting my second wind. I wanna throw a punch. Let me punch you. LAYLA Jim she's gone. JIM And she would be who? LAYLA Try not to move your head to much. Your jaw is starting to swell. JIM And I'd like to know the identity of the girl responsible for my broken face. LAYLA She... (Pauses) She's my girlfriend. JIM Well it's a good thing I'm already on the floor. INT. JIM'S DORM - NIGHT Jim's laying in bed, Colin's pacing around the room. COLIN This is shocking news Jim. JIM (a little groggy) Understatement of the fucking year. COLIN I just can't believe it. Layla's a dyke. JIM Should I have seen this coming? Should I have spotted the signs? Were there even any signs to spot? I mean she doesn't come off as dykey. COLIN Listen if I couldn't tell then you never had a chance. My gaydar must be on the fritz or something. I should be able to spot these things like pennies on the ground. JIM I'm at a loss for words. COLIN So was this girl really butch? JIM How does that matter? COLIN I just assume that Layla would be the girl in relationship. JIM Well she's got a good left. So that's pretty butch. And she called me a cunt. COLIN She called you a cunt? JIM She called me a cunt. COLIN She's definitely the guy. JIM My first sucker punch and it comes from a bull dyke on her period. COLIN Don't you have class now? JIM Are kidding me? My girlfriend's girlfriend just introduced her fucking fist to my fucking jaw. Do you think I need biology right now? COLIN So then what's the plan with this whole mess? You need damage control. There's a knock at the door. Colin answers it. It's a MESSENGER, 30's. COLIN (CONT'D) Can I help you? MESSENGER Yeah I got a letter for a Tim Kramer. COLIN Jim. MESSENGER Huh? COLIN Jim. Jim Kramer. That's who the message is for. MESSENGER That's a "J"? He shows Colin the letter. COLIN Yes it is. MESSENGER Are you sure? JIM Jesus Christ give me the damn letter! MESSENGER Who's that? COLIN That's the man whose letter your holding. MESSENGER Tim? JIM SERENITY NOW! MESSENGER (to Jim) Hey bro what's your problem? JIM Colin, murder him or take the letter. Either way I want him out of my life in the next five seconds. COLIN He's had a bad day. I think it's best if you just give me the letter and mosey on. MESSENGER Alright whatever. (To Jim) Take it easy Tim. Colin closes the door. He inspects the letter. JIM Who's it from? COLIN Do you really wanna know? Given your current state I think we should hold off on this 'till tomorrow. JIM Let me guess, Abbey? COLIN Correct. JIM (thinks it over) Give it here. COLIN No. JIM What? COLIN You got enough on your plate as it is. We'll save dessert for later. JIM Give me the damn letter. Don't make me take it from you. COLIN I'd like to see you try. JIM Well I'm not, that was an empty threat. That's all I need right now is for us to start wrestling around the room and one of my hands touches a place it's not supposed to, and then it gets awkward and you tell me it's okay to have those kinds of feelings and- COLIN Alright fine take the letter. Colin hands him the letter. JIM Can I have some privacy? COLIN If you insist. Colin leaves. Jim opens the envelope, takes out the letter. "PLEASE READ ME" is written on one of the folds. Jim begins reading. ABBEY (V.O.) I know what you're thinking, here we go again. Another year, another quirky way for me to win back your affection. Same song different verse. Well you're half right. Am I still in love with you? Hell yes. Anyone can see that. A blind man with his back turned to me can see that. You're one in a million. The diamond in the rough. I mean you're the only other person I know, besides myself, who's seen "Bottle Rocket". And on top of that, your favorite Wilson brother is Andrew. How unique can you be? You're perfect. But am I gonna try and win you back this time? No. My eyes have been opened. I've been taught by a very wise women. And you wouldn't believe how wise she is considering the fact that she smokes her weight in grass. She helped me realize something important. I've made my move already, now it's time for you to make yours. It's all up to you. I can't force you, and I'm done pleading. So this is it. If this letter works like I hope it will, then I'll be seeing you soon. If not, then it's been real. Have a great life. Jim closes his eyes and thinks something over long and hard. He folds the letter back up and shoves it in the envelope. INT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA - DAY Layla and Jim are sitting across from each other in silence. JIM So... LAYLA So... JIM Is she gonna like come up from behind me or something? I don't feel very safe out in the open like this. LAYLA She's back in my room. Miri's keeping an eye on her. JIM Did Miri know about her? About you? LAYLA No one did. JIM So you're a lesbian? LAYLA I'm bi. JIM Did you ever plan on telling me? Did that thought even cross your mind? I mean this a pretty big secret to keep. LAYLA I figured you'd eventually find out, get mad and dump me. So that's why I didn't rush to tell you. JIM I bet you didn't see all this coming then? LAYLA Obviously not. JIM So was I the first guy you ever... LAYLA Dated? Yes. JIM In a way I popped your cherry. Just not in the conventional sense. LAYLA I guess you're right. JIM Is that why you wanted to have sex? You wanted to see what it was like? LAYLA Yeah but I wasn't using you for the sex, I genuinely liked you. JIM Liked? Past tense? LAYLA Present. JIM I thought girls were supposed to wait until college to experiment. LAYLA I did. I've always liked girls. And up until recently I never gave guys the time of day. JIM Until me. LAYLA Yep. JIM Don't I feel special. LAYLA You should. JIM But you have a girlfriend. LAYLA Listen, Georgia and I decided to take a break at the beginning of the year. We thought the long distance thing would be tough. But after the first month of school she called me saying that we should call it off, that the break was a bad idea. She said she needed me. I told her the break was for the best and just stopped answering her calls. The problem with her is she's very controlling. She's gotta have everything her way. So when I met you, I just kinda shut her out. Jim remains silent. LAYLA (CONT'D) Jim? JIM I think I need to come clean with you, so as not to be a complete hypocrite. LAYLA Okay. JIM I kinda had a girlfriend too. I kinda broke up with her after we kissed that night. LAYLA Oh my god. JIM What? LAYLA I'm a fucking home wrecker. Jim I'm so sorry. JIM Don't feel so bad. It was pretty much inevitable. You just gave me that extra push. You were like the added incentive for breaking up with my girlfriend. LAYLA I still feel bad though, for everything. I handled this all wrong. JIM So what was the deal with her calling me a cunt? LAYLA She really hates guys. JIM Well duh, hence the lesbianism. But it's such a harsh word, and I'm not even a girl. LAYLA I'll have a little talk with her about that. She's got a short fuse. JIM (pause) So what do we do now? LAYLA Well... she's still my girlfriend apparently. She hasn't cashed in her chips yet. And despite how much she irks me, I still love her. We just got a lot of shit to work out. JIM Yeah, I guess. It's a shame though. I thought we had something there for a while. Right up until that left hook. You're a really cool girl, named after a classic. I'm sure you'll continue to make whoever you're with happy. LAYLA Thank you Jim. You're amazing, the way you're handling all this. I'd never expect it from anyone. Nothing but class all the way. And I'm sure whoever you end up will be nothing but happy. JIM So... fun while it lasted right? LAYLA Definitely. Friends? JIM We have no choice, do we? There's still a few weeks left of school, we're across the hall from each other. Unless you have an invisibility cloak, I think friendship is the best bet. LAYLA Sounds good. Now I got an angry chick back in my dorm to tend to, so I'm get outta here. I'll see you around buddy. JIM Later pal. INT. WINFIELD DORMS - HALLWAY - LATER Jim arrives at his door. There is a note taped on it. It says: "I'm sorry I called you a cunt. From Georgia. PS. - She made me do this." Jim wears a smile of satisfaction. He takes the note off the door, turns it over, and takes out a pen. On the back he writes: "Apology accepted, cunt." He sticks it on Layla's door. Problem solved. He goes into his room and closes the door behind him. There's a long pause. Jim bursts out of his room with a black magic marker. He feverishly scribbles out the word "cunt" from the note. He calms down, then goes back inside. TITLE CARD: "SO IT'S COME TO THIS." INT. JIM'S DORM - MORNING Jim's laying in bed wide awake. Colin is just waking up. COLIN Morning. JIM Ditto. COLIN Good night's sleep? JIM Not really. Come to think of it I didn't get any. COLIN How come? JIM Doin' a lot of thinking I guess. COLIN Oh. JIM I've had a lot on my mind the past few weeks. That whole Layla thing, my jaw, and just a bunch of other shit. COLIN And the letter. JIM Yeah. COLIN What exactly did that thing say? JIM Well, she said that we either get back together or never speak to each other ever again. COLIN Harsh. So would it be to forward to ask what you're gonna do about it? JIM Some more thinking. COLIN Well think fast 'cause school's almost over. Now I'm gonna go and get some breakfast. Wanna come? JIM Nah. But can you bring me back a banana? COLIN How phallic. FADE TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - LATER Colin has left. Jim is still in bed. He closes his eyes. CUT TO: TITLE CARD: " THAT FATEFUL NIGHT." INT. JIM KRAMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Jim is in his bed. Abbey is standing by the door in tears. She's just been dumped by her prince charming. ABBEY (through the tears) You know the funny thing is I knew this was coming. I was skating on thin ice with you. I knew it was only a matter of time. But I never thought hearing those words would hurt this much. JIM Abbey, I... ABBEY And despite all this I still know you're the one. Don't ask me how, I just know. You're that good. So I'll see you around Jim. BACK TO: INT. JIM'S DORM - MORNING Jim opens his eyes and gets out of bed. He paces frantically around the room. He takes the envelope out from one of his drawers. Colin enters. COLIN Think quick. Colin tosses Jim the banana. Jim pays no attention and it hits him in the head. JIM What the fuck?!? Why are you throwing fruit? COLIN Sorry. JIM I'm gonna go see her. COLIN Her who? JIM Abbey. COLIN Why? JIM I need to talk to her. COLIN About what? Her thoughts on the death penalty? JIM I need a car. COLIN Let me get this straight, in the time it took me to go out, get breakfast, and come back, you make this crucial decision? What did you have a fucking epiphany? JIM Colin, I need a car. COLIN Mine? JIM Yes. You have to understand that this is of the upmost importance. COLIN What about finals? JIM In the words of every college student who's ever lived, "Fuck finals." COLIN Jim! JIM Don't worry I'll be back in time. Is there gas in it? COLIN Full tank. JIM Keys? Colin goes and takes them out of a drawer. He tosses them to Jim. COLIN Be safe. JIM Thanks, I won't forget this. He turns to leave. JIM (CONT'D) Oh and you can have the banana. Insert gay joke here. CUT TO: INT. COLIN'S CAR - MOVING Jim floors it down the interstate. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - AFTERNOON Jim wanders around aimlessly looking for his destination. INT. DORMITORY HALLWAY Jim peruses the halls. He arrives at the correct door. He knocks. Abbey opens the door. JIM Hey. You wanna go grab a bite to eat? ABBEY Oh my god it worked. INT. COLLEGE CAFETERIA - LATER Jim and Abbey are in the middle of their meal. JIM The food's not that bad here. ABBEY It's edible. JIM My school's is alright, I guess. Nothing to write home about. ABBEY So are we just gonna have a back and forth about the food at our campuses? JIM I like their choice of wall color here. My school has more of a Department of Motor Vehicle vibe. ABBEY Jim! JIM What? ABBEY I know you didn't drive all this way to talk about interior design. We should get down to the real business at hand. JIM You're right. ABBEY So... JIM Then I'll get right to it. (Pause) I came here to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did, how this situation was handled. You deserve better. ABBEY Yep. JIM Good. ABBEY So you're taking me back? JIM No. ABBEY What? JIM But... ABBEY But what? JIM I think we should have sex. ABBEY Excuse me. JIM You heard me. I think the two of us should have sex. ABBEY We should have sex, but you're not taking me back? JIM Right. I know it sounds crazy. Even a little pervy. I'll give you that. But I assure you my intentions are true. ABBEY How so? JIM Because I always thought you'd be the one. ABBEY Jim... JIM And I blew it big time with you. The only reason I'm asking is because if I'm gonna do it with anyone it would've been with someone like you. And despite all our shit, what we've been through, whatever the future's gonna bring, I doubt I'll ever find another you. That expression about god breaking the mold comes to mind. That thing's been shattered. You're the first and the last. Abbey begins to smile. CUT TO: INT. ABBEY'S DORM - LATER Jim and Abbey are under the covers in bed, staring at the ceiling. The deed has been done. JIM Scale of one to ten? ABBEY I'd say about a solid eight. JIM Hey that's above average. Kramer you magnificent bastard. There's an extended silence ABBEY So this is it? JIM I guess it is. Our saga is complete. ABBEY This isn't "Star Wars". JIM I know, but I'd like to think of this as some kind of weird epic journey, minus the lightsabers and wookies. ABBEY And storm troopers. JIM And storm troopers. They shift and face each other. ABBEY So this is it. JIM Yeah. FADE TO: INT. ABBEY'S DORM - MOMENTS LATER They're now both dressed and by the door. ABBEY Take it easy Woody. JIM You know I always do. Jim turns and goes out the door. JIM (CONT'D) Oh I almost forgot. I have something for you. He hands her a "100 Grand" candy bar from his pocket. JIM (CONT'D) You won. ABBEY I was hoping I wouldn't. JIM Me too. Well, here's looking at you kid. ABBEY Corny. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - MOMENTS LATER Jim exits the building. The weight has been lifted. Mary Jane passes by him. JIM (to Mary Jane) Excuse me do you live here? MARY JANE Yeah. JIM Mary Jane right? MARY JANE How do you know that? JIM Lucky guess. Listen I have a favor to ask. MARY JANE Yeah? JIM Look after her, okay? MARY JANE Jim? JIM Good guess. TITLE CARD: "THAT ALICE COOPER SONG." INT. JIM'S DORM - DAY Colin and Jim are packing their bags. COLIN One down, three more to go. JIM You said it brother. COLIN What do you got going on this summer? JIM Good question. Maybe do some light reading. Probably go outside, get some fresh air. COLIN Bullshit. JIM Yeah you're right. COLIN You know I had fun this year. JIM Me too. Can't wait for fall. COLIN You say that now, but once those leaves start changing colors you'll start freaking. Believe me. JIM You're so wise. COLIN Thank your lucky stars that you have access to that wisdom. (Beat) Breeder. EXT. WINFIELD UNIVERSITY - DAY Jim's taking one last stroll. His phone starts ringing. He sits at a nearby bench and answers it. JIM Hello? LAWRENCE (on the phone) What up bitch ass? JIM Hey long time no speak. LAWRENCE Damn right. What have you been living under a fucking rock? I was starting to get worried. I was on the verge of holding new best friend auditions. So what's been going on the past couple of weeks? Anything interesting? This brings a smile to Jim's face. JIM Are you sitting down? FADE TO BLACK.
Return to Simply Scripts