THE INSOMNIAC'S HANDBOOK


A short by Matthew J. Orobko






RADIO VOICE: Well it's 2:45 in the A.M. and I'm going to leave you with 
the
classic tune, "DOWTOWN" by Petula Clark. Up next is Easy Listening with
Roland McNare. Good night everybody.


We see a microwave oven. The song "Downtown" begins to play. A hand 
reaches
for the handle of the microwave. The hand opens it and puts a glass of 
milk
in it. The camera pulls back to reveal a man that looks extremely 
tired. He
has giant circles under his eyes. He yawns. The oven whirrs and buzzes. 
It
dings. The man takes out the glass of warm milk and begins to drink it.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #1
Warm milk helps. Drink lots of warm milk throughout the course of the
night...

The man finishes the milk and places the empty glass in the sink. The 
man
reaches over and turns the volume of the radio up.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #2
Listen to soothing music. When the soothing music hour pipes in on your
local station, turn up the volume...

The song ends.

RADIO VOICE: Hey you nighthawks it's Ronald McNare and this is easy
listening.

Soothing music begins to play.

The next thing we know the man is watching tv. He is watching an
infomercial.

MAN ON TV: How many times have you woken up to find that you dog and/or 
cat
has poo-pooed all over the floor.

The woman standing next to him smiles.

WOMAN ON TV: I can't tell you how many times that has happened to me, 
Chuck!

The studio audience laughs and roars.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #3
Don't watch any stimulating television programming. Stick to 
infomercials
and the Women's Television Network...

The man lying on the couch yawns and shows little interest in the
infomercial. The man gets up and walks to a bookcase. He takes out a 
book
and begins reading.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #4
If television fails, get the most boring book you can find, namely 
books
from Oprah's Book Club...

The man starts to read. He closes the book and gets out of the couch. 
He
walks to the fridge and looks in. Suddenly, a huge red "x" fills the 
screen.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #5
No late night snacking. If you feel the need for hunger, drink some 
more
milk...

We suddenly see the man drinking another glass of milk. The next thing 
we
know the man is lying on the couch again, watching tv.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

RULE #6
Don't force yourself asleep. If you lie down and watch tv, eventually 
the
effects of tiredness will take over and you will fall asleep...

The man drifts in and out of sleep. The man closes his eyes and falls
asleep.

----FREEZE FRAME----

SUBTITLE UNDER IMAGE:

If you follow the six proceeding rules you should fall asleep easily.



THE END