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Harry "The Goose" Deckard & Scott Clayton Present:
"HURRICANE HIGH"
EPISODE ONE:
"F i r s t D a y B l u e s"
PART ONE
Written by: Harry "The Goose" Deckard.
Ideas and characters by: Deckard and Clayton.
FADE IN:
CREDITS
Over the sound of "California Girls" by The Beach Boys (The starting
theme tune). The credits end and the following superimposment comes on:
"Yamcha and Spike are two 14 year old boys who are starting their first
Year at "Hurricane High" a school where 14-125 year olds learn to become
Fighting champions. They get to choose two different martial arts styles
to do and get lessons in streetfighting, maths, science, wrestling,
English, weapons, gun fighting (optional), how to treat a girl/guy,
Meditating (optional), self defence, Tai Chi, Fitness, boxing/kickboxing
and for the unfit ones "how to fight with a beerbelly classes". If pupils
Are strong enough they can be taught to unlock ultimate power and turn
into a giant animal of their choice. They enter many fighting
championships with other fighting schools, both on this world and others."
FADE TO:
INT. KITCHEN -- MORNING
It's a beautiful, picture-perfect summer morning outside, the birds are
tweeting, semi-naked women are playing volleyball on the park opposite
and a young boy is pacing up and down in front of one of the side windows.
We PAN TO GET A BETTER ANGLE at the kitchen. It's small, nothing more
than a little aisle full of modern electrical appliances.
DONNA CHIEN, early forties, short dyed blonde hair is filling the
dishwasher with dirty breakfast things. Her son is watching the boy pace
up and down the yard outside while she finishes packing in the dishes.
DONNA
Right, I've now finished.
Her son, YAMCHA CHIEN turns from the window and smiles. He's small, with
"quiffed" strawberry blonde hair. He wears a "Blind" hoodie and a pair
of DC jeans.
YAMCHA
Right, mum. We've gotta go now. The boss
should be here any minute.
Donna hugs him.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2.
DONNA
Okay, Yamcha, good luck and remember two
things.
They kiss and Yamcha backs out of the embrace.
YAMCHA
What are they?
DONNA
1. Both me and your father love you and 2.
If you get beaten up two badly don't come
crying back to us, we don't wanna be the
shame of the neighbourhood.
YAMCHA
Okay, that just kinda, well, overrides the
second one.
Yamcha exits.
YAMCHA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Love you, mum.
The door closes as Yamcha leaves the house.
DONNA
I just hope we've sent you to the right place.
CUT TO:
EXT. YARD -- DAY
We finally see the guy who was pacing up and down. His name is SPIKE
BLACKMAN. He's taller that Yamcha, and although they are both slightly
stocky, he's the thinner of the two. He wears shades and his hair is
dyed orange and flame red while spiked up.
He has two suitcases next to him.
The door opens and Yamcha steps out, dragging two suitcases with him. He
grins to Spike.
SPIKE
Finally.
YAMCHA
Sorry, but my mum just likes talking okay?
SPIKE
Tell me about it.
YAMCHA
We'd better hurry up to the bus anyway.
CUT TO:
EXT. PUB -- MOMENTS LATER
Spike and Yamcha are standing outside their bus stop, the parking lot of
the local pub. Spike checks his watch.
SPIKE
Twenty minutes late, what are they playing
at? Grrr....
YAMCHA
Calm down.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.
SPIKE
They're worse'n British railways.
Yamcha looks around, sees a girl looking out of one of the house
opposite's windows. He waves.
YAMCHA
Hey, it's Kerri.
Spike waves.
SPIKE
KERRY!
(Takes a look around)
Man, am I gonna miss all our friends and the
local sights. Look there's double-oh nothing
spying out on the field.
CAMERA TURNS to see a massively fat man leaning over the gate of his house,
spying on the road and all the people around, this is what he does every
single day without fail. He's GORDON "DOUBLE-OH-NOTHING" GROVES.
YAMCHA
I think I'll even miss him.
DOUBLE-OH-NOTHING
Wha' you starin' at?
Suddenly there's a loud BANG and a Volkswagen campervan swerves to a
halt in front of them. It's black with flame streaks up the sides, on
the front is a tyre case with "HURRICANE HIGH" written on it. The bus
driver waves at them.
BUS DRIVER
Hurry up, boys.
YAMCHA
Is this our bus?
BUS DRIVER
Clever, show me your passes.
SPIKE
Passes? What passes?
BUS DRIVER
None. Only joking.
They open the back and climb inside, almost before they close the door.
Both of them almost slip out.
INT. CAMPERVAN -- CONTINUOUS
Inside it has almost a "Tardis" like affect; there are a lot more seats
than you would expect. Apart from the bus driver there's one other
passenger. Spike and Yamcha sit on the back seats, behind her.
ANGLE ON:
The passenger, EMILY LOPEZ. A tanned, beautiful Asian girl of fifteen,
she's also in the first year. Her appearance could lead to her being
classed as a slut, she wears a low-cut aqua blue top and a mini skirt
cut off just before the thigh ends.
BACK TO SCENE
YAMCHA
Guess it's the Norfolk bus, then?
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
SPIKE
Who's she?
YAMCHA
Some slut.
Emily spins around, annoyance in her beautiful face.
EMILY
I AM NOT A SLUT.
YAMCHA
So why do you dress like one then?
EMILY
F...forget it.
SPIKE
Well, if I had a body that nice I'd do that
two.
They give him a weird look.
SPIKE (CONT'D)
I...I mean if I was a girl that is.
(Cover-up, whoops-like
grin)
EMILY
Hey, not many people get blessed with a good
body, so why shouldn't I show mine off to
the full?
YAMCHA
'Cos it makes you look like a slut?
EMILY
I'm not a slut.
Pause.
YAMCHA
Slut.
The bus comes to a stop and the back door opens. JULES "AUTOPILOT" BLADES
gets on. He's a third year, just eighteen, big, black and brimming from
head to toe with muscle. He's the Boxing champion at the school. Autopilot
sits in front of Yamcha.
He turns to survey the new students.
AUTOPILOT
Whoa, a slut and two whiteboys. Mighty good
company.
YAMCHA
Who else is on this bus?
AUTOPILOT
Just us I think. Hey, Charlie, how many more
stops?
BUS DRIVER
One more.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
AUTOPILOT
Yeah, there were five on last year not
including me, they've left for a Shaolin
monastery up in rural China I think. So who
are you lot?
YAMCHA
I'm Yamcha Chien, yeah, I was named after a
Dragonball Z Character.
SPIKE
I'm Spike.
EMILY
I'm...
AUTOPILOT
Slut, yeah we know.
Emily kicks the seat in front of her in anger, the seat practically caves
in.
AUTOPILOT (CONT'D)
Whoa, sluts can kick harder than I thought.
EMILY
I AM NOT A SLUT!
She stands up and flips Autopilot the bird.
BUS DRIVER
OI! SLUT AT THE BACK; SIDDOWN!
SPIKE
So, who're you?
AUTOPILOT
Name's Jules, but everyone calls me Autopilot.
I'm the school boxing champion...
(Shows belt)
Two years running. And I got the belt, muscles
and six pack to prove it.
FADE TO:
INT. CAMPERVAN -- LATER
Time has obviously passed. Autopilot and Yamcha are now sitting next to
each other and Emily and Spike are sitting next to each other. They are
both engrossed in one of Spike's many graphic novels. The second "Usagi
Yojimbo" book.
The other passenger sits behind the driver. He's a skinny, thick-glasses
wearing geek named MITCH MARLOUGH. He's here for his kinetic powers only.
We PAN TO Spike and Emily.
SPIKE
Whoa, a slut...I mean girl who's into comics,
that's a rarity.
EMILY
Yeah, well, proves I have a brain doesn't
it?
SPIKE
Yeah.
We now turn to Yamcha and Autopilot.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6.
YAMCHA
So you were enrolled because of your boxing
skills?
AUTOPILOT
Yeah. Plus I was a top Judo fighter at twelve.
Won eight tournaments worldwide. So how about
you, why'd you enrol?
YAMCHA
Well, I started Choy Li Fut at thirteen, I'm
an orange sash and I've just loved it ever
since.
AUTOPILOT
What about Spike?
YAMCHA
Well, he's a purple sash in Choy Li Fut Kung
fu, but he's mainly here for his telepathic
skills.
SHIFT TO:
Spike and Emily.
EMILY
Did you bring many other comics?
SPIKE
Loads.
EMILY
Excellent.
SPIKE
What're you here for?
EMILY
I'm a black belt in Karate.
Spike laughs.
SPIKE
Karate, Karate sucks.
Emily suddenly swings for him, lightning fast. Spike blocks with a "Pi",
and brings Emily's arm up against her back.
SPIKE (CONT'D)
(Letting go; waves finger)
Aht-ah, sweet thang.
EMILY
Very good.
SPIKE
So where d'you come from in Norfolk?
EMILY
Walsingham.
SPIKE
The pilgrimage place?
EMILY
Yeah, that's the place.
SWITCH TO:
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7.
Mitch Marlough. Sitting there with a superior grin on his face listening
to the conversation, which sounds so childish when around him.
AUTOPILOT (O.S.)
Once this kid in my year tried to deck in my
little brother. I got involved and he started
on me. He hit me eight times, real hard
punches, I hardly felt it and hit him.
(Pause)
I broke his jaw in five places.
(Pause)
That's what Hurricane High does to you.
YAMCHA (O.S.)
Cool. Once this group of about four or five
kids tried to start on Spike. We teamed up
and Bloodyhell, we kicked some asses. I was only a
white [beginner] sash then, he was just going
for his first grading.
(Pause)
No one messed with either of us again.
AUTOPILOT (O.S.)
Ass kicking rocks.
EMILY (O.S.)
Who do you think would win out of Vegeta,
Piccolo and Trunks.
SPIKE (O.S.)
Well Vegeta's my favourite character, so I'd
be biased against him. But it would be a
very hard match for all of them.
EMILY (O.S.)
Trunks being Vegeta's son.
SPIKE (O.S.)
Exactly.
Mitch Marlough blinks.
MITCH MARLOUGH
Piccolo would win.
EMILY (O.S.)
What?
MITCH MARLOUGH
I said Piccolo would win.
AUTOPILOT (O.S.)
Whoa, he has a voice!
YAMCHA (O.S.)
You a first year?
MITCH MARLOUGH
Uh huh.
YAMCHA
(Leaning in)
What's your name?
MITCH MARLOUGH
Mitchell Marlough.
YAMCHA
You prefer Mitch?
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.
MITCH MARLOUGH
Uh huh.
FADE TO:
EXT. ROAD TO HURRICANE -- DAY
The Campervan starts up the long, hilly path to Hurricane High.
INT. CAMPERVAN -- CONTINUOUS
Yamcha looks out the window, as do the others.
YAMCHA
Whoa, it's in the middle of nowhere.
MITCH MARLOUGH
A deserted, secret location in Dorset I
believe.
YAMCHA
Mitch, fountain of all knowledge.
BUS DRIVER
EVERYONE GET HOLD OF THEIR BAGGAGE, HURRICANE
HIGH IS JUST AHEAD.
Everyone begins to unclip their safety belts and root around for various
items of luggage. Mitch hands Spike a copy of The Punisher back.
MITCH MARLOUGH
Love the dark, violent style of Frank Castle.
SPIKE
Disturbing reading huh?
MITCH MARLOUGH
Very.
Spike packs it away in a "Billabong" backpack.
AUTOPILOT
School's coming into sight.
Everyone looks closer. Through the windows, four massive buildings,
including a dome shaped one can be seen slowly coming into view. Other
campervans, cars and buses are parked there. No one else is around.
BUS DRIVER
We're late.
AUTOPILOT
You lot have got to take the big test now.
YAMCHA
Test?
AUTOPILOT
Don't worry, it's just answering questions
about yourself.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY
The campervan stops a few yards from the main building (the dome). The
pupils are hurried off.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.
AUTOPILOT
(Heading to another
building)
Well, I'll see you guys later. Good luck.
YAMCHA
See ya, Autopilot.
SPIKE
Nice guy?
YAMCHA
Yeah.
EMILY
C'mon, hurry.
Suddenly the janitor, an old, scraggly man named SQUIGGLES comes up.
SQUIGGLES
You? You must be the Norfolk people?
MITCH MARLOUGH
Erm...yeah.
SQUIGGLES
Dammit, you shoula been in there five minutes
ago. Get a move on.
EMILY
Who are you to boss us around?
CRACK! Squiggles hits her over the head with his broom, she pounces at
him but Mitch takes her by the collar and drags her away.
EMILY (CONT'D)
Grrr...
SQUIGGLES
Hurry up.
(Muttering)
Damn firs' years.
Spike reaches the main doors first, takes a deep breath and prizes them
open.
INT. DOME -- CONTINUOUS
As, CRUNCH! A fist lashes out and hits Spike in the nose, his nose
"effectively" squashes like a tomato. Everyone looks up to see one of
the teachers, a small, muscular man wearing a head band over his eyes.
His name is RYU, the Akido teacher.
RYU
OH! Oh, first years! Very sorry, but only
intruders come through these doors, pupils
use the back doors. Are you okay?
Spike slowly stands up, his nose bloody.
SPIKE
Yeah, I should be. But hell, you hit like a
jackhammer.
RYU
No time for this. C'mon.
Ryu takes their bags.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.
RYU (CONT'D)
Go up the corridor and into the first double
doors on the right. Hurry.
The group begin running, Emily at the back.
EMILY
Wait up, wait up!
Spike wipes blood from his nose, he grimaces and mutters about the bloody
teacher.
Yamcha opens the doors.
CUT TO:
INT. MAIN HALL -- CONTINUOUS
The hall is a huge, dark room. Full of rows and rows of desks. A random
teacher comes up to them.
RANDOM TEACHER
Hurry up, the Headmaster is about to talk.
They take the back seats and we pan up to:
INT. STAGE (MAIN HALL) -- CONTINUOUS
A small, raised wooden stage. All that's on there is a leather armchair,
a table and a strange computer-like box with many slots all over it. A
drum momentarily sounds and the HEADMASTER walks on stage. He is a tall,
handlebar-moustached man with an afro even though he's white. He's only
known as the headmaster, nothing else.
HEADMASTER
Welcome pupils. The name's Master, Headmaster.
I welcome you all to Hurricane High school.
A drumbeat, Headmaster sits down.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
Hurricane is a specialist school, it is one
of only a select fifty schools like it in
the World. Hurricane is the only British
school. You won't believe me...yet. But there
are also some schools like these on other
galaxies, planets and even other dimensional
planes.
Headmaster stretches.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
You have come here to learn to be the ultimate
fighting machines. I only prey that whatever
you learn here will be for the benefit of
goodness only. But I'll waste no more time
in preaching. You will see a booklet in front
of you, please fill it in and be honest.
Don't lie about any aspect, you are all
skilled individuals, better than any others
in England so there's no point in lying.
Also you wouldn't like to know what happened
to the last person who lied...you may begin
the test.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11.
ANGLE ON
The front page of the paper. The first thing reads NAME and D.O.B. The
person fills in J.D Harlow and 15/06/90. Under that it says, Current
Martial Art. There are many boxes underneath, J.D ticks Tai Kwon Do.
ANGLE ON
Another test paper, Mitch's. The next asks which do you prefer, boxing
or kickboxing. A tick next to kickboxing. The next bit holds an empty
box and reads "Enter your height in feet and inches". Mitch puts his
height, five foot five.
ANGLE ON
Yamcha's paper. Describe your build, is next. It ranges from "Underweight,
four-six stone" to "Obese, eighteen stone plus". Yamcha ticks over
average, "eight and a half stone to nine stone".
ANGLE ON
Spike's piece of paper. He is on "hair colour". Spike ticks light brown
then puts in brackets next to it "dyed". The next one says eye colour,
Spike ticks the box "different colours".
ANGLE ON
Mitch's test. The next question is "Do you have any other powers?". Mostly
they are things like extra Ki, Chi, telepathy and stuff. Mitch ticks
next to extra kinetic energy. The next question reads "Do you know how
to use this power properly?", he ticks yes.
ANGLE ON
J.D's paper. It says: "Which would you rather learn about; Meditation or
Target shooting?". A tick next to shooting.
TIMECUT TO:
INT. MAIN HALL -- LATER
The last few pupils are now finishing their tests. There are a few SWISHES
sounds and the papers are closed. Headmaster stands up to address them.
HEADMASTER
Has everyone finished?
A SLOW PUPIL speaks up.
SLOW PUPIL
No, sir, I haven't.
HEADMASTER
Which question are you on?
SLOW PUPIL
Number eighteen, I've got...
(counts)
Fifteen more questions.
A teacher leaps out from behind him and WHACKS him with a Kendo stick.
HEADMASTER
Right, are we all finished?
A cry of "YES".
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
Good, now when I call the first letter of
your last name.
(Points to machine)
Please come and put your test inside one of
these slots. Wait a few minutes and it will
give a print out of your new timetable.
MR. UDERZO, the big black boxing teacher who hit Slow Pupil steps out
again.
MR. UDERZO
Headmaster, sir, we jus' got told from the
board that there's gonna be a random ninja
drill in approximately ninety minutes.
HEADMASTER
Okay, Mr. Uderzo, haven't you got a class to
teach?
MR. UDERZO
Yeah.
Exit Uderzo.
HEADMASTER
A random Ninja drill is done by the board of
violent education for us. Here at Hurricane
we are always being attacked by our many
enemies, so a simulated random ninja attack
happens every few weeks. It's just like a
fire drill in a normal school. But as we
realize that you're not thick we don't do
fire drills here.
(Pause)
Anyway, people whose surnames begin with A,
please come up.
A small trickle of people come up.
INT. STAGE (MAIN HALL) -- CONTINUOUS
The pupils come up to headmaster; among them is RANDOM PUPIL, a stocky,
London hardman, here for his immense strength and boxing skills.
RANDOM PUPIL
Which slot should I put mine in, sir?
HEADMASTER
Whichever one you want, boy.
A lean ginger kid named ACKERLEY puts his in one of the slots. All of
the tests are finally put in. There's a loud whirring noise as the machine
calculates the results.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
Very advanced piece of technology this.
CLANK. The pupils take their new timetables out and while still reading
them walk back to their desks, Random Pupil trips over the two bottom
steps.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
B.
A group of pupils, including Spike make their way up to the stage. They
slot their tests inside.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
Just wait a sec. Boy, what happened to your
nose?
SPIKE
Well, this guy punched me when I walked
through the door.
HEADMASTER
(Confused)
Who?
SPIKE
He was one of the the teachers.
Their timetables are slowly churned out.
SPIKE (CONT'D)
(Reading)
Monday. Period one: Target shooting, N7.
Period Two: Sport, E8. Break. Period Three:
Kung Fu [Choy Li Fut], W4.
Period Four: Wrestling,N13. Lunch.
Period Five: How to treat your girl, S16.
Period Six: Weapons training, Main Hall.
HEADMASTER
Alas, the exact same timetable that I had
when I was a student at this school.
SPIKE
Cool.
HEADMASTER
Yeah, especially when you look at where I am
now.
(To pupils)
Cs, please.
The Bs sit down, Yamcha and the rest come up. Yamcha smiles to the
Headmaster.
YAMCHA
Weren't you on mind, body and kickass moves
the other night?
HEADMASTER
Yes. Yes I was. You are?
YAMCHA
Yamcha Chien.
HEADMASTER
Yes, your father works at the Muchi school
in France?
YAMCHA
Yes me and my mother only found out a few
months ago, he confessed after I got the
invitation for the school.
HEADMASTER
Yes.
Yamcha slots in his test, he is barged out the way by GUS CARBONICA, a
stout, Jujitsu genius.
YAMCHA
Hey.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14.
CARBONICA
Hey, what, bitch?
Carbonica moves out of the way.
YAMCHA
Why do you let bastar...I mean, "people"
like him in?
HEADMASTER
People like that can be trained into powerful,
hard working martial artists.
YAMCHA
I bet...
WHIRR...Yamcha's timetable is given to him, he turns and walks down the
steps towards his seat.
YAMCHA (CONT'D)
(Reading)
Monday. Period One: Meditation, S18. Period
Two: Sport, E4. Break. Period Three: Weapons
training, Main Hall.. Period Four: Kung Fu
[Choy Li Fut N13. Lunch. Period Five: How to
treat your girl, S16. Period Six:
(With confusion)
Fighting with a beerbelly?
CARBONICA
Yeah, now sit down, Fatman.
YAMCHA
Calling me fat?
CARBONICA
Yeah. What're you gonna do about it?
YAMCHA
I warn you, I do Kung Fu.
CARBONICA
Big deal. I'm England's under-sixteens
champion two at Jujitsu.
YAMCHA
Yeah, Jujitsu's a girls art.
CARBONICA
I do Hapkido too.
YAMCHA
Okay, Hapkido's cool. But still...
CUT TO:
INT. MAIN HALL -- LATER
Superimpose: Ten minutes later.
Everyone has finished collecting their results and are rearing to go.
HEADMASTER
Well, up until four o'clock when we finish
school I'll say goodbye.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15.
HEADMASTER (CONT'D)
At four can we all meet here, so we can sort
out dormitories and things. Anyway... *
(bell rings)
...Onto your first lessons.
Everyone gets up and turns to the door.
END PART ONE
COMMERCIAL BREAK
HURRICANE HIGH -- "First Day Blues"
PART TWO
FADE IN:
INT. S18 (MEDITATION) -- MORNING *
Superimpose: First Lesson.
S18 is a warm, new and spacious room with a laminated wooden floor
(covered by many blue pads). Three or four punch bags in the corner, a
bench, a katana on the wall and stuff like that. The class is about
fifteen strong and they all sit on the floor in front of their teacher,
or should I say instructor.
He is SIFU NEIL WAN, a small, dark red haired man who looks more European
than Asian. Although his face shows both. He wears a black Kung-Fu robe
and specializes in teaching Kung-Fu.
Yamcha sits next to Mitch Marlough and Emily. Random Pupil is also in
the class, but sits with two friends at the back.
SIFU NEIL
Hello, class, welcome to your meditation
class. Please don't make any unnecessary
noise as it would disrupt the natural peace
in the room.
A LOUD SNORT of LAUGHTER. Neil ignores it.
SIFU NEIL (CONT'D)
I'm not here to bore you, I'm not here to
discipline you; I'm not here to annoy you. I
am only here to teach you the secrets of
inner peace. Someone tell me what inner peace
is?
BILLY, a relaxed smartass answers.
BILLY
When you are...
(Silly accent)
...being penetrated by a woman.
SIFU NEIL
Yep.
A few laughs.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16.
SIFU NEIL (CONT'D)
Or men in some cases. Well, Mr. Lampard, I
can see you have a sense of humour. Can anyone
else tell me what inner peace is?
EMILY
Something to do with the lotus position?
SIFU NEIL
Not really.
MITCH MARLOUGH
Inner peace is when one is at peace with
one's self, both mentally and physically.
SIFU NEIL
Good, good. But I said "you" instead of "one",
you'll only have a miserable life if you
speak posh.
BILLY
Well said, old chap.
Slight giggling.
SIFU NEIL
Very funny, Billy. As I don't really know
how much you know about meditation I'm gonna
start with the basics.
(Pause)
Can anyone show me what the lotus position
is?
EMILY
I can, I can.
SIFU NEIL
Go on then.
Emily brings herself into the lotus position, which is known as the
classical meditation position. Everyone gets a flash of her knickers, a
few whistles.
LOUDMOUTH
Nice one, slut.
SIFU NEIL
Very good, slut.
EMILY
I AM NOT A BLOODY SLUT! WILL YOU GET THAT
THROUGH YOUR THICK HEADS! I AM NOT A SLUT! I
AM NOT A SLUT! I AM NOT A SLUT! I AM NOT A
SLUT! I AM NOT A SLUT!
SIFU NEIL
You must learn to respect a joke, Ms. Lopez.
BILLY
Think she's a slut?
CUT TO:
INT. N7 (TARGET SHOOTING) -- MORNING
A large classroom full of desks, chairs, pupils and their instructor.
The front of the classroom is separated by a see through, bullet-proof,
glass wall. On the walls are hundreds of guns, targets and all sorts.
Spike sits next to a tall and quiet kid, DANIEL PHEREX.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17.
J.D HARLOW sits behind them on his own. He's a slim black kid of medium
height and always hidden behind shades. The epitome of cool.
The Instructor is an unstable, ex-marine, JAKE McDermott, but everyone
calls him "CRAZY JAKE". Jake has a Redhawk revolver in his hands. He
walks behind the glass and into the target range.
CRAZY JAKE
Firing a gun is like shagging a bitch, you've
gotta break it in and make it scream.
Jake FIRES at a target, hits it in the head.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
See? There's no stylish Chow Yun Fat dives
to it, it's a real art.
Spike puts up his hand.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
What?
SPIKE
Will we get to learn Chow Yun Fat dives?
CRAZY JAKE
Yes, once we've gotten through how to load,
deassemble and fire a revolver.
DANIEL
Can't we practice with an automatic, they're
better.
CRAZY JAKE
Better?!?
(Looks at gun)
Barbara, did you hear the nasty boy say that
some cheap, mass-produced automatic is better
than you. Say, if I came over here and stuck
this gun at your head would you tell her
that an automatic was better than her?
DANIEL
No, I'd kick the gun from your hand and stab
you to death with my ruler.
CRAZY JAKE
O...kay...
(Pause)
I need a volunteer.
Jake steps through the glass and into the main part of the class.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
Anyone?
J.D
I'll do it.
J.D stands up and walks over to Jake.
J.D (CONT'D)
What you want me to do, Jake?
CRAZY JAKE
That's Crazy Jake to you.
J.D
Okay.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18.
CRAZY JAKE
Take this.
Hands J.D the Redhawk.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
Aim it at my stomach.
J.D brings the Redhawk up in both hands and aims it for Jake's stomach.
A long beat. Jake puts his hands up. All in one quick movement: Jake
steps back with his right foot, turning his body to the right as he does
so. He strikes down with the sharp edge of his right forearm and hits
J.D on the wrist. This takes his body out of the line of shot. Jake
continues to turn until he faces the same direction as J.D.
He slides his right arm under J.D's right arm from underneath, pulls it
against his chest and swings his left arm back to shoulder level, forcing
J.D back. He is now applying a terrible armlock to J.D's left arm, J.D
tenses up in pain. He wrenches backwards with his right arm and drives
him back, disabling him completely.
J.D flops open and Jake has the gun in his hand.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
Ta-da.
Applause.
RANDOM PUPIL
Wouldn't it be easier to do that thing Jackie
Chan does to Chris Tucker on "Rush Hour"?
CRAZY JAKE
That's the movies and this is Judo. Also
this hurts more.
(Violent, almost scary
flash in eyes)
And pain is good.
Jake wrenches J.D up and dusts him down.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
To your seat.
J.D sits down.
CRAZY JAKE (CONT'D)
Now, we're going to practice disarming our
opponents now. Mr. Blackman, please take
this box of pistols and hand them out, give
an automatic to Mr. Dickhead over there.
DANIEL
Name's Daniel.
CRAZY JAKE
So?
CUT TO:
EXT. COURTYARD -- BREAKTIME
The courtyard is a jagged mess of pupils finding their friends, snacking,
smoking or playing football. J.D, Daniel and Spike walk past two third
years who are sparring in Jae Kwon Do.
J.D
What school did you say you came from?
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19.
SPIKE
Wymondham.
J.D
That in Australia?
SPIKE
Norfolk, dumbass.
J.D
Right. What art do you practice?
SPIKE
Choy Li Fut Kung Fu, but to be honest I'm
really looking forward to Akido.
DANIEL
The thoughtful art?
J.D
Yeah. Where're you from?
DANIEL
Dover.
J.D
You haven't got the accent. Anyway, whaddya
practice?
DANIEL
My mum's Australian and my Dad comes from
Norfolk. I don't really do martial arts. I'm
here for my anger problems. I've been sent
here to learn to channel my rage.
J.D
Where are we goin'?
SPIKE
I'm gonna meet my friend, Yamcha.
DANIEL
Yamcha what kinda stupid name?
SPIKE
Yamcha Chien, Chien is dog in French and
Yamcha is the thief from Dragonball and
Dragonball Z.
CRUNCH! A dodgeball hits Daniel in the head, he jolts forward and lands
on his back. DOMINGUEZ, a loud yet extremley skilled second-year
kickboxers comes up to him.
DOMINGUEZ
Man, what a dumbass.
His two cronies, TY and LEE are close behind. They laugh.
DOMINGUEZ (CONT'D)
What kind of hardman are you? You're meanna
catch the Bloody ball.
Dominguez picks up the ball and dunks it on Daniel's head.
TY
Hahahahahahaha.
J.D
Oh, get a decent laugh, tosspot.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20.
Lee SIDEKICKS J.D in the cheek.
Daniel leaps up; little shimmering lines of rage come up from his
forehead, his neck veins stick out and his eyes widen. He's ANGRY.
DANIEL
BLOODYHELL YOU'RE GOING DOWN!
Everyone stops to watch. HOLLY, Dominguez sexy blonde girlfriend steps
in.
HOLLY
Hey, I suggest you back off, first year.
He'll kick your ass.
DANIEL
What kind of stupid logic is that?
Daniel and Dominguez face off.
DOMINGUEZ
(To Ty)
Should I?
TY
Last chance to back out, first year.
DANIEL
Back out? Me?
J.D stands up, bleeding from the mouth. A crowd is forming to watch J.D,
Daniel and Spike versus Dominguez, Lee and Ty.
Among the crowd are Emily, Yamcha, Mitch and Autopilot. Autopilot sees
Yamcha.
AUTOPILOT
Hey.
YAMCHA
Hi.
AUTOPILOT
How's your first day been?
YAMCHA
Okay.
AUTOPILOT
Isn't that your friend there?
YAMCHA
Yep.
AUTOPILOT
Shit, he's going up against Dominguez Doming,
Ty Tyler and Lee Lye. He's going down.
Autopilot moves into help but is pulled back.
RANDOM PUPIL
Just let them fight, man.
SWITCH TO:
The fight.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
21.
DOMINGUEZ
Well, come on first year. You get first move,
I'm being fair.
TY
You fair?
DOMINGUEZ
You're right.
Dominguez swings for Daniel. Hitting him with a firm right hook. Daniel
stands there and takes it. Ty PUNCHES Daniel in the stomach. Lee moves
for action but J.D blocks his way.
J.D
Hey, she-bitch, you wanna 'nother go at me
you poor excuse for a tosspot?
J.D leaps on Lee and CHOPS him to the side of the neck, Lee stumbles but
hits him with both palms. He swings for J.D, but J.D takes him in a
Seoinage (Judo - Shoulder throw). *
Daniel grabs Dominguez by the collar and hits him in the shoulder. He
turns and knees him in the groin. Dominguez takes it all and pushes him
to the ground.
The teachers come out, but as this is a fight school, they watch with
enthusiasm.
A small, mole like fourth year known only as the BOOKIE takes out a
notepad.
BOOKIE
Bets, bets, place your bets here.
BILLY
Five pound on the tall first year.
BACK TO THE FIGHT and Dominguez elbows Daniel in the stomach then
backhands him.
Daniel collides with J.D and Lee.
Ty turns to Spike.
TY
Let's take him.
DOMINGUEZ
Yeah. C'mon, bitch.
SPIKE
Hey, this is not what I want.
TY
Course it ain't what you want. No one wants
their ass kicked by us.
DING-DING, the bell goes.
DOMINGUEZ
Saved by the bell.
SPIKE
Yeah, I guess you will.
Dominguez yanks Daniel up.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
22.
DOMINGUEZ
I'll be seeing you this lunchtime, weakling.
DANIEL
Yeah, you'll be seeing birds tweeting over
your head.
TY
For a hard talker you're pretty weak.
Dominguez picks up the fallen Lee.
J.D
Yeah, take your baggage with you.
The enemy move off. Our three heroes are swarmed by the crowd.
HOLLY
You realize that Dominguez has got it in him
to actually kill you.
DANIEL
Why would I be scared of a poof like that?
HOLLY
Poof? Just cos he has a three inch
pe...whoops...I...you didn't hear that from
me.
She hurries off. Yamcha sees Spike.
YAMCHA
You're gonna get whupped at Lunch.
SPIKE
Yammy, you have no faith in me do you?
(Smiles)
I just don't wanna see a good friend get
kicked in.
AUTOPILOT
Don't worry about Dominguez, man, he has an
I.Q of sixty-one, he has special classes for
backward people.
SPIKE
What's his style?
AUTOPILOT
He's mainly a kick boxer.
YAMCHA
What've you got now, Spike?
SPIKE
Wrestling, Auto, where's W4?
AUTOPILOT
Room next to the main hall.
SPIKE
Thanks.
Spike moves off.
YAMCHA
See you later, man.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
23.
MITCH MARLOUGH
What've you got now?
YAMCHA
Weapons training, main hall.
MITCH MARLOUGH
Oh. I got Tai Chi. See ya later.
YAMCHA
Later.
J.D
You say you got weapons trainin'?
YAMCHA
Yeah.
J.D
So've I.
YAMCHA
C'mon then, let's get going. I see you've
all ready met Spike.
J.D
Yeah. I hope they sell shades here, that
bastard smashed my.
J.D takes off his shades.
ANGLE ON
His eyes, both of them are bright red.
BACK TO SCENE
YAMCHA
Shit, what's up with your eyes?
J.D
Well...when I was eight I was sparring with
my brother, Felix when I slipped and both of
my eyes were pronged by the two blades of a
pitch-fork, I dodged before they could get
to my brain. My father was somewhat a mad
professor he and his colleagues gave me two
robotic eyes.
(Puts shades on)
Some reason he made them red.
YAMCHA
Oh. Like The Terminator's?
J.D
Yeah, like the Terminator's.
They reach the Dome.
INT. DOME -- CONTINUOUS
They come through the corridor and walk towards the main hall at a brisk
pace. Squiggles jumps out of them, stunning them.
J.D
Man, you scared me.
SQUIGGLES
Why're you not in lessons?
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24.
J.D
'Cos we're going to them, dumbass.
SQUIGGLES
Why...I...Should...
They enter the main hall.
CUT TO:
INT. MAIN HALL -- DAY
The main hall is decked out with chairs. J.D and Yamcha sit down. The
professor, an Asian dwarf named KIMIYAMA eyes them up angrily.
KIMIYAMA
Glad you've finally arrived. What are you
reasons for being late?
J.D
We thought it was a nice day for a stroll
sir.
BILLY
It is a nice day, sir, shall we all go for a
walk?
KIMIYAMA
Shut up, Lampard.
BILLY
How'd you know me?
KIMIYAMA
With a record like yours everyone does.
(To class)
He's been kicked out of twenty-three different
schools. Of course we're used to dealing
with cocky jerks like him.
Pause.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Anyway, you are all here to learn how to use
all sorts of weapons. None of these shooting
weapons. The first weapon we will train with
is...
Pulls out a Kaiken (a small dirk that Female Ninjas used to favour).
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
This is the Kaiken, nothing but a skinny
dirk. Records of the Kaiken date back since
the 16 hundreds, they were used mainly by
Kunoichi. Which for you idiots like Mr.
Lampard is a female ninja.
BILLY
Actually I knew what it was.
KIMIYAMA
Quiet fool.
BILLY
Hey. Least I'm not a dwarf.
YAMCHA
Which other weapons will we learn to use?
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
25.
KIMIYAMA
All sorts. Halberds, knives, swords, canes,
sticks, blades, machetes, aikuchis, knuckle
dusters, Katanas, Kamas, Kakutes, Kunais,
Kusari-Fundos, Kusarigamas, etc.
YAMCHA
Hook swords?
KIMIYAMA
We will be learning about them next.
YAMCHA
Yes.
RANDOM PUPIL
What about Nunchukas?
KIMIYAMA
Yep. That's our fourth project. Anyway, back
onto the Kaiken.
Slams a box down on Billy's desk. He opens it and reveals loads of
polished, sharpened and shiny Kaikens.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Big mouth, hand these out.
BILLY
Sir, yes, sir.
KIMIYAMA
I am going to lodge this firmly in your brain
if you say anything else which isn't remotely
funny.
Billy moves round the class, handing out Kaikens.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Be funny boy, be funny.
Kimiyama thinks he's funny.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Anyone here ever handled a Kaiken?
Billy finishes handing them out. Hands Kimiyama the empty box and sits.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Anyone?
No replies.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Tut. Lampard.
BILLY
Sir?
KIMIYAMA
Come up here with your Kaiken.
Billy unsheathes his dirk and slowly plods up to Kimiyama. The dwarf
puts down his own Kaiken and assumes a Jae Kwon Do stance.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Try and kill me with that knife. Do whatever
you like and be as violent as you can.
(CONTINUED)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
26.
BILLY
Cool, you sure?
KIMIYAMA
Yes.
Billy POUNCES at him, Kaiken aimed at his forehead. Kimiyama steps to
the side and hits Billy in the back. Billy flops over.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Pathetic. Try again.
Billy comes at Kimiyama, knife really ready for business. Billy
anticipates Kimiyama to dodge, but the dwarf doesn't and he takes Billy's
feet out from under him. He grabs Billy's fallen Kaiken and puts it up
against his throat.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
Looks like you lose, Lampard. But when we've
finished with this you'll be able to kill
anyone BUT me with it. And to be honest,
that genuinely worries me!
Billy smiles, takes his kaiken and sits back down.
The Bell Rings.
KIMIYAMA (CONT'D)
End of the lesson all ready? Shit. Well. Go
on then. Clear off.
FADE TO:
ANGLE ON
An orange flag with "HURRICANE HIGH" written on it in blue italics. A
picture of a mini hurricane is next to it.
NARRATOR
Will Daniel beat Dominguez? Will the school
sell shades to J.D? Will Billy ever beat
Professor Kimiyama? Will Spike be forced to
finally get up off his lazy arse and fight?
Find out this and more in the next, thrilling
installment of: HURRICANE HIGH.
THE END OF EPISODE ONE
Roll credits to the theme tune.
Inspirations for this show:
The Martial Arts.
Dragonball Z.
Bruce Lee.
Ultimate Muscle.
Wrestling.
Enter the Dragon.
Mucha Lucha.
Jet Li.
Chow Yun Fat.
Brandon Lee.
Dolph Lundgren.
My (questionable) sense of humour
and all my friends who wanted characters
based on them.
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