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FADE IN:
INT. CITY LIGHTS BOOKSTORE/SAN FRANCISCO - NIGHT
Where Armani clad CLEO BELL, (black, early-thirties), reads
an excerpt from his book I Will: A Prisoner's Memoir.
CLEO
"I found myself within a dark wood,
where the straight path was lost"
so says Dante's Inferno. And it was
in my dark wood, bleeding to death
on the floor of an eight by ten
prison cell, that I recalled a
quote from James Baldwin."Not
everything that is faced can be
changed, but nothing can be changed
until it is faced."
He hits the "New Left" crowd with a look. "That's some heavy
shit right there." Applause all around.
ON ENTRANCE
As RICH and KING KAHN, (black, forties), enter weighted down
in ghetto fab accoutrements. Yellow gators, bowler hats, and
diamonds that go BLING! Rich flags down an EMPLOYEE.
RICH
Yo nigga! We lookin' for Cee-Low!
The self help convict! Seen'em?
EMPLOYEE
Oh, you mean Mr. Bell.
KING KAHN
Whatever nigga! Just show us where
he at and we'll take it from there.
EMPLOYEE
Right this way.
LATER
As Cleo signs copies of his book. Rich and King reach the
table. King slams Cleo's book down in front of him.
KING KAHN
The world is a crazy muthafuckin'
place. Don't you agree?
CLEO
I don't know about the world
brotha. But you must be insane to
assume I'm going to let you
disrespect me and get away with it.
Cleo hits King with a bone chilling stare. A long beat. Rich
and King smile big. To our amazement, so does Cleo.
CLEO
King Kahn in the house!
Cleo and King embrace. The reunion is loud and boisterous.
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
As a MERCEDES LIMO threads evening traffic.
INT. LIMO - NIGHT
Cleo mans the mini bar. Fills two champagne flutes with Krug
Clos Du Mesnil. Cleo hands Rich and King their flutes.
KING KAHN
Come on now. You know how we do?
Cleo takes King's glass. Gives him the entire bottle. Cleo
offers King's flute to Rich. He takes it.
RICH
What about you?
CLEO
Left it in prison brotha. Along
with animal flesh and the name "Cee
Low". I haven't touched a drink in
six years.
Rich and King let loose a disbelieving laugh. Cleo shrugs.
Grabs an Aquafina from the mini fridge.
CLEO
What can I say? People change.
KING KAHN
And the seeds of progress are sowed
in the fields of change. Right?
Cleo's is taken aback. King raises his bottle. Prompts a
toast.
KING KAHN
Chapter six nigga. Come on now. You
know how we do.
Cleo smiles. Raises his bottled water.
CLEO
To progress brotha.
Nods all around. They drink.
KING KAHN
I'm down for makin' all kinds of
progress.
King takes another gulp from the bottle. And then...
KING KAHN
But it won't be with you snitch
nigga!
Rich pulls a Glock 9mm from his waist. Chambers a round.
ON REARVIEW MIRROR
As the CHAUFFEUR, (white, forties), assesses the situation.
King runs his hands over and under Cleo's shirt. No wire.
King leans back. A beat and then...
KING KAHN
They had you cold! Extorsion!
Narcotics! Homicide! All that and
you on the street in ten and
change? Signing book deals while
your chauffeur keeps the limo warm?
Bullshit!
CLEO
Again, people change.
KING KAHN
Bullshit the sequel! People don't
change. They just become better
liars. The only reason you sittin'
here right now is because you down
with the man. Am I wrong?
CLEO
I offer you a chance to take your
operation to the next level and all
I get in return is disrespect.
KING KAHN
I'm King Kahn nigga! You can't
offer me shit! You just a candle to
my daylight! Toto to my Oz! You a
pawn bitch! And pawns can never win
a King's game?
King throws Cleo's book to the floor.
KING KAHN
Stick to fiction nigga. Ain't no
future for you out in these
streets.
The limo comes to a stop. Cleo gently pockets his book. He's
angry and it shows.
CLEO
My driver will be happy to take you
gentlemen wherever you'd like to
go.
The Chauffeur opens the rear door. Cleo steps from...
EXT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS
King grabs his arm.
KING KAHN
We clear on this, right?
CLEO
Crystal brotha. Crystal.
King releases Cleo's arm. Slams the door. Cleo follows the
chauffeur to the rear of the Limo.
CHAUFFEUR
You okay?
CLEO
I'm a better man than I used to be,
but far from the man I should be.
The Chauffeur opens the trunk.
CLEO
Communication breakdowns are bad
for business. You ask yourself, did
I clarify my objectives?
Did I miss an opportunity to
salvage the business venture by not
assuaging the fears of my
prospective partners?
The Chauffeur retrieves two tiny containers of EARPLUGS from
the trunk. He gives one to Cleo. Cleo puts one in.
CLEO
The failure here is all mine. But
guess what brotha? The road to self
mastery is a long one.
Cleo reaches into the trunk and retrieves two SPAS-12 COMBAT
SHOTGUNS (massive weapons). He gives one to the Chauffeur.
CLEO
And sometimes you have to take a
step backward, before you can move
forward.
Cleo slams the trunk. He and the Chauffeur insert the second
earplug. Rack the shotguns. Take aim at the two shadows
behind the limo's tinted rear window. And then... BOOM!!
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
As a shit brown, rust bucket Impala, bellowing smoke from the
driver's side window, blows through a red light. Cars break
and skid to avoid a collision.
INT. BROWN IMPALA - DAY
A pigsty on wheels. EDDIE JAMES, (white, thirties), puffs
hard on a joint. Riding shotgun, with a Papst Blue Ribbon
wedged between his thighs, is MAX PARKER, (black, thirties).
Max is engrossed in some sort of paperwork. Eddie is irked.
EDDIE
What's with the seat belt? First
you won't toke out with me and now
this. You goin' square on me bubba?
Max remains silent. Eddie glances over.
MAX
Dude, for real, watch the road.
Max is annoyed by Eddie's curiosity. He gives in.
MAX
It's a five year plan. It's what
people do when they need clarity of
direction. Kind of a prelude to
getting your shit together.
Max kills the Papst. Chucks the can out the window. It's
gonna take a lot longer than five years. Eddie smiles
knowingly.
EDDIE
When is Queen Bee gonna stop usin'
your balls as a punchin' bag?
MAX
What a coincidence. She hates you
too.
EDDIE
Well my Thelma don't fancy you none
so I guess that makes us even.
MAX
Not the same thing.
EDDIE
Is that a fact?
MAX
A fact it is.
EDDIE
I bet I know what you fancy?
Off Max's suspicious look Eddie holds up a CD.
EDDIE
Vargas. Bootlegged box set. Rare,
live, and illegal. Listen and weep
bitch.
MAX
Get the fuck outt'a here! Where'd
you get that?
EDDIE
I know a guy. And he knows another
guy.
Eddie puts in the CD. MARIACHI MUSIC! "El Mariachi Loco" to
be exact. Annoyingly festive, and loud enough to cause
sterilization. Max and Eddie share a blissful smile.
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO W HOTEL - DAY
The Impala parks in a TAXI ZONE ONLY space. Eddie and Max
exit. How in the hell did these two meet? Eddie is tall and
athletic with the fashion sense of a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie.
His T-shirt reads "Wookies Smell". Max is short. Unkempt.
With a fondness for suits that look slept in and vintage Air
Jordan's. Both could use a shave and a shower. Max and Eddie
enter the hotel.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO W HOTEL/LOBBY - DAY
Max and Eddie stroll in like they own the joint. In this
light these two could pass for dangerous. Or maybe, homeless.
Eddie drops Visine into his eyes. Max pops an Altoid. Despite
this, Eddie's gaze is always blood shot, and Max's breath
smells like ass.
MAX
Look, me and Jett we've had our
problems, but...
EDDIE
Hey bubba, I'm cool. It's just when
I see my boy pulling back on the
reigns I...
MAX
Hold up. Ain't nobody pulling back
on shit, a'ight? Things change when
a kid comes into the picture.
Priorities get rearranged.
They reach the hotel's reception desk. Eddie rings the bell.
EDDIE
Look, don't go gettin' your slinky
in a kink. Me and Thelma got plans
of our own. You think I want to do
this shit the rest of my life?
A frazzled receptionsist approaches the desk.
RECEPTIONIST
Can I help you.
Eddie and Max flip open their wallets to reveal... BADGES!
EDDIE
Somebody call the Po-Po?
INT. SAN FRANCISCO W HOTEL/XYZ RESTAURANT - DAY
As WARREN SAPP, defensive tackle for the Oakland Raiders,
clad in boxer shorts, straight trashes the place.
WARREN SAPP
I got your autograph right here!
Warren flips over a table to reveal a GROUP OF COWERING
WAITERS. They scurry like roaches in a lighted kitchen.
EDDIE (O.S.)
(singing loud)
Miami ~ Miami ~ Miami ~ Hurricanes!
Drive ~ Drive ~ Drive ~ you
Hurricanes ~
Warren turns to find...
MAX AND EDDIE
Max is stupefied by Eddie's singing. So is Warren.
EDDIE
Drive on over the goal and on to
victory. M~I~A~M~I! M~I~A~M~I!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
MAX
The fuck is wrong with you?
EDDIE
That's the Cane's fight song bubba.
You know who that is?
MAX
The poster boy for back-up?
EDDIE
Since when do we need back-up?
Stand back and let me handle this.
Warren's my boy.
Eddie faces a momentarily calm Warren Sapp. Grins huge.
EDDIE
Warren-motherfuckin-Sapp! How's it
hangin' bubba?
WARREN SAPP
Do I know you?
EDDIE
University of Miami. Class of 94. I
used to sell big ol' Mason jars
full of clean piss out back of the
dorm next to the practice field.
You practically paid my way through
school. I realize this is an
awkward moment and all but, hey
man, thanks. Check it out!
(shows Warren his badge)
I finally made good on that English
Lit degree. Do you believe it?
WARREN SAPP CHARGES EDDIE! Eddie sidesteps the charge,
sending Warren into Max.
Several, formerly cowering, waiters rush in to help. They
attack like a swarm of hornets. With a deafening CRASH the
CLUSTER-BRAWL flattens a table and several chairs on it's way
to the floor.
Warren stands. Victorious. PZZZAP! He collapses with two thin
wires attached to his ass. At the other end stands Eddie with
a TASER and a smile.
INT. BROWN IMPALA - DAY
Where Max nurses a black eye. Eddie at the wheel. A clothed
Warren Sapp sits cuffed amid the trash in the back seat.
MAX
Now see, this is the kinda shit I'm
talking about. This is your fault.
EDDIE
Hold up. You lose a step and it's
my fault?
MAX
How about I lose a step in your
ass?
WARREN SAPP
You talk a lot of trash black Opie.
Somebody's missing a jockey off
their front lawn.
MAX
Shut the fuck up before I come back
there and take away your banana.
WARREN SAPP
Look here Oompah Loompah. If it
wasn't for white boy and his zap
gun, yo ass would've gotten hemmed
up back there.
MAX
Is that a fact?
EDDIE
A fact it is.
Max tosses Eddie an angry look. Warren laughs.
WARREN SAPP
Look at you two motherfuckas. A
broke man's Lethal Weapon. Bad Boys
on a goddamned budget. The only
thing separating you two short bus
ridin', I Spy, Miami Vice wannabe
motherfuckas from an ass whippin'
is a gun and a badge.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
The Impala comes to a screeching halt. Max And Eddie exit.
Eddie opens the rear door for Warren. Helps him out of the
car and unto the curb.
MAX
Now we got to do this shit the hard
way. CUFFS!!!
Eddie uncuffs Warren Sapp.
WARREN SAPP
What's all this?
EDDIE
A Civics lesson.
(to Max)
Make it quick bubba. I got babies
to kiss and bitches to catch.
MAX
A'ight! First things first.
(holds up his badge)
The badge? The badge protects you
from me.
Warren Sapp crosses his arms. Not impressed or convinced.
MAX
I'm stressed. Overworked and
underappreciated. That makes me
angry. You might even say volatile.
Add to that a substance problem, a
festering Napoleon complex that I
refuse to acknowledge, and a
propensity to violence due to said
denial, and you got a serious
fucking problem. I could pop at any
moment! Without the badge...
(tosses badge into the
car)
I'm just a man. Free of the oath to
protect and serve and a
constitution that prevents me from
violating your civil rights.
Max draws his .38 police special. Tosses it into car.
MAX
Without the gun. I'm just your
average Joe Neckbone mufucka
looking to channel a little excess
rage. And guess what? Today is your
lucky day. I got run-off fat boy!
WARREN SAPP
Any day you can beat a cop's ass
twice and not go to jail is a damn
good day. I can't wait to get back
and tell the fellas about this.
Eddie throws a towel over Warren Sapp's head, blinding him.
Max hammers him with a left hook. Warren goes down.
EDDIE
How much you wanna bet he leaves
that part out?
Eddie kneels over the downed behemoth. Removes the towel.
Warren Sapp is knocked the fuck out. Eddie pats him down.
Finds his wallet. Removes the cash. Returns it.
EDDIE
He's a better ball player than he
is a fighter that's for damn sure.
Oh well... Go Canes!
And with that, Max and Eddie divvy up the cash, get back into
the car, and drive off. Leaving Warren Sapp stretched out on
the curb.
INT. ITAL CALABASH VEGAN RESTAURANT - DAY
A vegan soul food joint. NICK DOBBS, (white, forties), clad
in mirrored aviator shades and reeking of testosterone
enters. The world is high school and he's the coolest
motherfucker in class.
BACK ROOM OF ITAL CALABASH
Cleo eats lunch with a motley crew of henchman. KEN WATTS,
who we recognize as the chauffeur from the opening. DAVID
NILES and DERRICK JONES. Dobbs sits. Removes his shades.
DOBBS
Nice place. Keep eating this shit
next thing you know you like taking
a dick up the ass.
(to Watts)
You starting to regret quitting the
day job Jethro?
WATTS
This ain't much different from what
I was doing before.
(re: Cleo)
Wise man you got there.
DOBBS
Don't tell me you fell for this
cat's steaming pile of horse shit
too. Just remember who you work
for. Fuck me baby and I'll fuck you
back. Hard.
WATTS
His book is pretty good. You should
read it.
DOBBS
Whoa, cock-munch! Where you hiding
the gold, frankincense, and myrrh?
Just do me a favor and wait until I
leave before you anoint his balls
with oil, okay?
(to Cleo)
So, Hemingway. Where we at?
CLEO
Unfortunately, Mr. Kahn was unable
to see how the new arrangement
could benefit his operation.
DOBBS
Dare I ask? How unfortunate?
CLEO
Very.
DOBBS
I'm impressed jailbird. You're
going through this town like a hot
knife through a fresh turd.
WATTS
King thought he was wired up.
DOBBS
Fucking amateur. You want to know
who's wearing the wire? Look for
the guy sweating like a Georgia
slave in an air conditioned room.
Who's next?
CLEO
Phil the Fruit. He's running scared
but I assured him that we are
businessmen.
DOBBS
Peachy! Make him an offer he can't
refuse.
Dobbs rises. Chuckles.
DOBBS
You fags want to hear something
funny? I've always wanted to be a
"gangsta".
NILES
Most of you DEA assholes do.
DOBBS
Yes baby, but I'm living the dream.
Ciao!
Dobbs dons his shades and damn near glides out. Ogling a
waitress' ass as he goes.
INT. LIMO - DAY
A familiar pair of Yellow Gator's.
MAX(O.S.)
King Kahn is definitely in the
house!
Eddie and Max look into the back seat through the open, blood
and brain spattered, privacy window.
Homicide Detective WILLIS, (white, forties), peeks in through
the hole where the rear window used to be.
WILLIS
His head is gone. How can you tell?
MAX
The shoes.
EDDIE
Say what you want to about ol'
King, but the man had an uncanny
fashion sense.
MAX
Uncanny? I've seen wounds dressed
better than this mufucka. Look at
him. Even in death he looks like a
stunt double for Superfly.
WILLIS
We'll dust for prints and let you
know what we come up with.
EXT. CRIME SCENE - CONTINUOUS
As Max and Eddie step out of the limo into a taped off crime
scene buzzing with activity. Detective JONES, (white,
forties), Willis' partner, is there to meet them.
JONES
This is the second one this month.
The way I see it, you got one of
two scenarios. You geniuses have
finally made the short walk to
dirty and you're whacking the work.
Or, and this is my favorite, you
got a drug war raging ever so
quietly right under your noses.
EDDIE
No, see. What we do is kidnap the
drug dealers close relatives, you
know, the important ones. Wives,
grandmammas, infants and whatnot.
And we hold'em for big money. Once
the ransom is paid we ritually
sacrifice the hostages and anyone
else involved to the Ferret God
Woodrow to cover our tracks.
Willis and Brown go stone still. A long, awkward beat. They
might go for their guns.
MAX
Joke fellas. That was a joke.
Willis and Brown exhale. Laugh nervously.
WILLIS
Jesus! You had us going there.
MAX
You don't think we'd do some wild
shit like that, do you?
JONES
Hey, with you two fucknuts anything
is possible?
Eddie grins huge. Max does not.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
ON LOCK
As PICK slides in.
MAX (O.S.)
So it doesn't bother you that the
entire department thinks we're nut
jobs?
Eddie is focused on the lock.
EDDIE
Fucknuts actually. And no bubba it
don't bother me one iota. Never
has. What I'm tryin' to figure out
is at what point did it suddenly,
and out of the clear blue ether,
bother you?
MAX
Like I said, it's a new day. In
fact, I've been thinking. Maybe we
should...
THE KNOB TURNS. Max and Eddie leap back. Draw their weapons.
The door swings open to reveal the weasel thin, painfully
pale, JIMMY COOPER, (white, twenties). Clad in tight Spider
Man briefs and clutching an AK-47.
JIMMY
You scared me half to death bro.
You could've knocked.
Max and Eddie sight in on Jimmy.
EDDIE
You gonna drop the weapon or are we
gonna drop you?
Jimmy drops the AK-47 and raises his hands so high his
testicles bobble out of his underwear. Max and Eddie recoil
in horror.
EDDIE
Goddamit bubba!!!
Jimmy tucks his balls back into his drawers.
MAX
Dude! Maybe you should think about
giving up the Underoose and find
your way into some big boy pants.
Back the fuck up!
Jimmy backs up into...
INT. JIMMY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Eddie picks up Jimmy's AK-47.
EDDIE
Looks like a Kalashnikov.
MAX
Looks like a parole violation.
JIMMY
Come on guys gimme a break.
MAX
Break? You're lucky we don't book
your pasty, post-mortem ass for
assaulting an officer after that
twig and berry show.
JIMMY
It's Phil. He's running scared.
Says we need the extra firepower.
EDDIE
Runnin' scared? So Phil had nothin'
to do with deprivin' Rich and King
of what little brains they had?
JIMMY
No way broseph.
MAX
We just scraped Phil's old partner
Teddy off six blocks of sidewalk in
Oakland two weeks ago.
JIMMY
Phil had love for Teddy bro. He'd
never take him out. Besides,
tossing a five hundred pound man
out a window from twenty-five
stories up ain't exactly Phil's
style if you know what I mean? And
I think you do.
EDDIE
The pressure is on. We don't do
well under pressure. You gotta give
us somethin'. We...
(eyes go wide)
HOLY JESUS HANGIN' OFF THE CROSS!
ACROSS THE ROOM
A MASSIVE PLASMA FLATSCREEN tuned to Desperate Housewives
hangs majestically on the wall.
Eddie makes a bee-line to the TV. Caresses it lovingly.
EDDIE
What are the specs on a thing like
this?
MAX
The fuck? Dude, we don't have time
for...
EDDIE
Hold on now bubba. Let the man
speak.
Jimmy steps around Max. Scampers over to Eddie.
JIMMY
You gotta be really secure about
your meat to wield one of these
bro. Seventy-two inches of Hi-Def,
plasma fury. Progressive scan,
Microsoft Media connect and...
(grabs remote)
Check this out.
Jimmy cranks the volume.
JIMMY
(shouting over Desperate
Housewives)
5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound. I
tweaked the speakers a bit to...
Jimmy is struck dumb by a dramatic development on Desperate
Housewives. A long beat. Finally Eddie jerks the remote from
Jimmy's hand. Presses off. The plasma goes black. Jimmy's
eyes go wide.
JIMMY
What the fuck bro?
Jimmy lunges for the remote. Eddie delivers a wicked karate
chop to his throat. Jimmy spits and sputters. Crashes to the
ground.
EDDIE
Like I said bubba. We don't do well
under pressure.
Jimmy gathers his senses. He looks up to find Max and Eddie
looming with intent.
MAX
Obviously, you forgot the shit.
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
As Max, with six-pack of Papst under arm, walks into the bad
modern art infestation that is his apartment. A kaleidoscope
of paintings, sculptures, and knickknacks. Max is not happy.
BEDROOM
As Max quietly peeks in on his wife. The sleeping JETT
PARKER, (asian-american, twenties). Satisfied, he closes the
door.
CLOSE ON JETT
As her eyes open.
NURSERY
Max enters to find DOTT, (one years old), standing in her
crib expecting his arrival. Max is crazy about her and it
shows.
LIVINGROOM
Soft Mariachi beats playing in the b.g. Max knocks back a
Papst while playing Grand Theft Auto via his X-BOX. Dott sits
on Max's lap cheering gleefully as he shotguns anyone who
crosses his path. We see a tattoo on his right forearm. +1.
MAX
(to video game)
Get some! Get some! Get some!
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Max and Dott sleep where we left them. Surrounded by empties.
Jett, sexy in business attire, enters frame. Lifts Dott. Max
stirs. Hung over. Head pounding.
JETT
Nice parenting skills. Is this your
way of avoiding the problem? What
happened to your eye?
MAX
We ran into a old college buddy of
Ed's who took issue with his choice
of life path.
JETT
What happened to you yesterday? I
waited for over an hour.
MAX
I never agreed to counseling.
That's your deal.
JETT
You don't have to agree Max! Just
show the fuck up. Now we have to
reschedule.
(beat)
How did Eddie take it when you told
him you couldn't be his partner
anymore?
Max's face says it all. He didn't. Jett hands Dot back to
Max. Storms out of the room.
JETT (O.S.)
It's time to grow up Max.
MAX
The man's been my partner for ten
years! And despite a few character
defects, he's a cool mufucka! I
trust him with my life!
Jett comes back into the room carrying a baby bag.
JETT
Then you're destined to lose it!
Jett grabs a box of wet-wipes off the kitchen counter.
JETT
You got the same defects as he
does. You're a drunk, and up until
recently you were just as smoked
out. The only reason you two have
been partners this long is because
no one else will have you. And
don't even get me started on that
stupid Mariachi shit because that's
just...
Jett composes herself. Grabs Dott from Max. Lays her across
the couch. Changes her. Fastens the diaper.
JETT
The first step to moving on is
dropping Eddie.
MAX
Moving on? You talk like being a
cop is some hobby I picked up at
the Learning Annex.
JETT
The whole department thinks you two
are a couple of nut jobs.
MAX
Fucknuts actually.
JETT
Fucknuts?
Jett is about to explode. She straps Dott into a car seat.
JETT
We have to start thinking about the
future Max. For Dott's sake. We
have to be more responsible.
MAX
The fuck? Dude, it looks like Elton
John blew himself up in here.
JETT
It's called art! Culture! Look into
it!
Jett lifts the car seat. Crosses to the front door. She turns
to Max. The tears come.
JETT
You have all the time in the world
for video games and wack ass
Mariachi CD's but can't take a
minute to try and save this
marriage.
And with that, Jett exits. Now it's Max's turn. His eyes
well. He shakes it off. Picks up the game controller. Presses
start. A beat and then...
MAX
Get some! Get Some! Get Some!
INT. DINER - MORNING
Red booths and a jukebox. A man sits in the rear dressed in
Louis The Fourteenth regalia. Powdered wig and all. PHIL THE
FRUIT, (white, fifties), looking like Mozart on a bender,
chain smokes Newports. Jimmy exits the rest-room with his AK.
PHIL
I hope you washed your hands
JIMMY
Relax bro.
PHIL
Don't tell me to relax you slack
jawed mongoloid. Do your job.
Phil ashes the Newport. Lights another. We PUSH IN TIGHT on
Jimmy's shirt. Pass through it to reveal... A WIRE.
INT. BROWN IMPALA - CONTINUOUS
Eddie listens via a small radio set-up below the dashboard.
PHIL (O.S./RADIO FILTER)
You skinny fuck!
Max, carrying two lattes, knocks on the passenger side
window. Eddie unlocks the door. Max gets in.
MAX
What I miss?
EDDIE
Hell if I know. I stopped listening
ten minutes ago. Hey, you ever stop
to think that if the pilgrims
hunted bobcat instead of turkey
we'd be eating pussy for
Thanksgiving?
MAX
The fuck?
EDDIE
Ponderables bubba! They're all
around us. Whatcha got?
MAX
Quadruple.
EDDIE
What?!! No sunrise cervesas?
MAX
Time to switch it up.
EDDIE
Stuff harshes my buzz.
Eddie takes one. Takes a sip. Grimaces.
MAX
Does the fact that you're a
narcotics detective who's pretty
much, HIGH, all the time seem a
little, I don't know, fucked up?
EDDIE
The weed helps silence the voices
in my head telling me to murder you
and defile your dead body. Over and
over and over again.
Eddie grins big. Max just stares back.
EDDIE
Look, I'm on the front line of this
here drug war. The more sweet Chiba
I smoke up the less product there
is to hit the streets and end up in
the hands of the children. Cause
it's all about the children bubba.
And the fact that I enjoy my job?
Well that's just gravy.
MAX
No. That's why this shit ain't
gonna work anymore.
EDDIE
What shit?
Eddie props his foot up to reveal he's wearing the late King
Kahn's yellow gators. Max flips.
MAX
This shit right here! Property is
not your fucking closet!
EDDIE
All my fly gear comes from
property. You know that.
MAX
Yes I do! I also know that it's
against regulations. And, in my
personal opinion, kinda creepy!
EDDIE
You say creepy. I say kismet.
MAX
The fuck?
EDDIE
What are the odds that there's some
guy walkin' around the city with
the type of hip, colorful, uncanny
fashion sense I dig?
Now, what are the odds that this
same florid, unearthly fellow wears
an eleven and a half shoe? Now
eleven and a half just happens to
be my shoe size, follow me? Now,
here's the clincher so pay
attention. What are the odds that
this... this... gilded, paranormal
motherfucker with the size eleven
and a half foot, would be the
victim of a homicide in my part of
town. Get it? It's fate bubba.
Destiny. These shoes were mine the
day King bought them and he didn't
even know it.
MAX
Oh my God! Dude, you're retarded.
(beat)
If I was in a room with you and two
zombies, and I had a gun with two
bullets, I'd shoot you in the head
twice.
Across the street a man on a high end mountain-bike pedals up
to the front of the diner. Max grabs a pair of binoculars off
the dash.
MAX'S POV - THROUGH BINOCULARS
The man parks the bike. Walks to the door of the diner. It's
Watts, Cleo's henchman.
EXT. DINER - MORNING
As Jimmy, with AK at the ready, opens the door for Watts.
Watts sizes him up. Smiles. Slowly raises his hands.
INT. DINER - CONTINUOUS
Watts enters hands up. Jimmy frisks him. Watts is unarmed.
Phil motions for Watts to sit. He does. Phil eyes Watts.
Cocks his head to one side like a perplexed poodle.
WATTS
Mr. Bell sent me along to make a
final offer.
PHIL
Please inform your employer that
the next time he decides to send
some inbred bootlick to discuss the
business of men, I'm going to take
it as an insult. But this time I'm
willing to make an exception. Hurry
up. I have a soiree to get back to.
Watt's shifts in his seat. Cuts a side-glance to Jimmy.
PHIL
I'm curious to see how Mr. Bell
plans to follow up his initial
edict of "get down or lay down."
So... lets hear this final offer.
A beat. Watts leans to Phil. In a flash he pulls a blade from
his belt buckle. Slits Phil's throat.
Watts turns... catches the barrel of the Jimmy's AK... Jimmy
pulls the trigger... the safety is on... Watts pushes the
barrel hard... the butt smashes into Jimmy's nose, breaking
it... Watts takes the AK... flips the safety... sprays Jimmy.
EXT. DINER - DAY
Watts exits the diner with AK in hand.
EDDIE(O.S.)
POLICE BITCH!!!
Watts spins, sights in on Max and Eddie... dumps the rest of
the clip...
Max and Eddie hit the pavement as rounds WHIZZ over their
heads... They return fire...
Watts drops the empty AK... jumps on his bike... pedals off
fast and hard...
Max and Eddie dart back towards the car into the path of a...
CITY TRASH TRUCK!
That swerves to miss them... slams into their BROWN IMPALA,
completely annihilating it...
Max and Eddie reverse direction... give chase on foot into...
EXT. DOWNTOWN SAN FRANCISCO/RUSHHOUR - MORNING
Where a mass of humanity clog the sidewalk and street...
there's a disturbance... the crowd parts to reveal...
Watts pedaling through and over the crowd... he pulls a GLOCK
9mm from his bike bag... fires into the air...
THE CROWD!
Some hit the pavement... some run into passing cars...
Max and Eddie fire into the air to part the hoard with
limited success... they come across...
A GROUP OF KIDS ON BICYCLES!
Itty-bitty, pink and pretty, banana seat specials complete
with white baskets and lavender tasseled squeeze horns...
Max and Eddie slam into the kids like linebackers... knocking
them down hard and taking their bikes...
Watts reaches an intersection... turns to see...
Max and Eddie gaining... the banana seat specials swaying
violently from side to side as both men struggle, almost
comically, for speed...
Watts spins 180 degrees and dumps a full clip at...
Max and Eddie who slam the bikes to the sidewalk as innocent
bystanders drop around them... they return fire... hitting...
Watts several times... he falls... staggers to his feet...
reloads... gets back on his bike and power pedals up a...
HILL!
As Max and Eddie round the corner to see...
Watts pedaling up the hill like Lance Armstrong on crack...
He collapses, bleeding heavily from his wounds...
Max and Eddie pursue him up the hill... run out of gas half
way... they crash into each other and fall into the street
gasping like fish on a hot deck... Max points to the top of
the hill... Eddie turns to see...
Watts struggling to his feet... his only way out is back
down... he loads a second Glock... climbs back on his bike...
pushes off down the hill hands free...
Max and Eddie scramble to their feet... take cover behind
trash cans... they reload just as...
Watts zooms by firing tandem Glocks at...
Max and Eddie who meet Watts' challenge head on... they run
into the street guns blazing, hitting...
Watts who drops both guns... looks up just in time to see...
THE TROLLEY CAR!
That takes him out.
EXT. ZAMORA ESTATE/JUST OUTSIDE MEXICO CITY - DAY
A sprawling, glittering mansion. A phone RINGS.
INT. ZAMORA ESTATE - DAY
As a servant hands the phone to VINCENT ZAMORA, (mexican,
fifties).
ZAMORA
Cleo, my friend. Good news I hope.
Cleo is on the other end.
CLEO
San Francisco is open for business.
Zamora grins big.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY
NARCOTICS SQUAD ROOM/BULLPEN
Max and Eddie enter to a standing ovation. They pass Willis
and Jones.
JONES
Bravo! You fucknuts really outdid
yourselves!
Max flips off the left side of room. Eddie the right.
Wheelchair bound CAPTAIN SHEILA RAMOS,(white, forties), rolls
out of her office. She is furious.
RAMOS
Parker! James! In my office, now!
With heads hung low Max and Eddie enter Capt. Ramos' office.
She slams the door. Closes the blinds.
Willis nudges Jones.
WILLIS
I'd hate to be them right about
now.
INT. CAPT. RAMOS' OFFICE - DAY
As Capt. Ramos fills three glasses with her very best Scotch.
Glenlevit to be exact. The walls of her office are covered
with every award and commendation one cop can get.
EDDIE
. . . so I look up and this fucker
is comin' back down the hill
bustin' caps like a rap star gone
platinum, right?
Capt. Ramos hangs on every word.
EDDIE
So I spring up like a goddamn
thunder cat and I draw down on him
Dirty Harry style, know what I mean
Legs? Some real Callahan-esque type
wildness, right? Max is bitchin'up
on me...
(girly voice)
DEY SHOOTIN'! DEY SHOOTIN'! WE GONE
DIE! WE GONE DIE!
(end voice)
So I'm like, "Get a grip bitch!"
and I smack em up, right?
MAX
Dude, he's lying...
EDDIE
So everybody's sprayin' and
prayin'. And just when it looks
like we've eatin' our last piece of
gov'ment cheese BAM! A trolley car
comes along and puts it all back in
perspective.
Capt. Ramos closes her eyes. Breaths in her vicarious thrill.
A beat and then...
RAMOS
How's that pecker, Parker?
MAX
Excuse me?
RAMOS
Pecker. You know... Peter. Pud.
Penis. Pocket Rocket. Johnson.
Manroot. Tallywacker. Trouser
snake. Cock. Shaft. Bone. Shlong.
Dick...
MAX
What about it?
Capt. Ramos and Eddie chuckle.
RAMOS
I heard you're having a little
trouble raisin' the tent.
Max looks to Eddie. Eddie shrugs.
MAX
The delivery room experience can be
rough on a guy Captain.
RAMOS
Delivery room? Pardon me for asking
Parker but when was the last time
you got your boots knocked?
MAX
About a year...
(long beat)
And a half.
The room goes still. A beat and then...
EDDIE
So, Legs! Was that a single malt or
what?
RAMOS
Single Malt. Blended is for
pussies. How's Thelma looking these
days?
EDDIE
As beautiful as ever.
RAMOS
Good to hear it. Listen up! The
Chief is asking for your shields.
EDDIE
What's up papa bear's ass? That
som' bitch's had it out for us from
day one.
RAMOS
Well... maybe you two shouldn't
have fucked his wife.
A pin-dropping silence ensues. Seems as though our guys had
forgotten about that.
MAX
I was a different man then Captain.
The Captain looks to Eddie.
EDDIE
I'm pretty much the same.
RAMOS
Well, non the less, you're my guys.
And in spite of what many in this
department would consider
questionable methods, results
happen. I'll protect you as long as
I can, but a lot of bad shit is
about to come down because of what
happened this morning...
Capt. Ramos rolls over to a cabinet. Returns the bottle of
Scotch.
RAMOS
...If you don't come up big on this
one, and I mean BIG. You're fucked.
Lt. Ramos wheels to her office door.
RAMOS
The pressure is on gentlemen.
Max and Eddie share an uneasy look.
MAX
Captain we don't do well under
pressure.
RAMOS
Tuff shit. You ready to sell this?
Max and Eddie get to their feet. Capt. Ramos opens the door.
In an instant she goes from chill to ill.
RAMOS
The next time you two fuck ups pull
a stunt like this, I'll have your
shields!! Do I make myself clear?
Get the fuck out of my sight!
Max and Eddie shuffle toward the door. Capt. Ramos wheels up
behind them. Gives her boys a wink. Slams the door. Hard!
NARCOTICS SQUAD ROOM/BULLPEN - CONTINUOS
Max and Eddie keep up the act. Looking dejected as the other
detectives turn away. RUTH, a lab technician, runs up and
slaps a file in Max's hand.
RUTH
I got a positive ID on Lance
Armstrong. Real name Kenneth Watts.
He's got a Berkley address and a
wife to go with it. Now get this!
He was a prison guard at Lompoc who
was accused of organizing blood
sports between inmates for fun and
profit. One disciplinary suspension
later he was back on the job. But
when I called the warden's office
they told me that he quit six
months ago without explanation.
Max opens the folder.
CLOSE ON FOLDER
An 8 x 10 blow-up of Ken Watts' Lompoc ID.
INT. FEDERAL BUILDING/BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
Packed with agitated SENIOR AGENTS. Especially pissed is
Special Agent in Charge HAGEN, (white, fifties).
Dobbs, shades on, breezes in with a posse of hard assed,
Neocon spawn in tow. Agents KELLY, ATKINS, and GREEN.
On the conference table sits an overhead projector primed and
ready. Dobbs gets right to it. He removes his shades. His
jacket.
DOBBS
Lets rock!
The lights are dimmed. Dobbs places a photo of VINCENT ZAMORA
on the overhead projector.
DOBBS
Vincent Zamora. With an estimated
worth of 2 billion he has out
muscled, out-hustled,
outmaneuvered, and out-lasted to
become one of the richest and most
powerful narcos in all of Mexico
and Central America. But you want
to know what really puckers my O
ring? We helped him do it.
Next photo is of Zamora shaking hands with Oliver North.
DOBBS
Not since Manuel Noriega has one
cat so deftly pimped the political
clout afforded him as a CIA asset.
From 1984 to 1996 Mr. Zamora's
cooperation was invaluable in
overthrowing two corrupt regimes
and in bringing to justice the
heads of some of the most violent
cartels the world has ever seen.
What the State Department either
failed to realize, or chose to
ignore, was that while Mr. Zamora
was helping make Central America
safe for democracy, he was using us
to eliminate the competition.
Next photo: Manuel Noriega behind bars.
DOBBS
With every khaki suited strongman
put down and cocaine cowboy eighty
sixed, Mr. Zamora found a way to
exploit the void and, in the
process, build a criminal empire
more powerful and violent than
anything that preceded it.
Next quick series of photos: Bullet riddled bodies. Pure
narco mayhem.
DOBBS
By the mid-nineties our culpability
in such matters had become front
page news. So in an effort to save
whatever face was left, this agency
was brought in to make a case
against Mr. Zamora.
Next photo: Mr. Zamora, in cuffs, being escorted to prison by
a younger bad-ass Dobbs and his puffed up, bad-ass DEA posse.
DOBBS
Thanks to yours truly, Vincent
Zamora became Federal Prisoner
39386-33. And he was with us for
seven glorious years until his
conviction was overturned on a
technicality.
Dobbs turns off the overhead projector. Stares down the whole
room.
DOBBS
Now some of you have wondered why
this cat gives me such a hard on. A
few of you have even surmised that,
in an otherwise stellar career,
Vincent Zamora represents, for me
at least, the proverbial one that
got away.
Dobbs gets another folder. He places a photo on the overhead.
DOBBS
For years our foreign policy has
operated on the premise that my
enemy's enemy is my friend. A
logical approach that takes into
account that, hey baby, pimp
smacking evildoers is hard work.
And you got to pay to play.
Sometimes it takes a greater evil
to get the job done. But what
happens when our friend's enemy is
defeated? What is the price for
failing to deal with our new
friend...
(beat)
The greater evil?
Dobbs flips on the overhead projector to reveal the last
photo. Flight #175 as it slams into the south tower of the
World Trade Center.
DOBBS
Any questions?
Only silence. Dobbs smiles. "That's what I thought." He
gathers his gear. Dons his shades. Moves for the door with
his boys in tow.
INT. WALDEN BOOKS - DAY
As Cleo Bell reads an excerpt from his book. His following
has grown considerably since the last reading.
CLEO
..."Not everything that is faced
can be changed. But nothing can be
changed until it is faced."
Applause all around. Cleo takes a bow.
LATER
Cleo sits at a table signing copies of his book for some of
his new disciples.
As Cleo signs his name to the inside cover of yet another
copy of I Will, Niles tips in behind him.
NILES
(whispers)
We got a problem.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/PROPERTY LOCK-UP - DAY
Where we find Eddie lounging against the sign-out window
thumbing a copy of Hustler Magazine while fingering his nose.
Max enters.
MAX
Did you make it to the motor pool?
Eddie tosses the magazine aside.
EDDIE
You're not gonna be to happy bubba.
We got the only thing left. That's
what Pistol Pete told me anyway.
Same make. Same model. From shit
brown to dingy white. Which I
figure to mean we're movin' up in
the world. It's parked round back.
The property clerk, Sgt. VALEZ, appears in the window.
VALEZ
Mad Max in the flesh! Where you
been fool? I see your man down here
all the time! You too good to hang
out down here with us foot
soldiers?
Eddie slips Valez a folded $100 on the sly. Valez opens the
gate to the property room.
MAX
I'm just not in the habit of
confusing property with a discount
outlet for dead people's clothing.
Unlike my partner here.
EDDIE
It's not what you think bubba. Just
takin' a shortcut is all.
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/PROPERTY LOCK-UP - DAY
THE REAR LOADING DOCK
As a garage door rises. Max, Eddie, and Valez exit to find
the new Impala. A beat to shit, off white, rust bucket with
tires. Hubcaps not included.
VALEZ
Be back in a sec.
Valez runs back into property lock-up.
MAX
What the fuck is this?
EDDIE
Our new chariot.
Max inspects the car.
MAX
I don't believe it. Does this piece
of shit even run? What are we
supposed to do, put a sail on the
roof of this mufucka and pray like
hell for a breeze? How are we
supposed to make moves in this? We
deserve better than this Ed.
EDDIE
Preachin' to the choir bubba.
Preachin' to the choir.
Valez rounds the corner wheeling Jimmy's 72' plasma flat
screen TV on a dolly.
VALEZ
Here you go.
Eddie grins big. Max is stunned.
MAX
The fuck? Please tell me that's not
Jimmy's TV.
EDDIE
Hold on now bubba. We talked about
clothing. We never discussed
electronics. Besides, it ain't like
Jimmy's gonna be adjustin' the hue
on this baby anytime soon so stop
your bitchin' and help me tie her
to the roof.
MAX
Fuck that noise. It's not right.
Eddie can't believe his ears. He looks at Valez in amazement
and then back to Max.
EDDIE
Not right? What in God's name is
that woman doin' to your head?
Where's my little mas macho negro?
MAX
Like I told you before, it's a new
day. And leave Jett out of this,
a'ight? She has nothing to do with
it.
EDDIE
I choose to differ my brotha.
MAX
Is that a fact?
EDDIE
A fact it is.
Eddie wraps his arms around the plasma.
EDDIE
That something this beautiful could
be locked away in a cold, dark room
all alone with no one to enjoy her
warm glow. Her crisp 1080i
resolution. Her 5.1 Dolby Digital
surround sound. Her picture within
a picture option. That, my friend,
is not right.
(Eddie strokes the TV
lovingly)
I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!
Max is still unconvinced. Eddie takes a new angle.
EDDIE
Imagine what Sol De Mexico will
look like on this thing.
CLOSE ON MAX
He's imagining and it's good. Very good. A beat and then...
EDDIE (O.S.)
Imagine what they'd sound like.
Max keeps imagining until the opening strains of
"Guadalajara" by Mariachi Sol De Mexico rise. A beat and
then...
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Where an off white, rusty assed Impala, with a plasma flat
screen tied to the roof, blows through a red light. Chronic
smoke and "Guadalajara" bellowing from the windows.
INT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - DAY
As Max and Eddie sing loud with the music. We notice the
faint, far off sound of HELICOPTERS. A call comes over the
rover. Max turns the music down to hear...
POLICE DISPATCH (O.S.)
All units in the vicinity. Pursuit
in progress. Be advised. Suspects
are armed and...
Eddie switches off the Police radio. Ashes his joint.
MAX
Have you lost your mind?
EDDIE
We can't answer that call bubba.
MAX
And why is that?
The sound of the HELICOPTERS gets closer. Now accompanied by
SIRENS. Lots of SIRENS.
EDDIE
If you think I'm gonna get into a
high speed altercation with seventy
two inches of plasma fury tied to
my roof you got another thing
comin'.
Max hits on. Eddie hits off. The HELICOPTERS and SIRENS sound
as if there right on top of them.
EDDIE
You're not hearin' me bubba.
MAX
Are you hearing you?
EDDIE
We're gonna cruise by my place,
mount her on the wall so she looks
real nice with no wires and whatnot
showin', and then, if the pursuit
is still poppin' off, I'll be more
than happy to get my chase on.
Until then, we're off the grid.
Over Max's shoulder, out of the passenger side window, A
VINTAGE BLACK CADDILAC with A DOZEN POLICE CRUISERS in tow,
heading right for them. It spins. Sideswipes Max and Eddie.
EXT. CITY STREET/OVERHEAD VIEW - CONTINUOUS
As Max and Eddie's off-white rust bucket and the black Caddy
RUN SIDE BY SIDE with a SHIT LOAD OF BLACK AND WHITES IN HOT
PURSUIT...
INT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - CONTINUOUS
Max and Eddie glance over into the black Caddy to see...
MAX AND EDDIE'S POV
FOUR MEN with panty hose pulled over their heads staring
right back at them...
Eddie takes it all in. Leans back in his seat...
EDDIE
Okay. Plan B!
(beat)
We're in an unmarked car so if we
can just play it cool long enough
for me to make a left at the next
light we can...
Max sticks the dome light to the dash... draws his .38...
EDDIE
Okay, apparently we differ on what
playin' it cool means.
One of the stocking cap crew produces a shotgun... racks the
slide... takes aim at...
EDDIE
Max!!!!
Max ducks... Eddie hits the breaks just as...
...BOOM!!!!
The first blast takes out the passenger side window...
EXT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - CONTINUOUS
...BOOM!!!!
The second blast blows the plasma flat-screen to shit... Max
and Eddie spin out... come to a stop... the pursuing POLICE
CRUISERS dart around them...
INT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - CONTINUOUS
As the electronic guts of the plasma TV slide down the
windshield and off the hood... additional POLICE CRUISERS zip
around them to join the chase...
MAX
No they didn't?
EDDIE
Yes they did.
(beat)
Those motherfuckers killed my TV!!!
Max does a double take. "I was talking about me!" Eddie is
pissed. He draws his Glock.
EDDIE
My buzz is harshed. Somebodies got
to hurt.
CLOSE ON GAS PEDDLE
As Eddie floors it...
EXT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - CONTINUOUS
Tires spin and burn... the car whips around wildly, and
rockets off in the direction of the chase... stops... spins
again... takes a side street...
MAX (O.S.)
EASY!!
CUT TO BLACK:
INT. RUSTY WHITE IMPALA - DAY
ZERO GRAVITY: IN SLOW MOTION/w SOUND TO MATCH
As Max and Eddie experience the negative G's of a jump.
Anything not nailed down ascends toward the roof of the car.
Seat-belts prevent Max and Eddie from doing the same...
MAX AND EDDIE'S POV
Through the windshield as the street comes up to meet them...
ON MAX AND EDDIE
As they scream and brace for...
END SLOW MOTION:
EXT. THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO - CONTINUOUS
...IMPACT!!
As the Impala lands hard enough to flex the frame and pop off
all the doors... it veers left... right...
MAX
Are you trying to kill us?
EDDIE
I got this bubba! Just keep your
arm and legs in the vehicle and
everything's gonna be fine!
THE BLACK CADDY!
Zips in front of them... Eddie cuts the wheel hard... the
WHITE IMPALA is now between the fleeing BLACK CADDY and the
pursuing POLICE VEHICLES... it's a carnival of SIRENS and
BLAZING LIGHTS... POLICE and NEWS HELICOPTERS zip back and
forth overhead... Eddie follows THE BLACK CADDY over...
A HILL/THE FIRST OF MANY!
As THE CADDY sails over the top... the IMPALA is next...
after that, TWO DOZEN PATROL CARS... every vehicle catches
serious air as they come over the hill... three sometimes
four PATROL CARS airborne simultaneously...
Max and Eddie pull up close to THE BLACK CADDY... TWO
STOCKING GUYS in the back seat of THE CADDY ready their
weapons... THE CADDY slows to get a shot off...
EDDIE
You wanna play bitch?
Eddie unleashes a fusillade of thirteen shots into the back
window of THE CADDY killing both men...
EDDIE
How's that work for you?
The black Caddy zigs left... Zags right... Rockets off...
TWO PATROL CARS!
Cut in front of THE BLACK CADDY in an attempt to block it's
path.... THE BLACK CADDY skillfully zips around the TWO
PATROL CARS... THE STOCKING GUY in the passenger seat of the
CADDY opens up on the PATROL CARS with an ASSAULT RIFLE...
The bullet riddled PATROL CARS veer into oncoming traffic...
the FIRST PATROL CAR slams head on into a PICK-UP TRUCK...
the impact is spectacular... the SECOND PATROL CAR makes a
bee-line towards a...
CHINESE RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS
As the SECOND PATROL CAR plows into the building with a
deafening CRASH... DINERS run for their lives as THE PATROL
CAR annihilates the dining area before coming to a stop in
the restaurant's kitchen...
NEWS CHOPPER'S POV
A bird's eye view of the chase... we watch as THE BLACK CADDY
takes a freeway on-ramp going the wrong way... THE PATROL
CARS start to fall back...
NEWS REPORTER #1 (O.S.)
... if you've just joined us the
situation has taken a turn for the
worse. The suspects have jumped on
the 880 freeway going the wrong
way. It would appear that the
police, in an attempt to de
escalate the situation, have
decided to pull back their... hold
on. Wait a minute...
As the PATROL CARS slow up a rusty WHITE IMPALA charges ahead
of the pack to pursue THE BLACK CADDY onto the freeway...
NEWS REPORTER #2 (O.S.)
What's going on Bill?
NEWS REPORTER #1 (O.S.)
It would appear that someone didn't
get the memo.
EXT. 880 FREEWAY - CONTINUOUS
As Max and Eddie's doorless WHITE IMPALA chases THE BLACK
CADDY into...
ONCOMING TRAFFIC where cars brake and veer wildly in an
effort to clear the way for the chase...
Max is pissed...
MAX
STOP THIS FUCKING CAR!
EDDIE
I'm really gettin' tired of this
"new day" attitude bullshit! I want
"ride or die" back. I want...
Max takes his coat off... pissed turns to absolute and all
consuming rage...
EDDIE
That's what I'm...
MAX
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
Eddie grin's big... The right buttons have been pushed...
MAX
GET ME CLOSE AND I'LL END THIS SHIT
MY DAMN SELF!
Eddie floors it... quickly closes the distance between them
and THE BLACK CADDY...
Traffic starts to back up... cars break hard and stop...
AN EIGHTEEN WHEELER HAULING LIVE CHICKENS can't make the
adjustment... slams into SEVERAL CARS, pancaking them just
as...
Max and Eddie do a pit maneuver on THE BLACK CADDY... MAX
sights in with his .38... opens fire on...
THE BLACK CADDY as the driver is hit in the head... the car
accelerates under the jab of the dead man's foot... collides
into the PANCAKED CAR PILE-UP so hard it flips up, end over
and lands in...
THE EIGHTEEN WHEELER'S CHICKEN FILLED TRAILER
As the car explodes... blowing flaming chicken parts up and
out in all directions...
Max and Eddie try to dodge the expanding ball of fire and
feathers... flaming chicken carcasses rocket towards the
car... one comes through the windshield... the guys scramble
to get the flaming poultry out... Suddenly, the car bursts
into flames around them... they scream...
FREEWAY OVERPASS - CONTINUOUS
As the ball of fire that was Max and Eddie's WHITE IMPALA
sails off the overpass...
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Lushly landscaped grounds complete with swimming pool. A
distraught man stands poolside with a gun pressed to his
temple.
SUICIDAL MAN
This is it. Show me you haven't
abandoned me Jesus. I need a sign
Lord.
On cue, a fiery comet, spewing obscenities and trailing
chicken feathers, banks off a grouping of palm trees and
noses into the pool with a terrific SPLASH! Drenching the
Suicidal man in half his pool and palm debris.
Max and Eddie slog out of the pool. Wild eyed and out of
breath from their ordeal.
THE SUICIDAL MAN'S POV
Max and Eddie standing in a shaft of light with chicken
feathers swirling around them all angelic like. Eddie grins
big.
EDDIE
Got a phone we can use bubba?
The Suicidal Man crumbles at Max and Eddie's feet. Weeping
profusely.
SUICIDAL MAN
Thank you Lord! Thank you Jesus!
INT. DOBBS' HOUSE - NIGHT
As Dobbs answers his back-door clad in a bathrobe. It's Cleo
and Niles.
DOBBS
This better be good.
INT. DOBBS' STUDY - NIGHT
The lair of an ex-jock. All club chairs and baseball
memorabilia. Dobbs sits on a long leather couch eating a corn
dog. Niles and Cleo sit across from him. Cleo is visibly
distressed by the sight of Dobbs eating meat.
DOBBS
Ken had a wife?
CLEO
For several years.
DOBBS
The mind reels. Who'd marry white
trash, gator shit like Ken?
CLEO
The man is dead brotha. Show some
respect.
Dobbs' mood turns on a dime.
DOBBS
Fuck you convict! If I need a
clinic on decorum I'll call Miss
Manners! And I'm not your "brotha"
so leave that shit in the ghetto
where it belongs. "Feel me, dog!"
Niles looks to Cleo. "You gonna take that?" Cleo remains
silent. His eyes on the corn-dog. Dobbs gets to his feet.
DOBBS
You'd think that little clit wag of
his would have enough to worry
about. But if that's the game she
wants to play it's peachy with me
baby. You fuck me and the Dobbs
fucks back. So what's the damage?
Cleo's forehead is starting to bead.
DOBBS
What the hell is wrong with you?
(realizing it's the corn
dog)
Oh give me a fucking break!!
Dobbs whips the corn-dog across the room.
DOBBS
That better pussy? My God!
Cleo swallows hard. Regains his composure. A beat and then...
CLEO
He kept a journal detailing the
covert nature of his relationship
with the DEA.
In it, he names the controlling
agent, and lists crimes committed,
at the agent's behest, by a high
level, confidential informant.
Dobbs and Cleo lock eyes. "We're fucked!" A beat and then...
DOBBS
Has your business arrangement with
Zamora been compromised in any way?
CLEO
No, but...
Dobbs pumps his arm ala Tiger Woods'. Cleo is perplexed.
DOBBS
I love it. So what we're talking
about here is a bump in the road?
CLEO
The woman is serious. She wants
money or she's going to the Feds.
DOBBS
I am the goddamn Feds!
CLEO
So what do you want me to do?
DOBBS
You're the resident bad ass here
thuglife. Do what you do baby.
CLEO
She's a civilian.
DOBBS
Zamora is my objective. And nothing
is going to get in the way of that.
Cleo looks at Niles and then back to Dobbs.
CLEO
You do realize what you're saying,
right?
DOBBS
No baby, see, the real question
is... do you?
Suddenly, the door swings open. TYLER, Dobbs' five year old
son, enters.
TYLER
Daddy I can't sleep.
Again, Dobbs mood shifts on a dime. From talking murder to
family man. He picks up Tyler.
DOBBS
How's my little man?
Dobbs musses Tyler's hair.
DOBBS
You cats want to see something
wicked? My kid makes a vodka
martini that will cross your
fucking eyes. A real prodigy. It's
like he was a bartender in a past
life or something. I know the
health fag is out. Niles, my man,
you in?
NILES
Cool.
Dobbs puts Tyler down. Tyler runs to the bar and giddily goes
to work. Dobbs sits down on the couch.
DOBBS
I'm curious convict. How does
freedom taste? How's it feel? I ask
because a cat like me is wont to
take such liberties for granted. I
mean, my only experience with a
cage is putting assclowns like you
in them.
The bar is taller than Tyler. Only his little hands are seen
pouring, mixing, and shaking with a skill beyond his years.
Niles is absolutely mesmerized.
DOBBS
Some people will do anything not to
go back. Are you one of those
people convict?
Tyler tows in a Radio Flyer with two martinis and a bottled
water. Niles and Dobbs grab the martinis. Cleo the water.
Niles takes a sip. A hush falls, and then...
NILES
Daaaaaayum!!!
Tyler launches into a giggle fit. Dobbs beams.
DOBBS
What did I tell you? Is he the
white Isaac or what?
(turns to Cleo)
Yo! Convict!
Dobbs and Cleo lock eyes.
DOBBS
While you're there, don't forget
the journal.
Dobbs gives Cleo a smile with a dash of sinister. Takes the
first sip of his Martini.
DOBBS
Mmmm. That's good.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/MOTOR POOL - DAY
Where Police Cruisers and unmarked vehicles sit in various
stages of repair. Max attempts to flag down "PISTOL" PETE,
(chinese, fifties), the head mechanic.
MAX
Yo! Pete!
Pistol Pete keeps walking. He's pissed.
MAX
Oh, so it's like that now? I
thought you was my nigga.
Pistol Pete whips around to face Max.
PISTOL PETE
(ridiculously thick
Chinese accent)
Fuck you! I am no longer your
nigga!
Max almost laughs.
MAX
I'm sorry. I lost you after fuck
you.
Pistol Pete storms away. Max chases after him.
MAX
Dude, seriously. I don't have time
for this shit. You gonna work with
me or what?
Again, Pete whips around to face Max.
PISTOL PETE
Haven't you caused enough damage?
You wreck everything! We have no
more car for you. Go and fuck
yourself real hard!
Before Max can retort his cell phone rings. He picks up.
MAX
What!
Pistol Pete continues to spit venom in a mix of English and
Chinese.
EDDIE (O.S./PHONE FILTER)
What's happenin' bubba?
MAX
Trying to hit The Pistol up for
another ride.
EDDIE (O.S./PHONE FILTER)
I had a feelin' he might be a tad
hostile.
MAX
Tad my ass.
Pistol Pete steps to Max.
PISTOL PETE
...no driving motherfucker.
Max steps back.
MAX
No you didn't...
PISTOL PETE
Yes I did motherfucker...
MAX
I will knock your little Shoalin...
EDDIE (O.S./PHONE FILTER)
Max! Max! Forget it! Thelma's gonna
help us out.
Max is stunned. Pistol Pete is still cursing him out in
"Englinese". Max takes the phone from his ear.
MAX
A'ight! I got it!
And with that, Pistol Pete falls silent. Storms away. Max
shakes his head in disbelief.
MAX
Damn!!!
(puts phone to ear)
Say that again!
EDDIE (O.S./PHONE FILTER)
Walk outside.
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/MOTOR POOL - DAY
As Max exits. We hear loud MARIACHI MUSIC. A horn BLOWS. Max
turns. Zooming toward him is...
THELMA
A black, tricked the fuck out, 1976 CHEVY VAN. Complete with
flare fenders, tinted "bubble" windows and a CLINT EASTWOOD
MURAL airbrushed on the side. (note: The Sergio Leone, "Good,
Bad, and the Ugly" era Clint Eastwood.) All of this sitting
atop 26 inch blue chrome mag wheels.
Thelma comes to a stop in front of Max. Eddie, clad in
Patrick Henry College T-shirt, leans out. And with joint
dangling precariously from lip...
EDDIE
Ride bitch?
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/GARAGE - DAY
As the souped-up van peels out to a MARIACHI BEAT. Smoking
tires and all. It's up and away as she rockets over the hill.
INT. WATTS' DUPLEX - DAY
BEDROOM
As Niles, in surgical gloves, ransacks the closet. Reams of
paper litter the floor.
Cleo, also in surgical gloves, is seated. Watching over a
gagged and duct taped TAMMY WATTS, (white, thirties). Tears
stream down her face. She's been beat to shit. Cleo is the
picture of calm. Oddly still from within.
CLEO
To be honest Tammy, I'd rather not
be here. Violence diminishes me. It
impedes my effort to change.
Niles comes across a signed copy of Cleo's book in the
closet. It amuses him. He tosses it on the floor next to
Tammy.
CLEO
Your use of blackmail was less than
strategic. God knows I sympathize
with your motives. But like a child
who wonders across a hornet's nest,
you've antagonized forces more
committed than yourself. Of course
all of this could've been avoided
had you read my book. Specifically
chapters seven and eight.
Cleo pockets his book. Stands. And then, over his shoulder...
ON WINDOW
As Thelma glides to a stop across the street.
INT. THELMA - DAY
The inside is just as pimped out. A disco ball, water bed,
and chain-link steering wheel. A shag shack on wheels. Unlike
the other rides, Thelma's interior is spotless.
EDDIE
...There's a ton of tasty
pharmaceuticals out there that can
help you with your problem. You got
Viagra. A bonafide American party
classic. Then there's Cialis, or as
I like to call it, "The Weekender."
MAX
Dude, I don't know about all that.
I'd rather go the natural rout.
EDDIE
Well, there's stuff you could eat.
Eddie moves to the back of the van.
MAX
Oh yeah? Like what?
EDDIE
I don't know...
(beat)
Pussy maybe?
MAX
That's it. I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
Eddie hits a latch. A panel opens to reveal a lethal
collection of handguns. This shag shack doubles as a war
wagon. Eddie picks a nickel plated DESERT EAGLE. Max does a
double take.
MAX
What's that for?
EDDIE
Peace of mind.
MAX
Try prayer mufucka. We're just
asking the woman some questions not
knocking the building down.
EDDIE
Look, everything's goin' to be
easy! I promise.
EXT. WATTS' DUPLEX - CONTINUOUS
As Max and Eddie cross to the front door. Off Eddie's look...
MAX
What's wrong with you?
EDDIE
I feel for you bubba.
MAX
And why is that?
EDDIE
Cause this is already shapin' up to
be anything but easy.
Max looks down at the door. It's been opened by force. Max
and Eddie draw their weapons. Cautiously, they enter the
duplex. WE DRIFT up to...
INT. WATTS' DUPLEX - CONTINUOUS
BEDROOM
As Niles finds a GREY JOURNAL. He turns to Cleo.
NILES
Got it.
Cleo sighs. Locks eyes with Tammy. Pulls a 8" K-Bar combat
knife from his jacket.
CLEO
Nothing personal. This is just the
price of doing business.
Cleo leans in over Tammy. Her eyes go wide. He places the
blade against her throat. Niles averts his gaze. Tammy begins
to kick against the floor. As Cleo moves to drag the blade
across her throat WE DRIFT...
DOWNSTAIRS LIVINGROOM
As Max and Eddie hear the THUD, THUD of Tammy's kicks. And
then, silence. Slowly, they move for the...
STAIRCASE/CENTER LANDING
Max and Eddie moving slow up the first flight. Niles and Cleo
enter frame at the top of the second flight. They start down
the steps. Max presses himself against the wall. Sights his
.38 for whatever rounds the corner. Eddie moves forward. Max
stops him. Reluctantly, Eddie falls in behind Max. HE
STUMBLES. Hearing this, Niles and Cleo draw their weapons.
Press themselves against the wall. Both sides pause. Only six
inches of stucco separating them. A long beat.
Leading with his gun, Cleo inches forward. As the barrel
crests the corner Max seizes it... twists fast and hard...
Spinning Cleo, at the wrist, into the...
FIRST FLIGHT
Where the disarmed Cleo comes face to face with Max and
Eddie...
MAX
Police! Don't... Oh shit!
MAX RECOGNIZES CLEO!!!
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Niles rounds the corner firing... almost simultaneously Cleo
snatches his gun from Max's hand... OPENS FIRE... several
rounds rip into Max's chest, knocking him backward... Eddie
cradles Max... returns fire... (note: This is high intensity
close quarters combat extreme. No time to aim. Full tilt
spray and pray. The exchange is measured in seconds.)
Amidst the crossfire, Cleo bounds up the steps...
Eddie Fires into the wall, blindly tracking the fleeing
duo...
THE .44 SLUGS!
From Eddie's Desert Eagle punch through the stucco... one
creases Niles' leg... Niles goes down...
Cleo grabs Niles by the collar, drags him the rest of the way
up the stairs... he turns, sights his gun for...
Eddie as he turns the corner into suppressing fire from
Cleo...
Eddie leaps backward, tumbling into the first stairwell...
lands hard on the bottom step... he checks for...
Max laboring to pull himself across the floor...
Eddie wrestles with going for Max or the bad guys... he slams
in a fresh clip...
EDDIE
Hang on bubba!
Eddie darts back up the steps to confront...
Cleo as he helps a hobbled Niles out of the bedroom window
unto the building's fire escape...
Eddie enters the bedroom... darts to the window just in time
to see Cleo and Niles hit the street running... he sights his
weapon and dumps the entire clip at...
Cleo and Niles hit the street with bullets ZIPPING around
them...
Eddie, gun empty, slams his hand down on the windowsill in
frustration... he turns to see Tammy's body...
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Where a black Lincoln with Jones at the wheel waits
curbside... Cleo and the wounded Niles round the corner
fast... jump into the car... the Lincoln peels out...
INT. WATTS' DUPLEX/LIVINGROOM - DAY
Where Max lies face down. DEAD.
Eddie approaches. His world coming apart. He kneels over Max.
A long beat. He rolls Max...
MAX
No he didn't.
Eddie can't help but smile. His eyes well. The bulk of a
bullet proof vest is visible under Max's shirt.
EDDIE
Yes he did.
(beat)
Fuckin' square! When did you start
wearin' a vest?
MAX
Dude, get a grip. You're creeping
me out.
EDDIE
I thought I lost you there bubba.
MAX
What a coincidence. I thought I
lost me too.
Max sits up.
MAX
But paybacks a bitch.
EDDIE
Is that a fact?
Max locks eyes with Eddie.
MAX
A fact it is.
EXT. UNFINISHED HOUSE/BACKYARD - DUSK
Where Dobbs, sans jacket, hammers fastballs from a pitching
machine. Looming behind him is the wooden shell of a two
story mansion. The sounds of construction are heard in the
b.g. His cell phone rings. With a pocket remote he stops the
pitching machine. Picks up the call.
DOBBS
Talk to me baby.
INT. BAR - DUSK
Cleo sits alone at the end of a long bar. His cool starting
to crumble.
CLEO
It's done.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION:
DOBBS
Tell me you found the journal.
CLEO
I found the journal.
(beat)
There were complications. Two to be
exact.
Dobbs' face drops.
DOBBS
What the fuck does that mean?
CLEO
A couple of cops surprised us on
the way out. The drop fell our way
and one of them went down.
DOBBS
We talking local Gomers here or
what? SFPD?
CLEO
I'd say so.
DOBBS
Okay, listen to me very carefully.
If you want to keep your faux Tony
Robbins ass out of a cage you're
going to have to stay on my good
side.
CLEO
Just tell me the play?
DOBBS
Stay the course convict! That's the
fucking play. Just keep your head
in the game and Zamora on the hook
and let me worry about the
sideline. We clear fucker?
A long beat and then...
CLEO
Crystal.
Dobbs hangs up.
END INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION:
Cleo's mind starts to race. He punches a number into his cell
phone. A beat and then...
CLEO
Pack your bags.
(beat)
As a coronary.
(beat)
Take the necessary precautions.
Call me the second you touch down.
(beat)
That's right. You too. Godspeed
brotha.
Cleo hangs up. The bartender pours him a cranberry juice.
Cleo knocks it back. Slams the empty on the bar.
CLEO
Addendum.
The bartender pours him another. Again, he knocks it back.
MAX (V.O.)
I don't know his real name.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT/COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT
A young FEMALE OFFICER sits at a bank of computers. Max and
Eddie hang in tight over her shoulder.
EDDIE
I thought this asshole was your
boy?
MAX
People change. Understand this is a
back in the day type thing and no
one ever uses their real name in
the street. Especially if they're
up to some shit.
FEMALE OFFICER
We'll just use the NCIC database to
cross reference all known aliases
and variations there of. Name?
MAX
Cee-Low.
The female officer punches it in.
EDDIE
What, you tellin' me this Cee-Low
used to bitch slap you for your Air
Jordan's and lunch money?
Oddly, Max doesn't answer. Eddie notices.
ON COMPUTER SCREEN
As photos of dangerous looking men pop up on the screen. Each
one accompanied by various spellings of the street moniker
"Cee-Low". As she scrolls through pics of the usual suspects
we recognize non of them.
FEMALE OFFICER
See your man
MAX
No. But I should.
FEMALE OFFICER
I can try the pointer index and see
what I get?
MAX
Do that. And get back to me when
you do.
EXT. QUICK E MART - NIGHT
Thelma parked.
INT. THELMA - NIGHT
Eddie at the wheel, Max shotgun. From this vantage point we
can see the entrance of the Quick E. Mart.
EDDIE
So, what kind of name is Cee-Low?
MAX
I'm guessing he's a CI.
Eddie does a double take.
MAX
The file's been appropriated.
That's why it didn't show on NCIC.
(beat)
He's the reason I became a cop.
EDDIE
No you didn't.
MAX
Yes I did.
(beat)
We've gone ten years without having
this conversation and now it's on.
EDDIE
Alright bubba. Let me have it.
MAX
He killed my brother.
Eddie's mouth drops.
MAX
It's not what you think. I hated
him.
EDDIE
Who? You're brother?
MAX
Oh Yeah. With a passion.
EDDIE
Okay, that's just fucked up. Maybe
you should be talkin' to a
professional about this bubba?
We notice a young man, SEAN, (white, eighteen), walking out
of the Quick E. Mart carrying a case of beer.
EDDIE
Here he comes.
Sean steps out, sees Thelma, attempts to flee with his case
of beer.
EXT. QUICK E MART - NIGHT
Max and Eddie exit Thelma, badges up.
EDDIE
Freeze bitch!!
Sean stops. Turns to face Max and Eddie as they close in.
SEAN
Come on guys. This sucks. Buy your
own beer!
MAX
Why would we want to do some stupid
shit like that? We let you keep the
fake ID don't we?
EDDIE
It's the price of doin' business.
Now give it up.
MAX
Break yo'self fool!!
Sean surrenders the case of beer to Eddie.
EDDIE
Sam Adams. Somebodies movin' up in
the world. How's that Nabokov
workin' out for ya?
SEAN
Fuck Nabokov! If that butterfly
fondling hack spent as much time on
character development as he did on
wordplay and mind numbing detail
the motherfucker could've been
somebody. Lolita was good for half
a chubby but that's about it. To be
honest, I prefer my porn on DVD.
The professor wants to jump us into
some Ayn Rand next week and shoot
the shit about objective reality,
laissez-faire capitalism, and
rational egoism. As usual, I'll be
bored, but ready to weigh in with
my own theories and opines.
MAX
Which means the less drinking you
do the better.
SEAN
Look who's talking snatch face.
Eddie opens the case. Tosses a beer to Max. They climb back
into the van. A very pissed Sean looks after them. Eddie
leans out the window with a beer in hand.
EDDIE
Hey kid.
He offers the beer, but when Sean takes a step toward the
van...
EDDIE
PSYCH!!
Thelma fires up. Backs out fast. Eddie leans out again.
EDDIE
Tell mom I'll be by on Sunday.
SEAN
Fuck you!
Sean gives Eddie the finger. Eddie gives Sean a smile. And
with that, Thelma peels out into the night.
INT. FIRING RANGE - NIGHT
ON TARGET
A human silhouette with kill zones numbered. SIX ROUNDS hit
in a cluster around the chest.
MAX (O.S.)
Get Some! Get Some! Get Some!
Max presses a button. The target rockets towards him. Eddie
moves in behind him.
EDDIE
Not bad.
Our guys hoist their "confiscated" beer. Toast. Chug-a-lug.
Gats and brew. An American birthright. Both are a little
tipsy. (note: Both men gesture and jab wildly with loaded
guns as they speak).
MAX
My mother worked herself into an
early grave trying to provide for
the two of us on her own. My
brother started slinging rock. He
was a runner for Cee-low. Before
long, he was using.
Max loads his .38.
MAX
And then one day, he attacked my
mother. She lingered in a coma for
six weeks before finally coming
out. She recovered but never got
over the broken heart.
The memory still haunts Max.
MAX
I was going to kill him. Cee-Low
beat me to it is all. Apparently my
mother wasn't the only one he was
stealing from. It's what happened
next that got me.
EDDIE
What's that?
MAX
Nothing.
Max sights in. Fires six shots down range.
MAX
At the end of the day finding my
brother's killer wasn't exactly a
priority.
The target approaches.
MAX
My brother was no angel. But a lot
of innocent people went down in the
crossfire during Cee-Low's reign of
terror. Lives that could've been
saved had the police done their
job. It was as if as long as Cee
Low was murdering the marginalized
he could operate with impunity.
The target stops.
MAX
Growing up in Oakland you learn
real quick that justice is only an
issue between equals.
(beat)
So who fights for the rest of us?
Max unloads shells from his .38.
MAX
If anything, I became a cop in an
effort to tip the scales back in
our favor. If only by one.
Eddie looks at the tattoo on Max's forearm with new eyes.
EDDIE
(re: tattoo)
Plus one?
Max nods.
EDDIE
See bubba, that's why these
conversations suck for me. I could
almost hear the goddamned violins
just then. Everybody's got some
meaningful moment and I don't.
MAX
So, why did you become a cop?
Eddie shrugs. Gulps some Sam Adams.
EDDIE
Magnum Force.
MAX
Dude, seriously. A movie?
Eddie searches for the right words. Belches. Shrugs. A beat
and then...
EDDIE
Clint's the man.
MAX
Wow. No wonder you kept that shit
to yourself. If I were you I'd keep
doing it.
And then, Eddie hits Max with a look of genuine emotion.
EDDIE
I'm sorry bubba.
MAX
For what?
Eddie shrugs.
EDDIE
For not knowin'.
Just then a FAT DETECTIVE enters.
FAT DETECTIVE
Hey Parker. Your wife's out front
and she's pissed way off.
At that moment, Max realizes he's fucked up again.
MAX
Shit! The marriage counselor!
Off Eddie's look...
CLOSE ON COPY MACHINE
Blinding us as it scans in a page.
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT
As Jones lifts the journal, turns the page, and repeats the
process. It's going to be a long night as he photocopies each
page of the incriminating grey Journal.
INT. THELMA - DAY
Max is very upset and it shows. A long beat and then...
EDDIE
For what's it's worth you can crash
at my pad. At least until Queen Bee
calms down. Mi Casa Su Casa!
MAX
She's leaving. And she's taking
Dott with her.
A long awkward silence ensues. And then..
EDDIE
It's like the guy who marries the
stripper.
Max doesn't even know what to do with that.
EDDIE
Quick! Gimme a stripper name...
MAX
Madison...
EDDIE
A guy walks into a strip club and
sees Madison on stage in a red
thong, lucite pumps, and pink
pasties shakin' her ass to a Cool J
song. Woodrow the Ferret God,
remember him? Well Woodrow smiles
down on this bastard and Madison
ends up goin' home with him at the
end of the night. Now fast forward
five years. Woodrow's favorite son
and Madison done made it legal. A
house in the burbs, two point two
kids, the whole nine.
It's on and poppin' in Blissville
until one day, lucky bastard comes
home from work early and finds, to
his shock and dismay, his beloved
Madison spoonin' giblet gravy over
a succulent pot roast wearin' a red
thong, lucite pumps, and pink
motherfuckin' pasties.
MAX
And the moral is?
EDDIE
You can't turn a ho into a
housewife!
(beat)
She was dressed like a tramp when
he met her, and if it was good
enough for him then, it should be
good enough for him now. Especially
after poppin' out two point two
kids. Do you have any idea how hard
that is?
Max is completely confused.
EDDIE
Don't you get it? You're Madison.
You're the ho. Day in and day out
you keep comin' back because deep
down inside you honestly believe,
in spite of evidence to the
contrary, that you can make a
difference. It's so delusional it's
noble. And that's the job. And the
job is where it's always been. In
the streets. Who has the right to
ask you to give it up?
Eddie points to Max's tattoo.
EDDIE
You'll never tip those scales
playin' it safe.
MAX
You have no idea what you're
talking about.
EDDIE
I think I do bubba. I think I do.
Conflicted thy name is Max.
MAX
Conflicted? Do me a favor Dr. Phil.
Next time you say something that
stupid you could at least fake a
stroke.
(beat)
There she is. Pull over.
EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY
As ROXY, (black, thirties), a scantily clad "working girl"
with a black eye, sashays down the block. Thelma pulls
curbside. Max leans out.
MAX
Miss Roxy!
Roxy turns. Walks over to the van. Looks it over. Leans into
the window.
ROXY
What in the hell is this? Ya'll
been shaking down the Cholo's
again.
EDDIE
We're out for Chinese this trip.
Your boy Reggie Chow. Seen him?
ROXY
I don't run with that fool no more.
That boy done lost his mind. High
on his own supply.
MAX
And you?
ROXY
I'm clean honey. Been clean for six
months thanks to you. You got
something I can write on?
Max hands her a note pad. All the while staring at her
shiner. Roxy scribbles an address on a piece of paper.
MAX
The fuck happened to your face?
ROXY
I got this new daddy...
MAX
I thought you were an independent
ROXY
Well, it's hard out here for a...
EDDIE
Wait! This bitch hit you?
MAX
(to Eddie)
Nobody has the right to kick our
snitch's asses but us.
ROXY
No, but it's not...
EDDIE
In the van Roxy!
Resistance is futile. Roxy gets in. Thelma peels out.
INT. 6TH STREET LOUNGE - DAY
Pool tables and rock classics playing on the jukebox. SEVERAL
THUG TYPES mill about playing pool, talking shit.
Roxy enters with Max and Eddie in tow. All eyes on them.
MAX
Which one is he?
BOO, (white, thirties), emerges from a back room. He is 6'6,
320 pounds of heavily tattooed, lean muscle. Matted blond
dreadlocks cascade to his shoulders.
ROXY
That's him.
Max and Eddie's eyes go wide. Second thoughts flickering.
Boo sees Roxy with Max and Eddie.
BOO
Where the fuck you been?
Eddie steps forward. Max stops him.
MAX
I got this.
And with that, Max dusts off his Jordan's, pops his collar,
and starts the long walk to Boo.
As Max approaches he shows Boo a disarming smile. He extends
his hand to shake.
BOO
And which dwarf are you?
Without breaking stride Max cocks back and slaps the shit out
of Boo. The KA-POW reverberates through the lounge like it
was the grand fucking canyon. With his other hand, Max shoves
the barrel of his .38 up Boo's nostril.
MAX
Guess!
The whole room stops.
MAX
Now sit your big Ukla The Mock ass
down.
Boo sits. Max sits with him. Boo's boys close in. Max presses
hard with the .38.
MAX
(to Boo's boys)
If you boys like mopping brains I
can make it happen for you.
Max cocks the hammer. Boo's men stop. Max and Boo lock eyes.
Max holsters his .38. Smiles sheepishly.
MAX
Wassup Boo? I'm Max. And that's Ed.
Mr. James if you're nasty.
Eddie grins big.
MAX
Sorry about going all Rick James on
you but sometimes a mufucka just
got to set the mood. Know what I'm
saying?
Max flashes his badge. Pockets it.
MAX
Anyhooo! We were in the
neighborhood and I thought we'd
drop by to let you know that,
despite whatever business
arrangement you've worked out with
Roxy she belongs to us. And by
default, so do you. If she so much
as breaks a nail I'm going to come
back in here, throw a pink thong on
your Predator looking ass and put
you out on the stroll to make a
little Papst Blue Ribbon money for
me and my partner. See how you like
being bottom bitch for awhile.
A'ight?
Boo nods. Max gets to his feet. Looks down at Boo.
MAX
So, Boo...
(beat)
We cool, right?
Boo nods. Max rises and heads for the door.
Eddie holsters his .44. Winks at a shocked Roxy. Max turns to
Eddie as they go...
MAX
Still think I'm conflicted?
And with that, Max and Eddie exit.
EXT. MEXICO CITY AIRPORT - DAY
Where a 747 touches down to the beat of ANNOYINGLY FESTIVE
MARIACHI MUSIC. (note: mariachi music plays for the duration
of the montage).
INT. MEXICO CITY AIRPORT - DAY
Jones, Cleo's henchman, deplanes.
EXT. MEXICO CITY AIRPORT/BAGGAGE CLAIM - DAY
Jones exits the airport and climbs into a waiting limo.
EXT. ZAMORA ESTATE - DAY
The limo carrying Jones drives through the gate and unto the
sprawling grounds.
INT. ZAMORA ESTATE - DAY
As RICO OLIVERA, one of Zamora's bodyguards, leads Jones down
a long hallway. More on Rico later.
INT. ZAMORA'S STUDY - DAY
As Jones and Rico enter. Jones walks up to Zamora, greets him
and presents him with a copy of the journal Cleo found at
Watt's house. Zamora smiles. Offers Jones a drink. Jones
accepts. Takes a seat. Rico crosses to the giant double doors
to Zamora's office.
ON GIANT DOUBLE DOORS
As Rico closes them.
INT. REGGIE CHOW'S LOFT - DAY
ON MIRROR
A rail of coke. A straw dips into frame. Dyson's the rail.
A wide eyed, tweaked out REGGIE CHOW, (Asian-American,
twenties), wipes his nose. He is Hip-Hop made manifest. Iced
out necklace. Hat to the side. 9mm in the waistband.
As Reggie moves through his loft we notice rows of sneakers.
Paired up and lining the walls atop graffiti covered
pedestals. All are vintage or rare. In pristine condition.
LIVING ROOM
As Reggie rounds the corner to find Eddie casually trying on
a pair of his vintage kicks.
EDDIE
You got some big assed feet for a
fella of the Asian persuasion.
Reggie puffs up. The coke and gun tell him to play it hard.
REGGIE
You got a warrant Starski?
MAX (O.S.)
Warrant?
Reggie turns to find Max leaning against the wall.
MAX
We hate 80's music.
Reggie goes for his gun. Eddie leaps, smacks the gun from his
hand. Bulldogs Reggie to the floor.
MAX
Don't make this hard Reggie.
REGGIE
Yo mama likes it hard!
MAX
The name is Cee-low! Heard of him?
Reggie sees Max's shoes. His eyes damn near pop from his
head.
REGGIE
Oh shit son!! Are those 86'
Jordan's.
MAX
Damn skippy! Here, take a closer
look.
Max kicks Reggie's face with his foot.
MAX
That's for involving my mama.
REGGIE
Oh shit Yo! You guys are DICKS!
Straight up, the only thing
stopping me from whippin' ya'll
asses is a gun and badge.
Eddie jumps off Reggie.
EDDIE
Get up.
Reggie gets to his feet. Suspicious. Eddie shows Reggie his
badge.
EDDIE
This badge? The badge protects you
from me.
Eddie throws his badge to a very worried Max.
REGGIE
What, we gone fight now?
EDDIE
Of course we're gonna fight bitch!
Reggie's cackles. Max pulls Eddie aside.
MAX
Dude, did you forget he's a sixth
degree black belt in Jujitsu?
EDDIE
Did you forget I have a master's
degree in English Lit?
MAX
What are you gonna do, hit him with
a book? Quote some Chaucer? Look at
this mufucka. He's coked to the
gills. He can't even feel a punch.
He's high.
EDDIE
And I'm stoned, so it should make
for a balanced fight. Yin-Yang and
whatnot.
On that note, Max steps aside. Reggie starts his katas. He
spins, kicks, and poses with extreme precision. Very
impressive.
Eddie spins, kicks, and poses with no precision whatsoever.
Straight sloppy. Extremely unimpressive. He ends in the Crane
stance (note: The famous Karate Kid Pose).
REGGIE
That Crane shit is played Yo! You
bout to get fucked up Beretta.
On cue, Max draws his .38 and blows away a pair of Reggie's
vintage Puma's. Reggie screams like a mother forced to watch
her children get decapitated.
REGGIE
OH MY GOD!!!
Eddie executes the crane. Connects with Reggie's testicles.
Reggie goes down in a heap. Max and Eddie close in.
EDDIE
And that's how we roll. Had enough
grasshopper? Or shall we try for
the anniversary edition K-Swiss?
REGGIE
This kid Cleo done consolidated the
whole Bay Area on some get down or
lay down type shit!
MAX
You deaf? We're looking for Cee-Low
crackhead?
REGGIE
Cleo IS Cee-low dickhead! He went
upscale and dropped the name in
prison. He ain't no joke Yo. I
heard he got back. DEA type back.
Max and Eddie exchange a look.
EDDIE
You want us to believe the DEA
would protect a known trafficker?
REGGIE
I don't give a fuck what you
believe! It ain't like he hiding
Yo! Over there on the windowsill.
Fool even signed it.
Max walks to the window. Finds a copy of the book I Will: A
Prisoner's Memoir. He flips it over.
ON THE BACK COVER
Is a pic of the author. Cleo Bell.
He tosses the book to Eddie.
MAX
It's him!
Eddie looks at the pic for himself. A beat and then...
REGGIE
Excuse me! If it's not to much
trouble Mr. Detective! Mr. Officer
sir! COULD ONE OF YOU FUCKERS
PLEASE GET ME SOME ICE!!!
INT. FEDERAL BUILDING/HAGEN'S OFFICE - DAY
Special Agent in Charge HAGEN, who we recognize from Dobbs'
Zamora presentation, sits at his desk perusing a file. He
seems disturbed by it's contents. The moving boxes and bric-a
brac tell us he's just settling in. We HEAR a knock.
HAGEN
Come in.
The door opens. It's Dobbs
DOBBS
You wanted to see me sir.
HAGEN
I was wondering if you could help
me out with something. Have a seat.
Dobbs takes a seat across from Hagen. Hagen does not take his
eyes off the file in front of him. Dobbs sizes him up.
DOBBS
Word on the street is you did big
things with the New York office.
HAGEN
Necessary things.
DOBBS
Excuse me?
Hagen peers at Dobbs over the top of the file.
HAGEN
Not big things. Necessary things.
It's a post nine-eleven world
Dobbs. We're just living in it. All
I'm here to do is bring this office
up to speed by spreading a little
bilateral cooperation and intra
agency transparency. We're all on
the same team.
DOBBS
I couldn't agree with you more
chief.
Hagen drops the file. Locks eyes with Dobbs.
HAGEN
This morning I received a request
from US Immigration and Customs
Enforcement for an opportunity to
debrief an informant you're running
on the Zamora investigation by the
name of Bell. It's the sixth such
request in as many months. You want
to explain to me why?
DOBBS
The good people at ICE gave me some
song and dance about a parallel
investigation, the nature of which
they refused to disclose. Now I'd
have to be a fucking idiot to let
them have a crack at my man without
knowing why. To do that would
compromise my informant and the
entire Zamora investigation.
HAGEN
An investigation that includes the
use of an informant who'd been
blacklisted by the FBI and
deputizing a prison guard to act as
a his chaperone.
Dobbs is surprised Hagen even knows that. He maintains.
DOBBS
The prison guard you're referring
to was instrumental in helping me
flip Bell when he and Zamora shared
a cell at Lompoc. Make no bones
about it, using Bell was risky
business. But by going outside the
office I could protect my
informants identity, cover my ass
and the administration's ass by
having a man on him twenty-four
seven.
HAGEN
You don't protect the
administration by skirting the law.
DOBBS
Justice has nothing to do with the
law sir.
Dobbs' words give Hagen pause.
HAGEN
What's the status of the
relationship between Bell and
Zamora?
DOBBS
In play. I'm just waiting for
Zamora to make his move.
HAGEN
How do you know the operation
hasn't already been compromised?
DOBBS
Because it's my job to know.
HAGEN
Who's on this with you?
DOBBS
A few of my guys. Kelly. Atkins.
Green.
HAGEN
From here on out I'm in the loop.
People are talking. Something about
this Zamora thing smells and I'm
going to get to the bottom of it. I
want to personally debrief Bell
within forty-eight hours. Based on
that meeting I'll decide whether
Customs gets a shot at him or this
investigation gets terminated and
handed over to internal affairs.
We're done here.
Dobbs stares back incredulously. Clinches his jaw. Gets to
his feet. Moves for the door. Turns.
DOBBS
Like I said, congratulations on New
York.
And with that, Dobbs exits.
INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Where Cleo sits at a table signing copies of his book.
Someone drops an 8 x 10 in front of him.
ON PHOTO
A gruesome crime scene snapshot of Tammy Watts.
Cleo looks up to see...
MAX AND EDDIE
EDDIE
Since you're autographin' your work
and all.
Cleo looks at Max and Eddie as if he's never seen them before
in his life.
MAX
You're under arrest for the murder
of Tammy Watts.
EDDIE
And for writin' another shitty self
help book in an already flooded
market. On your feet dickhead!
Cleo hits Max and Eddie with a blank stare. Rises. Offers his
wrists to be cuffed.
Seeing this, Niles ducks through the crowd and out the door.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY
INTERROGATION ROOM
Where Cleo is cuffed to his chair. On the table in front of
him are crime scene photos of Tammy Watts and another photo
of a young black man lying in a pool of blood. Max and Eddie
sit across from him.
MAX
...So, you're just gonna sit there
and act like you don't know what
the fuck we're talking about?
CLEO
It's unfortunate these two people
met their end in such a violent
manner. The world can be a cruel
place. And while the need to assign
blame is understandable, I am not
the man you're looking for.
EDDIE
Now you're just shitin' in our
mouths and callin' it a sunday. We
were there! Remember? We're the
ones you and your boyfriend shot at
on the way out. Go ahead. Take
another look. Maybe it'll jar
somethin' loose.
Eddie pushes the photo of Tammy a little closer. Cleo looks
again. Nothing. Max leans in.
MAX
Would it matter if I told you she
was five months pregnant?
Cleo just stares back.
MAX
Would it matter if I told you the
man in this photo was my brother.
A smirk develops at the corners of Cleo's mouth. Suddenly,
Max slaps Cleo so hard his chair tilts back on two legs and
hangs there a beat before coming back down. The smirk is
gone. Replaced by something between shock and rage. Eddie
explodes with laughter.
EDDIE
It's not what you think bubba. He
hated his brother. We were just
startin' to think you couldn't hear
us through all that bullshit.
Cleo would rip out their eyes and dry fuck the sockets if he
could. Alas, he cannot.
MAX
Let me guess. Right now you're
wondering when good cop is gonna
show up, right?
Max and Eddie laugh maniacally. Eddie feigns another slap.
Cleo jerks backward. Max and Eddie laugh even harder.
INTERROGATION OBSERVATION ROOM
Where Capt. Ramos watches over the proceedings through a two
way mirror. A young, buttoned up detective sits behind her.
YOUNG DETECTIVE
Can they do that?
CAPT. RAMOS
Pay attention. You might learn
something.
ON DOOR
As Detective Willis enters file in hand. He crosses to the
observation window.
WILLIS
How's it going in there?
RAMOS
Son of a bitch is a cold piece of
work.
WILLIS
I don't care much for these self
help types, but this guy's book is
pretty good. Very inspirational
stuff for a ex-con.
Off Capt. Ramos' "Like I give a shit," look, he hands her the
file.
WILLIS
When they're done in there me and
Jonesy want a crack. We got a match
for the prints in King Kahn's limo.
RAMOS
So much for literary aspirations.
EXT. CITY STREETS - DUSK
As two BLACK GMC YUKON DENALI'S thread traffic.
INT. DENALI - DUSK
Kelly mans the wheel. Dobbs sits passenger barking into his
cell phone.
DOBBS
...I want the names of the
arresting officers.
(beat)
Get me the chief of police.
INT. SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT - DUSK
INTERROGATION ROOM
Where Max and Eddie continue to press hard. Cleo stares back
defiantly.
MAX
You got two detectives who can
place you at the scene of a
homicide, one of which you shot.
Some shit I didn't appreciate by
the way...
EDDIE
Cops hate it when you shoot them...
MAX
Now we haven't found the weapon you
used to butcher Mrs. Watts, but
when ballistics gets back with the
slugs they dug out of my vest, how
much you wanna bet we get a match
to the heater we found on you at
your little book signing...
EDDIE
If you're the self help convict how
come we can't find a jacket on you
in the system? You must'a did
somethin' to someone at some point
to earn the cred? Of course, we
have our own theory. Wanna hear it?
CLEO
Not particularly.
Max gets in Cleo's face.
MAX
Dude, look, I got issues. A'ight?
At home. On the job. In the
bedroom. This silent rage thing
ain't working so... you know... I'm
just looking for a mufucka to take
it out on. And I'm pretty sure
you're my guy.
CLEO
Time will tell.
EDDIE
And you'll have plenty of that
where you're going. Hey, you could
write another bullshit self-help
book...
MAX
Like, about a thousand.
CLEO
Perhaps if you took the time to
read my book, your problems in the
workplace could be resolved. As far
as the bedroom is concerned, I'd be
happy to pass my number on to your
wife.
Eddie explodes with laughter. Points to Max.
EDDIE
Ouch! Buuuuuuuuurn!
Max turns to Eddie.
MAX
I'm working here.
EDDIE
And doin' a helluva job bubba.
Continue.
Max turns to Cleo. Cuts a quick glance back to Eddie who
waves him on. Back to Cleo.
MAX
You're gonna be real funny in that
prison cell. Whispering zingers in
the ear of some big black nigga
named Tweety as he fucks you in the
ass.
EDDIE
Cliche alert!! Perps expect the
butt stuff.
Max looks at Eddie as if he's lost his mind.
MAX
Dude! Are you heckling me during an
interrogation?
Eddie grins big. Shrugs.
CLEO
When this is all over we'll see who
gets sodomized.
Suddenly, we HEAR urgent, heavy knocking. Cleo perks up.
Expecting the calvary. Eddie crosses to the door. Opens it to
reveal... A WAITER.
WAITER
You guys order lunch?
EDDIE
It's about time. My growls were
startin' to sound like farts.
The waiter wheels a LARGE COPPER SERVING DISH next the table.
INTERROGATION OBSERVATION ROOM
Detective Willis turns to Capt. Ramos.
WILLIS
What the hell are they doing in
there?
RETURN INTERROGATION ROOM
As the waiter puts down plates and eating utensils.
The waiter opens the copper serving dish to reveal... A
SUCCULENT PRIME RIB. Marbled to perfection. Cleo's face drops
at the sight of the meat.
The waiter cuts a thick slice. Serves Max and Eddie. The
portions are so rare they splash red when they hit the plate.
EDDIE
That's what I'm talkin' bout! Prime
rib. The King of meats!
Cleo's forehead starts to bead. Max and Eddie notice.
MAX
It came with a salad but that shit
was fifty cents extra.
Max and Eddie proceed to eat like hyenas at a fresh kill.
Blood and juice run down the sides of their mouths. Watching
them, even we have second thoughts about ever eating meat
again. Cleo's breathing becomes labored.
CLEO
Stop. Please...
Eddie leans in close to Cleo. And with crimson chunks of
animal mush dribbling from his lips...
EDDIE
You say somethin' cool breeze?
MAX
I think he's hungry.
EDDIE
Well, let's not be rude.
Eddie cuts a bite sized portion of prime rib, spears it with
his fork, and flicks it at Cleo. The meat splatters against
Cleo's cheek, sticks, and drops to the floor. A pallor
envelopes Cleo's face.
MAX
Your aim is shit. Check it out...
(spears a bite. cocks the
fork)
Kobe from the paint!!
Max flicks his meat. It arches through the air. Amazingly, it
passes through a small opening in Cleo's lips.
MAX
YAHTZEE!!!!
Cleo kicks away from the table in a spastic fit. Turns his
head and projectile vomits everywhere.
EDDIE
Now that's just... nasty.
At that moment, the door to the interrogation room slams
open. POLICE CHIEF HILTON HUFF, (white, fifties), enters.
CHIEF HUFF
Parker! James! Clean this man up
and get him the fuck out of here.
This interrogation is over!
INT. CHIEF HUFF'S OFFICE - DAY
Max and Eddie sit across desk from Chief Huff.
CHIEF HUFF
Do you have any idea how
excruciatingly painful a perforated
hemorrhoid is?
Our guys shrug.
CHIEF HUFF
Well let me take this opportunity
to be a friend to the exceptionally
retarded and give you the answer.
VERY FUCKING PAINFUL!!
Chief Huff springs to his feet.
CHIEF HUFF
It bleeds. I gotta wear a goddamned
tampon in my ass so I won't stain
the nifty pair of Dockers my little
girl bought me for father's day.
Take a moment to FATHOM THE FUCKING
INDIGNITY!
Chief Huff swoons from the pain in his ass. His eyes tear.
CHIEF HUFF
My doctor was kind enough to stick
a camera up my rectum and take a
glamour shot of my oozing nemesis.
You want to know what I saw in that
jumbled mass of swollen tissue? I
saw the face of Janus.
Max cuts a very confused look to Eddie.
CHIEF HUFF
You're a reader James. Please
explain to your dim-witted partner
who Janus is.
EDDIE
A Roman god, usually depicted
with... with two faces.
CHIEF HUFF
Right you are! And guess which two
fucknuts my hemorrhoid resembles?
A beat and then...
MAX
Us?
CHIEF HUFF
Bingo! You arrest and assault a
high priority, federal informant,
and now I've got some DEA prick
fast balling some very serious
accusations in the direction of
this department.
MAX
This asshole butchered a woman who
was five months pregnant and pumped
three slugs into my chest for good
measure.
CHIEF HUFF
Says who? You? Oh sure, the
evidence is there, but it always is
with you two?
MAX
The fuck?
CHIEF HUFF
Michael Haddock was guilty too.
Open and shut. Remember him? How
about Silas Perez?
EDDIE
Low blow papa bear. Those assholes
were guilty and you know it.
CHIEF HUFF
I do. The worst of the worst.
Guilty of many things. But not the
cases you slapped them with.
MAX
What were we supposed to do? Sit
around and let innocent people get
victimized because we didn't have
our paperwork in order?
CHIEF HUFF
YES! You're cops goddamit! Not
vigilantes! You're supposed to be
the good guys. As we speak the DA's
office is sitting on six overturned
convictions with your names on
them. And still four more under
review due to possible planted
evidence and false testimony.
Serious stuff gentlemen.
Max and Eddie share a somber look.
CHIEF HUFF
In the last ten years, you've been
brought before a disciplinary
review board no less than six times
for everything from excessive force
to substance abuse!
Chief Huff leans forward due to a flare up.
CHIEF HUFF
How do I know this isn't a frame up
of an ex-con with a cushy life that
you, and you alone, fingered for
the murder of your brother twenty
years ago?
MAX
Because it's not.
CHIEF HUFF
And you think a DEA lawyer will
believe that once he gets ahold of
your file?
Max falls silent. Chief Huff gets to his feet.
CHIEF HUFF
We couldn't hold Bell because your
credibility as a cop is shit. The
only reason you've lasted this long
is because of Capt. Ramos. Supercop
of the millennium seems to think
you two morons are worth something.
I'll have to straighten her out on
that later.
EDDIE
I think we should just go ahead and
deal with the big pink elephant in
the room.
CHIEF HUFF
What the fuck are you talking about
James?
EDDIE
This is about your wife ain't it?
Chief Huff explodes with laughter.
EDDIE
Now I know it's a hard pill to
swallow that your significant other
digs gang-bangs and whatnot, but
we...
Chief Huff's eyes are starting to tear he's laughing so hard.
EDDIE
What's so funny?
CHIEF HUFF
We're swingers you moron!
Max and Eddie's are stunned.
CHIEF HUFF
That's right. Chief Huff gets his
freak on. What you gentlemen should
be worried about is what I did with
the videotape.
Chief Huff slaps Eddie on the back.
CHIEF HUFF
No fucknut. This is not about my
wife. This is about removing the
pain in my ass. For good. You're
fired! Guns and shields please.
Reluctantly, Max and Eddie place their guns and badges on
Chief Huff's desk.
CHIEF HUFF
You polyps have a nice life.
EXT. LONG DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
As headlights illuminate the darkness. A BLACK GMC YUKON
DENALI creeps up the long narrow path.
INT. DENALI - NIGHT
Dobbs at the wheel. Cleo sits shotgun.
CLEO
They'll keep coming. It's personal.
DOBBS
Cops get a bit spicy when family
members get whacked.
And they really hate it when you
shoot them. Is it true? You kill
his brother?
CLEO
It's possible. I was a different
man then. I was an animal.
DOBBS
You read a few books in the cage
and manage to string together
enough words to write a book about
the books you read in the cage, and
now I'm supposed to think you're
some higher life-form because
you've learned to discriminate in
pursuit of your own interests? It's
not your higher self that bounced
your black ass out of prison forty
five years earlier than expected.
The arrangement you made with
Zamora hinged on your ability to
kick open a path for the
distribution of his product. Get
down or lay down! And you did it
good baby. Did it with a wrecking
ball.
CLEO
I did it with assurances from you
that once you had Zamora I'd be
allowed to operate in exchange for
the 411 on select business
associates.
DOBBS
Look at you. You'd crawl over your
dead mother to fuck your sister if
it meant never having to return to
prison. You don't trust me? Fuck
you. I don't trust you. But there's
something you forgot convict. You
don't have a choice.
The Denali stops suddenly. Dobbs kills the engine. Leaves the
lights on.
EXT. DENALI - NIGHT
As Dobbs and Cleo step from the SUV. We pull back to
reveal...
UNFINISHED MANSION
The two story wooden shell from earlier. Lit all around by
heavy duty construction lights. Cleo takes it in as Dobbs
look on.
CLEO
What is this?
DOBBS
My future. Let's go.
Dobbs moves for the structure. Cleo follows.
INT. DOBBS' UNFINISHED DREAM HOME - NIGHT
UNFINISHED LIVING ROOM
Construction materials litter the bare interior. Dobbs moves
through the massive structure with Cleo in tow.
DOBBS
...My wife is flying in some high
priced limey fag to do the
interior.
The pitching machine from earlier and several baseball bats
block their path. Dobbs grabs ahold of the pitching machine.
DOBBS
Gimme a hand snapper head.
Cleo helps Dobbs wrestle the machine out of the way.
Baseballs spill as they do. Dobbs grabs a baseball bat. Putts
the baseballs into an adjacent corner. When done, he
nonchalantly flips the bat to Cleo who catches it mid-air.
Dobbs disappears into the next room through a tarpaulin
covered doorway. Cleo is surprised to find himself holding
the baseball bat. He ponders the possibilities. Tests the
weight of the bat.
UNFINISHED KITCHEN
A grand room. Cleo enters holding the bat. Dobbs is so into
showing off his lair, he doesn't notice.
DOBBS
This is going to cross your fucking
eyes.
Dobbs pulls the tarp off the center island. Runs his hand
over the smooth stone surface.
DOBBS
Italian marble. From the same
quarry as Michelangelo's Pieta.
Cleo circles menacingly behind Dobbs. Runs his hand over the
marble. Cleo is impressed. Dobbs beams.
DOBBS
Believe me. It wasn't cheap.
Suddenly, a light go's off in Cleo's head. He turns. Takes in
the rest of the kitchen.
CLEO
I think I went the wrong way.
DOBBS
How's that jailbird?
Cleo moves with his back to another tarpaulin covered
doorway.
CLEO
Had I'd known the DEA paid out like
this, I might have chosen a
different path.
DOBBS
I doubt that.
(beat)
Because they don't.
ZIPPH! ZIPPH! ZIPPH! ZIPPH! ZIPPH! ZIPPH!
Hot lead rips into the backs of Cleo's legs. He falls into
the next room. Pulling the tarp down with him as he goes.
Adrenalin pumping, Cleo tries to get to his feet. His
shredded knees fail him. He rolls to get a look at his
assailant. We pull back to reveal...
ZAMORA
With a silenced Mac-10 in hand.
ZAMORA
Hello my friend.
If Cleo wasn't already having an off night, what he sees
seals it.
Kelly, Atkins, and Green along with Zamora's bodyguard, the
aforementioned Rico Olivera, standing around a gaged and hog
tied Jones and Niles. Jones is the man Cleo sent to deliver a
copy of Watts' incriminating journal to Zamora.
Dobbs steps over Cleo. Explodes with laughter.
DOBBS
Boo-yaaaaaaaaah Baby!! Did you see
his face? It was like... Oh my God!
That was... I think I peed a little
bit.
(to Cleo)
I warned you. Fuck me baby and I
fuck you back. Now look at you.
Bleeding to death trying to figure
out what parallel universe you woke
up in.
Dobbs crosses to Zamora.
DOBBS
Exhibit A. Por favor.
Zamora hands Dobbs the copy of Watts' journal he received
from Jones. Dobbs kneels down in front of Cleo. Thrusts the
stack of paper in his face.
DOBBS
Did you actually think your
jailhouse Malcolm X education was
enough to outsmart me? I'm repping
Harvard fucker!
Dobbs throws the copied journal pages in Cleo's face. Stands.
Pulls a familiar grey journal from the small of his back.
DOBBS
After a little gentle persuasion,
your man was kind enough to provide
us with the original.
Cleo looks over at the barely conscious, bloody mess that is
Jones. He begins to come around to what's happening.
DOBBS
And to think. I was going to let
you run my shop.
(off Cleo's look)
It's the least I could do. After
all, you put in the work.
I couldn't jeopardize my standing
in the community by whacking out
low-life shitheads myself. So from
the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
I can understand how you'd be a
little bent out of shape about the
silent partner thing. However, the
operative word here is silent.
Cleo looks to Zamora. Zamora just shrugs.
ZAMORA
What can I say my friend. I'd kill
to have an inside man.
Dobbs points to Zamora.
DOBBS
(sing songy)
I don't believe you.
Zamora smiles. Levels his Mac-10 at Niles and Jones.
Callously riddles both men with the rest of the clip. A beat
and then...
DOBBS
I'm sold.
Dobbs pulls a silenced Glock 9mm from his jacket. Looks to
Cleo and is met with a defiant, bone chilling stare. If Cleo
is in pain, he's not showing it. The two men lock eyes.
DOBBS
A little advice for the next life.
You make a move? Make sure you know
the play.
CLEO'S POV
Dobbs looms over us. Aims his Silenced Glock 9mm at camera. A
beat and then...
DOBBS
Ciao baby.
Dobbs pulls the trigger.
EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT
The usual goings on of any inner city street corner. In the
midst of this skid row circus sits a lone pay phone.
RICO OLIVERA
Zamora's bodyguard, hustles nervously to the pay phone. Picks
up the receiver, punches in a number.
EXT. MAX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Through a large picture window we watch Jett pack bad modern
art into moving boxes. Having made her decision to leave Max,
she wastes no time. Her mother ISABELLE, (asian, sixties),
looks on while bouncing Dott on her knee. We pull back from
the window, across the street, and through the windshield...
INT. THELMA - NIGHT
As Max and Eddie drown their sorrows in Colt 45 and chronic
smoke. Mournful Mariachi music plays on the radio. Eddie
takes a hit from a spliff. Holds. Exhales.
EDDIE
What about dog groomin'? Very
confused and lonely people pay big
money to get their mutts gussied
up.
MAX
I'm allergic to dog hair.
Eddie thinks about that for a moment. Passes the spliff to
Max. For the first time in our story Max imbides.
EDDIE
They're hirin' in Iraq! Tricky Dick
needs a few good men to watch his
Haliburton stuff.
MAX
Naaaaaa. I'm allergic to roadside
bombs.
Again, Eddie thinks about it for a moment and then...
EDDIE
How bout a titty bar? Strip clubs
rake it in.
Max is about to speak but then...
EDDIE
Oh, that's right! You're allergic
to pussy. My bad.
A BLACK LINCOLN TOWNCAR
Rolls slow and easy past Max's apartment. Rockets off out of
sight. Our guys notice the car but do not react. A long beat
and then...
MAX
What about you and Thelma? I
thought you had plans.
Eddie takes a gulp of Colt.
EDDIE
I ain't got shit bubba. Just my
beloved Thelma...
Eddie props his foot up and the center console. He's still
wearing King Kahns yellow shoes.
EDDIE
And my fly gators.
MAX
Lets not forget about those. If I
ever find myself in an Ike Turner
look-a-like contest I'll come
borrow them.
EDDIE
No my brotha. You got to get your
own.
Max kills the Colt .45. Rolls down the window. Chucks the can
out...
EXT. THELMA/CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS
...As the beer can deflects off the windshield of that black
Lincoln Towncar as it passes. It doesn't slow.
INT. THELMA - CONTINUOUS
EDDIE
Spidey sense is tinglin'.
MAX
Shit is doing more than tingling.
The Black Lincoln Towncar turns the corner. The lights are
cut. It crawls forward. Comes to a stop in front of Max's
apartment. Max and Eddie share a look.
MAX
Dude, binoculars!
Eddie gives Max a pair of binoculars.
MAX'S POV - THROUGH BINOCULARS
Two men in shadow. But then, the light shifts, and all
becomes terribly clear. BOO sits passenger. One of his
HENCHMAN is at the wheel.
Max lowers the binoculars. Looks at Eddie in amazement.
MAX
It's Boo!
Eddie eyes go wide.
EDDIE
Boo? As in, Boo the Shaq sized pimp
you bitch slapped, pistol whipped,
and threatened to beat into a coma.
That Boo?
Max nods. Eddie grabs the binoculars. Looks for himself.
MAX
That mufucka's parked outside my
home. My home Ed! My family is in
there.
EDDIE
What do you think he wants?
MAX
I don't know. But I'm down to find
out. You with me?
EDDIE
What? You mean, like, for old times
sake?
Max nods. Eddie gets excited. Ashes his spliff. Kills the
rest of his Colt .45. Belches.
EDDIE
Lets roll bitch.
INT. BLACK LINCOLN TOWNCAR - NIGHT
As Boo's henchman inspects the windshield for damage. Boo is
more concerned with what's going on in Max's apartment.
HENCHMAN
Did you see what hit it? I don't
see any damage. That would not be
good. Did you see what hit it?
BOO
You sure this is the right address?
HENCHMAN
It's the address they gave me.
BOO
All I see are two asian birds. One
of them is kind of hot. That must
be his wife.
Boo and his henchman check their guns. Lock and load.
BOO
We'll wait here. We see him, we do
our thing.
And then, someone runs up the trunk of the Towncar. Lands
hard on the roof -- denting it inward.
HENCHMAN
What the fu...
He never finishes. Eddie's hands dart in and snatch Boo's man
right out of the car through the driver's side window. Boo's
eyes go wide. He moves to exit. The second he steps from the
car...
MAX
Leaps off the roof like Superfly Snuka and onto Boo. Both men
go to the ground hard. What happens next is...
THE MOTHER OF ALL BEATDOWNS:
Max and Eddie, working in tandem, are like a force of nature!
A tornado! A very stoned, drunk, pissed off tornado that just
lost it's job! A whirling torrent of fists, feet, elbows,
head-butts, and expletives! The fighting is desperate and
dirty! Back ally shit! Absolute gutter!
Boo's man is the first to go down and stay! Eddie joins Max
in his struggle with the giant! Like two crazed Neanderthals
taking down a woolly mammoth, they spare no fury! But Boo
ain't no bitch! Strong like tractor! He hammers back hard and
heavy! At intervals in the brutality Boo tries to speak!
To impart, perhaps, some nugget of wisdom that might end the
madness! But Max and Eddie continue to chop! Until finally,
like a doomed Redwood, Boo falls!
Amped from the victory our guys knock out some chest bumps
and high fives in quick succession while mocking the
unconscious Boo.
Eddie kneels over Boo. Pats him down. Finds his wallet. Opens
it. What he sees stops him cold. A beat and then... he
laughs.
MAX
What?
Eddie turns to Max.
EDDIE
U.S. Immigration and Customs
Enforcement.
Max's knees buckle. Eddie plops down on the curb next to Boo.
EDDIE
It appears Colossus here is a
Customs Agent. You think that's
what he was tryin' to tell us?
Eddie shakes his head in utter disbelief.
EDDIE
We fucked up this time bubba. It
don't get any better than this.
On cue, Eddie's two front teeth fall from his mouth. He
catches them. Doubles over with laughter. Rolling over Boo as
he goes.
Jett, having heard the commotion, exits the apartment. Takes
in the carnage.
JETT
Oh my God!
Max turns to Jett. Bursts into tears.
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Where a smashed to shit Max and Eddie sit across from a, now
conscious, but no less, smashed to shit Boo and henchman. A
long beat and then...
EDDIE
Our Bad.
MAX
We've been under a lot of pressure
lately. We Don't do well under
pressure.
Taking into account our latest wrinkle, Boo will now be known
as Agent DUANE MEYER. His henchman as Agent TERRY STUBBS.
MAX
We thought one thing and obviously
we were a little off the mark.
BOO/MEYER
What you just said should be
ceremoniously washed, oiled,
mummified, wrapped in linens with a
thread count of no less than 500,
inlaid with diamonds, bronzed,
kissed by the pope, blessed by the
Dali Lama, consecrated with the
blood of sacrificed Aztecs, laid
out in a solid gold sarcophagus,
and enshrined in the understatement
hall of fucking fame!!
(beat)
A little off the mark? You almost
killed us!!
Jett's mom rounds the corner with a tray of goodies.
ISABELLE
Juicebox anyone?
The room peps up. Meyer and Stubbs grab three each. So does
Max. Eddie is not so easily satisfied.
EDDIE
Got somethin' a little stronger
okaa-san? Somethin' of a distilled
or brewed nature perhaps? My head's
killin' me.
Jett walks in holding Dott. She is not a happy camper.
JETT
We should be so lucky.
EDDIE
Why so mean Queen Bee?
Jett ignores Eddie. Drops Dott in Max's lap. The look on
Jett's face tells Max she's not asking.
MAX
Alright, but I...
(lowers his voice)
Can we talk? Later?
Jett searches Max's eyes. Spies something hopeful. Nods. Jett
and her mother exit the room. Eddie shakes his head
disapprovingly.
EDDIE
Touchin'.
Max waves him off.
MAX
Look, how do we make this up to
you? A'ight?
(beat)
How do we make this right?
Stubbs and Meyer share a look.
BOO/MEYER
Glad you asked.
Stubbs passes Meyer a sealed manila envelope. Meyer holds the
envelope up for Max and Eddie to see.
BOO/MEYER
The information we're about to give
you is confidential. Once we leave
this apartment, we were never here.
File this under anonymous tip.
Understand?
Max nods. But Eddie sits straight up.
EDDIE
I smell shit.
All present look to Dott. She giggles.
INT. NURSERY - NIGHT
The men huddle over Dott on the changing table. Meyer passes
Eddie a surveillance photo from a folder. (note: As the men
converse the changing duties are rotated clumsily between
them.) Eddie looks at the photo.
EDDIE
Vincent Zamora. Big pimps and
stacks chips throughout Mexico and
Central America.
Meyer hands Eddie a second surveillance photo.
BOO/MEYER
We've had a CI in his organization
for years.
ON PHOTO
A pic of Rico Olivera.
HENCHMAN/STUBBS (O.S.)
A bodyguard.
Max opens Dott's diaper. Eddie, Meyer, and Stubbs recoil.
EDDIE/MEYER/STUBBS
DAAAAAAAAAYUM!!
MAX
Get a grip!! We catch homicidal,
crack smoking, villainous mufuckas
for a living. Surely you can handle
a little baby shit. Gimme the wet
wipes goddamit!!
Stubbs hands Max a box of wet-wipes.
BOO/MEYER
Six months ago our source informed
us that Zamora was opening a Heroin
pipeline into San Francisco.
Eddie passes the Olivera photo to Max. Max passes the dirty
diaper off to Meyer.
MAX
Diaper Genie to your right.
HENCHMAN/STUBBS
Zamora's supply line is based in
Musa Qala, Afghanistan. A
stronghold for opium lords and the
Taliban. Now one and the same.
BOO/MEYER
Zamora helps fund this cabal to the
tune of 65 million a year.
A large percentage of that going to
arm the insurgency.
HENCHMAN/STUBBS
The Pentagon has resisted any
aggressive role in drug
interdictions. They believe the job
in Afghanistan has nothing to do
with drugs. That way of thinking is
about to bite us in the ass.
MAX
(to Stubbs)
Diaper.
Stubbs retrieves a clean diaper from the table caddy. Takes
Max's place at changing table. Places the fresh diaper under
Dott.
BOO/MEYER
If Zamora sets up shop in San
Francisco he'd be a direct threat
to national security. With his
terrorist connections and hatred
for the US, heroin won't be the
only thing coming across the
border.
Stubbs gives Meyer the baby powder. Meyer passes Max the
folder. Meyer powders Dott. Max opens the folder.
ON FOLDER
A surveillance photo of Dobbs.
Max holds it up.
MAX
Who's this asshole?
HENCHMAN/STUBBS
Nick Dobbs. DEA. Zamora's man in
San Fran.
Meyers fastens Dott's diaper.
BOO/MEYER
Dobbs tried to flip Zamora while he
was in Lompoc. But it was Dobbs who
got flipped.
MAX
Lompoc? Didn't Watts work Lompoc?
Eddie nods. Max passes the folder to Eddie.
BOO/MEYER
The prison guard?
MAX
That's the one. He tried a drive-by
on a mountain bike and ended up as
trolley car lubricant.
BOO/MEYER
From what we can tell he was apart
of Dobbs' deception. Dobbs wanted
it to look like he was
investigating Zamora. A smokescreen
for his supervisors. Helped along
by misleading and then setting up
his own informant. A cell mate of
Zamora's.
MAX
Cleo Bell.
BOO/MEYER
So you know him?
MAX
He dumped three into my vest. Got a
couple of homicides with his name
on them.
BOO/MEYER
Karma's your bitch this week. He's
dead.
MAX
The fuck? We just...
BOO/MEYER
Got word about an hour ago. Dobbs
put a bullet through his head.
EDDIE
You take this to the brass?
HENCHMAN/STUBBS
Of course. They shut us down. We
were promised a follow up. Next
thing we know we're undercover on a
human trafficking detail in the
Tenderloin.
EDDIE
But you stayed on.
BOO/MEYER
We put five years into this
Max slides a shirt onto Dott.
MAX
Why us?
BOO/MEYER
Why not? You're already waist deep
on your end. And Roxy says you're
stand-up guys. Good cops.
(beat)
And we're desperate.
EDDIE
That's more like it.
HENCHMAN/STUBBS
Zamora's in town escorting his
inaugural shipment. You'll have a
small window of opportunity to get
them both when the drop is made.
Max sits the adorable Dott up on the changing table. She
looks at the men.
BOO/MEYER
That's a good baby. She didn't cry
or anything.
Dott smiles. The guys can't help but smile back.
EDDIE
Oh yeah, by the way. We got fired!
Meyer and Stubbs' faces drop. They turn to Max. He shrugs.
MAX
So, technically, we're not even
cops... per se.
Nobody's smiling now. A long beat and then...
INT. GYM/BASKETBALL COURT - NIGHT
A wheelchair basketball game in progress. All male except for
Capt. Ramos ripping it up.
She skillfully threads the other player's chairs. Despite
protests from her teammates, she does not pass the rock. She
presses hard on her way to the basket. Shoots. Scores!
CAPT. RAMOS
Game fuckers!
THE BLEACHERS
As Max and Eddie applaud wildly.
After some congratulatory high fives from her teammates,
Capt. Ramos wheels over to Max and Eddie. Immediately they
heap on the accolades.
EDDIE
Damn Legs!! Where you hidin' the
nitros in that thing?
MAX
That other team better be glad you
in that chair Captain, cause if you
wasn't you'd have... um...
walked... all up and down they ass!
CAPT. RAMOS
Cut the bullshit!!
(beat)
An anonymous tip does not qualify
as something big. And that was
before the chief fired you. I got
an earful from that asshole.
MAX
He give you the hemorrhoid speech
too?
CAPT. RAMOS
Eeeew, no!
MAX
The guy spots his Dockers and he's
pissed off about it.
CAPT. RAMOS
I have absolutely no idea what that
means but...
(re: Eddie's mouth)
Oh my God! Where in the hell are
your front teeth?
Eddie pulls them out of his pocket.
EDDIE
Courtesy of the tipsters we told
you about.
MAX
It's legit Captain. You have to
trust us.
CAPT. RAMOS
Trust you? You want me to put my
job on the line by marshalling the
resources of the SFPD to assist you
in busting up a heroin deal between
Vincent Zamora and a DEA agent?
Something I have no way of
verifying because the information
comes from anonymous individuals
who punched out your two front
teeth?
MAX
When you line it up like that the
shit does sound a little off, but
that's the way it is.
CAPT. RAMOS
Are you fucking crazy? You're not
even cops.
Max and Eddie just stare back. Begrudgingly, Capt. Ramos rips
a black fanny pack from the side of her chair. Tosses it to
Max. He catches it.
CAPT. RAMOS
I'm fucking crazy?
Max unzips the bag.
CLOSE ON BAG
Two badges and two guns inside. Max and Eddie grin big.
Quickly pocket their guns and badges. Capt. Ramos just shakes
her head.
CAPT. RAMOS
Don't let me down gentleman.
Max and Eddie kiss Capt. Ramos on the cheek. Make their exit
before she changes her mind.
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - DAWN
BEDROOM
As Jett spoons a sleeping Dott. Max enters frame fully
dressed. Slides in behind Jett on the bed. Drapes his arm
over Jett and Dott.
MAX
(whispering as to not wake
Dott)
I'm not perfect. You know that more
than anybody. I'll show up wherever
you want me to show up. And talk to
whoever you want me to talk to, if
it means keeping you and Dott here
with me. But please don't ask me to
become something I'm not.
(gently kisses her cheek.
kisses Dott's cheek)
I love you. Please be here when I
get back.
Max slides off the bed and out of frame. A tear rolls down
Jett's cheek. A beat. Max enters frame again. Slides in
behind Jett.
MAX
(whispering)
And please give Ed a break. He'd
take a bullet if it meant that I
got to come home safe and sound to
you and Dott. A friend like that is
rare. So, you know...
Again, Max slides out of frame. A beat. He enters frame yet
again. Slides in behind Jett.
MAX
(whispering)
Couldn't you learn to love Mariachi
music just a little bit?
Jett's look says it all. Max quits while he's ahead.
MAX
Okay, I won't push. I love you.
And with that, Max exits frame for the last time.
INT. IHOP - MORNING
ON BOOTH
Where Max and Eddie sit drinking coffee. Max looks at his
watch.
MAX
Where is this guy?
Eddie has a new habit of licking the gum tissue where his two
fronts used to be. A wet, sucking noise is heard.
MAX
Dude! The fuck? Stop.
EDDIE
I'm trying but it feels kind of,
you know... sensual.
Max is completely disgusted and it shows. A beat and then...
EDDIE
Looks like this Dobbs asshole
robbed you of your shot at Cee-Low.
Max shrugs.
MAX
Gone is good from every angle. One
less nefarious mufucka we got to
worry about. Ultimately Cee-Low was
a symptom. Dobbs is the disease.
He's a criminal with federal
authority. That makes him more
dangerous than the Cee-Low could
ever be.
EDDIE
Hold on now bubba. Truth be told
we've been known to take certain...
liberties with our authority as
well.
MAX
Yes, but we use our evil for good.
EDDIE
I feel much better about myself
now.
MAX
Glad I could help.
ON DOOR
As Rico Olivera enters. Frightened. Eyes darting.
Max spots him. Taps Eddie.
Rico scans the room. Sees Max and Eddie staring right at him.
Nervously, he walks to their booth. Stops. Tries to remember
it like he rehearsed. A beat and then...
RICO
(thick latin accent)
I hear the rutti tutti fresh and
fruity is excellent. Perhaps you
should try some?
Max and Eddie cut a look to each other. Back to Rico.
MAX
We look like we got scurvy?
The correct response. Rico takes a seat next to Eddie.
EDDIE
Got somethin' for us?
Rico pulls Watts' incriminating grey journal from his jacket.
Places it on the table.
RICO
You'll need this.
Rico takes a breath. Looks at Max and Eddie.
RICO
If Meyer and Stubbs tell me you are
my guys then that's the hand I've
been dealt and I'm fine with that.
I only have one request.
EDDIE
What's that Senior Suave?
RICO
When it goes down. Don't shoot me.
Max and Eddie nod in agreement.
EXT. UNION NIGHTCLUB - DAY
As a familiar Black Yukon Denali pulls curbside. Dobbs,
Kelly, Atkins, and Green exit looking all business. Green and
Atkins are carrying large briefcases. They enter the
building.
ACROSS THE STREET
In a parked SEDAN, is Willis and Jones.
JONES
(into sleeve mic)
Suspects have entered the building.
INT. UNION NIGHTCLUB - DAY
Small jazz joint with the usual nightclub decor. Dark felts,
brass and wood.
On the dance floor, Vincent Zamora and several of his
henchman, including a very jittery Rico Olivera, preside over
a veritable feast. All gathered around a dining table of fine
wines and gourmet delights.
Dobbs and his men walk in.
DOBBS
Papa likes?
Vincent Zamora gets to his feet. Hugs Dobbs.
ZAMORA
I thought we might have some lunch.
Dobbs looks back at his men.
DOBBS
I could eat. But if you don't mind,
I tend to put business before
bullshit.
Zamora laughs.
ZAMORA
Of course! Of course!
Zamora snaps his fingers. Two of his men get up and move out
of frame. Rico stays seated.
ZAMORA
Have a seat.
Dobbs and his men find chairs around the table. Smiles and
greetings are exchanged. Dobbs notices Rico.
DOBBS
Rico. My man. Vincent tells me
you're quite the ladies man. Pussy
in every port kind of cat.
Innocent enough. But Rico is sweating bullets. Dobbs notices.
Stiffens.
RICO
I do okay.
Dobbs' turns to Zamora.
DOBBS
Who'd a thunk it baby. Me and you.
Zamora smiles.
ZAMORA
Early on I recognized in you a
young man who hated to let an
opportunity slip through his hands.
All present laugh.
DOBBS
I came to flip and got flipped.
What can I say?
ZAMORA
I have an eye for these things.
Dobbs turns to look at Rico again. Locks eyes with him.
We push in on Rico's shirt. As we do we HEAR the pounding of
his heart. We move past and under the shirt to reveal... A
WIRE.
EXT. BACK ALLEY - DAY
Thelma parked.
INT. THELMA - DAY
Where Max and Eddie listen via a small radio set-up on the
dash.
ZAMORA (O.S./RADIO FILTER)
Just as you have an eye for the
snitch. I have an eye for the...
capitalist.
Max and Eddie share a suspicious look.
RETURN TO SCENE
Zamora's men roll out several large, steel briefcases on
dollies. Dobbs looks at the cases. Looks back at his men.
Looks to Zamora. And then looks over at Rico. Smiles.
DOBBS
If only you had more talent in the
snitch sniffing end of things. We'd
all have been better off.
Dobbs reaches over and jerks Rico over the table... rips his
shirt open to expose.... A Wire.
DOBBS
Fuck me.
Dobbs pulls his Glock 9mm... fires a round point blank into
Rico's head... he spins... fires three into Zamora's face...
Zamora drops...
Dobbs' and his men draw down on Zamora's remaining
henchman... both parties start dumping clips at point blank
range... just then...
AN SFPD NARC TACTICAL TEAM
Rushes in through the front door firing... Willis and Brown
on their heels...
MAX AND EDDIE
Rush in through the back... guns aimed high and firing...
It is a meat-grinder... bodies dropping... men taking cover
where they can... all high intensity close quarters
savagery... for the Tac team, it is a rout...
Dobbs' men go down... Zamora's men go down... Some of the Tac
team go down...
DOBBS
Makes a break out a side door...
Max and Eddie pursue into...
EXT. ALLY - DAY
As Dobbs runs a few feet and ducks behind a dumpster... As
Max and Eddie overrun the dumpster...
DOBBS GRABS EDDIE
Puts his a gun to Eddie's head...
DOBBS
Drop it!
Eddie drops his gun... Max turns... trains his weapon on the
on the two...
EDDIE
Shoot him bitch.
Max fires... the bullet catches Dobbs just under the nose...
as Dobbs falls backward into a crimson mist, he fires
reflexively... hitting Eddie in the back...
EDDIE GOES DOWN
Max runs to Eddie's side... A pool of blood spreading
underneath his partner...
MAX
Where the fuck is your vest?
Eddie smiles.
EDDIE
I am waaaaaay to cool for that
bubba.
In the b.g. sirens are heard.
MAX
Hold on dude. Hold the fuck on.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
As an ambulance zips by.
INT. AMBULANCE - DAY
Where a shot to shit Eddie is treated by paramedics as Max
looks on. He's going to be alright. But Max still looks
upset. Distressed in the extreme.
EDDIE
I'm gone make it bubba. I'm gone
make it. So turn that frown upside.
MAX
Seriously. That's not even close to
it.
Eddie is confused. Max moves in close. A long beat and
then...
MAX
Dude...
(beat)
I got a hard-on.
Eddie recoils.
EDDIE
I love you bubba but I'm afraid it
ain't that kinda party.
MAX
No! No! It's just... all the
shooting and... the excitement... I
guess the whole thing was kind
of... kind of cathartic. So I...
Max turns to one of the paramedics.
MAX
Where are we?
PARAMEDIC #1
Just about to turn on Polk.
MAX
Could you drop me off at 6th and
Polk. It's kind of an emergency.
I'd really appreciate it.
Eddie's eyes go wide.
EDDIE
Kind of an emergency?
(re: bullet wound)
This right here is an emergency.
MAX
You'll live.
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Where Jett unpacks the moving boxes as her mother changes
Dott's diapers. Max's bursts in.
JETT
Oh my god! What happened to you?
Max walks up to Jett. Grabs her by the arm. They disappear
into the back room.
INT. SFPD - MORNING
As Chief Huff promotes Max and Eddie to Lieutenant.
In the front row sits Capt. Ramos, Jett, and Dott.
IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM
Meyer and Stubbs look on. Smiling from ear to ear.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
As Thelma, blows through a red light.
INT. THELMA - DAY
Where Eddie puffs hard on a joint. He passes it to Max. Max
turns him down. Eddie shrugs. "More for me." He pops in a CD.
Mariachi music blares from the stereo!
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
As Thelma rockets over a San Francisco hill. One of many.
FIN
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