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3/10/04
REG.NO.9020. CHAMELEONS
Neil Molloy
EXT. HOUSING ESTATE. AFTERNOON.
Clear skies envelop a featureless landscape of neat, but
characterless, brick dwellings built over siphoned
swampland during the industrial boom of the sixties and
seventies.
The houses are different yet all look the same. Age has not
treated them well.
Orderly stacks of household hard rubbish populate the
nature strips.
TIFFANY is singing. Her voice carries out in the street as
she attempts an old standard. She can sing in tune but
can't quite get the style of the singers who made it
famous.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE. KITCHEN. AFTERNOON.
Tiffany, late twenties, is short, slight and frumpy, yet
she still has a curious appeal. TED, a small scruffy mutt
is perched on the kitchen table. She holds his head and
talks to him close.
TIFFANY
Well Ted? Did I pass?
Having obviously passed the toughest of auditions, Tiffany
kisses Ted's nose, picks him up and places him on the
floor.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
Seeing as you've been such a good
audience, we'll have an early
walkies.
Ted reacts to the magic word and bounds out of the room.
INT. TIFFANY'S HALLWAY.
Ted waits anxiously at the front door.
Tiffany arrives slipping on a long black coat and white
beanie. She clips on Ted's lead and they step out of the
door.
EXT. SUBURBAN ST. DUSK.
The piles of broken and unwanted household goods form neat
piles along the nature strips. Two ELDERLY CYCLISTS cruise
slowly past on pre-war looking bicycles. They are rugged-up
and sheepishly retract their heads into their jackets.
Tiffany and Ted skip across the road and enter another
street.
EXT. ADJOINING ST. DUSK.
Further along, Tiffany's attention is taken up by a grubby,
wooden, pink padded, double bed-head, entangled amongst
other scrap.
Leaning against the headboard are the two unattached
supporting struts. Casting a sly eye around her, she
momentarily inspects before continuing on.
A few steps further on, she doubles back and retraces her
footsteps. Another peek followed by a quick cursory glance
around her, she and Ted pick up their stride and hurry
home.
EXT. SUBURBAN ST. NIGHT.
Tiffany, without Ted, and in the same black coat but now
sporting a black beanie, scurries across the road.
EXT. SCRAP HEAP. NIGHT.
After tentatively looking about her, Tiffany ungainly
clambers over the heap to the bed head.
Trying desperately not to create too much noise, she
untangles it, lifts it clear and after placing it against a
fence, gingerly returns for the struts.
With the struts under one arm and the headboard under the
other, she struggles along the footpath, timbers wavering
scissor fashion under her wing.
INT. KITCHEN. SUBURBAN HOUSE. NIGHT.
Small tins of undercoat and paint along with brushes and
tools sit on newspaper covering a kitchen table. Ted
watches attentively as Tiffany sandpapers the deteriorated
timber surrounds of the headboard.
FADE TO:
Tiffany is standing on a chair rummaging in the top
cupboards for nuts and bolts.
FADE TO:
Enthusiastic scrubbing of the pink padded vinyl. A final
wipe down and a dip of the brush in the paint.
FADE TO:
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
China ornaments, knick-knacks and framed snaps of various
pets and family, are displayed in an orderly fashion
throughout the small room. Tiffany is on the phone,
sprawled across the settee with Ted.
TIFFANY
No, I don't want to spoil the
surprise. I want you to come
over...now...right away.
(a pause, then a
victorious smile)
See you soon.
INT. HALLWAY.
The doorbell rings and with a half-hearted bark, Ted rushes
out of the lounge-room, followed by Tiffany.
After switching on the porch light, Tiffany opens the front
door to her sister FAYE, a solidly built woman, a couple of
years her senior and if not for an officious countenance,
quite pretty with a penchant for cheap, garish, costume
jewelry. She barges her way down the hallway.
FAYE
This had better be worthwhile,
I'm missing my boxing.
She peers into the lounge room.
FAYE(cont'd)
Well, where is it? Whatever it
is?
TIFFANY
In the kitchen. Stay where you
are.
Tiffany slides past Faye with a triumphant air as she opens
the kitchen door and beckons her through.
INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT.
TIFFANY
Dah daa!
Faye stares at the freshly painted, glistening red
headboard, propped up against the cupboards. She moves
slowly towards it.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
Don't touch, It's still wet.
FAYE
Alright! I'm not...
TIFFANY.
...What do you reckon?
Faye scornfully turns her head towards Tiffany.
FAYE
Tiffany! You've got to be joking.
Its bloody awful. Its padded.
TIFFANY.
So?
FAYE
I hate pads.
Tiffanys' world is collapsing.
TIFFANY
It's not new. It's sort of
secondhand. It's a present.
FAYE
I don't care if it belonged to
the Queen. It's hideous...
TIFFANY.
No, it's not...
FAYE
...can you imagine how that would
clash with my built-ins?
TIFFANY
You don't like it!?
FAYE
Oh, come on Tiffany, I suffer
enough nightmares as it is
without waking up to that
monstrosity.
TIFFANY.
It's not a monster..!
FAYE
...other people's cast offs.
TIFFANY.
Now what am I supposed to do with
it?
Faye turns to the door.
FAYE
Take it back. Tell 'em it didn't
fit your bed and you want your
money back.
INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT.
Tiffany reluctantly follows her sister out of the kitchen.
TIFFANY
I didn't buy it.
FAYE
Thank God for that.
TIFFANY.
I found it in the next
street...on a junk pile.
Faye swings around.
FAYE
You what?! You bloody cheapskate!
Now I am insulted.
Faye looks up to the clock.
FAYE (cont'd)
Listen, I can't hang around here,
the wrestling starts in ten
minutes.
TIFFANY
What am I gonna do with it now?
I've only got a single.
FAYE
Chuck it on your heap, with the
rest of your junk.
TIFFANY
What if the people come past and
see it? They'll think I stole it.
FAYE
You did.
TIFFANY
It wouldn't be stealing if it's
already been thrown out...Would
it!?
FAYE
Six months...four with good
behaviour.
TIFFANY.
C'mon, tell me.
FAYE
Your problem. I'm off. I'll see
myself out.
The front door slams. A sleepy Ted totters up the hallway.
TIFFANY
Come on Ted. You tell me what
I've gotta do.
EXT. ADJOINING STREET. NIGHT.
The shadowy figure of Tiffany struggles down the road with
the fully assembled, double bed head. She pauses every now
and then to gather herself.
Stopping outside the house where she originally found the
booty, She nervously looks around her before leaning the
fully assembled bed-head, upright against the other debris
and scampering off.
EXT. SCRAP HEAP. NEXT MORNING.
The front door of the bed head house opens and a YOUNG
WOMAN, dressed, business fashion, kisses her husband DARYL
goodbye. Daryl is still in his slippers and dressing gown.
The young woman walks towards the front gate and turns for
a final wave. Opening the gate her eyes lock on to the bed
head.
She stares, arms folded, in disbelief before turning back
to her husband who's turning to go inside.
YOUNG WOMAN
Dar-yl!
Daryl shuffles down the path and stands perplexed. She
looks to him for answers. Each try and fathom out this
small miracle.
The young woman continues on to work while Daryl stands
mesmerised at the heap, shaking his head before turning and
shuffling back up the path to his door.
EXT. ADJOINING STREET. MOMENTS LATER.
Striding with an upright stance and a precise step towards
the rubbish stack is HADLEY, a tall, dark haired, wafer
thin, dapper, clean shaven gentleman. The bed-head catches
his attention as he passes. Appearing disinterested, he
continues on his way only to spin around and double back.
Standing by the stack, he surveys his immediate
surroundings, then tucks the bed-head under his arm and
sheepishly takes off in the direction he came from.
EXT. OUTSIDE HADLEY'S HOUSE. MORNING.
Hadley hurries up his pathway and leans the headboard
against a wall, out of sight. He lopes off down back the
street.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. EVENING.
Tiffany is on the phone. The TV is tuned to 'Wheel of
Fortune'.
TIFFANY
She's got to look glamorous. It
would look stupid if she spun the
letters in her "trackies".
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. EVENING.
An identical lounge suite to Tiffany's sits in a gaudy
jumble. Faye, TV tuned to the same program, clasps the
receiver with gobstopper ringed fingers.
FAYE
No, that's not what I said. I
said, when she first started she
wore normal...you know...shortish
dresses with just a small split.
Now the splits go up to her
bloody armpits.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY
Well, that's what the audiences
like.
FAYE (O.S.)
It's what the TV bosses like.
They're all bloody men...all
bloody sex starved.
TIFFANY
Did you get anything in the mail
for Neighborhood Watch...the
meeting?
FAYE (O.S.)
Yeah, but there's no point in me
going anymore. I've got this
computer alarm installed.
The toothy TV compere is showing off the holiday prize to
the gushing, winning contestant.
FAYE (O.S.) (cont'd)
I could have done with that. I
deserve a bloody holiday...with
some Sugardaddy. Somewhere away
from it all, somewhere tropical,
with waiters.
TIFFANY
Sugardaddy! You'd still get
bored.
(the penny drops)
Just because you've got a new
alarm doesn't mean you can't look
out for your neighbours.
FAYE (O.S.)
Nobody ever looks out for me. I'd
be over checking their houses and
they'd be over here robbing mine.
TIFFANY
You'll miss the special guest.
There's this policeman coming...a
big wig. He's giving an important
speech. Should be very
interesting.
FAYE (O.S.)
Just don't mention the bed-head.
EXT. OUTSIDE HADLEY'S HOUSE. EVENING.
Hadley arrives at his front gate, retrieves a solitary
letter from his mail box, tears it open and reads with
interest.
EXT. MUNICIPAL HALL. NIGHT.
It's a cold night. Rugged up and hunched over, people file
in the entrance. Tiffany arrives in her long black overcoat
and white beanie and joins the queue.
INT. MUNICIPAL HALL.
Consistent with the exterior, the interior offers little
solace. Multi-coloured plastic chairs in long rows. Most
seats are filled as Tiffany shuffles in.
Casting her eye across the room she spots a solitary empty
seat, at the far end of an aisle.
Excusing herself as a variety of knees impede her progress,
she only has Hadley to pass. However she misjudges,
stumbles and falls to the floor. Hadley, now sporting a
full beard, helps her up and assists her to the seat next
to his. An acutely embarrassed Tiffany sits down.
TIFFANY
I'm so sorry. I lost my
balance...sorry.
He replies in a rich and precise manner.
HADLEY
You're not hurt?
TIFFANY
No, I'm okay...really.
(nervous chuckle)
Just my pride...are you okay?
HADLEY
Fine. It's just that I'm not
accustomed to having women fall
at my feet.
She offers a twittery giggle.
At this point the thin, bespectacled, AREA COORDINATOR of
Neighbourhood Watch, taps a ruler on a table. Seated behind
him are THREE COMMITTEE MEMBERS and to his side is the
veteran, uniformed police officer, Superintendant LANCE
COCKBURN.
AREA COORDINATOR
May I have your attention please.
A hush.
AREA COORDINATOR (cont'd)
Firstly, I would like to thank
you all for your attendance
tonight on this very special
occasion. Special, as it's the
fifteenth anniversary of the
formation...
A small chorus of poorly synchronized happy birthdays.
AREA COORDINATOR (cont'd)
...from very humble beginnings,
of the Bellevue Lakes
Neighbourhood Watch Association.
I would also like to thank all
members of our committee as well
as our tireless zone leaders for
their ongoing support to this
vital community fight-back
scheme. We the committee trust
you will leave this meeting
better informed, better equipped
and feeling more secure in your
homes.
But just as importantly, to leave
with smiles on your faces after
listening to our distinguished
guest's endless puns and
anecdotes.
Laughter from the crowd.
Tiffany turns to Hadley with a chuckle. He nods back.
AREA COORDINATOR (cont'd)
So without further ado...Ladies
and Gentlemen, I'm delighted to
welcome, our guest speaker for
tonight. Give a big hand for
Superintendant, Lance COCK-burn.
Applause for Lance as he grips the edge of the table,
raises his large frame and waddles his way to the front. He
removes his cap to reveal a full head of silver grey hair
covering a ruddy round face. He scans the crowd through
seasoned, piggy eyes.
LANCE COCKBURN
(well worn explanation)
Yes, it might be spelt C-O-C-K.
But it's pronounced COH-BURN. I
promise you all, I've never
caught anything that burned.
A few scattered titters as the red faced Area Coordinator
scampers back and whips the mike away from the
superintendant.
AREA COORDINATOR
(sweating)
Let's give a big hand for
Superintendant, Lance
COH..buuurrrn.
Handing him back the mike, the Area Coordinator slinks back
to his chair. The Superintendent props himself at the
podium.
LANCE COCKBURN
It's a great honour to be here
tonight to share with you the
experience I've accumulated over
a long distinguished career in
your wonderful police force, a
force that has no equal in this
great State of ours. We pride
ourselves in remaining vigilant
at all times, protecting you and
your property...
EXT. MUNICIPAL HALL. NIGHT.
A POLICEMAN sits in a police car close to the hall entry.
The policeman is asleep, snoring with his mouth open.
Lance's muffled voice is heard faintly.
A group of TEENAGERS ride by on bicycles without lights and
stop. They look at the hall, contemplating mischief.
The teenagers ride into the carpark and skid around between
the cars before riding up to the entrance and dismounting.
One teenager stands in front of the police car, gesturing
to the other of the sleeping policeman while the others get
spray cans out of their pockets and begin to spray their
tags onto the hall.
INT. MUNICIPAL HALL. NIGHT.
Lance is winding up his speech.
LANCE COCKBURN
...so, in closing, I must
emphasise that our typical
housebreakers and home invaders
are not necessarily your
tattooed, long-haired skinheads,
but could be any one of you
ordinary looking people in this
room and I don't mean just the
men but any one of you ladies as
well. So lock up your
daughters...I mean, your houses
and stay alert...
More titters from the crowd.
Tiffany, gushing, turns to a more subdued Hadley.
TIFFANY.
They said he was going to be
funny.
Hadley smiles and nods.
LANCE COCKBURN
...and so, that brings my stretch
on this platform to an end.
You've been a lovely audience and
I'll now hand you back to your
area coordinator. I'll be happy
to answer any of your questions.
Make it snappy though...the
missus is probably home beating
off burglars.
Laughter as the Area Coordinator steps up and vigorously
shakes Lance's hand whilst grasping the microphone.
Tiffany, cackling away, turns again to Hadley who again
smiles back.
AREA CO-ORDINATOR
Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
Now, a big hand for
Superintendant Cohh..buuuurn.
A big applause for Lance.
AREA CO-ORDINATOR (cont'd)
If you have any questions to ask
the Super..?
(scanning the crowd)
...don't be bashful. Speak up.
GERALD, a scrawny bespectacled little man waves his arm
frantically.
AREA CO-ORDINATOR (cont'd)
Yes, Gerald!!
GERALD
If I am faced with a home invader
and I wish to evict him from my
property, how much force can I
muster before it is declared an
assault?
Lance eases his ample frame up and again whips the
microphone from the Area Coordinator.
LANCE COCKBURN
A good question. Reasonable force
is acceptable. However a swift
baseball bat to the nether
regions maybe considered a little
excessive. Hedge pruners are more
my style...
Guffaws.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
Seriously folks, each case would
have to be dealt with on an
individual basis.
Hadley stands up. The Area Coordinator points to him.
AREA CO-ORDINATOR
The gentleman over there...
Lance, still bristling from his own perceived witticism,
grabs the mic again. His eyes lock on to Hadley and his
smile momentarily wavers.
HADLEY
What precautions do you recommend
us householders take to protect
our valuables such as heirlooms
or say...
(momentary pause with a
hand gesture)
...precious stones? Should we
secure them in a safe deposit box
where we are unable to enjoy or
admire them at leisure..?
Lance desperately attempts to maintain composure, shifting
from foot to foot and flexing his chubby fingers.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...Or do you have any suggestions
as to where they may be stored
securely within the household
where they are readily accessible
without the fear of larceny?
He promptly sits down. Tiffany leans towards him and
whispers.
TIFFANY.
Good question.
LANCE COCKBURN
Safe deposit box. Next.
Hadley, hand raised, quickly leaps to his feet again.
HADLEY
Just another question sir. What
guarantees can you offer that
stolen goods, subsequently
recovered by the police, will be
returned in full to their
rightful owners?
Hadley sits back down. Lance is losing his battle to remain
unruffled.
LANCE COCKBURN
As I stated earlier, our State
Police Force is widely known for
its utmost integrity.
EXT. MUNICIPAL HALL. CAR PARK. NIGHT.
The teenagers quickly remount their bicycles and ride away
as the policeman continues snoring.
INT. MUNICIPAL HALL. NIGHT.
Lance scans for another hand. Hadley rises once again.
HADLEY
That's not what I asked, sir. My
question was. What guarantees
are..?
Lance immediately points to another raised hand.
LANCE COCKBURN
Yes?
Hadley sits down and shrugs at Tiffany.
INT. MUNICIPAL HALL. LATER
Tea and cakes are displayed on a long trestle at the rear
of the hall. People mingle with each other in idle chatter.
Tiffany, holding a plastic cup, is at one end of the table
painstakingly selecting from a small variety of tea cakes.
Lance, at the other end, is the centre of attention.
Hadley, biting from a cake and sipping tea, nonchalantly
wanders past Lance.
Lance is fully aware of his presence but continues
guffawing regardless. Hadley turns and meanders back
towards Tiffany. Lance turns away from his group and eyes
him intently.
Hadley sidles up to her.
HADLEY
I trust that is only tea you're
drinking.
Startled, she nearly spills it before they both give a
polite chuckle.
TIFFANY.
Oh, I hope so. Who knows what
they put in that urn?
More polite chuckles.
HADLEY
Did you find the discussion
advantageous?
TIFFANY.
(oh so formal)
Yes, very...your questions were
very...um...to the point.
HADLEY
Thank you.
TIFFANY.
It was most interesting. The
Superintendant was so funny. What
about yourself?
HADLEY
Stimulating...an interesting
insight into the criminal mind
and I may add, some useful tips
on guarding one's property from
unwelcome visitors.
Tiffany nods in agreement.
TIFFANY.
You can never be too careful, I
always say.
HADLEY
Quite true.
He casts a sly look towards Lance and turns back to
Tiffany. Lance instinctively looks sideways towards him.
HADLEY (cont'd)
(stretching out his
hand)
I'm sorry, I haven't introduced
myself. Hadley...Hadley Farquhar.
Tiffany coyly shakes his hand.
TIFFANY.
That's an interesting name. Kind
of, well...interesting.
HADLEY
And you are?
TIFFANY.
Oh yes, of course. I'm
Tiffany...Spriggs.
His eyes widen but he immediately regains decorum.
HADLEY
Tiffany...Tiffany.
He pauses for breath.
HADLEY (cont'd)
I could not envisage a sweeter
name. It conjures up images of...
His hands dance.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...exquisite jewelry.
TIFFANY.
My mum's favourite film.
"Breakfast at Tiffany's".
HADLEY
Of course. Tell her she chose
well.
TIFFANY.
Oh no, Mum died eight years ago.
HADLEY
I'm so sorry.
TIFFANY.
Same year as my Dad. Mum always
called me Tiff though, except
when she was angry, then it was
TIF-FAN-Y.
HADLEY
I see.
TIFFANY.
Faye always calls me by my full
name. But she's always angry.
He again looks towards Lance and back to her.
HADLEY
Faye!?
TIFFANY.
My older sister. She lives in Gum
Close. Do you know it?
HADLEY
No, no...I'm new to this area. Do
you live nearby?
TIFFANY.
Near my sister. What about you?
He's starting to look uncomfortable.
HADLEY
Just off the main road.
TIFFANY.
Wattle Avenue?
HADLEY
Y..yes. Not far from um...
..did you walk here?
He looks up again to see Lance start to make a move away
from the group.
LANCE COCKBURN
(waving)
Goodnight all.
A chorus of farewells from the gathering as Lance heads
towards the exit.
Hadley is edgy. He turns to Tiffany.
HADLEY
Excuse me for one moment.
He turns and follows Lance trying not to appear hurried.
Tiffany looks on, slightly confused, and then reaches back
to the table and selects another cake.
EXT. MUNICIPAL HALL. CAR PARK. NIGHT.
The policeman is opening the passenger door of the police
car for Lance. Looking up, Lance fixates on Hadley, now
casually leaning against the building.
Lance snarls across.
LANCE COCKBURN
You're early.
Lance lowers himself into the car and the policeman gets in
the driving position. Amidst the strains of banal country
music, the car roars away. 'Let sleeping PIGS lie' is
stylishly applied to the rear in graffiti.
Hadley, remaining cool, smirks as he goes back inside.
INT. MUNICIPAL HALL.
Tiffany looks up as Hadley arrives by her side.
TIFFANY.
Yes.
HADLEY
Sorry?
TIFFANY.
(munching)
In answer to your
question...yes...I don't drive a
car.
HADLEY
Well, I'm on foot too. Perhaps
you would allow me to escort you
home Tiffany, especially in light
of the invaluable information
we've received tonight.
TIFFANY.
It's okay, I'm not scared of...
(what am I saying)
HADLEY
...I think it's wise, don't you?
TIFFANY.
I suppose you're right. It would
be wise. That's very kind of you,
Hadley.
EXT. LANE WAY. NIGHT.
The pair idly chatter, Tiffany, two steps to Hadley's one,
as they saunter down the lane in the breathy, cold night
air.
HADLEY
The way you describe your sister
suggests to me that you are a
single woman.
TIFFANY.
(well rehearsed giggling
response)
I suppose I've never met anyone
who could match my standards.
HADLEY
I can well understand.
TIFFANY.
And you Hadley? I can't imagine
you still being a single man?
HADLEY
Alas Tiffany, to be quite
truthful my lifestyle has not
offered me the opportunity of
securing a suitable soulmate to
settle down with.
TIFFANY.
Why? What do you do?
(checking herself)
Sorry, busy-body me.
HADLEY
I'm a hotelier.
TIFFANY.
You've got a pub!?
HADLEY
Not quite. A city hotel.
International accommodation, that
sort of thing.
TIFFANY.
(all bubbly)
That would be like being on
holidays every day.
(checking herself again)
Now I'm being silly.
HADLEY
No, you're not.
TIFFANY
And what do you do in there
exactly?
HADLEY
Do what exactly?
He doesn't look comfortable.
TIFFANY.
In your job?
HADLEY
Oh, I see. I manage it.
TIFFANY.
You're a manager. Really! That
must be a lot of responsibility,
all those rooms and linen and...
He jumps in.
HADLEY
...and you Tiffany? You work?
TIFFANY.
Yes, at a nursing home. Don't get
me wrong, I'm not a nurse or
anything...I'm in admin, but
sometimes they call me to help
out with the oldies...old people
that is...I don't mind, I've got
a first aid certificate and that.
They arrive at Tiffany's gate.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Well, this is where I live. Me
and Ted. He's my dog...he's
seven.
He peers over the fence into a blackened landscape.
HADLEY
You take pride in your garden?
TIFFANY.
Not as much as I'd like.
He squeezes out a laboured laugh.
HADLEY
Well, Tiffany, I must say, I have
enjoyed the pleasure of your
company. Thank you.
TIFFANY.
It's me who should be thanking
you.
(chuckling)
You've protected me from all
those beasts lurking round.
Hadley chuckles with her.
HADLEY
No doubt our paths will cross
again.
Tiffany nods.
TIFFANY.
Goodnight Hadley and thank you
again.
HADLEY
Goodnight Tiffany and my regards
to Ted.
A girly giggle as she walks up her path.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Tiffany with Ted sprawled across her lap is sitting on the
couch talking on the phone while simultaneously watching
the tennis on TV.
TIFFANY.
He wasn't trying to frighten us.
He said that it's a good thing to
have an alarm but if they really
want to get into your house,
they're gonna get in anyway.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
Faye is slouched in a lounge chair, a glass of port in one
hand, the phone in the other. A half empty bottle sits on a
side table. She too has her eyes on the tennis.
FAYE
Yeah, but they won't be counting
on me waiting behind the door
with a tub of boiling oil.
(eyes on the TV)
Just look at the size of her
thighs!
TIFFANY (O.S.)
You can talk!
FAYE
At least mine have got a shape.
Hers are like wheat silos.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Your alarm won't stop burglars
actually getting in.
FAYE
This new one will, it's a
computer one...top of the line.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
All it does is make a bigger
noise...and rings for longer
(eyes on the tennis)
Oh! I didn't think she'd reach
that.
(smugly)
Guess what? You'll never guess. I
got walked home by a very nice
man tonight.
FAYE (O.S.)
How much did you pay him?
TIFFANY.
Nothing. He offered. He's a
hotelier.
FAYE (O.S.)
He'd be loaded.
TIFFANY.
A big hotel hotelier, not a pub
hotelier. In the city...he's a
manager.
FAYE (O.S.)
And why would someone like that
offer to bring you home?
TIFFANY.
I told him I wasn't scared of the
dark, but he insisted...a real
gentleman.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
FAYE
That's the oldest trick in the
book, Tiffany. Jesus! They
could've been dredging the swamps
with sniffer dogs and you'd only
have your own self to blame.
(eyes to the TV)
Hey, that's Steffi in the
crowd...with the hat...
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
...and Martina...
(pause)
He liked my garden.
FAYE
What's so special about your
garden?
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
At least I've got one.
FAYE
Listen, I've said my piece. Now
lets finish watching this.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
He's nice looking.
FAYE
Definitely counts you out.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
He said I remind him of expensive
jewels.
FAYE
My God, he's a sicko. Either that
or he's got a Labrador and a
white stick. What sort of a
sleaze ball is this guy? Where
does he live?! I'll bloody fix
him! I'll go round and damage his
marriage prospects...if he isn't
already bloody married...
TIFFANY.
...He's single...
FAYE
...Bull! That'd be it. A married
man.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
He said with the type of life
he's had, he's never had time to
find the right girl.
FAYE (O.S.)
He still hasn't.
(eyes on the tennis)
She should have got that one
easy. That's what happens when
you're muscle bound.
(pause)
Did he ask you out? A date?
TIFFANY.
Not officially, but he did say he
hoped our paths will cross again.
FAYE (O.S.)
Not quite the same thing though,
is it?
Tiffany ponders for a while.
TIFFANY.
I'm going to bed, I've got to get
up in the morning. Na..night.
Tiffany hangs up. Ted stirs.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Come on Ted, come and do wee
wees.
INT. POLICE STATION.
A small, sleepy station, two female clerks in civvies share
an equipment laden desk, while a male uniformed officer
sits typing in the corner. At the front counter, a MIDDLE
AGED MAN stands idly watching a FEMALE OFFICER struggle to
turn a large map towards him.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
Other way up.
FEMALE OFFICER
No it's not.
MIDDLE AGED MAN
North's upwards.
FEMALE OFFICER
Not always.
Through a glassed partition and twirling a pencil, sits a
uniformed Lance, a phone propped between a double chin and
a shoulder.
LANCE COCKBURN
...about a week...wouldn't be
much more...
Pausing to listen, he nervously taps the pencil, breaking
the lead point. Scrambling for another he grabs a pen from
a drawer and rapidly scribbles on the edge of a document.
He leans back in his ample chair.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
...I owe you Lenny. Listen, give
one to Pauline for me...
(listening for a
response)
Or three.
He roars a lecherous laugh.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
You're a sick boy Lenny...good on
yer mate.
He hangs up and immediately resumes a sober disposition.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
Got you...you bastard.
He gets up hurriedly, grabbing the document and singing
vaguely from 'Some Enchanted Evening' as he enters
reception.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
Once I have found you, I'll never
let you go.
EXT. TIFFANY'S FRONT GARDEN. MORNING.
Tiffany, in rubber boots, dungarees and topped with a
floppy khaki hat, pushes a large mower.
On the other side of the road, an immaculately casual
Hadley, minus the beard, darts across and tentatively
creeps along the path until he catches sight of her.
Nonchalantly picking up his pace, he feigns surprise when
she looks up.
Tiffany reacts as if she's seen a ghost. Hadley shouts
above the mower.
HADLEY
Lovely morning, Tiffany!
In a flap, she yanks her hat off exposing a wild hair
arrangement before promptly tugging it back on again. She
struggles to stop the mower revving furiously, finally
succeeding in quelling it.
TIFFANY.
Huh..Hi!
HADLEY
I've just come back from the
swamps...
Tiffany emits a frightened squawk, before cupping her
mouth.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...or wetlands as they call them
now. I've been observing some
very interesting wildlife...wood
ducks...frogs...moorhens. I must
take binoculars and perhaps a
picnic basket next time. Make a
day of it.
He anxiously awaits a bite.
HADLEY (cont'd)
Are you interested in wildlife,
Tiffany?
She jolts back to life, heads towards a nearby tap and
frantically scrubs her hands.
TIFFANY.
(flapping about)
No..no..I'm not really interested
much in swamp...ah, wildlife or
any kind of life...except my
own...and other peoples...
HADLEY
A pity. I thought you might liked
to have joined me...Perhaps a
picnic somewhere else?
TIFFANY.
I'm not sure.
She wanders back to the mower.
HADLEY
Tomorrow...if you're free?
Tiffany is unsure. She removes the catcher.
She walks towards him and sprinkles the grass cuttings
around the fence perimeter.
She looks up.
TIFFANY.
What have you done with your
beard?
HADLEY
(chuckling)
Put it back in the drawer...for
next winter.
She turns and puts the catcher back on the mower.
TIFFANY.
I go to church tomorrow.
HADLEY
All day?
She's frantically trying to attach the catcher.
TIFFANY.
It starts at eleven. It goes for
a long while...
(shut up Tiffany)
...well, not that long.
HADLEY
Perhaps I could join you?
TIFFANY.
It may not be your type of church
though.
She picks up a rake and levels the grass cuttings.
HADLEY
I'm not necessarily of any
religious persuasion, though I
pride myself on retaining an open
mind.
Tiffany appears a little more at ease.
HADLEY (cont'd)
(plaintively)
Is it far away?
She stands supported by the rake.
TIFFANY.
Quite a way.
HADLEY
How about I pick you up?
(rapidly)
I..I have a car.
TIFFANY.
I usually go with my sister...in
her car.
HADLEY
Look, I don't wish to tread on
any toes.
TIFFANY.
...No..no, I'll tell her I've got
a lift.
HADLEY
Fine. What time would you like me
to come by?
TIFFANY.
Say...um...about ten thirty?!
HADLEY
Ten thirty it is. I'll look
forward to seeing you then.
TIFFANY.
(a little gushing wave)
Bye.
Hadley waves a quaint goodbye and lopes off down the road.
Tiffany stands watching after him like the cat who
swallowed the cream.
EXT. FOOTPATH ON BUSY HIGHWAY. AFTERNOON.
A small car yard that could be easily mistaken for a scrap
metal merchant. A sign reads: WAYNE'S QUALITY AUTOS and
underneath in brackets: WE STAND BY OUR CARS.
WAYNE stands leaning on an old, tarted up, Jaguar XJ6.
Facing him and peeling off a few notes, is Hadley. Wayne
reaches out and recounts the money.
EXT. OUTSIDE CAR YARD. AFTERNOON.
The Jaguar pulls out of the car yard and accelerates away
amidst a billowing of blue, acrid smoke.
EXT. BUSY HIGHWAY. AFTERNOON.
The Jaguar, bonnet open, is stopped at the side of the
highway. In front is a mobile mechanics van. An edgy Hadley
stands on the grass verge watching, while a MECHANIC
tinkers under the hood.
EXT. TIFFANY'S FRONT GARDEN. NEXT MORNING.
Tiffany in Sunday church best, complete with handbag and
hat, anxiously looks up and down her street.
EXT. ADJACENT STREET. MORNING.
The Jaguar has again broken down. Hadley, in a dark suit is
fiddling under the bonnet. He gets back in.
INT. JAGUAR. MORNING.
Ruffled, he wipes his brow with a piece of rag and attempts
to start the car.
HADLEY
You're a lying crook, Wayne!
EXT. ADJACENT STREET. MORNING.
After a short while, it coughs into life. Leaving it
idling, he gets out, lowers the bonnet and looks up and
down the street. Darting into a front garden, he turns on a
tap.
HADLEY
I need a bloody prayer right now!
He quickly scrubs his hands and races back to the car.
EXT. FOOTPATH OUTSIDE TIFFANY'S HOUSE.
Tiffany is pacing up and down the footpath as the Jaguar
turns into her street. She warily scrutinies it as it draws
up to the kerb. She opens the door and gets in.
INT. HADLEY'S JAGUAR.
Hadley greets Tiffany with a big smile. Three distinct,
black greasy stripes, line his face.
HADLEY
I'm terribly sorry I'm late
Tiffany. My counterpart in
Chicago phoned just as I was
leaving...
Tiffany is transfixed by his face.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...It was nigh impossible to
shake him off. I do apologise.
TIFFANY.
You've got something on your
face...
He immediately looks up at the interior mirror.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
...grease or something!
A flustered Hadley grabs at the very rag that was
contaminated in the first place and quickly scrubs his
face.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
What have you done?! You've only
made it worse! I'm glad your boss
wasn't visiting.
She reaches into her handbag and passes him some tissues.
Staring into the mirror, Hadley achieves only partial
success in removing the grease.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
(giggling)
You men have no idea...
Tiffany reaches back into her bag, removes more tissues and
with a spit, dampens them.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
...Come here.
She wipes his face with the saliva dampened tissues and
with a further spit, an ensnared Hadley, his cool now
completely shattered, resigns himself to another motherly
onslaught.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Now you look a bit more
respectable. C'mon, we're gonna
be late.
HADLEY
I have no idea how to get there.
TIFFANY.
Faye's gonna hit the roof...left
at the corner.
EXT. TIFFANY'S STREET. MORNING.
A cloud of smoke shrouds the rear of the Jaguar as it
accelerates away.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
I like your car...classy.
EXT. CHURCH CAR PARK. MORNING.
A wildly designed, vulgar building, suggests the architect
soldiered on midpoint through an epileptic fit.
INT. JAGUAR.
Hadley's nonplussed as he stares through the windscreen at
the sign above the entrance. "THE LOVE CHURCH".
INT. CHURCH.
In full swing, a mixed CONGREGATION of the old, the young,
the fit and the infirm, all incited into an emotional
display of devotion and all counting on being saved. It
appears the greater the abandon the greater the supposed
devotion.
Two young male STAR SINGERS or rousers, rigorously trained
and painstakingly rehearsed, lead the congregation,
prancing up and down the aisles and whipping up a frenzy.
EXT. CAR PARK. MORNING.
Hadley and Tiffany hurry on foot through the car park.
Revivalist music wafts out of the door. They reach the
entrance. Hadley politely holds the door and beckons
Tiffany through.
INT. CHURCH.
The pair walk down the centre aisle.
Standing at the front in a semi-trance like state and
smiling as if he were a gyrating advertisement for MacLeans
is the EVANGELIST himself.
With his hand firmly placed on a young, convulsing woman's
head, he looks the ticket with his craggy features and a
sequined jacket. Capping this volcanic face is a full head
of bleached blonde hair, greased back in a duck-arse.
In a Deep South Alabama accent, with an insincerity
peculiarly sincere, he re-assures the woman.
EVANGELIST
Hallelujah! Give in to the Lord.
He will provide you the car. No
longer will you have to rely on
your mother's. Praise The Lord!!
Completing this circus and standing behind him on an
elevated platform are the joyfully happy, angelic faces of
the MUSICIANS, who, in gold, spangled jackets and eyes cast
heavenward, sway in unison as they strum electric guitars
and pound portable keyboards, albeit, still able to mix
their live electronic sounds with a pre-recorded backing
chorus.
A spellbound Hadley is led by Tiffany towards Faye who's
standing in an aisle seat jiggling her torso and waving her
arms up and down as if facing Mecca.
FAYE
I hear you talkin'!
In an attempt to slide past Faye, Tiffany stumbles. Faye
promptly awakens from her trance and seemingly unaware of
Hadley's presence, mouths off at her sister.
FAYE (cont'd)
(high above the music)
Tiffany! Watch what you're doing!
Listen, I'm deep in prayer.
TIFFANY.
Sorry.
FAYE
Where the bloody hell have you
been?
Without waiting for a reply and with arms again flapping
wildly, Faye immediately resumes her hypnotic state.
FAYE
Lordy, Lordy.
Tiffany and a thunderstruck Hadley take the only available
seating at the far end of the row. Tiffany immediately
begins clapping in time to the music. A stilted Hadley
politely but uneasily, follows suit.
The first session finishes and the Evangelist, followed by
his two boy singers retreat into the Vestry.
INT. CHURCH.
To a fanfare from the band and, with arms outstretched, the
trio fly back out of the Vestry.
Hadley braces himself for the next assault.
FADE TO BLACK.
Weaving their way through a satiated congregation, Tiffany
and Hadley leave the church.
INT. CAR PARK. DAY.
The Evangelist stands at the door, bidding farewell to the
congregation. Catching sight of one of his boy singers,
JEB, sneaking off, he calls out in broad 'Aussie' lingo.
EVANGELIST
Jeb! Where do you think you're
going?
Jeb turns and shrugs his shoulders.
EVANGELIST (cont'd)
Back inside, sunshine...
With a hang dog expression Jeb stomps back.
EVANGELIST (cont'd)
...on the broom.
Tiffany and Hadley push past the Evangelist and head
through the car park.
TIFFANY.
What did you think? Wasn't too
loud for you?
HADLEY
It was certainly a memorable
experience, although I'm not
convinced I've quite been
delivered from evil yet.
TIFFANY.
You're not evil, are you?
HADLEY
No, but perhaps I should have
ground my teeth on a more
traditional method of worship...a
Vicar with protruding teeth...
choirboys and wafers.
TIFFANY.
I can't say I really like this
place either. Faye talked me into
going. She tries everything...
Weight Watchers, Tai-Bo, Holistic
this, holistic that. None of it
ever lasts.
HADLEY
It rarely does...I'm...
TIFFANY
...She tried 'chronic irrigation'
once, from a magazine...it made
her constipated.
Hadley squirms.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
(giggling)
Up until then she'd always been
regular.
FAYE (O.S.)
Yoo hoo!
Turning, they see Faye hurtling towards them.
TIFFANY.
(under her breath)
...oh no!
FAYE
Don't worry about me...I'm only
your sister.
Faye stands puffing.
TIFFANY.
Faye, this is Hadley.
Faye and Hadley shake hands. Faye gushes.
FAYE
Very pleased to meet you.
HADLEY
I'm pleased to meet you too,
Faye.
FAYE
Tiffany's told me a lot about
you.
TIFFANY.
Faye!
FAYE
I couldn't shut her up. She tells
me you're in the hotel
industry...in town?
Tiffany's looking for the earth to engulf her.
HADLEY
Yes.
FAYE
You're the manager I hear?
He looks uncomfortable. Tiffany attempts to cover herself.
TIFFANY.
I told her about...
(back to Faye)
...don't be so nosey!
HADLEY
That's okay. Manager, controller,
whatever.
FAYE
Which hotel?
Hadley is shuffling uneasily.
HADLEY
It varies. I could be anywhere...
any one of the chain.
FAYE
I suppose you start your day with
a slap up breakfast...silver
service and all that?
Tiffany steps in defensively.
TIFFANY.
Hadley doesn't have time for
breakfast, he's too busy working
too hard.
(taking his arm)
Come on.
Hadley turns apologetically to Faye as Tiffany whisks him
away towards the car. Faye leaps forward, reaches out and
grabs Tiffany's arm. Hadley politely continues on.
FAYE
(low voice)
Is this gonna be serious? I'm
warning ya.
Tiffany shrugs her off.
FAYE (cont'd)
Don't say I haven't warned you.
TIFFANY.
(out loud)
Warned me about what?!
Hadley looks back. Faye squirms.
FAYE
Call me tonight.
Tiffany gives a quick nod before hurrying to the car.
Hadley gestures a wave to Faye.
INT. HADLEY'S CAR. DAY.
They drive along a busy road.
TIFFANY.
She's always trying to protect
me. I don't need protecting.
HADLEY
She probably means well.
TIFFANY.
She's never been any different,
even when we were kids.
(pause)
She used to steal my bubble gum
and when it ran out of flavour
she used to stick it on the soles
of Dad's shoes and guess who got
the blame?
A silence.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Her ex-husband ran away from
home...do this, do that...that's
all he ever heard. He was too
terrified to say no. You know,
she spent all his money and then
threatened to injure him if he
didn't come back. He came round
to my place one night, trembling
like a leaf...and he was bigger
than you.
They both ponder over Faye's past.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
I feel quite special in this car.
You've got very good taste.
HADLEY
That's kind of you. It's
important in my line of business
to offer a sense of style,
quality and refinement. To
present an image, par excellence.
EXT. BUSY HIGHWAY. MOMENTS LATER.
Tiffany, bum up and wobbly on her heels, huffs and puffs as
she pushes the rear end of the Jaguar. Hadley, in the
driver's seat, steers towards a parking bay.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. DAY.
Hadley sits on the settee, a mug of coffee in one hand and
patting Ted with the other.
HADLEY
I have enjoyed your company
today, Tiffany.
TIFFANY.
Me too.
HADLEY
I'm very embarrassed about the
car.
TIFFANY.
I needed the exercise. I hope you
can get it properly fixed.
HADLEY
I'll certainly be having a word
to my fleet manager.
He glances at his watch and gets up.
HADLEY (cont'd)
It's time I went.
TIFFANY.
Are you sure? You can stay for
tea if you like.
HADLEY
I'd love to, but...
TIFFANY.
...It won't be much.
HADLEY
Thank you, but I have a lot of
work to catch up with.
TIFFANY.
You sure?
HADLEY
Another time. I'll look forward
to it.
Hadley puts his cup on the table and heads towards the
door.
INT. HALLWAY. DAY.
Tiffany hurries past him and opens the front door. He bends
to give her a kiss on the cheek but she presses her lips to
his. Wrapping his arms around her, they prolong the moment.
They wave goodbye to each other. A flushing Tiffany shuts
the door and turns to Ted.
TIFFANY.
Oh, wow, Ted! I've gone all
goosy...whew!
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Faye is again in her armchair, glass in one hand, phone in
the other.
A rugby match is in progress on the TV.
FAYE
(pointing to the TV)
You can't expect big brawny guys
like that to not
retaliate...'course he's gonna
thump him...I would.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
That's because he's on our
side...What did you think of
Hadley?
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
FAYE
I didn't.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
Why? What didn't you like about
him?
FAYE
I was hoping you wouldn't bring
that subject up but seeing as you
have...He's too slick...he's not
to be trusted...as mum used to
say. Never trust a man whose
eyebrows meet in the middle.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
They don't!
FAYE
That's because he shaves them.
TIFFANY. (O.S.)
How would you know?
FAYE
All men shave them.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
So you're saying, you can't trust
any men?
FAYE (O.S.)
Tiffany, I did not say that. Stop
putting words into my mouth. What
I am saying is this. As far as
I'm concerned, there's not too
many guys out there who can be
trusted.
TIFFANY.
Rot!
FAYE (O.S.)
Rot, nothing. Anyway, he's too
tall for you and besides, what
sort of guys drive those types of
cars round here? You're gonna
look a real goose, sitting in a
Jag, perched up like cocky.
A roar from the television.
FAYE (O.S.) (cont'd)
(eyes fixed on the TV)
About bloody time.
TIFFANY
It's important in Hadley's line
of work to give an excellent
image of style and quality...and
taste.
FAYE (O.S.)
Puke!
EXT. HADLEY'S STREET. NIGHT.
A police Commodore cruises slowly past Hadley's illuminated
house. Lance is peering from the driver's window. The car
roars off.
Hadley steps out from behind a fence on the opposite side
of the road and looks on.
The Commodore returns and once again slowly passes.
Hadley, this time on the other side of the road, peers from
behind a tree.
The police car roars off. Hadley hurries back into his
house.
INT. OFFICE. NURSING HOME. DAY.
Tiffany sits at a computer in a reception area. Nearby sits
a barge of a woman, DAWN. At the reception desk sits
CHERYL, a jolly, chubby, middle-aged woman. Cheryl chats to
Tiffany.
CHERYL
Well, come on then. I'm all ears!
TIFFANY.
(bashful)
He's tall, dark, slim, good
looking. His name is Hadley.
CHERYL
Hadley! Oooh! That's a good
start.
TIFFANY.
He's a manager...controller for a
big chain of big hotels...not
pubs...hotel hotels...
(beaming)
...he's got a Jaguar.
CHERYL
There you go. There's a lot to be
said for biding your time, eh,
Tiff...make sure you keep this
one under lock and key.
TIFFANY.
(naughty giggle)
I'll do my best.
CHERYL
Have you told any of the other
girls?
TIFFANY.
Not yet.
CHERYL
Well do it quick, before I do.
TIFFANY.
Cheryl! Don't you dare.
CHERYL
How's your sister taking all
this?
TIFFANY.
Faye! She's okay.
CHERYL
It's been a long time between
drinks...Marvin? Wasn't he the
last one? The plane spotter.
Dawn, wanders towards a nearby paper copier.
TIFFANY.
Sort of...long time ago now...
Dawn turns to Cheryl.
DAWN
...I remember when he came in
with all those photos. This is a
Jumbo and this is a Jumbo...a
different one...this ones got
Rolls Royce engines. Jesus, he
was exciting
CHERYL
Don't be so mean, Dawn...I liked
the one before him though...John.
He did so much for his mother. He
was nice.
TIFFANY
This one's different.
DAWN
Everyone's different to those
two.
TIFFANY
What do you mean?
CHERYL
Leave her alone.
DAWN
He was enough to put...
CHERYL
Dawn!
DAWN
Alright. I'll take that back.
Cheryl swings around to answer the phone.
EXT. SEEDY LANE. NIGHT.
A late model Ford Fairlane mounts the footpath and pulls to
a halt. Lance steps out and crosses the road to a doorway
of a run down double-storey building.
A red light glows through an opaque side window. He walks
straight in.
EXT. SEEDY LANE. LATER.
Lance exits the building, folding notes and stuffing them
into his jacket pocket.
A female voice screams from the building.
VOICE (O.S.)
ARSEHOLE!!
He ignores the screams, adjusts his trousers and casts an
eye up and down the street before swaggering back to his
car.
The Fairlane moves off slowly past a side alley. Covertly
parked is Hadley's unattended Jaguar.
EXT. DUCK POND. DAY
Tiffany and Hadley sit on a bench, eating ice creams and
throwing bread crumbs to the ducks.
INT. CINEMA.
Tiffany and Hadley eat popcorn while watching a film.
INT. ITALIAN RESTUARANT. NIGHT.
At a table for two, the pair sip wine in an elegant
establishment. A waiter arrives to take their order.
INT. CONCERT HALL.
They continually glimpse at each other, during a
performance of a Beethoven symphony.
EXT. FAIRGROUND. DAY.
Hanging on for grim death, the happy pair ride a roller
coaster.
EXT. FAIRGROUND. NIGHT.
Hadley shows Tiffany how to hold a rifle at a side show.
EXT. FAIRGROUND. NIGHT.
Eating fairy floss, the joyously exuberant couple walk out
of the fairground. Tiffany holds a huge teddy bear.
EXT. SANDY BEACH. MOONLIT NIGHT.
Carrying their shoes in their hands and walking arm in arm,
the enraptured duo drag their bare feet through the
shallows.
INT. JAGUAR. NIGHT.
Intoxicated with the ambience, the besotted pair drive home
singing at the tops of their voices.
HADLEY
Where have you been all my life?
She's now soloing; "The Rose".
HADLEY (cont'd)
(continuing out loud)
Where did you learn to sing like
that?
Unwavering, she continues.
HADLEY (cont'd)
You're terrific!
She stops abruptly.
TIFFANY.
My mum was a very good
singer...she was chosen to sing
at the Colostomy Association's
annual dinner once.
HADLEY
Really!
TIFFANY
Must be in the genes.
HADLEY
A gift untapped.
TIFFANY.
(coyly)
Thank you.
The car turns off from the main road.
HADLEY
I'm looking forward to one of
your special coffees.
She seizes the opportunity.
TIFFANY.
How about you make me one?
HADLEY
I'm not so sure I could make...
TIFFANY.
...at your place.
HADLEY
My place?
She's determined.
TIFFANY.
Why not? Two weeks and you still
haven't invited me to your
house...you haven't even told me
where it is. So lets go...
(cockily)
...white and one please.
He's lost for words.
HADLEY
(panic stricken)
No, please, Tiff, I haven't
tidied...dusted...the ironing
isn't washed...I haven't...
TIFFANY.
So! You've been to my place lots
of times when it's been a mess.
Now I want to see yours.
Defeated, Hadley grits his teeth as he turns another corner
and pulls up outside a heavily barred, run down, state
owned, fibre board, semi-detached homette.
Tiffany gazes blankly at the house before stepping out of
the car.
EXT. FOOTPATH OUTSIDE HADLEY'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Tiffany, meekly followed by an apprehensive Hadley, strides
up the path.
She notes the grids on the windows.
TIFFANY.
Superintendant Cockburn would be
proud of you.
He looks sheepish, but doesn't reply.
They continue to the front door.
INT. HALLWAY. HADLEY'S HOUSE.
The front door opens. Jumping ahead of her, he reaches
around for the light switch and allows her to lead him
down the short passageway.
HADLEY
To the right.
Again, he jumps in front of her and into another doorway.
INT. LIVING ROOM. DARK.
He shoots in the door and switches on a dim lamp sitting on
top of an old small TV. Through the gloom she can make out
an austere living room with only rudimentary furnishings
devoid of mementos, portraits or photos of family members.
HADLEY
(laboured jocularity)
As you can see, nothing special.
I tend to live rather frugally.
How does she answer that? She doesn't.
FADE TO:
Still enveloped in semi-darkness they sit on the couch
drinking coffee. Tiffany, now appearing far more relaxed,
leans her head on his shoulder. Hadley responds by holding
her tight and they embrace.
With no attempt to resist him, Tiffany allows him to
partially remove some of her clothing.
INT. HADLEY'S BEDROOM.
Tiffany stands at the doorway. Hadley pushes her towards
the bed. The light from the passage shines through the
door. The room contains just a single wardrobe, two odd
bedside tables and a double bed.
Standing out like a beacon and attached to the bed is the
padded bed-head. Squealing and giggling, Tiffany suddenly
freezes as her eyes make contact with the contraband.
HADLEY
(quizzical)
Are you okay?
Tiffany turns to him with a brave face.
TIFFANY.
...a..um..ah, no. I ah..just
remembered, I've gotta let Ted
in.
He throws his arms around her and they fall on the bed.
HADLEY
He'll understand.
CUT TO:
They are making love. Hadley on top and all consumed. Quite
to the contrary, Tiffany, spiritless, looks unsettled as
her eyes continually roll back to the bed-head.
DISSOLVE TO:
They lie together, spoon fashion. Hadley, wide eyed and
anxious, looks over at an unsettled Tiffany.
HADLEY (cont'd)
Did I disappoint you?
She sits bolt upright.
TIFFANY.
No, no. It's not that..I..I've
got to go, I've got to let Ted
out.
HADLEY
I thought you said he was already
out?
TIFFANY.
He is...now I have to let him
in...because he's out.
He grunts a confused acknowledgement.
EXT. HADLEY'S FRONT DOOR.
She pecks him on the cheek and leads off down the path.
HADLEY
You should allow me to drive you
home.
TIFFANY.
I'm alright...I promise.
HADLEY
Can I phone you?
EXT. HADLEY'S FRONT GATE.
She doesn't reply. He hurries to the gate after her.
HADLEY
Tiffany, let me drive you.
She stomps off.
Frustrated, he watches her head off down the street.
EXT. HADLEY'S HOUSE.
The front door flies open and with his jacket half on, half
off, he races to his car and jumps in.
He fumbles the key in the ignition and drops it on the
floor. Reaching to pick it up, he bangs his head.
HADLEY
Shit!
He jabs the key at the ignition and turns it. The motor
cranks slowly and fades.
HADLEY (cont'd)
I warned you, Wayne!
In desperation and with clenched teeth, he turns the key
again. The car finally starts.
EXT. NEAR TIFFANY'S HOUSE.
He arrives in time to see Tiffany shutting her gate. He
gives a friendly toot before continuing on. She turns,
waves and then hurries on up the path.
INT. HADLEY'S CAR.
He's stopped by the side of the road, his head resting on
the steering wheel.
HADLEY
I should've bought the Datsun!
EXT. CITY STREET. PASSENGER BUS APPROACHING. MORNING.
The bus is travelling through peak city traffic.
INT. PASSENGER BUS.
Faye, dressed in a black uniform, forlornly sits at a
window seat on the crowded bus blankly staring at the
passing traffic.
Suddenly alert, her head whips back as she fixates on a
limousine parked on the forecourt of a large hotel.
Reaching into the open boot and removing a suitcase is
Hadley, uniformed, complete with peaked cap.
Faye, leaps out of her seat simultaneously ringing the bell
and barges past PASSENGERS while yelling to the DRIVER.
FAYE
Stop, stop the bus! I wanna get
off...
Turning, the driver only requires a glimpse of this brazen
woman before wisely choosing to do as he's told.
EXT. FOOTPATH. CITY STREET. MORNING.
Faye flies out of the bus. All passengers peer round
through the windows in unison. She swiftly marches back,
slow-footing it as she nears the hotel. Peering around a
feature wall, her suspicions are confirmed as she observes
Hadley carrying two suitcases up the steps and into the
foyer.
Deep in contemplation she turns back and slowly walks away
before checking her watch and bolting.
FAYE
(arm waving)
Taxi!
INT. CITY DEPARTMENT STORE. MANCHESTER DEPT.
Faye bursts in, ignoring her CO-WORKERS and grabs the
phone.
FAYE
Hi, Tiffany, got a minute?
INT. OFFICE. NURSING HOME.
Tiffany slowly puts the phone down and gloomily reflects.
Cheryl looks up.
CHERYL
You look like you've seen a
ghost?
(leaning forward)
You okay?
Tiffany doesn't answer but reaches for her coat and handbag
and hurries for the door.
TIFFANY.
I have to go. Tell Rachel I'll
call her later.
Cheryl senses that no amount of persuasion will stop her.
CHERYL
Take it easy, love.
INT. BUS. DAY.
Tiffany, with a purposeful manner, sits bolt upright
looking out of the window,
EXT. FACING HOTEL. DAY
Tiffany stands across the road from the hotel.
INT. HOTEL RECEPTION DESK
Tiffany stands at the desk, the DESK CLERK is stroking his
chin.
DESK CLERK
There's a Harry, but he's a
chef...and short.
TIFFANY.
Hadley, it's definitely Hadley.
What's your managers name...the
controller?
DESK CLERK
Mr. Wilkins.
TIFFANY.
What's his first name?
DESK CLERK
He doesn't have one. He's just
Mister.
At this moment, an empty handed Hadley casually wanders up
the steps into the foyer only to be confronted with a rear
view of Tiffany. He abruptly comes to a stop. The desk
clerk looks up.
DESK CLERK (cont'd)
Justin?! Do you know a Hadley?
Tiffany turns, too late to catch a pirouetting, lightning
fast streak shoot out of the door.
EXT. FORECOURT. DAY.
He descends seventeen steps at a time down to the
forecourt.
Hyperventilating behind a pillar, Hadley is approached by
none other than MR. WILKINS himself. Mr. Wilkins points to
an ELDERLY WOMAN carrying a large overnight bag.
MR. WILKINS
(brusquely)
Justin, assist madame with her
luggage.
Flurried, Hadley takes her bag and begins to lead her away
from the foyer.
HADLEY
This way...more private.
The old lady submissively follows as Wilkins waves his arm.
MR. WILKINS
Excuse me! Excuse me! Where are
you going?
HADLEY
The back stairs.
MR. WILKINS
The fire escape!?
HADLEY
Just in case.
MR. WILKINS
In case of what?
HADLEY
Fire!
ELDERLY LADY
(turning to Wilkins)
He's quite right. There's been a
lot of news just lately.
Wilkins, outnumbered, can't determine if he's missing
something.
He's about to give chase when a taxi pulls up and blocks
his path. The TAXI DRIVER winds his window down.
TAXI DRIVER
Porter, I've got three cases and
a bag for room 83.
Wilkins gazes blankly at the driver before helplessly
looking towards the pair as they disappear around the side
of the building.
EXT. SIDE OF HOTEL. DAY.
Hadley leads the old lady along a path at the side of the
hotel where split rubbish bags and overflowing waste bins
line a walkway securely enclosed by a three-metre high,
wire fence.
Reaching the back, they stop at a fire-exit door where
Hadley frantically rattles the knob. After desperately
trying other doors to no avail and valiantly attempting to
disguise his anxiety, the pair finally reach a dead end.
He turns to the woman and places an arm around her
shoulder.
HADLEY
(soothingly)
Can I take you somewhere for a
cup of tea?
ELDERLY LADY
That would be loverly.
He scrutinizes the top of the fence. She follows suit. He
casts a searching look at her.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
In her usual position with Ted on her lap, Tiffany is on
the phone to Faye.
TIFFANY.
...he's only a short chef.
They've got a thin waiter, Ranji,
but he's got a moustache. Are you
absolutely sure it was him?
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
Faye sits in her usual chair with her glass.
FAYE
Tiffany, I wouldn't go to all
that trouble to help you if I
wasn't sure, now would I?
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
I just don't know what to think
now.
FAYE (O.S.)
Give him the elbow. Dump him but
not before I get to him with a
bloody chainsaw. Nobody fools
around with my little sister and
lives to inhale again.
TIFFANY.
Do you think I should confront
him?
FAYE (O.S.)
Absolutely!
TIFFANY.
Will you come with me?
FAYE (O.S.)
I never get involved in
domestics. Who won the wrestling?
TIFFANY.
I don't know, I haven't had the
telly on tonight.
FAYE (O.S.)
You're so bloody selfish. I can
never rely on you, Tiffany.
EXT. HADLEY'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
The Jaguar is parked outside Hadley's house.
Tiffany walks with an uncharacteristic, purposeful step
towards the front door and rings the bell.
The door partially opens and a face peeps around. Hadley
greets her with a voice an octave higher.
HADLEY
Oh...hello Tif...
He clears his throat.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...hello Tiffany. It's very late.
Everything okay?
She gives him a searching look before reaching up and
pecking him on the cheek. He follows her ignobly into the
lounge room.
INT. HADLEY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
How was work today?
Gulp.
HADLEY
Tea? Coffee? Or anything?
He looks to escape to the kitchen.
TIFFANY.
No, thank you.
HADLEY
Do you mind if I have one?
TIFFANY.
Which hotel do you manage?
Oh God. He abruptly stops.
HADLEY
I..It could be any one...any one
of the chain...we have...
She looks him fair square in the eyes.
TIFFANY.
Where were you today?
He's clicking into gear.
HADLEY
Ah, let me see. This morning I
was at a meeting in the Barossa
Valley, had a delightful lunch,
then spent the remainder of the
afternoon playing golf with the
guys from the winery...
TIFFANY.
You weren't in town then...
HADLEY
...they were trying to talk me
into stocking their range on an
exclusive basis but frankly we
need...
She butts in.
TIFFANY.
So you weren't in town at all
today?
On a roll.
HADLEY
...that's when you appreciate
living this side of
town...and..uh...
He draws himself up.
HADLEY (cont'd)
Why do you ask?
TIFFANY.
Actually I might have that cuppa.
She gets up and hugs him tightly. He squeezes her close,
screws up his face and looks heavenward.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Faye is standing in her dressing gown on the phone.
FAYE
You know me, Tiffany, I've got a
thing for faces. You remember
that guy on "The Price is
Right"...with the ears...and you
said it wasn't the same guy...the
one that won that car on "The
Wheel" and I said it was and it
was and I was right. Well I'm
telling you, it was him.
TIFFANY.
It's easy to mistake a face.
HADLEY
I never forget a face...and he
won't forget his bloody face
either when I'm finished with
him. Anyway I've gotta get up for
work in the morning, so good
night.
She hangs up.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Tiffany, in pyjamas, slowly hangs up the phone.
INT. TIFFANY'S BEDROOM. DARK.
She's lying wide eyed in bed. Spread-eagled across her feet
is Ted, fast asleep.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. EARLY HOURS.
Tiffany, in her pyjamas, hurries to the phone and dials.
TIFFANY.
You're a bloody liar, Faye! I
hate you!
She slams the phone down, bursts into tears and stomps off
back to bed.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. EARLY HOURS.
In her dressing gown and holding the receiver, a stunned
Faye starts to call back. Deciding against, she places the
receiver back on the hook and shuffles off back to bed.
INT. HADLEY'S BEDROOM. MORNING
Hadley, in uniform, is fiddling with a sling-wrapped arm.
He tears the sling off and throws it on the bed.
FADE TO:
Hadley, one foot in a moon boot, practices walking on
crutches.
FADE TO:
Hadley stands in front of the mirror, adjusting a neck
brace.
EXT. OUTSIDE HOTEL. MORNING.
Hadley, in his porters uniform, but with his hat
ridiculously perched on top of a heavily bandaged head,
arrives for work. He climbs the steps to the foyer.
INT. HOTEL. MANAGERS OFFICE. MORNING.
Hadley stands at the desk facing Mr. Wilkins.
MR. WILKINS
And this happened last night?
Hadley sweeps an open hand past his head.
HADLEY
I just didn't see it...then bang!
I was hoping you could switch me
to light duties. In the
kitchen...dishes or something.
MR. WILKINS
Correct me if you will, Justin,
but your arms look to be still in
working order. Unless of course
I'm mistaken and you generally
carry the suitcases on your head.
HADLEY
No, no, sir. Heavy lifting
puts a strain on the temple and
don't forget, out there, I'm the
doorway to this hotel. I'm a
uniformed advertisement.
Wilkins ponders for awhile.
MR. WILKINS
Look, I hear what you're saying,
but I can't promise you anything.
However, leave it with me and
I'll see if I can swap you over
with someone else.
HADLEY
That's very kind of you sir.
Wilkins gets up and leads Hadley to the door.
MR. WILKINS
In the short time you've been
with us, Justin, you've adjusted
well. We took a punt on you and I
believed we were winning. Don't
ruin it now.
Wilkins shakes Hadley's hand.
HADLEY
Thank you sir.
EXT. HADLEY'S STREET. NIGHT.
Tiffany, in her long black coat and black beanie, is
walking Ted. Skittering across the road and with her eyes
fixed on a light shining through Hadley's window, she slows
to a measured pace.
She pauses momentarily before moving on, only to swing
around and glide past again.
EXT. STREET NEAR TIFFANY'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Nearing her house, Tiffany hears the familiar, irregular
throb of Hadley's Jaguar. Pulling Ted in close to her,
she's primed for when the vehicle comes into view. She
tucks behind a tree.
The Jaguar crawls past her house before accelerating away.
She eagle eyes it as it passes.
EXT. FOOTPATH. OPPOSITE HOTEL. DAY.
Faye peeks over the top of an open newspaper opposite the
hotel. She leaps forward.
FAYE
Taxi!
EXT. HOTEL FORECOURT. LATER.
Munching on a sandwich in one hand with a bottle of Coke in
the other, a bolder Faye, now wearing dark glasses,
tentatively crosses the forecourt.
EXT. HOTEL STEPS. NEXT DAY.
Faye walks up the steps to the main entrance.
INT. HOTEL FOYER.
She crosses the floor unnoticed and slips through a side
door.
INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR.
She opens doors at random as she proceeds along the
corridor to a stairwell.
INT. STAIRWELL.
Faye hurries down the stairs to the basement and opens a
door to another corridor.
INT. BASEMENT CORRIDOR.
Reaching a double swing door, Faye casually pushes it open
where she's confronted by a hive of activity from the
kitchen.
She hurriedly steps back out and then peers through the
window where she catches sight of Hadley with a bandaged
head, stacking dishes.
FAYE
Gotcha!
Seeking confirmation, she partially opens the door again
and with a triumphant smirk, she prances back down the
passage.
FAYE (cont'd)
I knew, I bloody knew.
INT. OFFICE. NURSING HOME. DAY.
VISITORS and guests are milling around Cheryl's counter.
Cheryl is explaining paperwork to a SENIOR WOMAN.
Tiffany's phone rings. She answers. After listening
intently, she interjects.
TIFFANY.
I'm not interested Faye. First
you told me he was a porter. The
trouble with you, y'know, you
can't even remember your own
lies. Listen. I don't wanna know,
I've gotta go. I'm going.
Shaking her head she hangs up.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Tiffany sits glumly on the settee stroking Ted. The
doorbell rings. Both spring to life and make a beeline for
the door.
INT. HALLWAY.
Patting her hair and smoothing down her work dress, Tiffany
opens the front door. Faye bursts in.
FAYE
You're gonna hear me out, my
girl.
Reeling back, Tiffany stands stunned, before following her
steaming sister back into the lounge.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
FAYE
(pointing to the settee)
Now sit down and listen to some
home truths.
Tiffany obeys. Faye stands over her.
TIFFANY.
What would you know about the
truth?
FAYE
Sssh...now shuddup! I'll be quite
honest with you. I don't like
this not talking. I like to be
there for you...to help you...and
yeah, since this Hadley whatever
came on the scene, you know...
They both look uncomfortable.
FAYE (cont'd)
...and I'm not saying it's any of
my business...
TIFFANY.
...That's right, Faye, it's got
nothing to do with you.
FAYE
...but I'm telling you Tiffany,
he's no good. I didn't make a
mistake the other day when I saw
him dressed up as a porter and
I'm telling you the Gods honour
truth when I say I saw him in the
kitchens as well.
Tiffany takes on a melancholy bearing.
TIFFANY.
You coulda just made a mistake.
It would be hard to tell who's
who in those chef's hats.
Faye flings her arms in the air as she struggles to make
her point.
FAYE
For Christ's sake, Tiffany. He
wasn't wearing a chef's hat. He's
not even one of us. He wears a
turban. He'll be a Turk or a
Cuban or something.
Tiffany splutters.
TIFFANY.
He's white. White all over.
She smirks salaciously.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
I should know.
FAYE
Well I don't wish to.
(a sudden thought)
Have you never heard of Albinos?
Before Tiffany has a chance to reply.
FAYE (cont'd)
I checked at the desk.
TIFFANY.
Checked what?
FAYE
His real name is Justin.
Tiffany's expressionless.
TIFFANY.
(laboured)
What do you mean, his real name?
FAYE
Justin! That's his real name.
TIFFANY.
(plaintively)
Is that Turkish?
Faye shrugs her shoulders.
With a look of bewilderment, she sinks slowly back into the
settee.
TIFFANY.
(under her breath)
Justin.
Snapping back.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Alright, alright, I know what you
mean. Something's not quite
right.
Faye labours a caring sigh.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
What am I gonna do?
FAYE
I wouldn't dare repeat what I've
got in mind for him.
EXT. HADLEY'S FRONT DOOR. NIGHT.
Tiffany bashes on the front door. She paces on the spot
before the door opens. A disheveled Hadley greets her in a
resigned voice.
HADLEY
Come in.
Tiffany looks warily at him as he closes the door behind
her.
INT. HALLWAY. HADLEY'S HOUSE.
He leads her through to the lounge.
INT. LOUNGE ROOM.
They sit in opposite chairs cautiously eyeing each other.
She fiddles with her rice-grain sized diamante pendant.
TIFFANY.
I think you know why I'm here.
And you look sick.
His face is expressionless.
HADLEY
I know.
She's now lost her thread.
TIFFANY.
I knew exactly what I was going
to say before I came and
now...now I'm here, I don't know
where to start.
HADLEY
Maybe I should start.
She reacts strongly.
TIFFANY.
If you as much as tell me one
more lie, I'll..I'll..stop you
inhaling.
He lowers his head.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
I don't feel that I know you
anymore. Everything was
looking...and now I've lost
trust...I..I don't know...you've
really hurt me.
HADLEY
I didn't set out to hurt you,
Tiff. I mean that.
TIFFANY.
Well, you bloody well have!
Now she's really incensed.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Who the hell are you?! Where do
you come from and why the hell
did you have to pick on me?
He keeps his head bowed.
HADLEY
(murmuring)
I've been inside.
She leans forward, staring at the top of his head.
TIFFANY.
What did you say?
He looks up.
HADLEY
Prison! Gaol! I've been inside.
She functions like a stunned mullet.
Suddenly she leaps up and rushes to the door.
TIFFANY.
I don't wanna know.
He reaches out and grabs her.
HADLEY
No, no...Tiff, stay, please,
don't go...Tiff...
TIFFANY.
(screaming)
Get your evil hands off me!
She breaks free and races out of the room. He follows.
INT. HALLWAY. HADLEY'S HOUSE
She darts for the front door, but he blocks her exit.
TIFFANY.
Let-me-go or I'll call the cops!
She screams. He puts his hand over her mouth.
HADLEY
Okay! Okay..! Shhh.
Let me walk you home then.
She breaks free.
TIFFANY.
What? Via the swamps?
HADLEY
If you give me a chance, I'll
explain everything. Please don't
go. I wouldn't harm you. You
should know that.
Tiffany stomps back to the lounge and he rapidly follows
her.
INT. LOUNGE.
HADLEY
Sit down. Please.
A stiff, poker faced Tiffany sits down. He sits opposite,
pushing his hair back. A moment's silence.
TIFFANY.
Well, go on...So you're only a
porter.
HADLEY
Concierge.
She raises her eyebrows.
TIFFANY.
Call it what you like, but you're
not a manager and you're not
Hadley, are you?
HADLEY
No.
TIFFANY.
You're Justin.
HADLEY
I'm not Justin either.
TIFFANY.
Well, what are you?
HADLEY
Julian.
TIFFANY.
Julian!
HADLEY
Jonathan.
TIFFANY.
Jonathan! For God's sake
Had'..Justathon...whatever...make
up your mind, next you'll be
telling me it's Chopper!
HADLEY
I'm Jonathan. I was born
Jonathan.
TIFFANY.
Is that it? You're still lying.
You don't look a bit like a
Jonathan. If I wait a bit longer
will it change?
HADLEY
It's Jonathan.
TIFFANY.
Jonathan is it? And what were you
in prison for, Jon-a-thon? How
long? When did you come out? Oh
God, why do I need to know all
this?
He gets up.
HADLEY
I'm going to need this coffee.
He raises his eyebrows and she nods. He walks out of the
room. Tiffany stays momentarily and then storms out after
him.
INT. HADLEY'S KITCHEN.
He's putting a whistling kettle on the stove.
TIFFANY.
Yes, I do want to know.
HADLEY
I was released early for good
behavior, three weeks ago.
TIFFANY.
(snapping)
Only three weeks...the good
behavior didn't last long. What
did you do?
He reaches for the cupboard and retrieves two mugs.
HADLEY
I got done for possession.
TIFFANY.
What did you possess?
HADLEY
A cut diamond.
Her hand moves towards her pendant again.
TIFFANY.
How long did you get in gaol?
HADLEY
Five years...I served just over
three.
TIFFANY.
(still twiddling)
Five...three years for having a
diamond.
HADLEY
I couldn't swallow it.
She's confused.
He looks up from the sugar bowl, smirking.
HADLEY (cont'd)
It would've made my eyes water.
TIFFANY.
(snapping)
Don't talk mumbo jumbo...
(her eyes widen)
It was big?
HADLEY
(smugly)
Is.
TIFFANY.
(recoiling)
Oh God...I don't wanna know. I
could end up an accessory.
Doing a Sarah Bernhardt, she turns to leave.
HADLEY
It's okay Tiff. It's under
control.
An excuse for her to turn back.
TIFFANY.
(covering her face)
My mum'll be turning in her
graveyard.
(looking up)
How much is this thing worth?
HADLEY
A fair bit.
TIFFANY.
That's no answer. Just answer the
question and stop playing games.
HADLEY
Around a quarter of a million.
TIFFANY.
How much!?
HADLEY
That's what they said.
He picks up the mugs and walks past her out of the kitchen.
She hurriedly follows. Suddenly.
TIFFANY.
Who's they?
HADLEY
It's not important.
TIFFANY.
Not important?!
INT. HADLEY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
They enter the lounge room and resume their seats.
HADLEY
(leaning forward)
Alright. Now listen to me. Listen
to me carefully. Do you remember
Superintendant Cockburn from the
Neighbourhood Watch meeting?
She nods.
HADLEY (cont'd)
He's bent.
TIFFANY.
He's married!
HADLEY
No, no. We were in it
together...him and me and as I
was later to find out in prison,
his daughter as well.
TIFFANY.
Superintendant! It couldn't...our
area coordinator would
never...you asked him interesting
questions...
(jumping up)
HADLEY
Tiff!
TIFFANY.
...how could you? That's it, I'm
going!
She races to the front door. He doesn't move. She screams
out.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
And I still don't know what to
call you.
The front door slams. He screws his face up and slaps the
sides of his head.
HADLEY
Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.
INT. OFFICE. NURSING HOME. DAY.
Tiffany sits at a computer with a balled up tissue, sobbing
and dabbing her nose. A concerned Cheryl watches over her.
CHERYL
When Kevin just up and left me, I
was...
Cheryl searches for the most dramatic impact.
CHERYL (cont'd)
...unconsolable.
Dawn listens from a desk across the room.
DAWN
He was back home by the
afternoon!
CHERYL
Yeah! But the pain was
nonetheless though.
DAWN
How do you think I felt, when
Barry left me for a transsexual?
Tiffany suddenly gets up and leaves the room.
CHERYL
She'll get over it.
DAWN
Yeah.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Football commentary from the TV. This time Faye's engrossed
in a telephone conversation.
FAYE
What!? A quarter of a million.
Where's he hid it? If he says
he's cashed it and gambled it all
away, he's a liar.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
He hasn't gambled it. He's...
FAYE
They all say that...they do have
wins as well, you know.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
He's still got it. Anyway, it
isn't all his.
FAYE
What do you mean it isn't all
his?
TIFFANY (O.S.)
It also belongs...
FAYE
...you're legally entitled to
half the spoils you know.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Legally!
FAYE
The poor man's served his time,
hasn't he? Paid his dues...and
you Tiffany, being his partner...
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Partner! I only went out with him
for two weeks.
FAYE
You slept with him. Gave of
yourself.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
It was mutual.
FAYE
They're your 'conducive' rights,
just like you were his lawful
wedded wife.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
TIFFANY.
Anyway, I'm not interested in the
diamond or the money...not that
sort of money anyway.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
Faye swings to a parental tone.
FAYE
Of course you're not...not for
the moment...you're still busy
getting over a difficult
relationship.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Getting over. I haven't had a
chance to get over it and it
wasn't a difficult relationship.
It was a good relationship and I
miss it...and I already miss him.
FAYE
(treacly caring)
Of course you do...It must be
very painful. Don't think I don't
feel...
(eyes to the TV)
Oh my God! He's bloody missed!?
EXT. SHOPPING STRIP. HIGH STREET. DAY.
Tiffany, looking disconsolate with two throwaway plastic
shopping bags, is walking along the busy high street
oblivious to a microphone wielding SPRUIKER's vain attempt
to entice her into the store.
A horn sounds and she turns to see the Jaguar burbling
past. She ignores it and continues walking but the horn
sounds again. Self-consciously she stops, turns, drops her
bags and gestures for him to leave.
TIFFANY.
(mouthing)
Go away...just go away.
He continues gutter crawling, before the car kangaroo hops
and stalls. He keeps cranking the engine as honking cars
become jammed behind him.
Jumping out, he lifts the bonnet.
Tiffany continues down the street.
EXT. SIDE STREET. DAY.
Hadley, driver's door open, holds the steering wheel, while
pushing the car. With two bulging plastic shopping bags
precariously placed on the boot lid, Tiffany, legs ungainly
splayed and in a virtual horizontal position, huffs and
puffs as she pushes from the rear.
As they pick up a bit of pace, Hadley leaps in behind the
wheel and the Jaguar leapfrogs into some semblance of life
leaving Tiffany sprawled over the road, her bags still
hovering on the boot. He careers off down the road.
Tiffany, now blessed with a bemused AUDIENCE, jumps up and
gives chase, only to see her shopping bags continue on in a
straight line as he whirls around a corner.
TIFFANY.
Oh God, my sausages!
She runs to the corner and stands in the road amongst
spilled groceries. She stomps her feet and screams after
him.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Leave me alone!
Two OLD LADIES stop, look and then come over to assist.
1ST OLD LADY
I always take a string bag, you
can't trust these plastic ones.
2ND OLD LADY
Mine's made of proper nylon, I
must have had it for twenty
years.
(looking down at the
mess)
Oh dear, some of these are
perishables.
The two ladies help Tiffany re-pack the bags.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM.
Faye in her regular chair in front of the TV is talking on
the phone to Tiffany.
FAYE
I'm sorry it's not working out
for you both.
She sips from a glass.
FAYE (cont'd)
I've always had a soft spot for
Hadley...Julian or whatever...a
real character in a world full of
very dull men.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
He's still Hadley to me.
FAYE
Of course.
FAYE
There's nothing like a bit of
spare cash to make love blossom
again.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
You know, Faye, sometimes I
wonder about you.
FAYE
I'm only concerned about your
futures, that's all.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Goodnight, Faye.
Faye hangs up.
EXT. HADLEY'S PATH. DAY
Faye walks up the path and with a sideways glance knocks on
the door. The door opens and a bedraggled Hadley in a
dressing gown stands warily looking at her.
FAYE
(airs and graces)
Hi! Hadley, look, I'm sorry to
bother you.
HADLEY
No, no...no bother.
FAYE
Can I come in? I won't take up
too much of your valuable time.
HADLEY
Well, actually...
Faye has already pushed her way passed him.
INT. HALLWAY. HADLEY'S HOUSE.
She barges her way through to the lounge. Hadley
frantically follows.
INT. HADLEY'S LOUNGE ROOM.
HADLEY
C..can..can I get you a cup of
tea or coffee?
FAYE
No, thank you, Hadley. I'll come
straight to the point.
She sits herself down in an armchair. He sits opposite her.
FAYE (cont'd)
I'm here for my sister. Now
normally, I wouldn't dream of
interfering in your affairs but
frankly and to be honest, I took
a shine to you from the moment I
first saw you.
HADLEY
You did!?
FAYE
No, not that way.
(a snigger)
I knew straight out...
(snaps fingers)
...that you two were made for
each other and now you've let
this tiny little hiccup get in
the way of a perfect union...so
sad.
He looks perplexed.
FAYE (cont'd)
Now she's heartbroken...of course
she wouldn't admit as much. Her
pride wouldn't let her.
HADLEY
She told me to go away!
FAYE
Well she would, women are like
that, what they say and what they
really mean...well!
Hadley's sucked in.
HADLEY
I lied to her, Faye and...
FAYE
No, no, no. That's what courtship
is all about, trying to woo each
other. It's natural to tell a
little white lie here and there.
It's called charm.
HADLEY
They weren't little white lies,
Faye, I'm a diagnosed
pathological liar. It's caused me
more trouble in my life than I
care to remember.
This wafts straight over Faye's head. She rambles on.
FAYE
But as you know, Tiffany's not
one to blurt out her problems to
just anyone, but being sisters
and I might add, very close ones
at that, she has let slip the odd
concern to me and it does seem
that her main worry is that you
may just disappear, leaving her
alone and penniless.
HADLEY
Well, as you can see, I'm not
exactly bathing in luxuries
myself.
FAYE
But you will be.
His eyes remain fixated on her.
HADLEY
What exactly do you want, Faye?
FAYE
More to the point, how can I help
get the two of you back together
where you rightfully belong?
Eyeballing, they each weigh up the other's intentions.
HADLEY
(melancholy)
Look Faye, I've paid a big price
and all I want to do now is to
prove to myself and then to
Tiffany that I can be a normal
decent member of society.
FAYE
Cut the crap.
HADLEY
(without hesitation)
Alright. Cockburn the cop, got
his hands on a diamond through a
bungled robbery. When the heat
was on him, he gave it to me to
shift. I got him believing that
I'd off-loaded the stone and the
money was secure. He stitched me
up and I went down for five
years. I got out early on parole.
Nobody knew. I've had to lie low
for the moment, otherwise I'm
back to that hell-hole. I know
him well. He won't rest until he
gets that diamond and I won't let
that fat bastard get his hands on
it. I want him to pay.
Faye nods her head as they sit in silence.
FAYE
I'm your man, Jonathan.
HADLEY
Jeffrey. Call me Jeff.
FAYE
Oh, so its Jeff now, is it?
He nod's
FAYE (cont'd)
50 grand cash, Jeff.
He bites his lip.
FAYE (cont'd)
Now I'll have that coffee.
Eyes down, he rises to his feet.
HADLEY
Oh..of..of course.
He leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Faye idly
scans the walls, twiddling her bracelet and drumming her
fingers.
FADE TO:
Faye, now leaning back in the armchair, stares blankly
ahead. The door bumps open. The tinkling of crockery.
Standing in the doorway is Tiffany, clad in a pink satin
negligee.
TIFFANY.
Was it white with two?
EXT. PARKLAND. SUNNY DAY.
At a distance a large group of FAMILIES are seated around a
large, smoking, brick barbecue. Picnic baskets, tartan
rugs, collapsible tables and ENERGETIC CHILDREN dominate
the tree lined surroundings.
Moving closer, the centre of attention appears to be Lance,
ruddy faced under a white, cowboy 'Stetson' and slouched in
a fold up chair.
Lance is clutching a large silver stein in one hand with a
sauce-drenched slice of bread surrounding a thick, greasy
sausage in the other. A loose-fitting monogrammed T-shirt,
proclaiming him to be "The World's Greatest Grandad",
accentuates the insalubrious gut.
EXT. PARKLANDS. P.O.V. BINOCULARS. DAY.
Through the circular lens of a pair of binoculars, a
slightly built OLDER WOMAN, pouring from a cask of wine, is
chatting with an inappropriately but nonetheless, elegantly
dressed YOUNGER WOMAN, coiled on a rug.
An oval football sails into the centre of the picnic area,
knocking over glasses and landing at Lance's gnarled, lily
white, thonged feet.
The elegantly dressed woman stands up and angrily shoos the
children away. Lance picks up the ball and amidst
enthusiastic cheers, drop kicks it away from the group.
EXT. PARKLAND FRINGE. DAY
Fifty metres away, a red, older model, two-door Celica is
parked between trees.
Sitting in the driver's seat and leaning across Tiffany is
Faye. She's peering through oversized binoculars. Tiffany
is sporting wrap-around, heavily-tinted 'Cancer Council'
sunglasses, as they stealthily look out the passenger
window.
Faye puts the binoculars down and slips on her Men-In-Black
style glasses.
Bare-eyed at the rear sits a solemn Hadley, knees up around
his chin with his neck craned forward as he peers out of
the rear quarter-light window.
EXT. PARKLAND OVAL. DAY.
Lance, chased by several giggling children is kicking the
football. The elegantly dressed woman rushes towards them
and snatches two pre-school children, a GIRL AND BOY.
Amidst protests and see-sawing on heels, she awkwardly
hurries them back towards the barbecue area.
INT. CELICA. DAY.
TIFFANY.
Who's that?
HADLEY O.S.
His daughter.
Faye grabs the binoculars again.
FAYE
And they're his grandchildren?
HADLEY O.S.
Yeah.
TIFFANY.
Can someone explain what we are
supposed to be doing?
FAYE
Shoosh...leave that to us.
TIFFANY.
Don't shoosh me...
HADLEY
It's okay Tiff. Trust us...it's
better that you don't get
involved.
TIFFANY.
Why not? I think I should have at
least some say...
FAYE
...Look at those heels. She looks
like she's dressed to kill.
EXT. PARKLAND. DAY.
They drive off.
INT. CELICA. HIGHWAY. DAY.
FAYE
We could kidnap the kids.
TIFFANY.
Faye!
FAYE
Lace his pyjama bottoms with
sulphuric acid.
HADLEY
No, no, no.
TIFFANY
Wouldn't it be better if we just
told on him.
They both look at her.
HADLEY
I've pretty well worked it out
already, but it will mean, that
you Faye, will have to be
prepared to make the supreme
sacrifice.
Faye turns to him with a perturbed look.
EXT. SEEDY LANE. NIGHT.
Lance, in civvies, steps out of his Fairlane and crosses
the road to the two-storey building.
INT. BROTHEL.
A gaudy foyer.
Standing behind a reception desk is GLORIA, a painted,
poker faced, bee-hived, middle aged Madam, arguing with a
menacing Lance.
GLORIA
Come on, I've heard of bloody
inflation but...
LANCE COCKBURN
Stop whingeing. If it weren't for
me keepin' an eye out for you,
you wouldn't have any business.
GLORIA
Yeah sure. Look, things have
slowed right down since the
Judges Convention.
LANCE COCKBURN
I can promise you Gloria,
business could get a lot slower.
Above the reception desk and set in an air-conditioning
vent, a disguised camera is recording.
GLORIA
More bloody threats.
A side door opens and in bursts a barely recognisable Faye.
Pasted up and bleach blonde, she totters on scarlet heels
towards a wall unit.
FAYE
Where's my stirrups?
Clad in black leather she's bent over sliding out a lower
drawer. Pure white flesh balloons out of 'stairway to
heaven', black, fishnet stockings.
She's within mounting distance of Lance.
Lance cranes his head and gulps.
She rattles around in the drawer and emerges with a pair of
fluffy handcuffs. She closes the drawer and swishes towards
him.
FAYE (cont'd)
These'll do.
Lance gapes.
The cleavage laden Faye brushes past Lance and disappears
through a beaded curtain.
LANCE COCKBURN
(under his breath)
I'm in love.
He turns to Gloria.
LANCE COCKBURN (cont'd)
Who's the honey!?
GLORIA
I'm hoping she's what it takes to
turn this business around.
LANCE COCKBURN
(eyes on the curtain)
You'll boom.
GLORIA
I reckon.
LANCE COCKBURN
I tell you what, I'm bloody sure
I can give it a kick start.
GLORIA
She'd eat yer.
LANCE COCKBURN
Pass me the salt and pepper. How
long's she gonna be?
GLORIA
She just won't let up. They pay
for thirty minutes and an hour
later I end up having to drag 'em
out.
He quickly looks at his watch.
GLORIA (cont'd)
She's only rehearsing at the
moment.
Lance is ready to pole vault.
LANCE COCKBURN
Well, I'll be happy to do the
auditioning.
GLORIA
Just a sec.
Gloria steps from behind the desk and walks around to the
curtain. Lance's eyes follow her round.
LANCE COCKBURN
Knock it off your bill.
She pulls the beads aside, peers round and in a coarse
voice.
GLORIA
Chastity!
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Faye's on the phone.
FAYE
Ya kidding Tiffany. I'm scarred
for life...those Y-fronts.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
Gloria said to tell you, sorry
she was so late with the phone
call.
FAYE
You can say that again. He had my
feet handcuffed. I was nearly
forced to chuck in the church.
INT. HADLEY'S KITCHEN.
A small stack of videotapes sit on the bench. Hadley slips
one into an envelope and seals it.
Tiffany, smartly dressed with handbag, enters the kitchen
and wraps an arm around him.
TIFFANY.
Well, I'll be off. Is there
anything I can get you while I'm
out?
HADLEY
No, I'm fine.
She peers around him.
TIFFANY.
What's that?
HADLEY
It's the video.
He slides the parcel aside. She picks it up and reads the
address.
TIFFANY.
The bus goes right past there. Do
you want me to drop it in for
you?
HADLEY
No, no, I'll pop it in the post
later.
She slides it into her bag.
TIFFANY
It's no trouble. Really.
He reaches for the parcel in her bag. She slaps his hand.
TIFFANY.
Ah..ah..ah...
HADLEY
(firm but polite)
Promise me you'll post it.
She heads out the door.
TIFFANY.(O.S.)
Okay, okay.
INT. BUS. DAY.
Tiffany is looking out the window at the street signs.
Suddenly she rings the bell.
EXT. BUS STOP. DAY.
She walks back to a side street.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET. DAY.
A modern family brick home. Tiffany pauses at the front
gate before walking up the path and pressing the door bell.
The door opens and the younger woman, Cockburn's daughter,
smartly casual, appears. A beauty spoiled by pursed lips
and cold, calculating eyes. Her children peer around her
through the door. With one arm, she pushes them back.
YOUNGER WOMAN
Go on. Back to your rooms.
(to Tiffany)
Yes?
She warily looks Tiffany up and down.
TIFFANY.
(timidly)
Are you Miss Cockburn?
DAUGHTER
Close...but not quite.
Tiffany is tongue tied.
DAUGHTER (cont'd)
Well?
TIFFANY.
I thought...um...you...
DAUGHTER
I was a Cockburn, but now I'm
not.
TIFFANY.
So what are you?
DAUGHTER
(agitated)
Look...what are you after...what
are you collecting?
TIFFANY.
No..no, I'm delivering...Jeffrey
told me to post it...
At the mention of Jeffrey's name, the daughter jolts but
immediately regains composure. Tiffany reaches into her
bag, pulls out the parcel and hands it to her. The woman
looks strangely at it.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
...and I thought...well...the bus
goes past here so I may as well
give it to you in person...you
know what the post is like.
DAUGHTER
How do you know me, eh? Are you
his latest bit?
TIFFANY.
Yes.
She looks Tiffany up and down again.
DAUGHTER
Dropped his standards, hasn't he?
What's he this time, a brain
surgeon?
Tiffany's taken aback, but soldiers on.
TIFFANY.
It's a video. If this one doesn't
come out, I know he's got some
spare ones at home.
DAUGHTER
(suspiciously)
Has my husband put you up to
this?
TIFFANY.
I don't know your husband.
DAUGHTER
Well, that sounds to me like
Jonathan.
Tiffany looks blankly.
DAUGHTER (cont'd)
He's gone back to using Jeffrey,
has he?
The penny's starting to drop.
TIFFANY.
I have to go.
Ashen faced, Tiffany turns and with a brave face walks back
down the path. The woman, with a callous smirk, looks on
and then begins to open the package.
EXT. BUS STOP. DAY.
Tiffany sits at the bus shelter, sobbing uncontrollably.
An ELDERLY MAN, walking his dog, stops.
ELDERLY MAN
Anything I can do, sweetheart?
She continues bawling. He sits next to her and wraps a
comforting arm over her shoulder.
TIFFANY
I just wanna die.
ELDERLY MAN
There there, never mind. It all
comes out in the wash.
TIFFANY
I would never have anything to do
with a married man.
ELDERLY MAN
(indignantly)
I'm not married.
She drops her head in her lap in grief. The old man gently
pats her back.
EXT. FORECOURT HOTEL. DAY.
Hadley in uniform, flies out of the hotel foyer and bounds
down the steps before overbalancing and falling in a
crumpled heap on the driveway.
A luggage trolley bounces out of control after him. He
cowers as the trolley hurtles perilously close to him and
crashes to a halt at the bottom of the stairs.
PEDESTRIANS look on in horror.
Tiffany's dancing at the foyer entrance as if she should
have gone before she left home.
TIFFANY.
You bastard!
Looming over Tiffany's shoulder and staring at the fracas
is Mr Wilkins.
INT. TIFFANY'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
Crumpled tissues litter a rug. Tiffany, phone in hand, is
coiled on the floor leaning against the settee. Ted's
sympathetically squeezed up beside her.
She trumpets into a balled tissue.
INT. FAYE'S LOUNGE ROOM. NIGHT.
W.W.F. wrestling flickers and screams from the screen. A
handkerchiefed hand holds the phone. Another bejewelled
hand reaches into a large box and produces a rum ball.
Slowly sinking her teeth into this piece of solace, Faye
simultaneously takes the handkerchief and wipes chocolate
from the receiver mouthpiece.
FAYE
(chomping)
Of course...of course.
Barely intelligible.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
(sobbing)
She was really nasty. He should
have told me before.
FAYE
He told you not to go there so
it's not his fault. Anyway, he
can't help himself. He's a
diagnosed, pathetical liar.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
It's no excuse.
FAYE
It's a proper illness. I read
about someone who had it in the
Weekly. It's incurable unless you
take pills.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
And what about those poor
children? Oh Faye, how could he?
FAYE
Tiffany, he was locked up through
no fault of his own. It's that
slippery bitch's fault. She's the
one.
TIFFANY (O.S.)
I never want to see him again.
FAYE
I wouldn't go that far. Remember
what mum used to say. Things
always go the way they go.
No response.
FAYE (cont'd)
There. Sleep on it.
INT. TIFFANY'S BEDROOM. NIGHT
Tiffany lies in bed, wide awake, brooding.
FADE TO BLACK.
EXT. TIFFANY'S HOUSE. DAY.
The Celica draws up outside Tiffany's house. Faye leaps
out, hurries down the path and hammers on the door. A
ragged, puffy eyed Tiffany peers around.
FAYE
I can't get hold of him. He's not
at work and his phone's off the
hook.
TIFFANY.
So.
FAYE
I'm worried. Come on, we're going
round to his house.
TIFFANY.
He's probably gone out.
FAYE
No, no, he's not been answering
all day.
TIFFANY.
So what, one day...anyway,
how...why do you know all this?
FAYE
You're not the only one who needs
consoling Tiffany. Remember, I am
here for both of you.
TIFFANY.
Faye!
FAYE
C'mon. Get your bag.
Tiffany reaches around the door for her coat and bag. Faye
drags her to her car.
EXT. HADLEY'S FRONT DOOR. DAY
Faye hammers on the door and then peers through the front
window. Tiffany rummages in her bag.
TIFFANY.
I've still got a key.
They rush in.
INT. HALLWAY. HADLEY'S HOUSE.
They race down the hallway and peer through the living room
door.
INT. HADLEY'S BEDROOM.
The bedroom is in pieces. The shattered remains of the bed
head, partially conceals a crumpled figure on the floor.
Hadley's a mess. Together, the girls rush in squealing.
TIFFANY & FAYE
(between them)
Had..Julian..Jon..!
INT. HOSPITAL WARD.
A bruised and battered Hadley with his head bandaged, lies
in bed.
Tiffany sits by his bedside, fiddling with his bandage.
HADLEY
Ouch!
TIFFANY.
You look much better today. Is it
still sore?
Hadley blanches and nods.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Do you feel like talking now?
He shakes his head.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Tell me what happened?
He groans.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
It does you good to talk...get it
off your chest...hold still.
He winces in anticipation of her touching his bandages
again.
She smooths the bandage and then gently strokes his head.
HADLEY
Look, Tiff, I knew...
(wincing again)
I knew something was afoot. I was
as watchful as ever.
INT. HADLEY'S BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Hadley is asleep in bed, snoring.
HADLEY (V.O.)
I heard this faint tinkling
sound...broken glass.
There is a crash of a door being smashed in.
HADLEY (V.O.) (cont'd)
I remained cool and steeled
myself for the inevitable
conflict.
Hadley leaps out of bed and crawls underneath it.
Thumping footsteps as doors bang and crash open.
Lance and two THUGS charge into the bedroom and lift the
bed onto its side, exposing Hadley cringing on the floor.
HADLEY (V.O.) (cont'd)
They cut the bars, so I raced
into the bedroom and started
ripping out the padding.
(hand gesturing)
They grabbed me and I dropped the
diamond...It rolled across the
floor...right in front of their
eyes...They couldn't believe it.
The thugs and Lance stand menacingly over Hadley. Lance
bellows at him.
LANCE COCKBURN
Where is it, scumbag?
Hadley hesitates before one of the thugs hauls him to his
feet and roughs him up.
HADLEY
It's in the bed head.
Lance smirks at the trembling Hadley and begins to demolish
the bed head.
We see a glint in the dim light.
HADLEY (cont'd) (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I broke free and hooked the first
one under the chin and kicked the
other in the groin...and with my
other arm, I twisted Lance into a
headlock. I almost beat them off,
but it was one against three.
Then they did this to me.
Lance bawls in triumph.
LANCE COCKBURN
One word and you're dead meat.
The first thug pushes Hadley against the wall and leers
threateningly into his face.
THUG 1
Yeah, one word and I'm gonna
stuff your eyeballs up your nose!
Hadley emits a high pitched squeal before being pushed to
the ground. THUG 2 gives him a few kicks.
Lance and the thugs vanish as quickly as they came.
INT. HOSPITAL WARD. DAY.
Tiffany is in mothering mode.
TIFFANY.
You poor darling...I'm not
surprised they ran off.
Hadley grunts. She gently rubs his forehead.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
Listen Hadley, I'm gonna have to
go. I have a lot of things to
work through. I'm very confused.
HADLEY
I understand. Will you just give
me a hug before you leave...I
really need it.
She leans over and squeezes him tight. He winces with pain
but bears it.
TIFFANY.
Look, I can handle the odd
lie...all that diamond stuff and
you being a jailbird. Actually,
if I'm honest with myself, I sort
of found that...well, a little
bit exciting. And in time, I can
probably even get over you having
a wife and children...
He rolls his head back in embarrassment.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
...but what I am having trouble
dealing with is...and I'm not
sure if I can ever forgive, is...
She sits up and takes a deep breath as her bottom lip
quivers and tears well in her eyes. She helps herself to
one of his tissues from a side table.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
...is..is..
(bawling)
...You stole that bed-head!
She bursts into tears, He sits bolt upright, speechless.
She stands up, turns and pounds the bed. A NURSE and other
PATIENTS look on.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
You're still lying. You can't
help yourself. Can you?
HADLEY
I haven't said any...
TIFFANY.
(ignoring him)
It wasn't yours and you made me
lay there while it loomed at me!
He's blank.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
I'm going...don't ever, ever,
talk to me again!
She grabs her bag and storms out.
FADE OUT.
INT. HOSPITAL WARD. NEXT DAY.
Tiffany arrives. His face lights up.
She tosses her bag on the bed and sits near his head.
A full dinner tray lies across his chest.
TIFFANY.
Aren't you eating anything?
She gets up.
HADLEY
Yeah, I was just about to.
She straightens his bed clothes, raises his head and puffs
up his pillows.
Turning away she pauses to peer down the urine bottle. He
in turn scrummages through her bag. She turns to catch him
hurriedly pushing the bag aside.
TIFFANY.
What are you doing..? looking in
my bag?
HADLEY
(quick as a flash)
What are you doing looking in my
bottle?
She takes a reading from his drip contraption, even though
it's not connected. She slides the dinner tray a little
closer.
TIFFANY.
I was wondering if you'd been
today.
He nods as she picks up a fork, stabs a whole sausage and
forces an end into his partially opened mouth.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
What about big ones?
He gags.
A kindly faced SENIOR NURSE arrives. Tiffany stands up and
grabs Hadley's wrist, taking his pulse.
SENIOR NURSE
How are you feeling today, Mr
Habib?
Tiffany freezes.
HADLEY
I'm feeling much better, nurse.
Thank you very much.
The nurse busies around, takes a temperature reading from
his ear and adjusts his bed. Tiffany stiffly watches on.
SENIOR NURSE
I'll be back for your blood
pressure.
The nurse leaves. Tiffany turns abruptly to him.
TIFFANY.
What did she call you?
HADLEY
It's my family name.
TIFFANY.
Kebab?
HADLEY
Habib...look Tiff, lets not dwell
on the past.
TIFFANY.
What sort of a name is that?
HADLEY
Turkish.
Her mouth drops.
TIFFANY.
Faye said..!
HADLEY
It goes way back...my
grandfather.
Tiffany ponders over this for a while.
HADLEY (cont'd)
Is that a problem?
TIFFANY.
No, of course not...
She ponders.
TIFFANY. (cont'd)
So, the superintendant has the
diamond?
HADLEY
I thought it was safe in the bed
head.
TIFFANY.
(rubbing his forehead)
Poor thing. It's gone then?
HADLEY
I'm afraid so.
TIFFANY.
Maybe we should just forget it.
HADLEY
Absolutely.
She kisses his forehead.
HADLEY (cont'd)
I've had enough, Tiff...Listen,
I've been forever running from
people and life's expectations.
Concealing my head in the sand
and never taking responsibility
for my behaviour. I've blamed my
childhood, a broken home,
everyone but myself...
She hugs him tightly.
HADLEY (cont'd)
...and now, in you, I've found
love and unconditional support.
They squeeze each other tight.
HADLEY (cont'd)
Even though it's a big sacrifice
to make, there is no better time
than now to finally face my
demons and ask them to leave me
alone...enough is enough.
She raises her head and gazes at him adoringly.
TIFFANY.
Hadley, I can't tell you how
proud I am of you.
She squeezes him again. Now he's unloaded on her, he lifts
himself up and smiles.
HADLEY
If nothing else, at least we
exposed my father-in-law for what
he really is.
TIFFANY.
A dirty old man.
They chuckle.
EXT. MAIN ENTRANCE HOSPITAL. DAY.
Faye anxiously paces back and forth across the sliding
doors. Tiffany emerges smiling. Faye pounces.
FAYE
How is he?
TIFFANY.
(caught by surprise)
What are you doing here?
FAYE
Oh, I didn't want to interfere. I
knew you wanted to talk lovey
dovey.
TIFFANY.
Let's go for a coffee and I'll
tell you all about it.
INT. COFFEE HOUSE. DAY
Faye and Tiffany sit at a table.
Faye is frantically weeding out information.
TIFFANY.
They took his blood pressure and
it was a little bit down. I told
'em, that it would be his sugar
levels...
FAYE
Yeah I know all that. But what
did he say about the diamond?
TIFFANY.
The superintendant's got it. But
it's alright. As far as we're
concerned, he can have it.
Faye tries to conceal her rage.
FAYE
What about me!
TIFFANY
Hadley and I have agreed that
it's better to let sleeping dogs
lie.
Faye is mortified. She is about to attack when the bill
arrives. She's forced into a whisper.
FAYE
What! I went through hell and
high water. Listen, I risked my
body for that rock.
TIFFANY.
It's our decision.
FAYE
Pigs arse. I'm gonna go in there
an..and rip out his bloody
tubing.
Tiffany studies the bill. Faye is suffering St. Vitus
Dance.
TIFFANY
Daylight robbery.
FAYE
Hurry up.
Tiffany reaches into her bag. She opens her purse and
gasps. She looks at Faye.
FAYE (cont'd)
Oh, so now you've got no money.
After all this, I suppose you
want me to bloody pay.
Tiffany holds out the palm of her hand. Faye's staring at a
huge oval cut diamond.
FAYE (cont'd)
Jesus! The darling..! Shit!
EXT. SLEAZY LANE. DAY.
The Fairlane turns into a lane and stops. Lance steps out
and walks across to a dilapidated building.
INT. OUTSIDE ROOM. DILAPIDATED BUILDING.
A silhouette of a uniformed Lance through a plain, frosted
glass door.
INT. ROOM. DILAPIDATED BUILDING.
A non-descript, dingy room with no clues as to its
function. Lance stands leering over a desk at a shabbily
suited, SLEAZY MAN, looking more like a pox doctor's clerk.
With an eyepiece screwed into his eye, he's scrutinising
the diamond. He drops it into a tumbler of water, places it
on a pair of scales and then reaches in a drawer and
removes a small hammer.
Lance looks on, intrigued.
With a single swing, he reduces the stone to debris. Lance,
without a word, steams, spins around and storms out of the
door.
EXT. SEEDY LANE. DAY.
The Fairlane bounces up the path and screeches to a halt
outside the brothel.
INT. BROTHEL. DAY
Gloria, cigarette in hand, sits reading a magazine. The
door bursts open. Lance charges to the desk and looks up at
the vent. Gloria hot-foots it. Lance catches her and she
falls to the floor. Fist raised, he towers over her.
GLORIA
(screaming)
I had nothing to do with it.
Bursting through the beaded curtain, three uniformed POLICE
OFFICERS leap on him.
POLICE OFFICER I
It's the end of the line, sir.
LANCE COCKBURN
Get off, get off!
Lance puts up a gallant struggle but to no avail. They cuff
him. Gloria, huddled against the wall, grins triumphantly.
EXT. SEEDY LANE. DAY.
The brothel door opens and a subdued, manacled Lance is led
out. A police car draws up at the kerb and Lance is man
handled into the back seat. The police car roars away.
FADE TO BLACK:
EXT. LARGE GARISH MANSION. SOMEWHERE SUNNY.
Two deck chairs, shielded from the bright sunshine by palm
trees and colourful umbrellas, overlook a large swimming
pool.
In one of the chairs and fast asleep is an overweight,
heavily tanned, silver haired, MIDDLE-AGED MAN, wearing
just a pair of white shorts. A large gold medallion is
partially obscured by a grey, matted chest.
Lying next to him, also asleep, wearing sunglasses and a
swimsuit is a tanned Faye.
Coming down the path with a white napkin draped over one
arm and a silver tray of drinks in the other, is a WHITE
SUITED WAITER. The waiter hovers over the pair and stirs
them from their sleep. They both sit up simultaneously.
Placing the tray on a table, the waiter nods and heads back
up the path. The pair look to each other and clink glasses.
EXT. MOSQUE. DAY.
Middle eastern chanting:
Holding hands with their backs to us and staring up at a
gold-domed building are Tiffany, Hadley and the little girl
and boy. Ted sits to one side.
As the camera pans back, the surroundings suggest that this
is an Australian suburban Mosque.
THE END.
FADE OUT:
FADE IN:
12 months later:
EXT. RUBBISH STACK. DAY.
Standing, arms folded, outside her house in her business
suit and staring at a fresh hard rubbish heap is the
business woman; the original owner of the bed head.
Propped up against the rubbish is the fragmented bed head.
FADE OUT.
A black screen.
She bellows.
YOUNG WOMAN (O.S.)
Dar-yl!!!
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