This screenplay is copyrighted to its author. All rights reserved. 
This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express 
written permission of the author.

AIR SWINGS

 

 

Screenplay

by

Bede Jermyn & Todd Yates

 

Story

by

Bede Jermyn

 

 

 

EXT. DIRT TRACK TO GOLF COURSE - DAY

 

TOM and BEN are walking down a dirt track. Tom is carrying all of the golfing gear, while Ben is strolling casually along. Suddenly Tom trips on a rock and falls over. Ben laughs.

 

BEN

(smiling)

You all right?

 

TOM

(O.S; from the ground)

Fine, great, perfect, you fucking idiot.

 

Tom crawls to his feet and continues walking.

 

TOM

I don't know how I let you talk me into this.

 

BEN

Listen, it's all about a state of mind, like Patrick Swayze said in Point Break.

 

TOM

 Who?

 

BEN

Patrick Swayze. Dirty Dancing, Ghost?

 

TOM

(thinking)

You mean the dead guy that was trying to get into Demi Moore's pants?

 

BEN

Same one.

 

TOM

(stopping)

Ben, you live your life as if it was a movie. This is not a movie.

 

Ben and Tom both look into the camera with puzzled expressions. The two of them continue walking.

 

TOM

Besides. Golf is a stupid game. It's wimpy, it's boring, it's pathetic, it's -

 

BEN

Watch out for that rock.

 

Tom trips over again, but immediately gets back up.

 

TOM

(furious)

IT'S TELEVISION'S WAY OF TELLING PEOPLE TO GET A FUCKING LIFE!!

 

BEN

That's it. Now you're in a state of mind. Okay, it's probably a state of insanity, but we'll work with it. Come on.

 

EXT. GOLF COURSE FENCE - DAY

 

Tom and Ben walk towards the fence. Ben begins to climb over.

 

TOM

Why don't we go in the front way?

 

BEN

Are you crazy? Do you how much it is to get into this place.

 

TOM

How much?

 

Ben closes the distance between them and looks Tom in the eye.

 

BEN

Five-dollars fifty.

 

TOM

(sarcastic)

Oh. Five fifty. My god, what was I thinking?

 

Ben begins to climb the fence again. He is having trouble, while at the same time he is cursing under his breath. Tom looks off-screen and walks towards a lower portion of the fence and climbs over. He walks to where Ben finishes his climb and falls onto the ground. Tom stands over the moaning Ben.

 

BEN

How did you get over?

 

TOM

(pointing casually)

There's a gap over there.

 

BEN

Oh. Help me up.

 

Tom extends his hand and helps Ben to his feet.

 

TOM

You okay?

 

BEN

Yeah, yeah.

 

Ben and Tom walk out of frame.

 

EXT. SECOND HOLE - DAY

 

Ben and Tom walk onto the tee. Tom dumps all the gear onto the ground.

 

TOM

Why are we starting on the second hole?

 

BEN

Because I don't want to walk to the first hole. Just shut up and pass me a three wood.

 

TOM

A what?

 

BEN

The big meaty fucker with a number three on it.

 

TOM

Oh right. Here you go.

 

Tom hands the three wood to Ben who begins doing some weird stretching exercises. He then swings the club and almost hits Tom.

 

TOM

Hey watch it.

 

BEN

Right. Let's begin shall we.

 

Ben puts a ball on a tee and puts it into the ground. He does one more stretch and gets into position.

 

BEN

Now watch carefully. It's all in the waist, not the wrists. You have to be like Kevin Costner in Tin Cup.

 

Ben takes a ridiculous swing at the ball and completely misses. He then starts screaming and cursing and jumping around like an idiot.

 

TOM

More like Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore.

 

Ben calms down and repositions himself. He takes another swing and misses again. He once more dances around in a fit of rage before running up to the tee, picking up the ball and hurling it forward.

 

We see the ball fly through the air and land on a patch of dirt. We then see that the ball hasn't even been thrown ten meters.

 

TOM

Must be my turn now, huh?

 

Ben turns around with an angry scowl on his face, as Tom brandishes a four iron and walks to take up his position. He puts his own tee and ball in the ground and positions himself. Ben remains slightly in front of the tee.

 

TOM

Shouldn't you stand behind me? You might get hit.

 

BEN

Yeah, and you might hit the ball.

 

Tom sighs in resignation and prepares to swing. He pulls back and strikes the ball, sending it sailing halfway down the fairway.

 

 

TOM

(smiling in satisfaction)

Not bad huh?

 

Ben walks behind Tom and puts his club back.

 

BEN

Beginner's luck...Bastard.

 

Tom is smiling as he looks at where his ball lies.

 

Suddenly a dirt clod smacks him in the neck. He turns around with a curious expression on his face. We see Ben standing there trying to look innocent. Ben points to himself and then looks accusingly behind him. Tom just scoffs and returns his club.

 

TOM

So how long before we finish this hole do you reckon?

 

BEN

Oh, it shouldn't take any longer than ten minutes.

 

CUT TO BLACK

 

We see a title card over the screen on a black background.

 

"90 minutes later..."

 

FLASH CUT TO

 

EXT. THIRD HOLE - DAY

 

We see the sign displaying the third hole. We then hear Tom and Ben arguing off-screen as they both walk into frame.

 

BEN

Shut up!

 

TOM

You shut up!

 

BEN

I'm telling you it's true.

 

TOM

Scooby and Shaggy were not fucking each other.

 

BEN

I'm telling you they were.

 

TOM

Okay. Let's say they were. What about the other characters? What about Fred?

 

BEN

Pleeeeease. What type of straight guy wears a scarf?

 

TOM

What about Daphne?

 

BEN

Slut.

 

TOM

Velma?

 

BEN

Dyke.

 

TOM

Scrappy?

 

BEN

Scooby and Shaggy's love child.

 

TOM

Oh come on.

 

BEN

I'm telling you it's true. Anyway what's the score?

 

Tom pulls a notepad from his pocket and checks over it.

 

TOM

I'm on eight strokes and you are on……… sixty-nine.

 

BEN

Does that include air swings?

 

TOM

Oh hang on. Ninety-seven.

 

BEN

What!?

 

TOM

Hey don't shoot me man; I'm just the messenger.

 

BEN

All right. Fine. See this hole? It's a par three. That means it's possible to get a hole-in-one.

 

TOM

You think?

 

Ben gives Tom a scowl. Then without looking, he picks up a nine iron and places his ball and tee in the ground. He then positions himself and swings. The ball flies off the tee and sails down the fairway, landing on the green. Tom stands there dumbfounded, while Ben puts his club away and begins to walk off down the fairway.

 

TOM

Hey, where are you going, I have to take my shot.

 

BEN

So take it already.

 

TOM

I'd prefer it if you were behind me, or at least on the green.

 

BEN

All right, fine. Wait until I get on the green and then take your pathetic shot.

 

Ben reaches the green and holds the flag, waiting for Tom to take his shot.

 

Tom gets into position and swings. He completely misses.

 

Ben bursts out laughing

BEN

That was beautiful. Let's have another one.

 

Tom readjusts himself and takes another swing and again misses.

 

Ben is in stitches on the green. He looks up and sees a person riding a bike a little way off. The figure on the bike waves.

 

BEN

(waving)

Hey Curtis.

 

Tom takes another swing and connects with the ball.

 

Ben is still waving as the ball sails toward him. He turns just as the ball slams into his forehead. He falls to the ground, pulling out the flag as he does so. The ball hits the ground continues to roll until it falls neatly into the hole.

 

Tom cringes at the sight of hitting Ben. He then takes off down the fairway.

 

Tom comes onto the green.

 

TOM

Ben?

 

Tom glances off-screen and smiles. He reaches down and picks up the ball. He then pauses for a couple of seconds before bursting into a crazy little victory dance.

 

TOM

Can you believe this, Ben?

 

Tom glances down again.

 

TOM

Ben?

 

Tom taps Ben with his foot. He then picks up the flag and pokes Ben a couple of times. He then glances around cautiously and begins to back away. After another look in Ben's direction and putting the flag down, Tom starts running away.

 

FLASH CUT TO:

 

We see a title card over a black background.

 

"Some time later..."

 

FLASH CUT TO:

 

EXT. THIRD HOLE GREEN - DAY

 

We see Ben laying unconscious on the green. He doesn't appear to have moved. Somebody comes into the frame. It is a BLIND MAN in shaggy clothing. He is wandering aimlessly around and tripping over.

 

BLIND MAN

(shouting)

Ridley! Where are you, you bloody mutt! Ridley! All right, it looks like I'll have to play without you. Fucking guide dogs. Guide my ass you Seeing Eye motherfucker!

 

The man puts down his clubs and picks out a putter. He pulls a tee and ball from his pocket and places them in between Ben's thighs, just in front of his crotch.

 

BLIND MAN

I hope this is the tee-off point.

 

The man bends down and picks up some grass and lets it fall.

 

BLIND MAN

(Laughing)

Oh what am I doing, I can't see the damn grass.

 

The man gets into position and pulls back to swing.

 

Ben stirs, coming half-awake.

 

The man swings his putter hard.

 

We hear a hard sound as Ben opens his eyes wide and screams.

 

CUT TO BLACK

 

 

THE END - CREDITS ROLL