FADE IN:
INT. the wedding room - DAY
Bill and Jane are nervously holding hands.  On a finger of each hand is a gold ring.  The couple are in their twenties and dressed for a wedding.  
The room is a medium sized function room.  Behind them are two sets of empty plastic seats with a clear aisle down the middle leading to a set of double doors at the back of the room. 
The REGISTRAR's voice, ethereal, young sounding. 
REGISTRAR (V.O.)
Do you Jane Harris take Bill Kelly to be your legal and compatible partner?
JANE
I do.
The Witness claps enthusiastically.  He's in his forties,  and wears an immaculate evening suit with cravat.  
REGISTRAR (V.O.)
And do you Bill Kelly take Jane Harris to be your legal and compatible partner?
Bill looks Jane up and down, pleased with what he sees.
BILL
Oh yeah.
The Witness gives him a disappointing look.
REGISTRAR (V.O.)
If anyone here knows any legal impediment why this couple should not be married please speak now?
All is quiet until...
Jake (V.O.)
(angry shout)
Let me in.
JAKE, in his thirties, casually dressed, angry struggles with a pair of burly guards at the door.
JakE
I said, let me in.
Shrugging off the guards he speeds down the aisle towards Bill, Jane and the Witness.
WITNESS
What is your objection?
Jake looks confused.
WITNESS
Why do you want to stop this woman marrying this man?
JAKE
What?  No.  If she wants to marry this weird looking bloke then that's her problem.
Bill's hurt.  Jake gestures towards the front of the room.
JAKE
I'm here to speak to... 
(disgust)
it.
WITNESS
(laughs)
Impossible.
JAKE
I have to.
WITNESS
It ain't gonna happen.
REGISTRAR (V.O.)
Let him speak.
WITNESS
But...
REGISTRAR (V.O.)
I will speak to him and in private.
The Witness seems about to say something but gives up.  Bill holds out his hand to Jane.
Jane looks equally confused but then realising what she's supposed to do takes Bill's hand.  
The couple walk awkwardly down the aisle and out the room.  The Witness follows them out, shutting the door with a disapproving look.
Jake addresses the front of the room.
Jake
Registrar.
At the top of a small set of steps sits the Registrar.  She's in her late thirties, her eyes flicker as in REM sleep. 
Wires flow from out of her head and into a array of computers and screens behind her.  The screens show various different couples doing everything that couples do.
Part of this strange set up is a monitor which shows life  signs like heart rate, brain waves.  It beats away normally.
JakE
(whispers)
Registrar?
The Registrar's eyes snap open, she sees Jake.  The heartbeat on the monitor speeds up a little.
REGISTRAR
Jake.
Jake pulls together all his courage.
JAKE
I want answers.
REGISTRAR
Answers?
JAKE
I'm thirty one year old...
The Registrar gives Jake a knowing look.  He looks a little sheepish.
Jake
Okay, thirty two but I'm like everyone else.  I get up on my own.
INT. bedsIT - mORNING
An alarm clock RINGS.  Jake wakes up and slams the clock off.
He looks around the small, squalid living room/bedroom combination.  He is all alone and gets up.
INT. bedsit - lATER
Jake finishes getting ready for work.  He looks in the mirror and SIGHS.  He spies the time, realises he's late and hurries out the room.
INT. hallway - cONTINUOUS
He shuts the bedsit door behind him and hurries down the hall stairs.  At the bottom he's caught by MRS ATKINSON, a fifty year old woman with a nice line in woolly cardigans.
Atkinson
Jake dear.
JAke
Sorry Mrs Atkinson, can't stop.
Mrs Atkinson is about to speak but he cuts her off.
JakE
I'll have the rent to you tomorrow.
He waves goodbye and goes out the door.
INT. buS - mORNING
Jake sits on the bus.  All around him people are absorbed in their own worlds.  I-pods, adverts on TV screens, newspapers, magazines.
Jake tries to catch the eye of HELEN, a good looking girl opposite but she glances away, turns her music up and concentrates her attention on the magazine in her hands.
Jake looks out of the window of the bus.  The bus is stuck in traffic not going anywhere.  Every car has one person, stuck in their cars, stuck in the traffic.
INT. oFFICE - DAY
Jake sits in a cubicle at work, clicking away at his PC.  Everyone else in the office is the same, working away in their own little worlds.
INT. nIGHTCLUB - nIGHT
The music is loud.  Jake is desperately trying to talk to a GIRL but it's impossible to communicate.  He holds up a card which reads 'DO YOU LIKE OPERA?'
The Girl frowns and like wise holds up a card which reads 'SOD OFF' then walks away.
Jake puts down his drink and leaves.
EXT. nightclub exit - nIGHT
Jake leaves the night club.  On one side a girl VOMITS into the gutter.   She is surrounded by similar alco-pop stricken girls.
Opposite is a gang of blokes and an argument seems to be descending into chaos and violence.
Jake SIGHS and walks on.
INT. bedsIT - lATER
Jake comes in from his night out and flops down in front of his computer desk.  He switches it on.
An introduction screen comes up which reads 'ON-LINE PARTNERS'
Jake clicks on the mouse and the screen changes to a sexy CGI female figure.  The figure speaks in an equally sexy voice.
Sexy
Back for more Jake?  
Jake begins to take his clothes off.
JAkE (V.O.)
All I want is someone to hold.
INT. wEDDING ROOM - DAY
Jake pleads to the Registrar.
Jake
Someone to love, someone to hold.  I kept expecting you to find me a companion.  That's what you do.  You have for everyone else so why not me?
REGISTRAR
You've been lonely?
Jake nods.
REGISTRAR (CONT'D)
And you found...a substitute?
He nods again.
INT. bedsIT - nIGHT
Jake's face contorts in ecstasy, lets out a cry of satisfaction and then relaxes.
He's sat naked in front of the computer.
SEXY
Oh, you naughty boy.
For a moment Jake seems happy then he looks down at the mess in his lap and FROWNS.  He begins to clean himself up.
There's a KNOCK on the door and Mrs Atkinson sweeps in.
ATKINSON
Jake, I was wondering if...
She sees Jake naked. Covered in his own sperm.  Disgust and embarrassment all over her face.  She doesn't know where to look.
ATKINSON
Oh...goodness...sorry...I...
She swiftly leaves and closes the door.
Jake catches sight of himself in a full length mirror.  He looks pathetic.  He snaps and throws the mouse across the room, switching the computer off with a SNARL.
INT. buS - mORNING
Jake's on the bus again.  Across the way is sat Helen again.  She's changing the batteries on her I-pod.  The little battery falls from her hand, rolls along the floor of the bus and right at Jake's shoe.
Helen looks in Jake's direction.  Half distraught, half barely able to look him in the eye then she decides she looks away, putting her I-pod on then realising it won't work and angrily puts it away.
Jake looks down at the battery, makes a decision of his own, reaches down and picks up the battery.  
He crosses the bus and sits down next to her.  He holds out the battery.  She pauses, looking from the battery to Jake and back again then takes the battery with a brilliant smile.  Jake returns the smile.
MONTAGE:  Jake and Helen doing couple like things.  Cinema, drinks, meal, walks in the park.  All culminating in...
INT. bedsiT - nIGHT
In the bedsit Jake and Helen are having sex.
WEBCAM POV:  Jake and Helen making love.
INT. hALLWAY - mORNING
A bunch of letters fall through the letter box and onto the carpet.  Helen picks one of them up.
Gold letters on the front of the envelope read 'WEDDING INVITE'.
EXT. park -evening
A tear rolls down Helen's face.  She's holding Jake's hand.  She touches his cheek then stands.
She walks away, never looking back.  Jake watches her go.
EXT. sTREET - DAY
Jake is stood across the road from a large public building.
Coming out is Helen, dressed in a bridal dress with a complete stranger.  Someone throws confetti over them.  Helen doesn't look overjoyed.
Jake walks away.
INT. buS - mORNING
Jake watches the seat on the bus where Helen used to sit.
INT. bedsIT - nIGHT
Jake switches on his computer.  The sexy CGI figure is there and smiles.
SEXY
Welcome back Jakey.  It's been a long time.
Jake's about to take his clothes off but stops, shakes his head then turns the computer off.
SEXY
Jake wait...
The screen goes blank.  Jake grabs his coat and storms out of the room.
INT. wEDDING ROOM - DAY
Jake is confronting the Registrar.
Jake
Why Helen?
REGISTRAR
I found her someone to be with.
JAKE
But she could have been with me.
REGISTRAR
It would never have worked out.
JAKE
After all these years I spent all this crummy planet, Helen was the first, and the only, person I've ever felt a connection with.
REGISTRAR
Not the only one.  There is someone else.
Jake looks up at the Registrar.  A faint smile plays on her lips and She nods slowly.  Hope burns in Jake's eyes.
The Registrar beckons Jake towards her. At first he doesn't move but then he can't help but be drawn towards her.
Jake climbs the steps until his face is level with hers.  She reaches up and gently touches his cheek.  He flinches.
She leans forward and kisses him gently on the lips.  Pulling back a fraction she looks into his scared eyes then kisses him again.
This time it's more passionate, energetic with both Jake and the Registrar lost in the moment.  Emotion and wanting flow through them as desires pour to the surface.  
The Registrar pauses.
REGISTRAR
I got so lonely when you stopped seeing me.
Jake looks confused.
REGISTRAR
I had to see you again.
On the screens behind her springs up the introduction screen for 'ONLINE PARTNERS' and the sexy CGI woman.  The Registrar holds out her arm to Jake but he backs away.
JAKE
That's why I've been lonely all this time.  Why you never fixed me up with anyone.
The Registrar and the Sexy CGI woman speak in unison.
REGISTRAR
Please Jake, we can be together again.  I'll do anything.  I even forgive you for this.
The screen image changes to the webcam POV of Jake and Helen making love.
REGISTRAR
I couldn't bear to see you with anyone else.
Jake shakes his head.
JAKE
(angry, quickly)
All those nights on my own.  Lying in my bed, night after night, desperately trying to figure out what was wrong with me and all the time it was because of you?
A mixture of hate and disgust is etched on Jake's face.
JakE
You expect me to love you after that?
REGISTRAR
I need you, you need me.  What else do lovers need?
JakE
This isn't love.
REGISTRAR
Love is never how you expect.  It's not like those romantic comedies with Hugh Grant or those old books where every one gets married at the end.  It's definitely not like the porn films you keep stashed under your bed.  Love's about settling for what you can get.
The Registrar holds out her arms.  Jake moves forward.  The screens return to the CGI woman.  Jake shakes his head.
JAKE
You've got your wires crossed.  I gave this shit up already.  Love's about what's in your heart, not what's in your circuits.  You don't settle for any old thing.  It's about being rewarded with the greatest thing someone can give you.  Themselves.  Helen was real.  Nothing you feel or are is real.  You're nothing but electrical impulses.  You took away all I ever wanted and I will never, ever forgive you.  
The Registrar looks disappointed and takes a deep breath.
REGISTRAR
Very well.
She clicks her fingers and Jake's name appears in large letters across the screens. 
The Register clicks her fingers again.  A folder appear's on the screen labelled 'SOCIAL OUTCAST'.  Jake appears scared.
JakE
No!
REGISTRAR
(calls out)
Guards!
JAKE
No.
The two guards enter and follow the Registrar's gestures for them to take Jake away.
JakE
Please, no!
The guards drag Jake, fighting and screaming, from the room.
JAKE
Please, I'm no outcast.  I'm normal.
She clicks her fingers once again.  Jake watches in horror as his name drifts across the screen then disappears into the 'Social outcast' folder.
JakE
(shouts)
Give me another chance.  I can try again...
The guards and the witness drag Jake, struggling and protesting, from the room.  Closing the door they leave the Registrar alone.  Jake's muffled cries fade into the distance.  
The Registrar SIGHS.  She watches a single screen.  On it are images of Jake going about his life.  The image freezes on a picture of Jake.  She gently strokes the image of Jake on the screen.  A tear rolls down her cheek.
FADE OUT.